Reading Time – 4 minutes

Digital nomads, five-flags folks, and frequent travelers run into the same question: how do you keep FBs, MLTRs, and OLTRs alive when you’re in one country for a few months and another the next? The answer isn’t romance theater; it’s choosing the right model for the distance, setting the right cadence, and being strategic about the rules.

Know Your Models

• FB (friends-with-benefits): casual, no “dating,” low maintenance. You can have several.
• MLTR (multiple long-term relationship): you’re dating, there’s affection and time investment, and you can have more than one.
• OLTR (one-only long-term relationship): your primary girlfriend or wife. You’re committed, still non-monogamous, but she’s the cornerstone.

Pick the model first. Distance doesn’t magically change how each one behaves.

Great fit for long distance. Keep a light touch while you’re away and they’ll still be there when you land.

• Maintain minimal contact: a short check-in every 4–6 weeks is plenty. A quick text, a photo, a short voice note. Done.
• Give a heads-up before you arrive: a ping two weeks out and again a few days before keeps logistics easy.
• Keep expectations simple: no “we need to talk about us.” You’re in town, you’d love to see her, simple plan, done.

FBs don’t need emotional maintenance from you. That’s why they survive time zones.

MLTRs at long distance

You can try, but it usually fails. Dating requires regular presence. Disappear for months at a time and someone else will meet those emotional needs. A few exceptions aside, long-distance MLTRs tend to convert into “I’ve got a boyfriend now” while you’re on your next visa run.

If you insist on trying anyway, be honest with yourself and her:

• Expect drift and don’t punish it.
• Keep boundaries clean; don’t promise timelines you can’t meet.
• Be willing to downgrade to FB if that’s the only sustainable form at distance.

OLTRs at long distance

This can work for stretches if you know what you’re doing. It isn’t fun, but it’s doable.

• Agree on a cadence: one quality video call a week beats daily low-effort chatter.
• Health first: testing schedules, protection with others, clarity on risk.
• Visits on the calendar: dates, duration, and who flies where. Put it in writing so life doesn’t “just happen” to your relationship.

You can’t run an endless long-distance OLTR, but you can do it for months at a time if the rest of your life demands it.

Bending the cardinal rules when you’re briefly in town

Cardinal rules (once-a-week, no boyfriend behaviors with FBs, limited initiating, etc.) are designed for same-city dynamics. When you’re visiting for a short stint, you can bend a few without blowing up the system.

• If you’ll be in her city for less than three months, it’s fine to see an FB more than once a week. If it’s truly casual, an occasional overnight is acceptable.
• Expect a little more intensity and possible “where is this going” energy; you’re leaving soon, which limits fallout.
• If you’re in a place for more than three months, go back to the standard rules. Overexposure kills attraction and creates drama.

A practical cadence for each model

When you’re away:

• FB: one touch every 4–6 weeks; short and playful.
• MLTR: not recommended. If you try, one short call every week or two and honest expectations.
• OLTR: one substantial weekly video call, one lighter midweek touch, pre-scheduled visit windows.

When you’re in town for a short stay:

• FB: 1–3 meets across your visit, keep it simple, no heavy relationship talks.
• MLTR: if you’ve ignored the advice and have one, meet once a week, not five times. Keep some space.
• OLTR: plan quality time, not constant time. You still have a life and a mission; don’t blow your routines.

Logistics that keep it smooth

• Pre-arrival plan: ping two weeks out to float dates; confirm three days before.
• Time-zone windows: pick two recurring slots that work for both of you and stick to them.
• Travel kit: protection, testing plan, meds you might need, and a clean script for discussing health.
• Boundaries: no trips, no big gifts, no meet-the-family with anyone who isn’t OLTR. Keep contexts clean.
• Exit plan: if someone tries to convert the model mid-visit (“let’s be exclusive”), you have a kind, non-negotiable answer ready and you stick to it.

Distance plus novelty can trick you into treating an FB like an MLTR or trying to run an MLTR like an OLTR. Don’t escalate labels, gifts, or time investment just because your flights are booked. If you want more, convert deliberately when you can actually be present, not while you’re packing.

Before you start anything with someone you’ll be leaving soon, answer:

• How long will I be here this time and next time
• What’s the right model for that timeline
• What’s the call cadence when I’m gone
• Who visits whom and when
• What are the health and safety rules, stated out loud

Write it down. If the plan only exists in your head, it will get replaced by feelings the minute you’re having a great week together.

Long distance doesn’t break non-monogamy. Picking the wrong model for the distance does. FBs travel well with light, consistent touch. MLTRs usually don’t; downgrade or expect them to drift. OLTRs can handle months apart with clear rules and a real schedule. When you’re only in town briefly, you can bend a few rules; when you’re settled for a season, go back to the basics that keep attraction high and drama low.

Be clear about what you are, set the cadence, protect your mission, and stick to the model. That’s how you keep your relationships—and your life—stable across borders.

AI did NOT write this article. The article comes 100% from me and is 100% my content. However, AI was used to transcribe this content from some of my other social media which is why the voice is a little different. It’s still 100% my content and not written by AI. AI will never “write” my content!  Remember that you can always go to calebjonesblog.com and subscribe to my Substack if you want articles physically written by me with no AI involvement whatsoever.