Disclaimer: I debated back and forth on whether or not to even post this. This post is going to make some of you very, very angry. Men and women both. I know this because I have already shown this blog post to several different people, and most of them lost their shit. I have sat on this post for quite a while, knowing that a percentage of the reading audience are going to completely misinterpret it. However, shock and awe is part of what I do here, so I’ve finally decided to post it.

-By Caleb Jones

Therefore, if you decide to read this post, do your best to read it in the funny, hypothetical, and non-serious context in which it is provided. Otherwise your head will explode. You have officially been warned…that means if you read this post and get pissed off, you have only yourself to blame.

EDIT: Some of the comments have made some good points, so I have amended a few things in this post to make it more accurate and congruent.

EDIT 2: I have made a much-requested part 2 to this post here, so read it when you’re done reading this.

And now for something completely different. This is an article I wrote for the forums several years ago. I’ve cleaned it up and updated it. As part of the “Fun With Theory” series on this blog, this is a purely hypothetical thought experiment. It is not meant as anything literal or serious (though as is usually the case with these hypothetical stories, there are some serious aspects to it).

Let’s take a Star Trek moment and say a tear in the space-time continuum caused an alternate timeline in which I was born a female instead of a male. Let’s assume my personality and goals were more or less the same (as much as possible with a more emotional feminine brain), and let’s also make the wild and unlikely assumption that as a woman I was able to maintain at least most of my rational life outlook at least most of the time (which probably wouldn’t be the case, since I’d be a girl, but let’s go with it for the sake of illustration).

How then, would I have lived my life, and continue to live my life to this day, knowing what I now know? How would I achieve and maintain my lifestyle and goals of freedom and consistent happiness? It’s an interesting question because of the vast differences between men and women, also considering that men and women take very different paths in life. Note that I am not necessarily recommending that women do what I’m about to describe. At least, not all of it. This is simply an example of what would happen if a high-sex-drive, long-term-happiness-seeking, hyper-rational personality were a woman, rather than a man.

Here then is an overview of what I would do if I was a woman, “Blackdragonette”, starting with young adulthood at age 18.

Phase One: Be Hot

Whether we like it or not, whether we like to admit it or not, it’s a universal truth that generally speaking, the better looking a woman is, the easier her life is and the more she gets. (Have you ever seen a hot homeless woman? Neither have I.)

Therefore, starting at age 18, my primary focus in life would not be creating a high income (which it would be if I were a man). Instead, it would be to look as hot as I possibly could, “hot” being defined as what men find attractive, not what women find attractive, since often women find physical traits on women attractive that men do not (like short hair, for example). A hot chick can, if she plays her cards right, get all the money a man can get by working, and usually with far less time and effort invested.

That would mean:

A. Buying and reading many books and magazines on physical fitness and taking their advice.

B. Total focus on my eating and diet. (I have a feeling I’d be hungry often, like a supermodel.)

C. Hitting the gym daily. I would never allow myself to go above a size 4, ever.

D. Keeping my hair long and full.  I would bleach my hair blonde if it was not blonde already. I would do this regularly until I hit my 50s. (Remember, I’m looking for what most men think is hot on women, not what women think is hot on women. That means long blonde hair.)

E. If my boobs were anything less than a C cup, I would get breast implants ASAP to get to a C or D cup (depending on my body frame and height). I would pay for the surgery either via my parents (I would use my feminine superpowers of begging, pleading, doe-eyes, crying, and acting sad) or I would borrow the money and have an AFC baby-daddy pay off the debt for me (more on this in a minute) or trick/cajole/seduce the money out of an AFC boyfriend. All of which would be relatively easy because I’d be hot.

F. I would only wear hot clothing, i.e. clothing men consider sexy. Think clothing from Bebe (assuming I could afford it, if not I would dress as sexy as my income would allow…not a difficult thing to do).

By doing all of this, by the time I was 20 or 21 at the very latest, I’d be very hot, even if I had been born with an average face. Trim, fit body, big nice tits, long blonde hair, sexy clothes. Phase one accomplished. I can now get a significant percentage of what I want from men on my looks alone, even if I was a complete bitch. (Which I would not be. Just like Blackdragon, Blackdragonette would be a nice, chill person most of the time.)
Phase Two: Reduce Fear

Women spend most of their lives being scared of everything. Scared of strangers, men, poverty, rape, spiders, disease, Republicans, etc. One of the huge advantages of being a man is that you’re not scared to death to walk around outside by yourself at night, or travel alone, etc. Therefore, my secondary focus would be to reduce these fears to their absolute minimums by doing the following:

A. Take a karate class three times a week. Within three years I would have my black belt. I’d be sure to take a type of karate that really made a difference in real-life self defense, like jujitsu or aikido, not a pretty or feel-good karate like kung fu.

B. Save up about $600, purchase a small handgun, and keep it in my purse at all times. I would take several in-depth gun safety courses so I was really comfortable with the gun and knew how to use it inside and out. (I am a huge proponent of women carrying guns.) So by the time I was 22 or 23 years old or so, I would be a karate black belt and have a gun on me at all times that I knew how to use well. All my feminine fears about getting mugged or raped or whatever would now be at absolute minimums.

Phase two accomplished.

Phase Three: Eliminate The Biological Clock

Now we have to deal with the next problem that fucks up women: the dreaded biological clock. Because of the stupid biological clock, even very intelligent women regularly make terrible, irrational decisions about who to marry, who to have babies with, and when to marry, all of which completely fucks up their lives. I don’t want a fucked-up life, so I need to eliminate the biological clock problem as early in my life as I possibly can.

There’s only one way to eliminate the biological clock forever: have two babies. Yes, two. At a biological level, the vast majority of women out there want two kids. Not three, not one. Two. It’s just how women are. Therefore, I need to have two kids then get my tubes tied as fast as possible, so for the rest of my life I don’t need to worry about this biological clock bullshit.

Therefore, armed with my super-hotness and my lack of fear, I would go date and fuck a ton of guys. I would be as careful about preventing pregnancy and STDs as I am now as a man.

Over time, I would find the most wealthy and responsible guy I could, preferably a needy older millionaire with a six-figure income, and convince him to cum inside me when he knew I wasn’t on any birth control. Which, of course, he would. It’s what guys do.

Then I’d get preggo.

I would not marry him or move in with him, of course. At least not immediately (more on this in a minute). Just like with Blackdragon, being married and monogamous in a traditional fashion would not make Blackdragonette happy at all. If anything, Blackdragonette would have an even higher sex drive than Blackdragon does. She also wouldn’t have to work nearly as hard (in terms of time and effort) to find sexual partners. This would all make her even less qualified for long-term monogamy than Blackdragon! And she’d be well aware of this reality and not bullshit herself about it like most other high-sex-drive women do.

I would have the baby and start enjoying my huge child support checks (which are based on the income of the father, and he’d have a high income, so…). I would also get the needy AFC, uh, I mean, the father of my child to cover the cost of childcare while I was at work.

I would still watch the diet and hit the gym daily during and after my pregnancy to keep the hot young figure. (I’d have a few stretch marks on my stomach, but the vast majority of men out there don’t give a shit about those, and other than that I’d still be hot as hell. Plus there’s always surgical options.) As soon as the baby was born, I’d have Mr. High Income AFC get me “accidentally” pregnant again. (Worst case, if he was out of my life by then, I’d find another high-income beta to impregnate me.) As soon as the second baby was born, and I knew it was healthy, I would immediately get my tubes tied.

So by about age 25 or so, I would have had my two kids and tied tubes so I never, ever again need to worry about all the bullshit women spend the first half of their lives worrying about, like the biological clock, finding the right man to father my children, or getting pregnant by accident. In addition, I would be getting major monthly financial support from a guy(s) who would likely be a six-figure income dude, and that’s in addition to my own income.

That means the biggest problem of being a single mother (lack of income) would be eliminated for me; financially supporting my two kids would not be a problem with all that income, most of which wouldn’t even require me to work. (Then I might look at getting those damn stretch marks removed surgically…gotta stay hot!)

If I actually loved the baby daddy, which would be preferable, I would get into a serious OLTR with him, perhaps even move in with him. Such a thing probably wouldn’t last, but I would give it a strong effort (assuming I cared for him enough).

Phase three complete.
Phase Four: Snag My Man

As a hot chick, my income would be low. Instead of spending my early 20’s focused on increasing my income (which is what I did as a man), I would have been spending them at the gym, dieting, taking care of my kids, and dating high-income beta males (while getting sexually satisfied by Alpha Males on the side of course).

There may even be long stretches were I wasn’t even working at all. This is all well and good because of my child support, but I have a problem. As a woman, I know that my physical beauty is temporary, and thus can’t be relied upon forever. Like that famous Craigslist guy once said, women are depreciating assets. I would not bullshit myself about this and be well aware of this weakness as a woman. I would know that my hotness will deteriorate just a little bit every year after about age 25, and be rendered essentially useless for attracting the really amazing men by the time I hit my mid 40s or early 50s.

Yikes! That means at age 25, I’d have a 20 year window or so to make my looks earn me enough money to be able to support myself financially AFTER age 45 when my looks won’t do it for me,  just in case I can’t find or don’t want to put up with a beta male husband to pay my bills for me at that age.

I would not want to be like most older single women, looking around for some guy to marry to take care of me in my old age. I need to be independent and financially self-sufficient in my old age if I so choose. That means I need to start investing some money. Right now. That means I need money.

Where would I get my money? Well, I’m a young, super hot chick, so where do you think?

Knowing that as a woman I’d constantly be getting bored with my male partners, by age 25-28 or so I would likely have become bored with the father(s) of my two kids, so I’d be on to my next high-income beta boyfriend by then. He’d be paying for shit like my sexy clothes and my plastic surgery. Of course, I’d still be fucking Alpha Males on the side to satisfy me sexually. I would avoid outright cheating. Cheating is lying and drama and Blackdragonette doesn’t do drama. Instead I would force my submissive beta boyfriend to let me do it. Which, of course, he would.

When I finally started dating a really rich guy, I’d marry him immediately. I would make sure he understood that I’d be fucking young hot sixpack-ab guys on the side occasionally, but I would promise to keep it discreet (and I would). Plus he would not have to worry about them getting me pregnant; I’ve got my tubes tied, remember?
If he brought up the subject of a prenuptial agreement (and he likely would not, because men are pussies about prenups), I would act hurt and start crying. Then I’d soft next him and fuck some young dumb guy and made sure Mr. Beta found out about it. Mr. Beta would instantly reconsider all that mean nasty unfair unromantic misogynistic prenup stuff and marry me without one.

(Like many modern day women, while single I would brag that I “didn’t believe in alimony” and “would totally go for a prenup” because I “completely understand”, but when it came time for me to actually get married, I would do a 180 on all that shit and suddenly find prenups offensive and unacceptable.)

Phase four complete. Man successfully snagged.

Phase Five: Ensure My Retirement

During the marriage I would make sure there was an account set up in my name for my retirement. I would start to read books on investing and learn the topic well. This money is my retirement, so I need to make it last, with or without my husband.

I’m a girl, so after a few years I’d very likely get bored with Mr. Beta, and I’d more than likely divorce him, take a big pile of money with me, and leave most of it invested. I would not blow this money on stupid shit for me or my kids, which is what most women do. No, as always, the only money I would spend would be for sexy clothes, an inexpensive personal trainer (gotta stay hot!), and a moderate to low middle-class lifestyle for me and my kids, carefully investing everything else.

Worst case, I could get married a second time (without a prenup!), and either stay married to Mr. Beta in an open marriage or get divorced yet again, perhaps taking yet another “divorce payday” (that as a woman, I would be convinced I would be “entitled to”…Blackdragonette is a woman after all, not immune to at least some chick logic).
Doing all of this, by the time I was in my late 30s / early 40s and my looks started to deteriorate, I’d have at least a million dollars in the bank or close to it, in safe, conservative investments I knew a lot about (because I would have been studying the subject of investing for years…my feminine brain would find the topic boring and tedious, but I’d force myself to do it anyway).

I would have never lost any of it on some dumb guy I rushed into something with to “have babies before I’m 25/30/35/!” because I already have my two kids and my tubes are tied. Remember, the biological clock irrationality I already solved a very long time ago.

Now that I’m financially covered, the entire provider issue women constantly wrestle with, the issue of finding or keeping a man to financially take of them and their kids, is a moot point. I’m covered. And I’m still looking really hot for my age, hot enough to attract any high-quality man I want. And I have the money to pay for whatever plastic surgery and personal trainers I need to stay hot (or at least hot for my age), well into my 40’s and even beyond.

Going into my 40’s as a hot, sexually and financially independent woman, with my children grown and out of the house, I would eventually settle down in an OLTR (if I wasn’t in one already, which would be likely) with a beta whom I loved but wasn’t super attracted to sexually (while fucking Alphas on the side), or to an Alpha. Needy Alphas Blackdragonette would consistently avoid, since they would demand eternal monogamy. Blackdragonette doesn’t do monogamy or cheating, so Needy Alphas are out, other than as casual FBs on the side.

I would probably spend most of my time shopping, hanging out with my girlfriends, perhaps working part-time, and blogging about making homemade purses or something. Blackdragonette would be one happy gal.

Two Possible Questions/Objections You Might Be Thinking

Would Blackdragon ever date Blackdragonette?

Yes, with some provisos. If I was fucking Blackdragonette before she had her two kids, I would be very, very careful about birth control. If she ever really gave me shit about it, I’d hard next her fast. Likely she would end up pregnant with someone else’s baby either way, which would be fine with me.

Once she had her two kids and her tubes tied, I would date Blackdragonette as an FB or a very low-end MLTR, but she would clearly know that I would never marry her (with or without a prenup) because of her gold-digging attitude. Likely Blackdragonette would next me or LSNFTE reasonably quickly, unless I was her “Alpha on the side” once she was already with one of her high-income betas.

This is terrible! You actually want women to do this???

No. But I’m a man, sitting on the other side of the fence here. And like I said, this is just a theoretical thought exercise. I avoid gold-diggers myself. Plus, I don’t think most women can maintain the long-term logic and rationality it would take to pull something like this off. A woman like Blackdragonette would be highly unusual.

I do agree with the overall points the above demonstrates, including:

A. Removal of fear from a woman’s life.

B. Conquering the biological clock, a source of much pain and stress and bad decision-making for many women, including very intelligent women.

C. Being financially independent and understanding money.

D. Realizing that Disney fairytales are fantasy and don’t exist in real life, that very long term relationships or marriages are unusual for people under the age of 50, and that 82% of divorces are initiated by the female for a reason: because women hate LONG TERM monogamy. They like SHORT TERM monogamy.

E. Avoiding the self denial that plagues most modern women, regarding what they really want.

Now to see how many people’s heads explode….

Update: Part 2 to this post is right here.

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