14 Feb Responsibility vs. Blame
One of my core philosophies, and one I’ve spoken about a great deal for a very long time, is the concept (and reality) that everything in your life is your fault.It really is. Assuming you’re an adult, everything in your life is your fault. It’s not your parents’ fault, your roommate’s fault, your boss’s fault, your girlfriend’s fault, your ex-wife’s fault, or any other person in your life you’re trying to blame for your problems. No. It’s your fucking fault.If you’re a right-wing guy, your problems are not liberals’ fault, SJW’s fault, the news media’s fault, black/Hispanic/Muslims’ fault, or whatever. No. It’s your fucking fault.If you’re a left-wing guy, your problems aren’t Trump’s fault, rich people’s fault, the NRA’s fault, the military industrial complex’s fault, or whatever. No. It’s your fucking fault.
-By Caleb Jones
To show I’m being objective, I’ll even attack my own here. If you’re a libertarian, your problems aren’t the government’s fault, stupid people’s fault, or the Illuminati’s fault. Nope. They’re your fucking fault.If you’re a red pill / manosphere kind of guy, your problems aren’t womens’ fault, feminists’ fault, hypergamy’s fault, or anti-man laws’ fault. Nope. They’re your fucking fault. No one else’s fault, motherfucker. Just you. Your fault.When I first posted an article about this, a lot of people got really mad, as you might expect. Read it right here. (Seriously. Read it. This article is a “part two” to that one.)
I expect more rage from this article.This is because it’s easier to blame other people or entities for your problems instead of looking in the mirror and blaming yourself. The problem with blaming external factors for your problems is that not only is it factually inaccurate, but it will forever limit the amount of happiness and fulfillment you can experience.One of the challenges with people when they first hear this concept is a little confusion over the word “fault.”The word “fault,” at least in this context, breaks down into two subcategories: responsibility and blame.
If you’re reckless and stupid, and you’re swinging a sharpened sword around in the junk yard one day (just go with me on this), and you accidentally cut off your own hand, it’s your fault. The blame goes to you since you’re the one who did it. The responsibility also goes to you since it’s your hand. So it’s your fault. Most clear-thinking people aren’t going to argue with this.But now let’s say you’re walking along in the junk yard one fine sunny day, minding your own business, and a ninja leaps out from a wreaked car, chops off your hand with his sword, and then vanishes back into the shadows.Now things get a little complicated in terms of “fault.” Who’s fault is it? You’d probably say it’s the ninja’s fault. But wait! It’s not that simple.
Let’s say that after the ninja vanishes, as blood is gushing out of your wrist, I come up to you and say, “Hey, you need to get a tourniquet on that thing right now and you need to go to the hospital.” Then you reply, “What the fuck man? This isn’t my fault! I didn’t do this! It was that fucking ninja’s fault! I was just minding my own business! I didn’t do anything!”Then I say, “Um… yeah, you need to get your ass moving to the hospital, dude. See that growing puddle of blood on the ground? That needs to be inside you.”You say, “Yeah I know! Because of that FUCKING NINJA!!! Look at my hand on the ground! That would be attached to my arm right now if it weren’t for him!”I say, “So are you going to bind that wound, or…?”
You say, “This is bullshit man! I shouldn’t have to…”Then you fall over dead from blood loss.Who’s fault was it that you died That’s where the difference between blame and responsibility come in. The ninja was to blame, but it’s your responsibility to fix the problem. The ninja isn’t going to fix the problem. Your mommy isn’t going to fix the problem. Donald Trump or Bernie Sanders or Angela Merkel aren’t going to fix the problem. Therefore, the responsibility is yours.It sucks that it’s yours. It may not be fair that it’s yours. But it’s still yours.That makes your current condition your fault.
Your current condition is that you’re standing there losing a lot of blood. At that moment, the person to blame is completely and totally irrelevant. All that’s relevant is that you need to bind the wound and go to the hospital. If you don’t do this and you die, it’s your fault. If you do it and you live, also your fault. Either way, it’s your fault.You can scream and bitch about it being the ninja’s fault all you want. But the result of this scenario is not his fault. It’s your fault. If we had the ability to go back in time and stop that ninja before he chopped off your hand, then maybe you’d have a point. But we can’t do that. So it’s your fault.
On top of that, in the real world, usually you actually do share some blame for this stuff. Let’s say that instead of walking in a junkyard, you decided to go walk around an evil forest where you knew homicidal maniac ninjas hang out. So if one of them chops off your hand, then guess what? Not only are you responsible, but now you share at least some of the blame as well.Even if you think you are zero percent to blame (and that is very rarely the case) it’s still your fault.It’s not my fault! My mom molested me as a child!Doesn’t matter. You’re an adult now and your mom is long gone. It’s your responsibly. Your current condition is your fault. What are you going to do about it. It’s not my fault! I’m short! I’m only 5’4”!
Doesn’t matter. It’s your responsibly. Your current condition (your sex life, your income, etc) is your fault. What are you going to do about it?It’s not my fault! I was bullied when I was a kid!Doesn’t matter. You’re an adult now and those bullies are long gone. It’s your responsibly. Your current condition is your fault. What are you going to do about it?It’s not my fault! My roommate stole $600 from me!Bullshit. You didn’t have to have a roommate. You chose to do that. You didn’t have to have him as a roommate. You chose that. Regardless, the money is gone now. It’s your responsibly. Your current condition is your fault. What are you going to do about it?And so on.Not only do you usually share some blame, even if you think you have zero blame, it doesn’t matter. It’s still your responsibly. Your current condition is your fault.That’s why everything in your life is your fault.
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Mookie
Posted at 05:06 am, 14th February 2019If you’re a captive in a concentration camp or dodging bombs in Syria, it’s your own fault ; )
FiveSix
Posted at 05:07 am, 14th February 2019Makes me think of extreme ownership ideas of Jocko Willink (highly recommend his podcast).
Freevoulous
Posted at 05:20 am, 14th February 2019Well, of course it is. Those things were telegraphed years in advance, and anyone who had good common sense ran away long before that.
Mookie
Posted at 05:52 am, 14th February 2019LOL okay, how about if you are safely in your lane. seat belt fastened and a semi truck crosses lanes and plows into you? Splain it for me
eddie
Posted at 06:17 am, 14th February 2019Haha, you can never convince women, anything is their fault…
What’s the difference between Responsibility and Accountability?
JohnMurdoch
Posted at 06:22 am, 14th February 2019Great text! Very well explained, I had one of those moments where someone explains something you always knew but could never explain yourself.
Unfortunately nowadays, especially (but not only) in the left wing, people are going completely on the other direction trying to be a victim, find someone to blame, and use it as an excuse to be a complete failure. And scream DONT JUDGE ME YOU DONT KNOW WHAT IVE BEEN THROUGH if anyone criticize them.
I’ll definitely use the hand chopping example when discussing this behavior from now on LOL
Anon
Posted at 07:10 am, 14th February 2019In that case, do you start to whine “I did what you asked, Mr. President, I fastened my seatbelt, but still you failed me! My understanding was that with my seatbelt fastened, I’m immune to everything! You are to blame for this! I will write an angry post on Facebook in which I will direct choice words both at the reckless truck driver and at the authorities that did not prevent this somehow!” or maybe you make an effort to get out of the car before it starts to burn, and/or call an ambulance, and/or do something else appropriate for the situation?
joelsuf
Posted at 07:12 am, 14th February 2019I’m gonna call this “2% splaining.” Both of those events have a 2% chance at best of happening. Especially the second one. Have been on the road literally hundreds of times this year alone, not one collision with a semi truck. Imagine that.
This is cuz dudes have been giving them a free pass for millennia. Literally. Crazy little thing called TMM, which is where a dude goes “meh, just cook me stuff and make babies. I’ll protect you from everything.” Created a narrative that told chicks that they don’t need to be responsible for anything since that’s “a man’s job.”
People don’t understand how TMM has systematically changed this stuff for the worse over time.
Because of this, chicks have gamed the system in their favor because dudes were so obsessed about protecting them for so long. I don’t blame them from this and actually commend them for it. Taking advantage of the right people is a useful skill to learn.
Nathan
Posted at 07:26 am, 14th February 2019Totally agree. Thanks for this reminder, BD.
Esau Alfaro
Posted at 07:39 am, 14th February 2019This was amazing read. I can’t stop laughing with the fucking Ninja!!
tester of paternity
Posted at 07:44 am, 14th February 2019I used to be lukewarm about this, but now I agree.
It also totally teaches you the right mindset, where if something happens, you don’t think about who’s at fault, or who’s responsible for this. Instead you take action. It’s always you.
I’m new to this and it’s been liberating so far. Instead of wondering who’s responsible, I’m always responsible. It saves me the mental effort, it gives me drive to match the responsibility.
Miguel
Posted at 08:10 am, 14th February 2019I prefer the Red PIll term “Own Your Own Shit”. If readers here haven’t read it yet, I recommend Jocko’s “Extreme Ownership”.
Harlan Whompsy
Posted at 08:24 am, 14th February 2019“It’s your fault” is a lot like “every gun is always loaded”.
Some people hear that, and they want to start an autistic flame war about semantics.
Others think, “hey, that’s a real good heuristic for not putting holes in my foot”.
I’m not gonna tell anybody else what his priorities ought to be. I can tell you I like my feet better than I like talking like an idiot on the Internet, but you do you.
Vinny Chase
Posted at 08:31 am, 14th February 2019This is fair and I agree. I also like how you pointed out several times that this applies to Adults only. Thinking back on whether things that happened to me in the past were “my fault” the only things I could create a compelling argument for not being my fault happened as a child. I also think this makes a good case for only donating to charities that help children.
Félix
Posted at 08:48 am, 14th February 2019Now let’s get a little philosophical:
The fact that you were at that place, at that time, was the direct result of certain actions you took (in this case, driving a car in the highway) by exerting the power of your free will. Nobody forced you to be there. Even if you didn’t know the possible consequences. Guess what? It still is your responsibility.
I’m not saying the truck driver isn’t the one to blame. He is. But that does not invalidate your own responsibility in the whole ordeal.
Besides, whenever you drive a car, you acknowledge the fact that there are certain risks involved with it. If it so happens that you get into an accident, then again, guess what? Your responsibility. You may not be the one to blame, but you’re still responsible. You did not have to drive a car. It was your own choice. You must assume responsibility for all its consequences, both good and bad.
Kevin
Posted at 09:06 am, 14th February 2019BD
would you please give an example from a biography or motivational book where somebody followed this idea and made their life happier?
any counter examples also like Charlie Sheen?
Anon
Posted at 09:41 am, 14th February 2019Hey guys, you’re way overthinking all this. Here’s a simple example, I had something similar recently and I’m sure this happens all the time.
Suppose you want something. As part of your plan, you ask a friend to perform some small action. The friend agrees, but time comes, and he doesn’t follow through. Your entire plan fails. Now what?
Surely the friend is to blame, but the bigger picture is that you wanted something and you didn’t get it. That’s all that matters. Should you do something differently next time? Yes, ask more than one friend, and/or remind them multiple times, and/or get a paid professional to do it etc. Note that the list doesn’t include fuming about how it’s unfair that someone’s failure to uphold a promise deprived you of something you were entitled to.
It’s that simple. Everything In Your Life Is Your Fault is another way of saying Taking Action Brings You Closer To Your Goals, Whining Doesn’t. That’s all there is to it.
hollywood
Posted at 09:42 am, 14th February 2019He isn’t saying it’s your fault that they plowed into you, but you did put yourself in a car on a highway in which these things do sometimes happen which is your fault. You could have decided not to drive in a car on a highway and the odds that a semi plows into you would go down significantly.
FiveSix
Posted at 09:43 am, 14th February 2019You could have been driving more attentively, practiced your driving skills to make emergency maneuvers, driven a good car with better control/mauneuverability, driven defensively so you wouldn’t be boxed into a spot during emergencies, etc.. to mitigate things.
Your risk tolerance, and your risk mitigations, are up to you, regardless of who is at fault.
Franco Fellini
Posted at 10:20 am, 14th February 2019Blackdragon is completely disingenuous here, and here is why. Responsibility and blame are not the same thing. If a ninja cuts your hand, it is your responsibility to fix yourself up, sure. But it is important to place the blame on the ninja, because now you know who you need to take action against if the attacks are to stop.
Incidentally, this is why collectivism will always win over individualism. Because an individual cannot fight against most adversaries (you need a collective to do that), his life will always be one of evasion, of escape. It’s only natural that individuals promote solipsistic ideas like “everything is your fault”. Meanwhile, collectivists recognize that some things are indeed group X’s fault, and if we band together we can get group X to stop fucking up our shit. And they win.
stan
Posted at 10:22 am, 14th February 2019Hahah I expected some Valentine related topic today 🙂 Some girl (FB) told me “It’s depressing to know that you don’t have plans with me tonight”. First I thought this was not my fault at all, because I never framed the relationship as romantic. I actually did something you don’t advise: a month ago I brutally verbalized what I want, I even copy pasted her your cardinal rules for FB’s … She was a bit upset that I follow some other guy’s rules and that I did not decide for my own how I live my life, but she got the message.
I think the real fault may be dating this kind of girl, knowing that even if I tell her every day “I just want to be FBs”, knowing that this is the type of girl that believes she can Disney me over to the “good side”.
Good article. Once you realize you have to take responsibility for everything that happens in your life, everything gets a lot easier and you don’t lose energy blaming outside sources, and you channel your energy on changing what you can change.
John
Posted at 10:23 am, 14th February 2019Born a Liger and don’t have any stripes and you live in the jungle and….. Sorry I got nothing but I had to try… I Guess agree with the article. Good job BD
Duke
Posted at 10:47 am, 14th February 2019I would say be careful of the distinction between incorporating these ideas into your life for maximum effect versus disseminating these ides to other people, especially women. Women like to blame everyone, and want you to listen to them, and ideally agree with them. I would go as far as to egg them on. For example, “that bitch, how dare she do that to you!” Instead of telling them to suck it up and move on, or “don’t let her get under your skin.” People in general will think that you are trivializing things by insinuating personal responsibility. Don’t be an insensitive jerk, and just go with the flow.
Anon
Posted at 11:07 am, 14th February 2019It’s funny how you (rightfully) didn’t include “want you to help them fix their problem”. They really don’t want this most of the time.
Women or men, I’ve adopted a simple pattern. If someone asks me for advice and I happen to know something that would be good for them, I explain the general principles and give them a small piece of advice. If they follow through, I give more advice. If they stop at any point, it’s their loss and I don’t insist. If someone who’s important to me looks like they could use my help but they aren’t asking for it, I either drop some unobtrusive hints or do nothing.
Nah
Posted at 11:29 am, 14th February 2019That wasn’t how TMM worked for millennia. Only for a couple of decades within the USA and a few other “safe” countries after WW2. For millennia, and even in the USA before 1900, women understood that marriage meant hard fucking work for them, and if they didn’t do their jobs right the entire family would die. Read anything about life on a farm for women before agriculture was mechanized, and you certainly don’t get the impression it was a “free pass”.
Anon
Posted at 11:46 am, 14th February 2019Yes, but if a woman failed to get married, it would be so much worse that in essence the original argument is correct. Also in a patriarchic society men do make all the decisions.
JohnMurdoch
Posted at 12:00 pm, 14th February 2019Yes, that is very true. I used to have a hard time giving everyone quick fixes to their problems and getting terrible results with girls on that. They just dont want to take action or solve anything, just vent and complain. So now I just listen and agree and try to think about football or whatever while they complain.
What I really wanted was to send a clear message that I am not the sympathethic guy that is there to listen to the girls problem, so they can go complain to their girlfriends and leave the time spent with me for the fun stuff. I dont have the worst case of girls complaining but I would like to cut it off 100% (basically how it is with my FBs. But with MLTR and up, there is always some noise)
GinBrah
Posted at 01:10 pm, 14th February 2019I have the same problem I fight with. I grew up for a strict asian family and I’m a total pushover with girls and I try to blame it on having a small penis and my strict parents. I’m often scared to do anything about girls taking advantage of me. I just got thrown out of a club after a girl pushed me around and got me kicked out and was too scared to do anything about it.
Antekirtt
Posted at 01:10 pm, 14th February 2019Correct but lateral to the issue of individualism, in the modern world. Individualists are a minority anyway. A majority can easily agree that invader X needs to be stopped or any other obvious action that requires large-scale intervention, but when it comes to details about daily life, the majority will never vote for a system that suits you 100%. That’s why you’re better off structuring your life to not be affected by the system, than trying to fix it with collectivist measures. Easy to call that “evasion” while the alternative is to try to steer a billion people, who don’t like you and don’t understand you anyway.
Caleb Jones
Posted at 01:28 pm, 14th February 20191. 2% exception to the rule, as I already explained here, and if you have to use the exception to the rule to argue your point, that says something about your point (and mine).
2. How you deal with the damage after the fact is your fault.
Responsibility is internal and automatic, accountability is usually assigned. They are usually the same thing but not always.
Absolutely, and that’s what people don’t understand. It’s FREEING to view the world this way. It’s IMPRISONING to view it the standard way.
Correct. Children lack both agency and freedom, thus not everything that happens to them can be their fault, so they are excepted from this.
But as soon as you turn 18… your fault, motherfucker.
All of them. All successful people took ownership of their own lives, at least to a strong degree, took actions based on this, and became successful.
You can’t be successful if you sit around blaming external factors for your conditions. It’s literally impossible. (Even if you were to win the lottery or inherit a bunch of money, you’d lose it.)
Gotta always include those European readers.
That’s fine as long as you do it after taking ownership of the wound and healing yourself as best you can and you don’t fill yourself with anti-ninja anger for the rest of your life like most people in politics do.
That’s actually not why, but yes, collectivism will always win since humans are biologically collectivist creatures. Some collectivism is needed and critical, but the problem is it goes too far and humans have not yet learned to draw the line somewhere.
Tonino
Posted at 03:53 pm, 14th February 2019Great post.
What Caleb essentially is saying is that anything negative that happens in your life, that was not created by you personally, is not your fault. However what happens after that, is your responsibility. That simple.
Conclusion: Stop nagging and crying and Find a solution, monitor your reactions, control your emotions. And ultimately try to live a happy life if that’s what you strive for.
Kurt Niznik
Posted at 04:51 pm, 14th February 2019Not exactly so. To just dismiss something that is ‘not your fault’ and only deal with the consequences responsibly deprives you of the opportunity to reflect back on what actions you took and what choices you made that led you to the incident that ‘wasn’t your fault’. Often if you parse your past with relation to these things you can find somewhere at least some small thing you could have done differently, some red flag that you could notice if you were to see it again, that would help you avoid similar problems in the future.
Even when it’s ‘not your fault’, you should still approach it as ALL your fault, for the sake of learning and improving. Don’t cheat yourself out of this great opportunity for growth and increased wisdom.
kevin
Posted at 08:18 pm, 14th February 2019Would you do a post on the difference between fate and destiny ?
Vanilla Boy
Posted at 08:29 pm, 14th February 2019If it’s your fault and your responsibility, you can fix it. If it’s not, you can’t. So you might as well take responsibility.
I remember getting divorced, whining to a counselor about all the terrible things my wife was doing. She let me whine for a couple of sessions and then said “How much of what she does do you have control over?” I sat silent for a moment. Then she said “And how much control do you have over what YOU do? So what should you focus on?”
I am responsible.
joelsuf
Posted at 11:25 pm, 14th February 2019*Starts “OBW!!” Chant*
Call me crazy but I believe that just like we have all the tools necessary to be Anarcho-Capitalist, so too do we have the tools to do away with collectivist causes. We’re literally doing that stuff cuz we’re bored.
That’s going to be an eternal nadir because the line with collectivism always moves. There is no line to draw. It’s a question of how much is enough, and I’ve known the answer for years. Look at any given group who has done activist marches/protests/riots across any point in history. Very few of them detected exactly what they wanted and got what they wanted in a peaceful way.
How can I PROVE that the line with collectivism doesn’t stay the same? Consider my mother’s experiences when she was a member of NOW in the 1970s. She looks at current women’s groups and says to me “would this group even welcome me anymore?” To which I responded “nope. You aren’t useful for them, they have different motivations. All your NOW wanted was for abortions to be legal. This NOW wants women to rule the world. Collectivism leads to supremacy, always.”
If you want more proof, look at the current day nonwhite activist groups out there. Cornel West is an admitted Black Supremacist as is Bell Hooks. Was Martin Luther King? Not even Malcolm X was a black supremacist (although he nearly crossed that line). Neither would fall in line with the wishes of Hooks or West.
It’s almost a science that collectivism leads to supremacy. It’s worth writing a book about, if one hasn’t already been written.
AlphaOmega
Posted at 01:52 am, 15th February 2019Are there seriously libertarians who think that stuff is Illuminati’s fault?
hey hey
Posted at 02:22 am, 15th February 2019This is the most important aspect of it. It removes wasting time on garbage and mental energy. If we could measure the time that people waste on such things it would occupy a huge chunk of their lives. That time could be used to better their lives instead.
Well not all of them. They still complain about stress, how hard they work for their fame and money, how bitchy their wife is and how she keeps on wasting money and how mess their family life is etc. Most successful people still complain about aspects of their lives, but in a more private way rather than the public way.
You can see it in their tone of how they want to relay their message. Without an overall OI to a strong degree there is no such thing as taking full ownership of your life.
In a way to really take full ownership of your life means taking steps towards escaping the prison.
Caleb Jones
Posted at 04:39 am, 15th February 2019That’s why I said, “At least to a strong degree.”
Anon
Posted at 04:49 am, 15th February 2019Well, it is indeed obvious, but for slightly different reasons. In any movement that clearly separates “us” from “them”, it’s easy to use this divide to get the followers to do the leaders’ bidding. We are righteous! They are heathens! Unite and kill them all! But be sure to start with this particular heathen city! What? You’re unwilling to fight for us? You are questioning us? Are you one of them?
So whenever someone makes a successful collectivist movement, there will be no shortage of those willing to subvert it to their needs. At that point the intentions of the founders of the movement no longer matter.
Aloofus
Posted at 05:08 am, 15th February 2019I have to agree with JBP that basically all utopian societal ideas are ultimately naive as fuck (including the ancap wet dream). Most of those ideas assume all people are cooperative and good/good natured, which is simply not true at all. The world is full of terrible humans (and you have to consciously make the decision not to be one).
Collectivism is anathema to most of us, likely because of how we’re wired (I’m willing to bet most of us are somewhat different than most of the general population).
I think to a large degree most people go out of their way to avoid ANY personal responsibility. It’s almost amazing the lengths people will go to to rationalize their bullshit.
bernd
Posted at 05:24 am, 15th February 2019Saying “your actions determine to a (surprisingly) large part the results in your life” and “your actions, and your mind are always your own responsibility” is both true and empowering.
In contrast, saying “everything in your life is your fault” is stupid clickbait.
It is obviously not true (and I don’t need 2%-rule examples to prove this), unless you redefine what “fault” means.
Example: If your boss sucks then that’s obviously not your fault. The fact that whining about it won’t help and you are responsible for getting another job to change that he/she is YOUR boss is another story, and has nothing whatsoever to do with the fact that it’s not your fault that this boss sucks.
You are just redefining vocabulary. I guess you’re quite aware of it and the reason why you do it is because the result (“everything in your life is your fault”) sounds so much more dramatic, and because being polarizing gives you traffic.
Sailormack
Posted at 05:24 am, 15th February 2019Surely the title of this article should be:_
“Responsibility V Blame – Why 98% of things that happen to you are your fault”
Anon
Posted at 12:26 pm, 15th February 2019Possibly that, but also it’s a decent psychological trick. I consider myself immune to many tricks, but still saying to myself “[my] actions determine to a (surprisingly) large part the results in [my] life” and “[my] actions, and [my] mind are always [my] own responsibility” just doesn’t have the same ring to it as does “Hey myself. Stop whining. Yes, it was unfair. Whatever. Like everything else, it was my fault. Now let’s do something about it.”
Caleb Jones
Posted at 02:33 pm, 15th February 2019Nope. But I could rename it, “If you’re age 18 or over, 100% of everything in your life is your fault.”
joelsuf
Posted at 06:48 pm, 15th February 2019Yes. While they don’t mention illuminati or anything (that’s what the stormfronters do; they literally blame Jews and nonwhites for “enabling” the illuminati and its pretty funny), they go on and on about how they aren’t as successful because of “statism! Muh Statism!!”
I used to be in that camp. Then I realized that all I really need to do accept everything then make adjustments or adapt.
Oh yeah. It’s insane. There are people on my social media who actually believe that whoever the president is will determine how much money they make or how happy they will be and it’s really sad. It does take a lot of mental toughness to look in the mirror and say: “Welp, I dun goofed. What am I gonna do now?”
With all the forces around us telling us NOT to do that (and to instead avoid personal responsibility), it is more and more difficult for anyone to be self-accountable.
Chili
Posted at 11:30 pm, 15th February 2019What is the key difference between before and after 18? Legal autonomy, biological self-actualization? Without getting too philosophical is the age of 18 a hard-and-fast number in the US since you’re legally an adult, would that change in other countries where the age of majority is different, or is it something else entirely?
Vanilla Boy
Posted at 03:34 am, 16th February 2019My take is that becoming an adult – which means nothing more than taking full responsibility – is an ongoing process that some people only achieve much later and some people never achieve.
When you’re a baby, people do everything for you and give you everything you need. A lot of people never get over that. They still expect that someone or something is going to save them. Win the lottery. Find a rich woman who’ll look after you. Stroke of luck that will make you a millionaire.
Sailormack
Posted at 03:45 am, 16th February 2019Or you could rename it “If you are 17 years and 364 days old then not everything is your fault but on the stroke of midnight of your 18th birthday then 100% of everything is your fault” and the 2% rule that you keep mentioning only has bearing when it suits your argument?
What’s your targeted IQ market here BD?
hey hey
Posted at 05:42 am, 16th February 2019What is the point of going into argument about this Sailormack? Semantics? Just say to yourself everything is my fault and you will be finding solutions for everything.
Even if my father dies being miserable for years on end because of it, it is my fault. I should pick up myself as soon as possible and get on with it.
If I die for some 2% rule who cares? I wouldn’t be here to think about it. If I become paraplegic because of a 2% rule I should do my best to make the best out of my situation without paying attention to the thing that caused it. Same for everything else.
Anon
Posted at 05:56 am, 16th February 2019Well, duh. If another person has the legal right to make decisions for you, not necessarily the bestest decisions ever, then not everything is your fault.
P. J. Plauger, more prominent for being responsible for a certain major part of the Microsoft compiler of the C++ programming language, has also written a science fiction short story, Child of All Ages. It’s about a girl, whose father invented a way for her to become immortal, provided she regularly takes a certain substance without ever reaching puberty. Thus, for millennia, she’s been frozen at the biological age of 8. It’s interesting to think what it would be like to be intellectually mature yet with everyone denying you the basic rights.
No more mr nice guy
Posted at 09:03 am, 16th February 2019BD, I suspect if – going forward – you started saying “Everything in your life is your RESPONSIBILITY”, most people would understand and agree much more quickly, and you would get a lot less nitpicking.
But maybe that would mean less traffic in the long run – I realize that clickbaity topic headings are often a good way to drive traffic, no matter how much damage they do to clear communication.
joelsuf
Posted at 12:31 pm, 16th February 2019That sounds cool. I’m writing something similar about two 20 something year olds who are also immortal, and they are frozen at the biological age of 20 or so.
Juancito425
Posted at 02:01 pm, 16th February 2019What irritates me are the men who say “I can’t get a girlfriend” and blame it on feminism, government, school, religion, media, pop culture, court systems, online dating market, market crashes, etc.. I have read and researched so many websites, dating coaches, puas, blackdragon blog, youtube channels, and books on these subjects. Men today are lucky that now have the in internet to find answers to actively solves these problems. Men back in the pre-internet days figured out without whining on the internet. Or the inverse is they join communities such as mgtow, incel, and mra to complain how unfair life is. But similar to Blackdragon, I take advantage of these societal rejects lack of success, learn what to do or not do, improved myself in certain areas such as health, income, confidence, exercise, fashion, hygiene, and personality. They can stay on their computers typing bitter posts about the sucky situation, but may never realize their own personal choices led to that sucky situation. If they hate the good looking “chads” and “tyrones” a.k.a. Alpha Male 1.0 or Alpha Male 2.0., then become what you hate if you want a relationship or sex with women. I no longer blame women. I blame myself for not fitting whatever they find attractive in an man.
Caleb Jones
Posted at 02:29 pm, 16th February 2019That’s an arbitrary number as I explained here, but I have to draw a line somewhere for the purposes of ease of communication to a large audience.
The difference is that children (including younger teenagers) have little to no freedom or agency, thus not everything happens to them is their fault.
Read my response above about 18 being arbitrary.
Instead of making troll-like responses, make your point (if you have one) clearly and succinctly. That way I can respond to it.
No. There are specific reasons I’m not doing that, namely:
1. I need to use more blunt language. Lack of personal responsibility is such an epidemic in modern society that I need to bash people over the head with this. Saying “responsibility” gives people too many outs, because…
2. It almost always is your fault to some degree (i.e. you are to blame). Conditions you experience as an adult that are literally zero percent your fault happen, but are reasonably rare. I know people hate to admit this but it’s factually accurate.
Dandy Dude
Posted at 08:09 am, 17th February 2019That is the key point, IMO.
Let’s suppose, for the sake of argument, that you are not completely responsible for your life. Like in the free will discussion, let’s go with the fact that what you are and what you do is deterministically decided by factors beyond your control. Now, what life paradigm is more useful to attain happiness and reach your goals?
1) I’m a powerless puppet to the unsurmountable power of the universe.
or…
2) I’m a free agent, responsible for everything that happens in my life, both good and bad.
Model number 2 is, in a purely pragmatical way, much more useful.
david
Posted at 08:36 pm, 17th February 2019The only escape from this “condemned to be free” type of argument is if someone is self aware enough to see that they have an extremely low IQ or are mentally handicapped, but they would probably not be reading this.
Gang
Posted at 01:37 am, 18th February 2019I like how you explained here in detail that “everything in your life is your fault even if you’re not to blame for everything”. That’s very accurate.
Dmytro V
Posted at 02:17 am, 18th February 2019The thing you are trying to explain with these “fault” and “blame” concepts actually has it’s own name in pshychology.
It is called “locus of control”. You can think of it as of your mental map of your resource pool which you use to accomplish your objectives.
The control locus can be external or internal.
External locus of control means that your “imaginary” resource pool exceeds your actual resource pool and you will try to use some resources that are not yours in order to acheive your goals. An example is an attempt to draw support from some “rules” that are not enforceable. This is what you call “external solutions”. They don’t work. In general external locus of control leads to frustration and waste of energy because your strategies are never optimal because they rely on using resources you don’t have. Blaming everyone else is a psychological defense against a self esteem drop that results from acknowledging that you are just much less powerful then you thought you were. A painful but necessary step to start actually build up your own resources.
The internal control locus means that you draw only from your own resources. Having an internal control locus is what produces this behavioral trait that you name “outcome independence”. A sense of internal control locus could be described by phrases like “there is no free lunch”, “nobody owes me anything”, “it’s okay that everyone else acts in their own best interest instead of my own best interest”. For the people with external control locus these phrases seem viscerally annoying. Internal control locus is the only thing that makes you improve your resource pool over time.
doclove
Posted at 04:08 am, 18th February 2019I disagree with Blackdragon’s claim that everything in your life is your fault because I believe everything in your life is your responsibility. When most people I know including myself hear the word fault then they regard it as being synonomous with the word blame whereas when they including me hear the word responsibility then they do not regard it as synonomous with the word blame. Considering that I only consider 10% of men are capable of becoming Alpha2.0s and Blackdragon has said in a past commentary that 35% of men are capable of becoming Alpha2.0s, then that means at least 65% of men are incapable of becoming Alpha2.0s. However, it is your fault if you fail to try to become an Alpha2.0 if that is what you really want, but if you tried to become an Alpha 2.0 and failed then it is not your fault but it is still your responsibility and no one else’s. Most people need to be told that I do not care whose fault or blame it is that your life is a mess or not where you want it to be, but it is 100% your responsibility to fix and improve your life.
Sailormack
Posted at 05:17 am, 18th February 2019Will do.
What was the point of the “ninja” anecdote?
It’s either 100% or it’s not, it can’t be both.
I trust that is succinct enough for you?
Caleb Jones
Posted at 05:18 am, 18th February 2019Heh. I don’t care what you “hear.” Your current conditions are 100% your fault, regardless of who is to blame.
Utterly incorrect. If you really want to become Alpha 2.0 and you try to become one and don’t, it is your fault. (Men who don’t really want to or who can’t would never bother to try.)
Sailormack
Posted at 05:22 am, 18th February 2019Happy to oblige.
What was the point of the “ninja” anecdote?
It’s either 100% or it’s not, it can’t be both.
I trust that this is succinct enough for you?
Caleb Jones
Posted at 05:25 am, 18th February 2019To illustrate a point. It’s called an analogy.
I’ve never said otherwise.
What I have said, and I say this a lot because of nitpickers, is:
1. Using 1% bizarre exceptions to the rule in order to argue your point means you don’t have one.
2. Most non-retarded people are already aware of the fact that bizarre 1% exceptions to the rule exist in almost every area regarding human behavior.
3. Expecting a prolific content provider like me to constant reiterate in every article, sentence, or article title that bizarre 1% exceptions to the rule exist is a very stupid thing to expect.
Sailormack
Posted at 07:43 am, 18th February 2019So we agree that I’m correct.
It’s quite a simple arithmetical concept to understand, and as such I’m bewildered to why you can’t grasp it.
John Smith
Posted at 09:58 am, 18th February 2019I, for one, am happy to conceded that some small percentage of things that may or may not happen to a small percentage of people might not be their fault which would put the actual percentage at something less than 100%.
So what do you want now? A fucking cookie?
I also think it’s stupid to argue about what the actual percentage is becuase it’s much more useful and empowering to round up and accept that EVERYTHING in my life is my fault.
Caleb Jones
Posted at 06:42 pm, 18th February 2019I never said you were incorrect. I said you were acting like a troll by nitpicking just to nitpick. I’m glad you have that kind of time on your hands.
doclove
Posted at 04:19 am, 19th February 2019@ Blackdragon
You do not have to care about what I think just like I do not have to care about your opinions either. However, I suggest that you google “What is the difference between Fault and Responsibility?” You will probably find articles etc. more agreeing with me and how I defined them than you. The American Actor Will Smith YouTube video(long version) is a good descriptor and similar to what I believe. At least some people will try and fail at any system including yours. Words have meanings, and I try to use them in a way that the majority and even better yet the dictionary defines.
Sailormack
Posted at 06:36 am, 19th February 2019My apologies.
I had wrongly assumed that factual integrity was important to the content of your blog.
My bad.
azog
Posted at 04:18 am, 21st February 2019I’m legitimately amazed you have the patience for these trolls, BD.
I couldn’t do it.
Sailormack
Posted at 05:04 am, 22nd February 2019Calling out someone as a troll because you do not have the mental agility to discuss the topic in hand is weak game.