28 Feb Is Pair Bonding Good or Bad? Well, It’s Both…
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The term “pair bonding,” at least when I use the term, means you are in a serious, committed, loving (as in you love her and she loves you), long-term (or at least to be long-term) relationship with a woman.
It means, or at least implies, that you don’t have this kind of relationship with anyone else and she doesn’t either, though sex with other people is allowed as long as it’s not too serious.
In Alpha Male 2.0 parlance, it means you have a high-end MLTR and don’t have any other MLTRs besides her, or you have an OLTR.
So pair bonding doesn’t require sexual monogamy, but it does require that she is (at least more or less) the only woman you’re (at least somewhat) serious with and you are the only man she is serious with.
It might surprise some people when I say that I prefer pair bonding and always have.
Again, pair bonding does not mean monogamy. I hate monogamy and always will. But I have always preferred a pair bonding-type relationship and have been like this my entire life.
This includes when I was a young, dumb beta male many decades ago.
It also includes my first several years as an Alpha Male 2.0 when I didn’t have anyone serious and was dating a large number of women (FBs and MLTRs).
Even back then, I usually had one woman in the pile who I liked the most, wanted to spend the most time with, and had thoughts about something long-term and serious, even if the relationship wasn’t serious yet.
This is why I talked about eventually getting into an OLTR Marriage all the way back in 2011, when I wasn’t seeing anyone seriously and was just playing around. I was self-aware enough to know that regardless of the wild, post-divorce phase I was in and the sheer number of women (and fun) I was having, I still preferred something non-monogamous but pair-bonded.
This all came to fruition several years later when I settled down with Pink Firefly. I was very happy to do it and I still am. To this very day I still love her more than any other woman I have ever loved.
Despite my (sometimes extreme) non-monogamous lifestyle, pair bonding really is the way I’ve always been “wired.”
I’m not alone in this. Most men are the same way.
As I’ve talked about before in great detail, most young men get oneitis at the drop of a hat, and most older men (age 35 and above) suddenly start to feel weird if they don’t have a serious girlfriend or wife or at least someone in their dating life who feels like she might be someday.
This all indicates that the vast majority of us men like to be pair bonded, even if we’re single, dating, or ruggedly non-monogamous.
Are there exceptions to this? Sure.
A small percentage (and it is a small percentage) of men do prefer to be forever-players. They rarely get girlfriends, and if they do, they tend to end the relationship quickly. Many of these guys tend to be Thrill of the Hunt men, though not all TotH men are anti-pair bonding.
Plus, many men go through player phases just like I did during the several years after my divorce. During this time I didn’t want to pair bond with any woman and instead I wanted to play the field and make up for lost time.
But even then I always had this pair-bonding “tug” to one of the women I was seeing, even if I didn’t act on it.
These player phases are almost always temporary and men do eventually pick one special gal and girlfriend her up or settle down with her.
Then they proceed to cheat on her if the relationship is monogamous, but the key point here is that they don’t want her to leave. They want her to stay in his life while he cheats on her behind her back.
As I’ve said many times, women leave, men cheat.
When men cheat, they rarely want the woman they’re cheating on to leave. This is the opposite of women, who would rather just dump his dumb ass and go find a new beta male replacement.
Even the new PDM model I’ve been following (and if you have no idea what I’m talking about when I say “PDM”, watch this video) is based around pair bonding.
“Wait a minute,” you say, “PDM is about having multiple wives. That’s not pair bonding!”
You’re right. It’s not.
But it is being (sort of) pair-bonded to one woman per location.
As I’ve said, at my age and my experience level, I don’t want to date a bunch of women anymore and I don’t even want FBs anymore, at least not in the traditional sense.
When I’m in Dubai for 7 months a year, I want to be with one special woman (more or less).
Then when I’m in Paraguay for the other 4-5 months a year I want to be with one special woman (again, more or less).
When I visit the Collapsing USA, I want to be with one special woman.
The fact that these are three different women means I’m not technically pair bonded. But it does mean that I’m de facto pair bonded whenever I’m in any one location. I don’t have three wives with me at all times. I’m only with one in each location.
This means I can have a pair bonding experience in any of my three big locations. It just happens to be a different woman in each location.
Because, once again, I prefer pair bonding even though I don’t want monogamy (because monogamy doesn’t work).
I have initiated a back-up plan for my two main locations (Dubai and Paraguay) where I have one back-up woman per location, but that’s only for backup purposes in case the first woman doesn’t work out; it’s not because I want to date two women per location. I just want one.
(I’ll do a PDM update video at my YouTube channel soon and get into more detail about that.)
Again, humans are NOT wired for long-term sexual monogamy and they never were, but they were wired for long-term pair bonding. In other words, an OLTR or OLTR-type relationship.
Believe it or not, OLTR (pair-bonded and non-monogamous) is actually the closest you can come to how human beings were actually designed to behave, both physically and psychologically. You have one special woman you love and want to be with long term (pair-bonded) but at the same time you’re allowed to get some on the side from other women when you need to, and you do at least semi-regularly (non-monogamy).
Humans were never designed for anything even close to monogamy past about 2-3 years, and attempting such a thing, especially in the Western world, is just stupid.
But they also weren’t designed where you have seven wives living in your house either (sorry Andrew Tate and guys who want to be like him).
That isn’t even close to pair-bonding so you’re just going to create all kinds of drama, conflict, jealousy, and one-upmanship that’s going to drive you and your wives insane (unless you enjoy drama, and some men do coughAndrewTatecough).
The only reason I’m attempting the PDM model is that each “wife” literally lives on the other side of the planet from each other. That seems much more low-drama sustainable to me. So far, it’s been working surprisingly well (though I’ve only been doing this for about a year and a half and the Dubai PDM still isn’t official yet, so time will tell).
The point here is that your desire to pair bond isn’t bad, beta, or needy in and of itself. It’s perfectly fine and it’s actually how humans are wired, provided:
- You stay non-monogamous, when means you’re actually putting your penis inside other women besides your main woman on a regular basis.
- You don’t get a girlfriend/OLTR before you’re 30 years old.
- You never get oneitis.
- You never tolerate and drama or demands from your main woman and drop her like a hot potato if she starts doing this as a pattern of behavior, even if you’re married and/or living together and/or she’s the mother of your children. (Always remember, she’s a girl, so she’d drop you in a heartbeat if you pissed her off or made her bored, so you need to level the playing field by never being afraid of doing the same to her.)
- You don’t make her the focus of your life and you follow your Mission.
Do those five things above, and now pair bonding becomes a beautiful thing that enhances your life instead of a sea anchor chained around your neck like it is for most men.
Pair bonding isn’t the enemy.
Complacency, weakness, and monogamy are.
Leave your comment below, but be sure to follow the Five Simple Rules.
Jack Outside the Box
Posted at 10:16 am, 28th February 2025This is largely true, and I am very honored and privileged to have met, and slept with, a decent number of women who are the exceptions to this rule. That is to say, when they cheat, they cheat like men.
As I’ve said before, there are two types of cheating (Type 1 and Type)2):
Type 1 cheating (otherwise known as feminine cheating) is when a person (whether male or female) cheats on their monogamous partner because they no longer love or respect them, and usually fall in love with the person that they are cheating on their partner with. When this happens, the relationship is over regardless of whether or not they get caught. The partner being cheated on may not find out about the cheating, but they will be able to tell that they’re partner is no longer into them, no longer enjoys the sex with them, and so forth. That’s not something that can be hidden. The cheater will become cold and distant from their partner. Most feminine cheaters are women, but some are men.
Type 2 cheating (otherwise known as masculine cheating) is when a person (whether male or female) cheats on their monogamous partner because they’re horny and desire sexual variety while still being madly in love with their main partner. The cheating has nothing to do with their main partner, and it’s essentially an open relationship without the partner who is being cheated on knowing about the open part. It’s basically an open relationship with one extra layer of discretion (from one’s own partner). But the person is still wildly in love with their partner and the two are insanely happy together (as long as the cheating partner doesn’t get caught as it pertains to their extracurricular casual sex with others).
The discreet sex with others is just sex and nothing else (no serious feelings), and the more they love their partner, the more likely they are to take serious steps to not get caught, whereas they probably wouldn’t bother cheating in this capacity if they didn’t love their partner, as they would just break up with them instead. So, the greater the love for their partner, the more likely they are to cheat in this Type 2 manner. The less they love their partner, the more they would think that going through the headache of a double life is not worth it.
So, the more your monogamous girl is powerfully in love with you (and has a masculine orientation towards sex), the more likely she is to cheat on you, not less. The reason these Type 2 cheaters exist is because they love their partner so much that they can’t stand to lose them, and are convinced they will lose them if they were to propose an open relationship instead. In a blue pilled world, sometimes we need to live double lives and be wolves in sheep’s clothing in order to be happy!
The vast majority of Type 2 (masculine) cheaters are men, but some are women. And like I said, I have had the privilege of surrounding myself with women who have insanely high sex drives, and therefore, very masculine orientations when it comes to sex. These are the Type 2 female cheaters (and I’ve slept with many) who cheat not despite loving their boyfriends and husbands (like Type 1 cheaters), but precisely BECAUSE they love their boyfriends and husbands, whereas if they didn’t, they wouldn’t bother going through such headaches and would simply break up with them instead! I myself have never cheated on a woman in a Type 1 capacity, but always in a Type 2 one, not despite loving her, but because of it.
Open relationships are superior to both types of cheating, but not every partner will go for that, and sometimes you need to play dirty to keep the person you love. And at this point in my life, my views have evolved to such an extent that I see little difference between an open relationship and a Type 2 cheating relationship, and everything in between (such as don’t ask, don’t tell relationships). To me, these are just different levels of discretion, and which one a person should employ depends on the level of psychological femininity or masculinity of one’s partner.
Some women will consent to an open relationship, want all the details, and may even desire to join in via group sex (specific knowledge). Other women will consent to an open relationship, but only if you promise not to tell her anything or have her think about it (general knowledge). Still other women prefer “don’t ask, don’t tell” (peripheral knowledge). Finally, some women will demand closed monogamous relationships only, and therefore, Type 2 cheating from you (zero knowledge).
To me, it’s all a spectrum. As long as you’re not really monogamous, or cheating in a Type 1 capacity, it’s all good, regardless of whether you’re a man or a woman.
Mo
Posted at 12:40 pm, 1st March 2025I remember you had some Dubai vlogs with Pink Firefly in them. AFAIK, she still lives in the US but likes visiting Dubai from time to time but not Paraguay because it’s too rough down there. So you won’t ever have the problem of her coming to Paraguay. But in Dubai, how would you handle the situation with your Dubai wife if Pink Firefly came to visit? Because now your two wives would be in close proximity to each other.
Caleb Jones
Posted at 05:52 am, 3rd March 2025PF and I have already discussed it and she’s promised to be cool about it. And if she’s comes and she’s not cool about it, our relationship is over.
FYI PF is moving back to Dubai in 1-2 years and she knows she’ll likely have to share me with another wife when she does so; she’s accepting of it.
Mo
Posted at 03:59 pm, 5th March 2025Caleb Jones
Posted at 10:07 am, 6th March 2025I don’t date women who “blow up,” I may not have a PDM in Dubai by then, and I addressed your question in this video here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Etq8UvNyV0M