Comfortable Being Uncomfortable

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The problem is that you're not nearly as acquainted with the realities of being a woman. Oh sure, you can date women, live with a woman, interact with and observe women, and draw conclusions from this. I do this all the time and so do many other men. Sometimes your conclusions will be right, other times you'll be wrong. Over time, you may even get good at "understanding" women.

-By Caleb Jones

You're a man, you are well acquainted with what it's like to be a man. By the time you're about 25 years old or so, you have a reasonably comprehensive understanding of all the joys, sorrows, pains, and advantages of being a man. Regardless, you will never understand women as much as actually being a woman. This is true no matter how old you are or how many women you date/fuck/marry/live with/work with/father/raise/befriend.

The reason for this is being a woman, living life as a woman, is much different than being a man. I could list many differences, but the biggest one we men tend to underestimate is the sheer amount of pain and suffering women go through as compared to the typical guy.

I'm not saying men never suffer. Of course we do. I'm not saying men never get a raw deal for being men. Of course this happens and I've written about those instances extensively. But in terms of the overall amount of pain and suffering from age zero to age 80, women go through a lot more of it with their bodies, emotions, lives, and finances than does the typical man.

I'll be specific. Pretend you were born a woman. Here are some of the things you get to look forward to...

Your first 11 or 12 years are pretty good. Everyone kisses your ass and tells you how cute you are. But then the fun begins... First you start suffering cramps, and your vagina bleeds for several days. This happens every month for the next 35 years. Holy shit! You now have to deal with pain and blood and mood swings every month. A guy never has to worry about this. Then you turn 13, and suddenly you hate your parents, mostly your mother. For the next few years you go through a lot of conflict with your parents most teenage boys never experience. There's nothing quite like watching a screaming match between a mother and her 13-14 year-old daughter. How often do you see such a match between a mother and her 13-14 year-old son? See my point?

At around the same time, you become horribly concerned with your body and how you look, in ways boys your age don't even give a shit about. If you are at all overweight, even a little, multiply this by ten. You start having sex, and you like it. However, you can't cum. All the boys you have sex with have a great time and cum left and right, but you can't because of your body image issues, sexual inexperience, religious upbringing, daddy issues, blah blah blah.

It's likely you could get pregnant. Have fun being fat and throwing up for a year. Then you're a single mother. Kiss your happiness and freedom goodbye for the next 18 years. Oh, and have fun trying to lose all the baby fat when you're done. Oh, and that loser who impregnated you? He runs off and keeps right on going with his life while you're stuck with a screaming child for the next 18 years. (Sure, he has to pay child support, but only if he has income. If he's 19 years old and smokes weed all day, good look with that.)

For the rest of your life, you have to deal with fear of men. Rational or not, you have fears of being beaten, kidnapped or raped, and have to take all kinds of precautions regarding the opposite sex that men never need to worry about. For the rest of your life, you have to deal with ASD. You want to have sex with men, badly, but this strange magical force inside you tells you that you shouldn't, or shouldn't under certain conditions, or should feel guilty about it. Men don't have this problem. If that's not bad enough, this problem gets worse the older you get.

For the rest of your life, it takes you about 90 minutes in the morning to get ready. (A guy needs about 10-15 minutes, if that.) Say hello to all kinds of sleep deprivation and time management problems. Let's say you don't get pregnant. Uh oh, now you're at age 28 and have to deal with another major biological problem men don't have: the dreaded biological clock.

Now you start running around like a maniac trying to find a man to marry or impregnate you as fast as possible before your time runs out. Your standards for potential fathers suddenly drop like a stone, which in turn raises the odds of divorce (assuming there's a marriage at all; often there is not), parenting conflict, and other relationship problems. Us guys can father children throughout our entire lives, so we don't have this problem.

Then you turn 30. OH MY GOD I'M SO OLD NOW! You spend your entire 30th birthday crying. 31st birthday too. When a man turns 30 he barely notices. (Though to be fair, it's possible he'll freak out when he turns 40, although for very different reasons.)
A few years later you see some new wrinkles on your face and burst into tears. A guy doesn't even notice his wrinkles until he's about 50 (and even then he barely gives a shit...everyone's telling him he looks "distinguished" now). You're married now. Whew! Finally! But wait a minute, you're a woman, which means a few years into the marriage you're going to get sexually bored with your husband and won't want to have sex with him any more. Cue all the usual sexual marital problems of the modern era (including high odds of divorce and infidelity).

Okay. Now you're 45 or so and you've "made it". All the crap of parenting and emotions and pregnancy and periods and wrinkles and saggy boobs and divorces are over. You've accepted all of this and are finally at peace. But wait a minute! Now we have menopause! Yay! You wake up in the middle of the night with hot flashes, you start screaming at everyone for no reason, and you find yourself masturbating in the bathroom on your lunch break. You cry a lot, and have many stressful visits to the doctor. Have fun with this insanity for four or five years, if not longer.

Finally, well into your fifties, you're all done suffering. All you have to concern yourself with now is that fat ass that keeps growing no matter what you do and a nice new mustache because of your reduced estrogen.

When it comes to pain and suffering, women have men beat hands-down. This is why I always wake up every morning and thank the good lord I was born a man. If I had to deal with all the emotional and biological garbage women have to put up with on a regular basis, I'm pretty sure I'd kill myself.

So how to do women do it?

Human Adaptivity

Let me pause here and address the fact that you might be wondering where the hell I'm going with all this. "WTF? Is Blackdragon going to start defending women now???" Just stick with me for another minute. This is all background for some of the best relationship advice I can possibly give you.

Because of all this constant physical pain/discomfort and emotional pain/conflict, women simply get used to it. Human beings are amazingly adaptive creatures. It's one of the primary reasons we've survived ice ages, wars, famine, climate change and all kinds of fun stuff that has killed off many other forms of life on this world. We adapt well.

Over time, as a woman goes through all the crap I just listed, she starts becoming accustomed to pain, discomfort, emotional angst, drama, financial problems, and all the other chaos she encounters on a regular basis...things you are not encountering nearly as often as a man. (Yes, you can and will encounter some of them...I said not nearly as often.)

This means that when something arises in your life to cause you pain or discomfort (physical or emotional), the pain to you is a little sharper than if you were a woman. Why? Because she's used to bleeding and freaking out and all kinds of other shit. You aren't. When you get into a serious relationship with her, this means she has a hidden edge over you that you're not even aware of.

Comfortable Being Uncomfortable

This is the core concept: Women are comfortable being uncomfortable.

Credit for this phrase goes to 60 Years of Challenge, who first postulated this many years ago. This entire article is really just an expansion on his original concept. (And he's a hell of a guy who teaches quality information. Go to his site and buy his stuff.)

She's used to being uncomfortable. She's accustomed to it. You aren't. That means if she can make things uncomfortable for both of you, you're likely going to crack first. And she knows it.

Let's say you and your girlfriend or wife get into a huge argument. She starts screaming and yelling. I mean really screaming and yelling. Yuck, you don't like that. It makes you uncomfortable. But she's doing just fine screaming like a maniac. She's accustomed to discomfort. So you crack and give in.

Ohhhhh no. Not me, Blackdragon. I'm an Alpha Male.

Okay. Let's say you're a tough manly-man and don't crack. No problem, she just ups the ante. As you're lecturing her with all your Needy Alpha 1.0 guy-logic about how her behavior is unacceptable and how she needs to respect you, she grabs the frying pan and and throws it at the window as hard as she can. Or she takes a piece of glassware and throws it on the floor. Or she grabs a butcher knife and threatens to kill herself. Or she calls 911 and tells the cops you're beating her up. Now you have a real problem. But she's still just fine. She's in her element.
You want to be comfortable. She wants her way.

Guess who usually wins. The woman does, of course. Men don't like that kind of discomfort. They're not used to it. Women have no problem with it at all. Many of them actually like it.

That's an extreme example. Maybe your GF/wife isn't such a bitch. So instead of throwing pots and pans, she gives you the silent treatment...for days and days. Or restricts sex...for weeks and weeks. You hate it, because it's uncomfortable. But she's comfortable being uncomfortable. She bleeds from her vagina on a regular basis and dies a little inside every time she sees her crow's feet in the mirror. She can do this uncomfortable shit forever, no problem. You can't. You want to be comfortable.

After a hard day's work you just want to sit on the couch and relax. Us guys work hard. When it comes to focus, we have women soundly beat. But when we're done working, we want to be comfortable. We don't want to work all day then come home and work another several hours by getting screamed at by our wives/GFs.  When this happens, you want to get back to "comfortable" and "happy" again as fast as possible. But that's not what she wants.

Make sure you hear me on this. I am not saying women are stronger than men. What I am saying is that generally speaking, in most cases, women are more accustomed to discomfort than men. Moreover, women know this at an instinctual level, and will use this against men. Guaranteed. They've been doing this for hundreds if not thousands of years. She knows you will move heaven and Earth to get your relationship back to harmony, even if that means massive betaization, compromise, and/or financial expense on your part.

(In addition, I am not saying there are no benefits to being a woman over being a man. Of course there are. Women get thousands of dollars of free stuff from men throughout their lifetimes that us guys will never get from women, as well as support from the court system men do not enjoy, so these things are certainly benefits.)

Your job is to constantly be aware of the fact that the woman, or women, in your life are usually going to attempt to use discomfort as a weapon against you in order to get what they want. It's a powerful weapon indeed. It's like a laser gun that shoots both of you at the same time except she's immune to it.

The way to avoid its effect is to:

1. Never give a woman that kind of power over you in the first place. That's what most of my relationship writings are all about. Don't do things like spend lots of money on her, promise her monogamy, marry her without an enforceable prenup, betaize yourself with her, co-own assets with her, etc. She can't use the laser gun if you never put it in her hand to begin with.

2. As soon as she starts using discomfort against you, immediately boot her out of your life and keep her out of your life for several days before you resume the relationship. That's what the soft next is all about. I can tell you from vast experience, and so can many other men who use the soft nexting technique, that she'll stop using that laser gun really quick if she realizes it won't work on you. As I said above, women are very adaptable, so use that to your advantage instead of to your detriment.

And never forget, you want to be comfortable, but she wants her way. And if you don't understand what this article is advising, she'll get it.

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