(Before I get started, I’ll state for the record that I think gay marriage is just fine.  I have no problem with it.  I think marriage is the problem, not the groups who are or are not allowed to marry.)

The argument of gay marriage is between irrational religious conservatives that maintain “marriage” is defined as between a man and a woman, and Disney-invested liberals who scream it’s not fair that gays and lesbians don’t get the opportunity to experience the pain and suffering of marriage just like everyone else.  As with most modern issues, both sides are wrong.

As always, let’s put politics, religion, and our raging emotions aside for a minute and start with the facts and see where they take us.

1. Only about 3% to 7% (at the very most) of the world’s population is gay.  Only 3.5% of the population of the United States is gay.

2. Gay people do not like getting married.  In countries and states where gay marriage is legal, gay and lesbians overwhelmingly choose NOT to get married.  In most cases less than 6% chose the marriage option.  Contrary to all the marches, protests, and anger, the vast majority of gays and lesbians choose to remain unmarried and rightly so.  Especially gay men.  Seriously, how many gay men do you know who are dying for gay marriage to become legal so they can get married?  Hah!  I live on the west coast and I know plenty of gay guys, some of them in my own family.  Believe me, getting married and being tied down to just one sexual partner for the next 50 years is the last thing on their minds.  And again, rightly so.

3. Take items 1 and 2 above, put them together, and you get an issue that only effects a tiny percentage of a tiny percentage of human beings.  Even though I have no problem with the concept, this makes “gay marriage” damn near the most irrelevant issue of our time.  Look at all the air time “gay marriage” receives by the media when it only effects 0.21% of the population instead of talking about other issues like taxes, devaluation of the currency, the national debt, wars, and other issues that effect 100%.  Amazing.  And stupid.  But as usual, emotions and irrationality run supreme.  When is the last time the gay community marched to protest the Obama Administration’s monetizing of trillions of dollars of debt?  Or even Obama’s stupid war in Afghanistan?  (Or in Libya?  Or in Yemen?  Yeah, I sure am glad you guys voted for Mr. Hope And Change.  Couldn’t you guys have at least voted for Kucinich?  Hell…even Hillary would have been better.  But no, you had to fall for a slickster.  Again.  Yeah.  Good call.)  Anyway those issues effect everyone and heavily so, gays and straights.

Okay, I just sent all the liberals into a white-hot fury of rage.  Now to piss off the conservatives…

“Marriage is defined as between a man and a woman!” conservatives scream.  But wait a minute…you’re leaving a lot out there.  Let me complete your definition for you.  Marriage is defined as a union between man and woman who only have sex with each other and never divorce.  That’s the definition of TMM (traditional monogamous marriage), and not according to me, but according to you, the traditional conservative. (Disney at it’s finest.)

As the video showed above, even conservative icons are wildly guilty of repeatedly breaking the definition of marriage.  They cheat, sleep around, get divorced, etc.  Newt Gingrich is just one if gazillions of examples of this.

If gay marriage should be illegal because it’s not the definition of marriage, why is cheating on your wife not illegal?  How about getting divorced?  Why is that legal?  Neither of those things fall into the definition of marriage, yet not only are they perfectly legal, the vast majority of married people do them, including Republicans and conservatives.

As a conservative against gay marriage, you’re doing exactly what you’re accusing the liberals of doing.  You are carefully morphing the definition of marriage to suit your own irrational desires.  You have (gasp!) changed the definition of marriage, just like all of those “gays” with their evil “gay agenda” are trying to do.

The solution to all of this is the one thing neither side wants to do (which is usually the case).  Take marriage out of the government’s hands and place it back in the hands of the people.  Right now marriage is a three-way contract between man, woman, and the state.  Take the state out of the equation.  If two adults want to get married (regardless of gender), they should be allowed to get married in any way they choose, in the context of any religion they want (if any), and the government should have nothing to do with it.  If either of them are worried about finances or child support or custody or healthcare or whatever if there’s a divorce down the road, no problem.  They can take $500 out of the wedding budget, pay an attorney, and write up any legally binding contract they like.  Again, the government doesn’t need to have anything to do with it, other than to enforce contracts, which is one of the valid functions of government.

If this were done, over time, various law firms would offer flat fee “marriage contract services” and people would learn to choose a marriage agreement that they were comfortable with. “But employers would not cover my spouse on my health plan!”  They don’t do that now, when marriage is a government function.  If government were removed from the equation and people started getting married on their own, companies would eventually adapt.  They’d have to.  Perhaps they’d cover your spouse if you showed them proof of a marriage contract.  There’s all kinds of possibilities.

This system works.  Marriage had nothing to do with the government until 1854 when when Virginia passed a law requiring county clerks to issue marriage licenses and keep marriage registers, and marriage and children and the human race did just fine before then.  I’ve read a lot of history, and I’ve never read anything about the the streets being littered with the bodies of dead and starving divorced women and divorced children back in 1853.  Have you?  As far as I know, the human race didn’t die out prior to the mid 1800’s when government had nothing to do with marriage because no one got married or had kids.  The only reason the state is involved with marriage is because that’s the system you’re used to and most comfortable with.  But it’s not the system that works best.  Few of the systems you’re most used to are.

But alas, if you’re a liberal or conservative, you want government’s big fat nose into people’s personal business (you can’t get more personal than marriage).  So instead of taking the option that will work (albeit make you a little emotionally uncomfortable for a while while society adjusts back to that system), we’re all going to keep screaming at each other about “gay marriage”, an issue that effects less than 0.21% of the population.  Cool.

Or you could just, I don’t know, refrain from ever getting married.  Just a thought.

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