18 May Alpha Male 1.0 Behaviors to Avoid
-By Caleb Jones
A while back I documented some extreme beta male behaviors I’ve seen over the course of my dating life. It’s only fair that I now cover extreme Alpha Male 1.0 behaviors I’ve been witness to. I’m not nearly as hard on my Alpha 1.0 brothers as I am on the beta males because, at least Alpha 1.0s are, well, Alpha. They’re strong, confident, capable men with strong game. The problem is, unlike the Alpha 2.0, the Alpha 1.0s always choose control over happiness. He’ll spend time and energy fighting, arguing and bossing other people around even if he knows for a fact that doing so will piss him off.
Just like with the beta behaviors post, I’m not saying all Alpha Male 1.0s do the following things. These are just extreme examples to illustrate what happens when you let your need for control compromise your happy life.
As always, everything below is 100% true and accurate based on my admittedly sometimes flawed memory.
Control Freak
I once dated a woman who had an extreme Alpha 1.0 ex-husband who had controlled her life to extreme levels. During their 9-year marriage, he never gave her any money, never allowed her to have her own cash, forced her to work in his business, never let her hang out with friends, etc.
When she needed to go get groceries, he would make her write down literally every food item she was going to purchase, then he added up what that would cost with a calculator, then would give her the exact amount of cash to spend. When she came back home he would inspect the receipt to ensure accuracy and demand all the change.
He controlled exactly what she wore at all times. She was never allowed to go clothes shopping unless he came with her and he told her exactly what outfits to purchase. If for some reason she ended up with an outfit without his approval, he would have her return it (and she would).
She was never able to hang out with her girlfriends…unless he came along. Then, he would fuck her girlfriends behind her back. Being an Alpha 1.0, he was a good-looking, confident guy with game. He cheated on her constantly, fucking hookers, her sister, her friends, his employees, and at least two under-aged girls.
As I’ve said before, these types of hyper-dominant men with hyper-submissive wives/GFs do work, but only for a while. She had a more submissive personality so she actually liked her dominant husband…for the first few years. Over time she grew to hate it, as all submissive women eventually do, and when she found mounds of evidence of his cheating, she confronted him, and the shit hit the fan.
He beat her up, she called the cops and he was hauled off to jail. This happened at least twice, both times in front of their small children. During all of this, he started having sex with one of his 17 year-old employees. She being under aged, he again ended up in jail. He avoided sex offender charges because she denied anything sexual was taking place and there was no photographic or text evidence.
They got divorced and he was raked over the coals. After the messy divorce he moved in with his new 18 year-old girlfriend (yes, the same 17 year-old who then turned 18). Last I heard, his business was failing, he was paying massive child support and alimony, he had a criminal record, had failing health and his entire family disowned him for getting divorced and shacking up with a teenager. All he had was his 18 year-old girlfriend (he was in his mid 30s) whom he lived with and had oneitis for. He actually “loved” her. (I’m sure that will work out great.)
Too Risky
One of my long-term FBs was dating a very suave Alpha 1.0. She relayed to me how great he was and how he was totally non-needy “like me” and didn’t push for monogamy at all. All his other behaviors were classic Alpha 1.0 (texting her often, always checking-up on her, etc), so I told her to “just wait, the demands will come.”
“Oh no,” she said, “He’s not like that.”
Oh, if I had a dollar for every time a woman said that…
Literally one week after this conversation, while they were having sex, the Alpha 1.0 said to her “I don’t want you to have sex with any other guys but me!” She was taken aback by the demand and because they were in the middle of sex she didn’t argue and just said , “Okay.” Then to mark his territory, he came inside her while bareback. She was not on birth control and he knew it.
(No, she didn’t get pregnant. Damn, he was lucky.)
Six days after making that promise to him she was having sex with me.
His demands increased from that point and three weeks later she dumped him. He was furious and sent her several angry texts and voice mails, demanding she “stop being a child” and “come back.”
That was two years ago. She’s still having sex with me.
Gunman
Another long-term FB I once had married a big, buff Alpha Male 1.0. He quickly cheated on her several times, she found out and soon they became separated. He quickly got a new girlfriend but lectured her that she was not allowed to date any one, ever, for any reason, even though they were separated, living separately, and he had a new GF.
Of course, she laughed that off and had sex with me (just like she was before she got married) and one other guy. I forget the details, but the ex-husband found out about the other guy. After having sex with his girlfriend, he grabbed a loaded pistol, went over to my FB’s apartment, barged his way in and brandished the weapon, at one point holding it to her head.
Thankfully, no one was hurt but, the police were called, he was arrested, they were divorced. Because of his violent behavior he lost custody and all visitation rights to their baby.
He later re-married and a very similar scenario played out with the new wife almost exactly as the first marriage.
Self-Destruct
An Alpha 1.0 in his early 50s I used to work with had been married almost 20 years and had two teenage children. An extremely charismatic guy (as most Alpha 1.0s are) he cheated on his wife often. Soon, he started having sex with one of his co-workers – very pretty but very irrational and an emotional receptionist.
Like most married men who cheat, he did very little to hide what he was doing. He would make her do things during the workday like flirt with her openly, going out to lunch with her often and make her massage his shoulders in his office, with the door wide open and glass walls out to the rest of the office where all the other employees could see. She kept his secret, although it was barely a secret.
She started having sex with another guy. Mr. Alpha 1.0 found out and flew into a rage. The woman explained that it was a little dumb to demand she couldn’t have sex with other men if he was still having sex with his wife (which he was; his wife was in her 50s but still skinny and pretty).
He didn’t care. He demanded that she stop seeing this guy and only have sex with him, he was still going to have sex with his wife and if my FB didn’t like it that was just tough shit for her.
This argument went on and on, over a week or two and soon they were arguing about it over the company email system. This was discovered by the head of human resources and the “secret” was out.
Everyone found out, including his wife. His wife divorced him, took the kids, took his house and took 50% of his retirement savings, forcing him to cash everything out early, thus paying massive taxes and penalties. This was on top of child support and monthly alimony. In his mid-50s, he’s now completely screwed and will probably have to work full time for literally the rest of his life.
To this day, my FB still says, “If he would have just let me have sex with other people just like he was, there would never have been a problem…”
Phone Man
A FB I was seeing had a boyfriend who would, every time they saw each other, demand to see her phone. He would then go through all of her text messages, her Facebook messages and her email accounts, scanning for any communication between her and any other men whatsoever.
He did this every time. Literally. It became a routine every time she saw him.
On the rare times he’d see any message to any man, even if it was her cousin or long-time friend-zone orbiter, this guy would lose his shit, screaming at her for 20 minutes about how she was NEVER allowed to text other men except him, her dad, or her brother. (Even work-related texts and emails set him off. “You work with him? Yeah right! How do I know you work with him?!?”)
This system didn’t work well, since she was sporadically having sex with me and I was texting her whenever I wanted without a problem to set up meets. She simply did what men do when they cheat: she changed the names of men in her phone to women and assigned them female pictures. She made sure to carefully delete any conversations that said anything incriminating before she saw him.
I always found it amazing that he didn’t realize that’s what any woman would do under that level of scrutiny. But it didn’t matter; his need for Alpha Male 1.0 control overrode his logic and rationality.
This guy isn’t alone. I’ve heard of many other men doing this and many women doing the above to avoid it.
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Leave your comment below, but be sure to follow the Five Simple Rules.
João Medeiros
Posted at 05:45 am, 18th May 2015BD, not on topic, but I have to say it:
Thank you for this blog. As a 16 year old, I am glad to have found your material and be able to start smashing society’s programming of relationships ASAP in life.
You are doing so many man a great favor! We hope you never stop!
Tony
Posted at 06:29 am, 18th May 2015Is the self destruct guy the same one who came into work in tears because his wife divorced him and he would have to work another 17 years, or do you know multiple men whose retirement was ruined by divorce? Not that I have much sympathy for this guy, since he should have known better, but it really goes to show how financially risky marriage is. Personally I won’t even entertain the idea of getting married until I’ve already retired, and even then only if I’m 100% sure my retirement savings will be protected by a prenup and that the marriage will be financially beneficial. (In short, I’m probably never going to get married.)
And the last one, that girl must have really gotten turned on by that kind of behavior, otherwise why would she put up with it? Surely she knows that all she has to do is post a couple pictures on OkCupid and she’ll have hordes of men just as attractive as that guy asking her out.
DN6
Posted at 07:41 am, 18th May 2015Great stuff as always, BD. The last behavior about changing pictures is so true. That’s how I hooked up with my last girl. Her man had such oneitis that he believed her when she said she was flying out of state to meet her new BFF “girlfriend.” Like all habitual cheaters she eventually got caught and ended up with one nasty divorce. Point lessons: 1. Never oneitis. 2. Don’t cheat. 3. No marriage (unless one has a predetermined legal arrangement/settlement).
Dawson Stone
Posted at 08:22 am, 18th May 2015While entertaining and amusing these guys clearly fall into the psychopath category (or at a very minimum sociopath).
What might serve your audience well are less extreme examples of “Alpha” behaviors that undermine what they are trying to achieve.
Jealousy in any form. Don’t try to sneak a peak to see who she is texting. Don’t ask her who she is with and where they are going.
Being Controlling in any form. Telling (or even strongly admonishing) her who to be friends with, who she should spend time with, etc.
Ask for or Demand Monogamy. If she is enjoying sex with you better than with anyone else asking for this is unnecessary. If she isn’t, it is irrelevant. Any in any event if you aren’t going to be monogamous with her it is actually a sign of weakness to demand it from the woman.
I do disagree that many of the guys that demonstrate the behaviors you mention are “…strong, confident, capable men with strong game.” Rational men that are confident and have their shit together know better than to behave in these ways. Guys that are insecure and badly in need of external validation as well as lacking power and control in their own lives behave this way in an effort to exert control over other’s lives since they have so little power over their own.
Jack Outside the Box
Posted at 12:45 pm, 18th May 2015Man, I marvel at just how needy, insecure, and pathetic these alpha 1.0s really are. You were right to call them “needy alphas” because that is what they have always been. In many ways, they are more needy than betas. Neediness combined with self confidence is a lethal and violent combination. But I guess this is how women were able to wrap these men around their fingers from the beginning of time.
Alpha 1.0s are manipulative women’s most useful puppets. All the women have to do is keep their man’s ego in check by providing him with a Disney purity fantasy while she laughs behind his back and fucks guys like us. She receives physical protection, materialistic resources, and other forms of male slavery that she gets to parasite off of in return for playing the virgin good girl while indulging in secret society orgies away from these weak chumps. I think we need these losers to remain weak and naïve so that we can do our thing with their women behind closed doors.
Ben
Posted at 04:06 pm, 18th May 2015It’s interesting because personally I don’t see most of these behaviours as ‘Alpha’ at all. Constantly worrying and checking her phone, always calling her or messaging her to see where she is and what she is doing are massive insecurity behaviours not a sign of Alphaness.
It’s interesting i’m sleeping with a girl and I know she’s seeing other guys, we talk openly about it and she knows i’m free to see other girls and the whole dynamic is interesting and the thing I learn that she tells me that she probably wouldn’t tell other guys is interesting at times, and it’s because I don’t care and I just don’t get jealous.
But it does make me worry “man what if I did end up in a relationship with her at the start and I was blissfully unaware of this”. She straight up told me when she was engaged she had a bit on the side and that if she ends up getting serious with this other guy that i’ll still be her bit on the side.
Just imagine if I had no idea of this shit and I could have been the ‘fiance’ thinking she is innocent and none of this is happening!
Amanda
Posted at 04:41 pm, 18th May 2015Wow, I could never imagine being in any sort of relationship with a guy like this! Yet I have known several couples who were in long-term relationships with the exact same dynamics described here. And I’ve known women who were like this, too. In most cases, the controlling person was a heavy drinker and/or drug user, or had cheated in relationships and assumed everyone else did the same. I’ve always thought, why be in a relationship with someone if you don’t trust them at all?
The only guy I’ve dated who was controlling was just really preoccupied with social status and what other people thought of him. He encouraged me to cut my hair to my shoulders (which I did but instantly regretted – I’ve had waist-length hair most of my life and love it long) and to lose weight, even though I was a size 0 at the time! I was 20 at the time though, and now know better what to watch out for. I’ve never dated an overly jealous guy though, and don’t think I could since I’m not a jealous person myself and find that behavior exasperating – NOT flattering as some people perceive it.
Caleb Jones
Posted at 05:30 pm, 18th May 2015Very good memory! No, that’s a different guy. The guy you’re talking about was just a normal, everyday guy getting a divorce. He was in his late 50s and was getting ready to retire. But his wife woke up one morning, decided she wasn’t in love anymore, and divorced him. Now he had to work well into his 70s. He was one of my business consulting clients and he started crying in his office as he was talking about this.
Yes, I know many men who’ve been divorced. Because most men get divorced.
Ah, marriage.
Because women LOVE Alpha Male 1.0 behaviors at first, in the earlier stages of the relationship, say the first six months or so, possibly a little longer.
During this time frame, having a big badass boyfriend who is really fucking jealous and tries to run your life is actually a turn-on for a lot of women.
The problem is eventually these same women grow to hate it, and dump the guy (amidst tons of drama).
They are confident outwardly. Also, Alpha Male 1.0s have very strong seduction game, but they have absolutely dreadful relationship game.
This is why Alpha 1.0s tend to have relationships just as bad or worse (i.e. high drama) as betas.
I have had sex with A LOT of women with Alpha Male 1.0 boyfriends. Very true.
And what’s funny is that a lot of these guys say that Alpha Male 2.0 “isn’t Alpha.” Good times.
Yup. Men like this are quite common. I place them at about 25% of the male population. That’s a lot.
Again, a lot of women like that stuff at first. Later they hate it.
Female Reader
Posted at 09:17 pm, 18th May 2015In your opinion, are all men either beta, alpha 1, or alpha 2? I can think of one who does not fit your description of any of these.
Rami
Posted at 01:24 am, 19th May 2015Hey BD can you write up an article about sex?
I am in my eartly twenties and had sex with about 30 different woman so far. I have an open relationship and two fuckbuddies on the side right now. So I am doing well but I am not really pleased with my sex life right now. The only stuff I do in bed is guy on top, girl on top, doggy if they got slim hips. I try to fuck hard. I have an average sized dick, maybe less than average if I am honest, noone complained yet. I can only last for 20-30 minutes even with a condom. I cant bring the girls to orgasm with my dick alone. I usually come than bring the girl to orgasm with my fingers, which works and the girls are fine with that. I dont like oral and watch porn like two or three times a week (usually lazy weekends).
How can I improve?
I started reading your blog this week. Great stuff. You are obviously older and more experienced than me. I already implemented your “dont kiss or have sex on first date” rule.
Greetings from Germany
Rami
POB
Posted at 08:59 am, 19th May 2015You forgot to mention that Alpha 1.0s provide a sense of relationship stability to women. These guys honestly believe in monogamy when they have NRE and just go strong after the girl they want.
Of course we know that after some time their relationships turn bad, without confort and full of jealousy and cheating, but even after that some women choose to stay with them because they are generally attractive and have nice masculine traits.
Alpha 2.0s know that relationships are mostly unstable, thus they simply do not care if or how they end cause they know it’s expected from day one. Big advantage IMO.
Caleb Jones
Posted at 09:43 am, 19th May 2015Yes. But remember there are degrees, i.e. there are Alpha 1.0s and extreme Alpha 1.0s.
Every time, and I mean every time someone has said that and described the person, I point out how he easily falls into one of the three categories above.
“My boyfriend isn’t like that.”
Yeah, I know.
Just about everything you said above is normal, i.e. not bad. Most women can’t cum with a man’s dick alone, etc.
But sure, I’ll write up something. The main thing you should start doing is oral on these women.
Correct! Good observation.
Actually that describes betas more than Alpha 1.0s. Most Alpha 1.0s (not all, but most) know god damn well they’ll cheat when they’re pitching monogamy to a woman.
It’s mostly betas who “believe” in monogamy working (and a small handful of really delusional Alpha 1.0s).
Correct again!
Even better, a skilled Alpha 2.0 knows she’ll be back someday, so he doesn’t worry at all when she leaves.
Dawson Stone
Posted at 11:29 am, 19th May 2015@Rami
The Magic Wand is amazing and can get women off who have never been able to before. I have made several women squirt with it that never have before and gotten a ton more to cum that haven’t during sex before with the help of this device.
If you are in missionary you can use it on her clit while having sex and blow her mind. You do 1/2 the work and get all the credit. 🙂 Good luck.
POB
Posted at 01:20 pm, 19th May 2015Absolutely! My point is although most Alphas 1.0s know it does not work, if they have strong NRE they’ll always end up going for the good old “This Time Is Gonna Be Differentᵀᴹ” cause “She’s Not Like The Restᵀᴹ”.
They’re first lying to themselves before lying to their partners, and I don’t know what’s worse.
ayo1
Posted at 05:58 pm, 19th May 2015any suggestion for someone who wants kids and a somewhat happy married life?
or is that out of the question in your worlds?
Caleb Jones
Posted at 06:17 pm, 19th May 2015Buy my book. I have several chapters on that, including two chapters on how to have and raise kids.
Also by my book on open marriages.
Amanda
Posted at 09:25 pm, 19th May 2015I was just thinking … if a woman acts like this, would she be considered Dominant?
I have a male acquaintance I’ve known for several years who offered to inspect a condo I was purchasing (he owns a contracting business), and asked me to text him the address so he could meet my realtor and me there. About 30 minutes later, I got a call from his wife, who was livid – she had checked his phone and assumed something nefarious was going to happen at that address! He said she does this sort of thing “all the time,” in addition to only allowing him to hire ugly women, constantly checking his emails and messages, etc. They have been married for around 15 years. I just find it very bizarre, since he owns his own business and makes tons of money, but his wife bosses him around at home!
Female Reader
Posted at 09:33 pm, 19th May 2015It sounds like you would classify anybody who doesn’t sound exactly alpha 2 as alpha 1, unless they display more beta traits (then they are beta). The way you’ve described all three, it sounds like alpha 2s have the most sex but none of them have relationships with women that are truly satisfying on all levels (not just sexually) to both the man and the woman.
ontheroad
Posted at 11:17 am, 20th May 2015All of these stories are basically ones of destruction. But the thing is, even Alpha 2.0 is mortal, so how does he deal with his inevitable destruction? What is the best way for the Alpha 2.0 to reach his existential conclusion, in your opinion? I remember my grandfather, and while he didn’t go through any of the destructions you mention here, he still got it bad, real bad. Eventually he rotted away. And most people do – very few die peacefully in their sleep.
If you could script your exit what would it be?
Caleb Jones
Posted at 12:06 pm, 20th May 2015Yes. Dominant is the loose female equivalent of Alpha 1.0.
No, like I said, there are degrees.
If you really think you’ve discovered a third type of Alpha, that is nothing like the 1.0 or 2.0, then woman-up and lay out a specific description and let’s see what you’ve got.
Several people have tried to describe an “Alpha Male 3.0,” but every time this is done they’re just describing a monogamous Alpha 1.0.
That’s really behind this discomfort regarding the 1.0/2.0 discussion…the love of monogamy despite all of its massive problems.
Then you really need to read more of my stuff, because Alpha Male 2.0s have extremely satisfying relationships on all levels, provided they do the right things.
You’d also have to explain why high-controlling, high-drama relationships are “satisfying on all levels.”
I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about or asking. Are you seriously asking me how I would like to die? (I hope not, since nihilism is off-topic for this blog.)
ontheroad
Posted at 12:33 pm, 20th May 2015I’m asking how the Alpha 2.0 should handle the later stages of life. I’ve never seen that covered in the manosphere. It’s all just happiness-hot chicks-alpha-etc. But that all can’t be maintained indefinitely.
Why are you mentioning nihilism? Death has nothing to do with that.
Caleb Jones
Posted at 12:41 pm, 20th May 2015Correct.
A small percentage of Alpha 2.0s live by themselves forever, even into old age, but this is an exception to the rule. Most Alpha 2.0s settle down in a nonmonogamous OLTR or OLTR marriage in their old age. They pair bond but are allowed to get a little on the side if needed, because they understand long-term monogamy doesn’t work, and they have no need to spend their older years bossing some woman around (too much drama).
And as I’ve explained before, once a man gets really old and can’t have sex any more, the monogamy/nonmonogamy issue doesn’t even matter.
The reason this issue is never talked about in the manosphere is because most men in the manosphere are Alpha 1.0s, who believe in Guy Disney long-term monogamy as long as a man is “older”. However these same men know the divorce stats and infidelity stats, so they don’t say this too loudly (lest they be called out by Alpha 2.0s like me).
Female Reader
Posted at 04:37 pm, 20th May 2015If there are degrees, could somebody be half alpha 1 and half alpha 2? What would be an example of some guy somebody else thought was none of the above but upon further description, you considered to be an alpha 1? (Besides the monogamous part, or is that it?)
The alpha 2 looks like he could be satisfied with the woman, but it’s questionable whether the woman is truly satisfied with the man.
Caleb Jones
Posted at 04:57 pm, 20th May 2015No, because a man is outcome dependent or he isn’t.
But a man could be a more chill version of an Alpha 1.0, sure. I know a few guys like that. Definitely outcome dependent, definitely 1.0s, but not raging monsters about it.
I can’t answer that question because I have no idea what “someone else” would consider none of the above.
Does your BF/husband get pissed off when you text other men, or is he completely okay with it? Does he get irritable if you spend time with other men when he’s not around, or is he perfectly okay with it? Does he ask about what you were doing when he’s not around, or does he not give a shit at all? Those are some of the questions you can use to evaluate.
Go here and read item number 19. Women are never satisfied with any relationship once the relationship lasts long enough. (That’s the sad part about being a woman.) Monogamous or open, low-drama or high-drama, beta, Alpha 1.0, Alpha 2.0, it doesn’t matter, eventually you’re going to be unsatisfied in the relationship to some degree. It’s just a question of how long it takes.
Ron Gordon
Posted at 01:33 am, 22nd May 2015Thanks for the great article. My question is to what extent can a man change whether he is beta, alpha 1 or alpha 2. I think I have been beta most of my life with periods of alpha. Right now I am trying to follow your advice and be alpha 2 but I still get knocked on my arse when I hook up with a very hot young woman and can’t stop texting or thinking about her. Thanks for your thoughts.
Caleb Jones
Posted at 11:58 am, 23rd May 2015A man can change if A) he wants it bad enough and B) he’s unhappy enough with the status quo. I was a beta, and I hated it, so I put in the work, and I changed.
Buy my book and/or read this.
Oscar
Posted at 12:53 pm, 17th June 2015Changing cheat friend’s name to female..yeah I thought it was a bit weird that a woman is sending her the kinda flirty messages I would send to a chick..ah..arent I so naive.
giulio
Posted at 12:25 pm, 5th January 2016If you are a very emotional guy can you become an Alpha 2.0? or being alpha 2.0 means having a complete control of your emotion and a very rational mind?
Caleb Jones
Posted at 04:56 pm, 5th January 2016Yes. You can be as emotional as you like as long as you channel that to positive emotions instead of negative ones.
If you are a very reactive guy or very controlling guy, it’s going to be hard become Alpha 2.0.
Emotional control is a strong part of Alpha 2.0, but no one has “complete” control of their emotions, including me. The issue is A) how reactive you are and B) how badly you want to feel happy instead of feeling other emotions (anger, fear, jealousy, etc).