How To Handle Valentine’s Day
Yayyyy!!!
It’s that time of year again!
You know what time it is!
Soon it will be Kiss A Woman’s Ass For Absolutely No Reason Day, otherwise known as Valentine’s Day. Yes, yes indeed. Our favorite day of the year. That wonderful time of year where the woman (or women) in your life cross their arms and glare at you, expecting you to buy them things, take them out, be as creatively romantic as possible, and spend as much money on them as you can. Why? Because the calendar says so.
So shut the fuck up, fork out that wallet, make those restaurant reservations, buy those gifts, get a new dress shirt, get some romantic ideas from YouTube, and get to work on being a submissive beta male. Those Disney fantasies within your special lady (or ladies) aren’t going to satisfy themselves! And hey, those restaurant owners need to buy new Cadillacs. So grow up and be a gentleman, god dammit!
Of course, if you refuse to do this, or if you do it but don’t live up to her Disney / Instagram expectations, then congratulations! You’re officially an Asshole Who Treats Her Like Shit⢠and Why Can’t You Be More Like Suzi’s Boyfriendâ˘. Good going, butthole! Say hello to a few days of passive aggressive resentment (if you’re lucky) or full-on drama (if you’re not).
Ah yes. A truly magical time of year.
Can’t you just see all those smiling women and their secretly suicidal husbands? Ah, yes. Nothing quite like societally forced romance to make the sun shine brightly and the birds sing merrily. Truly, there is nothing more romantic than Societal Programming.
Beta males, and those unfortunate Alpha 1.0s who choose to be monogamous, have a relatively easy time figuring out what to do during V-Day. They just go along with the standard be-romantic program. The same is at least partially true of an Alpha 2.0 with a long-term OLTR, but we’ll discuss that more in a minute.
However, if you’re actively dating or in relationships with FBs or MLTRs, how should you handle V-Day?
It should go without saying (I hope!) that if you have nothing but FBs and/or low-end MLTRs in your life, you should not be spending time with any of these women on V-Day. Not at all, not in any way.
The best V-Day technique I can possibly give you is to plan ahead and make plans to be busy on Valentine’s Day. You should have a reminder in your calendar on February 1st to start making plans to “be busy” on V-Day. It could be several things:
- Work – Go to a seminar, schedule time with customers or clients, or block out that day to get a big project done. Use V-Day wisely by doing one of the most productive things possible: making money.
- Spend time with family – Schedule the entire day to take your mom out. Or your dad. Or both. Or your kids if you have them.
- Leave town –Â Book a fun trip to Vegas or something. If you’re tight on cash, schedule a road trip to the beach or to a buddy’s house and spend one night away somewhere. Anywhere.
You get the idea. The point is to have a real excuse to be busy that day, and have that real excuse locked into your schedule at least two weeks in advance.
Never lie to women. Never say you’re “busy” on V-Day when you have nothing to do. That’s childish, silly, and not Alpha. Instead, really go do something fun or productive that doesn’t involve any women in your life.
By the way, “hanging out with your friends” is not a valid excuse. If you avoid a woman asking about V-Day by saying you’re going to be with friends, it will cause hurt feelings at best, drama at worst. Keep it to the three options above: work, family, or be out of town.
When you tell your FBs/MLTRs that you’re busy, and you really are with something they can’t complain about, then trust me, they won’t complain. You might get a little frown but that’s about it. I have personally field tested this numerous times over many years with many women and I’ve never had a problem.
I can’t stress enough about how you must do this at least two weeks in advance. If it’s already February 12th and you’re trying to figure out how to get out of V-Day, you’ve already screwed up. You’re going to be very incongruent when you try to weasel out of it, and if you have even a little bit of oneitis you’re going to fall into her trap and end up spending time with a woman on V-Day you really shouldn’t.
As always, I take my own advice. I have no OLTR or strong OLTR candidate in my life at the moment, so this February 14th, even though it’s a Saturday, I have a business workshop from 9am to 1pm, then I’m going to spend the rest of the day with my daughter. We’re going to see the new Kingsman movie which comes out that weekend, then going to dinner. These events were in my schedule over three weeks ago, on purpose. Boom, done.
Why Not Valentine’s Day? What’s The Big Deal?
Okay, before we continue, let’s deal with the objection that false Societal Programming is now summoning into your mind. I know that some of you will be thinking something like,
Why not spend time with an FB or low-end MLTR on Valentine’s Day? What’s the harm? I’m not going to spend a lot of money on her. She knows I’m fucking other women and I have a strong Alpha EFA. What’s the problem?
If you’re seriously asking that question, you need to go to this blog post right here, scroll down to the FB section, and carefully read the part about the guy wanting to spend money on his FBs because he spends money on his guy buddies. My explanation there applies to V-Day here. Taking an FB, or even a low-end MLTR out on V-Day is very incongruent, will cause drama and confusion, and will end up being harmful to her. Yes, to her.
When Romantic Valentine’s Day Stuff Is Acceptable
Alright, that covers when spending time with a woman on V-Day is a bad idea and how to avoid it. What about if you have a strong OLTR or OLTR Marriage? When is V-Day okay? Is it ever okay?
There are some hardcore men’s rights types out there who strongly believe that spending time with any woman on V-Day is always a bad idea, period, even if she’s your serious, long-term girlfriend or the equivalent. Everyone will have their own opinion on this, but I disagree. There are indeed times where I like being romantic, enjoy taking care of a woman, and think V-Day is just fine. BUT, and this is a big BUT, four criteria must be met before I do this:
1. I have to really, really, really like her. Preferably love her.
2. She has to have been in my life consistently for at least six months with near zero drama and near zero jealousy.
3. She’s an OLTR or at least a strong candidate for it (i.e. very high-end MLTR).
4. We’ve already had “The Talk,” which means she understands that even though I care about her and no one else, I will never be completely sexually monogamous to her. This means that she’s survived “The Talk,” she’s still with me, and she’s still more or less cool about everything.
If a woman meets all four criteria, not some but all four, and only a very few women in my history have, then fine, I have no problem spending time with them on V-Day. I’ve done it before and never had a problem. However, I consider an open/poly Alpha 2.0 spending time with a woman on V-Day as an advanced level of relationship game. Your open/poly EFA must be very strong and 100% rock-solid. This means:
- You’re not going to spend a big pile of money. Going to a nice restaurant and seeing a movie or something is fine. Dressing up in a suit and tie, renting a limo, then taking her shopping, then going to a super expensive restaurant on top of all that, is not fine.
- You don’t use that day to make any new promises or declarations. At the end of V-Day your relationship should be exactly the same as it was that morning.
- No expensive gifts. Girly shit like flowers, perfume, chocolate, candles, or whatever is perfectly fine as long as you don’t go overboard with it. Buying her an $800 dress is not fine.
- No trips. Take her out to somewhere local, within easy driving distance. If you want to have a big romantic trip with her to Paris or Cabo, do that when it’s nowhere near Valentine’s Day.
- Don’t make a big deal out of it. Don’t play it up, or take a bunch of photos, or talk about it on Facebook. It’s just a nice date with your special lady. Keep it at that and don’t be a beta.
The bottom line summary is this:
1. Don’t spend V-Day with FBs or low-end MLTRs. Be busy that day, for real.
2. Don’t spend V-Day with a special woman unless she’s been in your life a long time and has a long track record of being very low-drama and low-jealousy. Too many of you bastards will take a woman out on Valentine’s Day after having just started dating her two months ago. No!
3. Keep a strong, Alpha, outcome independent EFA at all times.
Of the above three items, you’re most likely to violate number two. Don’t bullshit yourself about whether or not a woman “qualifies” for V-Day. Most women in your life won’t (unless you have very low standards or you enjoy drama). When in doubt, just say no.
Now go forth and keep your balls.
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I always liked V day… It was the one time of the year when day game is open to all women even if they are turning you down. A week before and a week after a simple, “what are you doing/did for V day?” works. The wounded gazelles will show themselves…strike like the animal you are. đ just be careful to not actually make plans on the day itself and youre good!
I agree with not folding to the pressures of social conditioning but I don’t agree with your technique.. I have been upfront and honest with every fb, mltr and gf when it comes to v-day. Like I just did two days ago I tell them not to expect any gifts or cards on valentines day as I don’t celebrate it. I’ve never had a problem. In fact, they see you more as somebody who rises above social conditioning and it makes you more interesting. Be up front and honest about it and tell them in advance that you don’t bother with it. You only need to tell them once.
You would be surprised how many girls don’t care about it.
I went a little overboard for Valentines this year. I flew to Asia for all of January and February for business (as well as fucking some tight little locals). My gift for my girlfriend this year is that I am coming back to the States at the end of the month, and she is extremely pleased with it.
Good point. I probably wasn’t clear about this, but I’m not advising against what you’re saying. If you don’t celebrate V-Day at all, or don’t want to, then yes, by all means flat-out tell women that. I still think you should be busy on that day though.
A percentage of women will have a problem with this verbalization, if not immediately then eventually (like after a year or two). But you’re correct in that if your EFA is strong, most women won’t give you any shit about it, and you won’t have any problems other than the usual LSNFTEs (which the open/poly Alpha will get anyway).
Nice job waiting until Feb 8 to post such actionable advice đ
I feel that I lose my integrity if I force myself to make plans to be busy to avoid meeting women.
If I don’t want to celebrate it I just said it to her, no big deal. If she is not ok, she is not the right girl.
I just wanted to say a word or two about this topic. I’m not sure who or what kind of women you guys date, see, or “do” but it might be surprising to know that there are a lot of women,
Myself included that actually DONT like valentines day. I guess the visual you brought to mind of the bitchy woman standing arms crossed waiting, expecting something hit a nerve with me.
We are all not like that. I’m sure your shaking your head mumbling yeah right,but seriously not all are.That could be compared to saying all men are selfish, boxer on the floor leaving,toliet seat up, and can only carry a conversation about what M lynch is going to do next season,,,which I don’t believe is true as well right? Is there something bad about the way women are wired? I’m sure there would be different answers to this but just because we do take some things to heart, overthink some things it seriously doesn’t mean we are like any kardashian. I also wonder if the so called low end mltrs know they are considered low end (cringe) and why would you want to.associate with someone you consider Low end?
Lastly why in the.world would someone spend 800 freaking dollars on a dress?? You’re with the wrong woman unless thats what you prefer.
@Cheryl:
1. What’s wrong with leaving the toilet seat up?
2. What’s wrong with casual sex?
Hi jack, in my eyes not a single thing, having several brothers it was something I got used to although wouldn’t it have been just as easy to put it down? I tend to think it looks a little better down as well but its not life ending I know. As far as casual sex, I see nothing wrong with that, as long as both consent and there is protection used. Is that what you thought I meant?
As I somewhat mentioned above, if you want to hard next every woman out of your life who wants to do something nice on Valentine’s Day, then that’s fine and you should do exactly what you’re saying.
However, I don’t mind if a woman wants that. I don’t consider V-Day desires a nextable offense. She may be a woman who is perfectly fine for me except that it might be too soon in the relationship for something like V-Day. Or she might be a very low-drama FB.
That’s why I make sure I’m busy on V-Day (which I am on most normal days anyway), keep her in my life without drama, and keep having sex with her.
I know, but a lot of you are. Frankly, most of you are once you really start to like a guy.
It doesn’t make sense to give advice to men about how a smaller percentage of women are. So on this blog, I talk about how most women are. If you’re an exception to the rule, that’s wonderful, but remember that’s what you are: an exception to the rule.
You answered your own question here:
Lots of women like sex and male companionship without a full-on “serious” relationship.
And as I was saying to Albert, a lot of women might want a serious relationship, but like me, understand that rushing into one is a bad idea. It should be taken slowly.
For example, doing V-Day too soon is usually a mistake.
Taking someone out after two months isn’t bad though! I’m confused why there seems to be animosity towards women here.
I’m not sure how I answered my own question.
I really was just trying to state something that I notice, it wasn’t meant to be offensive. I appreciate the fact that even though this is a place, more male driven,you allow women to join in too.
Taking them out to V-Day after only two months? Yes, that often will result in increased drama or betaization from a woman. Not always, but often.
I can’t speak for other posters, but I have no animosity towards women as I describe in detail here and here.
Just because we find the concept of a Kiss A Woman’s Ass For No Reason Day a little silly does not mean we have “animosity towards women,” especially considering that not only do men not have a day like this, but women would scoff if we even asked for one. (Which we won’t, since we don’t need it.)
More importantly, you really should evaluate your own reaction. All I said in the above article was to avoid V-Day unless it’s with someone very, very special. Your reaction to that advice is that I/we have “animosity towards women.”
That reaction says more about you than it does us.
Just wanted to point out that BD isn’t using ‘low end’ in a negative sense, but in a ‘she won’t become an OLTR‘ sense. It’s not a judgement on the quality of the chick, but on the chances of the relationship becoming an OLTR. Possibly because she/he isn’t in the right place, possibly because there’s slightly too much drama, possibly another reason, but it’s not because she’s ‘low quality’ or some such thing.
Correct. Maybe I should come up with a better description than “low end,” but I can’t think of one. Sometimes I’ll use the term “OLTR candidate.”
As long as they follow the rules, women are absolutely allowed to post here and always will be as long as they realize the men here will call them out on any irrational statements they make, which many women tend to do here out of defensiveness.
Thanks parade.I misunderstood the term.
Who’s M Lynch? Other than that, I think you nailed it. đ
Anyway, my ex-wife was an exception to the rule too. She hated valentines day because all of our favorite restaurants were crowded by couples that only go out to eat once a year.
To @cheryl and @Erynn
Don’t get too stuck on the terms. Instead pay attention to the overall message BD is trying to send in here.
Look, regarding men/women relationships, just because we do not compromise to the overall BS that everyone preaches (and follows like a cult) does not mean we don’t like women. It’s just a different perspective, one that works for us.
And please don’t be upset…we categorize women just as much as you girls rate men. Next time you are amongst your girl friends, pay attention to how you do this on a daily basis, even if you don’t notice it.
@Erynn: As BD demonstrated in his first three paragraphs, our “animosity” is towards female supremacy, not women. V-Day is mostly a day of masochism for men and princess worship for women. If it were the other way around, the UN would declare it a human rights violation and politicians trying to get elected would denounce it. Unfortunately, we live in a matriarchal world. We have no “animosity” towards women, however, unless they pull that pedestal shit!
@Cheryl: Well, you implied that being a low-end MLTR is disrespectful, but you say you’re fine with casual sex. A fuck buddy is, by definition, low end, compared to a serious partner. So you say you’re cool with it, but you aren’t. You are thus contradicting yourself.
You want to see women who hate V-day? Romanians. They think it’s totally trashy and materialistic. There is a very ancient version of V-day in Romania called Dragobete. No expensive shit needed.
Smiles thanks jon, I seriously wasn’t looking to be a jerk or anything,,, Marshawn Lynch ( pats running back) I was just making a loose comparison about men and sports,,you know.. I agree with your ex..its like the people who decide to go to church just because its christmas eve ,, maybe we’re all a lil nutty lol
POB thanks. I was just trying to understand, I’m sure being female I won’t ever totally, just as I don’t expect you guys to understand us totally ( I’m convinced we’re not supposed to, what funwould it be if we did?)
Iget all the BS truly I do. I’ve seen it. I’m sure I’ve done my share of it too, live and learn right? I really do not menbash, I do know a few that do ,, I have to admit a few comments on a smile or some abs lol c’mon I’m only human lol
Jack, wow I thought the definition of a fuck buddy was a friend or.an acquaintance with whom a person has sex regularly with without the expectation of a romantic relationship. I didn’t see low end anywhere.
“Correct. Maybe I should come up with a better description than âlow end,â but I canât think of one. Sometimes Iâll use the term âOLTR candidate.â”
I typically use “casual relationship”/”casually seeing” — something where no one is expecting it to turn into an OLTR, but it’s a bit more than FB where you fuck and don’t talk until the next time you fuck.
@Cheryl: It’s “low end” in a relative sense. A fuck buddy is lower than an MLTR. An MLTR (multiple long term relationship) is lower than an OLTR (open long term relationship). Obviously, your primary girlfriend/boyfriend is a higher priority than a fuck buddy that you have on the side. A one night stand would be your lowest priority person.
It’s interesting how women reject hierarchies and see them as inherently hostile, whereas men thrive on such categorization.
Jack you mistook my question for hosility,do you assume I am because I questioned it? I’m not.Infact I suck at hostility/anger and confrontations I really just asked about the term Ok it did bother me a bit but now that you’ve cleared it up I understand what it is.
For fuck sake, I didn’t say you were hostile. I said that many women interpret hierarchies as being inherently hostile to women, whereas men love hierarchical categorization. You seem to suck at reading as well.
Women want everything and everyone to be “one,” and believe that telling two unlike things apart is mean, an act of bigotry, aggression, hate, or disempowering isolation from the whole. Whereas discerning between two unlike things is an act of masculine dignity to most men, from which justice, freedom, and individuality proceed.
This ties in to the theme of V-day and the pedestaling of women. Many women hate the idea of not being number one. They want to be the man’s queen and won’t settle for anything less than first place. That’s why being referred to as lower than his girlfriend is so intolerable, whereas men tend to be perfectly satisfied if they’re sleeping with another man’s girl and are not jealous of her boyfriend (in fact, on many occasions, we pity him for having to pay for what we get for free). We don’t always demand top status, but many women sure do.
It’s this type of narcissism which leads to holidays like V-day where the women demand to be worshipped and pedestaled like always, except more so. Most men won’t be mad at a female fuck buddy who wants just sex. If the man wants, he can get a poly girlfriend and keep his fuck buddy on the side. Mainstream women, on the other hand, will resent their fuck buddies for not upgrading them to girlfriend status eventually even if these women have poly boyfriends and technically don’t want to be upgraded.
Bottom line – there is nothing wrong with being low end. There is no reason you should want to be at the top with all men you’re with. That’s like demanding to be the boss at every job you ever have, or else you feel disrespected. It’s irrational, but that’s how a lot of hierarchy-hating women feel about relationships – she must be his favorite or nothing.
I was basically accusing you of a similar type of narcissism.
Dear Jack, if I could toss you over an oj and a bagel I would since I’ve started your morning off on the wrong foot.I was simply asking a question.
There will always be hierarchies, any reasonable
Thinking person knows that.Work related, gender related, religion,politics etc. Its what makes the world exist. Of course there is the hotter girl,the sweeter girl, the smarter girl same goes for men. I only meant as I said before who wants to know or be told they are on the lower end? Somebody has to be,right? But do they really want to know they are. Hell no. Its ( to me) the way its handled,,for gods sake I know I’m far from the hottest chick or the smartest nurse or the best cook but that’s ok by me, I’m not even sure id want the headaches that go with being the BEST ONE. Funny thing is jack, I think everyone male.or.female would like to be considered special in some way or form. As far as the ol pedestal thing, its bs. Most women I know that have been put there are umcomfortable with that(and I know you are shaking your head right now) but thats what I know. I also know a few men
Who proclaim their masculinity as fierce as a lion not in captivity who are shocked when they find out they aren’t the only ONE she has.(I’m not refering to myself) although I am a narcisist(smiles) you know im joking on that because I’m the farthest thing on the earth from it. Btw I love to read, I don’t suck at it I do suck at math. I really do hope you have a nice day Jack,really I do.
The real problem which I have for Valentine’s Day here in the USA is that Black Dragon is right when he says that it is kiss the women’s buttocks day in the United States of America. When I was in South Korea, men got presents from their romantic women partners every February 14, Valentine’s Day. The women would get presents from their romantic men partners every March 14, White Day. I also heard that the South Koreans got this idea from Japan who do the same thing. A Chinese immigrant woman to the USA from Shanghai told me that the Chinese men and women romantic partners give each other presents every February 14, Valentine’s Day. The Chinese immigrant woman and a South Korean woman immigrant woman next to her both agreed that on average American women treat American men poorly, are harpies or harridans, and are childish and immature as well as are the most narcistic, delusional, solipsistic and self centered women they have ever met. I have been to many other countries, and I agree with that assessment. Note, I never said all American women are like that, just a much higher percentage than all the non Western foreign women I have have met.
Regarding my post above, I would like to note that the bad behavior of American women is due to the majority of American men on average tolerating it. Most American men also punish, shun or at least try to discipline the men who try to bring awareness about women’s poor behavior, complain about women’s poor behavior, and try to correct, discipline as well as punish women’s poor behavior. The Average American man has been trained to be a pussy-whooped and just whooped without getting any pussy pedestalizing fool love slave for women. American men are essentially well trained lapdogs of women who are conditioned to receive little to no benefit from women and at best be ignored and worst punished for it. It was not always so, but since the 1860s it has been slowly evolving this way with a more rapid decline beginning in the 1960s and an even a most rapid one in the 1990s. All of this could end very quickly, if American men as a whole wanted it to be, but the majority don’t so it doesn’t end.
@jack I wanted to share something with you that I um read (smirks) if you ever get a min google march 14th… you might be surprised. I thought ot was funny, I hope you do as well.
@Jack
I agree to most of your points, but there are conditional things you take for granted when you assume that V-Day (and other ass-kissing crap) is the product of women alone. Western culture began to indulge this kind of behavior a long time ago…V-Day is just one symptom of a much worst desease.
Regarding cathegorization, I think it all comes down to your frame. For instance, I’m pretty sure that a woman is smart enough to know her place after 4-5 dates with a guy BASED PURELY ON HIS BEHAVIOR TOWARDS HER. Then she can decide if that’s what she wants or simply move on. If you’re sending mixed signals and she’s complaining, it’s YOUR fault and not hers.
On the other hand even “low-end FBs”, if treated right, will come back several times after a quick split. One thing I noticed is that women do not necessarely need to be number one, nor desire to be the only one you got for sex, as long as you’re being honest with them.
Any girl I’ve been with only has to know (for sure) that I dig her, like the time we spend together and show (frequently or sometimes, depending on her status) that I care about her feelings. Even if it’s just about sex and fun between friends, those feelings matter a lot.
If we do not connect and I really don’t care even on a minimal level, I see no point in seeing that chick again.
I agree with you POB
 I am reading this the 13th of February.
Been dating a girl for close to 5 months.
Here are the stats compared to the guidelines you listed in the article
1. I really like and care about her.
2. She has to have been in my life for almost 5 months with zero drama and zero jealousy. Absolutely none!
3. She is a strong candidate for an LTR. (I am going the monogamous route)
4. We have not had the talk. Recently she invited me to introduce her family and friends.
How do I handle this?