16 Jan How to Have “The Talk” About Non-Monogamy the Right Way
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In Alpha Male 2.0, there is a concept I call The Talk. This is the moment when, after dating a woman for a while, you clearly and verbally explain that you are non-monogamous and that this is not going to change. This conversation is critical, and it is also one of the most misunderstood parts of the system.
First, let’s be clear about what The Talk is not. It is not a discussion you have on the first date. If you try that, you will almost certainly destroy any attraction instantly. It is also not something you bring up casually or impulsively. The talk only works if it is done at the right time, in the right context, and after you have followed the rest of the Alpha Male 2.0 framework.
Before the talk ever happens, there is the Implicit Phase. During this phase, you do not define the relationship. You do not declare exclusivity, and you do not lie. You live your life honestly, you do not hide other women, but you also do not rub it in her face. Over time, she begins to understand who you are through your behavior, not through dramatic declarations.
Only after roughly three to five months—sometimes longer—do you sit down and have the talk. By this point, you have already demonstrated that you are a good man. You have treated her well, avoided drama, followed ALL of the Cardinal Rules, and shown consistency. Without this foundation, the talk will fail.
Timing and setting matter more than most men realize. You should only have the talk on a day when you are calm, present, and not stressed. If you are tired, irritated, or emotionally off, do not do it. The same applies to her. If she has had a terrible day, is emotionally charged, or is already upset about something else, postpone the conversation. Even if she demands to talk right then, you must be willing to say, “Let’s talk about this on another day when we’re both in a better headspace.”
The talk should happen in private, in a quiet space, with no distractions. Not in a restaurant. Not on a walk. Not in a car. Not in public. This is a personal conversation, and it deserves a controlled environment.
When you actually have the talk, the structure matters. I use what I call a “Disney Sandwich.” You start with reassurance, then you deliver the difficult truth, and then you close with reassurance again.
You begin by telling her what is real and honest about how you feel. If it is true, tell her that you care about her, that you value the relationship, and that you see long-term potential. If you are open to settling down, marriage, or children someday—with the right woman and perhaps with her—say so. This is not manipulation or lying because this is you clearly stating what you are open to in the future.
Then comes the hard part. You explain calmly and directly that you are not a monogamous man, that you will always be non-monogamous, and that this is not something you are willing to change. You do not apologize for it. You do not argue. You simply state it as a fact about who you are.
Before she can interrupt with objections, you immediately address the predictable concerns. You explain that you will use condoms, that you will be discreet, that you will not embarrass her publicly, and that you are not replacing her or lying to her. If relevant, you can clarify that other women are casual and not romantic in the same way your relationship with her is.
After that, you return to reassurance. You restate that you value her, that you enjoy being with her, and that you would like to continue seeing her long-term if this arrangement works for her. Then—and this is crucial—you make it clear that if this is a deal breaker for her, you understand and you will let her go.
This last part separates you from nearly every other man she has ever dealt with. Most men beg, plead, or promise to change. You do the opposite. You respect her autonomy while standing firm in your own boundaries.
After the talk, expect an emotional reaction. She may cry. She may get angry. She may leave to think. Let her. Do not chase her. Do not argue. She will almost certainly talk to her friends and family. Some will tell her to walk away. Others will point out that you have been honest, consistent, kind, and drama-free.
If you have done everything correctly leading up to this moment, the odds are strongly in your favor. For younger women, the success rate is very high. For older women, it is lower but still significant. In most cases, she comes back with conditions or boundaries, and the relationship continues.
The most important thing to understand is that the talk is not a magic trick. It does not override poor behavior, broken rules, or months of acting like a monogamous boyfriend. It only works when it is the final piece in a much larger system.
Handled correctly, the talk does not destroy attraction. It reinforces it. It shows confidence, honesty, and strength—qualities that most men lack and most women rarely experience.
AI did NOT write this article. The article comes 100% from me and is 100% my content. However, AI was used to transcribe this content from some of my other social media which is why the voice is a little different. It’s still 100% my content and not written by AI. AI will never “write” my content! Remember that you can always go to calebjonesblog.com and subscribe to my Substack if you want articles physically written by me with no AI involvement whatsoever.
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