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15 years ago when I first started discussing the reality that long-term sexual monogamy doesn’t work, this was a very controversial thing at the time and I got a lot of pushback, including from people I thought should have known better (like pick-up artists).

I heard, what was back then, all the usual excuses.

Long-term monogamy works great as long as you find the right person.

You’re oversimplifying things.

Long-term monogamy works great as long as you’re “Alpha” and you constantly “game your wife.”

Just because this statistic says X doesn’t mean it’s true.

Long-term monogamy works great as long as she’s a Christian.

You’re just mad you got divorced.

Long-term monogamy works great as long as you have kids together.

Blah, blah, blah so forth and so on.

Today, I don’t get any of these excuses anymore. Today, just as I predicted years ago, monogamy has gotten so bad, so many people are breaking up, getting divorced, and/or cheating on each other that anyone making the above excuses now looks stupid, so they don’t say them.

But there is one excuse remaining, the granddaddy of them all, which people still throw out:

Well, monogamy may or may not work, whatever, but WTF, I would NEVER let my wife/girlfriend fuck other guys!!! WHAT THE FUCK BRO?!?!?

I’ve addressed this argument many times before in articles and videos. Still, today I will give you a very detailed, statistical formula you can use to determine if she will or if she won’t.

You’ll quickly see why this is not a problem you should worry about in the vast majority of cases where it matters.

I have been living a 100% non-monogamous lifestyle for 17 years straight, with no monogamy or dry spells whatsoever during that entire time frame.

I am one of the few men on planet Earth who can say this.

This is because not only do most men not even try non-monogamy, but those that do usually do it for a few years until they grow lazy and complacent and then get oneitis for one girl who is Not Like The Rest™ who stamps her little foot, then they surrender to monogamy and suffer all of its usual problems (drama, lack of sex, breakups, divorces, etc).

I have also spoken to literally thousands of men over the past 17 years regarding their experiences with non-monogamy under the Alpha Male 2.0 framework of FBs, MLTRs, and OLTRs.

This all means that I have lots of statistical data not only from my life but the lives of many other people. In this article, I will show you, with pretty accurate detail, when and if women will have sex with other men under these non-monogamous models.

They Don’t All Do It

The first thing to make clear is that the problem with the “I would never let my GF/wife fuck another guy!!!” excuse is that it assumes that 100% of women in a non-monogamous relationships or marriages WILL fuck other guys.

They won’t. And they don’t.

As I talk about in my books, women are not like men. Just because a relationship is open/poly/non-mono doesn’t mean the woman in your life will run right out and bang other dudes. Yeah, YOU will go out and have sex with women if you’re allowed, but you’re a man, and she’s not.

Imagine a normal monogamous husband and wife couple. One day the wife goes to the husband and says, “Honey, I’ve been thinking about this, and I’ve decided that it’s okay if you want to go have sex with other women. So if you want to do that, go ahead, do it all you want, and I won’t get mad.”

Once the husband realized the wife was telling the truth and not lying or exaggerating, what would he do? You know exactly what he would do. He’d be on Tinder and Bumble in about 20 seconds. He’d be texting his ex-girlfriend about 40 seconds after that. The very next day at work he’d be making the moves on that cute receptionist in the office he’s always had his eye on.

This is all normal because he’s a man.

Now take the same scenario and reverse it. This time it’s the husband telling the wife that she can go out and fuck all the other men she wants, right now, and he’s 100% cool with it. Go ahead, Honey.

What would the wife do? Assuming the marriage was a good one, she would look at him strangely and say, “Fuck other guys? I don’t want to fuck other guys. You’re weird.” And then she’d go right back to what she’s doing and that would be the end of it.

She has no desire whatsoever to get on a dating app and go on a bunch of first dates with a bunch of random guys, or run down to the local bar to pick up dudes. She hates that stuff (particularly if she’s over 30, but even if she’s under 30 too) and she doesn’t even want it.

That’s because she’s a woman, and women are not like men.

You could argue that if the marriage was bad and she wasn’t getting her needs met, then she might go outside of the marriage, but that wouldn’t be because of non-monogamy; that would be because the marriage is bad. Women in bad monogamous marriages cheat all the time, up to 77% of the time in longer-term marriages according to most of the studies I’ve seen (again, long-term monogamy doesn’t work).

If you’re terrified that the woman in your life will instantly run out and have sex with other men besides you just because the relationship is stated non-monogamous, you’re being irrational and factually incorrect, and you need to take a deep breath, calm down, and turn on your brain.

When They Will, When They Won’t  – The Formula

So when will women hook up with other men in a non-monogamous relationship?

The probability of her doing this is based solely on five factors:

1. Her age. Younger: much more likely. Older: much less likely. This mostly a function of ASD, which rises as a woman ages.

2. How extroverted she is. Very extroverted: a little more likely. Very introverted: a little less likely. Not a huge factor but it’s in the mix.

3. How serious and committed the non-monogamous relationship is. Less serious: a little less likely. More serious: much less likely.

4. How well you as the man are managing the relationship. If you are managing it poorly: much more likely. If you are managing it well: much less likely.

5. The amount of life infrastructure you both share. “Life infrastructure” are things like: Do you support her financially? Do you have children together? Do you live together? Are you acquainted well with each other’s families? Do you both spend a lot of time with the same group of friends? Stuff like that. Less shared life infrastructure: a little more likely. More shared life infrastructure: much less likely.

With these above five factors, you can pretty accurately assess the odds of whether she will hook up with other men or not.

Here are a few examples.

Example #1: You’ve got a very cute, very extroverted 19-year-old as an FB.

Probability: Extremely likely, around 85-95%. The odds are high that she’s fucking at least one other guy besides you, possibly more. As a matter of fact, I’d be surprised if she wasn’t. She’s young, extroverted, you’re not serious with her at all, and you have no shared life infrastructure.

Now here’s the important question: Do you care? Should you care? If this woman was your WIFE then I agree you should probably care… but if she’s some teenage FB on the side? Who gives a shit if she plays around? (And if you still do, you really need to work on your outcome independence and jealousy because you’ve got issues there. You should not give a rat fuck what some teenage FB does when you’re not around. Jesus.)

Example #2: You’ve got a somewhat introverted 29-year-old MLTR. She’s an MLTR so she’s not your girlfriend, but you’re dating, you really like each other, and you’re starting to get serious. You’ve met a few of her friends and they like you. You’ve had one or two little conversations about how you’re really starting to like each other. You know the OLTR Talk is coming soon.

Probability: Reasonably unlikely, around 20-25%. She might be playing around with one guy on the side occasionally, usually an ex-hook-up, but the odds are against it. She’s old enough where her ASD is starting to spike and she’s got high hopes for the two of you getting serious, thus would find it inappropriate and risky if she had sex with other men even if she knows you’re hooking up with other women (who she likely considers beneath her anyway).

Example #3: You’ve got a shy 44-year-old OLTR Wife you’ve been married to for almost 10 years. You don’t have any kids together, but you live together full time (unless you’re traveling), she loves you to death, you’re managing the relationship extremely well, and she benefits greatly financially by being with you.

Probably: Pretty much zero percent. Her ASD is in the stratosphere and you have massive and ingrained shared life infrastructure. She’s not fucking anyone except you, even if you’re fucking other women all the time and she knows it. She has no interest whatsoever and thinks that having sex with another man would be “inappropriate” and “gross.”

FYI this is pretty much what I have with Pink Firefly.

Example #4: You’ve got a 26-year-old somewhat extroverted OLTR girlfriend you don’t live with. You’ve been dating for about three years, and you’re managing the relationship reasonably well but you’ve definitely made several big mistakes with her in the past.

Probability: Definitely under 50%, probably around 25-35% or so, but nowhere near zero. Even if she is playing around on the side a little, if the relationship lasts long enough and you wait a while, she’s going to permanently off all of the side guys by the time she’s about 28-30, if not sooner.

Example #5: You’ve got a 23-year-old MLTR you’ve been seeing for about two months. She’s not super extroverted but she’s hot and she knows it. She’s reasonably new so you haven’t had The Talk yet. You’re somewhat new at managing MLTR relationships.

Probability: About 70%, at least 60%. She’s young, hot, no shared infrastructure, you’re new at this, and you’re not very serious with her at all. Yeah, MLTRs are more serious than FBs but not much if it’s only been two months.

Example #6 You’ve got a long-term sugar daddy FB who is 27 years old and moderately introverted. She’s only an FB (since that’s what a sugar baby should be) but you’ve been seeing her for four years, the two of you get along well, she trusts you, and you pay her entire rent every month. You’re very experienced in these kinds of relationships so you’re managing it perfectly.

Probability: Less than 20%. Even though you’re not serious and she’s just an FB, you have some hardcore shared infrastructure and she relies on you. She’s also entering into the age range where her ASD is starting to spike and she’s starting to view men and dating as tedious.

To be clear, this won’t last forever; eventually, in a few short years, her ASD will overwhelm her, she’ll become a provider hunter, and she’ll want a real boyfriend or husband. She’ll quickly dump you like a hot potato when she finds this guy (and if you’re like most men, you’ll be shocked and dismayed and had no idea this was coming). But for now, she’s going to likely be sexually exclusive to you even if you’re having sex with lots of other women.

So there you go; now I’ve given you a pretty precise formula for how to determine the answer to this final excuse to not use non-monogamy in your life.

So now you can relax.

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Question of the Week

Sex on the First Date

E.D. Writes:

I usually go for sex on the second date as you instruct, but I recently hooked up on the first date and now I’m wondering if I’ve been missing out by waiting with other girls. I know you’ll probably say that most women wouldn’t go for it on the first date anyway, and I get your arguments about that.

You’ve said before that you’ve had first-date sex with some non-sugar-daddy women, even though it’s rare. Can you give the precise techniques you use to figure out if a woman is down for first-date sex?

I really want to know how to spot those exceptions and I know you probably don’t talk about how to do this because you advocate a two-date system.

Sure. To clear, a lot of this is something that I can “feel” after being on literally hundreds of first dates, so some of this is art rather than science. But in terms of the science part, I can answer that.

Here are the parameters I use to determine if a woman is down to have sex with me on the first date. Let’s assume this is non-sugar-daddy and “normal” dating to not muddy the conversation.

1. She must be under the age of 24. That’s when ASD is lowest, and 100% of the women I’ve had sex with on the first date who were strangers to me before that first meet were indeed under age 24. If she’s over age 24 I wouldn’t even try it; she’ll just get insulted.

2. She’s giving me crazy “fuck me signals.” Examples: she’s leaning forward at me, eyes wide, touching me before I touch her, talking about sex even when I’m not, telling me how cute or hot or good-looking I am, complimenting the shit out of me, and so on.

3. She literally asks to go back to my place with me right now. This is very rare but I’ve had this happen. (And when this happens, you say YES and get right up; you don’t hesitate with a bunch of “male ASD” and start looking for hidden cameras or something else like a terrified low-T pussy.)

4. She holds long eye contact, longer than most women on a first date.

That’s about it. In other words, as I’ve said in my materials, it’s blatantly obvious she’s down to have sex with you right now. It’s NOT a matter of “I think she likes me.” No. It’s super fucking obvious.

This does sometimes happen. When it does, you can just say, calmly and with a neutral expression on your face, “You want to go back to my place for a bit?” and then see how she reacts. If she says yes, or if she smiles and looks happy/excited but doesn’t verbally answer, you just get up and say calmly, “Let’s go,” and then gently proceed.

To reiterate what I always say, this usually does not happen, so consider this a happy bonus the rare times it does.