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Kino means touching a woman in a sexual or non-sexual context during the pick-up or dating phase of your initial interactions with her. When kino is performed effectively, your odds of success with most women increase. You should consider kino as one of the skills necessary for dating success. This doesn’t mean kino is always required. I’ve had many first and second dates where I didn’t kino the woman at all and we still had sex within my usual three hours. Regardless, when I did perform kino, it made a big difference, at least with most women.
-By Caleb Jones
I discuss kino in great detail in my primary dating book, Get To Sex Fast. One of the biggest questions I get about kino, at least in regards to first dates, is how to handle kino when the seating logistics aren’t ideal.As I talk about in Get To Sex Fast, the ideal seating arrangement for a first date is when you are seated right next to her. Often, many nicer bars have couches you can sit on, and those are great. You both sit down on the couch and boom, she’s right next to you for easy kino.
The next best seating arrangement is when you’re both sitting next to each other at a bar or table, for the same reasons.
The next best arrangement is when you’re both sitting at a table but you’re still adjacent to each other, with only the corner of the table between you. For example, you’re sitting to the north and she’s sitting to the east. There’s still a table in-between the two of you, but you’re still close enough where kino is pretty easy. But here’s a question I get all the time: What if we’re sitting directly across from each other? The table is in the way! How do you kino then??? There are two answers to that.
First, realize that it’s your job to make sure that doesn’t fucking happen in the first place. You are the one who determines date logistics, as I explained here. Not her. You. This shit is your responsibility. So, when you walk into the bar, coffee shop, or whatever, don’t sit at a table where the only seating configuration is across from her. Think this through and instead sit somewhere where kino will be more natural. But what if she sits at a table like that herself? Or what if she gets there first and she’s already sitting at a table like that?
Then just walk over to her, say your hellos, and just say, “Let’s sit over here,” and then move her to a better spot. I have done this on first dates literally scores of times and I’ve never had a problem. It’s also fantastic Alpha frame-setting and EFA. But BD, what if the place doesn’t have any seating arrangements like what you’re talking about and ALL the tables are the sit-across kind? Then whose fault is that, dumbass?
Yours. I’ve talked about at this blog and in Get To Sex Fast, you need to choose first date locations that are ideal for these kinds of logistics. That means, ones you already know have easy tables or couches to sit on. If you “end up” at a first date location where 100% of all the tables are the sit-across kind, that means you fucked this up. Again, bad date logistics are always, your fault. Always.
That being said, I realize life is life, and there will be odd scenarios where this just isn’t possible. Just remember that if you’re doing all of this correctly, these scenarios are going to be the unusual exception to the rule and not something that happens on a regular basis. I’ve been on literally hundreds of first dates, and I’ve had the sit-across problem too, but it’s statistically extremely rare because I make sure to keep all of my logistics within my control. So, okay, fine, I'm a dumbass and it's all my fault. Then what happens if you find yourself in this unusual exception?
The next best arrangement is when you’re both sitting at a table but you’re still adjacent to each other, with only the corner of the table between you. For example, you’re sitting to the north and she’s sitting to the east. There’s still a table in-between the two of you, but you’re still close enough where kino is pretty easy. But here’s a question I get all the time: What if we’re sitting directly across from each other? The table is in the way! How do you kino then??? There are two answers to that.
First, realize that it’s your job to make sure that doesn’t fucking happen in the first place. You are the one who determines date logistics, as I explained here. Not her. You. This shit is your responsibility. So, when you walk into the bar, coffee shop, or whatever, don’t sit at a table where the only seating configuration is across from her. Think this through and instead sit somewhere where kino will be more natural. But what if she sits at a table like that herself? Or what if she gets there first and she’s already sitting at a table like that?
Then just walk over to her, say your hellos, and just say, “Let’s sit over here,” and then move her to a better spot. I have done this on first dates literally scores of times and I’ve never had a problem. It’s also fantastic Alpha frame-setting and EFA. But BD, what if the place doesn’t have any seating arrangements like what you’re talking about and ALL the tables are the sit-across kind? Then whose fault is that, dumbass?
Yours. I’ve talked about at this blog and in Get To Sex Fast, you need to choose first date locations that are ideal for these kinds of logistics. That means, ones you already know have easy tables or couches to sit on. If you “end up” at a first date location where 100% of all the tables are the sit-across kind, that means you fucked this up. Again, bad date logistics are always, your fault. Always.
That being said, I realize life is life, and there will be odd scenarios where this just isn’t possible. Just remember that if you’re doing all of this correctly, these scenarios are going to be the unusual exception to the rule and not something that happens on a regular basis. I’ve been on literally hundreds of first dates, and I’ve had the sit-across problem too, but it’s statistically extremely rare because I make sure to keep all of my logistics within my control. So, okay, fine, I'm a dumbass and it's all my fault. Then what happens if you find yourself in this unusual exception?
The answer is that you just kino anyway. Kino, when a woman is sitting across from you with a table in the way, requires a little more balls and confidence, so if you’re lacking these things, it may be a little more difficult, but do your best. Here are a few examples of what I’ve done in these scenarios.
- When her hands are on the table, touch them softly, just for a few seconds, then withdraw. (This is what the PUAs call “push/pull”.) Tell her, “Give me your hand for a minute.” She will either comply or look at you strangely. If she looks at you strangely, say, “Yeah, give me your hand for a minute.” When she does (even if she has an odd look on her face), just touch her hand for a few seconds, and then let it go and lean back again.
- Tell her, “Lean forward for a second.” When she does, reach out and touch her hair for a few seconds, then let go and lean back again.
I have done all of these things plus many others when there’s a table in-between us. Again, I’ve never had a problem. However, I say these things in a very confident-but-relaxed, don’t-give-a-shit manner. If you say these things while you’re obviously nervous (beta) or command them like a barking drill sergeant (Alpha Male 1.0) then you’re just going to spike her ASD and/or damage her attraction.
If what I’m talking about seems beyond your confidence level or ability, start practicing this stuff when you’re seated in an optional kino scenario, like when you’re sitting next to her. Just ask her to see her hand, then touch it for a few seconds. (If you’re at an intermediate or advanced level of skill, you would not ask; you would just touch her hands, shoulders, hair, or even thigh.)Another option in a sit-across scenario is to just skip kino altogether and just not worry about it this time around. This is fine provided you do literally everything else correctly on that date. If you’re doing literally everything I recommend in Get To Sex Fast regarding all the dos and don’ts for first dates, it’s okay to skip kino. As I said, I often have and still got to sex quickly anyway.
However, if you skip kino and you’re not doing everything correctly, then the lack of kino can and often will hurt you. So keep that in mind.I also recommend that if no kino occurs on the first date, make sure a lot of kino occurs on the second date (and ideally sex on the second date, which is the entire objective if you’re following my system). This means that if sex does not occur on the second date, a shitload of kino plus as much sexual activity as you can muster did occur. Another question I get about this is: If you can only sit in-between tables, why not just sit next to her? You can, and I agree this is a very confident and Alpha move, but it’s also too threatening for most women on a first date. Thus, I don’t recommend doing that on a first date, though for a second date that kind of thing might be fine (assuming the second date isn’t at your place, and it should be), particularly if you had good chemistry on the first date and she seemed very interested or relaxed.
Just remember that the core message of this article is to take the time necessary for prepping your first dates so that kino logistics aren’t going to be a problem in the first place. That way, most of this sit-across hassle isn’t even necessary.[ Want over 35 hours of how-to podcasts on how to improve your woman life and financial life? Want to be able to coach with me twice a month? Want access to hours of technique-based video and audio? The SMIC Program is a monthly podcast and coaching program where you get access to massive amounts of exclusive, members-only Alpha 2.0 content as soon as you sign up, and you can cancel whenever you want. Click here for the details.
I have done all of these things plus many others when there’s a table in-between us. Again, I’ve never had a problem. However, I say these things in a very confident-but-relaxed, don’t-give-a-shit manner. If you say these things while you’re obviously nervous (beta) or command them like a barking drill sergeant (Alpha Male 1.0) then you’re just going to spike her ASD and/or damage her attraction.
If what I’m talking about seems beyond your confidence level or ability, start practicing this stuff when you’re seated in an optional kino scenario, like when you’re sitting next to her. Just ask her to see her hand, then touch it for a few seconds. (If you’re at an intermediate or advanced level of skill, you would not ask; you would just touch her hands, shoulders, hair, or even thigh.)Another option in a sit-across scenario is to just skip kino altogether and just not worry about it this time around. This is fine provided you do literally everything else correctly on that date. If you’re doing literally everything I recommend in Get To Sex Fast regarding all the dos and don’ts for first dates, it’s okay to skip kino. As I said, I often have and still got to sex quickly anyway.
However, if you skip kino and you’re not doing everything correctly, then the lack of kino can and often will hurt you. So keep that in mind.I also recommend that if no kino occurs on the first date, make sure a lot of kino occurs on the second date (and ideally sex on the second date, which is the entire objective if you’re following my system). This means that if sex does not occur on the second date, a shitload of kino plus as much sexual activity as you can muster did occur. Another question I get about this is: If you can only sit in-between tables, why not just sit next to her? You can, and I agree this is a very confident and Alpha move, but it’s also too threatening for most women on a first date. Thus, I don’t recommend doing that on a first date, though for a second date that kind of thing might be fine (assuming the second date isn’t at your place, and it should be), particularly if you had good chemistry on the first date and she seemed very interested or relaxed.
Just remember that the core message of this article is to take the time necessary for prepping your first dates so that kino logistics aren’t going to be a problem in the first place. That way, most of this sit-across hassle isn’t even necessary.[ Want over 35 hours of how-to podcasts on how to improve your woman life and financial life? Want to be able to coach with me twice a month? Want access to hours of technique-based video and audio? The SMIC Program is a monthly podcast and coaching program where you get access to massive amounts of exclusive, members-only Alpha 2.0 content as soon as you sign up, and you can cancel whenever you want. Click here for the details.