Myers Briggs and Dating


-By Caleb Jones

First things first. If you have no idea what Myers Briggs is, or what your Myers Briggs personality type is, go to this website right here and take the test. I’m serious. Do it. If you don’t, this entire post will make zero sense to you.

Only take the test when you are somewhat relaxed and in a decent mood. If you’re currently sad, angry, frustrated, or in a rush, the results won’t be as accurate. It’s 72 multiple choice questions and will probably take you 10-15 minutes to complete. Once you get your results, go to this website here to read about what you are. You’ll find it very interesting (and accurate).

As I talked about on my last podcast (and I’ve got two more already done, so more coming soon) knowing your Myers Briggs type is extremely valuable, not only in interpersonal relationships but also in your own personal growth. Your MBTI (Myers Brings Type Indicator) is not a magic pill nor an end-all, and no test like this will be 100% accurate, but damn, it’s close. It’s a big topic, but all I’m going to talk about today is your MBTI in terms of dating and seduction.

As you (should) already know, your MBTI is four letters, each indicating a portion of your personality. I’m an INTJ. You might be an ESFP or an ISFJ or whatever. Go here if you want a detailed description of what each letter means. I’m not going to rehash all that here. What I am going to do is quickly summarize the strengths and weaknesses of each aspect in terms of you sexually seducing women.

Every letter in your MBTI has strengths and weaknesses. When you take the test, you will notice a score on each letter of your MBTI from 1 to 100. The higher the score, the stronger you are in that letter. This score is important because it tells you how extreme you lean in that direction. If you know your four-letter MBTI but not your score, I would highly recommend you re-take the test, then make a note of your numerical scores for each letter.

Thus armed, we can now talk about our favorite topic…getting laid.

E or I

You’re either an E (extrovert) or an I (introvert).

Extrovert Strengths: Extroverts are naturally sociable with women and will often have much less of a tough time opening women and getting women comfortable. This comes easy for them.

Extrovert Weaknesses: Extroverts often waste time in pickup. They can spend an inordinate about of time screwing around with women who will never lay them and systems that will never work. They also get oneitis very fast.

Introvert Strengths: Introverts learn very fast from their mistakes and tend not to repeat them. They can go from very bad to very good in a short period of time. They also tend to be more focused than extroverts.

Introvert Weaknesses: Introverts are not naturally good with women like many extroverts are. They tend to be shy and lazy…a very bad combination if you want to get laid a lot. Usually introverts must learn how to be sociable with women, which can be tough.

S or N

You’re either an S (sensing) or N (intuition).

Sensing Strengths: High sensing means you are fantastic at watching a woman’s subtle cues like eye contact, body language, tone of voice, etc. Guys with a strong S score are masters at sexually escalating on women and detecting when women are lying to them or leading them on. They’re also great at improvising on-the-fly in odd seduction situations (like poor logistics for example).

Sensing Weaknesses: Sensing guys tend to be overly irrational and make lots of mistakes running down blind alleys. They go with their gut, which is great, but often your gut is dead wrong. It’s very important for sensing guys to find a system that works and do their best to adhere to it.

Intuition Strengths: Intuition men are very future focused and are very good at sticking to what works. They also tend to come off as smooth, cool, and smart in a non-nerdy way which is very attractive to most of women.

Intuition Weaknesses: Intuition guys often lack empathy, and can come off as emotionally dumb or insensitive. They will find it much more difficult to relate to a feminine state of mind which will hurt them not only in seduction, but in relationships too. These guys have to try extra hard to anticipate and understand why women do the things they do.

T or F

You’re either a T (thinking) or F (feeling). Note this has nothing to do with your intelligence or knowledge. It’s about how you make decisions.

Feeler Strengths: Feeling guys are naturally sexual, sensual, romantic, and mysterious. Think Casanova, or in the pickup community guys like Zan. Feeling men can stir wild, sexual feelings within women naturally. Very powerful.

Feeler Weaknesses: Feeling men, even if they have strong game and get laid a lot, are constantly getting their asses kicked by oneitis and other related relationship problems (like drama and cheating). They’re usually high-drama dudes.

Thinker Strengths: Thinkers are monsters, in a good way. They do what they know, which is much harder for feelers. They’re highly rational, and have all the possibilities and possible problems all worked out in advance. They rarely get hung up by sudden foreseen problems. They also tend to be better at putting in the numbers than feelers.

Thinker Weaknesses: Thinkers get frustrated and discouraged very fast. When things work, they’re fine, but when they don’t, they get really pissed, even to the point of despondency and stagnation. (If you have both T and E this is even worse, and you need to be very aware of this tendency you have.) They often have trouble in relationships, but for the opposite reason of a feeler. Feelers have problems because they get sucked into a woman’s drama frame, while thinkers have problems because they’re cold bastards and easily piss women off.

J or P

You’re either a J (judger) or P (perceiver). Note that the term “judger” does not have a negative connotation in this case. As always, there are pros and cons.

Judger Strengths: Judgers are brave and decisive. They don’t fuck around. When they want to get laid, they escalate. When they want to open, they open. They also tend to come off as more masculine, which for most women is an attractive trait.

Judger Weaknesses: Judgers often move too fast and blow women out. Even worse, J guys are always over-verbalizing to women, which is very bad. (Over-verbalization is probably one of the most common mistakes I see guys make.) I’m a hardcore J myself, and I had to wrestle with this problem for a good year or so when I was first learning this stuff. I eventually overcame it, but man, it was a problem.

Perceiver Strengths: P guys are very, very cool under pressure. It’s very easy to be (or act) confident when you’re across from a hot chick. High perceiving guys often come off as smooth naturals. Very nice.

Perceiver Weaknesses: Perceivers will naturally strive to achieve consensus. In some areas of life, this might be good. In seduction, this is very bad. Effective seduction requires you to lead, to take charge, to be proactive, to sexually escalate, and to “risk creepy”. Perceiving guys have a tough time with those things.

So there you have it. Take your strengths above, and capitalize upon them. Be fully aware of your weaknesses above, and work on them. I had to do this myself. It’s a very worthwhile investment.

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  • Rob
    Posted at 09:59 am, 23rd September 2012

    Great post as always. The links are excellent as well.

  • lifeofalovergirl
    Posted at 10:45 am, 23rd September 2012

    Nice…I think the MBTI can be very helpful in discovering why you do the things you do and helping you see your strengths and weaknesses more clearly. The only thing that confused me a bit was your listed differences between Intuitive and Sensing people. I am an ENFP and a pretty strong N, yet I don’t feel like I fit that the way you describe. I’m good at picking up subtle body language, I think! LOL But maybe that is due more to being a female, IDK. I’m also not emotionally dumb or insensitive, dammit! lol Its like I’m the complete reverse of that yet I’m a very strong N so I’m not getting it. If I read your description I’d think I was an S but I’m not.

  • Superman
    Posted at 10:46 am, 23rd September 2012

    Finally took the test just now. I’m an INTJ as well, what do you know. No wonder I like your reasoning.

  • AnotherDragon
    Posted at 11:08 am, 23rd September 2012

    Nice post. I took the test a while ago but will re-take it. Can you elaborate on the over-verbalization part and why that is bad?

  • HungryWolf
    Posted at 09:01 pm, 23rd September 2012

    It’s funny I’ve taken the Myer Briggs test at different points in my life and found that the results fluctuate with time. During my high school years I was an ISTP then a few years later an INTP and now an INTJ.

  • Soul
    Posted at 10:00 am, 24th September 2012

    Hi BD,

    You might be interested to know that there’s a much more modern and scientifically verified psychological personality model, called the Big Five Factor Model. Myers Briggs is very old, it’s based on Carl Jung’s personality theories from the 1920’s. The Big Five results from statistical analysis of hundreds of different lexical descriptions of personality, and it’s been tested in genetic, behavioral & developmental studies.

    From Wikipedia, here are the Big 5 personality traits:

    “Openness to experience – (inventive/curious vs. consistent/cautious). Appreciation for art, emotion, adventure, unusual ideas, curiosity, and variety of experience. Openness reflects the degree of intellectual curiosity, creativity and a preference for novelty and variety. Some disagreement remains about how to interpret the openness factor, which is sometimes called “intellect” rather than openness to experience.”
    “Conscientiousness – (efficient/organized vs. easy-going/careless). A tendency to show self-discipline, act dutifully, and aim for achievement; planned rather than spontaneous behavior; organized, and dependable.”
    “Extraversion – (outgoing/energetic vs. solitary/reserved). Energy, positive emotions, surgency, assertiveness, sociability and the tendency to seek stimulation in the company of others, and talkativeness.”
    “Agreeableness – (friendly/compassionate vs. cold/unkind). A tendency to be compassionate and cooperative rather than suspicious and antagonistic towards others.”
    “Neuroticism – (sensitive/nervous vs. secure/confident). The tendency to experience unpleasant emotions easily, such as anger, anxiety, depression, or vulnerability. Neuroticism also refers to the degree of emotional stability and impulse control, and is sometimes referred by its low pole – “emotional stability”.”

    It’s been shown that the Openness measure is similar to S-N, Conscientiousness is similar to J-P, Agreeableness is similar to T-F, and of course Extraversion is similar to E-I. But they aren’t exactly the same, and in my view, the Big 5 concepts are a lot more straightforward and easier to understand.

    The Myers Briggs test doesn’t measure neuroticism, which is also obviously very important to pickup. I’m an INTJ like you in Myers Briggs, but I’m guessing I score a bit higher than you on neuroticism.

    Here’s an online Big Five personality test questionnaire:

  • Soul
    Posted at 10:14 am, 24th September 2012

    Disclaimer: if it sounds like I’m a bit biased about this, it’s because I studied with Lew Goldberg in graduate school. Not meaning to name-drop or anything like that 🙂

  • Caleb Jones
    Posted at 03:04 pm, 24th September 2012

    @LG – I don’t know exactly why that is since I’m no psychologist, but my guess is you being a woman, an E, and an F would all contribute to it. (BTW, as an INTJ, I love ENFP women. Mmmmm….)

    @AnotherDragon – That’s a big, big topic. The summary is: The more you verbalize your actions, intentions, methods, and “the relationship” with a woman, the less sex you’ll get and the more drama and rules you’ll create.

    @HungryWolf – Yes, I think most people will change a little over time, especially if your first personality result was borderline. I had the test administered professionally to me back when I was in my early 20’s, and I came up “extreme” INTJ. When I retook the test 15 years later online, still INTJ. Guess I’m INTJ “hardcore”. Which is fine with me. 🙂

    @Soul – Very interesting links. I’ll take a look when I have more time.

  • lifeofalovergirl
    Posted at 03:59 pm, 24th September 2012

    Of course you do, everyone loves ENFP women! They can’t help themselves 😉 Anyway, I was looking at the differences between sensing people and intuitives and yeah, there is no way I am a sensor. I can’t remember details or people for the life of me sometimes. Its even gone so far that I kissed the wrong guy once, thinking he was someone else. Walked right up to him and started making out on the beach, lmao. It took me a few minutes to even realize he was not the guy I’d been meeting there for the past few days. Ooops!

  • Blimy
    Posted at 09:46 am, 25th September 2012

    INTJ myself, but I’m thinking a lot of B.D.’s readers/repeat visitors are INTJ. This seems like the personality type he would attract with his writing and of course ‘like attracts like’.
    With Soul’s Big 5 Factor Model: I wonder about there only being 5 categories (and it being (possibly) too general) while the older model has 16 (which would/could allow for more specific descriptions/breakdowns of personalities). I have to admit I have a distrust for modern psychology.

  • Soul
    Posted at 10:51 am, 25th September 2012

    Blimy: The five-factor model can be used to generate categories in a way similar to Myers Briggs; that is, each of the five traits might be either positive or negative for any particular person. In that way, the five factors would generate 25 categories. That is, if the five traits in Big 5 are O, C, E, A, N then one person might be O+ C+ E+ A+ N+ and another O- C- E- A- N-, or any of 23 other possible combinations.

    Or conversely, if we assign numeric scores to each trait axis (like S-N, J-P etc. or O+, O- etc.) then Myers Briggs could be viewed as defining a four-dimensional vector space, while Big 5 is a five-dimensional space.

    OK, so Jung and Myers Briggs got it close enough, and Big 5 is basically a refinement & re-assessment. Have a heart: modern psychologists need to have something to write papers & do studies about…

  • Jon
    Posted at 10:57 am, 25th September 2012

    INTJ for me too. I even got a perfect score on the “I.” Yay me! 😛 Only 13% on the “J” so kind of borderline there.

    Do you have any tips on overcoming social laziness for an extreme introvert? Isolation is very comfortable, and I tend to be a hermit if I don’t have external forces (e.g. friends and family) dragging me out of the house.

  • Matt T.
    Posted at 08:37 pm, 25th September 2012

    BD is doing his own blackdragonblog market research with this post! Clever!!

    Most of you fuckers are INTJ. I’m an INTP. Spontaneous and in the moment. Eat shit! 😛

  • Blimy
    Posted at 09:22 am, 26th September 2012

    Soul: thanks for the informative and civil reply.
    Matt T: “eat shit”? take your ritalin kid. Settle down. Spaz. Though yeah BD probably is getting some soft market research out of this.

  • Caleb Jones
    Posted at 10:41 am, 26th September 2012

    Hell. In a few days I’ll make the market research more official and post a Myers Briggs survey on the blog. Then we can see what kind of people actually hang out here.

    @Jon – I’ve had a rough draft of an “introvert’s guide to seduction” half-written in my saved blog posts for some time. At some point soon I’ll finish and post it.

  • Niko K
    Posted at 02:20 pm, 26th September 2012

    @hungrywolf I have found the same thing with this test over time too. Looking at some of the questions, though, I think it’s easy to see why.

    There are several questions, for example, that deal with one’s preference for the company of others or oneself. I know that as a teenager I always erred on the side of “alone-time” with these because A. I was far more socially anxious as a hormone-addled teenager; B. I was far more narcissistic and less interested in the opinions and thus the company of others; and C. As a high school and then college student I was constantly surrounded by far more people than I am nowadays as a work-from-home professional. Thus “being alone” and “being surrounded by people” were then a luxury and a constant state of affairs respectively, whether as nowadays the two situations have switched places.

    So in my case, I can clearly see how changes in my maturity, personal development and daily environment have changed how I look at the questions in the test. As a teenager I was a strong introvert (can’t remember the actual percentage), where as today I am an E at 11%.

    An overly complicated way of saying many people change over time I suppose, but it’s interesting to see how those changes can be reflected in specific answers and overall scores on a test like this. I’d be fascinated to see what you’d get if you took one of the many people I know who were die-hard socialists in high-school and are currently pretty staunch libertarians and compared their MBTI scores from then and now.

    Actually a goal of mine since I entered my late 20s has been to become a much more balanced individual and it’s interesting to see that borne out in my results this time around. As a teenager I was an INTP with strong scores in all categories. In today’s test I came out as an ENTP with scores in the 10% range for everything except P (53%). Guess my plan is working.

    Hope the lack of high percentages means I’m better at avoiding each categories drawbacks. Unfortunately it’s more likely I’m just losing the benefits. Womp Womp.

  • HungryWolf
    Posted at 07:25 pm, 26th September 2012

    I personally don’t believe that people can change their personalities, that would be like changing ones finger prints.

    How I see my change in personality type was due to the fact that in my test scores I have scored extremely borderline between the S and N categories as well as the J and P categories, its been that way for years always within a 50ish percentile.

    Depending on my frame I guess I can see things somewhat differently and that could change the results by a few percent but with that few percent change it would be enough to change the outcome of my personality test.

    I think the issue is that although the Myers Briggs test is accurate enough it doesn’t go as deep as it should. I honestly believe that there are more then the 16 personality types described , the test doesn’t take into consideration people with borderline results. I might be a INTJ now but that doesn’t mean that I have lost the traits of the other personality types I have test for, it just might mean they aren’t as dominant at this point in time.

    And from what I’ve read I think you might have always been an extrovert but due to social anxiety issues might have swayed the test results incorrectly. People usually mistake introverts for just being shy when its not true at all. As a strong introvert I can tell you I’m not a introvert due to narcissism or social ineptitude but because I honestly do enjoy my time alone and being able to reflect on my own thoughts.

    Sorry if things are a bit messy, been having trouble sleeping the last few days.

  • Ken
    Posted at 12:12 am, 27th September 2012

    I’m an ENFP guy and I’d have to say a lot of this is spot on.

    As an E, I do hangout with a lot of women that will never lay me, damnit! I can make women easily comfortable with me, though, so I guess that’s a plus.

    I’m not sure if I agree 100% with the Sensing vs Intuition data. From my personal experience, my intuition is very strong when it comes to reading people’s emotions, I have a very strong ability to read body language. Though escalating has been a difficulty since I don’t rely on my gut instinct enough, unlike sensors, when I should be escalating.

    The feeler vs thinker is spot on too. I have trouble approaching because of the fear of feeling bad and I’m also very sensitive to girl drama. Being a feeler definitely helps on the sensual side of things.

    The perceiver vs judger is an eye opener. I didn’t realize my fear of “risking creepy” was cause I’m a perceiver. Not sure if I agree with the being proactive part. I know a lot of proactive perceivers. I’d have to agree with the inability to approach and put in the numbers like J’s do. The one time in my life when I actually approached a lot was cause I got pushed by a friend who’s an ENTJ and was hardcore at approaching and escalating.

    Awesome stuff BD! Now if someone can tell me where I can find INTJ chicks…

  • Matt T.
    Posted at 06:36 am, 27th September 2012

    @Blimy: It’s all good, Doctor. Thanks for the prescription!

    @BD: Looking forward to that “introverts guide to seduction” post. It would be cool to see how similar or different you and I both view the topic.

  • Kevin Velasco
    Posted at 01:54 am, 6th October 2012

    I used to believe in Myers Briggs, until I read this article:

  • onyxx
    Posted at 12:16 am, 7th October 2012

    BlackDragon, I am an ENTJ. Any thoughts on that?

  • Caleb Jones
    Posted at 12:23 pm, 10th October 2012

    ENTJ? One word of advice: WATCH YOUR TEMPER.

  • 0---
    Posted at 02:02 pm, 18th October 2012

    That was really valuable. ENFP, and agree with all you said except the body language thing. N’s pick up body language implicitly, e.g. don’t notice the particular thing but what it is expressing.

  • steven love
    Posted at 01:53 pm, 26th October 2012

    ENFJ exact match. im happy with it

  • SexyArabMan
    Posted at 09:47 pm, 17th December 2012

    I would think there would be loads of ENF and INT on this blog. I think it’s something about the way BD structures his writing. It’s just really easy to read and in-line with the way these types think; I’m an ENFP myself.

    As for the N’s not being able to read body language, that isn’t true. Especially for NF’s who are experts at this.

  • SexyArabMan
    Posted at 09:48 pm, 17th December 2012

    Woops… forgot to subscribe.

  • Tin Man
    Posted at 09:03 am, 12th October 2013

    Interesting, reading through your archives and came across this one. Even though I’ve taken the text before (along with a bunch of others, the pleasure of working for big meglacorp that does those team building exercises) – and it came up the following…

    ENTP: Extravert (11%) iNtuitive (12%) Thinking(62%) Perceiving(44)%

    I find that interesting, because in my marriage, I know I started out a lot more beta than when it ended. I’m just now starting to get any confidence back, some of that is based upon my physical appearance and mental status – but also because all this “men-woman relationship dynamics”, red pill and manosphere stuff has really taken a while to sink in and deprogram me from 50 years of “how I thought the world worked”.

    Because of that programming (and I read this about oneitis in another of you posts) and my thought that being “fair” was the way to make a marriage work – I spent over 2/3 of my marriage becoming and living the Beta-husband life.

    If I’d only known how the world really worked then….Oh well, can’t cry over time lost.

  • Free&Strong
    Posted at 07:37 am, 6th April 2014

    Well, good to see my personality hasn’t altered much in the last 15 years or so. Still an INFP.

    I would imagine my greatest downfall in maturing my personality has been learning that things aren’t black & white in the world. I’ve had to learn to be comfortable with the grey areas of women and accept that there is no “perfect woman”. Basically, I’ve had to kill my guy-Disney tendencies, which has been tough but well worth it.

    Anyone else and INFP and fan of this blog?

    BD, any words of advice for that specific personality in the dating realm?

  • JackP
    Posted at 02:15 am, 21st April 2014

    Great post, definitely one of the best articles about how MBTI relates to seducing women. It would be very interesting if you could write some more specific articles on strategies for the different types. If you’d like to write a guest post on the site linked from my name, just send me an email, we’re getting increasing traffic by the week.

    By the way, have you seen the dating site: It’s a dating site based on MBTI and some other personality typing. I’ve written a review of the site here:

    It is pretty dead at the moment (it’s new and doesn’t advertise much) and most members are introverts, but that is to be expected. Still, there are good number of introvert ‘nerdy’ girls if that is something you’re after.

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