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I’ve discussed this topic before but never did a deep dive. Time to do that.

In a dating scenario with a new woman, how long is it appropriate to wait for sex before you (politely) drop her and move on?

Here’s the superior version of this question:

In a dating scenario with a new woman, how long is it appropriate to wait for sex before you (politely) drop her and move on to the next woman on the list?

This assumes there is a list, and this is not the only woman on your radar. This is indeed relevant to this discussion because the typical beta male only works on one woman at a time in dating scenarios, meaning he’s in a position of neediness and scarcity. So if the woman he’s going on dates with is resisting sex he’s more likely to put up with it longer than an Alpha Male 1.0 or 2.0 who has lots of irons in the fire at all times.

This means that you can’t answer that question with, “It depends on the situation.” You need a hard standard that you stick to no matter what. You also need to always be working on multiple women (at least 5-15) whenever you’re in dating mode so that no one woman can string you along like a little puppy dog with her ASD excuses like “I’m worth the wait.”

Another mistake most men (betas) make is when they are in girlfriend or wife-hunting mode. If they’re just out to get laid, they drop sexually resistant women much faster. If instead they are on the prowl for a long-term girlfriend or wife, they will often buy into the red pill/tradcon/societal programming bullshit about how a marriage-quality girl always makes you wait and only dirty slutwhores fuck men relatively quickly.

This is, of course, completely false, but I’ve discussed that many times before as well. Using my experience as just one of the thousands of examples, my wife and I were very sexual on the second date and had sex within ten minutes of the third date, which is lighting fast for a woman over the age of 33 which she was at the time, and she and I have been together for ten years now. Plus, she doesn’t have sex with other men despite the fact she’s allowed to in our non-monogamous marriage.

Regarding the two other longest consistent relationships I’ve had in my life, almost a decade each, we both had sex on the second date, which is my standard model. I could give you so many more examples as could many men in my audience.

Another aspect of this, something I’ve addressed in my books, is that if you indeed allow a woman to “make you wait” a large amount of time or number of dates before she has sex with you, and then you get serious with her, you’ve started the entire relationship off on her nonsexual and prudish frame. Not a good idea if you want a long-term, happy, low-drama, sex-filled relationship with this person. Her making excuses to get out of sex on the third or fourth date should be a warning flag to you if you want a relationship with her, not a go sign.

The point here is that your standard for how long you will wait in a new dating situation with zero sex can not be changed on a whim based on what your objectives are or what kind of woman you want. Again, it should be a 100% hard standard that you apply to 100% of all women who fall into your dating funnel.

The time measurement I use for this is the number of dates, i.e. having sex on the first date, second date, third date, fourth date, or whatever. You could instead use a measurement of time but if you do that you end up expanding your time horizons into something ridiculous. I once spoke with a guy who was dating a girl consistently for three months and they still hadn’t had sex. Two months in she finally started giving him blowjobs but that was it.

He allowed this beta male insanity to happen because his metric for this was the number of weeks or months to get to sex rather than the number of dates. So it’s much better if we stick with the number of dates.

I suppose you could then ask, “But what if there’s a three-week gap between date one and date two?” The answer to that question is that you’re probably never getting sex from her because you allowed too much time to go by. As I’ve said hundreds of times in my blogs and books, when you’re dating a new woman, time is your enemy. The longer the time gap between when you first meet her in real life (date one or first meet) and when you actually try to have sex, the lower the odds become of you ever getting there. And it doesn’t matter if you had a “good reason” like you or she were out of town for three weeks right after the first date. The reason for the delay doesn’t matter.

Alright, so if we’re using the metric of number of dates, then let’s look at each.

Sex on the first date. This is obviously good. However, as you probably already know, I don’t teach sex on the first date for a myriad of reasons, namely that A) it’s harder to do, B) it takes more time, and C) it raises the odds of buyer’s remorse on her end and results in ghosting the next day.

Instead, my dating model (which has been working perfectly for the past 17 years and still works like clockwork today for millions of men all over the world) is to have a one-hour first date where you spend minimal money and don’t get physical at all (but have a sexual frame) and then have sex on the second date when she just comes over to your place. (Note: This does not apply to sugar daddy game which is a completely different system.) Sex on the second date, as long as both dates are brief, is easier, faster, cheaper, and results in more long-term relationships.

Have I had sex on the first date before? Of course. Many times. But it’s not typical.

So while sex on the first date is obviously acceptable, it’s not the norm in my world.

Sex on the second date. This is the norm for me and a lot of other people. So it’s great.

Sex on the third date. Now we’re getting into the zone of concern. Sex on the third date is not ideal, ever. However, it’s still acceptable for these reasons:

• Sometimes the woman gets sexual with you on the second date, which demonstrates sexual interest, making it “worth it” to “invest” in one more date.
• Sometimes women are really attracted to you but had a recent bad experience with a man she was dating (bad breakup, sexual assault, cervical cancer, fucked her sister, etc) and thus need one more date after the second to get comfortable before they have sex with you.
• Sometimes women are on their period on the second date. The vast majority of women will not have sex with a new guy during their period. They just need to wait a few days and now they’re down.
• Some inexperienced women, younger women, Type 3s, virgins, and so on sometimes need one more date to get comfortable.
• Women over the age of 33 who don’t already know you will absolutely not have sex with you on date one or two because of their sky-high ASD and/or extreme provider-hunter mode. (“A ‘gentleman’ doesn’t try to have sex with a woman on the second date! How DARE you, you immature pig!”) Shit, most of them won’t even have sex with you on the third date either. Have fun with that.

So my rule is that sex on date three is not ideal but it’s acceptable in any one of the above scenarios, especially if the two of you did get sexual to some degree on the second date. The second date should always be the goal; the third date is your backup plan.

Sex on the fourth date. Nope! This is too long. I don’t care how hot she is. I don’t care how smart she is or funny she is or how good a mom she’d make or any other stupid metrics men have for this stuff. No woman is worth waiting four fucking dates before she allows you the “honor” of having sex with her when right around the corner are 20 other women who are younger, hotter, and/or smarter than her who have no problem whatsoever having sex with you sooner than that.

If your only objection to this is to point out the bizarre and rare exception to the rule which virtually never happens (“But Caleb, what if she’s a famous A-list celebrity???”  “But Caleb, what if she just had surgery on her pussy and can’t have sex???”) then I win and I’m right about this. There is no reason to wait until date four to have sex with any new woman.

And don’t fall into the “blowjob” trap like the guy above did. Some guys will date women well past date three or four without any sex but these women will give them blowjobs and/or handjobs instead. I’ve seen many over-33 women and Russian women pull this shit successfully on beta males (and a few tried to pull it on me but it didn’t work).

Blowjobs and handjobs are great but they aren’t sex. I don’t care if it’s called “oral sex.” It’s not sex. The English language is very imprecise about these things, often on purpose. (Is “statutory rape” with a consenting and willing 17-year-old girl who’s already fucked four other guys before you really “rape?” Of course not.) Sex means your cock goes inside her vag, you wuss. That’s it. And if you’re not getting sex from a woman, you need to politely move on to the other women you’re working on.

Man, I learned this so fast way back in 2007-08 when I first started living the Alpha Male 2.0 life. I’d have two first dates on Monday with Girl A and Girl B, both of whom were equally hot and smart. I’d have the second date with Girl A on Tuesday and she would say no to sex. I’d have the second date with Girl B on Wednesday and we’d have fantastic sex with no resistance whatsoever. I’d have the third date with Girl A on Friday, and she’d still say no to sex. I’d have sex with Girl B for the second time on Saturday. By the following Tuesday I’d be on date four or five with Girl A, still trying to have sex with her, still getting rejected, while repeatedly having sex with Girl B numerous times whom I met on the same damn day as Girl A.

Eventually I just stupidly realized, “Why the HELL am I messing with Girl A? What am I, a dumbass? I should just go find myself another Girl B.” Which is exactly what I started to do. I drew a hard line at the end of date three; if no sex by then, I would be very nice but I wouldn’t see her again.

Since those learning days back in 2007-08 I have never had sex with a woman past date three, and waiting until date three is extremely rare for me.

So there you go. Date three should be your limit.