There’s a lot to like about ol’ George.  Quite a lot.  And a few things that make you go “Um…what?”

He got married once for just a few years way back in the early 90’s.  Just like all modern-day alpha males who attempt traditional marriage, he ended up divorced relatively quickly.  So far, very normal.

He then shook his fist in the air and screamed to all his friends “I’ll never get married again!!!”   Yeah yeah, still very normal.  Countless men with a recent divorce declare that and end up married again anyway, and usually pretty quick. (cough-Howard-Stern-cough)

But then he did a very strange thing…

He actually followed through on his promise.  It’s been damn near 20 years.  He’s had plenty of NRE during that time.  He’s had raging oneitis many times I’m sure.  He’s been looooooooove many times.  But he still has not taken the stupid path of marriage, and I promise you, based on my experience, most if not all of these women he’s dated have asked him to get married…repeatedly.  He even bet Michelle Pfeiffer $100,000 that he’ll never get married.

He is truly one of the few men in the world who has decided what he wants for his life, the standards for his life, and not wavered because of some girl who comes along who is Not Like The Rest™ or because of an “oops pregnancy”.  It’s what I talk about often.  It’s so rare.  So wonderful.  I have an immense amount of respect for him, at least in that area of his life.

Is he perfect?  No.

The challenge I have with Curious George is if you looked up “serial monogamy” in the dictionary, you’d see a picture of him.  He’s monogamously dated piles and piles of women and he always follows the exact same pattern.  He dates them for two or three years, then dumps them in the summer right before he retreats to his estate in Italy so he can “be single for the summer”.  Then when he gets back, he immediately snags a new monogamous girlfriend, and repeats the pattern.

The two to three years thing is certainly no surprise to me.  I’ve been saying for years that happy monogamy has a life span of only three years at the maximum.  At about the three-year mark (usually well before that) people either break up, cheat, or start getting really bored and bitchy.  So King George is simply doing what most serial monogamists do: dump their lovers and replace them with new ones before the cheating and boredom sets in.  That way they can pronounce that they’ve “never cheated!” on anyone.

Well, of course you haven’t.  You’ve never had a monogamous relationship that lasted longer than three years.  Go try having a monogamous relationship that lasts 25 years and then come back and brag to me about your loyalty, fidelity, and self-control.  AAAAAHAHAHA!

Of course, I have never cheated either.  But I don’t promise monogamy.  So I can’t cheat.  It’s very nice.  I suggest you try it sometime.  (I was monogamous and faithful during my nine-year marriage but maintaining that monogamy was extremely painful past about the first year and half, and I don’t recommend it to anyone unless you and your lover both have extremely low sex drives.)  But I digress.

While I think serial monogamy as a few notches better than Disney monogamy (where the monogamy is expected to last past three years in a happy state), serial monogamy is still not the ideal.  It tends to be a very up-and-down way to live.  The majority of hardcore serial monogamists I know tend to be happy and joyous one month, then miserable, angry, and depressed the next.

One day they’ll tell you how wonderful life is and how great that special person is, but talk to them a few weeks or months later and you get the opposite story.  Life sucks, men suck, women are bitches, my girlfriend/boyfriend is a bitch/asshole, why are relationships so hard, blah blah blah.

While long-term monogamy tends to be a long, boring, painful slog for most people, serial monogamy tends to be the plaything of people who like the constant roller coaster between emotional highs and lows.  It’s a very high-investment way to live.  Most poly people like myself never have to work this hard and rarely encounter the letdown and drama that serial monogamists are used to as a regular part of their lives.

I break out the categories like this:

Long-term monogamy: high sacrifice, low results

Serial monogamy: high sacrifice, medium to high results

Open relationships: low sacrifice, high results

But let’s get back to Georgie.  Dude, he’s GEORGE CLOONEY.  At any time he could literally snap his fingers and have open relationships with any women he wants!  Even women who would “never do that” would DIE for the chance to be an FB, MLTR, or OLTR with George Clooney.  Why oh why does he cling to this monogamy stuff?  (I already know the answer…it’s because for some reason he craves the control and/or drama that monogamy brings.)

This was the same complaint I had about Tiger Woods.  Tiger could have EASILY gotten is (ex) wife Elin to have an open marriage if he started off the marriage and relationship with that understanding.  Make no mistake, that chick would have agreed to it.  But no, he had to cling to the illusion of lifetime monogamy and suffer the consequences.  So tragic!  So…useless!

George is light-years beyond the childish Tiger Woods, and like I said I respect Clooney a lot.  But it would be so nice if he completely embraced his alphaness instead of going halfway there.

Oh well.  Let’s hope he never has to pay Michelle that $100,000.

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