Older Men Dating Younger Women

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-By Caleb Jones

Time for another one of those piss-you-off, think-outside-the-box, smash-through-societal-programming posts. Get ready for your brain to hurt.

A quote below from a quick article by Dr. Helen. It's indicative of a much bigger issue. Remember as you read that the below quote is written by a woman.

Should men open doors for women? I have been pondering this question lately as I have noticed that it is mostly older men that open doors for women anymore. Younger men tend to go in first and let the door hit you as you walk through.

The rest of the article suddenly shifts focus and is actually about how women these days snicker at men courteous enough to hold doors open for them, and how chivalry dying is largely women's doing. While I generally agree with that I'm not going to talk about that today. Rather I'm going to talk about something much more important and applicable. It's about exactly what that above quote indicates, which is something I've been saying for many years now.

Sometimes people attempt to challenge me by using my own daughter as an example. They'll say something like "Well Blackdragon, would you like your own daughter to be in an OLTR or open marriage when SHE grows up???" (The answer is a resounding yes, but that's a topic for another time.) Sometimes the question will be "Well Blackdragon, when your daughter is 19 do you want her dating some 45 year-old guy???" The answer, again, is yes. Here's why.

Even if the thought of a forty-something (or hell, even fifty-something) man dating a 19, 22, or 25 year-old woman fills you with disgust and anger, try this experiment. Do your best to be as rational, factual, and non-emotional as possible while doing it. (Which for some of you, particularly some of you older female readers, is going to be difficult.)

Picture in your mind the typical 22 year-old guy these days. Remember I said the typical 22 year-old guy. See him in your mind? Okay. Let me ask you a few questions:

How much money does he make? Does he own a car? How responsible is he? How sexually responsible is he? How nicely does he treat women? How honest is he? What are his living conditions like? Any smoking or drinking or pot or drugs? How emotionally controlled is he? How stable is his life?

Okay. Now erase him from your brain. Make sure he's all gone.

Now, picture in your mind the typical 45 year-old guy. Again, be sure to visualize the typical 45 year-old man. Got it? Now let's consider the same questions:

How much money does he make? Does he own a car? How responsible is he? How sexually responsible is he? How nicely does he treat women? How honest is he? What are his living conditions like? Any smoking or drinking or pot or drugs? How emotionally controlled is he? How stable is his life?

Now here's the question. Given those two men, which man would you rather your 19 year-old daughter date? Which of those two men are going to treat her better? Which of those two men are better able to take care of her, or more importantly will WANT to take care of her? Here's a big one: Which of those men are going to be physically safer for her?

If you immediately choose the 22 year-old guy based on those questions, you're just being emotional, irrational, and if you live in the western world, are simply falling prey to your societal programming (since many Asian moms and dads would overwhelmingly choose the 45 year-old guy for their daughter).

You're also likely skewing the above two examples to fit your emotional biases. Instead of comparing two typical examples, you're comparing a polite, smart, put-together, clean-cut, employed, straight-A, responsible 22 year-old guy with a fat, ugly, creepy, pedophile-looking, shifty-eyed 45 year-old guy.

Don't tell me you're not doing that just a little bit. I know you are. Neither of those cases are typical or accurate, and you know it. You know that most modern-day 22 year-old guys might be nice, but they also tend to be irresponsible, overly emotional, a little lazy, and have very little resources, financial or otherwise. You also know that the typical 45 year-old guy is not creepy at all, but just a normal, boring working guy, with an income and level of maturity and responsibility the typical 22 year-old guy can only dream of. I'll say it one more time, we're talking about what's typical, not the unusual exceptions to the rule which we all know exist.

I would be more than happy if my daughter, when she was in her late teens or early twenties, introduced me to her 35 or 45 year-old boyfriend. Yes, it would really piss me off if he was a creepy, weird older man, but that's because he was weird and creepy, not older. I know most older men aren't weird or creepy, and I also know my daughter wouldn't be attracted to those kinds of men in the first place.

(At least I hope so. It's always possible my daughter could grow up to be a complete moron, but that's not super likely.)

I also can tell you with 100% honesty that if my daughter introduced me to her new 22 year-old boyfriend, I would actually be a little suspicious and at least slightly concerned. I know many 22 year-old guys. I myself used to be a 22 year-old guy. I know how they work. I would happily take a typical 45 year-old beta male guy instead of that.

You might be thinking, "Well, why are 22 and 45 my only choices? What about a slightly older man?" A 'slightly' older man still means a guy in his 20's. I don't know if you've been keeping up with the economic stats, but these days men in their 20's aren't doing too hot in terms of income. Women in their 20's are beating them out. Men are also waiting longer and longer to move out of their mommy and daddy's homes. It's not uncommon these days to see guys as old as 26 still living at home with parents, and still spending a huge amount of time playing Call of Duty rather than getting out in the world and building a life.

Just in the past month or so I've talked to two different guys in their late 20's met through my work/social circle, and I'm not kidding, talking to them was like talking to a 16 year-old. Every other word was "dude" or "buddy" the the topics forefront in their minds were things like comic books, getting drunk, and fantasizing about sex with hookers in Thailand. Even their tonality and voice inflections were equivalent to teenagers. I see more and more of this.

If you go past the 20's, now you're talking about men in their 30's, who do often have their shit together. Like I said, if my 19 year-old daughter was dating a dude in his 30's, I'd be cool with that. You should be too.

By the way, I'm not bashing young men. Over the last several years as Blackdragon I've talked to a huge amount of young guys and I've been extremely impressed and proud at the level of intelligence and depth I've seen. I'm just talking about norms and averages here.

Moreover, it's not all about income and resources. Just like Dr. Helen noted, the older the man, the more courteous and protective he'll be to a woman he's dating. He'll also be less prone to fly off the handle when upset, less likely to get her pregnant on accident, less likely to be out getting drunk with her at 2am on a Tuesday night, etc, etc, etc.

In general, and there are always exceptions, older men treat younger women better than younger men do. It's a fact, and Dr. Helen and I are not the first to say it. Women worship Steve Harvey's relationship books like Think Like A Man. When younger women ask him what to do to find a quality boyfriend, he always answers the same way: "Date an older man. He'll treat you right. Men your age have no interest."

When I talk about older men dating younger women, I'm not just talking about men doing it for their own benefit. I'm also talking about having a relationship where both people are getting the best deal. A young woman dating an older man is getting a very good deal, especially if she and he take my advice and keep the relationship open. That way, she can have the love and caring of an older man while still being able to occasionally go fuck hot young dumb guys with six pack abs. (And of course, he can go fuck some blonde cheerleaders on the side too. Fair is fair.) I myself have had more than one serious relationship like this and it's amazingly good, for both parties.

Now for the objections I know some of you have...

I'm not not saying dating older women is bad. Other than the get-to-sex fast problem with women over age 33 I've described before, which in my defense is a big problem, I think older women are fantastic. There are two over-30 women in my life at the moment and I love them both. I'll explain the positives of older women in further detail in a future post, but what I'm saying here is a 45 year-old man should be able to date a 19, 21, or 25 year-old woman just as easily as a 45 year-old woman. Both are good situations, not just the one with the older gal.

I am also not saying that a man dating a much younger woman would be a perfect Disney experience. Yes, a 52 year-old guy with a 20 year-old gal on his arm would get some strange looks at the office party. (However if he was outcome independent he wouldn't give a shit, and if he was confident, no one at the party would have the balls to call him on it.)

Yes, an 18 year-old gal and a 47 year-old guy are not going to have as many common points of reference as a normal forty-something couple. And yes, younger women are still women, and can be immature, so a man dating one is still in for some irrationality and drama occasionally (and breakups and cheating if they get monogamous, which I would never recommend anyway).

All valid points. None of these kinds of things are deal breakers, at least not in my view. And I speak from experience; my own personal experience plus the experience of men my age (I'm 40) or older (sometimes much older) who have done this.

I have already predicted, and I stick to this prediction, that as society evolves, as:

1. Men become more pussified and women become tougher,

2. People who age keep looking younger and younger,

3. Asia rises and the west falls, albeit slowly,

...the western world will slowly start to come to grips with the reality that older men with younger women, sometimes much younger, is a good deal. In a few decades it will become as normal as it is now in many Asian cultures. Just watch.

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