The Best Life Path For Women
Jen recently commented on my day-in-the-life post, asking a very well-informed and honest question. She clearly has read most of my articles here and her question is one I’ve received before.
So, I just happened on your blog today and I’ve been reading through the archives. It’s very interesting, and it’s this current post that is helping me articulate the following question. Clearly you love your daughter very much and are proud of her and her intelligence and presumably character. You want the best for her and you want her to live a happy and productive life. Given, then, that you see also so many challenges to women’s happiness (i.e., they are too comfortable being uncomfortable, they inevitably increase their level of ASD, they are hard-wired to want children at age 28) what kind of story arc/life plan do you hope for for your daughter?
I’ve already made a post here about a hypothetical Blackdragonette, as well as its follow-up post here of what I would do if I was born a woman named BeeDee, with my same (or female-similar) personality.
However, my daughter is not hypothetical nor is she someone who shares my same personality. My daughter has my intelligence, smartassness, and sarcasm, but she’s also much more emotional, sensitive, compassionate, and artistic. Thus there’s no way I could lay out a life plan for my daughter based on what I would want. The same is true of my son. All I can (and should do) is demonstrate unconditional love for my children and teach them cause and effect. I talk about how to do this in detail in the Alpha Male 2.0 book.
What do I hope for my daughter? The same thing I hope for my son: that she lives a life of consistent, long-term happiness, however she can find it.
Will she find that doing standard, societal monogamy? No. Getting into relationships, then breaking up, getting into more relationships, then getting cheated on, getting into marriages, then getting divorced, that’s not consistent happiness. That’s a life of ups and downs.
As a woman, she likely may want a life of ups and downs, but that’s her decision to make. I still want both of my kids to be happy.
Should she also run her life like you, with FBs, MLTRs, etc?
I don’t know the answer to that. My guess is, as a woman, she’ll be more comfortable with an OLTR model than an FB or MLTR one, but I could be wrong. I get a hell of a lot of positive email from women expressing happiness or strong desire for MLTRs. I guess I’ll just have to see.
My preference for her would probably be OLTR, though sadly as an adult she may choose some variation serial monogamy instead like most women do.
What about children? Should she settle for a beta?
If she wants to be temporarily happy, yes. Betas are fantastic at making women temporarily happy for a while. If she wants to be consistently happy (as much as is possible for a woman), then no. Only an Alpha 2.0 can do that for her. When she wants to have kids (and knows she’s mentally, emotionally, logistically, and financially ready for them) she should try to find a man as close to Alpha 2.0 as possible for that. If she doesn’t find one, and she may not because there aren’t very many of us, then she’ll probably do what the vast, VAST majority of women do when they want kids: settle for a beta, be really happy for a while, and then later suffer the usual unhappiness once new-baby-NRE dies down and all the usual crap starts: cheating, drama, boredom, breakups, divorce, etc.
And finally, would you be happy knowing that she were in the same position as any of your current women — in the place of the 22, 24, 27, or 39 yo? Obviously not so that you were fucking her, but that some other guy were treating her the way you treat them?
Yes. I would be very happy with that. I never lie to any of my women, never treat them badly, emotionally support them when they need it, never lead any of them on, never give them drama, never tell them what to do, and never cheat on them (since you have to promise monogamy in order to cheat). How many men out there can honestly say the same? I would love for my daughter to date a man like me…moreover I hope she does. The honesty, excitement, and happiness of an Alpha 2.0 would be better for her than the ass-kissing boredom of a beta or the drama and authoritarianism of an Alpha 1.0.
All of my women carry on FB or MLTR relationships with me because they want to and because I make them happy. The instant I stop making them happy, they leave me fast (usually LSNFTE). And then 94% of them come back.
Is that really the best that women can hope for in a realistic world?
Of course not. The best a woman can hope for, in my very biased, male, Alpha 2.0 opinion, is a long-term, live-in, discreet OLTR with an Alpha Male 2.0 who truly loves her, never lies to her, never gives her drama, holds her happiness (and his) as a very high priority, and gives her the children and at least the semblance of a societally-acceptable “marriage” she so strongly desires. I’m confident my daughter would be happy with this. I’m also quite confident most modern-day women under the age of about 40 (but not all) would be happy with this as well, provided they could get past their own ASD and Societal Programming enough to try it, which is difficult for them once they hit the Age of Doom (age 33).
Please take this question in the respectful but curious way I mean it. I think you have an interesting take on things and that your philosophy and strategies are consistent and show a good deal of integrity, even if I disagree with some of what you say. I just can’t fathom what you think a realistic life/sex/happiness long term strategy is for the LADIES. Thanks.
Here’s what I think a realistic, ideal, long-term strategy is for women:
1. Between the ages of 18 and 30, get some very, very solid birth control, and have FBs, MLTRs, and/or a non-live-in OLTR as desired. Keep your appearance optimal (trim and fit as possible, longer hair, bigger boobs, nice outfits, etc) and make sure you develop a marketable skill so you never need to (completely) financially depend on a man.
2. When you want to have kids, and as a woman you will, “settle down” with a live-in OLTR and have all the babies you want within the parameters I’ve discussed before.
3. If you eventually get bored with your man, and as a woman you probably will (those less quickly than normal since you won’t be monogamous), end the relationship (hopefully when the kids are older!) and continue with FBs and MLTRs until you find another OLTR that strikes your fancy. Keep your body trim and attractive, as always.
4. Nail down a (hopefully) final, long-term live-in OLTR before you get too old to easily attract quality men (when you’re around age 45-55 or so), and be with him until you die, if you can.
The above model would only apply to Independents and Submissives, as I define the three types of women. If you’re a Dominant, it’s unlikely you’ll ever agree to an FB/MLTR/OLTR model, so the best you Dominants can hope for is to snag an extreme pussy beta male, hope he puts up with your crap forever, and cheat on him with Alpha 1.0s and 2.0s on the side when you need to, which you will.
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For the benefit of the potential female reader I would like to contribute my view regarding women’s choices as a contrast. Hopefully BD will not burn me at stake for this 😛
As a woman your main purpose, your mission, in life is your children.
You will be happier the better quality children you have.
If you marry a beta and have his children it will be next to impossible to reach long-term happyness if your children are a constant reminder that you did settle for sub-par genes.
There are tons of women who get fat, ugly and unhappy because of this. This is not exactly our current zeitgeist but it is true nevertheless even if it is on a subconscious level only.
If we assume the above is true, the best course of action is to get the best possible genes WITH the best possible provider potential in a man your looks can afford you.
You have to max out your looks first and then go alpha hunting.
Best age to start this process would be 16-18 depending on your country. The task should be completed before you hit age 25 or else the potential men you can get will get worse each passing year as your hotness (reproductive value, men have subconscious level judgements too!) decreases.
Unlike for men when new hotties turn 18 each and every year (bigger cake), your potential male partners are getting less every year. Death or marriage will eat on the cake. Your cake is getting smaller. So dont waste time as a FB and use your few prime years well.
Women should NOT delay children. For men BDs advice to wait until at least 35 (reference: his new book) is good. But for women you want them as soon as you get your alpha with money. Lock down in marriage is also your best option. If you marry a true alpha he will not be poor so there is no need to be $$ stable yourself.
Even if the marriage should fail you will have quality children (plural hopefully) and you will be cash wise set, so will your children.
The alpha male 2.0 lifestyle is more suited for men who have a mission to do. If we assume the life mission of a woman is her children it may become clear. Mission before all else.
Maldek…
The question is: Is there a true Alpha in his 20’s or 30’s that will want to have the commitment of kids get in the way of his mission that early in life? Or were you thinking of the woman hooking up with an older man?
I have noticed that there are a class of women out there who take care of their desire for kids early on with a rich Alpha, divorce him and then get on “The Dole”. These women are usually HOT and easy (although they themselves don’t think they are… easy) and they have nice houses and money and a good amount of free time. They make great FB‘s but I would never consider a woman on “The Dole” for a serious LTR of any kind.
Did you associate “quality children” with the financial wealth of their parents? Seriously!
BD:
I drip with wet anticipation about your responses as your daughter’s dating situation evolves. I wonder, if she does latch onto a Beta, how you will welcome him into the fold and if you will take on a mentoring position with him. Please do keep us posted!
I think women dump men after a while because men (and women), when in an MLTR start to take themselves for granted and just get to be boring.
Re. Optimal Appearance: “bigger boobs” C’mon… some of us guys prefer the Sport Package. I mean, as my friend Carl used to say, “You could fall asleep in all that comfort” 😉
I disagree with this advice for women. Maldek’s is closer to the mark. First, this post assumes that the Western world has a guaranteed future. It does not. The current Leftist welfare state model will not last. It is that system which allows women to engage in the promiscuity that they do. When that falls, women will not have the luxury of “alpha fux, beta bux”. They will have to latch on to one man. But after the coming collapse, men will be harder and stronger as well.
Today, a woman should find a smart, hard working beta and then introduce him to red pill theory. Let him build his red pill wisdom in the context of a meaningful LTR situation. She should do this before the age of 25. The guy should be 3 to 7 years older. If he’s too much older than that he most likely will be a player. Smart girls today should avoid players, PUAs, and the entire r-selected short-term sexual market. Its a soul killing waste of time. FBs, MLTRs, etc are nihilistic. Most women are not wired for nonsense like that. Those relationship structures satisfy the urges of promiscuous men but not of women. Counseling young women to follow that path is nihilistic, just as nihilistic as what the Feminist Left tells them to do today.
But I realize that I’m talking about a young women who would need to be exposed to red-pill thought and agree with it and act on it. There are very few women like that in the Western world. Feminism is in the process of destroying an entire generation of women, and maybe Western Civilization with it. For that, all Leftists (and many libertarians) should rot in hell. Or even better, burn in hell.
Maldek,
You make the mistake of assuming that an 18-25 year old human has a good idea of what a quality mate is.
Just ain’t so. That judgment really doesn’t show up until sometime in the late 20s/early 30s.
In the modern era, a young woman under 25 cranking out a few kids with an Alpha is pretty much guaranteed to be divorced in just a few years. Single motherhood won’t make her happy.
The most likely thing to happen with my daughter is that the split second she turns 18, graduates high school, moves out from her mom’s house and away from her mom’s rules, is that she will go find an older (age 30+ man) who is a beta. That’s just a guess though. We’ll find out soon.
You know I will. 🙂
Some guys yes. Most guys no. Statistically and biologically, most men (not all, but most) will consider a C cup as more attractive than a flat chest on a woman.
As I say to men all the time, especially in terms of online dating, always cast the widest net possible.
Absolutely correct. We’re in for a big fall. That’s why I clearly said in the post that women should not have to rely on a man financially. Both men and women should be financially self-sufficient for maximum long-term happiness.
Great. What if he ignores or scoffs at red pill like most betas do?
The problem is they aren’t wired for long-term monogamy either. So the only option left is OLTR.
Completely and utterly wrong. Have you read my other blog posts about relationships? Women should be allowed to fuck all the men they want under an FB or MLTR, with no bullshit from the man. Even under an OLTR some playing around on the side is allowed for her, under certain conditions.
You’re talking about Alpha 1.0, not 2.0.
As I’ve said many times, Western Civilization has ALREADY been destroyed. It just looks like it’s still functioning. We haven’t seen the full effects of its destruction yet…that will take a few more decades.
Relying on the left-wing welfare state won’t work; you’re right about that. But relying on a Disney, right-wing, Alpha 1.0 model where she marries some guy when she’s 21 and stays married and monogamous forever to him also won’t (and doesn’t) work. A third option is needed. That’s OLTR.
What about women who do not want children? Does this at all differ in big metropolitan cities vs smaller towns? People tend to take different paths depending on what surroundings they have.
Those women will have a much easier time being happy. They can do pretty much whatever they want.
But that’s a very, very tiny percentage of women.
Yes, since people in small towns have a lot more people in their personal business.
Small towns are for children and older people. Non-married people between the ages of 21 and about 45 really should move to larger population areas for maximum long-term happiness (unless they like drama and people always up in their business).
That, or at least do what I do; live in the “country” but still within 45 minutes of a major city.
“Small towns are for children and older people. Non-married people between the ages of 21 and about 45 really should move to larger population areas for maximum long-term happiness (unless they like drama and people always up in their business). ”
This just has me LMBO. They are such huge generalizations.
And re the Sport Package BD… Our choices are not limited to flat or C cup. Have you ever done a survey on a man’s fav cup size for a woman? Wonder what the response or interest level in knowing would be.
Correct. I’m writing on a blog read by thousands of people a day all over the world. Therefore everything I say is a generalization. As generalizations, they are generally true most of the time, but not always.
No, but I have read several similar studies and the data is pretty clear. Most men (not all but most, which is the phase you keep skipping over) are more sexually attracted to a C cup (or so) on a fit woman than an A cup (or so) on a fit woman. If you vastly prefer small boobs over C cups (which is what I meant in the blog post when I said “bigger boobs”; I was not talking about pornstar DDs), then that’s wonderful and many other men do too. But you are not “most men.” Neither am I. (I prefer DDs, but most men wouldn’t.) Feel free to do your own research on this if you think I’m wrong, which I am not.
I hope your daughter finds someone her own age who adores her and is ambitious as well. They work hard together, she supports him and is the rock behind his success.
Im rooting for him, the Alpha 3.0. They both love each other so much that they are too possessive to open up their relationship. They consider reassessing this together to stop any future cheating. Its an egalitarian relationship but slightly tilted in his direction because everyone of us women craves the leader to follow (but not too much or thar breeds drama)
Relationships based solely on beauty or wealth fail.
Maybe this article would best suit your son. I may be wrong and your daughter is promiscuous and may actually enjoy swapping out a few dicks. Im praying I can say ive only ever had two sex partners because sex is sacred to me and MOST women. The idea of banging heaps of guys brings spew to my mouth. ..yuck.
I meant to say that I prefer my man to lead and me to follow.
Monogamy doesn’t work. Women have been attempting exactly what you’re describing for decades, and the vast majority of people still break up, get divorced, or cheat.
@le petit I think it’s great to have women post on this blog as it widens the diversity of perspective.
But what you are referring to is what almost everyone attempts to do when they get married, and 20 years later wind up with a 45%+ divorce rate, and among the remaining married folk, cheating or disgruntled partners. There are some people for whom it works out perfectly, but probably less than half.
You’ve entered a blog made for rational analytic types (NTs on the Myers Briggs Scale), so if you think there must be an alternative to what BD is proposing, please post something that makes sense in light of the statistical data on divorce rates & cheating.
Hi la petit… when you hit mid to late 40’s and are a ravenous and insatiable horndog (the 18yo boy counterpart) with a fluffy 3.0 who cannot even begin to keep up, pills or not, you might reconsider your position. The fact is, everything changes… even your views on things and you have other choices besides 2 sex partners and heaps of guys.
Hooray! Finally, someone else on here noting the superior qualities of the Alpha Male 3.0! I won’t go through the list of characteristics (maybe I should write a book about it), but suffice to say, Alpha Male 3.0 looks for the highest quality intellect, physical toughness, sexuality and awareness he can find in a woman, and he never settles or compromises, prefers being alone than denying his excruciatingly high standards. Once he finds such a qualifying female, he promises no drama, possessiveness, or manipulation, insists on the same from her, with one exception. He tells her “The only thing I am possessive about is who’s penis and semen goes into your vagina. I want it to be only mine. I hope you will feel the same, and feel free to do anything else with your time and life, but I want to be your only lover for as long as it’s good for both of us, and I promise you the same in return (i.e., my thingy won’t go into anyone else)”. He thereafter sees her once or twice a week, the majority of his time spent on his mission. He also ends up spending a lot of time sewing buttons back onto his shirt because she tears his clothes off regularly, oh, about once or twice a week. If it doesn’t workout somewhere down the road of time (three years?, sure why not), he goes back on the search for another superior woman (and will find one because that’s part of his mission). Friends with Benefits? Ew. Demonstration of Higher Value, Oneitis, Ultimate IOI, MLTR‘s, ONS’s, TMM‘s, BVD’s, RSVP’s, QPD’s, or whatever? Fuggetaboutit, below standard. (I mean come on: who want’s to F a ’10’ when their intellectual interests, if any, are so unrelated to yours there’s nothing to talk about afterwards? Seriously?)
Congratulations, you’ve just described a serial monogamous Alpha 1.0.
If you want to spend the rest of your life in short-lived, up-and-down relationships while getting pissed off when women dump you or cheat on you (which they will), or when you cheat on them (which you will eventually if you’re an Alpha) and get caught, then that’s great, go right ahead. I’ll be over here being happy.
BD, great post as always! Congrats!
As my expertise with (past) monogamous and (current) polyamorous relationships evolve, I can tell you people with 100% accuracy: if you’re truly an Alpha Male, long-term monogamy WILL NOT work for you! Period. On the long run you will not be happy no matter what. As soon as you accept that simple fact the better you’ll live your life and make those around you happier!
To Jen (and most women that are wise enough to come here and seek advice on topics quality men discuss) the only thing I can say is: you must try!!!
If you’re still young (18-25), go ahead and try different types of men. Try betas, Alphas 1.0s and (if you are lucky enough to find one) Alphas 2.0s. See what fits you best!
Also try different arrangements on relationships, don’t know exactly what…just do what you girls feel like to have a good time around men. And (this is very important) keep a serious focus on being physically fit, good-looking and financially independent.
In fact it doesn’t matter what you read on magazines, what Oprah says when she is interviewing some celebrity with crappy advice about “the perfect marriage” or what people around you think, just go ahead and try things for yourselves. Don’t be afraid to be called names or other shit and please, I mean please, don’t marry some douche (and have kids with him) just because he IS THE ONE. These things don’t exist, nobody is perfect damn it!!!
If you’re over 25 and under 34 and your genetic wiring is kicking you in the butt to settle down and have kids, it’s the perfect time to be fit, good-looking and financially independent and find the quality man you want. If don’t have any of these three things than you’re in serious trouble, and I mean it!!! Your options will decrease and if you don’t like older men you’ll have to settle for:
a) some younger (or similar age) beta provider who will get you bored after a very short amount of time OR;
b) an Alpha 1.0 who will control everything on your life and make all decisions for you, eventually becoming a beta who you’ll also be bored with;
If you’re over 34 and never got married or had children, just go live your life! Learn some skills, go travel, have sex with men you really like and enjoy being with, go be happy! It’s not the end of the world to have some fun after your 30s, 40s, etc!
Also (specially if you’re over 39-40) consider being a single mother of an adopted kid if you’re fit for it, and find an older easy-going Alpha 2.0 or less needy Alpha 1.0 to be an emotionally stable partner (OLTR) and a good company on your adventures.
That’s it!
Side note: BD has a term on his glossary called “gender myopia”. Girls must mind that’s a condition most guys who give girls advice suffer from, so be extra carefull with that.
POB,
Your advice to Jen to just try various men is fine for men pursuing women, but not so much for women, who, in general, have a tougher time just letting things go (they tend to scar emotionally more easily), according to this article: https://heartiste.wordpress.com/2014/08/27/the-difference-between-promiscuous-men-and-promiscuous-women/
I think I agree with it, not your suggestion.
If you disagree with my (and POB’s) advice for women, then you need to provide a specific alternative for them. Moreover and more importantly, you need to provide an alternative that actually works in the real world, and in the modern era, not 1952.
If your advice to women is, as others have stated, “get married young,” that’s not advice that works in the real world regardless of women’s biological differences from men, your personal opinion about women sleeping around, and “studies” done by right-wing organizations.
The fact is that a woman’s odds of divorce DOUBLE if they get married under the age of 25. I don’t like that any more than you do, but those are the facts. Giving advice to women to get married and crank out babies at a young age will simply create an army of future single mothers that our tax dollars will have to help support. No thank you.
It’s not 1952 any more. Your advice must reflect the realities of the current times, regardless of your personal opinions about women’s sexual freedoms.
@BD
If she marries Mr. alpha and has kids (plural) with him, and they divorce each other she is set.
She got good quality children AND money.
Why would she not be happy?
Also she could be a perfct MLTR/FB for any alpha 2.0 as money and children are the only two things alpha 2.0 do not provide for their women, isn’t it?
@Artbeast
Women should aim for men older than they are. If she is 22-23 and he is 33-35 that would be about perfect.
Having my first kid with around 30 did not harm my goals in life at all.
How many women do you know who are happy during a divorce?
How many single mothers do you know as a result of a divorce, including those who get child support / alimony, who are truly happy?
You’re living in a fantasy world.
We finally agree Mr Blackdragon lmao 🙂
No woman going through a divorce is ever happy even if she has all the money in the world.
No woman wants to raise children on her own. That’s exactly why she’s normally so picky before having sex, we seek out someone who would be a good provider and protector.
“Women should aim for men older than they are. If she is 22-23 and he is 33-35 that would be about perfect”
I dont know many women who are 22 who want families, most are doing what boys do at that age. Most are looking for men their own ages too. I live in a developed country in the southern hemisphere, where are you guys located? Is it cultural different where you are? We are unfortunately highly influenced by the Americans here.
I dont mind older looking men. I’m actually very rare in my very big group of friends. It could be because I value security over passion but almost all my friends are looking for that “can’t keep my hands off him wild chemistry” and all of them are with men their own ages.
Women who are seeking LTR‘s are around 28 years of age when they suddenly decide they want babies. I think 28 year old women are best suited to 30 year old men, they seem to have the best odds at happiness.
Blackdragon:
I think you misunderstood my purpose. My intention was not to prescribe a solution. I addressed one aspect of POB’s post, providing a link that discussed the biological differences between the sexes regarding multiple sex partners, which is backed by more than right-wing organizations and personal preferences (the very nature of the reproductive cycle is proof). I would never suggest anyone get married, just as I would not suggest anyone do anything to solve their sentient issues.
You asked for an alternative, and, unfortunately I can’t really provide one in the “real world.” And here’s why: Personally, for me, I see little value in your lifestyle in a practical sense. I purchased your books, tried doing the things you do, but I just didn’t have the desire to keep it up: the girls were more like robots to me than anything else, as I was constantly looking for the next score. I believe you stated a goal of converting 20% of the male population. That number is likely way too high, as I don’t think you can shake up the entire biological and societally-programmed melting pot that much. Your system is like a boiler room sales team: contact as many people as possible, hope you get in touch with some who are vulnerable (i.e. they are in enough pain at the moment to require a new process, as opposed to the one society prescribes), and then convert them. It’s fine, but it only works on a very small percentage.
If I had to provide any advice it would be for both men and women to distance themselves as quickly as possible from any attachments and then find a quick exit strategy to go back to non-existence, which is where everyone is headed anyway. The longer you stay in this game, the more addicting it becomes, because you have more emotional ties embedded in your mind that need to be satisfied. Obviously I’m still a slave to these ties and have not been able to exit, but non-existence should definitely be the goal: no pain, no gain, just nothing. Living in general is an uphill battle where you need to constantly keep running just to keep your skin in the game.
That is my point. All you have is negativity about what won’t work and what you don’t like, and I have an answer. You may not like my answer, but at least I have one (that’s been field-tested by many also).
I wish to “convert” no one. I don’t care about society. My goal is to help the 5-10% of men who don’t like the current system and are willing to make changes to be more happy.
Wrong. I do not get into MLTRs with women who are “in pain.” Women “in pain” are drama and I don’t do drama. I only date (as in MLTR) women who are happy. (Granted, I will go FB with a woman who’s in pain, but that’s just an FB. I don’t “date” those women.)
Good god..another nihilist. (Now I get why you put the term “real world” in quotes.) Honestly, where do you guys come from? Do you like being disappointed all the time?
On second thought, don’t answer that.
“hope you get in touch with some who are vulnerable (i.e. they are in enough pain at the moment to require a new process” – I was talking about men being vulnerable, aka the men who were just like you after your divorce who needed a new system. I could still become like that, it’s just that right now it didn’t work. This is saying nothing about your system, it’s a comment on the way people’s lives play out.
Ultimately, you’re disappointing Blackdragon, because I at least empathize with your situation (and what you’re trying to do), understanding how you got there, but you, you just run around throwing your hands in the air when anything “negative” creeps into the equation.
I’m sorry you feel that way, but your comments sound very dark and depressing, and yes, I don’t want negative in my life. I prefer happiness. Call me crazy.
Each to their own.
Great post BD, its hard out there for women, I think the main takeaway from this is
“The best a woman can hope for, in my very biased, male, Alpha 2.0 opinion, is a long-term, live-in, discreet OLTR with an Alpha Male 2.0 who truly loves her, never lies to her, never gives her drama, holds her happiness (and his) as a very high priority, and gives her the children and at least the semblance of a societally-acceptable “marriage” she so strongly desires.”
She probably won’t need to stray too often,especially if she has kids taking up her time, it will just prevent her from the emotional destruction of being cheated on by an alpha male. Marrying a beta male can’t even be an option for long term happiness. And unfortunately, an attractive alpha 2.0 is extremely rare, its no wonder women are unhappier than ever.
I’m a woman and I agree with the platform you’ve set forth BD. I never wanted kids and I don’t think we’re quite as rare as you imply (at least among the urban/educated class, easily a quarter or a third don’t want kids), but I get it that most still do want kids. And that presents a problem for women because kids require a lifelong partner in parenting but most women don’t *actually* want to be with one guy for more than 5-10 years (they may think they do but the fact that the vast majority can’t stick it out or are unhappy if they do — despite massive social pressure and social norms for longterm monogamy — gives away the lie).
So if a woman is set on having kids, there’s really no ideal solution unless she’s fabulously independently wealthy. What you’ve set forth is probably the best and most realistic hope for a normal woman.
The idea some commenters are setting forth that a woman should marry and have kids young is ridiculous. It will just mean that she’s divorced, broke, and saddled with kids by the time she’s 35, which greatly reduces her chances of finding another high-quality partner. Men don’t want to get into relationships with single mothers. And even if she lives in a state that provides for long-term alimony (which most don’t), it doesn’t last FOREVER. Most divorced single moms are totally financially desperate and the guys they get together with are disgusting, because no desirable guy is going to support a woman with another guy’s kids.
Risking your long-term economic and emotional well-being by failing to develop economically-marketable skills and gambling that your 30 year old husband will still want to fuck you and support you into your 50s, 60s, and 70s when your kids are grown is sheer insanity. The bitterest and most unhappy women I have ever met are women who didn’t develop a career, had kids young and became stay at home wives, and were dumped in their 40s or 50s for a younger model. They have zero career prospects, alimony isn’t sufficient unless you were married to a multi-millionaire, and no one wants to be with a 50 year old loser woman with kids and no job. OTOH, I work with women professionals from their 20s through late 60s who all make good money, about half have kids, and all are happy and secure, whether or not they’re married, divorced, or remarried. The women with kids do not seem more or less happy than the women without, though they do seem more tired and stressed. Everyone seems to enjoy being a grandparent but being a parent seems more exhausting and frustrating than joyous.
Since I don’t and won’t have kids, I don’t have to worry about this, and as BD said, I can pretty much do whatever I want. Which for me means working, traveling, playing the field, socializing with friends a lot and hosting and attending parties, and enjoying my pets, interests, and my home. I would LOVE to get into an OLTR with a good-looking Alpha Male 2.0 but I have literally never met one. Therefore my choices for mates are the beta army or needy/controlling Alpha Male 1.0s, and I prefer to remain single and fuck who I want. However, if I had not spent the past dozen years building a high-paying career for myself, I would probably be desperate to hitch a guy just so I could live the lifestyle I enjoy now.
I understand why guys want to convince women that they shouldn’t earn their own money and be economically independent — because it’s the only way they can convince a desirable young woman who is otherwise much more valuable in the sexual marketplace to be with them. But women shouldn’t fall for it. It’s just guys trying to convince women to bargain away a highly valuable asset by giving away $100 stock for pennies, and not to diversify their portfolio so that when the inevitable depreciation occurs, they have nothing.
Hell, of course it’d be great for me if when I’m 50, men are so poor and desperate that even the hottest 28 year old man was willing to fuck and devote himself to me. So I get why men try to convince women of the reverse. But I’m not such a self-centered, fundamentally dishonest jackass that I would actually try to convince men that it would be in THEIR best interests. It’s astonishing to me that some women are so dumb that they actually buy into conservative/religious bullshit trying to convince women that it’s in THEIR interest to tie themselves down in their 20s so they have zero marketable skills or social value in their 40s, 50s, 60s, and 70s. Don’t kid yourselves dudes: the vast majority of women do NOT want more than 1 or 2 kids, and the only person it serves for a woman to be monogamous in her 20s and then socially/economically worthless from age 35-death is the man who locked her down.
@Kryptokate
In the end, a woman or man chooses what they do. There are no victims and men do not “lock down” a woman without a woman making that choice that for herself or a series of choices which end up at that destination.
I am sorry you are unable to attract a very handsome, fit and successful 2.0 into your life or circle of vision. I assure you, we are out there.
@Kriptokate
“Men don’t want to get into relationships with single mothers”. WRONG. We don’t care if women already have kids, as long as they make us happy and have their shit together.
“I understand why guys want to convince women that they shouldn’t earn their own money and be economically independent — because it’s the only way they can convince a desirable young woman who is otherwise much more valuable in the sexual marketplace to be with them” RIGHT. And I want to bash these morons for being so cruel towards women. But again, if a woman allows this situation to happen It’s ultimately her fault.
@its very simple to understand
Man, we’re just trying to find ways to be happy (and make women happy too) in a shitty world that is full of people who gives us shit rules and advice about what we have to do to achieve that happiness. These people ARE NOT HAPPY THEMSELVES but still they try to force us to do the same things they did OVER AND OVER AGAIN. See my point? If you don’t get it nobody can help you.
@ BD
Still can’t find anything bad about the lifestyle, carrer and personal advice you give to both men and women. Really, haven’t seen anyone give better alternatives to the things you propose.