-By Caleb Jones

my five flags plan, but also to visit and experience a few more countries on my targeted visit list.
Unlike most of my international trips, where I spend a week or more in one city, this trip required me to visit many different countries and cities. I’m hitting Mexico City, Panama City, Asunscion (in Paraguay), Buenos Aries, Montevideo (in Uruguay) and Bogotá (in Colombia).
This means that I’m not able to stay a week in these countries, but rather 3-5 days each. Thus, my city reviews for these areas won’t be quite as comprehensive as others I’ve done in the past.
For the first leg of this trip, I’m spending four days in Mexico City. This is actually the second time I’ve been to Mexico this year. I was just here a few weeks ago in Cabo San Lucas for Pink Firefly’s and my honeymoon.
This marks the first extended time I’ve spent in “non-tourist Mexico.” I’ve been to Mexico many times, but it’s always been the tourist spots like Cancun or Cabo. I’ve been to Mexico City but only as a layover to other destinations. This is the first time I can actually experience the real Mexico. (Though yes, I fully understand that more rural Mexicans may not consider Mexico City as the “real” Mexico.)
Mexico is what I consider a “second world” country, similar to where I place Italy. It’s a country that isn’t a complete shithole, where civilization and first world amenities exist, but a place that lags far behind the first world.
For example, most buildings here in Mexico City are quite shitty by Western standards. Lots of cracked paint, dilapidated structures, graffiti, and similar. Angry, stray dogs walk around in the street right where the cars are, angrily barking at the car as you pass buy. On my taxi ride from the airport, the taxi driver had to back up and use a different street because someone had dumped trash all over the road, blocking traffic.
I stayed in a decent hotel (over $140 USD per night), and even then, the internet really didn’t work (I had to tether my phone and use the neighboring hotel’s internet connection much of the time) and many of the lights in my room wouldn’t turn on.
And so on.
To be fair, many of Mexico City’s second-world problems are shared by the US. The roads down here are terrible, but Los Angeles’ roads are worse. There are tons of homeless people here, but San Francisco has more. How strange it is; as the USA continues its slow collapse, it starts to share more and more traits of second world countries.
On the flip side, there’s a constant police presence keeping the peace, and there are plenty of high rises here (though none to the level of an actual first world country, much less Rising Asia).
After four days here, these are my observations:
The Women
As always, let’s get started with this one first since I know that’s what most guys will be curious about. I have the exact same opinion on Mexican women as I do Chinese women; in that, they aren’t ugly, but they aren’t attractive either. After seeing countless thousands of Mexican women over these last few days, I’ve seen a grand total of three who I would consider at least cute (using my hotness scale of ugly, average, cute, or hot). It’s exactly like when I go to China.
I think this is more me than them, though. Even watching their advertising and media, seeing women presented on there that I think most Mexicans would consider very hot, these women do absolutely nothing for me. Not ugly at all, but not hot. I think this has to do with either my own American Societal Programming, or my biology, or both. Maybe I’m just not wired to find Mexican women attractive.
This is just a theory, however, since this does not explain why I do find other non-white races attractive, such as Asian women or Fijian Indian women. Hm.
In terms of Mexican women’s bodies, they can easily be described in four words: big butts, no hips. That describes the vast majority of women down here (as well as the vast majority of Mexican women in the US). Big, nice butts, which is nice, but no hips at all. Mexican women have oddly rectangular-shaped torsos where their waists and hips are the same width. It’s very strange. I’m assuming it’s an Aztec-specific trait since neither Spaniard women nor South American women look like this.
(The irony of all of this is that one of my current FBs is Mexican. However, she has lots of Caucasian facial features and really big tits… and even she suffers from this “no hips” thing.)
As one might expect, overweight people are common here, both with the men and the women. However, Mexican City dwellers are clearly less fat than US Mexicans and Mexicans who live out in the countryside.
The Culture
The culture here so vibrant! It’s great and I’m enjoying the hell out of it. As I’ve mentioned before, this is likely because I’m an American, and as Americans we have a less distinct culture than many other cultures. Americans like me who actually take the time to travel the world (what few of us there are) are often hungry for cultural experiences.
I came here during Día de Muertos, Mexico’s “Day of the Dead”, distantly similar to our Halloween but with much deeper cultural significance, as important to Mexicans as Christmas or the Fourth of July is to us Americans. Instead of dressing up like super heroes or movie characters like we do, the Mexicans dress up in much more scary shit, like skeletons, zombies, demons, and bloody monsters. During my first few days here everyone was walking around with white-skull face paint. Fun.
It’s an extremely casual culture here. Virtually no one dresses up in suits other than the staff at fancy establishments who are forced to. Even down in the financial district where I spent a lot of time, no one wears suits. It’s all jeans and T-shirts here.
Mexicans love their dogs. This is the only city on the planet outside of the USA where people walk their dogs as much as Americans. Interesting.
They also love their tacos. Jesus. Any time you see a gigantic mob of people mashed up against one another, it’s outside of a taco street restaurant. They’ll ignore all the other restaurants on the same street and instead congregate at the taco stand to get their tacos. I saw this more than once and it was hilarious.
Something that really surprised me is that virtually no one speaks English here. I’m not sure why I expected English to be more commonplace, but that’s just not the case. Very, very few people speak English outside of a few basic words. Even trying to get them to say numbers in English is hard. Even the reception staff at very fancy office buildings don’t speak English, and many had to use Google Translate in order to communicate with me.
Most restaurants (outside of hotels) also don’t have menus in English. I often had to use a translation picture app on my phone to interpret menus, signs, and documents. Not a big deal, just surprising. I fully expect to have access to even less English as I venture further into Central and South America, but I wasn’t expecting this in Mexico. In Hong Kong, on the other side of the planet, more people speak English than in Mexico City which is just a few hundred miles south of Texas.
The City
Mexico City, by some standards, is the largest city on the planet. Over 20 million people live in its metro area(!). Holy shit. Seeing it as you fly into the airport, or viewing it, as I did, from the top of the Mirador Torre Latino building, the city is crazy huge; it just goes on forever. In terms of size of population and land coverage, it easily rivals Tokyo and Shanghai, no problem. The city even creeps up the sides of mountains in ways I’ve never seen before. Just crazy.
As you might expect, traffic is really, really bad here. Most of the time I opted to use a covered, two-seat moped instead of Uber or taxis:

When I did use Uber, I didn’t have a problem. In most countries, when you get an Uber driver, he/she has very soft music playing, or even perhaps asks you about what kind of music you prefer. Not Mexico! You’ll often step into an Uber car with the driver blasting Metallica, and he doesn’t give a rat’s ass if you like it or not. Thankfully I fucking love metal, so I would smile and just headbang along with the guy, but I’m sure most stick-up-their-asses Westerners would be upset.
Mexicans, being Hispanics, the highest-drama race in the world, honk their horns at each other non-stop all day long, for the tiniest of reasons. Pedestrians yell at the drivers, and the drivers yell back. It’s a lot like the Italians.
Security in the city is ever-present. Just about everywhere you go, at least in the Centro downtown district, you’ll see cops and security guards, and in large numbers. I suppose this is in response to the cartels, but I’m not sure. Interestingly, none of these people are armed with guns. I like that, since you don’t need guns to have an effective police force. At the same time, I’m guessing this no-gun thing is reflective of Mexico’s left-wing leanings. Hell, the entire country of Mexico has banned straws(!) because it’s bad for the dolphins or something. Yes, I’m serious.
A Final Word To All You Pussies Who Are Too Scared To Travel To Cool Places
I have to say this. Every time I mention I’m going to Mexico or Colombia or South America in general, I get a bunch of pussies freaking out that I’m going to get kidnapped, murdered, or robbed.
Oh, you fucking beta pussies!
This is just like you guys who said I would be detained or arrested if I went to Dubai. Stop being a fucking baby and start operating under the 2% Rule. The world is not this big, scary place insular, beta male Americans seem to think it is. There are over 700,000 white Americans living full time in Mexico City. Are these people getting murdered or kidnapped by the cartels? Uh, no. And you guys bitching about how I “might not get any water” if I visited Mexico City? I took showers whenever the hell I wanted here and I always had water. Seriously, several of you freaked out about this.
STOP BEING A GOD DAMN PUSSY AND GO SEE THE WORLD. THE WORLD WON’T BITE, I PROMISE.
Next up, a place I’m really excited about… Panama!

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