27 Apr There is No Such Thing as an Accidental Pregnancy
-By Caleb Jones
Single mother has a small child.
Single mother has all kinds of life chaos because she has a small child.
When you ask single mother why she had a child when she clearly wasn’t planning on it, wasn’t financially ready for it, and in many cases wasn’t mature enough to handle it, her answer usually is (say it with me):
“It was an accident.”
Was it?
Was it really?
When a woman has a baby, that means she made a total of as many as six conscious decisions to have that baby, even if she tells everyone it was an “accident.”
Let us count the ways:
Conscious Decision Number One: She voluntarily chose to have sex while not taking any birth control.
Conscious Decision Number Two: She voluntarily chose to have sex with a man not wearing a condom.
Conscious Decision Number Three: If he actually came inside her, she voluntarily chose to not take the Plan B pill the next day. (And please don’t tell me Plan B pills are too expensive. Planned Parenthood, one of many examples, practically hands those things out for free for lower-income women.)
Conscious Decision Number Four: She voluntarily chose to not give herself regular pregnancy tests while having unprotected sex. (I would if I was a woman, even if I didn’t think I was pregnant.)
Conscious Decision Number Five: When she discovered she was pregnant, she chose to not get an abortion.
Conscious Decision Number Six: When the baby came out, she chose to not give it up for adoption.
There you go. Most women having babies “by accident” are actually choosing to have these babies, not once, but as many as six friggin’ times.
Are those some objections I hear? Yet more protestations about how it Wasn’t Your Fault™? Okay! Let’s destroy them!
“I would never give my baby up for adoption!!! How horrible for you to even say that!” Okay, but then you’re proving my point. You’d rather choose to have and keep the baby. Yeah, that’s my point here. YOU CHOOSE.
“I don’t believe in abortion. I think it’s morally wrong.” See above. You’re proving my point by saying that.
“Well maybe he was wearing the condom and it broke!” Okay, that eliminates decision number two. What about the other five decisions?
“What if she was raped and then got pregnant from the rapist?!?” Okay, that eliminates decisions one and two. What about the other four decisions?
“How would she know to take the Plan B pill the next day if she was drunk and didn’t know she had sex?!?” Okay, that eliminates decisions number two and three. What about the other four decisions? And by the way, she chose to have sex while drunk, or at least get drunk while hanging out with a hot guy she really likes, knowing what would probably happen. Chalk that up as another conscious decision.
I can do this all day, folks. Make all the excuses you want. Personal responsibility and cause and effect still exist. She chose to have that baby. Everything in your life is your fault, and that applies to that stressed-out single mother over there. That little kid didn’t appear out of thin air because she’s an innocent victim and Dumbledore waved his magic Wand of Child Summoning, and “poof” the baby appeared in her arms. That baby is there because of her actions and conscious decisions.
It’s very hard for people to understand that in a world of condoms, 11 forms of female birth control, Plan B pills, and abortion, there is no such thing as an accidental birth. Any woman who has a baby CHOSE to have that baby.
This isn’t the 1800s.
So any time a woman says she had her child by accident, I’m really sorry, but she’s full of it. She chose to have that baby. Likely several times.
The Flip Side
I have noticed that it’s become “cool’ in some younger women circles these days for women to brag about how they “never want any kids.” They’re full of it too. Just watch. By the time they’re about 35, they’ll have at least one kid. And it’s quite likely they’ll go around telling everyone it was an “accident,” when if course it was not.
I personally know a small percentage of women who literally never want to have kids. You know how I know they’re serious? Because they never have kids. Here’s what they do:
1. They’re militant about birth control. They are ALWAYS on it. ALWAYS. Even if they’re never having sex, even if they’re having financial problems, they’re still on that birth control, no excuses, come hell or high water. Because they’re terrified of having kids.
2. They take good birth control, not the stupid kinds. If their doctor recommends birth control pills, these women say, “No. I might not remember to take those every day. Give me something better.” And they get it. Because they don’t want kids.
3. They do not have sex while drunk. They know that drunk sex too often equals pregnancy. They are very careful about this.
4. They are militant about pregnancy tests. Just like me, these women have several pregnancy tests in their bathrooms at all times, ready to go. If they are ever in doubt, they pee on that stick and get the real info, fast. They don’t play the ignorance card like their single mother girlfriends: “Well I would have gotten an abortion, but I didn’t find out until it was too late! Oh darn!”
5. If they actually do get pregnant by accident, which is rare but does happen, they immediately, and I mean immediately, whip out their phone, make an appointment to get an abortion, and go. They don’t act like most women in this circumstance, who sit around, cry, wring their hands, wonder “Oh gee what do I do???” and ask their mom and their girlfriends for opinions. Nope. They don’t give a shit what their friends, mom, or people at church think. They get that abortion ASAP. If their friends or family don’t like it, fuck ’em. These women don’t want kids. Period. So they don’t have any.
My point is that the women who really and truly never want kids (and that’s a very, very tiny percentage of women in the world) really and truly never have kids. Never having kids is not that difficult with today’s inexpensive (and often free) medical options. The women who have kids, even if they say it’s “by accident,” want those kids, and chose to have them.
Now just TRY to tell me I’m wrong about this. Ohhhhh I can’t wait…
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cory
Posted at 05:56 am, 27th April 2015Love the new mobile format. It’s such an improvement bd
maldek
Posted at 07:51 am, 27th April 2015Women who have sex with men do want kids sooner or later in at least 19 our of 20 cases.
It is perfectly normal for healthy, young, fertile women to have babies. (Plural)
It is our rotten society that brainwashes women into the false thinking that beeing a “woman” has nothing to do with children and feminine traits and everything to do with work and career.
doclove
Posted at 08:00 am, 27th April 2015Black Dragon
I agree with you. I will go one step further. If you ladies get pregnant then it is much more of your fault than the men and the only exception to this is if you ladies were truly raped and the author of this article is right to say that reasons 3 through 6 can eliminate this out of wedlock pregnancy and you being a single mother. You ladies have better birth control than the only thing men have which is the condom, There is no equal nor it takes 2 to tango in this as it is still mostly if not entirely your ladies fault on this. I do not expect most of you ladies to accept responsibility for this and to blame the man 50% or more. However, you would be wrong to do so.
WolfOfGeorgeStreet
Posted at 08:09 am, 27th April 2015So, in other words, there IS such a thing as an accidental pregnancy… Just kidding :p
Of course there is no such thing as an accidental birth for women nowadays, women have so many options to ensure that doesn’t happen and they are completely in control over the situation.
For guys on the other hand, there’s only so much we can do. So barring celibacy and the snip there’s still a chance (however small) that you can knock a chick up and it’s almost completely out of your control no matter how careful you are.
Eg. A defective condom breaking at the time of ejaculation and she refuses to get the morning after pill, abortion etc. You’d have to be pretty unlucky though.
Tony
Posted at 09:16 am, 27th April 2015The phrase I heard is “There are accidental pregnancies, but there are no accidental births”.
I’ve argued that men who get a woman pregnant, and then agree to pay for 100% of abortion expenses (including any lost wages, hotel and travel if necessary, etc.), should then not have to be responsible for child support because in that case the decision is 100% the woman’s. People will then argue that he should take responsibility (he did by offering to pay), or that getting an abortion isn’t an easy decision (so? not everything in life is easy).
There seems to be this idea in society that women aren’t responsible for their actions, that they’re like children. This is where the younger women-older guy thing partially comes from too. The reason these births are considered “accidental” is because a woman obviously can’t make decisions for herself, so if a pregnancy happens to her she has to have the kid. If I was a women I’d find this mentality horribly insulting, but I guess they do get some benefit from it.
Herrin
Posted at 09:36 am, 27th April 2015Well, let’s have a look
Number 1: Lot’s of interesting ways your common garden birth control can fail, from simply forgetting to take the pill over interesting side effect of other medications or illnesses (vomiting, diarrhoea). Sure, that only applies to the pill and it’s variants, not long-term birth control. But then quite a few women can not take hormonal long term birth control, while the only other (reversible) long-term solution, the common copper spiral, isn’t all that safe and, again, not for everyone. So possibly not that much choice involved.
Number 2: well, maybe the condom was broken, or he lost it (men are such idiots sometime), or it broke in the act (has happened to you too, BD, hasn’t it?), or the trusted each other and the birth control mentioned above and simply didn’t wear one (as, I believe, you’ve been known to do, BD)
Number 3: Well, assuming they trusted the birth control in step 1, there would be no conceived need for this. Plus, while this might be readily available everywhere in the States, this certainly isn’t true for all of the rest of the world (but let’s assume US standards for a moment – do they have the Pill in all 50 States?)
Number 4: again, trusting number 1, why should she? Plus, most women notice when they are pregnant (albeit not all – wonder how well known this is?)
So really, decisions 1-4 are really just one misguided decision, namely to trust birth-control.
Get that one decision wrong, and voilà, there you have it, accidental pregnancy.
Now let’s look at accidental childbirth:
Number 5: Not getting an abortion. Again, might not even be legal where you reside (is it legal in all 50 States?). And, yes, I would get one in a second, but we should probably acknowledge that abortions are surrounded by some pretty strong SP – even where not considered murder – and might be a very difficult decision indeed. But yes, assuming abortions are legal, they are an option, and it’s a conscious decision.
So, while the childbirth might not be accidental, there might still be fairly pressing reasons for it to happen.
And so we come to accidental child rearing:
Number 6: adoption. Definitely an option, definitely a decision (not) taken – but you should at least acknowledge that with birth (and actually before that) a pretty heavy dose of hormones make rational decisions in that direction somewhat difficult for most women.
Plus, I must say, should I actually have given birth to a child “by accident”, I would probably consider it a point of honour to stick to it, not abandon it.
I think the much more interesting point is that women have at least three opportunities to prevent child-rearing, men only have two (proper birth-control, use of a condom), with the latter only being somewhat less than 100% reliable…
Caleb Jones
Posted at 10:22 am, 27th April 2015You’re welcome!
We’re still improving it too. 🙂
I have made this exact same argument before, both on forums and in real life, and people (including men) really, really don’t like it.
But technically you’re correct. Women have far more birth control options than men, and have 100% control over whether or not an abortion or giving up for adoption takes place; men have zero control over those two things. Which is fine, but that does indeed mean it’s not a “50/50 decision.”
Correct.
Accidental pregnancies? Yes.
Accidental births? No. No such thing.
Absolutely correct, and I’ve argued the same on this very blog right here.
Caleb Jones
Posted at 10:41 am, 27th April 2015And now for Herrin…this was the kind of comment I was waiting for…
Okay, that eliminates decision number one. What about the other five decisions? Birth control isn’t the only factor, as I already demonstrated.
Okay, that eliminates decision number two. What about the other five decisions?
Okay, that eliminates decision number three. What about the other five decisions?
BECAUSE SHE DOESN’T WANT TO GET PREGNANT.
As I’ve stated before on this blog, if I was a woman and absolutely, 100% did NOT want to get pregnant, if I was sexually active I would take regular pregnancy tests EVEN IF I DIDN’T THINK I WAS PREGNANT and EVEN IF I WAS ON BIRTH CONTROL.
I’m not saying I would take a pregnancy test every week, but you can be damn sure I was taking one every 60 days or so. Pregnancy tests are ridiculously cheap and widely available all over the world.
Everyone these days, even complete morons, know that birth control doesn’t always work, and that to trust it blindly with no other precautions whatsoever can and often does lead to babies.
Do you want proof that I would do this? Here you go: I do this now. Through my TRT program, my sperm count is now zero, and I’ve confirmed it several different ways. Regardless, I still re-check my sperm count every 90 days, EVEN IF I DON’T THINK ANYTHING IS WRONG.
Why? Because I don’t want to have any accidental births.
It’s that simple.
Okay, that eliminates decision number five. What about the other five decisions?
Completely irrelevant and it proves my point, again, as I already discussed in the above article. She’s still consciously CHOOSING to keep and raise the baby she wasn’t planning on and isn’t ready for. There is no “accident.”
Too bad you haven’t named any. You’ve just explained why sometimes 1 or 2 of the 6 possible options are not available when the other 4 or 5 still are. Which is exactly what I already explained in the article.
Your only possible argument, and it would be a very stupid one to make, is to go into la-la land and talk about a hypothetical fantasy woman who was on quality birth control and it magically didn’t work and the guy used a condom and it broke and Plan B was illegal in her country and abortion was illegal and giving babies up for adoption was illegal.
But I know you wouldn’t make such a stupid and fantasy-land argument, because you’re smarter than that.
Bulma78
Posted at 11:27 am, 27th April 2015I agree with this 100%……and the girls who say it was an accident alot of times wanted it to happen on purpose and/or fudged their birth control in order to latch onto a guy for keeps. (I know of three girls who have done that).
You know, when I really think about it, I just love these chicks getting knocked up and having kids. Keep it up girls!!!……..because when you do, you’re just making me look even more awesome than I already am. I’m totally gaining from all of your foolish choices, because, if you are wondering why guys don’t want to deal with your chaotic life and your bratty kid?……that’s because I exist and they’re hanging around with me ;o) If you want to spend your days wiping boogers from a kid’s nose, that’s fine with me.
Amanda
Posted at 11:31 am, 27th April 2015Of course you are right about this. I remember hitting my early 20s and being flabbergasted by the number of women my age who already had 1-3 kids, couldn’t afford to take care of them, and sheepishly proclaimed each pregnancy happened “by accident.” I asked one of these girls why she didn’t just go on birth control. She said it was too expensive. I told her about Planned Parenthood’s free birth control program for low-income women, and she finally admitted she was just too lazy.
Seeing the financial struggles these women went through only cemented my decision to not have kids myself. These women were always dependent on someone – a man, their parents and/or the government. Many of them worked part-time jobs, but most of these jobs paid minimum wage and offered no benefits. There is simply no way they could have provided for themselves, let alone their kids, without outside help. I couldn’t imagine a life like that – I would be miserable! I cannot understand the attitude of “everything will fall into place after the baby’s born”- the fact of the matter is, if your income is not high enough to budget for a child, things CANNOT fall into place without outside help! And there are men who believe this, too … it just defies logic. But I guess people who believe this aren’t thinking logically.
As for me, I use an IUD so I don’t have to worry about it – just replace it every 5 years, easy. I fall firmly into the “militant birth control” camp. 🙂
Michael
Posted at 01:31 pm, 27th April 20151. “chose to not to give it up” -> “chose not to give it up”
2. “You’d rather chose to” -> “You’d rather choose to”
3. “the’ll have” -> “they’ll have”
4. “pregnant on accident” -> “pregnant by accident”
Not auditioning for proofreader, honest! 😀
Caleb Jones
Posted at 01:40 pm, 27th April 2015Thank you! Corrected!
I’ve been behind schedule lately and have had to skip the proofreader to get these articles posted on time. I’ll be back to my normal schedule in another week or so.
Franco
Posted at 03:10 pm, 27th April 2015BD, I’d like to know your take on this:
You seem to take abortion for a viable solution. But isn’t it true that by making an abortion, a woman risks her FUTURE ability to become pregnant? Maybe she doesn’t want a baby now but she knows she might want one in the future. This of course still leaves 5 options, but somehow it seems wrong to me for abortion to be included among the other options. I don’t fancy things that can cause irreversible damage. Then again, the same could be said for some other options you list, but all in all you prove your point.
(I do not comment of course on the fact that it is murder, the subject is choice and responsibility)
Caleb Jones
Posted at 03:36 pm, 27th April 2015Yes, but only for the first 3 months or so. After that I consider it murder. I explain it all here.
That falls within the 2% Rule, therefore I wouldn’t worry about it.
Millions of women get abortions with zero adverse affects on their future ability to have children. I know several women, one in particular in my family, who have had several abortions, and they were all able to get pregnant when they wanted kids just fine.
There’s risk in everything, but tiny risk doesn’t merit concern. Classic 2% Rule stuff.
Franco
Posted at 04:09 pm, 27th April 2015OK, the numbers don’t lie, and I agree there is risk in everything. But I think the correct perspective is:
risk=hazard*probability
In other words, even if the probability is 2% or lower, risk can still be significant or even huge depending on how much one values his right to have children.
Edic
Posted at 04:39 pm, 27th April 2015If I were a woman who was militant about never ever having children, I’d get a tubal ligation. Why waste all that time keeping something functioning that I never intend to use anyways? It’d be a better use of money than the pills/pregnancy test kits/aborions combined. Really, the militant no-babiers are no better than the accident-babiers.
No conception is an “accident” whether you are going to call it an accident or not. You keep those goods functioning and eventually it will happen, whether your using protections or not. If you really meant it, then you’d commit to the permanent choice (barring health issues that might arise).
Caleb Jones
Posted at 04:53 pm, 27th April 2015Disagree completely. Using that logic you would never have sex, because you might get HIV and die.
But the 2% Rule is a discussion for another time (and in another thread).
Well, in women’s defense, there some women do have a valid excuse. Doctors won’t give a young, childless woman a tubal ligation because they’re scared about lawsuits if women change their minds later. I know this because I know many young, childless women who have tried to get the procedure, and doctors refuse to operate.
Doctors prefer to do tubal ligations on women over 30 who already have some kids. It’s not fair, but that’s the way it is. I think 25 is the cutoff for most doctors, but I don’t think there is any hard and fast rule.
The point is tubal ligation is often and legitimately not an option for a lot of younger women. Doctors flat-out refuse to do it to childless women this young unless there are unusual extenuating circumstances.
Herrin
Posted at 12:33 am, 28th April 2015Dang, I really need t learn how to cite on this thing… where’s the sandbox when you need one?
1. regarding your comments to my comments, you miscounted – you admitted 5 of my points, so this indeed leaves women with only one – abortion. Not five for every single one you granted. Pretty obvious, that…
2. and you are contradicting yourself: most common forms of birth control have a pearl index well below 2, meaning a less than 2% chance of getting pregnant over a one year period(*). Which is WAY better than the 2% single incidence chance you say is negligible. So by your own thinking there is (ignoring VD for the moment) no point using a condom (Pearl-index between 2 and 12, btw, horribly unreliable), no need for the morning after pill, and no need to check for pregnancy (and, honestly, that step surely falls under the 2% rule – baring rare exceptions, your chances of screwing up the test are probably bigger than your chances of not noticing your pregnant in the first place).
There still is adoption, but of course that’s after the accidental birth…
(*) actually the Pearl-index measures not the theoretical chance of getting pregnant, but the actual chance, including user-error. So even a vasectomy has a 0.1% chance for pregnancy (I told you to wait a few weeks, moron!), actually slightly worse than most implants, an about on par with a copper chain (and therefore obviously well below 2%, but still happening). Condoms have between 2 and 12 (varies by study and locality, and presumably quality of the local produce), and “not coming inside her” as advocated by BD between 4 and 30.
Hmm. BD was, by his own words, willing to accept condoms as his only line of defence (2-12), but only after some hanky-panky without coming inside (4-30) – sounds like he was living a pretty dangerous life, even by his own standards…
Torienne
Posted at 08:53 am, 28th April 2015Thank you for saying this! As an older, lifelong militantly childfree woman, I loved this post, because it’s the things I’ve been saying for many years. It’s not just single mothers either pretending to have “accidents.” It’s also the working mom of two who doesn’t want to work any more and has just the ticket: An “accidental” third baby. Let’s see: You are 40. You have a master’s degree. You have two children already. And you have no idea how you got pregnant that third time. Really? Could it be because you said “NO!” when the obstetrician saying “You know, if you want sterilization, I can do it easily when you have this second baby?”
You only missed one characteristic of the CF woman: She obsesses about getting sterilized. I realize this falls under reliable birth control, but to us, sterilization is the Holy Grail of birth control.
Caleb Jones
Posted at 11:30 am, 28th April 2015When you make a comment there’s a ” quotes button at the top for block quoting.
You’re changing the subject, which is what happens when you know you’re wrong.
I’ve already linked to this article that shows (for example) that trusting a woman to take her birth control pills every day is insane. Way beyond a 2% risk threshold. And we already know that condoms are the only form of birth control available to men (beyond TRT). But I’m not going to get into a conversation about the effectiveness of birth control here. Stay on topic, which is that birth control is only one of six different factors.
Wow, great point.
You’re correct. Doctors often do ask women about that option after they have a 2nd kid.
Amanda
Posted at 02:31 pm, 28th April 2015Right, the 98-99% effectiveness of the Pill only applies if taken exactly as prescribed. The woman must be very organized, with a set daily routine. It’s very easy to miss a dose here and there. That’s why I like the Mirena IUD – you don’t have to remember to do anything for 5 years, and it’s very reliable and much less expensive than 5 years of the Pill. The only drawback for me is that it hurts like hell to get it put in, but at least that pain goes away quickly after the procedure. They used to only recommend it to women who already had children because of the pain involved. I might look into the implant as an option once my 5 years are up.
Sparks
Posted at 03:20 pm, 28th April 2015Yes ‘accidental’ babies are never an accident. They’re usually a result of a young woman trying to lock down an alpha by getting pregnant (this never works) or else it’s a late 20’s woman having ‘baby rabies’ and getting knocked up within weeks of meeting their beta provider (have seen this happen to at least two friends).
Herrin
Posted at 02:55 am, 29th April 2015No, I’m not 🙂
The first 4 steps given by you are redundant, at least by your very own 2% rule (which I consider wrong, btw, but it is your rule, and so shouldn’t you abide by it?) – as the chance of birth control failing is below 2% (in fact WELL below 2% when talking single incidence), I shouldn’t have to worry about additional, redundant, safety measures – so points 2-4 really are mute.
No, wrong. The entire point of the Pearl-index is to take all theses user-errors into account. The pill, if taken religiously, is as good as an implant – the problem is that pretty much everybody screws up on the religious part, sooner or later.
POB
Posted at 09:14 am, 29th April 2015I have a friend who’s had testicular cancer in his early twenties. After several surgeries and heavy chemo, his chances of having a baby were less than 1%. He tried unprotected sex with his GF. Guess what happened?
I on the other hand am fully functional in that department. Nonethless I’ve been having sex with an abundance of women over the years. I don’t have any accidental children. Hummm.
There are no accidents!
Amanda
Posted at 10:23 am, 29th April 2015@Herrin –
Correct; the failure rate of the Pill is very low if taken religiously. My point was regarding the typical-use failure rate, which is a very high 9% versus the perfect-use failure rate of 0.3% according to this: http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Comparison_of_birth_control_methods
Because methods such as the Mirena IUD and the implant combine very low perfect-use failure rates with very low typical-use failure rates (because the user doesn’t have to do anything except show up at the clinic every few years to get the device replaced), they are more reliable for a greater number of women. Of course, there are many women who DO take the Pill religiously, in which case the method wouldn’t make much of a difference.
Kryptokate
Posted at 11:05 am, 29th April 2015Yup, this is all true. Those of us who really don’t want kids have IUDs. They are basically totally failsafe, you don’t have to think about it, and you only need a new one every five years. Plus, your periods become very light or go away. The only problem is that, as Amanda mentioned, they are VERY painful to get if you’ve never had kids, but it’s just very intense pain for a few minutes. It was the worst pain I ever felt, but still well worth not having to give a second thought to getting pregnant for years.
The reason people’s arguments make no sense on this is because they are not in conscious control of their emotions and are just spinning illogical rationalizations after the fact.
Women who have kids wanted them, period. You also need to consider the fact that abortions are way more common than most people realize because no one talks about it since it’s socially taboo. And the majority of women who have an abortion already have at least one kid, which proves that a woman who really doesn’t want a kid doesn’t have one. http://www.abort73.com/abortion_facts/us_abortion_statistics/
As an aside, I am consistently *shocked* at how few men seem to care about getting a woman pregnant or getting an STD. In my experience, virtually no man tries to use a condom, most will actively argue against them and try to stick it in you with one, and the few who actually do use a condom the first time will try to do it later the same night or the next morning without one. Granted, this might be because I sleep with men in their 30s who are at the age when they’re thinking of having kids, and they know I would be capable of taking care of a kid, but still it surprises me how many are entirely careless or who try to stealth get me pregnant. The last guy I slept with was talking about having babies with me the night I met him…so guys get baby rabies and “accidentally on purpose” cause pregnancies too.
Diggy
Posted at 11:39 am, 29th April 2015@amanda My LTR got pregnant on the IUD. Its not 100% either… just FYI
Shes 23 and tried in vain to get her tubes tied. She really really tried…no one in the US will do it. I agree with BD that is some of a litigation concern but I think there a lot of major SP going on here too. Most of the doctors were really strange about it. Almost yelling at her. She is super sensitive to anything in her body and the hormones so her best bet for her health would be getting her tubes tied but they literally stop just short of yelling at her like a 23 yo woman cant make decisions for her own life and health. Sad, Im just getting a vasectomy. Both of us know we dont want kids and Im in my mid 30’s so they wont argue with me. But I would feel bad for her if something happened and she ended up pregnant.
Caleb Jones
Posted at 11:58 am, 29th April 2015Yup.
Yup. I’ve read the same stats.
Women who really don’t want kids (or don’t want more kids) simply don’t have them. It’s not difficult.
Yup. You cannot rely on birth control alone. Condoms, pregnancy tests, Plan B, abortion, etc, are all critical and necessary factors as well.
Or else, have a kid. But don’t go around saying it was an accident.
Yes, I’ve seen this. Doctors go apeshit when young women ask to get their tubes tied. It’s really horrible.
How many screwed-up childhoods and stressed-out single moms could be prevented if doctors just did what people asked? You own your body. It’s up to you to do what you want with it. Period.
Moreover, tubal ligation is a reversible procedure(!) in most cases. This reluctance on doctor’s part is just stupid (their legal concerns not withstanding; but even then there should be a legally enforceable waver women can sign).
Dawson Stone
Posted at 12:22 pm, 29th April 2015I agree that women often take the “passive aggressive” path to getting pregnant with the “it was an accident” defense and all the other perfectly accurate points BD made. But guys come on…unless you are an idiot you know this.
If you knew an ex con that went to jail for stealing would you give him keys to your house and let him house sit while you were gone on vacation? Of course not because only a fool puts the fox in charge of the hen house.
I was with my ex-wife for 10 years and never got her pregnant (until we wanted to get pregnant) using a combination of condoms and the withdrawal method over that 10 year period. It simply isn’t that complicated. You NEVER COME INSIDE A WOMAN unless you are OK with the possibility of pregnancy.
I have been sexually active for over 30 years and even at nearly 50 have a higher than average sperm count and have NEVER NOT ONCE gotten a woman pregnant except the time I wanted to. You have little control over what the woman does and 100% control over what you do…gee I wonder where men should focus their attention?
Diggy
Posted at 02:44 pm, 29th April 2015All things I brought up to the docs. And Im not making this up, I even offered to have her make a video explaining why she needed this done and so everyone could see that she was in her right mind when she signed the release. This seemed to piss them off worse.
But the flip is this, is there no legal concern if they refuse to do this procedure and she becomes
accidentallyHerrin
Posted at 02:47 pm, 29th April 2015One of the beefs I have with that 2% theory.
Of course, the much more important point here is, what is meant by “his chances of having a baby were less than 1%”?
a 99% chance of being sterile – and a 1% chance of being 100% able to father a child?
a 1% chance to father a child over the remainder of his live? That would obviously depend on how often he will have unprotected sex, and if the 1% already incorporated his partners fertility, but could easily end up something like 0.0004% single incidence chance.
a 1% chance to father a child at each go? Ok, assuming sex twice a week on varying weekdays for the next 25 years, this would come out as a 95% chance of getting her pregnant (hence my problem with BD’s 2% rule)
But we digress…
Herrin
Posted at 03:06 pm, 29th April 2015Cute. Actually, the typical use failure rate is what the pearl index is all about. I simply made the mistake of using the German version of Wikipedia, where real-world failure rate of the pill (in the first year) is about 1%, versus the US version, where all of a sudden it is 9%.
So I now have to assume that this is really a cultural thing, not anything to do with logic or medicine or whatever, and that BD’s arguments, while sounding somewhat strange from my side of the pond, presumably make total sense in the US.
POB
Posted at 04:07 am, 30th April 2015@Herrin, the point is it really doesn’t matter! His chances were super slim but even so he was not careful enough to protect himself.
IMO ppl should not focus solely on math or percentages. Instead they should just do what’s right and be 100% honest about what they want. Responsibility is the real issue here.
I’m pretty sure I have a very high chance of knocking up any of my FB if I cum inside them. So I use protection every single time. No exceptions. I don’t care if they take the pill or use any other form of protection…I just do my part and hope they’re doing theirs.
Over the years I’ve had only one frigging accident (condom blow) with a former GF, so I made sure she took the morning after pill ASAP. Boom, problem solved!
Lovergirl
Posted at 07:36 am, 30th April 2015I haven’t read all the comments yet, but don’t forget that MEN don’t have “accidents” either. All too often it gets framed as the woman’s “fault”. He chose not to wear a condom, he chose to cum INSIDE her, most times he chose to do this knowing full well she wasn’t on birth control. That’s at least 3 logical steps.
As for abortion, morning after pills, etc., many people are strongly against harming a developing baby, so they don’t consider those options in the first place. Still, I agree that there are no real “accidents”. BOTH parents, at some point, made a decision, even if it was in the heat of the moment.
Caleb Jones
Posted at 10:19 am, 30th April 2015That’s a classic example of how a single mathematics problem on a piece of paper doesn’t work out the same way in real life, because a single math equation doesn’t include all the variables in the real world. (As just one example, a woman isn’t going to be fertile for 25 years; nor will a man, via vasectomy, TRT, reduced sperm count, or whatever.) You’ve got to get your head out of your algebra textbook if you want to make rational points.
I’ve been having sex for over 20 years. In just under half that time I’ve been having an extreme amount of sex with a large number of women. I’ve never gotten a woman pregnant on accident in my entire life, yet based on your calculator I should have had a 95% chance of doing so by now.
Just like those guys who think you can’t make money playing blackjack (yet I do consistently), the only explanation you can then have, based on your math, is that I must be the luckiest man on planet Earth.
(Or, more likely, your math isn’t accounting for all the real-life variables.)
Correct. A lot of men are stupid about this also.
The accidental pregnancy may not be 100% her fault, but the baby coming out of her vag is her fault. Because:
1. Women decide if/when sex occurs, not men.
2. Women decide if/when they take frequent pregnancy tests and/or Plan B, not men. We have no control over that.
3. Women decide if/when an abortion occurs, not men. We have no say in that.
So yeah, childbirth (not pregnancy) is a woman’s fault.
Herrin already said that, and like I already explained in my post, you’re making my point when you say things like that.
Good.
Both parents chose to have sex, but only one parent chose to not take Plan B, not check via a pregnancy tests, not get an abortion, and not give the baby up for adoption: The Woman.
Again, you’re mixing up pregnancy with childbirth. Two different things.
Dawson Stone
Posted at 10:59 am, 30th April 2015@BD
50% the guy’s fault. You came inside her and didn’t have to.
This can be true but doesn’t have to be if you know how to handle yourself. Yes a woman tries to block but I have first date sex over 85% of the time…my choice. And after the first time we have sex I decide nearly 100% of the time when and how often we have sex.
Agreed but irrelevant if you didn’t cum inside her.
Agreed but irrelevant if you didn’t cum inside her.
As I stated before I am in violent agreement that women often get pregnant on purpose (married women are often among the worst offenders and since they are married they are much less likely to choose the abortion route). As you say yourself you never got a woman pregnant by accident. Me neither.
What the woman does is 100% irrelevant if you don’t cum inside her.
Caleb Jones
Posted at 11:43 am, 30th April 2015Agree!
The only possibilities left at that point are:
1. Women who lie to men and say they’re on birth control when they aren’t. As just one example, recently a guy on this blog talked about how his girlfriend used the same Nuva ring over and over again for six months (they only last a month) while telling him it was a new ring every time. (But again, he still chose to cum in her.)
This is why I won’t cum in a woman unless I can medically verify a good form of birth control like IUD; not take her word for it, but actually verify it.
(My sperm count is zero now so I’m not sure that’s even relevant for me any more, but I still do it. Can’t be too careful.)
You simply can’t trust women to be 100% honest about birth control at all times. You need third party verification. (Or don’t cum in a woman for the rest of your life.)
2. Men use who condoms that break or crack and they don’t realize it until too late. (But again, he still chose to cum inside her; he could have pulled out.)
Dawson Stone
Posted at 01:10 pm, 30th April 2015I have used condoms and had a few break over the years. I simply double check my condom and that it is intact before cumming. This shit isn’t rocket science. If a women pokes holes in your condom with a pin or takes your condom out of the trash and turkey basters herself then you can complain. Otherwise you have total control over avoiding an unwanted pregnancy.
Guys take responsibility for your shit. ALL people are manipulative to try to get what they want. It isn’t something that only applies to women…it applies to people.
Lovergirl
Posted at 03:24 pm, 30th April 2015BD, come on. Once the baby is in there, its there. You can’t suddenly say the man is less responsible. Asking a woman to kill her own child or give it away is asking her to go completely against her mothering instinct, which is probably the strongest instinct there is. For the majority of mentally healthy women, those aren’t going to be viable “choices”. Once a man has gotten her pregnant, it is really too late to abdicate responsibility. I find it amusing that you are so hard on women and want them to take responsibility for their actions here but are excusing the men.
Dawson Stone
Posted at 04:18 pm, 30th April 2015@Lovergirl
I actually agree with you. If I were the person popping out the kid, once I got pregnant I think it should be my choice if I have the kid or not. With that said, both parties have equal responsibility IMO in terms of getting pregnant.
Once the woman is pregnant it is 100% the woman’s choice whether or not they have the child. This would even be the case if the guy wanted the kid and the woman didn’t. What isn’t fair is that while they have equal culpability before pregnancy, the decision is 100% the woman’s once pregnant and yet the man has to take on much (often most) of the financial responsibility for that child even if the guy doesn’t want to have the kid. In a more perfect world (which we clearly don’t live in) there would be some greater hardship put on a woman that had 100% of the choice but only some of the consequences.
As I have stated before this is easily avoidable by simply not cuming inside a woman EVER EVER EVER unless you are fine with the outcome of a child you are going to have to support for a very long time.
Caleb Jones
Posted at 04:29 pm, 30th April 2015That isn’t what I said. Go back and re-read my comment slowly and carefully.
You’re thinking of this emotionally and not logically, which is why you aren’t understanding my very simple words. Let me repeat Tony’s excellent comment from above:
^That.^
I’ll try one last time to explain it, using a different method. Here’s a scenario: You and I have sex. You’re on the pill but “forgot” to take it that day. I wear a condom but for whatever reason it had a small hole in it. 30 days later you take a pregnancy test and discover you’re pregnant and it’s mine.
At that point, yes, it’s 50% my fault, 50% your fault. Yes.
But then I say this:
“I’ll pay for you to get an abortion right now. You’re only 30 days pregnant so it’s not even a baby; it’s just a tiny clump of microscopic cells. You won’t be “killing” anyone. I’ll drive you to and from the appointment, provide moral support, and take care of you for the next few days afterwards if you wish. I’ll also give you $10,000 cash right now to cover any lost wages and any physical/emotional discomfort.”
You respond by saying:
“Fuck you! I want a baby and I’m going to keep it! It’s my body and there’s nothing you can do about it!”
At that point, the entire scenario has completely changed. Once you have that baby, you can’t argue it’s 50% my fault any more. You are in complete control about whether or not to have the childbirth (not the pregnancy, the childbirth), and I have zero control. You take your 100% control and decide to have a baby, over my objections and 0% control. Therefore it’s no longer 50% my “fault.” We could argue over what the exact percentages of “fault” I have at that point, but it’s no where near 50% when I have 0% control and you have 100%.
And for the last time, the reasons you choose to have nor not have an abortion are completely irrelevant. The point is you’re choosing, and I can’t.
POB
Posted at 06:36 pm, 30th April 2015And then comes the law and fucks things up even more. Best case? Kid will grow up with resented parents (split or living together and fighting). Worst case? The guy won’t pay shit to the mother and will end up in jail, kid grows up without a father. Yey!
About abortion, I have a strong opinion it’s 100% a bioethics issue. Everyone focus solely on the public health side (liberals want to do it for free and careslessly) or on the religious side (conservatives don’t wanna do it at all!) and forget about pratical implications to the mother, the father and specially the kid. It’s really a shame.
Lovergirl
Posted at 07:20 pm, 30th April 2015$10,000 would not convince me to get an abortion. Sorry, but for me it’s NOT an option, period. My “choice” ends when I am pregnant, I would keep the baby regardless. I know better than to fall for “it’s just a tiny clump of microscopic cells” because I’ve had miscarriages and seen what the baby looked like at early stages. I buried my 8 week old “tiny clump of microscopic cells” which very clearly looked like a BABY. I have pictures. Even my miscarriage at 5 weeks, I could tell I was carrying twins, which was confirmed by the hospital ultrasound I had shortly after. It isn’t about “my body”, it’s about “my child”.
I think it’s extremely irresponsible of a man to get a woman pregnant, then try to push her to get an abortion. It’s more irresponsible (and nasty) than she is for keeping the baby. If you are worried about “the law” then don’t get her pregnant in the first place. That’s a lot more ethical than blaming HER for not getting an abortion.
Herrin
Posted at 03:17 pm, 2nd May 2015Damn, BD, your not making it easy to stay out of the discussion…
No. The point I was actually making was that anybody stating that the chance of a man to get a woman pregnant over his lifetime is 1% has precisely no grasp of math at all.
However, given the data provided the above is a pretty precise approximation.
Which, as I said before, is the problem with your 2% single incidence rule. Its dangerous!
come on, really BD, that’s below you – she’s fertile from about age 15 (probably earlier) to about age 45 (at least), which are 30 years…
1% chance – you must feel real threatened to try and change the rules of the game…
Oh – YOU are the guy with the testicle cancer who couldn’t be bothered to use any form of birth control?
If not, numbers will of course be completely different for you!
Sure, Blackjack is about the only game offered in a casino where the odds (if done correctly) are slightly in your favour – the problem being a) the slightly bid, and b) that the way to do it is so boring it feels like work more than play…
Sorry, you really have no clue at all about statistics, do you? a 95% chance isn’t a probability of 1, obviously – there must be 5% who would not get a woman pregnant.
Never mind that your chances were probably more in the one-digit-range…
Hmm.
Wasn’t it you who titled the thing “There is No Such Thing as an Accidental Pregnancy”?
Really…
Dawson Stone
Posted at 08:57 am, 3rd May 2015@Lovergirl
While I agree that once a woman is pregnant it is 100% her choice (and should be her choice) if she has a kid or not I feel you are missing the other side of the equation.
You say how “nasty” it is for a guy to try convince a woman to get an abortion (you say push) when THREE lives will be forever changed because of the decision she is going to make. Women (married and single…married woman OFTEN do this to trap their husbands) frequently use pregnancy as their tool of control which is FAR FAR FAR worse IMO. Two of my closer friends got married with the clear understanding that they wouldn’t be having kids. But the wife “knew what was best” and “accidentally” got pregnant.
Let’s try an intellectual thought exercise and please try your level best to be 100% honest. Here are two scenarios:
1) A man and woman are seeing each other while in college and having sex. The woman is significantly more into the man than the man is into the woman. The guy is way out of her league both looks-wise and career-wise. He will clearly have a great career and earn an outstanding income. The woman isn’t doing very well in school and doesn’t particularly like her major. She becomes pregnant (accidentally or otherwise).
2) A man and woman are seeing each other while in college and having sex. She is a senior at Harvard and has already been accepted to Yale Law School. She has a bright and promising career ahead that she is passionate and excited about. The man is significantly more into the woman than the woman is into the man. He has really let himself go and is nearly flunking out of school. His career prospects, given his limited drive and ambition, aren’t great. She becomes pregnant (accidentally or otherwise).
Which of these women is more likely to get an abortion? We both know the answer.
Having a kid is a free pass on so many levels it isn’t even funny (it is sad actually).
Career didn’t work…I had a kid.
Didn’t graduate from college…I had a kid.
Didn’t stay healthy and fit…I had a kid.
The list is endless.
I am in total agreement that only an idiot comes inside a woman unless he is 100% sure his condom is intact (and even then I don’t) because once she is pregnant it is out of the man’s control. Let me say that I know there are women (and perhaps you are one of them) that do simply value the life growing inside of them and that trumps everything else. But you are completely bypassing what a nasty piece of business women can be with regard to how they use pregnancy as a control tactic both in and out of marriage and for a cop out in life in general.
Women talk about how it is all about the child once they become pregnant and certainly that is sometimes the case…but you have to admit that in a significant percentage of the cases is doesn’t have anything to do with the kid…but about the woman making about as selfish (and cruel) a choice as I can imagine. To trap 3 people together because she wants a free pass on life.
vorehes
Posted at 10:17 am, 4th May 2015I agree with you, but it’s not quite as one-sided as you think.
I personally always wear a condom and have never came inside a woman without one (a bit sad I know, but … eh. Someday I will if I sufficiently trust the woman and the birth control).
That said …. not all couples “double up” on both the pill birth control, as well as the condom birth control. Many choose one or the other, as stupid as that sounds (statistically it’s ridiculously unlikely that the pill and condom will both fail … maybe once every 200 years).
I myself have often had sex with women (with a condom) who weren’t on the pill … because it made them moody or health problems or depression … whatever. I had no problem correctly using a condom.
So really …. you have one choice. Use birth control. And if you do use birth control, you would not use Plan B. You would assume it “worked as intended” unless the condom broke and you discovered it. Certainly if you were on the pill you would never suspect there was a “fuck up” until after you discovered pregnancy. Most condom failure is due to the idiocy of the male improperly using one.
So that’s option 1, use birth control whatsoever.
Option 2, get abortion.
Option 3, adoption.
Plan B is also definitely on the table, but I’m not sure it’s “very obvious” when Option 1 (possibly including pull-out) was used, and failed.
But yeah I agree with your sentiments. The three questions should really be: Did you use birth control effectively? That’s the most damning question if no. Because it’s the easiest by far.
Abortion is more of a personal morality thing, and hard to hold over someone. Adoption — hard to say … that can be hard to do as well — carrying a pregnancy to term is quite the burden, and then it’s still a big decision — the woman may be mentally affected, the kid may come looking for you someday. If anything it’s more of an effort than abortion, just minus as much morality questions.
But yeah. It’s unlikely to have an “accident” if you’re smart. Only thing a guy can do? Learn how to effectively use a condom each time, every time. Don’t improperly store them in your wallet, etc. Consider not even coming inside a ONS if your risk aversion is very high, though admittedly, I doubt many would follow that. I certainly don’t.
Caleb Jones
Posted at 10:40 am, 4th May 2015I’ve already answered that point, but I will answer it again.
Yes, if you have no reason to expect a problem last night you would not take Plan B this morning. The Plan B option is for women who knew there was a possible problem the night before and decide not to take the pill anyway (these women are legion).
However, if a woman TRULY didn’t want any babies, she would still take regular pregnancy tests even if using birth control, since everyone knows birth control often doesn’t work.
Correct, thus my point. People know birth control (including condoms) often don’t work (because of human error or whatever).
To put it another way, any sexually active woman who assumes, through her actions or inactions, that 100% of all birth control works perfectly 100% of the time, and no other actions are required to prevent pregnancy/childbirth, actually want a baby on some level (or she’s just dumb, which I suppose is possible too).
Truthful taco
Posted at 04:36 pm, 22nd February 2016All the same, but replace “single mother” with “deadbeat father” and it’s getting closer to the truth. At least mom takes care of the lil tyke.
Caleb Jones
Posted at 09:12 pm, 22nd February 2016Taco did you even read the post?
Courage
Posted at 01:43 am, 1st August 2016“Now just TRY to tell me I’m wrong about this. Ohhhhh I can’t wait…”
Ohhhh~ What a nice childish tone~
“There is No Such Thing as an Accidental Pregnancy”
No, I’m not going to try that you’re wrong. My condom box tells you you’re wrong:
“No method of contraception can provide 100% protection against pregnancy.”
After let’s not forgot about broken condom or bad wearing and women who can take the pill.
Congratulation: you fall into your own trap.
“Conscious Decision Number Four”, the women is already pregnant.”
No need for that part. Like you said: she’s already pregnant.
End of the topic. But if you wish to continue…
After that: the woman fails at using correctly pregnancy tests (she don’t know when she have her period) which also have a failure rate. The woman always had period problem. Then it’s too late for legal abortion. Or she has a pregnancy deny.
“Conscious Decision Number Six: When the baby came out, she chose to not give it up for adoption.”
Isn’t that a little bit off topic? I mean: that’s way nine month too late of the accidental pregnancy.
Jokes apart (don’t take it bad), since everybody already did that to you, I really like your article.
The probability of accidentally birth is certainly at 0%. Especially when a lot couple seems to have more difficulty to have baby.
Caleb Jones
Posted at 09:30 am, 1st August 2016None of that made any sense. I can only assume that English is your second language.
Yes, because it’s required to get an abortion. You can’t get an abortion (or even address the issue) if you have no idea you’re pregnant until it’s “too late.”
As already explained above, at that point we’re talking about accidental birth, not pregnancy.
Thanks for agreeing with me. Now get back to English class.
Courage
Posted at 07:06 pm, 1st August 2016I didn’t except such quick answer or even an answer for my pointless commentary.
“As already explained above, at that point we’re talking about accidental birth, not pregnancy.”
I know. You explain that before in the commentary. But that didn’t change your article’s title. That’s why I was saying that Part 4 was useless. Useless based on the title but very relevant in fact. I just wanted to joke again a little about that point while showing my agreement with you. Did you fail at seeing that?
You’re right on the content but that don’t change the fact you chose the bad title.
But is that really important? No. I was stupidly teasing you.
I make a commentary because you really didn’t need to end with a stupid childish tone. If you’re right don’t need to provoke people like that. It makes loose some quality at your article and makes you look like a angry teenager.
“Now just TRY to tell me I’m wrong about this. Ohhhhh I can’t wait…”
I just find that extremely ironic that you did that while not taking the better title.
That’s why I explained with my beautiful, perfect and easy to understand English sentence.
You wrote “There is No Such Thing as an Accidental Pregnancy” but actually “No method of contraception can provide 100% protection against pregnancy.”
You’re right English is not my first language. But more than returning at class I shouldn’t write in English too quickly without taking the time of checking the mistakes especially with my lack of rigor. But taking more time for a bad joke? No thanks.
Unless you have fun doing pointless thing like I do, you should do something more productive. By responding to a such joke you really not a man who does what he wants, whenever he wants, regardless of what other people want for him or tell him (I don’t know what you are anyway but you’re not that). No all commentary deserved your attention. You should be able to see that.
Still a great article by the way. But still the wrong title.
“There is No Such Thing as an Accidental Pregnancy”
“No method of contraception can provide 100% protection against pregnancy.”
You admitted it yourself.
Sam
Posted at 08:40 am, 8th August 2016Smart, responsible, intelligent and educated women who respect themselves and their bodies don’t ‘accidentally’ get pregnant and have a baby in 2016. I’m so tired of the phony facades for sympathy, when they are the ones who were in 100% control of what occurs to them. Read the stats on unplanned pregnancies, a majority of them are being paid for with tax payers money… So because I’m a responsible, educated women who wants to plan my future accordingly will now have to pay for my baby to be delivered and all of their costs out of pocket, meanwhile all the irresponsible, self deprecating women who CHOSE to have their baby without any planning get free deliveries, health insurance and money every month? Obamacare for ya.
Sally
Posted at 07:37 pm, 8th August 2016copper IUDs are one of the safest forms of birth control. And hormone free so there goes that excuse… Don’t read into the hype. I’ve had one for 8 years. No problems. You of course have to get it checked once a year(which you NEED to be having annual exams anyways) and not have unprotected sex with just every one (which you shouldn’t do anyways lol for sexual health reasons)
MD
Posted at 04:10 am, 3rd November 2016My husband’s ex-girlfriend claimed she couldn’t have kids (but would love to have) and convinced him that she was infertile… She claimed she discovered this during her first failed marriage. As soon as they practiced unprotected sex she was pregnant. Anyway, 14 years into the future and following another divorce (with a different guy) she is bitching and moaning about having to sit and parent a teenager. Now she desperately wants to get my husband more involved after denying him access to the kid within the first 4/5 years of the kid’s life. Anyway, cute babies eventually grow up and become emotional and moody teens…. People tend to forget that.
Proudmother
Posted at 04:40 am, 17th November 20161-a woman can be a single mother without the child being “an accident.” I’m divorced. Hence my planned child gives me the label “single mom.”
2-birth control fails. Even some woman who get the depot shot have gotten pregnant. No birth control is 100% effective.
3-I am pretty sure that when a woman has a child and says it was an accident that she means the pregnancy. Not the child. For a large number of woman, once that pregnancy happens, abortion or adoption are not options and there is nothing wrong with that. It is called taking responsibility for her choices. “I chose to have sex. I got pregnant. I will take responsibility and raise the resulting child.” It’s admirable.
Lovergirl
Posted at 07:55 am, 17th November 2016@Proudmother- Right? Don’t you love how these guys put all the blame on the woman, like she made the baby herself and the guy had nothing to do with it? They completely excuse him of any responsibilities and don’t even think he should pay child support. It’s bizarre.
Newsflash- for a woman to get pregnant a man has to cum inside her. That is completely, 100% his choice at the time of the act. We can’t stop him from doing it once he’s in there.
Yes there are a million other ways a woman can help prevent pregnancy but the decision to create a child is not 100% hers. If a man doesn’t do that one thing, it won’t happen.
I am a single mom due to divorce also. I was married for 13 years and all my children were wanted pregnancies during that time. Yet now I am the “irresponsible ” single mom because I am divorced. Because I took on the entire responsibility after divorce when he wouldn’t, that somehow makes me the bad guy. Never mind that he is cavorting around and hasn’t paid child support in months or seen the kids but twice last year and I’m putting food on the table and a roof over their heads. I’m “irresponsible ” and he’s the poor soul that has been taken advantage of.
Caleb Jones
Posted at 10:56 am, 17th November 2016I never said there were no single mothers. I said babies weren’t accidents.
That explains excuses 1 and 2 in the above article. How do you explain excuses 3, 4, 5, and 6?
That’s exactly what I’m saying, and I addressed that in the comments above. There are no accidental childbirths, so if a woman points at her kids and says “he/she was an accident,” she’s wrong or lying. She WANTED that baby.
Whether or not she wanted it before or after its conception is not relevant to my point here. She wanted it; therefore, this “accident” stuff is BS.
Caleb Jones
Posted at 10:59 am, 17th November 2016The blame is on women because I can’t make a woman have an abortion, give a child up for adoption, or choose to not pay child support for an unplanned baby I never wanted in the first place. Only women have the power over these decisions, not men.
Again, you’re talking only about conception, which is indeed a 50/50 thing. But having that baby being born and raised is up to you ladies, not us men. So yes, we can blame you.
CatLord
Posted at 03:41 am, 6th December 2016I am a man.
I own, at current count, 44 condoms. They are located in my wallet (3), and in my bedroom.
I have been actively having sex using condoms for more than 10 years. According to the definition of “expert” (10 or more years of continuous experience doing something), this makes me “an expert at using condoms”.
If we estimate that I use 4 condoms a week, and we figure that I have been having sex using that number of condoms for the last 23 years then simple math tells us that I have used at least (23 * 52 * 4) condoms, which works out to a minimum of 4,784. Not counting those I threw away for being expired, damaged in the package (always check for pinholes and provide your own condoms, guys!) and which were replaced because I had to pee.
So now my point. In all those condoms, I have only ever had ONE condom break.
One. Uno. 1.
I use decent brands, but sometimes those are not available and I use what I can get. And over time, I have concluded the following:
Condoms that leave the factory have been tested and have been found to be capable of inflating to many times their normal size without bursting. Therefore, if they leave the factory, they are not going to break of they are used correctly and not damaged or expired when you use them.
This rules out condoms breaking because of defective manufacturing.
If you don’t leave them in your car (heat) or wallet for years on end (they’re not expired), then that rules out degradation of the substance they’re made from.
This leaves us with only two possible ways left a condom can break during sex.
It was pierced after manufacture, but before use. I.E., someone poked a hole in it before it was opened.
The couple did not use enough lubrication, and she wasn’t wet.
Now you know why I always have lube on hand. Not only does natural lube typically dry out during sex of more than several minutes long (sex is a moisture transport, pulling it out of her body and then evaporating it with each stroke), but if she’s not into it, she will be dry.
What happens when you start off with enough lube and dry her out during sex without her picking up the slack and replenishing the lube internally?
Over time, there is more and more friction between the condom and the vaginal walls. And if you keep going regardless, you can and probably will force your penis through the condom.
So on the subject of “the condom broke”, that means:
Someone pierced it before sex to make it break.
Someone is a moron and didn’t use enough lube.
The only time I ever had a condom break, was when I lost my virginity and did not know what I was doing. I used a condom that I provided, and had sex with her for longer than she had the capacity to replenish the lube internally. I did not use lube, and I eventually forced myself through the condom.
These are the ONLY two ways to legitimately break a condom during sex, and given that even spit is capable of providing enough lube to prevent that… this leaves us with only one option left.
Someone poked a hole in the condom. On purpose. Intentionally. By choice.
So much for “The condom broke! It was an accident!”
Samantha Carlander
Posted at 08:10 am, 9th March 2017The blame is on women because I can’t make a woman have an abortion, give a child up for adoption, or choose to not pay child support for an unplanned baby I never wanted in the first place. Only women have the power over these decisions, not men.
Again, you’re talking only about conception, which is indeed a 50/50 thing. But having that baby being born and raised is up to you ladies, not us men. So yes, we can blame you.
No one is forcing men to have sex with women, so half the blame is on them. If a man doesn’t want a baby, he should have a vasectomy. That is the only guarantee that he won’t impregnate a woman.
Luckily, there is a new birth control method for men. We need this!
“Trying not to have babies while trying to have a healthy, spontaneous sex life can suck. But now there’s a new kid on the block and he promises to be the most awesome thing to ever exist in the world of birth control. It’s called Vasalgel and it’s very similar to a gel developed by Dr. Sujoy K. Guha 15 years ago. Vasalgel is being developed and funded through the Parsemus Foundation, a nonprofit organization.
Using Vasalgel, a small amount of polymer (nontoxic) is injected into a man’s vas deferens. The polymer then essentially mangles the sperm that pass through the polymer during ejaculation. Mangled sperm are unable to reach their target, the egg, and no pregnancy occurs. Even better, Vasalgel is completely reversible. If at any point you decide that today is baby time, you would just go to your doctor, receive a second injection that dissolves the polymer, and it would pass harmlessly out of your body. But until you decide to have it removed it can stay in and remains effective for up to 15 years. Let me repeat that—15 years. From the Parsemus homepage regarding current trials for entry into the U.S. market:How Does It Work?
via Wikipedia
No pills, no condoms, no spermicide, and it’s far more effective than any birth control currently on the market. In every test of the product, the only failure rate out of 250 volunteers was due to an improper injection of the polymer. Barring that one instance of error, the polymer has been 100% effective. No other form of birth control can say that. From a recent Parsemus Foundation press release also regarding trials for the U.S. market:
Vasalgel is also cheap. It promises to be far cheaper than endless purchases of pills, condoms, etc., which means that it is the ideal form of birth control for developing countries such as India, where it was invented. It would remove roadblocks to birth control such as lack of consistent infrastructure that require repeat visits to the doctor or health clinics and removes the “birth control routine” from the daily lives of men and women everywhere. In short, it would be the most important development in reproductive self-determination since the birth control pill but with none of the negatives.
Why Isn’t This Already On The Market?
Because pharmaceutical companies don’t want to invest in something cheap that you only have to administer once every 15 years. They’d much rather keep selling women birth control pills that they have to take every day and pay for every month. They’d much rather keep selling women hormone-based products that they can tweak and re-market and re-brand in the everlasting search for the perfect pill.
As a result, this technology that’s so groundbreaking is having to raise all its own money:
Go donate; every little bit helps. Ladies, if you’re in a monogamous relationship with someone you trust, then free yourself from taking pills if you don’t need them for other reasons. Gentlemen, if you’re in a monogamous relationship with someone you trust, free her from pills and free yourself from condoms.
Frustrated
Posted at 07:25 am, 7th June 2017I just found this article and I agree with you 1000%, I couldn’t have said it better myself. Men truly believe some ladies when they say “it was an accident”…ummm no it wasn’t, they either wanted to get pregnant or didn’t care if they got pregnant. Sad so many girls get pregnant to screw men over & trap them (but then that’s the guys own fault because they weren’t thinking with their brain or using their own protection or checking with the girl on her form of protection)or they think that having kids is a joke…then they say “well I wouldn’t trade my little bundle of joy for anything, he/she is a gift from God”, well I wasn’t asking that now was I, I asked if the pregnancy was planned and you said no & there is NO excuse for an unplanned pregnancy in 2017, you were either lazy, irresponsible or having a child for ulterior motives.
Cassidy
Posted at 03:11 pm, 7th July 2017No accidental pregnancies
Conscious Decision Number One: She voluntarily chose to have sex while not taking any birth control. Birth control is only 97% effective. Sometimes when you take it on time it doesnt work when mixed with cough syrup, allergy medication, alcohol,etc.
Conscious Decision Number Two: She voluntarily chose to have sex with a man not wearing a condom. See above statement
Conscious Decision Number Three: If he actually came inside her, she voluntarily chose to not take the Plan B pill the next day. (And please don’t tell me Plan B pills are too expensive. Planned Parenthood, one of many examples, practically hands those things out for free for lower-income women.) All plan b does is harden the uterus so the fertilized egg cant implant. It doesnt do much good if you’re already pregnant.
Conscious Decision Number Four: She voluntarily chose to not give herself regular pregnancy tests while having unprotected sex. (I would if I was a woman, even if I didn’t think I was pregnant.)
Pregnancy tests dont prevent you from getting pregnant, they prevent you from getting a late term abortion.
Conscious Decision Number Five: When she discovered she was pregnant, she chose to not get an abortion.
She was already pregnant. A pregnancy that she did not plan. She did not actively think while having sex without any contraceptive, failed or not, that she wanted to conceive a baby. Therefor, it happened by accident.
Conscious Decision Number Six: When the baby came out, she chose to not give it up for adoption.
This scenario is not about pregnancy. Its a human being that she didnt want to kill or abandon.
The pregnancy is an accident, the baby is a surprise.
Many single mothers own up to the responsibility, even when the relationship with the dad doesnt work out, which is commendable. Sometimes there is hardship because she’s taking on two jobs at once. She did not pre-meditatively decide to get pregnant. Sometimes birth control and plan b dont work. And she didnt take the easy way out. That child will probably grow up to have way more respect than you do because they will see how hard it is.