22 Comments on “Serial Monogamy Marriage”

1. Very good advice, BD. But I would have to disagree on your judgement about your agreeing to “marriage” or even a “live-together” arrangement which would eventually lead to either too much drama and/or unhappiness and less freedom, even if “DONE RIGHT.” Why go through the pain and suffering in the first place? I know, it can be extremely difficult for even Alphas 1.0 or even 2.0 to resist the temptation to do this when they find “The Right One”(TM), but do you recommend to avoid this in the first place? How can you change centuries of societal programming?

2. As with all things dealing with finances, I am no longer shocked at how most people run their lives. Your column is another aspect demonstrating how people refuse to do even the basics to ensure a good financial future.

   I have people bitching to me all the time that they will never be able to retire because “they just can’t seem to save any money”. But these people think nothing of blowing $50K on a luxury SUV or sports car. They take multiple expensive vacations per year (disney and all that crap). Then they tell me that I am so how “lucky” that I have personal savings. Luck has nothing to do with it. I planned to be financially successful and followed that plan until I hit my goals. I am financial free now. I can quit work any day I want.

   I do not have a pre-nup. I have something better. I always insisted that my wife have a good job. I made her go back to school for a real degree instead of the MRS. degree she had. Now she makes as much money as I do. This lessens my alimony risk. But I would never get married in today’s legal climate.

3. I would have to disagree on your judgement about your agreeing to “marriage” or even a “live-together” arrangement which would eventually lead to either too much drama and/or unhappiness and less freedom, even if “DONE RIGHT.”

   As I’ve said before, I disagree with that opinion. Moving in with a woman is fine as long as you follow the big four live-in OLTR rules:

   1. DON’T get monogamous. Keep having sex with women discreetly on the side, with her permission, even if only infrequently. REFUSE to move in with her if she doesn’t agree to this.

   2. DON’T get legally married. Sign a co-habitation agreement before she moves in. If you must get married, sign an enforceable prenup 6-12 months before the wedding.

   3. DO keep all finances separate from her, forever. No joint accents, assets, debts, or leases. Legally and on paper, everything is either YOURS or HERS, nothing is both of yours.

   4. DO sign and file a parenting plan with your state BEFORE she gets pregnant.

   Do all four of those things, and you’re still free to do pretty much whatever you want sexually or financially (barring a few logistical problems) and are protected against any financial loss or chaos.

   The problem is when men move in / get married and DON’T do those things. If you are not prepared to do all four of the above items, NEVER MOVE IN WITH A WOMAN. PERIOD.

   I have people bitching to me all the time that they will never be able to retire because “they just can’t seem to save any money”. But these people think nothing of blowing $50K on a luxury SUV or sports car. They take multiple expensive vacations per year (disney and all that crap). Then they tell me that I am so how “lucky” that I have personal savings. Luck has nothing to do with it.

   Yep. I know many of the exact same people. American suburbia is filled with them.

   I do not have a pre-nup. I have something better. I always insisted that my wife have a good job. I made her go back to school for a real degree instead of the MRS. degree she had. Now she makes as much money as I do. This lessens my alimony risk.

   True, if your wife works full-time, 100% of the time during your marriage, your alimony risk is lessened. Middle-class men getting divorced from stay-at-home moms get burned the worst.

   However her working will not protect you from communal property AT ALL (her “getting half”). She has the ability to wipe out that retirement you’ve worked so hard to save over the years, by pulling 50% of the balance out and forcing you to pay taxes and massive penalties as she does it if it’s sheltered under a 401K, IRA, or similar retirement vehicle. I know many men in their 50s and 60s who did save diligently but now can’t retire because the wife divorced them after 25 years of marriage.

4. BD, you bolded “ENFORCEABLE” pre-nup. Does this imply that most pre-nups are legally not worth very much? What makes a pre-nup able to withstand vulture divorce lawyers tactics to get around a standard pre-nup?

5. “Enforceable” in “enforceable prenup” means:

   1. You have hired a very, very good divorce attorney, and paid him real money, to construct an excellent prenup that covers all the possible trouble areas, rather than trying to save money by downloading a boilerplate prenup from the internet or having your cousin write it up.

   2. You live in a country/state/province where prenups are actually enforced. That means if you live in a place like England, Australia, or California, you’re fucked. Governments there have too many anti-man divorce laws and your prenup will probably not be enforced. She’ll whine to the judge and he’ll toss it right out.

6. How can one truly do whatever and whenever one wants if one has a live-in girlfriend or whatever? Even with pre-arrangements and agreements, there will always be expectations and commitments of some kind. It’s unavoidable living with someone female. Why go through the hassel or headaches? I know pre-arrangements and agreed terms are necessary, but we are talking about women here. None of that applies when strong feelings are involved. I understand the need to have someone “at home” by some men, but the risk of drama (which comes with all women excluding Indepedents whom would never move in with you in the first place) is inevitable. Why take such a stupid risk? That is not what an Alpha 2.0 would ever consider.

7. BD, Mexico is now installing sunset clauses in their marriage contracts, which means that the marriage will automatically terminate after a certain date, unless renewed.

   Check it out:

   http://www.reuters.com/article/2011/09/29/us-mexico-marriage-idUSTRE78S6TX20110929

8. BD, Mexico is now installing sunset clauses in their marriage contracts, which means that the marriage will automatically terminate after a certain date, unless renewed.

   Interesting. However I notice they’re optional, not mandatory. Now we’ll have to wait and see if men actually have the balls to go for this when they get married.

   I have a strong feeling it will be like prenuptial agreements; they will be a legal option, but only 3% of men will actually use them.

   Now if they made it mandatory, as in ALL marriages AUTOMATICALLY sunset after 2-3 years unless renewed, now that would be cause for celebration.

   How can one truly do whatever and whenever one wants if one has a live-in girlfriend or whatever? Even with pre-arrangements and agreements, there will always be expectations and commitments of some kind. It’s unavoidable living with someone female. Why go through the hassle or headaches?

   Partially correct. I have said many times that if you move in with a woman, you’ll have to expect a 10-15% increase in drama even if you do everything right. This is the “price” you pay for the emotional benefits of pair bonding / cohabiting with a woman.

   I have been living the good life for about 8 years now and notice I have not moved in with anyone, despite many opportunities to do so, because of exactly what you said.

   At some point I will though. Where you’re overdoing it is when you say “hassle and headaches” and “stupid risk”. A 10-15% increase in drama, while you’re in charge, while you can still fuck anyone you want, and while she can’t touch any of your money, is not “hassle, headaches, or risk”. For many men, including many Alpha 2.0s, it’s perfectly fine.

   Then there’s the issue of how realistic your expectations are. Are you going to look me in the eye and with 100% conviction and honesty say that you will NEVER, EVER live with a woman EVER? Even in your 60s, 70s, or 80s? Really? Honestly, what are the odds of living to your 90s without EVER having lived with a woman? Would you care to place a wager on that?

   See my point?

   Of course there are always exceptions to every rule, but the vast majority of men, including the majority of Alpha 2.0s, are going to want to move in with a woman someday, as they get older. Me shouting from the rooftops that men should NEVER move in with a woman EVER would fall on deaf ears; 95% of men are going to do this no matter what you or I say on the matter. Given that reality, it’s best instead to show them how to do it when they decide to make this move.

9. I have been reading your website for a short while. This is my first time commenting. Let’s get to the point. You offer a lot of excellent advice even some of which is better than other sites like this one. This is a long commentary but worth the read.

   I agree with you that expecting a lifetime marriage with no adultry is unlikely to happen as the adultry rates are at least at 60%, and that the divorce rate is at least at 50% or more. Maybe I’m being too optimistic with my statistics and perceptions. I say this even as a man who has never married, but where divorce is rare in my family, and of those who divorced they had good reasons to do it. My parents have been married for 50 years. Two sister out of the three sisters I have are married to their first and hopefully only husbands as well as my brother-in-laws having my sisters as my first and hopefully only wives. One sister has been married for 20 years with 2 children and the other for 5 years with 2 children. Only one aunt of my two aunts and three uncles divorced. The Aunt who divorced remarried and has been married for over 25 years. Eight of my cousins are still married after five years of marriage, three of my cousins are divorced, and two cousins like my youngest sister and I never married. That’s a 17% ever divorced rate for my parents, uncles and aunts generation with 100% marrying at least once and all being presently married; and they are all born between 1933 and 1946. That’s a 23% divorce rate among my generation of my sisters, my cousins and me, with none of the divorced cousins ever re-marrying. There are 17 sisters and cousins(3 sisters and 13 first cousins) including myself and 23% of us have never married, and all of us were born between 1960 and 1975. Obviously I rounded up or down depending how this is divided. All of my grandparents, great uncles and great aunts married and never divorced. My family has a much lower divorce rate than most Americans although we are in a higher rate for never marrying because(as I read on the internet on The Spearhead blog along time ago) 16% of men and 12% of women born between 1966 and 1970 in the year 2010 never married, and 4% of men and 5% of women born between 1926 and 1930 in 1970 never married.

   Like you, I was raised Catholic and am non-hispanic White American. The rest of my family was raised the same. I am a non-hispanic white man who was born in 1968 in the Chicago suburbs and raised there. All of my cousins, my sisters and I have at least a bachelors degree. My sisters and their husbands make over 200,000 United States Dollars a year for each couple. I offer this up because I read on the internet I believe at Heartiste’s site and Matt Forney’s site not long ago that college educated people are less likely to divorce as are families whose combined income is at least $200,000 a year for each family, as are families where the Wife is a practicing Catholic and as are families where the wife is non-hispanic White. This study did not include Asians. It did include non hispanic Whites, Latinos and Blacks as well as Catholics, Protestants and Jews. The more likely to put two or more things together, the less likely divorce happened. For example the lowest divorce rates for couples happened where the wife was at least a bachelor degree college educated non-hispanic White woman whose family had a combined income of at least $200,000 a year, and where the woman had few previous sexual partners before marrying and had no children and no previous divorces before marrying. Known Adultry among my family is rare and at least one spouse of the divorced ones committed adultry within 6 months of the divorce papers being finalized. I do not know of any adultry among the couples of my family who stayed married so they are either not doing it or they are very discreet and quiet about it. I really have no idea about the promiscuity level of my family members before being married, being married, divorced or never married.

   Although I agree with you that there are better and worse ways to get married, I still think that getting married for men is an enormous mistake. I recognize that your recommendations about how to go about getting married are best if you are stupid enough to do it as a man, and that most men will be stupid one day and get married. That said, pre-nuptual agreements and child support agreements as well as child rearing agreements in at least some places are best used as toilet paper. You’ve as much as admitted as such in this thread for pre-nuptual agreements in California, Austrailia and Britain. Peak FEMINIST SUPREMICISM hasn’t even hit yet in my opinion so expect more jurisdictions to regard your pre-nuptual agreements, child support agreements and child rearing agreements as toilet paper which one can wipe their anus with. As you can see even with my family which has a low divorce rate, the divorce rate has been rising for each generation as well as the never married rate and as is the never married again after divorcing rate.

10. I believe the reason why men get married be they Alphas or Betas is because they get tierd of hunting for women. Both also want social respect and validation from other men and other women. The betas do it for the additional reason because they have a difficult time securing sex from women. You are right that most betas never think they will be divorced and that they will beat the statistics if they try hard enough. Unfortuneately, humans have a difficult time respecting people without options and who are weak even if these same people have stellar character. I would say this is more true on average among women than men although women on average hide this better. This not respecting the weak and without options becomes even more pronounced when women are dating, fucking or married to a weak man without options even if he has a stellar character. This is less true when men are doing the same with weak women without options especially if they have a stellar character on average. Then add that most women in American society are trained to be dominants which is against female nature generally speaking and that most men are trained to be betas(kitchen bitch pig fuckers) and it is little wonder disaster strikes so often. Even many if not most Alphas grow stupid and weak before women and get married knowing it probabaly won’t work, and most of these said Alphas refuse to even attempt to protect themselves even if they know how to do so. Add the misandry laws against men just to make sure disaster strikes. More men be they alphas or betas would be less likely to be supplicating kitchen bitch pig fuckers to women if prostitution prohibition did not exist because decriminalization and legalization happened,and it was sensibly and lightly regulated to where STDs were rare, prices were affordable, and more whores offered the girlfriend experience at reasonable rates. Where prostitution is legal and there is a rule of law in places like some counties of Nevada(USA), some provinces of Austraila, New Zealand, Germany, Holland, Belgium, Switzerland and Denmark STDs are almost unheard of among the licensed legal whores and you are less likely to get a disease from them than an amatuer woman especially if she is a nightclub slut because these whores practice safe sex by using condoms and getting medical checks more often than amatuer women. Even illegal escort whore are more disease free than amatuer women although less so than legal whores.

    Let us take a look at the history of marriage within the USA. Before the 1860s, there was only fault divorce which was extremely difficult to get. men initiated most divorces and got the home and children most of the time with the women leaving paying no alimony and child support because it was the divorced father’s responsibility to raise the children. There was only a 1% divorce rate. Then it was decided that women should get the children most of the time starting in the 1860s. Women initiated divorce most of the time and the divorce rate rose to 10% by 1900. Men were considered the head of the household up until the late 19th or early 20th century and could be put on trial for what their children and wife did even if he was away in another county or state. Granted, the punishment was not as severe as it was for the children or wife perpetrators of the crime, but their was much social shame and possibly financial hardship as a result so needless to say many if not most men were strict, demanding and harsh. Then starting in the 1960s no fault divorce got put in place. the divorce rate rose to 50% in 1980 with women initiating divorce at least 66% of the time ever since.

    Few of our male ancestors would have tolerated the state of marriage today in my opinion. You probably can’t change how marriage works today. You can at least be a sensible man and avoid marriage. At the very least, you can be a somewhat sensible man and do what Black Dragon is advising to mitigate risk and pain.

11. I apologize for mistake concerning my family’s marriage generation stats. Thirteen of the Seventeen of us married for a 76% marriage rate. Ten are still married for a 59% still married rate. Three are divorced and never remarried for a 18% rate which is statistically virtually the same as my parent’s generation for divorce, but is different for remarriage. Four of us never married for a 23% rate. There are 17 of us in my generation born between 1960 and 1975.

12. I forgot to add this to my correction above. Considering that my parent’s are one couple and my 3 uncles and 2 aunts formed other couples, there is a 17% divorce rate among them as opposed to an 18% among my generation which means my generation is a statistically insignifcantly higher by 1% point. My generation’s divorce rate is higher though.

13. “supplicating kitchen bitch pig fuckers”

    Hilarious. This bit was worth reading the whole post.

14. BD: “Then there’s the issue of how realistic your expectations are. Are you going to look me in the eye and with 100% conviction and honesty say that you will NEVER, EVER live with a woman EVER? Even in your 60s, 70s, or 80s? Really?”

    It would depend on the circumstances. Marriage = definitely not. Living with someone when I realize my age, looks, and sexual prowess are no longer up to my expectations as in my youth? Possibly, but as you pointed out in another blog, I could possibly move to another country where my expectations could be realized and accommodated. I know of several (unfortunately 3rd world Asiatic countries) where “taking in” a 21-yr old VYW is considered common practice for an older gentleman with means. Cultural traditions and logistics aside, it is possible to lead a true Alpha 2.0 life through one’s Golden Years. While I commend your advice and recommendations for the poor souls who plan on “Serial Monogamy Marriage,” with an “acceptable” 10-15% increase in drama, I’m planning on having the means to do the exact opposite and live the life of a truly free Alpha 2.0 in my future years.

    doclove: “That’s a 17% ever divorced rate for my parents, uncles and aunts generation with 100% marrying at least once and all being presently married; and they are all born between 1933 and 1946. That’s a 23% divorce rate among my generation of my sisters, my cousins and me, with none of the divorced cousins ever re-marrying.”

    While you provide good statistics for your genealogical traits of relatively successful traditional marriage, you fail to observe or describe how many of your male ancestral counterparts are possibly, truly AFCs with generational societal programming inculcation. You can spout out all the good numbers you want, but what you may not realize is the extent of betaization that is occurring within your own male ancestry. Sure, everything looks great at family reunions, and everyone’s still married, but do you truly know how much drama and guy-drama or perhaps even cheating is occurring? You cannot, unless you live with them. That being said, however, I do admire your take on marriage: “I still think that getting married for men is an enormous mistake. I recognize that your recommendations about how to go about getting married are best if you are stupid enough to do it as a man, and that most men will be stupid one day and get married…You can at least be a sensible man and avoid marriage.” Well enough said.

15. I would like to adress what has been said about prostitution as an easy escape from or a viable alternative to the sexual market.

    Firstly, your health is at risk, even in places where prostitution has the semblance of being legal.
    Belgium f.i. was incorrectly mentioned above as a country where prostitution is legal and relatively safe. It is illegal but tolerated. Health check ups are offer by some cities, but never mandated.
    A virus like HIV is only fully detectable after months, so those (non-mandatory) health check ups are not even decisive.
    Also, you’re not only jeapordizing your health but that of your wife as well.

    Secondly, it is immoral unless it is 100% legal and state controlled. Otherwise the vacuum will filled by criminal organisations, and the women will be victims of human trafficking and sexual slavery.
    Even if it’s 100% legal and state controlled, the women opting for such a profession might do so under duress.

    Thirdly, if you can have similar or better sexual experiences with a prostitute as with your wife, then you’re doing it wrong and it’s no wonder your wife isn’t up for it.

16. Doclove, that’s a lot of left-brain analysis with the implied intent of making it “okay” for you to get married someday because the divorce rate in your family is a little less than normal. You know that will not change my opinion or my advice (either never get married, or only get married with an enforceable prenup).

    KDN6-

    Living with someone when I realize my age, looks, and sexual prowess are no longer up to my expectations as in my youth? Possibly, but as you pointed out in another blog, I could possibly move to another country where my expectations could be realized and accommodated. I know of several (unfortunately 3rd world Asiatic countries) where “taking in” a 21-yr old VYW is considered common practice for an older gentleman with means.

    There you go then. You’ve just admitted you’ll probably move in with a woman someday. You’ve just proved my point.

17. Well, I guess I should’ve clarified my original comment about the risks and perils of living with a female. I was speaking in terms of American societal programming and locale. What I meant was that I would never live with a woman (especially a VYW) here in the states or even a similar developed country. The odds are 1. they would less likely stay with an older gentlemen (50/60+) and put up with his Alpha 2.0 ways, and if they do, then drama is inevitable. 2. the longer they stay their demands and expectations will eventually increase, and if they stay long enough then common law comes into play, thereby providing them with legal grounds to pursue their drama.

    Outside of these types of cultures and societies, the women I’m talking about possibly cohabiting with would not have such rights, and their expectations and outside options would not be as high or demanding.

18. Blackdragon
    I want to be clear. I think getting married in the USA is a mistake for most if not all men in the USA including myself. I hesitate to say all men. I am sure it would be a mistake for me. I am 99% certain not to get married because no one can be 100% certain. I fully agree with your prescriptions about what to do if an American man gets married in the USA to a foreign woman, an American woman anywhere in the world and even a a foreign woman in a foreign country. Even if an American man marries a foreign woman in a foreign country and stays there, she has access to the American legal system because she is a spouse to an American citizen, and it’s only an internet search, e-mail, telephone call and plane ride away from his state where his last American residence, driver’s license or state identification card was issued. You already noted that in California prenuptual agreements are useless for anything other than toilet paper. I noted that peak feminist supremicism hasn’t peaked yet and to expect more states to be like California.

19. KDNG
    I will clearly state what I implied earlier. I do not know how much adultry or drama has occured. All I am saying is that my family so far is very good at doing or faking it till they make it at traditional marriage. As a matter of fact, they are better than most American Families. I still think it is a mistake to get married. Notice that I said a higher percentage of us in my family never marry than most Americans too. I am 46 years old and I’m not married and I’m 99% certain not to get married because no one can be 100% certain of these things. The men in my family are a mix of Alphas, Betas and even Omegas like most families’ men. No matter how Alpha a man is, marriage at least in the USA makes him into more of a beta and less of an Alpha to one extent or another.

20. Kurt
    Thanks. I really understand Alphas who marry less than Betas who do so. The Alphas are not “dying” of thirst and hunger for sex, attention and love. The Betas are “dying” of lack of sex, lack of attention and lack of love. It is understandable why betas find themselves in the predicament of disastrous marriages. Think of the scene in the first “The Hunger Games” movie where the starving children are running to the supplies of food and tools through land mines and other children attempting to kill them. That’s what it’s like to be a beta man in the USA. The children in the movie like the American beta men need to be more wise and clever and either find a better way to get to the things they need or if that is not possible to run away from the danger. Actually, it’s worse to be a beta man because they are very slowly “tortured to death” than the children in the movie who are usually killed more quickly. I made myself laugh because the modern American Sexual Market place and especially it’s subsidiary Marriage Market Place is “The Hunger Games” for most American men. The Sexual Marriage Market Place is all too often a more severe “Hunger Games” than the Sexual Single Market Place, more often than people especially heterosexual men and most especially heterosexual married men want to admit. Even those men who aren’t participants in the games are spectators doing whatever they know how to do, hoping and praying for Divine mercy not to be chosen to be participants next year in “The Hunger Games”.

21. doclove: Nice analogy between the marriage market place and “The Hunger Games.” I had to laugh. I would advise a similar connotation from the Michael Mann movie “Heat,” wherein to for: “If you wanna be making moves on the street, have no attachments, allow nothing in your life that you can’t walk out on in 15 minutes flat, if you feel the heat around the corner.” No drama. No issues. It’s all about one’s money, personal happiness and freedom.

22. Hi BD…those are my initials too ? i would love to discuss the possibility of you helping me with a casting for a docuseries. Please email me at byatad@gmail.com