Flowers For Algernon – Man’s Relationship Version

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-By Caleb Jones

Jan 15th, 2009

It happened again today. I tried to have sex with Janie but she screamed at me and started complaining about how I "left a mess" in the kitchen yesterday. My "mess" was four slivers of shredded cheese, but that didn't matter. I tried to ask her what a "mess in the kitchen" had to do with us having sex, but she just said, "Charlie? If you're that dumb, I can't explain it to you." Then she turned on the TV and started ignoring me.

I mean, I love Janie. I really do. We've been living together for almost four years now and that means a lot to me. But I don't think she understands that I'm a dude. I need sex. If she's in a bad mood or on her period or had a bad day at work, I still need sex. She keeps taking all kinds of other things in her life and throwing them at me as an excuse to not have sex.

It's really pissing me off. She never acted like this when we were first dating. I'm a good man to her. This isn't fair.

Feb 14th, 2009

WTF??? I'm so fucking mad right now I can barely type this god damn fucking journal. I asked Janie, I mean I asked her over a month ago, what restaurant she wanted to go to for Valentines Day.

She said what she always says, "I don't care, Charlie. You pick." Yeah, well, ha, I know what that means. That means I'll suggest a place and she'll say "Ew! No!" Then I'll suggest another place and she'll say, "Oh my god Charlie, why would I want to go there?" I'll keep suggesting places and she'll keep shooting them down. That's what "I don't care, pick whatever you want" means.

So this year I was a little smarter. I pre-ordered the six dozen roses for Valentines Day, and reserved the limo for 3 hours. I also bought her a really nice diamond necklace that I'm going to give to her on the big day. Grand total I've only spent $1200 so far, which is pretty good considering last year I spent $200 more than that. (Not including dinner and stuff of course.)

So THIS time, when she gave me the usual "I don't care where we go" stuff, I manned-up and FORCED her to give me an answer. She resisted but finally she said she wanted to go to "any fondue" place. I asked her which one, but then she started screaming at me again so I backed off.

So cool, I made a reservation for Shattuck's Fondue, one of the best fondue restaurants in the city. Our dinner there will cost probably around $240 for both of us, considering we're going to get drinks too. $240 + the $1200 I've already spent is $1440. Not bad for a romantic Valentines Day for her. Despite our problems she's worth it.

Well, the evening started out fine. We took the limo down to the restaurant, but as soon as we walked in I could see there was trouble on the horizon. She started complaining that the place "smelled funny". I just joked and told her it would be fine.

It wasn't fine. When they served the first course she hated it and started complaining about it non-stop. All night she complained. "This food wasn't what I thought it would be," she kept saying. I asked if she wanted to go somewhere else, since I would be happy to take her, and she said no. She just kept complaining, getting worse as the night wore on. Even the necklace didn't calm her down.

For the rest of the evening she was in a bad mood. Later she started screaming at me about my work schedule. We didn't even have sex when we got home.

This is bullshit.

March 29th, 2009

I walked into the living room today, catching Janie complaining about me on the phone to one of her girlfriends. She was talking about how boring I was. I felt like shit the rest of the day. I love Janie. I would never, ever leave her. She's my shining star, she's the best thing in my life. She's beautiful and smart. But she can be such a bitch!

I did some Google searches online about "exciting couples activities" and "romantic first dates". I'm going to do my best to re-ignite our fire.

April 22nd, 2009

Well, today was the day I finally moved my last piece of furniture out of the house. Last week the lease on the house was up, and Janie broke up with me. I'm now in this little studio apartment. Alone. Most of my stuff is still in boxes. I don't even want to unpack. Fuck it.

Janie's already dating some new guy. Some fucking douchebag. She's got pictures all over her fucking Facebook about it. I don't even fucking care. Fuck that bitch.

I feel like shit. I've never felt this bad in my entire life. I'm thinking about killing myself. I still have my dad's old .38 from when he was on the force...I wonder how much killing yourself with a gun would actually hurt.

Sometimes I text Janie but she doesn't even respond any more. Hopefully her and this new douche fucker won't work out and we'll get back together. I'll text her again tomorrow. She's got to give me another chance.

Fuck my life. I don't feel like doing anything. Just sitting here. I've never been in this much pain.

September 14th, 2009

I went out on my first date today. Damn! She was really hot! I think my odds are good. We'll see. I'm reading a lot of dating and PUA blogs and downloaded a few ebooks. Gonna give this stuff a try. If these guys can do this stuff, hell, I should be able too also.

October 20th, 2009

Two women in one month. Me. That's right. Me. Ashley is 20 years old and hot as hell, Jennifer is 28 and fit and gorgeous. I'm dating both at the same time! WTF??? How awesome is this?

I didn't even think anything like this was possible. I mean...this stuff is so EASY. I admit when I first started trying this alpha male stuff, it felt a little weird. Like not texting girls all the time and not spending money on just didn't feel right to me. But hey, so far so good! And I've got two other first dates scheduled on top of that!!! Boo-ya!!!

March 3rd, 2010

Clearly I haven't been writing in my journal lately. Been kinda busy. I've got four women in my life now, two MLTRs and two FBs. Not a single drop of drama from any of them. Also, my income has gone up 27% since last summer. Dropped 11 pounds too.

I am, by far, the happiest I've ever been in my entire life. I can't believe I was even living the way I used to live back when I was with Janie. It's almost like that man was a completely different person. That guy seems almost...alien.

I can do whatever I want, whenever I want, and women still love me. That's women, plural. Jennifer finally told me she loves me and Brittany told me that like three months ago. I'm considering upgrading Jennifer to OLTR, but I'm in no rush. We'll see.

July 14th, 2010

Life is good. My career is humming right along and I still have four women on rotation, though two of the women are different than when I last posted in this journal. Bringing new women into the fold has become pretty easy. I really care for Jennifer a lot and consider her my number one. I've gotten so good at this stuff I've decided to start my own blog and talk about this stuff more. I'm sure I can help other guys do this. And maybe make a little money on the side too. We'll see.

Every guy has GOT to do this. I can't even understand why anyone would want to be a monogamous beta male. Seriously.

March 5th, 2011

Life is good as usual. But you know, I've been thinking. I this all there is? Fucking all these women and just being independent all the time? What about commitment? What about having kids? I mean, you can't go around having sex with women when you're trying to raise kids. Everyone knows that's impossible. Isn't there more to life than this alpha male stuff?

I want some deep meaning and connection. I'm not sure if I'm making sense here. Oh well. So far so good anyway.

April 2nd, 2011

Holy shit. I've stared dating this new girl...Tiffany. Dude. She's fucking perfect. She's super hot, super cool, very smart, has a college degree and everything. Her parents are still married and she had a really good childhood.

I just can't get her out of my mind. It's like the universe created the perfect woman just for me, just to my specifications. I've fallen hard for her, and I don't fucking care. Tiff is not like any other women I've ever had sex with, and I've had sex with 46 women so I know what I'm talking about. She's a cut above the rest.

June 1st, 2011

Tiff and I finally had our big talk. We're going to stop seeing other people. She was already not seeing other guys, because she's not a slut like all those other girls I've been messing around with. So hey, I've got to be cool about this and be fair about this. She deserves it.

So I nexted Jennifer and Brittany. Jennifer cried and called me an asshole. Man. Totally fucking irrational. Women, right? It's too bad she doesn't understand a real man. Ashley nexted herself by getting a boyfriend who's three years younger than her. What a dumb bitch.

I've been thinking about all of this. I'm a man. A real man grows up. A real man takes responsibility. A real man takes care of a woman. Tiff and I are going to have a great life together. Will it be easy? Hell no! But I know exactly what I'm doing, and Tiff is an unusual woman. We're going to make this work.

January 10th, 2012

Our wedding was awesome. Went off without a hitch. I was glad, since shit, I paid for the entire thing. Tiff couldn't afford it and her parents are pretty strapped so I kicked in for most of the cost of the wedding and reception. It was all designed exactly the way Tiff wanted. She had been fantasizing about this big fairytale wedding her entire life and I really wanted to give her that gift. She deserves it.

Next, we're off to Cabo for a week for the honeymoon baby! Boo-ya!

May 29th, 2012

I am the happiest I've ever been in my entire life. I never knew a man could be this happy. Tiff is perfect in every way, and we just found out she's pregnant! I'm going to be daddy!!! Fuck yeah!

All those PUA and manosphere blogs....what bullshit. Those guys don't know what the hell they're talking about. They're just a bunch of woman-hating children. They've never met a woman like Tiff. I feel so sorry for those lame douchebags. They don't understand that a real man can experience a deep connection with a woman. I stopped reading that crap almost a year ago. Didn't want to further poison my mind. I feel so much better now.

Man, I can't believe I actually paid attention to those guys. Well, live and learn.

June 14th, 2013

Tiff screamed at me again today about how I didn't fold the baby's diaper correctly. Jesus. She needs to relax. I told her she'd better lower her voice and stop acting like a child or there'd be hell to pay. She screamed back at me and we had an argument, just like last week. She needs to understand I'm the man around here and I don't tolerate that shit. She'll fucking learn.

July 21st, 2013

I tried to have sex with Tiff this evening and she gave me some bullcrap about her knee hurting or something. Bullshit. We had it out, and after about an hour of fighting she's now giving me the silent treatment. She's downstairs watching CSI as I type this. This is FUCKING BULLSHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

December 12th, 2013

It happened again today. I tried to have sex with Tiff but she screamed at me and started complaining about how I "left a mess" in the kitchen yesterday. My "mess" was four slivers of shredded cheese, but that didn't matter. I tried to ask her what a "mess in the kitchen" had to do with us having sex, but she just said, "Charlie? If you're you're that dumb, I can't explain it to you." Then she turned on the TV and started ignoring me...

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