Child Support – The Problem

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Child Support – The Problem

This is the first of a two-part post. I've talked a lot about marriage, divorce, alimony, and prenuptial agreements. One aspect of this I have not discussed much is child support, which is very different than alimony, and has nothing whatsoever to do with marriage. If you didn't already know, child support is government-mandated payments made from one parent to another with the expectation that the money paid will be spent raising the kid(s).

-By Caleb Jones

I support the overall concept of child support. It's how we go about it that's all wrong. Many men are surprised by several facts regarding child support:

1. Child support has nothing whatsoever to do with marriage. If you get a girl pregnant, you legally owe her child support even if you aren't married to her and barely know her.

2. Child support is not prevented by having a prenuptial agreement. If you have a woman sign a prenup, marry her, then have kids with her, then get divorced, you will still owe her monthly child support until the youngest child turns 18, regardless of what the prenup says or protects. A prenup protects you against spousal support (alimony) and communal property (her getting "half"). It does not affect child support in any way.

3. Men can and do go to prison for being unwilling or unable to pay child support. I have personally met and spoken to many such men. Other common penalties for men not paying child support are things like getting your driver's license suspended, your wages garnished, and your professional licenses suspended. Not paying child support is very serious business.

4. I can tell you from personal experience that government does not care why you can't pay your child support. If you get laid off from your job through no fault of your own, or the economy takes a downturn and you can't pay your required amount of child support any more, the government does not give a shit. You pay, or you go to jail.

5. In most governments, paying child support is still legally required of you even if the mother refuses to let you see your kids.

6. In most governments, the specific amount of monthly child support you pay has nothing whatsoever to do with what you and the mother negotiate or decide. Instead it's a mathematical formula. Usually the formula is based on the amount of your average monthly income minus the amount of her monthly income, and then they factor in the number of days you'll have your kids. From there, they just hand you a number, and that's what you pay, regardless of all other factors. (That means that if the mother was a stay-at-home mom, she gets much more child support from you, and she is far, far more likely to be awarded custody in a dispute.)

7. Child support (usually) ends only when the child in question turns 18, irrelevant of all other factors. That means if you accidentally get a woman pregnant, she owns your wallet for 18 years.

8. This one really surprised me years ago when I discovered it as I was formulating ways to create an OLTR marriage. There is no legal way to "opt out" of paying child support even if the mother agrees she doesn't want your money. There is no legal procedure or document you can sign where you can "get out" of paying child support.

True, if you don't pay and the mother doesn't care you're not paying and she doesn't push the issue with the government, you can possibly get away with it. However at any point in the next 18 years she can change her mind, contact the government, and then suddenly you owe thousands of dollars of back child support. Which you will pay, or go to prison. I do know a few "lucky" guys who are not paying any child support and the baby momma doesn't care, but these guys are ticking time bombs. At any time, they can get a letter in the mail saying they owe thousands of dollars, due immediately.

9. Child custody issues can indeed be prevented (to some degree) in many countries/states if a parenting plan is signed and filed by both parents before babies are born. However this will still not affect child support. To repeat, there is no reliable, legal way to "prevent" you being liable for child support if you get someone pregnant.
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10. You are still liable for child support even if a DNA test proves you are not the father. Yes, you heard me right. Just a few minutes on Google reveals all the horror stories. Women cheating on their husbands or boyfriends, getting pregnant by the guy on the side, having the baby, only to have the husband discover several years later that the baby isn't his. He gets a divorce, but surprise surprise, the court still orders him to pay child support anyway, even when he has a verifiable DNA test showing the baby isn't his, and even if he wasn't legally married to the mother.

Once again, the government doesn't care. You pay, or you go to jail.  This is why I have recommended to men over and over again that the instant your baby is born, you need to immediately get a paternity test to make god damn sure you're the father, and refuse to get your name placed on the birth certificate until the DNA comes back as a match. You must do this regardless of how perfect she is or how much she's Not Like The Rest™ or if she's a You Don't Understand Blackdragon She Would Never Do That™.

Don't be a oneitisy, love-struck dumbass when your special girl gets pregnant. Just get the DNA test.

If you then find out that you're not the biological father, you do indeed have enough time to prevent getting stuck with child support. But if you wait a year or two and then get the DNA test like most these guys do, you're fucked. Your cheating lady just won the lottery, and you're it. And our wonderful father-loving government will ensure she gets her winnings.

11. You have no legal authority whatsoever to enforce where your child support money goes. If you mail her that $300 child support check, and she uses cash to buy a new pretty handbag instead of food for your child, tough shit. There is nothing whatsoever you can do about it. When you pay child support to the mother, it's the mother's money to do with whatever she pleases.

12. You are 100% liable for child support even if you impregnate a woman who told you she "couldn't get pregnant". Even if you prove conclusively with documentation and video evidence in a court of law that the woman tricked you by "showing" you she could not get pregnant, you still owe her child support for 18 years. Again, the government does not care. You pay, or you go to prison.  It is 100% legal for women to commit fraud against men in this way.

You Can See The Problem

The above factoids are the reason I have never in my entire life gotten a woman pregnant on accident. I am almost Nazi-like when it comes to making sure I don't accidentally impregnate women, and you should be too. Any time you're feeling lackadaisical about it, punch up this blog post and re-read the above 12 items. Getting a woman pregnant on accident is pure hell for the modern day man. Don't do it.

The above problems aside, I actually do agree with child support as a general concept. If you cum inside a woman who you know might get pregnant, and a baby is created, you need to pay for that kid. Period. Deadbeat dads are shitheads. I pay child support for my kids and have no problem whatsoever doing so.

The problem is, as you can see above, the way we go about dealing with the child support issue in our current fucked-up, left-liberal, hyper-litigious, anti-father, politically-correct, quasi-feminist society. Yes, kids need child support. It's a good thing. We simply need to change how we go about it.

This article was about defining the problem. In the next post, I will lay out an entire system of exactly how child support should be handled in a free and legally fair society.

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This article was originally published on October 17, 2013


  • Socialkenny 2013-10-17 06:32:20

    I have no problems playing child support whatsoever- and I do. I have 2 kids with my current LTR. What really pisses me off is the attitudes of some women including my GF of 4 years. Whenever we get into disputes, she would hit me with, "You know I can take you to court for more in child support"? I'm like, "Bitch, I'm paying the required payment weekly! WTF you talking about"!? This' in the Caribbean where the laws are 100 times more lenient and laxed than the states, and the child-support laws differs in that there is a fixed payment the dad is required to pay, irrespective of how much he makes. So in that sense; it's better than the American system which is more hawkish and diabolical on men. As I stated before, I never skipped out on paying child support but when the baby-mama is being a heartless bitch- it's sad. During the recession years (2009), I got laid off from a sand-mining company where I was a truck driver. Not only did the law didn't wanna hear that you were severed due to the recession, but the baby-mama isn't trying to empathize neither. All in all, the child-support laws aren't the worst in the Caribbean compared to the US. And it's also $140 per child every 2 weeks in the Eastern Caribbean. Since I have 2 kids, I'm mandated to pay $280 every 2 weeks or whenever paid.

  • Socialkenny 2013-10-17 06:35:15

    I'm 31 years old and had my first at 28. My advice to men is just that you'd given also: be very selective of the women whom you impregnate! And the government does NOT give a fuck! And some women are heartless! Most of them are, irrespective of you being an avid child-support contributor. If you miss a week or month, there's a large percentage of women who will report you within a heartbeat, even if you didn't miss a payment in 10 years.

  • Jon 2013-10-17 08:13:41

    In some states child support can be changed after the fact. If a man's income drops significantly, he should be able to get the support modified by either negotiating with his wife and getting a judge to sign off (assuming the new amount still fits the formula) or going back to court if the parents can't agree. In practice, both those options would take time and probably wouldn't do any good if the guy couldn't make the payment right now. Of course, if he can't pay child support then he probably can't afford a lawyer either... I also don't know how often these types of requests would be resolved in the man's favor even if the option exists as a legal possibility.

  • Blackdragon 2013-10-17 09:57:41

    In practice, both those options would take time and probably wouldn’t do any good if the guy couldn’t make the payment right now. Of course, if he can’t pay child support then he probably can’t afford a lawyer either
    Correct. In most governments, these adjustments often cost thousands of dollars in attorney's fees to complete. How is a man going to do that if he can't afford child support in the first place?
    If you miss a week or month, there’s a large percentage of women who will report you within a heartbeat, even if you didn’t miss a payment in 10 years.
    Good point. I've seen this happen too. Again, the government is (usually) on her side regardless of context.

  • Rose 2013-10-17 10:08:05

    My ex and I have joint custody and I have both paid and received child support. We made a written agreement in court that is reasonable. IF both parties are amicable and fair, the child support issue is easily dealt with.

  • Blackdragon 2013-10-17 14:20:34

    The fact that 5% or 20% or whatever of women are completely fair, rational, amenable, and happy during a big breakup/divorce is irrelevant. Because you have no idea which category she's in when you first get her pregnant.

  • Bastardly 2013-10-17 14:51:57

    With problems like the content of this post rampant and the fact that having kids usually means a less joyful lifestyle, I'm still very happy about getting snipped, even years after the fact. Haven't had a pregnancy scare in years and never have to worry about a woman owning my wallet. Love it. Plus if I feel like it I can always adopt a kid or get into mentorship programs. Any way good post, look forward to part 2.

  • obeyx 2013-10-17 15:36:28

    Got a woman pregnant and she had a miscarriage, so I obviously dodged a bullet to the heart with that one. Actually considering a vasectomy but until then obsession over condoms and preg test will do for now.

  • don jon 2013-10-17 20:46:10

    “You know I can take you to court for more in child support”? Response: "You know I can put a bullet in my head at any moment and then you're left still having to survive while I'm finally out of this rat race?"

  • don jon 2013-10-17 20:50:35

    "Deadbeat dads are shitheads." Deadbeat dads are heroes:

  • Cerberus 2013-10-19 01:20:48

    This is what they make passports for. 🙂

  • Blackdragon 2013-10-20 12:29:33

    This is what they make passports for. 🙂
    Actually, guess what? In the US, if you are even one dollar in arrears in either child support or alimony, the federal government will not approve or renew a US passport. So if you're current on all of your support, then fine. If you already had a valid passport when you got slapped with child support, also fine (though you'd better stay current if you ever want to renew it). But if you're behind on any support and try to get a passport to leave the country, good're screwed.

  • CatLord 2016-12-07 04:52:31

    What I don't get is why this level of injustice against men is rampant, but we as a society are far more concerned with who sings what song, who won the Oscar, who was seen with whom, what movie is coming out next...

  • Eric 2018-04-16 09:30:35

    man i wish sb told me this when i was younger. glad i discovered your blog bro

  • Evalynn Parker 2019-04-11 08:42:34

    I am lying here this morning watching Lauren Lake's Paternity Court.  I got to thinking.  I am a 68 yr old woman, married and divorced once and married again and widowed.  I guess that for all these years of giving birth to four daughters I took the total blame for having children out of wedlock, and raising them alone.  My story goes back to my first child that I had at a very young age.  My parents led me to put her up for adoption and so I did.  Twenty nine years later she located me and two years ago she passed.  We did establish some sort of a relationship from the time she was 29 until her death at 51 yrs of age.  My next child I had when I was sixteen yrs old.  My boyfriend ditched me, went on to college, married, had a very successful career and two other children.  He never contributed to our daughter's life and never cared to contact us.  She is now 51 years old and has had very little contact with our child in her entire life.  I was married to my third daughter's dad, yet after an abusive relationship we divorced.  He never paid child support or showed any interest in anyone but himself.  Luckily I was married again years later to my late husband.  He was a good husband and father yet he didn't have the opportunity to be involved in our daughter's life because he died when she was only eight (8) years old.  Why I did not pursue  those two men for child support I now contribute to my ignorance and my disposition that I am a strong woman and could do it alone.  I was so wrong not to insist on my children's fathers not paying child support or being involved in the lives of their children.  Why they did not care nor choose to take responsibility for a child is sad to me as I look back over the years of struggle that I ensued as a single mother.    I felt the need to vent.  Thank you.

  • Mark 2020-07-19 09:39:47

    This is bang on. If you are just starting out on your sexual journey, and you read this article above,for gods sake re read it ! and remember it.Once the women is pregnant,YOU HAVE NO SAY IN IT WHATSOEVER,IN RESPECT OF KEEPING IT,OR ABORTING IT. Short of taking them into the woods and killing them,which,erm,is not advisible,your say is zero.Your say HAPPENS WHILE HAVING SEX. Miss that window and your fucked. So choose wisely. I have personally met and dated women who were sweet,kind, reasonable etc etc but as soon as they were pregnant,they did whatever they wanted NO MATTER WHAT I WANTED.Lesson learned fellas.Take note!