I was minding my own business one day when I got this lovely message from our friend Markus, founder of Plenty of Fish. The last time Markus sent out a message to everyone, it was a sad day where Markus told all of us, in his godlike wisdom, what ages are appropriate for dating. The post I made about this ended up being one of the highest-trafficked and most-commented posts in the last few months here, and this despite it being left off the Archive page due to an error.

His new message isn’t much better.

My name is Markus and I created POF.com to help people like you find someone! We are now the world’s largest dating site with over 2 million people using POF every single day. Over the years I’ve watched millions of people find someone special. I’d like to share with you the secret to finding someone. It’s not some magic formula, it’s actually very simple. The more effort you put into finding someone, the more likely you are to find someone.

On average it takes about 7 dates with different people until you find your match. If you are lucky you will meet your perfect match on the first date, but for most people it will be by about the 7th date. Now there are of course ways to speed this up. If you are actively looking to meet someone, go on dates with people who say they want a relationship. Most people who don’t want a relationship will actually put it on their profile. Another way to speed things up is to upgrade your membership here. There are lots of benefits to being a upgraded member, such as being able to send gifts, having profile themes and showing up first in search results and at the top of a lot of pages.

This entire paragraph screams: “This service is for women. We will cater to the needs of women. We will reinforce the false beliefs of women. Please women, love us.”

I have said before that online dating sites cater to women, not men. Just about every major decision in managing a site like this, and it’s not just POF who is guilty here, is in consideration of the female customer. From messaging policies, to the structure of the profile, to the look and feel and colors used on the site, it’s all about what women want, and what women will respond to.

Men are considered irrelevant cannon fodder, always replaceable in vast abundance. In a way, this is probably true. These sites could send a mass message saying, “If you’re a man, we don’t give a shit about you,” and still likely get plenty of male users anyway. The quality of male customers might suffer, but do you think Markus gives a shit about that?

Thus the continuing smackdown of men on these sites and the continued Disney, all in the name of what women want.

That entire paragraph made me puke, but the part about the seven dates really frosted my balls. Here’s what he’s really saying:

“Hey, if you want to find your ‘match’ (whatever the hell that is), go on seven first dates with seven different guys! No problem! You’ll get seven free dinners and seven free drinks! You’ll get free, lavish attention seven times from seven unsuspecting dipshits who are completely unaware you’re there to take their hard-earned money and waste their time for a few hours while you talk about your cat! And maybe one of those seven you’ll actually have sex with and continue to see! Fuck those other six guys! Who gives a shit about them? They wanted to waste $70 and six hours of their time to impress you, because you’re a woman and you’re awesome!”

The saddest part about all of this is that most women (and beta girly-men like Markus) have no idea how offensive, destructive, and hurtful their outlook on dating really is. Hardcore Alpha Males will always be okay, but most (if not all) of those six guys these women Markus wants to discard are normal, everyday guys with feelings and desires and often limited incomes. Well, fuck ’em! I’m a woman and I’m on a quest for my “match”! Make way for my Strong Independence and Magical Pussy! Grrrr!
Here are some things you should be aware of

1. If you are a jerk, are mean to other users, upload nude images, do not fill out your profile correctly, etc., you will be deleted and banned. As a free site, we work extra hard to maintain the quality of our database

How does one fill out one’s profile “correctly”? I know guys who have been banned from POF because they discussed sexual topics in their profiles. If a guy just wants sex and says it in his profile, is that “correct”? Or is that not “correct” in the perfect romantic Disney fantasyland POF is attempting to become?

Wait a minute. I thought women wanted men to be honest? If men honestly display their intentions on their profile, is this “correct” or “incorrect”?”

How about those 38% of women who lie about their age and/or weight on their online dating profiles? Is Markus going to ban all of these women for lying? Or is that “correct” because they’re women and women are allowed to lie?

These questions answer themselves, folks.

2. Cut and paste messages are blocked. No one wants to read a message you sent to 100 other people.

They don’t?

Well that’s interesting, because I’ve had sex with a huge number of women who found me via copy and paste messages on POF. I’ve been in serious, long-lasting relationships with women who found me via a copy and paste messages…from POF. Hell, just two days ago I was talking to a woman who has been in my life for over five years (since summer of 2008), who I met via a copy-and-paste message…on Plenty of Fish.

Are you saying all these women didn’t want to read my message? Really? Then how do you explain the above, Mr Markus?

If copy and paste messages did not work, if women hated them so much, then no one would have ever heard of Blackdragon. I would still be the completely unknown, sexless, AFC beta male I was seven years ago, still desperately trying to figure out how to get laid.

Copy and paste messages work. Most women don’t mind them. Most women don’t even realize them for what they are. Most importantly, millions of women have found strong, meaningful relationships with men they would have never met online if copy and paste messages were restricted.
Markus, YOU SUCK.

3. You should check out our chemistry test. We tracked thousands of couples who found someone on the site and from that we build a predictive model to see who you would actually match up with. It basically works by removing all the people you wouldn’t date in a million years.

…and then go on a bunch of dates where you get free dinners, drinks, and attention from men who matched you on the stupid chemistry test whom you have no intention of ever seeing romantically ever again.
Tips…

1. If you upload a picture of yourself you tend to get 10 times the number of responses.

Duh.

2. If you message people without pictures they are more likely to respond to you.

Hey, good idea.

Oh wait. On your fascist site, I’m not allowed to use copy and paste messages and I’m not allowed to message women outside of my age group.

Fuck you Markus.

3. Use the advanced search to search for users based on height, ethnicity etc.

Um, duh.

4. Use the mail settings to block groups of people you aren’t interested in from messaging you.

WHOA!!! Wait a minute!!! You mean women have the ability to block men of certain ages!?! What a great idea! I guess you don’t need to put any global age restrictions on men messaging women then!

Oh wait…

5. Use the who has viewed me feature to check out who has been looking at your profile.

Duh.

Like no one is aware of these basic features. Who the hell are you talking to, Markus? All those 65 year old women on your site who just learned about “them internets”?

6. Make sure to check out your matches.

Yeah. Because those matches are always so accurate.

I hope you like my site as I’ve worked hard to make it a place where you can meet quality people without paying an arm and a leg for it. I only hope you have as much fun using this site as I had building it.

And I hope you enjoy the vast exodus of masculine, quality men from your site, and the mass influx of lying men who create fake profiles to get around all your insane-Disney, hyper-Christian, Nazi-like rules. I hope you have as much fun watching your business model slowly collapse as I do watching it happen.

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