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How big does your city or town need to be for you to be successful with online dating? I get a lot of questions about this. I’m going to give you the most definitive answer I possibly can since every region is different, and it’s all based on my experience working with thousands of men over the past 13 years as big, bad Blackdragon.
-By Caleb Jones
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Size Does Matter
Here’s the general range in which this works. The town or city within a one-hour radius of your home needs to have at least 400,000 people for online dating to work at least moderately effectively. I’ll be honest: Even 400,000 will be a little tough. You’ll have to work it pretty hard and be a little less picky about how attractive the women are if you’re dating online in a city no bigger than that.
If you live in or near a town smaller than 400,000 people, you have several options, and they’re all bad. One option is to focus your dating life on the weekends and use online dating in the nearest largest city of one to two million people. In that scenario, you would head to that town, get a hotel room, stay all weekend, and do all your dating and sexual stuff over the weekend. Then on Sunday evening or Monday morning, depending on your schedule, you’d drive back home. I think it would be a huge hassle, but some guys do it, and they make it work.
Another option would be using online dating as a supplement to other things, particularly social circle game. Doing night game won’t be an option in a small town. You could do daygame to a degree (COVID-19 notwithstanding). So for guys in small towns, it’s really social circle game with some online dating sprinkled in there. But unless you enjoy some unusual circumstances, like living in a resort town that sees a large influx of women during certain times of the year, online dating probably won’t get it done for you.
Bright Lights, Big City
If your city has one million people or more, online dating will work much better than in cities of only 400,000, but it could still be a challenge. You’ll have to work hard and be very patient. You’ll have to put in a lot of numbers, be on a lot of apps, and maybe drop your hotness standards in terms of the women you’ll accept. But there are guys in these cities who are making online dating work and they’re doing just fine. Many of them are contributors to The Ultimate Online Dating Manual.
The Sweet Spot
Cities of two million or more fall into this category. Anything at two million or higher, you’re good to go. If you’re in a metro area with more than two million, you’ll be even better off. The nearest city where I live is Portland, Oregon; that’s about 2.2 million in terms of the entire geographic area, and that’s an important distinction: I’m talking about the greater metro area of the city in question, not just the city proper. So don’t go looking up cities’ populations on Wikipedia; you’ll only get the actual city numbers. You want the entire metro area. That’s the number you’ll actually be dealing with when it comes to online dating.
Where You Live
If you live in the city core or downtown area, online dating is going to be very easy for you. The logistics will be fantastic. The problem is that you’ll be spending more money. As with many other things, this turns out to be a balancing act between your woman life and your financial life. Do you want to live somewhere really cheap but have a tougher dating life, or would you rather live somewhere more expensive and have a fucking amazing time doing night game, daygame, and online dating? It really depends on you. Both options have their advantages and disadvantages.
In general, younger guys are going to tend to live closer to the city core; older guys tend to live farther out. In my case, the older I’ve gotten, the farther away from the cities I’ve gone, which makes sense; you’re not going to want to party and shit all the time in the cities when you’re fifty. Living farther away from the city core, of course, means more complicated logistics for online dating since you have to travel farther to meet up with people. You have to be more strategic in planning first dates.
One last thing, and I’m a broken record about this: If you live in a small town (smaller than 400,000) and it sucks because you can’t get laid and can’t date—FUCKING MOVE! Don’t give me this bullshit about how you can’t move. I didn’t tell you to move tomorrow; I just said move. If you need to plan on moving in the next 6-12 months, make the plan and then get it done. If it’s worth it to you to move closer to a bigger city for the dating options, then do it. Don’t sit out in the middle of nowhere and bitch and moan that you can’t get laid because there are no women.
Let me add one thing to that. The Western world is collapsing, especially the United States and Europe, so we’re entering into an era in which you may not want to live in a big city. There’s a much higher possibility for civil unrest and violence. Americans, in particular, have to get used to the idea of things like this happening pretty constantly. But in terms of your woman life, you may want to live at least close to a city. Just understand these logistics and don’t make excuses about them. The Alpha Male 2.0 is location independent, so “I can’t move” is not an excuse.
Here’s the general range in which this works. The town or city within a one-hour radius of your home needs to have at least 400,000 people for online dating to work at least moderately effectively. I’ll be honest: Even 400,000 will be a little tough. You’ll have to work it pretty hard and be a little less picky about how attractive the women are if you’re dating online in a city no bigger than that.
If you live in or near a town smaller than 400,000 people, you have several options, and they’re all bad. One option is to focus your dating life on the weekends and use online dating in the nearest largest city of one to two million people. In that scenario, you would head to that town, get a hotel room, stay all weekend, and do all your dating and sexual stuff over the weekend. Then on Sunday evening or Monday morning, depending on your schedule, you’d drive back home. I think it would be a huge hassle, but some guys do it, and they make it work.
Another option would be using online dating as a supplement to other things, particularly social circle game. Doing night game won’t be an option in a small town. You could do daygame to a degree (COVID-19 notwithstanding). So for guys in small towns, it’s really social circle game with some online dating sprinkled in there. But unless you enjoy some unusual circumstances, like living in a resort town that sees a large influx of women during certain times of the year, online dating probably won’t get it done for you.
Bright Lights, Big City
If your city has one million people or more, online dating will work much better than in cities of only 400,000, but it could still be a challenge. You’ll have to work hard and be very patient. You’ll have to put in a lot of numbers, be on a lot of apps, and maybe drop your hotness standards in terms of the women you’ll accept. But there are guys in these cities who are making online dating work and they’re doing just fine. Many of them are contributors to The Ultimate Online Dating Manual.
The Sweet Spot
Cities of two million or more fall into this category. Anything at two million or higher, you’re good to go. If you’re in a metro area with more than two million, you’ll be even better off. The nearest city where I live is Portland, Oregon; that’s about 2.2 million in terms of the entire geographic area, and that’s an important distinction: I’m talking about the greater metro area of the city in question, not just the city proper. So don’t go looking up cities’ populations on Wikipedia; you’ll only get the actual city numbers. You want the entire metro area. That’s the number you’ll actually be dealing with when it comes to online dating.
Where You Live
If you live in the city core or downtown area, online dating is going to be very easy for you. The logistics will be fantastic. The problem is that you’ll be spending more money. As with many other things, this turns out to be a balancing act between your woman life and your financial life. Do you want to live somewhere really cheap but have a tougher dating life, or would you rather live somewhere more expensive and have a fucking amazing time doing night game, daygame, and online dating? It really depends on you. Both options have their advantages and disadvantages.
In general, younger guys are going to tend to live closer to the city core; older guys tend to live farther out. In my case, the older I’ve gotten, the farther away from the cities I’ve gone, which makes sense; you’re not going to want to party and shit all the time in the cities when you’re fifty. Living farther away from the city core, of course, means more complicated logistics for online dating since you have to travel farther to meet up with people. You have to be more strategic in planning first dates.
One last thing, and I’m a broken record about this: If you live in a small town (smaller than 400,000) and it sucks because you can’t get laid and can’t date—FUCKING MOVE! Don’t give me this bullshit about how you can’t move. I didn’t tell you to move tomorrow; I just said move. If you need to plan on moving in the next 6-12 months, make the plan and then get it done. If it’s worth it to you to move closer to a bigger city for the dating options, then do it. Don’t sit out in the middle of nowhere and bitch and moan that you can’t get laid because there are no women.
Let me add one thing to that. The Western world is collapsing, especially the United States and Europe, so we’re entering into an era in which you may not want to live in a big city. There’s a much higher possibility for civil unrest and violence. Americans, in particular, have to get used to the idea of things like this happening pretty constantly. But in terms of your woman life, you may want to live at least close to a city. Just understand these logistics and don’t make excuses about them. The Alpha Male 2.0 is location independent, so “I can’t move” is not an excuse.
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