I have been saying for years that if you trust birth control pills, you’re an idiot. If you’re barebacking a woman who is on birth control pills, or should I say, saying she’s on birth control pills, you’re rolling the dice with your life, your future income, your future happiness, and legal well being.

I’m talking about birth control pills here. Not birth control in general. While no form of birth control works literally 100.0% of the time, some forms of birth control really do work and are safe. The acceptable ones are:

Hysterectomy – When a woman has her uterus removed for medical reasons. This usually applies to women over 40, but there are odd exceptions out there.

Tubal Ligation – Getting your “tubes tied”, when a woman has her fallopian tubes burned shut (or otherwise permanently closed) so that no eggs can travel down the uterus to become fertilized. This usually applies to women who already have a child or two.

Mirena IUD – A small device implanted in a woman’s cervix, physically blocking incoming sperm. There are several kinds of IUDs but the only one that really works is the Mirena IUD, the one with hormones. The Paragard IUD is without hormones and doesn’t do shit. My mom, who used to teach childbirth classes, has told me all kinds of crazy stories about babies being born with the non-hormone IUD attached to their foreheads. So if a woman ever tells you she has an “IUD”, that’s not enough information. You need to know what kind. If she “doesn’t know”, then leave the condom on.

Nexplanon – One of the newer forms of birth control, this is a small rod implanted in the woman’s arm. It’s relatively new, but so far, the science shows it’s even better than an IUD or tubal ligation. Awesomeness.

Condoms – You have to use them correctly (most men don’t) and need to use a good brand. I’ve already talked about that here.

That’s it. Those are the forms of BC you can trust within the provisos described. Notice that “birth control pills” are NOT on that list. Neither is “the patch” or the Nuva Ring or any of that other crap.

What about depo shots? Depo is a gray area. It barely qualifies for my definition of “safe”, since there are many things that can go wrong with it. However I do have to admit it does work under certain conditions.

If you didn’t know, Depo is when a woman goes in for a shot once every three months or so. It works if the woman lives a normal life, eats normal food, doesn’t do drugs, doesn’t take any other medication, and doesn’t have any health issues whatsoever. Those are a lot of “ifs”. If any of those are untrue, it may no longer be effective and therefore not a form of birth control I completely trust.

Regardless, the birth control pill is the worst offender by far. Too many guys out there still rely on it. Here are five reasons why you shouldn’t.
Reason 1: It relies 100% on her behavior.

All five of the safe BC methods listed above do not require the woman to actually do anything on a regular basis. That’s why they work.

With birth control pills, the woman must remember to take a pill every morning. Every. Single. Morning.

What if she forgets? What if she’s frazzled and has a bad day? What if she spent the night at a friend’s house and forgot to bring them? What if she ran out and “hasn’t had time” to go to the doctor to get more? What if she spent the morning crying about something and forgot to do it? What if her roommate took them?

These are all real things that happen to women all the time. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but most women aren’t super organized. Remember that if you get her pregnant on accident, she owns your wallet for the next 18 years, and the government will happily toss you in jail if you don’t pay up. You want to trust all that to some sweet but distracted girl who can’t remember to bring her makeup to your house half the time? Uh, no.

Reason 2: There’s no way to verify she took it.

With an IUD, you can feel the string inside her vagina. With Nexplanon, you can feel the rod in her arm. Even with things like hysterectomies and tubal ligation, she can show you medical records or receipts or surgery scars. There’s an old story I told many years ago on the forums about a woman who told me she had a hysterectomy. I couldn’t see any scars on her, so I made her go check her files to pull out the medical records to show me she actually had the procedure.

Thankfully she was an older woman and a little more organized, and she actually had the records and showed them to me. Then the condom came off and we had a great time.

The point is, these things can be verified.

But with those stupid birth control pills, there is no way you can tell she “took one that morning”. Even if she shows you a missing pill, how do you know she didn’t just flush the thing down the toilet?

How many millions of men out there have become unsuspecting, surprise fathers because the woman they were having sex with decided to get preggo and stopped taking the pill even though they told the guy they were still on it?

The answer is millions. Don’t be one of them.

Reason 3: The “refill” time is too short.

Most of the safe forms of BC last many years. IUDs last five. Nexplanons last two.  Tubal ligations usually last forever and hysterectomies always do. This means a woman doesn’t have to worry about “refilling” their BC all the time.

With birth control pills, she needs to get a new monthly batch every damn month. Sometimes women get batches of two or three months a a time, and that’s fine, but still not ideal. Depo shots suffer from the same problem; she has to go back to the doctor every 90 days.

What if her schedule is disorganized? What if she forgets? What if she changes doctors? What if she moves? What if she (or her employer) changes her medical plan? What if insurance doesn’t cover it, or stops covering it, and she “doesn’t have the money to pay for them” anymore?

Again, these are all real things that happen to women all the time.
Reason 4: It’s way too easy to change her mind quickly.

You’ll notice that with most of the safe methods, if she changes her mind and wants a baby, she literally needs to schedule an appointment with the doctor, then go in and have a procedure performed.

That means she has to really, really think hard about her decision and really want a baby badly, and (often) with the man’s knowledge and assistance.

But hell, with the birth control pills, all she has to do is stop taking them. Then boom, she’s fertile, even within just a few days.

If you start dating a woman who is on birth control, then start having sex with her under those conditions, if she wants to change those conditions that’s fine. It’s her body and she has every right to do with it what she pleases. But you want a scenario where changing those conditions is a really, really big deal that causes her to really think and really want to do it. You don’t want the change just because she woke up PMSing that morning.

Moreover, you want to know if she changes the condition of your sexual relationship. Again, she can do whatever she wants, but don’t you want to know she’s going off BC? With birth control pills, you have no idea. With the safe methods, it’s much more likely you’ll know, especially if your relationship is more serious.

Reason 5: Birth control pills are unreliable.

Let’s go Disney for a minute and pretend that you’re dating a fastidiously-organized, emotionally-controlled, ultra-responsible, angelically-honest woman who takes her birth control pills every single morning without fail, always travels with them, always gets the prescriptions refilled well in advance before she runs out, and always does these things 100% of the time no matter what other emotional or financial chaos comes her way.

What happens when she starts taking other medication for some other problem and it affects the birth control? This happens all the time.

“Doctors are supposed to prevent that, Blackdragon.”

Yeah, and the government is supposed to prevent terrorist attacks, but they still happen all the time.

If her doctor (assuming she has one!) does screw up, is he going to pay the child support you’re going to shell out for 18 years when she gets pregnant? No? Then you probably shouldn’t rely on him. Just a thought.

But if that’s not enough, I’ll give you something even worse. What happens if the pharmaceutical company screws up and issues pills that don’t work? This also happens regularly. It just happened in Canada a few months ago. A bunch of pills were shipped with placebos instead of the real deal. Want to trust your wallet for 18 years to Big Pharma? I sure as hell don’t.

Look, I realize it might be weird to use a condom on a woman who’s on birth control pills (or who says she’s on birth control pills). I realize she might complain or think you’re weird. Her problem. If you bareback a woman who says she’s on birth control pills, you’re an idiot. There are millions of men out there just like you who are now getting their paychecks garnished because they trusted those stupid pills. Don’t be one of them.

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