Why Men Are The Problem
That’s why.
No, I’m not going to talk about Kim Kardashian’s divorce. That would be too easy. It was a sham marriage to begin with (though I don’t think he was aware of that.) Regardless, just like everyone else, Kim and her witless temporary husband are just following the same patterns most human beings follow. The only difference is they’re ultra-wealthy celebrities, which means they follow these patterns with greater speed. Other than that, they’re behaving normally considering monogamy doesn’t work.
A few days ago, after coming from a food court mall first date with an 18 year-old with DDD boobs (I’m not kidding), I stopped off at the grocery store on the way home. As I entered the checkout line, while quietly grumbling to myself about all the healthy food I’m forced to eat because of my god damn diet, my eyes caught this magazine cover on the rack.
Instantly I was torn from my thoughts. I saw the dude’s picture, saw the caption, sadly nodded my head, and said out loud, “Exactly!” The folks around me probably thought I was insane for talking to a magazine. (Their problem.)
Yes, I understood this magazine was very stupid and tabloidish and possibly false. However I believed it (and was later proven accurate). Why? Because those three simple words, “Don’t Leave Me!” encapsulate everything wrong with how men screw up seduction, screw up dating, and screw up relationships (including marriages).
It’s all in those three evil words: Don’t Leave Me.
The instant, and I mean the instant, you assume a mindset where you don’t want her to leave you, you’ve destroyed that which made her like you in the first place and what continues to attract her to you. It doesn’t matter if you’ve just met her a bookstore or at a club, or are on a first date, or right after the fourth time you’ve had sex, or after you’ve been dating for six months, or after you’ve been married for 10 years…the instant you assume that destructive mindset, it’s over, you’ve lost. All you have left is a slow decent into drama and pain until the relationship ends, likely by her leaving you while you cry like a little bitch or throw an angry tantrum like a five year-old.
This is the problem with men. They start out territorial and jealous, then end up needy and clingy. This includes not only AFCs, but confident toughguys as well (Needy Alphas). It is man’s greatest downfall. It’s been kicking men’s asses for centuries, and men are still doing it. You would think men would learn by now.
I guess not. Kim Kardashian’s pussified dipshit temporary husband is not the only guy with that attitude. The vast majority of guys out there are the same, or at least soon become that way, including guys who have game and get laid and should know better.
Understand a few things:
- Just because you go out on a few dates with a woman does not mean you should start freaking out at the thought she might be dating or fucking someone else.
- Just because you have sex with a woman a few times does not mean you should start freaking out at the thought she might be dating or fucking someone else.
- Just because you’ve been dating a woman for a few months does not mean that you automatically own her or are entitled to monitor and manage her social life or her sexual life. Slavery is illegal last time I checked. She doesn’t belong to you. She belongs to herself, just like you belong to yourself. (Don’t make me lecture you on the concept of Natural Rights.) If you really think she’s actually fucking another guy, shut up about it and start wearing a condom when you fuck her. If that’s too much trouble, next her ass and find someone else. This isn’t rocket science guys.
- Just because you’re in looooooove with some gal who is Not Like The Rest™ does not mean you should go into a panic if she threatens to break up with you or have sex with another guy.
- You should never fear a woman leaving you, even one you’re in looooooove with, especially if she flips you drama on a regular basis. (And if you’re monogamous with her and the relationship is more than three months old, I know she is.)
- Just the knowledge that you don’t care if she leaves or not will cause her to always be attracted to you. Always. Yes, she can still get mad at you. She can even still break up with you. But she will never lose her attraction for you. (Why do you think the vast majority of women who LSNFTE me eventually come back?)
Relationships are much better when a woman never loses attraction for her man. (Why do you think I virtually never have drama with any of my women?) In addition, it gives the man more freedom in the relationship and allows him to have the relationship on his terms. Do you think Kim’s brief marriage to this candyass was mostly on her terms or his?
- Just the knowledge that you absolutely don’t want her to leave will do several things: A) It will decrease her attraction for you. Yes, she might still like you. If you’re very lucky she might even still love you. But she will NOT be attracted to you any more. How many cheating wives out there cheat despite loving their husbands?
I can tell you for a fact, it’s a lot. B) It will cause her to throw more drama and demands at you, with more intensity and frequency. C) It will lead her to enforce more relationship rules on you. Unless you’re a truly helpless needy pussy who needs a mommy, all three of these things are extremely bad.
Now I know what you’re thinking. “Hey man, that’s easy to say, but it’s not easy to do.” And you’re somewhat right. In a future post, I’ll talk more about how to not get needy oneitis for that girl you’re with who’s Not Like The Rest™. (I’ll give you a hint. The technique has nothing to do with her. It’s all about YOU.)
Right now I’m just trying to snap out out of your man-daze and help you realize that if you’re not careful (and most men aren’t) and you’re not paying attention (and most men aren’t), it is your natural tenancy as a man is to get needy with chicks, and this is exactly what you should NOT do, regardless of how serious you are with her.
Trust me, you can love a woman without beeing needy. You can devote yourself (emotionally) to a woman without fearing she might leave you if you piss her off. I’ve done it. I’ve been in love three times in my life, and the latter two times I loved without being needy and without fear of loss. I promise you, this was far better than being in love while following her orders and taking her drama because I was scared to death she might leave me.
This entire divorce spectacle makes me sick to my stomach, not because I blame Kim (which most people are doing), but because I blame HIM.
Every time:
- I’m on a first date and the woman is rattling off a list of things she “expects” from me if I want to date her…
- I see a guy beg his bitchy, drama-filled girlfriend or wife to not leave him…
- I watch as men lavish expensive dinners and gifts and travel on some chick they want to fuck…
- I hear some guy on a phone say “Okay! Okay! I’m sorry! I won’t do it again! I’m sorry! Give me another chance!”…
…all I think is “If men didn’t put up with that shit, women wouldn’t behave that way.”
Yes, Kim Kardashian and women like her are bitches. But women would not behave like this if men weren’t pussing out the vast majority of the time.
Man up.
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I think this natural tendency for men to get needy with chicks is due to us men being co-dependent on the feminine to survive ever since childbirth.
When I was a toddler, after my mother would drop me off at daycare before going to work, I would cry and run after her. Early childhood experiences/programmings like these could contribute to the “Don’t leave me!” crybaby mindset. I know it has for me, heh.
If we look at the Karpman drama triangle in this scenario (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karpman_drama_triangle), Kris is the Victim and Kim would play Rescuer if she were to take him back. As you already stated, once the man behaves this way the attraction is killed.
Never committing to monogamy should make a man immune to this scenario, right?
“While quietly grumbling to myself about all the healthy food I’m forced to eat because of my god damn diet.”
Lol, what’s your diet looking like? When i’m cutting I go on a hardcore egg whites + spinach diet.
A lot of it is biological, a lot it is societal programming (upbringing would fall under the latter). Which is why until you get into the habit of being non-needy (and establish a lifestyle conducive for such), you need to always be watching yourself very carefully.
Never promising to monogamy would not make a man immune. There are plenty of guys out there in nonmonogamous relationships who still get needy and jealous for their “perfect” little angel. But it does reduce the tendency by huge amounts.
Egg whites and spinach would make me grumble. The only food that would not make me grumble would be food that would cause me to gain weight (bread, burritos, pizza, mac and cheese, etc). I’ve weighed the lowest I’ve weighed in 2011 so at least the grumble food is working.
What do you recommend we do to maintain non-neediness with women?
I’d say start with unattachment, since according to the teachings of Buddha, attachment leads to suffering. See Four Noble Truths (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Four_Noble_Truths).
So how we can practice unattachment? Abundance mindset. Sarging, having multiple women on rotation, KNOWING that we can easily create relationships with women, etc.
Any other suggestions, BD?
I was waiting for you to speak out about this fuckery…and I was not disappointed. Thanks BD! Also, if you have the time check out a book called “Cook This, Not That!”. Its filled with recipies that are delicious but low in carbs and calories.
That’s a big topic Kevin. I’ll be devoting posts just to that topic soon.
Before that I wanted to be very clear with guys that being needy, jealous, or overbearing is NOT a good thing and NOT a sign that you’re a gentleman or that you “really care for her” or anything like that.
@Kevin Velasco that’s a great point. To add on, there are guys who are “momma’s boys” whose mother did everything that they asked them to do. And when they try to enter into relationships not realizing that everything with a girl is going to go their way, it leads to some pretty disastrous results. The whole community mantra of “outcome dependency” is pretty hard to grasp especially when you’re used to an outcome that goes your way. Unfortunately, that’s my situation but I’m working hard to improve that aspect of my personality.