Your “Type” – Where It Came From
I was educated at a small Catholic school as a child. I had the same 20 students in my class from first grade all the way to eighth grade. These 20 students, and perhaps the 40 students in the grade right below me and above me, where the only kids I interacted with during my childhood.
Though I didn’t quite realize it at the time, there were no pretty girls in that group of kids. Growing up, the only pretty women I ever saw were on television.
When I was in the eighth grade, my parents, who were financially strapped to begin with, ran out of money. So they sent me to the “free”, giant public high school. Going from the tiny, controlled, sheltered, ugly Catholic school with my tiny class of 20 students to the gigantic, majestic, public high school with over 1600 students was culture shock for me to say the least.
Moreover, it was high school. I don’t need to tell you how different high school students look from grammar/elementary students. For me it was like stepping into an alien world. It was overwhelming, but exciting.
One day, during my first week of Freshman year, I was sitting out in the main hall of the main building. It was while classes were in session, so I was alone and everything was quiet, other than the rustle of the birds I could barely hear on the roof high above the vaulted ceilings.
I was not skipping class. I sat on a bench filling out some transfer paperwork the office said was critical. There I sat alone, like a good little Freshman, filling out my paperwork with my approved No. 2 pencil. Once done I would turn in the documents and get to class.
As I wrote, I began to hear loud clacking noises to my distant left. I looked down the hall, but there were stairs going down towards the end and I couldn’t see what was making the noise. I shrugged and went back to work.
The noise came closer. It was someone wearing loud shoes walking up the stairs towards my location. I looked up once again and saw who it was.
Slowly walking up the stairs, wearing loud, clacking high heels, was a woman.
But it was not like any woman I had ever seen.
Though I didn’t know it at the time, she was a Senior, which meant she was probably 17 or 18 years old, though to my wide, childish, 13 year-old eyes she looked a distant 25.
I was instantly mesmerized. I couldn’t pull my eyes away. I did not know why. She was unlike anything I had ever seen in my entire sheltered life.
Her tight T-shirt, her jeans, and her shiny high-heeled boots were all jet black and matched perfectly. All of her clothing was skin-tight, like it was a part of her body. Her hair was long, shiny, sparkly, and golden blonde. It made my eyes blink. I had never seen blonde hair before (other than on TV, but that’s different). None of the girls in my class at the Catholic school had hair like that.
Her hair moved perfectly with the movements of her body, like a thing alive on her head. It was chaotic yet uniform, hanging perfectly down to the middle of her back.
Her skin was white and perfect, like milk or porcelain. Yet her eyes were dark, obscuring all detail within them. Two tiny dark buttons on her otherwise snow-white face. Her lips were large and red. They glistened. They beckoned.
Her boobs were enormous, much bigger than I would ever have expected from a woman with such a small frame. (Though she was under 5’3″, she seemed six feet tall, like a supermodel on a catwalk.) They bounced up and down with perfect precision as she walked, along with the sway of her hips and the bounce of her ass. It was like all three areas of her body were purposely synchronized in order to hypnotize me. Which they did.
She didn’t even see me as she passed. I was a small, dorky Freshman, and not even worth a glance. I didn’t care. I was completely enraptured at this strange thing I had never seen.
She seemed to move across the hallway in slow motion, her high heels slowly and rhythmically clacking on the floor. Clack. Clack. Clack.
A wide shaft of sunlight stabbed through one of the distant skylights above, illuminating her with blessedness from heaven. As she glided across the wide hall, the light seemed to follow her like a spotlight on a stage.
I heard angels singing. I heard harps playing. I heard birds chirping. I wanted to laugh. I wanted to cry. I wanted to die.
I knew then if I suddenly died, I would have lived a full life, having beheld such an unearthly beautiful thing.
And then she was gone. She rounded a corner and was out of sight, her clack-clacking slowly fading into the distance. The light from heaven died.
I snapped out of it and returned to Earth. For some reason I was breathing heavy, my hands were shaking, and my Johnson was rock hard.
“What the hell?” I said. It was like awakening from a dream. I shook my head and tried to refocus back to my paperwork. I was only half successful.
Why You Like What You Like
Science and psychology tell us that, as men, what we are attracted to for the rest of our lives gets established during the latter end of the initial stage of puberty, which for most men is around age 13 or 14.
Assuming you’re a man, you likely have a very specific physical “type” that you’re very attracted to. Maybe you like really thin women, or dark skinned women, or redheads, or whatever.
Why do you like that? Because back when you were around 13 years old, you had some experience, or set of experiences, that locked that type into your brain. If you don’t believe me, take some time and think about it. Take a stroll down memory lane, and you’ll be surprised when you pinpoint that one time in your young adolescence where that specific female type was forever stamped on your brain.
It’s actually quite interesting.
I remember listening to Tom Leykis on the radio years ago. Even though he’s a white guy, he loves latina women. They drive him wild. Why? Because as a 13 year-old kid in New York, his racist mother used to always tell him not to go over to the neighborhood near 216th street, because that’s where “all the Mexicans live!”. So of course, that was the first place he went. There he saw the forbidden latina women, and then it was game over. For the rest of his life, he was going to be attracted to latinas.
While I am attracted to women of all types and races as long as they’re pretty, I am really, really attracted to short blonde women with big boobs and big butts, of any age. Extra bonus if she has dark eyes; brown or dark green. These women drive me crazy, in a good way. Any time I see a woman in passing who looks like that, I have to stop and take a good look while trying to not look like an insane stalker. If I’m on a first date with a woman who looks like this, which happens quite a bit, I have to exert a little extra self-control to keep my outcome independence in check.
Moreover, the more a woman is opposite to that physical template, the less attracted I will be. If a woman has a very beautiful face but is taller, has brown hair, a flat chest, and no real butt, then I’m not interested, even if her body and face are supermodel quality. I think Jessica Biel is one of the ugliest, off-putting women I’ve ever seen in my entire life, but a woman who looks like Meghan McCain makes me drool like a bulldog.
Now here’s the question: Did I sit down one day years ago with a piece of paper and a pencil and logically “decide” to be viscerally attracted women like this? Of course not. I had no control over it whatsoever. Because of my upbringing and because of the above experience plus a few other similar ones that happened around that same time, that physical template was stamped on my brain permanently. Now I can’t help it. 20 years later, it’s still what I like best. In another 20 years, it still will. Not my choice. (“Attraction is not a choice,” remember that one?)
Can you remember when your female “template” was stamped on your brain?
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Diane Youdale, AKA Jet from the UK series of Gladiators in the 90s. I was obsessed. Had a thing for toned brunettes ever since.
http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lvp4i62lzC1qgtiu3o1_500.png
I remember an experience like this back in my second year of college, and another one soon after graduating. These two girls created those immediate “holy shit” moments. It’s funny, because as you note, there are others who could arguably be viewed as more attractive, but for me personally, these two were it.
“I heard angels singing. I heard harps playing. I heard birds chirping. I wanted to laugh. I wanted to cry. I wanted to die.
“I knew then if I suddenly died, I would have lived a full life, having beheld such an unearthly beautiful thing.”
I didn’t necessarily have all this stuff happen, but I realize that each successive time I would see them, they wouldn’t be quite at attractive. I was still in love with their beauty, but it wasn’t as unique as that first sighting–when I might as well have just died.
Meghan McCain? Good thing you can tolerate the fat, it extends your target audience quite a bit 🙂
I’m not sold on your theory, none of the ones I was enthralled with during that time match my current type.
I always liked hourglass figure women, longer than I can remember. I liked mostly blondes and brunettes.
But I had a redhead-moment. I was 14, the girl was about the same age, with long dyed-red hair. We looked at each other, and she smiled at me. I was way too shy back then to open her, but that moment burned into my memory. Since then, if I see some ladies, I look at them first,
But I think that these moments doesn’t form us that much. We just realize what we really like. Some other girls liked me back then, but they didn’t trigger anything inside me. Maybe because they were flat chested, or had some other features that I didn’t like.
(Some years later my uncle told me, that my father dated a redhead for years, before he married my mom. It’s in my genes maybe? 😀 )
Very intriguing post. I had never considered this before, but my standard for all girls is my seventh grade math teacher.
Blond but a little more dirty blond than platinum, long legs.
Over the years I have switched from more of a boob man to more of an ass man, but my preference at least for face,complexion and hair color, and general height and body shape, have remained absolutely consistent to that of my 7th grade math teacher.
From a sexual perspective, I think you’re kind of lucky your parents ran out of money when they did. I stayed in a Christian school K – 12, and the two words that really define adolescence for me are guilt and shame.
Hormones were running wild and the constant message was that everything I was feeling was a sin and especially that doing anything it about was a one way ticket to hell.
I think Richard Dawkins is right to consider religious education for kids a form of child abuse. I’m in my thirties now, and I’m still working on overcoming dysfunctional sexual attitudes from that time in my life. :angry:
As I tried to define “my type,” I couldn’t really come up with a clear description, but I did observer a general preference for women who aren’t white. My school was small and mostly attended by middle class white kids, so I wonder if that preference is the result of only being exposed to white girls at a time when I was experiencing so many negative sexual emotions.
So rather than my preference being defined by a positive experience at a psychologically vulnerable time, it could be the result of accumulated mental baggage on my part that white girls have to overcome but black, Asian, Hispanic, etc. women don’t.
I think my first template was set in my mid-teens by Terri Nunn, lead singer of Berlin, in their video for “The Metro”. Long 80’s-big blond hair framing an achingly beautiful face (helped along by achingly beautiful electropop; catch it on YouTube).
But I imprinted a second archetype much later. Thanks to a lot of hot sex with a series of gorgeous Asian women in my 30’s, I contracted a bit of yellow fever. I find myself responding to perfectly average-looking Asian girls I pass on the street because they have a certain Chinese-girlish walk or a certain lip shape.
So I’m drawn hardest to two distinct types now: milky white women with C-cups and slightly wider-than-average hips, ideally blond with sophisticated clothes, and small Asian women with ultra-thin waists and just enough T&A that you can’t possibly mistake them for boys. (If the waist is narrow enough, it doesn’t take much ass to hit the right hip-waist ratio.)
This is another very interesting one. I’ve slowly switched from an ass man to a boob man over the years. One theory that I’ve heard is it’s because I’ve had children. Something about mothers milk. Crazy. But who knows?
Bingo. Mine was my German teacher. 🙂
Can’t say I disagree. I’ve been told before that I got out of there “just in time”.
My type is very specific. BD has seen pictures of some of the guys I have dated and even commented on how much they resembled one another, haha. It goes beyond just muscular, black men with not too dark/not too light skin that have 8-9 inch cocks. LOL 😉 I mean, their faces are even quite similar. BD commented that they all looked like they could be brothers and it’s true. They also tend to be either 5’8″ or 6’1″.
Now that doesn’t mean I don’t occasionally sleep with someone different or want a change but that is my general tendency. It’s hard to say where that developed. The first guy I ever had sex with was blonde and blue eyed and the first guy I really fell for was Italian, plus I had the biggest crush on this guy that was half Native American all through elementary school and then there was a guy in early high school that I really liked whose dad was from Saudi Arabia, he looked like the real life version of Disney‘s Aladdin. Then there was my ex husband. People said he looked like Tom Cruise but he is actually taller and better looking than him.
In any case, nowadays, it’s fairly rare for me to date a white guy. The Professor was once looking at my emails with me on the swinger site and was like “you don’t even open the white guys’ mail!!” Which is sadly, often true. I get all these emails from muscular, good looking white dudes but I rarely even read them. Its not that I don’t recognize that they are nice looking either, I just don’t feel that interested in fucking or starting relationships with them. Once in awhile I might but it just isn’t as common.
It’s really hard to pinpoint where that all started though. I think I kind of eased into it, dating a few mixed guys first, haha. I don’t even really know where my preference became more obvious, but somewhere around age 15 when I started fucking boatloads of guys who fit that template. There would be a random Latino or white guy in there and in college I just dated white guys but that’s pretty much all there was at that school.
The singer Joe, is totally my “type”, lol. He looks and acts like a combo of a few of the guys I have dated. I would so totally fuck him.
Whippet thin, dark hair, pale skin & blue or green eyes. I don’t know where it came from but I get enchanted by that look.
Maybe not wihppet thin, but dark hair and pale skin for sure. Or maybe redhead. I had the biggst crush on willow (allyson hannigan) from buffy the vampire slayer.
My type is a slim brunette with big dark eyes, about 21/22 years old, B cup boobs, long straight hair. Mmmm 🙂
Ah Tom Leykis. I wish more guys would listen to him in the MRA. Brilliant guy. Did you know you can listen to him online nowadays? blowmeuptom.com
@lovergirl Having your video autoplay in a quiet room today was just about enough to finally say how annoyed I know with your antics. You post these long comments on most of BDs blogs. One I saw you posted several comments like it was your own blog and you were responding to comments. You literally comment, not only more than BD, but more than any guy on here. Why is that annoying? Youre not actually in the F-ing demographic. And still you take over the conversation like everyone has to hear your long drawn out opinion.
In your comment today you referred to “the professor” reading your emails with you. This happens to be the nickname of Tom Leykis. (ie. something actually talked about in the blog) Confused I went to your blog. Obviously, different “professor” because he wouldnt date you. Single mommy and all… It bothers me that you use this term in the comments section like every guy here reads your blog. Why would any guy reading a blog about being alpha want to hear about how much you love 9″ cock… I dont care. PERIOD!!
Look Im not trying to hate, just point out how annoying you are. I doesnt bother me at all your subject matter. Im glad youre sexual and love men of color. Im not trying to fuck them so have at it. But your narcissism is sickening. Maybe I didnt get enough info in the 10-15 various paragraphs of you blog I read but its weak at hell. Again not dogging the subject matter but your approach. It comes across like some scorned womans sexual escapade. There is no useful ideas or thoughts…more like what I imagine female locker room talk to sound like. BD actually has useful tips and life experiences. Notice he doesnt go into detail how he fucked some 20 year old…but rather the mind set that has led him to a happy life. Yours just sounds like a dirty romance novel that lacks actually usefulness other than helping someones wet dream.
Seriously, how about trying to pull women into your blog… you know…. target audience! Or at least maybe mirror your narcissistic rants closer to the length of the others and no videos… Serious, you slow useful shit down!
@Diggy- How about if BD doesn’t want me posting on his blogs he tells me himself? And if you dont like my comments scan over them and dont take your time out to watch the video….
P.s. I could give a fuck about Tom Leykis. Hes not my type.
“How about if BD doesn’t want me posting on his blogs he tells me himself? ”
Um, cause we’re not children running to daddy with our issues. Weird. We all are adults here sweetie and youre missing the point. Typical… seriously, NPD.
What’s “weird” is someone worrying about commenters on another person’s blog and what they should be “allowed” to say.
Boobs or STFU
If everyone just ignored her she would probably go away. I have no problem ignoring her posts, but when most comment threads derail because of her there is a big problem. Don’t feed the troll…
The more accepting and loving I become, the more likely I am to look past a woman’s physical incarnation (including my “type”) in favor of a strong connection.
Hmm this is one of those things that you don’t realize until you really think about it. The first girl I really liked was when I was about 12 and she was kind of kooky with a strange sense of humor kind of like mine. And that is definately the kind of girls I like the most, who get my jokes and play along. Not the ones who just sit there all serious like “ahh i’ve got a stick up my ass”.
I’ve also found as i’ve worked on my beliefs, confidence and self-esteem that my tastes have changed. I’ve made so many changes in the last few years I see girls now I was attracted to 2 years ago that just don’t interest me at all anymore.
I don’t now if anyone said it already, but if you are attracted to the woman you had experiences with in the years of 13-14, how does it come, that so many people are attracted to people from other countries?
For example most guys from spain, italy, greece… love white and blond woman more than anything and I’m sure when they where 13-14 they hadn’t had any experiences with those woman?
The only thing that’s always solid is that I love big lips, but everything else changes very often…
Good point and I don’t have a solid answer, but I do have a partial one.
I never saw an Asian woman when I was 13 or younger, but I’m really attracted to a few and have had long relationships with a few. They didn’t exactly match my “template”, but closely matched it. They weren’t blonde of course, but they were all very feminine, short, had big boobs (they were exception to the usual flat-chested Asian rule), etc. You can be very attracted to women who exactly match the template, but also to women who come close to it.
Ive been attracted to leggy blondes since I was a toddler.it still makes me weak in the knees.I used to feel up their legs as a kid,little conniving boy I used to be.
my types:
relationship: black hair thin pale skin nice ass (don’t know why)
ONS: short latinas huge breasts and but (biology teacher)
FB: asians (lucy lue)
un fullfeild crashes on blonds (kelly bundy)
Lani. My next door neighbor, although we lived 1km apart in the sticks back home.
One day I went to the river to swim with my little brother. She was at the river with her friend Claudia who lived down the road. They were both the perfect version of curvy, she was raven black haired and had large but not huge tits, with a nicely plump behind. Claudia was identical, although more blonde.
I couldn’t take my eyes of Lani though. I dreamt about her for weeks after that, completely confused by what I felt.
What stuck was the swimsuits, both were wearing 1 pieces. I’ve been into that ever since.
No template here.
I guess as an artist and something of a 60male-40female minded guy (doesn’t mean I partly like men, I don’t; it’s about character) I have a ton of types I like, a ton I dislike, and a specific individual can move from one group to the other due to the smallest, strangest, least think-able of in advance detail.
Besides, the first words coming to mind if I had to answer “what is your type” are things like “humble”, “elegantly dressed”, “elegant body shape”, no loud shoes, … personality descriptors.
This doesn’t mean I don’t like fine faces and bodies or they don’t arouse me.
It means that first I need something about the attitude to be there, second the body.
If they are ugly, any personality won’t make it.
I was a daydreamer kind of guy in my youth, and got emotions like these you recount on this post with seriously many women.
I guess the templates are there, but they are many. Too many to believe actually.
Some types I have been much more likely to have feelings for (shy, weakly, poorly dressed, but beautiful), other types to be aroused by (example: athletic, short hair, noisy character).
The template theory still stands correct, it’s just we can have a lot of templates.
The negative template theory stands correct too: past negative emotions influence attraction as positive ones do.
I can’t say I agree about this 13-14 age thing.
About me, I was born in Ohio, and went to an Ohio public school until 6th grade. Every other kid was white. Three months before the end of 6th grade, my parents moved all of us to India. I was 11 years and 4 months old at the time.
Hence, by the time I was 13, the only girls I ever saw were Indian girls. All kids wore uniforms, so I only ever saw girls in the same school uniform.
Yet, when I came back to America at age 18, I was still attracted more to white girls.
But the thing is, I actually like the Indian skin tone better, but white women in on body shape and facial bone structure. White women lose on freckles, occasional pinkness of skin, etc. for me.
So I am not sure how well this age 13 principle applies, given my example.
*White women WIN on body shape and facial bone structure.
*raises hand*
I’m one of the white guys that has a thing for ratchet brown women.
I’ve always figured it had something to do with age windows. Despite my appearance, I’m really only about 20% Caucasian; I grew up in a poor Asian family and thus went to a middle school that was easily 50%+ minorities. I’ve been addicted to gangster Asian and Latina bitches ever since.
What’s weird is that at some point in my late 30s, I developed the same attraction to very young women. Before then, I never would have looked twice at a girl who was too skinny or flat chested. But these days, if I see a girl who “looks” young (underdeveloped boobs, very low body fat percentage, braces, etc.) it sends my dick into a rage just like the ratchet brown women do.
I still remember the first young woman I felt this way about (an 18 yo MLTR I dated for about two years), but the biology has me confused. I don’t know if this means there are multiple age windows that define our “type”, or if a different phenomenon is in play.