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How Women Irrationally Resist the No Contact Rule
A few of you sent me this article, which is a female dating/relationships expert giving advice to women on how to deal with the no contact rule. This is a rule I’ve talked about many times, including here and here when I talked about soft nexting, and here when I talked about how to get an ex back.
-By Caleb Jones
The problem is everything else she says in this article. Let’s examine. You decided to end a relationship that was not meeting your needs, was emotionally suffocating, deeply troubled (too many arguments and fights) or simply moving too fast in terms of the level of closeness or commitment you are comfortable with, and the next thing you know – your ex has completely cut you off.
They unfriended you, blocked you, won’t respond to your texts and will not pick up the phone. It’s like he/she disappeared off the face of the earth. No warning. No explanation. Nothing. Did you catch how the above statements don't make any sense? She decided to end the relationship, so he decides to cut off contact. Okay... then what's the problem? If she ended the relationship, so what if he cuts off contact? She ended the relationship, didn't she? Why is it such a problem that he cut off all contact?
There are only two valid answers to this question. The first answer is that she lied to him. She didn't really end the relationship and wants it to continue. She threw a little temper tantrum and said the relationship was over, when in fact it wasn't. As usual, what women say and what they do are often two different things. The problem is most men don't know this. Therefore, if she says the relationship is over when it isn't, and he cuts off all contact, she has only herself to blame. He's just going along with what she said she wanted.
The second answer is that she wants to friend zone the poor bastard. As I've clearly demonstrated here and here, friend zone is the worst place for a man to be. Friend zone is even worse than having a bitchy girlfriend, since at least the guy with the bitchy girlfriend is getting laid. By cutting off contact with you, the guy you dumped is avoiding friend zone, which is a very good thing for men to do. I wish more men did it.
For the rest of the article, the woman seems to switch gears, and imply that the no contact rule is happening within the a relationship that hasn't ended yet. In other words, she's talking about a soft next. It's a pity that she wasn't more specific with these two different scenarios, since the end of a relationship and a soft next within a relationship are two completely different things (though the no contact rule applies and is effective in either case).
Should you fall for the “no contact” ploy and pursue someone who is acting like a sulking child who doesn’t know how to take “no” or “not now” for an answer?
I have said many times online and in my books that a soft next is not you "sulking." When you soft next a woman, you should immediately go do something fun or productive. Have sex with another woman on your roster. Immerse yourself in a very important career or business project. Go snowboarding. If you soft next a woman and then spend that time sitting around sulking about how angry you are or how much you miss her, you're doing the soft next incorrectly (and you're a beta, or at least acting like one). A properly executed soft next is the opposite of acting like a sulking child. It is a busy Alpha Male with a Mission and very full life who doesn't have time for a woman's irrational bullshit.
When she says "no" or "not now" for an answer, I'm not sure what she means, but my assumption based on something she says a little later is that she means having sex. I have already written an entire article about how soft nexting applies to a woman you're already in a sexual relationship with, who is refusing to have sex with you for non-medical reasons. It's right here and I suggest you read it if you haven't yet. It depends on whether you believe emotional abuse has a place in a healthy relationship. Look, it doesn’t matter how you slice this cake, someone suddenly cutting off all contact in an attempt to get you anxious, fearful, feel rejected, doubt your own desirability, confused and depressed is not acting with love – and you need to recognize it for what it is. Emotional abuse.
It can't be emotional abuse if it's a response to a woman ending your relationship. She ended it, so the relationship is over. You can't emotionally abuse a woman you're not dating anymore and not spending time with anymore. What if it's a soft next within a relationship? Is soft nexting really "emotional abuse?" This gets into a serious problem I've always had with the (largely left-wing) psychology community with their use of massively over-broad definitions of terms. As just one easy example, Wikipedia defines emotional abuse as: a form of abuse, characterized by a person subjecting, or exposing, another person to behavior that may result in psychological trauma, including anxiety, chronic depression, or post-traumatic stress disorder.
In other words, anything you do that a woman you're dating doesn't like could be defined as "emotional abuse." Just like the term "rape culture," the term "emotional abuse" means pretty much "anything a woman might not like." According to that definition, anything you do that could cause a woman anxiety (for example) is "emotional abuse." She has a really bad day, texts you, and you can't text her back for 90 minutes because you're in a meeting, so she gets anxiety. Is that emotional abuse? According to that definition and many women, the answer is yes!
Look, if a guy is constantly screaming at his girlfriend or wife, and calling her fat, or calling her a cunt, etc, I get that's emotional abuse. But doing anything that causes her to get upset or anxious? Uh... no.
As you can clearly see in my glossary, the definitions for the terms I use are very clear and very specific. There's never any confusion or debate on the specific definitions of the terms I use. Specific and clear definitions like this are conducive, hell, required for quality discourse. But these broad, sweeping, unclear definitions for things like "emotional abuse" aren't helpful at all, because you can attach that term to literally, and I mean this now, literally anything a woman (or man) doesn't like. Stupid... I reject the term "emotional abuse" until someone can give me a widely agreed-upon definition that is very clear, very specific, and doesn't leave room for wild interpretation. I've done this with my terms, so it's not that difficult.
When someone uses “silent treatment”, the “cold shoulder treatment” or “no contact” It's important to differentiate the difference between "no contact" and the "silent treatment," because these are two very different things. One of them is effective, the other is childish, ineffective, pathetic, and beta. No contact, via either soft nexting or the four month no contact rule when a woman dumps you, is extremely effective in bringing women back into your life in a happy state. I recommend these techniques often to men and will continue to do so.
I have also said on numerous occasions, particularly in item number 16 right here, that the "silent treatment" does not work at all, and will simply result in more drama, not less. It also demonstrates to her a very beta, needy, childish frame, which is the opposite of the Alpha, outcome independent frame you need to exude for maximum attraction and minimum drama. For more information on that, refer to that link.
...to get you to comply and do what they want, or give them what they want, it’s a behaviour learned from childhood with a parent or key caregiver. A parent or caregiver denies a child attention, affection or love as a way of punishing, hurting, manipulating or controlling him or her; young, innocent and vulnerable, a child gives in or does as told to regain the parent or caregiver’s attention, affection or love.
A child repeatedly exposed to this kind of emotional abuse grows up thinking it’s the only way to get others to do what you want and give you what you want. But the effect of this form of emotional abuse cuts deeper and creates scars that are far more lasting than most people realize. Most people exposed to this kind of emotional abuse live with separation anxiety, are needy and clingy, have low self-esteem, don’t trust themselves, have problems telling whether someone is interested in them or not, never ask for what they want, are passive aggressive etc.
Some grown-up men and women even believe that with-holding attention, affection or love is how you prove that someone really loves you. The more threatened, anxious, rejected, jealous, clingy or desperate he/she feels, the more proof of their love. That’s how sick this is! I don't disagree with any of this. Men who do this because they're whiny babies have issues. That often describes men who do the silent treatment on women. It is childish and very beta.
Instead, I recommend men utilize no contact as a relationship management technique, because it is the single best technique we have as men to reduce drama from the women we date. As I've said many times, the soft next is not done from a place of anger or malice. It's a tool used to ensure a long-term, happy relationship with minimal drama and arguments. A person using “no contact” to make you feel anxious, jealous, clingy or desperate is not doing it out of love. He/she is doing it because he/she needs to emotionally break you to feel in control – just like in the parent-child dynamic they’re so familiar with.
Or, he's doing it because he doesn't like it when you scream and bitch at him. He loves being with you when you're happy. He doesn't like being with you when you're bitchy. Therefore, he chooses to not spend time with you when you're being a bitch. Sounds reasonable to me. There is nothing wrong with this, and I would still agree with it if it was a woman soft nexting a bitchy man, so this has nothing to do with gender.
The sad part is, many people using this unhealthy and dysfunctional relating pattern are not necessarily bitter or vengeful people out to hurt the person they love. They honestly believe that because it was done to them and it worked, it will work with you too.
Guess what? It does work. Not only does soft nexting work, but it works literally better than any other relationship or conflict management technique you can possibly come up with or test. If you don't believe me, go try all the other techniques people give on how to calm down a bitchy, hysterical woman, and watch how ineffective they all are. Then try a soft next, make very sure you do it correctly (because doing it wrong often makes things worse), and then marvel in wonder at how well it turns an angry woman into a sweet, caring and loving woman with minimal effort.
Moreover, the four month no contact rule for a woman who dumps you works too. If you vanish out of her life after she dumps you, your odds of having sex with her again at some point down the road skyrocket as compared to continuing to ask for her to come back like some kind of needy pussy, or continuing to message her like some kind of polite, friend zone orbiter all the time.
No contact works. You may hate that, but those are the facts, Jack. If there was a better way of reducing drama in a relationship (or getting an ex back), then I would recommend that instead, but I haven't seen one yet. When you come up with one, let me know. I won't be holding my breath.
You know what they say: “You teach people how they treat you.”
Exactly! If she bitches at you and you bitch back at her, you satisfy her need for attention and reduce her attraction by complying with her needs. If you keep reacting this way whenever she bitches at you, you're teaching her to keep bitching at you. If instead you soft next her ass after 20 seconds or so, she's going to learn pretty quickly that pulling that bitchy shit on you isn't going to work. You're teaching her to treat you more nicely and with more respect. Over time, she will give you less drama, or she'll dump you so she can give the next sucker the drama and bullshit you won't allow. Either way, you win.
If you take back someone who thinks it’s okay to punish you for ending a relationship that was not meeting your needs WHAT?!? Again she blames the man when the woman is the one who ended the fucking relationship! What the FUCK, lady? If she ended the relationship, that was her decision. How the hell can you attack the man's behavior after she dumped him? She made that bed, not him.
...or that was simply moving too fast for the level of intimacy you were comfortable with YES! A woman you've already had sex with many times and who is now refusing sex for non-medical reasons is perfectly deserving of a (nice) soft next. Using sex as a weapon is unacceptable, if not grounds for a full-on break up, so she can be with a man more compatible with her sexual comfort level, as I talked about in detail here. A sexually repressed or sexually nervous woman should not be in a relationship with a man with a very healthy sex drive. That's dysfunctional regardless of the techniques used. Moreover, a woman who keeps restricting sex from her monogamous husband or boyfriend is just begging to be cheated on. Her anger doesn't change masculine biology. you are only re-confirming to him/her that withholding attention, affection or love works.
However, I'm not talking about withholding affection or love, just attention. If/when I soft next a woman, my love or affection (if she's an MLTR or OLTR) doesn't change, internally or when I spend time with her again, nor does my friendship (if she's a FB). It's simply a temporary removal of attention, nothing else. If you still have feelings for your ex and want to give him/her a chance to break the pattern of dysfunctional relating, send your ex a text or email telling him/her that if he/she doesn’t want anything to do with you ever again, then you understand that he/she needs a clean break to move on.
Agree 100%. But if he/she hopes to get back together with you someday, “No Contact” is not the way to do it. It’s immature, manipulative and undermines any efforts to have a healthy relationship.
If you tell a man he can't do something, then it's incumbent upon you to give him something new he can do, and is as effective or more effective than the old behavior. So if soft nexting is no longer allowed, great. Give that man a very specific, proven system for reducing your drama the next time you scream at him. (And things like "just talk it out" or "work it out" or "deal with it" or "be a man" are not examples of specific, proven systems.)
If you cannot provide him with such a system, then tough shit, Sweetheart. The soft nexting will continue whenever you're acting like a bitch. If you hate that, you are more than welcome to dump him and go find another man who is happy to take your "emotional abuse." If he/she doesn’t see what’s wrong with this approach to resolving conflict, then it’s best that you both move on. Correct, and do so immediately. Stop wasting each other's time. If your ex sees that you are not falling for his/her “cold shoulder” treatment and are really serious about moving on, he/she will be all over the Internet looking for advice on “what to do when my ex contacts me saying he/she is moving on!”
Sadly, since most men in serious relationships are either betas or Alpha Male 1.0s with oneitis, this is true. The Alpha Male 2.0 will simply say, "Hey, no problem, I completely understand! I want you to be happy and I wish you all the best." Then he'll go have sex with someone else on his roster and continue on with his Mission, with or without you.
Misery does love company, no doubt much of the advice will be, “don’t give in. stick to No Contact” . That's not because misery loves company. It's because no contact works. You can’t change someone else. The only person you can change is you. Correct, so don't try to make a man not next you when you're being a bitch. Saying “NO!” to emotional manipulation and/or abuse is taking care of your own emotional health, and cleaning up your emotional energy so that you will be ready for a relationship in which you will be treated with the respect, affection and love you deserve.
Again, if a woman isn't happy with the man she's seeing, she should dump his ass ASAP and move on. Much better than sticking with the guy and continuing to experience regular drama. Life is way too short for that shit. Keep in mind that not everyone who suddenly cuts off all contact is doing so to break you. Some people use “No Contact” because they believe it’s the best way for them to heal from the pain and move on. Or they know it's the most effective technique to use.
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Anon. 2017-01-19 05:22:49
BD, what are you using to type your articles? Speech recognition? Screen keyboard? Your typos look somewhat strange to me : )
hey hey 2017-01-19 05:28:21
That woman advocates talk in depth with the woman that dumped you to solve the problems and come back together. That's her "better" advice to the no contact rule. I really wonder if the people in her testimonials are real: "I have some good news. I had an 8-hour conversation with my ex and she has agreed to give us another chance." That's some hardcore shit here. 8-hours?
DisgruntledEarthling 2017-01-19 05:34:50
Timely article - just went through this exactly. On to the next...
CSR 2017-01-19 05:46:17
That rationalization hamster of the article's lady is about to hit warp 9. It is showing the severe aversion women have on taking responsibility for their decisions. When she breaks up, the entire decision is hers and if, in the future, that decision turns out to be bad for her because she doesn't find an improved version of you (or the new relationship fails, and it will) then the only blame for breaking up the old relationship is on her, not you. That's why I've even seen a soon-to-be ex of mine trying to manipulate me into making the breakup as something that we agreed instead of being her only decision. Crazy.
Ash 2017-01-19 06:00:42
I was confused by the article on that site. The circumstances in the anecdotes are unclear. If I dumped a guy, I wouldn't expect him to continue to contact me for any reason. If I am the one dumping him, then that means I no longer want him in my life, which means I'd be the one cutting him off and initiating the no contact rule, not the other way around. At least that's how I have done with my exes.
Anon. 2017-01-19 06:13:53
That woman advocates talk in depth with the woman that dumped you to solve the problems and come back together. That’s her “better” advice to the no contact rule. I really wonder if the people in her testimonials are real: “I have some good news. I had an 8-hour conversation with my ex and she has agreed to give us another chance.”I have a hunch about these 8 hour conversations: 1. She still somewhat likes him, otherwise she wouldn't have spent even 8 seconds talking. 2. He unknowingly says one thing that sparks her enthusiasm. 3. They try the relationship again. 4. It likely fails.
hey hey 2017-01-19 06:40:48
The only hunch I have is that she is a stone cold calculated bitch who got everything she wanted from the conversation. So she tied and stretched his balls from every angle possible. That guy is re-entering the most miserable relationship he can get. And all that because of the advice he got. That's really what you get when you get an advice from women in such matters.
Gil Galad 2017-01-19 07:48:01
She didn’t really end the relationship and wants it to continue. She threw a little temper tantrum and said the relationship was over, when it fact it wasn’t.I wish I knew that in 2014. So many things women did were incomprehensible to me back then. A woman explicitly broke up with me, and I responded (with zero calculations or afterthoughts) that I wished her the best; the next thing I knew she was bombarding my phone with calls and messages. I'm pretty bitter about it, that year really made me a "sexist" who now believes that even very smart women aren't nearly as rational as smart men. It also introduced me to "the wolf": women may not specifically be out to get you, but they are definitely not above chasing you if you seem to be taking a break-up too well, in order to get you back and only dump you when you're truly broken. Maybe they actually do all this mindlessly and don't really scheme it, but from a guy's perspective the immorality of it all is disgusting. About that woman's article, I think that one of the problems here is that the very concept of something that "works on people" / works on women is highly offensive to left-wingers. It's in the same family of memes as "don't objectify me" etc. Left-leaning women find it very offensive that a man may do anything based on statistics and knowledge of human nature to improve his results with women, therefore, in their mind, "game" is rape, and soft nexting is emotional manipulation. They view it as manipulation because the man has stopped merely reacting and going by feel and has started to take actions aimed at eliciting a repeatable result in the person they're aimed at, and left-wingers hate being reminded that there is such a thing as a relatively fixed human nature with predictable patterns, especially one that shows sex differences. The "problem solver", "why did it go like this and how can I fix it" personality profile (which essentially took us from living in huts to landing on the moon) is precisely what left-wingers like to call a sociopath.
MisterB 2017-01-19 08:19:57
Thank you Blackdragon. I broke up with my ex-gf 5 months ago after she cheated on me. Actually we decided to take a '2 week break' in which we both would party and kiss (NOT HAVE SEX WITH) other people. (worse idea ever, I know). In those 2 weeks, I was asked home by a girl at a club but refused, out of respect for my then gf. When the 2 weeks were up, I found out she had sex with a guy she knew only half a week after the '2 week break' started. Needless to say I walked out of there and we never spoke again. I started out as a beta in the relationship from age 18, turning into an Alpha 1.0 later with beta tendencies. The relationship lasted 4,5 years, mainly because of my change of frame due to stuff I read on the internet on how to 'manage your girlfriend as an alpha'. But I digress. After the breakup, 5 months ago, I found your blog, started following it, got sucked in, and bought your book. I read your book in one read, in one day. I started applying everything I learned. What is best about your book is that it contains a very in touch with reality, pragmatig philosophy on life, with some humor in there. Now at age 24 I have 2 MTLR (who both do my laundry and clean my house sometimes), 1 FB, and they all know what I'm doing. I'm starting up 2 businesses and landed an internship at a fairly paying job for 4 days a week (leaving 1 day for expanding my startups), which I will start at in 2 months when I get back from asia. I excersize hard 4-5 times a week, party on weekends and I truly have never been happier. Still there are times when i feel said over the breakup of a relationship that lasted all of my adolescence and ended so cruelly. However, when I compare the freedom, variety of girls and social life now with what it was half a year ago, it makes me smile. If my ex would contact me now, I would shrug, politely tell her I'm not interested in seeing her and move on with my life. To everyone reading this who is going through a breakup or simply wants a pragmatic approach on how to overall live life as a man in this culturally feminized society: order the book, read it, start applying it to your life. Set up a clear mission that is bigger then you. Give only a fuck about that and no fucks about anything else. It's great.
CrabRangoon 2017-01-19 08:22:20
BD Great to finally see someone call out the "emotional abuse" card. That seemed to rear it's head in recent years more and more. Seems like just about every woman has been "emotionally abused" by an ex. Which as you stated, usually means he just didn't follow her agenda and was a big old meanie! Causing anxiety? Really? Damn near everything causes women some level of anxiety-it's just how they're wired.
CrabRangoon 2017-01-19 08:42:14
Oh found this little gem today. Validates your theory of women just cheating later. Of course they make a point to blame the husband for the cheating in the first couple points, whereas if it was reversed, the man would be a huge pig who disrespected his family. "Perhaps their husband is not giving them the attention and respect they deserve. Perhaps they still love their partners, but the spark has vanished from their marriage. Alternatively, they may have an open relationship, and both have affairs to satisfy their physical needs whilst still sharing a tight emotional bond." Of course the 3rd point is OLTR! There's some hope. http://www.popsugar.com/love/When-Do-Married-Women-Start-Cheating-43012686
jauntykhan 2017-01-19 09:12:30
I am obsessed with your blog. So many puzzle pieces fall together based on experiences from past relationships and I cannot thank you enough for sharing your knowledge! I am alpha 1.0 and working towards 2.0.. A big part that holds me back is my lack of financial stability, in the past I have lived with many of the women I have been with. By living with a woman (which most people do in this day in age as wages have gone down considerably and cost of living gone up) you dont have the option to soft next because much of your stuff or her stuff will be at "Y'alls" place. By refusing cohabitation you eliminate most of the drama associated with breakups, hard next, soft next, etc; simply stop showing up to their place when drama ensues and NEVER give out a key to your place. With my last ex, I had to literally crawl out the window even call the police during a breakup because a woman fighting for her life to keep you from leaving will not allow you to leave without you physically hurting her and I have learned from experience "talking it out" is really just bullshit and never solves anything - its one person exhausting the other into submission over a long period of time. The more alpha you are the more crazy the women you are with become about you and you cannot just "leave" a crazy girl.
Onder 2017-01-19 09:13:58
Anytime I read articles like this from women, I can't help but chuckle. It reminds me of the following quote... "The opposite of Love is not Hate. But Indifference..." If a woman complains about you, then rest assured you're doing something right.
Blackdragon 2017-01-19 10:16:34
BD, what are you using to type your articles? Speech recognition? Screen keyboard?Cybernetic mind meld.
Your typos look somewhat strange to me : )Then tell me where they are so I can fix them. Here or via email.
“I have some good news. I had an 8-hour conversation with my ex and she has agreed to give us another chance.” That’s some hardcore shit here. 8-hours?As insane as that sounds, that's not as unlikely as you think. Remember, most men are betas.
Causing anxiety? Really? Damn near everything causes women some level of anxiety-it’s just how they’re wired.Anxiety is common enough within the female experience that to call it a result of "emotional abuse" by someone is a red herring. My daughter often gets social anxiety right before she goes to work, even though her work and home life are both very positive. It's just silly.
JB 2017-01-19 10:47:40
I think we all have to remember that the soft next has more similarities to being a "nuclear strength move" other than being powerful: It's a deterrent. When girls know that you are fucking other girls, don't tolerate drama and is prepared to let her go if she starts any problems, you'll most likely never have any of the usual problems. Just the knowledge that you have soft nexts and your EFA is enough to make her never want to try and test your limits - And you'll never even have to "lay down the law" or "tell her how things are going to be in this relationship". That's what the 1.0's don't understand: Yelling doesn't prevent drama and problems in a relationship, the unspoken threat of withdrawing attention does. Regarding the article: Don't worry about it. Women will be just as confused as we are understanding what she actually means. And let's face it: Most girls will quickly forget it because they'll never meet a guy who has the balls to use a soft next in a relationship anyway.
JOhn 2017-01-19 10:54:58
One of her justifications is "love". You don't love someone if you no contact them? No Shit that's the point of a breakup. You either don't love them, don't want their harassment (more likely and my current reason for it), or just want deal with that love and be left the fuck alone while doing it. Just silly,....
CrabRangoon 2017-01-19 11:19:04
@JB "Yelling doesn’t prevent drama and problems in a relationship, the unspoken threat of withdrawing attention does." This is key to understand and a primary message of this entire blog and Alpha 2.0 lifestyle. Should be taped to every guy's bathroom mirror. Women value your presence and attention over most anything else.
K 2017-01-19 12:17:18
My life experience says "do not put up with anyone who purposefully ignores you". On the other hand, BD recommends soft nexting as a response to "drama" (see his Glossary for the definition). Although the definition is open-ended (.."and there are many others", referring to the preceding examples of drama), it states that drama must be harsh and focused at the man. I haven't felt the need for such, i.e. dramatic, behaviour in most of my relationships. In the one in which I sometimes did, I ended it the moment I realised the man didn't give a single fuck about my well-being (and I am ashamed it took me so long). Btw this was with a man who would purposefully ignore me on a regular basis for reasons which had nothing to do with me, hence it's hard to even talk of a relationship. OK, my past personal issues aside, do not put up with people who give you stupid drama. Sometimes, though, your partner may have a point and it may help you in the long run if you listen to their complaints.
Blackdragon 2017-01-19 12:27:38
My life experience says “do not put up with anyone who purposefully ignores you”.Then you shouldn't. As I said in the article, often men are ignoring you for a very good reason (you're being hysterical / irrational so constructive communication is impossible until you calm down). If you want a man to sit there and take your abuse, then yes, you should dump the guy soft nexting you and go find a beta.
this was with a man who would purposefully ignore me on a regular basis for reasons which had nothing to do with me, hence it’s hard to even talk of a relationship.Right; the soft next only works if you're doing everything else right, including never giving drama to a woman yourself and treating her with kindness and respect. If you're soft nexting women that you're also treating like shit when you you're around them, you're doing this wrong.
do not put up with people who give you stupid drama. Sometimes, though, your partner may have a point and it may help you in the long run if you listen to their complaints.Utterly wrong and completely irrelevant even if it were true. Read items 1 and 2 right here.
Anon. 2017-01-19 12:35:19
when it fact it wasn’tThere also seemed to have been an incorrect "you're" which must have already been fixed. You have quite a number of typos of this kind (is/in/it, for example) that aren't typical for keyboard typing, that's why I'm wondering.
Blackdragon 2017-01-19 13:10:15
K 2017-01-19 13:29:32
Read items 1 and 2 right here.I know them and agree to a large extent. If you are being treated with kindness and respect, you should have no reason to raise your voice or complain. People are not machines, though. In the real word, most of us, men and women, are not calm, rational beings, fully aware of their own motives and able to effectively and efficiently convey them to others, 100% of the time. Maybe you are - but then you're rare. Misunderstandings occur, people get tired and/or impatient... My message of "cut her - or him - some slack" is for those (myself included) who want our ocassional shit tolerated but find it hard to accept it in others.
Dingus 2017-01-19 14:04:06
Thanks for the great article BD, wish I'd read this half a year ago when I was getting divorced. There must be a female playbook out there, because some of this stuff is just word for word. Maybe there's a Pink Vixen blog out there somewhere on how to manipulate men and quagmire a relationship into monogamy.
As you can clearly see in my glossary, the definitions for the terms I use are very clear and very specific. There’s never any confusion or debate on the specific definitions of the terms I use. Specific and clear definitions like this are conducive, hell, required for quality discourse. But these broad, sweeping, unclear definitions for things like “emotional abuse” aren’t helpful at all, because you can attach that term to literally, and I mean this now, literally anything a woman (or man) doesn’t like.Also, I would really like to commend you on this. This is probably the number one thing I appreciate about your blog, you communicate your ideas very clearly and precisely. It's so difficult to have a reasoned discussion nowadays (especially about politics), because so often people are talking about entirely different things and concepts even though all the same words come into play. It's like a game of broken dictionary.
Blackdragon 2017-01-19 16:49:54
People are not machines, though. In the real word, most of us, men and women, are not calm, rational beings, fully aware of their own motives and able to effectively and efficiently convey them to others, 100% of the time. Maybe you are – but then you’re rare. Misunderstandings occur, people get tired and/or impatient…Still irrelevant. None of that changes my technique or opinions regarding the technique. If you're tired or impatient or can't control yourself or whatever, that's not my fault, therefore you have no right to penalize me for it by throwing drama at me. To state yet again: The reason for the drama is irrelevant.
There must be a female playbook out there, because some of this stuff is just word for word.It's not a conspiracy, it's just female biology. Women are very predictable; I've said that many times. (And men are too.)
Maybe there’s a Pink Vixen blog out there somewhere on how to manipulate men and quagmire a relationship into monogamy.Just about all female-to-female dating/relationship advice is focused on getting him snagged into monogamy. Serial monogamy is women's biological default.
Also, I would really like to commend you on this. This is probably the number one thing I appreciate about your blog, you communicate your ideas very clearly and precisely. It’s so difficult to have a reasoned discussion nowadays (especially about politics), because so often people are talking about entirely different things and concepts even though all the same words come into play.I learned that technique from Robert Ringer, who always said you must define the exact word(s) you are using before stating an opinion or attempting to disagree with someone else. It saves so much wasted time. Years posting on online forums, especially PUA forums, also showed me the sheer amount of huge and stupid arguments people get into when they actually agree, but they're just using different definitions of wording and taking past each other. Politics too. You're absolutely right.
Duke 2017-01-19 16:51:58
Don't you know that you should still want your girlfriend after she dumps you? The ego on these broads. smh. This is probably a woman's version of a soft next, but instead of the guy gaining respect he ends up losing it.
JudoJohn 2017-01-19 18:01:20
Just about all female-to-female dating/relationship advice is focused on getting him snagged into monogamy.Agreed entirely. There are clearly other forces going in the same direction, too....media, etc. Most male to male dating/relationship advice is similar, although clearly that has changed somewhat over the last few years.
Kurt 2017-01-19 18:44:43
I just looked at the site this article is from. The entire point of the site is to 'get back with your ex', therefore the whole thing is about high drama, fucked up people who pretty much deserve each other getting 'help' from a nutjob crazy lady who revels in this shit. Just read some of the shit she writes in response to her commenters. So, as much as I think the points you raise here are good ones, you are making a strawman out of the original article. It has nothing to do with dealing with regular healthy relationship management and is instead geared toward a facet of romantic relationships (psychotic ex-stalking) that you have (wisely) nothing to do with.
AL 2017-01-19 22:31:07
Don’t you know that you should still want your girlfriend after she dumps you? The ego on these broads. smh.Yes indeedy 🙂 Whatever the reasons that women (and some men) feel the need to attack the 'no contact' tool, the reason that they can get away with it is the fault of men. Not all men but most. These women have learned that they can dump a bloke with impunity, 99% sure in the knowledge that the man in the equation will attempt to "win back" the woman. Indeed, it may go beyond attempting sometimes and become worse than pestering. So, armed with a ton of evidence - from society in general, social circle, friends and family - that men will chase, the upset is large when a man doesn't chase and he is accused of committing emotional abuse. So chaps, stop chasing and we'll all do better. 🙂
Onder 2017-01-20 04:11:08
K, yes people aren't perfect. But you must also bare in mind that there is something called boundaries and knowing what is and isn't acceptable in a relationship. The only way for a woman to know what these are is through demonstration. If a woman expects a man to just stand there and put up with her shit. Then what does that say to her and her level of respect for her partner? That her behaviour is completely acceptable and promote even further abuse. A man isn't there to be used as a mental punch bag the minute a woman loses her rag... Thats totally unacceptable.
Anon. 2017-01-20 05:58:06
My message of “cut her – or him – some slack” is for those (myself included) who want our ocassional shit tolerated but find it hard to accept it in others.BD does cut his women an entire 20 seconds of slack, after which he requires a calm discussion, otherwise a soft next ensues. Having been implementing BD's techniques for one year, my grand total of drama has been one word yelled at me and a short sentence at another occasion. So apparently, the techniques do communicate to women that drama will not be tolerated, and the women are in fact capable of suppressing it.
Ercis 2017-01-20 06:04:01
I recently went no contact on an LTR that dumped me back in August of 2016. I have done it before, but not quite like this. I was straight up gone; deleted and blocked social media, no calls/texts/emails to her, nothing. She broke up with me, so I left, and haven't returned for a second. The time and space its given me has lead to improving my career, reading, dating and banging younger and more attractive women, saving money, getting my life and head more organized. The no contact was for me, not her, and its lead to a massive growth period in my life. I have encountered many men like this as well who have a negative reaction to no-contact. Saying its "cowardly", etc, because some chic went no contact on them. Well.. this is exactly how you should make your ex lady feel, if you can elicit the same reaction in her that a beta male like this feels, you're doing the right thing. Most of all, and most importantly, listening to this idiotic click bait woman may get you arrested. A restraining order on your record could ruin your life. Is any woman worth that? This woman may be selling "get back with your ex" products, but many people actually think like this, including many beta men. How to not be just another beta-male orbiter to her? Disappear and become the mysterious guy that first entered her life. Will she come back, sometimes they do, sometimes they dont. Who cares though, you're better off now anyway.
CrabRangoon 2017-01-20 08:21:58
@Ercis Good on you for focusing on self and making gains! Sometimes LTR's can hold us back and make us lose focus. And yes they do tend to come back-it may be months or even years but they will come back around if you handled things right. Just had one from a couple years back come sniffing around again-i did the no contact thing with her as well.
Blackdragon 2017-01-20 13:56:30
So, as much as I think the points you raise here are good ones, you are making a strawman out of the original article. It has nothing to do with dealing with regular healthy relationship managementHuh? It's a woman giving relationship advice to other women. I have no idea how this possibly makes my article a strawman.
K, yes people aren’t perfect. But you must also bare in mind that there is something called boundaries and knowing what is and isn’t acceptable in a relationship. The only way for a woman to know what these are is through demonstration. If a woman expects a man to just stand there and put up with her shit. Then what does that say to her and her level of respect for her partner? That her behaviour is completely acceptable and promote even further abuse.Very well said, and exactly right.
BD does cut his women an entire 20 seconds of slack, after which he requires a calm discussion, otherwise a soft next ensues.Correct. However, if K was angry at her boyfriend, I very much doubt she would define 20 seconds as "enough." She'd want to go on, and on, and on...
Having been implementing BD’s techniques for one year, my grand total of drama has been one word yelled at me and a short sentence at another occasion. So apparently, the techniques do communicate to women that drama will not be tolerated, and the women are in fact capable of suppressing it.Correct again. Women are not psychopaths and they're not children. They have the ability to calm the fuck down and control themselves. They don't want to do this, but they can.
K 2017-01-20 14:26:43
@ Onder Completely agree on the importance of boundaries and self-respect. I'm imagining more nuanced situations where it's not as clear-cut. An example: I come from work to my man's place and open my laptop to finish something or just "switch off" by reading something on the internet. Maybe for a few minutes, maybe for an hour. My man had been working from home all day, or just came back too, and he wants to choose some lights together for our new flat. He wants us to do it together. Now. Not after I'm done reading. I feel I need to work/relax first, then I'll be open to choosing the lights together (though I admit I'll probably find it dull and tedious after the first 3 minutes - he knows this). So he starts complaining, accusing me of being too little involved. I don't see it that way. He wants to discuss it, I ask if we could discuss it later. He doesn't want to discuss it later, he wants me to take charge... you see? We get to a point when we both are irritated. We won't shout at each other but we'll probably have an argument. He'll say I'm selfish, I'll say he's controlling. Is this a situation in which you would soft next?? It meets the criteria of "complaining", targeting the other and possibly raised voices. Drama, thus, lasting likely a few minutes (i.e. more than 20 seconds). I would probably welcome being "soft-nexted" for the next 30mins or so 🙂 I'd find it incomprehensible if he stopped talking to me for a week because of it. But wait, he's trying to control me... shouldn't I be soft-nexting him?? Show him I can do well without him too? Hmm, how does that sound...
Blackdragon 2017-01-20 14:55:30
In that example, he's creating the drama, not you, so it's not a good example. And yes, K. In that situation, I would soft next his ass.
Dave 2017-01-21 02:19:54
Do you plan on making a part 2 ," why no kids will make you happier?" And do you still feel that 90% of paremts in the u.s think they would be happier if they never had children?
Harry Flashman 2017-01-21 10:43:41
That article provides wonderful insight into how women think. The author is basically arguing that a man who does not wish to communicate with a woman who ended a relationship with him is "emotionally abusive". How on earth could that be rational? A man simply doing absolutely nothing is, in her mind, abusing a woman. It's as if men have a duty to engage in an argument or endless discussion and accept "friend zone" status. The author is arguing that men are obligated to be manipulated by women, to know that if a woman ends a relationship that she isn't actually ending it, only ramping up the drama so they can either get back together or he accepts "friend" status. What's wrong with a man simply saying, "OK" and moving on? How is that emotional abuse? Good Lord. It reminds me of the Lena Dunham incident with Odell Beckham Jr. He was ignoring her at dinner, because she's an overweight, unattractive feminist, and that makes him somehow abusive. Since when is choosing not to communicate with another adult, abuse?
Blackdragon 2017-01-21 11:41:08
do you still feel that 90% of paremts in the u.s think they would be happier if they never had children?Not sure where you got that 90% figure, but I don't "feel" this. Having children tends to make people less happy for about 20 years; that is a fact based on countless studies and surveys; it is not my opinion.
Do you plan on making a part 2 ,” why no kids will make you happier?”No. The facts haven't changed.
Mat 2017-01-21 11:55:19
Implicit within her article "moving too fast for a level of commitment or closeness you are comfortable with" is that women have the right to limit their sexuality and commitment, and I agree. Also implicit is that men do not have the right to withdraw their attention. She can put whatever limits she likes on things, but men cannot limit the attention she subsequently receives and are beta-shamed for it (childish / petulant / emotionally abusive). Should a woman refuse to answer a man's text for instance, that would be totally fine in her eyes. However a man limiting "closeness or commitment" to a woman he's involved with would be emotional abuse. Quite perceptively however she does compare women being ignored to children being ignored, so at least she's made the "women are children" link. Feminism has jumped the shark.
Darryl E. 2017-01-21 17:21:29
Some grown-up men and women even believe that with-holding attention, affection or love is how you prove that someone really loves you. The more threatened, anxious, rejected, jealous, clingy or desperate he/she feels, the more proof of their love. That’s how sick this is!Some girls told me its sick to hug female friends alot, while it's unsick to cling onto male friends only to be brought to parties, free alcohol, free food. Other girls believe its unsick to lie through everything bout bf, getting new a bf, love, but its sick for not going through a process of buying her shit, treating her to restaurants, for months until she feels she knows you and then reveals she had a bf the whole time and he wasn't a nobody roommate or long distance friend. It's not sick for her to marry and have a child with a total dork, only to put the kid up to a full time babysitter and she takes a 'sale' job where she makes close to nothing but she explains to you the 'needs' to resume her past pattern going out lifestyle 'for her work as a salelady'. She screws you everytime should you let her and justifies it as other self serving gals post the same shit shes does in mass en forums.
Kurt 2017-01-21 17:24:08
Again as I pointed out above you guys are making this molehill into a giant mountain. Go look at this chick's website. The whole raison d'etre of the site is 'get back with your ex'. Not how to have healthy normal relationships. This chick's site is on the extreme fringe of dating advice, basically 'dating advice' for stalkers who can't get over their exes. ANY normal dating advice site would not recommend trying to win your ex back. They would advise you to move on to a brighter future. Not this fucked up bitch. She says never let go and spend your life obsessing over lost love. So pouncing on this article is overkill, strawman stuff. Not saying women don't have crazy irrational shit going on with regard to attention and how men use it, but this is not the place to stage the argument. This chick is loony tunes. Not even a fair fight.
Franklin 2017-01-21 18:10:18
I think the author of the referenced article is working under the assumption that guy in her hypothetical scenario has demonstrated a beta, monogamous frame. This explains why the girl had to explicitly break-up with him in the first place - a drama-filled break-up, no doubt - as opposed to an LSNFTE or something comparable. BD and others here likely have more real-world experience than I do on this specific matter, but my guess is that a man who consistently demonstrates the frame of an Alpha, both at the beginning and throughout the relationship, is unlikely to encounter this scenario. On the same token, a guy who exudes a beta, needy, and monogamous frame will almost certainly be seen as acting childish or sulking (and, in many cases, he probably is). That's not to say that a woman who has been nexted by an Alpha won't stew about the situation and perhaps drag him through the mud a little while talking to her friends. If that man has a mission, other women to spend time with, and a penchant for staying happy as often as possible, he'll be blissfully unaware (as he should be).
pointfree 2017-01-22 18:37:23
WHAT?!? Again she blames the man when the womanis the one who ended the fucking relationship! What the FUCK, lady? If she ended the relationship, that washerdecision. How the hell can you attack the man’s behavior aftershedumpedhim? She made that bed, not him. This is classic feminine solipsism and the refusal totake responsibility for her own actions.I don't get where you come up with this. Throughout the entire article she uses "he/she" and is clearly making all attempts to show that her nonsense is supposed to go for both genders. But in your rebuttal you continuously project the "anti-man" position onto her. For what it's worth, her article is completely nonsensical and has almost zero logical consistency, so I don't blame you if you just don't fully understand what the hell she's talking about. But in that case why not just say "I have no idea what the hell she's talking about" rather than try to dismantle your own imaginary arguments?
Blackdragon 2017-01-22 19:30:38
Feminism has jumped the shark.Yes. About 20 years ago.
BD and others here likely have more real-world experience than I do on this specific matter, but my guess is that a man who consistently demonstrates the frame of an Alpha, both at the beginning and throughout the relationship, is unlikely to encounter this scenario."Less likely" is more accurate than "unlikely," but your overall point is valid. Alphas usually get dumped faster and more often than betas do, but the nature of the breakups are often very different (LSNFTEs instead of breakups).
Throughout the entire article she uses “he/she” and is clearly making all attempts to show that her nonsense is supposed to go for both genders.Doesn't matter; she is clearly talking to women in the article, not men. As just one example, how many men do you know who would dump a girlfriend because the man wasn't comfortable having sex with her too soon?
pointfree 2017-01-22 22:57:08
Doesn’t matter; she is clearly talking to women in the article, not men. As just one example, how many men do you know who would dump a girlfriend because the man wasn’t comfortable having sex with her too soon?I must have missed that point in the article because I don't see this written anywhere. At any rate, there are definitely a lot of slut shaming or religious men who would totally dump a girlfriend because of that reason.
Steve 2017-01-23 01:02:45
Hi , my understanding of "no contact rule" is that a tool for the one hurt/dumped to move on. In my case, a girl I fallen in love with (a once every 10y thing) dumped me without clear explanation and put the NC rule in place herself. I am at fault as was not really ready emotionally to receive her yet in my life, and my feelings are slow to come and go. I felt that my personal process of reconstruction need first a common understanding of the situation. She tried to avoid the discussion as she is very emotional girl, I don't blame her. My take on this is that saying goodbye to the relationship is one thing, saying goodbye to the person is like facing death, suddenly the other one disappear from your life... I feel the grieving process 10x harder than a simple broken heart thing.... I am still not sure about the efficiency of NCR in my situation. I feel that a genuine understanding (ok doesn't work, let's move on) would help wonders and avoid so much drama from my side ... What do you think ?
Man-e-Faces 2017-01-23 03:48:11
@ pointfree Use a little women's intuition and it will be obvious to you that the authour is talking directly to women in the article. its pretty clear to me that she is... Also, your example of slut shaming or religious men dumping their "girlfriend" for wanting to have sex too soon is highly illogical. That just doesnt happen. Girlfriend implies that he is in a relationship with her. Religious guys don't get into relationships with fast women and then dump them bc she's pressuring him for sex, nor do guys slut shame their own girlfriends for wanting to have sex with them too soon and dump them for this reason. Religious guys would dump their girlfriend if she was presenting herself to be a chaste madonna, only to find out she fucked the entire basketball team in the sweaty locker room all at once.
Blackdragon 2017-01-23 13:12:17
I must have missed that point in the article because I don’t see this written anywhere.Then not only did you not read the article, but you clearly didn't read my article, because I directly quoted from it, and she said it not once, but twice: "If you take back someone who thinks it’s okay to punish you for ending a relationship that was not meeting your needs, was deeply troubled (too many arguments and fights) or that was simply moving too fast for the level of intimacy you were comfortable with..." "or that was simply moving too fast for the level of intimacy you were comfortable with," Please remember Rule Number 3 here and be sure to read things before you comment on them.
there are definitely a lot of slut shaming or religious men who would totally dump a girlfriend because of that reasonAre you being serious? There are definitely, a lot of slut shaming/religious men who would DUMP their girlfriends because their girlfriends wanted to have sex with them? I'm assuming you don't really believe something that ridiculous and are just being defensive. With your last comment, rarely have I seen someone go out of there way to defend such an obviously weak point. Sometimes it's better to just admit you're wrong, my friend.
What do you think ?https://blackdragonblog.com/2016/09/15/theres-one-girl/
pointfree 2017-01-23 13:48:45
Are you being serious? There are definitely, a lot of slut shaming/religious men who would DUMP their girlfriends because their girlfriends wanted to have sex with them?Admittedly, I wasn't being very clear. What I mean is that there are significant numbers of men who wouldn't consider a girl who puts out fast "girlfriend material" because she's a "slut" or "hoe," and would choose to ONS her or lead her on for a while (while she's expecting a bf/gf relationship) and they would "dump her" when she asks for one. From her point of view, it looks like a "dumping" although from his point of view, they were just fucking.
“or that was simply moving too fast for the level of intimacy you were comfortable with,”This could simply mean that the boyfriend or girlfriend wanted to hop directly into monogamy or an "official" relationship, when they weren't ready. This doesn't necessarily mean "sex." You have said it yourself that beta males often push for monogamy because of oneitis, just like women push for monogamy. This excerpt does not imply that a man is pushing for sex from a woman. You can't just make a strawman out of everything a woman writes because women are "irrational."
roger 2017-01-24 21:25:52
That article link is HORRIBLE. What kind of insanity is it? She breaks up with him for various reasons, possibly because he is too clingy THEN wants him to keep contact? First - he has problems but she wants to keep in contact with him? 1. That sure doesn't help him move on (especially if he's clingy). 2. Why, keep in contact with some poor bastard that you dumped (after a short relationship by the sounds of it), that IS cruelty! Secondly - there is good reason for breaking contact, perhaps he doesn't want her to see that he has moved on quickly, or for her to contact his new girlfriend - it happens, and facebook stalking etc. Also after a long relationship, same reasons - crazy ex-stalker trying to ruin his new relationships. And perhaps he is having trouble moving on, and the only way is by cutting off all contact. The roles could be easily reversed. By no means is this abusive (unless perhaps children are involved). That article is written by a confused mad person.
Nitpicunt 2017-01-26 03:29:34
"Love doctor", for menopause´s sake! Is that a new major? A diamond of entitlement. How she even doesn´t feel the need to tell us that the breakup is not a breakup (unless it is of course). A woman ending a relationship seems a completely natural and healthy part of that relationship and how dare the bugger ruin the whole thing by taking her word for it. Then of course if he does communicate and she already has another guy, he´ll be called stalker.
66Scorpio 2017-01-26 09:32:11
The "emotional abuse" card is typical but also hypocritical. Women and white knights will go on about how the dating advice in the "manosphere" is just a bag of tricks, manipulative, or abusive. It's like "hey, not fair, you aren't allowed to do things that work!" The Love Doctor apparently thinks it's perfectly legitimate to dump someone who wants to move too fast or is not meeting their partner's needs. . .but to what end? As BD points out, it is legitimate if the whole point is to end the relationship. However, if you are dumping your partner with a view to getting back together with them under more favourable circumstances, how is that not being manipulative or even abusive? With a soft next you STFU and withdraw attention/communication and then pick up where you left off as if nothing happened. Telling your partner explicitly that you are breaking up with them and then wanting to get back with them is, at a minimum, highly un-self-aware and at worst pure mendacity.
K 2017-01-26 10:02:37
Guys, the author of the linked article obviously can't write (and possibly think) clearly, that's for sure. Nevetheless, I would still say that soft nexting is an emotionally abusive technique. If the ladies you are seeing/dating/living with can't control their speech to the extent that you have to resort to techniques to discipline them, or simply feel the need to distance yourselves from them for more than about 30mins, ask yourselves why you put up with them at all. (If the answer is "sex", you're just getting what you deserve.) Cutting off contact post-breakup is of course a very different story. Depending on the circumstances of the breakup, you might want to have the decency to tell your ex that you wish to cut off contact (for the time being or for good). If she's being an ass, I won't blame you for not bothering. If she disrespects your explicitly stated wish, she's a stalker (barring some highly exceptional circumstances - such as when she's just found your suitcase with $1mio. under her bed and wants to return it to you).
Alex 2017-01-27 13:25:52
A plate and former potential LTR broke things off with me. I have been going no contact for close to two weeks now, yesterday she texts me asking me that if I'm in the area to come pick my stuff up (which I didn't ask for) any thoughts on how to approach this? Yes there are still some feelz
Blackdragon 2017-01-27 13:45:28
any thoughts on how to approach this?https://blackdragonblog.com/2016/09/15/theres-one-girl/
Onder 2017-02-01 04:12:18
It also introduced me to “the wolf”: women may not specifically be out to get you, but they are definitely not above chasing you if you seem to be taking a break-up too well, in order to get you back and only dump you when you’re truly broken. Maybe they actually do all this mindlessly and don’t really scheme it, but from a guy’s perspective the immorality of it all is disgusting.@Gil Galad - Yep. Women by nature, are manipulative as they're not as physically strong as men. In reference to your statement. Women will always try to manipulate you, until they can. At which point, they lose interest and move on. That's why it's important to always lead your own life, not commit and to be ok if they walk. If they want out, it's out. And that's ironically why they won't want out, because you don't give a shit. It's sick and twisted, but that's how women work unfortunately.
hilsey 2017-02-05 16:28:49
Too little contact: "You're a narcissist." Too much contact: "You're a narcissist." For example, it's a sign of narcissistic emotional abuse if early in the relationship he sends daily good morning texts, declares love fast, and just being doting and beta. But it's also a sign of a narcissist to push for sex early, having multiple partners, limiting your attention and just being Alpha. Jealousy is a major sign of a narcissist but what average blue pill man isn't? My question: when it comes to popular relationship advice, when is narcissism a legitimate concern versus just being a shaming word against male behavior society doesn't like? While dating, sometimes noticing minor red flags is useful so you'll dodge a bullet (but one can eliminate the bullet entirely with NRE management and making no serious commitments within months of meeting someone new ) but sometimes red flag screening just makes women over cautious around any and all men. BD, I'm sure you've been called a narcissist by people who disagreed with you. Sure some of your views may be shocking to the average mainstream person, but you also come across as genuine and caring. So is there substance to this narcissism thing or is it just another buzzword damning nonviolent male behavior like "emotional abuse" "rape" and "rape culture" are?
Cheryl 2017-02-06 01:40:06
I can't believe how spot on you are with this BD . A while back I would have said no way you're nuts. Not now,it's funny how clear things become when you don't look at them so defensively. These guys are lucky. As a woman there seriously is no-one out there with like advice for us.
CEETROSS 2017-04-09 16:37:16
I'm thankful i found this blog at this moment. It has enlightened me much on how to deal with women. I'm doing NC now, its been one week. Got my ass dumped 3 weeks ago. I have realized the mistakes i made. I went so Disney-core beta on my fiancee, she went back to her ex. There were a lot of red flags. I'm 30, she's 21, she's in Uni, She didn't communicate well, Lived in different cities 3 hours apart, Our Zodiac Compatibility ratings were piss poor, etc,,, It's like the whole fucking universe was trying to warn me. Even if God sent Angel Gabriel to warn me to desist i'd have flipped him off then. I sent her gifts and cash often even as she saw that i was still struggling financially. few weeks before the breakup she was giving obvious hints that she was fed up. Wasn't replying chats in time, called less. She even told me not to bother sending her money anymore as i needed to 'take care of myself first' But poor ol' beta me still sent her money the next day. I still sent her messages telling her i care and that i'll always be there for her. I sensed the breakup coming but decided to take it in good faith when it dropped. Just like wearing a bullet proof vest and receiving a bazooka shot, the 'i wanna be independent for now' message hit me real hard. My first response was like 'ok, i understand'... but later spiraled down the beta abyss by telling her i don't wanna lose her and sundry bullshit. we still talked casually everyday for another one week until she brought up the issue again. We debated for a while as she was giving all sort of flimsy reasons of which i finally gave her the 'if you are happier without me , so be it' and a beta version of 'call me when you change your mind' message. She denied she's back with her ex but guess whose pic she used as her whatsapp profile pic 3 days later? I've always had like three FB's at the side at any point in time during our courtship. After the breakup, i went all ballistic shooting up FB's and old/new prospects like the end scene of Rambo II, but with my Dick instead of a gun. After my All time High body count of 7 chics in 5 days (of which 2 are sisters), One is currently asking me to marry her. but i guess my angry-sex, nonchalant mode made me look Ultra Alpha to her. I've paused the boning spree for now to reflect on my life and this Blog has helped me so far with the NC. I'll be following up other articles and strive to improve all aspects of my life as i am aim to achieve the Alpha 2.0 status.
CEETROSS 2017-05-12 00:13:10
slight development... NC in full force for over a month now. unfollowed her on FB weeks back as i felt blocking her would seem petulant. saw her online last few days ago. Yesterday, i didnt see her name that was tagged in a pic i posted months ago. Tried to check out her profile and realised she fucking Blocked me!... Way to go, ingrate.. Where my FB's @??