This is the next installment of the book I never published regarding my history with women and the lessons I learned from it. If you haven’t yet, you should read parts one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, 11, 12, 13, 14 and 15 before you read the article below, so you can be up to speed on where the story picks up. Everything below is all 100% true to the best of my memory, journals, and spreadsheet records, though all the names of the people described have been changed.
We last left off about ten years ago, in May of 2009, when I finally achieved my goal of having four women on rotation at the same time…
May, 2009
I had done it. At age 37, just two years after my divorce, I was finally living my dream. I had both dating skills and non-monogamous relationship management skills pretty much in the bag. I had four solid, reliable women on rotation, all of whom were attractive and young, relatively easy to acquire, all of whom I really liked, and all of whom I saw regularly.
Darci – Blonde 23-year-old FB college student I saw about twice a month.
Emma – Physically fit 25-year-old single mother MLTR I saw about three times a month.
HBM – 19-year-old inexperienced Asian FB I saw every week who also cleaned my entire house when she came over.
Sadie– Highly intelligent blonde Russian MLTR, age 23, I saw two to three times per month.
This is when shit really started to get insane. I was frequently seeing four women at the same time plus I was still bringing in new women.
Why? Because I was a maniac back in 2009. After a lifetime of being a beta, finally obtaining this magical power of being able to use online dating to bring in new, hot, younger women, quickly and easily for virtually zero money, whenever I wanted, and be able to date many of them at once without having to promise any of them monogamy…
…it was just so new and god damn wonderful that it started going to my head. I started having weeks where I would have sex with three, four, sometimes even five different women in one week. I started having days where I had sex with two women in one day (and later, three women in one day). Some of the women I started to trust and I stopped using condoms with those.
This was on top of me hitting the dating sites and scheduling new women via first and second dates. I wanted more, more, more!
It was insane.
I was having a fantastic time, but I was also extremely out of balance. I started to gain weight (and none of my women seemed to care; some even hinted that they preferred it). I cut back on my work hours for the first time in my entire life. My business suffered even worse in 2009 than in late 2008 when the crash occurred. Just about every part of my life started to suffer except my woman life, which was rocketing into the stratosphere, ever higher, every month. I didn’t care about anything else.
As always, LSNFTE eventually started to occur. Emma was the first. After just a few months of starting to see Emma, I went out on a first date with a hot blonde Dominant I’ll call Shelly. I had already engaged in several longer IM conversations with Shelly before the first date, which was an exception to the rule, so she already knew about my multiple-women lifestyle. She had no problem with it, but she was a Dominant and wanted to throw her authority around a little bit.
So, the day after the first date she went right to my personal Facebook page and plastered a sexy pic of herself with the message “Hey Caleb! Thanks for the great date last night!”
Great social proof for me, but a little too blunt, and she knew it.
Later that day Emma sent me text asking who “that girl was” on my Facebook page. She was polite and not angry; she just asked. I don’t remember what I said but I blew it off. We had a brief conversation about something else, and then as of the next day, boom, she was gone. She ghosted me and stopped responding to my texts.
Sadly, Emma then made a terrible mistake. I’ve mentioned this story before. In her anger, she immediately went to a dating site (I think she used Match.com), found some random guy, went out on a long first date with him involving dinner and drinks, got really drunk with him, went back to his place, and had unprotected drunk sex with him.
Two days later, her vagina started bleeding and she started throwing up.
She went to the doctor and they gave her the bad news. The guy had given her Herpes II, the bad one with no cure.
She confronted him over texts. He played dumb, they argued, and he blocked her number.
She suffered through her initial outbreak and went into a deep depression for several weeks.
A few weeks later I sent her one of my resurrection messages over Facebook (she had never blocked me or anything like that), and she responded with some sad messages about how “reckless” and “stupid” she had been, how she shouldn’t have reacted that way since I had always been honest with her about me dating other women (which was true, of course), and how she was “tainted goods” and how “no man would ever want her now” because of her disease. (She had no idea how wrong she was; men will eagerly take anything, but I’m jumping ahead in the story; more on that later.)
Although everything she did was her fault (you don’t have unprotected sex with a random stranger on a first date while drunk; Jesus!), I still cared about her and felt sorry for her. I told her that I couldn’t have sex with her but if she wanted to come over and just talk, I would be okay with that. She did so, and one afternoon we just talked on the couch and I held her as she cried.
There’s much more to her story, but it all happens years down the road. More on that later.
Lesson Twenty-Six
Be Alpha but be nice. Don’t take women’s crap, and never hesitate to soft next them when you need to, but also treat them with affection and kindness. These things are not mutually exclusive.
While all of this was happening, HBM and Sadie were getting more serious, both at the same time. HBM was only an FB, but she was so fun to be with and so drama-free that I started thinking about upgrading her to an actual MLTR. She was starting to learn to really like sex, and soon I had her orgasming for the first time in her life. Being a Filipino, the horniest women on Earth, her libido went on overdrive and we started having sex a lot. I still kept to the once-a-week rule but I greatly expanded the length of her meets. HBM was one of the few women from my entire history that had the same level of sex drive that I had. And she continued to clean my house.
We started going out to eat, and when I told her I didn’t want to pay for it, she started paying for it herself(!). That clinched it. I made her an MLTR around the end of the summer.
Sadie was already an MLTR, and we started getting really serious. She wanted to introduce me to her parents, and I very stupidly agreed, not knowing what a terrible idea that was.
Lesson Twenty-Seven
Do NOT ever meet an FB’s or MLTR’s parents or other family members! That is classic boyfriend behavior that will backfire on you fast.
Like a total dumbass, I went over and met Sadie’s parents. Little did I know how badly that compromised my Alpha Male 2.0 EFA, but I wouldn’t realize just how much until several weeks later.
While at her parent’s house, Sadie excitedly introduced me to her extremely Russian mom and dad. Her dad just grunted at me while her extremely dominant mother drilled me with non-stop questions, though politely, about what I did for a living. It was a pleasant evening. Sadie was very excited. I had given her a taste of Disney; something I should not have done.
A few weeks later, HBM worriedly told me that her period was late. I explained to her that she wasn’t pregnant because we were using condoms, at least putting them on halfway into sexual activity. As always, I was extremely careful with condom usage. The possibility of getting a woman pregnant absolutely terrified me, far more than getting an STD. My experience with Selina had scared the crap out of me (though of course I wasn’t the father) and I wasn’t about to repeat that experience again if I could help it.
I knew HBM wasn’t pregnant because I was extremely careful, and I knew she wasn’t having sex with anyone else. She was too nervous and inexperienced for that, though that would dramatically change about a year or two later.
This was just a case of a very young, inexperienced woman not being accustomed to having sex or to her own body yet. Regardless, she was still very nervous.
No problem. I just walked her over to my bathroom and immediately whipped out one several pregnancy tests. I walk my talk; I always have pregnancy tests in my bathroom for just these occasions.
Lesson Twenty-Eight
Always have at least two different brands of pregnancy tests, some small Dixie cups, and at least one morning after Plan B pill in your bathroom for emergencies or to calm down hysterical women.
I had her pee in a Dixie cup and used both pregnancy tests on her pee, right in front of her. She wasn’t pregnant, of course. She sighed with relief and I threw the pregnancy tests away, forgetting about it.
That is, until about a week later when Sadie came over for the evening. While going to the bathroom during that visit, she rummaged through my bathroom trash can, looking for evidence of other women (ah, Russian women). She knew I was seeing other women of course. As usual, I never hid what I was doing, I just didn’t verbalize any details.
At the bottom of the trash can (and yes, it really was at the bottom, you couldn’t see if you just glanced at it) she found one of the used pregnancy tests I had used on HBM a week before.
With a horrified look on her face, she emerged from the bathroom and said, “Caleb, I don’t mean to be a snoop,” which was of course a lie, “But I just saw a used pregnancy test in your trash can.”
I shrugged and said, “Yeah.”
She then unleashed Drama from Hell. She started screaming at me, insulting me, crying loudly (ah, Russian women) as if I had done something horrible, even though we clearly weren’t anything like girlfriend and boyfriend and only been seeing each other a few weeks while she knew I was still seeing other women.
However, some of this was my fault, since I had been stupid enough to meet her parents. Had I not done that; she likely would have reacted much less badly.
I simply told her that I don’t do drama. She then did what I train a lot of my women to do; she grabbed her phone, went out on my deck, shut the door, and started screaming about me to one of her beta male orbiters.
I shrugged and went back to work on my computer.
After about fifteen minutes she came back in. She wasn’t screaming anymore but she was still extremely upset. I asked her one of my soft next phrases: “Would you like me to take you home?” She thought for a minute and said, “Yes, I would.” I smiled and said, “Okay! Let’s go!”
I drove her home and said nothing to her during the trip, just listened to the radio. She asked me to drop her off at a cheap restaurant where one of her orbiters was going to meet her, and I did so. She left the car without incident. This began a very long soft next for Sadie, though not a complete LSNFTE. She would be back in a few weeks. (They always come back.)
While driving back home, I texted Darci to see if she was free. She was, so I had sex with her that evening instead.
It’s good to be an Alpha Male 2.0.
In the next installment, I add two more MLTRs into the mix, one of them very serious. Hell, why not?
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Is hand holding a boyfriend behavior to avoid if you don’t want to beta yourself?
Interesting that meeting the parents is a step too far even for MLTRs. I learned something new.
DOnt mess With Daddy!
Holding a chick’s hand is fine as long as it’s in between making moves or if you only hold their hands for a few seconds then let go.
Russians! They love drama more than vodka.
I love this serie of stories, it’s aa very inspiring example.
I can confirm Filipinas are indeed much hornier in average than any other nationality I had sex with. I talked to several other nomads or expats living in the Philippines, and based on their experience, they all came to the conclusion that Filipinas are super horny in general.
We are still wondering why that it, cultural, genetic, food, religion?… Why other women aren’t as horny?
One of my favorite series is back! Thanks for the update, BD.
About the Russian girl – is it possible she didn’t know you are dating other girls? I mean, you didn’t verbalize it and you did agree to meet her parents after just a few weeks. How were you communicating it?
Funny you mention the rooting through the garbage thing. I’ve had women do the same thing-amongst rooting around in other places they had no reason to be going through. They are the biggest snoops but would flip their shit if you did the same.
“I can confirm Filipinas are indeed much hornier in average than any other nationality … We are still wondering why that it, cultural, genetic, food, religion?”
It’s primarily genetic, like nearly all behavioral traits.
There’s strong scientific evidence that all behavioral traits are heritable, with the average heritability being 50%. Horniness is more chemically driven than culturally driven, so you can be sure horniness is no exception. (Their conservative, Catholic culture influences how they channel that horniness, but not so much the horniness itself. I’ve spent time in the Philippines, and I don’t see anything in the culture that would encourage horniness. Though the culture does encourage them to have babies.)
There might be a mild dietary influence; the Philippines is a seafood-eating archipelago. They probably have low rates of iodine deficiency. (Also, the junk-food diet makes the older ones fat and diabetic, but that doesn’t explain the horniness of the young ones.) But once normal health is achieved, I think the main differences are genetic.
I myself wouldn’t fuck a Filipino woman, as I find the large majority are pretty ugly, although there definitely are some hot ones, who for me are ones who tend to have more Spanish blood in them, but unfortunately they’re usually always taken.
Technically no, but it’s a grey area I avoid with all women except an OLTR. (And even then I don’t love it.)
Yep. Correct.
My guess is culture + biology, but that’s only a guess.
It’s odd that at least one person always asks me that question. No, she knew very clearly that I was fucking and dating other girls because I made sure she knew. After the fact she admitted as much.
Many ways. Read this book for exactly what I was doing, and what you should do. There are scores of ways to communicate you’re fucking other women other than saying to a woman, “I am fucking other women.”
Correct. Women do not hold men to the same behavioral standards. (Though men are guilty of the same thing.)
Correct; I have said the same many times. HBM was Filipino but she didn’t look Filipino at all. Even other Filipinos she met thought she was a different race (which hurt her feelings). She looked like a tan Japanese girl with big eyes and big lips.
You “knew” that HBM wasn’t having sex with anybody else cause she was too nervous/inexperienced….
If you could get her relaxed enough to have sex with you, then why not someone else?
Herpes doesn’t involve throwing up or vaginal bleeding and can’t be diagnosed within 2 days of being infected. Someone told you a few lies. Just sayin…
Nitpicking. If you’re a nitpicker, any time I say I “knew” a woman was or wasn’t doing something when I wasn’t around, replace that in your mind with “the odds were extremely high that she…”
There must be something in the water today with all of these nitpicks…
Okay, I meant to say that some of the sores on her vagina were bleeding, not that actual blood was coming out of her vag.
And yes, she did indeed throw up. Just because you or someone else didn’t throw up when they had their first breakout doesn’t mean no one else does.
I didn’t say it was. Re-read that part of the article. Slowly.
This is someone I’ve known extremely well for a decade. She did indeed get herpes and I know it for a fact. No one lied. Just sayin…
I don’t think she’s nitpicking the story, she’s just pointing out that there is a problem with the timing AND the symptoms.
AKA she’s not telling the truth about how she REALLY got the herp. Having had some experience with someone I was married to contracting something similar, and having been cheated on a couple of times since, and experienced a couple of similar bullshit stories I see where she’s going.
Chick lie about their bad behavior. Alert the media.
Hey BD, could you say more on this? Taking pauses, deflections, and detours away from emotions and towards reasonable conversations is something I’m working on for both myself and my women, and it is not easy. So maybe a more specific question is “how do you train the women with whom you engage to take pauses and manage emotions in the moment they occur?”
As I’m writing this, I’m realizing I have a ton more questions about all aspects of teaching/training emotional management, e.g. not just in the moment, but also away from you. So I would love to see a full post breaking it down into scenarios and pieces. (I have read all your writing on EFA, and this is more+beyond that).
The longer a relationship lasts (as in a year plus) the more difficult I find it to avoid meeting their family. I had one parent even write me a note saying “you’ve been seeing our daughter for however long and we can’t believe we haven’t met you yet, let’s get together for dinner blah blah blah..” This is a very young woman, so her parents are more involved in her life than say someone older. How would you get out of that one without damage to the otherwise great relationship BD?
This statement was amusing to me. Not because it’s incorrect or anything like that. But I am amused and am learning some things here….
Love reading the responses from BD.
The nitpick virus in the water compels me to say HSV-1 and HSV-2 are about equally bad and equally incurable. The only difference is that HSV-2 almost never infects the mouth area, therefore if someone has any herpes infection (about 90% of the world does) it’s most often oral HSV-1, most often contracted by kissing, most often when one was a child. If someone has one strain of HSV in one place they have some weak immunity against getting the other three combinations, that’s why HSV-1 is commonly thought to be associated with the mouth and HSV-2 with the genitals, even though HSV-1 will happily infect the genital area. Both do nothing more than produce the sores, but the genital ones are subject to way more stigma.
I appreciate reading your relationship decision making process, the unlocks, and the visualization of the unlocks of heaven on earth for men.
thanks
300 years of Spanish rule. A mix of Spanish blood there. They are called “latinas of South East Asia” for a reason.
https://alphamale20.com/blackdragonblog/2013/09/15/four-ways-to-deflect-drama-from-women/
Only with certain women. I have had numerous MLTRs with women well past a year and only with a tiny few did I feel pressure to meet their families.
Without damage? You can’t. That mother wouldn’t have contacted you if your girl didn’t want it to happen.
You have two options:
1. Block the mother’s phone number and gently tell your MLTR that if anything like that ever happens again you’re moving on. This is what I would do.
2. Kindly tell the mother no thanks, then tell your MLTR that if anyone gives you any more pressure to meet her parents you’re moving on.
If you are unable to do either of these things, you have oneitis.
And you need to really need to be on the watch the boyfriend behaviors; it’s likely you’ve done some.
I’ve actually had a few lurkers email me over the years saying that they read and focus on my responses to people in the comment section of my blogs more so than the actual articles here. Strange but true.
Noted. However, I’ll clarify: how would you go about actually getting this done? More specifically, say, encouraging to call a friend instead of yelling at you. Here are a couple of options I can come up with:
Proactively beforehand, for example when talking about life and goals or whichever opportune topic: “Hey sweetheart, look, one of the things I do to make my own life better is master my own emotions. I feel plenty of feels, but I don’t let them dictate my actions. I do this by taking breaks and calling a friend to calm down when I need to. Let me know how it goes if you try it some time”
In an emotional moment: “Hey sweetheart, I see that you’re really upset, and I care about you. No good decisions come from a place of being upset, consider taking a moment to vent, and then come back and we’ll chat more”
What would you do [same/differently] to introduce the idea and encourage the action?
More on the topic of the original post, this series is my favorite and deserves more frequent posts. Thank you!
What about them meeting your family? Bad idea? I may have mother visiting when it’s the time of the week for one of my regulars to come (MLTR which I spend usually one of the weekend nights with). What about them meeting your friends or you meeting they’re friends. Also something to avoid or is it fine for MLTR? Is it fine to meet friends for a FB?
A girl snooping through my rubbish bin would be an immediate hard next for me
There’s a lot of good info in the comments as well. This time however, it was pure entertainment.
Yes. Very bad idea, regardless of any logistical reasons (“Well my mother was here anyway and…”)
Okay for higher-end MLTRs or longer-term MLTRs as long as you keep it light. Otherwise no.
No, but not as detrimental. (Exception: referral game for women under age 23 where you’re going to fuck her friends.)
What do you mean by keeping it light? For example if she lives with flatmates then I of course would meet them if we go to her place – though I guess that is light if we don’t spend plenty of time together, on the other hand attending parties together would be heavy? Or what do you mean?
Very infrequent and very brief.
Saying “Hi, Flatmates!” as you were picking her up or something for a few minutes = fine. Spending hours upon hours with her flatmates while hanging out all evening = bad.
bd,
I would like to get your thoughts on a target of mine and how to classify the situation under your 2-date model.
We met at a social circle party, left together to her place, no sex occurred but slept over (this was before i found your blog and audiobook; I’m new to dating). Ran into lmr but barely sexually escalated, we kissed a bit. Sent a text a day and a half later, no response. Nexted her.
Heard thru grapevine she was curious and reopened 2 weeks later, plan to ask her for drinks. Should I structure my game plan as a fresh First Date (1hr cutoff drinks) or something more of a hybrid where I pick a place near my apt/meet near there, and have the pull for sex ready like a Second Date escalation?
Looking for your thoughts on optimal strategy. Target is 30yo, I’m a year younger, she’s more sexually experienced.
BD will surely respond with https://alphamale20.com/blackdragonblog/2016/09/15/theres-one-girl/.
He has also said that never did anything work out with any woman who rejected him after the first date.
Anyway don’t beat around the bush, invite her to your place under some pretext. She either agrees with the implied understanding that sex is going to happen, or she doesn’t and thus signals her disinterest. Drinks serve no purpose, you don’t want to press her Make Him Wait button.
do you make a point to not meet the kids of fbs/mltrs as well?
hey Pseudo, thanks for the link. Hadn’t seen that article. I am definitely in the newbie phase, need to get out there and get more leads, but I do try to learn from every lead I am starting with. Sometimes it can be tough to admit you may not have true “outcome independence” when you feel you are above a girl, but you aren’t spinning many plates yet.
For your amusement, this girl is currently shit testing me with a ‘we don’t know each other well’ frame. She has past baggage and likely a lot of asd…
So you have offered her sex in a socially acceptable way. She has told you no in a socially acceptable way. (Or if the above was in response to an offer of drinks, that’s obviously an even stronger no.) Do women that are interested in you behave this way? Move on!
You only “kissed a bit” and you stayed over?? Not a good idea. Was it really soft and cute and romantic with loads of really good cuddling? If neither that then why the hell did you stay over? Also if neither that nor sex happened it’s very bad.
No. You already met before and even kissed. You for sure don’t wanna meet out. You have to meet at your place (or her place if thats not possible for some reason). If there is a very strong resistence form her like either meet out or nothing and or you are not good at persuading women in such cases (yet) then you meet somewhere very close to your house where you have one quick drink and then you bounce to your place. You could do a walk outside for a bit as a transition and then just happen to be passing by your place. That works very well with women who are resistant.
Irrelevant. Although in some places this age is often in husband hunter mode and so you can be ready for all kinds of nonsense. Part of the reason why many of us do not date women 30+ (generally speaking).
I am know sure what you mean – you asked her to meet for a drink and she said this or you invited her to your house or even tried to have sex and she said this?
If it was to invitation to have a drink which you shouldn’t have done its a hard no so you delete her number and forget her. Basically you already met before and even slept at her place and even kissed. At minimum there needs to be more of the same otherwise its extremely bad and means shes either not interested at all or you messed up big time somewhere.
If she said this to invitation to your house thats also very bad because you already kissed and slept at her house. You can say something like I saw your house so I want to show you mine and find some excuse to show her something etc or do the thing I said with having a drink near your house. If neither works forget about her.
If this was at your house to an attempt to have sex that’s fine provided other stuff happened – kissing, cuddling, maybe other sexual stuff and you feel there is progression from date to date. Since it seems you are new to a lot of these things I would suggest to not put pressure on yourself to do it on the timescale of BD model and just start out a bit more relaxed till you get more experience with women.
Hey BD:
sorry for the OT post, but Bloomberg did an article about the financial devastation caused by a Grey Divorce.
https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2019-07-19/divorce-destroys-finances-of-americans-over-50-studies-show
“Older men see their standard of living drop 21% after a divorce. Previous studies have found a small or negligible effect of divorce on younger men’s incomes.
Even more troubling is that older people aren’t bouncing back from these financial shocks. Brown and her colleagues were able to follow survey respondents’ finances for up to a decade post-divorce.
“There is no appreciable recovery on the wealth front,” she said. “There’s no appreciable recovery in standard of living.”
There’s some other goodies in there, I thought you should see it.
https://alphamale20.com/blackdragonblog/2016/09/15/theres-one-girl/
Absolutely. Though if you very briefly bump into an FBs kids it’s not a huge deal. FBs know they’re FBs so that doesn’t cause an increase in betaization.
Hello, you’ve said you keep track of all the women you’ve slept with, with spreadsheets. I’d like to do something similar do you have a template? Which information do you keep track of exactly? Day/time/periods?
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