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It is insanity of the highest order to think that fucking someone at your work WON'T end very badly, with lots of drama, and with lots of embarrassment. If you're a man, you have the added risk of being subject to legal action, losing out on higher raises and promotions, and/or losing your job.
-By Caleb Jones
I'm willing to bet that at least, at least 25% of the people reading these words have either gotten sexual with someone at their work or has tried to get sexual with someone at their work. My absolute favorite is when married people start cheating by fucking someone at their work. (Talk about stupid on top of stupid.)
I've worked with literally hundreds of companies in my career and I constantly see workplace fucking, even by people who are otherwise reasonably intelligent and put-together.
"Yeah, yeah, I know all of this," you say.
Oh really? Then why does everyone still do this?
Even back in my early 20's when I was a young, inexperienced AFC, I maintained the policy of never fucking anyone I currently worked with. Even back then I saw the chaos and destruction office romances (or more often, office flings) caused everyone. It's been almost 20 years and to this day I have never violated that rule with one partial exception a few years ago when someone lied to me. (It's a long complicated story and maybe someday I'll tell it.) This is coming from a guy who works with lots of women in lots of companies who could fuck plenty of women in the workplace if I wanted to.
I have even been propositioned by women at my work on more than one occasion. I still don't go there.
It's not that hard. You shouldn't either.
Let me tell you what it says about YOU if you fuck or date someone at your current workplace:
1. You are lazy. The big reason people date people at work is because it's the easy way out. You think (incorrectly) that you don't have to go out and meet people if you've got that semi-fuckable chick over in accounting. Any time I see people dating people at their workplace (which is all the time), my very first thought is "Lazy!"
Stop being a pussy and putting your job and your financial future at risk, and use the resources available to you (especially this blog and the ebooks on online dating and seduction) and get out there, practice, and GET LAID. Let the women at work wonder about you and fantasize about you. Don't fuck them.
2. You have self-esteem issues. You think fucking chicks at work is "easier" because they "already know you" and girls out there "won't like you". Don't tell me you don't think that. If you're playing with someone at work, I know you think that. Guys have given me that excuse often.
Guess what? (I'm going to really blow your mind here.) It is easier to fuck women who don't already know you than women who do and are still platonic with you. Hit clubs/bookstores/dating sites/whatever, and you'll be shocked how much easier it is to fuck that girl you just met than the hot chick in marketing who's known all about you and your dirty laundry for two years now.
(And please don't give me any shit about "jobs" or the bad economy. Believe me I'm well aware the economy sucks. I don't care. I have a certain someone in my family who is an ex-convict, high school dropout, no college education, warehouse worker. He got laid off a few weeks ago. He didn't whine or cry. He woke up early in the morning and hit the street hard looking for a new job.
He had one within three days...all while some of his friends who have been unemployed for an entire year keep crying like babies about how "there's no jobs out there". Stupid. Or should I say lazy. Oh it's sooooo easy to blame your problems on things external to you, isn't it? Stop making excuses, take charge of your life, be a man, and make it happen. It's not as hard as you think.)
4. You have oneitis. I see this sometimes too. Wow. If you've got oneitis for a coworker you're currently fucking, man, you've put yourself in the worst position I can think of short of being monogamously married with no prenup. Get some balls and man up fast. This is not going to end well for you.
Techniques To Work Around This
Okay. I had to slap you around a little to get your attention. I really don't want to be Mr. Negative, so let's talk about some happy stuff now.
There are ways you can fuck women via your job without violating this rule. Here's a few.
1. This one is the best. If you meet a hot chick at work, be nice, get her number, email, and get her on your Facebook. Then stay away from her and do your best to ignore her as much as humanly possible. Do NOT talk to her or get to know her or any of that shit. Be polite, but stay away. Stay mysterious. Make her wonder why you're not hitting on her or kissing her ass like all the other men in the office.
Weeks or months or (if nessessary) years later, when you or her leave the job, THEN hit her up, meet up with her on a date, escalate, and fuck her. I have fucked many women doing exactly this, including some really hot ones. Even back in my young AFC days this worked. The woman I dated right before the woman I eventually married was damn near an ten, and I was able to score her as a somewhat geeky AFC with little seduction skill at age 23 by doing exactly what I just described (and that was before the internet!).
The point is you can't fuck women at your work but they're free game once you don't work with them any more. If you have the kind of job/business where you see lots of one-time customers briefly and then never again, you could easily build up an entire roster of ex-coworker women you can "work". Right after my divorce, I fucked a lot of women very quickly...this is exactly how I did it.
2. Fucking women at work who are only peripherally involved is probably okay. For example, fucking a woman who works in your office, regardless of how big your office is, is a no-no. But fucking the cute FedEx girl who you see maybe twice a month for a few minutes at a time? Eh...that might be okay. I would still be very careful, but I see no major problem with it. The same goes for a woman who might work in the company but at a complete different building across town that you never physically visit. I probably still wouldn't do it, but it's more of a grey area than an absolute.
3. Fucking friends and relatives of people at work, unless it's your boss or boss's boss, is perfectly okay! Those women are fair game. Hit 'em all you like (just don't walk around the office bragging about it).
Next time you get the urge to fuck someone at work, be like Nancy Reagan and just say no. More importantly, get out there using any style of game you like (night game, day game, online game, etc) and GET LAID so you don't feel this AFC urge to fuck women at your workplace.
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ARD 2011-09-12 14:29:23
Words of truth!!! There is no excuse for this behavior. The following two words can completely derail any man's career: Sexual Harassment. HR will believe her without any proof whatsoever. No girl is worth risking your reputation and livelihood!
Kevin Velasco.com 2011-09-13 00:06:25
"You are lazy" and "You have self-esteem issues" also seems to apply to people who fall back on fucking their exes after getting out of a relationship.
Zero 2012-11-25 16:01:03
"Stop making excuses, take charge of your life, be a man, and make it happen. It’s not as hard as you think". Best advice on your blog,
louis 2012-11-28 01:59:24
Thanks - I work with this temptation figure and I will fuck the office girl after my resignation one day - that is for sure. I will focus at the moment on a woman in next door business. Now I know why this next door woman is so polite with me when ever she saw me - thanks a million.
Troubadour 2014-10-25 06:13:16
I got laid off, and discovered that unemployment was going to pay me less than working retail. Fuck that! So I worked retail until I found another real job. While working retail, I witnessed a scene where a very hot 18 year old cashier told my manager, giggling and blushing, "If you and I were the last two people left on earth, we could repopulate the planet!" You know what happened next, but the question is whether you can seriously blame the guy.
Blackdragon 2014-10-25 17:24:52
You know what happened next, but the question is whether you can seriously blame the guy.If the guy actually cared about his job, yes, I can blame him, for being a complete idiot. (If he didn't care at all about his job then fine.) I've turned down super hot, super young women at my work. Go fuck super hot, super young women who are not at your work. It's not difficult.
mechagodzilla 2015-10-31 20:14:34
I know this thread seems dead but i actually stumbled on your site BD because I started seeing someone I work with for about 6 months till one day out of nowhere she calls it off and goes for another guy at work ( which i had to find out by going thru her phone ) Had I known all the principles about " Why its so important to ignore after a breakup " --- results would probably be better for me but like all the betas , i turned into a needy little biatch after she dumped me , chasing, pursuing which eventually led her to block me and remove me from all social media . Ive known this girl for about 7 years now working at the same place ( to this day ) and for 6 months I thought everything was going fine till i started noticing slowly to become distant till one day she tells me she wants to stop seeing each other. My mistake was i trusted her so much since I knew her for such a long time that I felt " what can go wrong with this one, i trust her enough that she wont fuck me over " ... but she did ... and it hurt like hell for the first 2-3 months. ... perhaps smothered the fact that i was too available ( even offered to give her rides to work ) . At this point i learned to accept the current situation and go cold turkey with no contact . Whats extremely difficult is i have to go to work and see her ( and that dude ) every day and i have to admit i try not to think about it but when i see them together walking in and walking out --- its like being slapped in the face really . worst feeling in the world . I put myself in this and for anyone else reading -- theres one thing i wanna say " you have to participate in your own rescue " We started dating Dec 2014 and ended in June of this year . For the first couple of months i was texting here and there and i admit i was still pursuing her . Sometime in September I realized ... im doing this to myself . You have to participate in your own rescue and if you keep on thinking about her , thinking how much it hurts ... well, ive come to the harsh reality that im doing it to myself . I've stopped trying. I stopped thinking about it . I started to work on myself . Gym. Buying nice shoes. Cologne. Eating healthy. Being happy ( watching funny movies ) or being around good friends -- basically keeping myself busy . I got involved with a woman ( who i thought cared about me ) at work and now I have to deal with this and dig myself out by focusing on my purpose and to start thinking about my future -- with our without this girl. BD was right about one thing ; its laziness at its best because it was available and she came on to me at first . I didnt even lift a finger , it just happened unexpectedly ( and ended on her own terms ) ... Im gonna give online dating a shot and go out more often and meet women. My beta days are over . As of right now , id like to , for once in my life get a taste of being Alpha . ps. I do have one question for BD ; Dude . She left me for another guy at work . Before she started seeing me she was with a guy who she lived with for 6 years and when she broke it off, i came in the picture --- It sounds like she is a serial monogamist but i could be wrong . My question is do you think this new guy shes seeing ( since June ) is just NRE and will last long ? I dont care if she doesnt come back to me ( if she does, hello FB ? ) ; All i want to know ( based on your spreadsheets n analysis ) is will these two eventually become a couple ? Its been 2 months since No Contact . I dont have her on social media Thoughts ?
Blackdragon 2015-11-01 01:08:42
There's no way I could answer that question without a lot more information (and no, please don't post any more information; I hate these "I promise I don't have oneitis but I really want to know about this new guy she's fucking" questions). MOVE ON.
mechagodzilla 2015-11-02 16:26:49
crystal clear. Thank you BD
Stephano 2017-12-24 08:59:10
I fully agree it is terrible practice. I have worked with 80-90% women my whole adult life and only caved in a couple times (quickly cut it off and claimed temp emotional insanity which chics understand: fresh off breakup, don't know what I want, this was a mistake, etc etc). For many guys who are desirable or in an alpha social position at work, though, it is tough since they are horny and the women use proximity - just like fat chicks use that with drunk guys. Whenever I voice to even one that I'm reasonably available, they do come out of the woodwork, and it was much worse back when I used social media. I am by no means irresistible, but between scarcity of men, my being near the top of the office social pyramid, and being a pretty young and good looking guy, the options abound. The simplest way to avoid this nonsense is just to softly cockblock all women at work. Whenever hotties (or default hotties... simply hottest in limited office environment) try to approach with dumb chit-chat, batting eyelashes or other soft IOIs or attempt to quasi-isolate you with stupid banter in the break room or dumb excuses to approach your work area, you can quickly mention your recent travel or shows or parties with girlfriend(s) or girls you've dated or want to date. They will get the hint. If you make it reasonably clear that you are getting - or at least interested in - sexual attention from higher quality women, they will disappear... or settle into the "Friend Zone." Either is acceptable. For the women, usually in secure relationships, who are not looking at you as a potential partner (due to lack of interest or logical work boundaries), mentioning your relationship/dating won't change the interaction at all, so it is never a bad thing. For the few ones who really push and push or try to isolate you at work or contact or invite you outside work (giving major IOIs), complain about their relationship (monkey branching), etc, and have missed the obvious hints described above, then I simply ask them: "Why are you telling me about [inviting me to] this?" That usually freezes them in their tracks, and it can also help to explain to them that by dating someone at work or closely related to someone at work (family, friend, etc) you CANNOT WIN. If it goes well, you're the office gossip. If it goes poor, you are the office a-hole. You lose either way, so again, don't be lazy and irresponsible. Again, I fully agree sex or dating at work is stupid and lazy. However, with regards to the sexual harassment, it is not as bad as you think. I have many buddies working fortune 500 HR, and in purely he-said / she-said, not much happens (although the accusations can be frustrating nonetheless). Just be aware of this: the two key questions will always be: "did they tell you that they were not okay or that they were uncomfortable with [the behavior]?" and "did the incidents in question happen at work?" You can invite or be invited by a co-worker to an evening or weekend non-work function and f*ck them six ways from Sunday. You and they did nothing wrong; it didn't happen at work and nobody told anyone they weren't comfortable proceeding. However, the problem is in the lies or animosity that may develop later out of rejection or regret ("he said that he would cut my hours if I didn't meet up with him" or "he kept touching me in the break room after I said it wasn't okay" etc may appear out of thin air), so it is better avoided. If you are going to be dumb or desperate enough to date in the company pool, keep it well documented by screenshotting text, saving emails, etc. Or better yet, just don't do it 😉
Stop Worrying About #MeToo - The Blackdragon Blog - The Pelican Press 2019-08-04 21:14:45
[…] with, then you’re just flat out stupid. But I’ve addressed men like that already. Please read this article for what I said about men who date women they work with, and please note that I wrote that article […]
Ash 2019-09-22 21:16:16
I've banged multiple women at my workplace in my early 20's and early 30's and haven't had any major issues. In my early 20's, I worked at a restaurant and doing this is standard in that industry. A restaurant or bar is somewhat of a hidden utopia where everyone parties and hooks up with each other. In my early 30's, I started working in a corporate environment and banged 2 girls there within about 6 months, made out with another, and just turned another down. I wasn't the aggressor and they sought me out and to this day I'm not a 100% sure why – Maybe because I was the new guy and they were bored. But after those first 2 girls, the buzz wore off and I haven't slept with anyone there since. I still actually work there but am curious as to why it faded so fast. Any thoughts from your personal experience on this dynamic?