How To Get Laid
Here’s how you get laid. (This is the way I view it, though I’ve never really described it this way.)
Imagine a point system, going from 1 to 100.
Now imagine that every woman you meet has a secret number between 1 and 100. She has a different number for every man. Your number for her might be 67. Her number for your best friend might be 42.
If you meet or exceed that number, she will have sex with you. If you come close to that number but not quite, she will put you in friend zone, or the “wait and see” category, or the “he’s a provider therefore make him wait for sex” category. If you get no where near that number she will blow you off and never see you again.
Her number is largely static. There’s not much you can do to change her number since it’s based on external factors that have nothing to do with you, formed over her entire lifetime.
For example, let’s say you’re a funny, social, skinny guy, 6’2″ with dark hair and shiny blue eyes. A woman you meet at a bookstore has a number for you of 42, which reasonably low. This is because she likes funny guys, likes tall guys, and likes guys with dark hair.
Another woman you go on an online first date with has a number of 82. This is because she loves giant, husky, brooding, stoic guys with dark, mysterious eyes. There are hundreds of different factors that make up a woman’s secret number but the point is A) you don’t know exactly what that number is, and B) the value of that number is more or less out of your control (unless you do something radical like get her drunk).
What IS under your control is how many points you “score” when you’re standing in front of her face-to-face. It doesn’t matter if you’re picking her up at the grocery store, the dance club, or meeting her on an online first date.
Every single thing you do and don’t do either adds or subtracts points. As my friend Brian Tracy says, “Nothing is neutral.”
If you smell bad, lose 12 points.
If you’re dressed really well, add 15 points.
If you’re nervous and figity, lose 20 points.
If your hair is starting to thin, lose 5 points.
If you’re ripped with sixpack abs, add 17 points.
If you tell her how hot she is, lose 10 points.
If you have good eye contact, add 8 points.
If you have bad teeth, lose 25 points.
If you have a confident, don’t-give-a-shit demanor, add 20 points.
If you ask about moving in together on the first date, lose 17 points.
If you have facial hair, add 12 points.
On and on this goes. You and I may quibble over the exact point values of the examples I gave above, but that isn’t the point. The point is there are litterally hundreds of little (and not so little) ways you can gain and lose points. More importantly, almost all of these things are directly under your control.
When you go out to meet or date women, your goal is to add as many points as you possibly can. Your appearance, demeanor, body language, the topics you bring up, kino, the venue of where you meet her, ALL of these things will either add or subtract points from your score.
When I go out for a first date, I take extra special care to make sure my hair looks just right. I put more product in it and spend more time on it. I make it look more symmetrical, more shiny, more full, and less balding. Is this because I think my hairstyle is going to get me laid? No. Is this because I think if my hairstyle is bad I will lose the lay? No. Guys with stupid hairstyles get laid all the time. It’s because I know if my hair looks really good, I add about 7 points. I want those points. Because I want to get laid.
My goal is to score as many points as possible in all areas. I make sure my shoes look really, really good. Add 5 points. I make sure to wear a cool shirt. Add 3 points. I make sure my facial hair is very well groomed and the back of my neck is shaved. Add 10 points.
However, I’m overweight. Lose 15 points. Shit! Sometimes I’m as much as 21 years older than the woman I’m seeing. Lose another 12 points. Dammit. But I’m very confident. Add 20 points. Cool. I also have an intelligent and witty personality. Add another 13 points. I’m also a little bit of an asshole. Add 8 points. (Yes, you heard me right. That adds points. Of course being a TOTAL asshole would lose points.)
However I have really pasty white skin (lose 10 points) and often have dark patches under my eyes (lose another 5 points). Shit! However I’m very good at getting women quickly comfortable with me. Add 9 points. Yay.
On and on this goes with many numbers added and subtracted until I come up with a final score. This number is quite high. I don’t know what the exact number is because all of these values are slightly arbitrary. I just know it’s under 100 but still pretty high. It’s as high as I can possibly can get it, because I’ve purposely and methodically addressed everything that can add or subtract points for me.
As a result, I tend to get laid a lot. My first-dates-to-lays ratio is extremely high.
Do I lay ALL the women I try to lay? No. One women I try to lay might have her number set as high as 92. She likes really skinny guys with blonde hair who are submissive and like to buy women lots of things prior to sex. I’m not going to lay that one. I might meet another woman with a number set at 89, because she only dates guys no more than about four years older than her (I’m 15 years older than her) and she’s turned off by men who wear suits and she into really, really tall guys (and I’m “only” 6’0″).
You can’t control her number. You can control your score.
Notice that even the fact I’m overweight is technically under my control (working on it). Get your score as high as you can, and meet as many woman as you can, and you’ll get laid. A lot.
This brings up one final point, a point of historical contention among me and some guys. There are times where some guys actually want to subtract points. There are many examples of this but I’ll just give you one or two common ones.
You noticed above that I said telling a woman she’s hot (or pretty or beautiful or has nice boobs or whatever) will cause you to lose points on the initial lay. This is a fact. If you don’t believe me, go sarge up 20 women, tell them how hot/beautiful they are before you fuck them. Then sarge up a second 20, and don’t compliment their appearance at all. You will find you will get better results (and more quickly) from the second group than from the first group.
However, some guys will say “Well, you CAN fuck women if you tell them they’re hot!” Yes, you can. I never said you couldn’t. I said doing so will cause you to lose points. That means you’re going to have to make up those points in other areas. That’s not a every effective way of getting laid, at least not in my opinion. Yet some guys will still tell women they’re hot even if they reluctantly admit that doing so will cause them to lose points, saying that telling a girl she’s hot is more “natural” or something. Hell, it might be, but it still causes you to lose points. You don’t want to lose points, you want to get laid. (Don’t you?)
I’m not going to debate the “tell her she’s hot” issue. That’s not the issue here; there are many other examples. I once worked with a guy who had piercings all over his face. He had lots of female friends but never got laid. Big shock why. His peirceings were probably losing him 30 points or more. He understood this, agreed with this, and admitted this. Yet he still did not want to take his piecrings out, going on about how he wanted to “be who he was” or something. Yet he was complaining (badly) that he was never getting laid… Um…
My point is if you take a philosophical stand to purposely cause yourself to lose points, I appreciate your courage, but you’re not being very effective. I don’t think getting frustrated and blue balls because you’re not getting laid is worth a stand on principle about your style or whatever. Why don’t you add some points, get laid, then “be natural” or “be yourself” after you’ve banged the shit out of her? Sounds like a much better system to me.
If you want to GET LAID, do what I do: suck it up and do the things necessarily that will add points to your score. You’ll be surprised how easy getting laid is once you do this.
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Another great post. Enjoying the blog BD. Really great content! Cheers
Love it, but BD, how bout a post about “how to execute” a 1st date, and a 2nd date? Preferably how you do it with girls you`ve just met online, or 2nd dates trough phonenumbers picked up while clubbing?
My only point of contention is that if you don’t tell her how hot she is (not exactly those words but a variation) then that lets her know you are interested in a friendship instead of “blowing her back out.”
One thing that has me wondering. How do you mention that you have multiple ltr’s and fb’s. Do you do it on the first date? How do they react.
@MASFuser – That extreme level of how-to detail is what my ebooks are for, but if you look back on my old LRs I talk a lot about that.
@Nick – There are millions of ways to convey to a woman that you want to fuck her without telling her she’s hot. When I’m looking into a woman’s eyes and caressing her face and NOT telling her how pretty she is, believe me, she knows what I want.
@Soy – A first or second date is not where you talk about other people you might be dating. You think a women are going to talk about the other guy she fucked last week on her first date with you? Heh, no. That’s a topic for later.
I really like your blog!
I’ve been studying this pickup thing for the last years and become pretty good at it. I think your ideas are almost always spot on.
This is how I see the pickup thing as well… you have so many little factors (internal and external) you can enhance in your appearance and behavior, and just like you said, why not try to make every factor in you as good as it can be. It’s only logical.
I’ve also noticed that having a stylish, manly, but laidback style (cool hair or a hat, unshaved facial hair, relaxed but bold clothes) really helps, especially in clubs.
Greetings from Finland.
Nice blog. I just found it so I’m late to the party here, but I like a lot of your philosophies and this numbering system speaks a lot to me. I have always thought about this point system myself when talking about my overall attractiveness. For example, on the normal 1-10 scale we can all move up and down a few points and a lot is in our control:
Say I’m a 6 right now and want to become a solid 8. First I recognize that I’ll never be a 9 or 10, just based on genetics. I put myself at a reasonable 6 because I’m not overweight, I don’t have acne, I have a good paying job, I’m a good guy, etc… But I recognize that I’m too good a guy and don’t pay enough attention to my appearance, both mentally and physically. However, I can add 2 points quite easily and I think anybody can add points:
1) I start grooming better and more often. I keep myself neatly trimmed and smelling good. I am bald and can’t help that. I shave my head though with clippers and do so at least on a weekly basis so as to never let it show too much. Add 0.5.
2) I switch out my dirty and old glasses for some contacts and a nice pair of sunglasses. Add 0.25.
3) I work out and build some muscle. Add 0.25.
4) I check out guy’s fashion trends and dress appropriately. I actually put thought into my wardrobe. I get a nice watch, wallet, and bag. Add 0.25.
5) I work on my confidence and outcome independence and actually start becoming that guy. I interact with a lot of women for practice and never act needy. If they brush me off, I brush them off and never give it another thought. I practice being aloof and actually mean it. Add 0.75.
Voila, I’m an 8.
I just wish I had of figured this all out a long time ago. I like your 100 point system though for dating and the reference to her number. Like the bald thing. That’s taking 5 points away from me at least no matter what I do. I can’t change that. Some times you just lose points for things you can’t control that have to do with your appearance. However, if I own it and style it appropriately, there isn’t as much stigma anymore around a guy with a shaved head. I can minimize the damage so to speak. If I just let it go or try and hide it, I might lose 15 points or more.
On thing I’m not sure on are things like teeth. I know a good straight smile is important to women. My teeth aren’t perfectly straight, but I keep them clean and my breath smelling good. They aren’t snaggle tooth, but there are some gaps and a bit of an overbite. I lose some points for not having a perfect smile, maybe as much as 15 or more, but I would probably lose more with braces and put myself out of the game completely for a couple years. I’m not sure how to weight getting my teeth straightened versus just living with it and making the most of what I’ve got.
Anyway, great post.
Actually if you have a fully shaved bald head, I don’t think that deducts points at all unless you have very pale skin.
Yes, there are some women who “don’t like bald guys”, but other than that…
Note I’m talking about a shaved bic-bald head. Not a balding head.
I usually just keep it clipper close (i.e., no guard) and do it regularly so that I don’t get the old bald guy look ever. I have an okay tan, but I’m a pretty white guy as well. Not pasty white by any means though. I have been considering trying the bic clean shave, but there are a few things.
1) I’ve done some research on men’s fashion and have read that as long as you keep it super tidy and clipper short you should be okay and sometimes it’s preferable to a bic-bald head because that can be a little intimidating.
2) I’ve now decided to grow some scruff to match based on your advice and others. I am going to experiment, but I’ll start with the overall short and tidy scruff. I think it’s a little too sparse to try anything else. If I can find the right facial hair style then I may revisit the bic-shave. I mean, it’s not like it’s that risky of an experiment anyway, but I’m going to try a uniform short length for the entire head. I’ve seen a lot of guys pull this off (thinking Jason Statham look here, but a bit shorter). I’m completely gone on top though so I’m definitely up for experimenting and finding what’s best with what I’ve got.
3) I’m a pretty fit guy (5’10”, 165), but now it’s time to bulk up the shoulders and entire chest plate. I’m working on that. I think as a bald guy the head looks huge and you need the shoulders and biceps to back that up. It’s all about proportions.
Thanks for the advice. I’m just trying to find the right bald guy look and currently aiming for Daughtry/Statham. Maybe this week I’ll just bic it as a test. Who knows, with 5 days stubble all over the face it might be the best look for me.
I don´t understand this sentence:
“If you meet or exceed that number, she will have sex with you. If you come close to that number but not quite, she will put you in friend zone.”
Why she LJBF (let´s just be friend) you, if you come close to that number?? I always think you get friends with a chick when she actually doesn´t like you at all. meaning you are not fuckeable for her at all. Are you actually saying with that sentence a woman who wants to be your friend actually kind of like you or almost like you sexually??
I said that because i actually have the problem of girls actively wanting to be my friends, yeah like that: the girls chasing me and texting me to meet with me to be my friends and when i try to kiss them they refuses and says i only see you as a friend. It is a fucking strange phenomenon i can´t even remotely explain. Why a girl waste so much energy in chasing a guy just to be friend with him?
Because women love having a nice group of platonic male orbiters. It validates them and makes them feel good.
When you get close to her number but not over it, she’ll be “not sure” about you. That usually results in either her nexting you or friend zone.
Blackdragon…..just found your blog and am very impressed. This post is freaking genius. I am a 46 year old recently separated guy of 5’8″ and I am getting laid like tile. I stay away from women in relationships but if you are a single woman from 25 to 55, there is a very strong likelihood that I can get in your pants. First date close is near 80%. It’s not luck either……its some genetics but it’s mostly nature and evolutionary psych.
Keep up,the good work. You have it right and the readers need to follow this advice.
You mentioned that your first-dates-to-lays ratio is extremely high. I’m curious about the exact percentage. But more importantly, I’m curious about ‘successful’ first dates. You can take liberties with your definition of success; I assume your desired outcome is a relationship in which sex is plenty (once a week for balance).
You can exclude over 33 women and separately address them. You can also exclude women you screen out (Too crazy, high ASD and trans people… etc)
I know this is an old post and you’ve tweaked your score system closer to what you want. I also know you’re reasonably comfortable with your results. Neither of these points really matter to me. I want to know just how statistically effective your dating system is. That’s the point of my question.
I just checked my most recent spreadsheets, and if you exclude sugar daddy game (which artificially skews the number higher, because women think money is involved) my first-dates-to-lays ratio for normal, everyday online dating is 60% at worst. The actual figure varies based on which time frames you look at, but it’s always between 60% and 90%.
Note this is getting laid on the second date, not the first. I usually don’t have sex on the first date. It’s too much work.
A successful first date, to me, is that I have sex with the woman on the second date within 4 hours of face time grand total with less than about $40 spent grand total. Sex on a third date is also technically “successful” though I consider it much less so.
I do not cold approach women over age 33 via online dating or real life game, other than very rare, isolated exceptions to the rule. When I do, they are included in the 60-90% figure above.
(The majority of the few over-33 women I play with I usually meet using social circle game, but since I do that infrequently I don’t include that in the above figure.)
Other than over 33 women, I do not screen any women in any way (other than appearance). I think screening is stupid. Read this.
Your answer was pretty much what I had assumed, though it’s good to receive confirmation.
I have read almost all of your blackdragon posts so I know your position on screening and I agree with you on that point (I even read your story about the time you dated a trans unknowingly because you didn’t read her profile). Once again, the point of my question was to determine your system’s effectiveness. Which means how good you are at getting desired outcome. You weeding out whoever you don’t want is irrelevant. Anyway, thanks for the response.
Do nice shoes add more points than a nice shirt?
I am not sure, she is going to see the shirt for much longer time than she sees the shoes.
@BD,
Ok. Suppose you went on the date with a woman who was your 11/10. But you dropped marks with mistakes. However if you hadn’t made mistakes you would have easily crossed the line. Later you realize your mistakes and invite her out again. She replies very friendly but too busy to see you right now.
Is there anything you can do to get a second date?