Beta Male Behaviors To Avoid
Today I’m going to describe some real-life beta male behaviors exhibited by some of the men my FBs and MLTRs have dated over the last several years. All of these stories are 100% accurate (based on my memory) and I am not exaggerating any of the details.
See if you can pick out similar behaviors YOU may have engaged in, now or in the past.
Needy Boy
A few years ago a MLTR had sex with a guy twice. He was young, muscular, and good-looking, but he was so nervous having sex with her (she was super hot and he had wanted her for a very long time) that he couldn’t get it up the first time with the condom on and barely could get it up the second time.
The third time they met up, having had sex only twice, he dressed really nice, told her to dress nice, and he took her over to meet his parents. Later that same day he asked her to move in with him.
She nicely dumped him like a hot potato.
During the entire time she was still seeing me, and continued to see me for another three years.
A Beta in Vegas
An FB of mine once had a one-night stand with a guy while she was visiting Las Vegas. He was one of those local Vegas players who hang around the casinos all night, hitting on lone wolves who are visiting from distant lands.
He seemed like a real Alpha player. He was a cool guy, or at least seemed like it. He seduced her and got her back to a hotel room he rented. According to her, he was fantastic in bed.
The very next day he blew up her phone with texts about how wonderful she was and how he missed her. After she flew back home, for weeks on end, he would send her regular, needy texts. I love you. I miss you. You’re the most wonderful woman I’ve ever met. Please come back to Vegas. I’ll pay for your plane ticket. Do you want me to get you a plane ticket right now? You can stay with me here. Or I can get you a hotel room. Please come down. I’ll pay for everything. I see a future with you and me. We have such a special connection. Please come back.
On and on this went. She should have just blocked his number, but like most women she “felt bad” for him and loved the attention. She never went back to Vegas, and eventually he stopped bugging her, though it took a very long time.
Monogamy Man
A WD I was messing around with years ago started going out on dates with a guy. The day after the first date, he sent her a text saying he “missed her.” Within exactly one week of meeting her, having never had sex with her yet, he gave her the So I Think We Should Stop Seeing Other People speech, and even gave her a ring.
The funniest thing about that story to me was: based on his needy behavior, do you think he was actually out getting laid by other hot chicks? Of course not. As usual, men pitch monogamy not because they’re seeing other people, but because they know or suspect the woman might be.
Of course his suspicions were right, since she was still seeing me. She agreed to “monogamy” with this guy (“He’s so nice!”) but was naked on my living room floor just three weeks later.
Ah, monogamy.
The Male Taxi Bitch
The very first much younger woman I ever had an extended relationship with back in 2008 had a guy she called her “bitch.” This was a friend zone orbiter who would literally drive her anywhere she wanted at any time she demanded. Though I’ve seen this scenario many times since then, I had never seen it before at the time and found it utterly fascinating.
He would literally be 45 minutes away, and right after having sex with me, she would call him up, sweetly issue some commands, he would drive 45 minutes to my place, pick her up, drive her 10 minutes down the road to her friend’s house, drop her off, then drive 45 minutes back to his apartment. Seriously. At a moment’s notice, he would spend 90 minutes in the car just to drive her somewhere for 10 minutes.
She never bothered to get a car or a drivers license. “Why do I need one?” she would say, “I can just call my bitch whenever I want.”
Another younger woman I dated a few years later had a guy just liked this. She called him her “taxi.” A little nicer than “bitch,” but the exact same circumstances; on-demand transportation from a needy beta orbiter whenever she snapped her fingers.
There is an entire population of beta male taxis out there. It really is astounding.
Piner
A very pretty MLTR I was dating once started getting upset that I wouldn’t promise her monogamy (she was over 33 and Russian; a double-whammy of death; thus the protesting). As a “protest” she scooped up a beta male orbiter who frequented her favorite bar, and started going out on dates with him.
Immediately he fell in love with her, and started plastering pictures and videos of her all over his Facebook page, well before they ever had sex. He wrote the most sappy, lovey-dovey shit about soul mates and romance and love and all kind of other crap about her. She was such a sweet girl, a good girl, a quality girl, and he had found his soul mate.
Little did he know that every Tuesday night I was doing his sweet and pure soul mate in every orifice. In her apartment and in her bed no less.
Within a few weeks she got bored with him and dumped him. This was about two years ago and to this very day he is still posting old pictures of her on his Facebook page, whining about how sad he is that she’s gone.
Again, I’m not exaggerating. You can’t make this stuff up.
Falling Prey
This one is a sad story about what happens when a woman falls prey to a beta male’s provider bribes.
Many years ago, a woman I still see occasionally was having financial trouble and was very stressed out about various things in her life. While still seeing me, she started dating a beta on the side. Within one month of the first date with her, he asked her to marry him. Move in with me. I will take care of you. I will pay all of your bills. You won’t have to worry any more. I love you. Etc.
While she wasn’t super attracted to the guy, she had found a white knight to solve all of her financial problems. So she agreed to marry him and quickly LSNFTEd me.
This happens all the time, so I shrugged my shoulders, told her she was making a very big mistake since she’ll hate the monogamy (this was a very high sex drive woman), but good luck anyway, and that I wished the best for her. I also knew she would be back, just like 94% of all the other women who do this, so I didn’t mind. I just knew that if she actually went through with the legal part of the marriage, she’d be in for all kinds of life problems down the road.
A few months later, a week before the wedding, she texted me out of the blue, in a panic, saying that she wasn’t sure if monogamy made sense for her, and how she couldn’t visualize being monogamous to one man for the rest of her life. I told her that if she felt this way, she should cancel the wedding. As you might expect, she responded with a bunch of Societal Programming and Woman Logic about how it was “too late” for that and “my mom would get mad,” blah blah blah.
Long story short, we had sex two days before her wedding.
Longer story short, for the next four years as a married woman she suffered the worst pain and chaos of her life. Arguments, drama, him cheating, more fighting. In the middle of all this, she had a baby with him. More arguments, drama, and separations. As I write these words, she is now going through a horrible divorce and custody battle. He still loves her, wants her back, and texts her constantly. Now in her 30s, she is now financially dependent on her parents to pay both her living expenses and her massive legal bills. She is now worse off than she was years ago when she married the guy to solve her financial problems. And she’s many years older. And is now a single mother.
A few months ago she told me something I have heard from way too many people in my life, men and women both: “You warned me back then not to do it. I didn’t listen. I wish I had.”
The Tolerator
I mentioned this one on the forums once. It’s one of my favorite beta male stories. It shows exactly how women will treat you based on what you tolerate from them.
Years ago an MLTR of mine woke up early while spending the night at a beta’s house. This was a guy she was having sex with on a semi-regular basis. Walking into his kitchen, she saw a pack of cigarettes on his table. The problem was he didn’t smoke.
She grabbed the cigs, went into his room, threw them at him, woke him up, and started screaming at him about “Whose fucking cigarettes are these?” Obviously they belonged to some other woman he had sex with, or at least hung out with.
This resulted in an hour-long screaming match where they fought and fought, screamed and screamed. Both parties yelling, issuing threats, and actually throwing things at each other. Drama, jealousy, and obsolete biological wiring. After going round and round with him, she finally left in a fury.
For the next several days, he blew up her phone with I’m So Sorry and Please Come Back and I Love You and We Belong Together. She didn’t respond because she was too busy having sex with me.
Here’s the interesting thing. I had been dating this women for many years, and during the entire time she knew very clearly that I was always having sex with other women, and never once did she ever give me one drip of drama about it. Moreover, this was a late-twenties, highly intelligent, genius I.Q. woman with an Ivy League education. This was not some dumb bimbo.
So why did she never bother me about it, but had a nuclear meltdown the very first time she got a whiff of this guy doing it? Because I was doing it right and he was doing it wrong.
As she told me this story she saw the look on my face indicating my confusion over the difference between her behavior with him vs. her usual behavior with me. I’m far more of a player than this guy, and she knew it. So why didn’t she ever yell at me?
She said, “I would never have done this with you. You would have kicked me out of your house. I screamed at him and woke him up at 6am because I knew he would let me do it. You would have just kicked me out and gone back to sleep.”
She was exactly right. If she had ever pulled anything like that with me, within 20 seconds I would have instantly soft nexted her and then went and had sex with someone else, and she knew it. He not only tolerated her drama, but asked for more when it was over. Moreover, my EFA with her, from day one, was that of an open/poly Alpha Male 2.0 relationship, and his EFA was that of a typical, beta male, “monogamous” relationship. One is conducive for drama, the other is not.
Watch Out
For most men, beta male behaviors like this are the default setting. It’s what most men do when they meet a woman they really like. Moving from beta male to Alpha Male status involves re-training yourself to not do these things. As usual, it comes down to confidence, outcome independence, and a sense of abundance when it comes to women.
Don’t be a beta.
Want over 35 hours of how-to podcasts on how to improve your woman life and financial life? Want to be able to coach with me twice a month? Want access to hours of technique-based video and audio? The SMIC Program is a monthly podcast and coaching program where you get access to massive amounts of exclusive, members-only Alpha 2.0 content as soon as you sign up, and you can cancel whenever you want. Click here for the details.
Hahaha, it’s so hilarious and sad at the same time when one let’s himself be treated like shit because one lacks the knowledge and wisdom to know how to lead himself in a self respecting way… Been there, promising monogamy before even kissing a girl I really liked and bribing her with promises of future financial bliss… thankfully never gotten involved with her because I would have messed my life for sure if we did had become involved and I would kept being a complete ass hat to myself…
No more of that for me, a decent dose of undiluted reality from your writings and some other authors too made me see clear again what the hell is up in this confused society… and none of my male children will have to go thru that when I decide to have them (never before 35 and allways after my big dreams get lived out), first thing I will do when their age is appropriate is to take them for 3 or 4 days to some far away city and talk game and relationship management to them and present them with your books (I fucking loved Unchained Man so much I could kiss you, no homo), Sperm Wars, Red Queen, and Practical Female Psychology for the Practical Man.
Thanks again for your work, it changes lives and makes the world a better place. Cheers!
@Needy Boy
Quite the “nice lady” telling you how hard/not hard another men’s penis was. ^^
A) I wouldnt want to hear it
B) Beeing the 1.0 version I am..”what is she telling other about me?” comes to mind đ
Needy man: Maybe he thought that sex with her had a meaning. “I finaly got the woman of my dreams, now I want to marry her and we grow old together”.
You call it disney but hands down – a LOT of people have this picture in their head. Most of them female.
@The Tolerator
“I knew he would let me do it. You would have just kicked me out and gone back to sleep.â”
This advice is worth gold. The less shit you tolerate from women, the more they respect you. Higher respect means more sex.
I did similar stuff when I was in my early 20s; not quite as extreme but certainly in the needy beta category.
Like I said, it’s men’s default setting; that’s why it’s so common. It requires effort to change that setting.
Absolutely.
Again, the default setting.
From an evolutionary perspective, why do you think it is our DEFAULT setting? I mean, it is not so good for procreation if the man is constantly turning the woman off and getting dumped, no?
I guess married women confuse me the most.
I do not understand why a married woman way hotter than I could ever get in a single woman will f*ck me and do all the kinky stuff I want at least for a little while and then never do it again.
I was out of town for training for two weeks from my job at the time.
I had found a married woman online before I even left home in the town I was going to, a real ten, to this day the most beautiful, sexy, kinky woman I have ever had the pleasure of. She was at my hotel the first night I was in town, came back two more times in two weeks.
yes, I lost it.
said I would move to her town, marry her and adopt her kids!
Of course she would not do it…
I guess I was lucky…
Wow… it’s horrible that some guys are that bad. I mean i’ve done some stupid things but nothing near any of that.
The fact they do that makes me want to cry.. haha
I’m not a anthropologist, by my guess is that this isn’t evolutionary at all, rather the result of strong-woman, weak-man Societal Programming since the 1970s. Men in the 1800s or 1940s weren’t acting like this.
Me too. I take no pleasure in seeing this stuff. None.
Wow, have never been anywhere near this bad… thank god. Sort of depressing actually.
@Maldek
“Higher respect means more sex”…should be “Higher respect means more sex without drama”.
Problem is more and more women are being raised to be drama queens. Beta dads, beta bfs, lots of beta men around them kissing their “golden” asses. They got betas everywhere!!!
Every new woman in your life should know right from the start that you’re happy with or without her. You chose to be happy regardless, and she’s welcome to join your happy life as long as she does not give you any hard time. Period.
Even in my pussy beta days my inner alpha always called for action when I thought I had enough! Just feel sad for those guys, really. They succeed remarkably at inviting misery into their lives.
Do you think the overall effect of beta males is positive or negative for alpha males?
For example, in online dating so many of the men are bad at it that if you start doing things well you can quickly rise to the top. Even though lots of men are online, there really isn’t much competition for an alpha. But women have experienced so many beta males they become suspicious and reluctant to start online and go on dates.
Is the net effect positive or negative?
I will say that this beta behavior around women is NOT evolutionary but rather a product of men seeking dating advice from women and tv shows that show beta males getting success with women while behaving beta. Much of The male population apparently now believes that beta behavior actually will work. They don’t know any better. And men from the Caribbean, who don’t watch these tv shows and instead spend time in the field around women have been alpha 2.0 with women from a long long time ago. It’s very interesting reading your blog and your insights because I’ve spoken to men from the Caribbean who would do some of the things you’ve written about like nexting or vehemently not tolerating any bullshit behavior (and they did some things that you haven’t spoken about ) since the 80s and 90s well before any internet was available. The original bad boys. And the thing is no matter how much women would complain about how these guys treated them like shit, these girls would go back for more and more knowing some of these dudes had other women on the side.
“But women have experienced so many beta males they become suspicious and reluctant to start online and go on dates.”
Women don’t become reluctant to date because of normal beta males. If anything, they like guys spending lots of time and money on her before getting sex (if any). A woman can go out with a beta and pefectly enjoy the gifts/dinners/attention even if she has no interest in sleeping with him.
What may make them reluctant is the creeps, weirdos, potential rapist, stalkers, guys that start calling her every day after getting her number, etc.
“Do you think the overall effect of beta males is positive or negative for alpha males?”
You didn’t ask me but I would say thats an interesting question. On one hand, the fact that so many guys act beta means that an aplha gets a better chance to stand out just by being different. Think about it, if every guy had a cool/aplha personality, getting women would basically boil down to looks and money. Many betas equals less competition for the alpha.
On the other hand, a lot of beta behaviour from men means women get used to it and eventually start expecting it or even demanding it. For example, if every guy absolutely 100% refused to get past the second date without sex, you would quickly find that most women would “put out” at the first or second date since it would either be that or stay single forever. But since there are so many guys willing to “wait” for her she considers it normal to make guys wait.
Alejandro was pretty spot on with his answer.
In terms of getting to sex, a calm, outcome independent Alpha is indeed going to get sex easier because of the extreme amount of beta behavior out there. I have certainly benefited from this.
In terms of relationships, or getting additional sex from the same woman, the beta behavior is harmful to all of us. As Alejandro said, these betas are reasing the bar for women’s expected behavior from men in a relationship. Just look at all these completely insane and over the top marriage proposals betas are doing. Soon women are going to start expecting this crap. Not good.
@Alejandro:
I think in part you’re wrong. Many women become reluctant to date because we all want the “manicorn” and the realization that there are very few of them and that these men have their pick of women (controlling the gates of both sex and relatinships) can be offputting to your typical Western princess. If she can’t get her manicorn as an obese, angry, bullying, indebted 45yo, why should she bother?
Speaking of completely insane and over the top marriage proposals betas are doing… too funny:
http://www.cbc.ca/news/world/marriage-proposal-by-crane-goes-terribly-wrong-1.2872534
Nice article – very new to the PUA blogs off the back of a break up, I personally have fallen into the Needy one badly with a big dash of Monogamy added in.
Am not a total beta male but was pretty pathetic in my last relationship though.
That said some of those other stories are genuinely painful to read.
It puzzles me why women marry these beta males in the first place? I mean, I actually know women who have married men they are not in love with. puzzles me.
Because betas follow orders and follow the female agenda. Alphas generally don’t. This is why women fuck Alphas but marry betas.
BD, this post just made me realize something. The MOST beta song out right now is Hotline Bling by Drake. I know you hate betas, but PLEASE listen to this song. It is Beta 4.0. I cant lie, it has a catchy beat and even I nod my head to it, but it is pure beta!!!!!
You’re mixing me up with other manosphere bloggers. I don’t hate betas at all and never have. I just feel sorry for them.
And most 40 songs sung by men are beta songs. Drake is nothing new.