Reading Time – 5 minutes

I get a lot of questions about this which always surprises me.

“I’m a super introvert so how do I go about doing referral game?”

“I’m a social extrovert so how do I go about starting or growing my business?”

And so on, I’ve seen a million variations of the above two questions.

So regardless of whether you’re a basement-dwelling hermit introvert or a loudmouth can’t-shut-the-fuck-up extrovert, here’s what you need to do to live a life of Alpha Male 2.0 long-term consistent happiness.

1. You can’t be extreme on either side.

The Alpha Male 2.0 can be an introvert or an extrovert, and there are thousands of examples of both kinds of guys in this community.

However, you can’t be an extreme introvert or an extreme extrovert, because these are both negative conditions.

Extreme introverts hide away from humanity all day, way too focused on their computers, start bitching and complaining about everything, fester horrible attitudes, and usually end up being miserable most of the time. They don’t get laid either.

Extreme extroverts are usually terrible at dates and relationships (because they talk too much), make all kinds of horrible and stupid decisions in their relationship and personal lives, fuck up their companies, and constantly live inside a whirlwind of chaos and never-ending, non-stop problems.

So item one is that if you are an extreme introvert or extreme extrovert, then guess what?

You need to change.

You don’t have to change a lot, but you will have to change.

Sorry, there’s no way around this.

And yes, you can do it. It takes time and effort but it’s a doable goal. I’ve seen guys on both ends do it.

Elon Musk is an example of an extreme introvert who worked to become an average introvert.

Arnold Schwarzenegger is an example of an extreme extrovert who worked to become an average extrovert.

These are two pretty successful guys, but the point is they both made a solid decision at some point to change.

In the case of Elon, it was the decision to actually get out of his office and away from his computer and books and A) talk to big groups of people, B) be a leader, and later C) build a personal brand.

In the case of Arnold, it was the decision to stop talking and socializing all fucking day and actually A) get organized and B) take consistent right action toward a specific goal.

2. Leverage your strengths first.

This is a general rule for life, but it strongly applies here.

Always utilize, focus on, and leverage your personal strengths before you spend time improving your weaknesses. (The only time this is not true is if your weakness is truly horrible like you’re a raging alcoholic or drug addict; then yeah, you should probably address that first, but most people don’t have weaknesses to this degree.)

If you’re an introvert, you probably have more organizational skills, a more focused direction in life, and perhaps a little more focus.

If you’re an extrovert, you probably have stronger people skills, stronger game when it comes to women, and a more naturally likable personality.

Whatever you are, double down on the traits you already possess as an introvert or extrovert.

Lean into it. 10X it. Make it work for you. Get results from it.

If you’re an introvert, make a plan, focus on that plan, and work the shit out of that plan.

If you’re an extrovert, get out there and make more friends and business contacts, meet more women in your personal life, and leverage those relationships.

3. Never make the “but I’m an introvert/extrovert” excuses that most people make.

“But I’m an introvert, so I’m not good with women.”

“But I’m an extrovert, so of course my house is always messy!”

“But I’m an introvert, so I can’t do sales.”

“But I’m an extrovert, so of course I can’t stick with anything and always have shiny object syndrome.”

Stop being a goddamn pussy and making excuses about you being an introvert or extrovert. This is all bullshit.

I know, and likely you know many introverts/extroverts who were just as introverted/extroverted as you but were still able to get good with women or live an organized lifestyle or whatever.

I’m an introvert, but if I had made the typical “but I’m introvert” excuses 25 years ago, today I’d still be working a horrible, soul-killing corporate job while stuck in the Collapsing USA while being monogamous to some bitchy, angry, overweight girlfriend or wife.

Being born an introvert or extrovert doesn’t chain you forever to some negative result. You can get whatever you want.

So for the love of God, stop with the bullshit excuses and take action instead.

4. Do the big reversal.

Now we get to my classic advice about this.

If you’re an extrovert, your goal is to be as focused and organized as an introvert.

If you’re an introvert, your goal is that when new people meet you, they think you’re a charismatic extrovert.

When people who have no idea who I am first meet me, they’re convinced I’m an extrovert.

Some have even assumed that I was some kind of actor, podcaster, stand-up comic, radio personality, or something like that.

That’s exactly how you want it if you’re an introvert.

This is because I spent about 10 years improving my people skills:

• I read books about social skills (How to Win Friends and Influence People, Confidence and Power In Dealing With People, Influence, Never Split the Difference, Feel The Fear and Do It Anyway, and many others).
• I went out into the world and practiced talking to people in many different scenarios.
• I made notes about what worked and what didn’t and constantly tested new techniques and approaches.
• I joined Toastmasters and learned public speaking.
• And of course, I went on hundreds of first dates with women.

The point is that I purposely worked on this. Now, you can’t tell I’m an introvert, even though I am. I’m 100% socially calibrated and competent.

I’ve completely eliminated the big disadvantage of being an introvert. This makes me into a minor version of a superhuman.

You need to do the same.

And if you’re an extrovert, you need to spend time learning how to be organized and focused like an introvert.

In either case, it will take time and effort (it took me forever). This is why you want to do this AFTER you’re leveraging your strengths as an introvert/extrovert.

Regardless, you still need to do this eventually.

5. Acknowledge your needs.

If you’re an introvert, no matter how socially calibrated you are, you need to remember that you’re still an introvert.

You still need to get away and be completely alone for long periods so that you can recharge. Don’t try to be Bill Clinton and power through being around people all the time because you want to improve. You still need to take frequent breaks of 100% alone time.

And by the way, if you live with other people, that’s not being 100% alone. Make sure that when you have your recharge alone time you are ALONE.

It’s the opposite of you’re an extrovert. Don’t make the mistake of trying to be Bill Gates in the 1970s and being a workaholic on your computer for 15 hours a day because you want to hit your big goal or whatever. You need to take breaks and go talk to other people so you can recharge.

And talking on the phone or over Zoom won’t do this 100%; you need to be in the room with these people so you get the full social experience.

The good news is that this talking can be in any context; friends, family, adults, little kids, work, dating, anything.

I’ve talked about how when I do multi-day-long workshops, live events, consulting assignments, or big personal events (like big family reunions, holidays, weddings, etc), I make sure that every day, the early evening at the latest, I excuse myself and go back to my hotel room ALONE for at least an hour or two so I can recharge my batteries. Otherwise, I’m going to be completely mentally exhausted 24/7, no matter how much of a tough guy I think I am.

So although I’ve overcome the negatives of being an introvert, I still respect the fact that I am still a true-blue introvert, and thus have unique needs that must be met.