Why Do Women Get Fat? Some Empirical Evidence From My Dating Life
We could all have a very predictable conversation about how once you marry a woman, especially a Western woman, over time she starts getting fatter. But we already know this. Today I’m going to talk about something deeper.
I’ve talked before about how the longer I know a woman, the fatter she gets. Even if she’s just an FB or low-end MLTR. I wanted to check the real data before I made some sweeping conclusions, so I pulled out my master list of women and took a good long look. This is my “roster”, my list of all the women I’ve ever been in a relationship with, “relationship” here being defined as at least an FB. This pretty much means any woman I’ve had sex with more than about two or three times.
This is not a small list. I never “screen”, I never get monogamous, I don’t do one-night-stands (I don’t see the point), I get laid a lot, and I’ve been doing this consistently for going on seven years now. I’m not going to give you the exact number of women I have on this particular list (that would just create arguments from nitpickers) but I can tell you it’s a decently sizable number, enough to draw at least some conclusions from.
Of course the list is very biased, in that it’s a list of women all of whom are of a type that I would really like. Any type of woman I would hate or be repulsed from would obviously not be on this list. Conversely, any type of woman who would hate me would also not be on this list. (You won’t find any ugly chicks, or hardcore feminists, or hardcore Christians on this list for example.)
So whenever I draw conclusions from my roster, I know that while I’m dealing in accurate information, I’m also dealing with somewhat biased data.
But hey, we’ve got to start somewhere!
The first thing I did was remove all the women who are relatively new in my life. So all the women I’ve known for less than nine months I cut off. That still left a lot.
Then I eliminated all the women whose relationships were very brief, and who never came back to me after a LSNFTE. That’s not very many women, since the majority of my relationships, even my casual ones, are measured in years, not weeks or months. Moreover, 92% (or so) of the women who leave me eventually return…even if they leave me to go get married or have babies with some other guy, even if it’s years later.
That left women with whom I had relationships with that lasted a real amount of time. Sometimes consistently, sometimes inconsistently, but over a period of nine months to six years, or even longer.
Here’s the percentage breakdown:
71% gained weight since I first met them.
This included women of all ages. From 18 year old girls to women in their mid 40s. There was no age correlation at all. All ages got fatter.
This also included women of all races and nationalities. White, American, Asian, Russian, European, Latina, and half-black. All races and nationalities got fatter. (Though they all were residents of the USA at the time of the relationship of course.)
43% gained a LOT of weight. As in well over 30 pounds.
43% of these women not only gained weight, but gained weight in ways where if you saw them after the weight gain, you would be shocked at the difference, and not in a good way. And once again, all ages and races were affected. If anything, the younger women seemed to gain more.
Now what about the women who got skinnier? Were there any?
Only 6% improved their physical fitness in any way.
And that’s a very iffy 6%. One woman did lose weight since I met her, but only because she had health problems. Another lost a little weight, but frankly she was a little on the “curvy” side to begin with. You get the point. It’s not like these women were busting their asses to lose weight or become more healthy (as I’ve been doing for the past 2-3 years).
If you do the math, that means 23% remained about the same in terms of weight.
23% maintained a “no better, no worse” body over the years I’ve known them. You would think that these women were the naturally skinny ones with genetically high metabolisms. Some were like that, but many were “normal” or “curvy”. Once again, no correlation, no pattern. (With one exception: All women in this static 23% were all white Americans. I doubt that means anything though, simply because most women I date are white Americans. That’s what I am and that’s where I live.)
Now let me reiterate a few things. Yes, we all know that if you marry a woman, move her in, and go all provider on her, she’ll gain weight. Of course this happens.
But I didn’t do that with any of these women. And they gained weight anyway.
- I did not marry any of these women.
- I did not move in with any of these women.
- I did not “provide” for any of these women (at least not in the traditional sense).
- I did not get serious in any way with about 60% these women. They were just FBs. (The rest were MLTRs of varying degrees. No OLTRs.)
Yet they still gained weight.
Hm.
Devil’s Advocate
I tried to play devils advocate with myself in a (fruitless) attempt to explain this.
Devil’s Advocate Point 1: Well Blackdragon, YOU are overweight. So if you’re going to hang out with these women, of course they’ll start eventually getting fat. It’s natural they’re eventually going to be like you.
True, and there’s some validity to that. However I would counter with the following:
1. Even with the MLTRs, I don’t see these women more than once a week. It’s one of my rules. Very, very few of these women really spend a lot of time with me. If they were hanging out with me all the time, then you might have a point. But that’s not what’s happening here. These women were not “girlfriends”.
2. Even more importantly, over the last two years I have been losing weight. Slowly, but noticeably. Trust me, when a woman sees you naked, she can really tell if you’ve lost 40, 30, or even 20 pounds. Most of these women have seen me lose some serious poundage, and have watched me eat healthy, or not eat at all, while they were still eating typical American garbage food. Over this time period, none of these women started losing weight like me, and by your argument, they should have. If I got fatter, they got fatter. But if I got skinnier, they still got fatter.
Devil’s Advocate Point 2: Well Blackdragon, as you said, these are all women you’re attracted to. You just happen to be attracted to women who have personalities that are conducive to eventual weight gain.
Maybe, but here’s the problem. These 71% of women who gained weight ran the complete gamut of personality styles and levels of intelligence. This group included:
- Stupid chicks, and very smart, high-IQ women.
- Completely uneducated women, and women with masters degrees and/or degrees from Ivy League colleges.
- Wild, crazy chicks, and shy, quiet chicks.
- Touchy-feely artsy women, sharp, hard-edged corporate women.
- Total losers, and very organized, impressive winners (other than the weight gain of course).
ALL these women gained weight. Most of them, a LOT of weight. Again, there was no real correlation between these women other than when I met them they were very pretty, had sex with me relatively quickly, and didn’t give me much drama as we were dating. There was no consistent “type”. Remember, I don’t “screen”. I’m a very inclusive guy! 🙂
I am under the opinion, backed by strong evidence (and not just this evidence here) that Western women, or perhaps Western people, just get fatter. It’s just what they do. You really can’t stop it. It’s going to happen. It’s the era in which we live. Women. Get. Fatter.
Oh, one more excuse I can anticipate: Oh c’mon Blackdragon, as people age they gain weight because their metabolisms get slower. It’s natural and happens to everyone.
No. Not like this. Women in the 1950s were not gaining 30+ pounds in six years or less. There’s something else going on here.
Therefore, while a woman marrying a man may accelerate this fattening process, it does not prevent it. She’ll likely just keep gaining more weight anyway. Married or single, dating or relationship, friends with benefits or serious boyfriend…doesn’t matter, she’ll gain weight.
Anyway, that’s my theory. What do you think?
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I think the same would hold true with most men as well. It’s the unhealthy, sedentary American lifestyle. Most people like to come home from their crappy jobs and plop in front of the couch with their bag of McDonalds and watch American Idol. On a side note however, I find it interesting to watch the newly divorced 30-something women try to erase years of unhealthy eating and bad habits in order to lose a few pounds so they can attract a new schmuck. After they find one it’s inevitable that the weight comes right back. People are crazy 🙂
I’m not running a huge sample size, but I’ve gained about 15 lbs of muscle since november, and it’s been a lot of work. A lot of time in the gym, a lot of eating, a lot of fat burning. And as of January, my number one girl has been tracking her calories, doing yoga, and P90X…and she’s stayed really fit.
I hope she keeps up with that regimen, it really makes me happy to see she cares about her body like that.
I agree with Brian. The standard American diet and lifestyle combined with horrible fitness advice targeted towards women is the likely explanation.
My informal data sample comes from Facebook. Most of the people I knew in high school and college (myself included) have gotten fatter, but the difference is much more dramatic for the women.
Men have a little more leeway in terms of diet simply because we tend to carry more muscle. We also tend to hit the weights when we decided to get in shape.
Women in general avoid the weight room because they’re afraid of getting bulky and instead sign up for aerobics, zumba or some other nonsense. At the same time, they try to starve themselves by eating “meals” that consist of one yoghurt (which is usually just pudding disguised as health food).
The result is a little short term weight loss which comes from both fat and muscle which increases the likelihood of gaining even more fat when they come off the diet.
It actually makes me sad, because the women I see doing following that plan are usually very disciplined and putting in a a lot of effort. Unfortunately they don’t get the results they want because Shape Magazine sold them a lie. 🙁
I think some of this (or a lot in my opinion) really depends on the guys they are dating. I’ve encountered some of the same in regards to weight gain w exes or girls that come back into my life in some way. I’ve had many of them tell me they were always worried about how they looked while with me, they felt the need to look good or stay in shape (not because I demand it of them, in fact I say nothing, but I do work out, I do like women to look sexy and I do tell them times they look great or how sexy they are when they do something like coming to the gym w me)…the last girl I dated who left is dating a guy and in the occasional conversation she told me she doesn’t feel the need to look good or great with new guy the way she felt the need to look good for me, she feels that she can dress however or not focus on dressing pretty for him and (I imagine) since he doesnt work out she still worries about not wanting to gain weight but that he’ll love her regardless (when we were together we had a conversation where she asked if she gained a hundred pounds would I still love her, I told her I’d love her sure but I wouldn’t be with her or find her sexy if she did gain weight…she busted on me for being shallow…I told her well guess Im shallow, but I only have respect for people that can respect themselves and their health)…anyway long story short she’s gained a little weight since leaving.
Like you said, I subscribe to the idea that women will do whatever you tolerate IN ALL MANNERS OF LIFE including health wise and looks wise, so if you tolerate weight gain, or it is not an issue for you and they are in a relationship with you then they will let themselves gain weight, however slightly. But if you have a level of sexiness you enjoy in a woman, they will mentally mark your boundary and not cross it.
PS. I also think it depends on the sexiness level of the relationship. For example, in especially the couple years of relationships Ive had, the girls have told me they felt I was the sexy one in the relationship and these comments coming from v sexy women (in my mind THEY were the sexy ones look wise but that’s prob because I can’t get enough of the female form) so added to women will do what you tolerate, if they feel you are the sexy one (whether its looks or just masculinity wise) I find they will try and match or keep with you in regards to your level of sexiness.
So if you have or demand a high sexy rank for yourself, the women you are with will too. Its a theory but one that seems to psychologically fit in regards to how life has been playing out in my own relationships and what Ive noticed among the relationships of friends.
It all boils down to self-discipline. Discipline is what makes you get up at 5am to hit the gym. Discipline is what makes you turn down that piece of cake.
When you change your diet and lifestyle to either become or remain slender, it’s not a one time deal. It’s every single freaking hour of every single freaking day. And it is discipline that fuels it and keeps it going.
As women get older, their metabolic rate is a lot slower and hormonal things affect their ability to lose weight, ESPECIALLY if they have had children.
I’m fortunate to have been born with a petite frame and when I was younger I could eat whatever the hell I wanted (and I have a big appetite, lol) and still people thought I was anorexic because I just didn’t gain weight.
I put on a little weight in college (a good thing, because I was too skinny before that), like most girls do. It is probably a combo of the change in eating habits and just the natural change in a woman’s body as she grows from being a girl to a woman.
I worked out some but I never “had” to. I had a perfectly flat stomach without it. Until I had kids…
I had my first child at 23 and after that it became more of a struggle to watch my weight. Breastfeeding made me hold onto 15 more lbs that I couldn’t get rid of no matter what I did, until like a year and a half later when my periods started up again. Then it disappeared with virtually no effort, which shows it was hormonal.
Anyway, 5 kids later and I’m still within a reasonable weight limit (I’m 5’6″ and wear a size 4). At this point I would like to lose about 15 lbs, but it’s not DIRE that I do. I think that is part of what holds people back. They need some motivation to keep the pounds off. I lost it last year and then gained it back.
Now I do Zumba, plus work out on the machines at the gym and take a pole dancing class but it doesn’t change my weight unless I actively monitor my calorie intake and that can be a pain in the ass.
Men still like me at this weight, some of them don’t like it when I say I want to lose weight and my clothes fit more tightly so I get more attention, lmao. Still, I personally feel I look better when I weigh less. Yes my arms and legs are still skinny but I’m a little too thick around the middle due to having kids. I want my 23 inch waist back (which is what it was when I got married).
All that to say, weight management is a lot more difficult for women when they get older and especially after having kids due to hormonal changes in their bodies. The way we eat (at least here in the US) works just fine until our bodies have those changes and its very hard for a lot of women to deviate from what they have been used to all their life. Add STRESS and less time to exercise (thanks to kids and a lot of women working outside the home) and that causes it to be even harder.
I find that during periods of stress (like this past several months) I will gain weight because I eat convenience foods more often. When I have time to think and plan healthier meals and don’t eat stuff that is prepackaged I do a lot better.
Another key in motivation (which relates more to this blog post) is that women will actively work on their body to attract men. Once they feel like they “have” you it’s not so pertinent. The same goes for men. They totally go to pot after getting married and think they can let it all hang out. SO single women that are “on the market” are way more likely to maintain their bodies.
In this day and age though there are so many men looking for “BBW” and people saying that women look GREAT when they are fat that it also messes with that motivation to look thinner. There are always men who will still want them.
Hell, I have been told half my life that I was too skinny and whenever I attempt to lose weight everyone chimes in “you don’t need to do that” and acts worried. It’s like come on, we are all fat, you should be to! So there is the societal pressure not to get too thin too, despite what the media might portray.
Anyway, these women that you are already seeing for some length of time most likely feel that you will be in their life for the long haul and they don’t need to impress you any longer. When people are in NRE they care much more what their bodies look like. Even my ex husband was this way when he fell in love with another woman. I knew something was up because he was suddenly dieting and working out again (though he’s not someone that really “needed” to).
LLG said –
‘In this day and age though there are so many men looking for “BBW”
Then why can I get an hour with a BBW escort for $75, but a slender one the same age wants $300?
LLG also said –
‘ I will gain weight because I eat convenience foods more often. When I have time to think and plan healthier meals and don’t eat stuff that is prepackaged I do a lot better. ‘
Woot! You solved it.
1. Regarding metabolism slowing with age: This only makes sense in the argument IF the list of women in the older age groups started with heavier weight to begin with. It fails to explain anything if 2 women of different age groups started with similar weight, but both got fatter. BD should clarify this.
2. Regarding the women: What are they doing in their personal lives? None of the women are involved seriously with BD, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t involved with someone else, right? May be they all have provider bfs? May be the link to weight gain can be found in areas of their lives that aren’t related to their FB relationships.
I think BD hinted at it and the first few commenters nailed it: this western lifestyle just wrecks people (the food, the laziness), women most of all.
@BD: question, when these women come back and are bigger, is there a point ( of weight gain, or has there been times) when you have had to turn a woman away for sex? I’ve had to do this, not trying to be a dick (there’s not a ‘No Fat Chicks Allowed’ bumper sticker on my car) but at a certain point of flabbiness I just can’t get turned on. I imagine you didn’t want them to feel insulted and came up with a way out other than the blatant truth… if that was the case.
I too would love to hear how BD handles the 30-pound gainers. LSNFTE = long soft next for tremendous eating?
To answer some of your points/questions.
The entire “metabolism thing” has nothing whatsoever to do with any of this, and I’m not surprised Lovergirl instantly leaped to that excuse even though I specifically addressed it in my post.
To repeat what I said, this weight gain has happened across the board, with women of all ages. I’m talking 18 year old girls, 20 year old girls, 25 year old girls, etc, many of whom have never had kids.
If we’re talking about women over 35 who’ve had three kids, then maybe. But a childless, good-looking 20 year old girl who’s been skinny her whole life suddenly gaining a serious amount of weight in less than five years has nothing to do with “metabolism as you age”, or having babies, or any of that shit. These are just excuses Western women use. Western women just don’t fucking take care of their bodies.
Whenever I see women from South America (NOT Mexico, I talking about South America; some of you folks sadly mix that up) I am shocked to see how good looking and SKINNY these women are, including and especially women well over age 40. Those women take care of themselves. Western women would rather not.
Regarding what I do if/when women gain a lot of weight…
I am actually pretty lenient when it comes to this, because it’s part of my overall frame to be accepting of women. One of the reasons I have such a high return rate and such a great track record of being in open relationships that last so many years is because I’m one of the few men a woman will ever meet who doesn’t judge her or make demands upon her behaviors.
I’m not talking about weight. I’m talking about everything. As long as she doesn’t give me drama or demands, I don’t care what she does with the rest of her life.
Secondly, most of these women are really skinny and hot to begin with, and a large amount are under age 25. Many women like this can indeed gain 15, 20, even 30 pounds and still be pretty cute as compared to the average woman out there. So if she’s a little curvier but still hot (and with a bigger chest and ass), I’ll still take it.
Have I nexted women for gaining to much weight? Oh yes. I do it very nicely and I usually don’t tell them it’s because of their weight (though sometimes I have). They get the point whether it’s verbalized or not. Women who get fat know why guys suddenly don’t want to fuck them any more. Women aren’t stupid.
What I tend to do more often is downgrade women who gain weight, turning MLTRs into FBs, and/or reducing the frequency of how often I see them. Instead of having her be 1st or 2nd on my priority list, she sinks down to 4th or 5th priority, or even lower. I’ve done that a lot. And again, women get the point.
What I end up doing really depends on A) how much weight she gains, B) how well she carries the new weight, and C) if she later loses the weight. At least twice I’ve had women gain a bunch of weight, then suddenly “realize” how bad they looked, then lose it and look hot again, Anna Nicole Smith style (only without the drugs and death).
Lastly, just to be clear I will never actively sarge women who are chubby. Fuck no. I only bother with HOT chicks. I just will usually not dump her if she goes from a 9 to a 7 because of some weight gain. If she goes down to a 6 or a 5…then yeah, she’s gone. I can’t get aroused by that, and that’s a requirement for a sexual relationship (as I explained in a very recent post).
Brian made an intersting point in the first comment. When women are coming out of a LTR and are looking to snag another man they KNOW they have to lose weight, hit the gym whatever, to get back into shape in order to attract a new man. So why do women think that once they get a new man they can let themselves go again?
I’m a pretty skinny guy myself and for some reason I seem to really attract the ‘BBW’ type which I don’t want. To me there is nothing ‘beautiful’ about an overweight woman. I would never want to get sexual with one.
Let’s be honest here, With BD generally dating women that has a generous amount of body fat to start with, it is likely that they are in a category of people that are currently adding weight. It might only be a few kilos per year, but it still ends up pretty bad. If he instead generally added fit people, I bet the likelihood of weight gain would be a lot lower.
My small sample size of anecdotal evidence is dating around 10+ woman with not a single one of the gaining any weight during 6 month+. The point being that the more overweight the average woman you date are when you start to date them, the likelier it is that they are a type of person that keeps adding more and more weight.
I’ve said it about four times, I’ll say it again. I don’t go after women with a “generous amount of body fat”. I go after hot, trim chicks, ideally with boobs and butt. As I said in the post, the super skinny chicks gain weight just like the rest of them do. There is no correlation regarding “starting weight”. I’ve had many women weigh around 100 pounds when I started seeing them only to end up 130 pounds or more within a few years.
What else is making women gain weight? Antidepressants and other medicines. So easy to get and always good for a quick 15 to 30 pound boost.
Also, glad to see a brief mention of your weight loss efforts BD. I was wondering how that was going.
Oh well., My (limited but not insignificant) experience is quite different for some reason. I generally don’t date women over 100 pounds BTW, and thinking about it none of the women were ever big on junk food. Maybe there’s some sub concious selection and/or subculture thing going with the complete different experience regarding this.
All of your women are under 100 pounds? Wow, you like them really skinny. I suspect the fact that your women are unusually skinny would skew the “results”.
Oops, I meant 120.
Completely unrelated question if you don’t mind those. What would you recommend to do if a new woman offers to clean your place? My natural reaction was to not let them, even though I see the advantage in letting a woman work for you. These are women I’ve dated maybe 5 or so times, with them sleeping over three or so times. I’ve met them once a week. I intended for one to be a fuck buddy, and one a mltr. I suppose I messed up already on the first one according to your standards, but my particular logistics makes it very convenient for them to stay the night. Would you rate that as a logistics problem bad enough to solve with high priority?
As long as you only see her once a week, let her clean your house. 🙂
First off let me say that I am a female and consider myself a feminist. I think this blog is genius and does not disrespect women at all. Honesty with your motivations is key. More men should read this. I have wondered myself why American women get so fat. I am 5’7 and a size 5, but I work hard to stay thin. I think Americans are usually lazy and eat poorly, which is why we put on weight. This is difficult especially for women. Unnattractive women do not have easy lives. That’s just a reality.
I suspect BD, it’s because you see these women over a long period of time, years. So you see the long term trend. Some women may not start putting on weight until later. Some earlier. But you start seeing them when they are still hot. You don’t date fat women so you always see the trend from when they were slim.
That’s tracks with the overall statistics of the Western world. Overall 70% or so are fat or obese. They clearly don’t start at fat or obese and while young most people’s metabolisms are still strong so if they don’t eat a lot of snacks they will stay slimmer. As you age, you put on more weight if you don’t exercise and watch what you eat.
The other people don’t see this if they’re in short term relationships but for you, you see them for years at a time or they come back a year later then you see them for more years so you get to see the trend. And it tracks with the general population. The surprise is that it tracks so well.
Beta males do not challenge women after “they” have been captured. Passed down thru generational castration, obesity is tolerated, and I hate to say this , but women give up because there is no Alpha presence. South American men are Alpha in mentality, and this spreads to their women. Sexual passion is raw in South American culture, and pushes Alpha mentality.
Why do I hate to say this? It’s not my job to revive a spoiled rotten class of society in order for them to improve themselves. Women have websites, male hate sites, feminist sites, where are they poking their heads?? BD’s site
I think men and women both gain weight in America. It’s inevitable unless they are committed to not doing so. What I’m wondering though is why you did not include any data about whether these women had birthed any children in the amount of time they gained weight, or if they got married, were in a long term relationship with someone else etc. All factors they lead to weight gain statistically. I’m assuming your point is that you’re less attracted to these women due to their weight gain and that you wonder why women “always” seem to gain weight because this is negative to you. I’m here to tell you the truth- and I’m not biased because I’m a fat chick and have always been a fat chick. My once skinny fit friends from 10 years ago simply were trying a lot harder to stay thin and it was easier to stay thinner since they were younger, single, more active yet. Now that we’re all in our mid/late thirties most of us are in long term, married, have children etc all things that make it harder for people to stay committed to being super fit and since it got harder they gained weight. But, I take umbrage with some of the commenters on your page since while you are definitely entitled to not like fat chicks there are a good amount of men who do. SHOCKING I know- but did you know that year after year BBW and SSBBW are among the top rated porn topics searched by men? I think the fact that being plus sized has become more socially acceptable could also contribute to the reason that women are gaining weight instead of depriving themselves.
Maybe this is governed by the same factors BD highlighted regarding teen pregnancies? With Facebook and the like, it’s easier than ever to get someone kissing her ass regardless of how horribly out of shape she is.
BD, I firmly believe that obesity in America is due to societal “laziness”, brought about by over abundant freedom, lack of real threat, and populist food production placing unhealthy choices at the fingertips.
By all this I mean that “survival instinct” has left the building. We have a protective society that has provided security for about 60 years. We have eliminated bullies, created gender awareness, and socialized the “animal” out of America. We have denuded men to Beta level, and empowered weaker classes to lead. We no longer do manual labor, we have passed it to immigrants, and we have societal expectations for handouts.
An example” Take yourself to Africa, and head into the bushveld. You are faced with a male lion, and you have only a spear, and a knife. What do you do?
Most Americans would perish in horror, being mauled and eaten by the lion, yet the Mausi have used lion harvest s a test of manhood by teenage boys in past decades, with a spear, and many survived.
Bad example you say, OK I can name several recent human tragedies that were committed by weak individuals, and the victims did not fight or resist, resulting in their harm or murder.
We have become fat little children wanting only to be given our next treat. Food, sex, drugs, money, more, more, more. Survival is the farthest from our minds, and that breeds lackadaisical attitude that leads to obese bodies, and obese minds.