6 Effective Things To Do When You Feel Unmotivated
I occasionally hear some of you complain that sometimes you feel bored, unmotivated, and too complacent to get off your ass and make things happen in your life to make you a happier and more successful man. I also hear from many guys that their sex drive is unusually low and that they barely desire to have sex at all, much less take the time and effort to bring in some new women into their lives.
Today I’ll give you the top six things you must do if you ever find yourself in this predicament. I will address both psychological and physiological causes. You do not want to remain in a state of unmotivation. That is extraordinarily dangerous to your long-term happiness as a man.
There is only one exception to this rule. That is if you, right now:
1. Make all the money you want, not only now, but for the very long-term.
and
2. Are having sex with all the women you want, as well as the type of women you really like.
and
3. Are at least reasonably physically fit.
If all three of those things apply to you, then you are welcome to feel as unmotivated and complacent as you like. While I have some personal opinions about that, I agree that once you reach a certain level in life, you’re allowed to take a break or move on to other areas.
If all three of those things don’t apply to you, then it’s time to address the problem of why you’re not feeling motivated or horny.
To be clear, I’m not talking about having an off day or a lazy day. Everyone has those from time to time, myself included. Sometimes you might even have an off week. That’s okay. Life is cyclical and no one can expect you to be in the zone all the friggin’ time.
I’m talking about a state of being that lingers for weeks or months (or god forbid, years). That’s unacceptable, unless you don’t mind being unhappy (in which case, as always, you are free to ignore my advice and do whatever you want).
If you’re feeling unmotivated or low (or zero!) sex drive, here’s what you need to do:
1. Get Some Blood Tests
This is at the top of the list for a reason. It’s very likely one or more hormones are off in your body. There’s little point in addressing behavioral problems if you’re suffering from an internal hormonal issue. Hormonal problems with men (and women) are so god damn common these days that you must rule this out first before you proceed with any other techniques.
Here are the blood tests you need to take:
- Testosterone (free and total)
- Estrogen (estradiol)
- Vitamin D
- Thyroid (specifically T3; T4 and TSH are also common tests but not as important)
If any of these are too low (and/or in the case of T3 and Estrogen, too high), then that likely explains why you’re feeling so shiftless all the time.
At the SMIC Program, we talk about these measurements and the exact ranges they need to be in, but that’s a big topic beyond the scope of this article. If you’re low (or too high) in any of these, work with your doctor and/or do some research on the internet to get these numbers into the proper ranges. I can tell you from personal experience you will not believe how much better you feel when all four of those things are in ideal, optimal ranges for a man.
You can get these tests ordered through your doctor, or get them and pay for them yourself. Sometimes insurance covers the costs of these tests, sometimes it does not (check). Very worst case scenario, you’ll pay about $300 at most. If that’s the case and you have no other option, shut up and pay it. It will be the best money you’ve ever spent, trust me. One of the reasons I’m such a happy little fucker is that I check these levels regularly and I always make sure they’re at optimal levels for a man.
If you live in the USA and want to get the tests done yourself, here are three websites I know of that do them:
- Lef.org
- PrivateMDLabs.com
- DirectLabs.com
If you live outside the USA, just Google around or talk to your doctor.
One extra note about this: If you were not raised with a father in the home, you likely suffer from low testosterone. Get it checked!
2. Make Sure You’re Getting Enough Water and Sleep
Most of you guys are not getting enough sleep or water. I devote an entire section in my book regarding sleep; it’s that important.
To summarize, you need to be getting at least seven hours of sleep every night, on average. Having a five or six hour night every once in a while is fine, but regularly having six or less hours of sleep means you’re going to fuck up your health, attitude, longevity, and happiness.
You’re now going to give me all the excuses as to why you “have to” only get six hours of sleep. I don’t give a shit. If you’re feeling unmotivated or not horny, you need to get some more sleep. Go to my old time management blog, learn some time management skills, and get it done. Stop with the excuses.
You also need to drink at least half a gallon of water per day. More is even better, especially if you lift weights or are on a high protein diet, but half a gallon will do it. Milk, pop, juice, or coffee does not count. Only water or tea. That’s it. Half a gallon. Nothing will sap your energy like being dehydrated. Most Americans are dehydrated and don’t even know it. Add that to lack of sleep, and shit, no wonder you’re feeling like a loser.
I drink a gigantic, tankard-sized cup of water every time I eat plus at least two other times throughout the day, and I get eight hours of sleep every night, sometimes nine, and I work much harder and have a much fuller life than the vast majority of men reading these words. It’s not that hard, folks. Just get organized and get it done.
3. Reconnect With Your Goals and Mission
Once you’ve made sure your hormone levels are all decent and you’re getting enough sleep and water, you need to pull out your goals, re-read them, find some pictures, images, and/or videos that represent them, and take a good long look at them while motivating music is playing in the background.
Visualize those goals as already accomplished. Actually feel how good it would feel once you’ve accomplished those things. Get pumped. Feel how excited or happy you would feel. Really get the feeling. Then write down how you feel, put it in your phone, and refer back to those thoughts and images regularly.
If you haven’t yet formulated a Mission, get my book (or re-read Chapter Nine if you already have it) and give it a shot. Granted, formulating a life Mission is something that takes a little time and isn’t always easy, but it’s one of the most important, happiness-creating actions you can take.
4. Reconnect With Your Pain
What? Reconnect with your pain? That doesn’t sound very positive, BD! WTF are you talking about?
Sometimes you get comfortable. Not lazy, but comfortable. Comfortable means everything is okay. Not great, but okay. It’s just enough for a bare minimum baseline of happiness. I know there are some of you, particularly some of you who are in my age range, who have indeed hit most or all of those three things above to some degree, in that you make plenty of money, you’re decently healthy, and you’re getting laid to some degree. That’s when you get comfortable and start to slack off.
The first symptom of this is de facto monogamy, the single greatest threat to the Alpha Male 2.0. The second symptom is that you start spinning your wheels in your career / financial life and just sit on your ass doing the minimum amount of work necessary to get the bills paid.
Like I said, if you’ve truly arrived and you’re truly happy, and want to focus on other aspects of your life, like your spiritual life, recreational life, or god forbid, try to save the world, then by all means, go ahead. You’ve earned it.
But, if you haven’t yet arrived or if you’ve arrived, but the lack of motivation you’re feeling is actually bothering you, you need to reconnect with your pain. Visualize yourself looking into a mirror five or ten years into the future and you haven’t done anything to accomplish any of your goals. How do you feel? How do you look? Feels bad doesn’t it? Good. It should.
Sometimes you don’t feel enough pain to get off your ass and make some changes. Hey, it happens to the best of us. This is the primary reason I’ve had so much trouble losing weight. Despite my weight, I’m physically healthy, make lots of money, get laid a lot, have a wonderful family life, and have an amazing life all around. It’s been hard for me to actually attach pain to not losing weight, so I’m talking to myself here as much as I’m talking to you.
5. Have Sex With Someone New
Some of you guys are more variety focused than others. You might just need to go have sex with someone new, preferably a woman who is young and hot. Many times, that’s all you need. I’ve never had this particular problem because I’m not fixated on variety, but I know a lot of you are.
If that sounds like it may apply to you, get back out there just enough to have sex with just one new girl. Just one, but make sure she’s cute. That might be all you need to get your motivation and sex drive back into high gear.
6. Get Help
Lastly, you may need help from someone else. If you have a mentor, great, plug into him. If you don’t, get some coaching. You can use me or someone else, whatever works for you. I’ve used coaches at several points throughout my life and I have literally never regretted it. Every time I did it, it helped noticeably.
If you want to use me, join my monthly coaching program where you also get over 50 podcasts on women and business, or you can look at my coaching services here. Your lack of motivation may indicate to you that you might need someone’s help to set up a battle plan and get your life into gear. Whatever you do, get help from someone.
That’s it! Motivation and sex drive are key factors in your long-term happiness. Don’t discount them!
Want over 35 hours of how-to podcasts on how to improve your woman life and financial life? Want to be able to coach with me twice a month? Want access to hours of technique-based video and audio? The SMIC Program is a monthly podcast and coaching program where you get access to massive amounts of exclusive, members-only Alpha 2.0 content as soon as you sign up, and you can cancel whenever you want. Click here for the details.
Hey, what is your take on Huxley’s Brave New World (1932)? I mean this one https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=raqVySPrDUE
There are no families, no pregnancies (kids are grown in special pods), everyone’s having casual sex, there is constant happiness, novelty, convenience, comfort. One scene was interesting – an outsider man proposed to a woman, she got confused so dropped her clothes off and tried to have sex with the guy 😀
I think many of your values are similar to those in the novel
And you should start doing it regularly as soon as you turn 18!!!
Infections, STDs, stress, lack of sleep, stimulants, steroids, lack of weightlifting, too much cardio, wrong diet, etc, etc, they ALL affect your body for the worse. Don’t fall for the “I’m too young to check that” myth. Just go out there and do it!
Also it’s very important to supplement with the right minerals to regulate your sleep (magnesium chelate mostly). Makes a huge difference.
7. Wake up early and do 20-30 minutes of cardio outside daily. Rollerblade, run, bicycle, jump rope, etc.
I would even up this to 9 or even 10 if you regularly lift heavy weights. That’s a reason why people get hurt lifting, is because they don’t get enough sleep. People don’t know how much heavy weights stress the body out.
I would also add:
7. Get off social media, unless you use it to promote your business/blog. Dicking around on social media is worse than watching porn IMO. It does literally nothing for you.
8. The 72 hour airplane mode challenge: Put all your devices in airplane mode for at least 72 hours so you can do stuff that doesn’t require you to be on the internet or on your phone. I do this every December around Christmas time, and I look forward to it every year. Its like a deep cleanse for your brain 😀
Great timing on this article Caleb! Just the kick in the butt I needed to get excited for the workweek.
You forgot getting rid of easy distractions.
Computer games, TV, porn, etc. they can very easily bring your life to that ‘okay but not great’ stage and sap your motivation to do more…and you probably won’t even realize it’s happening.
Good post, but I agree that you should’ve included resistance training and some form of sprint exercise (I am not a big believer in time-sucking, low-level chronic exercise like jogging or running. But sprint-type exercise is a completely different animal.)
Also, sugar (and perhaps all carbs) should be reduced or even eliminated.
I’m a believer in hormone correction as well, but you need to know your baseline AFTER fixing sleep, diet, and exercise.
(Admittedly, there is a bit of a chicken-and-egg issue, where some people will not be motivated to exercise until they fix the hormones.)
A good way to know if you’re getting enough water is by your pee. It should be white/very pale yellow. I once peed at a urinal right after a guy who had the darkest, nastiest pee I’ve ever seen. I could literally feel the heat and acidity just standing over it. I couldn’t believe this guy was able to pee like that and not be concerned.
Also I agree with the other commenters on exercise, especially cardio, for motivation. I’ve found lifting weights regularly increased testosterone (or at least had very similar effects), but cardio is the best if you need a short term boost in mood or motivation. The goal should be to work yourself to the point where you can barely stand and you need a couple minutes before you can really walk again. The quickest way to get there that I’ve found is to get a 40-pound weight vest and run up and down the stairs 10-15 times for 2-3 sets. The other way is to run, either outside or on a treadmill (which you can get for cheap on craigslist, I got mine for $80). Longer distances are probably better, but if you just do a mile as fast as you can that should be sufficient. You should be going at 100% as you finish.
After doing this cardio/HIIT you’ll feel dead for 10-20 minutes, but after that you should be in a much more productive mood.
I’ve just read Why We Sleep by Matthew Walker. Sleep is important for your immune system, fighting cancer, Alzheimer’s, diabetes, heart disease, obesity, and depression, and helps creativity.
Some say the 8 glasses of water a day is a myth, and you’re washing out minerals with too much water. Food is mostly water anyway, unless you’re having a lot of dry flour products, which can cause digestive distress without extra water.
Hey BD,
Great post. I had porn addiction problems for a long time and that really messed with my sex drive. I just didn’t find real women attractive enough and I’m tall, physically fit and good looking. Now that I’ve gotten it out of the way I feel way happier and am approaching and dating more women. Had sex with two different, lovely women in a few weeks after two years of celibacy and have gone on 6 dates/idates so far with various women. But the problem I’m facing is that I’m feeling overwhelmed by the female energy. For two plus years I created a life without women and now I’m feeling stressed out handling the surplus. I Feel unmotivated to even meet them after taking down contacts. So while I enjoy female company I can’t stand too much.
That’s easy, tell them you’re busy (and be busy working on your Mission!) and so they can only see you for short periods of time spaced as far apart as you like. BD has great stuff regarding how to organize all that, how not to feel compelled to answer every text etc. And they will only be attracted to you more as a result.
@VKK
“So while I enjoy female company I can’t stand too much.” I completely understand this. I too enjoy female company (a more sex positive MGTOW of sorts) but in smaller doses. I don’t want to live with a woman nor do I need female company every day. It keeps me at a much happier level with the women in my life and NOT seeing them too much does keep the spark alive and the sex more exciting. I’m on the spectrum of guys that does get bored with the same women after long periods of time-I believe I’m a “thrill of the hunt” type as a previous article here stated.
Having a girl around too much tends to sap my energy (I’m also more introverted so I need my solitude sometimes). Often they will hang around your place for long periods of time unless you stand your ground and tell them you have other things to do and it’s time for them to go home. I do it in a nice way and tell them ahead of time as well so if say a girl is spending a friday night with me, I tell her I have somewhere to be the next day at noon so she can plan accordingly.
Regarding exercise, it is assumed that the reader is already engaged in regular exercise of some sort, since I have already harped on that point numerous, numerous times on this blog and in my primary book. Regular exercise is a standard baseline of happiness for men; all men should be exercising regularly, period, end of story.
Read it twice; very good book.
Eh, not really. Brave New World describes a chilling, totalitarian society with near zero freedom.
Yes. Obsession with news and political commentary leads into a greater topic that I’m going to write about soon.
Good stuff. I’ve written about that here and here.
As I’ve said many times, two women are all you need; one main one, and one side girl. That’s it. You’ve got to resist the PUA narrative that you have to bang tons of girls. You don’t. And if you’re following my system, you only see each one once a week maximum. One girl you see once a week and a second girl you see sporadically won’t overwhelm anyone.
Also note above about what other commenters said about having a Mission… and one that has nothing to do with women.
I was feeling stagnant lately, so I decided to do a road trip and meet friends in different states. That trip really got me back on my feet. Routine can be really detrimental to your overall motivation and drive.
I plan on going on vacation regularly every 3-4 months to not let my regular life drain the energy out of me.
Escaping for a few days from your day to day life can be really beneficial.
This sounds borderline wussy, but I fucked two new girls somewhat recently.
They were both hot.
First one was actually smart and somewhat wealthy. Had a career. Excited me. She saw some .. ahem … old condom wrappers in my apartment after sex, and our relationship was pretty much toast after that. My own stupidity, yes.
Second girl was hot, but bad in bed, and a personality that was … grating. We fucked, I came, I felt nothing, and I said … this isn’t going to work out.
The latter girl isn’t going to be very motivating… meh. Demotivating, more like it. So it’s more than just a nice ass … throwing that out there. This isn’t some feminist position, it’s just true.
That’s simple discipline. Like I mentioned in my last comment, the 72 hour challenge. If you can’t go 72 straight hours without phone or internet, then seek help. NAO. Also these “easy distractions” you are talking about can make you money if you use them right. When you indulge in them knowing you can (and should) be doing more productive stuff, that’s when you should be concerned.
“Get moar chicks” shouldn’t be a mission for anyone who has slept with at least 10 chicks. Once you get to 10, you’re well above the average partners that men have (I think its like 6 now maybe? I know it is way less than 10) and you’re good. And if you haven’t had sex with 10 chicks by 30 or so, then you have some serious work to do (which is work I had to do, having only 3 chicks by 30).
Turning it off is, but realizing that you actually need to turn it off is not.
Those ‘require no effort’ distractions have an uncanny ability to make everything seem fine — Social media, drugs, porn, video games (they’re not easy but they require no effort from you to suck up time), TV, anything that’s engineered to retain your attention for long periods of time and provide you with some kind of “escapism” is suspect. The insidious thing about it as that you won’t even realize it’s happening…you don’t have motivation to do anything but, say, play video games. Sure, you go to work and hold down your job, you maintain relationships, you’re not addicted, and your life is pretty ok. Maybe not what you want long term, but what’s another hour if you enjoy it, after all, you can lose yourself in the activity.
If everything else is actually fine, and you have motivation, then congrats, you don’t need to be worried about it. But if you find yourself with very little motivation, seriously look to turning off or severely limiting any “no effort required” distraction / entertainment.
Is it backed by science plus evidence, or just your constructed form of hypothesis, BD?!
I have no science to back up that claim, but if there was ever any research into this, I would bet $10,000 of my own money that I’m right: If you were not raised with a father in the home, you likely have lower than average T levels for your age, particularly if you’re over the age of 25. I’d bet on it.
And you’d be right.
From: https://www.nationalparentsorganization.org/blog/22632-new-study-fatherlessness-affects-boys-in-education
but really from: ( quoted in Geary, D., Male, Female, American Psychological Association, 2006).
Damn I’m good.
3 great articles in a row, you are on fire BD!
Do you use any quick technique (like cold shower) to raise productivity and mood when you have an off-day or two (feeling lazy, unfocused…), but have important work to do in the mean time?
You know what I just had this problem. I was taking Anti-Depressants and I felt they were giving me impotence. Looking back I think also some of those girls did other things to turn me off and at times I was trying to fuck way late at night running on no sleep, but still.
I figured if I couldn’t use my Dick I’d rather be dead anyway so I had nothing to lose the way I saw it.
So I kicked my Anti-Depressants Cold Turkey.. Haven’t jerked off for a Month coming on Two Months as well probably going to do a full Three Months.
Weeks later fucked a chick who I remember I went soft on so that was a real ego boost and than another about a month later.. We are talking a 4-5 year Dry spell here fellas.. and I’m a TOH (Thrill of the Hunt) guy so I like to go out an hunt for mine so this was really a blow to my ego.. I do a little Online Dating, but my style is more Alan Roger Curries MODE ONE approach If you’re a TOH (Thrill of the Hunt) guy or want to improve or become a TOH (Thrill of the Hunt) guy I highly recommend you read ALL of Alan Roger Curries material.
I was fixing to fuck this VYW (23 Year Old) but she was acting immature as hell about wanting it/not wanting and after the 10th time of Yes/No game at 4:00 – 4:30 AM I was over it.. so I don’t think it was any Impotence on me, but still looking back I wish I fucked her.. But in that moment I didn’t care.
I’ve gotta get my gym game back on point, start cardio, I moved into my parents to pay down some Debt and such.. I want to start martial arts as a hobby as well. I’m also going to sign back up for school, because I have a family business to take over as well as a business venture of my own I’d like to get into but I need the schooling for it first unfortunately.
I think next step for Maximum Freedom is a Vasectomy.. Of course I’ll hit the bank first.
Do yourself a favor and read How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World.
It goes Hand in Hand with everything BD tells us., very high quality material.. You’ll love it unless you’re a Progressive, Staunch Right Winger, SJW, or Alt-Right.. Than do yourself a huge favor and become a Libertarian! Harry Browne and Robert Ringer are our friends you guys.
As far as Alan Roger Curries Material I was raving about:
Mode One
The Possibility of Sex
The Beta Male Revolution
Oooooh Say It Again
I can honestly say I owe Caleb and Alan Roger Currie some serious gratitude for your material. As well as Frank Kermit a Canadian guy with Excellent material. I think the 3 of you literally saved my life!
5. Have Sex With Someone New
BD, would you recommend to use sugar daddy/escort kind of a deal for it? Im fresh out of a soul crushing, near celibate mono relationship and currently fighting for custody over my son, so my time and options are limited, and my game is pretty much gone (not just due to rusted skills, but mostly due stress and bad frame of mind).
So, is paying for sex that one time just to unload the pipe and pent up frustration is a good idea or bad?
The last time I had sex was at least 5 months ago. The last time I had GOOD sex, that was both interesting and made me cum was at least 14 months ago…The last time I used my game was over 5 years ago, when I was significantly better looking, and had a very strong DGAF frame (im the exact opposite now). I had not flirted with a stranger since, heck, I barely even talked to young women since then, so even with the best PUA advice, Im not counting on success anytime soon.
So, bang a pro or not?
Man BD….talk about PERFECT timing for an article! I have known something is off about me for a while. Been feeling tired of feeling tired. I just started a four-week vacation in Rio this week. The change of scenery and atmosphere perked me up quite a bit. Hitting the beach, gym, getting plenty of sun and eating good, healthy food will do wonders for a guy. My confidence is way up as is my libido. I’ve got about half my plan formulated for when I get back to the real world. Thanks for the suggestion about the blood work. That gets done when I return. I am seriously going to find a mentor/coach too.
«Brave new world» dystopia is very famous, but Huxley later wrote an utopia «Island», it’s actually his last novel before his death.
In this novel he presents some of his views on sexuality, procreation and parenting. Also, consumerism, psychoactive substances and spirituality. I highly recommend this novel.
If you look it up, you can also find online comparisons of both novels on each topic.
Here is a website about Huxley. At the bottom of this page are links to the full novel:
https://www.huxley.net/island/index.html
I second to the point about hydration. I didn’t realize that I was dehydrated until recently, it does indeed make a big difference. I used to never feel awake and have headache all day long. Doubling my water intake, especially drinking half a liter or more right after waking up, make a significant difference.
What BD recommends is probably the strict minimum depending what food and other fluids you consume. I used cronometer.com to track my total water intake a couple of days (by tracking all foods and fluids), and the benefit of following the recommendation made by the site was really significant. Add even more water if you live in a tropical place or sweat a lot from physical activity.
The most effective thing to do in that case is to just force yourself to do it, but just a little bit. Set a timer for one hour (or whatever), and force yourself work productively for that one hour without stopping. When the hour is up, tell yourself you can go back to slacking off, or you can keep working if you feel like it (and you might feel like it!).
Yep. Required reading.
I agree, but 95% of the population are terrified of small government so it’s not going to happen. It’s a nice thought though.
Yes, it’s fine, particularly if you meet the two requirements here.
BD No one on here mentioned walking You don’t have to join a gym Just walk All you need to do is 30mins a day min Walking improves your mood Makes you leaner you lose belly fat as you start to burn off your stored energy ie fat If you walk outside your getting your dose of vitamin D Humans were made to walk Did you know the average American walks less than 2 miles a day Set your self a challenge 5 days a week for 30 min for 30days See how you feel doing that cheers
Please, another time do explain as specifically as possible.
Rather than give a wild assumption and then dramatically bet on with your ass to exaggerate the effect.
Spot on article BD. My take from someone who’s “arrived” some years ago.
I’m the guy who meets the 3 criteria you mention to be a slacker, with MLTR‘s, FB‘s, and other women on-deck, picking up and meeting new ones on a regular basis to throw into the rotation (actually, they pick ME up). I’ve generally “retired” for the last decade or more while finishing raising my kids to adulthood and taking care of my elderly mother. I’ve accomplished all the goals I ever had when I was a young man at 16 and can say that it is very possible to get to a point in life where, in the words of Doug Stanhope, you’re just “out of shit.”
While not a bad place to be, it’s not a glorious place to be. And, men are wired to seek achievement, glory and success — all leading to respect, which is what men want, as much or more than women desire love. Two of your points stood out to me as one who’s been through this phase of lacking motivation *after* achieving all I set out to achieve:
4. Reconnect with your pain: This is the most valuable as I can tell you if you squander time you’ll look back and wish you had spent your time capital better. I can say I’ve had to face lost opportunities over the last decade of relaxing, slacking, and enjoying the good life. The key is to look back objectively, forecast into the future, while not getting into a downward spiral of regret, which is likely why most people detest earnest self-reflection. I now have new goals and a renewed motivation to not let another year go by without accomplishment of some sort, even if it’s to learn a new language or ways of investing to grow my portfolios.
5. Have Sex With SOmeone New: This really motivates me to keep my mind and body healthy, clean and fit. The idea that everyday when I leave the house I could end up with a new, hot, sexy girl is enough to motivation to care and put in the effort to maintain and improve my physical self. Than in turn dictates that I eat and sleep well, and mostly eliminate my consumption of alcohol and crappy food. On the mental side I shun television “news,” political discourse and of course, porn (TV programming is replete with soft-porn).
It’s a great article. Thanks for posting. I’m now off to schedule my blood tests.
Seeking sex, entertainment, ego boosting, and material consumption only motivates me so much and for so long. Some days it just causes unhelpful feelings of loneliness and alienation. Selfish behaviour can be a good slave, but a terrible master.
Doing the most effective thing to “improve” the world (no need to call it “saving”) is a big part of my mission.
The part that involves external solutions (“god forbid”!) has to wait until I am retired or taking a well-earned break from my other goals. But knowing I am always working towards that day, is sometimes the only reason I bother getting out of bed, going through the pain, and being my best.
(Spirituality and recreation are easier to fit into daily life, because they give more immediate and more tangible results e.g. meditation practice and play.)
Anti Depressants are one of the worst inventions ever. I was on Welbutrin for the back half of 2011. Horrible idea. Had no effect, and like the other person mentioned, it destroyed my sex drive. I too had been dry for nearly 5 years lol.
True story.
I’m glad someone else knows about Frank Kermit. He’s good people. I don’t care for Currie too much however, something with him doesn’t really click with me for some reason.
So basically, you want to be this guy:
http://calebjonesblog.com/the-punisher/
Your external solutions are nothing more than a rationalization that you want to be Judge Dredd and make sure that everyone lives by your rules and your rules only. If you aren’t thinking that now, you will later. Most who seek external solutions do. Never forget: Absolute power corrupts absolutely. If you have an external solution, you are on a quest for vengeance and power. Never forget this.
Why even waste that kind of time or energy? Why not just do you and not worry about anything around you?
I have an alternate plan. How about I do whatever the fuck I want on my blog and if you don’t like it you stop reading it and go elsewhere?
Yeah, I like that idea better.
You’re the same guy who bitched at 4am on Monday morning that I hadn’t made a Monday blog post yet.
Decaf, dude.
@ joelsuf
Internal solutions can also be a quest for vengeance and power, no?
Doing “me” is soon achieved. I am 42. A day’s work on my humble business, an outdoor workout, a simple meal, and a nice fuck. Then what? I aim to be financially sorted by age 55. Then what?
I see in your blogs you are in favour of external solutions for problems that truly require it. They are all around us. They don’t “worry” me, but I still prefer to help. It still ‘re-creates’ me. What is time/energy wasting about that? Bring on the day I can do it full time.
People (beta males) keep asking me why I got a men’s wedding ring fitted for my pinky of all rings
I say, “I’m a Black Dragon now, so I married the Game.”
No. Internal solutions revolve around one person: Me.
External solutions are an attempt to save the world from people your group views as undesirables. Progressives don’t like white men, Alt Righters don’t like people who don’t want things to return to the middle ages, so on and so forth.
You aren’t at the mercy of groupthink when you seek internal solutions. When you seek external solutions, the ones who seek the external solutions along with you will simply use you when convenient, and then throw you to the wayside if you disagree with them.
Not at all. I’m against any and all forms of collectivism and external solutions, as I see the mere sentiment of it as an existential (and soon literal) war on the individual, as I explain here:
https://joelsuf.wordpress.com/2017/08/26/the-collectivist-inquisition-2-the-tactics-of-collectivists/
Go right ahead; It’s your funeral. Just don’t come running when you’ve realized you’ve wasted a lot of time.
Hey BD,
Would you have any tips on night game/club game? I live in a still developing country and the whole online dating scene is not very developed at all, except for tinder which is very low status I believe. Acceptance ratios seem atrocious to me. There’s not much possibility of day game, apart from coffee shops as the city where I live is not conducive to walking. What I’m left with is night game and I was wondering if you have any articles on improving this aspect?
…BD, a question about #5: What would you do if you’ve tried your best to improve yourself as a catch, but the girls/women still don’t seem to give a shit and don’t give you any time-of-day in the first place ? I still haven’t even been able to get a girl out on the quick first meetup date…I know you’ve said its a numbers game but honestly I feel like I’ve been through 20,000 numbers and I’m burnt out. I don’t want to make any excuses, but this is kind of akin to the notion that a guy can only do so much, and someone is going to have to be able to give him a chance at some point. The strange thing is that I know I built myself up into a good catch over the years, but yet they still seem like they could care less
No. I have no experience with night game and can’t give any advice regarding it.
The good news is that PUA websites are full of night game advice. Go check them out.
Incorrect. Daygame is quite possible if you live in a city. Coffee shop daygame is also a perfectly valid form of daygame. (Roosh’s entire Day Bang book is specifically how to do coffee shop game.)
I suggest doing what online dating you can, get good at daygame, and make plans to move out of your country as soon as possible. And before you make any excuses regarding what I just said, read this article.
What is the best way to treat low testosterone ?
The skin patch seems the easiest ?
If you’ve hit up 20,000 women and haven’t gotten laid yet, something is very, very wrong. Either something is very wrong with you, or you’re you’re doing some things very wrong, or you live in the Middle East or some other impossible area. I have no idea which.
The goal is to not “build yourself up as a catch.” Guys with no money and/or average looks get laid all the time, as I’ve described many times. The goal is to strictly follow a dating process that works reliably even if you don’t emotionally agree with it, while maximizing your appearance as best you’re able.
The best way to do TRT is with injections. All other ways are valid, easier, and sometimes less expensive, but not nearly as good, since with things like patches, cremes, or implants, you can’t fine-tune the needed T levels for your body (everyone’s body is different).
If you want to skip TRT and attempt to raise your T naturally instead, read this. It will help but it’s a lot of work.
That’s actually a pretty good article; got many things right that most people misunderstand, perhaps on par with T-Nation’s quality. I’m adding Artofmanliness to my reading list.
Hey BD,
I’ve been wondering. Let’s say I’m really motivated by a martial art I’m learning (Combat Sambo).
Is learning martial arts compatible with long term happiness, especially when you factor in the potential injuries?
Or does it just induce temporary happiness and gradually erodes your level of happiness over time, like what you mentioned in your new podcast on the Alpha Male 2.0 website?
It would be interesting to hear your take on this, since you have a background in karate and you also plan to do some Krav Maga later on.
Hey check out a site called Peak Testosterone Its a good article on walking and boosting your testosterone . Also another way is to do squats air squats using your body weight or if your a gym guy weighted squats ,good for your testosterone levels Also check out a u tube site Tapp Bros increasing your mobilty ie touch your toes get more flexible or yoga Diamond Dallas Page worth having a look at cheers !
@ joelsuf:
Your “inquisition-1” blog is full of support for progressive movements. The risk of them degenerating is just part of the human condition, suck it up. “Me” is also full of risks. You just have more control. But then you don’t like control, or caring, so you are stuck. Your funeral too.
@ The New Yorker:
Ha I was thinking about martial arts and motivation just after I posted my comment. What did Blackdragon say specifically please? I got up to a respectable level in Krav Maga and then stopped when I hit the famous plateau. The return on investment just bottomed out. But the discipline, little injuries, time/money were well worth it for 3 years of temporary happiness and motivation.
I can go back to it and enjoy it when I want, even alone. I could teach it, it’s nice to know it’s there even if I don’t use it (chances are ridiculously small but I ‘feel’ more confident), I use some of the principles and boot camp mind stuff for my workouts, and to self-discipline and motivate. Just watch you never go beyond fun, watch out for cultishness, and that it doesn’t erode into your other goals e.g. travelling and getting pussy while you’re still young (2 things I am doing now instead).
unmotivated teens 13-17: no need for $
motivated teens 17-19: need $
unmotivated college student 19-23: lots of time ahead. I’m a hottie. Every one wants to date me.
motivated college student 23+: shit my looks are fading I need to find a good husband
unmotivated parents under 60: you listen to everything I say or get kicked out of my home. I don’t need you kid. I’m healthy, have work friends still.
motivated parents approaching 70: calls you everyday, I didn’t mean to kick you out of my house 10 years earlier. Now I have so few ppl in my life and maybe another 10 yrs of living left.
@Gil and others, just a quick warning: be VERY careful with T-Nation.
They have great articles and writers but some of their stuff is 100% scam to sell your their overpriced supplements and fake nattys “expert products”. Don’t fall for that trap.
@POB: I know, that aspect of their site is annoying. But 1° some of those products are actually legit and 2° that aside, they’re very high quality in their field; some REALLY good coaches and nutritionists write for them, as you said.
Of course. If you love it, it doesn’t matter if you get physically hurt every once in a while. Sometimes that’s even part of the fun.
That I’m going to pursue Krav Maga and perhaps one other martial art style once I lose all the weight I want. Though my life is pretty full right now so it will be a while.
If you’ve hit up 20,000 women and haven’t gotten laid yet, something is very, very wrong”…Lol yeah that was an exaggeration on my part, but honestly I’m just already burned out from the process without any results. The process is not even fun for me anymore, it seems like a drag… do you have any advice on how to deal with burnout ? Thanks BD
Your problem isn’t burnout. Your problem is that you’re not getting results. If you were getting laid, I promise you wouldn’t feel burned out.
This means you are either expecting crazy results or you are indeed burnt out. Your expectations when just starting out need to be small, not crazy. I’m starting to understand this more and more with working from home. I can’t expect to be like BD and make $75k a year at home within a year even if I spend 8 hours a day doing the research and putting in the work. But three years from now I’ll be on my way more than likely.
Doing what BD does and charting your progress is the most important thing. If you aren’t charting your progress, you aren’t interested in improving.
I say repeatedly both in my blog as well as when commenting on this one, that I agree and disagree with with certain observations on both sides. I dislike it when they go on “marches” and “protests” because their external solutions are going to ruin the day of those who disagree with them.
One more thing: ensure you are in a well ventilated room, with low carbon dioxide density, especially when sleeping. Otherwise you will experience headaches (after waking up), constant sleepiness, weakness and even dizziness.
Caleb, what if I wanted to improve the quality of sex with my wife. How would I go about doing that? Is there a system that you know of?
Step I: Divorce her ass!
Step II: Wait till she marries another man.
Step III: Fuck her on the side behind her new husband’s back.
Follow these three steps and your sex life with her will be hotter than ever. I promise.
Well yea if you have sex with someone new you should really have blood draws done lol.