Being Average Won’t Make You Happy
I am an individualist. Individualism forms the basis for all of my views. This includes my views on life (Alpha Male 2.0), relationships (nonmonogamy), politics (libertarianism), business (location independent Alpha 2.0 businesses with no employees), family (Alpha 2.0 parenting, OLTR marriage), and just about everything else you can think of.
This means that, as long as you’re not actively hurting anyone, you should live your life literally any way you feel you should live it, regardless of what I think, society thinks, or even what you feel society “needs.”
Therefore, you don’t need to take my advice. That’s the wonderful thing about individualism. You can read advice from a guy like me (or any other guy) and say, “This is bullshit. I’m not doing this.” It’s nice.
I say this because I know the advice I’m about to give in this article (and an upcoming article on this blog next week) is going to make a decent percentage of you defensive at best, upset at worst. I’m an outcome independent individualist who doesn’t care about society, so I really don’t care at all if you take my advice or not. However, that doesn’t mean the advice I’m about to give isn’t based on fact. It is.
Okay, here it is…
You could categorize people in society at various levels of achievement. You’ve got the total losers at the bottom, “normal” screwed-up people just above them, average Joes above them, slightly more successful and happy people above them, super-achievers above them, and ultra-achievers above them.
We could have a pedantic and overly-complex discussion about specifically which categories there are and what percentage of society falls into each, but I’m not interested in that theoretical crap. To keep things simple, I’ll use the above chart as a guide and just say that there are 20% of people who are losers to some degree, 20% who are achievers, and the remaining 60% are average, normal people.
My topic today is those average people.
Fifty, perhaps sixty years ago, if you were average, you were more or less okay, particularly if you lived in the United States. The average guy from the 1950s had his own house, a decent car, a stay-at-home wife who never divorced him, a kid or two, a job that supported a decent lifestyle, low prices, a rising middle-class, reasonably low tax rates, near zero debt, solid investments, and a pension that would easily support his retirement and a comfortable life until his death.
Average back then really wasn’t that bad at all. Being average back then really was okay, if that’s what you really wanted.
Just one question. Does that look like the average man today?
Of course not. Today, after decades of corporatism, quasi-socialism, inflation, increased taxes, money printing, currency devaluation, manipulation of commodity markets, skyrocketing government spending, fractional reserve banking, stagnant wages, massive immigration, cultural collapse, increasing consumer debt, and all the other slow-collapse-of-the-Western-world aspects I’ve talked about many times, all brought on by horrifically stupid and irrational voters on both the left and the right, things have now dramatically changed.
Today, the average man makes an income that is so low he likely can’t even live by himself, and needs to live with family or roommates to help pay the sky-high rent. He also pays 51-70% of his meager income in taxes, so the money he actually spends on his lifestyle is minuscule. He can’t afford college or even basic health care without the government helping him. If he owns a car, it’s likely a cheap piece of shit. He can’t even afford to have children, and he does anyway, you and I will likely be forced at gunpoint to help pay for them, since half of all American households receive some sort of government assistance. He either is unmarried, divorced, or married but not divorced yet, since the odds are sky-high he’ll get divorced in a few years. Oh, and his wife has to work at a job just to help him pay the basic family bills. He’s also likely a beta male, is often in state of oneitis, doesn’t have sex very much, and if he does, it’s to an average-looking woman that’s “in his league.”
In other words, being average used to be okay, but now it sucks ass.
So if you ever think (or hear) “Just be average. It’s okay,” that’s actually an incorrect statement. It used to be true, but no longer. Today, being average is not okay. Today, being average is a negative condition.
You may argue that being average is still okay because the average Joe doesn’t have to put in the time or effort to be better than average. This is true. Any level of success, including the types of Alpha Male 2.0 success I talk about (nonmonogamy, decent woman skills, $75,000 per year location independent income, etc) which don’t take very long to achieve (just a few years, then you sit back and chill for the rest of your life) do indeed take a few years of work that’s above and beyond going to your bullshit low-paying job and then going home and playing video games all evening.
My point is that lifestyle won’t make you happy in the long-term. I didn’t say it will necessarily make you miserable (though it might). I just said it won’t make you happy, because it won’t.
That’s the bottom line and my entire point. Being average won’t make you happy. If you lived in the 1950s, then it might, but not now. Since being average now sucks (and will get much worse as time goes on, just watch), being average can’t make you happy.
If your response is that you don’t care about being happy, then as I’ve been saying to my Alpha Male 1.0 brothers for many years, that’s fine, but then I don’t understand why you’re reading my content. I am here to teach men how to be long-term happy. If long-term happiness is something you find unimportant or selfish, I’m honestly confused as to why you’re here, since you’re really not in my target audience.
My advice, then, if you want to become long-term happy, is that you must be at least somewhat better than average. If you’re already there, great. If you’re not there, set some goals like I talk about in my book, then work on it and get there. It’s really not that hard. Seriously, it’s not.
As regular readers already know, when I say “above average” that doesn’t mean you need to be some kind of super-achiever. I’m not talking about being a multimillionaire who bangs supermodels left and right. Nope. I’m just talking about a few basic things, like:
– Getting your woman-skills up to where you can have at least two attractive women on rotation.
– Building a small, location-independent business that pays you at least $75,000 per year.
– Don’t let your physical health go to complete shit, even as you age.
– Get to a one million dollar net worth by the time you’re 50 years old, which again, really isn’t hard as I described here.
See? No supermodels, no private jets, no six pack abs, or any of that stuff. Just being above average. It’s not hard. And it will make you happy. Anything in the above list is achievable by any normal man in the Western world reading these words. I’m not suggesting nor recommending anything crazy.
For those of you who want to be super-achievers, that’s great too! I make way more than $75,000 a year, I have way more than two attractive women on rotation, I travel the world regularly, and so on. I live a really fantastic life, and I’m working hard to make it better for when I’m in my 50s. So if you really want to kill it, that’s fantastic and I support you 100%. I’m just saying to my wider audience that super-achievement isn’t necessary for most men.
But that doesn’t mean being average will make you happy. It won’t.
(And before you say it, please don’t use the bullshit 2% exception to the rule example of “not everyone can be better than average” excuse. Yes, if you are mentally retarded or have no arms or legs, I agree being better than average may not be possible for you. Are you retarded? Are you missing all of your arms and legs? Then shut the fuck up with these 2% excuses.)
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Dope article Bd. This right here is my biggest motivation. I have a question. I never understood why people wanted to just have an average life. We only take so many trips around the sun before it’s over so why settle for mediocrity? Obviously most guys on here feel the same way but why do most men choose to live shit lives?
@Biz4prez95
Most people are lazy, its a fact. Even though BD calls their lives shit, most of them actually don’t mind living with their wives and kids in a semi-detached house, driving an okeish car, going to a 9-5 job and then chilling in front of telly and have sex once a week. They are actually quite content with what they have and see more work = unhappiness.
I totally agree with BD but think he is slightly biased and has his own agenda here, which is understandable. Middle class in general is still quite good in many countries.
I think IQ factors into this. The avg IQ of americans, and most westerners, has dropped a bit. The lower IQ, the less one’s ability to see the consequences of a particular action. So they just do what everyone else does and blame the govt for their problems.
Regardless, i also think there’s a phase in life when average doesnt seem so bad (on the surface). In my early twenties, it was acceptable to just be broke, party, meet chicks, while taking classes and having roommates. I still meet girls that age who date those guys.
Once mid-late twenties come around, that drastically changes. Women barely even notice you if you’re not popular, powerful, wealthy or flashy in some way. It makes me wish I just spent my early twenties working hard and starting businesses. Sure i would have sacrificed some fun, but i would be light years ahead of where i am now.
Plus, its easier to bounce back from failure when you’re younger. My dad lost his business in his late fifties and by then it was too late. He hasnt done shit since.
Great post. A little over-stated on the government and the actual taxes a middle-class person pays, but
Overhang of divorce, alimony, child support as no longer exceedingly rare but quite likely
Exorbitant costs of child-raising, education costs, etc.
Career / job stability from lifelong to zero basically
Definitely leave it a different world than it was quite recently (go to college, or pick up a skilled trade, hold a job for decades, have 2 kids and call it a day used to be easy and now is unimaginable completely…)
I know you’ve hit this topic before but the trap I see men fall into repeatedly is the ‘need to have kids’ consciously or unconsciously catching up to guys and destroying even the guys who had it together on dating. I. E. they don’t view ‘marriage’ as some need to get laid but as the main way to navigate some contribution to posterity.
Would love to see more content on guys you know (or commenters here) who navigated that successfully. (Have kids early and get your life together after worked for BD but isn’t for all of us.) You’ve obviously talked about this some but my experience has been THIS more than anything has been what derailed even the guys who were kings in dating, alphas previously etc. And it would be extraordinarily helpful to hear more realism and success stories (not just theory ).
BD, I think you should also adress the fact that ties to one of your previous posts:
Men tend to focus on one, or sometimes two of the Seven Life Areas and neglect the rest. Not many dudes are actually average in everything, a lot of us are above average at some aspects, and way below at others.
Because of that, men tend to give themselves excuses base on aspects they excel at (“Well, maybe my Financial life and Woman life sucks, but my family life and Physical life are top notch!”).
Its not that begin Average itself is bad, the worse problem is when you come at the average from having wildly different levels at the Seven Areas, and rather than try to up-lift the worse Areas, you call it a day.
One of the worst forms of that (in my opinion) is when guys try to fulfil the Life Areas in the wrong order.
IMHO, the correct order for most guys is:
Financial.
Physical.
Woman.
Family.
Social.
Recreational.
Spiritual.
If you do it in a different sequence, you are very likely to paint yourself in a corner somehow (like, Family before Finance will DESTROY YOU, and Physical before Finance is impossible/impractical. Likewise, you wont be mature enough to handle Spiritual if the rest is not already handled years in advance).
I wouldn’t call over achievers or multimillionaires happy either. They still have messy life, get stressed like crazy, are most likely in TMM that will eventually fail and get raped in divorce. Or are betas in a low sex drive marriage. I do some business with smart betas that make tons of money but are in a boring marriage with an ugly low sex drive wife. Then they showcase their life, like its something to strive for. That’s not happiness.
The way you describe your setup is probably the only way for a man nowadays to be consistenly happy.
Its not the wealth or the achievements. It’s the correct structure that makes men happy nowadays.
In which countries? Most middle class western families are living through debts their best years of their lives they are in TMM with rare sex and have shitty jobs even if they get paid well. Jobs nowadays push you to work crazy hours well beyond your normal hours with little in return.
Cost of life is crazy for them, they throw money to send kids to college and then when they get to 65 they barely make it with the money they get.
If they have money at that age, they give most of it to their kids and they waste their lives in front of TV on the couch even if it’s living to a small beach house they made through their best years(with debt of course).
Average middle class life is mostly shit nowadays.
For many men it’s very difficult to step out of their comfortzone, even if this comfortzone means boredom, average women and falling asleep in front of the tv every night.
The first time I pondered about this question I was 23 (I think), still in college in Holland and working as a dishwasher/waiter in a mediocre Mexican themed restaurant (the head chef learned to cook in the army, which says something about the quality). I was telling the headchef about my plans to travel for 2 weeks in Germany, Denmark and Zwitserland with a college roommate. He couldn’t understand what the appeal was for me to go on such a trip. Why not stay on some campsite in Holland?
As for me, I couldn’t understand what the appeal for staying every summer in the exact same spot was. Don’t you want to experience something new once in a while?
Suffice it to say, I had a blast. Also I found out that German spoken with a Dutch accent is like catnip to German women. For them it sounds like English with a French of Italian accent would to an American girl.
I am all for Alpha 2.0 lifestyle but I can’t help to notice that this blog and its users often demonize anything other than that particular lifestyle, like in this case… News flash: world is not black and white.
I have several very close friends and family members who are average – they are monogamously married (can’t speak for all of them but my brother is very happy, with healthy sex life and very little drama and has been married for 7 years now), drive average but new and nice cars, and live in nice houses with very limited debt. Travel several times a year (this year me and my brother traveled to Moscow for World Cup for a week, which was not cheap but it was well within his middle-class budget), he loves his job and getting promotion after promotion and he is not even 30. Overall, its a trend among my friends and family – they live quite freely and have very little stress in their lives. Can you say these people are unhappy just because they are living traditional average lifestyles? No, you can’t. Quite the opposite.
It is true that location-dependent jobs and long hours is a real bitch. I would say this is by far the biggest negative in the average lifestyle and that alone warrants a move towards more Alpha 2.0 lifestyle. The rest of arguments? Meh, to some extent. Depends on personality.
Vsmilex you forget the phrase exception to the rule. There is always exception to the rule. Can you say the same about most of the middle class people?
Also not to sound an asshole but I don’t really bite the healthy sex life in most monogamous cases. I know a lot of people including close relatives of mine who claimed healthy sex life only to admit it was all BS later on. Low drama? You don’t really know unless you follow your brother 24/7. That’s what I thought also of my own brothers when they were married. Low drama marriage. Little did I know. It’s mostly a show.
You say it’s not black and white. Well can you honestly say there is a good Percentage of more than 5 years of going TMM with healthy sex life without cheating?
Also I’m sure by now you understand the types of people(because of this blog). And you can estimate if your brother is beta/alpha. If he is beta you can be 1000% sure he does not have healthy sex life after 7 years.
@Hey hey
It’s true, you never know what happens behind close doors. It would be an exception to the rule if I didn’t see it all over the place with my friends and family. Not saying being average is awesome, but at the very least it makes you think that it’s not as shitty as it is described in this blog.
I think its important to always keep an open mind, regardless of being Alpha/Beta/Omega etc hehe. Dividing things into black and white is a prime example of extreme thinking, which is bad any way you look at it. I am sure there have been some cases of Alpha 2.0 gone badly, just as there are examples of incredibly happy TMM. You can really twist it any way you like to match your philosophy (look at how Hollywood portrays monogamy lol). I really enjoy BD’s blog, but he clearly has his own agenda (promotion of Alpha 2.0 lifestyle and sales of his books/seminars, etc.) and you got to sometimes take his views with a pinch of salt, like in this case.
All for super duper ultra successful. working to lock in my morning regiment and “eat that frog.”
Not really. Dividing things puts life into perspective. Then you know how to live the life that makes you happy.
I had wrong perspective about people years ago. Now I can categorize them with comfort knowing where they stand in life.
For example I have a friend that I love very much and thought this guy was alpha back then. He is anything but. I looked him in the eyes few months ago and said to him you don’t get any sex do you? And said how do you know? Few years into his marriage with a beautiful wife. On the outside his wife looks like an angel and their marriage something to strive for.
Being naive doesn’t get you anywhere my friend.
I was on here awhile ago complaining about my dating issues as a short, non-white individual. When you pointed out your take on it (that my response rates were actually good and that it’s just mostly numbers), and I started just talking to people about this stuff — they had a similar reaction and couldn’t figure out what I was so annoyed about. So, I stopped trying/talking to women and instead started seeing a therapist, and as it turns out, I have a ton of issues.
So I guess, the question is…should I just try to date anyway or should I sort this stuff out first? And it isn’t small stuff. It’s like…serious personality disorder stuff that probably requires medication. I tried looking through the archives for something about this and I couldn’t find it, so sorry if you already talked about this.
I’m serious about turning my life around for the better.
Holy crap, yes. That’s very wise. I’ve noticed that after I took care of my education and started making six figures, I could really afford to take care of myself.
I personally think the definition of what success means differs from person to person and using a graph to categorise is simply a personal critique of where you feel a person is on the success pedestal based on your own personal criteria.
For example, I know many people who don’t have much in terms of society’s definition of “success” yet are some of the happiest people I know. Likewise, I know plenty of wealthy people who are on drugs and therapy.
Science has proven time and time again that happiness isn’t a goal but a state that can be acquired by anyone and is absolutely free.
Success, therefore, is absolutely subjective and very much to do with your mental and ‘spiritual’ state.
At the end of the day, personal change means nothing if all we have is a broken spirit.
Very accurate. Or even worse they trick themselves into thinking they are better than average in some aspects, and total failures at others. That’s how most of my buddies, and that’s how I used to be as well. But now I know that I’m failing financially and if this keeps up I’ll probably be at the same weak sauce job forever. It takes very little effort to go job hunting and be a janitor, clerk, or construction worker for eternity. People call that an accomplishment lol. They call having sex with the fat single mom an accomplishment as well in terms of woman life. When it comes to spiritual life, they go to church every week so they’re doing “better than everyone” lol.
I really wish there was a way to pin this to the top of the comments, because this has to be the best comment on this blog that I have ever read. And guess what throughout my 20s I had this completely reversed. Here was what I prioritized before 30:
Woman
Recreational
Social
Physical
Financial
Spiritual
Family
Big mistake. Should have swapped out recreational for financial. The only people who can prioritize recreation and get away with it are people who get paid for their recreation. Like pro athletes, video game streamers who make money from donations from viewers etc.
I check most of the Alpha 2.0 boxes, location independent, non monogamous, and happy. I would say I’m an average judoka, a noob at BJJ, still enjoying beginner gainz under the barbell, and a mere 7.5 mile per week runner. That said, I’m in better shape than lots of dudes half my age, and enjoy the benefits, respect from men, attraction from women. I think there is something to being exceptional in one or two ways….. and, to be average in an elite activity is exceptional.
Because it’s easier to be unhappy.
Vsmile, you often say things like that but never back up your points. I realize you’re a young guy, but you need to learn to back up your arguments instead of just stating your opinion with no data.
Try harder.
I’m unclear as to what you would define as a success story in this area.
Very good point and I never thought of it that way. I don’t think I disagree.
Very true. I know and work with a lot of very wealthy men, and the majority of them are old married betas (or old married Alpha 1.0s with the same problems as betas).
What you just described is not average at all. You just proved my point for me.
I would focus on getting that under control before you focus on women.
Don’t think I should have read this, as it got me to feel ashamed about myself for failing at life for 30+ years. There’s a part of me that says that I’m destined to stay this way and that it can ONLY be this way. I get that way a lot, where I feel like I don’t deserve success. I know this sounds like some weak sauce beta nonsense, but I’ve been dealing with it for a very long time.
What would you suggest for people like me who sometimes find it difficult to even be the least bit productive and whose nihilism can sometimes take over all of their thought processes, BD? Have you worked with people like this? I’ve seen a lot of counselors but all they offer is woo-woo and false hope. I mean it was nice to have someone just hear me complain about stuff without any bias, but that’s all I ever got from counselors.
This sucks. I haven’t been motivated to do anything but dick around for two whole days now.
Today, the average man makes an income that is so low he likely can’t even live by himself, and needs to live with family or roommates to help pay the sky-high rent. He also pays 51-70% of his meager income in taxes, so the money he actually spends on his lifestyle is minuscule. He can’t afford college or even basic health care without the government helping him. If he owns a car, it’s likely a cheap piece of shit. He can’t even afford to have children, and he does anyway, you and I will likely be forced at gunpoint to help pay for them, since half of all American households receive some sort of government assistance. He either is unmarried, divorced, or married but not divorced yet, since the odds are sky-high he’ll get divorced in a few years. Oh, and his wife has to work at a job just to help him pay the basic family bills. He’s also likely a beta male, is often in state of oneitis, doesn’t have sex very much, and if he does, it’s to an average-looking woman that’s “in his league.”
There are so many men like this..
Then yesterday I heard stupid shit like this..
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jrrRM7H83P4
Like it’s our Fucking job to sacrifice our livelihood for the good of Western Culture. This is why the Right Wing isn’t our friend either. #FuckThis
Although Roaming Millennial is one of the hottest Mixed Asians on Youtube..
I’m currently in a state where most of my life I’ve focused on the Recreational and Spiritual areas of life, neglecting mostly everything else. Now, as I’m nearing my 30s, my life is the very definition of average and boring. After somehow lucking out and getting a mono GF (and losing my v-card) at the start of the year I’ve gradually become painfully aware of the limitations I created. Fortunately I found TRP and this blog, otherwise I wouldn’t have any framework to understand any of this.
Anyway, my question is: is “monk mode” a good course of action for 4-6 months until one gets at least the financial and part of the physical areas on track? I ask because I have practically no woman skills to speak of but BD recommends one focuses on one or two goals/projects at a time.
Reference: https://illimitablemen.com/2014/04/13/monk-mode/
Find another counselor, and assume you’ll have to go through 2 or 3 counselors before you find one that actually kicks your ass and focuses on problem-solving rather than just commiserating or listening to you talk.
Classic right-wing Societal Programming. Have kids for the Good of Society you selfish asshole! I don’t care if you don’t want any or aren’t ready! Suffer for the Greater Good!!!
It can be under certain conditions. I did that in my early 20s and it did work (though I regretted it a little later).
What would you rate her? Does she even have kids? Based off her looks you would think she is the superficial type not wanting to mess up her figure or lifestyle and just settle for being a dog mom, but here she is worried about people not breeding. Maybe I’ll the video later when I have my earphones.
Two things very often overlooked (and they are much more than 2%) are IQ and mental illnesses, both of which already have been mentioned in other comments.
IQ is the great factor about which society refuses to talk. To use the words of this article, I’m not sure not being mentally retarded is enough to be in the top 20% (top 50% is very doable probably).
And about the huge amounts of people on drugs/therapy/disorders. My most extroverted, smiling, social friend is happily married, has 2 lovely dogs, IT job, just bought a house and car… Yesterday he told me he’s taking medication for his anxiety. Most people’s lives not only are not as successful as they look but all those posts on social media are active compensation for the shit their lives really are.
Why make friends if chances are you’re talking to an app- or drug-zombie anyway? 🙂
If I was a young dude in my 20s, I would concentrate on my health and building my wealth/ career. I wouldn’t be going on dates with entitled young ladies with high SMV. I would look to the cougar market to scratch that itch.
Get the 2 big ones handled before you are 30 and the rest will click into place.
But most importantly you must have the discipline because without this you are unlikely to succeed.
All IMHO of course.
@Blackdragon Actually even a guy who has only 1 arm (wounded veteran) got into Harvard medical school.probably do better financially and be happier than most of the (average) two arm/two leg population.
I don’t disagree with that. It’s a factor, certainly, in that it’s hard for very stupid people to be above average.
That’s exactly what I said. If you’re mentally retarded, then okay, you have an excuse.
My issue is when men who clearly aren’t retarded make that excuse.
Drugs is a choice, so I have no sympathy for people who have that problem. Unless your parents literally force-fed you heroin or cocaine when you were a child, drugs are your fucking fault and you have no one to blame but yourself. You chose that shit. I grew up with all kinds of people and other kids doing drugs, yet I never did any because I knew it was really bad idea. It wasn’t that hard.
I agree therapy/disorders is more of a grey area.
You’re implying drugs are bad per se. They aren’t the issue, a lack of discipline is the issue. You definitely can enjoy several substances in moderation without any real damage to your life. Plenty of people do that already.
You can get really fat and die when you’re 40 due to a heart attack. Is food inherently bad for that?
We were discussing people “on drugs,” not someone who does drugs once a month.
Even in that case, you can still be successful. Look at Nick Vujičić, he was born with no limbs, and he’s famous, rich and has an attractive wife. Most people aren’t operating anywhere close to their potential, even if you’re born with major disadvantages, you can be more successful than most people born with major advantages if you have the right mindset and are willing to put in the work.
Thanks for your great post, BD, but how about requirement income for Asia country?(US/European Alpha 2.0 income is 75k$/years). Because due to our cost of living and currency exchange, this number seems to be very hard to achieve, especially in my 20s.
If said cost of living is way lower than in the West, congratulations, you can be successful with less than $75k.
If said cost of living is unsustainably high, move the hell out of there.
If said cost of living is OK but you’re too lazy to earn the $75k, man the fuck up.
Does being 5’2” fall amongst the mentally retarded and no limbs category?
Any advice for men who positively hate business/marketing etc?
I could repurpose my current skills into science- or literature-themed blogging or online services (advising science-minded artists, providing well-researched content for nerds, etc).
This seems very different from the learn-sales-get-rich agenda and doesn’t seem like it could get me to 60k€/year, even with 2-3 gigs of this type; if I reject the marketing/IT route then I feel rather stuck.
I’m finishing a thesis (less than 2 more years), because as a foreigner that’s my only way of buying time in the West to get a citizenship, then I’ll have comparable leeway to a westerner in terms of building up income.
Right now I live on less than 13k€/year and I’d feel very comfortable with a net 25K, but I agree that I’ll need more for long term happiness. Not sure reaching the 60-65k€ threshold is necessary though.
Only reason why anyone would be upset with this is that they miss the point. The point isn’t you’re a average Joe so you’re not good enough so give up. It’s you’re a average Joe but it could be a lot better so stop being lazy. You’re not there yet but you can start small, with one thing, and work until you can move onto to perfecting another area. With me it started with women. At nearly 50 I know how to get sex whenever I want at a moments notice from 20 year olds to 40 year old, cheaply. Now that I have that squared away along with my health, thnx to BD, it’s on to working on financial freedom.
And as far as the happy life examples of young guys living the perfect life with perfect wives and great jobs…. Just wait, lol. From a guy about to turn 50 who had that life and saw many many many others with that life, its most likely doomed for failure. Just last night at my son’s football game I was hard pressed to see a decent looking 40 year still with their kids father. It was just a bunch of over weight unhappy parents who are still living thru their kids sporting events. The exceptions to contrary are few and far between. Usually it’s because the woman is a sweat heart, extremely low drama saint of a woman who is content staying at home taking care of the babies who is married to guy who loves working 70 hours a week. All the others either divorce or turn into the facade. BTW, I live in a wealthy area and the rich marriages that are still together are the ones with the highest drama and agony
At first I when I read the above statements, I wanted to immediately disagree and say, “No, this is not the average man; the average guy is somewhat better than this.” Then I went back and re-read everything; paying closer attention and now I can agree. This post really got my interest because I have always been a firm believer of the old values of the 1930’s – 1950’s, or whatever you want to call it.
In my opinion, people these days spend way too much money on unnecessary things and this is why they have to live with a roommate and drive a terrible car. You can have an average job and be plenty secure if you aren’t spending like crazy. Most people don’t have priorities or goals anymore. Pick two or three nice things you want and work towards those, but you can’t have absolutely everything if you are just average. I know people that make more money than me, but they have nothing to show for it because they keep upgrading to new phones, kindles, tablets, cable tv, mall trips, daily carryout coffee and whatever else. People don’t have discipline to save money anymore and they have a ton of credit card debt. They think that is the “normal” way of life. People don’t care; they want what they want and they don’t want to change; they buy everything on credit and then just make the minimum payment each month.
People used to make fun of my sister when she would eat a brown bag lunch everyday at work. They’d ask her why she never goes out to buy lunch with them? She said because she was saving up to buy a house and they just look at her like she’s weird.
I disagree completely, though perhaps its good to define spiritual first. I do not mean by that going to church or supporting your community or stuff like that. To me this includes a healthy state of mind which also by the way includes outcome independence. Without this being at least okay everything else will be failing. On the contrary if you have mastered this to sky high levels it wont matter that much how you succeed in other aspects and you will be happy without needing much else.
My first sex also became a mono gf and I realised very fast this isnt going to work for me at all. Of course back then I was very confused about what is happening and was blaming myself for it. We have been taught lies our whole lives (not really lies more like outdated info that doesnt apply/work anymore) but it didnt take me long to figure out I need a different arrangement. Of course there was a long period of drama in my life before I understood.
I actually dont have car precisely for this reason. One should have a car only if he lives in a middle of nowhere and actually needs it to get to supermarkets and such (for me all the shops are walking distance) or for daily work commute (I take the public transport where I can work and hence spend less time in the office – therefore traveling by car would be a waste of time). Other purposes are once in a while and its usually much better to just rent a car for those purposes.
I would argue against this. I dont know what is in that brown bag but I can only assume it means sandwitch or some kind of crappy food she reheats in a microwave. Either way its quite far from healthy and proper eating when done on regular basis. Healthy and proper (and diverse) eating should be a priority in terms of deciding where to spend money.
I agree that it is not very healthy, but it was somewhat healthier than fast food burgers & fries. (It was usually just a peanut butter & jelly sandwich and a piece of fruit or a granola bar)…..but when you are trying to save money for a short term goal, like saving up for a down payment on a house, I guess it’s ok to do short term. I don’t think very many 24 year olds eat healthy anyways. The co-workers that were buying lunch every day were just getting fast food; it’s not like they were getting their lunch at a vegan cafe. It is more expensive to buy fast food five days a week for lunch than it is to buy a loaf of bread and a jar of peanut butter & jelly and a bag of apples. I agree that I wouldn’t recommend eating like that for long term. She just had a specific goal in mind and was doing lots of little things to save extra money, which hardly anybody does these days.
I was that guy and I had this kind of woman. Guess what happened? BD is right. Monogramy doesn’t work long term.
This sounds like my depression. Talk therapy did nothing for me. I was objectively both healthy and had a good life, stable financially, etc..
The ONLY thing that fixed it was getting REALLY hardcore about diet and health. I went down to eating one food (beef) then split tested every single food I ate. All organic, I cook everything at 250 degrees or less, prepare using traditional methods (sprouting / soaking) never used a microwave, sourced my water carefully and removed every possible chemical I could (deodorant, showers, etc.). I eat everything fresh and as rare possible. I carefully test macro proportions and qualities on an ongoing basis and rotate meats and veggies every 1-2 days.
I didn’t get there immediately but eventually I removed all processed foods and sugars for good (cravings disappeared).
It sucked BALLS but I got my life back, nihilism gone and the productivity of a billionaire. I would rather someone cut off my arm then have depression the rest of my life and I had MILD depression. I’m certain it would have killed me before my 40th birthday.
If this is you, I would say make it your #1 priority to fix.
Like Boris said, even that is not really an excuse. I have a chronic condition, but I didn’t let that stop me from doing a lot of shit. Did it make things more difficult? Sure it did. But life has no reset button. I don’t have the option to be born again with a better body, so I’ll make do with what I have. Being completely honest, my mental limitations and bad mindset when I was younger did WAY more damage than my disease.
Just for debate purposes, I wonder what the author thinks of eastern religions like zen buddhism. The idea of denying your natural desires and wanting nothing. Are those people secretly unhappy? Or perhaps is their spiritual ” mission ” just so important that it brings more happiness than say, sex, accolades, adventure, etc.
What do you think I’m going to say?
Danny DeVito, Vern Troyer, Peter Dinklidge, etc, are all under 5’2″, and they weren’t born rich or anything, and they made money and got laid with hot chicks just fine.
Do it anyway, and set a goal to make enough money so you can outsource your marketing as quickly as possible.
I completely agree. All my life I’ve dated young women who constantly bitched and complained about money problems only to turn right around and buy $6 coffees at Starbucks and order their 15th pair of expensive shoes on Amazon.
Men are a little less bad at this, but not much.
Usually. Read School of Thought #2 here.
That was my point. You need a lot of rare qualities in both people for a marriage to last forever happily (key part). Even then its at best like taking 1 bullets out of a loaded 6 shooter and playing Russian Roulette. Not good odds.
What is more women these days dont even believe themselves and sometimes dont plan the forever. Ive been talking to young(ish) women about theyre dating and theyre mono relationships. They all told me that the concept of forever together with the same person is silly. They also told me they would leave the guy if they realized they wanted something else or someone more fitting would come along! I have to say I was quite suprised they said it so directly (he wan’t around and I dont know him so perhaps thats why..) and they justified it saying they are “still young”.
Seriously like WTF. Why would anyone want to plan something serious long term and mono with women like this. The thing is they know (or think but thats another matter) that they can always get another guy so they dont give a shit and the date / boyfriend / husband / whatever is always replacable to them.
Lol, women are obsessed with Weddings and marriage. Look at the royal weddings. Girls go bat shit crazy over that non-sense. At least now their starting to be honest about their primary goal.
I dont know, I see it leads to confusion and even depression or even disorders to many of them when theyre relationships / marriage eventually fail (obviously). And when you ask them why they had so many “serious” boyfriend they say they were not the right guys. When you say maybe they are shit at making choices or that the system they follow simply doesnt work they dont know what to say. Its so absurd its funny. You could understand it if it was one or two girls but when most women are like this… its a tragedy.
Hi Calab just to point out a spelling mistake on a busy blog
best wishes and love your work, Normskiii
If your response is that you don’t care about being happy, then as I’ve been saying to my Alpha Male 1.0 brothers for many years, that’s fine, but then I don’t understand why you’re reading my content. I am here to (each) Teach men
how to be long-term happy. If long-term happiness is something you find unimportant or selfish, I’m honestly confused as to why you’re here, since you’re really not in my target audience.
Fixed! Thanks!
For those that get paralyzed with the idea of chasing perfection – they can’t commit to being the best at something so they don’t even try being mediocre at it – what would you recommend?
Most men get fucked over either by women or money or often both. Since you won’t be happy just with money you will chase women once you got money. Like the ex Football player Maradona once said, “I have 2 legitimate daughters, my other children are the result of my money and my stupidiness”.
Well living in Latin America I’m definitely above average around here but will never get to that 75 K dollars per year the way my professional life is building up. Gotta quit my day job and try to run a business, but economy/bureaucracy/taxes here are so incredibly terrible that I shy away from it. Hopefully my country wont become a communist hell like venezuela anytime soon, but who knows, people are still voting for our corrupt communist ex president who is currently in jail.
Other than that is that I’m always contempt at being slightly above average. I am above average financially, physically, with woman etc. I know I have much more potential in each of those areas, but I’m very happy nonetheless, and now even BD, a hyper energetic overachiever, is saying that is just fine so thanks =D
@JohnMurdoch
You should be planning your escape from this hellhole, same as I am. Brazil, much like India and Japan, will always remain a “could have been” country, with so much unrealized potential.
@Dandy Dude
Yeah I’ll give Bolsonaro a shot. There was never a conservative government here so who knows. But if PT wins I’m out ASAP
Venezuela is not communist. The private sector is roughly 70% of venezuelan economy and the public sector about 30%.
@Antekirtt
Venezuela is currently ranked 179th at heritage’s economic freedom index, behind Cuba and in front only of North korea. It’s as communist as it gets basically, and people are starving to death over there, unfortunately. Refugees are arriving in Brazil everyday by the thousands
@John Murdoch: one fact doesn’t negate another, especially that mine was a direct quantitative fact about the country’s economy, not rank in some index. I’d be interested what that index measures *exactly*, since the US ranks 18th in it and NZ, Australia and Canada rank 3rd-5th-9th even though they have a big welfare state. The point stands: Venezuela’s economy is very far from being hardcore communist.
@Antekirtt
Was the US supposed to be a model of free market? I don’t think so. BD talks about it all the time. Plus the index is very thorough, take a look at the site, it’s very good.
Unfortunately the genocide of the Venezuelan population by a communist dictatorship will continue despite not matching your definition of communism :/