Your single, greatest goal in your sex life is not to bang a lot of chicks, have sex with hot babes, get a girlfriend, get married, or whatever else you think it is. Nope! Instead, it’s to not get any woman pregnant by accident.

-By Caleb Jones

If you live in Scandinavia or other parts of Europe or South America, this is still important but admittedly isn’t as big of a deal. Socialist governments are more than happy to put a gun in your neighbor’s face and make him pay for your mess, so there’s less pressure on you. However, in more corporatist/authoritarian governments like the USA or Canada, the government will point that gun at you and force you to pay child support for 18 years, even if you were lied to, and will cheerfully throw your ass in jail if you can’t pay it.

I’ve talked about child support a lot and today is not the day to paint that picture. Read this and this if you want an illustration of the nightmare your life will become if you get a woman pregnant by accident. The bottom line is you don’t want that to happen.

I am proud to say that throughout an entire life of having an extreme amount of sex (at least in the last 10 years or so) with a high number of women, I have never gotten a woman pregnant by accident. This is because I’m careful. Of course, there is a nonzero chance of you getting a woman pregnant by accident no matter how careful you are, but once it gets down to the 2% Rule, I don’t worry about it anymore.

If you’re only having sex with women older than age 45 or so, then you don’t need to worry about any of this. If any of the women in your life are under 45, then beyond the basics like birth control and condom use (both of which you should be using, you dumbass), it’s very important to understand how and when women ovulate, and your risks based on these factors. This very simple medical information should be taught to boys in high school over and over again, so men never forget it. Instead, not only do men have no idea how women’s ovulation works, but most women don’t even know. Isn’t that nice? No wonder we have all these young single mothers…

Time to cure that for you right now. By the end of this article, you will be 100% educated as to your pregnancy risks based on her ovulation cycle. But first, its time for one of my happy-fun disclaimers:

Disclaimer: I am not a doctor and have no medical training whatsoever. I cannot give medical advice so please don’t assume anything in this article is such. I’m just an asshole with a blog. Please double-check everything I say with a qualified medical professional before integrating any of it in your life.

Okay, here we go:

How Ovulation Works

Most women (not all, but most) who are healthy and not on any birth control operate on a 28 day menstrual cycle. Under this cycle, on or around day 14 her ovaries drop an egg into her uterus, where it hungrily waits for some sperm to devour. It stays alive for 12 to 24 hours and then disintegrates (unless it’s fertilized with a man’s sperm… then say hello to a baby you’ll have to pay for).

Right after this, the walls of her uterus thicken in order to receive a fertilized egg. If the egg is not fertilized, this extra lining is released out of her vag around day 28 in the form of thick, clotty blood. This blood goes onto your bed sheets and causes you to shout words like “fuck” and “shit.” This is her period. Even more fun, right before her period, she might turn into a total bitch. If she does that, refer to this article.

The important point here is that she ovulates on or around day 14 if day one was the first day of her period. If she’s operating under a normal 28 day cycle, you can generally assume that day 14 is the Day of Danger, and you should either stay away or be VERY careful with those condoms if she’s not on any good birth control (assuming you know for sure if she is; remember, you can’t always take her word for it).

Simple?

I wish, but it’s anything but. Here’s how this becomes complicated.

Problem 1: Your sperm live too long. Your sperm die pretty much as soon as they leave your cock, assuming the poor bastards end up on your ceiling or into a sweat sock. (I like to honor my fallen aquatic warriors with a moment of silence whenever this happens.) However, inside a warm, moist female body, your damn spermies live up to five days, depending on how healthy you are.

This means that if you cum inside her on day 10, you can still get her pregnant four days later on day 14, even if you’re miles away having sex with her sister. So you need to be ridiculously careful.

The slight good news is that it’s not five days, but up to five days. Your sperm are as healthy as you are. So if you drink a lot, or do drugs, or don’t get a lot of sleep, or have a shitty diet, or have a lot of stress, your sperm aren’t going to last five days, but could still last 48 hours or more.
This is one of the reasons I was terrified of my own sperm before I went on TRT. I was very healthy, didn’t drink at all, didn’t do any drugs, always got 8-9 hours of sleep, had a perfect diet at least five or six days a week, and had virtually no stress or unhappiness due to an Alpha 2.0 lifestyle.

To ensure I couldn’t get anyone pregnant, I wanted my sperm to be weak and pathetic, like a pothead’s sperm. Instead, whenever I looked at my own sperm under a microscope, they were running marathons, pounding back protein shakes, calling each other “bro,” bench pressing cars, and all kinds of other shit. Not cool.

The TRT took my sperm count to near zero, which was wonderful for a while, but in the last year or two all my sperm all came back. God dammit!!! Oh well. Maybe they’re weak pussies now. Here’s to hoping.

Problem 2: A Women’s Day of Danger can be moved by all kinds of factors completely outside of your control. I said normally women ovulate on day 14. The problem is this day can and will be changed by any of the following factors:

– Stress (and think about it… when are women not stressed?)

– Being sick

– Various medications

– Drug use

– Jetlag

– Lack of sleep

– Any change in her regular schedule (getting up earlier or later, for example)

– Any big shift in diet

Any of these damn things can force the Day of Danger to arrive sooner than day 14, or after day 14. This essentially makes it impossible to predict on just a calendar alone. Fun, isn’t it?

Problem 3: Not all women have a 28 day cycle. I have tracked many women’s periods on spreadsheets over the years (see why I’ve never gotten a woman pregnant?) and I can tell you that while most women follow a 28 day cycle, many do not. One long-term FB I once played with had a 37 day cycle. Weird, I know, but there are plenty of women like that out there.

A woman with a longer cycle will have her Day of Danger after day 14, usually on the day that represents the 50% halfway point in her cycle. But not always!

You can track a woman’s periods for 90 days and try to get an average. That will give you a good idea, but will never be precise to the day on every cycle.

Problem 4: Some non-birth-controlled women don’t even have periods. I have encountered a decent amount of women who are not on birth control yet never have any periods. This is usually because of either hormonal problems (testosterone or estrogen or both), uterine problems (PCOS and endometriosis are the two most common ones), drug use (particularly heroin), or former drug use (recovering addicts who are now clean).

How the hell can you track a woman’s ovulation if she never has a period? You see the problem. The slight good news here is that technically she shouldn’t be ovulating if she doesn’t have periods. The only time a woman can actually ovulate without a period is if she has internal scarring due to a recent surgery or similar trauma.

Regardless, while a woman probably isn’t ovulating if she’s never having periods, I do not consider her safe to gush into, and you shouldn’t either. You need more data before you do that (or take the safe route and refrain from doing that at all).

How To Determine If She’s Ovulating

As I’ve already talked about before, during ovulation a woman usually looks a little prettier and feels more feminine, sexy, and horny. However, you can’t use this as a definite indicator of ovulation. Women can be plenty horny and pretty on days nowhere near the Day of Danger.

There are only two ways I know of to determine this, and one of them I don’t even believe is real.

According to doctors, the first method is to look for a “cervical mucus that is slippery, wet, and similar to egg whites.” If it’s there, she’s probably ovulating. Just one problem. I have paid very close attention to a hell of a lot of vaginas in my day, and I have literally never seen anything like this. (The only time I’ve seen anything like this were with women who were pregnant. Yes, I have fucked pregnant women. Because fuck you.) I’ve seen a lot of stuff come out of a lot of pussies, but not egg whites, or anything that looks like it. Therefore, I personally think this is more medical industry bullshit.

A second and better way is an ovulation test kit that you can buy at your local pharmacy. They work just like pregnancy tests; she pees on a stick and you get a reading. The problem is these tests are not cheap like pregnancy tests; you’re looking at $25 per test or more. Regardless, my understanding is that they are indeed quite accurate.

Personally, if you’re going through that much trouble to see if you can cum inside your MLTR next Tuesday, then dude, just put on that damn condom or settle for a nice blowjob (or anal sex, if she’s into that).

Congratulations, my young Padawan. You are now more educated on the process of ovulation than the woman you’re having sex with. Cool, huh?

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