Why It’s So Important To Ignore Her After A Breakup
Sometimes the most powerful and effective relationship advice is that which is hardest to follow. Soft nexting is a good example of this. It’s the most powerful weapon you have in your relationship arsenal; nuclear-strength in fact. However many of you are not going to have the courage to ever try it, either because you fear it or because it opposes your Societal Programming so starkly that you can’t imagine it working.
Today I’m going to discuss another extremely powerful, simple-to-do-but-hard-to-mentally-accept technique that will change your life if you get it and practice it.
I’m going to tell you how to ensure an ex comes back to you after she breaks up with you, nexts you, LSNFTEs you, or otherwise leaves you. I have used this technique bazillions of times on scores of women with success rates as high as 94%. It works like a clock, IF you have the balls and self-control to do it, and many of you will not.
Ready? Here it is:
Completely ignore her for at least four months.
That’s it. Just ignore her. Don’t text her. Don’t call her. Don’t email her. Don’t Facebook her. Don’t “like” or comment on anything she posts on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, or anything else. Completely vanish out of her life, like you were never there.
This is, of course, the exact opposite of what you’ll want to do. You’ll want to keep texting, calling, commenting, or whatever to try to “get her back.” When a woman dumps your ass, your oneitis, scarcity mentality, and righteous male need for “respect” will all flare up at the same time. You’ll want to contact her, often.
The problem is this is exactly what further turns her off. If you keep contacting her, her attraction for you decreases. If you want to fuck her again, you don’t want her attraction decreasing, do you?
Completely ignoring her ensures her attraction for you doesn’t go down. It either stays the same or, over time, increases. This goes double if she’s dumped you for another guy. If she’s with her new exciting NRE boyfriend, and you keep contacting her like a little puppy, her attraction for you goes into the toilet. And it’s your fault.
This is exactly why I have a FB / MLTR return rate of 94%. And by the way, that’s not a guess. That’s a real number pulled directly from my spreadsheets. 94% of every woman I’ve had sex with more than twice has returned to my sex life after leaving me. Sometimes it takes a few weeks for them to come back, sometimes it takes several years. This includes women who leave me and move in with, marry, or have kids with another man. Doesn’t matter to me; I let women do whatever they want, I’m having sex with other women anyway, and I know they’ll always come back.
Frankly, even that 94% is conservative, since many of the women in the other 6% are ones who move far away and never move back. So if you don’t count those, my return rate is damn near 100%.
How do I do it? There are many reasons, since I use all the correct relationship techniques. But if I had to pick just one of them it would be this: when a woman leaves me, I do the exact opposite of what other men do. I completely vanish out of her life and ignore her for many months. “Many” is at least four, often six to eight months. (Consider four a minimum.) During that time I just go have sex with my other FBs / MLTRs and focus on my work and my Mission. I know there’s a 94% chance she’ll be back at some point, so I don’t worry about it.
Two questions I often get about this:
1. Can you contact her after four months? What do you say?
After about 4-6 months, if I need to add some FBs or MLTRs on rotation, I will check her out as best I can without contacting her (via Facebook, Twitter, or any other social media she’s on), and see if she has a New Boyfriend. If she’s single or has an Old Boyfriend, then I will send her a quickie text with a casual comment like, “I just saw a girl walk down the street who looked just like you.” Sometimes I even just say, “How’s it going?”
It doesn’t really matter what you say, as long as you are non-needy, outcome independent, and don’t compliment her.
What if my quick checking reveals she does have a New Boyfriend? No problem. I just reset the timer and keep on ignoring her for another 4-6 months. Then I might check again. Hitting up an ex who has a New Boyfriend is a complete and utter waste of your time. She’s in NRE bilss with her New (temporary) Boyfriend so she probably won’t even return your texts.
Just wait until she dumps his ass (which she will), or worst case, wait until New Boyfriend becomes Old Boyfriend. Women rarely cheat on New Boyfriends, but women cheat on Old Boyfriends all the time.
2. What happens if she contacts you first?
If she contacts you first, completely out of the blue, then it’s okay to respond even if it’s well before four months. This is likely a indicator of interest, and is often a good sign.
Respond to her in a casual, non-needy, outcome independent way. Feel her out and find out why she’s contacting you. If she’s contacting you for a purely logistical reason, like she wants her leather jacket she left at your house for a date with her New Boyfriend on Saturday, then robotically address the logistics as fast as you possibly can and then terminate the conversation as fast as possible. Then start the four-month ignore timer all over again.
If she’s contacting you because she’s bored or just wants to talk, this is great news. Suggest she comes over to your place and proceed as normal into her pants. If you get serious resistance to the idea of her coming over or seeing you, terminate the conversation as fast as you can and reset the four-month ignore timer again.
Eventually, if you do this as I’m describing, you will have sex with her again. It’s virtually guaranteed assuming A) you do it correctly, B) you’re in no rush, and C) you weren’t a oneitisy pussy or extreme asshole while you were dating her the first time around.
Or, you can ignore my advice and keep contacting her over and over again to “be nice” or “maintain the connection” or “keep the interest up” or to “try to get her back.” All of this will ensure you’ll be stuck in friend zone forever and never get her back into your sex life.
Up to you.
Note/Update: I am no longer responding to any comments on this post. No, your situation is not “unique” or “different.” It’s the exact same steps for every scenario. Way too many of you are being complete pussies and not following the very clear and simple advice you’ve been given. Maybe other commenters can help you here, but I won’t.
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1,286 Comments on “Why It’s So Important To Ignore Her After A Breakup”
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This is the correct advice. It’s not really debatable (well, I guess the 4-month mark is, which is give or take, depending on the circumstances) if you want to be romantically involved with her again.
This is right you MUST stay no contact. Although when it comes to relationships don’t expect a recycle to be any different. People don’t change and you’ll find you will both go down the same path and she will end up leaving you again. Recycled paper = good. Recycled relationships = bad.
I call the women that come back “boomerangs.” My longest so far is an 8 year boomerang but 2 and 3 year boomerangs are common.
The advice here is accurate but I would add a couple of things. First and foremost HOW you let things end is super important. NEVER EVER EVER be even a tiny bit emotionally punishing. I don’t care if she no call/no showed for your last meeting or sent you the nastiest break-up text ever. Take emotions out of it and simply be nonchalant.
Girl: This just isn’t working for me.
You: I totally understand. I have really enjoyed our time together and best of luck to you.
OR
Girl: You are such a selfish asshole. You get what you want and I don’t get what I want.
You: I am really sorry you feel that way. I have really enjoyed our time together and best of luck to you.
OR
Girl: War and Peace length text about blah blah blah
You: It sounds as if you aren’t happy and I totally understand your point of view. I have really enjoyed our time together and best of luck to you.
Well you get the idea.
The other place I slightly disagree is I never text them first. Not after four month. Not after four years. They have to text me or I don’t bother.
If your pipeline is being managed well there is no reason to go for a re-tread unless she comes to you.
“It’s the most powerful weapon you have in your relationship arsenal; nuclear-strength in fact.”
100% on board with this and have had it happen many many times…
Twice as powerful if there is a social network or FB obviously that allows her to see you instantly ok with it without you pointing it out for her.
Yes! Social media is such a critical tool for resurrecting these women.
Very good post. I moved away from one of my mltrs around 2 months ago, I have visited twice since. I live about 3 hours away. So now we don’t see eachother very frequently, however should I go no contact with her? because if we can’t meet and we communicate that is surely damaging my chances for future hook-ups?
Do I contact her once a week? or less frequent. She said she plans to visit me in about a month or so. The last time I was in her area we hooked up also. I’ve been seeing her for about 6 months consistantly now. Perhaps you could so a pot on long distance fbs/mltr relationships.
The rules are different for long-distance women. This is not a soft next or LSNFTE situation. She didn’t leave you for another guy or because she was pissed; you left her because you moved away. So nothing in the above article applies to you.
Yeah, a post on long-distance women is probably a good idea.
“…if you do this as I’m describing, you will have sex with her again. It’s virtually guaranteed assuming A) you do it correctly, B) you’re in no rush, and C) you weren’t a oneitisy pussy or extreme asshole while you were dating her the first time around.”
I think there should be a link to your ‘always make her cum’ post in there somewhere 😉 What would you think your return rate would be if you didn’t provide such quality sexual services during your relationships?
This blog is further evidence that libertarians are right about pretty much everything – government, economics, relationships, whatever.
I still harbor a suspicion though that females in nature would prefer to date multiple men simultaneously. But since society doesn’t let them do this they’re stuck with the rapid serial monogamy strategy as the closest approximation.
“I still harbor a suspicion though that females in nature would prefer to date multiple men simultaneously. But since society doesn’t let them do this they’re stuck with the rapid serial monogamy strategy as the closest approximation.”
Scientists have speculated that the shape of the male penis directly indicates that its function first is to pull out or remove any other seaman in the vagina before his own ejaculation. Therefore giving him a greater chance of his genetic code spreading forward. It would seem that men and women evolved with the idea that women had multiple “lovers” in close proximity.
I love it when science backs up an idea I have been having!
So you’re saying as long as she’s contacting you it’s okay to respond, but never initiate any contact with her? My ex, who has a new boyfriend of a few months, keeps texting me to keep in touch. 100% initiated by her over the last few months. I usually reply in a simple manner, but never let the conversation go anywhere.
@Diggy
I read that also – it’s definitely suggestive.
@Dawson Stone
Felt the boomerang effect over the years but never could come up with a name for it. THX.
@Tim
You’re right on the money dude! She’s just checking on you to see if you’re banging someone new. Just keep her in the dark.
@BD
Please do a long-distance women post ASAP!
@POB
Haha come to think of it, she did text me about a month ago and ask me if I was seeing anyone new. Thanks.
That’s a damn good question. I’m really not sure. My guess would be at least a 35% reduction in relationship retention and returns.
More or less, yes. But I wouldn’t keep responding if she refuses to meet up in real life (and fuck).
Don’t just talk! You must PITCH A REAL-LIFE MEET. If you do and she refuses, start ignoring her for at least two months.
If you keep responding to her over and over again with no sex, that’s friend zone shit. Don’t do it!
I will, but you will not like what I have to say about it…
@Tim
Hahaha, I knew it!!! Women (usually) are not a 5000 piece puzzle as most guys state. In fact once you date several of them you’ll start to see a pattern and expect some behavioral traits to emerge. The key here is self-control. Once you get a hang of it you’ll be irresistible to them!
BDs advice is damn right!!! If you really want to bang her pitch a date and escalate as fast as possible to sex. Don’t talk much and please don’t discuss the “relationship”. Remember, there’s nothing more between the two of you. Treat her as a FB. She’ll love it and feel really attracted to the “new” you, believe me.
And please don’t be a pussy and get back with her. Been down that road myself and it’s not pretty.
@BD
Don’t know about the other guys here…I want nothing but the truth.
@POB
Solid advice. I actually ended up blocking her # because she wouldn’t stop texting me, even though I told her to stop. I did pitch a real life meet once, she refused. So I’m going to keep her BLOCKED for at least a month. I don’t want her back, I just want to get my hands on those DDD’s a couple more times haha.
Hi BD.
Long story short. Broke up with 6 month ex in anger (went with gut) She slept with an ex FB within a week, while we were on a break. I know I made tons of mistakes here because I couldn’t control my emotions.
When she told me I cut her off completely for 2 months, in which she contacted me 8 times.
I replied a month back and invited her over she suggested a Thursday but I was busy. So I said Sunday, Sunday came so I txted her and said come over tonight, she said she’d let me know and didn’t.
I cut contact again, and she’s contacted me 3 times since even though she’s seeing a new guy.
What’s the best thing to do now?
@AC
What is the goal? To have sex with her again or to be back in a relationship with her again?
If the former, when she texts you escalate immediately to logistics to have sex but double book with someone else so you don’t care if she flakes or not and if she flakes don’t give her a hard time about it (assuming you want to have sex with her again sometime down the road). And if you are working logistics, make it fairly immediate. That night or next night at the latest to re-close her.
The fact that you know who she is seeing/fucking is a problem in and of itself. Waste of your time and energy and super beta behavior. She’s seeing a new guy I can’t why you would waste a minute of your time unless she is literally mounting your dick.
If you want to get back into a relationship with her you should have your head examined. See a therapist or get a dog.
I was doing a period of no contact, to work on myself and become the attractive me again and give her room to miss me. After about 3 weeks she sent me some snapchats saying she was hoping I was okay (checking up on me?) and that she heard I went to a party (realizing I wasnt at home depressed?). Then she send another a couple days later that she feels empty without me/US (misses me?). I kept it cool and casual and didnt act needy and start chasing her. Now in about a week a NC period of 30 days will have passed, which I feel is enough since she has already shown signs of interest. Im at a crossroads, Black Dragon. How should I proceed? What should I do? Or What would you do? I want to get her back and I feel like thats possible now, I just need the blueprint so to speak. Thank You BD!! (Feedback from anyone is open and appreciated)
@dawson
The trouble was it really fucked me up when she did that – it broke my heart (pure beta). But it was a big eye opener and took a way a lot of my naïveté regarding my expectations of women/relationships.
I wasn’t happy in the relationship and she was pyscho but I wouldn’t want to get back with her now because of her issues, so just after sex.
The only thing is I don’t want to keep giving her the choice to come over for her to continually reject it etc. what do you think?
You are right, I just find it weird she won’t stop contacting me.
She cheated on me an year and begged me to take her back saying she would do anything to make it work again so I took her back. A year after she moved out but before that gave me hard time giving me every reason to kick her out. I went no contact for 5 weeks and texted her to meet me again where she told me she is already with someone else and we could never be together again. I reminded her of how I gave her a chance but she doesn’t want to give me a chance. Since then i sent her a few dont care and needy texts and cried too. I guess she will never be contqcting to meet or fuck again…though id like to keep her as a fb. .but i couldn’t control ny emotions.
@AC
You do exactly what I said. Respond to her the next time she contacts you. Chit-chat for just a few minutes, then PITCH A MEET. If she says no, ignore everything she says for 2 months. Then rinse and repeat. The fact she has a BF is completely irrelevant if she’s contacting you like that.
@Javier
1. Stop being a needy pussy. “I want to get her back” is the exact wrong attitude. You should be fucking at least two other women right now so you shouldn’t even care. Consider her coming back a pleasant bonus, not something you “want.”
2. You do exactly what I said. Do NOT contact her. If she contacts you first, respond to her. Chit-chat for just a few minutes, then PITCH A MEET. If she says no, ignore everything she says for 2 months. Rinse and repeat.
Let me explain something to some of you guys. Many of you are asking “but what if this, what if that?” None of that crap matters. You just do what I said in the article above; it covers all of these scenarios.
1. Do not contact her first for at least four months. Longer is better.
2. If, and only if, she contacts you first, respond to her and chit-chat for a bit then PITCH A MEET.
3. If she agrees, go for it and fuck her. If she says no, nicely end the conversation and now start IGNORING HER for at least 2 months. That means you do NOT respond to her if she contacts you, and you certainly don’t initiate contact. (It’s a variation of a soft next.)
4. Always be fucking other hot women so you don’t get needy or start missing her. Read my oneitis article if you need to.
5. Go back to step 2 and repeat from there.
It does NOT matter if she has a boyfriend. It does NOT matter how you broke up. It does NOT matter what she says when she texts you. Just calm down and do the above procedure as written. It’s been massively field tested and works like a charm.
Hi BD,
Thank you!
As for fucking two girls at any one time, it seems like a dream/impossibility to me? Though I did have 3 dates 3 days in a row a month ago. I really struggle with it, but it doesn’t help that I only hit the club each Friday. When I’m out I’m direct and approach any girl I find hot, usually get make outs but find it hard to take them home. I’ve been told I act like a bit of a player.
I’m not a bad looking guy by any stretch, dress well, and I hit the gym. And vibe well with girls.
But I’m still not getting the results I want, do you have any advice for this?
Thanks BD. Like I said above I ended up blocking my ex because I told her 3 times to stop texting me. Same as ignoring her but I just don’t have to look at the texts. I’ll probably unblock her after 8 weeks or so. If she contacts me I’ll suggest we meet up. Appreciate the advice.
@AC
If you really had strong feelings for this girl my honest advice is why go back even for sex? The best way to get over someone is time. The more time the less pain.
I know of what I speak:
There are a million reasons why she might be contacting you and it isn’t weird at all. It is weirder (way weirder when they don’t). It is irrelevant why she contacts you anyway. Maybe she wants her ego fed that you aren’t over her. Maybe she just enjoys torturing you. Maybe she has a bet with a girlfriend. Why would you waste a moment’s energy on her?
You are lying to yourself saying you only want sex from her. We both know that’s bullshit. You want her to want you back (SUPER beta). That is all ego and emotions fucking with you. As you get older I PROMISE YOU sex will get better. I don’t care what a freak she was in bed or how good she blew you.
Find someone (or better yet several someones) that treats you right and take control back of this part of your life and excuse my French, quit being such a pussy.
@AC
Do like Tim said…block her number so you don’t even have to think about it. Takes 3 seconds to block someone and takes the temptation away.
BD this post though doesn’t apply to serial monogomists does it?
Thank you Dawson for your valuable insight, I’m gonna take some pills for my oneitis.
While knowing I wouldn’t take her back, I doubt I could stop feelings. Alas, I wish it were just sex, your post is me to the t. But your blog post was a great read and made me feel better.
Relationships just suck in my eyes, they’re nice for a while
Then inevitably fuck up for whatever reason, rarely worth it.
Ex used to moan at me for going to the gym and say it was weird that I read loads of books, and would never support my mission. I’m much better alone because there’s no one stopping me achieving my goals.
The last option sounds like a good idea!
@oscar
serial monogomists are trouble bro. they are branch swingers and are always on the rebound. girls like that push for a relationship because they are needy, clingy and insecure. they will also maintain realtionships with other guys behind your back in case they become single, they need safety nets. if you sense your dealing with one, do FB or FWB only.
@AC
You are welcome. I am glad you found my post useful. Honesty I wish someone had pistol whipped some sense into me back then. I am guessing you are much younger than me so you are way ahead of the game having wisdom in your 20s that I didn’t have until my 40s.
While I understand your perspective (that relationships suck), let me offer an alternative view of things. As I said in my post, romantic love as a real thing (other then brain chemistry fucking with your objectivity) is just an illusion. You should be glad to be rid of the illusions.
The good news (in fact GREAT news) is that as a high value man the world is your oyster. You can have great “relationships” but take them for what they are. They are women in your life for as long as you both make each other happy be it a night, a month, a year or whatever. You get to keep basically all the good stuff (except for irrational infatuation that does feel good but let’s be honest isn’t healthy) and get rid of all the bad stuff.
Most kids are sad when they realize there is no Santa, tooth fairy, etc. but now you just realize it was silly and didn’t really add to your life in a way that matters.
Hang in there buddy. Time will fix it and the best revenge is living well.
Guys I need help. These are the darkest days of life and i have been a student of game for some time. I am full of neediness pining over her and crying every so often Please tell me there’s a way to get her back. I can’t bear giving her body away to someone and seeking pleasure while I descend in this dark spiral. Tell me its possible for her to love me again. I need to know if there’s a way. What about all the promises..everything is possible in this world isn’t it. I am not sure how I will survive the next few months im on the edge ..Help brothers
@Ac and @Tim
Guys, believe me when I say I see a lot of myself in your stories. When I was younger I did exactly what you guys did when I was “in love” with some girl. Heck, I did that with my last GF (not that long ago) when I was already over 30, buffed and getting a lot of pussy.
In one sentence: “That’s extremely BETA behavior”.
You gotta beat that crap outta yourselves!!!
If you guys are as wise as you look (in fact you are opening up here and it takes a lot of guts to do so) you’ll follow Dawson’s and BD’s advices:
– don’t be needy,
– pitch a date only to have sex,
– ignore her for a LONG TIME if she does not act as you’d like to,
– and please, I mean please, if you still have strong feelings just FORGET ABOUT HER! Block everything, take some time to yourselves and when the time is right go fuck other girls!
On a bigger picture have a life plan!!! Start to build options, go travel, meet and sleep with girls from abroad, think about building your own business, man, there’s so much to do and so little time….so why waste it with someone that doesn’t deserve?
@Oscar
Dude you need to get a grip. This is 100% ego fucking with you. She cheated on you and you are butt hurt. You tied your identity up in that relationship and now your pain is coming from the loss of that part of your identity. It wasn’t healthy in the first place.
Read this if you haven’t already and maybe it will be helpful. It was to AC.
The question you should be asking yourself isn’t how to get her back buy why would you want to? Focus on being the best, happiest version of yourself and find some other women to fill the void left by someone that sounds awful and unhealthy for you.
@Dawson
I got over the cheating that doesn’t even bother me. What bothers me is she didn’t keep her promises she made when i broke off and she wanted to come back to do whatever it takes where is that “whatever it takes” that doesn’t even matter i got over it despite her trying to triger the cheating memories by deliberately mentioning something related and watching my reaction. I never showed any emotion at those attempts and then sge gave up. It seemed she would do everything to spite me abd test me but i remained mostly stoic. I don’t like her personality just missing the fucking I guess and just her mere presence. This is just scarcity based mindset and I can’t seem to help it. What is she doing now fucking some other dude instead of full filling her promises to grow old with me. Relayionship issues? Let’s fix it no but she planbed her exit well in advance…and waa waa waa…too fucking painful…
@Oscar
IMO you simply aren’t being honest with yourself about the cheating but I won’t debate the point. Doesn’t matter anyway.
It is TOTALLY irrelevant what she promised. If she doesn’t want to try again that is that (quite frankly you should count yourself lucky or this shit would drag on longer and will end the same way…badly).
Grow old together? Are you fucking kidding me? You need to put down your Disney DVD collection and go out and find your balls again.
Hey Dawson you are correct, I am 21 and have learned a lot of valuable information already. I know the mindsets that I should have and have learned to invest in my own self improvement no matter what.
I do find it depressing that love is merely infatuation/illusion/movie magic
Part of me desperately wants it not to be true, but it is proven time and time again by relationships I’ve been in and my friends have been in.
It was a hard lesson to learn. I still feel my emotions get in the way but I wonder how BD/players manage to avoid the emotions. I know most cant really avoid them even if they wouldn’t admit it.
I got into game when I was 18, overweight and insecure/anxious and improved a lot etc. but I’ve only come across the red pill things in the last few months. Wish id discovered the red pill back in those days for sure!
Thanks again!
@Oscar
Just forget about her and focus on yourself man. Right now you’re in an emotional state and incapable of ANY healthy relationship whatsoever. Take the time to invest on your dreams and things will fall right, I garantee that.
Dawson and POB thanks guys. This just feels like a never ending nightmare right now.
Oscar, you’ll get through it. Hopefully your eyes will be opened by the experience.
Take a moment to realize the disconnect between the words she spoke and the actions she took. Then remember always to IGNORE what women SAY and pay attention to what they DO.
None of my advice is directed towards people who practice monogamy because monogamy doesn’t work (unless you like drama).
That being said, while the above technique doesn’t work as well, it does work somewhat with monogamists. The same could be said of most the relationship techniques I discuss.
Of course you have to Ignore her since this is a bad break up! Try somebody else, there are a lot there where you will find better relationship.
@BD
Looking forward to the LDR post.
I am currently 3 months in planned 6 month soft-next on long-distance FB.
Long story short.
This woman is in town 2-3 times a year, but lately she has been avoiding the meet.
It goes like this.
Before coming to my town she contacts me and asks if our plan to hang out is still valid.
Then she arrives, couple of days later contacts me late in the evening or late at night, but suddenly ‘becomes busy’ when I pitch the meet while insisting that she wants to see me very much. We agree to get in touch later, I dont try to reschedule, and she leaves town without a notice. 3-4 weeks later she sends me one of these ‘hey what’s up?’ texts from the other side of the Globe.
Now she has done it twice, and I have not responded to her ‘hey what’s up?’ text after the second flake.
I decided that it is unacceptable behavior in my book, and that I am not wasting my time texting with her when she is 5000 miles away if she can not find time to see me when she is 5 miles away.
So my current plan is to ignore her long distance texts for 6 months, and then get in touch with her.
If she texts me again before the soft next period runs out, I will only respond if she is in town and hints at meetup. Then I push for the meet and reschedule if necessary. If she dodges the meet, I am hard nexting her.
@Mrj
You’re paying too much attention to her dude. If that’s your plan, set the alarm clock on your cel to tick after 6 months, forget about her (block her number if you have to) and go fuck other women.
My longest ressurrection was an ex that I didn’t see for 7 years!!! Kept casual contact (like 1-3 messages every year on FB) but really didn’t mind her. One day out of the blue we decided to have lunch. The next day I was banging her in my place. Time is really a charm.
So I tried and it doesn’t work hahaha.
Do I wait 4 more months to contact her again ?
Yes. I personally would wait 6 months.
BD, if my ex has a new boyfriend yet is still trying to text/call me can I still invite her over? Would it work? Pretty sure she’s pretending to be happy
Dude…it’s the same thing I’ve been saying. YES, invite her over. If she says no, immediately end the conversation and IGNORE HER for AT LEAST FOUR MONTHS.
Jeez guys. It’s not this complicated.
This strategy is wonderful where you have maintained alpha frame throughout and the chick knows what you’re about.
However, I would like your advice on how to approach this where the old relationship failed from losing frame and going needy alpha or beta. I am most interested in where you went needy alpha.
The no contact period will of course remain the same. I feel like immediately proposing a meet when you got dropped for being too high pressure/controlling will ultimately fail though. I feel like there must be a way to establish a cooler, outcome independent alpha 2.0 frame followed by a request to meet. Got two exes from my pre alpha 2.0 days who would make good fb’s, no real risk of wanting a real long term thing on my part either as they aren’t ltr material.
This my question is: how do you reestablish cool laid back frame after the 4 month period aiming for Fb status? Or any other approach here given this context that you would advise?
None of that is relevant and the steps are exactly the same. Exactly. The only difference is that the steps are less likely to work.
So to be clear: If the breakup was because you went too Alpha Male 1.0 / Needy Alpha on her, or went beta on her, or you were monogamous to her, the steps are exactly the same to a T; they’re just less likely to work as well. This is a good lesson to learn; hopefully you’ll do it right the next time you have a relationship.
Thanks for getting back so quickly. That seemed to me the likely outcome. These were from before I discovered/was just discovering the manosphere. Very obvious what I did wrong in retrospect with the benefit of the knowledge good folks like you help to share. Luckily there are always more out there!
What if you have to work with the woman? She’s my bartender and I’m an entertainer. We work together 3 days a week. She broke off the relationship. I’m ignoring her as much as possible but it’s a little difficult when you’re in a professional setting like this. Quitting my job is not an option. Should I just blow the whole thing off? She’s quite a bit younger than me (24 years).
I do not recommend workplace relationships for EXACTLY the reason you’re describing. Forget her forever and stop dating women you work with. And read this:
https://alphamale20.com/blackdragonblog/2011/09/12/dating-people-at-work/
Similar to Joe’s question, what’s the course of action for contact at partys and other social events? Were still in the same social circle so occasional interaction is bound to happen.
No easy answers, other than to do your best. If you see her at a party, don’t approach her. If she approaches you, say hi, be nice for 30 seconds, then politely excuse yourself and go talk to someone else.
Also, plan ahead. If you know she’s going to be somewhere, be somewhere else if possible. If that’s not feasible, and if I knew I had to see a recent ex at a party that I had to go to, I would make very sure to show up with a woman on my arm who was better-looking than her.
Wouldn’t she forget about you if you don’t contact her for four months ?
If you behaved just like every other guy she’s dated while you were dating her, yes.
She wont call. She is too pretty and has lots of options, one man down 100 others lined up to fill his space. Only girls with limited options come back i.e ugly to average chicks.
I’m going on 2 months complete NC with the ex. I pitched a meet way back in August and she never got back to me…never said yes or no. But she’s still texting me and I’m still ignoring her since October. I’ve completely vanished from her life and I feel way better. Seems that she hasn’t forgotten about me though. I think I’ll give it another month.
They never forget. Trust BD advice they will call and they will be back . Just gotta let them stew.
If a woman leaves you, you ignore her to move on, not to get her back. There is no reason to get someone back after they decide to leave you. If you ignore a woman (who knows her value) she will ignore you right back.
@GApeach
” If you ignore a woman (who knows her value) she will ignore you right back.”
That’s true only if the guy did not show her any value when they were together. If he did she’ll keep in touch and make him a backup for attention/sex/whatever.
@gepeach… That’s not true… If you held your frame they always come back…why ? Coz you would be the only guy that held their frame …. What bd says is true …
I’m 51 years old and I was with a 43 year old girl for 7 months. She dumped me a little over 2 months ago. I could never get anymore out of her other than she was not feeling it. I was the typical nice guy beta. I texted and called her to much.fixed things around her house,bought her shit etc. Sex was mostly good but I had a few bouts of ed and premature ejaculation. We allways got along great and never had one argument. She was very even tempered.to much so.I really never knew what she was thinking.she was married once in her 20s and was with some guy before me for a long time.
I made the mistake of chasing her pretty hard on and off up until 2 weeks ago when I stopped contact.I’m 51 years old and I’ve never been so hung up on a girl my whole life.all I can think of is how do I get her back. Slap some sense into me
I think you already know everything you’ve done wrong.
Go have sex with someone new ASAP. And make sure she’s cute.
it has been 6 month since breakup 4 months since last contact. she hasn’t called text or emailed, must be enjoying new dicks immensely or is plain stubborn.
Not to be rude or an idiot. I am newly single. But why do all these women leave you in the first place? Plus, if she has a boyfriend and wants to cheat, you are cool with cheating? Would it bug you if the chick was with one of the guys on the site?
Depends on the woman. But usually it’s because they want a man to verbally promise them monogamy (even if he’s lying because he’s cheating).
Yes. Very cool with it. If she wants to lie to someone about being sexually monogamous when she really isn’t, that’s her business and her problem, not mine.
I never expect a woman I’m seeing to be 100% sexually monogamous to me anyway, so I never have this problem.
I can’t speak for anyone else, but one of my personal standards is that I will never have sex with a woman who is dating or married to a man I already personally know. Too much potential for drama there.
But if I don’t personally know the guy and she wants to have sex with me? It’s game on.
One question I have: when she contacts you after a while, and you’ve already gone through the 4 months of not contacting her in any way, is it really the best idea to almost immediately arrange a meet-up?
Doesn’t that possibly convey you’ve just been waiting to see her all this time, and that she doesn’t really have to do much in order to get back in your life? I’m just thinking it may look like I’d drop anything just to see her again or something.
Yes.
Not if you don’t act eager. All you say is something like “We should hang out, maybe next Tuesday,” and see what she says. If balks, tell her great, c’ya around, end the conversation, and resume ignoring.
If you keep pestering her like a beta, well then yeah, she’ll think you’re a pussy.
I did everything wrong trying to get me ex back. I was one of the guys that didn’t have enough self control the article spoke of. I would just like to be friends at this point but looks like I’ve been shut out for good
Why the hell do you want to be friends with her? If you still have fellings towards her, it will hurt you (a lot). If you don’t, she’ll probably be with other guys and change your status into a orbiter just to feed her attention needs. It’s a loose/loose situation my friend!
If you really want to do that, you should already be having great sex with another woman (more than one is better) and she (or they) must be good-looking!
Hi blackdragon
I posted a few months back.
i fucked my ex again. and it worked. the tips here are awesome. shes more keen on hooking up and loves the improved me 😉
Just gonna keep that open relationship frame.
Thanks!
Awesome! You just made my day.
Yep, this stuff works.
Good! haha
I have your book, i was wondering what the best chapter is for making and keeping an open relationship good is?
For example, how much ‘alpha’ traits such as being distant and non needy to in terms of replying and how much beta to add in. How often to meet up. etc
Thanks,
Chapters 13 and 18 specifically, though all of part four (chapters 12-18) would apply in some way.
May I ask the situation of a girl you dated and escalated but did not get her to go to bed with you? One woman who I failed to seduce now several months later is very flirty with me and I wonder if it is worth a try again, however, usually I do not try a second seduction if the first one failed.
I agree with you. I have an almost zero percent success rate for trying to have sex with a first-time woman months after she said no the first time. So I would skip it unless you have plenty of time to burn.
She contacted but was just shooting the breeze on V day. Does the 4 months start again ?
Hi BlackDragon I recently had to stop seeing a girl cos shes dropped out of university to go travelling in Australia. we’d agreed to stop seeing each other because the distance would be too hard to deal with.
She then moved back home which is about 130 miles away… the contact slowly stopped for about a week.. but recently she keeps initiating contact telling me that she misses me and shes thinking about me (which I’ve completely glossed over I haven’t said i miss or i’m thinking about her since we’ve ended).
I think shes hinting thats she wants to meet up before she goes away properly but Im not gonna ask her.
have you got any advice?
Only if you tried to meet up with her and she balked.
You guys really aren’t reading the directions here.
Go ahead and ask her. If she balks, ignore for 4 months. If she goes back home before the 4 months are up, that’s the way it goes.
And she’s 130 miles away so that means SHE comes to YOU, not the other way around.
I know she’ll say yes but money is an issue because she hasn’t got much left and she needs all of it for her (globe trotting)? I’d pay for half the fee for her to come to my city but I wouldn’t pay all.
What do you think? Is spending money on her out of the question even when I know its guaranteeing sex?
Thanks for getting to me anyway bro much appreciated
Sorry I guess we want her to come back to us and thinking about it susbconsciously everyday coz we don’t have no other plates. Your advice is pretty simple but hard to execute coz we still want to tap that pvssy.
Btw I bought your book. Hopefully by the time i finished reading it I be tapping her again . Can you write an article on why they would come back to you after such a long time ?
Is it okay to pay hookers for sex?
Are you that much of a loser that you can only have sex by spending a few hundred dollars on a woman?
Hopefully not.
Good god you guys are killing me.
YOU GUYS NEED TO MAN THE FUCK UP RIGHT NOW.
THIS YOU’RE LOOKING AT AN ENTIRE BLOG FULL OF TECHNIQUES ON HOW TO HAVE SEX WITH NEW WOMEN FOR VERY CHEAP.
STOP WHINING ABOUT THESE WOMEN AND GET OUT THERE AND FUCK SOME NEW ONES.
Jesus…
BD,
Very traumatic breakup, but was months in the making. I’m 43. The relationship was 3.5 years. I acted tough up to the MOT, but when she said she wanted me to leave, I was a pussy and broke down. I do love her, but I endured twice the crap I ever gave her, including taking on her 3 kids,(I have no kids) and listening to her 14 year old daughter talk shit to me. I tried to put on the Alpha role, and never worked with her. I have left her alone, but dunno if I REALLY do wanna get back with her. I do miss her, but as you say, it must be ego. It’s still very fresh.
Can I have some real tips and advice?
Thanks.
Dave
@Dave
1) you’re finally free
2) if your cock is functional, there is A LOT of hungry pussy out there…
Dude, do the math!
One other thing – what is the opinion about kids in the relationship? Cause they are innocent, and you get attached to them. But I poured more time and money into them than their own fathers’ did. All that got me was…?
Unless you legally adopted them, you have no legal rights to those kids. If she doesn’t want you around them, you’re out of luck.
Forget her, move on, and learn from this experience so that you don’t repeat it. You were too beta in the relationship. Don’t do that again.
But she didn’t tell me she doesn’t want me around them at all. I was just asking about being in a relationship when kids are involved. For example, many of my friends told me that I should have never gotten into a relationship with kids, as you can never win if there is a dispute. Also, do you send birthday cards, etc.? Or is it cut and run. Tough deal…
…and she’s has already texted me asking if I’m ok? Smokescreen? I just said I’m fine thank you. Its only been a week.
What next?
You know exactly what to do. Read the post and comments above.
Tell her to fuk off. She is trash.
Short story. Had a girlfriend, fell in love with another girl. Cheated on her and had a relationship with the new girl for about 2 months. Wanted to break up but didn’t. New girl was heartbroken. We kept contact. AFter about a month I finally broke up and told her. New girl seemed happy… Spent some great days together. Then I was upset about her changing some plans of going to a party together. She didn’t cancel, just mentioned that she would be there anyway and I lost my cool calling her out about trying to prove how independent she is (was going through the break-up those days and was little sensitive). Anyway afterwards she became distant. Then had a chat and told me that she thinks it will not work out and that she doesn’t want her heart broken again by me.
Same rules apply here ?
What do you think?
None of you are a unique snowflake exception, no matter how hard you try.
Story – Girl dumped me after being exclusive for 6months, but we were never official. Acted alpha and non-needy most of the time, until she went home for Christmas break and I probably started calling and texting too much/ex probably came back on the scene when she was home. First meet up she gave me ‘the talk’ (dumping) and I acted kinda beta asking for another chance as it caught me off guard (never saw the signs). Got a text that evening as she regretted it and realised I liked her more than I showed from being icy from day 1. Texted back and forth but got nowhere as the ‘feeling had still gone’. 1 week after with no change, I told her I couldn’t do it anymore and sent her a ‘call me if you change your mind’ text. She replied with the ‘I will but don’t wait for me’ text. Been NC for 1 month.
She’s hot. She’s stubborn and never had her on Instagram/FB/Snapchat so no stalking or subtle contact either. I believe in the process and was high-value until it fell off the cliff. Spinning other plates but ego wants her to message me badly?
How’s that play out against a normal 4 month window…
The call me if you change your mind text was a fatal mistake. 4 months? I don’t think she be back in 44 months. Never ever let her know that you will leave the door open.
So, she tells me its over, and were not getting back together, then texts me the next day to ask “how are you?” Whats up with that???? I just said I’m great and left it at that.
Why would she do that?
Dave
She is regretting her decision and wants to know you’re still there and an option, in case she decides to take you back. She wants to know she still has the power. Give her the gift of vanishing, take the power back, and then you’ll know if she really wants you. Girls only want what they can no longer have, so best way to play it is, unless she is going to take you back – Ignore her.
Unless you want to be the beta boy who texts her and blows up her phone without getting laid, of course.
I don’t think she’s regretting it, but it certainly is confusing…now the weekend is here and she will vanish from all sight. I know it sounds bad but it really is hard to understand, and it leaves guys vulnerable. It kinda pisses me off…
Sure as shit, 8 pm on Sunday night, I get the text asking how my weekend was. Why???? I just said it was great.
Asking what I did, and to tell me about her weekend. I almost was pissed that she was telling me about it. I saw the kids on Saturday, and they keep asking me when I’m coming home. They aren’t my kids but I love them the same. It felt great to see them, as they are amazing. But other than that, why would she keep asking me and texting me???? Only asking guys, as I do not text her.
does this apply to women as well? he broke-up with me because he found a new woman who forced him to be exclusive because she got a visa and bought a plane ticket to visit him. He said he just want to be just friends for now because he is obliged to be loyal/serious to her and don’t want to mess around with other women anymore. He said that if things change he will let me know. I told him I don’t want to be just friends and I went straight no contact, it’s been 12days that I disappeared. What I find shocking is that he hates LDR and didn’t even meet that woman in person yet so why ditch other girls alread? He is in a band and is used to girls stalking him online and begging for another chance, so he is probably surprised that I’m the first girl who disappeared after being dumped. I thought he was great, I don’t understand why he is allowing himself to be controled by some online woman who he never met in person.
Here is a situation for you. Been with my girl/sons mother 9 years, she says I’m being a asshole cuts me off from sex so I get tired and tell her to move back in with her mom. She constantly says I did it because I’m a jackass, so she says leave her alone she needs to think. She is miserable at her mom’s called crying I say come back home she says no u haven’t learned to quit being a jackass that fast. What do you suggest
I got a rare one. I am an older guy who was with a young lady half my age. I was seperated and she thought we might end up together. I really cared for her. She decided she didnt want to be physical anymore so i blew it off. She got really angry and said i used her and embarrassed her. I coudnt beleive she felt that way. I tried explaining to her that wasnt true but she doesnt or wont believe me. We have had contact infrequently but when i avoid her it seems she makes some contact. A key is i am friendly with her mom, who chats me up at the gym. I dont know how this plays into the no contact rule but i need some help on that.
I think her mom wants to fuck me also but i have no interest. Girl is on her third boyfriend in 2 years, always in love thinking this guy is the one. We go the same gym chain where i see the mom. Exact sametime but im in one location and she is in another one nearby.
I’m not commenting any more in this thread.
All of you are presenting circumstances as if they’re unusual when in fact they’re common and normal, then asking me what to do, when I’ve already explained exactly what to do about 10 times in this post and in this thread.
SO after about 4 weeks of no contact she sent me an email. Just asking me how I am doing. Did not reply, but next day I went by her office to say hi. She was chatty, but I kept it short and did not bring up any personal matters. Back to no contact again, see if she tries to contact me again…
I totally agree with you BD on everything. The mother of the chick chatty me up is not in the usual though lol
This is the magic pill you’re all looking for…
If you created enough attraction, made her laugh, had a good time, and generally showed her you were the man – regardless of what happened when the relationship died or how she dumped your arse or how your girl is super hot or different to the rest. If you created any sort of real value when you were with her…
She will come back!
Maybe not in a week, or a month. But sometime. If you go complete NC and vanish nuclear-style. She will start wondering. Trust me. They can’t believe in their hamster brain you’d just leave her like a bad smell.
This recently happened to me. Dated a solid 10 in most guys books, she dumped my arse. At 5 weeks complete NC and she’s already sent me a IG ‘follow’ request haha. Unless she’s ringing me up, i’m still walking.
You have to take it like a man. Best way to stop yourself when thoughts of her start creeping – Imagine that smug look on her face when she see’s a text from you after breaking NC!
Currently, she’s in limbo when you go NC; she doesn’t know if you’re banging other hotter girls or crying in your basement, but its human nature to assume you must be moving onto to hotter grounds if you aren’t hitting her up anymore. If there’s any sort of attraction left – she’ll be back. They always come back. They can’t rationalize the lack of attention you don’t give them anymore when you walk.
Tips for staying on the straight path. Work out. Spin other plates. Jack off. Think about that disgusting look she gave you all the time when she was losing attraction…
The end..
@Realtalk
Spot on. 100% truth.
i must sadly admit i have showed some softness in the past. We had big mucho attraction and really liked each other but i was not on her radar for the whole enchilada ( dating alot, marriage, kids etc.) so she decided it would be better just to be friendly. I did the NC and it worked wonders. But then i caved etc and was on and off trying to establish contact. Now im totally invisible like a wraith. all in on this
Nice real talk . Any other advice ?
My advice above covers everything. Another trick I use for perspective whilst getting back on the straight path after a breakup relates to the concept:
“Resistance is futile” – That is, accepting reality for what it is, not what you want it to be. Understanding and accepting what you cannot control (i.e. the girl and her feelings) and realising the stuff you can control (i.e. your actions/reactions to her). This is really important as a lot of guys get into the ‘mental masturbation’ of –
“if only i’d done this differently’ or ‘If only she knew how much I really like her’.
NO – When you start losing the girl, or losing your hand at the poker table – You don’t double down. I.e. you don’t try to challenge or convince a girl otherwise when she’s losing/lost interest. You don’t stay and beg and try and win again. You walk…
You cut your losses. Don’t challenge her opinion that she wants to sack your ass. Accept it. By challenging her opinion, subconsciously she’ll disagree as it goes against her hamster brain, which in her world is always right/rational, which you are now challenging. Racing drivers always drive into a skid when the car starts losing control…
It’s like trying to slap your hand on water when you’re angry – The harder you hit the water, the harder it will feel back. Don’t try hard to convince a girl. Tell her you respect her decision and want her to be happy. Even if you don’t (haha) – remaining icy won’t lose you anymore attraction.
FINALLY – Always bear in mind whilst you’re thinking about the girl, your strategy to win her back, make her jealous or any other dark arts you have in mind to re-win the pussy. She is getting on with her life. She will barely think about you. She will be flirting with other guys. Seeking new dick and probably telling them you were a loser…
Guys often forget this about girls – Most are evil. Most will screenshot your needy texts and send them round the girls whatsapp group to laugh at.
SO, next time you get a girl. Remember – A girl is never yours, it’s just your turn!
God bless America, the millions of hot European Girls, and the joys of Tinder.
Happy hunting
Will you still have sex with her after she has had a kid?
What a bizarre question. Of course I will. And have.
I have been ignoring her…we split up almost a month ago. She always initiates contact with me via text. I do not. Again let me make this clear, SHE told me it was over, and SHE told me were not getting back together. But every 3-4 days she texts. We’ve had text conversations, asking “how are you”, and telling me about the kids. But I have left her alone, and I keep it short when she contacts me. Hell, I’ve already gotten on Tinder and match.com… Then on Friday at 10 pm, out of the blue… I get a text from her telling me about a band we like thats coming to town in December.
WHY???? I wait to text her back the next morning, have a small and brief conversation with her, and then it’s nothing the rest of the weekend. What is going on? I cannot figure it out. And please, don’t give me the line of “your being beta”.
I have over 3 years invested in this, she, and her kids mean a lot to me. I just get the feeling that people that care get viewed as soft on here. But can anyone give me a no bullshit thought on this? I have asked about this previously. Do I want her back. Of course. But she said she didn’t, and I just don’t know what she is trying to do by this.
I do appreciate your views on this site. BD you seem like a stand up guy, and some of the other guys do too. Man, there are some great articles on here that have already helped me. But what is happening is confusing and it hurts. How or when does it stop?
Hi Dave,
I hear what you’re saying. Nothing wrong with caring when you have invested a lot in a girl you like. Maybe you need to communicate with the girl more clearly. Explain that you’re respecting her decision to break up, and it hurts you to not be a part of her life anymore as you still care about her/the kids, and unless she is open to working it out/talking, you can’t keep going like this, i.e. just texting, anymore.
Then, vanish. Don’t keep contacting and replying as you have to respect her decision.
Texts mean nothing, girls fire them off ten a dozen. Maybe not in your case, but texts don’t mean anything. Go by her actions – has she called you to talk and told you she misses you?
Girls often just text for validation. They want to know they can still have you, even if they don’t want you anymore.
Give them want they wanted. Space. Time and space are the biggest weapons against women playing games. No words, not even by shakespeare will convince her to get back with you. It has to be from her.
Been through something similar myself recently – When they break up with you – they are effectively saying my life would be better without you. You have to respect that. They’ve thought about it long before they dropped it on you…
There is nothing you can do, that’s the point. There’s only stuff you can do to make it worse and prolong the pain.
Thanks RT. It is a hard process. I had all my eggs in one basket and she turned that basket upside down. I have to get the rest of my things from her house. I still have many things there. I just don’t have anywhere to put them, as I am staying with a friend until I can get a decent apartment. My friends tell me if she wanted out of her life so bad, she’d be pissy and telling me to get my shit out of her house.
They know her too. People want to place money on her “ticking clock”, in the sense that she got mad and she may be thinking she made a mistake. And that was the reason she texted me at 10 pm on a Friday night, at home, cause she knew I’d be out. But they also say that if your thinking she feels guilty, or regret, it’s probably not the case. She has yet to take blame or apologize for anything. I did all of that like a coward.
But your right…she hasn’t called or said lets meet to discuss anything with her. So, she obviously isn’t that bothered. I have had to let go of all those bad memories, and concentrate on me. I’ve lost 22 pounds, and I have 30 more to go. I’m back in the gym. I am trying to get myself back together.
I agree, this communication has to stop. I just hate it.
I have not bothered her at all. She initiates the text contact. When I am texting, I keep it light. But, after more than 3 weeks, we were speaking on text yesterday. She was telling me how she was still angry and hurt. But I have been hurt too. She actually did more damage than I did.
She was saying that me telling her that I have changed and gotten a new perspective didn’t mean that much to me cause she’s still hurt. But at the same time, she says that she wants to know that I’m ok. I asked her if she just wants me to leave her alone. She says she just can’t let go overnight, and can I just let her know I’m ok.
I told her I can’t just let go overnight either, and do we really have to? I asked if that what was most important, that we vanish away from each other after all we’ve had? I don’t expect any promises, and I don’t want to let go of the rope.
We have 3.5 years invested in this. I care for her and her kids very deeply. We BOTH made incredible mistakes and hurt each other. But, we have a bond. It is different for me and her. I love those kids, and I love her. If I didn’t, I’d walk.
But maybe now I have to?
@Dave
I get that breakups can be painful but you need to examine where the pain is coming from. Ego and emotions. Your ego is hurt that she ended it and your emotions are tied up in letting go of your identity as a couple. I don’t know all the details but taking on her kids means you have a least a healthy dose of “white knight” in you.
I am going to tell you what I really think and feel free to call me an asshole if you want but I have been where you are and know of what I speak. The kids are bullshit. I am not saying you don’t care about them and that you don’t mean anything to them but they aren’t your kids are while 3.5 years isn’t nothing it isn’t anywhere near an entire childhood. You are just using them as an excuse to stay attached.
YOU DON’T WANT TO LET GO. Until you do want to let go (which is the only way your pain will stop) you are screwed.
You need to block her email. Block any social media. Block her number. No contact of any kind. Don’t see who she’s added on FB and worry about what that might mean. Total waste of time and energy.
You are focusing your energy on all the wrong things. Get yourself in great shape. Spent time with close friends and family that you care about. Start dating when you feel like it.
If you do those things for 5-6 months and meet a few great ladies and feel good about your life and you STILL think about the chick you are upset about now…then and only then reach out to her. If you really have such an amazing bond it will last 6 months. If not, how special could it have really been?
My expectation is that in six months you will be like “Who? Oh yea I remember her.”
At that point being the best version of yourself you could perhaps have her back and on much better (non beta) terms but I am just stunned that a women with three kids is the best you can do.
Best of luck and remember EVERY SINGLE DAY that you don’t break off ALL CONTACT is extending your suffering. You have no one to blame but yourself.
story – (long one 🙁 ) i met a gal like a friend on jan 2014 .. we had some oral play..bt nt fucking on may 2014 i proposed her fr marriage.. aftr tht v were on just oral play..she said me nt to make intercourse till marriage.. one day she left the city for holidays in october2014 ..whn she left aftr 2 days i got a phone call from her.. she was totally drunk out..and told me i am fucking with a guy ..he is with me.. we had sex today..i was going for holidays was a lie .. i m here to meet my friend..and v r fucking from last 1.5 years..i am nt a virgin. I went to the stage of depression and anxiety . i was all mad. textng her calling her. she blocked me on fb . she blocked me on cell. blocked me on whatsapp. 2-4 tyms we talked when she called me and she always said i dont wanna tak 2 u. one day i thought i wll nt call or text her . but one day she asked me for coffee. we went for coffee. she invited me to join the morning sesseion of workout with her . i joined tht . she went out with me fo dinner on 1 jan 2015. it was going well. in feb 2015 she again starting showing ego. i dont wanna meet u and i wll nt reply of ur msg. as i was blocked in call. so i always msg her . tht day i maid a choice tht i wll not meet her . but aftr 7-8 days she again caleed me for workout . i msg tht i wll join later . after 10 days she again asked me 2 join . i was ignoring her . on 21st april she again asked me to join workout . i replied i will join in 2-3 days you carry on . till now i had not got any msg nor i hav texted her . now wht to do suggest me. is she regretting her mistake bcoz i think calling me in such a drunk out position was her mistake and thr was some influnce on her of the 2nd guy ..she alwyz said she loves me and want to marry me . we were talking to our families and was thinking to marriage in march 2015 . i think she still want to marry me. and by avoiding me . she wants me to make mad . so i come on my knee and ask her to marry me . In very difficult position please suggest me wht to do . i didnt fucked her . and i wanna fuck her
So I have an update again. I saw her 3-4 times in the office and had a great chat each time. But nothing sexual or relationship related. I was aloof and funny and she made some jokes herself. So I invited her to dinner with some friends because I was going away to a new place. She came, she was flirty, there was tension between us, and she even touched my leg under the table a couple of times. She will be moving in the same place I am and she was even suggesting stuff we can do once she is here… There was also a weird moment when we were alone when she asked how I was doing and she seemed a bit sad. So when I got her home to say goodnight we hugged for a long time, but she didn’t let me kiss her… So I didn’t make a big deal out of it and we told each other that we would see each other soon. I kept no contact and after about 4 days she texted me asking how the new place is. I responded casually and she asked some more questions.
Do you think she is warming up to me again, or is this a friendzone thing ? Should I keep no contact again ?
Hey guys,
I’ve been giving people advice recently but got caught off-guard today and could really do with some help (Dawson/BD). Been straight NC with the girl who dumped me apart from a small text exchange at week 5 over her adding me up on social media.
Long story short I was on a date today in town, rarely been going in since we split and guess who walks past the window where we were sitting. Yes, the ex. I did the satisfied smile and wave and beckoned her in – obviously she didn’t because I was clearly with another (equally hot) girl. Date ended soon after as it was a first date, so text the ex if she wants to catchup etc. Got a lame excuse why she was busy but said she’s around till May (lol). Kinda of ended it there…
I don’t really know what to make of it all – looked alpha as moved on with hotter girl who she just happened to see me with so looked good as wasn’t intentional, but I did message her and she kind of blew me out again….?
Guess it’s the classic – start NO Contact again line right? Even if I give the ex an inch I seem to lose frame and
@StupidGuy
@RealTalk
You guys are missing the point. I think the quote goes, “Living well is the best revenge.”
Answer yourself this honestly…if you strip out your ego and emotions is there REALLY anything about these chicks you are suffering over that is truly THAT unique?
If you were losing it over a Vicoria’s Secret supermodel who was worth millions (but was cool about being loaded) with the mind of Einstein and off the charts emotional intelligence all while being a rock star in bed (with an identical twin sister that joined you in bed from time-to-time) and as kind, nurturing and empathetic as you can imagine then MAYBE it would make sense.
But that simply isn’t the case. That woman doesn’t exist. To be fair, neither does her male equivalent.
There are lots of amazing women. TONS. Your problem is a scarcity mentality. If you really can’t your head out of your ass to realize that while these women might be high value (and I am not even saying they are) there are plenty of other high value women out there, then you are simply the architect of your own suffering.
The fact that you know when she last contacted you (“small text exchange at week 5”) or (“she even touched my leg under the table a couple of times”) makes me want to slap you guys. Jesus have some self respect.
I don’t contact an ex after things have ended EVER. Not after 6 months. Not after six years. Because I am busy with other new and interesting women it doesn’t even cross my mind to waste energy on what they are doing or who they are doing it with. When a women does boomerang (and probably over 75% do eventually…sometimes years after last contact) I insist on three things:
– If we are meeting up we are having sex
– Zero drama
– We meet on my terms…zero conditions
I am never a dick about it but when they contact you, you control the power dynamic. When you contact them, they do. Why on Earth would you intentionally put yourself on the losing end right out of the gate?
Enjoy women. Treat women well both in and out of the bedroom. Love them even. But if you worship a woman you are DOOMED. First it is ridiculous…no one should be worshiped. And second, it can only end one way…very, very badly.
Yeah thanks,
I seem to be fine with overcoming the scarcity mentality and the abundance of meeting new women etc. Getting over Oneitis and taking her off a pedestal as well.
Any suggestions for helping with the mindset part – as in even though all the above is falling into place my ‘ego’
still feels massively damaged like I want to get one over on the girl. To prove her wrong. I seem to have locked down a lot of the stuff apart from the ‘not caring’ at all vibe. I still kind of give a f*** and my ego is like I still want to win…
@RealTalk
You have to re-frame your thinking.
You are right…this is probably 100% ego. So let me say this once…the more energy you put into trying to “win” the more she wins. The opposite of love is ambivalence. To “win” (not that I think that is the right goal in the first place) you must race as fast as you can to ambivalence. If you met a girl tomorrow that was 10% hotter, 10% smarter, 10% better in bed, 10% younger, 10% more successful, 10% nicer…etc why would you waste 2 milliseconds on the other chick…the other chick you fucked already I might add.
Some other thoughts. Let’s take an average group of 100 women 20-40 years old. How many of them do you think you would want to date for more than getting laid? 10 tops right? And my guess is once you had sex and got to know them better that probably drops to 5-7 that you might really want to continue to have in your life for a long period of time. That means 95% of the time or more NO MATTER WHAT A WOMEN DOES you wouldn’t want to pursue something with her.
Now I know all of us in the Manosphere like to think we are “special,” “unique,” “different” or “fill in self aggrandizing label here” but even if you are a high value man (and 2/3 aren’t) there is still a significant percentage of women that won’t want us for whatever reason. The reason is IRRELEVANT.
I always 1/2 jokingly tell all women I start seeing that I will literally be the easiest guy in the world to break up with…that my number one criteria in being with a women is she has to be really into me. That all they have to do is say, “Dawson, sorry but my feelings have changed.”
When that has happened my response is always the same, “I totally understand. I have really enjoyed our time together and I wish you nothing but success and happiness.” The truth is I mean it. I don’t need to know who, why or what caused their change of heart.
And my boomerang rate with women in this category is over 60%…not that it matters.
Quit helping her “win” by trying to “get one over on her” because a) it probably won’t work and b) even if it did it was a poor use of time and energy.
Invest that time in getting in better shape, making more money and finding even higher quality women that WANT you…in fact are DYING to be with you. That my friend is WINNING.
Good advice
Strong advice @Dawson
Taking it all on board for the next one.
Ego doesn’t seem to have much use in game from my experience, yet ironically most of the alpha guys/jocks etc seem to have one to a larger degree, before they become indifferent. More hindrance than help anyway. Definitely trying to get around to the perspective that its better to experience something with a decent girl and learn the lessons the hard way, than not experience anything at all. You know you’re doing something right when you put yourself on the line, as it stings like hell when/if they dump you. You know its real and you’re progressing that way.
Funny side story – The reason I got Oneitis bad on the last chick who dumped me was actually caused by tinder. Got dumped, started hitting up Tinder girls as didn’t have the logistics/time to day/night game and met a girl off tinder. Thought she was from the same country/looks as the previous one and thought I was in. Until I met her… She was the most disgusting girl I’ve ever met. Much shorter, uglier than in her photos and put be back thinking how good the last girl was haha. Never go on a tinder date and run the risk of the ugly catfish straight away – Best just to get out and find ‘real’ chicks first.
Also – Don’t get my wrong, there are some incredibly attractive girls on tinder. Usually you can catch them just as they downloaded the app, as in, before 100s of guys have messaged them asking for sex and they delete it or no longer swipe. Haha. Met a German last year who wanted to cheat on her bf as he was using Tinder behind her back. The ‘fling’ lasted 1 day before was messaged she was going back to her bf.
Time is immaterial in game – I’ve had amazing experiences with girls lasting 24hours whilst some friends have dated girls for years without any excitement.
Game, what you say and do, is all relative to the girl and your own reality. That’s what keeps it exciting, you don’t know whether it’ll last years or minutes – and what will happen.
i didnt got any suggestion 🙁 anywyz its ok
Jesus I only fucked one chick and that from cold approach in 8 months since breakup and I thought I had game.
I am a female (or whatever pet name you call me) and I want to thank you for helping me realize what was being done to me. This is great! I will let all my lady friends know about this site. To say I feel empowered is an understatement
I usually call females “women” or “girls.”
Awesome! Please do! The more traffic I get here the more money I make. Thank you for spreading the word!
Wonderful! Glad to help.
I definitely screwed up!!! In our previous breakups I’ve always made the pussy mistake and contacted after 2 maybe 3 weeks. Seems I always miss her and she never misses me. However,this time I ended it (usually her) after finding private facebook messages a boyfriend doesn’t want to see. She claimed they were old messages during our last break up yet she packed her stuff and left without a fight or any emotion. She said as she was leaving that I would be calling begging for her back. I decided it was time to painfully move on for good and definitely was committed to showing her I was for real. The no contact began and lasted almost 2 months when she unexpectedly tried calling me out of the blue. I reluctantly ignored and she left no message. Usually when she wants something and gets ignored,her narcissism cuts loose and she will call,text,maybe even show up at your house until she gets a response. Not this time,which definitely caused unwanted curiosity and temptation. I managed to make it 8 days following her solo call. My pussy ass texted her a caption that stated “I know we don’t talk anymore but I just want you to know that I still love you and think about you everyday”. Alcohol was involved and the curiosity killed me. However, I am approaching day 3 of her ignoring my text. This whole thing is crazy and I was doing so good. I would really like some opinions or thoughts on this mess.
I just want to add some important ingredients to my above post. I could write a book about this almost 2 year relationship. I will try to shed light with short details. I was 35 and she was 23 when she was introduced to me unexpectedly by the neighbor kid,her cousin. We hit it off and started sleeping together after 2 days. We became inseparable for next month before she pulled a dissapering act for her baby daddy which truly stung. She came back and shortly moved in. We both thought we had found our soul mates and you would never know we were 12 years apart. We had a great honeymoon phase and had the greatest sex I have ever had. I have had sex with about 40 girls and relationships with about 10 of them. I have never made it past 6 months with the exception of my child’s mother. I simply find flaws, lose attraction,lose feelings, or simply get bored, sometimes all of them. This was not the case with her yet she had major flaws and wasn’t the prettiest girl I’ve been with. For whatever reason though, I fell and fell hard. I put this girl ahead of everything. I told her I wanted to take care of her and her son forever. I put her on a pedestal and would do anything for her. I was saying things and acting in ways that were all for the first time in my life. Our sex always got better and I now know that the sex is my major hangup and difficulty in getting over her. I developed a serious addiction to her. This girl was a freak just like me. She was fetish friendly, tried anything, loved exploring new things, aggressive at times,kinky, and the list goes on. Our comfort zones with each other was something I’ve never experienced and it started our first night together. So I find a girl I feel like I’ve known for years,acts and talks on a comfort level instantly that I’ve never received from anyone in any relationship, gives me a comfort zone I’ve never experienced with anyone, successfully convinces me that she has never loved or felt this way towards anyone, fully accepts all my baggage and habits…all this and top it off with my best sex ever…It’s safe to say I’m addicted to her. It’s real and she’s gone. I need help folks.
Thank god I found this blog. I’m 61, she’s 45. She’s a 9 or a bit more. Amazing sex. We’ve been on and off for 2.5 years. The other day she really lost it and slagged me off for three hours. I did not say a word. I left.
My other interest is 40. So yes, it is possible. I’m nothing special but now I put myself first, I do much better than I did when younger. It’s the way of the world.
Why am I here? Just to confirm to you guys that if you had something, THEY ALWAYS COME BACK. Regardless of what they say to you.
So move on, don’t worry and respect yourself. Completely ignore for at least two weeks – longer if you can manage it – if and when you do reply to them, make them do the work. If she doesn’t contact after 4 months (it’s usually about 2 weeks maximum) then give it a shot or consider getting right out of it.
AND you want sex. Don’t confuse love with lust and don’t confuse loneliness with love. Not that you should be lonely anyway. God luck all.
@Realtalk
What you say is correct?
@Tim. You are suffering oneitis. You know the cure. Get that beef in any available bun pronto, and I mean ANY AVAILABLE BUN.
“I’m 41 years old and my husband has recently told me that he wanted out of the marriage and he actually left a few days later, after 21 years of marriage.After the initial shock wore off and I was able to think straight I purchased your spell I was able to persuade him to give me and the marriage another chance I had to wing it with only your strategies in my head Many, many thanks for your resources…”drisaachelpcenter@outlook.com .. Regards
@ Jean Clark. Hi there. There are many websites concerned with getting our ex back. Some for men, some for women and some for both. The one thing they have in common is using counter intuitive methods to achieve our goal. I followed one in particular which was aimed at both sexes. I think the women outnumbered the men. There was a very high success rate in re-establishing an old relationship. BUT, keeping them for any length of time was the main downfall. I wish you well but be prepared.
@RealTalk
If you created enough attraction, made her laugh, had a good time, and generally showed her you were the man – regardless of what happened when the relationship died or how she dumped your arse or how your girl is super hot or different to the rest. If you created any sort of real value when you were with her…
She will come back!
Question: Even if she is stubborn and has an ego bigger than a guy?
@James
IMO you are missing the larger point. She may boomerang. She may not. All that you are doing is wasting your limited mental energy on something that you can only impact in the negative direction by taking action. If she wants to come back on terms you are 100% comfortable with then great. If not, you have moved on to bigger and better things.
Wasting energy on someone that at least for the moment isn’t interested in you simply shows self esteem in need of repair and a case of oneitis. Wait until she contacts you and don’t waste another second on what she might or might not do based on whatever.
@James
Exactly what Dawson said. You can’t make her come back, you can only do stuff to make her not want to come back. You need to be in the mindset that she isn’t coming back, move on with your life and improve, and if she does come back – you can decide then, if that’s what you want. Most likely you’ll have moved on and got over the pedestaling oneitis and no longer want her back…
I always find that a few months down the line you’ll find a new girl who’s hotter and more into you than the last, and then you won’t bother. If you’ve read all my posts, I went through this earlier in the year. Don’t even know how long it’s been but I’ve moved onto a new girl, and guess who shows up and messages me again. Yeah, the old girl and she wondered what I was upto
I never replied as I was in bed with the new girl and her soft kisses distracted me from replying. 100percent happened last weekend. Now that is living well and it felt real good. All thanks to this blog/dawson etc.
This is what this is all about. It’s about you, not some girl who’s made a decision for you. Its about what you want, when you want, and how you want it. And if it doesn’t align to your thoughts. Walk. Forget being tough, funny, rich – Being a man is respecting yourself first!
The hottest thing about any girl, is one who is really into me. She has to be a fan. A massive fan in fact. Half heartedly going into anything in life is a waste…
@anyone who might be interested: Me 61, she 45. She gave me the elbow couple of weeks ago. I went straight into no contact AT ALL. Today, I got this text:
Not many years back I would have gone into panic mode. But now I can translate this (plus I have back up plans). It means, “I had to contact you but must seem to be strong. Please contact me.”
I won’t be. Keep smiling all. They always come back except when they don’t, which is rare. If they don’t, you don’t need them.
@RealTalk
Amen brother. Articulated perfectly!
@Al
Dude I hate to break it to you but they shouldn’t be back-up plans. “Stop thinking about me…” might mean “…please contact me.” but it also might mean “I am about to get a restraining order.”
That is about as clear a signal as I can possibly imagine. Honestly if I got a message like that from a woman I wouldn’t let her boomerang unless she begged me. And I mean BEGGED. Your time is too valuable to waste on someone that would talk to you that way.
But as you say, no need to panic. Like RealTalk said, find a woman that can’t wait to be with you and focus your time and energy on someone that deserves it.
@Dawson. Thanks for your input. Your words of caution are well noted. This one’s behaviour was BAD! So she’ll be getting the full 4 months anyway. Plus, not sure she can get a restraining order based on what she thinks I am thinking. I must stress, I disappeared off the face of the earth with this one. There has been NO contact at all. The point I was making is the power of no contact. She had no need to contact me at all. But, call it a fishing trip, call it what you will, she was trying to provoke me into replying. Which I haven’t and won’t be doing! And that is SO important. Don’t reply whatever they say. They are cunning and manipulative. It can be so very difficult to keep silent. But it must be done and it works. Begging will be good.
I am seeing someone else………….. and not spending a great deal.
@Al
Let me ask you this…why contact her in 4 months? In your own words she behaved badly. Let her contact you and even if she does contact you she should “have to make it up to you” for her awful behavior.
I don’t know how cunning most women are. And most people are manipulative when they don’t have power and aren’t getting what they want.
What I have done in the past when I feel even slightly tempted is I block every single way for them to contact me (and of course this means I can’t contact them either). All social media, email, and cell phone. It is very quick and easy to do so. This actually increases the bar they have to clear to boomerang. It removes any temptation on my end.
When I have done this in the past they usually just create a new email or text me from a friend’s phone in an effort to reconnect. This even further sways the power dynamic in your favor because you will both know she had to go the extra mile to contact you.
It is great that you are seeing someone else but if you are watching the calendar about when you are going to contact her (4 months, 6 months, whatever…) you have already lost the battle IMO.
thanks @RT & @Dawson.
you read this and you will say….wtf were you thinking dude!
i am 35-1wife-1kid, very well off financially & “generally” happy in family. she joined our company about an year ago 35-1husband-2kids, well off and very unhappy with husband. starts talking to me and eventually we fall in love. she kissed me first and she wanted to make love to me. even at that stage i hesitated asked….if she really felt the need to do so & she said YES. i did not initiate anything. later on i started loving her more. i was ready to give up everything and marry her. we had a great time together. problem started when i couldnt spend more time with her. i became needy and 1 day when fustrated, i sent her an email and said bye. since that day, i just cant take her off my mind. its as if she is in my DNA. i begged, pleaded…did everything but she isnt willing to take me back. i was atleast partially happy before she showed up but now i am completely fucked. man…shit comes in all shapes and form. fuck cant talk to anyone also. have started working from home more frequently now. but no matter what, she come screaming into my thoughts every few mins. very difficult.
All you need to do is re-frame your thinking. A negative thought only lasts for 60 seconds or less unless you re-enforce it. You create your own misery by fixating on a married, cheating woman that already has two kids that aren’t yours. I mean do you really think that is the best you can do?
You need to learn from your (even in your own eyes) obvious mistakes and be vigilant to not make them again. Love/lust/infatuation is just brain chemistry. Understand all that it does is mess with your ability to be objective and clear headed and will guide you into making bad decisions like considering marrying an already married woman with two kids because She’s So Special, Not Like The Rest or My Soulmate.
You have to see how ridiculous it all sounds don’t you?
Silly, silly boys. That’s what sort of message games like this send to women. The truth of the matter is, these sorts of tactics only work on women with little or no self-esteem. As a seasoned and mature female, I’ve seen it all at this point and most women know games when they meet them. Ignoring a woman for any length of time, especially weeks or months is deadly to any existing attraction she might genuinely have for you (or forgiveness). After a break-up, regardless of who is at fault, a woman allows herself time to mourn and once that period passes, she has moved on. I promise you, any woman with an ounce of self-confidence will have long since moved on in 4 months and any budding feelings, once tarnished, never return. Your best bet with any woman is something we rarely see in the male species… open and honest communication. Be it known, it is oft the male species that struggles with this, not women.
The best dating advice I ever received is the most honest and truest thing I’ve ever found value in: Women and men will never truly see eye to eye until men stop treating women like poorly behaved men and women cease treating men like poorly behaved women. To sum it up, stop thinking like a man. That is your downfall.
Peace.
Demonstrably and provably wrong. It works on women over 30, over 40, women with Ivy League college degrees, women who make more than $100K a year, etc.
That isn’t what I recommended. Did you even read the article beyond just the title?
Hey guys,
first of all, thanks for your advice.
After reading the article I have got a lot of self confidence.
Now to my story:
My Ex girl breaks up with me before 3 days, I keep cool and accept the fact, that it is over.
I deleted her Number etc. And since there I did not contact her.
Should I just now wait till she contacts me ?
I just want to fuck her again.
Thanks guys!
PS: sry for my english I am from germany
By the way, she is 26 years old and I am 20, and we were together for about 1,5 years.
@Enrico
I don’t buy for a second that you “…just want to fuck her again.” If that was true you wouldn’t have had any need to delete her number.
Be honest with yourself about how you are feeling or it will impair your ability to get the result you do want…her to come back to you.
I personally only delete someone’s number, etc. if I feel tempted to contact the person. If you don’t feel tempted to contact her there is no reason to delete or block her.
And yes…you wait for her to contact you. She dumped you so if she wants you back she is going to have to ask and ask nicely. I wouldn’t contact her in 4 months or 4 years. As time goes by so long as you haven’t gone beta/pussy/stage 5 clinger in her mind she will amplify the good experiences with you and minimize the negative ones. She will likely come back.
Your goal should be to fill your life with fun, attractive, interesting women so that when she does come back (and most do) you will be able to behave in the most outcome independent way which will not only maximize the likelihood of her wanting to get back with you but her willingness to do so on your terms.
@Dawson Stone
thanks for your reply bro!
Ok, sure I want her to come back, but I does not want to stay there like a needy pussy u know what I mean, because of that I delete her number, and do not contact her anymore, I want to live my life and prove her that I can live without her.
I mean today is the 4th day without her and I was afraid of texting her back, because I had a lot of feeling for her..
A time ago I made the misstake to beg her and realize that this makes everything just more bad..
But know I want that she is the one, who comes..
The only question in my head is, what if she does not contact me in 4 months for example. And should I forget her till she contacts me, because I do not want to make hope and than she will not contact and I’m disappointed.
But on the other side I do not want to contact her because of my ego, I do not want that she controls me..
thanks 🙂
And another thing that makes me think is, in the internet they talk about a no contact strategy and it should be just 30 days, now I do not know how long I should ignore her
In my opinion I would NEVER contact her. Let her contact you. Assume you will never hear from her again and move on. Don’t pretend to move on…move on.
Don’t have hope she will contact you. If she does, she does. If she doesn’t, so be it.
NEVER CONTACT HER FIRST.
It can only reduce whatever your chances are of having her back in your life in any way.
@Enrico
Bro, you’re 20!!! C’mon!!! You’re damn young…
1) Go lift some weights to better yourself, build some real life self-esteem and make some friends with the right mindset (add the “get buffed” effect as a bonus).
2) Go have fun with other women ASAP! You have a whole world of amazing pussy awaiting for you! I know it’s hard right now but you gotta have the guts to go after it. I 100% garantee it’s worth the initial struggle!
3) Man up! As Dawson said, if she does not want you anymore, accept the facts and move on. I’m sure things will be a lot different for you down the road.
Hey thanks guys for your support!
I will stay cool and live my life, and I wont contact her.
I’m still liftin bro
I cussed her out and called her a bunch of degrading names. I did it because she disrespected me and every time I broke up with her, one night she would tell me to go die and get into a car crash and the next day she would always contact me like nothing happened and apologize and I accepted her apology. She started throwing tantrums with me first and then I finally lost it and cussed her out and now I feel bad because I shouldn’t have stooped down low to her level. Now she finally is the one to say she’s done and breaking up with me. But yet she always contacts me. When she calls, I pick up and all she does is scream and yell at me telling me it’s over. But then when I hang up, she’ll continue to text me to tell me it’s over, but she never goes away.
I’m starting to go No Contact now and have to force myself to not answer her calls or text her back. I have been regularly working out and bettering my physical well being before but now, after all this drama, I feel like I am LOSING motivation to work out. Kinda counter-intuitive. I think my emotions and ego are too involved? I don’t have much of an appetite to eat. I don’t have any interest in meeting new girls or trying to date anyone new, is this because it’s too fresh out of a break-up that I want to follow through with? I feel like all the times we say we’re breaking up, it’s just words, we never do break up, we gather our emotions and realize all the bad things we say when we cuss each other out was under emotions.
@Dawson Stone
Hey bro I feel so bad.. yesterday I saw her with a new guy kissing.. First I was very angry etc but later she calls me and we talk and she tolds me that she does not love me anymore but want to stay cool, and man 1 week after we broke up.. fuck life
@Enrico
I really am sorry you are hurting. Everyone (man or woman) has been there at some point by their mid 20s.
A few questions and please excuse my harsh language but you need a wake-up call.
A) Why the fuck were you somewhere she would be and ESPECIALLY somewhere she might be kissing a guy?
B) Why would you be angry? You are broken up.
C) How can she call you if YOU HAVE HER FUCKING NUMBER BLOCKED?
Fortunately this is all fixable but not if you don’t collect your balls and quit being such a pussy. Don’t get me wrong, break-ups SUCK and the suffering can be intense. But only YOU can make it better and only YOU can make it worse.
There is one simple rule when you get dumped by someone that you really like. DO NOT HAVE ANY CONTACT OF ANY KIND FOR AT LEAST 3 MONTHS. Now let’s talk about what no contact actually means:
– You block her number- You block her email
– You unfriend her/unfollow her/etc. as well as anyone that she is friends with
– You DO NOT spend time with anyone that could tell you what she is up to
– You DO NOT use a friend’s account to check out her FaceBook or whatever
If you are doing this correctly she could die and you wouldn’t know about it for those three months.
Next, hit the gym every day for the next month. Not 3x a week. Not 5x a week. SEVEN DAYS A WEEK.
Drink ZERO alcohol for the next month. FUCKING ZERO. A drunk broken hearted guy will text her and regret it.
Create an online dating profile and start going on dates. I don’t care if your heart isn’t 100% in it. You need to see that there are other women (BETTER women) that would love to be with you.
If you choose not to do those things then you are the architect of your own suffering. If you do them you will be shocked by how much better you will feel in a week, a month, etc.
Six months from now you will look back at how you are acting now and want to get into a time machine and pistol whip yourself.
Good luck.
@Dawson Stone
A.) I was walking with friends on her street and saw it from the window bro..
B.) Sure we were broken up but it is hard for me to accept that other men get my girl, but now I do not give a fuck what she is doing, because I’m disappointed and just want to go my way but my ego want’s to fuck her a last time (yes it sounds really crazy).
C.) Bro I did not block her number, just deleted.
Thanks man for your support, it motivates me to go my own way by ignoring her and just to be cool.
I started the no contact and my target is focused. I will not contact her in any kind of way.
Thanks!
@Dawson
had I read your/bd/RT comments earlier, I wouldnt be in this shit presently. its like the Oracle explaining it to Neo in the Matrix. You know its ego and needs to be ignored, yet, the feelings of missing her, missing the things she used to do, missing looking into her eyes, missing having dinners etc etc… keeps on lingering in your mind even months after the breakup.
its been 3 months now, last contact was on May 7. I am ‘definitely’ not giving in this time. Her birthday is on June 7. i do wish to wish her, but wont. already begged and pleaded enough. No more now.
thanks for the support guys. I have read your comments over and over and over again to understand them as deeply as I could and there is only one conclusion…..let her go!
@Darren
Glad you have found people’s comments on here helpful. Let me add a few more thoughts. One of the best ways to get over emotions (there is no getting around feeling them but how long they keep their grip on you can be mitigated) is to introduce objectivity whenever possible. Was she:
the smartest woman you ever met?
the most facially beautiful?
have the best body?
the most exciting and adventurous in bed?
the most ambitious?
the most self aware and emotionally intelligent?
etc.
In case you aren’t sure the answer to all the above if “no.”
When you catch yourself remembering some positive aspect of her or your relationship just remind yourself of the above. Even if she was high value there are TONS of high value women out there.
I hope it goes without saying that not only should you have no contact but you should have blocked/deleted any way to contact her now even if you wanted to.
Good luck.
Completely ignore her for at least four months.
BD: Man, this shit is tough. I mean, I have done 7 days so far and it is driving me crazy. I forgot to brush my teeth this morning! & 4 months – dang!! But, I’ll do it. Keep my self strong and do it anyways.
Credit to BD on this…straight up one of the best “in your face” blogs with honest, no BS content I’ve seen in a long time! I read entries from the entire thread and still didn’t see a couple questions addressed that I have.
1) I totally understand the NC rule and holding to it no matter how hard. However, (and I know every girl and relationship is different), but is the NC strategy just effective to get her to continue periodic sex and we should settle for that long term or is there success with it bringing her back for a long term relationship so you can get back to banging her every day?
2) Should we consider it a success if it means we are resorting to sharing her with other guys on a regular basis and brings back sex with her just once every 2-4 weeks or so?
3) If we are bringing them back just for sex and have to settle knowing we are likely not the only guy in she’s talking to and we know from past experience she’s on the pill, but doesn’t like condoms, shouldn’t we be leary about catching what one of these other guys might have?
Keeping a long-term relationship is of course possible, but that’s a completely different set of techniques. This thread is about what to do after she leaves. Your question is more about what to do before she leaves. Completely different topic.
As opposed to never having sex with her ever again, like with most monogamous relationships? Yes.
Never forget what you’re comparing this to.
If she’s actively fucking other men, yes. You need to see an original copy of a recent STD test, otherwise you keep the condom on when you have sex with her.
I have been sad beyond belief for the past seven weeks because my boss broke up with me after three incredible secretive months together. I found this blog and it has really changed my mind about the likelihood of her coming back. I realized today that Blackdragon is exactly right. I looked back on my past and these examples came up:
1) I was in bed with my girlfriend in 2009 when another woman I was occasionally sleeping with came to my door at 1am and refused to leave until I met her outside. This resulted in her leaving in an angry huff an hour later AND my girlfriend breaking up with me in the morning after one long sleepless night. Looking back, I was sleeping with the girlfriend again in just one month, and I was sleeping with the other woman in about six months. They really do come back.
2) I was with another woman on a trip to Vegas in 2007. Words were exchanged and an ugly breakup ensued. She switched seats with me on our flight home and she told me to never contact her again. Three years later we slept together and then she married someone else whom she now regrets choosing over me! They really do come back
So, here I am reading Blackdragon’s amazing blog and all of these wonderful comments from people who’ve gone through the same things and suddenly I realized – why am I worried, they really do come back. I’ve seen it, first hand, three times and counting. And let me tell you: I didn’t know about the four month rule back then, but in every case I was actually already ignoring them simply because I had lost all hope. But they all came back! I hope this helps some of you 🙂
I broke up with my ex a few days ago because she wanted a “break”. I acted cool and it wasnt a bad breakup, been on NC since. She sent me a message saying “hey” two days ago, I didn’t respond, and yesterday said “hey” again to which I also didn’t respond to.
Am I doing the wrong thing by not responding if I want her to boomerang?
James, read the post and the comments.
– 4 months minimum no contact (6 or more is better);
– fuck other women ASAP;
– after that pitch a date on your place, escalate, sex…if she does not comply, rinse and repeat the whole process;
@POB….I’ve seen both strategies in the posts on James question about whether or not to respond to texts so soon after the breakup/separation. BD said (in the beginning of the blog) that if she initiates the contact, it’s a good sign and ok to proceed with a meet up and then into her pants, but you are saying it’s best to wait much longer and continue to ignore, I’m guessing to hopefully make her miss you more and second guess herself.
Is it really best to just assume that if she texts you, and you get the sign from her she wants to meet to jump on the chance right away, or could the staying to the ignoring long after after she texts you a few times seal the deal on her thinking “oh well, he’s moved on for good” and missing your chance with her? Or are they both good strategies and it depends on other factors on which strategy to use?
@James
It depends on your state of mind and your goals. Do you have a bit of oneitis with her? Do you simply want to have sex with her again from time-to-time or do you want to be back in a relationship with her again (I would say “hell no” to this but that’s another conversation)?
If you are still hung up on her at all I wouldn’t “not respond” I would block her number so responding or not responding isn’t even an issue. If she wants to contact you again there are a million ways for her to do so and the fact that she has to escalate her level of effort to contact you improves the power dynamic between you substantially.
If you really aren’t that hung up on her I guess I would ask why bother? If you two were dating exclusively for a while wouldn’t you want something new and exciting versus someone you have already had a bunch of times? But if you are going to bother (for whatever reason) I would quickly escalate and make it clear that if you are going to meet with her it is for sex (be nice about it but firm) and if she doesn’t want to, no problem but then block whatever new form of communication she used and move on. Again, if she wants to reconnect with you on YOUR terms it will be easy for her to do so.
It’s my personal opinion that going back to giving her attention so soon is a minus because:
1) you’re doing it in her own terms. She asked for it, you gave it away for no good reason. No DHV my friend, her pussy just dried out on you;
2) you’re still in an emotional state. You can bullshit yourself all you want, but after a break-up with a woman you like you are not outcome independent. This is why going out and/or doing other girls is a better way to test independency. If you still have deep feelings for her, you’ll notice it right away when you’re around other women who want to get intimate.
It’s not easy to become outcome independent! You have to put yourself to the test over and over again. This is why we say you should fuck other women ASAP, specially after a break up. Any girl who’s at least fuckable to you is ok. More than one is better.
The ocean is full of fish!!! Gotta have the balls to get on that boat and sail away from your comfort island.
@Dawson
Honestly I do want to get back together at some point, I know what I did wrong in the relationship, she fell in love with me cause I put myself first and had an alpha mindset, but gave in to her needs as time went on and became the bitch in the relationship. This week post breakup has made me feel great about myself and how I now learned so much from being with her.
I’ve hooked up with two former FWBs since breakup, but shits not the same, I felt like an emotional wreck after both because in my mind I wanna be with my ex and these girls just don’t cut it.
Another thing that I would think is a factor that I haven’t seen discussed on this thread is whether or not the NC zone will benefit all types of guys (alpha 2.0, alpha 1.0 and beta) or would it vary based on her already knowing the type you are and what she is looking for?
@ James
I agree with you. I’m eight weeks down the sudden breakup road now, but only seven days into full No Contact. I’ve been with three different FWBs during the past two months, but nothing has made me remotely begin to forget her. I’ve also started hanging out with two other women just to fill the time and do the things that I always loved doing with her – long walks, wine bars, dining, long talks, etc. All of these things lessen the impact of not having her around, but the only thing that really seems to help is getting one day further down the No Contact road. Each No Contact day gets easier and I suppose that there is a “hump” after which you really do begin to forget about her somewhat more each day. It seems like only then can your mind begin to relax and she will usually, around the same time, begin to remember all of the good things you shared while letting go of whatever negativity drove her away. Jon Favreau’s character in Swingers went through exactly the same emotional breakup S’storm that many of the posters in this string have endured – and Vince Vaughan described to him exactly why and how forgetting about her is the ONLY thing that begins to make her start thinking of you again. If you’ve never seen that movie, I recommend that you rent it tonight. Jon’s torment is our torment and his redemption is the moment many of us wish for.
@James
Let me say it in a different way. If you can get a women back sexually you can usually get her back into a relationship. Your problem is your oneitis will kill ANY chance of having the right power dynamic. I mean you sound like her pussy is made of gold and her nipples spray Cristal champagne. I have been with hundreds of women and sure some are hotter than others and some are better in bed than others and some are smarter than others and some are cooler than others but there really isn’t THAT big a difference except IN YOUR MIND!
So long as you act like this one particular chick is SomeOneSpecial, NotLikeTheRest, etc. you are not going to get her back with the right power dynamic. The irony is the only way you will get her back on the terms you want is when you don’t want her back (or are ambivalent to if she comes back).
I am sorry but that’s the cold honest truth. Best of luck to you.
I really wish there was a magic oneitis pill to cure all you guys. And I do not say that in a good manner.
You need to man-up right now! Take the fucking hit and go meet other women for fucks sake!
Stop trying to win her back, to guess what she’s up, to count the days you’re not together…just stop that beta shit once and for all. You’re drooling over something that was never yours in the first place.
If you ever want to fuck her again (and I said fuck, not get back together in a monogamous shitty relationship that will never work long term), set the alarm clock on your smartphone to tick after 6 months and go have fun!
I don’t care if you don’t have feelings for the new women you’re fucking, continue to do that (and add new ones to the fold) and soon enough she’ll be just another one who left some good memories on you.
She’s not that important damn it!!! Focus your attention and efforts to better yourself and to fulfill your mission and go be happy.
@POB
Amen brother.
Dude I totally hear you, but not everyone is in the same place in their life. Not saying this is me, but some guys on here may have been in an engagement and planning to start a family with the girl. I mean things like “just snap out of it” and “go fuck other women whether you have an interest in them or not” the day after you break up isn’t exactly realistic and I’m not trying to be a “Debbie/Danny Downer” or whatever, but fuck a little realism needs to be considered also, lol. It’s no doubt this is what is needed to mentally move on and not fall into a 6 month depression, but it ain’t gonna happen overnight with every guy whether they are a whiny Beta or not.
@Steve B
I know what you’re saying and yes, I partially agree with you, but if these guys are coming to places like this they are clearly seeking to improve their relationship lives.
If BD, Dawson and myself say things that sound cold or harsh or angry is because we’ve been there before. And we will never go back again.
In my case I say “thank you” in my thoughs everyday, specially to some good old friends that had the balls to tell me the cold-hearted truth when I needed it (without regards for how I was feeling in that particular moment). That’s what real friends do!
Remember: It does not worth it to feel like that for anyone! Life has much more to offer!
If you think carefully you’ll see that in all those cases suffering is a choice. You can choose to suffer or you can choose to be happy! Simple as that.
Mind you I never said it was gonna be easy! In fact it’s quite the opposite, because untill you become good you’ll be served bowls and bowls of shit from women if you try to behave like an Alpha. They’ll test you till your balls drop. But in the end it’s totally worth the effort.
@Steve B
Even if you want a relationship because “some guys on here may have been in an engagement and planning to start a family with the girl” the same premises apply. The point POB and I are trying to make is if you set up things with a scarcity mentality you have royally screwed yourself and done so unnecessarily.
And for me it isn’t a matter of “snap out of it” or “just go fuck someone” but of being objective, rational and level headed. Anyone that can remove their ego and emotions from the equation (and Jesus it isn’t that hard) will make far better decisions.
I can make the argument for days that men shouldn’t marry but even if I were to concede that some men might want to get married all the same rules still apply. If you have to have any control in your life and marriage you HAVE TO have options and keep those options available. A women that knows her husband will only stay married if he is treated well WILL BE TREATED WAY BETTER.
@Dawson and POB
I got another text from my ex saying “are you going to answer me?” Should I respond to this one or not?
@James
What part of BLOCK HER FUCKING NUMBER is confusing to you? Then you don’t have a decision to make. You clearly are not in a place where you can be outcome independent so block every possible way for her to communicate with you.
Hit the gym. Spend time with friends and family. Travel. Read. Get your head on straight. She may boomerang again when you aren’t in such a bad place. She may not. Either way it is for the best.
@ Dawson & POB
Thanks for taking a minute to go into more detail and explain that you guys do know where I’m coming from. You guys are so good and right about pounding in our heads that it’s all about learning from what happened, realizing that you still have everything you did before you got shit on and then preparing yourself to never let it happen again by keeping and maintaining all options. If one goes down, you’ve got the others to lift you up. Almost like a mutual fund investment versus investing all your money in just one stock, lol. But anyway something inside does find it fucking tough as hell to comprehend that marriage almost isn’t even an option anymore for guys if we want to be happy. We all want to believe that those that we can be one of those “happy” in love couples that we see walking around (and ya I know some are faking it and behind closed doors they aren’t), but there are tons of others that swear they really share so many things in common and enjoy each other as best friends as well as lovers. If you’ve been living the single life a long time and your in your middle years and ready for someone to share life with, it’s like where the fuck can we find that and trust that without getting shit on? Because divorce has got to be 10 times worse especially if kids are involved. Anyway, I know this isn’t for this thread so not looking for a response.
@Steve B
Here is another less hopeless way to think about it. I use God as a near perfect analogy. I am an atheist and do not believe there is a God. However, I certainly can’t know this for a fact. It would be great if there is a heaven for me to go to when I die but I certainly am not going to live my life like that’s the case.
Women and relationships can be the same way. I have so many wonderful women in my life. All ages, races, levels of intelligence and education, etc. I cannot imagine getting married again, having kids again, living with someone again, being monogamous again. But in the same way I allow for the possibility of God and heaven I allow that any of the above while EXTREMELY unlikely is still possible. I simply say to myself let that be the SIDE EFFECT and not the GOAL of any romantic relationship I might have. I am still VIGILANT to always remaining objective about the women in my life but anything is possible.
Just my $0.02 worth.
@Steve B, this is a perfect example of the wrong mindset you’re into. The answer to these questions should be “I don’t know” and “I don’t care”.
Unlike BD and Dawson, I did not get married and I don’t have kids. Even so I was engaged (more than once) and had some long monogamous relationships in the past, so I feel really confortable talking about being with the same woman for a long time.
I’ll try to be brief…
I love my life! I work doing what I like (although there is a lot of room for improvement in this department), I have my own place, my finances are in check, I travel to where I want to, I have wonderful gorgeous women of all races and backgrounds sharing my bed, I have a loving and caring family, got few but trustworthy close friends, enjoy an awesome social circle, lift weights 4-5 times a week, look buffed and 7-8 years younger than my peers, etc, etc. Bottom line is my life rocks!
Now enters a new woman (I’ll call her Jane). Sex is awesome on the first weeks, we’re getting along great! After two or three months Jane decides I might be a good provider and start to make demands.
She says I don’t give her enough attention, that next time I go abroad she wants to travel with me, wants to meet my friends, etc, etc.
I talk to her, tell her I really like to spend time together but I will not compromise because I have other plans and things to acomplish right now. She asks me if I have other women, and I’m completely honest with her. She leaves a little sad but she understands who I am and say “thanks for your honesty”. I get back to my awesome life and go see other women in my rotation, who are also gorgeous, caring and enjoy spending time with me.
After ten months Jane texts me. Her boyfriend was (feel free to pick one):
1) caught cheating
2) boring and bad in bed
3) a controlling asshole
4) a douche who lived with his mom and did not know what to do with his life
Now she needs an honest Real Man who really understands her. We meet. We have awesome sex. She gets back into my life knowing I have other women, and our relationship resumes as nothing ever happened. I’m telling you, this is real life stuff that happens to me in a regular basis.
See my point?
Do I want to settle down and have kids? Of course I do!!! But I know exactly how and when this will happen. It will happen when I decide it’s the best time for me, regardless of any woman that gets into my life!!!
Fuck what society expects, fuck if people look down on me or tell me I’m wrong doing this, I DO NOT CARE. It’s my personal happiness who’s at stake here, and it’s more important than anyone else will ever be.
I’ll quit commenting on this thread because I really have nothing else to say.
My last advice would be to quit being a stingy bastard and start to buy good books on the subject (BTW, BD’s Alpha Male 2.0 book is awesome and worth every penny). Read more stuff about being a free independent Alpha Male because it’s an awesome life that’s worth 1000% living.
Best of luck to all.
@ POB
Thanks for being so candid. Great example and it’s basically what I do as well if I feel a woman is trying to come in make demands and change me which is the more typical case with me as well. I also have my shit together, may not be rich, but call my shots, own my home, own my business, lift about 4-5 days at the gym, good shape, look 5 years younger than I am (according to what people say), etc. etc. My problem is the complete opposite however. Although it’s not usually the case at all, so maybe once every 3-4 years, I will start dating someone I am really into and start thinking I want to be with her long term and I show interest in that and even though usually she doesn’t have her finances together or have as much organization to her life, she either can’t handle or doesn’t desire being in a monogamous relationship. Again, this is not usually what I am looking for, just those rare girls that come around once in awhile. So it’s the total opposite to your story. The question is how to keep her, not how to keep her from getting to close. But I know the advice will be you don’t want to keep any of them, just keep them on the rotation. All my point is that in some VERY rare instances you have relationships with let’s say “special” ones for whatever reason (looks, qualities, the way they make you feel, whatever) that you know only come around every 5 years max. Those are the ONLY ones that fuck with my confidence, definitely not the others.
@Steve, I’d say it’s just as simple: keep being happy and living a happy life.
People need to realize that they have zero control about what other people feel, say or do. I can deeply love someone and that same person may not feel the same about me. That happens, it sucks, but it’s life. This is why I do not waste my time thinking about that anymore.
If it ever happens that I love another woman someday (which I strongly believe will eventually occur) I’ll make damn sure to not spend a single second of my day worrying if she’ll ever leave me. If she doesn’t, cool, I will love her dearly and try my best to make us happy without damaging or suppressing my own happiness. If she does, well, I still love my life, have a mission and the sadness will eventually fade once I get back on track (which by the way will not take a lot of time or effort). It’s not that complicated!
Hope I’ve helped to shed a light on the matter.
@ Steve B
I’m in the same boat – the rare one that I could actually imagine never getting tired of just jumped ship when it became clear that I thought of her that way. She has major intimacy issues – a little was fine, but just one tiny bit more was way too much. I’d say that the only hope is to read the signs early that the special one is in fact an early jumper. It’s very likely that she’ll let you know that early on, telling you that her friends all say that she always dumps guys way too soon. This will make her sound picky but, in reality, it is just how she deals with intimacy. Your job – if she is truly that special to you – is to figure out how far is too far, and then stay on the right side of the boundary. Trust me, I know it’s hard to do – but the alternative is the unanticipated dumping, right in the middle of what seems to you like mutual, fulfilling happiness. I found this post (http://tinybuddha.com/blog/difference-between-setting-boundaries-and-shutting-people-out/) that was written by a woman who was not able to handle the closeness of a real relationship, and why that was the case for her. Very interesting reading, and hopefully helpful.
Thanks guys, appreciate the advice. Seriously not a whiny helpless guy, just the opposite. At some point in your life when you get “lucky” enough to be with that one and you put yourself out there and get your head chopped it’s like FUCKKKKK!!! Time is the healer and the advice you guys give going forward.
Hey guys,
could really use some help/advice because my situation contains some elements not discussed in the article or the comments.
What if you live in the same building and can’t have NC because you keep bumping into her AND to top it off
You’re leaving the country in the coming months? So, moving out is not an option…
I hope I’ll get some feeback, if not here’s my story for those interested:
Started dating this lady with Boderline disorder…didn’t know back then. Everything was amazing, especially the very frequent sex.
After a month, she gives me the cold shoulder for a week and then dumps me for silly reasons.
When we were together, I was not acting Alpha, but certainly not needy either. She would be the one to initiate sex (she had one hell of a libido), to beg me to spend the night with her. She would often cry after sex telling how special I was and how good I was treating her and that she felt she didn’t deserve it. She even said “I love you”. She would go on and on about wanting to get married and have kids soon because she’s 38…
I was skeptical about the nice things she would say because of her Borderline Disorder symptoms and my ego being relatively under control (I didn’t feel flattered or special…).
Anyways…
The day she dumped me I tried to keep my cool and accepted her offer to be FWB (again, we live in the same building).
We went out for dinner the same night she dumped me and once back at her place, I tried to escalate to sex (1 week without it after having it 3 times a day for almost a month…).
She rejected me with the classic low libido/cycle thing…so I went back to my place.
I bump into her the next day and go with her for groceries…seeing how indiferent she was to the whole thing, I fell into BETA mode and wanted to talk…
She got angry and said she didn’t want to talk, that we are not getting back together and that the whole FWB was a bad idea…I said OK and just left.
Couple of days later I got drunk and send her several angry messages about her playing me and waisting my time.
Went NC for 3 weeks then sent her a message just asking if she was OK. She replied normally and I guess I went back to NC…
After 2 months of NC, I bump into her and she says “oh you’re still alive?”. I ignored the comment and just acted cool (“Hey what’s up? how have you been…”).
I wonder if I should keep the NC strategy because:
1) I’ll keep bumping into her and be forced to act cool which sucks big time. Moving out is just not an option
2) I’m leaving the country in 6-8 months so I’m now in a “nothing to loose” mentality. She can’t move out of the country and I can’t stay anyways.
3) There’s obviously no serious future for us, but I wonder if there’s anything I can do for us to be FWB for my remaining time here, despite my beta downfall.
And YES, I know that deep down I want more than just sex. I guess my ego wants to prove her that I can bang her, give her all the emotional comfort she once needed, without asking anything in return.
I was thinking of sending her a message to let her know that I’m leaving the country soon and that in the meantime if she ever wants to “hang out” at my place she’s welcome (She’ll know I’m not looking for anything other than being a FWB).
The other option is to keep bumping into her, getting “hurt” and then leave the country with one hell of a failure as a souvenir.
BTW, I’m banging lots of other hot women, hitting the gym and keeping busy but I just can’t get her out of my mind.
Boomerang effect is just unlikely in my case because of the future geographic distance between us.
Any advice is welcome.
@Alex
This is a no-brainer. DO NOT CONTACT THIS CHICK AGAIN. You are already 0-2 contacting her first. Are you a glutton for punishment? And for the record you should never date/bang anyone where you work, live or workout. It always ends badly and you don’t want to change jobs, move or change gyms.
I could ask the obvious question about why on Earth you “…want more than just sex” with a woman you describe as insane but I won’t. Oh wait, I just did. 😉
If there is any chance this chick will boomerang the only way that will happen is if you let her contact you first (which I won’t lie seems unlikely given how you have handled things up to this point). If she does contact you first escalate to sex immediately. If she says no, return to no contact until she contacts you again. Rinse and repeat.
Listen, everyone has done this at least once. Learn from it. Remember it. The fact that it is a bit painful for a few months will hopefully teach you a lesson that hopefully you won’t ever repeat.
And NEVER EVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES be emotionally punishing when things end with a woman. Zero upside. Learn from it and move on. Any efforts you make to try to fix it now will only make it worse
I have one more comment for everyone on this thread……women think they are so fucking sly with their coy, deceiving manipulative ways and that we are easy prey and suckers to comply with whatever motives they have. FUCK THEM!! (and I don’t mean literally) I am damned if I am going to go down into a fucking depression or let it affect my attitude to the point I’m irritable and pissed off with other people I come in contact with and that have no clue why you are in that mood. I know there’s tons of you that are experiencing that kind of crap right now as you stare out the window wondering what you could have done better or what you did wrong. Don’t fucking give in and let them win by getting the best of you. Listen to BD, Dawson and POB and move on with your life and what comes back comes back and what doesn’t doesn’t and fuck her!! Have the mindset of being in a place 6 months from now that is so damn good she will be so fucking jealous of you she won’t be able to stand it. And just say over and over and over (with a smile)….fuck you bitch, you are the one that will be sorry, not me!
Possible tips for you, but I yield to BD, POB and Dawson as I am not sure if they will agree….
If you want to instill possible jealousy in your ex that broke up with you….consider this. If she is still occasionally texting you or calling but just out of supposed sympathy with no indication of wanting to see you, consider telling her that you either rented out another bedroom in your place to a new roommate. Obviously she will inquire to see if it’s a guy or girl and then you can reveal or not, but either way, it will peak her curiosity. Or you can say you have a new girl you’ve been seeing and it might not be best to see her (your ex) right now. I would be curious to see if BD, POB and Dawson think this is a wise strategy to instill a little jealousy in the ex in hopes she would stew on it and contemplate coming back or at least seeing you again. If so, after how long of a NC period and possibly not returning calls or texts?
Btw….I recently tried to do this and found a really cute girl at Wing House (like Hooters) that wanted to move in, perfect to create jealousy in my ex, but then she dropped the “can my boyfriend come over to visit?” I said, sorry, I rented to somebody else, lol
@Steve
While I applaud the creativity I don’t agree. If you are scheming ways to get her back, make her jealous, etc. you have already lost the battle. The opposite of love is NOT hate but ambivalence. Yes there is some possibility that a move like that might work for some very short period of time (and it might not work at all) but in the end it will end the same way.
What you need is a PERMANENT shift in the power dynamic. Imagine you had 4-5 young, fit, attractive, intelligent women that were low drama, sweet, and rock stars in bed. 2 or 3 of these girls were asking you if it would be ok if their even cuter girlfriend could join you two for a threesome from time-to-time. That you biggest problem was having enough nights in the week to fuck them all and still have any time for the gym, friends and family. If that were the case you wouldn’t even have time to think about “what’s her name.”
You cannot fake ambivalence. You need to create ambivalence. It is true that a happy life is the best revenge. But what is ALSO true is that when you are really happy revenge doesn’t even cross your mind because you are too busy being happy. Once you have achieved true ambivalence is when there is the greatest chance she might boomerang (which is NOT the reason to be ambivalent and happy of course) and boomerang on your terms.
Best of luck.
After she calls me and after probing says ok for a meet up,….this may be a dumb question, but are there any conditions (depending on what is asked and how it’s asked) where it’s ok to ask her (in a very subtle way) about why things changed with us from her viewpoint in an effort to see what may have made a difference?
The idea being that since some time has passed by this point, maybe she would be able to see the logic and that I’m listening to her and making an effort.
“I can’t speak for anyone else, but one of my personal standards is that I will never have sex with a woman who is dating or married to a man I already personally know. Too much potential for drama there.
But if I don’t personally know the guy and she wants to have sex with me? It’s game on.”
That’s pretty immoral, dontcha think?
But if pussy is all that matters to you, then go for it.
Just know it’s not very strong of you. It’s actually quite weak. No attacks here. Just the motha fuggin truth.
Please explain to me how having sex with an attractive women who wants to have sex with me is weak. I can’t wait to hear your answer.
Guys…..here is a big one (for me anyway) that I haven’t seen addressed on this thread. I have had success with and, in the past, without NC with this girl who is truly the hottest girl I’ve ever been with (seen her off and on since last October) and who “says” she would consider getting back with me (as she adds…but what’s the rush? lol). Yes she briefly moved in twice, very briefly. Anyway, she calls/texts and we hangout and occasionally have sex. However, I feel it my gut that the only way I can ever increase the likelihood of her permanent return is a longer NC period where I am too busy for her at times and not available to do things so that she knows she might lose me. She has recently come to find, and I’m sure suspected all along, that I have other girls contacting me (as she saw a couple texts and calls coming in) but still believes I don’t act on any of them and I mainly haven’t in the past 6 months.
That’s where my question comes in. When we do get together and do something like going to the beach for a fun festival type event going on. How the hell does a guy resist asking the hottest (seriously) girl you know and who you know is cool with you for a continuation of plans that day or another day? For instance, “hey, I bought tickets to the comedy show for us next Wednesday that you wanted to go to”? Or “do you want to go to dinner or out drinking when we’re done here?”
Is that an absolute stupid thing to do and is it making myself “too available” too often or is it game on as long as she’s having fun? Because one of the hardest things for me…..is purposely NOT allowing myself to be available if she is the one who initiates contacting me. Because I know she will hangout with me occasionally to do things, but my goal is her moving back in. Btw…when we do get together, it doesn’t lead to sex every time, only about 1/4 or 1/3 of the time and all of these things we do, dinners, places we go, etc. seriously adds up, but if it is just going to keep me in more of an occasional FWB thing and not a possible re-relationship than I need to change things quickly or she’ll think I’ll always be there as a future back-up. It’s wearing on my hopes, mental fortitude and patience all while I deal with absolutely knowing I need to keep cultivating other chances with other females to keep the confidence from dropping.
I have a new twist to the thread that may apply to others. What if you discover that you thought you were going out with the girl, but in actuality you were just being played into thinking your were exclusive with her the whole time? When she ends it, does it even qualify for the guy to be on this thread as someone who she “broke up” with?
This girl it turns out has been seeing multiple guys since last August and covering her tracks better than Ted Bundy. I know each of them think they are the only guy. She gets financial, physical and emotional favors from each of them and tells them all to be patient she wants to be with them long term, but to not “rush” things. I want to be with you after I finish school in a year and a half and have kids with you. Each time you try to say to her “actions speak louder than words” and “I don’t believe you really care about me because why wouldn’t you spend more time with me if I mean that much to you?” She then comes back with “Well that’s not true, but if you feel that way, oh well I guess you don’t want to be with me despite me always telling you that I want to be with you”. In other words she just turns it around on you for being the one with disgruntled feelings.
Is it really worth her toying with your feeling and your mind to just have occasional once every three weeks sex? BD, Dawson and POB….I have a feeling that more than one of us needs advice on this. The sooner the better because I am about to say adios for good and call her bluff once and for all with complete long term NC and she’ll eventually she’ll realize she lost someone who really loved her.
Well the same BS for me…I posted about this chick in March/April…we broke up, then we kinda got back together, but I hadn’t moved back in. Then we went on holiday, and she started her shit again. Name calling, accusations, drama, the lot.
Then I find out that during our first breakup, she had been hot for this guy with an Aston convertible. She was spotted in his car back in April. When we were on holiday, I asked her if she knew someone with a car like that. She said no. I blew it off. Then after we get back I get pulled to the side in the pub by a friend of mine that told me about this guy. He said that she was really wanting to date this guy but he backed off or whatever. But now he was back in the picture.
So, after a bunch of avoidance, I drove by her house, and the guy’s car was in front of her house. I didn’t knock on the door, I just went back to my place and texted her. She was busted. The next day she tried to turn it around on me, and say that she was humiliated when I texted, and all the usual drama.
Was I upset? Yes Hurt? Yes, badly. I caught her in a lie. I don’t think they are having sex, but who cares now.
She says she needs space and time to figure out herself. All BS.
But, the sad part is that if she owned up to it, she’d be better off.
So here we are again, not speaking and she may not realize that I’m not chasing her anymore. I have had enough of being told I’m not good enough, not enough money, I’m unhappy, etc. But she said she doesn’t want me to disappear. It is just tough to let her go and the kids, who I adore, and they love me. She’s just gonna have to live with this, and find out that I am a great guy the hard way. She’s very stubborn and selfish, so she may never.
She will be back as soon as this rich guy gets bored. Then she can beg me like I did her for 3 years.
Dave
@ SteveB
Are you not reading any of the comments? All this wasted energy over a chick just because she has nice pieces and parts. Seriously? Your issue is oneitis and what I can guarantee you is that the more you pine over this chick the less likely she is going to come back to you in any shape or form. And from what you have described I am guessing you are her 3rd string at best.
Have some self respect and let this chick go. If she contacts you escalate immediately to sex. If she doesn’t go for it let it go. Rinse and repeat.
Shit, you barely have any control over your own thoughts and actions…trying to influence control over hers is a waste of time and energy and won’t work anyway.
@Dave
Not to put too fine a point on it but do you realize what a needy bitch you sound like? Sorry to say this but if I was her I wouldn’t be interested in you either.
Why do you care? It is just your ego fucking with you. Find someone who WANTS to be with you…is DYING to be with you. Chasing a woman that isn’t into you is perhaps one of the dumbest things a man can do (and we do lots of really dumb things). Even if you got what you wanted it would be an awful outcome. She would hold all the power and you would be her bitch. Have lots of options…better options and then maybe just maybe you can get to a place where you have the power back. But if you get there you will see you didn’t really want her in the first place.
Point taken thanks, just baffles me that a chick can look you in the face and say repeatedly “I’ve told you how I feel about you and that I want to see you, but I wish I had more time for us between work and everything else……what do you want me to do?” It’s like she knows exactly how to keep your heart in the game. As if words and no action is actually going to keep a guy on the hook forever. Why would she even waste her time when she can cultivate new exciting romances? I just don’t get how they (women like this) think they are coming out ahead, but whatever. No response needed, thanks Dawson.
Seems like a stupid question, but timing is everything so let me ask you Dawson and BD…..when you say “if she contacts you escalate immediately to sex”…..is it stupid or wise to right up front before you meet ask on the phone if we can have sex or do you wait until you meet up and she’s back at your house to persuade her to sex? Also, since getting her to the house is not a problem, if she says she doesn’t “feel” like having sex or is “on her period”….should I complain right there about her not putting out again or just let it roll off my shoulders and then when she calls again, treat it differently by saying I can meet up, but only IF we’re having sex? Which is your advised method for all of us on here so we aren’t wasting our time on the wrong approach?
@Steve
You do it via text. Do NOT do it in person. She doesn’t come over unless she knows in advance it is to have sex with you. This is an extreme example but I recently had one chick that was giving me a bit of an attitude and I had kicked out of rotation beg her way back in. My condition for letting her back in was she had to come over to my apartment and was not allowed to speak a word. She had to come in, take her clothes off, have sex and leave and was not allowed to speak a word. I call this the “Helen Keller.”
The other thing I would do is DOUBLE BOOK. If she is coming over at 8pm have another chick booked for 10pm. If she comes over at 8 and all goes well cancel your 10. If not, tell her nicely that she has to leave and then keep your 10. I would also suggest escalating her even further via text after you have your hookup session scheduled. This way you remain as outcome independent as possible.
“I hope you are going to it make up to me for your shitty attitude with that body of yours tonight.”
“What are you going to be wearing for me tonight? Not that you will be wearing it long.”
Don’t worry about scaring her off. That’s the goal. You don’t want her coming over unless she 100% wants to and 100% wants to have sex with you. If she is wishy washy about it you don’t want her. She had better REALLY want to come over and fuck you or else she doesn’t get to. Simple as that.
The chick I Helen Keller-ed the other night is 1/3 my age (yes you read that right) and very attractive. But I set up the power dynamic in my favor and as a result I tolerate zero bullshit, game playing and drama.
But let me be specific about how I would do it when hearing from an ex by using an example from a few weeks ago. I hooked up with this girl about a year ago. She’s 21 and very attractive. Here is the exact transcript:
HER: “Dawson, it’s Ashley. I’m upset we left off on a bad note. Now you don’t even bother texting me back anymore. I’ve been wanting to talk to you. :(”
ME: “We didn’t leave off on a bad note. I was never upset with u”
HER: “I thought you were. I was hesitant to reach out to you because I thought you’d reject me.”
HER: “I’ve matured a great deal since last year. I think we should give it another try. Let’s meet for lunch/drinks around noon?”
ME: “I get to the city a couple of days a week. But if we are going to re-connect I want it to start in my bedroom. I want to make sure you can do as you are told.”
HER: “I will have to be your girlfriend for those special privileges and I already gave you an idea of how awesome it could be.”
ME: “lol. That’s not how this works. I totally understand if that doesn’t work for u.”
Two day delay in her responding…I honestly had forgotten about our exchange until I saw the response below.
HER: “OK. What’s your new address and what time would you like me there?”
Then I double booked her. She was 6pm and I scheduled a 9pm as a backup and I was 100% outcome independent.
Thanks Dawson. I know it’s sounds and looks bad. And, of course, EVERYONE that knows her, and some who don’t that I have spoken about this, tells me to never speak to her again. I just need to let her go. I am trying. It is hard. She knows how I feel. And she has the advantage. It’s been nearly 4 years of trying to prove myself to her.
But, I am getting in great shape. I have lost 40 pounds, I’m in the gym 4-5 days a week. I guess I need to get on tinder and POF and start hitting it with some hot chicks now. It may be the only way I get past this woman.
It’s funny how ego and emotions can really plague your thoughts and self control. We have tickets to Fleetwood Mac in a week, and I paid a fortune for them. Waste of money now…
@Dave…….put those tix online asap (craigslist, amazon, etc.) unless you can get another girl that is worth it to you to go with of course. I’ve had to do it also ironically to only be back on again with the same girl days after the show is over. Cost of doing “business” in a world where chicks have all the advantages.
@Dawson……got it thanks. Granted I think you will tell me it is more tricky with girl that you have been seeing and allowing to see you and hang out even at the house without demanding sex. Changing that requirement I would think is much harder than with a girl that doesn’t already have history of no specific demands. By the way, not sure it is matters, but this girl is 25 years old and smoking hot and is a model. Incredible all natural 34DD Playmate level body. She has is cool with sex, but like once every two weeks, not near as often as I want or need.
@Steve
People accept what you give them. If you tolerate certain behavior, that is what they get used to. You may not be able to “re-train” this one but so what. Move on and find another chick that looks like that. I promise there are TONS of them out there. If you treat a woman like she is one-in-a-million she is going to expect to be treated that way. I am not saying treat them badly but don’t treat them like they are higher value than you are or you are screwed.
Next time you have sex with this one, make a video and then any time you want to relive the experience play it back. 🙂
@ Dawson….I love the double booking strategy, but if they are both coming to your house I’m sure it can be risky if one would happen to come early or stick around after and watch your door. Anyway, I have something else I absolutely have to ask about and something I haven’t seen talked about on here yet. What is your feeling and BD’s feeling on when you are out with your girl and she is constantly on here cell texting every 4-5 minutes. I bite my tongue every time because I don’t want to go Beta on here, but all I can think is are all these texts and her smirking expressions really only in response to her girlfriends? How do you guys not give a shit about that? As long as you are getting sex from her it doesn’t matter to you?
@Steve
That never happens to me. A chick that is on her phone the whole time isn’t that into you. And I don’t go out with chicks that aren’t really into me. Most of the women if they have to do something on their phone usually apologize before they pick up their phone and say, “I am sorry but I am waiting for a message about my work schedule” or some such. To be fair, I too am not on my phone.
There are four key variables in my opinion and you have to optimize them for yourself:
– How hot the girl is
– How much drama the girl is
– How expensive the girl is
– How much fun (both in and out of bed) the girl is
While it might seem nice you can never have all four. You can never get (and keep) a chick that is a near perfect 10, zero drama, zero/low cost and super fun and sexual. But regardless you should never waste time with a girl that isn’t that into you. If she is on the phone that much I would hook up with her once and move on or move her to pure FB status because I doubt she will be texting when you are fucking. My guess is moving her to FB will be difficult or impossible because she wasn’t that into you in the first place.
Thanks for making my day! lol Despite that she says she wants a future with me (but not to rush it) and that she wants to consider having a kid with me (she says she’s nearing that time where she really wants one) it sounds like her actions don’t match up with her words. I love investing my heart and soul in something when it ends up not being appreciated.
@Dawson….Here was the text dialogue this morning on her way to work.
Her: Good morning
Me: Good morning, you must have had a good weekend
Her: Yes I did
Me: Good, I thought I might hear from you yesterday. Do you want to meet up?
Her: Yes
Me: When?
Her: When I get out of class this evening
Me: And I want to see you in bed when we do
Her: We’ll see how I’m feeling
Me: Ok, but it’s been awhile so
Her: Sorry, I’m not a morning person
Me: Ya I know, just be ready when we meet later because I want you
I’ll let you know how it goes. It will be too late to double book and I am working on other prospects and almost there, but not to that point yet because I foolishly have been putting 90% of all my eggs in one basket the last 6 months. During that time only had sex on two occasions with two other girls. Never again!
@Steve
A few missteps highlighted below:
Her: Good morning
Me: Good morning, you must have had a good weekend
Dawson: Respond “gm” Why would you assume she had a good weekend and even if you did assume that why would you say so? Zero upside.
Her: Yes I did
Dawson: She rubs it in a little.
Me: Good, I thought I might hear from you yesterday. Do you want to meet up?
Dawson: Even if you did think you might hear from her yesterday why would you say so? Again, zero upside and makes you look needy and like you were waiting around for her to grace you with a text or phone call.
Her: Yes
Me: When?
Dawson: I might instead say something like “Let me know a couple of times/days that might work for you.” Your time is more valuable so she gives times first.
Her: When I get out of class this evening
Me: And I want to see you in bed when we do
Dawson: This would be OK if the power dynamic was setup correctly (which is most certainly isn’t) but because it isn’t you get the expected result.
Her: We’ll see how I’m feeling
Dawson: That’s French for “I have all the power and I will let you beg and plead a bit more before I even consider it.”
Me: Ok, but it’s been awhile so
Dawson: So what do you do…on cue you proceed to beg a little.
Her: Sorry, I’m not a morning person
Dawson: French for she isn’t a morning person for you.
Me: Ya I know, just be ready when we meet later because I want you
Dawson: Again this won’t work because you have the dynamic setup all wrong.
I wish you luck my friend but I’d bet $20…no make that $100 she either A) cancels or B) you see her and don’t get any.
I have been getting texts from her during the day about other unrelated things like her past car insurance company, etc so I am sure I will see her later, but you’re right whether she puts out is certainly not for sure. Remaining positibe. Point taken on the text dialogue. I need to stop the insinuational hints you referred to in the beginning thinking it will actually make her feel any sort of guilt. When she gets to the house tonight I am guessing that you will advise to establish sex before going to dinner to avoid her feeling rushed for time later if dinner runs late. If she squabbles, I am going to point out that just Friday she wants to keep seeing me and ok’d sex 100% going forward and that she has always been able to count on me for everything I do for her and I need the same from her if this is going work.
No. No and No. I would cancel the date for tonight. Your power dynamic for this evening is totally blown. Dinner? Are you insane? Why would you take her to dinner if you don’t know you are getting laid? Tell her something at work came up (or whatever) and you will have to reschedule. Quit making yourself so available.
Pointing out what she said before cannot help you. You need to say less and act more.
Next time you plan to have her over pour some wine and within a few minutes escalate to sex. Do not plan in advance that it will be dinner or anything else. Just a drink back at your place. If she is DTF she will be fine with that. Maybe do dinner after sex (so you can rest for round 2 after dinner) and only if you are hungry. Just my $0.02 worth.
@Steve
So what happened? Inquiring minds want to know.
Guys,
Ok, so my ex is now wanting to go to this concert on Friday we planned. How should I play this? I do not trust her, and I think she may seeing another guy as well.
But, I agreed that we would go, and she asked me about it. I didn’t even bring it up. We always love going to concerts. But, I just don’t know what should happen, or what I should say to her.
I’m sure she will say something about our relationship. I haven’t called, or texted her. She always initiates all communication, as I refuse to chase her. She can be quite calculating as well. But, I am not going to be a plan B, beta any longer with her. This is how it started in April the last time we hooked back up. She went out with me one night, and we were on our way to getting back together. Then she flipped out, and was a total bitch to me 4 weeks ago. I’m not interested in anymore drama from her. And, yes, I am using the definition as described by BD.
I am actually meeting up with a really hot chick tonight, that has some 6 week old huge breast implants. So, it seems like a win-win for the near term.
I appreciate your input. Cheers.
David
@David
It would seem to me that you have answered your own question. You have something of high value (tickets to a concert you want to go to) and you must decide on whom you will spend that high value asset.
Option A:
Spend it on chick you have already slept with, that you don’t trust, that you know to be manipulative, that probably isn’t that into you and gives you drama and aggravation.
Option B:
Spent it on chick you haven’t slept with that is super excited to see you, really wants to spend time with you and genuinely would appreciate going to a concert with you.
Duh.
@Dawson….sure enough she cancelled that night because she said she had to find what she needed for the next morning for the school (copy of birth certificate, tax papers, etc). I would like to believe that could have been done a little earlier or within a short time, but it is true that she had to get her financial aid set up for her two year physical therapy degree which classes start Monday. Anywayyyy…..she came over the next night and stayed the night and had sex. Fast forward to tonight, we were supposed to go to the beach around 12 but she said she had to go to the school to finish submitting everything they require so she could start classes Monday. Well, she called me around 10:30am and we talked about a couple things and then she said she’d let me know when she gets done with the final paperwork at the school. I know she wasn’t there but maybe an hour or two so I texted her around 2pm to see if I shoudl expect her soon and she texted back “Can’t come right now, I’m busy”…..then she finally came over at 6pm (keep in mind she works 7am – 3pm tomorrow and the next day). We proceeded to go to a local hangout, had drinks, something to eat, she was very tipsy when we got back to the house at 9:30pm and within a few minutes, she said she had to get back home that she had something planned with her cousin (who she shares an apartment with). I was like seriously?? I tried to say I don’t want you driving an that she should let it wear off a bit before driving back, but she wouldn’t have it. She said she has plans tomorrow night (Sat.) but that she would spend the night Sunday night and we could go to the beach or on the boat Monday before her class starts from 6-10pm on Monday.
Her birthday is July 5th and I asked 3 months ago to spend that weekend with her, but oh no, her cousin (if you wanna believe it) already booked reservations for her birthday weekend. However, she keeps saying she wants to get married when her 2 year degree is done, lol. This girl is on the go constantly and absolutely gorgeous. Even another girl hit on her tonight! Anyway, I have come to the realization that I need to fuck so many other girls to try and get this girl out of my head because there is no way I’m not sharing her, no way. I need to decide whether or not I want to continue even fucking her knowing all this because when I’m not with her it fucks with my head big time. I am a VERY picky guy when it comes to looks and she seriously is one of the most beautiful girls and incredible body (wish I could post a couple pics so you believe me) and I tell myself what do you expect and that I should be “lucky” just to have her once, twice a week. And I know you’re gonna say dude snap out of the damn oneitis, but until you are charmed by this one, don’t doubt for a minute that she wouldn’t reel you at some level if you were in my shoes and I’m totally serious even you. No matter what you do or how hard you try to make a relationship with this girl (at this point anyway), she is just going to eat up the attention from anybody she feels is worthy of her affection. Meanwhile, and it’s hard for me to admit this because I don’t want to accept it, but she texts and keeps you feeling like you are so special to her and uses her busy work and class schedule to cover her tracks. Honestly, I can hardly believe she doesn’t breakout with a laugh as she tries to justify everything and her crazy schedule and why she’s running here and there at all hours. She literally can not be sleeping except between 1:30am and 6am most days.
So here’s the question…..with all of what comes with this one, would you accept just seeing her once, maybe twice a week if lucky if you know that this is the game I’m going to have to deal with and try to see if she settles down her ways in time and truly give the time needed to see if she would want to have a relationship (because I know for a fact that she wants kids in the next couple years if not sooner from overhearing her with her girlfriends on the phone who each have a young child themselves) or would you turn it loose and move on to a girl (which there are others I can develop) that wants a one on one monogamous relationship or maybe instead of that the just sticking with the freedom of seeing multiple girls but no longer seeing the one we’ve been discussing?? That’s the question because despite the jokes about the oneitis thinking, I know I won’t find the same looks as this one especially since she’s 20 years younger than me. And yes I realize that even if it was possible to have a relationship with this one, it would come with having to deal with guys constantly hitting on her when I’m not around and is that worth it as well. So what would Dawson do? lol Give it up all together or deal with it as a side piece with either no future intentions or possible future intentions??
Btw…..because of her work schedule and school it’s always been almost impossible to dictate to her when to get together on my terms because it would conflict with her schedule and not work out. So I usually let her text me instead of the other way around. From the comments on here in this thread from you and BD it sounds like that’s better than being the one that texts her. Let them come to you
Can you love someone to bits but have sex with others on the side? I know i love someone for sure but still want to have some change to have sex hot chicks. Its Very usefull site
QUESTION?
BD and everyone to reply
I may have a strange story and I am bit stuck what to do now.
I am married with 4 children but I also have a girlfriend since 2.5 years but now we are in breakup situation with my GF.
When we met first, she had a BF and i told her about my family situation n told her that i will never leave my wife n children for no one. We were very attracted to each other and I asked her if she can leave her NF so she did after couple weeks and we shared a flat and moved in. Before we move in, I told my wife abt it and told her either she accept or leave me but i knew she will not leave so unhappily she accepted.
i wanted to live true life n i dont like lies too.
I m muslim & my wife is stricter muslim n she said the main problem she has is that she should become muslim so her soul will accept it. I asked my GF and she became muslim too for me and our love. She gave up drinking and me too for over a year & she fasted full Ramadhan and learned to pray but just for me without me knowing as I thought she wanted to. I didnt push her n when realised so told her that she dont have to if she dont want to.
She had some financial difficulties for paying rent etc so I was paying mostly and she was paying for food etc at home but I know she was not with me for money as her EX was doing same but she still chosen me with my situation so it was love full of feelings.
Sometimes she was helping my children and coming my home but she was not happy to see my wife n my wife too.
I was staying/sleeping half week here n there.
I also introduced her to my family n sister etc.
Her family was not happy about it as she also told them and her friends knowing about my family and introduced me but her father refused to see me when I went to her country Czech republic. Her friends and rest of her family was behaving nice to me.
She couldnt speak proper english n didnt have proper job but i helped her with everything i could as i believed we will be together for ever and she felt same in start.
Everything was going ok for 2 years but feelings started to change the more freedom i was giving her the more it was going bad and she started to complain for small problems and she became colder day by day and me too when I was not having warm reaction from her. Meanwhile we planned 3 weeks break down to see our feelings. She couldnt last more than 2 weeks but asked me to see her.
After that we stayed together for further few months sharing rent etc and planned to move to smaller flat near her work. This time we had some non attracted situations and felt more happy staying at my home instead of her but still missed her occasionaly but when i was seeing her i was pretending attracted n i was making first move but she bacame colder as i went on holliday and returned the 2nd day of moving to small flat as told her in advance to pack n move small stuff n i will move heavy items when i return.
She felt bad as i am not with her in such situations but i left her my car too as flights were very expensive in other dates.
This new flat was affordable for her and she had good job too.
I was away for two weeks n when i returned she did not kiss me juicy one n she was still angry. After couple days we slept n i knew she want to kiss me n have sex after we had drink n talked but we slept together but i didnt kiss n didnt make sex.
things got colder n after 10 days we argued about feelings n i left n told her to call me when she miss me or feel same for me.
she texted me that we better finish as no same feelings left n no future due to my family as one day she will want to have kid n she cant like this.
she knew ip wipll not give her kid for 5 yearys untill i m sure we will never break up and see do we have future or not.
Its 2 weeks i did not reply her at all but she asked to see me but i ignored her sms twice.
I dont know why she want to see me and I know that i still love her and want to see her but want she beg me or i understand that she has real feelings. If not so i will find someone which i can to live with me all life with my situation as one woman is not enough for me.
QUESTIONS?
1. Was she with me because she loved me or because i was supporting her as now she can afford things her self?
2. Will she come back to me?
3. Does she still love me but feelings got frozen temporary due to anger?
4. Is my situation normal and happened to others that two partners agreed wife n GF to be with one guy?
I will appreciate your coments
QUESTION n STORY OF WIFE & GF?
They both Knew from start n accepted.
BD and everyone to reply
I may have a strange story and I am bit stuck what to do now.
I am married with 4 children but I also have a girlfriend since 2.5 years but now we are in breakup situation with my GF.
When we met first, she had a BF and i told her about my family situation n told her that i will never leave my wife n children for no one. We were very attracted to each other and I asked her if she can leave her NF so she did after couple weeks and we shared a flat and moved in. Before we move in, I told my wife abt it and told her either she accept or leave me but i knew she will not leave so unhappily she accepted.
i wanted to live true life n i dont like lies too.
I m muslim & my wife is stricter muslim n she said the main problem she has is that she should become muslim so her soul will accept it. I asked my GF and she became muslim too for me and our love. She gave up drinking and me too for over a year & she fasted full Ramadhan and learned to pray but just for me without me knowing as I thought she wanted to. I didnt push her n when realised so told her that she dont have to if she dont want to.
She had some financial difficulties for paying rent etc so I was paying mostly and she was paying for food etc at home but I know she was not with me for money as her EX was doing same but she still chosen me with my situation so it was love full of feelings.
Sometimes she was helping my children and coming my home but she was not happy to see my wife n my wife too.
I was staying/sleeping half week here n there.
I also introduced her to my family n sister etc.
Her family was not happy about it as she also told them and her friends knowing about my family and introduced me but her father refused to see me when I went to her country Czech republic. Her friends and rest of her family was behaving nice to me.
She couldnt speak proper english n didnt have proper job but i helped her with everything i could as i believed we will be together for ever and she felt same in start.
Everything was going ok for 2 years but feelings started to change the more freedom i was giving her the more it was going bad and she started to complain for small problems and she became colder day by day and me too when I was not having warm reaction from her. Meanwhile we planned 3 weeks break down to see our feelings. She couldnt last more than 2 weeks but asked me to see her.
After that we stayed together for further few months sharing rent etc and planned to move to smaller flat near her work. This time we had some non attracted situations and felt more happy staying at my home instead of her but still missed her occasionaly but when i was seeing her i was pretending attracted n i was making first move but she bacame colder as i went on holliday and returned the 2nd day of moving to small flat as told her in advance to pack n move small stuff n i will move heavy items when i return.
She felt bad as i am not with her in such situations but i left her my car too as flights were very expensive in other dates.
This new flat was affordable for her and she had good job too.
I was away for two weeks n when i returned she did not kiss me juicy one n she was still angry. After couple days we slept n i knew she want to kiss me n have sex after we had drink n talked but we slept together but i didnt kiss n didnt make sex.
things got colder n after 10 days we argued about feelings n i left n told her to call me when she miss me or feel same for me.
she texted me that we better finish as no same feelings left n no future due to my family as one day she will want to have kid n she cant like this.
she knew ip wipll not give her kid for 5 yearys untill i m sure we will never break up and see do we have future or not.
Its 2 weeks i did not reply her at all but she asked to see me but i ignored her sms twice.
I dont know why she want to see me and I know that i still love her and want to see her but want she beg me or i understand that she has real feelings. If not so i will find someone which i can to live with me all life with my situation as one woman is not enough for me.
QUESTIONS?
1. Was she with me because she loved me or because i was supporting her as now she can afford things her self?
2. Will she come back to me?
3. Does she still love me but feelings got frozen temporary due to anger?
4. Is my situation normal and happened to others that two partners agreed wife n GF to be with one guy?
5. Shall i lose her or not?
6. Will we have future like this or not?
MY GF is 7 out of 10 beautiful for others n 8/10 for me. Everyone is amazed when they see her. She is one of the pretty girls.
I will appreciate your coments
QUESTION n STORY OF WIFE & GF?
They both Knew from start n accepted.
BD and everyone to reply
I may have a strange story and I am bit stuck what to do now.
I am married with 4 children but I also have a girlfriend since 2.5 years but now we are in breakup situation with my GF.
When we met first, she had a BF and i told her about my family situation n told her that i will never leave my wife n children for no one. We were very attracted to each other and I asked her if she can leave her BoyFriend so she did after couple weeks and we shared a flat and moved in. Before we move in, I told my wife abt it and told her either she accept or leave me but i knew she will not leave so unhappily she accepted.
i wanted to live true life n i dont like lies too.
I m muslim & my wife is stricter muslim n she said the main problem she has is that she should become muslim so her soul will accept it. I asked my GF and she became muslim too for me and our love. She gave up drinking and me too for over a year & she fasted full Ramadhan and learned to pray but just for me without me knowing as I thought she wanted to. I didnt push her n when realised so told her that she dont have to if she dont want to.
She had some financial difficulties for paying rent etc so I was paying mostly and she was paying for food etc at home but I know she was not with me for money as her EX was doing same but she still chosen me with my situation so it was love full of feelings.
Sometimes she was helping my children and coming my home but she was not happy to see my wife n my wife too.
I was staying/sleeping half week here n there.
I also introduced her to my family n sister etc.
Her family was not happy about it as she also told them and her friends knowing about my family and introduced me but her father refused to see me when I went to her country Czech republic. Her friends and rest of her family was behaving nice to me.
She couldnt speak proper english n didnt have proper job but i helped her with everything i could as i believed we will be together for ever and she felt same in start.
Everything was going ok for 2 years but feelings started to change the more freedom i was giving her the more it was going bad and she started to complain for small problems and she became colder day by day and me too when I was not having warm reaction from her. Meanwhile we planned 3 weeks break down to see our feelings. She couldnt last more than 2 weeks but asked me to see her.
After that we stayed together for further few months sharing rent etc and planned to move to smaller flat near her work. This time we had some non attracted situations and felt more happy staying at my home instead of her but still missed her occasionaly but when i was seeing her i was pretending attracted n i was making first move but she bacame colder as i went on holliday and returned the 2nd day of moving to small flat as told her in advance to pack n move small stuff n i will move heavy items when i return.
She felt bad as i am not with her in such situations but i left her my car too as flights were very expensive in other dates.
This new flat was affordable for her and she had good job too.
I was away for two weeks n when i returned she did not kiss me juicy one n she was still angry. After couple days we slept n i knew she want to kiss me n have sex after we had drink n talked but we slept together but i didnt kiss n didnt make sex.
things got colder n after 10 days we argued about feelings n i left n told her to call me when she miss me or feel same for me.
she texted me that we better finish as no same feelings left n no future due to my family as one day she will want to have kid n she cant like this.
she knew ip wipll not give her kid for 5 yearys untill i m sure we will never break up and see do we have future or not.
Its 2 weeks i did not reply her at all but she asked to see me but i ignored her sms twice.
I dont know why she want to see me and I know that i still love her and want to see her but want she beg me or i understand that she has real feelings. If not so i will find someone which i can to live with me all life with my situation as one woman is not enough for me.
QUESTIONS?
1. Was she with me because she loved me or because i was supporting her as now she can afford things her self?
2. Will she come back to me?
3. Does she still love me but feelings got frozen temporary due to anger?
4. Is my situation normal and happened to others that two partners agreed wife n GF to be with one guy?
5. Shall i lose her or not?
6. Will we have future like this or not?
MY GF is 7 out of 10 beautiful for others n 8/10 for me. Everyone is amazed when they see her. She is one of the pretty girls.
I will appreciate your coments
Sorry,
I edited few times but its posted few times so kindly read the last one
Hey BD, thanks for an awesome blog.
I have an question to this post, how do you act if you happen to run into the girl a bit more often?
I followed ur advice and I got a girl back (my ex) and we started seeing eachother again but then some months after I became beta and she ditched my ass. I started seeing her in the clubs and being a beta I kept chasing her and her attraction dropped and then I started ignoring her but she now shes seeing another guy..
She contacts me to get some old stuff, I act robotic like instructed and exchange small conversations and thats it, no chasing or trying to convince her anything or mention the new guy. Im 100% sure the things you write works as ive tried it myself but my question is:
I live in a smaller city, I am gonna run into her more often how would you act around her? Would you even say hi or just ignore completely, or say hi and keep a small convo then leave?
Obviously im never gonna text, call etc, She came over today and picked up some stuff and asked how im doing and I just said im doing ok and that I gotta go (saturday) and told her we speak later (not gonna contact her ever again at this point).
But yeah, I understand the concept of ignoring/not contacting in the online/phone world but how would you act in an actual meetup (nightclub, foodstore, gym etc)?
Anyone else also more than welcome to reply and yet again thanks for an awesome blog and im gonna buy ur book, you helped me alot ;).
Best regards.
Hi
Great advice, wish i had read this earlier… So i did the opposite and pestered her after the break up, she then blocked me on FB… I’m currently 6 weeks into no contact. Is there still a chance if i leave it long enough? I did recently see her on Tinder but quickly swiped left…
Thanks
Alright..so what do you suggest in this scenario
Short version: ltr 3+ years, broke up a month ago, did nc, jealousy, social proof etc., got back together on my terms (or so i thought), 3 weeks later same shit happened (her shit tests, her jealousy, my jealousy, a few of my beta fails, broke up again “we’ll talk again after some time passes”, she started seeing a guy 2 days later, didn’t tell me about it, met up with her barely (“i’m busy blabla” typical excuses), during the meetup it took me 45 secs to tell her what i wanted to say (no neediness, indifferent “oh well, ” attitude), nc 5 days she messages me “hey”.
TBH if she didn’t already “branch swung” and started already posting on her instagram photos with this new guy (even if she told me she loves me blabla(no, I don’t give a shit)) I would be more open to the idea of patching things up, but in this case I want her new fling or whatever to fail miserably and yes I want to keep her at arms length and punish her for that behaviour..so still NC or respond indifferently.. (No i dont want to meet up with her yet, we both need time and the fact that she let someone else kiss her or even fuck her after all this time is not making her any more attractive to me)
She contacted me after a few months by text and said somewhere she went today reminded her of me. I responded by asking how she was and she said she is happy and well. She asked how I was. Would you respond or ignore?
BD, you said that “It’s virtually guaranteed assuming A) you do it correctly, B) you’re in no rush, and C) you weren’t a oneitisy pussy or extreme asshole while you were dating her the first time around.”
My question is, since a lot of guys (if not most) that get dumped by the women in their lives are probably not outcome independent, or are either in a state of oneitis or neediness; will “completely vanishing out of her life and ignoring her for many months” still work most of the time for “recovering betas/ AFC’s and alpha 1.0’s (even if it’s not at the high 94%-100% range)?
I feel absolutely sorry for you that you feel the need to view relationships between women and men as competition. I don’t think you’re a bad person but definitely one coming from a lot of hurt. I am sorry whoever hurt you.
I do hope there is someone that will be able to show you a wonderful relationship where you can be yourself. Or perhaps, encourage you to REALLY take your time to seeing if that relationship was actually right for you.
I wanted to be offended but I also understood for someone to show this much miscommunication there are underlying issues. The good news is I’m glad I stumbled on this blog. I’m glad if someone were to show such discerning behavior, I would wish that person well and I hope that person would be able to understand all sides of the story before making such extreme behavior.
Just a reminder: I’m not responding to any more “What do I do in this case?” comments here. If you want to know why, scroll up to my last comment above where I explain it.
I will respond to other comments though.
The short answer is yes.
The longer answer is, even if you were utterly beta / AFC / monogamous / pussy in your relationship, your odd of getting her back are still higher (or at least “less bad”) by doing this than by maintaining platonic attention with her.
You’re pissed off because as a woman, you know that what I’m recommending WORKS.
If you have anything of actual substance to say, just let me know.
It’s not working because you only have 15 followers on your Twitter. If it was really working, I would see you on TIME magazine. Reality, you know it. You are not that popular. Again, I’m not here to hate on you and I think you’re perfectly a good person. Do I think you’ve made wrong choices? YES!!! So has everyone else!! The wrong choice you made was you didn’t listen to yourself when dealing with a very dramatic girl going through a shitty time in her life. You weren’t able to accept the time you had with her was shitty, but looked at her as a shitty person and now that has made you look at all women including myself. GREAT! Let the mental abuse begin.
Blackdragon, do you realize all these guys that are coming to you for problems was probably because you probably contributed to them? The formula is pretty easy. Girl hurts you, you get hurt and hurt other girls, THOSE girls hurts these guys. This cycle never ends. NEVER just guys, “some people” get so stuck on the smallest details of the break-up when the reality is you both were in different phases in your life. Humans are flawed, humans make mistakes. A relationship between flawed humans make a relationship toxic. I can go on saying this guy has done me wrong, throw in the towel HATE MEN and make a ‘hate blogs’ like you. Reality, rejection happens BUT rejection makes you a better lover. You shelter yourself with this hate, you end up having harder time in life because as you get older, dating becomes trickier.
You can say whatever you feel, I’m pissed, I’m this girl. Go ahead, NOT YOU, but your symptoms, do your mental abuse on me. I’m already aware of people like you. Black Dragon, you can’t piss me off. I just know you’re going through a tough time. I know you’re not gonna change right now, but eventually who knows. You might find that one girl who sees you for all your mistakes and you like her for all of hers. Quite frankly, I’ve seen people like you turn around. The GAME OF THRONE’S director of photographer was just like you. One thing he realized was humility. He was hurt but he understood he was creating a crappy ground for other people to get hurt.
I just wish that girl that did hurt you was mature enough and aware to see why she shouldn’t have been having a relationship with anyone at the time of your break-up. I think your story and blog would’ve panned out much differently because you seem like a person that can love. You’re just going through a rough patch. 😀 I hope that was actual substance for you. I can never hate you, I certainly know how you feel. At the same time, what you’re doing isn’t helping anyone. And if it’s helping anyone, it’s a quick band aid to fill your self esteem, but in the long run underlying issues could be rejection, fear of being alone. Anyways, that’s for you figure out. You’re smart, I’m confident you will find a girl you will love. Sometimes I just hate it when girls have self esteem issues and they take it out on guys like you. Like Karma, those girls get their fare share too. I had to work with them. Lonely and depressed. :S
I do agree on one thing! I do agree on ignoring a girl who’s emotionally unstable alone. At the same time, I also agree on being the bigger person and ending it with her so you both can move on. Understand the relationship was no good for either of you and enjoy your freedom. =D
I don’t do this very often, but I’m in a playful mood todtay. Time to play “Fun With An Irrational Hater!”
I have 8,800 Twitter followers, plus another 2,700 on a different account. The link to the correct account was right on the Twitter page, before I updated it. (Do you not know how to read? Did you graduate high school? Wait, don’t tell me…public school, right?) Anyway, click the Twitter icon again, Darling. I made it easier for you.
I thought you just said I’m not popular. How then would I get all these guys to make problems in their relationships?
I’ll let that one stand on its own.
Actually I’m going through the happiest time of my entire life, which is saying something.
One of us is definitely going through a rough patch, but it’s not me. Projection much? This guy who dumped you…why don’t you go troll him instead of me?
But please, keep going. This is too fun.
You mean because of my daily inbox full of positive emails? Many of which are from women? Or because of my almost 9,000 Twitter followers? Or maybe my thousands of books and ebooks sold with a 3% return rate? Or this blog which is one of the fastest growing blogs in the manosphere? Or something else?
Yes. Clearly I’m helping no one here. You’re right and everyone else is wrong.
Please keep commenting! I’m lovin’ it.
Weeeeeeeeeell… thank you for letting me comment. It’s a real pleasure. =D
Sir, you can tell me how much you paid for your lousy degree to be able to achieve 15 twitter followers compared to my friends who have millions of twitter followers who never needed to tell a internet troll they have a degree. Says much about you!!! lol Man, was it that easy to troll you to make you tell me about your life. Good grief. I know health care is expensive in the states, but heck there must be some affordable coverage to get you a psychiatrist for your Narcissistic Personality, Bi polar, Schizophrenia disorder??? Oh wait, you probably don’t have any money to pay for it.
Oh boy, please-let-the-world-know-you-have-15 twitter followers and A DEGREE and you can’t even properly link your most active twitter account to your website and you demand me to read your mind. Oh, WOW, weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! =D
Remember Black, you won this conversation and I never had to share a lick of my personal info with you.
E.Z!!!!
Oh, side note, maybe you should focus on the positive things I said about you during the last post I made because I said many good things about you. It’s YOUR FAULT you chose to read the negative. Just saying. <3
Remember Black
Zero dollars. I never went to college. I was too busy making six figures without it.
And you actually still think I have 15 Twitter followers. Simply amazing.
But now you’re name calling (the only place one can go when one runs out of arguments), using the standard hater playbook by calling someone a narcissist. So we’re done here. Thanks for the entertainment, and I’m sorry for your recent breakup. You’ll get over it soon I’m sure.
“A Girl” Im not sure if you are for real or not but for you to actually put so much time and effort into trying to put someone down just is just pathetic.
If he has just 15 twitter followers or whatever then why do you care so much about what he writes? And do you have any clue whatsoever about human psychology? I guess not.
What BD is writing in this post DOES WORK, I tried it myself and the strongest negotiating position is being able to walk away and mean it and when you ignore a person you remove yourself from his/hers life which makes the other person doubt their decision. It applies not just in relationships but in friendships and business also.
Hey Guys,
Posted my breakup story back in March and literally 4 months later the old girl is now hitting me up again, as I ignored her and remained a challenge. Will spin that plate again – Fair play to BD on this point. However, whilst I was ignoring her I started dating another girl in the meantime, and 3 months into being ‘exclusive’/fwb with her it has broken off as well.
Slight twist to the story this time, which BD hasn’t covered and many guys face, so I hope you can help me out again (Dawson/BD):
Started dating new girl; acted a challenge; alpha and got her investing real quick. Met her family and kept things fun and unpredictable. Rocked her in bed and got her driving/picking me up from places we went to. Slight dread game as she kept saying how I will only get bored of her. She posted pictures of us on social media and all her friends gave their approval. All great so far. Anyway, long story short she’s currently training to be a teacher and they’re all staying together in a hotel and genuinely busy lots of the time but went out every friday with ‘all the teachers’ (some are male). Didn’t care as knew she was invested, but one week she started becoming ‘more busy’ and acting distant/cold. Called her out on it and forced it out of her that she kissed another male teacher on friday in a club. Called her straight up as couldn’t see her in person and she didn’t care at all (as interest somehow miraculously dropped) even though I stayed the night 4 days before. Said she didn’t want to meet as felt too guilty and its now over as I ‘won’t trust her’. I asked if she wanted me back anyway, to which she replied she didn’t feel it anymore, and that I’m too good for her. Ended the convo.
Question – What happened here. Did she get an opportunity and an alpha took advantage or did the ‘honeymoon phase’ end and she realised it wasn’t going anywhere as fwb? If I did want her back whilst maintaining value, how would I go about it? I.e. Does ignoring a cheating girl who used cheating as a breakup vehicle, ever come back by vanishing on her?
@RealTalk
No one breaks up with someone because they think the other person is too good for them. That’s like the bullshit they say that it’s good luck when it rains on your wedding day. The “It’s not you, it’s me” is just French for “It’s you.”
I have had at least a dozen different women tell me they have cheated on a guy so that he would break up with them. Somehow they see this as less hurtful than just dumping the chump which I don’t get but I have heard it enough times that I think it is quite common.
As I have said countless times and I will say it again here, why do you want her back? You have already fucked her and she clearly isn’t that into you. Move on to women that do want to be with you and if she boomerangs fine…escalate IMMEDIATELY to sex and if not, don’t waste any mental energy on it.
One other comment. I have no idea why getting her to drive you around places is DHVing in your eyes. I would argue it does exactly the opposite. Just my $0.02 worth.
@Dawson Stone
I seen you do alot of good posts here, I have just one question:
I am following the post and ignoring my ex since I am moving on, but I would love to have her as a boomerang in my life.
How should I you act if I run into her more often at the club, supermarket, gym etc? since I live in a small town I do see her around.
I assume when being dumped I should never ask her out again unless she makes the effort, and to never text, call or facebook stalk etc, she has to contact me. But when I keep running into her quite often and I told her I am not interested in being friends, should I completely ignore her when I see her or still act somewhat friendly?
Since this was never brought up in the original post I thought I will bring it up here, I guess there are no clear answers but would be nice to know I should approach it in order to have biggest success rate of her (or any future girl for that matter) contacting me again so I can escalate it into her pants.
Thanks
@Crimson
The answer is simple but the execution is perhaps more difficult. I can tell by what you are writing that you are still hung up on this chick. It might just be ego (it probably is) or perhaps something else but it doesn’t matter. The fact that you are even asking the questions is part of the problem.
What you need to do is move on with your life. Let’s say this ex never existed. How would you live your life? THAT is exactly how you should live your life now. The fact that you run into your ex because it is a small town is unfortunate (it does increase the time it takes to get over someone) but the behavior is easy. Be nice and friendly. If you are passing each other on the street do not stop and chit chat. Just smile a genuine smile and say, “Hi Michelle” and keep walking. I would argue that when possible, avoid places you would be more likely to run into her so long as it isn’t really altering how you are living your life. But if you know she used to always to go a particular bar on Thursday go on Wed instead.
I would go even further and block her number, email and unfriend her / remove her from any social media. The more energy you spend on thinking about her the longer it will take to get over her. You shouldn’t be ignoring her. You should be blocking her. ERASE her existence from your life to the best of your ability. If she wants to come back into your (esp in a small town) it will be easy for her to do so. Make her WORK to get back in bed with you. Don’t spend any of your energy on her.
Do not try to run into her when you have another pretty girl on your arm. Do not date someone she knows in an effort to make her jealous. Just live your life and be the best version of yourself (for you, not her) and if she boomerangs, great. If not no big deal. Happiness is the best revenge (even though revenge shouldn’t be the goal).
Hey guys, stumbled upon this blog when feeling low. Here’s my story. Hung out with this girl who lives in my apartment complex for like a couple of months. We’d hang out like 3-4 times a week and things seemed to be going well. Then, out of the blue, she turns hostile, I may have said something to turn her off but I’m not sure what triggered the reaction. Me, panicking, start acting needy/beta a couple of times (two times max) and then she tells me about how she wants an easy friendship etc. I let her know that will be tough and we’re better off not staying in touch. She apologized but I wasn’t clear about what. I get rid of things that remind me of her and begin no contact. This was three months ago and we have run into each other 2-3 times since. Every time we ran into each other I would just acknowledge her and walk away.
The NC period was/is hard and I have been fighting so many urges to text her, go and talk to her etc for I know her routine and places she’d be at a certain time. Still hurts not hanging out with her but I have been dealing with it better day by day. A couple of days ago, out of the blue, she comes up to me asking me about my tablet (seriously) and how she’s considering purchasing one of those. She spoke like nothing ever happened and I casually answered her and walked off.
Now, I’m getting the feels again and would like advice. How do I take it from here? Go and talk to her? Wait for her to come talk again and then pitch a meet? Don’t want to take her back right away for she stomped all over me the last couple of times we met (pre-NC).
Regards,
Super Beta.
@Fidel……just my 2 cents…..it sounds like you’ve been doing great with the NC and keeping your urges from getting the best of you. Since you are so invested in that dept. I would say don’t throw away what you’ve accomplished now, UNTIL she comes at you with something more meaningful than convo about your tablet. She may likely not want to be the first one to be obvious about wanting to get back together and stubborn about her pride, hoping you make the first move, but if you stand firm and hold to your ground, IF she really wants you (which you don’t want anything less anyway) then hold your ground and she will eventually break down and give in. That’s if she notices that contacting you about side things isn’t working. Meanwhile, you have to be working HARD on connecting and fucking other women even though you may not being feeling totally confident. This is the time you have to suck it up, be a man and continue to hunt. Don’t be putting all your eggs in one basket hoping desperately for her to come back. Again, just my 2 cents.
@Fidel
Steve is right on. Maybe a bit nicer than I would be. I would say quit being such a pussy. You don’t even say if you two had sex or not…don’t know if “hanging out” means sex in your world. If it doesn’t mean sex then seriously you never had anything anyway and I wouldn’t waste 1 second of my time and energy on it.
If it means having sex then read on.
Let her do all the work. Be friendly but just exchange a few words. If she were to continue to show interest on a number of occasions and say something like, “What are you doing right now?” I might respond, “Well I can have you out of those clothes in about 30 seconds if you want to come back to my place.”
ESCALATE IMMEDIATELY TO SEX. Doesn’t matter if it is via text, email or face-to-face. If they say no, no biggie. I have been surprised how often this has worked.
@Dawson @Steve
Yeah, I’ve been stupid. Wanted to take it slow but it didn’t really help. Yeah, no sex, which is why I used “hanging out” 🙁 . Should add that we’re both from a slightly more conservative/orthodox culture which has contributed to me being very very Beta.
Yes, I am “meeting” other women and definitely trying to move on, not waste any time on her etc. but her coming back to talk has messed things up a little. I’m not putting my eggs in one basket (at least trying not to), but was just curious how to approach it in case she starts chatting a little more often.
@Dawson
Thanks bro, solid advice and you are absolutely right.
The fact im even asking these questions here means im not over her. But its time to get my head straight and move on following the advice given and start a new happy life being an alpha 2.0!
Best of luck and thanks again guys for valuable information and a good blog.
What if i can’t check her out on Face book because i have her blocked? Should i unblock her and send her a friend request? Because without being friends on face book i won’t be able to see if she is single or has a boyfriend? Face book is the only way i can check on her without contacting.
@Eddie
Seriously? Are you even reading the comments on here? DO NOT contact her. Not on facebook. Not anywhere. If she wants to get back with you she will do so. You chasing her has ZERO chance of working. If you are checking out her relationship status on FB you have already lost.
I understand i shouldn’t contact her at all first ever. But i did read above that after 4 to 6 months, you will check her out on face book to see if she is single or has a new boyfriend. But i blocked her on face book. I was asking if i should unblock her from face book after the 4 to 6 months? You can’t see their status unless you are friends on face book. That’s all i was wondering. If not, i will leave her blocked. And see if she calls or texts me first within months.
hey man good advice im really gonna try that now i started working in a kitchen a few months back just to get on my feet working 2 jobs my boss and i ended up fuckin around wile she was with some one had a family they broke up but be for they broke up she pulled me asside and was telling me how she felt about me stole my number out of the office and started txting me we ended up seeing each other for a few months then it was all out of the blue
this isent working for me iv been keeping u in the dark bout some things ( not being able to have kids) then ran back to her baby daddy who not sure now into some drugs when she left him and now she ran back to him he moved back in mean wile shes already been threw this a few times with this guy the simple im not happy line whats your take on that
@Eddie,
IMO you never contact a woman first. NEVER. If she is interested she will contact you. You screw up the power dynamic if you reach out to her.
O k Thanks Dawson Stone. I will leave her blocked on face book. And vanish for like 4 to 6 months. And see if she calls or texts me within 4 to 6 months. Keep it casual and short. Ask for a meet and if not, end the conversation fast.
Will this still work for me if i do everything right? Even though she has stayed in contact with me the whole time we been broken up? We were together almost 4 years. no kids. never married. she was with someone and living with him, but still calling and texting me a lot first. and wanted to meet like twice months ago. but nothing happened. We cut ties last week. I will not contact her at all anymore. Wait and see if she does first.
@Eddie
The key is to stop worrying about if it will work. Maybe it will. Maybe it won’t. But letting her contact you is the best chance you have. The key is how you act when/if she does contact you. IMO you have to immediately escalate to sex. If she balks, she wasn’t coming back anyway.
Good luck.
My ex girlfriend dumped me in 2007 after five months because we were “not compatible” – and this was devastating, out-of-the-blue news to me. I immediately tried everything to get her back – phone calls, flowers, texts, calling from different numbers, etc. I over-pursued as much as anyone possibly could because I was desperate to get her back. Finally, she called me and angrily told me to never, ever contact her again.
In 2010, she began texting me again, off and on, and we slowly rekindled a friendship despite her having married someone else. Last night, we hooked up at my place for the first time in eight years. She just now texted me and told me that she can’t wait to hook up again.
Ignoring and waiting both work – no matter how bad the ending was. The Boomerang effect is very real – and almost certain to occur – if the original relationship was sexually satisfying. The Long Game is a very long game indeed – but hope springs eternal and patience is rewarded.
Yup. I have had an 8 year boomerang as well.
But I will say that the better you let things end the easier, faster and less drama the boomerangs will be.
You are exactly right Dawson!!! If I had shown more patience in 2007, this boomerang might have taken just a few months 🙁 Live and Learn!
So if following all these rules, is it a better chance an ex will come back just for sex? Or get back together as well? If she contacts you first, what do you say? How’s it going? Ask if she wants to meet? If you she says no or declines, end conversation as quick as possible?
My love broke up 6 months ago and left me heartbroken, this made me sick and my problem became very very difficult and it made me almost gave up but after the love spell from Robinson Buckler, my relationship was restored instantly, I was happy that the outcome was fantastic, only 3 days after robinsonbuckler @ (yahoo). com started it all. Never in my life have I thought this would work so fast. My man reconcile with me and he started acting completely different, we make love everyday (last weekend, we did it 8 times in total!). Now I can say that Robinson’s spells work! I can now say I feel happy once again, and like never before. It felt so good to have my lover back again, Thanks to Robinson,
Does all this help your chances of your ex coming back to get back together? or just sex?
One question:
If a girl wishes you happy birthday would you see that as an “contact out of the blue” and escalate towards sex or should I just say “Thanks :)” and wait for another reach out from her.
3 weeks since breakup and my birthday is in a few days im sure she will wish me something but im not sure if thats just for being polite or actually because she misses me.
Best regards
Hey Frankie, I had my ex wish me Happy Birthday too. But i think it was just because we were together almost 4 years. Just being nice and not like she will ever forget that date. I would say thanks. and end it there. and see if she reaches out again.
Black Dragon, you were so right well done. Your shit works man my ex wants me back after following your advice.
Also I ordered your book it’s great.
Now she is over the age of 33 so I’m keeping that in mind. Thanks again wish I had found your material sooner.
Glad to have found this blog… Good material!
I’m in my mid-40s and was with this girl (a 7.5/10) for 8 years, living with her for 7 years. Throughout the years she would go through cycles (every 2-3 years_ and tell me she didn’t feel the way I did in her regards. She would say she loved me, but wasn’t in love with me, felt very comfortable with me, blah blah blah. I always ignored her and basically told her she was nuts and proceeded to regularly fuck her in any which way possible. 2 months ago she did it again and this time she really booked and left. We were engaged and to be married next year. I figured 7 years were enough to know she wasn’t gonna go anywhere. I was wrong there! We never argued much and were pretty much upfront to each other about everything. I know she didn’t leave me for another dude. She went to live with a fat chick (stranger) in another town nearby.
Ever since she left, she keeps texting me about how I’m doing. I always answer: “Fine. Thanks for asking.” I’m in total ignore mode with her… Mostly because I could give 2 shits about someone who didn’t want to be with me anymore. Why in the blue hell would anyone want to go out with a chick that turned their back on you or worse if they cheated on you (not my case)???? There are plenty of other fish in the ocean! Since she moved out a few weeks ago, I’ve have a slew of girls (between 7’s and 9’s) lined up wanting to date me. I’ve chosen to lay low for a month or so, but I’ve already had a few dates… I forced myself to go out with them. Wasn’t really in the mood to see other people in the past few weeks.
After 8 years of monogamy, I’m a little rusty (or maybe don’t even care much yet/anymore?) in the dating scene. But it’s like a bike… A little practice and time and I’ll be back racing with the best.
I’m really enjoying this board… Some of you guys are spot-on with the advice for the younger fellas. You learn most of this stuff with experience OR you can learn from other people’s experience. Really good stuff!
I dated this girl for 4 years. She is a year younger then me. I’m currently going to be a junior in college and she is going to be a sophomore in college at the same university. 2 years ago we hit a pretty rough patch when I went to college and she was still in high school but we stuck together and she ended up going to the same school as me. We fought a ton and I was kind of an asshole while I was away at school before she ended up going there. She recently got this internship with a company and its all she has cared about all summer and she is going to do the same internship again this coming year. Last week I told her that she felt distant and working was all that mattered to her. We got in an argument and she broke up with me over a text just out of the blue. I left her alone for about 5 days not contacting her and eventually said we need to talk about this in person and she agreed. She got pretty emotional when I saw her and said she needed some time to figure out who she really is because she doesn’t know life without me. She claims she broke up with me so she can just be herself and see if I am really the one for her in life considering we are so young so she just wants to take time away. She also seemed to maybe be changing her look. Before she pulled away in the car after I talked to her I told her that I’ll still always be there for her and stuff. She also told me she loved me still before she left and let me give her a goodbye kiss. I know I sound like a pussy but I’ve been completely lost without her and I am definitely going to try not contacting her for 4 months. I have two questions however. 1.) does age matter for your method? 2.) considering we go to the same college, what should I do when I see her? Should I just be casual and say hi or completely ignore her. I’ll most likely see her a lot when we go out at night because we have the same friends. Sorry this post as long. Hope you guys can help.
Kk,
Why would you insist on pursuing a very tumultuous and difficult relationship? There are soooooooooo many women on this green earth… You just have to find one that you can get along with and who will appreciate you as you are. As an old Right Guard commercial used to go… “Anything else would be uncivilized!” Forcing relationships will eventually make you and her miserable, leading to an inevitable scission. It does not have to be THAT difficult.
@Kk
As funny as it sounds you need to listen to Jesus! lol
Move on. Don’t try to diagnose it. Solve it. Fix it. Whatever it.
If she decides she can’t live without you I promise you she will alert you to this development.
1) It matters perhaps a bit more in the short term but not in the long run. The general rules still hold
2) Be polite but don’t linger. Treat her like she was an acquaintance that you liked just fine but wasn’t important in your life. Without greatly modifying your day-to-day try to avoid her. Most guys instead look for opportunities to run into their ex. This is a mistake. The more you interact with her (in ANY form) the longer it will take you to get over her.
Good luck!
Thanks you guys for the advice it is helping me feel a lot better. Just yesterday she texted my sister saying how much she’s going to miss my family and stuff. Then she went on to tell my sis how we both need this break up and that it’s good for us. Girls make everything so confusing. I’ve been stressing the most about her hooking up with someone at school early on and that news will be worse than the break up itself. Do you guys think it is a good idea for me to try and make her jealous by hooking up with other girls? Or would that make it obvious that I’m trying to get her attention/jealous and turn her away even more?
@Kk
Seriously you need to get a hobby, hit the gym, get some more friends, get laid.
The more you obsess about this chick the worse you will make it. Let’s say a perfect 10 who was super smart, kind, a rock star in bed, sweet, thoughtful and had an identical twin sister that she wanted to share you with from time-to-time would you still be pining over this other girl?
You are young and don’t have any perspective…find some. This previous chick might be great (and I am not saying she is) but I PROMISE you there are tons as good and better.
And so what if another guy has sex with her? It changes NOTHING. In fact, if your sex life was any good with her it is more likely to make her miss what she had with you. And if your sex life wasn’t that great, you weren’t going to keep her anyway. Go out there and get good at sex.
Don’t TRY to pretend you are happy with someone else. BE happy with someone else. Don’t try to make her jealous about the new girl you are fucking. Enjoy the new girl you are fucking and if she gets jealous, who cares. The more you TRY to do things the more it is likely to turn her off.
Interesting reads here. I’ve myself been down with a severe case of oneitis. Seemed like the best thing ever, then blink, and it’s gone. Trying to figure it out will make you crazy. Thought I might add a bit of a tip though. Eventually you will come across one that just HAS to win a power struggle, and will escalate things to try and do that.
For example: I was following NC as best as possible. Had to keep her on Facebook because we had to both be on a trip within a couple months after the breakup, and frankly I didn’t want to deal with any escalation on the trip. She was all up in my Facebook liking, commenting, whatever. I didn’t respond, and didn’t even look at her page, much less like or comment there. I’d get the random no reason texts, cloaked in asking me a question. When the actual trip arrived she acted like an ice cube. I acted calm. Got home, unfriended her, and she retaliated by blocking me. Will I hear from her again? Who knows, but my point is they will find any way possible to retaliate. And you have to be ready to blow that off.
It’s amazing to know how many guys still go gaga over a woman that abandoned or cheated on them and think it’s a good idea to try to get them back. Remember guys… Those are women of very low value from which you should run away from and not walk! You should never give a shit about anyone who doesn’t give a shit about you. Listen to Jesus for once. 😉
Dated this girl for almost 5 years, out of the blue she dumped me saying that she couldnt do this anymore and that she thought time apart is what we need right now and that maybe in the future if im single and shes single we can work it out… ive been so far 1 month no contact and going to do the 4 months as you have mentioned. she promised me its not another guy or anything but her, that she “needs to find who she is”.. i think sex was pretty good..i mean i was her first, she lost her virginity to me. my question is i know there are plenty women out there but honestly i dont see myself with anyone else at the moment. if she doesnt contact me within the 4 months should i call it a lost cause and forget about her completely..
our relationship for the most part was great, hardly ever argued, always took trips together and spent everyday together maybe she just got tired and bored of me?
Wow Dave you and me are in the same exact situation… We both lost our virginity to each other as well. However we have only been broken up for a week and a half so a little shorter then you.
You have to think of it this way. You guys have been together for what seems like forever just like me and my girlfriend. Our girls are having second thoughts I think because they want to make sure we are the guys they want to spend the rest of their lives with you know? They want to focus on themselves and figure what’s best for them in life. Now I don’t know how old you guys are but a lot of people get married after dating that long. My girlfriend used to tell me she wanted to get married and all that shit just a couple years after college. Women are confusing they tell you all that bullshit and then end up leaving so who knows. I’m just gonna let it ride out and see what happens. Definitely not contacting her.
Jesus is in mid-40s, just fresh out of an 8-year relationship, engaged and was scheduled to get married next year… Just in case you guys thought you’re alone in these predicaments. Trying to justify her decision to abandon you makes zero sense, guys! THEY DUMPED YOU! WAKE UP! They simply do not give a drop of money piss about you! You need to realize this.
Simple advice: Become your best friend, do stuff that makes you happy, get in shape, make new friends. When you are truly happy, you become attractive. Then go out there, find the most amazing beautiful woman that will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. There are plenty out there!
JESUS
“…drop of *monkey* piss…”
I need advice. My ex called me last night. wanted to meet for ice cream. but then canceled after about 10 minutes. she is with someone else and living with him. been broken up about a year. we were together 4 years. she has been with him for about a year. she said we need to cut ties. i said o k. but then after a week or two, she ends up calling or texting me. She still has photos up of us on her face book. What do you think or make? Does she still care or have feelings for me? or not?
@Eddie
Do you really need advice? I mean come on already. It is plain as day.
She wasn’t that into you. Things ended. Things are “touch and go” with newer guy but wants to know she has you as a fall back just in case.
I am sure she still has feelings for you but those feelings are not strong enough for her to want to be with you. And what the FUCK are you doing looking at her Facebook? Are you a glutton for punishment?
Grow some balls, quick being a doormat for this chick and move the fuck on with your life. Don’t you have any friends that can slap some sense into you?
BLOCK HER ON ALL SOCIAL MEDIA and EMAIL. Block her number. If she circumvents all that by using a friends phone or social media then IMMEDIATELY escalate to sex. This isn’t rocket science guys.
Sorry to be so harsh but you guys keep asking the same damn question over and over and over just in slightly different form:
– My ex treated me like shit
– My ex dumped me
– I haven’t moved on and keep hoping she will come back
– My ex gave me the slightest, tiniest indication interest
– What do you think it means and what should I do?
Rinse and repeat.
Dawson Stone. i hear what your saying, but i didn’t look at her face book. someone else did. just to see if pictures were still up of us. And i thought i read above that you will check her out on things such as face book without her knowing to see if she is single or has a new boyfriend. She said she still loves me. and said the guy she is with doesn’t love her like i did or have a connection like us. i never text or call her. she always does though. she said we need to cut ties. i said o k. then 2 weeks later, she still called and texted me. I don’t want to just fuck her. i would like us to get back together. I noticed the longer i stay away from contacting her, the more she contacts me. So that is great advice and works.
Just thought I’d post this shit works. I just fucked an ex last night using this procedure.
I’m hardly an expert on relationships and stuff, but I think one of the key points a lot of people are missing with this whole thing is YOU HAVE TO MOVE ON and get your life back before getting any results. This shit works when you do not give a flying fuck what she will do or how she will react to you when you contact her after vanishing. If you are still pining over a chick you dated and try and do this procedure, she will sense it and you will fail.
@Eddie
Listen to what people are telling you here. YOU NEED TO FUCKING FORGET HER. Shut her out. If she contacts you, you pitch a meet up (no offense, but I think she will know you are still hung up on her and will deny you). If she says no, shut her down for a very, very, very, long time…until she is a distant memory. Only then, would I recommend trying this procedure.
o k thanks guys. I will wait awhile and then try that. The thing is that she keeps inviting me to dinner a few times, but then backs out. So i just ignore her and then she eventually contacts me again. I act like i don’t care and continue to go out with other girls. The more i act like i don’t give a shit, the more she contacts me.
@whitedragon
You mentioned you had an affair with your boss.
My question is: how did you manage at work after the breakup? Did you not see her at all?
I too had an affair with a colleague & I can’t seem to keep my anxiety in control. I don’t speak to her, never look in the direction she sits but I am always very nervous.
Any tips? Thanks,
@Dawson
You’ve been very helpful, Thank you. I read your comments almost daily. I’m no longer with my ex but I do miss her, a lot. Even then, I don’t contact her. I would have if not for your advice.
Moving on is challenging, but as you rightly said, if she isn’t into you, it’s pointless. I remember her chasing me down when we were getting to know each other. Now, it’s a distant memory.
Anyways, thanks again. I do regret not knowing about this blog before and during the relationship.
To any doubters, this does work!!!!. I was in a “oneitis” relationship for a long time (broke up once in the middle and then got back together). I met a few girls during the first break up and completely cut contact with them once we got back together. Well we broke up the second time. I sent a text to 3 of the girls I saw in the middle and they immediately wanted to see me even though I never talked to them for over 5 months! You need to leave on good terms with all girls and make sure you treat them fantastic when you are with them.
The relationship was a great life experience. She’s pretty much a model but with major issues so after a period of no contact I knew it can’t be more then just an ego loss and it was like weeding myself off of a drug. We had some of the best times of my life, but she also made me feel like crap many times. Nobody deserves that. I treated her like gold 24/7 and well that’s why she still texts me and wants to see me regularly. She knows she can’t get better. Well she might be able to but it’s pretty damn tough! When she asks for a favor I tell her I’m busy and I’ll get back to her (which I never do). Sorry I’m not your bf I tell myself, you don’t get that anymore.
She’s banging a rebound guy yet she gets pissed when she sees new girls liking my stuff on social media or the fact I am having fun without her. That’s why she always texts me to see me. I never ask to see her or never text her, but I’ll see her and bang her if I’m not busy with other girls. She’s pissed that I don’t drop anything for her anymore. Well too bad, so sad, she ruined that and now I am in control. I went from Beta to Alpha.
I am currently seeing lots of girls and having the time of my life. I’ve been hitting the gym a lot harder then I ever have and I run on a daily basis. My career is thriving, I make great coin and drive a great car. My confidence is bringing in women whenever I go out. Here’s a tip guys. Wear a blazer with jeans when you go out. Women love men in blazers!
@Rob
I’m really sorry to hear that you are going through the same thing – it is really rough with a co-worker.
The worst part was that we kept talking about not “going too far over the line” each time we’d get more and more affectionate. Once all of the lines had been crossed I could tell that things were taking a toll on her emotionally. She is an incredibly well-respected professional within my company and I think that the risks she was taking with me were making her more and more scared about the potential impact to her career if anyone found out or began wondering.
The break-up came without warning and we had never shared a single cross word with each other. Based on our work situation (the fact that she is my direct supervisor and the amount of damage we could do to each other if any anger entered the equation) I decided to back away immediately after our last, cordial but firm conversation. But, losing someone you love is always hard – especially when it happens suddenly. I decided to minimize all in-person contact with her for four months (just like BD recommended) and I politely and quickly replied to all of her work-related emails and made sure that our monthly work review sessions were all conducted on the phone (still tough, but way easier than seeing her face and having her see me acting so nervous). There were just a few occasions where I simply could not avoid her – twice for meetings in her office with the door shut and twice in larger meetings. Otherwise, I eliminated all contact (texts, IMs, personal emails, personal calls).
I am just now nearing the five month mark and I’ve done most of things recommended by the other posters on this thread (worked out daily, started dating other women, seeing my FWBs frequently, took up two new hobbies, etc.). Every day has gotten easier and I feel that I can now see her unexpectedly in the hallway at work without panicking.
One other tip that I have is a product called Natrol. It’s a natural stress reliever made by GNC. I did a lot of research and it received rave reviews from people with serious anxiety problems. I’ve never had anxiety before now but I can tell you that Natrol helped me a ton – especially with the heart pounding that I felt whenever my thoughts turned to her at work.
I’d strongly recommend that you avoid seeing her at work for at least a few months, no matter what you need to do to make that happen. Trust me – she still remembers you and her perspective will change as the good memories sharpen in focus and the bad memories fade. On the other hand, the time apart may make you care about her less and less. Most importantly, you should definitely not talk with her about your former affair while you are at work – a harassment charge (or worse) could come out of the blue.
Good luck, and please keep me posted!
I have a question, its a bit OFF TOPIC but I will give it a go since its a situation that can occur and if anyone is interested or have time to respond:
I followed the advice in the blog, ignored my ex and moved on etc and I feel confident, alpha and started seeing new girls. However deep down I still love my ex and want to get back with her, but she has to make the work now as advised.
Last week I was at the club in the VIP area with a new girl i started seeing and we were having fun and kissing and suddenly I see a text from my ex (I was wearing red):
“Red is your color”
I look around and see her staring at me and the other girl, I got a bit chocked, trying to keep calm with alcohol and kept going on with the party. She was really trying to get my attention so my question is, how would you guys act here?
I admit that I still have strong feelings for my ex and would love for things to be simple and she just reaches out and I pitch a meet and go straight for sex, but since I see her out here and there it gets more complicated and in a situation like this I was not sure how the “correct” response would be.
Anyone has any advice? I already know what I did and if it was the right or wrong I dont know but im curious since I always want to improve myself and become more alpha by acting and doing things correctly.
Thanks
Many of you guys are nearly entirely missing the point.
The whole point isn’t “Do this and do that and then you will get the love of your life back.”
Yes it is true that if you part on decent terms (and often less than decent terms) and let her boomerang to you months or even years later you will have another chance to be with her and on better terms then before.
But the MUCH bigger point is that no one woman is worth pining over. First of all if you are reading anything on this blog you know monogamy isn’t a good idea for anyone…especially guys.
But the even BIGGER point is there is almost no benefit that accrues to you by being back and in a serious relationship with any of these women.
When I read things like “I still have really strong feelings for my ex” or “I will want things to go back to like they were” or “fill in ridiculous oneitis statement here” I want to strangle you guys.
Honestly you should enjoy women and treat them really well. Be kind and generous and thoughtful. But when you enter into a long-term relationship there is only one absolute…things will deteriorate. How much depends on you and the woman but drama will go up and happiness will go down. That is a guarantee.
I will repeat this one more time here and then I fucking give up. If you could find 20 different women that were smarter, nicer, hotter, kinkier, of all different types, zero drama, etc. and these women were beating down your door would you still be hung up on fill-in-what’s-her-name-here? Of course not. So stop trying to figure out how to game fill-in-what’s-her-name into getting back into a relationship with you and figure out how to be happier (which should be easy) NOT being in a relationship with her or anyone else for that matter.
I hear what your saying, but it sounds like your telling us to never get married and be with just one special girl for the rest of our lives. You can’t just go from girl to girl forever. Eventually, when you get old, you can’t do that or will set yourself up to be alone for the rest of your life.
Who the hell would give attention to someone you just broke up with? You’re free, celebrate by fucking whatever you can while you can until you’re dumb enough to waste money on a ring for someone who will make you hate them on top of imprisoning yourself to 25+ years of supporting kids who think you are a tool.
@Eddie
You DON’T hear what I am saying.
The point I am making is there are lots of women that are amazing. We are all born alone and we all die alone. I don’t mean to sound cynical (because I am not cynical) but your point of view is that men should “settle down” with that “special woman” so that we don’t grow old alone. Do you hear how pathetic that sounds?
First off, what if you do that and she dies before you do? Then what? You are basically saying you are going to settle for one person so that you have someone to care for you in your old age assuming your partner outlives you and wants to care for your old ass.
Dude, make and save enough money so you can have someone on the payroll to care for you.
I am nearly 50 now and I have at least 20 years more of enjoying young, beautiful women. My Dad is in his mid 70s and still has an active sex life. If I do eventually get to the age where shit doesn’t work anymore or I have no sex drive or whatever I still wouldn’t want to have someone around just so I have someone around. I will have family. Friends. Ex-lovers. Whatever.
Fear is the worst of all reasons to do anything…you seem to look at relationships from a scarcity and fear-based view of the world.
Going into 2 weeks NC.
Two questions.
1. My x last time i spoke to her before NC period told me she was meeting someone. I asked her if it was a date ? and she replied ” what is it to you…if I did” ( it ended being a out of town family member.) does the statement “what is it to you” mean she still has feelings … as in why do you care… you never cared about me”” along those lines…???
2. My x birthday is next week. Do i send her a Happy Birthday wish on a social media or text or keep the NC strict even in a case of a Birthday. ?
Thanks !
God Almighty! This post is still running! 😀
Anyway, just popped in to say, “My Boomerang Just Came Back” and most likely will disappear again soonish. BUT in the meantime, the sex is as good as ever it was. Better actually. If It wasn’t, I’d just cut contact completely.
Just do as BD and Co advise, play the waiting game, they’ll be back. 🙂
It does seem a lot of the point is being missed. Though the post talks about the ex returning, this is NOT what you should be thinking about. You shouldn’t be giving her a second thought because chances are she isn’t giving you one. Sure eventually she might come back, but ask yourself, do you REALLY want her back? This is the chick that left YOU. Even if she came back you you ever really trust her to be in a relationship? You will always be waiting in the back of your mind for the axe to fall again. She isn’t likely to change for the better, she came out on top in her mind, so why should she?
This is YOUR chance to become something else. If you did things that drove her off fix them. Fix them for YOU. Not for her. Go out, and live! I don’t care how awesome this chick was, there is another. And another. And another. As soon as you realize this then the ex will NOT matter.
@ Calm
You are quite correct if the ex is the one and only. If the “relationship” went bad it will go bad again.
And yes, you shouldn’t give them a second thought. But it can be helpful to know that most often, if you got things right in bed, they will come back for sex. So it’s good to keep them up your sleeve.
But if the pining male is young and has oneitis and wants them back so that “things are like they used to be” then it is time to move on.
But no contact does work. I’ve done it loads of times. And when you don’t give a shit and are truly outcome independent, somehow, it seems to work even better. Now, I wonder why that might be? 😀
If you have been having sex regularly with a woman, whatever she gives as the reason for leaving, generally it will be because she gets a dose of Disney or ASD or SP, or all three. So she gives drama and leaves.
Of course, she may not come back. She may just not like you anymore. But whatever the circumstances, return rates are very high if you follow a few simple rules. 🙂
If the sex is worth it, hang in there. if not, move on.
@Mike
You know the answer to your own questions. I mean are you really that dense?
1. Why on Earth would you ask her if it was a date? You might have well just have asked, “Hey I am still hung up on your and am pathetically jealous of a new guy you may be seeing and that he might be better than me so can you please calm my insecurities and tell me it isn’t a date?”
For God’s sake don’t be such a pussy and
2. Fuck no you don’t contact her if it’s her birthday, she wins the lottery, she becomes President, fill-in-pathetic-excuse-to-contact-her-here.
@Dawson.
I hear ya..
Anyways i’ve been busy lining up dates for a few weeks now, had 2 in bed up to now… I have a date lined up with a chick tomorrow evening- 23 yrs younger than me / i’m 49), I’m keeping fit and lifting weights at home. I agree the best is to keep ones self and mind busy.
Great site btw.
“When you enter into a long-term relationship there is only one absolute…things will deteriorate. Drama will go up and happiness will go down. That is a guarantee.”
Damn straight. Among other things, the woman is no longer afraid of saying the wrong thing, because you’ve committed, so she doesn’t have to worry about scaring you off. She feels free to reign fire from her mouth. Talking about typical mono relationship of course.
I finally split with the girl I’ve been mono with for just over a year today…and thank heavens; let me tell you a ‘little’ story. All you betas and Alpha 1.0’s out there, wake the hell up, because I have.
Before I did the dumb thing and went exclusive with her, I was keeping up to date on this site and applying the techniques, and things were going great. I’d been on more dates, and had more date offers, within a month, than I had for the previous 20 years of my life. Amazing.
But then I let my guard down, and one night this girl I just split with, she sent me a ‘wholehearted’ text stating her feelings etc because she knew I was seeing this other chick. And I fell off guard because I was new to it all, and stupidly forgot everything I’d learned here. I told the other woman I was gonna see someone else, and then fell straight back into the stupid monogamy trap. Jesus, it pains me just thinking how dumb it was. But of course, due to NRE, I didn’t think so at the time.
At least I’ve learned in my early 20’s
Anyway, yeah, me and the girl got monogamous and by 6 months, she turned condescending and spoke to me like shit. All I was doing was getting pissed off all the time at her (essentially spot on definition of Alpha 1.0, now that I look back). I must have spent essentially 90% of the whole year period just pissed off. I found that, as an Alpha 1.0, getting exclusive drags me into a ‘monog mindset’. I felt like my partner ‘should’ listen and do what I want. I got roped in real good. Almost everything that ever pissed me off during my time with her was due to her not acting exactly how I desired her to.
Had we not been in a relationship to begin with, I wouldn’t have felt like that (controlling), because I’d know I had no right to do so; to demand and expect her to act in certain ways. Outside of a relationship I couldn’t care less, and as an AM1.0 I think its a big trap to avoid.
Anyway, over the last 2 months, I notice things changing considerably. Withdrawing a lot. And by this point, it got to the point I had absolutely no desire to see her. Full stop. She’d also been talking down to me ALL the time by this point; lowered my self-esteem something ROTTEN.
So we hadn’t seen each other for a period of a few weeks, nor talked, and she brings it up. Hostile of course, talking at me as if I’ve been ‘naughty’. So she says she hates to say it but she’s enjoyed the time away from me. Feels we are considerably different, and clearly indicates its time to split.
So, perfect chance. I responded in a completely outcome independent way (actually used Dawson’s template examples near the top), and said ‘Okay, I understand totally… etc’ and she started saying I didn’t care and asking why don’t I care.
Anyway, I responded to ‘why don’t you want to discuss it’ with ‘I understand what you’ve said, and I agree. I wish to discuss it no further, but I agree that we are in no way on bad terms.’
She went off in a huff saying, ‘wishing I’d open up for once’, and saying its like I just don’t care and have accepted it, and I’m talking like I have no choice in the matter. But wtf, she already made her decision, and from how she stated it, it was pretty clear. So no, I shouldn’t have a choice in the matter. Make your decision and stick to it. Don’t say it otherwise. Annnnd I just haven’t replied…because I genuinely can’t be bothered. I don’t care, but I didn’t want to be so blunt, because I know she’ll be back (but I wont be getting mono again, NOOOOO SIREEEE).
Never again will I get in a relationship. NEVER. OMG such freedom. I cannot describe how much you should avoid getting exclusive, if you are someone out there weighing up whether to do this stuff or not. DON’T DO IT.
Hello,me and my girlfriend were dating for 2 years and we were living together for a year and a half.We had some issues and the relatonship ended in february.(basically i got lazy,needy,complacent and so on).During the first month we spoke twice (both conversatons initiated by me).I tried to ask her out but she declined the first time,the second she agreed to visit me at home,but told me she will be for half an hour or something and i told her that i am not interested in being her friend and if she wants,she can visit me,but told her to not force a time frame on me.Then a friend of mine called her to fix the “issues”.I didn’t even know about that.Since then she is cold towards me.I tried one last time to ask her out 4 months ago,she initially accepted,but called me the other day to tell she has a boyfriend and it wouldn’t be appropriate.She would like to keep me as friend.I told her that i’m not interested in being her friend,told her to not bother me anymore ,unless she is interested in meeting me and wished her well.One month later(3 months ago) she called me,i couldn’t pick up the phone,but called her back later that night,but she didn’t pick up.3 days pass by and she calls again,i didn’t pick up the phone,but called her later that night,she did pick up the phone that time and her first question was “why do you call me” i saw you did call me,but i didn’t answer.We spoke for a while(obviously her sister gave a birth to a child and she felt some nostalgia ,i asked her out and she told me that she has a boyfriend and it is not appropriate.I said ok,if you don’t want to date me ,just delete my number.i won’t call if it bothers you. I haven’t spoke with her since then.I think she is a serial monogamist.She had 2 serious relationships before and both of those were 3 years long.So do you think she will ever call back?Do i need to call her and apologize for being rude,by saying to her to delete my number if she doesn’t wan to meet me.
Any advice will be much appreciated
Thank you ,
Stoyan
@ Stoyan
Interesting that she has had three relationships of about 3 years. That’s about as long as monogamous relationships last.
Why should you apologise? You weren’t rude, you spoke the truth.
DO NOT contact her.
If she contacts you, you have a choice. You can ignore her or you can attempt to hook up. But she is probably just on a fishing trip when she contacts you to see if she can use you as “Plan B” when the new man goes wrong, which he will.
In any event, find another woman, preferably more than one.
You have at least learned that moving in with someone is not the way to go. 🙂
What you said at the end there Al, I consider myself incredibly lucky that you guys highlight these issues (when moving in; marriage) before being old enough to be in that situation.
I found this blog when I was 21. I made the mistake of getting exclusive still yes, but it won’t happen again and that’s hardly a drop in the ocean considering the crapfest I’d be in if I ever moved in/got married. You guys saved me while I am still young (just turned 23).
@ L
Yep, as the saying goes, “If I’d known then what I know now.” 🙂
We’ve all got it wrong at some stage, mainly because we just did what everyone else was doing.
So, don’t kick yourself, but never do it again! lol 😀
If settling down is something we shouldn’t do, then why does majority of the world get married and have kids? There is nothing wrong with wanting to devote your life to one special person.
No, there is nothing wrong with wanting to do that, just so long as you like drama, divorce, alimony, being unhappy, cheating, being cheated on etc. etc.
I am devoted to one of my lady friends. I do and will do a lot for her. But she does a lot for me too. AND she and I realise that settling down and being exclusive would ruin the fantastic life that we have now. She makes me happy. We have great sex. We have no need to comply with society’s demands that we should live together.
But you do ask a very important question. Just why does the majority of the world get married and have kids? Because, as yet, not enough men are refusing to knuckle down and be providers. But the tide is changing on that one. And, more and more women are starting to see the sense of remaining free and happy also.
Good stuff. I was with my girl for many years and we just broke up. I softed a week and she called so i had her over. I looked at her straight in the face and said: “We don’t have to end this, it’s been a lovely relationship. Enjoy your freedom, take care of yourself, hang out with you’r guy friends (beta pussys) and lets go with the flow”. She left all confused. My question is..should i do a 2 month soft through her bday even if she contacts me? Or should i jump on the oportunity to bang?
I am 30 and have yet to even ever find a girl that doesn’t want marriage.
I feel that most women want the marriage and kids so they have a sort of partner, safety net, protection for the rest of their life.
@ Shinealight
My advice would be, now that you have set things up, you don’t contact her first. Go silent. If she contacts you, you need to navigate through what she says. I can’t predict what she’ll do and say, nor can you. But be outcome independent. If it looks like sex is on the cards but for some reason it doesn’t happen, go silent again. AND look for someone else!!
@ Eddie
Exactly. And in return, they promise to have sex with you three times a week for the rest of your life. Not going to happen. Your choice.
Keep looking.
I have 2 in rotation right now Al.
So Al, you are saying that we should always be going from girl to girl for the rest of our life? But you will always be alone. Never have anyone to take care of you or when you need something. Especially if you have no family or siblings. and don’t have any kids either.
@ Shinealight
That’s great. Then not giving a shit about what the other one does should be easy. I guess you have a soft spot for her. I am guilty of that as well. So, just let her come to you. 🙂
@ Eddie
That’s the last thing I’m saying. That’s serial monogamy and doomed to failure. Make sure you have at least 3 on the go.
If you haven’t already, read the archive here. Start with this interesting conversation from June 2015, The Only 9 Options for Men as they Age.
Above all, prepare for your older age financially and physically. This will give you options when you are older.
@Eddie
You are asking the wrong question.
Do you want a romantic relationship with a woman or a caretaker? Even if I didn’t have family or children I have had fantastic women in my life that have taken care of me when I was sick or needed something. I have done the same for them. I also have guy friends that I trust and know are there for me.
You somehow equate having a woman with a pulse by your side as somehow not being alone. I can tell you I was never lonelier that when I was with a women I didn’t want to be with due to obligation, guilt, etc.
But let’s say you decide to take the ridiculous step and settle down with one woman so that you won’t be “alone.” You are all set right? What if she leaves you? What if she dies first? What happens to your loneliness reduction strategy then?
Romantic partnership should last as long as they make both people happy and not a moment longer. That might mean you have a series of month long relationships, a few 10 year relationships and/or everything in between. But if you are focused on “settling down” you have already lost the game.
When you see the world as a place of abundance you don’t think this way. You have a scarcity mentality and that will hold you back in every single area of your life.
@whitedragon
Thanks for the insight. She isn’t my supervisor. Similar roles, different teams though. It’s been almost 6 months now since the breakup. I was able to work from a different location and hence haven’t seen her in the past 4 months.
That being said, she still pings me once in a while on office IM. For many months I had blocked that too. Absolutely no cell phones at all. All blocked. Last week she sent me a word document that she needed help with. It was for her promotion. I did spend a lot of time and made it as perfect as I could. later on she said…you always help me no matter what.
Honestly, I want her to boomerang – no lying and Dwason will be mad at me. But, I’m definitely not asking her out. She absolutely has to. I just don’t want to chit chat for a few minutes with her every other day and not have her back in my life. It hurts. I asked her out for dinner about 2-3 weeks ago but she ignored and then I had to block her for a few weeks till a few days ago. It’s fucking complicated 🙂
While this won’t always work, I’ve noticed exes especially ones that there’s a close bond too almost ALWAYS come back eventually if you just completely throw them away and ignore everything. That for me recently included blocking from Facebook etc. (which may or may not have been a bad move). We sort of ended it on an emotional note but at the end she was liking some of my Facebook status updates and posts and that’s when I removed her. I think this will make her wonder about whether I’ve found someone else etc.
In the end it seems like the more you throw them away, the harder they come back for you eventually. I wonder why that is though with women? Even hot women like my Ex that’s back with her former ex right now has plenty of choices. Why do women tend to try to migrate back to their previous Ex boyfriends when they get thrown away? I’m not disagreeing with the fact that this works, but I’m wondering what the psychology behind it is for women?
New here and hopefully dragon and dawson don’t smite me down for asking this but here goes. Ill try to keep it short and sweet
Was in a strong 5 year relationship with this girl. Started to act like an alpha 1.0. I treated her like shit, gave her every reason to leave my ass and she did, good for her, for another guy. Not sure if this is crucial information-but he is much less of a man then I am, but probably much nicer of a person. In the time we’ve been apart (almost 3 years) I’ve become full alpha and the texts from her have started., though not entirely telling. Now I am not calling this situation unique, But I am looking for opinions/advice. Thank you.
@Dwason
I have a question for you. Please do not think that I am trying to trick you. Your comments have made people think and you are very well respected here.
Q: What advice would you give to your daughter?
I ask you because I have one & I’m 36 and have a hosts of issues. If I follow the lifestyle you suggest, I wonder what will my daughter learn from me and I fear she may never settle down in the future.
Thanks for all your advices.
@ Darren
I know you didn’t ask me, but, why should your daughter settle down???? Why shouldn’t she be free and long term happy?
@Darren
Thank you. I wouldn’t have thought you were trying to trick me. lol
I have already told my daughter (she is 15 1/2) that my preference is that she not get married but if she does I will pay for it and walk her down the aisle. I have also told her that I think what people usually refer to as romantic love is a horrible basis for a romantic relationship as it causes a lack of objectivity. That healthy relationships are based on value-based affection. I have told her that she should NOT want a guy to be with her because he is committed to her (regardless of in marriage or not) but because he wants to be with her and for not other reason.
My daughter has strong views about monogamy that she isn’t ready to hear from me on but I will get there when she is a bit older. In her early 20s I expect. In terms of being exposed to my lifestyle she doesn’t meet anyone I date. Zero exceptions. She knows I date more than one woman at a time, don’t want commitment but also treat the women I am with very well. She knows I have helped some with jobs, career path, networking, etc. She knows I am friends with women I dated as much as 8-10 years ago.
The most important word in your question was “fear.” IMO that tells me a lot. What YOU want for your is irrelevant. To Al’s point (I think) all that should matter is what makes your daughter happy.
I think what my daughter understands about me and my lifestyle is that I know exactly what I want and I accept nothing less than 100% of what I want and that I am probably the happiest person she knows. My hope is that she is able to figure out (maybe with a little guidance from me) what makes her happy and then builds her life around getting exactly that.
I hope that was helpful.
Long story short.
I’m 48 my X is 38
6 weeks in the NC.
Tomorrow I have a pool party at my bro. I’ve been seeing a 25 yr old. Friend for now.
Good idea to bring along to pool party. One of my X friend.. Friends will be there I know info will get back to her …
Do you guys think it will make my X
Jealous, want to contact me , mad, should I go solo etc…
Any insights would be appreciated !!
@ James
Of course you should take her. BUT be very Outcome Independent. Your aims should be:
(1) Walk in with this girl on your arm.
(2) Have a very good time yourself.
(3) Make sure your 25 yr old has a good time too.
(4) Use this date to make her into more than a friend.
(5) Knowing that this will get back to your ex, WAIT until she contacts you then see what she says. Cross that bridge when you get to it.
(6) The main aim is to have both these girls and more in your life.
(7) And the less you give a sh1t about what happens, the better the results will be.
(8) Be happy! 😀
@ James
I think the point Al makes with #7 is the best way to look at it. Giving a crap about what the ex does, one way or the other, is giving her control over you. Outcome independence is the path to take.
@ James
Further, I hate the use of the word “ex”
An ex is always a potential “not ex”
But to treat this as getting an ex back into a monogamous relationship by making her jealous is NOT the way to go. Relationships, when left to their own devices, are transitory. Have a good swim! 🙂
Thanks good advice indeed.?
@Rob
I agree with you – work can cause some serious complications! Are things improving at all, or are they pretty much the same?
My situation has continued to devolve. If anything, she is even more dedicated to her supervisory duties – actually, she has become probably the best supervisor I’ve ever had. However, she will not talk about anything not related to work – not even the tiniest detail. It is so frustrating and, even though she smiles at me during meetings, I know that I am one step away from an HR complaint if I ever even mention our past relationship again. Worse yet, I can’t call her at night or visit her or IM her about personal things – each one could be career damaging to say the least.
I’d say that you are in a pretty good position, not seeing her for four months. The more time passes, the higher the likelihood that she’ll reach out to you on a personal topic. Boomerangs come back all of the time but, like a watched pot that never boils, seemingly nothing you do can initiate the comeback.
make a long story short, had a fling with an old highschool crush, were both unhappily married, rocked her in the sack, she ended it because I got pissy one time as the situation was stressful, she was demanding a lot of my time. I soft nexted for a year on and off, she came back, we hit the bed for about 6 months, she ended abruptly, I started soft nexting again for a year, got no where, couldn’t get a sex chat out of her, she told me a few weeks ago to let go, and move on, she didn’t think of me that way anymore, etc, I started suspecting another dude came into the picture, last week I confirmed she was leaving her husband and going to work for a this other guy. I decided to follow Blacks advice, and hit the nuclear bomb, I had worried I had been a little too pussy like over that last year as she got me to admit I had feeling for her, but alas I hit the red button, I deleted all contacts with her, twitter, facebook, blocked her text, 2 days later, 2 days later, seven email from her, trying to justify it all, I need us to stay friends, nothings happed with this guy blah blah why are you being like that, my responses have been, – I’ve enjoyed our time together and the connection we shared, I’m glad I could make you O every time, ( which I did ), if you want to feel that again let me know. I think at this point ill go black for a month or so, even if she emails me, I suspect she already slept with the other guy and it wasn’t the wow she was hoping, i’m fair bit larger than average at 6 foot 2 and about 7.9 inches, so if im betting the new guy who I know is 5.9 or so and if average is his odds hes coming in at 5 to 5.5 inches. Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t want this girl anymore, she a train wreck as you can tell, but id like the FB if I can keep it and I was feeling a bit beta, but now I dropped the bomb and dam if alpha hasn’t ripped through me again. So had one boomerang with her soft nexting, now I’m doing the full ignore, this is going on 3 years now, so anyone who thinks this doesn’t work, trust in Dragon.
@whitedragon
I went to the office today after 4 months. Took lots of chocolates for my friends. She IMed me….Good to see you. I said thanks and that’s it. I sent a mass email to the guys letting them know of the chocolates. BCCed her as well. She didn’t come.
I still have trouble sitting on my chair. I leave my desk and sit in the cafe for elongated period of time. I still am nervous, improved but still tough. I used to laugh a lot. Now, I hardly speak. Just work quickly, quietly, and disappear. It’s just difficult. Very difficult to move on. Thanks!
Are there any stories out there when ex does ‘not’ boomerang? And what lessons can we learn from such life moments. Not everyone is Alpha 2 like BD! Question for us mortals. Thanks,
@ amigo
Of course there are stories of never seeing a woman again. And the longer you live, the longer the list will get. But we don’t worry do we. Because we are moving on and seeing other women. Or we should be.
Mind you, some boomerangs can take years to come back.
I had a wonderful (non monogamous) relationship with a girl for about 4 years, 25 years ago. (Yeah I know, I’m giving my age away). I honestly can’t remember how we lost touch now. I still think of this girl quite regularly. She was quite a girl and we had FUN! There are good memories and I’m grateful to have known her.
Truth is, if you are coming out of a monogamous relationship with your lost boomerang and are sitting there waiting with a view to getting her back into the same monogamous relationship, you are wasting your time. Assume that she won’t be back, date lots of other women, and see what happens.
The life lesson here is that relationships are transitory, not for life. 🙂
Al, I wish & hope she also thinks of you as regularly as you think of her. I am married with a kid. Had a 6 months relationship with a wonderful woman. That broke of too. I don’t want to give the lawyers my hard earned money and I can’t date either. To this day, 7 months now, I still think of that lady almost all day long. Does she think of me? I don’t know. But as Dawson Stone said….be happy in life. If she comes, she comes and if she doesn’t, she doesn’t. Simple, but execution – difficult.
I’ll admit though, I hate these stressful days. I literally hate these times. Anyways, I don’t have any hope of her returning. She’s too stubborn. So I guess, I’ll get back to my dull and boring life. Peace!
I fucked up….not even two weeks into a hard next i drove to her house and threw an article of clothing she bought me as a gift in her driveway. I banged two girls that day prior. Im getting lots of pussy and im still having an extremely hard time with this. I’m going to blow it. Someone fuckin help me here i feel like im suffering some major drug withdrawels here. Thank u.
I have one question I thought about:
In the article it mentions that you can check up on her facebook 4-6 months later, I havent unfriended my ex but I have unfollowed her and I dont see her page at all anymore since I stopped caring as much.
However I acted beta with her in the past and she is seeing someone else now, I know she still have feelings left for me but im ignoring her now and moving on until she makes an effort. Deep down I want her back which is obvious otherwise I wouldnt take my time to post this.
What I was thinking though:
Should I delete her from facebook to send a signal that I want to move on and that im not ok with her past behaviour (numerous flakes, disrespectful actions and she dumped me for someone else wanting to remain friends)? Or should I just continue living my life and be happy and avoid looking at her page. What im thinking is that she might think I am ok with her past behaviour if I still remain friends with her on facebook and by unfriending her I will move on faster and also send a message to her. Just want to say that I made it clear to her that im not interested in being her friend overall.
I know this is overanalyzing I was doing very well for myself but today I ran into her and her new BF and I just ignored them and didnt say anything but it still hurts to be constantly reminded of my beta actions and her moving on.
What makes me happier though is that im still young and shes older and in 5-10 years she will be uglier and cant rely on her looks while I can go out and be a complete stud living my life to the fullest until im 60+.
Thanks.
@Frankie
No you don’t. You don’t know shit and quite frankly you shouldn’t care. She might. She might not. If it isn’t irrelevant to you then you have completely missed the point.
Which is why you won’t get her back.
No. You should delete her from your Facebook because you have no self control and can’t be trusted to not do something stupid. Don’t send a signal you want to move on (are you like 15 years old?) ACTUALLY move on
Honestly if you guys could just hear how you sound! Why would any chick want to fuck you if you are such pussies?
It isn’t that complicated. Create a great life for yourself. Friends. Career. Wealth. Health and fitness. Amazing women. Just enjoy your life and the people in it for as long as they are in it.
Whenever you have a scarcity mentality it fucks up your decision making abilities. Any time you get even a hint of oneitis you have by definition created a scarcity mentality and it will get you a sub-optimal outcome.
@Amigo
In my experience the biggest factor is if you were emotionally punishing when things ended. The bigger asshole you were the less likely the boomerang.
Don’t get me wrong, they can and still do sometimes boomerang but that is the single biggest factor.
One thought about boomerangs though. I have had well over 200 boomerangs in my life (I actually have no clue the actual number but it is at least that many) and I have yet to have an experience where it was as good as before. They are older. Not in as good shape. And you have already fucked them…many many times in some cases. More importantly there was a reason things ended. And people generally don’t change. What you will almost always feel after the boomerang is “Oh yea, that’s why things didn’t last.”
So I am as willing to accept an easy boomerang as much as the next guy but realize a new chick will almost always outperform any boomerang.
Boomerangs… I don’t think I’ve ever had one not come back. I’ve had old High School flames pop back up YEARS after. But you have to not want it. You have to not even be thinking about it. I’ve never had one come back while they were on my mind. If they did it would have been a mess. As stated here many times, you have to let it go. While you’re sitting around wondering she’s out getting some new D.
Dawson your right. On the other hand.. i really don’t think you can do anything to curve a womans attraction for you permanently simply by acting like a wuss. Pretty much every woman that i’ve stayed in contact with on a friendly or at times a non-friendly basis has ALWAYS come back to fuck me. As a matter of fact the ones ive acted like the biggest pussy around have been more likely to come back after i haven’t contacted them of course. Women will always be attracted to the man that they knew to begin with. When you start acting like a pussy, they leave. When you go back to being yourself the attraction comes back. The best thing about it is that its up to you whether you want to get them back in the sak at that point. We all really sometimes forget that its about what we want. What we want we get.
When you fall into the pussy trap they leave you there until you find a way to climb your ass out.
Remember it works both ways. Just think about when they end up in the cock trap..makes you wanna run dont it?
This was my text to her this morning….I haven’t had a verbal conversation with her in 3 months and my last text was week ago..This was my text this morning….
Me:
You have my vacuum . please drop it off and put it by my front door.
Her reply :
You said that you wouldn’t be ugly to me if things didn’t work out. That is a huge lie. I worked off you paying for my school. You had to have known that cashing a $750 check on the first week of the month, when my rent, car payment, insurance payment etc are due would put me in a bad financial position.I would never do anything like that to you. I’ll gladly give you back your vacuum and sound bar. Thank you for wasting two years of my life. Please stop contacting me.
P.S. – Just give you a little background. I was dating this girl fro 2.5 years and She decided to break it off because I wasn’t paying her enough attention, i was working too much, and she felt I wasn’t going to move forward an get engaged. We have been broken up for about 5 weeks. She started dating someone else and the guy she was dating was posting pictures on instagram of both of them.
I found a check in my drawer for $750.00 that she gave me in January for her college classes. i never cashed it then because I knew she was struggling financially so i was being supportive boyfriend at the time. I figured our relationship was now over so why not cash it and move on. She obviously wasn’t happy about it
I also don’t want the sound bar, just my vacuum:)
Any thoughts on what I should text back to her from the above reply she gave me this morning or if I should even respond?
Thanks
@ johnny017
These are her telling words:
This actually means, please keep in touch.
So, leave it where it is. Don’t contact her. When she gets in touch later, which she will, complaining that you haven’t contacted her, you can rightly say that you were respecting her wishes as expressed in her last text to you (which I would keep). 🙂
Ok, Thanks for the advice. That’s good way to look at it. If she brings back the vacuum is that a good sign ?
I also still have her as a friend on my FB page, should I unfriend her or leave it as is?
Thanks
@ johnny017
I wouldn’t do anything, (you mentioned Facebook but now your post has changed) even if you think it will make you feel better. 🙂
Vacuum cleaner????? Hardly the most important thing is it?? She will or she won’t. You can’t read anything into that.
Leave everything as it is and disappear.
By the way. I would also translate, “Thank you for wasting two years of my life” as, “It was a good two years but you didn’t blow fairy dust up my ass often enough.”
She almost called you an asshole. That’s what you want to hear.
She has someone else so she feels free to give drama to you.
And if you do get back together, for god’s sake don’t get engaged, or married, or move in. Make it clear what you want.
Good point, Thanks. She apparently didn’t get what she wanted so she moved on……LOL.
What is the usual time frame when she will come back begging? or do i need to reach out an initiate contact during a certain point in time?
Opinions vary but I don’t contact them first.
Ok, I’ ll go out and have fun and chase other women then. If she comes back around, then more fun for me:) Apparently, she wasn’t solid girlfriend material if she bailed on me and had no loyalty. She showed her true colors by doing this. I’m assuming most of them come back around eventually?
Thanks
Yes! 🙂
Yes! 🙂
Why are you looking for solid girlfriend material? If she was your girlfriend, then she had you in boyfriend mode. That’s a big no no.
She behaved the way the majority of women behave. It’s not her fault. Society has told her since she was 4 that she’s a princess and should expect to be treated like one. It’s not her fault. Men compound the error by putting up with this.
I’m assuming most of them come back around eventually?
Two weeks to two years, though she’ll do a fishing trip at about 2 months probably.
@Johnny017
OK I am going to call a spade a spade here.
You were being a dick and you knew you were being a dick. You didn’t give a crap about the vacuum. That was just an excuse to engage her.
Depositing a check after months 9 months was also a dick move. At a minimum you should expect she might have forgotten that check was still outstanding. Instead of asking her to drop off the vacuum you could have told her you stumbled on the check and wanted to make sure it was OK to deposit. That would have been a way to re-engage her without being a dick…although you SHOULD’NT be re-engaging at all. All you have done is validated her decision to dump you by being a dick. Way to go!
And Al, I have to disagree. She isn’t saying they were two good years and she damn straight isn’t saying please keep in touch. He was an asshole and she was understandably calling him an asshole.
You were emotionally punishing (and a dick) just because your ego was bruised. Own it and move the fuck on. If you want this chick to boomerang in the future (and I am not saying you should want that) I would put the $750 back in her account, rip up the check, apologize and tell her to keep the vacuum and that you put the money back. Before she even has an opportunity to respond, delete her off FB, Twitter, block her email, block her phone. It will actually bug her a little that she doesn’t get to say “thank you.” It is human nature.
You probably won’t take my advice but that is the best way to get this chick to boomerang down the road when the memory of your dickishness has faded and she recalls that in the end you were decent with her.
@ Dawson
All I can say is that in my experience, the more a woman huffs and blows at break up time and calls you an asshole etc. including, “never contact me again” the more likely she is to be back, quite quickly. You don’t contact them of course, but it’s something I like to hear from them. The more insults they throw, the better, though it may of course be an indication that you don’t actually want to bother with them again if it gets really bad. But it’s a good indicator.
When they disappear quietly, don’t say anything, and are indifferent, then there’s a good bet you aren’t going to see them again.
But experiences vary no doubt.
Ok, I’m trusting your judgement. Just to clarify, you would like for me to text her back, put $750 into her bank account and then tell her to keep the vacuum and unfriend her on facebook? Doesn’t this show that I’m giving her the power/control back in her hands?
I thought you suggested for me to go through the No Contact period until she reaches out to me?
What do you tell your ex who wants to have sex with you but doesn’t think “it’s a good idea” because she has in a NRE
@Johnny017
You need to undo (as much as you can) the damage you have done. So listen carefully here. Do things in EXACTLY this order.
1. Put back the $750 into her account.
2. Remove her from all forms of communication except text (because that is the last step)
3. Send her this exact text: “I really want to apologize for blindsiding you by depositing the check. I felt bad and re-deposited the money in your account and the funds should be available immediately. Consider the debt paid. And never mind about the vacuum. Keep it. Give it to charity. Whatever. I am really sorry things ended badly and that is probably my fault. I want nothing but the best for you. Be well.”
4. IMMEDIATELY block her number so you can’t get calls or texts from her.
Believe it or not THIS will give you back the power if you don’t pussy out and contact her before she contacts you (which she almost certainly will.)
It will feel like an itch she can’t scratch to thank you for being decent in the end and every time she looks at that vacuum it will remind her that ultimately you were a good guy. Her memories of your being a dick will fade and she will remember the better times.
It might take 3 months. It might take 3 years. I have had boomerangs happen as much as EIGHT years later. Move on. Find new girls to enjoy and spend time with.
People think that by blocking someone they won’t reach out them, but in my experience exactly the opposite is true. They try HARDER when you have cut them from your life. They will create a new email account, drunk text you from a friend’s phone, re-friend you on FB, etc. If they want to reach you it is easy as can be. If they aren’t reaching you it isn’t because you blocked them it is because they haven’t been trying.
The opposite of love isn’t hate, it is ambivalence. You need to race towards ambivalence as quickly as possible.
@Al
This is not my experience. Some women do boomerang no matter how shitty you end things but in my experience boomerang rates are way higher (and better boomerangs) when things ended well.
But as you say, your milage may vary. 🙂
Ok, I feel like a weak pussy sending her a check back for 750. Since she still never paid be the additional 750 on top of that. Plus, She is also dating another dude already
Doesn’t it look like I’m being submissive?
She can be controlling as it is and likes to get her way …….lol
I have no problem blocking her calls, not answering her texts, and removing her on FB but As long as you are sure this will have her come back crawling, then it sounds good to me.
I see that Al had a different opinion
Please advise which one you feel will have the most success…..
@Johnny017
You were being a weak pussy by being a passive aggressive dick. The fact that she is dating another dude is irrelevant.
And you need to BLOCK her texts not ignore them. If you don’t see them you can’t have a weak moment.
Do what you want. No sweat off my balls either way.
Ok, I see what your saying. I guess I need to mail a check to her because I don’t have her bank account info and then send the text once I mail her the check?
It will probably take a day to get there.
She can manipulate and this seems like she will get satisfaction because she sent a manipulating text, but I’m taking your word for it 😉
@Johnny
If you know her bank you can get them to look up her account info for you. Takes two seconds.
Good luck.
Dawson, Are there any other suggestions ?
I’m still little hesitant on sending her out a check. Thanks
Nope.
I think I’ll just stop all contact with her like you mentioned in your previous email. She’s done enough damage to me that I never rubbed in her face. She’s obviously angry for several reasons and I was plenty good to her. She was the one that chose to end the relationship with me and move on. At this point in time, I don’t see the justification to send her a check. I’m sure she already regrets her decision to move on and maybe her feelings will change down the road. If she was loyal to me, she would of tried to work it out. My feelings may change tomorrow but at this time, I guess there is not much I can do but move forward. I haven’t seen her once ask me how am i doing or what i have been up too? It’s all what can i do for HER and beating me down constantly that I didn’t pay enough attention, and I work too much, blah, blah, blah, etc. Is she just full of anger and hurt? I never chased her after she sent me the break up email b/c that was her choice.
Hi Black dragon,
I really love your article. It gives me hope of getting my ex back. My case is different, I was the one who dumped her because her actions, her excuses for being not available to meet me, her sudden change of plans on Saturdays ( to go out with her other friends) were indicating that she is dating and sleeping with someone else too. So I told her that this doesn’t work anymore. she tried to call me a few times after but I didn’t pick up her phone calls. Since then, she has never contacted me, mostly because I gave her even a better gift of leaving her so she could have more time to be with her new lover. but I missed her so much!!! I really wish if she would call me. It has been about 4 weeks since I dumped her, and I haven’t contacted her since.
My question:
since I was the one who broke up with her and I was the one who didn’t respond her phone calls, would your method still work? would you think that she would call me even if I was the one who broke up with her? I will follow your advice and will not contact her for more than 4 months. I am not even thinking to contact her ever since she was the one who cheating on me. but from bottom of my heart I still like her and wish her back! please tell me your advice!
Thank you so much! I really hope to hear from you!
best regards!
Jake
Hey dawson, I wrote her a page letter and then included the 750 check. I’ll keep you posted if/or when their is a response
Whats the next step? Should I block her from every social media site? I just want to make sure that I’m covering everything.
Thanks
@Johnny017
Dude you followed none of my instructions.
I told you to block her first on every form of communication except text
You didn’t do that.
I told you to deposit the money back into her account
You didn’t do that either…you mailed her a check.
I told you to then send her a text.
You didn’t do that either…you wrote her a letter.
Now you are asking me if you should do step 1 now that you ignored steps 1 – 4.
Hopeless.
@Jake
My advice is work on your self esteem. You want someone that treated you badly and isn’t into you. That can only end badly.
She cannot and will not respect someone that accepted her for cheating. If she doesn’t respect you, no way you can have a healthy relationship with her.
Become the type of person that people respect and admire…not for her but for yourself. Develop yourself interpersonally, professionally, physically. Have deep and varied friendships. See the world. Read.
She might come back and if she does resist the urge to fall back in with her. If you can keep from going beta, have sex with her if she comes back but that’s it. Anything else is just asking for punishment.
“She cannot and will not respect someone that accepted her for cheating. If she doesn’t respect you, no way you can have a healthy relationship with her.” And honestly, can you ever trust her enough to get back into it? Can you really? No.
Thanks Dawson, Your advice is deep and just. You’r right.
@ Dawson and @ Calm:
Only one thing I should add to this equation. She had never admitted that she was cheating on me and I did not have any hard evidence to prove that she was cheating, and I have never saw her with any other guy. but her action and absences, her sudden change of plans, and not haven’t sex with me for long, her text messaging to others while being with me, and not being available on most weekends (for different reasons such as being sick or her friends coming to visit,….) all indicated that she was seeing someone. we only had sex like once every 2nd or 3rd weekends. So I didn’t tell her that I was breaking up with her because she was cheating, instead I told her that this doesn’t work for us anymore. because we hardly see each other and she is not available often. She said that she would correct this situation as of next upcoming weekends. but that was not enough for me to justify her past action. I had already a broken heart as I could see that she was not honest with me enough. So I didn’t answer her call after and I have broken all ties with her since.
@ Dawson, I agree with you 100%. I have to work a lot on my self-esteem, my self belief, and more…
@ Calm, you are right. she can not be trusted anymore. Yet, we had so much memories together, That’s so hard for me to believe that I can not and will not see her one day again! even though I know that I should let her go.
Hey Dawson,
Should I just go complete No Contact for now? I think she has her mind on someone else since she told me to please stop contacting her.
@Johnny
Jesus…YES…NEVER CONTACT HER AGAIN! LIKE NEVER. Is that clear? NEVER!
If she contacts you immediately escalate to sex. If she agrees to it and you feel you can trust yourself to not be a pussy again then have sex with her. If she doesn’t, she doesn’t.
Got it. I never decided to deposit the 750 into her bank account. At this point, is that irrelevant?
What do you think?
I’ve heard some guys asked to either block on not block on Facebook. This all depends, can you handle them in their NRB or not if they get a new guy, if you don’t give a rats ass, then leave them on, I just hit the un-follow button and pay no attention to them ( I actually un-follow her and her close friends, so they become a non issue ) , the other bonus is they can see when other chicks are liking your posts and updates. The Boomerang I’m working on emailed me 8 times in 2 weeks because I blocked her, so I unblocked her and in my last email I escalated to the idea of us being intimate, and she went silent again, but liked my b-day status so I know she watching my page, that’s fine, I just hit un-follow and continue to like the posts of other chicks I’m interested in. The un-follow option is your friend, also by not blocking them your sending a message your indifference.
Dawson,
I was never an asshole. On the contrary, I treated her really well. I helped her with her work, experimented with food so that I could make her something amazing, gifted her lots of things. Anyways it all pointless now. She did say that she wouldn’t leave me and she didn’t. I did. I was frustrated because I wasn’t able to spend enough time with her. Anyways, it’s just that I was so emotionally involved that I still think of her. No contact though. Such is life, we love someone so dearly and yet that person doesn’t give a rat’s ass. I’ll get over it, I’m sure. It’s been 7 months, another few and I’ll won’t think of her as much. Thanks,
If I block my ex girlfriend from facebook would the make her angry or get her to come back chasing a little bit?
@ johnny017
Mate, this is a woman we are talking about. You have no idea how she will react.
Fundamentally, this blog, this post, is not about having one woman, losing her, and getting her back again. Although some of the techniques proposed here can be used to do that if you really want to go down that route.
It is about having a few women in your life and how to deal with them if they bail. And some of them will.
I am a firm believer in leaving the door open. BUT, you never chase them. NEVER.
To my mind, ‘unfriending’ someone is immature and childish. It’s like sticking your tongue out at someone in the school yard. Plus, you’ll never know what message it sends.
So with discipline, I repeat, DISCIPLINE, you can leave all the communication channels open. Why? For a start, I want to know how they are thinking. So I want to see their messages, emails etc. if they send them. But, IGNORE what they are doing, or not doing, on other social media.
By blocking, unfriending, liking or not liking etc. etc., you are giving them information which they shouldn’t have and it shows you up for being emotional and silly, rather than indifferent.
So, disappear, don’t say a word and just show your total indifference.
When they contact you, DO NOT react. Take plenty of time to respond (if you want to, you don’t have to) and respond with your brain, not your dick.
I know others don’t agree with me but there we are. But if you do this, you can at least get her back as an FB. Farting about on social media to try to score points is a waste of time. You should be out and about looking for someone else.
@ johnny017
Congrats son, you have gone from being an dick to being a dick and a pussy. What part of the instructions given above by @dawson was too difficult for you to understand.
Block the bitch everywhere. Pay attention to your account after a week or two to see if she’s withdrawn the money. Whenever she does, you at least know she’s got it.
Lastly, stop wanting her to come back. Give zero fucks at to what she does or with whom she does it. Just live your life on and be happy. U do know this bitch isn’t even in the top 3 billionth most beautiful woman on earth. You are a man, stand up and meet other girls.
@ johnny017
Use the un-follow button, its stealth unfriending, they never know about it, and her friends if you’ve added any of them. They wont show up in your feed any more. If you really want to test the Facebook unfriend, Deactivate your account, and see if she contacts you, when you deactivate its takes you off Facebook until you re- log and then restores everything. So Jonny de-activate your account and take a break from Facebook, if she contacts you and wants to be re added, say your taking a Facebook break, and when you re activate, un-follow her, and disappear, and start giving zero fucks about her, I know its hard at first but every week, meet a new chick doesn’t matter if you fuck then or not, just start meeting new ones and give zero fucks.
Hey just one question reading here.
It says in the post you should ignore the girl COMPLETELY, but then its stated that you should use social media later on to rekindle with her.
My question if I would like to rekindle with her in the future:
Should I keep her or delete her from social media, what impact diffrences would it make?
I mean ignoring her means deleting her from social media too I assumed, or it means just moving on with life and not give a fuck at all.
Regards
Josef
Having her on Facebook is irrelevant, ignore her post and don’t look at her page, un-follow her. If its to tempting to like or comment on her page, delete her, if you cant stand seeing her in NRB delete her, Facebook is a tool, like a text, it doesn’t matter if she on it or not, ignore her, if she checking your page out and liking a post or a pic, that’s a good thing, it means your still on her mind, but continue to ignore her until she contacts you. So here it is, I recommend not deleting her, unless she been the ultimate bitch, unfollow her and her friends, and ignore her, leave her the door to see how awesome your life is.
have you ever seen an ex girlfriend never come back around after she dumps you?
Johny
My wife is a ex boomerang, it took 6 years no contact but we had a nasty break up in our youth, I’m afraid with your story, and after what has occurred, you might need to wait a while, the key is you have to be a dominate male, or they wont be interested. The lady I was with was a close friend from high school whom I never slept with at the time but we were emotionally close, she contacted me 10 years later, we had a fling, then we didn’t talk much for an other 10 years, then we had a 3 year on and off fling, i’m now in full no contact again, as she is in NRB and has left her husband for a beta male who wife just passed away and he is promising all sorts of shit, she had a bit of an email tantrum on me when I deactivated facebook, I took this as a good sign that she need some visual window to me even if she is in NRB, one or two years she’ll be board of it. Yes some ex don’t, but any of the ones I had a close bond with, they did
Ok, Thanks for the advice and the insight. You advise to go No Contact for 4 months? if she doesn’t contact me prior to that, right?
johnny017
Ive read your story, and it sounded like you were a good guy with her ( probably to good ), and she was selfish ( but most women are selfish little creatures, the act of them boomeranging is a selfish one ), but emotionally punishing in the end, and that will be fresh in her mind. She moved on with some one else. So you’ll have to wait this out, if the new guy is a dick or super beta or not, hopefully her memories of you being punishing will fade and she will remember the good guy, Personally i wouldn’t contact her at all until she made some reach out to you.
Ok, will do. Looking back on it, I was very Alpha at the beginning of the relationship and then became Beta towards the last 6 months. I got too comfortable with her and let he make decisions that I shouldnt of allowed. I gave in with her towards the end. She had certain needs that I could provide to her, but I should of held back on a bunch of them. Dumb move on my part. She was probably testing me too. That’why , I’m kicking myself looking back on it…..lol
@johnny
Further to the above comments by od_dude, I would add that you shouldn’t be “waiting out” anything. Concentrate on MOVING ON from this person. Time to live your life dude. Focus on work. Travel. Meet new people, including women. What’s done is done. Put it behind you and have some fucking fun.
Put BD’s 4 month no contact window out of your mind. Yeah, it works, but only after I forgot all about the person and was seeing other women. Just an add to the rotation. And believe others on here when they say it’s not the same the second time around.
FORGET HER and go have fun.
@jonny
SJ is correct, my words wait it out went the write choice, what i should have said is dont expect anything from this girl at this point, given the situation she may or may not come around again, but if any boomerang happens its might be a few years away. As SJ says, you’ll need to be with other women, and dont worry about fucking them or not, i make friends with tons of women, make plans for for drinks, a party, a sports game what ever, if it leads to fucking great if it doesn’t what ever, i learn’t a long time ago, stop trying to fuck them, and just be a great, funny, confident dude around them, and they will let you know when they want to fuck, and if they dont other girls see you around lots of wemon, so its win or win for you, this will double your formers attraction , if your sucking eggs for months, you dont look like much of a catch.
I received this email this morning from my ex…..Any suggestions how I should respond? Thanks
I have an interview today with a home health company for part time nursing work. I would appreciate a professional reference regarding working for Bentley, as it has no reflection on our personal relationship. Please let me know if you are unwilling to do so.
If you had blocked her email address like I told you to this would be a non-issue.
Block her email NOW and don’t respond.
Will do…. . I will get my I.T Tech to block it on the company server. Should I still respond since she worked for my company for 2 years and needs a reference for a potential new position?
johnny017
Lol dude, are you special or something? It doesn’t matter if she worked for your company her entire life.
Block this bitch with a quickness and don’t reply
Lol….i fucked up then. i replied with “absolutely, no prob”
Bad move, right?
I have blocked her now on everything
“Should I still respond since she worked for my company for 2 years and needs a reference for a potential new position?”
do you have a HR person or someone else, if so, forward it to her or him cc to her that its been forwarded to them to handle, then block her,
Dawson is correct, but she has a right to a reference if she was employed by your company and was a fair worker, remember you dont want to be emotionally punishing, you can be indifferent.
the boomerang i was working on caught me on Facebook chat last night, i didn’t even realize i had it on, she chatted to me for 30 mins, i just made some light comments made her laugh and was outcome indifferent, i then politely said i needed to run, i wasn’t going to pitch a meet, because it to soon, i still think she in her new relationship, anyways, i’m leaving Facebook chat turned off, if she persist on contact i will pitch a meet. Its interesting how this works, I’ve been no contact for month, except one email where she got upset that i had blocked her Facebook, but i hadn’t i just deactivated to see if she would care, i really wasn’t expecting to hear from her for a 6 months or a year
johnny017
why didn’t you wait for our reply, it would have been better to ignore her, or did what i said forwarded it to her supervisor on the job to deal with, a personal response from you, bad move.
Dawson, 200 boomerangs!! Boy, I want to see the contacts in your phone 😀 how do you even remember the ladies? No wonder they all would feel amazing since you can’t remember how it was with them 🙂 did they ever mentioned if they ever missed you, a little or a lot or not at all? Amazing life you live.
My bad, the email came in this morning and I just responded quickly, not putting much thought into it. If she decides to email me again , i will wait on your response.
I’ve cut off all contact , I haven’t had a verbal conversation with her on the phone in over 2 months and I haven’t reached out to her. I’m doing all the steps that you advise: Just ignore her. Don’t text her. Don’t call her. Don’t email her. Don’t Facebook her. Don’t “like” or comment on anything she posts on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, or anything else. Completely vanish out of her life, like you were never there.
Like i said before, she is in a NRB now so I’ll just be non existent. That’s what you advise, right?
Thanks for the help
@johnny017
Stop lying, you haven’t blocked this bitch. It’s like you love pain huh?
You are playing games with yourself and you’re hurting yourself. This girl has no power over you at all. She wasn’t meant to your wife, soulmate or any of the garbage you read about. It was your turn to be with her when you were with her, she’s gone now, meaning its your turn to be with another girl.
The steps really is for moving on, not for getting her back. Forget about that whore, move on for real.. When you are well and truly moved on, she will reach out to you (they always do), escalate to sex pronto. I don’t even care how you tell her, just make sure she knows if y’all are to hang, you are gonna have to bang her butt-hole. If she doesn’t agree to sex, cut the conversation with a quickness and be no contact until she contacts you again, rinse and repeat step..
You biggest problem is that you are using your heart when thinking about this girl, stop it
Fuck me… I came back here after 2 weeks vacation in Europe and I see stories about vacuums, a dude being asked by an ex that previously dumped him to help her out… TOTAL INSANITY!
I bought my ex a freakin’ TV as a token of appreciation for LEAVING MY HOUSE! Since then, life has never been better. I decide who and when to take out a particular girl. Got 2 on rotation right now… I’m getting older ya know? 😛
After 8 long years, I am finally living on MY terms once again! Life is once again wonderful!!!
JESUS
Do you think my girlfriend will come back to me because when she left me for another boy because i was too controlling. On texts to her i called her a slag etc then in group chat her and her new boyfriend pissed me of so i said to him “bro i shagged your bird” and she messaged me saying you got no respect i think i just made her completely hate me since then iv got my phone back from her and iv had no contact whatsoever when i asked her on the day of breakup do you love him she said give me some time man by the way that dude is like an hour away from our town and shes only 16 she dont go out much besides school should i continue no contact and see how it goes
@ Aj al
Dude, if you fucking 16 year olds, i assume your under 18, please go out and continue to fuck as many as you can, there must be thousands of them with in a few kilometers of every neighborhood. And Yes when you walk away stop being emotionally punishing, name calling etc, fuck what part of this blog dont you guys read, Your response when they dump your ass is ” i’m sorry you feel that was, i enjoyed the time we had together, id do all over again, i wish you the best, blah blah blah, then you vanish, you dont text. you dont call, you dont happen to show up where they are, you dont like or comment on Facebook or twitter, you vanish and find other girls. You were emotionally punishing bad move, now leave it be, her new boyfriend will get sick of the commute soon enough, if she contacts you cool, if not why worry about it.
@ od_dude
Should i appologize for what i said then vanish
depends how long its been no contact, if its only been a few days then a quick text, Apologies for your controlling ways, thank her for the time you’ve had, and apologies for being ass, wish her nothing but the best. Then vanish totally, in time she will forget your assness and remember the fun times, then meet new girls, as BD says. Dude your young, you have time and thousands of options, all the time in the world, there will be way hotter girls in your life, trust me.
This is you best option to ever have want a chance with them again, if you run after them like puppies, they go further into being turned off, especially if they have a new boy. you have no choice.
I split up with my ex 5 months ago, we had an amazing and passionate 8 month relationship but towards the end of it i think i went from an alpha to beta and i feel she lost respect for me. When we broke up i made the mistake of chasing her for a few weeks trying to get her back what i regret now. Eventually she told me do not contact her again, I wrote her an email saying i would respect this. Its now been 4 months of NC and I haven’t heard from her in this time. I understand that i fucked up and should of walked away with dignity.
In the the last 4months I’ve been working out and have really improved myself. Ive been on a few dates and have slept with a couple of girls since. I go out with friends and have meet some beautiful girls. Im enjoying life now and don’t think about my ex that much. But that said i would still like to meet up with her just to see how she is. In an ideal world if i was to see her i would like it to escalate straight to sex.
So my question is should i contact her and if so how should i do it as i fucked up massively when we broke up. Should i apologise for how i acted or not mention it and just meet for a drink?
Any thoughts would be great to hear.
Thanks
@snowman
Are you blind? You know the fucking answer to your own question so quit being such a pussy.
Don’t contact her EVER and if you haven’t blocked her from all social media and other forms of communication do so now
Make her work to get back in your life and on your dick.
@snowman
in addition, I have advocated keeping them on Facebook, but the one I was NC, was liking my post and sending me Facebook messages, with no results, so If they are playing stupid pay attention to me games, block them fully on media except for text. After I fully blocked the girl, I got some lame ass email, how I’m not being there for her, and she would support me blah blah, this while she’s mounting some other guys dick. You really cant rationalise their hamster brain logic, so don’t bother, total block, take satisfaction if they are still trying to get attention, if means the new man isn’t really rocking them in sack, the NRE they are in is a weak one will fade faster. Like Dawson said in earlier post the more they whine at the end, the more likely they will rebound.
@Dawson:
Become the type of person that people respect and admire…not for her but for yourself. Develop yourself interpersonally, professionally, physically. Have deep and varied friendships. See the world. Read.
This is the crux. What type of books do you recommend to start with? I really want to get her out of my head. Thanks
The Fountainhead and Atlas Shrugged
Both by Ayn Rand
Hey Dawson, I started reading a self help book that my friend gave me about an year ago. 3 days of reading has already helped me. Don’t think of her as much, though that time is still a lot.
One question I have. Everyone on this board keeps on saying….as soon as she contacts you escalate to sex. How do you do this? After so many months without her, my feelings have subsided. Not disappeared but reduced. She has contacted me a few times but just hi hello, nothing more. I politely reply and end the conversation by saying all is well and hope same with you. How do I take a conversation from hi hello to sex? Thanks
@ George
Do you have any flirting skills? If you are politely ending the conversation immediately, you’ll never succeed. Sounds like you may already be in friend zone territory.
Depends on the girl, but in general, I like to be bold on text. Lots of girls love it. Earlier today I had to cancel on a FB cause a better option came up. I told her sorry, and “I can’t wait to rip that hot little jump suit off you next week.” She replied immediately “:))))) Tuesday?” My point is a lot of women love that stuff and it sounds like you’re holding back.
This is an EX. Who cares what happens? If she is contacting you, there is a reason why (whether it’s to maintain platonic connections with you, or otherwise). Instead of ending the conversation, get some back and forth action going. Be flirtatious. You don’t have to be a pervert, but flirt. If she’s receptive, you suggest she come over.
Dude, you’ll know pretty quickly whether or not she’s interested.
I received this email from my ex girlfriend this morning. . I need advice on how to respond? Is it really about the reference? Please advise , thanks
You should be contacted at work by Graystone Health for my PRN home health shifts. I started at Bentley Global around 3-13, and ended approx. 1-15.
Thank you for the reference.
@Johnny13 Yes I would say that is completely about the reference. Don’t respond, give the reference, and let it go.
Yes SJ, I feel I’m in the friend zone territory and I hate it and I can’t do it.
I rather not talk to her at all and that’s why I always politely ended all conversations. Fuck how do I get out of this mess? I’ll just stay calm and quite I guess.
George says
How do you unfriend zone your self? its simple, when they contact you and attempt to chit chat you on friend zone terms, you remind that you are not friends, and that you made them scream and orgasm many times in the past, you’ve had you fingers knuckle deep in their pussy, and they have sucked your cock, you and her aren’t friends and you still want that. They will most likely respond with well we aren’t that now, or they are with some one else, you then end the conversation wish them the best, then you disappear no with contact. If they again contact you in the future, you can be friendly and but you can escalate, because you’ve made it clear and they will know this, your aren’t going to be friend zoned, they might still be resistant, but they wont be contacting you with out expecting you to try or wanting you to try. If you get resistance rinse and repeat. Understand this isn’t a quick turn around, it cant take months, to years.
How should I respond to the text below? I was leaving the gym in my car after my workout and I saw my ex girlfriend on the sidewalk on the way into the gym and i honked at her.
A few hours later , i received a text ” Did you honk at me this morning” ?
I responded with “Yea, it was me”
She responded with, ” I see that you got your proverbial porsche status. I am happy for you ”
How should I respond?
Thanks for the advice
@George
First off, hopefully, you have options besides your ex who friend zoned you. If not GET SOME ASAP.
Personally, I wouldn’t announce “I don’t want to be friends” if she contacts you again. Make your intentions clear through ACTIONS. Casually ask her to hang out within only a couple of text exchanges. Suggest your place. If she agrees, set up the meet not too far into the future. Move things along quickly, but casually.
If she says no, shrug it off, IGNORE any texts/contact she makes going forward unless it’s clear she’s begging for your dick, and continue seeing the women you are (hopefully) already seeing.
How should I respond to the text below? I was leaving the gym in my car after my workout and I saw my ex girlfriend on the sidewalk on the way into the gym and i honked at her.
A few hours later , i received a text ” Did you honk at me this morning” ?
I responded with “Yea, it was me”
She responded with, ” I see that you got your proverbial porsche status. I am happy for you ”
How should I respond?
Thanks for the advice
johnny@13
why the hell did you honk at her, your not listening, its no contact period, the honk was to get her attention.
Her comment was condescending, you are friend zoned,
I’m a dumb ass….lol What should I do now ?
SJ, OD_DUDE, thanks for your advice.
Wow, so I fucked up twice now 🙂 as Dawson said, I blocked her from every corner. She reached out to my friends and was asking about me. So I unblocked her and then she reached out to me about 5-6 times all hi hellos though. I killed that too. Man, I fuck up at all stages.
Now I wait for another hi hello from her. Man, anyone would give up by now. Let’s see if she reaches out to me? If not, I will reach out to her in the weekend with a question asking for some advice. Will keep you posted. Txs
Im 51 years old . My problem is women in general are not attracted to me for some reason and Im not sure why. Im 6 1 225 lbs lean muscular. Im at worst a decent looking guy and look 10years younger than I am. Im very intelligent,funny as hell and make good money. At this point I pretty much accept this is the way it is. Every once in a while I get lucky and find some gal who’s really interested in me that I really like. When that ends its very hard not to screw up and chase them because they are so difficult to replace. I cant just go fuck other women because its such a fucking chore to get a half way decent one in the 1st place. I found the best thing to do is get completely away from women for awhile otherwise I get so demoralized it effects other aspects if my life. Its cool to know there are guys out there who know how to do this stuff on here. Go get em
George
im in a No contact play right now, this girl has left her beta husband, moved in with another beta, who is also giving her a job, how lame is that, she was emailing me crap last week, that they were just friends blah blah, and she needed me a as a friend, the classic ill friend zone you and keep you as a back up, i remind her we aren’t friends and that the way it is. Anyways i’ve totally blacked her out, blocked her friends on FB as well, every form of contact, except and crappy Hotmail account, is her only access now. That’s it, i now walk for 6 to 8 months period or more, she has to get through her NRE period, which will burn fast, as they are moving in together to soon, she already a cheater and trying to stay in contact with me, and now hes her boss, that will break soon enough, as they are both selfish and needy. Its all about just understanding their new situations and forgetting about them and finding new girls.
HAHHA as I’m typing i get an email, its been a week, just ignore them, if you were good to them, made them cum, and treated them emotionally well, while being Alfa ( i admittedly became too Alfa 1.0 in the end and even admitted my feelings, and got frustrated when she said no, but what ever ), they come back eventually, there egos cant handle you walking away like they were nothing.
George and johnny
Her email to me was a pouty, “I guess” this was her response to my block email a week ago, i know dam well she saw it long before today, and has been sulking.
Last week, she wanted to be friend, i reminder her we have been sleeping together on and off for 3 years, i wished her wellness and happiness, i’m sorry you dont want to be with me again, i loved our time, i hope you life turns out great.
Now she has had multiple opportunities to see me the last 6 months and flaked, her “I guess” comment is her attempt to manipulate, i know this, there will be no response, zero, do not play into it, be confident you were awesome to them, go let them have some shitty beta sex for a while, they will be board soon enough. I suspect she been with this other guy for at least 4 months, and it would appear its already boring. I said before if they are playing games and then they are board, and the NRE is a weak one. The more Dominate you act to them, the better
Thats my problem. Im guilty of shitty beta sex.
@George
You’re missing the larger point. DON’T WAIT for anything from her. Live your fucking life, dude. If she comes back around, good for you. If not, oh well (shrug). You’re entirely too hung up on this woman. MOVE ON.
And why are you reaching out to her this weekend for advice??? I hope that was a typo. DO NOT CONTACT HER. If she contacts you, suggest a meet. If (when) she says no, ignore her forever, unless she literally says the words “I want you to fuck me.”
You are right SJ, I’m all hanged up on this girl. I was never like that. In fact I was loud, roudy, confident, bold, never gave a fuck about any chick when I was in school or even when while working till I met this lady. Even fucking guys used to run away from me. Don’t know what voodoo she did on me 🙁 turned me into a chicken.
But, time to demonstrate what mental strength is to her! I have seen her a few times at some social gathering, she seems to be having a ball whereas I sulk. Fuck me. Time for repairs. Good to have people like yourself who drill into our heads. THANK YOU.
George
Once they dump you, you have no choice, you scorch earth their asses. There’s no crying or begging to get them back, women are not these empathetic creatures we think, We as men are conditioned to feel empathy to a woman crying, they on the other hand see us a week if we cry to get them back, they friend zone you and find a more dominate male, its genetic conditioning, even the nicest among them, is needy, self conscious and needs external validations, they will flirt with your friends behind your back, they will stay in contact with their exs, they will justify that they are just friends, this is not me downing on them either, I’ve just learnt what i’m dealing with, they are emotionally childish for the most part, they honestly think the NRE is love. This why Blackdragon contacts them every 6 to 8 months his is more detached and is just playing on their weakness and neediness, till they are ready to cheat again and get there egos stroked, as long as you provide excellent sexual services to them and sound emotional connections, they come back.
I don’t get this! Do these girls suffer from short term or long term memory loss? While I don’t forget anything, not even their voices while they were having orgasm, they just forget everything, fucking everything! I have to move on, no question about it. Thanks sj, od.
George
“While I don’t forget anything, not even their voices while they were having orgasm”
they aren’t the same as us, they think so differently, they can make a life changing decisions base on a mood at the time. I don’t even try to rationalize it any more.
@ George
Neither. If they are even half good looking, they can click their fingers and have 27 men queuing up to take your place. It’s as simple as that.
This enables them to get over you FAST! Whereas for you, it’s not so easy. BUT as always, if you REALLY had something together, she may get in touch with you. She may not. Who knows? Who cares? Find someone else.
this is true, but in my personal experience, I’ve witnessed most of these men to be Douche bags. Many times I’ve seen women ditch the decent men in there lives only to get used and tossed later over again by losers, and their stock falls as they get older. They are hard learners
Hi,
I read the original post and read few comments but I thought I would ask.
I was in relationship for 3 years and we got in argument and she decided to break up since she didn’t like that I never introduced my kids to her and all that. it has been 2 months. at first I begged and pleaded for 2 weeks and I went NC for a month then beginning of september I sent her Hello text and we texted back and forth for awhile and I ended it. few weeks later I wrote her and she stated she is doing awesome. and that was all I got. I have been writing whenever her friends told me to text her because she is wondering why I don’t text. so I texted and the results are not that great. last week I passed her car and I acted like I didn’t see her. she followed me and exited freeway. an hr later she called my partner and gave her a bogus referral. My partner thinks she is trying to do things to keep her in my mind. I have been going NC for 3 weeks now. Have I messed up? or do I wait another 3 months and after 3months do I contact her? or just wait for her to contact me?
Thanks in advance.
johnlee
Ignore her, if you were good to her, she will contact you. You cant beg and play games with women, they either miss you and reach out or your SOL, you cant do anything but walk away until they decide. As for fucking up, there’s no exact set of rules, except walk away until they start the contact. then fish them out during the contact and escalate to meeting them, and then escalate to sex after that. What’s your end game here, sex or to continue the relationship, if its to continue the relationship, every one has said the same thing, its just not the same second time through, but who knows every one is different.
Having one argument seem like a shitty reason to end a three year relationship, what in her head.
That’s what I’ll do ignore. I was just wondering when she called my friends if she was trying to reachout. I am looking to reconcile.
Yes calling your friends, is her way of reaching, if they where your friends not hers, but its typical female game playing. I tend not to respond to it.
Once contact is made escalate to reconciliation, but do not put your self in the friend zone, ei chase, stay connected, contact them all the time the usual stuff that never works.
Yes, she called my Co woke and gave her a bogus referral after she saw me. Thank you for your comment. I will just keep NC
Hey guys I am not sure if this was brought up here or not but just thinking of this since I ran into my ex today. Havent spoken with her for more than a month by now and I became very beta (too caring) and she left me saying she still wants me in her life etc. I told her no thanks and moved on but im still curious how eventual meetings should be handled most effective if I would love to have her back in rotation a few months or years later.
Today I waved and said hi and she said hi and I barely looked at her and walked by doing my thing, I know the post suggest to ignore her completely did anyone try to actually just look into the girls eyes, smile a bit and just walk ice cold?
I can easily say that my oneitis has dropped alot and looking back at my past actions I feel a bit pathetic and im seeing another girl now which im totally indiffrent with and its working like a CHARM. Ive learned alot from reading this blog and doing my own analysis but anyway my post here was regarding this subject about ignoring the girl.
In eventual meetups, is waving/saying hi and smiling allowed or should it be complete ignoring during real life meetings aswell? I know it sounds wierd to ask for this since if I totally moved on I would care at all, but im still young and I want to improve myself in every possible way and knowing how to deal with women in order to make them boomerang most effective is always interesting.
For me, being indiffrent seems to have doing wonders though but since there is people here with YEARS more experience then me I thought I would ask how you guys do it during real life meetings with women that dumped you or moved on. Treat them like ghosts and say absolutely nothing, or smile/say hi and walking on.
Best regards
@ Joshua
This happened to me. Caught in the confined space of a small shop. So yes, I smiled and winked and walked out. I have to say that mine wasn’t really a controlled response – it just happened. But I still waited for her to contact me, which she did, a short time later.
There are no certainties in life though. But, out wait, out wit is still the way to go.
On the side note they all do come back. My ex from 18yrs ago started contacting me a month ago and now calling 1-2 times a day and wants to meet next week. My other ex who we broke up 8 years ago will comeback every 6mo to 1 yr just to see if we can work things out and we just end up hooking up. My other ex from 4 yrs ago spent the night last night at my house. I am meeting new girl on Saturday. Talking to a girl who just broke up with her boyfriend of 2 years. She is way hotter than my recent ex but I’m just looking to hook up since she has too much drama with her ex.
@ Rob
Just checking in to see if anything is new with your situation. It’s been about a month since you posted – have you seen her again, was she friendly if you saw her, is working in the same place with her getting any easier?
In my situation, I saw my ex last week for the first time in two months. She was presenting me an award in a room of fifty people with our VP and most of our senior leaders present. It was a surreal experience to be standing next to her – with both of us smiling and being cheerful – and then to remember that after the meeting she would be walking away and not calling me to talk about her day, not texting me to ask me out for dinner, etc. I thought that I was ready to start being completely confident and indifferent towards her, but I was clearly wrong. Still, I had no choice but to attend the meeting in person. She even called me to make sure that I was coming – but only in the manner of a very caring boss who wanted to make sure that her employee was celebrated for his award in front of “all of the right people” in the organization. Honestly, I miss her more now than ever – but the hole that I am in is deeper than ever too.
On the recent set of postings about Boomerangs, I’d also like to add another example. My girlfriend in 8th grade – who I lost agonizingly to a 10th grader many decades ago – has begun writing to me. She is divorced and “fondly remembers” all of the great times we had together – and she is hoping that we can meet for dinner at some point. I have no interest whatsoever in rekindling – the years have not been kind to her – but it blows me away to imagine that a Boomerang from over 30 years ago is coming back! The fact is simple: unless you committed some heinous, unforgivable act towards her you will eventually be remembered positively by your Boomerang. If she is a) currently not in a committed relationship, b) seeking some companionship AND c) you creep back into her mind (by your doing, her doing, or by happenstance) she will come back! Astonishing.
I send a birthday card and Christmas card every year to a girl I went out with over 20 years ago. The relationship lasted about a year and a half and was great as far as I was concerned. She dumped me when I wouldnt commit and after that I did every dumb thing you could think of chasing her and trying to get her back. I absolutely am not interested in her now but it would be nice to say hello or get a card. You would think after all these years of no contact I would get a simple card. I know she gets mine. What do you guys think?
@Gary and others with similar decade-long-pondering questions over breakups/life
If you’re honestly concerned about not receiving a card from a girl 20 years, a text/a carrier-pigeon message/or flowers then you need to have a long hard think about life! I can barely remember a girl from 2 weeks ago because I’m living my life, dating girls, having fun and if they aren’t in my reality now or their behaviour isn’t aligned – screw them. It’s about moving forward, hotter girls, better clubs, new hobbies, bigger adventures or whatever you’re into. 20 years is just ridiculous. Wake up and smell the coffee. Life is ending 1 second at a time – people always say if you were dying with Cancer what would you do with your life? Well, we are all dying, as morbid as it sounds. I certainly wouldn’t consider a girl from 20 years ago, she certainly doesn’t care. Its about mutual respect, appreciation; a girl that ‘gets’ you. If they don’t contact you (move on). For you. Just like I don’t lose sleep when the Starbucks guy from last year wrote the wrong name on my cup. Let it go…
When it’s over with a girl from 2 weeks ago, 2 months ago, or 20 years ago. Its OVER. Completely. Done. Erase and start living your life. Pretend she doesn’t exist. A simple text ‘I really enjoyed my time with you, and wish you all the best’ always gets the hamster skipping well. Then vanish. Months or years down the life if you were a decent chilled fun guy they may contact you when lonely/horny – and then you make it really difficult for them and escalate shamelessly to sex, otherwise vanish again. The end.
No revenge, no winning, no proving them wrong. Its about being better not bitter. I wish all my ex’s the best. I still know in my mind they’ll never get the best without me – but it’s their life. Let them go. The best advice I can give any guys in this situation, as I was myself, is grow some balls and own it. Accept they dumped you, probably because they thought they could do better and you were ‘ugly’. Think about that for a minute or two: laugh and then consider that you’re no worse off than before you met them. Its a win-win, you got laid and had fun experiences, and found out their true colours they weren’t into you for whatever reason. The reason doesn’t matter. Closure is a myth. The fact they dumped you is closure. They probably couldn’t give the real reason anyway. Consider it unfinished business. They always come back and start as if she’s a new girl. But don’t wait for this point – Relativity fucks with reality (i.e. the girl will only contact you again when you forget about her and don’t give a shit if she died). Then, the second you forget, genuinely, they always call. Then play it cool. And run with it.
Walk through my city of London, or New York or Paris for half a day and you’ll realise how many attractive women there are in the world. Some small town girl with mediocre looks is literally a grain of sand in the beach of babes. Think big picture all the time guys.
This is the real game and if you aren’t rolling your own dice, or loading them in your favour. You will lose.
Amen.
RealTalk says
well said brother, you dont need closure, and chicks moods change like the wind. Who cares, there so many others. BD already explained it, they all eventually stop being FWB to have the make believe world of a monogamy with a beta.
@whitedragon,
Congratulations on your award. Ask for 10% bonus and 2% increment in salary. Year end is approaching quickly 🙂
I have moved on, at least that’s what I tell myself everyday. There is another woman in my life but it isn’t the same. As Dawson said in one of his posts above, if you see her just say hi Michelle and keep moving. I try to avoid her path completely. I can hear her talk during meetings and am sure she can hear me too. Realtalk, sj, oddude, calm, al, Dawson, jesus…everyone says of moving on which is very true. My feelings for her have subsided. If she were to ask me for dinner tomorrow, I don’t even know how I’ll react. Maybe indifferent, not happy not sad. That’s another thing…even if she ever boomerangs, which is very unlikely, I don’t know how to make love to her since there aren’t many feelings left. Another thing that pisses me off….how’s she having fun in her life when she can clearly see that I am upset. And I can’t fake being happy honestly. If I am sad, I am sad. I can’t be cracking jokes and laughing out loud. When I was happy, fucking people 50 feet away could hear my jokes and crack up. Also, I have started reading some self help books. They are very helpful.
Boss, I definitely don’t like these times. Very stressful and even more painful to know that it isn’t ending anytime soon. I picked up sketching to divert my mind but alas, I can’t even draw a free hand straight line 😀 suck there too 🙂 life was good with her, no doubt but as RT says….grow some balls and move on. Forget her. Easy said then done! Good luck dude and at go get that raise 🙂
Rob
Unfortunately your in a harder situation, you work with her, and have to see her, this is why i avoid the work place relationships. And brother we’ve all been in the hard place, dude the chick i was with happen to be my first high-school crush, its been a thirty year on and off, even through marriages, now she shacked up with some other douche, who’s paying her way, in the end yes i loved her, but she wants to be taken care of, I’m not prepared to do that.
I’m not sure what your doing to move on, but one thing i do in when I’m in these situations, i take that hurt and loss, and pour it into the gym, every set i do i channel any pain into personal growth.
You ask “how’s she having fun in her life when she can clearly see that I am upset”, women are extremely unsympathetic to men, I’ve said before, you and i are conditioned to run to there aid when they are crying, women are not conditioned to feel empathy for you when your hurt, unless that woman is your mom. Listen to Billy Joel’s song “she always a woman to me” its sums them up nicely, there not bad, there not good, there just women, they run to their own agendas. And brother one day you’ll be with someone, and you will know why it didn’t work with her, trust me, it just takes time.
Peace
this is for all my brothers
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kI3MwwWYC3Q
“She’ll promise you more than the Garden Eden,She’ll carelessly cut you and laugh while you’re bleed’n”
Od,
I do p90x3 5 times a week for an hour (2 sessions) & the song is so true. Thanks
RealTalk’s last post should be posted as the end to this conversation. 4 years of college can’t get you that type of education. Well said, RT.
Jesus
I split with my girl about 3 months ago, we were together just over 4 months but we really clicked fast and both fell for each other hard. Anyway towards the end of our relationship particularly the last 2 weeks she became extremely distant towards me, cut a long story short i accused her of cheating and broke things off. I did have a bit of evidence to assume she was cheating but wether she did for sure I’ll never know, but i broke up with her because i knew she was gonna break with me, was kinda like a defence mechanism ya know.
I gotta be honest i didn’t handle it very well at first screaming and shouting at her, calling her names and turning up to her house in a rage to collect my stuff. Went a month no contact, she didn’t once try to contact expect the first day we split to say that she knows I’ll never get back with her but to please understand that nothing happened. I pretty told her to fuck off and called her a liar.
After 1 month no contact i called her and had a quick chat, asking how she getting on etc and if she wanted to meet up for a drink on the weekend. She said she’ll see and when the weekend came she txt me to say sorry she couldn’t meet me but never gave a reason why, i tried to txt her a couple of times that night after but she would give very vague, sometimes one word txts back before finally saying she couldn’t talk anymore and gave me in her words a ‘final good bye txt’ i sent one jokey txt after but she didn’t reply, it was then i decided i would never contact her again and if she really wanted to talk to me she’d have to make the effort cuz I’d be dammed if I’m gonna be chasing after 1 wench forever.
When we first split up she blocked me on social media, thought nothing of it but after a month of my most recent contact with her i for the first time really started getting over her and not giving a fuck what she does anymore then notice all of a sudden that she unblocked me.
Only reason i noticed this is because she got pictures of me and her together which I’m tagged in on her fb which when she blocked me disappeared off my fb. But one day i notice the pics on my fb pop up of me and her together with me tagged. Tbh i thought she would of deleted them and probably have a new boyfriend by now but from looking at her fb it seems she hasn’t, or if she has she’s keeping it quiet!
Do you think this is her in some way trying to get my attention again? There’s no chance in hell I’m gonna be contacting her, i got pride and I’m not putting myself through it again to be turned down. It’s been just over 3 months since i actually seen her and 2 months since we spoke on phone briefly but for the first time since the split I’m really starting to enjoy my life again and feeling more social but her unblocking me has got me thinking does she wanna meet up again, what do you guys think?
I’m not bothered either way cuz I’m moving on and enjoying my life but i still miss her in a way, she gotta make the effort tho idgaf!
sounds like you went totally beta in the end, get some balls and get over that shit, makes you look like a pussy, I understand its hard when your wrapped up in her.
She is playing games, girls like to play ” please pay attention to me, but don’t want you to think I want you to pay attention to me” don’t fall for it, it will just drag on to endless Facebook crap and she will stay in your head, which is what she might want but you don’t. You walk, you ignore you move on you get over her, its only when your over her, you can truly be indifferent, then when they come back through real contact, phone, text or email, you escalate to a meet, then to sex, if they resist, you walk again, its simple.
I am over her thats the thing, I was just wondering why she unblocked me. i will in no way be contacting her, i’m enjoying being single now, i just found it strange she went out of the way to unblock me, i mean you have to make a concious decision to do that so she was obviously curious as to what i was up to.
Anyway i keep most of my fb private so only friends can see all my stuff i only make certian things viewable to the public. when i found out she unlbocked me i deliberately made certain posts public, like one about my night out the weekend and jokey pics i put up, and just silly things like girls liking it i know she would notice cuz she used to go mad about girls my fb when were together so i thought i’d play a few mind games of my own fuck it lol.
Checked my fb again tonight and turns out she has reblocked me, i have in no way tried to contact her and nor do i care (i mean that) but for her to re blok me again after blocking obviously means she been thinking about me. haha i’ll just let her carry on, i actually feel like i got the power back a little bit. if she ever does contact me properly by phone i will escalate straight to sex no doubt cuz thats all i’d want from her now anyway.
Let her twist in her mind games, she obviously still a child
“mind games of my own” that’s beta shit, be ALFA, we don’t play mind games, because its energy we would rather put into making us better, when ever I’m even letting some tart back into my head, I go to the gym, or head to a driving range and smack out some 200 plus yard hits, all things that make us better and ultimately happy.
I do feel better, i’m happiest i been in a long time, i’m not pining for her to come back or even contact me i’m just telling you my story. you can keep on trying to call me pussy beta all you like mate cuz at the end of the day i’m happy and isn’t that the main thing to be if you are alpha? i admit i was beta at the end of the relationship and for probably about a month after but i been reading through all BD blogs on this site and its helping me a lot. i still got a lot to learn but i’m enjoying this new way of thinking.
she was about 9 years older than me (in her mid 30’s) but she had so many childish ways, you can see that from the way she acting with this blocking and unblocking on fb having this break has helped me to reflect on all that stuff i didn’t notice when i was in NRE. don’t get me wrong we got on 80% of the time, she was good in the sack and we shared the same humour and used to cry where we’d laugh so much. but with it tho came the drama, silent treatment and extreme jealousy etc. if only i knew about some of the stuff on here back then like soft nexting etc things might of been a little different. ya live and learn tho eh! 🙂
“pussy beta all you like mate cuz at the end of the day i’m happy” I’m not calling you any of these, I’m telling you not to be these 🙂 there’s a difference :). Sound like you are on the right track, this blog and Dawson Stones have done a great deal from many of us. She will be back btw, the more childish they are, the even more likely they will, their little hamster brains cant stand the thought of you disappearing like they were nothing, when she gets through her ego, and has some lame sex and drama with some one else, she recall the good times and start creeping back.
Stumbled across this and it makes great reading – both the original post and Real Talk’s addendum.
And I realise now that I must have been a bit of an alpha all my long life without knowing it ’cause this has always been my policy and it does work – often. I’ll go on to that later but first I’m just wondering why, as BD says, some might find this hard to do?
If I get dumped there’s NO WAY I want to contact the ex – two possible reasons (1) If I do have feelings for her then I really don’t want to know what she’s up to, or (2) If I’m not that bothered my pride says “Be my guest. Go and find some lesser being and hope to God he does for you what I did…doubt it!”
Recent case – really good relationship for 2 years then she went from besotted to odd and distant in the wink of an eye. Not my fault she says – “It’s me not you” (Too right it is!). So saw it coming and took the dumping when it came with good grace – upset but she doesn’t know that. I just said “fair enough – please block me on social media and I’ll do the same. Have a great life with whatever you choose to do”.
Upset of course and I missed her – but, arrogant or not, really felt it was her loss.
So – two ramifications and it’s good news.
First – It’s amazing how things come out of the woodwork once you get her out of your life. A work colleague saw I was a bit down and asked me if I’d like to spend an evening or two with her…turned out GREAT! Then an old FB (another ex who came back) whom I’ve known for years flew over from the States specifically to go on holiday with me and “cheer me up”…turned out GREAT!
Second – You’ve guessed it. Ex contacts me after a couple of months. “I miss you. Can we be friends?” I hope you can guess my reaction – (NO F****** WAY!). Told her politely no, but happy to have a genuine go at re-establishing relationship. She was unsure so I said a polite goodbye again and reset the clock. Might hear from her again…might not…either way I’ll deal with it as and when.
My message is just man up and take this advice – it is ALWAYS right and always will be. You will get peace of mind at the very least or, chances are, she might drift back into your orbit. And before you ask, no, I am no square-jawed Adonis. I am pushing 60, balding and could not be described as tall. You just have to be yourself and be strong. I truly adore women but you just cannot let them rule your life or destroy your happiness. Move on.
I’m just thinking, as i was the one who dumped her does it lessen the chance of her ever getting back to me? Not that I’m particularly bothered but be interesting to hear from people who been in same situation. I dealt with the break up pretty bad at first cuz even tho i was the one that broke up it felt more like the other way around as she distanced herself that much it pushed me to it. I broke with her before she broke with me but i dealt with it completely the wrong way flying off the handle.
I did reach out to her after 1 month no contact (mistake i know) and chatted on the phone for ten minutes and she genuinely sounded happy to talk to me. So i pitched a meet for a drink that same weekend and she said she’ll see. Anyway the day came and i heard nothing until about 1am she sent a txt saying sorry she couldn’t meet, I’d gone out and had a drink by this time as a pretty much given up hope of her meeting up so I tried to ring her to talk but she wouldn’t answer only replying to my txts wishing me the best and to please not contact her again.
It’s been 2 months since that night now and 3 since I last seen her, i am over it now but having the break made me realise that the reason things ended the way they did is MY FAULT, i always blamed her before but i know it’s me because i acted too beta towards the end and reading through BD blogs made me realise that.
That’s the only thing that angers me more than losing her cuz i really don’t care about her anymore, it’s the way i acted.
I wanted her to come back honestly. But, after reading so many posts so many damn times, now I want her back on my terms. I went from alpha to beta, my mistake. Didn’t know any thing about all this else wouldn’t have made all the mistakes that I made. I am not chasing her anymore. She has to or else oh well, nice knowing you. Thanks everyone.
I received this email from my ex today……. How should I respond?
I had a salsa moment in the kitchen today. Pumpkin caramel all over myself and the kitchen. You would have laughed and called me a klutz.
Wtf is a klutz? Tell her you’d strip her down to her bra and panties and slowly lick the pumpkin caramel from every inch of her body. 😉
Excellent reply!
No matter how you respond, this is clearly a sign of renewed interest. Recalling a fond memory and calling attention to her personal habits and her body all indicate that the ball is in your court.
Ok, I haven’t heard from her in over a month
What would be your recommendation on the response?
johnny@13
I had a salsa moment in the kitchen today. Pumpkin caramel all over myself and the kitchen. You would have laughed and called me a klutz.
this is great, tell her you would have laughed, but would have loved helping her clean up too. Subtle flirt not over the top yet.
I’d get to the dirty talk asap
Nars-ass-sis bolox says
no dude, its like fishing, you have to let them run with the bait for a bit, then reel them in, yank to hard, you can break the line, but escalate to sex fairly quickly
I responded with : lol . I would of loved to helped you clean up too.
She responded with: “They offered me $65/hr to go to Denver for 13 weeks, plus pay my housing and licensure. ”
“I was going to ask if you would watch my dog, but I think Amy is going to help me this weekend. ”
Should i bother responding?
Fuck that! More like watch her dog while she goes and bounce of some geezers pole. Tell her you got plans that weekend.
Your response was shite as well, too boring, should of wrote something more jokey, something to make her laugh. Fuckin cheek of her after not speaking for that long and straight away she’s asking you favours! Pfft!
@Johnny – Yeah she was fishing to see if you’d watch the dog. Which you should NOT do.
Should i bother responding to the email or don’t respond at all?
Thanks
If you want to keep it on a positive note you could respond back with something like “Sounds like a great opportunity, have fun.” I think you missed this window to escalate. Keep in mind though, you don’t NEED to respond to every message sent. Myself I’d hold off on a better indicator of interest that didn’t get followed up by a veiled request for a favor.
Ok. Thanks for the feedback, calm
Johnny@
you said the right thing, didn’t matter what you said had you escalated sooner or not, she was just fishing for a favor. If she was looking for more, after the clean her up remark she would have mildly flirted back, like ” well i was really dirty” or something like. But two things you did right, you hinted you wanted more, and you aren’t doing any favors unless shes mounted you, then end.
Should i completely delete my ex girlfriend from facebook?
Thanks
Johnny
depends on your situation, I just did that, but it was because she was liking my wall posts, and sending me chit chat messages with no results, so I blocked her, which sent her into a rage, but still wont see me, she just wanted me to keep paying attention to her. Alternatively, you can unfollow her, and set her as an acquaintance, then set your pics and wall post to “can be seen by friends but not acquaintances”, its like blocking with out them really knowing, but you can still see her page, which you may or may not want, because I think your still pinning and hoping she will come back, id recommend the unfriend or block, you need to get her out of your mind, and that means distance and time.
I’d like some advice if any are willing to chime in. I’ve been NC for almost 7 weeks now. The Ex, after a seemingly being head over heels in love, up and left out of the blue 3 days after getting back from our vacation. We even made love an hour before she took off. Was completely blindsided and have had a difficult time since. Allah said before leaving was “I’ve given too much of myself’ and 20mins later, was gone.
She has had several relationships that did not work out for various reasons but the common theme in all was that the men pursued and chased desperately for months, even years after they broke up. They were all so wrapped up in her that they couldn’t seem to continue living without her and they expressed that. I, on the other hand, just walked away because I would never lower myself to that level. I miss her terribly but refuse to contact. All her other relationships were on/off for their duration so breaking up and getting back together has been a pattern for her.
Should I give up hope as she is a notoriously stubborn woman? I’ve moved on and focussed on myself but still think about her constantly. Any advice would be very much appreciated…
I received this text message from my ex-girlfriend this morning….
I know that I am a terrible communicator, but I’m asking you to take a little time to talk this week.
Let me know when you are free
How should I respond?
Thanks
Steamboat
I’ve been in the same situation your in now, I’ve had a desirable woman wrapped up in me, unfortunately they are really wrapped up in their own neediness and insecurity and not really you, the fact she would walk right after you laid her should tell you shes screwed up in side, something tells me she wants to control the relationship and you weren’t about to do, you have done that absolute right thing, walk and focus on you no matter how painful it is. She will be back if you were good, don’t let them have that power, the moment you become beta, she will discard you anyways.
johnny
Agree, but try to get her to meet in person, if not at your place, then at a pub when you can escalate. there are many ways you can approach the conversation, but what ever she says, make it clear in context, your not interested in friend zone, and if she’s not mounting your not wasting a minute of your time on her. Establish your dominance, if your not fucking me, someone else will be.
ok, thanks for the advice od_dude.
what type of text would you send to her?
johnny
pitch a meet at pub for drinks, a fun atmosphere you can get her a few drinks and flirt, and see where you can escalate it to, but be fun and outcome indifferent. You don’t have to fuck them the first night, but hint that your expecting this to lead to something and quickly, every girl is different, you’d know best if she into sex fast or wants a bit of play first, I’m only saying this because she was a relationship not a fuck buddy. If you get the I just need you as a friend speech, make some reason why you need to cut this short, and reset the clock until she contacts you.
od_dude
Thanks for the insight. In hindsight, the last month or so, it was really hot/cold and it all happened as soon as we decided to move in together. Once the dynamic changed (something she had never done before) it was like she was looking for a way to get out. Vacation was great and 3 days later, after a normal morning including groceries and making love, she literally disappeared. That’s been the hardest part.
Her Ex-husband was always lurking and showing up unannounced like a stalker and constantly messaging her. It was uncomfortable to say the least. I really am at a loss for words as to how it went down but each day that passes, it hurts just a little bit less.
I was good and she did/said things she had never done before and I really thought that she might be the one I was supposed to find. Now it feels like it almost didn’t happen. Closure would be nice but I know that doesn’t really exist.
In my heart of hearts, I think she might one day reach out but another part of me thinks I will literally never hear from her as long as I live….so strange. Thoughts?
@ od _dude
This is steamboat’s comment:
It is so true.
Why did you move in together??? Bad move and completely unnecessary.
What?! 😀 The One eh? ALL relationships are temporary. If you can turn this woman into one of several women in your life, then fine.
The men having trouble in this post seem to have found this post and are constantly asking “how can I get her back?”
While you wait, PLEASE READ the archive of this blog. All the answers you need are in it.
Thanks Al – you’re probably right. Moving in might not have been the best but was her idea, she chose the place and was ecstatic up until we actually started living there…slowly you could see she wasn’t comfortable. Maybe she was trying to force herself.
Bottom line is she’s been chased her whole life by guys it didn’t work out with…months and years later and all of them were the same, to a T. I walked away and never looked back and can respect myself for that even though it’s been extremely tough.
7 weeks in now and I know I’m doing the right thing as far as that goes. I would like to see her again but she would need to reach out or it’ll never happen…
Steamboat
just Google “left husband and for another man” you find a bunch of chat forum of women, who post all the same shit, ” I never thought this would happen, ive been married 10 years and then omg I met the man of my dreams” blah blah, you dam well know the man at home is paying bills stressing out keeping his family together and she just getting swept in by some douche who’s selling her the bag of magic beans, their fucking idiots, so when you say “I was good and she did/said things she had never done before and I really thought that she might be the one I was supposed to find” , they have zero loyalty for long, they believe there own fantasies, they get board easy. I don’t want to sound cynical but dude, as Al said its all fleeting,
The men having trouble in this post seem to have found this post and are constantly asking “how can I get her back?” this is the truth, Al is saying and BD is saying all you can do is get them back as a FWB and nothing more, try to turn it into a relationship, but its already failed, if you do manage to get them back, it will be a prolonged dysfunctional failed relationship regardless
Thanks od_dude
It’s a bit different as she divorced the ex husband 10 years ago. Since then, he’s been in and out of her life and constantly in the background somewhere always telling her that when she’s done with the current relationship, he’ll be waiting for her. He’s become her family as the relationship with her own is almost non-existant. I actually don’t know for certain what happened or where she went the day she took off but that would be my guess. Every person she was with since her divorce 10 years ago was completely enamoured with her and chased, cried and pursued for months and years after the breakup. Maybe a part of her likes the validation of someone chasing and expressing that they can’t live without her.
I also think you’re right that even if an ex comes back, chances are slim to none that it can be anything but a physical thing seeing as how the relationship part didn’t work to begin with. I guess I’m more curious about whether or not she’ll ever get in contact with me again because I definitely won’t. I’ve moved on but it would be nice to know that she regretted walking away the way she did when there really wasn’t a good reason to do so. It’s definitely been a long 7 weeks but things are looking up.
@ Rob
A few days ago, she IM’ed me to ask a few questions that I know she could easily have found answers to by checking an earlier email or asking someone else. These were her first IMs to me in about six months. Yesterday at work, I saw her coming down the hallway and I walked toward her, meeting her right in the middle of the hallway in a quiet spot. We started talking about work and slowly she started to mention personal things like what she’d been up to on recent weekends, her trip to Europe, etc. It was just like old times – these were the first personal comments she had made to me in about six months. The whole time she kept smiling and her body language was great – not a hint of animosity or wanting to get away. I decided to end the conversation before we ran out of topics but I suggested that we talk later in the week by phone about a few work items – she smiled and said “of course.”
My question for everyone is, how should I proceed?
I received your email and you are to know that i do not use any of those fake powers u see on internet .i use African Powers which is the strongest and powerful magic. The potency against this spell last long and it has no bad or negative effect, So my dear i have never cast a spell for any one that will not work i have done it for a lot of people in different country . the spell work in the way you want it …
Whitedragon
you have to be really careful with this one, you work with her, every thing BD says about working relationships is true, this has been doubly hard on you because you’ve had to see her every day, and like you said before she didn’t give a rats ass when you were hurting, i’m not sure why you’d want to put yourself through that again. A little bit of chit chat in the hall doesn’t mean much, you still need to wait for her to reach out to you, let her call you or text you. Don’t call her. She might be warming up, but dude you need to let more happen.
@whitedragon.
Like I said earlier, ask for a raise and bonus 😀 she’ll LOL and will be confused. Rest, I’m hardly an expert on this stuff, but getting $$ can never be a bad idea 🙂 good luck dude.
@Whitedragon
This is a no-fucking-brainer. You don’t fuck someone where you work. EVER.
You have already done it so don’t be a fool and do it again. If you or her ever leave your company, escalate to sex but in the mean time be friendly but don’t even consider going back in.
This is my situation, I’m with a girl for 4 years and we have a son together whom I love and would do anything for, even stay with his mom with no physical attraction to her. ( she is very good looking but very very boring.) So I met a girl who works at a bar beside my site. We hit it off and started texting a lot. She told me she had a bf to which I said I didn’t care. We continued talking and planed to meet up. That day Her bf asked her if she was going to cheat on him, because she was in the shower to long so she told me she can’t doit but really wants too… The next couple days she starts msging me again and continue our flirt texting and eventually we meet up the following week. We both had a great time and fucked in the back of my car. Over the next two weeks we text a lot ( probably too much) and meet a few times for drinks and really great sex, also a couple very illicit txt sessions with pictures and dirty talk from mostly her. Then we met again and again had a great time and great sex. Every time we fucked she’d say something along the lines of she wants to break up with him…. The next day I got a little drunk and started texting her as we did a few nights before. She seemed into it. But sent me a message much later that night saying her bf looked at her phone and read the Msgs and broke up with her . She asked me to not txt her for a while. To which I apologized for fucking up her life and told her I wouldn’t msg her. Two days later she sends a msg saying her and her bf and going to try to work things out and to not msg her again. ( she also said that he asked what my name was and she lied and told him another name, but in our last few Msgs that he allegedly read she wrote my name) so being caught may have been a lie. Or he’s really dumb.) I said ” I wish I could tell you I wasn’t sad, I was starting to really like you, thanks for being straight with me though “. She msged back saying ” of course, I really like talking to you. I just feel like I owe him a decent effort, maybe I’ll see you around :)” I didn’t respond to that msg and it’s been a week+ since, She went from wanting to break up with him to trying to make it work when she got caught I did really like her and want to continue to see her Will this method work for me in the situation I find myself, or should forget about her and get over it?
@Roche
The reason why she went back, is because the breakup wasn’t on HER terms. Plain, and simple.
Roche
You had a fuck buddy, that was perfect, unfortunately she got busted, you said the correct thing, apologised for messing her life up and said you enjoyed your time together. Yes walk and let her deal with her shit, text her in a couple of months, act indifferent and ask her if everything is alright, of course you don’t give a shit about her relationship but it looks good to act concerned. If all goes well she’ll be a fuck buddy again, if not, find more. So to answer your question YES this method will work very well with you situation, stick to it give her space, I predict she text you shortly, a few weeks or a month, particularly If she likes the sex
Is it even possible that she just decided she can’t cheat on him anymore and wants to be with him.( she did complain about him often when we were together but also kept telling me she feels bad cause he’s “such a nice guy”)
Is it possible she will just forget about me as she is younger( 7 years difference) and has a lot of friends. And I don’t use Facebook or any of those things so she won’t be able to look me up on there?
and wouldn’t any girl with any sort of a brain probably just delete my number to avoid temptation, never to be heard from again? I really hope she didn’t as I would like to get FB situation going as I’ve never had one before. I’m good looking and a very good talker when it comes to woman and professional situations. Though I do wish I could be more outcome independent but I am finding myself thinking about it a lot and wanting to msg her ( I would never let her see that even before reading this blog, being the important part. I think)
( she did complain about him often when we were together but also kept telling me she feels bad cause he’s “such a nice guy”) He became a Beta.
Read the whole blog, women generally cheat on their betas. And don’t you be a Beta and start messaging, she’ll come back, just be patient and go find other women to flirt with, and remember if you got together with her, and became a beta, she’ll cheat on you too, don’t ever think your special for a minute.
Oh fuck, I wouldn’t actually msg her, I just keep thinking about it. and I don’t think I’m special just know I’m better than her man. Maybe I was a bit cocky when I think back on our meets, I wish I read all of this long ago
I had a boomerang. I met her in 2000. We were together for 5 1/2 years. I never spoke to her out of her name or was emotionally punishing to her. We broke up in 2005. She married someone else that treated her like crap. called her names, hit her,stole money from her,alcoholic, he made is career off workmans comp,etc. You get the picture. She even has a 4 year old daughter by him. After 10 years she finally dumped his ass and boomeranged back telling me how she screwed up. Her exact words in this text shortly after we were back together read ( I know I can be moody, and I know theres a lot going on right now. And I can only hope that I come out of this a better and stronger person. But the thing that amazes me is that despite all of my mistakes and all the pain I caused you you still love me. I am so happy and lucky to have a caring loving and strong man in my life. You are the most selfless,sweet man I have ever known only your father could come a close second. I love you with all my heart and promise I will spend the rest of my life making up for lost time. I only want you to be happy as I am. I promise to give my entire self to you. I love you.) We started seeing each other again this past february. I received this text on May 5th. She cheated on me and said we need a break on July 23rd. Her new boyfriend is going through a divorce. She moved him in and she also had to find him a job. LOL. This just goes to show you never really lose your girlfriend. You just lose your turn. No doubt she will be back eventually.
charger446
Dude lol, ive seen this so many times, omg so many times. They come back to what they know is fair and good, but then there low self esteem screws it up again and again, and they run back to drama and an emotional charged shitty situation, lol. Its like this, if ever their in a good place, not a beta man place, but a fair place, where the man stands up for him self and calls them on their shit, but at the same time treats them decent, they cant cope with it. The moment they can’t feel sorry for them selves, means they have to look in the mirror and take responsibility for their own fucked up mess, so they sabotage it and run back to a place they can feel sorry for them selves, LOL. Charger, I’ve had three women come back and leave again to go be with a douche, it just comedy now. And yes they crawl back again, some times a year later, some time 10 years later. But in the end she cant handle healthy, healthy means its her fault her life is a mess and that unacceptable, so she will now spend years fixing her new boy friend and crying to her friends how caring and giving she is, but its not her fault she a caring and giving person. LOL.
charger446
Read Dawson stones blogs too, hes bang on. My current wife, who’s a boomerang, she said all the same shit, and still messed our marriage up, we are together for our kids, but I’m just done, I keep my friends with benefits on the side now, and have given up on monogamy. When my kids are older we will go our ways. I’m sure she will boomerang again in 10 years, but who cares, just take it for what it is, your turn again. LOL
When she told me we needed break I actually went beta for one day. When she text me the following day my response was. (You were right we do need a break. We are too confrontational towards each other lately.) This actually fucked her up. She expected me to chase her or she wanted some type of drama. When we were together there was no drama. This is too boring to most woman. I never initiate contact. Since than she has either text or called. She even tried to friend zone me. My response was.( You know my feelings towards men and woman trying to be friends. One is always trying to fuck the other one.) She has also called me for other stupid reasons. The key is to never show any kind of emotion when talking to them. She actually swung the conversation around saying. Your looking into my boyfriend too much. My response was. (It is what it is. You do whatever you want. I will do whatever I want.) Next conversation she says, but we have plans for the future. My response. ( No way to predict the future.) I am still very good friends with her mother. Her mother even watched my house and took care of my dogs a few weeks ago when I went to las vegas with my friend. My friend is on his 2nd marriage. He has been married for less than a year. He has not been laid in about two months. Every time we hang out she gives him grief. My best advice is never become dependent on a woman. I would never buy a house if I cannot afford it on my own and have it in my own name only. Never have joint credit cards or car loans. I feel it is ok to move them in if it is going good, but when the shit hits the fan show them the door. I believe if you do it any other way you are setting yourself up for disaster. If my ex comes back around I will hang out with her and fuck her again. She will determine how long it lasts. When she leaves it will not effect me. My married friend thinks I am nuts if i see her again. My response was (I have banged her what maybe fifty times or more. She owes me $200.00. Thats only $4.00 a fuck. Your spending a hell of a lot more than that and not even getting laid.) Lol.
Hey BD. You were right. My ex girlfriend came crawling back after 2 months. I guess it didnt work out with the other guy. She came over last night and i fucked her 3 times, but i dont want to get in relationship with her. I obviously dont trust her and look at her as the same way as before.
She wants to hang out again and cook me dinner. I just want to keep fucking her. What should i do because she is getting emotional and telling me she loves me , blah, blah
I need some advice ?
Thanks
@Johnny13
Dude, venture around on this blog a little bit. What’s one of the common themes on here? DO NOT GET ONEITIS. The way you’re talking, you have no other options. Get more options and you won’t be asking all these questions on here about “what to do next” etc.
Have fun with this ex, and even treat her good. But MEET SOME NEW WOMEN, too. You’ll think about and see this girl less which will make things BETTER between you two.
Guys that have been following my case over last 8 months (since getting dumped). Little/No contact for 5 months and only initiated by her! Key development today – interesting how it links to what Blackdragon said, and ‘problem’ many guys will have on ‘boomerang watch’:
Met ex for the first time today after 8 months, her idea so I met her in a coffee shop. Acted cool etc but she actually started gaming me – asking why I wasn’t maintaining eye contact, shit-test stories, denial about events, random sob stories, scarcely bringing up details about us etc. Wasn’t expecting that after so long (all subtle) – Lost frame kind of calling her out on general bs etc – not related to us though just general life shit by her – so couldn’t really implement BDs escalate to sex part at all! She didn’t show any overt interest or IOIs and she kind of kept the meeting short, maybe by logistics, wasn’t sure.
Basically, I wonder if sometimes they just don’t boomerang for whatever reason. Maybe in NRE but didn’t ask obviously. She wanted to meet so presume not. Wondered whether I need better frame control or just a better location for this, I don’t know?
Anyone had anything similar – as kind of feel it was a very uneventful meet after so long; maybe thought it would be more extreme (like massive interest or massive bitch mode). Or, do we just implement file-and-forget until she suggests evening drinks (hop, skip and jump into bed) scenarios… haha
I went for a drink with a couple of friends tonight and bumped into my ex for the first time since we split up (6 months ago). She was with a group of friends, mainly male. I didn’t know she was at this bar until one of my friends told me she was asking after me.
I didn’t read to much into and carried on enjoying the evening chatting to girls and enjoying myself. When i did see her i went and said hello, smiled and immediately walked away and carried on having a good night. Five minutes later she left with one of the guys she was with. I’m sure she left with other person knowing i would see them leaving together.
I know this girl still has feelings for me and i want to meet up with her and create a situation where we can escalate straight to sex with no bullshit.
Should i contact or not?
snowman211
“Should i contact or not?”
did you not read the blog and all the follow ups, You don’t contact them for 6 to 8 months minimum, if they contact you, you chit chat, pitch a meet, then escalate to sex, if they resist, you restart the timer again.
“When i did see her i went and said hello, smiled and immediately walked away and carried on having a good night. Five minutes later she left with one of the guys she was with. I’m sure she left with other person knowing i would see them leaving together.”
If she asked for you, and you acted way to nonchalant, then you lost your opportunity to escalate, and the fact she actually left quickly after, sounds like you pissed her off.
Honesty, she has your email, cell number etc., she could easily reach out, id wait for a real contact, but every situation is different. Since its been six months, you might fire a quick text, and say i’m sorry I didn’t get to chat to you that night, maybe we could meet for quick drink, then see where that goes. that is if she genuinely asked for you that night. Your call, but if there resistance reset the timer.
It’s was a difficult and awkward situation, so decided it was best to just say hello and keep it simple. She did ask after me but at the time didn’t want to read anything into it.
Thanks for the advice, it has given an opportunity to initiate contact. Will leave it a bit and see if she does reach out. Also found out she is still single. Not that it really matters but would this effect getting in contact? As I imagine that she doesn’t want to look lonely or desperate…
@Snowman,
You aren’t listening to any of the advice.
You don’t get in contact first. Ever. Whether its a monday, her birthday, asking after you to friends, her pet dog has died. She has your number and if she wants to contact you with any ounce of gina tingles she has left – she will.
The best thing you can is wait to get contacted. Period. Otherwise all you’re going to do is look desperate and ‘melt’ when she sees ‘Snowman’ is still contacting her…
Harsh words but you’re acting in scarcity and its not what women with options look for.
Need some advice on this situation. If you read my previous post a couple up on this page you will see my boomerang. I have not called, text or anything unless she initiated it. This goes for the past 10 years. I am still friends with her mother. She will watch my house and take care of dogs,fish whatever I need when I’m out of town. Anyways I have no relatives. Pretty much on my own. Her mother called me up and wants me to come over to her sisters house ( exes aunt) for thanksgiving for a while. Being that the whole family likes me and knows she is a fucking idiot (ex) what should I do. I personally can show absolutely no emotion when i’m around her. I believe the reason we broke up is because she cannot manipulate or control me, but her new boyfriend she can. If I don’t show up it may look like she has some kind of control. The way I’m looking this whole situation is if she comes back around and I fuck her fine if not no big deal either. Her mom don’t give a crap what she thinks either. Would you go or make some kind of excuse why you can’t make it. I do not want to look like a little pussy who does not want to show up because of her.
charger446 says
hang out with your own family not hers, if the mother wants to be around your place with out her, that’s fine. Otherwise disappear like a fart in the wind, you need to keep her wondering. Her stupid relationship will fail soon enough, she cheated, he cheated, he’s doesn’t have a job, and is going through a divorce, the whole thing reeks of extreme neediness and selfishness, there’s zero chance that will last any stress test, disappear in the mean time, and don’t be at that dinner if she is there.
RealTalk , Snowman
Black Dragons advice is after six to eight months its ok to fire a quick outcome independent text to feel the water, ( like hey how’s it going, or saw someone that looked like you, I almost said hi, etc. ). Snowman its your call its been six months, but if she responds cold or indifferent disappear as fast as you can and reset the timer.
I’m going to leave it up to her to make contact. If I was to bump in to her again then would make more effort to create a situation where we can meet.
I think otherwise RealTalk is right, she could see it as being desperate.
Alphaish man turned Omega – she bolted
Hi guys, I need to get this off my chest. I guess I know the answer already but your inputs will help. I am a 32 year old 6 feet tall lanky Indian. This is a slightly longish post, but I believe the length is essential to give you the contxxt
I weigh 149 pounds. Skinny, right? But behavior wise I have always been an alpha. I have a baritone and power full body language. I am from Mumbait, he biggest metropolitan town in India. I was working as an hr manager in a private firm in Mumbai.
There was also a 36 year old woman who was an AGM in HR department – two grades above mine. I resigned from that company in July and was serving my notice period. During this period, we went on 3 to 4 dates and we kissed. On the first date she said that she had a bf that was now an ex. Then I joined another company in Pune a city 175 kms away from Mumbai.
We texted back and forth and she used to eat up my cocky funny humor. On one weekend I went back to Mumbai, we met kissed and made out. She kept on insisting that I give her flowers. I did not. After her constant insistence, I couriered her flowers after a week. We texted till a week after she received the boquet but her interest level had dropped.
So on a Thursday, I what-sapped her that we should watch the Martians on the coming Saturday. She was online on Whats App throughout the day but didn’t reply. A day later she replied sorry I already have plans. She did not suggest an alternative date or venue. I didn’t reply to that. I changed my Whats App pic.
This pic had me sitting with two very attractive girls. I presumed on seeing this she would get nervous and contact me. But she didn’t. After 5 days of this I panicked, coz she was online all the time but not initiating any contact. I whatsapped her’ I miss you. Gimme a kiss’ till a couple of weeks earlier, she used to reply enthusiastically to such texts. This time she saw the texts but did not reply.
I absolutely lost my mind, and like a fucking omega rang her number yesterday. We normally never call each other, just text or meet up. As expected, she did not pick up my call but replied ‘ will call you later’.
I also got to know from my ex colleagues that she had a big fight with her ex bf on phone recently. I am wondering if the have got back together and he is fucking her.
I knew heartistes commandments and trp quite well but behaved like a fucking loser to get closure.
Also, I am skinny and have a dark complexion. I don’t gave any plates to spin. I am maybe a 5 or a 6 on the looks scale, but this incident apart, I my behavior and body language is very alpha like.
Advice, people? Is she ever going to get back to me? Is she fucking her ex bf? My ego has been trapped because I behaved in a very desperate manner, something that is just the opposite of the behavior I displayed when we started out.
Thoughts and advice please. I would not mind if you ripped my game or lack of it to shreds.
I would prefer a bit of insight into where I fucked up. I know ‘Go and spin plates’ advice, but frankly, I need to know where I went wrong.
Nishith, find another girl in your new town and forget her. Simple. I have lost ex too in the past due to me loosing frame, but no point crying over spilled milk.
“Advice, people? Is she ever going to get back to me? Is she fucking her ex bf? My ego has been trapped because I behaved in a very desperate manner.
This isn’t Alfa behavior, your Ego is Betaizing you.
Here’s the first thing you do, go stand in the Mirror, if you think your a 6, fuck that, tell your self your a 12, that’s what Alfa’s do, doesn’t matter what you look like, your a fucking 12, i dont care if your dark skinned and skinny, then shave your head and work out and be the 12. Second who the fuck cares about one Indian girl, what is there a billion people in that country, i’m sure there hotter more available women, you have some of the hottest women on the planet in that country. Never give a woman the satisfaction of ever knowing they got to you, dust your self off and move on, stop worrying or how you fucked up, and start thinking your a 12 dammit and it was her that fucked up.
Thanks, Lee and od_dude.
Sure my behavior has been weak and unmanly. W
I have seen an alpha friend of mine maintaining no contact with his gf when she started giving him shit for a month. But after that, he initiated contact with his ex and told her how much he missed her and stuff. And sure, the girl bolted, never to look back again.
Now, the same guy has multiple girls simultaneously and his game has automatically become very tight.
What is over is over. But I wanted to know this for the future as well.
How does one maintain abundance mentality when one has only girl in hand?
And, od, please throw some light on what specifically I could have done differently in this case.
Was her repeatedly asking for flowers a shit test? and when I eventually sent her the flowers, did I fail the test? She then found no challenge in me and therefore lost interest?
I am not asking this to get her back. I am asking this to understand shit tests better in my future relationships.
“Was her repeatedly asking for flowers a shit test? and when I eventually sent her the flowers, did I fail the test? She then found no challenge in me and therefore lost interest?”
you can’t understand them, how they think is just how they think. If she was giving you some test, I don’t get it. Honestly I don’t know what she was thinking or what you could have done or not done, but if she’s into to you the flower wouldn’t have been a big deal, women let you know, so if she gone, not much you can do, except move along.
Nishith, I’ll tell you what Id do if I was you, Id make tons of friends with lots women, and have no agenda, be out come independent so they are already at ease around you. When a woman likes you, they let you know, peruse it then, otherwise don’t worry about, and don’t bother being into one until you get a little buying sign. Women love men who are confident and who have no agenda’s,
Good luck brother
Well,I ran into my ex for the first time in 3 months, and I went to say “hi” to her and she replied “are you ignoring me?” Since i haven’t contacted her in 2 months. I told her not at all and that I’ve been busy. Just chatted for a min and I left saying it was good seeing her. That was last week and she hasn’t contacted me yet. I’m sure she will soon.
Hey I thought about a situation, backstory is we were on and off for a year but I became very beta and weak in the end and she left me and a month later she started seeing someone else. I went no contact and moved on with my life. I still have her on social media but dont look into the profile that much, I never been rude to her or anything and I am seeing a new girl now and I know she is in NRE bliss for a few months with a new guy who lives close to me.
Now 4 months later I saw her in the gym, I waved hi and she just stared at me but I didnt go up and talk to her I just passed and did my thing. She was doing some excersises close to me but then she just left and didnt even bother talking to me. I still think about her alot, but what im curious is about how you guys would react in this spots. Should I even bother go up to and talk with her when I know she is seeing someone else or is it correct to just wave, ignore and move on.
Also I wonder why she is cutting me out like this, I never did anything wrong although I told her im not interested in being her friend I showed up at her birthday and I also spoke with her last time 2.5 months ago. She knows im seeing someone else, but im just curious why girls act like the past means nothing and obviously since my goal is to some day get back into her pants im just curious if its “wrong” to not even say hi to her when its obvious I seen her. I was staring at her but didnt bother go there, since as stated before if she really is interested she will make an effort.
Anyways, would be nice with some feedback in these situations.
Thanks
“Now 4 months later I saw her in the gym, I waved hi and she just stared at me but I didn’t go up and talk to her I just passed and did my thing. She was doing some exercises close to me but then she just left and didn’t even bother talking to me. I still think about her alot, but what I’m curious is about how you guys would react in this spots. Should I even bother go up to and talk with her when I know she is seeing someone else or is it correct to just wave, ignore and move on.”
Avoid her at all costs, get her off your social media now, not to be rude, but to make her wonder, i recommending deactivating Facebook, if she texts you and reacts then you know shes still paying attention, and you can text her back and say you didn’t delete her your just taking a social media break, so it doesn’t look personal . If you bump into her, and she seems open to a conversation, by all means chit chat her for a bit and escalate to one on one meeting. If you bump into her and shes cold, be polite and exit quickly. Personally if i knew she was using a gym i would make sure i was there when she wasn’t, at least for 6 to 8 months, after that i might just happen to cross her paths and test her reaction. The goal is, and this will happen, months or years, after her NRE is long faded, she will remember the NRE she had with you. Emotions with people are cyclical, particularly women, they are NRE junkies.
Ignored my ex for pretty much 6 mos but unfortunately was still seeing her sister at the gym and we would speak etc. Nothing too intricate but enough that i knew all would get back to big sis. Now after 9 mos of dating some squid she is engaged. I have blocked her on all social media and defriended sis. Changed my entire gym schedule to avoid all of them. I have no doubt that she is no more in love with this dude then the guy from last year and the guy the year before that. Shes always been on a husband hunt and now she found him. I truly believe within a year if iam a total ghost she will make contact
@ scotty
Scotty, so many woman think they are in love, when in fact all they do is fall in love in having their needs met, when those needs change and they always do, the look for something somewhere else, beware of the relationship junkie, you know the one, the girl that hasn’t been single for more than a month in her entire life, she in along cycle and her selfishness cant let her look in the mirror. 9 months and engaged, they haven’t even gotten out of their NRE, odds aren’t in her favor. I think you made the best call, completely vanish, with no trace, you dont want to hear about her, or her stupidity.
Whitedragon,
Today I overheard someone in the cafe talking about my ex getting engaged to someone 🙂 early next year. I guess my story ended today 😀
I do feel like a looser to myself. I keep my chin up while walking around on the office floor but I avoid her. She still pings me on office IM every other day but it’s out of my reach to escalate even to a dinner let alone sex. I’m not getting enough strength to ask her out. Maybe I am still hung up 🙁 even though there’s another female in my life now who is as good as my ex but my mind fights me to believe that. Life is funky. RT says you are no worse than before you met her. He’s correct. Physically yes, but mentally it’s very hard. Good luck to all guys 🙂
@ Rob
Wow – I’m sorry, that had to be such hard news to hear. If there is a silver-lining here, perhaps it’s that you can now completely “place her on hold” in your mind. You can concentrate fully on your new girlfriend and see where things go. Trust me, the one who got engaged will never forget you. If anything, she’ll think of you more as the new relationship unravels and troubles develop. One of my boomerangs did this very same thing. We had a huge breakup in 2007 which ended in her telling me to never contact her again. I got over her and she re-emerged in 2009 to invite me to her wedding – I attended just to get some closure and the satisfaction was enormous when I realized that the guy was a terrible match for her. Within a year, she began texting me about her marital problems. By 2013, she was miserable and wanted to get together with me whenever her husband was away. She never forgot the great times we had and, whenever we got together, she was affectionate (due to being starved sexually by her husband) and completely drama-free. Your ex might reappear in the future in a similar way. Getting engaged this soon is a sign that she is blindly making a huge mistake and her marriage to the new guy is likely doomed.
In my situation, things are improving one tiny step at a time. I’ve seen my boss in person five times in the past three weeks. She’s now willing to correspond by email on personal matters – but she never writes first. The steps are small – but she was frozen like an iceberg in the spring so clearly her antipathy for me is lessening. Time will tell. I too am with someone new and things are going well – I wonder at what point you learn/decide that the new person is a better choice than the one that got away?
Stay strong!
yes very true on all. Perfect word relationship junkie. She has never really been single for too long. She was looking for “the one” since i first met her. This guy looks like a hobbit. Yes dont need to hear anything more about it. yes this is headed for a Titanic like ending. Two desperate people dont make a right. Im not even sure she will actually make it to the alter. Either way its not my concern now. Ghost Protocol.
Wait a minute. I’m a female who was dating an Alpha 2.0 dedicated to following Black Dragon to a “T”. I knew he didn’t believe in relationships, I knew he wanted to date other women (albeit difficult with ED), i.e., I understood/accepted what he offered. I tried to end it several times because he was a walking contradiction (he wants to screw 18-25 yo, no, he wants 1 night stands, no, he won’t do that bec. sex is part emotion, no, he’s anti-social & can’t approach women – so nevermind all the sex, etc.) but he always wanted me to stay. Said we’d always be friends & he would be in his life forever. BTW, we were married for 2 years & didn’t see each other for 42 yo until last June. Suddenly last weekend he stopped texts/calls to me & wouldn’t respond to my texts/calls to him – we were having no problems – enjoyed being together, etc. There are no other women involved.
In the Black Dragon world, wouldn’t an Alpha 2.0 provide the woman insight on why the break up (like a man)? Should I follow the advice you give to Alpha 2.0 males?
Hey
Thanks for the blog.
I have one question, I saw this has been brought up here before but an example:
Backstory: My ex broke up with me 5 months ago because I was too beta and weak, she led me on and then met another guy and basically cut me off slowly.
She is still seeing this other guy, obviously I would love to reconnect with her in the future but I moved on and ignoring her now and I finally met some new women and I have one regular girl in my life.
I was out at a party yesterday, I saw my ex there but it was alot people and I dont think she knew I saw her. I was with my other girl and I know my ex looked a bit but she never came up and said hi and sometimes when I see my ex out we dont even say hi anymore, we were on and off for a year but it feels like shes cut me out now.
I am moving on MUCH easier now and I dont feel the attachment to my ex as I used to, but im still interested for future experiences and I know this topic has been brought up here before but I just want to make sure:
If you completely ignore her, and the fact you have a new women will it really make her miss you more and be more likely to boomerang/contact you in the future if she see you moved on completely?
Do you guys think its a good idea to walk up to your ex to say hi and be friendly a little bit or is that too much validation? Right now I just pretend shes completely dead but deep down it feels immature, or am I wrong here? Same time she led me on, disrespected me and she does not make too much of an effort to keep me in her life. And shes seeing another dude, I already accepted this and moved on but a part of me would love to rekindle in the future thats why im asking if treating her like a dead person is really the way to go? I will meet her more times since we live in a smaller town.
Thanks
George…
Mate, it`s not about playing a game to trick her into liking you again. Forget about all that, because even if you manage to trick her back (easy to do), she`ll eventually (sooner or later) figure it out and you`ll be left wondering what the f&ck happened as you`ll be looking at her back exiting the door.
Instead, what you need to do is to concentrate on yourself, be the best you can be, go after your dreams, be happy, build your masculine confidence and dont give a rats ass for any woman that doesn`t want to be part of your life or doesnt show high interest in you. Indifference has a massive sex appeal and that will attract plenty of `options`. The more `options` you attract the more indifferent you`ll become. As you grow indifference the more you`ll get to know yourself and what you actually want in a woman and from a relationship. Because of that you wont let yourself settle with second best. In good time the woman that you deserve will appear (it`s inevitable) and she will rock the sh!t out of your world.
My final advice to you is, don`t try to be a player! Be a man!
Cheers
True words, players are emotional children rooted in low self-esteem, The Alfa Male strides far above this, he doesn’t need to play anyone, hes in demand.
Just forget her. I did this technique decades ago. In my case I waited several months, contacted her by phone several times, she insulted me every time and then she hung up on me. At that point I completely cut her from life for well over 6 months. I ran into her at the local fireworks display. She wanted me bad at that point and I said NO. A year later she came up to me and I acted as though I never knew her. That had to burn her bad because I did it right in front of several of her girl friends.
Work on yourself is the best medicine. After ignoring her I had way smarter, way better looking, and far more successful females all over me after I improved myself double fold. I did not need childish game playing females wasting time in my life. Your ripped right now because your feelings and hammered. Get over it and move on. There are a billion others out there.
I agree with the posters, ignore her and some time she will come back. In my case I enjoyed telling her no then ignoring her in person nearly a year later right in front of her girl friends. You see I was hurt far worse than you IMO. I got burned big time from her. After I hit my final growing spurt, body built for a couple of years, got a golden bronze tan from the Florida sun, and started getting well educated in college she had to take back what she dished out.
Diamonds over Hearts trumped her childish game playing trash. if you consider it like a card game you can wait months even years.
BTW, I went to visit a small town I lived in many years earlier after she hung up on the phone with me the last time. Three different hot girls in my home town took turns with me. Each one spent about three or four weeks all over me physically. Two of them were sisters. NICE! Trust me, you will get over her.
A slightly sideways take on this topic. I was wondering if anyone has ever employed pre-emptive dumping?
Lots of you/us have been dumped and it does hurt…for whatever myriad reasons. But it occurred to me that my most recent ending had probably been one of the very few times I had been dumped. Not because I am God’s gift I hasten to add, but because my general approach has always been that if I see the whole thing going down the pan (that little light goes out in her eyes) I steel myself to do the dumping first.
It’s usually a kindly, quiet chat somewhere private and I say that I sense the relationship is no longer working for her and that I will be happy to step aside…no dramas.
In my experience this has three possible results. 1. You talk it out and stay together a bit longer and a bit stronger. 2. You really do go your separate ways – BUT… 3. Because you have been so understanding, brave and not a dick, she returns to your life after a while having experienced dickheadery elsewhere.
I’d say it is about 33% for each outcome – but the main thing is YOU take control and decide YOUR future and that’s what a man should do in my book. As JonnieV says – don’t try to be a player, just being an emotionally available, but emotionally strong, man will do. Outcome independence remember!
This all topic is pointless.
If a woman dumps you, you move on, you will never contact her again, answer her calls or take her back, not even for sex.
Never take a woman back after she dumps you, NEVER, not for friendship, relationship, sex, nothing…
The reason is because if she dumps you once, most likely she will dump you twice. People don’t change. Also, its a lack of respect to get back with a person that dumped you once and you will always feel insecure in the relationship afraid she will dump you again.
I think it may be you AlphaMan who is missing the point. And I am guessing that you are quite a young man. The context here is that you will be having multiple relationships/FWBs etc. and do not have all your energy invested in one person. So yeah, I agree, if you are dumped don’t contact – move on.
If however she contacts you it might just suit you by then to accept an undumping with good grace – because I can assure you that people DO change – more to the point YOU should have changed by that point and can see the relationship from a new, more emotionally detached, perspective – and being dumped again presents no anxiety at all – so be it.
For example, I have a very dear FWB. This particular lady did indeed dump me once…in 1979!! We re-met twenty years later and by then we had both matured – no heavy stuff about marriage and a future life together – both been there, done that. Instead we have a great time when we see each other – trips away travelling and plenty of fun and sex. It’s an entirely different thing.
Sure, if you want stick by your mantra and miss out on all the potential fun that is presented to you, go right ahead. But I would say that there is plenty a good tune played on an old fiddle – so take it as it comes. It sounds to me like your pride could be doing you a disservice. Chill out and enjoy life.
@AlphaMan,
You’re entitled to your opinion, but you’re missing a larger point. If you’re all sensitive and sad and hurt by a break-up and you’re going to feel that way about her for the rest of your life, sure, walk away and never look back, even if she later offers her pussy to you.
But if you are a confident, outcome independent man, you don’t give a fuck. I, personally, don’t hesitate escalating an ex to sex. If I still find her attractive, and she wants to fuck, I’m not letting that opportunity slip away. But I take it for what it is, which is, simply, sex with an ex. Why not add her to the rotation? Sure, she’ll leave again, but ex or no ex THEY ALL LEAVE at some point. So who cares? It seems you’re too emotionally caught up with exes and you have to separate yourself from them for life. To me that is petty and downright silly, especially if she wants to get on my dick.
I woudnt know… I never been dumped. I do the dumping lol
Hi,
I have been dumped 2 times and I got an alternative for no contact. These were 2 years plus relationships.
I would text one message a day every day more or less at same time. Something like “I hope you had a good day, sleep well”, just to show her that I care for her and I support her. Keep in mind I wouldn’t talk about past and get back together or even ask any questions and I would be out there getting other girls, and not obsess about my exs…but every day one message. She would not answer or pretend sometimes that wouldn’t read it. But this worked for me very well.
After a while I asked her out and we would get back together .
This only works If she knows you are not clinging or needy and your doing it because you actually care for her and want her back for a relationship and you are actually out there living your life.
Also, the girls I used this technique are real woman, not sluts that go to bar every night. I am talking about women that are responsible, have a good job, house, car, one of them was a single mother, so you get the picture…
I wouldn’t bother do this with anyone that is 25 years old or less…you will come off as very very needy.
SJ, OD_DUDE, a few weeks ago you guys suggested me to escalate to a meeting should my ex contact me…..I did as you suggested but instead on asking if she will meet, she sent a smiley. And the conversation died. What is this…..this sucks big time. Now what, I ask again when she pings me? And again a smiley 🙂
George, how did you phrase this meet? Did you say “We should meet up sometime?”, or did you go for the definitive approach, and say “You should, do such and such, on such, on a specific day, at a specific time?” If you go with some unnamed time, and day, you’ll get a weak response. Pick a day, and, a time, and say let’s do this! Personally for now I’d let it go till next contact.
George, without knowing specifics I would say that her response was typical of a woman that just had her dose of ego boost. If your original message to her was anything less than “Hey sweetheart, i want to see your sexy eyes again, let’s catch up for a drink next Saturday, I’ll come and pick you up at 8” then you were asking to be played around and you relinquished control. When you ask women out ask like a man. Be direct and straight to the point. Take control as an alpha. If they say no, it’s their problem their loss. If they can’t meet you for a fair reason then you propose an alternative date or time.
In this situation now, just don’t do anything. She already knows that you want to meet with her, so let her contact you first. When she does, don’t beat around the bush, avoid telling her your life story with messages, make definite plans and end the conversation there.
Cheers.
JohnnieV, you are funny dude.
As for her, fuck her….she pinged me again and today I was pissed. I told her I wouldn’t tolerant such shit from anyone else. And that you were lucky to have me in your life and I aint your friend..you were much more to me. I told her I’m never asking you out ever again. You have to or else fucking good bye. And if she does ever ask me out….I’ll first fuck her and then go for dinner.
Fuck it man…..no point crying for girls that don’t want us in their life’s. It hurt my ego today. I used to do so much for her….she’ll realize it some day. Thanks guys…you are my best invisible friends.
@George
best attitude to have , three thing I do, I recommend to all,
1st I hit the gym, I channel all the pain and crap into reps, if you start to get lax, go on her FB and see whos she fucking, feel shitty and hit the gym even harder.
2nd, buy a high end wood driver, Nike or Galway. then hit a driving range and smash 250 plus yard drives, nothing feels better than when your hitting the back of the fence.
3rd, Buy some fine Whiskey and good cigars, and relax, and if you have some funds, buy a fine luxury watch or three. Whiskey, cigars, and watches are my man loves 🙂
All of those things no matter what age you are, raises your stock, be a man be proud, and know her stock is dropping daily as yours is on the rise.
I’ve been broken up with me ex for about 3 months. I have been communicating with my ex a little bit, but she is aware that I have been seeing this new girl. I started seeing this new chick, but I don’t want to get in serious relationship. She’s a very sweet girl and has all of the components to be a great girlfriend, but I would like to be upfront with her because she is starting to really like me and getting clingy. I enjoy spending time with her but I’m not emotionally ready to be in a relationship.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated?
Ok guys, after 3.5 years, she said she needed space….and I walked away. Since then, I haven’t spoken to her in a month. With that said, I have a date this Thursday with an older woman. The ironic thing is that this Thursday makes it a month since we last spoke. During the last month, I’ve hit the gym so hard and ate so healthy that I have already lost 6kgs(13lbs). I am also looking to market and sell a Caribbean beverage(sorrel) my grandmother taught me how to make. I’ve gone to some entrepreneur workshops and I am getting some help. I live in Seoul, South Korea and their are plenty of Korean women who want them some American you know what. NEEEEEEEXT!!!!
@ Johnny
Cut the crap and get serious with that new girl. You can’t be hung up on someone who let you go the first time. Take it from me. Get your Alpha on and bang that pussy out. I’m looking to start dating again and here you are already with someone who is into you, but your getting cold feet. Knock it off Johnny!!!!!!
Continue to do so, until she crawls back, no exceptions.
Perfect, and every time you even a tiny bit miss her, remember she walked on you after 3 years, and hit the gym harder, throw all that into the new you.
Even more perfect, you dont have time to waist on dead end people, you have your own dreams to pursue.
Exactly why be hung up on a flake, when your surrounded by some of the hottest Asian women in the world, your at the buffet, forget the scraps
Thanks od_dude,
The gym is my sanctuary now. Since I’m not with her, I’m not going to the movies and eating popcorn or going out to this and that restaurant. When I’m in that gym, all I need is the Rocky 4 soundtrack and Floyd Mayweather training highlights….they help to tear sh*t up on the weights and treadmill.
Hey Whitedragon,
I heard that my ex is moving to the 3rd floor. We currently sit on the 2nd floor. What a relief man! 10 months to this day since we broke up I still can’t get over her. A large part of my day still goes thinking about her. I am fucked man. I hope when she moves away, I’ll be able to hold myself together again. Never a work place affair again man, never.
@ Rob
Wow, I feel your pain! It’s amazing how much relief can be felt from a one floor move. I hope that your healing can truly begin now. Are you planning to leave the company at some point, or are you both likely to stay there for a long time?
I agree with you – no more workplace affairs, ever! My ex still works on the same floor and I see her pretty regularly now. When I see her it feels like old times – the smiles and the easy conversations. But she has made it clear that the subject of us getting back together again is off the table. It is always nice to see her – like watching a new episode from a favorite TV show – but then she says goodbye and I know that she won’t contact me at all, or think about me at all for any reason until the next time I send her an email or knock on her door.
Stay strong my friend! Keep taking one day at a time – the future is completely unknown.
Seeking advice from any and everyone.
Long story short me and my girlfriend have been togeather for “SIX YEARS” 2010 to 2015 next year will be seven. We started out from Highschool and in early 2010 by late 2010 we lost our virginity…………..
We bought 2 condoms this entire six years So you can get an Idea of how serious we are.
In 2011 she got pregnant miscaried but since then til now we fucked like animals.
We lived togeather from 2011 to late 2014 again animals.
In early 2011 there was a time we were homeless for 2 weeks so strong connection and bond.
Six years so the family part is there and in 2013 crazy as it sounds she proposed to me.
I was going through alot and yeah that didn’t happen. She wanted the marrige I’m looking at homes for us. Than marriage.
Ok fast forward to beginning of this year alot has happened I finished some college associates in healthcare.
I also lost my mother around the same time early this year. However I have an opportunity to make over Six Figures in a field unrelated to Healthcare basically Law. So I’m changing.
This year I found out many things when she lost her job early this year she didn’t finish high school.
I knew this but like to point it out In 2011 she kissed a guy once I knew but we proceeded and moved in and have been good til now.
Right before she lost her job 8 months ago same guy she kissed years ago works there.
Long story short from this point on she’s been distant.
She says she wants space to finish school and goals however I see her constantly hanging out with this friend.
at one point she shared her car with her sister and I found an unopened condom under the seat but hey looked past it.
I then recently come to find out she went on a 4 day trip with this guy and they go to alot of car events.
He swore there is nothing going on and came to my house.
She swore its nothing but im still a little ya know.
Simply because she kissed this guy in the past and is around him alot fixing her car but I look past that because she did buy her car from him.
In looks I’m a 9 and he is a 4 we both laughed about that its not the looks its not the money
Im just concerned. I went crazy when I found a pic of her in a hotel room with him 8 months ago.
She told me there were there with friends drinking and watching the Mayweather fight.
But the pic is her there on the bed in a bathrobe and he must have took the pic. It’s dark outside the window and it just doesnt look right.
then i go back and think about the found condom ect.
We are still togeather our sex life dropped a little meaning if I ask for sex Ill get it but she doesnt initate.
She always says she’s to tired and needs space to focus on school and goals and I have accomplished so much let that sink in.
But She hangs out with this guy once or twice a week and havent spent time with me in about emm 2 months.
Its really weird because as soon as I plan to walk away she will call my mother and you know and my mother calls me and yeah its weird but I don’t know man.
We are not living togeather also I’m 24 and roomate with a childhood guy friend.
She just turned 21 so please do not go back and add up how old we were at the beginning of all this.
Yeah I was 19 still in highschool as she is 21 and needs to finish.
Anyways advice please
Why would my basically wife be like this. And no I’m not gonna be out fucking other hot pussy.
I just need the ball back in my court to get that manly respect again. I’ve had it for 5 years and it basically got away.
Note we are not broken up I just wan’t her to be a horny freak all over me again.
She’s became real tomboy ish.
Even around these other guys she’s like one of the guys. so I can see nothings going on.
Where is my I don’t wanna post her nickname but I need my freaky girlfreind back.
PS. we have done it all and even tried anal. so again serious relationship.
That’s another thing about leaving the company. We live in a very small town in North Carolina. She makes $95,000/year & I make between $175,000-$200,000/year. It’s very difficult to find another job that pays us this much. Or we move to a big city like DC or NY. Over the summer I even found a job but they weren’t willing to pay me more than $130,000. So yes, I don’t think any of us is leaving the company anytime soon. They say….you have to pay for your sins in this life itself…..nothing is carried over to the next…….so I’m paying the price and will continue to do so till I don’t know however long.
You once wrote boomerangs are real 🙂 well, I see your faith in boomerangs is taking a hit 😀 forget her dude..no point in chasing them. Enjoy life like RT & Dawson.
Happy thanksgiving to Dawson, RT, OD, SJ, AL, Calm, POB, Whitedragon, George, Jesus and a host of other guys who’ve been very helpful during the dark days.
@ Chris
I read your story, and she sound like a flake, sorry, and its irrelevant if your a 9 and hes a 4, women march to a different beat than us, and for all you know hes packing an 8 inch rod.
You want her horny, make it about her and make her cum before you. Make is about her not you.
You want the ball in your court, be a fucking Man, tell her the dude is gone or your gone, period
Make it perfectly clear she yours and yours alone, or your taking your six figures and 9 looks and fucking other chicks, you make that perfectly clear to her.
Being ALFA isn’t about being an Asshole or player, its about being becoming the Dominate male, and make her aware of her place in your world, and if she not making you happy, she gone and some one else will.
That’s how women work, you cant treat them as your equal, contrary to what the feminist have been telling every one, a million years of female evolution has conditioned them to be happy when they have a dominate male.
@ od_dude
Thanks for the advice however I’ve been naturally the Alpha Male 2.0 for the past five years brother. I have confidence in myself as I’m the one packing
the 8 so It’s not sex.
5 years in the game pure Monogamy I’ve been eating it right and she was sleeping like a baby
I wake up to her pleasuring me. I know that part
Its confusing I just need some brush up tips as I have never done this no contact before and we are not separated.
However no situation is unique.
So yesterday she was hanging out with him again I have already done what you mentioned here LoL. I said him or me. I told her lets all meet up.
He is scared I’ll fight him in which I will.
note: (I also need to know will being to defensive or a bad ass be a turnoff I have that approach naturally.)
anyways when she called me he grabs the phone from her saying he is indeed with
her. I let him say what he had to say typical beta. I said that’s your girl right ok were gonna settle on that.
Sure enough she is texting me she is not with him and now she misses me and yada yada yada.
Trying end the Drama.
I have never done a serious no contact before so is this where I put it into
effect.
She’s becoming a little Dominant however like I said I start walking and she gets to crawling.
So I need to be brushed up on a good friend of mine taught me the game years ago its like with anything you don’t fall you just fall off balance. and this is the first time for me.
So what should I do In my situation: od_dude I need tips from a veteran.
@ Chris
If she your girl friend and still sleeping with you, I don’t want to give you the wrong advice.
I will say this, If she not living with you, you can give her the no contact soft next, read about in black dragons descriptions, it a short term no contact to let them know they need to smarten up
Also she playing with you, when she learned she can do what she wants and then all she has to do is cry and beg and you let her off the hook. You need to end that pattern.
your call, how to proceed.
@ Chris
And if anyone doubts this system, my boomerang, just contacted me after 4 months with a bitchy comment how shitty I am to her for ignoring her ( I’ve blocked her every where but one email address ), I asked if she wanted to meet and talk and I miss seeing her face, just a subtle hint with out being to over the top, she danced around it said she didn’t want to be sexual and but wouldn’t say yes or no, I said I’m just asking if you want to meet and talk, then told me how sweet her new BF was, which of course we all now is girl shit cause if they are in such heaven they wouldn’t be contacting you, that’s fine, timer reset, I I’m not responding to the last email, nor will I be emotionally punishing, because she not sure what she wants she obviously going through the end of the NRE and I have all the time in the world and I have other FWB. But the point is as Black dragon said, just hit the timer this is massively field tested. I recommend you read Dawson Stones blog he’s linked it on here, or Google it, he has some good insight too.
@od_dude
Ok so 2 days ago she posted a video on her Instagram of her and him watching tv.
The caption said “These Words can’t explain how I feel about you we have been through so much and it’s a lot I can say but I’ll keep it brief and let you know I love you and truly appreciate you”
She than blocked me. So I called her and asked her and she starts explaining its nothing I started closing the conversation and she tells me If I ever need anything yada yada.
This was the 30th so I Immediately started the no contact. I had it going before this for 2 weeks but now I know for sure something has indeed been going on I started now especially since it was the 1st of the month the next day.
Less than 24hrs I get a text she misses me and she’s sorry she led me on.
OK so here are my questions.
No contact 4 months so It will end on April 1st April fools day lol sounds bad already.
anyways
What do I do in the event she gets the family involved or even more comes to my place?
You know my story so I’m also wondering at this point in her life what she may be going through.
Six years that she leaves me cool. however she is instantly in love which I took that as bait.
She didn’t sound to happy on the phone and he didn’t look to happy in the video at all.
Women these days.
So yes brush up tips from a veteran the soft next as I was doing prior to this is out the question
“so she is playing with me, when she learned she can do what she wants and then all she has to do is cry and beg and I let her off the hook. I need to end that pattern”
ok cool can you be more in detail about that and how much is to much when laying down the law.
I also need insight to the women’s mind. What do you think she is really thinking?
So the clock is ticking. reply and I’ll keep you updated every month or so.
Chris,
This chick is bringing drama to your life. MOVE ON and find a beautiful chick who DOESNT bring drama. It’s been a month since my ex broke up with me and I now realize that with her gone, the drama is gone as well. The only drama I have in my life now is moving weight at the gym. Get your mind right!!!!!
@Chris – You have to ask yourself, is it worth it? What about this chick can you just not kick to the curb, and find a better one? I have to agree with Anthony on this, too much drama. If it is true men don’t live as long as women, it is because we catch all their drama. It takes years off your life.
@Chris – I had to add to this: “I also need insight to the women’s mind. What do you think she is really thinking?”
Who knows, they are all insane in some way. I don’t say that cause I hate em. I love women, but once you realize there is no figuring it out, the less you’ll try. Even if they TELL you what they are thinking, that is only in that one moment in time. Five minutes later, it is different. Trying to figure it out will drive you just as nutty as they are. Let it bounce off, and just float away. Don’t latch on and try to figure it out.
@Chris
Anthony and Calm are right, shes a head case with no appreciation for who and what you were or loyalty to the past you shared. Walk away so fast, this is dragging you down, and there are millions of other women. You have attachments and the pain of the loss and your ego is bruised, unfortunately you just have to fight though it, and sometimes it takes year or even two, i know, how you do that, you stop thinking about them, take that pain to the gym, and every time you feel week, hit the gym again, when the image of her and the other guy gets in your head, add more weight to your sets. Above all learn to need no one, and now your free to meet new women, and every single one of them will have a vagina, and you will realize there was nothing that special about her. And if one day after you’ve moved on, she might creep around again, and you’ll have the pleasure of nailing her with out any attachment. But lets be clear any chick that pulls the shit she is, ISN’T THE ONE.
Came across this site and as a woman speaking, I don’t know how this works. Implementing no contact does more harm than good. I know because I’ve experienced it on both ends. Leaving someone hanging for weeks or months only causes resentment and anger. No contact only makes things worse and I would advise against it. NC is really meant for you to gain some perspective and detach, but it has its consequences.
When someone springs NC on you (with or without a heads up), you spend the first few or several weeks wondering what you did wrong, it’s a blow to your self-esteem and quite honestly, who the fuck cares after a month of you ignoring me, let alone 4-6 months? The mental anguish of not understanding, feeling like the other person never cared…feeling used or like a joke – what can be gained from this?
I agree – don’t be a total pussy or overly emotional, but grow the fuck up and talk to them (this is directed at both male and females). If you really cared about your significant other and/or you want a better relationship, don’t play these games. It hurts. I have self-worth and will not tolerate the NC bullshit games, nor do I expect the other person to put up with it and learned this from experience.
Female’s Perspective
Your perspective would apply if we dumped the woman, we are talking about when a woman calls off a relationship for no reason other her own moods or she’s not getting what she thinks she deserves, you disappear so fast and don’t give them the time a day. No, I’ve applied it multiple time and its works, sometimes months sometimes years, my longest was return after 7 years. It depends on the quality of sex you gave them and how you treated them, if you were good in bed and great to them out, they will come around again a fair percentage of the time. But if they dump your ass and you cling and play lets be friends, you have ZERO chance of ever getting back in the sack with them. I’m in my 40’s almost ever woman ive been involved with for more than a few months has established re contact with me, and most of them I slept with again, not all but at least 85 %, but 100% re contact rate.
@Female’s perspective
The fact that you’re commenting on a blog for men in the subject of NC it’s a clear giveaway that you’re on the receiving end and you have been hurt.
You have to understand that NC is not a tool to play games or to hurt someone and it shouldn’t be taken in such a way. Although some people do use it with an agenda but it usually ends up bad for both sides.
As you’ve said NC is to gain perspective and for detachment, most importantly though It’s meant to help the individual to move on and move on completely.
You also say that NC should be announced. It shouldn’t, a breakup is not a “time-off” period where there’s an agreement in space, type and regularity of communication between the couple. A breakup is a final event where each go their own way.
With all my past LTRs I’ve gone NC straight away without any announcement. I didn’t do it to punish or to make them come back, I did it so that I could start healing myself as quickly as possible. Only after a significant period of time when I’ve dealt with all my emotions, truly felt that I’ve moved on and when I saw that there was something to gain, i re-established communication.
@od_dude @Anthony and @Calm
I went to her house today and dropped off her belongings.
She than said nothing is going on. I looked at her right in her eyes and told her I love her.
I asked her is anything going on she couldn’t look me in the face when she said no.
Side note: she took down the video and explained the caption was just to make me talk to her because I was ignoring her 2 weeks prior. In which it did but point is I AM DONE!
She wants her cake and eat it to. I’m taking my six figures and walking.
She’s hot and cold up and down. Before I left she asked me for $5 for gas to get to a job Interview.
I had 20’s gave her $20 honesty is the key.
I run errands get home and see a snapchat of her riding round tonight with him.
I talked to my aunt older successful women with a family 3 children she’s in her 40’s
she said: “Sweetie you are too young to worried about finding your soul mate. That will come at the right time once YOU are ready for her arrival.”
Hell fuckin Yeah!
I wanna thank everyone here for their help. I will keep the no contact going but I’m not even sure I still want to do anything future wise with this girl.
Not even sex I’m taking the L. Boomerang more like a Frisbee or Football.
@ Chris
“I love her”, make sure no matter what, never say that again.
Chris, there’s going to be pain with this separation, you’ve had six years of attachment and oneistis, its also ok, many of us have, that how we figured out not to do it again, but it can take a while to get past it, my worst one was almost 2 years to get over. Get that gym membership and work out like a fiend, every time you look in the mirror and look better, remember what she did, and work out harder, In 6 months you’ll be a 10 and the dude she with will be a 3, trust me it feels amazing to succeed, and you’ll have the benefit of meeting hot chicks that work out. Good luck brother
I wanted to add something to what od_dude said about becoming a 10 while the other dude is a 3. Extend things out past the gym as well. You need to think of yourself as a business, and every day you should be thinking about raising your personal stock value, even if it is just a little bit. Make a list of 30-50 things you can do that raise the value of your own personal company (yourself). Make them a mixture of things that can be done daily, such as working out, meeting calorie goals, sleep goals, etc., and things to avoid like smoking. Toss in things like buying a new shirt, going someplace new, and mix in some things that are one shot goals. Add things that just make you happy to do. Make each of these worth a “point”. At the end of the day add up your points, and keep track. Every point is a bit of value to that stock, making it rise from the day before. And don’t worry if you don’t hit every item on your list every day. I can’t on mine it is impossible, but I know each day the stock is rising. Even if its a small amount.
@ Calm
Brilliant,
You are a company and today is the first day of your IPO for the rest of your life. Now how are you going to make your self a blue chip stock :). great advice, great analogy.
Chris,
You had a moment of weakness and slipped up with that “I love you” mess. Now go to gym and toughen the hell up. Don’t say that mess again.
Chris i too think its time to hit the gym get jacked man up etc. But im glad you expressed how u felt. Let that sink in with her. It will make your statement that much more powerful when you are completely NC for a long time. “he loves me but he is a ghost”. You put it on the table. good for you. Now get your shinebox and man up. She will be a callin down the road
@Female’s perception:
I applaud you for saying what I’ve wanted to say all along when this feed started. Why does any relationship starting or ending have to be a game the guys play? Stop with the manipulation that is similar to The Game (Neil Strauss) and the other rhetoric provided by the all mighty Black Dragon. My opinion? This blog is for the men who are too weak to actually be alphas who need someone to say, this is what you do, when you do it. Outcome sex! Stop playing games with women.
yea like chicks dont play games all the time. Why does the NC work almost everytime. Its because women want what they cant have ie GAME. toasted ice
@Karen
@Female’s Perspective
Honestly I don’t play games at all. I don’t contact someone where things have ended unless we became friends.
But if I am romantically interested in a woman and she isn’t romantically interested in me, why would I contact her?
But to the guy’s point some of the commenters are trying to make, when I cut contact with a woman (to get over her faster not to play games) she is way more likely to contact me and hook up with me again then if I maintained contact with her after things ended.
That seems to be the women’s issue and not the man’s that decided to cut contact after the women made it clear she was no longer interested.
The fact that having no contact also has the happy side effect of making it much more likely the women will hook up with me again and on my terms seems like a no brainer.
Dawson, your comments are right-on. I agree with what you said, in that regard NC is necessary. My concern is @Scotty’s post. I’m sure some women do play games, but most of us don’t. Men also want what they can’t have, Scotty. I stand by my original comments regarding The Game, Black Dragon tells you how to be a man (because you don’t know how?). Women are unwillingly placed into the Art of War against men. If a man agrees to “this”, then the woman loses at “that”. Why not follow your own moral code of conduct. You know what’s right/what’s wrong. Treat women as you want to be treated. Trust and respect goes a long way. I don’t feel that when I read this blog. Be who YOU want to be. Thanks, guys!
Karen i respect what u say being a lady but the truth is just more than “some”. Anyway it is also age dependent. When women have had relationships and children they do cut out alot of the crap and are very straightforward as are men. This blog is here for a reason its because so many of us have been ourselves and it has lead to heartache and pain.dont know if i can face it again. Cant stop now traveled so far to change this lonely life LOL
Scotty,
That’s what I’m talking about and wishing all of us could avoid. My heart was crushed a month ago by a Black Dragon follower who said we’d always be friends no matter what. A week later . . . NC. I’m 63; I’ve known him since I was 17 (we were married briefly in the 70s). He wouldn’t have handled it that way if he wasn’t following BDs advice. Everything he said was a quote from BD. I can’t give you compliments. I can’t show you affection in public. We can’t call this a relationship. Yada, yada…..per BD. So here’s to everyone who has hurt someone with NC: Don’t start the NC until you’ve told the person why the “whatever” is ending. Don’t we deserve a reason? It would at least give us a place to begin the healing process.
Thanks.
Hi
The greatest post I have ever read on the internet! For me, I was dumped two weeks ago. When she created a problem to do so. I showed her that I don’t care. I told her: I am not the best man for you and I hope you all the best. I didn’t contact her for two weeks and she did not as well. Today, I saw new pictures for her in different areas, it seems I was dumped for another guy, he is taking pictures to her. I am sure, he will dump her sooner or later. She is a high maintenance girl and I felt I was used with her.
The problem is that her sister called me and asked me what happened because my ex told her sister that I am busy and didn’t tell her she broke up with me.
Do you suggest that I call her sister and get better understanding from her or see her or just ignore all of them? Please advice
She might be doing this to hurt me. Her facebook picture has not been changed since 6 months anyway. In the pictures, she wears the same shows she wore on my first date and the place is one of the places we have been to.
This is hurtful.
What do you suggest?
My gf just broke up with me as well, obviously I was really upset about it and I kept trying to change her mind, we are gona talk face to face one day so we can understand the break up and move on, does this mean I have absolutely no chance whatsoever to get her back (,_,)
@Karen: Without knowing your circumstances its hard to say why you got put in NC. The fastest ways are the dreaded “Lets just be friends”, or “I love you but I’m not in love with you”. If a man is romantically interested, and you are not, you need to be in NC. The man’s options are that or be in the friend-zone. A shitty place to be, and a shitty place for a woman to expect a man who has feelings for her to be ok with. Even if he tells you he is cool with being friends, he is not. Not if he has those kinds of feelings. Men do not work that way. Always amazes me that women do. Being in NC gives you time to decide what you really want, and him to move on if that is necessary. Ironically a lot of women who rail against NC have said “I need my space”, or something to the equivalent. Well as the saying goes, be careful what you wish for. Again I’m not sure on your situation, but honestly this should be the essence of NC. People get caught up in the whole I’m going to do this to get so, and so back, or get them back in bed, etc. Really though this is about putting a hard reboot on something that is making a stress incident in your life. The fact that yes it has an extremely high rate of return doesn’t matter. Anyone sitting there waiting on that return is missing the whole point.
@Sam – If her sister is a close friend then sure talk to her, but NOT about the ex. Otherwise Walk away, and move on. NC
@Mo – Walk away, and move on. NC. You don’t need the answers, they don’t change anything. Do nothing, walk away, move on.
@calm
Her sister is not a close friend to me but she will confirm my thoughts that her sister dumped me for another man. I feel I was ripped off. This is ridiculous that a girl starts a relationship one week and a half after a breakup, then she says, she loves you!!
Sam, her sister may confirm, but she’ll also relay the conversation back to the ex. And that looks like chasing. Even if you were tight with her sister, and she thought she was in the wrong, that will still happen. Trust me I’ve got experience on that. You don’t want the ex to have any inkling you even realize she is still on the planet. No contact means no contact in any form. None. You already know what she is up to, you don’t need confirmation. It doesn’t matter anyways, she is out.
@calm
so, you suggest I don’t contact her sister or anyone else from her friends and that’s it. Move on, already gone
@Sam, if you are close to these people, and you want to talk to them as friends that’s cool. But NO talk about the ex. If it comes up, cause THEY brought it up, then you are like Eh, it is what it is, and drop it. NO fishing for info. And stay away from her Facebook page! That right there is poison.
Some people will tell you to avoid the friends completely, and really that depends. Some backstory on me, I am friends with a ton of my ex’s friends, and close to her sister, but I DO NOT discuss her with them. Oh I DID, and then I wised up. There’s no need. The flow of information goes another way too, if you are not asking around that will get back to her also. But honestly, you don’t care one way or the other. She is gone, you’re gonna move right along too.
@Karen
Obviously that guy of yours belongs to a specific category of alphabetas or alpha wannabies (i prefer the term confused misogynist) that regurgitate words of the likes of people like BD without really understanding the lesson behind the words. Real men don`t hold back when they have true feelings for a woman and they will most certainly show affection, compliment and be romantic. Assertiveness and emotional self awareness are key indicators of true alpha men.
On the other hand, we live in times where society has conditioned men to become submissive, placid followers, unassured. In other words, men have lost the plot in all aspects. As a result they get constantly rejected, mistreated, run over, disrespected. Men are hurting a lot and missing on a happy life and this is not nice but most importantly, not acceptable. It is the responsibility of real men to educate and train the rest, bringing them back on track.
I started mentoring men because exactly of the extreme emotional pain and confusion that i was witnessing all around me and that was affecting me. And BD i believe does it because of these reasons too.
What if the girl that broke up with me is a girl that I might see in a client visit? She is not a client but her boss is. Do you suggest I ignore her? What is the best way to go around this?
@Calm & @Johnny V:
Thank you both for your insight and information. It is helpful to me in coping with my situation. Oddly, he was the one that kept insisting we keep seeing each other as friends. Now 6 weeks later, I can happily say I’ve been able to compartmentalize the pain, et al and I’m seeing someone new who has no problem saying my smile is the greatest, he loves my eyes, calls me “babe”. And, he’s much younger than I – wow! What a turn on :). So, again, @ Calm & @Johnny V . . . thank you taking the time to talk to me like I’m worth it, because I am!
Karen
there are two sides to every coin. I am very sorry to hear about your loss and how upset you were. This blog is very one sided from a male perspective so it was good to hear from a female view. It wont change my beliefs but im happy to see you have been able to make progress and move forward. Good luck with the new guy
Calm said:
“Ironically a lot of women who rail against NC have said “I need my space”, or something to the equivalent. Well as the saying goes, be careful what you wish for.”
BINGO. That’s what I was told by her so that’s exactly what I did…give her space. Since giving her space, I have met other women and have lost 15 pounds. At the end of the day, a man can’t chase after a woman that wants nothing to do with him. He is disrespecting himself while she disrespects him as well. He must go out and meet new women that would like to have him in their lives. ###FinallyFree
15lb awesome, now focus on putting it back as solid muscle :). Sounds like you have the right idea in your head, you cant chase women that doesn’t want you anymore, its pointless, and your not hanging around to be friend zoned either. My boomerang just contacted me by email after four months, but to cry that we should be close friends and she misses the friendship, and why i deleted her from Facebook. She broke it off with me, moved in with an other dude and is at a loss why after knowing her for so long why i dont what to stay in contact, lol, I’m just pointing out how screwed up their logic can be. I told her i miss her too and then shamelessly escalated to a meeting which she avoided answering, told me that’s not being friends, then told me how sweet her new guy is. I’m thinking in my head, why are you contacting me then, im sure he would love me being her friend again lol. So what do you think the odds are if i follow the rules ill be sleeping with her again? if she comes back it will be my third boomerang with her. lets see, this is the second time shes reached out after NC for almost a year, and i have her number in the sack, she knows that. Follow the rules boys NC is NC.
Indeed sir. I lift and run. The muscles are getting bigger, but I just got a damn cold so I might be out of the gym for the next week. The logic of some females are just messed up and at this point, I’ve come to realize it best to not even try to figure them out. Then again, women are emotional, not logical. It’s quite funny though, she breaks things off then comes crying to you about why we can’t be friends. You were rocking her world at one point and time and now she wants friendship? SMH!!!!!! Yeah, the new guy is so sweet that she is contacting you behind his back. FCUK OUTTA HERE!!!!! It’s only a matter of time because she keeps contacting you. You have maintained your frame and that’s a good thing. NC has helped me move on for the better.
@od_dude
same happened here, it ended because of her getting feelings for other man. I said call me if you change your mind and walked away from her completely while she of course wanted badly to have me in her life as a close friend. Nope, thats not what I signed up for. After about 1 month she contacted and is missing me in her life. So I pitch for sexual meet and she cant because of this other guy but would love us to be friends. No thanks, state what you want walk away again and never contact her. Boomerang is inevitable if she ever enjoyed to spend time with you and you brought any real value to her life. It might not happen in 1 month but it might happen after many months or years in to the future. Who cares when, just do the right thing.
If you want someone back in your life as an sexual being, you must walk away and not stay in contact or see her as friends. If you ever want to get in her pants again you must do that no matter how much you like her and would love to see her. If she tries to have you in her life as friends you must state what you want and not dither away from it. When her relationship with that new guy ends who shes gonna call? You the familiar guy who stayed as a platonic friend or some new exciting guy? When you walk away you’ll change to that new exciting guy in her mind. Old salt makes them thirsty, also. She’ll remember all the great times you had together and wants to experience you again. Being in contact as friends wont help you create this, and hell you didnt sign up for that in the beginning did you?
But dont expect her back, walk away and never look back not to get her back but to move on. If she comes back great (and she will, RealTalk’s comments from here are great reminder on this), but either way you will have new prospects in your life and she could perhaps be a great add on.
Sunni said: “Your best bet with any woman is something we rarely see in the male species… open and honest communication. Be it known, it is oft the male species that struggles with this, not women.”
Nothing says open and honest communication like, “I need space”. LMAO. You see how women try to have their cake and eat it too?
Hey Guys,
first of all, excuse me for my english skills, I am from Germany..
I want to thank you all, for your brilliant advice. I used your advice months ago and it was really incredible to see how they work!
Now with a new problem 😀
I met a new girl, we start to text via whatsapp.
Everything was cool, but now I’m asking since 2 weeks for a meet and she applies all the time she is busy etc.
Yesterday she said, next week will work.
Another thing is that she does not text me a lot of stuff, I talk to her why and she apologizes for that.
Now to my question, should I ignore her and look if she will come from herself or what should I do guys?
I know this question is not fitting in this topic of the blog but I need your help.
Thank you
Enrico
Enrico,
She is wasting your time. You simply say, “give me a call when you have time” and WALK THE HELL AWAY. Stop playing text tagging with this chick.
Anthony
Exactly, her new meal ticket is so sweet, lol, but its ok to keep contacting an ex lover, yeah right, fucked in the head I know, she boomeranged me twice, I’m sure she will again, I don’t care, I’m busy with others. I’ve been so gone for a year, a total Ghost, and will continue to do so until she agrees to meet, no exceptions.
I have been split from my ex for 5 months now, i was the one who split with her because she suddenly turned cold and i was convinced she was cheating. I waa going through a lot of personal problems at the time and just wasn’t myself and lost my head, i went through her phone and phone messages from another guy but nothing sexual but it was enough to drive me over the edge and i completely lost it and took all my stuff and left. We were going through a rocky patch the last few weeks before that anyway and i just think I’d had enough.
I regret the way i acted cuz it was totally out of character for me but i just spit and went no contact for a month. It felt more like i was the one that was dumped my head was all over the place for ages. Anyway after the month no contact i called her and asked for a meet, she flaked me and apologised after saying she just can’t meet me or talk to me anymore and wished me the best.
Anyway its been 4 months since i last spoke to her now and i saw her in town the other day with her friends but she didn’t see me, i didn’t want to approach her when she with her friends but it’s made me think about her again. Was thinking of maybe txting her again now that things have took a while to die down. Dunno if it’s a good idea or not but fuck it if she blows me off i just won’t bother again. As far as i can tell she doesn’t have a boyfriend well from what I’ve heard anyway.
Following from my posts earlier in the year – the best advice I can give to recent guys:
The saying ‘It is what it is’ speaks volumes here
It literally doesn’t matter what the girl tells you ‘why’ it ended. You need to just accept it has ended. The reason doesn’t matter. You have to accept reality – it’s over. Acceptance is the first stage in life towards future success. If you got dumped for being a nerd, accept you’re a nerd. If you got dumped for being a beta without a backbone, accept it. If you are on low-income and can’t afford rent – accept it. 100%. Don’t pretend you’re not in your current situation when you are. Own it. Accept the relationship with the girl is screwed. Feel it and then move on. Diamonds are created in the hottest fires. So long as you learn the lesson, you can start to move on.
You cannot swim upstream to change a girls opinion. Accept it will probably never be the same again. Then start living. Thinking, tricking or planning to get the girl back is toxic – so much mental energy is spent on 1 girl out of 7 billion other humans in the world who has ‘TOLD’ you they do not want you! Let that sink in. If you have an ounce of respect for yourself, you’d take the hint and run. It’s not about games that some of the girl-posters keep suggesting – they massively miss the point – it’s is about respect for yourself!
Respecting yourself means when the burrito has no filling in it anymore, you bin the burrito – if the girl has decided for whatever reason the relationship isn’t to her taste, you bin her! Games aren’t needed, this is about self-respect and taking back control in your life.
Everyone in this forum will be dead in 90years – there is no time for playing games – the game ends in 90yrs max for all of us. Just get some self-respect and accept reality. Own it and swim in it.
You’ll be clean in 2 months following this formula.
RealTalk
@od_dude and @anthony
I’ve got a situation I’m in and the two of you seem to help here the most so replies from you guys and anyone else is highly encouraged.
Long story short I’ve been with my girl for Seven years.
8 months into our relationship I cheated and lost my virginity to a girl I was talking to 2 years prior.
So basically I lost my virginity in October and Took the virginity of my girl Ive been with for the past seven years a month later in November. Once we got serious and stopped using condoms almost a year later I had a guilty conscience. I confessed couldn’t go on in life like that.
I told her I lied about being a virgin and everything I did but from there we moved on and for the past 6 years I was pure Alpha and hitting the pussy raw no kids.
ok here’s the point
8 months ago she’s been saying she needs space and time and the sex slowed down I knew what was happening. Fast forward 4 months I start my investigation and became a little beta. 4 Month later which is now I find out she’s been having unprotected sex with an old “friend” always the god dam friend. LoL.
Anyways I went to her house and showed her the proof. Her ass gets mad jumps out the car runs in the house.
I go home and “START THE GOOD OLD NO CONTACT!”
so this is where I am at right now. Now this is the kicker she is still seeing this guy I’ve been checking her post ever couple of days and its good I can get work I need to get done however She is a High Value to me meaning Its cool she want’s to have a little fun but the unprotected sex part is a little over board and one day I have to talk to her about that also a side note. We were still intimate the entire time sex slowed down but never stopped anyways ………….
The point is “NO ONE LEFT ANYONE” we are at like this “STAND STILL” No closure or No confirmed breakup.
No contact has been going for a week now and her email’s already have me a little weak.
Her Email Number 1.
I want to say thank you for the 7 years you gave me they have been good and bad but I say they both even out I can honestly say I gave you all I possibly could have gave you in the beginning of our relationship I was faithful and not so honest because I really wanted to be with you but from there we grew and became happy for a while I can say I gave up on our relationship when you started pushing me away and cheated on me . To be honest I don’t know what I want at this point in my life but I do miss you a lot I apologize if any of my actions have hurt you in any kind of way . Again I love you and miss you
Her Email Number 2.
Okay I feel that after 7 years you deserve the truth and then you can never talk to me if you don’t want to . Yes I did have sexual inter coarse with Him and that’s the reason why I had been distancing myself from you so I wouldn’t hurt you after that I felt really guilty but then I didn’t in a way I felt like we were finally even and seen what it was like to be with someone else I know it was wrong but yet again it’s been a long time since I have actually been happy . I do love you (Jason) I truly do and I will always love you and maybe in the future we can be together I truly believe you are my soulmate I just felt we both started this relationship off with lies and it sucks just wish we can start fresh in the future . A lot of relationships can not survive through rough times and we did seven years again I love you and will always be here for you .
Her Email Number 3.
Remember all the crazy things we used to do like tonight I was remembering all the nights we got it In at the beach I miss you and randomly I catch myself thinking of our old fun times and I guess what I am trying to say is that I love you and I miss you and even tho I talk to someone else I just want you to know no one will ever get as much love as you got I can honestly say I was good to you in seven years I was never unfaithful until now . We have so much history so many memories it’s so hard to forget about all that sometimes I wish I could get you out of my head I think of you all day my heart is still with you after so long and after everything I really fucked up and since I know your not coming back to me I just pray that all your dreams come true and you find someone good I want to see you in a good state of mind wish you the best of luck and wish one day we meet up one last time to say goodbye I love you and will always miss you ( tearing up as I write this ) You know my number I’m here if you need anything and I’ll try to do good myself this is a big lost in my life I truly love you . Goodbye Jason ✌️
She has also hit me with text messages and at least 3 phone calls everyday.
This is the first time Ever having to attempt no contact she is not just some random girl I mean Seven Years.
Soooooo. She said she knows I’m not coming back so If I’m doing no contact will she eventually give up.
I need to know all the steps to do in this type of situation.
Jason,
She’s reaching out to you which gives you the power. HOWEVER, this chick had unprotected sex with your friend. I couldn’t take her back, BUT if you decide to do so, you MUST get her TESTED….and yourself.
@Anthony
He was her friend not mine lol. She knew him since Highschool and years later they ended up working at the same job.
I really don’t know what I’m gonna do at this point but I’m gonna keep it no contact.
Get myself tested and work on myself.
Hey
Thanks for the great input from everyone here, and I have been NC with my ex, moved on and met another girl for 6 months now and things work well but im not in love with her but take things as they go and handling it to perfection.
However im not in pure NC with my ex, I still have her on facebook and recently I saw she updated to “in a relationship” and also I noticed she moved into the SAME BLOCK as where I live.
This is becoming a mindfuck since old emotions are coming back, I tried to be somewhat “friendly” with her and ask how shes doing etc but she wont even bother to stop for a minuite and talking with me. Last time we had sex was 6 months ago and she has a new guy now and most likely still in NRE bliss. Being forced to see her on almost a daily basis is really putting me out of balance, and yes she dumped me because I became beta and I completely lost my balls in the end.
It sucks because I am trying to heal and move on but now to my question:
Is it extremely VITAL to delete her from social media? (Facebook mainly) If I somehow want her back in the future, or atleast make her an FB once the NRE bliss is gone. I already come somewhat to my senses but clearly there is still some needyness left since im taking my time posting this, but im extremely curious what the best way to go is if I would like to rekindle.
Obviously, she still has my number and she lives in the same block so if she was actually interested she knew how to get a hold of me, I live in a small community and I will see her around.
Also do any of you guys (Dawson Stone/Blackdragon etc) have a private forum/coaching or some community where people can ventilate like this? Since I understand here is not a forum but a response to a blog post, and obviously following the blog it says to IGNORE HER, but it doesnt say anything about deleting on social media or how to interact during personal meetups and this is where im still confused even though there is alot good posts and material here. Actually stated here earlier, social media is a great way to REKINDLE with her but at the moment im feeling its a “social media war” since i know she will stalk my profile eventually.
But she is just another girl, I am well aware of this but when you become beta, give it your all and she rejects you cold hearted for some other random guy it stings, and it stings so hard that I will remember and my new girl even calls me “emotionally retarded” since im so indiffrent and not caring about anything since this “trauma”.
However its clear my ex still is my weak spot and im thinking in order to properly move on deleting her from social media is a MUST, but its been 9 months now and would this look extremely immature and the fact she recently put “in a relationship” (they still been seeing eachother for 5-6 months now) on facebook, would that make me look extremely butthurt and immature?
At this point im well aware though, by posting this and asking these type of questions im already in a lost state but im just curious on a theoretical level or in general whats the best action to take.
If anyone has time to read this and respond I appreciate it fully, always feels great to ventilate and if there is any way for me to donate back then let me know.
Best regards
Klauss:
Come on man. FRIENDLY? REKINDLE? Dude, you are killing me. Your neediness is showing and its not looking good. It’s been 9 months. Who the hell cares what the EX thinks. My ex broke up with me 7 WEEKS ago yet I seem to be taking it better than you. You have somebody new and if you felt getting her off of FB would help you move on then you did the right thing. If she isn’t in your life then why does she need to have a view of your life on Facebook? FOCUS ON THE NEW CHICK and if the ex ever wants to contact you, she has your email. You have new pussy, tits, and ass. Cut the crap. You are going full no contact to move on with your life, not recycle yesterday’s garbage.
Klauss:
Christmas is coming up. Eat, drink, have sex, and be merry with the new girl.
@Klauss
Phase One: If you don’t have the self-control to stop checking her out on Facebook then you need to delete her, or even better stay the hell off Facebook. Facebook really is a pit of people bitching about stuff, or crying Look at me! Look at me! That is toxic as hell.
Phase Two: Ask yourself, why am I STILL hung up on this girl? It’s natural for them to cross your mind once in a while, but damn bro its been a long time. She’s out, and really why do you want her back? There’s not going to be a good reason for you to want that.
@ klauss
If your hung up on her in any way, remove her from Facebook, as Dawson Stone said it does you no good to know who’s she sleeping with now. just fucks with your head. I originally had said and thought it was ok to keep them on, the girl I was involved with ditched me, and few months later was with another guy, but I left her on and she kept posting on my wall, after I remove her as a friend, she started liking my posts on mutual friends walls, which is just head game chick shit, so I blocked her completely from FB and texting, she still has my email, but that worked in my favour, you see after I blocked her she kept contacting me via email first one was to bitch about how shitty it was I disappeared, then a few months later to tell me she missed our friendship, that was three weeks ago, of course I pitched a meet, My points is once she had zero way of checking up on me and her NRE was starting to fade, you can see at first she was mad and mad is great that means there feelings still there, then she starting to miss the emotional attachments with me, which they will call it being friends, this is how they justify they are contacting you behind their new guys back LOL. So blocked and disappearing might work in your favour. Just follow the rules, disappear, when they contact you, chit chat and pitch a meet, rinse and repeat.
Thanks for the response guys, I truly appreciate it.
Yes I will go on and block her it does me no good to keep her there, and as stated earlier if she wants to reach me she can.
I appreciate my new girl and will focus on her and my future in general, I think the main reason im still hung up on this girl is the fact shes my neighbour now and that I live in a small community. I see her constantly and reminders keeps popping up which makes it much harder to move on. I had exes who moved to other places and it made me move on way easier.
Im sure I will forget about this girl too eventually, and if she ever contacts me thats a win, I dont think I will bother to even say hi to her if I see her at this point should just look at her, wait for her reaction and then move on. Its time for her to do the work and if she dont bothers then whatever.
Atleast now I know how I will act in the future, thanks to this blog post and comments etc you realise how vital it is to completely ignore the girl, not just for her or to win her back, but mainly for yourself to get back in the perfect frame and actually have a chance to maybe win her back or someone better for that matter.
Time to move on, merry xmas and happy new years guys and lets make 2016 a year to remember :).
@ Klauss
If you run into her, don’t be an ass or just ignore her if she see you, never be emotionally punishing, be pleasant, say hi and quickly make an exit, unless of course she’s open to a longer more friendly conversation, then escalate to a more intimate meeting and by that I don’t mean say “come back to my place and fuck”, you say lets have drinks later and catch up I miss talking with you, they know dam well where your going to lead it too, and if they agree then escalate to a more private meeting, and if she not into it, quickly make an exit again. But mostly focus on you and what you want in life, the quicker you forget them the better for you, and when you to attempt to escalate you couldn’t care less if they agree or not, cause if they aren’t you have other options.
Good luck brother
@od_dude Fair enough, but if I delete her from facebook this is gonna send an emotionally punishing reaction and thats what I was thinking might be a negative thing. She will understand im moving on but since I see her so often it will be hard to just be friendly again its more a final step for me to completely move on. I dont think I will be able to look her in the eye and pretend everything is fine after I delete her it will be a final step to be honest, I think it will feel like a burden is of my head and to be honest I couldnt care less if I ignore her to death at this point. I know emotional punishing isnt good but remember shes disrespected me tons, I tried to be nice and friendly but shes a complete bitch and she wont even say hi at times when ive seen her out she pretends she doesnt see me. And if I say hi and ask how shes doing she just say shes fine, keeps walking and says “bye!”
This is a girl that 10 months ago asked if I wanted to have a future with kids etc together, now im a complete goner. She found someone else and seems to be head over heels for him now so I will delete her from facebook, but would you still try to act somewhat friendly on eventual meetups? (its going to happen since we are neighbours now)
I kind of just want her off my radar, its the past and time to move on but same time its a girl I completely loved and would have liked to have in my life again some day in the future.
Klauss
No if she contacts you and ask why this is good, means she still emotional invested, you say you deactivated your account, you feel like a Facebook break. But I agree make your distance, like I said if you see her before she sees you make an exit, if she happens to come up to you and be friendly be polite back, but agreed you need to be a ghost for your sake. She’s playing her own emotional games with you right now by being a bitch, you really haven’t done anything bad to her, she just being a cunt, most likely because you didn’t run after her ass, which is also a sign she still emotional invested, if she hated you she would have deleted you, she new dam well you’d see the relationship status update.
good luck
Od_dude
Yes, I agree with you. I saw her out once in the summer and she was showing up her boyfriend really hard around me and my group of friends, I didnt give her any attention at all. Day after I was out with my girl and she was going nuts, texting me im hot etc. Unfortunately I fucked up that night, I caved in and left my girl for her started kissing etc talking all type of emotional shit.
Next week she was back to her guy and I was back to being frozen out and thats the last contact we had (4 months ago).
Im pretty sure shes emotionally invested still, but shes chosen to cut me out and wants things to work out with her new guy so yeah, all I can do now is to become a ghost and dissapear as hard as it might sound.
Will block her on fb, if she asks I say I just needed a break or whatever (I dont think shes gonna ask tbh). And if I see her out I will wait for her to take action, if she does nothing I do nothing, if she waves I wave etc. I will look her in the eyes though and maybe give away a smile if needed but thats it.
Its time to focus on myself, im already feeling better I had a bit of a emotional downer because I saw her recently in the same neighbourhood and the fact she recently updated her status (shes well aware I can see). I really wonder why she chose to live in the same block too, there are shitloads of flats in this area and she had to pick exactly where I am and she knows it. Its really like shes trying to play mindgames with me because ive been extremely strong to be honest (for being me).
I left saying I wish her well and I dont want to be friends, had a great summer and met a new girl (she knows this) whos completely in love with me. The new girl is equally hot, maybe to some even considered hotter than my ex (depends on taste), unfortunately I prefer my ex look but they are both very hot girls who can pretty much get any guy they want.
Ah well, will update here in the future for fun references but I talk from first hand experience just as the blogpost here how important it is to ignore the girl and not cave in, I was getting her back and the moment I caved in I lost. I really wonder how it would play out if I ignored my ex that summernight she went nuts/jealous when I was with my girl, I think that would have increased her anxiety levels and she would start questioning her current bf and maybe delude herself shes in love with me, I really wonder… anyone had similar experiences?
Thanks again for the responses and allowing me to ventilate.
Sometimes its hard to accept what happened. It’s hard to accept that she lost her feelings for you when you feel for her just as much while in your best times together, or even stronger. And shes with other guy and doesnt seem to care about you at all. You dont hear from her anymore, it can feel bad especially on Christmas. My mind goes on and on how can all this be possible and how or why it happened, what I could’ve done different, if only I’d known better.
In these moments my ego and my righteous male need for “respect” flares up and I want to contact her. But what good is it gonna do? Shes in NRE and I’ll only worsen my attraction in her eyes. It’s good to remember this in your weak moments. We here know that it is certain that she will boomerang one day when the current guy messes up, but we have no power over that, actually we can only do harm by initiating contact. You just have to move on and accept that she is in your past, even though you will have weak moments. We men, as romantics, find it really hard to accept that she can ditch you like that when your feelings havent changed. But such is nature of women. But because of that very same nature she’ll be back, but it will be only as a sex playmate/fwb. If the break up happened once, it will happen again. She has shown her nature. Never invest or get emotionally attached to a woman who has done that. History will repeat itself.
We have to understand that it doesnt serve us to want someone who doesnt want us, when there is women out there who’d fucking love to be with us and fuck our brains out. Give your gift of time to those women who really do want you. Those women are easy to find, they’re everywhere and they want it as much as us or even more. Get new women in your life and move on from the ex, yes she’ll be back one day and you’ll enjoy her as fwb but for now you must not want someone who doesnt want you, it doesnt make any sense for you to want someone like that.
I want to thank BD for his post/blog and all you great guys who contribute great comments here. Reading comments here always brings me back to center. Keep up the good work guys, you’re helping many men out there. On some days we can feel depressed over the break up but these comments helps snap out of it. Thanks all and Merry Christmas.
Thanks Martin, appreciate the post and its very true.
In moments of weakness its easy to give in, I was very close to try and become somewhat friendly since we are now neighbours and she meant alot to me, but now reading this again I realise it was gonna be a huge mistake. “We have to understand that it doesnt serve us to want someone who doesnt want us, when there is women out there who’d fucking love to be with us and fuck our brains out.” Its time I show my respect to my current girl, and the other girls that will appear in the future who wants to be with me.
Time to move on completely and if she boomerangs she does, if not it was never meant to be anyway :).
Cheers.
@Klauss
“I was very close to try and become somewhat friendly since we are now neighbours and she meant alot to me”
Friendly? Well thats not in alingment with what you really want. You dont want to be friends with her, you want to be inside her. You want to be her lover. You have to be congruent to what you want.
In life you get what you negotiate. In your situation if she initiates and wants to be friendly with you and asks how you are, you should communicate that you just cannot be friends with her because you see her as your lover. You can tell her that you care about her but this friendship thing just doesnt work for you because you want her. Tell her to contact you if things dont work out with that guy and then you’d like to see her, but otherwise you dont really have reason to be talking. Be friendly with her (ie not asshole or emotionally punishing) and leave the door open for future boomerang.
You must negotiate what you want and then walk away and never look back. This is the strongest negotiation position in any human interaction. This creates scarcity and makes you valuable to her by removing you from her life. She cant have her cake and eat it too. If she is to have you in her life it must be sexual relation.
And if someone thinks this is being rude, no. That is actually what you want, you dont want to be her friend you want to have sex with her. Nobody can expect you to be their platonic friend when you want them sexually. They will actually respect you for that honesty and when they’re available again they will fuck your brains out for that kind of rare honesty.
When they break up (which is inevitable), women dont text their non sexual platonic male fake “friends” to hook up. They text their old lovers and are suddenly down to see you. Keep that in mind when you start getting weak and want to be “friends” with your ex.
The reason why women move on easier than men after the break up, completely apart from the fact that women have beta orbiter for their every finger and toe singing to them “Anything you want, you got it-Anything you need, you got it-Anything at all, you got it”, is the reason that women tend to feel the pain instantly and cry their eyes off after break up. They do that for few weeks and then they’ve felt the pain and have moved on. Every women who has left me due to hypergamy/or getting bored after long time together has cried their eyes off (because they lose me out of their lifes as I dont stay around as a friendzone chump). Just like a little children who hit their toe to furniture, they cry for a minute and FEEL the pain, then after that they’re happy as ever and playing again.
Men do not do that after break up. Men bury their emotions and some stay wrecked for even 6 months or more. If you lost someone who you loved and cared a lot, I think its OK to go in your man cave and cry alone (yes, do it alone) and tuck your mouth to a pillow and scream your lungs out. That way you FEEL the pain and after that you’re like “why was I sad again? I dont feel sad anymore”.
This is something that can also help with any kind of PTSD. Dont keep it inside. Try to get it out of your system and express the pain. If you get teared up while you think of her after the break up, let it all out when you’re alone and do it as long time as you’re still feeling like that. I can guarantee that if not faster, after 1-2 month you’ll be as good as ever and moved on completely. I think this can help with any sort of loss in your life. People say that men shouldnt cry and due to this men bury their shit and get hung up longer than they should.
I broke up few months ago and I tried to win her back but failed, now I’m in no contact period.
If she contacts me and we arrange a meeting, how can I be sure that she is not doing it to feeding her ego or to friendzone me? I don’t want to see her and get reject again because she “sees me just as a friend” (aka she doesn’t find me attractive anymore).
Now I’m fucking other girls but I know that another rejection from her would hurt my ego and feelings for a long period.
Then you invite her straight to your place, just like BD says. Or meet elsewhere, but you have to man up and be prepared even for a rejection scenario.
I am, however, surprised that they don’t delete you from facebook after a while.
@Minister
I never mentioned Facebook. Anyway I deleted her account when she refused to take me back
Now she is never coming back for sure.
@Minister
Maybe I shouldn’t have deleted her, but I don’t think that making her jealous throw facebook would have been a good idea, because actually we broke up because I was careless about our relationship.
or maybe you meant something else?
I didn’t mean making her jealous through facebook, of course. The reason you broke up is irrelevant, as to the steps BlackDragon mentions. I meant that if you had a slight chance that she reaches you to come back in the future, now you blew it. Unless you phone/text or add her again, which I don’t think it is a good idea.
@Minister
Ok, I understand. But why do you think facebook is so important? We still have whatsapp, phone number, emails etc to contact each other
Hey Giulio,
Start over… New year… New girl… New exciting life… Last thing you want is recycled 2015 trash in your life. Listen to all the precious advice given above to all the previous guys that went through what you just did. Listen to JESUS! 😉
Happy New Year to everyone on the BlackDragon board. May 2016 bring you all prosperity, beautiful ladies and other wonderful things!
JESUS
Update: I am now going out with a chick who has her own place and her own car(a rarity in Korean culture). Unlike the ex, who lived at home with mommy and daddy, had a curfew, and had no car. Furthermore, after my break-up, I focused more on my studies and today I got back my grades for the 3rd semester. I got a 4.0 GPA and will be getting a 100% scholarship for my last semester of grad school. The two weeks I spent with my family over the Christmas holiday has recharged me and I’m ready to head back to Korea and kick ass(and tap some female assess too).
What happens if the GFriend dumped me, but is very smart and also reads this blog and doesn’t take any small step to reconnect/contact me in 4 months time? Do I still try to contact her? I still want her back.
@ Marie
this is about being dumped.
“I still want her back” this is already a fail
you dont get them back by wanted them, you get them back by making them think you dont want them or need them, how do you do this? You ghost them, forget them, focus on new things, and meeting new women, if they come back bonus for you, and if not oh well, you’ve met new women by now.
You will not ever, ever, ever, get them back by being friend zoned, pinning after them or begging, and worrying if they will come back wont change a thing. If your still in contact send them an non emotionally punishing email, ” loved our time together, id do it again, sorry you feel this way, blah blah blah ” then be a ghost, delete them from your life, including Facebook, twitter etc, and focus on you.
It doesn’t matter if they read this, their emotions will still work the same way, in time if you were of worth they will contact you.
Marie, one can hope that if the gf is smart enough to read this she is also smart enough to actually “get it”. Not everyone does, I’m seeing a lot of men that don’t. Its about letting go of toxic nonsense, or things you just aren’t cool with. If she is smart enough she will realize that yeah if you contact her, and she isn’t interested, then you’re wasting your time. If she decides she is interested she will contact you. Otherwise let it go. NC puts the ball in their court. They can either play ball with you, or take it somewhere else. Up to them, not up to you.
If she doesn’t accept the invitation to your place, but insists you meet outdoors, what do you do?
Well you tell her that you are not interested. You tell her again she can come by cook something together etc. If she rejects the offer again, then you tell her ok if you change your mind let me know. Have a good day. Bye.
The problem here is that you guys don’t understand that SHE must work her butt to come to you not the other way around. You should sound relaxed, confident and outcome independent. You don’t want a date, you want sex and you should show her(not tell her) that is that or nothing.
[blockquote]The problem here is that you guys don’t understand that SHE must work her butt to come to you not the other way around. You should sound relaxed, confident and outcome independent. You don’t want a date, you want sex and you should show her(not tell her) that is that or nothing[/blockquote]
Yeah, I get that, but there is a reason why we go on dates and we don’t invite girls straight home, which is called social conditioning. Is it impossible that you fuck her after you go on a date with her, instead of inviting to your place, spiking ASD?
@ Minister
Girls are all different, you should be able to read her if you’ve been with her a while. If she wants to meet and its been some time, it fine to meet at a pub or somewhere relaxed, if she willing to meet this is a good thing, but during that meet you can be relaxed and outcome independent, but also you need to create a situation where this can be escalated, agree to meet some where more private or a more intimate date somewhere next meet, you’ll want to do this soon, what you dont want is to have multiple dates and endless texting or phone conversation. All women are different, some are willing to jump in and get laid others might need a little time to feel relaxed again around you, assess your situation, you’ll know if they are willing to escalate, subtly flirt and see where her reaction go, if she just wants friend ship make your self scarce, quickly.
We are talking here about a woman you were having sex before and dumped you. Not a woman you met the first time.
You are past the dates. Whether you contact her after the 4+ months or she contacts you the rule is that your EFA should spell sex and nothing else. If you take her on a date then she gets the upper hand, screws your EFA and she might put you on friend zone. The date is at your place, which means “non-verbally” sex. She knows that and if she agrees it is like “ok let’s fuck”. If not she is not ready to come back to you. No problem for you though as you supposedly have other women to fuck. This is the mindset you should have.
od_dude:
If the woman wants a date and not accepting your invitation home it means you didn’t “train” her well the first time, your EFA was totally wrong and you gave the impression of a man who she can play around with.
Your suggestion is wrong. Women are women if you train them correctly. She knows by now that if she contacts you after dumping you that there is no middle ground for you(which means not beating around the bush). She even knows THAT even if you contact her. So as the post above suggests, if she doesn’t agree then you terminate the conversation and reset the timer.
For me you can take a milder approach as I said above, again it doesn’t show neediness or dependence, you just throw the ball into her court. She might feel the need to see you right there and then say ok I’ll come.
Me and my ex broke up back in June kept talking till she cut me off cause she found someone else. It’s been about 2 months since she has told me to stay out of her life. I haven’t made any contact ! She moved to Canada with the new guy then around Christmas they broke it off and she moved back home. I still have her on my snap chat account and revert since she has been back on it she has been looking at all my stories, I’m always posting positive things and me having fun with my buddies, she jumped into a relationship right after us and today she decides to send me a message on the app and it’s her dissing me saying “I just realized how much of a weirdo you are” after 3 weeks of looking at my snap story. Couldn’t she have just deleted me when she say me still on her snap chat ? Of course she could have. My question is why is she comin at me like that ? Why not just ignore me why waist her time you know ??? I replied and we went back and forth a little but it’s was her consistently trying to be rude and. I was just being cool about everything. I finally caught her in a little lie and she hasn’t responded yet and I don’t plan to reply till she hits me up again and I’m going to keep posting on my story because back then I was 235 of fat! Now I’m 180 of muscle and I’m really improving, when I was with her I was a kinda a loser and didn’t have anything going for me but I’m a completely different person now.. Am I in a good position ??
@Smith
If you’re worried about what kind of position you are in with her, then you’re not in the right position. When you don’t care what she thinks anymore you’ll have your head straight. As far as the being insulting… My ex is friends with a lot of the same people as I am on Facebook. I don’t get on there much, but when I do she always takes the opportunity to make not so subtle digs at me. Personally I find it funny, you should too. Why do they do it? An attempt to cut you down to size.
@calm
Yeah I feel you and I don’t at this point cause I know where I stand, I’m doing very well for myself and I’m in a good place myself ! I’m goin to keep doing me and let her come to me I’m not in a rush, I know for a fact that she’s just trying to bring me down cause she isn’t doing well and wants someone to feel as she dose cause like I said she sees me doing good and maybe feels stupid for jumpin I to another relationship after me and her. Sucks to suckkkk hahahaha
@Rob
I wrote this on September 30: The fact is simple: unless you committed some heinous, unforgivable act towards her you will eventually be remembered positively by your Boomerang. If she is a) currently not in a committed relationship, b) seeking some companionship AND c) you creep back into her mind (by your doing, her doing, or by happenstance) she will come back! Astonishing.
Update: last Monday night, I was at the gym minding my own business when my boss called me. I felt sure that it was a butt-dial, but I picked up and she was as sweet as ever – just like she had been nine months before, the day before she dumped me. An hour later, I was at her house and then I spent the night. We’ve seen each other six times since then – and have been calling, texting, etc. at the same rate as before.
I have no idea why she reappeared but I am astonished that it happened exactly the way that Black Dragon’s advice suggested it would. For the record, she a) is currently not in a committed relationship, b) is clearly seeking some companionship AND c) I clearly crept back into her mind.
Bottom line: Boomerangs happen. Stay strong, remain confident, end things graciously, … and wait.
During the relationship I always behaved correctly like an alpha 2.0. But after our break up, that happened for mutual decision, I became too emotional. I tried to get her back and I made a lot of mistakes (I insisted too much, I cried once).
I’m fucking other women right now so I don’t have a scarcity mentality but I still want her to come back. I’m not sure about the right strategy to use now, the boomerang effect works when you leave a last good impression.
So should I contact and date her in as an independent man like I used to be when we were together (to leave a good memory and impression) or I should keep with the no contact period (now it has been 20 days)?
That’s so money Whitedragon. That’s exactly whats going to happen. Old salt makes em thirsty, eventually. We humans wont ever forget our previous lovers whom we had bond with, old lovers will creep into our minds randomly and we’ll want to have that taste again. That’s just how we people are, no matter if we’re male or female. The only clause is that you just have to end things with love not hate and leave the door open and do not accept anything else than romance (means no staying in the friend-zone) and you’re good to go. If you brought value to the table on your previous rounds together, the boomerang will happen someday when they’re not in a commited relationship and they’re looking for company. Who cares when it happens, you dont have control over that. Just enjoy life & smile, you’re good.
@Giulio
Definitely keep up with the no contact. RealTalk said “When you start losing the girl, or losing your hand at the poker table – You don’t double down. I.e. you don’t try to challenge or convince a girl otherwise when she’s losing/lost interest. You don’t stay and beg and try and win again. You walk…”
You do exactly that. “the boomerang effect works when you leave a last good impression” that is not the case because after long time apart they will see everything through rose colored glasses, they’ll remember mainly the things why they liked you. When the break up is fresh they remember the negative parts of you which lead to break up, thats why you definitely do not contact her. Let her contact you 100% and when she does, tell her you’d like to see her and set the date.
@Martin
Thank you Martin, I will follow your advice no matter what.
If I casually meet her somewhere (we have friends in common so it can happen) how should I behave? Consider that she has always been nice to me, even after the break up. If the interaction is good should I ask her to go out or should I always wait her to contact me first?
My ex texted me last night after 5 mos of no contact she asked me to call her and I didn’t know who she was since I deleted her number. She sent me a picture of both of us. So I asked if everything was ok and she said she is calling to co market wth me because her boss told her to contact me. I said you didn’t need to call since I always refer my business to your company, but she insisted on meeting for coffee so we did today. She was saying she hated the way we broke up and how I was amazing and we had miscommunication. I told her that breaking up with me was the best thing she could ever have done for me. We talked for awhile not about work but just talked. Didn’t get chance to hook up with her since she wanted to meet at coffee. But I will wait until she texts or calls again to set that up.
@giulio
If you see her of course you should acknowledge her and say hi or wave. But still do not chase or go after her when you see her, just let her come to you. When she comes and strikes conversation, you can be like usual flirt and stuff and then tell her that “I’d love to hangout sometime, when are you free to get together? I’m cooking dinner thursday evening come join me” or something like that. You need to get 1 on 1 with her in the evening, so that sex can happen. Dont hang excessively with her with friends. Act like a lover would act, not like a friend would act. Friends hang with groups, lovers are alone in the house 1 on 1. If she denies the evening hangout together, just say “okey call me if you change your mind”. If she tries to pull the friend card, just say that you care about her but you cannot be just friends with her and that you want her sexually, can be friends with benefits sure.
@jasonyoung
This is so obvious, she wants you again and you just must not talk yourself out of having sex with her. This is in the bag. In future only set dates/meetings in the evening time. Evening meetings can result in sex. No lunches or coffee dates. Never. When she contacts you dont be a cold fish, say I’d like to see you and ask when shes free to get together for drinks or to make dinner at your place. Boom. Always act like a lover not a friend. Same advice as for giulio.
I am but now I’m helping her get into meet with a large physicians group. I set it up and she’s very friendly now. Unlike before. I don’t know when I can ask her out since we are only discussing work.
Her: good morning Jason, that would be awesome! I am open we’d, Thursday, and Friday. Thank you so much.
Me: I told her your schedule and she said she will let you know when they are available.
Her : yes that’s great 😉
Me: cool, you can order tacos from encricos. They love Mexican food.
Her: yum. Sounds good. Should I call her now?
Me: it is delicious, but I’ll see her tomorrow and I’ll confirm date for you.
Her: thank you.
So when is my chance to bring up date?
In my opinion phone is strictly for setting dates. You do not want to waste time chit-chatting on the phone. You shouldnt give out information via phone, because when you do that she doesnt have any reason to even meet you and get to together face to face. Think about it. You cannot have sex with her through phone. You use phone to get a meet up and thats when sex can happen. Dont give out too much information through phone.
She’s your ex, you were together and had a bond, you were inside her. You’re over analyzing why you couldnt ask her to hangout. I mean c’mon man, shes not a stranger. You dont have to make a “date” with her, just use the phone to get face to face. When she contacts you next time and asks about anything, then you say: “Yea we can talk about that when we see, I’m free next week, how about monday evening, dinner at my place? And lets catch up, its been a long time”.
Phone is for setting dates, not giving out information. It’s a means to get closer to her so that sex can happen. When you give out information via phone she doesnt even have to see you and sex wont happen either. In my opinion you chit chatted too much without getting to the point. You’re just simply friendly to her, but it seems like you’re platonic and kinda cold fish, you’re not doing anything to set a meet up even though shes contacting you.
I might be wrong but thats just my take on it. Next time use phone for the one thing which its meant to be used. If it crashes when you try to set a meet up, then at least you saved some time and dont have to use energy towards that anymore. It’s not your goal to be her friend-zone orbiter. You want to be her lover, so act like one. Lover sets a meet up so that you two can get closer and then you’ll have sex, orbiter just chit chats on the phone dithering around. Your call.
Martin,
Thanks for your response. That conversation was through text. She text yesterday and we texted a bit. Her sending me funny YouTube videos. So I asked her when she was free next week to catch up? And she responded “idk, we’ll figure it out. Good night”
I’d respond that “okey hit me up when you figure out your schedule” and then leave it at that and let her initiate contacting 100%. Dont get impatient, it might take even few weeks. If you get impatient she’ll never hop in bed with you, theres no rush in this life. If she wants to see you she will eventually make the time for it. If she doesnt then she doesnt. You gotta accept that. This shit is easy. You just gotta find those who want to be with you. They make things easy. What’s the point running after people who dont want you? Reward those people who are dying to be with you.
In the end this dating is so easy. Just continue hitting up new girls until you find those who arent like “meh” when you try to set a date. When the girl is into you, the doors start to open up. Find those girls and you wont have to use mental energy to these girls who are like “meh” about you. And when you drop those meh girls and dont chase after them, they’ll suddenly start chasing you. Because it shows self-respect when you dont chase after someone who doesnt want you, and their minds change after that. 99% of men are pussies who just chase chase chase and they’ll be like wtf when you dont. Have some abundance mentality and realize that if it doesnt work out with this there’s new bus coming in every 15 minutes. It sets you free, man.
@martin
I asked if she wanted to meet me for dinner Tuesday night and sent me a text ” I can meet you Tuesday during the day but not at night”
Should I counter or take Lunch?
Lunch = friend zone and loss of power. Just text her to get in touch when she is free one evening.
then go silent.
No lunches. No point to meet day time, it cannot escalate to sex. Exactly like Al said its friend zone stuff. If she cant meet you evening time its time to cut your losses and give her the gift of missing you. You get what you negotiate. You state what you want and if she doesnt co-operate then you walk away and never look back. She’ll be back when she is available again or starts to miss you. You stand for yourself and only see her with your terms. She will submit to that or she wont. If you want to see her as a lover you must do this. The longer you interact with her in terms of friendship, the more likely it is that you’ll never have sex with her.
Like BD said in this threads comments: no matter how beta you were with her, you have better odds to get her back by ignoring her / staying out of friend zone than staying as a orbiter. Remember that. If you want to be inside her again someday in future, take the better odds (obviously).
You can even verbalize what you want. You can be her lover, friend with benefits, but you just cannot be with her as just friends because you want her. Thats your choice, this actually might make it better for you in my opinion. At least in future she wont come back to try be your friend, if she comes back she comes back as a lover and wont waste your time. And some (most) women love that ballsy man who just says what he wants from her and doesnt stay around dithering and pretending to be a “friend” – thats what 99% of men do. Fuck that. Women like men who know what they want and are unapologetic about it. This way you either win or win.
Why do women try to friendzone someone they like, really? I assume they agree to go out with you one-on-one, because they like you, right? It doesn’t make any sense. And I am not talking only about exes, but first dates as well, where the girl wants to change time and location of the date with a ‘friendzoning’ option.
I texted her back and told her I’m busy and she changes her mind to call
So I was dating a girl I work with, I know big mistake from the start, and we split up and in the end I found out she’s with another guy from work. I work in the
Last post went too quick dammit! Haha!
I work in the office and she’s on the floor. Different departments but I still see her everyday. It’s been about 2 weeks and neither one of us shows any interest in one another and we don’t even say good morning to each other. I’m okay with the NC rule buttering to figure out how I am supposed to be at work…at least civil / social or just continue ignoring her and pretend I am absolutely fine?
Tony why you should pretend anything? I think all these kind of questions / situations come from being bad at negotiation.
I myself hate drama. That’s why I’m honest. Dont fucking pretend anything. Tell the truth. If you want her back then tell her the truth that you care about her and you would like to see her in your bed again. But you cannot be friends with her because you want her. All this shit aint a strategy to get her back, its the fucking truth. Women appreciate man who tells the truth straight up and is direct about it.
Tony I think you shouldnt do anything, she is with another man and if she ever comes to you or contacts you personally, tell her that you care about her and liked your time together and you’d like to see her romantically again, basically tell what you want from her (which is romance). She probably refuses if shes with another man, then just say “get in touch if that thing changes”.
Get better in negotiation and negotiate what you want, then walk away and never look back.
Tony obviously in future do not shit where you eat, exactly for this reason because when it ends you are in this sucky situation and you cant even do no contact and disappear from her life. She sees you everyday and its almost impossible for her to start miss you like crazy. When she comes to you tell her what you want and be done with it, chalk it up as experience and maybe just maybe she’ll be back someday when shes available. When she’s single and horny she’ll remember how “that guy wanted me” (because you told her that and didnt hide it) and she’ll hit you up.
Guys,
Am in a wierd siutation. I fell in love witha married colleague…I know is wrong , but we started as friends and finaly fellin love. Her partner cheated on her and she got my sympathy and then fell in love. Her partner find out and threatened me twice, but we kept in touch. We kissed always but no sex, maybe foreplay a few times. She was always saying she cant leave him and i need to mvoe on. When i stop talking, she use to come back. So finally i proposed her with a real ring (Dum me) and said come with me, i will keep you happy instead of being unhappy with your husband. She refused and we stopped talking. She mentioned that i broke her heart by proposing her twice (i asked her last year with a promise ring too). Later i found out she was talking behind my back making fun of me with her friends etc. So i confessed her and told her if you talk bad, i will talk bad too with pictures and proof.
Then it got nasty and i said dont worry i wont hurt you. In the mean time i saw her flirting with another guy (she was flirting even before we brokeup)…so i finally confessed too and said you will feel hte same hurt and pain some day and walked away.
Even thought i walked away my heart is killing me and waiting to hear back from her….she blocked me in all messenger, fb everything. She has me only in Whatsapp coz she is scared i will tell something to someone..so she is watching me.
Yesterday she saw me in the lunchroom and i was facing the wall. she saw my back and immediately made a uturn and left.. Since we work together i meet her everyday… what to do? how can i get her back?
is she missing me at all? or i have been played big time?
Please advice.
@ Luis
Dude, FORGET HER. You haven’t even had sex with her. The advice here assumes you’ve established that bond. And rings, promise rings and whatever? Huge mistake.
Learn from this one. Start working out hard. Set up an online dating account and start dating multiple women. Do whatever you need to to FORGET THIS CHICK. If you see her around work, be polite. But cut things short and be on your way.
In fact she asked for no contacts and it broke my heart. I see her everyday and in fact today we crossed each other…i just turned away..
But i love this women…not sure what to do? am dating 2 gals now …but my heart is with the married one.
Luis
.
“how can i get her back?”
Move on. That gives you the highest chance to get her back. That might sound weird but its true.
Women are predictable. They dont want the chaser, they want to be the chaser. Turn the tables by acting like she doesnt even exist. Yes be polite when you see her but just move on and maybe in 2-4 months she’ll contact you and miss you a lot. That’s how women are. They dont want that available nice guy who gives her “promise rings”. They want that guy who has options and isnt all about just her. Never contact her first, never initiate with her, soon she’ll start to wonder what happened to you. You used to be chasing after her and now nothing! Maybe you were a catch after all, maybe you’re with other women. That’s what shes thinking. And then she wants that power back and starts to chase you. Then set the date, act like a lover and seal the deal. If she denies say call me if you change your mind. Be patient. Do this and I will guarantee you have the highest odds to get her back.
Simple. Hit the gym tomorrow and start eating fucking healthy, dont drink alcohol for the next month. You’ll get better and when she comes back you’ll be so busy with other women that you wonder should you even bother with her.
Really, after all shes married. Rejection breeded obsession in you. You should want single available women who would love to be with you, not someone who is married to another man and who doesnt want to be with you! Take the time to heal and you’ll understand this.
And Luis I wouldnt turn around when I see her. Do not act like you’re crushed when shes clearly not. Be unphased, after all you have other girls anyway. Dont go crying after her, that just makes you weak and she’ll know that she made the right choice. Be strong. If she comes to you and starts to cry and say that she misses you, then you can reciprocate that you too miss her and want to see her.
Act normal, smirk when you see her. Dont act weird in a butt hurt way. Dont say that love word to her ever again, only if she says it first. Make your feelings unclear. Bet you she’ll start to chase you man.
I know this is hard to follow, but trust me this is your best bet. Be strong.
@martin
I got a missed call from her.
I texted her later and asked if she called?
She replied yes earlier. I asked if she needed something and she said can I call you?
So she called. Told me about this scam call she got and how scared she was and asked about if I ever cook her rice recipe. She didn’t need anything so I ended call early. Was very pleasant with her, asked if she wanted to meet up and she said she’s been sick and been on antibiotics.I will wait for her to call again. When she does do I pitch again or not?
Hey guys I wanted to make another post here.
I thought alot about this subject and im speaking about own experience here what the best way to go I will give out the hints of my own experience and from reading posts here:
Breakup happens, be as little drama/punishing as possible say that you understand where shes coming from and accept its over and move on.
Dont delete from social media (I made this mistake, will get back to that later), try not change anything and just simply move on and pretend that she died and its all over.
If you see her out if its a smaller city, wave and smile and just walk by, dont interact in any type of conversation unless she brings it up.
Something I wonder about is that I get the feeling women (exs) wants to break you mentally aswell, they want to win the game and show they have a better life and that they made the right decision. Your job here is to make her doubt her decision and be the man and for her to realise that she did wrong and come back into your arms. In order to be this guy, you need to be STRONG, unfortunately I wasnt and its not until now many months later I can finally see and think clear.
My ex is with another guy, I saw photos of them travelling together and I blocked her facebook around NYE. I didnt want to know what shes up to and it fucked up my mind, however the best way to go I think now afterwards is to keep her there, unfollow her and hide her posts and if possible block her page via an “adblocker” or googles own link block functionality so you are still friends and she can see your page.
I am starting to regret it now that I blocked her, it shows that im butthurt and I added some drama to it which was unnecessary, I boomeranged my ex many times in the past but then she didnt have a serious boyfriend which she does now. She was my oneitis and I still see her around since its a small town so it fucked me up alot. I am finally doing ok now though, I took my current girl on vacation for 10 days to a paradise island and I realise now that im being an idiot for longing over my oneitis ex, shes just another girl and the main reason I was so obsessed was the lack of options for the same high quality girl.
My goal at the moment is to focus on myself, I want to improve myself and get to a point in life where I can live the life I want with women who respects and care about me and that I feel emotionally involved and happy with. At the moment im almost there, but I dont feel that special feeling with my current girl, even though I like her and thats a main problem.
I just have an question, I am thinking of readding my ex girl in 1-2 months in order to keep it as dramafree as possible. I wont contact her or anything, if she asks I will just say I was bitter to delete her and that she was a part of my past and I wouldnt mind having her on social media.
I would love to boomerang her but as for now I accepted its over and im moving on.
But I just want to make sure, am I stupid for trying to readd her? will that just boost her ego and friendzone me hardtime? She didnt react when I blocked her and I dont really care about that its pretty clear its over for now im just thinking about the future boomerang and the fact that if I live my life to the fullest and workout etc she will see this and maybe at some point she will reach out. Social media plays huge importance today and its important for us to stay STRONG and not obsess over her which I did.
I know at the end of the day it doesnt matter what she thinks, but I want to live my life to the fullest and keep as many boomerang options as possible for the future, life is still a long journey ahead :).
Thanks
More to Martin points….HIT THE FUCKING GYM LUIS. I’ve lost 12 kilograms since my break-up. Other chicks(younger chicks) from school noticed the weight loss and asked me out. Rocky 4 soundtrack and the will of steel is all you need. Understand one thing, women are not strong, mentally or physically. You belong to superior sex, start acting like it.
@anthony and martin…..thanks for your reply . I go to the gym everyday for last 5 years and in great shape….i am getting lots of gals but she is in my heart and fuckin hard to move on….i work with her in the same team and we have to see each other everyday…..even today we sae each other i just turn away
Klauss,
I blocked my ex on FB and I am not concerned with how she views it. She’s not in my life anymore so she doesn’t need to see what I’m posting. If anything, taking social media away raises the bar for the ex to get in touch(they know your email). You have to go completely ghost on the ex and make them work to get back in your life. The ex wanted to end things, therefore, you give them exactly what they wanted and keep going forward.
@Anthony
I came just in time lol ok so this is the deal.
I’ve been with my girl for Seven Years so yeah long term relationship.
I cheated on her the first year into the relationship slept with a women who I knew before my current girlfriend of seven years and well “what goes around comes around” and it finally came around.
She cheated but slept around 3 times with the guy. My experience was a one night stand anyways.
I’m on third week of no contact. I’m going for 3 months
What my concern is whats going on with her emotionally. and whats the process for them to feel remorseful.
I confessed my infidelity with her situation it was more of an affair. I had to investigate.
She went from I miss you to fine don’t answer my calls to I find it funny you only wanted sex from me after that you stopped talking to me.
It’s strange to me because I’m new to this no contact and Women man emotions emotions
What I’m basically asking for is like a Guide of what to expect.
@Craig
(very long sighs) Your situation sounds far more complicated than what I went through. I’m approaching 3 months of NC and using it to focus on myself. It’s amazing how much weight you lose when you don’t have a girlfriend wanting you to go out to eat 3-4 times a week.
After seven years, it sounds like this relationship has run its course. You both cheated on each other so obviously the trust is gone(as if females are even trustworthy to begin with). In your case, NC is to move on and meet new ladies, not make her miss you to get her back. Seven years is a long time and some couples even marry by then, but you already know what BD feels about getting married so it’s a non-issue.
@Luis,
Damn dude, you work with her. That is a WHOLE DIFFERENT BALLGAME. That only means you’ll have to be even more mentally strong. I can’t speak on that because I have never had to be employed with an ex. Just hang tough brother.
@jasonyoung
“I will wait for her to call again. When she does do I pitch again or not?”
Yes of course. Say “it would be nice to see you, when are you free to get together?”. Always assume she wants to see you and make a date when she contacts you. Dont insist on any day just ask when shes free and then choose the day and time based on what she says. Set date in the evening. She might not instantly say yes, she might be making contact just to see are you interested in her still, to line you up because things arent working with their current guy. That’s why show your interest that you’d like to meet, then she makes excuse and she starts to scheme around and ditches her guy, it might take weeks or even months and then she contacts you again and then she’ll say yes to a date. They line you up this way. Dont take the first contact as instant indication of meet up but still try to set a date so that she knows you want her still, after that it might take few weeks for her to get to a place where shes ditched the old fling. So many guys act like cold fish and not interested when their ex contacts them, they just assume that you’re not interested and they stop forward movement. Always try to set the date when they contact you.
@jasonyoung
“and asked about if I ever cook her rice recipe”
Oh thats a opportunity to say that you’d like to cook it with her, why dont you come over my place next thursday and lets have a dinner. And ask her to bring a wine bottle with them.
Those kind of questions are often subtle ways from women to try you to make a date. Thats the reason why they contact you usually, just so you would have balls to set a date. They’re not gonna ask for it. They’re looking to bond with you and receive you, and you as a man take action and make it happen. Then you penetrate her. You cant penetrate her through phone. They dont contact you just to chit chat on phone. Take that attitude.
@martin
I didn’t ask about that since she was sick but next time she calls I will invite her again.
It’s possible this has been touched on in the 600 comments above but thought i’d try my luck especially since there are so many men here.
I’d been seeing this guy for a bit, things were seemingly going great .. always fun .. great sex .. no pressure and out of nowhere he tells me he just got out of a serious relationship .. isn’t emotionally available and needed to figure things out. I handled it (even without reading this blog) in the way the author suggested, agreeable and understanding .. and haven’t contacted him since..it’s been 3 weeks.
I’ve been going out, doing my thing, enjoying life, meeting people and he’s even been liking my stuff on face book and instagram (I still haven’t engaged with him.) So I guess I just wondered if you all thought the no contact strategy works on men too? In any capacity, do you think it affects men the same way it affects us?
@ KarenL
your doing the right thing, continue to ignore and don’t respond to him liking or commenting on anything on FB, that’s a game, and he wants to see if you’ll pay attention and if it gets annoying id remove him your social feeds, the fact he’s liking could be he’s could be still thinking of you, but he needs time to miss you now. Continue to ghost him, if he values you and the sex was good, almost any man will come back, if he doesn’t come back please continue to be fun, no pressure and give good sex to other good guys, I guarantee one of them will value it. No contact strategy works on people because our basic phycology is the same, if he did the dumping you now demonstrate you’d like him in your life but you don’t need him.
good luck
good luck
Ok everyone check me out this is the situation.
I’ve been with my ex for six years. She had an affair that lasted a year and a half.
She went behind my back and betrayed me.
We were to the point of being engaged just never made the step anyways I’ve been doing no contact.
I got calls emails and everything but what just got me is a call followed by a text.
“PLEASE ANSWER IT’S AN EMERGENCY!”
I’m just at the beginning of month 2 of no contact.
What do you do in these so called emergency situations?
She could really be dying like in some horror movie. Should have kept her fuckin legs closed.
Need advice
I’ll bet you $1,000 that her “emergency” is French for “stop ignoring me.”
Don’t do it.
When a women is being ignored I’ve seen it all. Just a few examples:
– my dog died
– my cat died
– I lost my job
– my aunt I hardly knew died
– I had a fight with a friend
– my new bf just dumped me
– I’ve gotten back some bad test results
Her emergency will either be no emergency or a lie. I’ve had at least 3 girls use the “bad test results” one only to respond and then have them say “sorry but you were ignoring me and I didn’t know what to do.”
Don’t be a pussy. Her emergency isn’t your emergency anyway but trust me there’s no emergency.
@Dawson Stone
Hell yea I didn’t give in.
Men unlike women would explain the details of the emergency.
Leave a voicemail with sirens and sounds in the background of a real emergency.
I didn’t fall for it.
When its a real emergency you explain the situation:
“MATHEW HELP LISTEN I FUCKED UP OK OK LET ME EXPLAIN! I FUCKED UP AND I THOUGHT THIS NEW GUY WOULD BE A BETTER FIT FOR ME BUT HE IS NOT RIGHT! HE HAS A GUN AT MY HEAD AND I AM SO SCARED. CAN YOU PLEASE HELP ME.”
Hahahaha now thats a real emergency……………Whelp shouldn’t have cheated Toodles!
Well Mathew, what you want from her? You didnt tell that.
You want her back in your sex life or nothing to do with her?
If its the first then I see no reason to ignore her when she contacts you. Women who want you will give up if you ignore them.
If I’d want her as fwb or something, of fucking course I’d respond and try to set a date for sex to happen.
You didnt explain what you want so its kinda hard to answer your question. If you want her, answer her and tell her what you want… which is to come at your place and then you’ll escalate to sex. If she denies that then just say contact me if you change your mind. I want to be your lover not a friend, if you dont want to see me as a lover then I dont see any reason for us to be talking.
Easy. Done. In life you get what you negotiate, state what you want and be willing to walk away after that. Thats the strongest negotiation position in any human interaction. But most manginas are afraid to say what they want, and hell they surely wont be walking away. Be a different man.
@martin
So she contacted me few times last week and she knew I was at the same hospital she was at. She came down to see me. That was on Thursday, i had to leave to see a patient. After I texted her to see when she was free to get together and she has not responded. I haven’t heard from since Thursday. It’s hot and cold.
@ Anthony
“Klauss,
I blocked my ex on FB and I am not concerned with how she views it. She’s not in my life anymore so she doesn’t need to see what I’m posting. If anything, taking social media away raises the bar for the ex to get in touch(they know your email). You have to go completely ghost on the ex and make them work to get back in your life. The ex wanted to end things, therefore, you give them exactly what they wanted and keep going forward.”
I had the same approach but looking back im not sure if its the right thing to do, I mean if we were completely indiffrent we simply would not give a fuck and just leave social media open, move on and not care at all.
Its true that removing social media raises the bar for her to contact us but it can also be used to our advantage if we live the life we always wanted to and dont give a fuck about what we post there and what she thinks about it.
Blocking her shows we are affected by her decision and it also helps her to move on from us. I guess it depends how many years you were together and how the relationship was with your ex. But if you were AFC like me I dont think blocking is a good idea when I think about it.
For me I am working on removing my oneitis and move on but its really difficult, she lives nextdoor basically and I see her at the gym sometimes.
I realise in the end what its all about its me, I need to get myself to the next level where I simply dont give a fuck about anything. I think this is what makes Blackdragon/Dawson stone so succesful, they simply accept the breakup no drama and move on without any reaction, as if nothing happened.
Im still too young/beta I guess to not be affected at all, the girl I was seeing was someone that wanted a future with me, she was talking about kids etc and now shes with someone else and she dont even look at me basically when I see her out. I tried be polite and say hi and ask how she is etc but she basically dont care anymore so I went ahead and blocked her from social media and shes completely dead to me now. But this is also a way of me showing emotion and creating drama which in the end reduces boomerang rate. Unfortunately I have been AFC and I think my boomerang % rate on this ex is very low at the moment but it doesnt matter.
I want to improve myself and reach a point where im alpha 2.0, and im just thinking in general for boomeranging hot women, dont show any emotion when they break up, accept and live your life as if they werent there but dont do any reaction, no social media removal, no ignoring, no nothing. If they reach out invite directly for sex, they need to know what the deal is about and if they make it problematic just keep ignoring and live your life.
Its obviously much easier said than done, I blocked my ex on facebook now for 2 months and I saw her today at the gym and it feels really strange we dont even say hi, I dont know if she saw me I tried giving eye contact to wave hi but she pretended I was not there.
My game plan at the moment is to live my life and focus on myself, I am seeing a girl at the moment but I will most likely break up with her since I dont feel that amazing NRE bliss with her and we dont click on the sexual level either, my ex was a “bitch” and my current girl is more normal and I guess thats also something im constantly comparing and missing.
I know im taking this social media thing too far, and its because deep down im still a bit needy/caring and I analyse small actions too much, but I want to understand which mentality I should have for the future moving on. For you guys that deleted ex girlfriends or ex lovers/FBs or whatever on social media, did you ever add them back after a while and see what happened?
I will leave things as it is for now, but I think for next time better not block her (you can still unfollow and add google chrome blocker) and be completely unaffected no matter how difficult the breakup was.
I had a chance to boomerang my ex already but I screwed it up by being too caring/serious and I pushed her into the arm of her new lover.
I dont want to know what shes up to but same time I still miss her and think about her which fucks my head completely. When I dont see her its ok, but when she lives basically next door and I keep seeing her around it fucks me up because it reminds me of my AFC past and the fact we could have had a future together.
I dont understand how some women can go from loving to basically not giving a fuck at all, but I need to understand that its over and she has no obligation to me anymore, its just another girl and sometimes we have to accept the way things are.
Anyway sorry for a long post, had to clear my head a bit.
Best regards
@ Klauss
Whether to delete social media, block IM, block phone numbers, etc. is all debatable. You see some advocating that you should and others arguing that deleting further makes you look weak. Personally, I don’t delete anyone, but what I do or anyone else does doesn’t matter. If you think you have the discipline and self control to continue to move on, improve yourself, and meet new women, all while keeping those connections live, then perfecto. If you’re sitting around creeping her FB page, then you’re definitely better off deleting, regardless how it makes you look. Who cares how it makes you look? Your goal is to improve yourself, and a true alpha doesn’t care what others will think. Your goal is to MOVE ON from this person ASAP. Focus on what gets you there.
@ SJ
Yeah I know, you are absolutely right. I try not to care at all, but its interesting to know what the optimal way of handling things are, its not easy controlling my emotions and force myself to realise its just chemicals fucking with my brain.
Removing her from social media has helped me in the progress of moving on, for myself.
But most probably its not the best thing to do in terms of boomeranging, in theory (that is if I have perfect self control, no beta whatsoever which is my goal).
But in the end I guess its not that big diffrence, lets say if my odds were 55% before its now 40% because social media is really powerful these days.
I started posting pictures of my current girl and me on a trip to a paradise island and tons of girls I used to hook up with started liking the pictures and I even met an ex FB at the gym who started asking who the girl I was seeing is etc. It really worked to my favour but these are women I completely forgot and moved on from, but just saying how powerful the effect was.
Either way, im slowly moving on I already feel better than when I posted here a month ago and im going to the gym 6 times/week now so im starting to get back into the shape I was when I was in my prime days and that makes HUGE diffrence in every way when it comes to moving on and being happy and confident :).
Klauss,
I’m not concerned about helping her move on. Quite frankly, the further she moves, the more money I save and the more weight I lose. She’s someone else’s problem now.
@Klauss
“Unfortunately I have been AFC and I think my boomerang % rate on this ex is very low at the moment but it doesnt matter.”
All this shit doesnt really matter, no matter how beta you were or how AFC you were, after long time she’ll see you through rose colored glasses. She will remember the best things about you. And one day when you pop into her mind from some movie, reading your old messages, some restaurant you went to, some recipe you cooked together, she will contact you. Old salt will make her thirsty. Some day.
When my love of 3 years wanted to break up with me, I couldnt handle my emotions, I didnt take it well, ended up crying in front of her, we both cried because it was obvious this is goodbye time. She swore that she will NEVER have sex with me in her life, said that its just so repulsing thought. Yes I had become so beta in our relationship. I was her best sex ever, started as a true alpha but after falling in love I became the beta. Well I couldnt be just friends with her, platonic relationship wouldnt work after that and said final goodbyes and call me if you ever change your mind. It was the hardest thing I ever did and she tried to friend zone me HARD for a long time, after all sex wasnt on the table “ever again” so might as well have her as a friend right? After all she means so much to me. Hell no, never cave. Only accept what you want.
Fast forward 4 months and guess who contacted? Shes been missing me all this time and thinking about that best sex ever that I gave her, all while shes with some chump. Suddenly I am the person she cant live without and saying shes going wet while thinking of us, 4 months ago I was the most repulsing thing ever and in our last day together she basically said go away I dont like to be with you. Brutal words from someone who you’re deeply in love with. Time, absence. These things do fucking magic. Absence creates value. Whats common isnt valuable. Everything this article states works, no matter how beta you were and if you even cried with her! You just must have provided value in your relationship and she’ll be back. And she came back, I set the date in my place and instantly sex occured and had sex all evening. Remember this woman said that she’ll never ever have sex with me in her life. Remember: Whatever women say they mean that in the moment, and that can change tomorrow. Be it positive or negative. Today she might be in love, tomorrow she doesnt feel anything. Today you might be the most repulsing thing ever, tomorrow you’re her soulmate. Dont take it personally, just accept women and their changing emotions the way they are and continue your life. She’ll get in touch if you were the man once.
“I dont understand how some women can go from loving to basically not giving a fuck at all”
You cant know what shes thinking. Thats all just a front. She might just be pretending that everything is okey. Whats more likely is that she is missing you a lot and and shes fucking sad over it. They always miss you even if they did the dumping. The dumpers job isnt easy either, it just looks like that. She misses you a lot if you brought value to her life and then went ghost eliminating yourself from her life when she unilaterally wants to end your relationship. But in your case you still see her in the gym, thats not helping your case. Once there is months of nothing and shes even thinking are you even alive anymore, then her feelings will be at their strongest and she’ll reach out. If you brought value to her and then she loses you because she dumped you (knowingly expecting you to stay in friend zone because well it always worked before with other men), she’ll go crazy. This particular woman never had this happen to her, all her exes are still in her life (she was always the dumper) and nobody has the balls to walk away. Well those exes are her best friends in the world, but they’re just repulsing as a sexual beings. They’re doing errands to her, but guess who shes fucking? The guy who walked away. Dont be dishonest and stay as a fake friend if thats not want you really want. Dont be some manipulating fake friend, be honest. You never wanted to be her friend, you wanted to have sex with her and be close to her romantically. Be honest about what you want and you just might get it, these friend zone chumps will never get it.
@Jasonyoung
“So she contacted me few times last week and she knew I was at the same hospital she was at. She came down to see me. That was on Thursday, i had to leave to see a patient. After I texted her to see when she was free to get together and she has not responded. I haven’t heard from since Thursday. It’s hot and cold.”
You shouldn’t have started to pursue after that, just let her come to you. Whats the rush. Let her initiate contacting, then ask her to hangout. You just saw each other and you instantly start to pursue next meeting, wrong. Women, especially exes, need time and space away from you and after that they’ll contact you and then its their idea and then you set the date when she contacts you. Let her come to you, if she wants you she’ll contact you with any excuse hoping you have the balls to set a date.
@ Anthony
“Klauss,
I’m not concerned about helping her move on. Quite frankly, the further she moves, the more money I save and the more weight I lose. She’s someone else’s problem now.”
Haha thats true :), but im saying the best way if you want to boomerang a woman is to keep her on social media , im not saying keeping her on social media is the best thing to do in order for our own happiness, lifevalues etc. In the end we probably did the right decision of deleting our old flames so we think about them less. Im working to achieve a true “dont give a fuck about anything” state though but its very very difficult to work with our emotions however I know from now on and in my future relationships/FBs etc I will handle things pretty well.
@Martin
Thats a nice sucess story and im happy to hear that man :).
Do you know a guy called Corey wayne? When I read your posts its reminds me of hes teachings, and its always nice to be reminded about how things work.
I am very sure my ex is not completely over me, but in the end she made the choice and like Anthony mentioned earlier im just doing what she wanted in the first place, but I guess the main key is to do it as dramafree as possible.
I think the good part about being AFC/loving/caring etc and then walk away is that when things are going worse in her current relationship she will remember the guy who was there for her and maybe reach out and in her mind “Just be friendly”. Thats when you game the shit out of her and before she knows what happened shes naked in your bed and the feelings are coming back.
I am not sure if I made enough impression for her to reach out again, but same time if I would to contact her now it would just lower her attraction even more so at this point there is nothing left to do.
However my comments earlier was not about my situation and my ex, I was more thinking in general what the optimal way of handling things in order to boomeranging women are. BD made a great post of this obviously im just analyzing it a bit further from what ive experienced and learned from reading here and my own real life situations.
Thanks again for responding to my posts guys and giving feedback, and again thanks BD for a good website and blog :).
@Klauss
Thanks, yes I know Corey Wayne. Definitely a follower!
I turned to AFC/loving/caring and it surely destroyed attraction. After all, women are attracted to men whose feelings are unclear. Never change from the way you acted in the start of the relationship, it is what attracted her in the first place and it will keep her.
But with time (absence, scarcity) things can change. And you get what you negotiate. If you want to see her naked in your bed then you’ll get that if you’re a good negotiator.
Oh btw, when I said “call me if you change your mind”, she straight up said “no I will never change my mind about that”. And look what happened. It doesnt really matter what they say, never trust their word. Women can be so convincing with their verbal rejection that you really believe you’ll never have a chance again, so maybe I’ll just surrender to friend zone. Thats probably where the other exes have caved in. At the end of the day women cant control their emotions, anything can happen.
Klauss you just need to learn from this and in future you’ll deal way better with new girls. Maybe you did a mistake in fb blocking, but perhaps you can salvage that when she someday contacts you again. If shes with some other now then just let it be and be happy for her, whats the point being sad over it. But remember like BD’s articles point out, women are not designed for monogamy. She’ll get bored of any guy shes with, and one day she’ll remember you. In the mean time date others, get happy and improve. Get lovers who appreciate you for you. Thats all you can do. That you can control.
Question on something I haven’t seen asked on here……when you suspect (and odds say definite) that a girl you are seeing (not monogamously) feels the need to give you excuse after excuse as to why she couldn’t make it or didn’t call back when she said she would and has no ability to actually say that she had other plans…what do you make of her handling it that way? If you are not monogamous, what is the big deal about admitting you had other plans? Instead it’s bullshit excuses like there was a death in my family, I didn’t feel good, went to bed and overslept, my cell phone ran out of charge, etc. etc. Is this (lying) not worse than just admitting to having plans with someone else? Because to me it is and it’s justification for not wanting to even continue on a non-monogamous basis and starting a hard next. Or is it just a case of who cares, it doesn’t matter if she eventually calls you back a week later to hang out and hopefully get drunk and fuck?
I just want to add the Social networking thing, the ghosting technique existed long before Facebook, its irrelevant if she on yours or not. If they aren’t playing games, ( constantly liking your updates, etc ) and you can stay off their page leave them on, unfortunately its too tempting for most of us, alternatively you can assign them to acquaintance, then hide most of your pics and status from acquaintances. The added bonus of ghosting will make them wonder and most likely miss you more, as seeing you on Facebook can be comforting to them, you gone completely makes them wonder what your really doing. Dawson advocates deleting, BD says its ok, it really depends on your situation at the time, but being on FB or not wont make them miss you more, their memories and time will do that, ive been boomeranged a number of times in my life by exes, and many of of them were before Facebook and the longest one was 7 years after, and technically one was a crush from high school who contacted me 20 years later who i didn’t sleep with in high school, and then ended up fucking her on and off for three years, its memories and time not Facebook. Personally if they are with some one else, I’m gone, i dont want to or need to know about it, and I’m focused on myself, its sends a clear message as well, if your not in my life fucking me, I’m not wasting a minute of my time on you, period, including FB. I may unblock them at a later date when I’m emotional clear, and dont give a fuck anymore.
@martin
Thank you. The day before I last contacted her she wanted me to meet her for tea. We went out and flirted and she was getting closer. When we said goodbye we hugged each other and I tried to kiss her and she said gigging” no no no no!” And turned her cheek. That’s why when I saw her at hospital the next day I guess I just kind of rushed it. I know this will be slow process but it seems like it’s taking longer for me to get her in bed. I haven’t heard from her in 5days now.
Jason its good that you made your intentions clear. You want her as a lover. Dont imply that you want something serious, just hang out, have fun and hook up. Giggling “no no no” might be just token resistance. Back down & try again later. If she denies it then just be playful and say that I want you. I cant be just friends with you, but we can be friends with benefits sure. Bring those gorgeous lips over here and kiss me.
It’s better to make your intentions clear than be some friend zone chump she has lunches or coffee with. You either get what you want or you dont waste time with her. You might care about her yes, but the truth is you want her romantically and you shouldnt accept anything less. Make that clear and be willing to walk away.
Wait for her to contact you. Dont be desperate and initiate. Lack of attention from you makes her wonder, maybe you’re a catch and you’re with other women. And you should be dating women. Women want men with options. What you should do now? Nothing. Just wait to hear from her and then meet her.
@martin
I’m not going to call again. I’ll wait. I have been hooking up with 3 other girls but this one is a challenge for me. Thanks again for your input.
So ex contacted few months after the break up, we had sex and she talked about how much she missed me and how she couldn’t be without me.
After that haven’t heard from her in weeks. Shes a very busy gal so should I just let her pursue me and let her do all the initiating? Or should I text her? What I gather from here is that you shouldn’t pursue someone who dumped you to begin with. I used to be the needy pursuer and that got me dumped so I don’t want to start that again and shoot myself in the foot.
I just read this entire page top to bottom, you guys are brilliant! Really enjoyed the advice here. Wondering if you guys could help me, maybe clear things up, I am 29, had been single many years, because i had to stay home and care for my sick mum, my social life was gone. I was overweight, no confidence, never dated really. My mum passed in 2013 and i had freedom for the first time, into the big bad world. Threw myself into work. Started losing weight at the start of 2015 to get myself back in the game as i was tired being alone while my friends are settled, this was my time i deserved it right? anyway a girl i knew many years ago contacted me on FB, added me. We talked over and back every day after that, literally every day. It got intense, she was gorgeous, always liked her and was taken back she liked me. She had issues of her own, adopted, single parent, guy ran off before the kid was born. Dad died of cancer, tried to commit suicide. Then after all that met a guy several years ago who literally beat her, burnt her car, just abused her, for 3 years she could not escape she said but did. Her child suffered and it kills still to this day. So she took a break from men, until i came along. She spoke about how she could not believe she met someone so decent and genuine who wasnt an asshole. It grew and grew. 2 months it was so good although our time spent together was not always alot with her college and the kid and me working we tried our best. Then the last few weeks she got distant, little cold, stopped wanting me really, we talked but she said it was stress etc.. So i booked her a holiday with my buddies going too for her bday, get away for 3 days would help i thought, wrong. She just acted like an asshole to me, trying to start shit, ruined my trip and my friends seen it too, they asked her what are you doing hes done nothing wrong to you? she pulled back. We got home and we talked and i offered to end it, i mean shall we leave it i said? she said no lets just see how things go …. strange. 3 days later while talking on FB mail i told her i loved her and we would work this shit out.. give it time.. she replied with she didnt think it was working, we didnt gel, no chemistry. I was devastated, still am. I did properly love this girl. I replied with “you are ending it, and on FB mail? did i not deserve the respect of a call at the very least? she said she was sorry its not how she wanted it to come out but she had to say it and not pretend to me it was fine after i said i loved her. So i didnt reply for two weeks, i let it settled, left her to wonder. Shes stubborn and a bitch so i knew she would not text me. So i texted saying i had time to think, i see why she did it, i did love and care for her but i accept it basically, and i did wish her well for her future. I did not abuse her, or do anything bad. She replied saying i was the most decent genuine man she ever met, i was a great catch and one day she will probably regret it but she cant make me happy now, her college is for two more years and her life is just too hectic she should not have got into a relationship, but what she said next stuck with me, how she seen me perhaps, she told me i dont think highly of myself at all and i had to learn to love myself more, have more confidence and see what others see in me that i was attractive i needed to figure stuff out and once i do my life will get better and change. Since it ive lost more weight, im down 4 stone. I feel better. I want to keep improving. We remained friends after that on FB but i felt it hard and felt we needed space away, so i had a present for her daughter i had promised 2 months before we broke up, so i said i am gonna send that present to you for your kid, i wont break that promise and we should delete each other on fb and move on with our lives.. she seemed taken back first like “if you feel it will help i guess..” but she said she understood and it helped me heal too. Again i told her she was a great mother, good luck with college and best wishes. That was it. That was Dec 18th. So we have not spoke since then and i feel better now, only lately a little better. My friend said she posted a love quote on new years about someone being a stranger last year can mean so much to you now …. aimed at me obviously. But i also know she ended it, and shes stubborn so she wont contact but part of me thinks she will at some point, her life now is just to much for her i think, im not gonna sit and wait not saying that at all, but i do love her, i really do. So what do you guys think after reading that, whats your view on it?
Week 7 of NC.
imo it takes 3-4 months of NC if you’re hoping to get your ex back.
@triforce
I agree with the sentiments, just leave it. I know she knows I love her, i care about her as my actions showed that and she said she respected me so much etc so i know that but i wont contact her, she may not me either she is stubborn but i will leave it. She will date others but i know her, and i dont think she will find it any of the other guys either, they all treated her shit. She will remember me for sure because of the care i gave her, if she never contacts me again, its fine, was not meant to be.. i am gonna keep living, keep getting better and better .. and see what life throws at me.
Odd how Mathew never replied with his intentions
@ Martin
I love this advice you gave Mathew about a week ago. You said “You want her back in your sex life or nothing to do with her? If its the first then I see no reason to ignore her when she contacts you. Women who want you will give up if you ignore them. If I’d want her as fwb or something, of fucking course I’d respond and try to set a date for sex to happen. You didn’t explain what you want so its kinda hard to answer your question. If you want her, answer her and tell her what you want… which is to come at your place and then you’ll escalate to sex. If she denies that then just say contact me if you change your mind. I want to be your lover not a friend, if you dont want to see me as a lover then I dont see any reason for us to be talking. Easy. Done. In life you get what you negotiate, state what you want and be willing to walk away after that. Thats the strongest negotiation position in any human interaction. But most manginas are afraid to say what they want, and hell they surely wont be walking away. Be a different man.”
I believe in that advice 100% because it’s worked for me this past December after 2 months of NC. However….and this is important…but have never seen it addressed anywhere on this blog. When she does start calling, and like you say, she will….I have had her start to get into a routine of calling after she gets off work or driving to the store wanting to just talk and chat. It’s normal to be so pumped about her calling again after not seeing her for a long time, but if you aren’t careful and always pick up the phone when she calls, you can all of the sudden show a pattern to her that you are available and the very thing that brought her back (scarcity and being unavailable) goes out the window and your back to square one. However and here’s the question….you said in your comments that if you want her and she is calling, you said “you see no reason to ignore her when she contacts you”. Therefore, my question is, after you meet up and both feel the flames again and have sex and everything goes well, how do you keep that excitement in her mind going when she starts calling daily (I don’t call, she does) to chat as she is driving in the car? Should we only pick up sometimes so that we don’t appear to be so available even though it’s like a fucking adrenalin rush when she does call? Or at that point if we don’t pick up most of the time will she lose interest from that? Which is the bigger turn off to her, a guy that picks up too much or not enough? Damn…women!
Thank you !
Recently went through a bad breakup and followed your instructions to a T. It works.
In the 6 weeks after she left me, my-ex (a classic Dominant with strong Independent tendencies) did everything short of hire a private investigator to find me. The lack of attention had her flipping out and suddenly, in her eyes, I went from a wimpy Alpha 1.0 (I would start fights & act like an ass–really bad move) back to being the Alpha 2.0 I was before we met and that she found very attractive. I gave up ‘my’ mission and that was the fatal mistake and I paid for it by getting my ass handed to me. Never again. Guys, read and digest what is being written here on this site/blog. The advice is given here is spot on. For all of you who want to get your girl back, regardless of your motivation, drop out of site. Block her from EVERYTHING. Tough it out. Workout, get laid, get your head straight and ride it out. She’ll call you back and you’ll be fucking her shortly afterwards.
I dated this girl for 5 months 3 of which we lived together only thing that messed it up was her moving ! Was the alpha but then she moved and she saw some weakness and walked all over me and I was a beta, we talked for about 3 months after breaking up thinking we were on the same page but I was so beta that she ends up with someone else around November and tells me “my fiancé takes great care of me financially and morally, get the picture? Stay out of my life” so I did around Christmas they break up and next thing you know she moves back to CA, she blocked me from everything back when we had broken up but still to this day has me on snap chat and I notice she started looking at everyone of my snaps I post to the story I have and then in January after about 2-3 weeks of looking iat how well I’m do I’m doing now (lost 37lbs, got into nursing school) just doing everything to improve myself she contacts me via snap chat message and tell me “I just realized how weird you are” long story short I made a snapchat long time ago that she added and I’m weird cause when I was a beta I made it cause she blocked me on my other one. But ironically when we had first broken up she hits me up from a texting app pretending to be a girl from my area to see if I was with anyone I know who it was so just messed with her a little haha. So I bring that up telling her well if I’m weird cause of that you are too cause you did the same thing! She comes at me with ” I was just trying to find every reason to break up with you, how sad” but I respond with ” I find that hard to believe cause we weren’t even together at that time haha” so my question is do I wait till she reaches out again? Cause after that she still kept me on snap chat and continues to look at everything I post! I know she came at me side ways but is it still a good sign that she contacted me ? I’m only improving more and I know she sees it. What’s the next move? Just wait patiently or contact her cause I do want her back
After that message of my saying we had been broken up at that time so that’s hard to believe, she never responded back and me either since I not about be be a little bitch again and chase her ^^
@ Billy Calloway Love hearing your success and turning your situation around with your girl. I also have time invested with a very independent girl who likes to come and go, have her own place, work full time during the day and and go to night school three nights a week and she plans her “activities” when it’s convenient to her schedule.
Listening to your advice it sounds like you would be perfect to ask. I have also done over 2 months of NC from late September to this past December 1st and then she started blowing up my phone like crazy. Texting and calling. One time it was 8 calls in a row, then 9 calls about two hours later, then the next day I counted 12 calls in a row in less than 2 minutes time. Just hitting redial over and over. I finally asked who it was (even though I knew) and she texted her name as I was laughing because she actually thought I forgot her number. Even though I did delete it, I had it memorized from the shear amount of times calling it when we were together. So I reluctantly agreed to meet at a restaurant then we went to a couple bars and then we were at my house fucking. So guys, don’t ever believe that NC and disappearing doesn’t work…..it works incredibly!! In fact, nothing works better, NOTHING!
But here’s my question, and I’m having trouble with this right now. She comes back after the NC and she’s back to sometimes just hanging out, having dinner and drinks and no sex. Also, I always purposely wait for her to call me instead of calling her. Sometimes she calls every day and then doesn’t call for 2-3 days. And I know she is still playing the field and having her cake and eating it too. Since it’s not monogamous, would you freely put up with that and act like it doesn’t phase you and use that time to be with other girls? Or since you have more feelings for this girl than any others, do you do what Martin suggests above when he says “I want to be your lover not a friend, if you don’t want to see me as a lover, then I don’t see any reason for us to be talking.”
On one hand you give her the impression nothing phases you, on the other you tell her what you want and get it from her from now on or if it’s not good enough for her then you’re cutting your ties and not wasting any more of your time. Which is the best option to go with an independent girl that knows she’s hot but keeps giving you the impression that she wants you at least some of the time?
Scott;
The first thing you must do is be completely honest and ask yourself ‘what kind of relationship do I want?’ Come clean because if you don’t your really going to fuck yourself up.
The problem I see with your decision making process is the classic ‘she’s the hottest piece of ass in the world!’ syndrome. We have all fallen into that trap: you come across a woman/girl that just might be a little ‘above your weight class’ and she’s into you. You start thinking ‘damn, I’ve got to keep this one. Don’t fuck it up’ . You have great sex, she’s into the things your into etc… Then it’s as if she realize who she’s with. She hears you tell you think she’s hot. She knows she’s hot !, ‘You’re so beautiful’, She knows that too and then you became another victim. She bounces. Gone and now you’re fucked in the head. She comes back shortly after and you are happy but it’s not what it was but to you it doesn’t matter so long as she’s back….Fuck that ! Get in your head and rebuild yourself now. No woman has the right to come and go gratis while you caddy to her wishes because you think you’ll never get a hot chic like this again. Believe me you will once you find your mission. The mission is really important. Once you start being selfish and think of what is going to make you happy first can you be of any good to a woman who deserves to be with you.
You must have faith and confidence to know that there are zillions of other hot, smart women who would be into you. But in order for that to happen you must ask what type of relationship that you want. If you are good with the demands and expectations like this woman ask for then cool but if not find your confidence, don’t give too much of yourself that your that you become unhappy and set and stick to hard boundaries of what you expect in your relationships. Walk as if !!!!
Need some advice as what the next move is
I dated this girl for 5 months 3 of which we lived together only thing that messed it up was her moving ! Was the alpha but then she moved and she saw some weakness and walked all over me and I was a beta, we talked for about 3 months after breaking up thinking we were on the same page but I was so beta that she ends up with someone else around November and tells me “my fiancé takes great care of me financially and morally, get the picture? Stay out of my life” so I did around Christmas they break up and next thing you know she moves back to CA, she blocked me from everything back when we had broken up but still to this day has me on snap chat and I notice she started looking at everyone of my snaps I post to the story I have and then in January after about 2-3 weeks of looking iat how well I’m do I’m doing now (lost 37lbs, got into nursing school) just doing everything to improve myself she contacts me via snap chat message and tell me “I just realized how weird you are” long story short I made a snapchat long time ago that she added and I’m weird cause when I was a beta I made it cause she blocked me on my other one. But ironically when we had first broken up she hits me up from a texting app pretending to be a girl from my area to see if I was with anyone I know who it was so just messed with her a little haha. So I bring that up telling her well if I’m weird cause of that you are too cause you did the same thing! She comes at me with ” I was just trying to find every reason to break up with you, how sad” but I respond with ” I find that hard to believe cause we weren’t even together at that time haha” so my question is do I wait till she reaches out again? Cause after that she still kept me on snap chat and continues to look at everything I post! I know she came at me side ways but is it still a good sign that she contacted me ? I’m only improving more and I know she sees it. What’s the next move? Just wait patiently or contact her cause I do want her back
TeamSmash you should’ve said to her contact initiation this: Hey, its nice to hear from you. I’d love to see you and catch up. When are you free to get together?
No matter what she says.. “you’re weird” is just her way of bringing herself to your orbit and to see if you still want her.
All my exes have been frightened to contact me after long time of no contact, because they think I’m with some new girl and they fear they dont have a shot anymore or I might reject them. Thats why they contact you in some vague way (ie. you’re weird). And then your response is like you’re still interested (ie. Hey, its nice to hear from you. I’d love to see you and catch up. When are you free to get together?) and they’re like AHHH yes!! Because thats why they contacted you in the first place!
All my exes have said after hooking up again after break up, that when they sent me message after a long time they panicked the whole day waiting for my message that what I’m gonna say or will I just ignore, and then they tell that when they saw my message they’re like YESS he still wants me and instantly sets the date. MOST guys do exactly the opposite and act like a cold non interested fish when ex contacts them, and then these women figure the guy isnt interested in them anymore and they cut their losses and do not even try anymore. Girls hate rejection and they never gonna try again if you seem like a cold fish. They fucking dont contact you to see how you doin, they contact you so that you’d have the balls to fuck her again. They’re not gonna ask for it, they expect you to set the fucking date so it can happen. Women want sex as much as we do, they want to fuck, and prefer safe known to work option and not some drunk chump from a bar.
So yea, Teamsmash you did a mistake. You were cold fish. Wait for her to contact you and be happy to hear from her and express that you want to hangout and catch up. Long time no z. Man, what is the point of all that chit chat? Why didnt you just ask her to hangout if you still want her? You cant fuck her through the phone. When she contacts you set the date.
Most men try to act fucking cool, aloof, cold and even ignore exes when they contact thinking that will work. But those men fail with exes when they come back in contact. Shes not a random girl, you were already inside her and had a bond with her, shes just trying to see are you still interested in all that. Its not rocket science.
@Scott
“But here’s my question, and I’m having trouble with this right now. She comes back after the NC and she’s back to sometimes just hanging out, having dinner and drinks and no sex.”
When she contacts or calls, why dont you flirt and communicate in such a way, that she understands that you’re gonna fuck her if she meets you (I fucking want you so much right now, I’m gonna take you so rough tonight). Then you wont anymore have dates that do not end in sex. And thats better, you’ll train her to see you in a intimate way and not like some nice friend she goes to dinners and drinks. And if she cant meet in that way then you wont see her. You deny those dates saying that you want her and cant be just friends with you. That will make you more scarce and your value will shoot up and she will eventually see you and have sex if shes enough interested spending time with you. If not then she isnt interested. Say “Call me if you ever change your mind”.
But just wait to hear from her and set the implied romantic date, busy chicks are busy chicks and you dont want to make her feel like shes losing her freedom when you’re trying to push all the time.
@martin
She called after I didn’t for few days and asked why i don’t call? I asked when she was free for dinner and then silence again… Wtf?
Jason. If that happens tell her you’ve been busy but you’re glad that she called you. You’d like to see her, ask to hangout. If shes silent just let her come to you. Its like tennis, you have to wait her to shoot the ball back. Or say “I’m busy now cant really chat but I’d like to see you soon, when you figure out your schedule get back to me”.
I guess you’ve been like hers phone girlfriend in the past? And now you’re acting different and she cant figure you out? From the very start you shouldnt train girl to use you as her phone girlfriend, because if you try to change it after the fact they might think you’re playing some games.
If the girl says why you never call and insists on it, then you could sometime initiate and chat for a short time and then suggest the hangout: “why dont you drop by next sunday, lets make dinner together and catch up better.” dont always ask when shes free, suggest meetings sometimes yourself.
But if the date doesnt happen just be ok and not in any rush, these women need time to develop feelings for you. They might have that time of the month when you ask when they’re free and then go silent but are suddenly horny & available in 2 weeks. Just hook up with other women and she’ll come around as wanting to see you some day.
I got kind of a unique situation. Ive known this gal for over 2years. I lived with her during the 1st year. We started as room mates but she was really into.me from the start. She kept wanting me to commit but I told her I wasnt ready for that right now. We had the most awesome sex ive ever had and im 52 years old. She was totally into me. She is going to school for 4yrs for a degree in med research and got a grant that allowed her to rent a house very cheap. I stayed so she wouldnt get stuck for the lease.
As time went on I developed more feelings for her and I started to make mistakes. Text to much etc. I helped her with some bills and spent alot of money. She started responding less and you could see the attraction level going down
The complicated part is shes been sick most of the 2years. Cancer and heart problems from chemo. Shes getting chemo 3times a week now and shes sick alot. So I text alot because I get worried if shes ok and she responded less and less.
About a month ago she was in the hospital and I didnt know it for 4days because she wouldnt return any message. Some of the ones I sent were pretty irate because she never answered.
After she got out about a week later she said she didnt want a relationship and to leave her alone.to complicate matters there is a 60year old guy who she swears is a friend. And hes around a lot.
I chased and tried to get her back on and off for the last month. Last fri I went to her house and had a big confrontation with her and this guy that was supposedly there to fix something. Now she wants to meet tomorrow probably to say goodbye or something. We had an awesome connection and phenomenal sex. I was there through all her sickness. Between the illness,this guy and my beta behavior I dont know what to do other than start no contact. I would love her back. What do you guys think?.
@ Gary
If a woman wants you, they let you know, if there are games going on, get the fuck out and never look back, this is fucking with your head and your acting Beta because of it, it doesn’t matter if the sex and connection are great, women have different agendas and they change, i had a woman i gave orgasm to every time, every single time, easy bolt on me for a Beta, so dont try and figure them out with your logic. You gave a lot and became beta in the end, so the attraction went down, clear out and make like a ghost, hell the way shes treated you i wouldn’t even show up tomorrow. She told you she doesn’t want you, now vanish fast and ghost the fuck out of her. And really who the fuck is a 60 year old chasing a cancer patient anyways, i mean wtf, but if i were you after that confrontation i wouldn’t even give her the satisfaction of telling you what you already know, be a Ghost now, see what happens in six months or a year from now. Women that show no loyalty to those that were there for them in their hardest times aren’t worth pissing on, and mark my words she will do it again, because no matter how incredible this 60 year old guy is or isn’t, its her internal mess that is broken.
Thats a great reply. Thanks so.much. I would like to go and say pretty much what you said and say im done with this . I was loyal to you in your time of greatest need and never turned my back on you and the thanks I get is to be dumped and ignored. Good luck fighting cancer . Im leaving now ive wasted enough time with this and leave. Just not showing is probably the best option
@Gary if you end up meeting her and she wants to end it, then just do not give her the satisfaction of emotional burst and make her break you. Like experts here say, never be emotionally punishing when breaking up. Take the ego and emotions out of it and just shrug your shoulders. Be like “OK, I understand. I wish you all the best and hope that you get well. I want to continue to be lovers but if you dont then its been nice knowing you. Contact me if you ever change your mind.” and walk away and never look back. You can still say this because its true “I was loyal to you in your time of greatest need and never turned my back on you and the thanks I get is to be dumped and ignored.” she’ll start to regret that in the future and she’ll figure that she messed up.
You say the sex was amazing, so do not burn bridges because she can still come back in your sex life but shes not good relationship material. It’s very likely this new chump screws it up in 3-4 months and she’ll be riding your cock again. That’s almost 100% sure. Just make your odds of boomerang better by ending it without emotional punishing and leaving the door open if (read: WHEN) she changes her mind.
It’s obvious from your story that she has lost her attraction to you and you cannot do ANYTHING to turn it right now. But the thing that can change her attraction towards you is the 4 month absence BD talks about in this article. Absence turns you to a blank slate and she’ll wonder about you and one day shes on your cock again. Just make sure you DO NOT stay as friends or stay in contact. She needs time and space away from you now and then one day in 3-4 months she’ll see the past through rose colored glasses and she will fuck you again even though shes still with that new guy whos starting to become boring and is not that new and exciting anymore (but you will be exciting again because of absence – she has wondered about you for months and developed new feelings). That’s how women are, do not hate them because of their nature. Accept them as they are.
I couldnt sleep.last night thinking about this. Im supposed to meet her in 4hrs. Im really thinking about just blowing it off. I think she thinks shes doing me a big favor. Im pissed off as it is. Im going to have to force myself to act cool and indifferent. In the other hand it might be better if her last impression is of me being confident. I could use some advice. I really appreciate the comments so far and will use that.
@Gary
Just focus on yourself, you should really have bigger problems in your life than some woman. If she wants to end it then OK. You still have your purpose/mission and abundance of other women. Your life wont end, you’re still going to improve yourself no matter is she around or not.
And you shouldn’t even be in a fearful state anticipating the final break up, even though her actions seem like it. That’s the bottom line. Just act as if she wants to fuck you tonight, not like waiting that shes gonna dump you. That makes you walk on eggshells and you wont be that confident guy she fell for in the first place. What you fear you attract.
But still always be prepared. If she dumps you then follow whats laid out in this article and in its comments. She can still be your fuckbuddy someday so leave that door open by not being emotionally punishing, even though shes probably not LTR material after dumping you like that (but dont say that to her).
Keep us posted what happened.
I screwed ip. I thought it was an hr later than it was. She was gone. No message no nothing
@martin
She finally responded with what restaurant are you talking about? And I tell her the restaurant and she asked me to help her find a job and silent again
my ex gf broke me up after just 20 days of being official. she broke up with her ex for about 4 months before I court her and win her. Is this thread applicable for me too?
@Jason
tell her that you can help her with that in person, meet at hers or yours place in the evening. Only accept evening meetings, nothing romantic wont happen in the daylight most usually. Hang out, have fun and then escalate to sex. Make sure to relate as man to woman and make a move, do not be just a friendly platonic nice guy helping her out. If she denies you again you lay it to the table: “I cant do this, I want you. We can be friends with benefits but not just friends. If you cant be my lover then please do not ever contact me again. I care about you but this just friend thing doesnt work for me. Call me if you ever change your mind.”
You get what you negotiate! Remember that. You gotta fucking have balls to do that and be willing to walk away. Make your intentions clear and stop dithering around.
@untog
Yes. Do not chase after her now, never initiate texts or calls. Make your life great and in few months when she comes back you may not even have time for her because you have so many other women. When she contacts you set the date and get off the phone. Escalate to sex. You cant do anything else.
Oh this is wonderful advice ! Complete nonsens if your goal is to get back with a woman. Being a woman I can tell you, if I hear from a guy again after 4 months, I will have moved on. If i contact him myself for whatever reason after such along period, it also means I have moved on. I might still want to know you are ok. But probably not, and you will not hear from me again. If women regret a break up you will hear from them soon, within a couple of weeks. If not…she is over you and moved on!
Best part here is, if you do not contact her for 4 months, you have probably forgotten about her as well. And that is why this advice is not so bad after all, as it will help you to heal.
Guys help a guy out here! Still thinking about this girl i am crazy about her. I posted above but nobody replied, any tips would be appreciated guys you seem to know your stuff in here! She is stubborn, independent, don’t need anyone type, she takes meds sometimes, high and low type, not sure if BPD or a Narcissist but signs of both. She chased me for months after adding me on FB. Finally we hooked up, was great for two months, best i felt, then boom, cold and distant, no kisses, compliments stopped, she fought over silly things always online, we talked mostly online she had college and a kid, me working nights, was hard to spend time, once maybe twice a week. She said i was the most genuine decent man she had met..we had little arguments and she was off for days, paid for a trip to amsterdam for her bday, she didnt change, we got home and she mailed me 3 days later, i told her i loved her and we would work it out! she was fine the night before however, usual lovey messages with kisses etc its why it took me by surprise. She said we did not gel, no chemistry.. i did not reply for 2 weeks, even tho she knew i was so gonna be so hurt she did not contact me either in this time … we talked after 2 weeks she said she was very sorry, not how she wanted it to go, i deserved better and she was waiting on me to contact her she was giving me time.. we talked it out i said i understood her choice despite being in love with her, i got it. It ended ok, we wished each other well and deleted each other off FB. That was Dec 18th, no contact since. Knowing her she probably will not contact me which hurts but no idea what to do if anything i can do now?
Neil
there’s nothing to work out, you told her you loved her, she told you she wants to end it, let her chew on that for a while, and be a ghost, work out, play golf, by nice clothes meet other people focus on you be a man. Forget her, she might come around and contact you, you cant doing anything about it, they have to start missing you and they only way that happens is for you to be a ghost. If they contact you in months or years from now, your ripped, you’ve got nice cloths and you’ve improved your stock, you might have some ones else, and if not you might want to give them a shot again, but from my personal experience once a woman dumps on you, your heart never gives them that opportunity again, you might bang them even have fun with them again, but your never willing to let your self feel the way you once did. You did it right, you ended it with out being punishing, your next step its to elevate your stock.
Neil. Yeah what can you do. If you were not asshole and you werent emotionally punishing with the break up, you told her you love her and want to workout things, then what can you do if she doesnt want to continue.
But whatever she has said only applies in the moment. And that can change anytime. Women are emotional beings and their feelings change all the time, we on the other hand always have our attraction towards woman and it basically never changes if it once was there. Once a man loves a woman, he will always have that love for her. If things were same with women, dating would be so much more simple.
If she wanted you she would contact you. She needs to wonder about you for now. But maybe someday, after 6 months or so, you can send her something that reminds of your time together. If you got something special with her then maybe she’ll see you and catch up and then anything can happen. I know its not easy to be without the woman you love and whom loved you back and now shes like a different person and is being very cold/ignores you. It sucks and hurts more than anything. But if you communicated what you want and she doesnt want that, then move on. Sure she might come back someday and want to see how are you doing, but you cant make her do it, she needs to want it on her own.
Just like od_dude said, now you need to elevate your stock. She’s not the only amazing girl for you in the world. When you get better, its likely that you’ll meet someone so much better that when she comes back you might not even want her anymore, unless you really loved her.
***Lesbian Friend-Zone. Need Advice***
So, after reading the above, I’ve realized I’ve probably made about a million beta mistakes…
So here’s a little backstory….I’ll try to keep it short. I befriended this older woman through website intended to help people meetup that have common interests. Keep in mind, that at the time I was not looking for a romantic relationship of any sorts. We pretty much hit it off instantly despite our 12 year age gap. I’m 26, she’s 38. She had just gotten out of a relationship two months before, blah, blahhhh.
At this point I’ve seen multiple red flags with her. 1. She just got a relationship. He Ex actually cheated on her; that’s why it ended. 2. I know for a fact, she is still on “good terms” with her Ex. 3. Very indecisive. One day she wants to be with me, the next day…she wants to get back with her Ex. 4. I’m not even that physically attracted to her.
Through all of that, even knowing that those were red flags….I still manged to catch some kind of feelings for her…..The connection we had, it’s like I’ve known her my whole life. I’ve never connected with anyone like that. Fast forward three months, we are still in the same place. She’s still talking to her Ex, blah blah, shes’s still “confused” about her feelings, blah blahhhhhh.
At this point, I was mentally preparing myself to just be her friend no matter what. No matter if she came around, and said she did want something more. During this whole time, I know I’ve been playing the stand-in girlfriend (boyfriend) roll without getting jack shit in return.
I could tell she had been avoiding me (not wanting to meet up) for two weeks are so. So I just told her that I don’t think we should talk anymore, and I hope things between them workout. No hard feelings. She came back with, I’ll be here when you are ready to talk to me. I’ll always have “friend love” for you……*barf*. We texted a couple more times, and then the last text she sent was on Friday….pretty much saying I’ll be here when you are ready to talk.
So all of the above I know sounds EXTREMELY beta. The only problem is, I want to text her so bad! Another beta move. I know I need to just walk away from the whole situation….I got played, or perhaps “I played myself” – *DJ Khaled Voice*….
Thanks in advance,
ToorgJ
What if the girl never comes back? It’s been an year and she used to contact me as a friend which was hurting me. So one day I told her that I wanted her…hold her hands etc…she never replied and then afterwards I stopped everything all together. She works at my workplace and we avoid each other like bad smell. It’s a lie if I were to say that I don’t love her and not miss her. The anxiety has reduced but I still think of her. Life sucks!
@Dummy
You wont care any more, why? because you took all the hurt and pain, and put it into the gym, your work, your looks, your style. Your stock has doubled with your efforts, and you have other options. Every one keeps asking the same question, you cant beg a woman back, and you cant be an orbiting friend zone beta while they bang some other dude, Ghost the fuck out of them including Social media ( at least until your not effected by seeing who shes banging ) and elevate your stock. Dummy, what your going though sucks, its really shitty, i know, and the worst part you cant do anything to change her right now, but you can do something to change you now and that might change her, so here are some instruction for you to read, follow exactly what this guy did, and you’ll be able to bang her again or you wont give a shit, but you’ll be in control, read and follow it. Good luck brother.
http://aaronbleyaert.tumblr.com/post/109959086957
Dummy,
NO WORKPLACE RELATIONSHIPS!!!! You aren’t paying attention to what BD says!!!!
“If he dies, he dies.” —Ivan Drago
“If she doesn’t come back, she doesn’t come back” 😉
Even though this is an older post it’s timely for me since I just soft nexted someone. Many women will throw out the “why won’t you fight for this! You never really cared” line. Fighting for it just keeps the broken record spinning in my experience. You’ll keep rehashing the same crap over and over with no resolution. Just back away from it-time and space bring some great clarity.
Thanks a lot guys for the advice you’re good men in here! I feel good now. I’m getting fitter, I’ve got 3 women chasing me, each week I am improving and taking control. And it helps me keep busy and get over my ex. I didn’t punish her for ending it so coldly and horribly and how she acted toward me I accepted it was over and we wished each other well. She’s had bad relationship after bad relationship all bad men some beat her etc I treated her really well so I can hold my head up high for that and one day she may realise it but by then I’ll have someone better. Life goes on men 🙂
Neil
Ive learned something the hard way, some women need to feel sorry for them selves, so the go from bad relationship to bad relationship, and always using it to cry a self righteous mantra to their friends and families or anyone that will listen to their “whoa as me” bullshit, “I’m a good woman i put up with this douche, but ill fix him, because I’m good and care, blah blah” this lets them cry the victim for sympathy, they dont want a healthy situation, the moment they are in a healthy situation, it forces them to look in the mirror and realize its themselves that are fucked up, selfish and entitled, they cant blame some one else and they hate that, so they sabotage it and run back to an abuser, where they can feel sorry for them selves again, pretend they are good people who are just victims. Just walk away from those types, they are hopelessly self centered people that need to be victims.
Neil. Women like that are not good relationship material. They love the unpredictable bad boy who one time beats her and next time is lovey dovey cuddle guy, she never knows what to expect and that gives her the tingles.
You’re not like that so eventually she got bored of you and shes back on the hunt for exciting bad boy but shes likely to come crawling back to you when shes got enough of mistreating from the next bad boy and remembers your niceness. She might have a seasonal want for exciting bad boy and then for a nice stable guy. Your turn was done and it might come again. But remember shes not good relationship material because this will likely happen again and you’ll be all broken again, if she comes back just see her casually as a sex playmate and wrap it up. And that way you’ll likely keep her, because your lovey doveyness actually repulsed her. Women like that always want that man who doesnt want her. That’s why shes not good relationship material, because once you’re committed she’ll lose all interest.
Great posts and advice guys, really appreciate it as well. I have had enough time to think it all through, I was annoyed at myself for still thinking about her, why? she treated me shit, she actually admitted she did as well, why could I not have told fuck off? guess its not me and my feelings outweighed anything else. Isn’t it strange that I actually know she would not be someone you would want to marry, very controlling, trying to dominate, you say something out of place and BOOM! its blown up. Cant win with a woman like that. She has always been this way too, thats why no relationship worked before I imagine, she had to have played a part cannot always be the guy was just a bad guy. Not sure you views on it but I was told she maybe a narcissist, she has all the traits, they lure you in with a real intense start, she chased me hard for months, found out all about me, was so nice and easy to get on with.. then it got past the little honeymoon period and the mask fell off. Constantly wanted to fight, just act a prick really. I know she probably likes the bad boys or the guy who will tell her fuck off and ignore her etc they chase them types these women, but I also know her well enough to know she realises this is not the man she truly wants, she wants to settle and live a good life, she dreams of success and being rich, she talks money a lot and what she will do etc she has an ego in that sense. So she knows a drug dealer etc will not do long term and her family will not tolerate also, it seems she made a rash decision though, and maybe missed the spark of the bad boy as said above, so she may seek that thrill out now again and then as all the other ones she realises shit i gotta get out of this now its not what i want either, and round and round it goes. I honestly do believe one day she will regret it, she is bright, she has brains, also issues that cloud them. One day she will think of me and the good I did and how she acted and maybe reach out but it wont matter as said above also, I will have someone much better. I will never contact her, so if she does not at any point, we will never speak again, if you asked me weeks ago about that I would say that it would make me sad to hear that, now? not so much. She had nothing to bring to my life, I had a lot to bring to hers though, she lost out. My revenge will be living well and success 🙂
That’s the spirit Neil…now hit that gym!!!!
You shouldnt be motivated by revenge, rather motivated for yourself.
But its true that you’ll be motivated to improve yourself so that one day they’ll see what they lost and then they might run back to you and beg for you. Anyway most old lovers with true bond and love in between each other will want to have a taste again of that old salt, and even more if they’ve improved.
You gotta remember that: Most women age like bananas, men age like wine if they improve themselves. Your oneitis girl will look very different in 5 years, you on the other hand might’ve improved a lot. Of course theres those few women who age well and some of them blossoms to even more beautiful, but those are the rare bunch. Anyway if you want to better your odds with that woman you loved and lost, improve yourself and maybe in few years you’ll get her or someone better.
It sucks in this moment that you lost her but whining and crying over it wont help, be a man and do what you must.
Good advice, Martin.
I don’t seek revenge on her, I don’t wish anything bad on her in fact, I never did, she treated me shit, which she said so herself, she knows she did, let her sit with that fact but I meant just my revenge is and should be to live well, improve my life or stock as you guys call it and that is it. I cannot make her come back and knowing her its not her style but what I can do is not be the nice guy she knows as in always available, contact her, run after her, she knows I truly loved her, she really does know, she did not want it, I accepted it, we talked after, she knew how much she hurt me but i never once begged her to come back, did not send any drunk silly texts saying please or thinking about you etc so I did well this way, I held my nerve and i had a rough xmas, she was on my mind daily, even when out so I showed some resolve to not contact her then, I do think she half expected me to run back or send lots of messages with her knowing my feelings so maybe it helped me. I am not sure what i want off her to be honest, I guess my ego got bruised a little, there is things i would change if i could but i cannot now so why beat myself up.. i would not have spoke to her so much, texts back and forth non stop daily, it was too much and she was busy too, think it all got to much for her, her fault and mine there. I wrote a blog about it and it helped, just got it out of my system, i find each week i feel better in myself, i feel good i never let myself down or sent stupid messages. Think when we are dumped its natural for the male mind to be very hurt, ego more so. Why me? what changed? am i not good enough? could i have done more? but its on her, her reasons, not mine. Fact she chased me first, added me online, talked non stop to me, wanted me.. then went cold and dumped me online, course its gonna hurt you. I know behind that wall she puts up for the world to see, she has a heart, she knows she did it wrong and maybe regrets ever getting into anything with me as we always got on so well as friends and she has ruined that too. She is the type to move on though, she intergrates into other groups and carries on with life until she gets bored of that too. I do expect her to contact me, but not for a long long time so none of this will matter anyway. One fact i left out that may or not have anything to do with it although i did ask and she said no way!! I actually met this girl through a buddy of mine, they had a little thing years ago, nothing serious, he had no interest in her and finished it with her over a phone …. yup… she always kinda liked him too, she rang him a year later after NC saying she was in hospital she was not feeling so good and he talked to her, he is a good guy, but didnt want anything else. She tried to add him on FB twice in the last 4 years but he never accepts it he has a woman and baby now so he could not so she started to dislike him, bitterness i suppose. When we hooked up, she did not want to be around him or hear his name, she got angry in his company it was weird..i asked her why it was so long ago and meant nothing? could this also have anything to do with it? i know its thinking into maybe to much but i did think she got to a point where she had those feelings for him and never quite let it go and just realised what she was doing with his friend?
It’s good you didnt chase. These women who pushed you off when you were too needy and head over heels in love with them, they usually start to wonder why you’re not chasing and they actually might start to miss the way you were in love with them. Especially if shes narcissistic she might want to “drug” you again so that she sees you still do love her. Now you’re indifferent to her, she might come back and do exactly that. Some women get such a power rush when they get men fall in love with them. She’s likely to do that in the future when she develops feelings for you again and starts to wonder about you. This time just do not fall for her so easily, she has to earn it if shes to come back for real.
When the break up comes against our will how we should react to that?
The experts here say that do not be emotionally punishing but doesn’t really tell what to say for best chance of boomerang. For the best odds of boomerang from LTR where the woman fell off from love, what do I say when she wants to end it if I want her to be back in my sex life and even in LTR?
1. Shrug it off with “Ok, I enjoyed our time together and I wish you the best” and be done with it?
2. Say that you love her and remind her about your best times together and how you want to continue all that and if you don’t then give me a call if you ever change your mind, I cant be just friends with you.
Here many commenters say women dont want men who want them, so option 1 wouldn’t atleast lower her attraction? But option 2 is standing up to yourself and what you want. If you went needy in the relationship option 1 is better then? Women want sex too so they probably wont come back to a clingy guy whos in love with them while she lost those feelings? Saying the second isnt probably that good idea then?
Would like some clarification what you guys are doing. Or does it even matter what you say. They’ll come back either way if you were enough good to them and they start to miss that?
Wise words Martin, you have been here before for sure! We act stupid after these things just our minds don’t want to let go, still hurt so i accept that is lifes circle, i feel much better as of late i really do, my mind is not going into overdrive as much the no contact has helped me a lot, you need that space to breathe. I would like to hear your views on something if its ok, i know its stupid but since we last spoke (it was on snapchat) she sent a thanks for the present for her kid etc i noticed she did not delete me off her snapchat, i expected it, but she never did, i did think she would expect me to contact her on there after some weeks i actually know for a fact she would have expected it as she knew my feelings…i never did. i checked days ago and she was still there..checked today and we are no longer friends so in the last few days she deleted me on there, now we have not sent snaps or anything since it, both been quiet, not even a story on there, keeping our distance.. dunno why it bugged me but it did if i am honest, guess as it ended ok and we wished each well and all and i was dumped, i did not think she would do it.. two things spring to mind for her action here, she got sick of not being able to post a story with me on there as a friend and she wanted to just forget it and move on properly, or she got angry at me not trying to reconnect and show her attention as she expected and run back so she done it.. i find it odd to do it 2 months after our last talk though, what would you read into that?
Neil she might have unfriended you just to get you to notice that and maybe contact her so she’ll see that you’re weak and still pining over her. Do not contact her, let her come to you because she did the dumping, it must be her idea to come back. You cant twist her arm to like you. And no matter how stubborn she is that doesnt matter, if she wants you she will contact you someday! If she doesnt then she doesnt want you (yet).
Do not read too much into what happens with the social media stuff, snapchats etc. Focus on yourself and be in this present moment. I’ve been where you are now, I know it sucks to think her and you’re crushed that why she cant like you the way you like her. You think why the fuck things changed to this from that deep mutual love. It fucking sucks. But man, I’ve found that you just gotta be happy for her if you really love her, understand that she chose to not be with you and to be somewhere else. Respect her choice and accept it. You cannot do anything about that. You can learn for your next relationship (or if she comes back) where you went wrong, maybe you became too loving nice and needy, cut that back next time.
If you really loved her you’ll let her be free if she doesn’t want to be with you. When you think your time together, smile and do not cry. You got an great experience, be glad for that. Most people do not get to experience that. Most people are alone and never experience anything deep with someone, at least you got an experience and you can learn from that. For real, if you really love someone you want them to be happy, and if they’re not happy with you then you’ll let them go wherever they want and you’ll smile. Love is giving, its not about possession. Maybe this will set your thoughts more straight.
My case is a little bit different from those already presented here. I hope you guys can give me some insight into It. Well, I am 21 and merely by choice, I’ve never been in a serious relationship before. But in the last two months and a half, I met this quite young girl(she’s only 18), extremelly good looking, taller than me, smart and quite mature for her age. We got to know each other and immediatelly started dating. I fell for her. In the beginning, her mother(who’s very controlling of her) would tell me things about her and her past, that she got involved with someone twice her age and that she suffered a lot due to the fact her mother wouldn’t accept her relationship with this guy. That was four months prior to I meeting her. I didn’t care too much about It, she was with me now and the guy was past. I am mentioning It because I always tought she still had feelings for him. I don’t know.
Everything was perfect between the two of us, we would see each other everyday(which I think now was a big mistake), and when we were together, she would be always lovely and caring, and the sex was great. The problem was that when we were not together, she would never call or text me, let alone ask me to come over. I had to do all this myself, and of course I wouldn’t feel comfortably with It. And there was this female best friend of her, that she liked her so much that I sometimes I felt like a mere second option. It sucked. That aspect of her not “pursuing” me(phoning, texting etc) that I mentioned earlier improved a little, but two weeks ago she started to act cold and moody, and one day she asked me to come over and we broke up, I didn’t question It, acted indiffent, and just went home. I didn’t talk to her in the break up period.
In that period, things went really downhill. Both my mother and hers had an argument over our break up and they stopped talking to each other. My ex-girlfriend then messaged me saying she missed me and wanted me back. I gave her a second chance. We met the day after and had great sex. Everything was ok, when two days later she suddenly messages me on Whatsapp and says that It will be hard for her to date me now since mine and her mother won’t talk to each other and that she can’t even come to my house anymore. I said that I still could go to her house and her mother – despite what happened between our familes -, still liked me and I could go to her house as I normally did. She then said It wasn’t enough. I confronted her about her feelings about me and that If she really indeed liked me, she would be willing to fight for our relationship together.
She then said that she “needed time”, and that she no longer knew what she wanted. I then said the following:
“You will have your time, but in that period, you will never see me again.”
She asked If I really mean It, or If I was claiming It. Which I said:
“The future is uncertain for everyone, goodbye”.
And It’s been one week since we don’t talk to each other. I am trying to move on now, I know It was a really short relationship, but It was very intense, we lived great things in that period. I miss her greatly.
Should I keep ignoring and acting indifferent to her or I made a mistake by saying those words above and she had the right to ask for a break?
Carl its likely that she doesnt have very high level of interest in you, but you made it so by pursuing and initiating too much. And she might have some feelings for some other guy you should just let her come to you and give her time to miss you. I bet you contacted her everyday and that way you ended up hanging too much? This is what happens when you are in too much of rush to be with this girl all the time.
“You will have your time, but in that period, you will never see me again.” you shouldn’t have said that. You should just said: “I want to continue what we have and if you dont then its goodbye but take your time to think about it. when you figure it out, reach out to me. ”
If she wants to keep some break, you say: “I dont want us to have break, but its ok if you do, but dont expect me to wait for you, I’ll go meet some other women if you’re not sure about us anymore.”
Tell her what you want from her and stand for yourself. Do not accept friend zone, its romance or you’re out of her life. You didnt really negotiate what you want, you just basically shut the door from her. I’d call her and say that I want to continue what we have but if you dont then its ok, but call me if you ever change your mind. Never end things like you did, be relaxed and communicate lovingly about what you want and if she doesnt want that then end it with “call me if you change you mind” and walk away and never look back. She’ll come back if she feels it, it might not happen instantly but maybe in few months when she starts to miss you.
So, Martin, you suggest I contact her and ask If It’s really over? I don’t like this uncertainty, either I have her or I don’t.
Anyone else?
If I understood right she didnt really end it, she asked time and then you ended it. You didnt give her the space to think about it first but just ended it straight up by saying you will never see me again (in my experience women always come back when they ask for break/space, you didnt give her that chance). She might take that like you never want to see her anymore because she will be like this and will need her space once in a while, and you seem to not be able to give her space that she needs every once in a while. Women are not gonna contact you after that and risk rejection, women never want rejection.
In that case I’d reach out and communicate better what I want, that is if you didnt do that. It’s been only week so its not bad. But you know it better and if you see it differently and she really ended it then I’d wait for her to reach and then communicate what I want, pitch a meet and proceed into her pants.
Should I message her and arrange a meeting?
Thank you Martin, really appreciate the replies you are a good guy.
I know the point o this blog is don’t be a pussy, i have seen the light! I am not usually a soft guy, i am decent i feel things and take things to heart but with her i was blinded i just loved her a lot, i seen a future with her, a good one, i know it could have worked if we got through the first year with her so busy in college and all but it just all came to a head, i do take some blame though, i said silly things, never malicious but it caused big arguments and thats when she kinda turned cold on us, despite them not being major which showed me she may have not been into it so much but it aint something i can know for sure now.
I reacted well, i gave her space and will do so, i did not beg or make her feel shit i told her she was a great mother, she would do well in college and i wished her happiness, so i can hold my head high. I hope she thinks of me the same and did not just say that to me and fill others with shit about me, she didnt strike me as that type though. I did think she would do it to get me to react and here from me as ive been a ghost this last 2 months really so she must have wondered time to time what i am doing. I will not react to anything done online, as you said work on myself, get happy and see what happens next. I do feel lucky despite my pain being daily almost about it that i had or felt that kind of love, my first time to really feel so strong about a woman and i am almost 30. It can only make me better too. I do wish her well really, deep down i do. She is not a monster, i seen inside her soul, i knew the life she leads, how hectic it is, her personal issues and struggles, she is a brilliant mother, she is doing her level best, i wish her love and happiness but from what i seen, she has stuff to sort out first before she can truly have that, i hope she does. We can put to much emphasis on social media now, people lose there minds when blocked or deleted but thats people acting out, showing emotion, rage, a moment, we got caught up in moments, i do think months down the line she will regret deleting me there but it wont matter then.
Appreciate your words they help and i will keep growing, next time i fall in love i will be in a much stronger position, i know that for sure 🙂
@od_dude sorry for late reply been busy lately focusing in improving myself ;).
“I just want to add the Social networking thing, the ghosting technique existed long before Facebook, its irrelevant if she on yours or not. If they aren’t playing games, ( constantly liking your updates, etc ) and you can stay off their page leave them on, unfortunately its too tempting for most of us, alternatively you can assign them to acquaintance, then hide most of your pics and status from acquaintances. The added bonus of ghosting will make them wonder and most likely miss you more, as seeing you on Facebook can be comforting to them, you gone completely makes them wonder what your really doing. Dawson advocates deleting, BD says its ok, it really depends on your situation at the time, but being on FB or not wont make them miss you more, their memories and time will do that, ive been boomeranged a number of times in my life by exes, and many of of them were before Facebook and the longest one was 7 years after, and technically one was a crush from high school who contacted me 20 years later who i didn’t sleep with in high school, and then ended up fucking her on and off for three years, its memories and time not Facebook. Personally if they are with some one else, I’m gone, i dont want to or need to know about it, and I’m focused on myself, its sends a clear message as well, if your not in my life fucking me, I’m not wasting a minute of my time on you, period, including FB. I may unblock them at a later date when I’m emotional clear, and dont give a fuck anymore.”
Great post and when you say it that way the social media aspect really doesnt matter that much. Its like you say if you have the self-control and being alpha 2.0 you can simply keep them there but if you are more emotional/alpha 1.0 as I was I simply had to block my ex lover to get over her and get my head clear.
I blocked her around NYE, today I was at the gym and ive been starting to work out very hard and I saw my ex there. I was on the threadmill and she took the threadmill next to me and smiled and said hi I just said hi back said “long time no see” basically. Went on with my workout and she came around again and we chit-chatted a bit but I didnt pitch a meet unfortuantely I just asked her what she was up to and how life is etc and went back to training and left it at that.
The reason im bringing this up is to encourage other people out there, as a matter of fact ive lost 6kg since new years and I look good now, my ex noticed and was checking me out and this is just the beginning. I am gaining power again I finally am slowly dropping the oneitis and I really dont give much fucks anymore I simply trying to focus on myself and live the life i want.
I dont know if she is still with her boyfriend or not as stated before in the blog it doesnt matter, next time I will try and pitch a meet but just remember with this girl I was very AFC/beta and her attraction dropped but I think its slowly coming back and she misses me. I definately would like to have sex with her again but if not its not the end of the world, but how would you guys approach a similar situation?
I guess deep down I still want her to work to get me back I dont want to be too desperate and thats why I just kept the conversation cool and left it at that. But same time its the mans work to actually pitch a meet and make something happen.
I guess next time just tell her, its been a while and ask if she wants to meet up for a drink, like a regular date/hookup I guess?
Either way, now back to the standard work, definately a motivation to see my oneitis checking me out like she used to do back in the days and actually making an effort talking to me. I seriously thought it was 100% over a few months ago and impossible to fuck her again but the way she looked and contacted me she definately missed me or wanted something.
To anyone who recently been dumped or having a hard time getting over someone, remember to love youself, hit the gym and be the man and women (and your ex) will notice.
Good luck guys, will update if I manage to pitch a meet and get her back in bed :).
It turns out you were right, Martin. I contacted her and asked If It was over, and she said “I don’t know” and then asked me “What do you think?” and proceeded to say she “doesn’t know what she wants in our relationship” and that she tought I didn’t want to talk to her anymore. Well, I didn’t say what I wanted with her either. Then the following happened:
I was at the gym when we were talking and by coincidence she was near by. I told her I wanted to give her something(I picked up a dirty rock from the ground and hide It), when I saw her I made a surprise and gave her the rock(lol), she then came and jumped at me, and we kissed. She behaved very lovely and caring in the brief moment we talked(she had a important meeting), and she even touched my dick. Well, It seems I am still in the game.
She said she wants to have sex with me and left saying she will contact me about It. But the problem is she wouldn’t say what she wants(regarding the future of our relationship) and this uncertainty worries me.
Where do I go from here?
@Carl
Great! I’m happy for you. I knew this would happen, its standard for women to need space, man their hormones change all the time so one moment they’re in love and one moment they want nothing to do with you. Don’t take it personally just understand that IT WILL BE THIS WAY ALWAYS. Let her come to you, when she contacts you set a date and have fun and hook up. Then give her the space to come to you and do not contact her instantly the next day. Give her the silence in between dates so she has time to develop feelings for you.
Do not worry about dating labels. Just focus on setting the next date and then have fun with her and have sex. That is all you need to focus on, its her job to focus on the dating labels and what you are, and she will bring those up when shes ready. Never talk about relationship labels, just focus on your next date and do not talk about future. She wants to have fun with you and you’re trying to ruin it by some serious relationship talk. She’ll fall in love with you if you just focus on what man should focus on: setting the dates when she contacts you and then having fun. When shes ready she’ll bring up the relationship talk.
Drop that approval seeking uncertainty about your relationship. If you dont want to lose her again then do not focus on that. Focus on your mission and let her come to you in her own pace. Man she wants to have sex with you and you’re trying to talk her out of that if you talk about being boyfriend girlfriend. She doesnt know what she wants in a relationship but she knows that she wants to have sex with you, so do that. She will know eventually if you just focus on showing her great time. How you acted in the start of relationship and how you got her to like you, you must act always that way if you want to keep her attracted. And I bet you didnt talk about your relationship on your first date?
Yeah, It seems I made a mistake when confronting her about our relationship’s future. I will take It slow from now on. Now I fear I turned her off and she might not contact me after that; by the way, in the time we were together, she would never initiates contact anyway. Is It ok If I do that if she doesn’t?
Carl she probably never initiated BECAUSE you never gave her the chance to do that. You probably were always texting her something if you hadnt heard from her in few days. Am I right? She has NO REASON to initiate because of your actions. She will initiate when she hasnt heard from you, be it week or few. “She said she wants to have sex with me and left saying she will contact me about It.” now just wait for her to contact you and anything she says you instantly set the date, do not start pursuing now by initiating when she has said she’ll contact you (when shes ready). Be patient, theres no rush.
Hey again, wanted to add another comment.
As I mentioned earlier I met my ex yesterday at the gym and she was very flirtatious and asking how I was etc I was tired from the training and was just friendly but never pitched a meet.
I am thinking of messaging her tomorrow and do as adviced in the blog saying I thought about her and ask if she wants to meet up in order to have sex.
What would you guy say on this? Its been more than 4 months since we split and I have gone full no contact and shes blocked on social media I guess she missed me but she hasnt done any effort to really ask me out.
I just want to make sure I dont come off as too needy by doing this, as she was the one who rejected me and treated me like a doormat in the past. Obviously im in another place now and if she would reject or simply say no its back to ignore 2-3 months unless she contacts me again. Just want to be 100% I do things right this time.
So: is it ok to shoot away a text to her in 1-2 days and saying it was nice to hear from her and ask if she wants to grab a drink and catch up? Or should I just leave it and keep living the life im doing now.
Thanks
@Martin
No, I wouldn’t always text her, quite the contrary, I would give her the same treatment she gave me by also rarely contacting her throughout the day. Believe me, this situation always pissed me off. The problem is she never invested too much in our relationship, what makes me think she doesn’t like me a much as I like her.
@ Klauss
She fishing, i wouldn’t text her, but wait for another happenstance at the gym, pitch a meet for drinks at your place or a pub, either way escalate quickly.
Klauss your doing the right thing, perfect, your upping you stock, improving your assets, keep doing this, its increases the odd of them coming to you, it will never drive them away.
I love this story, every one on here should read this if they haven’t, I never seek revenge, it takes energy from me and wastes in on a person who doesn’t matter, take that pain and anger and invest it in you.
@ od_dude I read that story I saw you linked it before, here is quicker one btw:
http://aaronbleyaert.tumblr.com/post/109959086957
Its awesome and made my day better :). Thanks for the input I will keep doing what im doing and if she reaches out again I will try pitch a meet in a smooth way and take it from there.
Will update here if anything else happens but for now its time to increase my value ;).
Best regards
Hey fellas, dated this girl for about a year I work with she cheated on her bf thinks were great but ex kept lingering around i got emotional and kept pressing her until one day she wanted out we still work together and she keeps it friendly and makes remarks on what we have done all the time, is she playing mind games, what does she want or what I do I see her constantly at work but thats about it, shes 23 in 32 thank you
@ onedream
you already broke the rules, you slept with a chick you work closely with, plus you became beta, so now your fucked.
dude if shes not giving you the landing signs, she playing games period, ive said it a million times here, you all know when a chick wants you, they let you know, and if its ambiguous then she playing the game called “i used to want you but now i just want you to pay attention to me.” i call it “come here come here go away go away” and they will all do it if you let them. Onedream, you need to break all contact with her except when necessary, and join a gym, do everything you can to get your mind off her, and be absent, and its going to suck four times more for you because you have to see her every day. IF you have to fuck a chick you work with, make sure she in a different department or on a different floor, ABSOLUTLY dont fuck some one your work closely with or is your boss, you need to be able to put distance between you when things go south. And finally Onedream did you think you were so special that she cheated on her boyfriend for you, i’m fine with nailing a chick who has boyfriend, but dont ever think its because your the one, for fucks sake dude, women like that are NRE junkies, they lose the energy with the old and need the Oxycontin rush of a new one and you gave her a new rush, trust me your not special and when you lose your ability to give them the rush they move to some one new, she still an emotional child at 23, i suggest you treat her as one.
@od_dude Thanks, she tells people from other departmens that she miss me but with me shes like nothing happen, friendly thats it, i wanna keep fucking her until i can detach physically, sex was great. emotionally im cutting my losses, , is there a chance? I act like nothing happen at work. she sends random text here and there.
my ego got in the way she came back once we fucked she loved it then she ignore my calls again how do i reverse this game i got involved in there are still some feelings not as strong since i realized whats going on . am i being stupid for not putting this past me? what if she comes back? i dont want to wait just want to get my closure help is much appreciated fellas
You want to “detach physically”, but yet you keep having sex with her? The fact is you are physically and emotionally attached to this lady, can’t you see that? Just ignore her, I know It’s hard, but you gotta give It a try. If sex is the problem, she is not the only one you can have sex with. How about going out and meeting new people? Stop depending on her.
@ onedream
step 1 next time she contacts you for anything not work related, escalate to an intimate meeting, tell her to come over to your place you miss her and want to see her again, if she gives you anything other than a yes, go to step 2.
Step 2 blocker her and ghost her as best you can, and do not respond to any ambiguous text from her, or anything indirect from friends. If she directly contacts you again, repeat step one.
Send a clear message to her, your either fucking me or you get nothing from me, period, and even let her know if she doesn’t want you, you have some one else take her job. She is a child, and you need to treat her like one, your a 32 year old man and she a teenager, be the man.
By the way, being single has inspired me to go for my Ph.D next year. Martin is right guys, increase your stock. Time AND gravity decreases theirs.
@od_dude . Thanks for all th feedback , she sents some remakrs through text as of what we’ve done but havent reply yet. I might be in denial and still holding on the good times. its harder when it happened so sudden and no exact reason as of why. your mind gets fucked over wondering what you did wrong when everything seemed right. my ego keeps getting in the way and its a loss thats hard to cut loose especially if you feel mindfucked. once you have become a beta from an alpha is there a way to redeem yourself. thanks fellas.
one thing for sure once something gets in the way of your daily life its time for change , whatevwr that is.
Onedream “she tells people from other departmens that she miss me but with me shes like nothing happen, friendly thats it, i wanna keep fucking her until i can detach physically, sex was great. emotionally im cutting my losses, , is there a chance? I act like nothing happen at work. she sends random text here and there.”
Man, she sends you texts so why dont you try to make a date when she initiates contact?? From now on whatever she texts you, you respond with “hey i’d love to see you, when you are free to get together?” then when she tells her available days pick one and drinks or dinner at your place in the evening. Then escalate to sex. If she denies that then say call me if you change your mind.
If she keeps contacting you after that you set the the date again and if she doesnt come to your place then you say that please do not contact me ever again if you dont want to be my lover, we have no reason to talk otherwise unless its about work. I want you and I cannot be just your texting buddy, so call me if you ever change your mind.
Get better in negotiation, negotiate what you want with this girl and if she doesnt give that then its: well…..bye. Just like od_dude said. Do that, its so simple what you need to do now. This stuff isnt rocket science. If she wont mount your cock then shes done, she changed your relationship terms against your will so give her the gift of missing you. If you do this you’ll get her or someone better.
thanks for all the feedback fellas. shes playing this game good, mad nonechalant at work. and flirty but when i approach, hostility. i decided to block and wait for contact. if a chick wants to reach out to you she will find a way. until then it sucks when you have feelings but fuck it. i was sold the dream and she knows that now so shes playing the game. when i wasnt into it she was all over it. Can you gain that upper hand in situations like this. or they are doomed. this is for future reference.
@ onedream
Yes you get the upper hand, but dropping them on their asses, going to the gym, buying nice clothes and up your stock, use pint-rest for style reference. She will contact you, because she an egotistical child, and if you’ve raised your game she will be back in your sack, but never never give her the emotional upper hand again, always let her think she is quickly replaced if she isn’t giving you what you want, and remember what she done, she not a keeper, she has a huge amount of growing up to do. Now Ghost her the best you can, and avoid her as much as possible at work, only be present if you have to be, that means avoid her on breaks or in the cafe if you know shes there. Meet some other women and preferably not at your work, friends of co workers are fair game. You are a 32 year old man, you are the power, not some 23 year old tart, she is just one of millions of vaginas, she young, stupid and thinks hers is gold apparently, and if shes pretty she have plenty of betas chasing it to reaffirm her delusions, unfortunately these girls take decades to grow up. If you dont work, out start now, i cant stress enough that getting into great shape gives you a massive amount of upper hand.
@od_dude u the real deal. ghost her. called block. asking if theres other women. she hung up. no meet. im in great shape and im onto this is to get an upper hand. everytime i seemed to follow my emotions it took me nowhere. shes pushing me away more with these stupid games. ill see where this goes. if i dont see results as much as it hurts. it doesnt seem to be worth the time. challenge is on.
You’ll be fine onedream….the world is awash in pussy.
@ onedream
Not surprising, girls that age are rarely secure, the way to get her back is to play on her insecurities, make it clear she will be replaced quickly, and you dont need her. Stick to your guns, ignore until she contacts you directly and agrees to meet you, otherwise your banging other chicks> Let her play her stupid games, your not playing anymore, she will come running back when she thinks your moving on with some one else.
Im just so pissed off at myself. Here I was giving this girl money and help because she was sick and planned to stick with her untill the end and she dumps my ass while a 60year old hangs out over there all the goddamn time.She still swears hes just a friend. They sure came to the door like a couple when I confronted them. I feel like a fucking idiot
Gary,
Consider this a lesson and keep it moving.
What does that say about me to get left for some avg 60guy by a girl most likely dying of cancer? I thought I was doing the right thing.
@od_dude you right, it could also be shes playing the controlling game really good. called at 4am. didnt answer. still playing it cool at the office. it has become a mind game at my expense. this sucks. holding strong. so far. when do you give in a little.
@Gary if a woman whos dying from cancer leaves you when you were caring and loving and wished to help her by your best ability, that doesnt say ANYTHING about you. It says all about her. Just let that other guy have her, its better that way.
You’re appreciative and loving to her and shes just “meh”, well then shes just not right for you and she doesnt get to have your valuable time then. Wish her the best from your heart and move on without any emotional punishing. You wanted to workout things but shes not having it, so just let go and end things with wishing her the best. If she feels anything towards you she’ll contact you someday in the future. Yes it sucks that you care about her a lot and then she doesnt care shit about your caring, it hurts you deep from the inside. So give her the gift of missing you. It’s all you can do.
Move on not to get her back, but move on for your sake. Because you need time to heal so you can attract a woman who you want and who wants you too. You want a woman who’s crazy about you who cant wait to hangout with you again. It doesnt make sense to want someone who doesnt want you anymore. You cant change her feelings for you with words, only time and space can. Bet that the moment you’ve moved on and forgotten her, thats when shes got bored of the guy and she contacts you. But then you might be with a woman who’s head over heels in love with you and you rather be with her, because she values you and shows it. Give your valuable time to women who fucks your brains out, not to those wishy washy hot & cold ones.
Thats a very good post. Im having a hell of a time with this for some reason. This gal chased me for a year when I could take or leave it. Shes cute but only about a ,6 I just liked her. There was an electricity there. Im to old for this shit . Fuck im worse than when I was 30going through this. I work out , im in good shape and look young and here I am all hung up on a girl none of you would want. Shit 90percent of the guys would have left her after all her problems and cancer started. Im not going to contact her im just very pissed off. I feel like getting some sttess relief by beating that guy senseless
Gary,
Better to beat a punching bag than that guy. Touch him and you can get a record. It’s not worth it. Martin is on point about this. She has cancer for god-sakes and STILL has bitchy behavior. Dude, you don’t need to walk away from this girl. You need to RUN faster than Usain Bolt at the Olympics. Her lost, not yours.
It’s so fucking simple!
@ onedream
You never give in until they are in your bed. She calls at 4 am, pick up the phone tell her to come over and talk, if she says no, say bye and hang up, if she texts you, tell her to come to your place and talk, if she says no, don’t text back. If she wants to talk at work, tell her your busy on a task, but she can come to your place and talk later, if she says no, say excuse me I need to get this task done, bye. Its simple you will pay attention to her if she banging you, any time she makes direct contact set up a meet then escalate to sex, if she wont, you ignore her and your putting your time into some one that will.
Here’s a quote to all you guys pining after your ex:
“Never get jealous when you see someone with your ex. Remember what our parents taught us when we were little? We have to give our used toys to the ‘less fortunate’.”
Especially for Gary, just let that other dude have her. It was just your turn, and its now his turn, but his turn will also come to an end. It’s a scientific fact. That’s just the way women are, accept it and you’ll see that theres no need to get pissed over their nature.
Can make a small update.
I ran into my ex again at the gym, this time she approached me again but not as flirty as last time. I was a bit cold though but I kept doing my thing but after the workout I decided to text her and ask if she wanted to meet for drinks and catch up at my place.
She said she was up for it and we set a date the week after (today) and now she just flaked. She asked if its ok we do it another time and I just responded:
“Hey, no problem its fine :)”
Back to ignoring again and keep working, I guess I fell for the temptation of catching up and trying to get into her pants again but since ive been at the 4 months ignoring mark I thought it was ok.
But atleast from now on its easy to move forward and I actually managed to sleep with 2 women during this last weekend so its all good :).
She simply responded : “Cool thanks” with no idea of rescheduling etc, did I handle the flakeing correct? I didnt want to try and reschedule another date, at this point if she had interest she would have brought something up and she would have NOT flaked. So in a way its good, im not wasting my time and guess the only thing I can do now is wait for her to reach out.
Wanted to ventilate my experience, how would you guys handle it now if I see her out? Should I simply smile, say hi and walk on and not engage in any special conversations?
Thanks
@ Klauss
you did that exactly right, you pitched a meet she agreed, then flaked. Now you vanish again, this situation can continue for years, but if she reaches out again before the four month mark, by all means pitch a meet, i know others disagree, but sometimes i pitch the meet at pub for drinks, this makes them feel like there not being total whores, some chicks just want to believe there not whores even though they like getting fucked as much as we do, but what ever, ill placate the delusions. After a few drinks i can feel the energy out between us and then escalate to my place or the car 🙂
@od_dude thanks bro, yeah exactly back to focusing on my stock and mission in life.
Klauss at least she now knows that you want her but you dont need her. You were indifferent about the date happening but of course you’d like to have seen her in a romantic setting. She knows this now and when she contacts you in the future she knows the dynamic between you two. If she contacts you shes ok with you two being romantic, because you set that frame. Then just set the meeting again. She could’ve been on her period thats why she wasnt so flirty and thats why she flaked. In less than 2 weeks she’ll be ovulating and fucking horny and if she makes the contact then go for it. I wouldn’t initiate contacting now, she has to do it. But if you see her in the gym then its obviously ok to say hi and do flirty chat for a min.
@ Martin
Exactly, I made the dynamics clear atleast and I think the reason she flaked was that she knew what I wanted and she wasnt ready for it. I think shes still seeing some guy and all I can do is to see if she makes contact or not, I dont think I should do anything more than waiting at this point. If this was a random girl I would probably try contact her again in one week (or set up a new timeframe right on the flake) and try set a date but since this is a girl I have history with and had sex with many times I guess its better to just wait and see, the ball is in her court now.
Yeah I will try and be friendly at the gym, life goes on and nothing really happened there is no point in being butthurt about her flaking.
I mentioned this before but I will mention it again btw, im getting in good shape now ive lost alot kgs since the beginning of the year and im feeling way more confident and better. The flow comes almost naturally and it really helps in EVERY aspect of life, even now this girl used to be a huge oneitis and being flaked like this would have hurt me a bit in the past but I barely care now, as a matter of fact her flake just made it easier for me to look forward because now im starting to realise my worth and other women does aswell. So I just want to point out how important it is to get in good shape, if its hard to get started get a proper preworkout and go lifting and life will automatically be easier :).
Ive been stressing this through out the post, you cant underestimate how much power this give you, i’m in my mid 40’s and i keep my self in top shape, i regularly get approached by mid 20’s girls, the gym gives you power, low body fat will make you look your best. In addition to this get some style if you haven’t already, i recommend pint-rest for style guides, and you dont have to spend a fortune to like like you spent it, i regularly get top clothing at discount and thrift stores, you’d be surprised at what people and higher end stores toss out after barely using or not selling, id rather spend my money on my golf clubs, nice watches, trucks and fishing trips. Klauss its all about taking your power back, once you have your power back, its an amazing feeling.
PS, im sure your ex has noticed your physical changes at the gym which is why shes snooping around a bit.
@od_dude just wanted to update sonwe rekindle. not the same way, she seems to be done but still sticking around not putting effort. sometimes she shows emoions but often times no. def trying to gain an upper hand but feel its not working yet. she seems to bring up the past and some bad moments yet sometimes she acts as she misses me. I called her out since she knows how to get under my skin. shes super jealous yet she acts as she dont care. visits are not often and not going out on dates anymore. yet its difficult to keep it moving if shes around on and off. at this point im tired of the games i do want that upper hand.
Blessings to the righteous men of this age.
Kind souls — please advise.
What do i do if my wife who is 7 months pregnant with our child cut off communications with me almost 1 week ago? Here is the quick synopsis: The last evening we were together, i picker her up at her job and we headed back to her Mothers. During the week i was remodeling her mothers house. The work was finished that day. Early that same morning my wife told her mother while i was still sleeping that she was pregnant. She didn’t even wait for me so we could share the news together as i had always encouraged. In case your wondering, my wife told her Dad the news the previous day at a luncheon. I was not invited?? Ive never met her Dad yet. Divorced parents. And, ive begged to meet with him when we first met. It has not happened to this day. It does of course hurt but i figured she may need more time to sort that one out. Im patient. Anyway, Later that night, her Mother snapped and asked us to leave her house [i suppose her beliefs kicked in — upon hearing that early morning for the first time from her daughter [27] is pregnant with our child., [i always encouraged my woman to communicate these matters at the table together. my woman came from a divorced house. she is not a huge communicator. sometimes i have to get her to speak! i love her dearly. of course this situation has been mentally and physically taxing on me. Our beliefs are not the same as her mothers who wanted us to walk down the church isle “marriage”. we don’t believe that. We are “married” in HIS eyes. We are Old Testament souls mindful of HIS LAW as man and woman joined in the flesh. at any rate, i am now 3 hours north from her. that evening when her mother spoke nasty to me which was really hurtful – my woman left the house as well, i had no idea she was told to leave! i was trying to comfort her in her car as she was sitting there completely a wreck at 1am. I asked her to come north “lets go” she would not said, she had to work in the afternoon…. okay, i thought….put the 2 weeks in. We are moving. Its time. i found out the next morning via text she went to her Dads a half hour north drive. that evening was very heart breaking on her and me. i kept my cool. never raised a voice or any of that — but i wanted to call out her nasty mouthed mother. her mother had the nerve to tell her daughter ‘You a shame. Your a disgrace” I heard that from the other room — i wanted to run and tell her mother off … but i kept my nose out between mother and daughter. I was so grieved not being able to comfort my wife who was in the middle of that what could i do but let time have its way? her mother called out mean things toward me. sad that her mother forgot that THERE WAS NEW LIFE IN THE ROOM! and she “fasts with catholicism” the whore of babylon. Im venting — ok… i have not seen my wife for almost 2 weeks now. She said she is staying with her Dad. She is. Maybe she isnt? She has been to the doctors for the baby concern and her low level of Placenta fluids. Im supposed to be there. She says “Yes you should be the one with me” [her Dad was with her on one visit last week] yet, She doesnt ask me to be there. Could this be her way of mitigating the stress factor? She said the doctors at last weeks visit are concerned for out baby’s lung development. Im so sad. I have no idea where she is. Ive sent texts and calls all week. Last text and call was 5 days past now. What on earth do i do? There are some other details dealing with moving, transitioning for state changing jobs, etc… all of which were being looked forward to! She is supposed to be living with me yet, keeps delaying her transition up north due to her job commitment…tho she has an easier job offer up here with a firm. It’s much better too. Im truly grieving. Please, advise, anyone. Peace. Ben
Ben,
You broke the rules. You got married and got the wife knocked up. Your only option now is divorce and that is the most painful (financial & emotional) decision to take. You married someone who is not playing with a full deck (not that most women are to being with). I learned this from my previous relationship that a woman who refuses to communicate is a shitty partner. Corey Wayne CONSTANTLY harps on having a significant other who knows how to communicate. I just feel bad for the next individual she dates. On top of that, her mom is popping off at the mouth at you. The fact that she won’t even stick up for you should speak volumes. Cut your loses my man and take this one on the chin(and wallet).
Yea bad communicators. Just no. They stay that way and do not learn to communicate suddenly, no matter how much you try. They’re great for sex playmate, LTR material no. The moment you’ve done some “mistake”, shes gonna give you the silent treatment and will be with one of her orbiters just “talking”. Too much drama for a monogamous LTR, you’ll never know what happens. She doesnt know how to talk about problems like an adult. If you notice that a woman cant communicate, put brakes on your ideas about LTRing her or you’ll suffer a lot down the path. Like Anthony said “I just feel bad for the next individual she dates” and be glad that you’re not that guy.
Ben you gotta negotiate what you want with her. You want to make your relationship work, you want to help her and be the father to your child, but if shes not down with that and doesnt want to communicate with you, then maybe its better that we end things, this is not what I want or visioned our relationship to be. Contact me if you change your mind, but as far as I am concerned, this just doesnt work for me this way. You must communicate with me and I want to be supporting you with raising our baby. And you need to want that too, this cant be one sided.
Women need to know that if they push you too far, you’ll walk away and never look back. Shes jerking you around having no respect towards you. You need to respect yourself and tell what you want and be willing to walk away if she doesnt reciprocate. That’s the loving thing to do for yourself and also for her. If she doesnt want you then let her go and she’ll be happier with someone else.
I really feel for Ben. As a man, it’s better to find out the woman you love can’t communicate like an adult while your BF/GF rather than husband and wife. No woman is going to come out and and say, “I can’t act like an adult and talk about what’s bothering me. I need you to guess what’s wrong so I don’t have to say anything and if you can’t figure it out then that means you don’t love me.”, but in the end it’s better they pull that mess before you say, “I DO”. I really do count my blessings that while I had the chance to love her, I also didn’t marry that chick. Major bullet dodged right there. Start getting your mind & body right Ben, you are going to be in for a rough ride.
In life, that one special lost love might be your biggest blessing in disguise. What if it had “worked out”? You wouldn’t have found this information whats presented here and would’ve got even more fucked and broken in few years more of that. Yes cherish the ones you really loved, but if they dont feel the same anymore then just chalk it up to experience. Every relationship isnt meant to last forever, they just serve their purpose and teaches you something. There’s really no point staying hooked in a woman who doesnt feel the same like you, just let go of her and move on. If you really had something special then she’ll come back someday. If not then well why would you want someone who doesnt want you when there is women out there who would die to spend time with you?
It was a blessing Martin. Now I am free to go for a Ph.D next year. Better I further my education and career prospects rather than pay for an engagement ring and a wedding. My cousin has been married for 5 years with two kids and he gained 45 pounds. Trust me, I know I dodge a bullet because I have no handcuffs on me. Just laying in the cut till the inheritance check comes in December. 😉
Just to be clear, girl blinded me, starts texting me, i asked to get up soon, sd she’s going away for 2 wks but prob can get up after, do i ignore her txts over the next 2 wks (cuz i know she’s gonna txt me) until she is like hey can we hang or do some light banter into a meet up into sex.
JD,
How long has it been since she contacted you? Tell her to get back to you when she comes back. You can’t escalate to sex when she’s away. Don’t be texting her back and forth while she’s away.
It doesn’t work with all girls. They have to find you attractive and something needs to be there for them to come back.
That said I m now a 41 year old man. Looking back I’ve had 3 women do a u-turn on me to come back. One was a friend who I asked out in my twenties but never went anywgerr relationsjip wise and I remember introducing her to a new girlfriend fast forward a few years and my friend told me she saw me iz a new light.
Another girl I went on a date with and declined a second date. She came back after 6 years but only after 3 failed relationships lasting 2 years each did she fund outbthat I was the one she was looking for. This girl I never ignored. We stayed friends all the way through.
The 3rd girl where DB is right. I completely ignored for 6 months and she messaged me back and I banged her.
You have to keep moving and keep seeing other people. If people miss you. They will get back in touch. Leave them do what they need to do to realise you’re worth getting back in touch with.
Anthony,
Sure enough she texted me, i asked to meet up sd she couldn’t due to some bull shit but sd we could another time, when she’s back. When i get the hey how r u txts etc. do i really just ignore them, or just 1 liners and thats it
@ Anthony
Play her like your interested in her life, make her laugh be light, ask questions like you care about her trip, if she flakes and wont meet you when she gets back in a week, ignore her for a long time.
Please Advise, and sorry for my grammar in advance;
I broke up with my GF because she went to a club after midnight with her GF who adviced her to dump me around 1 week ago from the breakup, she sent a selfie to me in a cab saying “i am going to club” and i replied have fun, if you need me call me, because at that point i was trusting her, 5 mins later , realized that GF of hers, asked her where is that club, she saw my message but didn’t replied, she was active again 15 mins later but didn’t replied again, then she was unactive till 4 am around 4 am in the morning she was active in chat again, but didn’t bother to tell me she was home etc, i sent her a solid message at 6 am saying we need to talk to some place today at evening, she replied around 11 am questioning my harsh tone in the message and talking like “i don’t wanna get angry” etc. After that message i went to her place (with anger) around 11:30 am, place was little suspicious (maybe it was super suspicious because of my suspicion) , i left the gifts she bought for me in her house and with her keys and left her house, she was calling me and texting me whole the time but i was ignoring her, finally when i am done i got a message saying “i will be at the place you said at the agreed time” i said “don’t bother” then she said “what are you saying? are you breaking up with me?” i ignored, then she texted me again “let us talk for 5 mins atleast”. I answered her call, she opened with agression asked “what do you want to say” i said “i dont have anyting to say” and asked “do you?” she said no, the asked me where i am, i said i was at her place and i was going to home, she (with little bit(atleast fo rme) anxiety and fear) said “my house? what were you doing at my house?!” i said what i did, she asked if i left the keys i said yes, she said ok good bye..
Second part is interesting;
At 3 am at the other day she texted me “what have i done to you so you left me before talking to me or speaking to me? didn’t you love me” etc, i explained my reasons, you did this you did that, you saw my message didn’t answered, you didn’t bla bla
She said her reasons, why she went to the club, (because her GF’s ex was there and she wanted revenge etc, my GF talked with her Ex etc) then she started to poke me, i got angry and started to answer with anger, finally she spoke with truth, she said to me, you never take me to club etc, i wanted to have fun without thinking about anything and i did exactly that, i wouldt be able to dance or have fun around you if i invited you and because of that i didn’t wanted to invited you, etc, i asked to her “then why were you hanging out with me last 3 months if you are not having fun?” she wasn’t be able to give me a straight answer i think. then i remembered the house, told her about my suspicions, she said to me “you are an idiot, you are doing everything by yourself, i am not going to honor your question, i dont want to answer or listen your insults” etc. i saw her at the university 3 days later, ignored her, but i had a void in my soul, 7 days after initial break up i finally called her (damn it i did) and said “we are being hubristic, we should talk right now, she said “we can talk but not now i am at another city with my friends, we can talk tomorrow with phone or one day later face to face” i said face to face ofc, and i know I DID WRONG, but i am a gentleman, so 12 hours later she texted me “i am avaliable you can call me now” and i called, she listened to me for a while, then started saying “i dont give a fuck anymore, 1 week left and you didnt called me you saw me at the school, you could come to me to talk but you didnt, past is past, i dont give a shit” etc,when i asked about my suspicions she laughed like saying i am an idiot. That laugh still in my ears…
4 days later (yes i did it again because i am a gentleman) i approach to her, just said “you were right i was wrong i broke your hearth i am sorry” she said “wtf wrong with you why did you approach me around my friends, what kind of trip you are having, everything is over we don’t need to talk anymore” etc. She is laughing with his friends, she is having fun as much as i can see, she ignores me completly and I KNOW I DID THE RIGHT THING but i have a conscience like everybody, i feel sad and guilty, she is quite stubborn person.
Give me some advice, about how to salvage this, how to surpass this, how to make her life living hell and if possible make her crawl back to me so i can refuse her…
so after a two week no contact, got back together. same bs happen. hot and cold. decided to end it. she said thats not what she wants but shes ok now. after 5 days she called me at 2am a few times no answer. she probably went out. doing the no contact. when do you give the green light to answer.
@OD_dude & Calm
You two mentioned “upping your stock.” Well, I am about to do that next week. I lost my grandma at the ripe age of 82 today, but she left me a sizable inheritance. Since I lost 15kgs, I’ve DESPERATELY wanted to get some new suits. I don’t plan going crazy with the money but, a new Tag Heuer watch and a 4-day trip to Tokyo is in the works.
@ Anthony
Do a lot of homework on watches, what the sales man for TAG doesn’t tell you, is they use ETA movements, which are great Swiss movements, but you can get that same movement in an ORIS, Hamilton or Steinhart, at a much cheaper price and all those lines make top quality watches. Also Don’t shy away from Seiko or Orient, both are highly regarded in the watch community for providing outstanding products, the Seiko Dive line is among the best dive watches for the price. Check out the The Urban Gentry youtube channel and look at his reviews. Personally id buy 3 to 4, 500 to 1000 dollar watches before I spend 3500k on a TAG. A man should have a watch for different functions. As for Style guides, use Pintrest and get outfit ideas, and don’t be afraid to go to your local thrift store, I make good money but I still find deals on top end clothing that other people just don’t want or a store has over stocked it.
don’t be afraid to use Ebay, tons of good watches will be discounted by reputable dealers, just check their reputations.
top watches under 500$
So I had a breakup 2 months ago, basically told her to leave me alone because she wouldn’t stop pestering me to stay her friend(which I couldn’t), and 2 weeks later she called me, which I didn’t know about because I was out and forgot my phone at home, and when I got home she had followed up with a text 3 hours after the call basically saying, fine whatever to leaving you alone, block me, I don’t give a fuck. There was nothing I could really say to that without looking bad, so I ignored it. It’s been 3 weeks since that night. Did I screw up here? Should I keep waiting for another attempt, or try texting her now?
If it helps, she ended things because I became too clingy/needy, and even made the mistake that this post says NOT to do and kept pressing her for 1.5 week after she ended things (why? how come?), which she responded to with manipulative emotion-playing/string-pulling, but kept me around through text to feed her ego until I finally said basically, enough, fuck you, leave me alone. She said okay, okay! then her call/text came 2 weeks later.
@N_O
There’s not much you can do now than wait for her to contact you. And she will contact you someday, thats for sure.
You did a mistake with saying shit like “fuck you leave me alone”. When an ex whom with you had something, ie. you were in love, pesters you about wanting to be friends after she dumped you, then you communicate lovingly that this is not what I want and I want to continue to be lovers and say that you care about her/love her but please do not contact me ever again if you dont want the same, I cant be just friends with you but call me if you ever change your mind.
You do that lovingly and say it from your heart because thats your purpose and anyway thats the truth. You want to be romantically involved with her and not be a “friend”.
You cant do anything now but to communicate that if she ever contacts or you see her. Do not be an asshole or emotionally punishing. Communicate lovingly from your heart what you want with her and then move on if she doesnt want the same. When she called and sent you nasty text you had the opportunity to communicate that, and well you still do have that opportunity. But next time when a woman wants to end things and says “but i still want to be friends” say that instantly and walk away and do not stay around chasing/trying to change her mind. If you had something valuable she’ll come back. Now go improve yourself and get better.
@Martin
Well that’s the problem, I DID communicate lovingly and straight with her. I explained myself clearly. I never mirrored her behavior; was never vile or nasty with her, which she took advantage of. I think I conveyed the wrong idea with my first post; I didn’t actually say “fuck you” at all. I never emotionally punished her(though she did A LOT of that herself), I only sought to protect myself. I called her out on the phone because of how she had been toying with me that week during which I had been extremely loving; I said, in a nutshell, “if you wanted me RIGHT NOW, you would be asking me to go over, but you’re not, you’re playing this game, getting maliciously pissed at me when you think I’m going on a date with someone else while you simultaneously push me away(there was no date, she completely misheard ‘Miguel’ for ‘a girl’, and refused to believe me when I tried to explain), it’s caused me so much grief, and I’m DONE now.” I basically went off on her, but respectfully. I mean, I was pissed, and it just came out. She hung up and 10 min later texted “if I knew it was going to end like this I would’ve kissed you my hardest” which I just ignored, and the next day she sent some album cover of a couple embracing, just super manipulative, and THAT’S when I simply said, quote, “Please leave me alone.” Then 2 weeks later, the call/text. The reason I didn’t even reply to that nasty message is because I knew if I did(I would’ve sent something nice if anything), she would’ve just gone off on me and called me a selfish asshole; just more nastiness. Completely unnecessary to get into, would’ve made things worse. I felt that it became too late as soon as she sent the text, but considering I had no idea until it was already sent, I had no control over that.
But what I took from your response(thanks by the way) is that after these 3 weeks, I shouldn’t try contacting her until she tries again; I’ve waited too long at this point. If I’m not wrong.
@N_O
Thanks for clarifying. Well I think you stood up for yourself and what you want and if she doesnt co-operate then what can you do.
She knows you want her and can be with her only romantically. And if she wants you she will contact you and then you set the date. Nothing else you can do. Perhaps you should’ve always pointed it out this way: “If you dont want to be romantically involved with me then please leave me alone.”
Now just improve yourself, elevate your stock and hit the gym and eat well. That way you either get a better woman or when she comes back she’ll see you in new light and she’ll be actually attracted to the new you and wants to fuck you. If you had something valuable then all these exes will start to miss you at some point, it might happen in 2 months or in 2 years. They wanna see how you doing after long time and you better be doing good. You guys fucked already, theres nothing in the way why you couldnt fuck again someday. It’s like a free pass for them. But now is not the right time, shes bored of you and wants to change things up, she might even be in NRE with some new dude (but that will end someday like it did with you and all the other previous guys, people do not realize that theres no everlasting relationships atleast not in this generation). That’s normal, let women be women.
@Martin
Alright, will do. Thanks a lot.
There’s a lot I know I could’ve done better but really, I wouldn’t have done it any other way in the moment; I learned a lot of these things for the first time BECAUSE of this. Past is past.
If I never hear from her, at least I got a good year in with her. At least it was SOMETHING, and boy, was it quite an adventure. I guess you gotta move on with the expectation of never hearing from them again. Then no matter what, you can’t lose.
@N_O Yep been there done that. You’d want her to be in your life but you wont die without her. We all could think of things which we could’ve done better but everything happens for a reason and you learn from this for your next adventure.
If you never hear from her, well then its her loss. You gotta think it that way, because its probably true because she had someone who cared for her (you) but she aint having it and now shes probably running after someone who doesnt really give a fuck about her and later she’ll regret that wasted time. It’s her loss mate, shes probably not getting the best out of life without you anyway. All the best and focus on elevating your stock, it should be your mission always no matter what.
@Martin
Alright, I’ll work on that. But I feel I should also point out, it was a bit more complicated. We never actually ‘dated’ in a traditional sense. At first, last year, she wanted me and acted clingy herself but I was wary and passive to her. This pissed her off. We stopped seeing each other in July and kept light communication as she started hooking up with some other guy. He turned out to actually be a huge douche and after weeks of hesitation from her we started heavily talking again in December(though she kept THAT guy on a string right up until she called things off. She might still be talking to him now for all I know). I thought I was starting to fall in love with her in January, and she met my family, everything went well; she would even often give me sound advice on a lot of things, which I often met with a negative attitude. Until she suddenly called things off, cause I was getting too close and we were hanging out too much. At first, she was saying things like, “you have to go find someone else, go work on yourself, I don’t see myself with you right now.” Then when I kept pushing, she started sending me contradicting signals (like sending me a picture of her in her bra, but not wanting to have sex) and not wanting to lose me as a ‘pal.’ So my point is, I wasn’t all loving and caring the whole time, only during the last month or two(but at the same time, neither was I vile or manipulative like her, I was just passive, always straight with her). And I did apologize to her multiple times about how I had been to her months before. It was a convoluted situation I guess. So I think it makes me think, what if her last impression of me was absolutely shitty, and she really did have a sound reason to let go of me? What if she took something from me and ran with it, and stopped running after guys who don’t really care about her? She’s a smart girl, in a different way that a lot of girls are ‘smart.’ She seems like someone who’s trying to better herself as well. I think that’s why I’ve been on the fence about whether or not I should reply to her 3 weeks later. If I had been able to answer that call, she might’ve said something I wanted to hear, and now she might be giving up on me, might not be running after anyone right now. She might be actually doing something worthwhile with her life, and because of me(though she is in her late 20s, so at the same time, would a guy really have that kind of influence on her this late in her life?). The door might be open for me to text her right now. But there’s no way I could know for sure without actually texting her (no facebook, nothing like that I can refer to) or waiting for her to make a second attempt at contacting me. Basically, is it really her loss, or is it mine?
Maybe this added info will provide a different answer, maybe not. In any case, thanks again.
@N_O well I myself never ignore women, if they contact me I get back to them. If you ignore woman contacting you then they just give up because the last thing women want is rejection and they wont put themselves on that situation anymore.
Well you do have the opportunity to actually answer to her contact. It’s your call really, you know the situation best. If I’d contact then I’d invite her to make a dinner together in the evening and to talk and then escalate. That way sex can happen and you’re not just some phonepal giving out information via phone. You got to get close to her physically so that sex can happen, you cant fuck her through phone so do not chit chat and give information on phone. Just set the date and then talk with her.
But it sounds like you have deep oneitis for this girl, I really doubt your chances of getting this girl back in this situation. She’s going to be running away from you soon again because you’re just too dopey for her and she has other guys in her life (they always do). Even if you get her back you’ll lose her again. It would serve you to get few women in your dating life and wait for her to contact you and then give the lover impression to her, because shes calling you ‘pal’. You never should be like that to a girl that she has called you ‘pal she doesnt want to lose’, that doesnt sound like you’re a lover in her eyes. If you got oneitis for her in this situation then its not going to end well and you’ll just waste some more time, when there is millions of women who actually want you and could be even cooler and hotter than her (yes there is). Do not give too much credit to her smartness, shes probably just selfish and currently going after the guy who gives her the tingles. I know you want her but you got to face the facts. If she wanted you she would do anything to get you. She knows you want her but shes not having sex with you and wants to keep you as a pal. There’s some other guy for sure fulfilling her needs, because women too are horny and want to fuck all the time.
@Martin
Makes sense. You just answered my question once and for all. Not going to contact her. Pushing her out of mind, gonna work on myself for a while.
It can be hard, but facing the facts and moving on is the most respectable thing I can do right now. I have been thinking, and from what I do know about the situation(because you’re right, I know it better than anyone), she would not respect me if I tried contacting her now. Hell, I wouldn’t respect me. I have to not take the rejection so personally, and know that it’s my behavior in that situation that she didn’t like, not me as a person. Maybe she’ll contact me again like 2 months from now, and I’ll be in much better shape for her then, but honestly if I legitimately work to better myself, I probably won’t even care anymore. I won’t care if she’s doing better herself. I know I can do better.
Thanks Martin, I appreciate it.
@N_O thats the right attitude. You already instinctually know that you contacting her would make a situation that isnt in your favor. With exes you have to let them come to you organically, you cant twist their arm into liking you when their attraction died. If they miss you someday they will contact you and most of them will miss you at some point in their life. Just think about it, you probably have missed some of your exes even after years and probably have contacted them and had sex with them and you’ve wanted to catch up whats happened in their life. Women are the same. That’s normal and something to expect from human nature and thats a good thing. And women are emotional beings, one month they want something, the other month something else. She’ll follow what shes feeling and currently shes not feeling you. But when she gets bored of her new guy she’ll contact you. When she chases after a guy who wont commit thinking that she’ll chance her mind and finally gets enough she’ll contact you. But currently shes likely enarmored with someone (and eventually it will fade) and you contacting her does nothing but harm. Just improve yourself and you’ll be in a better situation when she boomerangs and will attract her better next time around or you might even have multiple better options in your life and not even really want her anymore for anything else but random hookup but its always nice to catch up with someone who you really cared about. In either case you win.
is it ok that I blocked her from social media?
Hey
Havent posted here in a while, wanted to make an update. I been improving my assets and working on myself and I really feel good at the moment. My financials are growing, my training is good and in general things are going in my favour also with women.
I hadnt seen my ex for a while (I asked her out a month ago, she flaked and I left her at that and I wont contact her again) and im actually getting over her now.
I just have a question I thought about, I live in a small society and I see my ex sometimes, I was beta etc and she started jerking me around in the past and she had basically lost respect, even now one month ago when I asked her out she flaked and didnt care to ask for reschedule and I have alot options these days so I simply dont care anymore… BUT.
I saw her out recently in the gym again, I didnt even bother to say hi I just walked past her, even if im over her emotionally I would still like to boomerang her one day and also for future references with women or exes to come im just wondering, is it emotionally punishing to ignore an ex-lover (in real life situations) whos disrespected and who doesnt seem to care at all about me? Or should I still try and say hi or smile or whatever? It just feels so fake.
I mean ignoring on social media, not contacting her etc is fine but we are going to bump into eachother at the street, gym or grocery etc and I dont mind not giving a shit anymore and make it clear to her we are done unless she makes an effort.
Is this considered emotional punishing and bitter? I mean everytime I make an effort and say hi to her it feels like she thinks she has the power over me and im just one of her fanboys, which I admit I have been in the past but im way over this and I simply have no interest feeling like that again. So yeah, ignoring her completely in real life aswell (unless she makes an effort) is OK or am I being bitter and emotionally punishing?
How would you guys react in general I mean if its someone you would see out every 2 weeks for example and you are done and she doesnt seem interested at all in meeting up but you had a past together?
Not sure how this comes out in text, hope I didnt get too fuzzy :). Thanks for the feedback guys, cheers!
@ Klauss
it depends on the situation, if she was total bitch to you in the end, id ignore her until she begged me, But you said she reached out, but then flaked, so honestly id be polite if you come face to face with her, smile and say hi, then move along and make zero effort to engage her in anyways until she reaches out again. If she reaches out, make it seem like your thrilled to know how she’s been ( pretend you give a shit ) chit chat a bit, then suggest a drink later where you can catch up more, ( because you really don’t give give a shit how she been, but they like if they think you care ) then escalate to your place, if she flakes, put her back in the smile and hi, if you happen into her, but basically ignore her.
Yea Klauss I dont know how beta you were or was she a bitch but its basic social skills to say hi to someone who you knew or was mutually in love with. If she doesnt do that then shes a bitch basically and doesnt really care about you. But you have to know that obviously she doesnt want to make contact with you at the gym because you’re her ex, she wants to keep her fanboys and not give out any ideas. But if she doesnt say hi or nod or wave at you ever when she sees you eye to eye, then I’d ignore her too. But I’d expect that if you see her eye to eye I’d myself nod upwards and smile but I wouldn’t go chit chat to her or anything. She has to initiate that. In my opinion I wouldn’t stay chit chatting even if she would come to chat me and want to catch up. You are hitting the weights there and chatting can be done some other time. It’s not good idea to give out information to the ex if you cant even end up in the same bed when you do it. If she wants to catch up with you then do not give out information just like that. If she wants to hear what you’re up to in your life, then she must come to your place in the evening and make a dinner together / have drink and then escalate and end up in the same bed. Do not be that “fanboy” giving her information at the gym or via phone when she wants to keep you around as a friend. If she wants to have you in her life then she has to be in your life as a physical and sexual being like she used to, or you wont co-operate. This is just negotiation in the end and you must be a good negotiator.
Hey guys,
Ex (together for a year) broke up with me a month and a half ago telling me she fell out of love. Found out from other people she basically got bored. I’m taking a break from any social media, did not unfriend her. She sends me messages but I don’t bother to check so I don’t know what they contain. It’s better this way because at the moment I only care about passing this exam. I was going through a rough time studying for my boards (I failed the first one which really fucked me over …) and as she said, I really could not do the things SHE wanted. She asked to be friends .. I said no and told her to leave. I SHOULD have left it at that but I didn’t so .. Dumb me later on, I initiated a friendship but has been NC for the past 3 weeks. She sent me breadcrumbs like I told my mom about blablababla and you were right blablabla. I’d respond something short like thanks for sharing. She asks for my help on her exams (I’ve been replying with I’m busy .. the one time I helped she passed, the rest of her exams well she failed them ..) I got a gym membership with a friend the day she left .. and let me tell you guys I fell in love with my newbie gains and I have been going to the gym 5-6x a week. Having good friends really makes a difference. I cannot believe I neglected these guys for quite some time. I feel like I’m thinking a lot logically now and reading through posts, I can see results of NC already from all the BS she sends me. I also know now that this friendship was a mistake. It’s basically her asking for help every time. Friends give and take, she’s just taking. My question is .. does initiating a friendship instantly put you in the friend – zone ? I’m not dumb and I know I don’t owe her anything at all so I basically refuse any requests. All her breadcrumbs I just reply with something short and simple. Does this ruin the chances of her becoming a boomerang? Thanks in advance guys.
@Grant never initiate or accept friendship with past lover, if you dont want that. And she dumped you and you didnt want that so you never ever be friend in this situation if you ever want to get romance with her in your lifetime.
What I’d do now in your situation? Well when she contacts you next time I’d say something like “I’ve come to realize that this just friends thing doesnt work for me. I want you and want to see you naked in my bed like always, this platonic thing wont work for between us. I can be your friends with benefits for sure but never just a friend. I care about you but I cant do this anymore, please do not ever contact me again if you dont want the same. Wish you the best and call me if you ever want the same, I cant be anything else than your lover and I cant see you or see you contacting me if we cant be that.”
Something like that, not word to word but thats the message you must communicate to her. You must be willing to walk away and lose her forever. That’s the only chance to get her back in your life as a sexual being. You dont want to be her friend so just cut that shit and be honest about what you want and then walk away. That’s the only thing you can do. Or SECOND OPTION: wait for her to ask you to help with her studies, then set the meetup to do that and in that evening try to escalate to sex (ALWAYS act like a lover and not like a friend to her) and if shes not having it then have that talk from above face to face and walk away. You provide value to her, ie. shes passing her exams with your help, and she’ll realize that she cant lose you. But you must be willing to walk away for real and she must know that, otherwise she wont co-operate with romantical side.
Great to hear about your lifting enthuasism.
@martin I was thinking of something like .. (I learned to take a few days or hours if needed to edit then talk to her because I don’t want emotional me talking.)
Being friends is not going to work because I can never just see you just as a friend. It’s unfair for both of us to be wasting each other’s time. We both can’t afford to waste on playing . I WANT you and to only see you naked, which is why we can’t be just friends. If you can’t see that, life goes on. I can’t see myself being other than your lover so don’t contact me if we can’t be that. I had a good time with u and i really have no ill feelings towards you. Goodluck in ur studies and i wish you nothing but the best.
@Martin: Here’s an update. She did ask to study with me I told her to come over to study. She said she can’t and she’s going to study with a classmate the next day, so there’s that. I didn’t reply, I don’t need to. Should I call or text her what I want to say?
@Martin thanks for the reply, makes alot of sense
Hi BD,
My 8-year girlfriend dumped me. we are in a LDR relationship now and she’s dating other guys will this method help I want to win her back
@Grant no need to response anything to her if she wont come to study when she asked for it, when she contacts you next time asking you to study then again set a study date in the evening and if she wont come hang 1on1 with you in the evening then say tell me if you change your mind. And terminate the conversation. Never initiate contact with her if shes your ex who dumped you, always wait for her to contact you. When she contacts then phone is for setting dates, do not give information via phone. When you see her and if she wont have your sexual escalation then say your truth about not wanting to be just friends and if she wont co-operate then she should leave. Do not say that you want to be in relationship or any shit like that, you should be there just to have fun and hook up with her and not focusing on anything serious. If she wont have anything sexual with you then give her the gift of missing you, permanently if she wont change her mind. The strongest negotiation position is being able to walk away and mean it.
it’s Ben,
i have not committed to the no contact rule yet. she is pregnant. would that not be wicked for me to not contact her? that would make me look like a complete idiot! Or am i missing something here?
i have sent e-mails. that is a no no. correct? she is 8 months pregnant and simply turned me off. she is with her dad permanently as she stated. i have sent emails daily as i cannot handle my emotions knowing that our love was strong then one day she shuts me out. i just don’t understand this. am i doing wrong by emailing her? she does check my email as i have email check. she reads a few of them dozens of times. i want her to believe in her heart that i do love her and care for her. We were in a transition and my elder friend she probably was scared after her Mom put her down so she went to stay with her dad for security. I thought if a woman loved a man she would walk through fire.
Now, would not emailing her give her the impression that im nothing more than a “seed doner” rather than her man / father of our child?
im being so patient. praying. stressed out. my concerts (musician) are not as upbeat, im faking my self. i could be better at weeping on stage. do i go to her place of employment/mothers to talk to her mother? Advise me some more.
Blessings, Ben
“I thought if a woman loved a man she would walk through fire.”
Ben, who the hell told you that? Anyways, there is a baby involved so your situation is bit more complicated. I would back up away from this chick until she has the baby.
@Ben
“I thought if a woman loved a man she would walk through fire.”
You’re describing your love there, thats definition of a mans love to a woman. Woman are not the same, they are incapable to love a man the same way we do them. So just cut that fantasy out for real and bury it forever. That’s not gonna happen. You’re projecting your own high interest onto her. Women are attracted to men whose feelings are unclear and theres nothing unclear about your feelings when you’re chasing and contacting her all the time. Let her come to you more and let her initiate more. Yes its more complicated situation than with many others here but same basic things apply. Stand up for yourself and what you want out from your family and do not be an doormat walking on eggshells. Be a man. I’d advise you to do the DNA test when the baby is born before you sign any papers that you’re the father, never sign papers or state that you’re the father before you’ve proven it, because then its too late and you’ll be the payee for the next 18 years no matter how you prove it afterwards. You cant be sure about that you’re the father, EVER. No matter how much you trusted her at the time. Do not waste your life and resources if you’re not even the real father. When you think about her behaviour towards you, I bet it makes you wonder that are you even the father. She should have more respect towards you if you’re the father. You have to take these measured steps in this situation and think whats best for you too, be rational not emotional. Take care.
@Martin
Thanks man good point. I been taking more shifts at work since the break up and I’ve been cutting out any sort of social media so a buddy of mine pointed out that she ended up taking pictures with so-called “childhood friend” (he’s a want to be photographer) when I refused to meet up before I posted here. He definitely wants something more than friendship with her but I don’t know what they’ve been doing nor do I care. You right about the relationship part. I already know she was “willing to let me go in her heart” (this coming from her own mouth). I’m not letting that happen again, no sir. I am actually thinking of not even responding to her texts/calls about helping her, just move on, and just letting her do her. I have my boards I need to take care of, no point wasting my time and effort over one girl. If she fails, she has to wait 6 months to retake the class because it only comes twice a year. Maybe she’ll learn a lesson or two to pick out who’s good in her life. I was literally thinking in my head that the time she tells me she failed her exam I was going to tell her at least now you can take more pics and have what you call “fun” but that’s being petty as fuck.
It’s funny how a few months ago, my co-worker was telling me my relationship wasn’t going to last. She recently came back from maternity leave, and I told her that she was right so I asked her how she knew. Her answer was, remembering how she was and all the girls she knew at 22 girls, they were whores. Before I would never believe my super religious girlfriend (she told me she was put in my life so I can see God in a new way) would be like that but now I don’t know what to believe anymore.
Ok Need some advice.
Long story short 7 year relationship and she wanted something new, another guy I knew so I opened the door.
I’m going for 4 months no contact and after 2 weeks I get flooded with emails text, and calls.
So its been a month and she Got my ass with an unrecognizable number
Basically someones phone she using.
This was the conversation:
Her: Hey
Me: Hey who is this
Her: Dougie
Me: Thats me and you are
Her: Dougie I really need to talk to you don’t ignore me I beg you.
Her: ugh whatever I tried
Her: After 7 years this is what we have come to
Her: So sad
That was the convo as you can see once I knew it was her I didn’t text back shit.
So it fucked up the no contact……….god dam technology lol.
So in this position what do I do from here its been 1 month so far.
How do you avoid traps I already don’t answer blocked calls but than again don’t wanna miss any new job leads.
Its real tricky so i need answers from the pros on here.
also she’s been flipping the table on my ass. I get text that its an emergency and still ignore I’ve been hard core no contact and blocked all social media and I get I see how you are and all kinds of bitch shit after she left me for some other guy
@DOUGLAS Your ex is making that kind of effort to contact you, chasing you… and you dont set the date when she contacts? What is your question? Do you want her back in your sex life or nothing to do with her? If you dont want anything to do with her then just be indifferent to her contact. But if you want her then never ignore ex who’s contacting you like that, they just give up eventually if you ignore them. When ex contacts you that means she misses you and you must set the date instantly to your place in the evening and escalate to sex. If that is what you want. And if she wont co-operate then tell her to leave and to never contact you if she doesnt want you romantically. Theres no staying in contact as friends or giving out information via phone. If she wants to hear from you she must come to your place and be in your sex life. Yes its not wise go back to relationship after shes dumped you for another guy but have her as a fuckbuddy if you want it and if shes contacting you with that effort then she’ll be your fuckbuddy no matter if shes with other guy. Make it clear that she must be in your life as a sexual being like she used to or shes out permanently but call if you change your mind. This stuff isnt rocket science. 1 month is usually the time when they start to miss you like crazy and doubt their choices. Now just fuck her good.
@Martin
Here’s an update. She sent me more breadcrumbs (She’s super stressed blablablabla …why does she still expect me to respond when I’ve been ignoring them for weeks now.) again last night and then later asked if I wanted to study in the library. I did not reply. She texted and called this morning while I was asleep. She sent another one so I told her I will be studying at home if she wants to join. Her response was she didn’t want to come because she would not be able to concentrate. I just replied ok and left it there.
@ Grant
” I told her I will be studying at home if she wants to join.” brilliant reply, and you can see the games she trying to play to get control again. Keep that up, she will be in your sack soon enough, make it clear unless she sleeping with you, she get nothing from you, zero.
@Grant most boys would cave here and be her study buddy in the library or lunch buddy. Be a man and do not give in to platonic shit. If she wants you in her life she must earn it through her body, she dumped you so she must earn it back. Lunches and study sessions in the library in the daylight is a big no no, thats for just friends. Evening hangouts 1 on 1 when its dark is saved for the lovers and then something sexual can happen, be that guy and only accept evening “study” hangouts at yours or hers place. No group dates, if shes bringing her friend then say nope. No deal. No chit chatting via text or phone, use it only to set a meetup to see her 1 on 1 and terminate conversation if shes not up for it. If she wants to talk to you bad enough she’ll co-operate. And eventually she will, just dont be in a rush. Absence creates value and this way you’ll be absent and not willing to be her buddy giving information without her co-operating romantically. It’s obviously a good sign that this girl is sending you gifts and is contacting you. Boomerang chance is high, you just must not cave and you must act like a lover never like a friend.
@od_dude Yes man the more I ignore her life, the more she tries to initiate contact. But damn girls are such users … I been noticing the trend she contacts me a lot more 2-3 days before exams. Yeah and she probably remembers what our “study” sessions which is why she said she won’t be able to concentrate. I’m learning a lot from you guys (do shit on YOUR terms not theirs) and realize my mistakes in the relationship and especially after break up. Acted so beta, learned my lesson, do some research, use those things I learned and from here on I can only improve.
@Martin Definitely man. No way I’m wasting my time and money if I’m not getting something in return. I learned sometimes you just have to be selfish … I realized there’s a huge difference between orbiting and actually being a nice guy. Now that I’ve come to learn of this, I see orbiters and betas all the time now. Especially in the Asian dating scene … just a bunch of dudes paying for girl’s needs. It’s kinda sad but that’s just how we were raised. You are right about not rushing things, I’m keeping myself busy anyways. The part where you said act like a lover,wouldn’t that come off as needy? and is using kino to escalate things a good idea?
Hello Guys,
i’ve been in a relationship for 10 months we brake up for the first time after 6 months. one night we was out together and i find one massage from her “friend” saying “goodnight baby” but i didnt know who is he. (they didnt had nothing together) i get pretty angry cause noone says baby my GF except me. she had an injury so she was for a week in hospital and she liked a doctor i find out while i was searching her messages cause i knew something goes wrong. anyways after a half month we was together again. the things was going normally and well. 15 days ago she wanted to speak with me after she finished her work. so we meet out and she start telling me that we dont have something common to say and that she get bored with that relationship cause we dont do something (i was telling her always to go out for a drink or to eat but she always saying to me that she want to stay at home so we was watching movies we fuck we was playing games together we had a good time.) she also said that she want to find someone older than me cause she start thinking about her future and she want to make family with someone else and not with me. i tried like 3-4 times after we broke up to try bring her back but all of my attempts was useless. i love her and i want her back. she dont want to meet me.. can anyone suggest me. i’ve read the thread and its seems a good idea to do, waiting for response. Thanks for your time! and sorry for my english!
Thanks!
@George we’ve all experienced similar thing and theres nothing you can do but to never contact her again and let her initiate 100% and when she does then make a date and escalate to sex. That’s how women are, they get bored of every man eventually and they hop on to the new guy and when the new guy goes to boring after new relationship energy then shes again curious about you and will contact you and see how you doing and shes going to want you again if you have elevated your stock and see if you’re more alpha and have more status than you used to. Thats completely normal and its in the nature of women. Do not invest too much on women because this will happen always. Care about yourself, elevate your stock now and get new women and she’ll be back someday. It’s hard truth to swallow but women are like this and they get bored of any man eventually. Even Megan Fox divorced her ultimate alpha male who every woman dreams of. No matter what kind of a man you are, women are programmed to get bored of you and every relationship is temporary. Monogamy isnt in womens nature, do not expect it. Do not invest into “Disney love”. Invest in yourself mate and you’ll never have to regret.
@Martin She texted me she thinks she failed and now she doesn’t know what to do, I told her it’s unfortunate but there’s nothing else she can do. I won’t talk to her over the phone, like you said no giving information. If she wants to talk then we can meet, then I’ll escalate from there. If she doesn’t want to, I’ll go on with my day.
So we were scheduled to meet tomorrow but then couple hours later, she flakes saying never mind she’s good now, she said thanks for being available when she’s in distress. Time to restart the clock now huh?
I’ve been dumped three times by the same woman and we are both in our late 40’s – so these issues are live and well in older couples too.
I thought we were made for each other. We shared so many values. We got on so well. Our kids and families got on great. No financial or sex problems – both great in bed and I know she had orgasms with me. We are both fit and attractive and people said we looked great together. We were homely and affectionate. She was always telling me I was her “wonderful man” and how much she loved me, a sentiment reciprocated by me to her. But two weeks later she text dumped me after just going cold and distant – for no reason I could think of. Seriously, a cliff edge – fine one day, great fun and sex, dumped the next. This pattern has repeated three times over two years. After the final text dump end of March I told her to fuck off out of my life for good and to leave me alone. I wrote her an email after the final dumping to that effect but she said she has no intention to read it and to stop contacting her [not that I was!]. I am only too willing to oblige!
I think my mistake is that I was too available, too helpful and “nice” to her. But FFS, you’d think that a woman in her late forties would be ready a kind, successful and attractive man in her life!
I am in complete NC with her for two weeks now. I think she has BPD and depression (she was prescribed Prozac by her Dr last year but never took it!) that causes her to bail. Thing is, she bails just as thing get to be perfect in each “on” phase. I think a serious commitment problem exacerbated by depression. I am pretty certain there is no other guy in the picture although can never be sure.
If she is prepared to take her medication and seek counseling I would listen to what she has to say. Certainly, I’d keep her as a FB. In the previous occasions she has got to about three weeks with NC – whilst I was looking for other pussy – and then texts me, missing me, saying I was the best thing that ever happened to her and what the fuck was she thinking. I very tentatively got back with her after believing her, that things would be different this time, that we’d communicate more etc. BS!
We’ll see. I am outcome independent either way and on the lookout for new women.
Going throuhg some BS, beta emotions and need help getting back to the Alpha zone!
Here’s an abridged version of my story: 45, male, seperated from my wife 16 months ago, got into a relationship with a 32yo co-worker soon after my seperation. Loved the affection with my gf and got real lovey-dovey close. gf is very caring, smart and has a strong, stubborn personality. Didn’t really love her, but the companionship and sex were great. Tried to see her as often as I could, but wasn’t really into the whole relationship thing due to my current state of mind (seperation, depression, etc.). She was in love with me and would do anything to keep me happy, even putting up with all my issues. During all this, I started drinking heavy and would find excuses not to visit my gf as often as I should have. All I could think about all day after work was to get home and get my tequila fix.
Anyhow, I totally screwed things up on her birthday and was late picking her up for a night out. She asked me to leave once I got to her place because I couldn’t come up with a good enough excuse as to why I was late. I calmly left and went no contact for 2 weeks. I emailed her since she had blocked me and explained why I was late that evening (family issues).
Couple of days later, we spoke and she told me that there was no chance we would hook up after what I had done. I quickly turned into SUPER-BETA MAN and started begging and pleading, even fvckin’ crying. Spilled my guts and told her about all the lies and basically came clean. She didn’t budge, even after all the self-humiliation. I told her I was done begging and hung up. 2 weeks later, she contacts me and we go out on a date. everything seemed to be back to normal except she told me that I would not be allowed in her apartment…some sort of punishment I suppose. She said she had her guards up and wanted me to respect her boundaries. I kinda played along and we were cool for a couple of days until I realized what a pussy I had become.
Broke things off a couple of days later telling her that things would never work out. I’ve been NC for 2 months and although I think of her quite a bit, I have to stay strong and man up. She ignores me at work and will walk the other way if she sees me. I am not interested in being with her ever again but can’t let go of the fact that I acted like a BYTCH. How do I get over this bruised ego? Never had to beg a girl for anything!!!
@JohnnyStreet
Man, that self humiliation was super-beta dude. Mega-beta even. Sorry man, but that’s the truth. At your age you should know better. NEVER cry and BEG like that in front of your woman. EVER. And why the fuck was she so upset about you being late?
Also, you should not mix work with dating. It seldom ends well. “Never mix church and state” as we say.
You best put this whole thing down to experience and move on. We’re all learning this game, we’re not all at BD’s level. Just don’t weep and beg like that again!
Sorry to hear of your separation. I am a widower and getting back into this whole minefield.
@RM
Thanks for your response and sorry for your loss.
Yeah, this chic had me in knots! Don’t know WTF I was thinking! Guess I was taken by all the affection and caring she offered..something I really lacked while married. The reason she blew a gasket on her birthday was because she went out of her way to make my birthday a very special, memorable one, while I totally fucked her’s up.
The only thing that really bugs me is that I feel guilty for being such a dick to her, and not being able to commit as she imagined I would. She was pretty grounded and knew what she wanted out of life (guess this is the part where you tell me that I have her on a pedestal). Funny thing is, she’s no where near a 10, or an 8, and I can honestly say that I was married to a 10. Nonetheless, still pissed at my BETA behavior and wish I can reboot and make that moment disappear.
What’s done is done and I WILL try and put this thing down to experience & move on. I’ve been sober for about 3 months and got back in the gym heavy. Time to restructure!
Thanks again!
@Martin thanks for your response and advice appreciate it that man!
I told her that she forgot some things in my appartment i and I asked her to come and take them a week ago she replayed that she willn come and take them when she will got some free time but as i know she had already 2-3 days off for her work but she didnt come is that good? and if she come how should i act what should my attitude be? should i talk with her to reunite with her? Btw should i ask for sex? Thanks you again.waiting for response thanks for your time!
I am currently in a little situation myself.
I met a girl online, northern Irish girl sweet accent wasn’t usually the look i’d go for but I went with it because we had good chat and clicked from the off.
I guess a few dates in I rushed into telling her about my past, had some bad habits like C and gambling, think this threw her off a bit. Anyway, we were both out on one of our dates a few dates in and ended up getting some C. I didn’t force it we were drunk and agreed together and didn’t sleep although she was paying. I’d already told her I couldn’t take her out for a month or so.
Here’s the bombshell, after a night of no sleeping I left the next day and her dad SHOT HIMSELF! Back home in Northern Ireland (I am in wales)
She said she thought i’d be a bad influence and it wasn’t for her, she flew home to Northern Ireland for 2 weeks and we ended it then. 2 weeks on I messaged her to talk and we agreed to take a step back. I was a bit keen the first time and I said i’d take her out when she was back.
She came back we went out, spent alot of time together and she said she felt I helped her the most deal with her Dad’s death etc. She is independent and seemed open and honest.
Anyway about 2 months in again I agreed to take her out, we spent Friday night together when I did a DJ set. Got up Saturday morning and went Swimming and had food. Sunday morning I hadn’t slept well with a bad back and she seemed moody. I left the house and got a train home we didn’t speak for 2 days. She text me “we need to talk” on Tuesday so I knew what was coming.
Out of the blue she said we are two opposites, I dug a bit deeper and she said she didn’t like the conversation i’d had with her flatmate about C on the weekend. I explained I felt tripped up on this point because her flatmate brought it up and I was just talking about it. She said regardless I had been good fun and she didn’t see it working long term. She said she doesn’t know if she will be in Wales in September anyway so it’s not fair to carry on. She said I was exciting and different however. She said it’s not like we won’t speak again as we go to the same gym. This was on wednesday evening this week. I bit the bullet and said “We have had fun and you’re right! Take Care”
I have been no contact since. I’ve gone over everything in my head. I’ve kicked myself about what i’ve done wrong etc. and I really want her back. My mind is playing tricks telling me to text her but I won’t. I’ve deleted her number but can always message her on FB but I haven’t.
Is there a chance she may come back?
Thanks for listening..
Hi All,
Haven’t been with the girl since early December, we had a reunion planned in early January but she flaked on it, I stupidly contacted her in early February with one line inviting her to something I was going to anyways, she shot me down.
Well, I may have played poorly. She contacted me in early March after a month of no contact asking me to a totally bogus event with “friends” that I’m almost sure was an event involving her being surrounded by male orbiters. I texted “pics of friends?” and she didn’t respond.
March 31 she hits me up and says “Hey, how are you doing?” I responded, “Great, ty,” and she went radio silent.
If what Martin is saying is correct, I screwed the pooch here and should have said let’s catch up. The timing, being exactly 28 days, indicates she may hit me up when ovulating.
Anyways, I would gladly wait forever for her to contact me or not, but I’m moving far away in mid-May and out of town 4/25-5/1. There probably won’t ever be a chance for the bang again and this is the hottest girl I’ve been with.
Anybody think it’s okay if I float a text say Wednesday night this week just to see if she’s down? I’ll be honest, I know guys say women don’t suffer, but I do think I’ve made her spin a bit with how curt I’ve been the last two times she’s reached out. I kinda don’t mind just never seeing her again. But other days, I’m like, man, I really want to experience those natural DDs on a relatively tiny girl just one more time.
So I guess I’ve resolved to reach out to her some night this upcoming week to set something up for maybe Sunday night. But if I get a lot of resistance here, I’m also okay not doing that.
@Michael yes you made a mistake with initial contacts. When ex texts after long time “Hey, how are you doing?” then shes missing you and she wishes that you have the balls to set a date and fuck her (shes not gonna ask for it, the blame must go to you so she can say “it just happened” when you two had a catch up). You’ve fucked before and you’re a freebie to her notch count (yes women thinks about this) and when shes horny this is what happens but you were trying to play aloof and didnt make a date. Trying to play cool and aloof fails with exes when you could’ve had her on top of you by just setting a meetup and not a cold fish “great ty” text which just implies that you dont even want her. Ex who doesnt give a fuck about you doesnt text “how are you doing?”. And when she texts that she obviously cares about you and you just have to negotiate what you want from that point on. Meaning dont give information via phone and set the date so you can end up inside her. Do not tell how you are doing via phone, tell it face to face and catch up with drinks/dinner. Your response should’ve been something like: “Hey nice to hear from you, I’d like to see you and catch up, when are you free to get together? Dinner at my place sunday at 7?”. That’s what they expect, that you’re a man who sets the date and takes the blame for sex. Shes not gonna suggest the date, you must set it always when an ex contacts you and not play aloof. There’s no need to play games, when ex contacts after long time she probably wants/misses you and you just go straight to the close. And if it wont happen then atleast she wont bother you anymore as a “friend” and you can finally move on. If you’re moving away for good then you dont have anything to lose if you want to see her, I’d just try to set a date to catch up with drinks or something and escalate to sex.
@George “and if she come how should i act what should my attitude be? should i talk with her to reunite with her? Btw should i ask for sex?” Well you should act that way how you got her in the first place. You probably acted like a lover and not like a serious boyfriend, so no do not talk about getting back together just have fun with her and do not talk serious shit. And man, do not ask for sex. Man doesnt ask for sex, man escalates and observes her and if shes down for it meaning shes loving your escalation then man takes her. Shes coming to get her stuffs so that isnt exactly a romantical setting but man you just gotta negotiate with her what you want, that you’re not ok with the break up and you want to continue being her lover and if shes not down with that then she should never contact you again unless she changes her mind. There’s no friendship on the offer from you. Only accept evening dates on yours or hers place and imply that sex is going to happen when you meet. But if she just wants her stuffs back then get it done and terminate the conversation and negotiate what you want with her and then never contact her and let her come to you and then set the date if she ever actually contacts you again.
So, the update:
I did contact her this afternoon. We exchanged pleasantries, I pitched a meet, she said “if only I had time,” we continued chatting a bit, I coaxed a question out of her that allow me to provide a recent picture as a joke answer. Picture reveals I’ve been working out like a boss and have a whole new style.
She pitched a lunch meet. I balked because a) I’m not awake for lunch- I teach late and live late and b) The last time we had lunch it was utter BS, she was total garbage. I reminded her how crappy our eating out dates have been and said we’d have to meet for drinks after I’m out of class at 10. (I know this may not be great, but I really don’t much care, if she’s not willing to bend to my frame it’s just not happening because frankly if she doesn’t it won’t happen anyways.)
Anyways, she responds, “Get your shit together lol. But okay, I guess.”
I told her I’d be at a bar on Wednesday night after 10:30 and that she could join me but “bring her fun hat because I say a lot of shit to people that will embarrass you if you’re not cool.”
She said, “lol who are you.”
I said, “If you figure it out, wear a dress and heels and show up before I hook a graduating sorority slut with daddy issues. See you Wed.”
This could have been played horrifically, but it was basically a Hail Mary of I-don’t-care. (Note: This girl is a former sorority girl with daddy issues.)
I think there’s a less than 10% chance she shows up, but I’ll repost the results on Thursday if she does. If you don’t hear from me, I’ve either been blueballed or I found a sorority slut.
I’m trying to hook up with the ex. It’s been 4 months of random encounters and hook up (no sex) even before I left on tour. She’s textedthe I miss you texts before. After coming back from a month I did, I think NC is a good idea, but does snap chat include NC? If ex keeps snap chatting reply with another random snap back or just stop snap chatting her all together?
I have no idea what youngsters do with this snapchat but phone is for setting dates. Leave the communication for face to face time when you actually can end up inside her. When you talk via text/phone they dont even have to see you in person, so do not give information via phone. Dont go back and forth with texting, only use it to set the definite date in as few steps as possible and get out of the phone.
So my situation:
Met a girl Jr year of college, hooked up through the summer then decided to date, she moved to a nearby city, about two hours away, ended dated for two years through my graduation, she had become basically a member of the family, then this past january I got a job in a city she was moving to for grad school, I moved here in January, she will move here in July. Going great until in March she decided she was not feeling the same was and didnt feel we were the right fit for forever so we broke up. Pretty emotional on both sides during the breakup, texted a little the next couple days, I basically said I hope we can fix things down the road but I get where you are at. That was pretty much the end, since that point I have followed the no contact rule. If I continue to follow that, focus on myself etc. think I will hear from her when she moves here for grad school?
@JP
Man, read Black Dragon’s original post and the rest of the thread. When you’ve read it all, it comes down to this – just don’t contact her/ignore her. She will start to miss you after a few weeks and months (of course you’ll be missing her as well but you’re a MAN right?). You then take it from there. The success of this is down to YOU and YOU ALONE. If you keep reaching out – in ANY WAY, SHAPE OR FORM – the method does not work as it weans her off you slowly. This includes emails, texting, Facebook likes etc. You go TOTALLY NC in EVERY WAY!!!
This concept of ignoring in the way Black Dragon describes is a well known theory in human psychology. People dwell and have an affinity for things that are suddenly removed or they can’t have/afford. Whether it is a new car, house, job or woman; we dwell on things that are unavailable to us. BD’s technique is built on this principle.
There are NO EXCEPTIONS to this rule. Total NC and abstinence from contacting her.
I get the no exceptions and I plan to follow, but does that really work in all cases? I mean if someone is pretty certain and exhausted with a relationship and wants to date new people, like coming out of a serious relationship I dont see how this makes the situation change for her.
@JP especially in that situation the odds are better in your favor if you never contact her first. This is all counterintuitive but you have to go against your feelings and what you want to do. Be indifferent to her coming back. If she comes great, if she doesnt then that opens the door for someone better. And in the end you want to be with someone who is dying to be with you, and she’ll inform you if shes dying to be with you someday in the future (usually by texting “hi, how are you?”). Until that theres a lot of girls who are dying to be with you and fuck your brains out. Those kind of girls you want to hang out with, not with the girls who are “meh” about you. Yes you probably like and care about that ex girl a lot and want only her, but you gotta face the facts and move on and get to the place where you were when you got her. You wont get her back anyway if you got oneitis for her. You have to be indifferent, you have to be chasing after your mission and dating other women. And if she ever comes back then you’re again at the place where you can actually attract her, because when you got her you probably were like that and not a lovey dovey oneitis needy guy towards her. Go back to being the man and grab your balls back.
@JP
100% agreed with Martin. There is no certainty about this; there never is with human behavior. But the odds are massively stacked in your favor if you wait for her to contact you which as BD says, is almost certain unless you were a complete abusive asshole. It demonstrates great strength to her, subconsciously, if you DO NOT reach out to her in any way. She will start to wonder about you and will find the silence deafening, even more so if she sees you out or in conversations with another woman. And even more so still after a month or so. It takes a couple of months to truly start to miss someone at a deep, emotional level.
Only an idiot would sit around waiting for a woman to come round. You need to be on the look for other options whilst open to the possibility of her returning.
I personally have a problem with all the “get you ex back” nonsense. It dawned on me after I suffered three dumpings in an on-again, off-again relationship where I really tried to make things work with a woman I adored (I have never been a player or a PUA by the way) that this is flawed thinking. If an ex dumps you, even the first time, it means a synapse has gone off in her head that essentially says “You’re not worth my time” and “I don’t believe in us anymore” and even “I see my future with someone other than you”. Think about that very carefully and the ramifications of that thought process she had. I am not saying second chances never work. I AM saying that you should approach an ex back with great caution. There are landmines everywhere
@JP already asking “but does that really work in all cases?” demonstrates wrong mindset. We men think that our exes forget us if we dont bombard them with contact. Actually they might forget or even start to despise us if we do that. Absence is the strongest thing you can do right now. That’s your best chance and gives the best odds for ever getting something romantical with her again. There’s a reason theres saying “absence makes the heart grow fonder”. They wont forget you, rather opposite of that is going to happen and they’ll develop feelings for you. That’s just human nature at play. And show some self-respect – why in the hell would you run after someone who doesnt want you (atleast right now)? Let her be, you dont own her and she’ll inform you if she ever gets that feeling towards you. She’ll put herself on your orbit by texting something random like “hi”, from there she’ll expect you to take the lead and set the meeting so sex can happen.
@RM_Pilot for your last piece I have this thought: Most women dont even know themselves what they want. Most are fucked up and dont even realize a good thing even if its right in front of their face. Suddenly she might want some mistreatment and tingles from some badboy only to come back running after you after months of mistreatment and realizing that you’re the guy she wants to be with. That’s their nature and eventually most of them get these kind of urges and comes running back. These ex women are great for sex playmate and fwb, which is what most guys should do with their exes and not go back to pursuing a relationship with them again (for that yes you should always approach with great caution because landmines are everywhere!). But if sex was great and you did care about her a lot and she used to be good towards you, then theres no point to not have fun with that ex.
@ Martin
Indeed. Me and the ex-GF had no issues whatsoever. We fucked like rabbits and had a great time, hardly ever argued etc. I was loyal and loving to her but not a pussy.
I am open to her being a FWB or a FB but have developed a couple of other hot options now. She will be at the back of the pile in the “break in case of emergency” category or maybe to use if I’m at a loose end if she reaches out to me. It’ a pity that someone who I once so loved and adored now will have to be treated like this. But the decision was hers not mine.
I love reading from here, you guys are brilliant. You have opened my eyes so much, I will be as honest as I can be here, I was a fucking pussy!! Now I am fuming with myself. For how I was, how nice I was, how pathetic I was. I have had my eyes opened with a crowbar this last few months. I went through my first real heartbreak, no lie, it fucking hurt, I could not function, sleep, eat.. I felt I was losing my mind, it was surreal. Truth is, she chased me hard, said she loved me, then stepped back, got cold, got nasty and dumped me via mail, nice eh? but I was such a nice guy I accepted that still, never said anything bad, no abusive message, I wished her the best, she backed down from being a *cunt and told me I was such a good decent genuine guy, I would find someone, I was a great catch.. touching eh? I deleted her on FB and social media sites, no use keeping a friendship when she smashed my heart with a hammer. We said our goodbyes, it was all sweet and nice, left with a kiss each. That was December, I spent weeks and weeks after thinking about her, wishing and hoping she will come to her senses, run back, message me, something.. nothing, as I kinda knew but still hoped. Now months on NC, I finally realised something, of course she was not going to run back and not so quick, why? because I was a pussy. She sees me as a puppy, a genuine lovely guy, sweet guy, harmless, while her ex she often spoke about was the opposite, nasty to her, didn’t care basically, but hes still on her mind, tells you something doesn’t it? they want nice and sweet sure but not too nice, not too sweet, they want a man, stand up and a man. We are not friends anywhere online now but I found myself going to her FB page like a idiot, looking at her pic, getting down, feeling shit, the usual pussy behaviour, until 2 weeks ago I sat here and realised what are you doing?? she has moved on, she don’t care, she has not contacted you or tried, she probably expects I am on her page she knew I loved her a lot, so had that power. So I decided as we don’t speak, she has no interest just block her on there, so she cannot see my page, she cant see me comment anywhere on it, just let her wonder if she ever does.. So now she is blocked, she cant see me, where I am, What I do. She gave up that right when she treated me shit and dumped me like she did. See I was still being the same old pussy even after she done all this bad stuff to me, wow, get self respect man!! What also opened my eyes was my good buddy, its funny, he is a good guy, alpha male type, talks the talk, good with women, and he sat me down and told me some home truths, he has treated women bad, not abusive but just never cared really, and they usually always come back to him, crawl back, text him, ring him.. still want him.. and listen to this, that girl above I went out with and treated me shit? he dated her years ago too, and guess what he did with her then? he brought her on some dates, went to clubs, had sex with her many times, then dumped her, said he was too busy for anything serious etc.. he was with another girl a week later, this happened years ago right, she tried to add him on FB three times over the next few years, he just rejected it as he had a GF then. She had feelings for him even years later, she told me before we dated she thought she would marry him someday, I know that was alarm bells for me but I didn’t think much into it.. so it shows, he didn’t treat her well, but she chased him because he was an alpha male. I think it drove her nuts he dumped her, and she wanted it back always, but could never get it.. she hated him, loved him, hated him, her opinion changes of him always, she has feelings for him of course. Want what you cant have eh? If he acted like me, told her sweet words, chased her, bought her things, she would have dumped him. So lesson learnt here. My eyes are open, I am bruised, I am hurt, but I will never make the same mistakes again. Now she is blocked let her wonder, maybe she wanted to be friends to keep tabs on my friend, the guy who dumped her, she will want to know how he is etc and I am the only route to that, so I will not speak to her for a long time, if one day she contacts me, i will be a different man. And if she wants me now, just to speak to me, she will have to work hard to get in contact with me, being blocked that is 🙂 You guys are the real deal, I wish you all the best, I continue to read here. And learn.
Oh and to add, since I last spoke here in January, I have lost 2 stone, I am boxing, I am going into the fighting world, I feel stronger, fitter than ever, my mind feels clearer. I feel a man for the first time. The man I knew I could be. One day she will see me as a man, not as the pussy she dumped who could not be a man.
@ JP & Neil
You guys hang tough. It will work out in the end. Trust me. I say that because these days I’m catching the eyes of younger chicks (21-25). I laugh now because I realize when a man is tied down to one chick, he forgets how much is truly out there. Have you any idea how intoxicating a 21 year old Korean girl with an Australian accent is? (the ex was 30 i.e. expiration date) Yeah, it hurts for a while, but when the ex wants out, you gotta just say “FUCK IT” and hit the gym. We should all be glad we never married these wayward bitches because it would have hurt even more if they decided to divorce our asses.
Hello fellas, so long story short been dating this girl for about 2 years, i had lied to her about keeping in touch with my ex. It wasnt nothing so i didnt thought t was a big deal. Lately she hasnt been as commited although she said she let it go, every now and then she brings up the ex incident. And she seems not as commited. She is not interest in what i do the way she used to. she had an ex lingering around too but she doesnt want to go back to him or so she says. We see each other a lot so i doubt its cheating shes doing. How do i gain her commitment again witbout seemed desperate or a beta. ,can this be saved? I been through my single stage and I was looking for stability, i have fixed a lot of issues but the mistrust still there. At first she was ok but suddenly 4 months after the incident that she found out. Ahe started changing. I cut all contact with my ex. What can I do or any advice thank you
@Workhardplayhard from your text I can see you have deep oneitis for this girl, you think of her all the time and are consumed by her. The fact that you’re contemplating about her commitment here shows that you’re desperate for her, shes got the upper hand in your relationship and she doesnt want that kind of power dynamic. No woman wants that in their relationship, they want to be with a strong dominant man whose in charge and whom they look up to. I hope you are following your mission/purpose, lifting weights and having a life outside from her. You should be improving every day and slaying the dragon so to speak, and when she initiates contact with you then you set the date to hangout and have fun. Do not talk about your relationship, thats feminine energy and you should let your girl do that. Just focus on having fun and fucking her like a monster then you go back to going after your mission and she’ll initiate contact when she wants to see you again. Based on your comments I’d never initiate contact with her, I’d give her the space and let her come to you 100% and not try to twist her arm into “commitment” – that would be the fastest way to push her into arms of other men. Let her do the 100% of text/call initiating. When she initiates contact then just set the date and get out of the phone. This facilitates all the right things. Be the guy who she fell for in the first place, I bet you’ve changed from that. Be indifferent about her commitment. If it doesnt work out then like Anthony just said, there’s abundance of hot women in this world.
@WorkhardPlayhard and others asking the same thing,
There is no other approach other than for her to rediscover her feelings towards you. To do that you must ignore her, giving her the space and time to miss your presence. You chasing her, pleading with her will not achieve that; on the contrary, it will push her further away and make her lose respect for you. If you were a complete abusive jackass to her she may never reach out. But nearly always they do, as long as you were a decent guy and you adhere to strict no contact/ignoring of her for a few weeks/months. I speak from my own experience with this principle, echoed dozens of times by others in this thread.
To repeat, the only solution, as BD states in the original post, is to ignore her (which is the same thing as no contact). All this reaching out after 30 days with a pleasant shared memory stuff you read about is utter nonsense. What self respecting man is going to chase after a woman who dumped him? Anyone reading this, temped to reach out to her in a weak moment of desperation, tears or loneliness needs to MAN THE FUCK UP, grow some balls and ignore her. SHE must contact YOU, how ever long it takes. If she never does contact you then she does not think enough of you to warrant your further time on her anyways. It really is a win/win situation, no matter how much you may think otherwise, or how much you may miss her, at this moment in time. If she does not want you then why would you want her? Think of it that way! If she DID want you she would reach out. Very, very few women are so stubborn that they would not reach out for love.
This is not a silly lovers/dating power game; this is fundamental human psychology and common decency at work. Whilst at the initial time of break up it is fine to state that you disagree with the breaking up, that you love her, adore her and want to work at things, it is demeaning to yourself and pathetic to beg, grovel and plead to someone who unilaterally withdraws her love and attention from you. And even if by such begging you somehow managed to get her back (and you won’t in 99.999% of cases), the power would then be forever hers with you becoming the weak bitch in the relationship and she would then be dictating all the terms, when you had sex (if at all), and in all probability she will dump your ass in another month anyway.
IGNORE HER. SHE DUMPED YOU. If she wants another shot then SHE must plead with YOU for YOU to give HER another chance!!!!! There would be a LOT MORE contented relationships around were this principle followed more widely, rather than men prostrating themselves to women who throw them around like toys.
Another point I wanted to make. If you feel the relationship has gone sour, if she is repeatedly cold and distant and unappreciative of your time and presence over a few weeks, sex/BJ become infrequent, you’ve tried to discuss it with her but you cannot turn the situation round, DUMP HER FIRST and don’t hang on for the car to go over the cliff with you still inside it! I’m not suggesting being a dick when you do this to her. Explain the reasons and say you are out in a firm but kind way. Be 100% firm and stick to your guns.
This saves you the pain and anger of being dumped – which you would have been 100% certainly if she was acting cold and distant – and puts you in the driving seat and you reclaiming the power. YOU are now in control of any potential future of this relationship, NOT HER. This is so important. You then let her plead with you over the forthcoming weeks/months. If she doesn’t then she was not worth it anyways. But almost for sure she will. Don’t let her back easily, let her know that YOU are now the one who is uncertain about her and use her as a FB for a bit.
RM_Pilot makes great points! Fantastic stuff. No matter how much you like the girl and show it to her, its not gonna do anything. In fact its going to have the opposite effect of what men usually hope for. Women basically dont want guys who want them, that is one of the reasons why the no contact works so well. They’re thinking along the lines “doesnt he want me anymore? Is he with someone better because he isnt chasing me anymore? I’m gonna make him want me again!”. Most women are narcissistic beings and they love to chase men who dont want them. Most women take pride in converting taken men and getting them into bed. Most. Not all women are like this but most.
And yes hot women go absolutely crazy if you dump them. In 9/10 of all cases in modern times woman is the dumper. Every hot woman in my lifetime has always said the phrase “I’ve never been dumped, I’ve always dumped the guy and they never have wanted to dump me”. Most guys would saw their other arm off to be with a woman like those, so who the hell would dump them? So when that rare occurance happens, that guy is her alpha forever and they cant wrap their mind over it. They have hundreds of guys groveling in their feet doing anything the “goddess” wants, and this one man doesnt want her. She’s never experienced that and it drives her nuts. If things dont work the way you’d want, you should have the self-respect to tell what you want and if she doesnt co-operate then you’re gone. Never wait for her to lose self-respect towards you and dump you. There’s really abundance of women out there, do not grovel around begging and walking on eggshells with one whom doesnt co-operate with your wants/needs.
I agree. Yes i def imporving myself a bit. I work closely with her so we see each other alot but dont live together . She does the pursue disappear trick.. She said shes attached to me but I want to regain that feeling she had of not knowing if she got me
And work for it. How you accomplish that if you are forced to see her daily at work and after work. When you dont answer she gets mad jealous and send massive text? What men often do is try to give her the world hoping they stay and i did that and now she got used to it. Im cutting back a few. Any suggestions highly appreciated.
@workhardplayhard
We already told you what to do. IGNORE HER! What is it about that you don’t understand? Myself, Martin, BD and a ton of others on this thread say the same.
Seems to me you are lost in the paralysis of analysis here, searching for some silver bullet. Your situation is not unique. You cannot manipulate your way back into a relationship with her and if you say she is attracted to you that is a good sign and EVEN MORE the reason to ignore her. If there is any future in this it has to be her idea for HER to reach out to YOU because the deafening silence of you not being there has made her miss you and want you again. There is no other way and nothing more to be said.
IGNORE HER! That means TOTALLY.
OK. So I broke up with an ex in February after a big fight and she didn’t put up any resistance to breaking up as she usually would. Went fully No Contact for nearly 3 months and no contact from her either. Then I got an urge to contact her, but contacted her best friend instead. Asked how she’s doing and tells me my ex misses me. Friend seemed very supportive to me. So I tried contacting the ex (mistake) – found out she changed her number and also blocked me on FB. I asked the friend, if she misses me, why did she do that? Friend replies after speaking to her, “she’s says goodbye”.
I got pissed, wrote the ex an email – days later, I get a reply. “I can’t love you anymore”. So I got a bit upset…again all my fault. Should have kept the NC going and be done with it.
Her friend then added me on IM a few days ago, not sure why (and don’t believe her friend is interested in me).
Gone back to full NC, including her friend.
I am guessing at this point I messed this up.
I don’t want to get back together with her but thinking my chances of sacking her again have sunk.
@Professor,
You made a huge mistake. Sorry, but there’s no other way of saying it. Ignore her – the title of this thread. Oftentimes the person who reaches out does so because they have nothing else going on in their romantic life. Reaching out in the way you did screams this to her, making her think you are ready and available as and when SHE wants to. In other words, you have little value in her mind. BIG MISTAKE. From now on ignore her completely, as BD states in the opening of this thread – trust him, he knows what he is saying. Let her go. If she wants you again she knows where you are.
The more you have ignored her, the more deafening the silence of you not being there becomes. She must reach out to you. Scarcity creates value I once heard someone say.
@RM_Pilot
Apology not needed. I said so myself I made a mistake. Mind you, I am new to this site and what BD teaches, been on here about a month, so realizing now my mistakes.
To be fair, she didn’t want the breakup but she didn’t put up much of a fight when I did. The reasons don’t matter at this point since her tune has changed though I don’t know why the friend would communicate with me what she did and then add me on chat after.
Going forward, it’s total NC. I’m not even considering the possibility of her wanting me back as it’s pointless to think about it.
Thanks for the advice.
My husband was always cheating on me and even spends nights out. sometimes he even leave for the entire week end, pretending that he has work, but i know he just go meet women, my life was lame until, i asked robinsonbuckler @ yahoo . com to cast a spell for me. so that my husband can be a good man and after his spell, my husband changed automatically, he now spends much more time with me and the kids and we’re a family again
Guys I would like to ask you, long story short:
I was an alpha 1.0 during the breakup, I was needy, jelaousy etc. I am not in contact with her for 4 months with 2 exceptions:
1. Few little chit chat about logistical stuff
2. After 2 months after the breakup I started to be in contact again and said her I still love her (ultra beta), but not begging or pleading, I think there wasnt so much needines in this. She replied that “maybe probably bla bla her feellings are different right now”, so I said ok its time to move on.
Sometimes she still writes me some logistical stuff (translate something into other language or etc)
I know she is dating some new guy but dont talk to our mutual friends about it, I think he is a rebound
I would like to ask you, I wasnt alpha 2.0, so ignoring her I think is not good idea for such a long time. Should I try something? I think I am ok right now and can talk normally as I do when we first met..But yes, my goal is to be with here again
Thanks for help
@Greg it doesnt matter what you were, alpha 1.0 or 2.0 or the ultimate beta. Not contacting her is the best thing you can do. You basically say “ignoring wont work because you werent alpha 2.0?” Well that’s just wrong thinking, in reality ignoring works especially when you were beta as fuck. You’re like justifying that you were beta in the past so you can continue to be the beta and chase her. No.
Never initiate contact with her. When she initiates then you try to set a date in your place in the evening and escalate to sex. Do not give information via phone/email etc, only use phone/email strictly for setting dates. If she wants you in her life she must see you in person and thats when you can actually end up inside her (in the evening because that implies romantic setting, never lunch dates). If you give information via those means she doesnt even have to see you, by using electronic ways only to set a date then she must see you in person and in person is the only place where you can actually have sex (which is what you want), you cant fuck her through the phone so do not stay in phone for anything else than setting the date. If she denies you then just say what you want, ie. her romantically, and if she cant co-operate then say lovingly that you cant be her platonic male buddy and please never contact me unless you change your mind. Negotiate what you want. At the moment shes just using you to translate stuff and you’re not getting anything in return. Fuck that, 1-sided relationship for her benefit and you’re not even a friend… shes just abusing you straight up. Time to cut that shit. If she wants that value you bring to her life bad enough, then she will hop into your bed – but you’re not asking or negotiating that currently. This is all about negotiating what you want and not settling for anything less. Good luck.
@Greg
What is it about “ignore her” that don’t you understand? Have you read the posts and replies on this board? Is English not your first language? Ignore her means do not contact her FOR ANY REASON. If you want to be back with her then she must reach out to you and then you ask for a date with her and escalate into her pants. Only by her missing you over weeks/months will her reaching out to you happen. You chasing/pleading/begging or “accidentally” trying to bump into her will drive her further away.
This is not just us on this board saying this. All the experts such as Doc Love, Corey Wayne and others say the same thing.
This is why you ignore the ex:
Attention = Power. Giving them attention FIRST is giving them the power. Greg & Professor, (sighs) WTF are you doing?
@ Anthony
100% agreed. Amen brother.
“The one who cares the least has the power”.
When you get dumped you care very much – and hence you have no power; your dumper has ALL the power. If you plead and beg you further consolidate her power over you, making you look weak and pathetic in her eyes, sinking you further and further into the sewer and scuppering any hope of being back with her either seriously or as a FWB. Been there, got the T-shirt…..
If you don’t plead and beg (or at least don’t continue to plead and beg over the days following the dumping) AND refuse to being friend-zoned, then if your ex still has some feelings she will look back with rose-tinted glasses and miss you and forget some of the reasons why she dumped you. Hopefully by the time she reaches out (several weeks or months later as discussed) you will have moved on a lot, be a better person and no longer care about her as much.
Get it? You no longer care AND SHE NOW DOES, hence her reaching out… YOU now have the power. The dynamics have done a 180. The one who cares the least has the power. Google it. This principle applies to many areas of human interaction. Sales especially.
This is why you people need to just ignore her, man up and have some faith in this concept. There really are no exceptions to this. If she reaches out with a “hi”, “miss you” or any comment like that it means her interest level has gone up in you, otherwise why the fuck would she be reaching out?!!! Seriously guys, if she was glad to see the back of you, like you were a bad smell, she would NEVER reach out to you!!!!!!!!!
This is also why it is so crucial to try and move on; you win whatever she does. It may not feel that way if you are reading this after just being dumped but trust us – you must get yourself into this mindset.
@RM_Pilot @ Anthony
You’re both absolutely right. What’s done is done and can’t be changed except going forward. We all need to learn from it, and that’s what’s most important. At the end of the day, shit happens, and that’s how you grow into a real man.
@Professor.
Good. Trust us. There is a wealth of experience here.
This is not a game, this is human interaction at work. No one is trying to “do over” women. We all love women and our interaction with them. However, we have developed strategies to deal with the flaky behavior some of them exhibit towards us men when they dump us for completely spurious and nonsensical reasons. Despite our sometimes very real failings as a gender, the pendulum has swung much too far the other way, away from men. Our western societal programing is absurd and has turned the tables on men to our disadvantage so much that many men are losing their identity in relationships and most are overly, ridiculously submissive to women. This is wrong and it is nonsense. Women also suffer as a result. Double wrong. This is not women’s fault per se; rather an Hollywood and media driven “Disney-topia” that has seeped into the subconscious.
Google “The Principle of Least Interest”. Numerous scientific studies prove conclusively that power in a human relationship lies with the person who cares the least. This is what Anthony said in his last comment on this thread. The whole thread is essentially a real life, ad-hoc narrative and exploration of this principle from dozens of viewpoints. If you as a man get dumped, pleading and begging further erodes your standing in the eyes of the woman, belittling you in her eyes. In other words you are “caring” too much and lose your power. This is an extremely unattractive quality and not what a woman wants in her man at all. This cements her decision to dump you in her mind and you are toast.
Going No Contact or “ignoring her” causes a “shock” to her. Why? Because, essentially, you are demonstrating you no longer care, exactly the opposite of what she expects. Over time, your lack of contact, because you “don’t care” elevates your standing and position in her subconscious mind. Trust us. Slowly but surely over a few weeks/months, she will respect you. She will think that you are better than her and she lost a good thing, elevating your standing and status, making you desirable. Trust us! It sounds crazy but you must understand this is the truth. Of course, if you were an abusive moron then she will not think this and be glad to be rid of you. But us on this thread are not like that are we?
I am also going through this with an ex. I have developed some other women options and I am hanging out with one later today. I loved my ex to the ends of the earth and I still do. Is that beta? Possibly. I don’t give a fuck about such pejorative labels. Could I explore a future with her some day? Possibly. But no contact and re-establishing my power is the first step towards making that possible. There is no other way in which that can happen other than ignoring her/no contact. She has to reach out to me. There cannot and will not be any other way. If I were to reach out to her it would still show weakness, that my words and actions are not in alignment. I am now five weeks into NC. Total NC in every way. We shall see.
It’s amazing how counter-intuitive this is, and how strong a role SP and OBW can play on how you react or deal with these situations. The ability to walk away and let it slide off you is pure gold, oneitis and neediness is like kryptonite.
“oneitis and neediness is like kryptonite” yes. You can see it in your relationships. See, always when you’ve met your future oneitis you’ve probably been dating many women and you’ve been the opposite of an weak needy guy and have been kinda aloof just having fun and not being serious, not really giving a fuck does she come or go. Then you started caring about her, started getting serious and started loving her and BOOF. She’s gone. Think about the fact that you got her with the first behaviour and lost her with the latter.
Principle of least interest is a great read, theres a lot of gold about that topic. The women who’ve been longest in my sex life (and still are) are exactly those women with whom I have the power in the relationship, they’re even often fearing that this is the last time I’m gonna see her. They’re nice and I like them but I dont go all emotional Disney weak for them (like with oneitis exes). And I really could walk away from them in less than 30 seconds. This is what drives womens attraction. Women dont want the power. Everyone writing here about their oneitis exes had principle of least interest flipped on to their ex’s benefit and they had the power. That’s why we’re now here and crying about her, while shes currently with a guy who doesnt really care about her – and thats what she wants and thats what women are attracted towards.
It’s sickening to see as a man that women who you dont really care about are all over you chasing you and giving everything sexually to you. But women who you really deeply care about starts to fade away soon enough. Women dont want the sure thing thats locked, they want the uncertainty and they want to always be walking on eggshells about the continuity of relationship. Yes they all deny this, but dont listen to what they say but rather watch what kind of guys they date and are all over. This is sickening, because we men are different and love in a very different way than females and thus most of ours relationships will fail eventually because of this very nature of our love being very different.
Like Patrice O’Neal says: the balance is right when she loves you, and you ‘like’ her. You start loving her without being damn sure she can handle your love, she’ll start renegotiating EVERYTHING – to her advantage, until she’s tired of your ‘flexibility’ and sweetness.
If anyone of yours ex returns, which most of us probably will experience, well then you have to have principle of least interest flipped for your benefit. And when shes chasing you then its on yours benefit. And when its happening then keep it that way and never ever change your behaviour.
So in short, we are back to Black Dragon’s original thread opener. IGNORE HER. Why? To reclaim the power. It really is as simple as that. When you have the power, you are like a magnet, and she is a pile of iron filings – drawn to the magnet. You must become that magnet, and you do that by total and 100% no contact/ignoring her for a few months. In the meantime, work on yourself so you remain that magnet and do not become the iron filings! You yourself must be a catch to the woman as well – hence the numerous recommendations to get weight training, lose weight, dress smart etc. Sound advice.
We are good men here. We are the prize. Don’t forget that.
@RM_Pilot
This is exactly what I did for a while. I soft nexted her when she was giving me grief to the point she became needy. Then I dumped her due to drama I wasn’t interested in dealing with. No contact for 3 months (not long enough I get now). Reached out to her, and she’s given me the cold shoulder so no contact again. My mistakes were I should not have reached out to her so soon, should have let it slide off me instead of reacting angrily when she gave me the cold shoulder and should have moved on to other women right after dumping her. I wasn’t begging or needy, but I was definitely oneitis and she knew it. I focused only on my business and that was good to keep me focused for a few months, but not enough to satisfy my relationship/physical needs as a man.
@Martin
You’re right. I had 2-3 women at one go when she was all over me, the moment I dropped the other two for her, the drama began. Go figure…they tell you they want one thing, while really they want the OPPOSITE.
This may sound wierd. I was involved with a girl who does not want commitment, but also not giving me sex…It went on for 1 year and i proposed her and she said no and asked for no contacts. In the mean time i confessed her about flirting with X…she refused and said he is a married guy. Then i started no contact but we work together and i end up talking to her couple of times(as an excuse to talk). Recently i noticed that she is flirting with Mr Y as X already left the office and their timings to kitchen & bathroom are almost same everyday…i gave a nasty look couple of times. But, if she wants any office stuff she unblocks me and talks and then blocks me again…..I am just wondering how to get this girls attention. Before i was confused whether to go in casual (or) relationship route…now is clear that this b…does not want relationship. But i want to bang her…whats the best way to do this? we stopped talking from oct 1 2015 but still no improvement.
If i start NC, should i atleast say hi when i see her in office or meetings?? please advice.
@Steven that situation is such a mess. Work should equal no romantic interests. She clearly doesnt want you, so why do you chase after a girl who doesnt want you, when there is millions of girls who would love to fuck your brains out? But you’re invested in the one who doesnt want anything to do with you.
Man, no matter how hot the girl you should not shit where you eat and this situation wouldnt even be a problem. She’s got you and this is why she doesnt want you. Get other women and suddenly you’ll have an aura/vibe of indifference and she’ll be wondering whats up with you and she’ll try to get power back by offering her pussy. Sure say hi, thats basic social skills and polite in office setting but never go out of your way to talk to her. Let her come to you 100%. She has all the power so do not pursue her in any way, get other women and forget her and she’ll probably sense something new in you. Remember that when you have sappy beta feelings and oneitis towards one girl, your chance of getting her is slim to none. If you want any chance then first you must get your balls back / mojo going on by dating women who actually want you, then you’ll be non needy and outcome independent.
@RM_Pilot @Martin
Guys, I know, I know..quick brief
I dumped her first. After she was begging and pleading, after one week I took her back (without soft next, super beta) but her behavior continues (because no soft next), so I was totally insane about it (“I gave you one more chance and you are still doing this!!”- (super pussy beta)) and made revenge (ultra omega). Then she dumped me.
(reason – we had one multimilionare mutual friend which were super ultra beta and he made her entertainment – but was emotionally interested in her, she knew it and used him for fun and party, he made everything to her. Totally friendzoned guy. I was upset because she played it as she is single and I am just like some guy who are sleeping with maybe – she knew that he would stop to entertain her if she would behave that he had no chance to get her – she needed to have his “online”)
5 months later – she played some games with me during this period, and I think she still playing (maybe just for totally destroy me)…She is really proud and headstrong. And I dont know if she has some fellings towards me, I guess some yes.
Anyway – no contact rule – I aggree, it works really well. But one more thing – in the moment, when I will be over her emotionally, I will dont care about her AT ALL (as I dont care about others exes). Even I wont have desire to sleep with her (I´ve been already there), cause I might have new GF (+FB which I´ve already have). So I dont give a shit.
Result – in this game, no one wins. I loose when I try to contact her, and she looses when I dont, but I wont be already emotionally interested in her and dont give a shit about her (even sexually)
So this is the end
@Greg sounds like shes a person of no integrity whatsoever (but either way most women would behave the same in that situation). So perhaps its better this way. She’s clearly not LTR material. Only FB/FWB sex playmate. No matter how much you’ve invested in her and been with her for loyally for years, the moment she meets the millionaire you’re gone in her mind and all the past benefit from you is forgotten. Do not invest in her. Imagine if you were married or had kids? You’d be always walking on eggshells. I’d feel bad for the guy who ends up with her LTR or married, its gonna end badly for the guy. Most guys are jealous and feel bad because their ex being with some new guy, when in reality many should feel bad for the guy who doesnt even know what he is getting himself into. Surely you can avoid all this by not being monogamous and not expecting monogamy from her. Forget Disney, women are not like you thought they would be or how they are portrayed in the mainstream. They’re more animalistic than us men and thats why the mankind will continue to grow. Woman is a foolproof “invention” for that.
@Greg
The less you think about using no contact to ‘get her back’, even just for a smash, and the more you focus on you and what you really want, then it doesn’t matter if she comes back or not. If she reaches out to you, you have the CHOICE to drop her into the FB bucket or tell her to take a flying leap (by continuing to ignoring her).
I’m realizing this as days go by, that our bodies and minds tell us to do something quite opposite to what we actually ought to do.
If you follow what your body and mind tell you, it’s going to be at your expense, no matter how you slice it.
If instead you just be aware that the fight is not between you and her, but with yourself, then you just cut her off completely to get off the drug like high you had from her due to the oneitis you donated to her and which she failed to appreciate (and which she can’t ever appreciate).
No drama needed in my life. If she comes back, she’s going to be sidelined at best and on her knees begging at most. If she doesn’t come back…less drama in my life – all the better for me – and plenty more tail to smash so let someone else put her on a pedestal.
@Professor,
That is precisely the mindset to have.
You are also right in your earlier post about they seem all over you when you yourself are distant and have other female options. The moment you love her, focus on her and become exclusive, she seems to lose interest, almost like you are not the same man anymore! That very situation happened with my ex. As much as I did like her, for the first six months I did not give a flying fuck whether she stayed or left, I had other options if she left. As soon as I started to get emotionally invested, started to buy her things, started to become exclusive and love her, i.e. started to be NICE – problems. Why the fuck this should be the case I simply do not know. I just know that this is the way it is. I once read this somewhere:
NEVER tell a woman you love her first. EVER. NEVER let her know you are committed to her first. All these labels and sentiments should come from her. NEVER keep telling her you love her/adore her etc if this is not being reciprocated AT LEAST 5x as much by her.
If you want your girlfriend to be close -> Get distant
If you want your girlfriend to be distant -> Get close.
Live by that advice!!!!!
@RM_Pilot
“Why the fuck this should be the case I simply do not know”
Societal programming. Hollywood BS.
It has a bigger effect on you than you’d think.
It’s not only SP. It is biological. Women want strong men who have their shit together and have grand goals that are beside her.
Most women nowadays end up getting married with betas. This is the effect of SP. They discard alphas because SP put so much shit on their mind that they get angry easily, demand more from men and when an alpha does not accept her shit, she quits in favour of the orbiter who will accept her every command.
Then she marries the orbiter, has kids with him wastes her life being in a relationship she doesn’t enjoy and a relationship that bores her to death. She will never admit it, all her relatives are happy and they will think she is happy, then she drops the bomb of divorce with some BS as an excuse and everyone agrees with her. The poor beta(most have been there), wonders WTF he has done wrong goes into a depression for years and years, he is out of the game and if he gets lucky he gets another shot.
Remove yourself from this. It is not healthy and you will waste your life, even if you have kids you will be a slave to her will. Have kids only with a woman that plays ball according to your will and rules, not with the woman you happened to be with.
The take away from hey hey: Have your shit together and have grand goals, ie. mission/purpose in life. This way you dont lose everything when you (eventually) lose the girl. Women should be a compliment to your amazing life, not a purpose. But everyday you read about guys who do suicide after girl not having their love. Yes, when oneitis dumps your arse its hard and emotions are all over the place. But after the oneitis fades away, you’ll realize there are millions of great women with whom you can recreate anything you had with your oneitis (and who knows maybe you’ll recreate it with your oneitis ex but it has to happen from her initiation, you cant twist her arm into it). But this time you’ll know that monogamy isnt in womens nature, so eventually that relationship too will end. What stays is you and your purpose. Never neglect that. Start caring about you and stop caring about fickle creature called woman. You’ll never regret caring about you and investing in yourself, women on the other hand…
I hooked up with this girl about 3 months ago, she came onto me and we slept together the first night after meeting.
After this we kept in contact messaging everyday. I work away and she lives away but we’d constantly talk whilst I was away working and when I was home I’d go to her city to see her. Everything was going perfect, not one bad word between the two of us and she was constantly saying how happy she was and looking forward to the future, she was planning stuff for our future.
About 3 weeks whilst I was away working and everything was going perfect, she went back to the town she i from originally and I live in. She went out drinking and since that day it has ended. There were no signs of anything. A few days passed without hearing from her, so I asked if everything was okay. She basically said shes not ready for a relationship because of her past, she said she thought it the odd time we’d been together but the previous two weeks whilst ive been away thought it even more. It just seems odd she went from counting down the days until I was home until not bothered anymore at all.
Now, everyone probably thinks there was someone else, but this girl (20) had a seriously bad last relationship, got abused and an affair against, so i’d like to doubt she would act like that. She just says shes happy on her own for the first time in a long time and doesnt want to ruin it.
I sent her a couple of long messages which she ignored and we saw each other on a night out last weekend and she just pretended like I didnt exist and we’d never even met before. In return, I unfollowed her on all social media and she very quickly returned the favour. I then hit her up with a message saying I was in her city for a day to which she ignored.
I really really liked this girl, she is super super hot, good job and we basically had the best time together. Its clear messaging her isnt going to win her back so does NC stand a chance her? Its a tricky one because if she is just scarred from her last relationship, which must have been pretty harrowing and she just needed time to understand what she wanted, then me deleting her off all social media probably ruined my chances because it shows im immature. Further, getting with other girls is the last thing I want to do and then if she finds out, I dont think she’d be jealous but just stay well clear because the warning signs are just like her last relationship.
@Brian
Women are hypergamous creatures, meaning she very likely met someone “better” on her night out and forgot you instantly. The new guy gives her the tingles currently and you do not exist for her at this moment. Or she met one of her old exes in her hometown and got the feelings again. This is very likely no matter what you think of her and how “shes not like that”. She wont say this to you because it would burn bridges with most men, thats why she uses bullshit excuses. She knows men would be disgusted by her hypergamous nature and yes you shouldnt ever confront her about it even if you know thats the case.
In situations like these you just need to be like nothing happened, it shouldnt bother you. Do not be emotionally punishing, angry or beg and plead asking what happened??? Just shrug and be like “call me if you change your mind”. The relationship with that new (or old) guy will end eventually and she’ll remember you and get in contact – if she really liked you and you brought value to her. But currently that other guy occupies her thoughts and you’ll only do harm if you contact her. If she ever contacts you again then set the date and escalate to sex. In the mean time hit the gym, elevate your stock and date new women. Nothing else you can do. She changed the terms of your relationship against your will and if she wants to get back with you she must earn it by coming to your place and offering her body to you.
@Brian,
Sounds like a classic rebound to me and you were the rebound guy. Sorry if that hurts but that’s what it sounds like from what you describe despite you wanting to think otherwise.
The answer, as in 99.9% of break-ups, is to ignore her and elevate your stock as a man. She may come back, she may not. Put your radar on looking forward, not backwards.
So my ex gf and I have been broken up for about 5 months now. We have hung out a few times randomly because she likes to come to the open mic I play sometimes. We both went on trips recently but before got together one night and had a great time. Since then it’s been about 2 months of no direct contact, just snap chats sent to me which I have reciprocated every few she’s sent. Coming back on our trips and being back, apparently she has been hanging with the rebound dude again, but still I get snap chats… what do I do with these? Reply to her snaps with something random that I’m doing? Reply directly to the snap chat only when its completely directed at me or even if it isn’t? or nothing at all, wait till she contacts me directly?
I have been following Coach Corey Wayne, but I have not heard anything about what he thinks about snap chats..
@Jbar If you reply then only reply to direct messages for you, do not watch her story and surely do not reply to it.
Personally I believe you’d be better off if you never added any girls you’re romantically involved. Snapchat doesnt facilitate absence. It’s hard to use snapchat for only setting the dates, and that is what for you should use your phone with women you’re romantically involved. It doesnt help you to always be available for whatever snapping and shit – infact I think without it you’d actually be special and more mysterious and women actually have to get together with you and not only snap through phone where nothing can happen. I bet your life would be more simple if you didnt have snapchat, its a fucking dating nightmare app. And this blog is all about having a drama free life.
Well she sends me them, I never look at her snap story. But most times it’s random shit like some weird face app or a hike or place she’s at, or her in her dog in bed but nothing that’s asking me a question or completely asking for a response… Respond to those or just delete snap chat?
@jbar
As Martin says, you should not be reaching out unless it is a direct contact from her. To keep reaching out and following on social media is not a wise strategy; it is allowing her to slowly wean herself off of you. The next you will see is a picture of her with another guy!
I follow Coach Corey myself and he comes out with some great stuff and I am in broad agreement with his strategies about firm no contact of ex’s, asking them for date when they reach out, having a sense of purpose etc. That is largely what this thread is all about. However, I do not completely buy into some of the things he says. For instance, by listening to CCW you’d think nearly every relationship problem is due to the guy over-persuing and being weak. Whilst I’d agree that often plays a part, he seems to gloss over the fact that any of these women are fucked up and THEY cause the break up when when the guy played a sound game. He seems to gloss over that and put all the blame on the guy…
A question I have. I’ll get flamed for this but I will ask anyway…. Since my ex who I adored and was with for 18 months coldly text dumped me two months ago (who I have been 100% NC with since) I have been quite successful on match.com and I have four women on the go Two of them ten years younger than me 🙂 If I eventually decide that I want to exclusive with one of them at some point how do I let the other three down? I don’t want to be a player all my life, that’s not part of my make up. Would love to ask Coach Corey that one…. What would he do I wonder….
Go exclusive? Why do that? 4>1. If you care for them and know how to manage your relationships you are not a player.
You can’t be getting 4 with an eventual goal to have just the one. Eventually you will loose them all. Decide your path before playing around. If you want to be monogamous be ready to fail and loose them all forever. If you want to manage all 4 and most probaby have them in your life on and off forever, then study the materials here.
Ccw is good for monogamous relationships but still his advice is the best you can hope for in those situations. The advice here is far superior for you as a man.
@Jbar
“But most times it’s random shit like some weird face app or a hike or place she’s at, or her in her dog in bed but nothing that’s asking me a question or completely asking for a response… Respond to those or just delete snap chat?”
The problem with this snapchat thing is that she probably sends this shit to ALL guys on her list, most likely its not really a direct contact for you. You’re not that one special guy who shes sending this shit. It’s the ultimate validation tool for women, I would just stay away from that shit. I personally would only use that app for following male friends and people who actually give beneficial advice and I’d never friend up any girl I’m romantically involved. Yea you might lose some sexy pics and shit from girls, but again do you think you’re the only guy they’re sending those? And you cant fuck her pictures, fuck her when you see her and you do not have to worry about losing out when you’re not there being just another chump who is giving validation to her.
Thanks guys, I’ll just open and ignore them. Unless it’s a question to me personally?
@Jbar yea. If she sends snap in her underwear and there reads “Jbar I want your cock” then of course you jump on it. But if there is no indication that the message is for you, then why would you go back and forth texting some funny faces. After you’re not reacting to those she will probably raise the stakes and start trying to get your attention even more harder.
But watching girls snapchat is almost equivalent to liking her social media shit. She sees who watched them. If theres been a trend that nothing is addressed towards you, why would you even watch them. After she notices you’re not even opening her messages, she might wonder about you and do a real text to you or call and then you can take it from there. Then you can just be like that “yea I havent opened that app in ages but when you’re free to get together?” Snapchat is not a real contact unless she addresses you. Again she might send “how are you?” “what are you doing tonight?” messages with sexy pic to every fucking guy on her list.
So would you just not open hers snaps or just delete snap chat for a while. It seems kind of like a waist of time anyway…
It definitely is a time waster and it doesnt bring much. It’s basically popular app amongst little teen girls, so is it a place for a man, you can ask that. People try to get better “score” there because its an indication of your “status”, theres even youtube videos of how to scheme around to raise your snapchat score. Kinda stupid feature and you can see how petty people are when they fake their score higher. But you can see that the bigger the score the bigger validation whore she probably is and it is a marker of how many men she chats through it. Nightmare app for couples and people go crazy when they watch their significant others score and imagine just how many guys/gals the other is chatting. You can use your time better and just stick to whatsapp and have more drama free life. I’d say no need to delete it, just take notifications off and never open that app unless you want to. Do what you know is best for you, surely some people use snapchat to their great benefit but if thats not your strenght then its pointless. If she wants to get in touch with you she can get in touch by other means, and thats better for you. No more wondering that did she send that for everybody or specially to you.
Regarding any chat app, this seems quite simple to me. Use such apps as are useful for you, and don’t let any woman that’s currently being nexted influence your choice. If you see a message from her, read it at your convenience, without caring whether the app lets her know that the message was displayed. If you feel a reply setting up a meet is in order, do so, otherwise disregard.
@everyone
I think any “games” being played about “highest score”, “most likes” etc on these apps in the hope to impress a woman and the mind games therein is not indicative of a man who has a bigger mission and purpose. I’d rather spend time in the gym, at work, in my plane, riding my bike or playing with my two daughters rather than messing about with that juvenile nonsense. I’d also question the priorities and maturity of such a woman if that’s what she is concerned with. Surely you have better and more important things to do?!
@everyone
I have set a new standard:
Any woman who is a detractor (i.e., takes time or energy away from your mission and goals), is worth no more than a f*ck which must be scheduled in your calendar weeks or even months down the road.
Remind yourself this one thing:
Is it worth hoping or even thinking about the possibility of being/reuniting with someone that brings needless drama, distraction and wasted energy to your life?
The more I think about this, the more I ask myself – is this the type of person I envisioned I would want to have a relationship before I got into her pants?
Chances are, you wanted to get into her pants BEFORE you thought about anything long-term or monogamous with her.
After going oneitis with her, you falsely elevated the value of her snatch (in your own mind) and blocked yourself from seeing her personality objectively. You’ve likely decided she’s the woman you want to be with based on your need for sex.
A woman is like a job. If you have one job that pays your bills and nothing more, in your mind you have given all of your financial power to your job. If you lose your job, you will feel devastated, cheated, empty and you’ll likely lose your self-esteem.
However, if while you work your job, you invest in income-yielding assets that make you less dependent on the one job you work, you are insulating yourself from unnecessary devastation. You’re also freeing yourself from the prison of having to work for someone else because you need the money.
Same thing with women. You have one. Your entire stock is in the one. Even if you want to leave, your mind tells you about how much effort you’ve put into the relationship, all the experiences, challenges you’ve been through, feelings, and so on. You’ll convince yourself that the sex was unlike anything else you’ve had (because you haven’t had anything else for a while). And when she drops your ass, you’ll be left wondering what happened. All of the same reasons you used to stay will creep up in your mind wondering how she could have left you after all you’ve been through. The reality is … she doesn’t think like you. She thinks about her own needs.
When you put yourself into a frame where you realize the only person in the relationship with the woman who dumped you was you – then you can safely and confidently do no contact. Not because you are using it as a means to get her back. But because you can be absolutely certain that nothing else you do at this point is going to HELP YOU. And that’s what attracts women. Guys who don’t give a f*ck about them and work on themselves.
These last 5 months have been an eye opener for me. I went from full NC to Alpha 1.0 emotional punishment and neediness, realizing now that full NC was helping me focus on me, and I should have stayed on course because it is the ONLY way you are going to HELP YOURSELF.
Good thoughts from Professor. This kinda stuff helps everyone of us who are here reclaiming their manhood after getting the dreaded oneitis disease.
“Is it worth hoping or even thinking about the possibility of being/reuniting with someone that brings needless drama, distraction and wasted energy to your life?”
This is a great reminder. Ultimately even the smallest griefing after your ex and all the lost efforts causes needless drama to your life. You must really set a new standard. If she ever happens to get back to you, then you must be in control and be vigilant about what behaviour you allow into your life. And this time you’ll be in a position of power.
Keep it coming!
@Martin
Amen, brother!
@AC, Dawson and BD. Perfect post. Short story, met a girl on tinder. Went out and hit it off. All went well except couldn’t get to last base. Phone me up after 2 months broke up. NC for a week. Was cool and next thing, we back together. Fast forward a year, she’s distint for a week and Sunday arrives at my place to break up ( it’s not you its me). Tell her never contact me again and a month later whatsapp me ( after I blocked her) wanting to drop some other things off. Told her to keep it and blocked the new number. You guys are spot ON. All reading this take note. Like stated before so many times by BD, the one you are with that is treating you like shit is not worth ANY of your attention. Even if you don’t have anyone new in your life, forget them and fuck them. Let them be someone else’s problem. Don’t worry what they thinking about you, don’t worry what they say about missing you. They ALL lie and they now bored with new bf or gf. Go out and find yourself without them EVER borrowing you EVER again ( unless you really and I mean REALLY want a fucked bitch who doesn’t know what she wants and tried to keep you are like a helicopter friend (yep they want ‘guy friends’ just incase.
@Michael kerr
“it’s not you its me” well shes right about that one. It’s her and her not being programmed to monogamy. Time is up and she needs some new dick now, its not you its her. Disney people cant take this. You hear this in conversations with women about their last relationships, they all point out how after about one year or so they started to think about other guys and wanting to break up and some stalled it after that even though they knew its going to end eventually because of these “feelings”. It always ends like this.
Think about it, every woman has had relationships and they’ve all ended without expection. What makes you think that the next (and every relationship that comes after that) wont end too? She has ended all past relationships so all the future relationships will end too. History repeats itself. It’s so hard to grasp for people but monogamy isnt in female nature. Ultimately men are OK being with one woman who satisfies her in every way but women not so much. Women live for NRE and when it ends its time for some new excitement and of course without losing you so she can keep you as a “friend” who serves her while she fucks new guys – and never ever agree to that, hell if she wont fuck you then you’re out and it is the strongest negotiation position in life.
It’s funny hearing how women refer so many men as their “friend”. Most of them are exes and people who have approached them in lust of their pussy and now they’re “friends”. These women dont realize that none of these men wouldnt be her “friends” if she didnt have that pussy. And these men are just waiting and waiting when they’re gonna get that pussy and this woman is referring all these men as “friends”. I secretly cringe everytime I hear that from their mouths. They love to keep these slave friends but most likely they wont ever give that pussy to them, and even if they someday give it up its not worth the huge investement they go through. It’s funny to see how many women keep exes hooked on friendzone, these men cant imagine losing all those efforts they invested on her. And ultimately that is some huge red flag about the girl if she has army of exes orbiting her.
@Martin
Hello man,
ive tried everything i could do to convince her that i want her on my side! and how much i appreciate her! but nothing worked out and i’m sad about that man! but i have to move on.! i find out many things without trying. i find out that she was flirting with other dude in the hotel we worked (but when i left the job everything happend.) i saw her in her car with that dude outside his apartment incidentally and i saw them kissing.. like after a month we broke up, that made me feel really bad, but now i dont care about her. i still love her and feel the same way i was but after that i dont want her back on my side i fall out on what i belived for us. (btw i’ve saw her car one more time before that happened there like 2 weeks after we broke up and now everything make sense) she did what we caw but anyways that dosent matter.. i dont know if she will ever be back but who cares..
i need some advice and some help. i used to know a girl on school i’ve try to make her my girlfriend like 4 years ago but nothing happend. i want to have her attention but the bad thing is that she is away for studies but she will be back i dont know how to find her the only way to contact her is by social media like instagram only! and i dont know how to start the convercation and meet her face to face. i dont know what to say. :/ can someone advice me?! thanks for your time!! have a nice day!
@George yeah the begging and appreciating and all the care doesnt help you. Women dont want you to care about them. They want you to be a man, an alpha man who is strong. I guess you havent been like that. But you can evolve towards that.
You’ve been “trying” to make some girl your girlfriend? You’re going all wrong about all this. That’s theirs job to talk about being your girlfriend, you should just focus on having fun on dates and she needs to be the one talking about feelings and relationship. Think about all those old movies of alpha men (like Clint Eastwood’s movies), in those women tried to make that guy their boyfriend and he just shrugged his shoulders and was good either way. Women chased and tried to convince the guy to take her to be his girlfriend and he was reluctant busy going after his mission. You should be like that. Currently you’re acting like a woman, I know it sounds rough but its true. Act like a masculine man and go towards your purpose, be penis like and fuck life and do not try to be a vagina who is trying to get fucked. This is how you get any girl. Feminine women want masculine men, they dont want another woman.
And remember that oneitis is a disease, if you have that then your likelihood of getting that very girl is slim to none. That’s why guys get their ex back often when they’ve weaned their oneitis off and that girl senses something new in you – that exactly same energy she felt when she met you for the first time and how you got her. Again, women dont want you to have oneitis on them, they dont want you to care a lot about them. The moment she knows you care about her more than about anyone, thats the moment shes gonna flee. They dont want that burden, because they know (perhaps unconsciously) that this too will end and they dont want to hurt you and make you go do suicide in your oneitis pain. They want men who are good without them either way, they dont want you to care about them. Remember that!
@Martin
Thanks you for your response and your advice!! to be honest after the brake up i acted like a pussy thats the truth.! but i didnt see it this way now i realize how i acted and the truth is that it didn’t worth.. it was her choice so i got to respect that! i dont own her! but i didnt feel this way to none of the girls i had in my life. so probably thats the reason. she treat me like shit and i was accepting that but man, i have dignity… i did bad to my self and to no one else. i fall down to the floor and now i’m at my feet . i also understood that accepting her back is not a good idea its like you want to sell your car and after you want it back.. i hope she will do well in her life and find what she is really want cause i think she dont know aswell. i’ve been honest and faithful to our relationshit but she wasnt.. anyways maybe something good can come out through it . have a nice day and enjoy your day! Thanks for your time! 🙂
@George
We’ve all been there, we havent felt like this for none of the girls in our life, got oneitis and she treat us like shit and we still take it and soon after she dumps us.
Just walk away from her and never contact her. There’s nothing wrong wanting your ex back, you can take her back if YOU want to. I’d take many exes back with open arms. But it must come from her initiation, you cant chase after her. And if she comes back, the relationship must be on your terms and not on hers. She will think you’re still a pussy like you used to and that she can walk all over you again, but no. This time you know better and probably can keep her better. You must get something out of the relationship, if she doesnt give you something back (for example her body to you) then what good is she. If things go shit then you yourself should dump her first next time around. You should have standards and she must live up to them.
Now grab your balls back and improve yourself in every possible way, hit the gym, eat well and elevate your finances. Focus on yourself and not so much to women who come and go. Eventually you’ll get her back or someone better. It’s a win win! Have a great day and enjoy.
@George
Women say all kinds of things, most of which they don’t mean or mean the opposite. If she constantly says she loves you, there’s a very good chance she doesn’t. If she says she doesn’t love you anymore, it often means she does love you but wants to get something more that you’re not giving her.
A woman is like a cat. The more you attention you give her and the more you feed her, the less she cares for you. A man’s logical mind tells him that showing more concern and care for the cat will result in the cat appreciating and reciprocating. However, anyone who’s owned a cat knows that the cat is loyal only to herself. She reciprocates because she is GETTING SOMETHING from you. And often, she’ll get something from you and won’t reciprocate.
IGNORE the cat and suddenly (if she cares for you and no one else is feeding her ego), she returns for attention.
Society doesn’t want you to believe this. Women don’t want you to believe this because they are too dependent on their own needs so they will do anything to get you to fill their needs.
What does a woman have that your male friends can’t already provide? Body parts and some temporary emotions. That’s it.
To you, she needs to be nothing more body parts and temporary emotions to satisfy your male needs. Play her game and don’t get played.
You’re “on the floor” feeling bummed out and she’s not there, she doesn’t give a damn. She’s most likely caressing some other d*ck right now. I bet you’d be there for her if she was depressed.
Get out of there. Get into the gym. Get busy on YOU. And f*ck women. Literally. Biologically speaking, that’s what they’re here for, and they know it. Which is why they use it to survive.
Beautiful way of explaining how women are like cats, Professor. I love watching cats, they truly can teach you something. They are attracted towards persons who dont give a flying fuck about them, and when you see someone who really really likes cats and he/she goes to pet them, the cat runs away so fast in such a disgust (runs probably to a person who doesnt care about them, trying to get their attention).
If you like cats, you can even see that same smug “I dont care about you” look on the cats face as your oneitis had for you when she dumped you. They’re just so similar creatures its not even funny.
Makes me think about owning a cat just so I can study their behaviour. Some people say cats are such a parasitic creature, just like women are. That makes owning a cat not so good idea. So why would you want to own a woman then? Just enjoy them and have fun with them and let them run wherever they want, do not try to own them.
Heck yes, Corey’s is a perfect example!
thanks for your advices and help!
This is a great video – well worth 45 minutes to watch/listen to. I listened to it in the car.
In short it boils down to STOP keep chasing women. They want us as much as we want them, more so in fact. STOP IT!!!!!
Now, that said, I did a test of this last night with my 9/10 Belorussian beauty who I know adores me. We are in NRE phase so this one test will get under the radar I think (and if it doesn’t I don’t give a shit, there are plenty more women). I sent her a few texts last night – initiated by me – just to see her reaction (I feel safe enough in this arrangement to test it out) telling her I enjoyed the previous two dates we’d had (not hooked up [yet]). SHE BACKED OFF. No more texts now until next week to gauge her reaction! I think we know what the results will be…..!
BD and the IGNORE HER concept after being dumped is so precisely 100% accurate!!!!! They do NOT expect it and you’re seen as different! They MUST, MUST, MUST have time away from you to develop their feelings for you. They are almost 100% certain to do so if you have the mental fortitude to stick to the plan.
This no contact rule fucking works. I got with a beautiful young lady last night who likes single malt whiskey more than me. Guys, it’s true, either the old wench comes back OR you get something even better (and I do mean EVEN BETTER). All praise to BD, Martin, OD Dude, and Dawson. I wish all of you could hang out with me in Seoul, Korea. Some of these Korean ladies need loving. 🙂
To all the fellas, I read similar stories. Abd i agree no contact is super important. In my sits i work with this girl so i ignore her. Her reason for breaking up every weeknis jealousy over other girls i work with and i get accused all the time of doing something, me being nice tried to explain to her im not doing anything, if other women are attracted to me its not my fault, i really care for her but shes crazy jealous. Do you think shes the one cheating? We dont have sex the same way. Its spaced out and she doesnt seem interest yet shes jealous? Breakups will last a week even two and then she comes back. What I do. Typically if i keep ignoring her she doesnt hit me up. I lnvested time and feelings on a woman (my mistake) that i dont wanna throw itnall out. Im 30 shes 25. I’m not letting the breakups hold me
Back and I been playing sports working ans going to school.l for my masters. It all started cuz i broke her trust a while back and she keeps
Holding that resentment and shes been fighting it. What do you guys recommend. Its not easy to move but doable but i dont wanna hold any regrets once i move on i dont ever look back, part of me still wants to make it work. Thank yoh
@Drlove123
Simple answer…IGNORE HER 🙂
She’s affecting your happiness and she works with you. Despite saying it’s not affecting you, it is. IGNORE HER indefinitely.
I was on NC for 3 months before I broke it after dumping a girl. During those 3 months, I was doing great, focusing on my goals.
After breaking NC, it messed up my emotional balance. Back on NC for 3 weeks, I feel really good. Met up new women, scarcity mentality gone like a fart in the wind. And who cares if I “lose” her now. It’s not like she’s “the one”…
Thanks to this post and the support on here, you just need to follow that simple piece advice…IGNORE HER!
I ubderstand that guys, when do you initiate contact again? And what if she initiates contact then shrs itnoff again? What do you say or do when it happens the first time? Or the second time? How do you avoid dalling for the game of push and pull or better yet how you flip it?
Professor,
Your mindset is awesome. Exactly, the “one”? Lmfaoo….
DrLove,
You do not initiate contact ever again. If you do so you are giving her attention which is giving her power. Let her come and go because regardless, you should have a bullpen of women.
@Anthony
Thanks. I have to remind myself everyday to remove the SP. there really is no ‘one’ person. If there was we wouldn’t be here commenting!
@DrLove
You’re seriously worried about losing a woman like that?
What exactly does she bring to the table?
That should always be your rule of thumb. She’s always going to be looking at what you bring to the table. Why not flip it around?
From what it sounds based on your description of her, she is not much more than a dramatic booty call.
Thanks Anthony, you hit it right on the money, love the sex but she dont let you breathe, its one of those. Overly jealous chicks.
Effing awesome to hear its working for you.
Women just are not programmed to monogamy, so eventually all relationships will end. Example: http://www.tmz.com/2016/05/25/johnny-depp-amber-heard-divorce/
No matter how alpha or most high status male you are, such as Johnny Depp, women will still divorce you when they get bored of you (eventually).
There is no “the one”, and the take away is to never marry when woman nature is like this. Marrying is a lose-lose bet for the man, but win-win for the woman.
Why your relationship ended with your ex? Well its simple: because they get eventually bored of monogamy. It’s inevitable. You probably didnt do anything wrong, its just their nature to not be with one man long term. Do not invest in women, do not marry them. Have fun with them and let them come and go at their pace, and finally forget the Disney. From that link you can see how Disney exactly works.
I don’t invest in women. I invest in my education, health, and Roth IRA. Bless your soul Martin. I feel bad for my cousin. He was up on FB the other day bragging to the world about his six year anniversary. Truth be told, he was in FAR BETTER SHAPE before the wife and two daughters came along…smh 🙂
Hey guys I have a question.
I live close to my ex, she broke it off with me a bit over a year ago and we had some contact in between but lately I went full NC. I asked her out latest 3 months ago to meet up for drinks but she flaked and said shes busy so I said no problem and left it at that.
Yesterday I was walking down the street and she ran into me, and was very friendly asking which direction im going and we catched up a bit. I was a bit suprised because she havent been like that with me for a while, however we came into the subject shes going to Barcelona today and funny enough I am going there too in 3 days. I didnt mention us meeting up and I left the conversation short.
However I texted her today saying it was nice to catch up and asked her if she wanted to meet up in barcelona for some drinks, she havent responded yet but im not sure if I fucked up here (chasing) or not.
As I said in the past she has rejected me already and she really havent truly deserved my time but I thought enough time has passed and maybe it wouldnt come off as too needy to just ask her to meet up with me and take it from there.
Probably afterwards I should have just left it, she seems to be much more interested when I ignore her and move on I already have her blocked on facebook I dont really follow her life but the fact I had a huge crush and still a bit of oneitis bothers me. My question is, did I fuck up badly by asking her out? Should I just go complete NC and not initiate anything until SHE asks me out basically? I thought her being friendly and very curious about me was an somewhat invitation to that she missed me and might want to meet up so I can escalate to sex.
Just venting a bit, thanks.
@George
“she seems to be much more interested when I ignore her and move on” yes thats the definition of every ex woman ever. So do more of that which works. It’s insanity to keep doing something that doesnt work. When you dont care about her, thats when she starts to care about you and vice versa.
Yes you fucked up by initiating text, I never do that with exes and no man should. Yes I know shes probably your oneitis ex and you’d love to spend time with her, but still when you go to Barcelona you shouldnt even think about having a “date” with your ex over there, when you could be having fun with some exotic spanish women or tourist women. With your ex you can hangout all the time there where you live, so why the hell you’d do it in some other city if she happens to be there also too? She probably thinks the same and is wondering why’d she hangout with you there when you can always hangout at the home city. That hangout suggestion kinda puts the girl off too I imagine, she might see you as a desperate guy who cant pull new women when going to another city and you have to resort to her. Don’t do that again. You’re a man who can slay sexy women wherever you go, she too should think that way but your suggestion broke that fantasy. Do not be so puppydog after her, be more aloof “you dont care chasing after her because you have 5 sexy women chasing you all the time” attitude (but never rub other women in her face by words – only by action=confidence), but when she chases you then you of course respond and try to set the date in as few steps as possible.
Though its a good sign if shes chatty and nice when you met her on the street, so chance of boomerang likely isnt an lost case. Just never initiate with her ever again, let her come to you 100% and focus on the most important thing in a man’s life: your purpose/mission.
@George,
She could just have easily asked YOU to meet HER in Barcelona. You are looking for reasons to keep in touch with her, which is the very antithesis of this thread. You should not have texted her. I know it’s hard but man, you need to grown a pair and man the fuck up. This is what this thread is for so you’re in the right place with the right audience to remind you of this! No reaching out to her and if you run into her in the street, if SHE dumped YOU, FFS never ask her for a date! SHE must ask YOU.
Unless SHE reaches out to YOU and makes the effort then forget her. The longer you can do this, the more mysterious you become and the more she’ll wonder.
Yes George, you messed up. You had the potential not to mess up by playing it cool and not even mentioning Barcelona, but you looked weak talking about meeting up there with her. You should have been more concerned about going to Barcelona to meet up with NEW CHICKS, not the ex. I would say that you jumped the gun and was too eager. Let this be a lesson and NEVER INITIATE with the ex. All actions must come from them.
BTW, listen to Martin. That guy is dropping pearls of wisdom all over this post and he’s kept my mind straight when I have those “moments”.
Hello, so i been following advicr, dating a girl for over a year.. Se started having doubts, Immature, got over my oenitis waited for her to initiate contact and after a day or two
She will pick up a fight. Sex has decreased due to her not being in the mood, she repeatedly said she wantsto be single but she dont mind a relationship after fighting everyday I would let it be and ignore, but she will come back and text me and ill respond only if she hits me
Up first. Whe started as being each other side people before making it official, trust issues creeped in but we both “fell in love”. Now she claims shes not doing anything but she enjoys going out on her own. We dknt live together so im not up her ass all day. She knows i still care so she finds a way to reel me back in. Any thoughts? Clearly move on but I dont gave the time or energy to go back to the dating scene, im 31 shes 25. I been working on me by playing football and going to the gym so thats not an issue. Athletic build and fit. Also she would talk to her friends ab “dating somebody” bu thats it. What does she want? I know I want to be cool with her again we got along very well but it hasnt been like that in a while. I fucked other women but im looking for a relationship st this point in time.
“Screw relationships. Pump and dump”
Tom Leykis.
Thought ab it, had a pretty bad fight and i pushed her aside, she uses thet as an excuse to break up. Any advice for people trying to fix a conflictive relationship.. Its not that I cant find another one but I want to try it with this one. How do you put the ball in her court?
You don’t call me for four months and then send a text and want sex? hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahhahaha – Yeah you fucking morons, take advice from a man who is as shallow as a fucking puddle and only dates girls by the sound of it.
I have some dickhead trying this intermittent texting bullshit on me right now. He’s probably confused because I’m not responding in a manner you promise your devotee suckarses on this site will happen. I’m watching this idiot (who yes is an ex from WAY back) try this shit on me and I can see it’s driving him crazy that I’m not giving him what he wants. He’s working it like a pro, hahahaha… He’ll also get what he deserves because I simply don’t miss the idiot. When you don’t call me, it’s out of sight, out of mind and a text is simply not good enough for me to even bother responding to. Now I know all these tactics and I intend to spread the word, us chicks are going to play you wankers like a guitar. You are fucking losers.
Now men who don’t play games, tell me how they feel, are honest and are respectful might get the same treatment back. A game player just gets my disdain. Also, after any break up – I block everywhere so there is no way to check on me or contact me again. Once it’s over, it’s over. Played that dumb game before too.
So men, if you want a real woman – be REAL MEN – that is don’t play games, be up front and honest and most of all – the ignore rule DOES NOT WORK ON WOMEN. We don’t think the same as you. We miss you for a while and then when we hear nothing, we move on and put you out of our minds. The ignore rule only ever works on men when they realise that life is not the damn movies and there isn’t a willing hot chick ready to fall over in front of them everywhere they turn and that if you want anything meaningful and for a woman to care deeply about you – then this shallow bullshit won’t get you that. It will get you shallow women who will move on, just like you will. How banal. And a waste of fucking time on this earth. On your death bed you will lie there with nobody who truly knew you or cared for you. How incredibly repugnant, empty and shallow. Good luck listening to somebody who probably lives in his mums basement and is a fat loser.
All this is not game playing in any way, its about honesty and being honest to yourself. I dont know what you’re complaining about, but the gist of this article is this: When a true man gets dumped against his will from romantic relationship, why would he stick around being her “friend”? If the woman doesnt want to continue romantic relationship then its bye and she can call if she ever changes her mind.
There is nothing that entitles the woman to keep the man in her life anymore if she changes the terms of relationship againts man’s will. All you’re complaining is about how this way you cant get to have your cake and eat it too. Of course the man ignores and never contacts the girl after she breaks up with her, why would he? Remember they werent friends in the first place, they were lovers. So lady reading this, use some common sense please and do not react with your emotions.
If woman dumps her man against his will, of course she must be willing to lose him forever if she doesnt change your mind. True honest men cannot be just friends with women after romantic relationship, and those who can are LYING and faking the “friendship” – and they’re far from true men. So actually we’re those HONEST men and you’re barking the wrong tree. Peace out.
This article is about keeping some chick on a sex string. Ignoring so she will sleep with you again. I don’t want my ex to be my friend. I am not even friends with the man I was married to for over 20 years. He can suck it. Once it’s broken there is NO friendship. I block and I sure as heck don’t pick up after 4 months of silence.
So I’m telling you from a womans perspective if You think you’re going to get an ex back by ignoring her for at least four months – you are dead wrong. This guy is loco if he thinks that will work with any real woman worth her salt. A real woman will move on. If she broke up with you because you ignored her, was disrespectful or worse cheated on her than ignoring her is sure as hell not going to get her to sleep with you again.
And once a woman can support herself and doesn’t need you then you better have something more to offer than a ‘good job’. You better have soul, you better be witty and educated, you better be kind and have empathy. My last ex was a multi millionaire and I gave him ONE chance after he called me name during a disagreement. I don’t mind someone bringing issues up to me and I will definitely bring issues up that I feel need to be discussed but they better be done respectfully and with care for the relationship and the others heart. Second time he lost his shit, he was gone. Sorry, women don’t need men in the same capacity they did in the 60s. We expect more. More humanity, more thoughtfulness. Less selfishness. So many men think that once they get a job and have a car that is as much personal work they need to do to get a woman. I’m sorry it’s time for you men to develop into mature people who don’t play dumb fucking games to get in our pants and who actually know what life on this planet is supposed to be. MEANINGFUL WITH REAL CONNECTIONS. This whole site if dedicated to seeing women as nothing but ‘cum dumpsters’ – and what it shows is the ROT that has set into our society primarily by shallow, game playing losers who will never ever feel satisfied because they are basically animals in suits.
A man texts me – I don’t even bother answering anymore. The shallowness of you all is just so banal and boring. If you want a real relationship with a real woman who SEES you and accepts you for who you are then you should NOT be taking any advice off this wanker. Reciprocity is called for in a real relationship not lying, cheating, ignoring and texting. You all sound like a bunch of teenagers. I sure as heck do NOT want to ever be friends with any ex – I also find it too emotionally hard. But I certainly would NEVER go back after being ignored for four months. That just wouldn’t work on me. I use my time to move on and get healthier and happier and work on my career. If I miss him at all, I work my hardest to get over him and even if I wanted him back after four months silence I wouldn’t go back. This guy is absolutely wrong about women. 100%. I bet he does live in his mums basement and is probably playing video games right now, lol…. He sure as hell doesn’t have a woman -he probably only gets insecure, young girls with no self esteem. He couldn’t handle a woman who can look after herself and support herself and wouldn’t take his crap. He needs girls that haven’t grown up yet and realised what a game playing dickhead he is.
@ Bronze and all the men too. This blog post is NOT about one man getting back one woman into a monogamous relationship that will see both living happily ever after.
It is about, or should be, how to deal with one woman of at least two (preferably more) in a man’s life when her behaviour becomes unacceptable because she offers up drama or makes demands etc. etc etc. When she does this she gets nexted. Simple. No angst, no arguments, no fights, no drama, no game playing.
Most girls do keep men stringed in a friend zone after LTR, in fact if you ever were a man to her, she’ll beg and fight to keep you as a friend. Not every woman but many yes. If you really brought value to her life then of course she’ll try to keep you stringed along even if she doesnt want to fuck you anymore. Free shit is free shit. They want to have their cake and eat it too. Most women are like this. If you’re not like this then what’s the debate? Why you’re complaining? You should just laugh and exit the site as it doesnt concern you.
This is about standing for yourself and what you want. It’s honest to tell that you cant be just friends and then basically ignore her unless she changes her mind and contacts you. It’s EASY to stay in friend zone for example after almost decade of LTR where woman dumps the man and man cannot take losing the decade of investement on her, but ultimately being just friends is not what the man really wants, so if he stays on the friend zone then he has no balls basically. That’s weak behaviour and not living up to his truth.
Men and women think differently, its obvious that this doesnt resonate to women when you havent ever have to deal with this, but men need to deal with this after every relationship (universally in 9/10 cases its the woman who wants to end the relationship against man’s will, women always eventually get bored and they’re not programmed to long term monogamy, after all every relationship you’ve ever had have ended – that in itself is a proof of that). If this doesnt resonate to some woman then it wont resonate, there’s no debate whether its right or wrong. This article is about what to do when woman ends romantic relationship against man’s will, and the response is very honest one. What the fuck can you do? You got to let her go and possibly she’ll come back if she ever changes her mind. When did the truth / honesty become so rare that its radical to say this? All our lifes we’ve been teached to lie I guess, and when finally someone tells the truth its so fucking radical.
Hey
Thanks for the reply and you guys are absolutely right. After I had sent the text I was a bit thoughtful but she actually replied and said she would like to meet up, I told her I call her when im there and we make some plans and left it at that.
I failed on the substantial since I gave away a bit of power and mystery now but atleast I will hopefully have a meetup and can work things from there. There is obviously still a small possibility she flakes once im there but atleast then I know how to move on I dont feel the oneitis that much anymore and summer is around the corner so I have absolutely nothing to lose. Gonna try my best to just have a good time and see what happens, I thought since alot time has passed maybe some initiating contact when shes clearly getting interested was OK but as said before we need to be men and the EX needs to do the chasing since they havent earned it yet.
Alot of dating “experts” and stuff on the internet mentions the fact that you can initiate a meeting with ex after a certain period of no contact and try and show your new self and this way make her second guess the break-up however I guess this is a much more complicated process and if she initiates contact its much easier and less work and more guaranteed to get what you want I guess.
Anyway thanks for the input will update later with how it went :).
@George
She changed terms of the relationship against your will, so why would you ever initiate after that? Indicating that its OK that she treated you this way and pushed you off. Yes she must earn you back after pushing you away. Also, men starts the courtship but after that initiating is feminine energy – if you do it too much shes going to lose attraction. Women want men, not another pussy.
You have to think about that if she wanted you, she would contact you. But if she doesnt contact you then shes not ready yet, so in my opinion its never good idea to start initiating after some short no contact. Have limitless patience on this one. No contact is no contact and its better that you walk away forever, contacting isnt going to help you and it would just give an impression that you’re ok being friends with her and being in contact as “buddies”. That she can have her cake and eat it too. Ok maybe you can hit her up after 10 years if you really really want to know how shes doing, or on your deathbed if you want to say her something, then you can initiate.
You shouldnt really have time to even initiate, because you should be busy with new prospects and answering their messages. Ex who doesnt want you and pushed you away, well you shouldnt pay any attention towards her. It’s worded “pay” attention for a reason. If she ever thinks she made a mistake in pushing you away she’ll contact you and you of course wont accept anything else than sexual relationship with her or you two have no reason to be in any contact. You are ex lovers and have had sex a lot, so why not have some more. Be straightforwardly honest about what you want – meaning her naked in bed with you… and if you have balls to say that then maybe your balls will fuck her.
@ Martin I agree with you, she knows where to find me and she knows how to contact me aswell.
We live in a small city and I ran into her many times and we came to that point where I just say hi and walk past and she noticed I stopped caring. She knew I had another woman but unfortunately that ended a month ago and now ive been working on my mission in life.
I was walking on the street and she saw me and she was extremely interested and started asking me alot questions and this was very unusual but I just played along and I did not give too much away. However when she mentioned shes going abroad and asking me about tips what to do there etc after I said im going there too I just thought that I would give it a shot and meet up, have fun and hopefully escalate to sex.
I appreciate the advice that is coming here im very happy I posted because the fundamentals are extremely clear to me. I fucked up a bit because its like you said Martin: “She changed terms of the relationship against your will, so why would you ever initiate after that? Indicating that its OK that she treated you this way and pushed you off.” She havent earned me back yet, but now I atleast already know how to act from now on.
Im gonna initiate the meeting and try to have a good time since I said I will call her, if it dont go as planned then its back to ignoring and moving on and I will ONLY meet up with her if she initiates it next time. I mean I come to a point in life finally when im quite “zen”, im reaching financial happiness and my physical appearance has improved alot and im overall happy with my life and I dont expect too much from this girl but I thought this was a good chance to feel her out and see how things are.
Lets see how this one goes, I went against the fundamentals a bit because my emotions took over but lets see how it goes will update on my situation later just for the sake of it.
Thanks again.
Well. Ignoring her works…..
I have been following strict 100% NC with my ex who was the woman I adored, treasured, was my princess, whose family loved me and who I thought I was going to marry and who dumped me out of the blue after two years together.
I got my stuff and following the advice of this thread ignored her completely. After exactly two months total 100% NC (making me think she’s also being doing an “ex back” program) she reached out yesterday. Simple “feeler” email at this stage I think, “Sorry it ended so badly, I’m sorry for that. No need to reply” kind of thing. Translated I think means: “I miss you, it’s time for me to reach out and I hope you’ll reply to me”. I replied very low key, friendly, close-ended and echoed the words and hoped her and her sons were well. 30 words or so in total.
Could truly be just a polite hello and an expression of sorrow the way it ended. But why not just leave it alone and remain NC if She just wanted to be rid of me? Regardless, I replied to undo the damage as Dawson mentioned earlier in the thread so she knows that despite us telling each other to fuck off when we ended things, she’ll look back at my generosity the things I bought her and know that I was fundamentally a decent and good man. If there is any running left then 100% of all chasing and texting now needs to be initiated by her. Meanwhile she is in rotation with some other women who I have developed options with. I was oneitis before but have learned the perils of that disease – you get dumped for being a caring and committed man.
To women who read this thread. I loved this woman. I am not game playing. Many of us men here are the same – kind and committed guys who have been the toys of women, to be thrown on the ground in their tantrums and expected to be there again when they’re ready to pick us up again when the tantrum ends. This woman dumped me and I treated her like gold and loved her.
Blackdragon’s theory is so true. Indeed, it is not theory, it is fact.
All initiations from women after long NC are feeler miss you texts. If they wouldnt miss you in any way then they wouldnt text or email ANYTHING ever. Their feelings take over and they babble something, nothing direct but rather something vague to see if you care anymore. They also fear that you’re taken and they wont say anything about missing you, but the fact is that if they contacted then they miss you. RM_Pilot yes we all see how this works. The fastest way to get someones attention is to remove yours. I too got recently contact from old oneitis ex, vague stuff but finally she told that the reason shes contacting me is because she misses me in her life. This is what eventually happens when you walk away for good after LTR. You just have to negotiate what you want from her and not accept anything else. Most men fail in this and they accept being in contact as friends and stuff. If there is no sex between you anymore then theres no relationship whatsoever, you have to be 100% on it and not dither away from it. Eventually they will accept it, and why not, you were lovers and you brought value to her life. There is no reason why you couldnt continue it someday when shes ready for it. As for RM_Pilot shes probably feeling you out now but not yet ready for anything. Someday she might be ready for it. Might be weeks or months or years. Just a matter of time. Patience is all it takes.
And good point from RM_Pilot. Probably all of us men here loved the shit out of their oneitis girl, loved her to the point that most would probably take a bullet for her. Kind and commited to keep her happy. But how did that work out? Most of us probably ended crying ourselves to sleep with such an emotional pain after losing that. When the feelings change then nothing past deeds done matters to the girl, only this moments feelings matters. And due to that fact they’ll be back someday when their feelings change and they start to miss you.
@Martin.
Correct, I think that too, she is feeling me out. And why wouldn’t she – I was a great man to her! Took her nice places, bought her nice things and what did I get in return? I got fucking dumped.
Now she has reestablished “base contact” I will now not initiate ANY communications as from now and let her do that until such point, in two or three texts time, I invite her over to my place with a bottle of red. If she refuses then it’s “call me if you change your mind” and go back to ignoring her. Really, it’s quite simple. You just have to have the balls to do it and not wimp out. Developing other girls as options helps to that end – I am seeing one tonight for that matter!
I am soo happy to find this blog, things would have been so different if I had found it some months back.
I am trying to do the NC, but my case it little unique and makes it difficult, anyway I am sharing the full story so that you guys understand
4 years back, I was like in Alpha state, good job, money, gym body and many girls. Then this one girl comes into my life, I liked her but nothing special (it was more like long distance). Then by luck, we spent the summer together and made many many trips together and I fell for her and it became oneitis. Still I was more or less in Alpha stage, after many months of honeymoon love tragedy stuck and I had to resign from my job and moved with her in her country. The language didn’t allow me to get a good job, since anyway I wanted to be close to her, I took to entrenpreneurship…which was not easy and she supported me a lot in all ways possible. Later again it became LDR again when she went for uni exchange and I was in pursuing my business project in another country but still very much in love and still Alpha, and she used to be actually jealous of my female friends. With time, my business didn’t pick up and I lost money and that changed my behavior and confidence also, I was turning into a Beta. Fast forward, in the last year of our relationship, I gambled a bit in business and had to be bailed out with a loan from her. I was thankful to her but never really made it a big issue, since in my mind She was the one for me and the loan was from her. But soon after that we had fights, some serious fights and one day she said she needed space and then the break up (nov 2015). And she also said: I don’t want to lose you as a friend.
I made all the rookie mistakse, the first night of break up I begged and behaved like a super beta. Then my friends advised me to do NC, which I did for a month apart from short exchanges. One month later we decided to meet in her city to exchange our stuff and maybe for me a closure. I gracefully accepted her decision and don’t know why accepted her friends proposal. In between, I offered her the idea of FWB, which she entertained for a while, but didn’t say yes or no. Anyway, on my last day in the city, I wanted to meet her again, she couldn’t or didn’t want to, I got angry..created some drama, said sorry later, but by that time she had blocked me in FB (dec 2015). Then the proper NC started. some weeks later she blocked me in Whatsapp and some months later in linkedin.
Now, the problem for me is the NC, I have to return her the money I owe her, which I said I will do in 3-4 installments (i can also wait till i have the complete sum, but then I have to risk of using the money for some other business needs). So, whenever I make one payment, I have to notify her through email and that kind of breaks the NC, I have already done 2 payments.
Just last week, I made another mistake, I was in a business meeting near her city, and since I would be out of the continent this week, i sent her a message if i can return some more of her stuff that I had from another house and also payback one installment in cash before I am gone and also gave her the option of her friend to pick up. She initially thought about sending a friend and later decided against it. Later, I asked her about my stuff in her other house (like a TV, and some other valuable stuff), she has still not replied.
Now, as you all guys, I want to work on myself to get back to my old alpha self, but I am not sure how can I make the last 2 payments and still keep a NC. What you guys think ??
And what do you think about the girl, do you think there are chances she might be back (not that I eagerly waiting for it) ?
Thanks for reading the long story! Cheers!!
Andy
Andy,
Whether she comes back or not is irrelevant. You’re free now. Do you really want to be obligated to this individual again?
@ Anthony
Yes, I know I am free, but even if she does return…I don’t know if I’ll be ready to accept or not, but for sure won’t mind FWB 😉
My only issue is that, she really did a lot for me during our relationship, something maybe only my parents could have done for me…so I can’t understand, why would anyone do so much just to break up after a while ? I know she is a good human being…but anyway as we have seen in every case, it is impossible to decipher female brain 🙂
@Andy,
Your situation is not unique or any different from any other on here. We all think our circumstances are “unique” or different from everyone else’s but they aren’t. The only common thread between us all is that once we were with her, and now we’re are not. That fact we all share.
You transfer her the money, or set up some financial arrangement where the money gets transferred when it needs to. If it’s some object you need to get to her are you telling me no one else can do this on your behalf? If not, can you leave it somewhere for her to pick up? If not, and you must pass over in person, you let her know ahead of time you are not spending any time during these handovers in BS chit-chat. You say “here you go, Sarah, I gotta run”. Too many times, people try to use these exchange times as an excuse to force or get some type of a reaction from the ex, to make them think that in handing over the item they are actually losing you. BIG MISTAKE. They can smell this a mile off and it stinks of insincerity and desperation.
Begging and pleading is one of the worse things you can do – certainly after the shock of the split. Sure it is human nature to try and do anything to hang on to something we cherish but the cold facts are that continued contact and emotional blackmail are the worse possible things you can do. Total NC and ignoring of her (i.e. YOU do not reach out to HER) is what works.
@ RM_Pilot
I completely agree with you, that’s why I am saying I made the mistake. The months after the breakup, I was in complete Beta mode, and hence was looking for any kind of interaction or an excuse to force a reaction, this only did more harm i guess. In between, I did some long NCs, but I guess the cumulative effect got disrupted. Anyway, from now its total NC.
Yes, in my last attempt, I was hoping that a friend of hers would pick up, but she decided to not involve any of her friends saying I didn’t involve my friends in a similar situation some months back. But I will find a way, and also a financial arrangement as you suggested.
Thanks a lot for the feedbacks guys !!
Black Dragon……knowing that so much of these men are dealing with females that are narcissistic, we really need more material pertaining to what has become an absolute epidemic in our society and it is currently affecting hundreds of thousands of good men out there as you already know. The female narcissist and the destruction that psychological disorder (and it is full blown for anyone that researches it) is doing to men is alarming. Society is creating female narcissists at a greater rate than ever before and it is killing relationships and marriages all over this country. Please we need guidance which most relationship therapists will agree that the man should simply hard next and never turn back since a true narcissist is unable to be healed or even counseled. They are who they are….toxic and unrecoverable. However men (because they love the female ) will continue to invest more and more emotio, money and valuable time in trying to work on bettering the relationship needlessly. Please help us on this topic.
@Andy,
Well you need to undo the damage – as much as is possible – that you incurred by your behavior in “the months after the breakup” as you state. The only way you can do that, as you now know, is to not initiate ANY communications with her via any means. You can politely reply, without offering any additional information and using close-ended dialogue but you must never initiate until such point she is making it clear that she wants you back. Even then, you let her do the reaching out from then on. Women must understand that there are consequence to their actions if they dump us and the “consequence” is that you are no longer going to be her shoulder to cry on or person at the end of the phone/text/FB to chat with any longer.
Feedback is what we are all here for, to help each other. People here helping me too; I am in NC “no-initiate mode” as well and my ex reached out after nine weeks NC as discussed a few posts above. That is a long time to get panicky. Just two texts she’s sent so far with a reply from me in the middle. I am playing very cool. She’s the one who texted last “thankyou for your kind reply x” and I will not send another until she asks me something else substantive. You have to have the balls here to hold out. I went into NC two days after the breakup, and yeah, I miss her. But it took that long for her to reach out. It can take months sometimes. Years even in extreme cases. That’s why you cannot just sit around waiting for her, even if you DO want her back as a serious GF (questionable motive). You have to cultivate some other options. I have been dating some other women. Nothing that comes close to the ex as yet but maybe eventually someone will.
As Corey Wayne, Doc Love and others say, if she is the one who dumped you, then SHE has to earn you back. You do NOTHING other than be charming and polite in reply and in the meantime you work on yourself to become a better person.
@ RM_Pilot
I can completely understand, my first 9 weeks were horrible. Kudos to you, stay strong!
Another strange thing, during the break up, she also mentioned “maybe we would be back together again after 2 years”, which of course I completely disagreed saying who knows where and with whom we’ll be with 2 years later. Adn when I tried to ask her again (during my december meeting to exchange our stuff), why she said that, she was like, no no..you misunderstood me, I didn’t say anything like that. She is 6 years younger to me, maybe she wanted some more fun before going serious. Anyway, from now on my only mantra is NC and work on myself!
Great tips for @Andy from everyone.
“maybe we would be back together again after 2 years” at the same time this is good and bad sign. Good that she might want you deep down and be still somewhat attracted to you, and bad in that she wants to keep you hooked on the friend zone and hooked on the hope to keep you orbiting her.
What I’d do if I were you: I’d concentrate on working on your business and forget trying to get her back, you have no time for that and what it would really change? Still you have to work. For a man the most important thing in life should be his mission/purpose, and for you its your business. When you work towards your business, eventually you’ll have abundance. If you work, someday you’ll be a millionaire and then suddenly she would be open to whatever you want, but you likely would have so many women enthusiastically fucking your brains out, offering their bodies in every way that you want and sucking you like their life depends on it. Trust me, you wont even think about her when you achieve that.
Guys it fucking gets better. When you improve yourself you’ll meet women like those that I described there, and they are in abundance and they never stop making them. And when you have them chasing you, you wont really miss your oneitis anymore, well perhaps you’ll miss her personality and talking to her, but your sexual thoughts are on these enthusiastic women who are dying to fuck your brains out and with them everything is on the offer for you, they wont say no to anything you want while your oneitis ex probably said no to many sexual acts (long blowjobs, anal etc). They even initiate this stuff to keep you happy, they massage you and treat you like a god. After experiecing that, I dont even want my oneitis ex’s sex that badly. It would be nice but I’m happy either way. It’s a liberating feeling.
Furthermore, your ex changed terms of the relationship against your will, so in that situation you dont have any reason to talk anymore, and most long term exes (for whom you brought value to their life) wants to talk to you and keep in touch and know how you’re doing. This is where most men fail. I’d never give out information when they text and ask how am I doing. I’d only try to set a date and say that we can catch up in a bed after I’ve taken you. This way they never get information from me unless they hop on my cock, and why should they? After all they changed the terms of relationship against my will. Most women cant take this, they cant completely lose the guy who brought a lot to their life. For some women it becomes very overwhelming that I wont tell how I am doing, so much that eventually they come and hop on my cock just so they get to talk to me again.
Unless she hops on your cock you have no reason to talk anymore, and trust me Andy, in future she’ll want to know how you’re doing with your business and with your life. But you wont tell her, you wont give out information via phone. When she asks “how are you?”, you’ll tell her to come to you with a bottle of wine and then you’ll tell her everything and catch up in the middle of your bedroom olympics sessions. If she says no then you terminate the conversation and say call me if you ever change your mind. If you do this, eventually its 100% that she will hop on your cock. Otherwise you two wont talk for AS LONG AS YOU LIVE. And if you really brought value to her life, then she cant take that and she’ll come back and hop on your cock. And that is what you want, you want her in your life as an romantic partner. You were lovers and not friends, so there has to be this consequence when she decided to end your romantic relationship. Why should you give her any information anymore unless she wants to be sexual with you? She wanted out by her decision, and she stays out in the dark about you unless she’s back at being sexual with you.
@Martin,everyone
To elaborate on my post a bit more. Baring in mind this is after 9 weeks total 100% NC.
First, an email from her completely out of the blue after she’d told me upon the break up she’d appreciate no further contact and I told her to fuck off and to leave me alone from then on. Interestingly her son, who thought I was the best thing that had ever happened to his mom, had been in contact with me the week before…..
AFTER NINE WEEKS NC
HER (11AM). I wanted to say for ages but lot’s of unkind words and actions thrown between us and it ended badly. And from me, I’d like to say I’m sorry. Take care always and no need to reply.
^^^^^Note, no kiss at the end^^^^^^
ME: (9PM). Hi babe, nice to hear from you. Yeah, apologies from my side too. I only want the best for you and your kids. Be well. x
^^^^^Note the “babe”, my friendly nature and the kiss to show no hard feelings and I harbor no grudges. Note also 10 hours delay replying^^^^^
HER: (10PM). Unexpected kind reply. Thank you x
^^^^^Note this time the kiss and only one hour delay from my message^^^^^
Note, in my response I did not give any information away. I finished close-ended and I did not ask her any questions or invite any reply from her. Making myself mysterious. I was polite and kind and used the “babe” term of endearment we always called each other. In essence, this reply is similar to what I’d have sent were we together, minus any info about what I am up to.
I have done nothing else in the three days since, I deliberately did not follow up with a text in reply to her last one. In short I AM BACK TO IGNORING her since this email she sent was not enough from her to spark me into inviting her over to my place. However, echoing the sentiment of this thread, IGNORING HER is undoubtedly the catalyst for her reaching out after she said she wanted nothing more to do with me nine weeks ago. Remember she dumped me, SHE must make the running, I was a bit beta sometimes when I was with her (chased a little too much and too available and “nice”) and I think she’ll be expecting me to reach out. But I won’t. I want her to be thinking about me and building value. She must reach out to me, she is a confident woman and she will without hesitation when she is ready. If she doesn’t then I have read it all wrong but I don’t care. I have learned a lot I think from this thread and Doc Love/CCW.
If she texts me again, depending on what’s said I may invite her over with a bottle of wine.
Appreciate any thoughts!!! It could be just a “closure” thing from her. But then, why bother after nine weeks NC? And if that were the case there would have been no need for the final text replying to mine.
Since I lost my grandmother two months ago, the only thing I’ve been focusing on is doubling and tripling the inheritance she left for me. That means investing in my IRA (Coca-Cola, Nike, Statoil) and I’m exporting used Korean cars and electronic goods to West Africa. I can’t lie, money fixes a broken heart rather quickly…lol. Guys, let your mission be on something that gets these “women” to come to you without you even having to try. Since I’ve been focusing on more important things than the ex, I’ve got new women in my life. I’m at a point now where even if the ex came back, I just wouldn’t feel the same anymore since I’ve gotten use to being with women who are 5-9 years younger than her. Truthfully speaking, this blog and Tom Leykis really got my head on straight. I kid you not, the longer NC goes, the more clarity you will get. Cant even imagine what life would have been like if I got this chick pregnant or married her….smh.
@RM_Pilot
I got very similar thing from one of my exes. She didnt ask anything, very similar to your ex’s message. I then probbed her along the lines like CCW playfully says”whats up, have you missed me, been thinking about me?” and she sent a long message how she misses me in her life but cant have sex right now for “blah blah reasons”. I didnt even mention sex but she mentioned it, thats because I’ve made it clear that if theres no sex theres no relationship. Still shes contacting even with those terms. So its just a matter of time and history have shown that. Closed the convo with the usual “well call me if you change your mind”. Trust in the process, and either way you’re good whether it happens or not.
You just gotta associate with her as a lover and only as a lover. That’s why your “babe” was great and keep doing that stuff if she ever contacts you. To you shes a babe and that never changes. She’s never turning into your “buddy”, communicate that.
Like BD says, its not good for your frame to be with a woman who you want and she wont have sex with you. It just hurts you as a man. There’s no friendship with women who you’re attracted to. This whole post is about getting her back in your sex life, and if you really really want it, then you have to follow this posts principles. But so many men are ok being platonic with their exes after break up, thats because they miss her and cant take losing her. But if you’re ever ok being platonically with her, then it cements her image of you as a platonic buddy even though at one time you had wild hot sex. On the other hand if you walk away, then she wont get that cemented image of you as a platonic buddy and will remember the wild hot sex side of you. For most men its an easy cop out because they want to talk to her and cant bear losing them (for a while), but for men who can patiently wait (by walking away) they get to get in her pants again (eventually).
If her son likes you then odds are better for you, she can hamster it that she needs to have you her life. And when you wont accept anything else than romantic relationship then she’ll see you as a lover. This is negotiating. Yes never contact her, and when she contacts you I’d just assume she misses you and wants to see you and I’d be just like nice to hear from you, I’d love to see you and ask when shes free to get together. Then ask her to come to your place in the evening and do not accept anything else. I like being direct and cut the bullshit and it either happens or doesnt. Lowest drama option because you dont have to think about what to do, no games just raw honesty. And it demonstrates that you’re a man who wants her but is ok either way without her. That’s attractive. She’ll get extremely horny sometime and remembers that you want her and why couldnt she just fuck you? Even if you’ve been disgusting beta to her at some point, still women’s feelings change and at other time she could actually desire you because she looks the past through rose colored glasses and remembers the alpha you and she says “why not”. It’s been my experience.
If she wouldnt miss you she wouldnt ever made that message about being sorry how it ended, they wont message men who are not in their “emotional radar” in some way. Especially after such time. Like the saying goes: all women are like that. I’ve seen identical behaviour, they just need time to hamster why they’re missing you and eventually they develop feelings and want to see you. But remember, if you havent dramatically improved since the dumping, then the next round wont be better and you’ll get dumped again. Focus on meeting new women and get the “dont give a fuck alpha vibe” you used to have when you met her the first time. And anyway with your newfound knowledge its million times better to start new relationship(s) and be always alpha and not having to deal with ex who has seen your weaknesses. She’ll always test you on those even if you get her back. You’ll never have all the power. Once its ended I think it never goes back to being perfect even if they come back, it might be good but nonetheless new women should be main focus. Like everything, take it as a learning experience and be thankful for this breakup or otherwise you wouldnt ever found all this knowledge and would’ve probably been “ass raped” later in life. On the other hand if you’ve improved then it might go very good and she could have that same lust for you as in the beginning. So take the take away: improve.
@ Martin
abosuletly right…she said no to BJ, Anal etc!!
In my Beta phase, I tried enough and made enough mistakes, now its my time…time to work on ME, and in fact since I am in business, I regulalry meet many older entreprenuers who are divorced/single/not committed and at the same time…Millionaires and completely enjoying life!! That’s what I want…thats what is my goal!!
What I know of her, she won’t give up easily or buckle under pressure to make the first contact, BUT i’ll just wait even if it takes many years!
Thank you all for your guidance!!
@Anthony
Same thoughts here. We both are starting to “get it”. It’s a liberating feeling.
“I’m at a point now where even if the ex came back, I just wouldn’t feel the same anymore since I’ve gotten use to being with women who are 5-9 years younger than her.”
Exactly, at some points I’m even thinking that if she came back and I wouldnt feel the same anymore towards that oneitis, then it could be a possibility that I’d just friend zone her! If you have these enthusiastic young sexy women on tap, why would you bother wasting your sexual energy towards something that you dont feel the same anymore.
“Cant even imagine what life would have been like if I got this chick pregnant or married her….smh.”
I too can finally say, like women do, that feelings do change! Bless you man.
@Andy Great attitude change man!
No BJ no anal. Yes, why would she please you when she knows that she has you completely, she knows shes your oneitis. But all these are up for grabs for a man who isnt locked yet (now think a minute about insanity of marrying)
“What I know of her, she won’t give up easily or buckle under pressure to make the first contact, BUT i’ll just wait even if it takes many years!”
They’re all like that, they seem to not be like that, but in the end all women are like that and they follow their emotions. If they feel you they’ll let you know. When women want you doors start to open and you just have to walk through them. Dont chase, let them come to you. You cant make em “feel” you.
@Martin.
Thanks for your words of advice dude. Yeah, that’s exactly what I am going to do; wait for her to come to me. Might take a few more weeks yet. Maybe more. That’s fine, I’m in no hurry. She clearly must still be into me or else she would never have sent the “sorry” text. She must have been stewing over the whole break up, used the things I bought her for her house and started to miss me and thinking what the fuck has she done….. I think the “sorry” text is paving the way for a future “I miss you” text that I think that will be forthcoming shortly. If [when] it comes I will say exactly what CCW says “Hey babe, great to hear from you, I miss you too, when are you free to get together?” And then do the whole make dinner together at my place speech. If she refuses “call me if you change your mind, I gotta go”. I have other women options so I have plenty of time. I did like this one though, although I now know enough not to show that feeling so prominently and to play my cards closer to my chest and not spew out my emotions. She was fucking amazing sex wise and we did it every way.
BTW – I tipped CCW $30 the other day and had a brief email chat with him. He’s a great guy and really knows this stuff big time. I’ve learned so much stuff that I’ll never chase, be weak or be too accommodating again like I was a bit before. I have learned so much about life and much of it can be applied to my sales job!!!
@Martin,
Man, your predictions are proving so correct dude! As are BD’s and Dawson’s. I am the guy dumped by ex ten weeks ago but still have a connections with her eldest son. Her kids loved me. She sent me a message last night, words to the effect “I know you and Bob are talking about boy stuff and bikes. If it’s awkward for you I can ask him not to if you like. Hope you are well? x”
Note, this is the woman who told me she’d appreciate NC ten weeks ago. She’s now finding reasons to reach out, just as you said Martin. We were 100% NC and she’s now reached out twice. Notice how vague it is. She’s trying to feel out if I’m with someone else I think. If she wanted nothing to do with me why would she care if it is awkward for me or not? I am not going to reply to this message. It does not warrant one. I’d like to do a CCW “hey babe, when are you free to get together”, but this message does not leave the opportunity to ask that question. Maybe a few more texts time…
Reason for sharing this is to emphasise the point of the thread, that IGNORING her is what brought her to this, and it took ten weeks for her to reach out when she reasilised I would never call her again. Maybe she is just genuinely being friendly and concerned for me. But if she wanted zero to do with me – like she said on break up – why would she be trying to make contact again?!!! And this is not a silly mind game. I was NC to get myself over her, I adored her and she dumped me like trash after I treated her like a princess. I don’t want her as a GF anymore but she could be a useful FWB. I’d love her on top of me again with those DD’s in my face…….
@RM_Pilot
Nice to hear that. It’s always great to see ex initiating and getting almost nostalgic about the past. Especially when not long ago she used to be repulsed and didnt want anything to do with you. Personally this has happened so many times to me, that when it happens the next time I’m just gonna shrug and be confident that she’ll be back eventually. It’s the usual “feelings change” case and this moments feeling isnt the feeling she’ll always have. Remember I talk about real relationships here, not some very short ones where there havent ever been a strong emotional bond between you. If some girl dumps you after 2-3 dates and fuck sessions then all this ignoring stuff wont change anything, your image is set in stone and it wont change (unless she randomly sees you after many years and you’re like a different person, more muscles etc). But if she enjoyed to be with you for example 6 months to years and then something happened, well then this ignoring is very likely going to cause an boomerang just like we’re experiencing here. I mean if you yourself enjoyed to be with some special woman for years, then after some time of course you too want to know how shes doing and would like to catch up. You never really forget these persons in your life, and neither do women. When you walk away from LTR without emotional punishing and leaving it nice but telling lovingly that you cant be just friends but contact me only if you ever change your mind…. it’s very likely that at some point shes going to do that. At this point I’m 100% sure of it with certain women in my life.
Mate you know your situation the best, but if my ex contacted like that I’d never ignore it. Perhaps it doesnt warrant a reply, but you could still be humorous about it and respond in a non needy way and perhaps accert the fact that you want her and if she cant co-operate with that then why is she texting. Ultimately phone is for setting dates only and you shouldnt start any chit chat over what she texted. You could very well say something along the lines “well we can talk about that when we see. I’d love to see your face and catch up, when are you free to get together?”.
Remember to watch CCW vids by the title: “Ignore Her & Maybe You’ll Score?”, “Ignoring Women Makes Them Give Up”, “Purposely Ignoring Your Girl Causes Rejection!” (I personally watch them with 1.5-2 speed so it goes faster)
But it might be good choice to not reply and if you ever hangout more with her kid then the word is going to get back to her and she’ll hamster a new initiation and then its time to go for the kill and say you’d love to see her, when shes free?
Personally I’ve got options so I’m rather outcome independent, so I’d say directly “why are we texting when we could see, hangout and catch up. I’d love to see you, when you’re free to get together?” and if she denies then say “well reach out to me if you ever change your mind” and go ghost. Or if she says yes for meetup but says that only as friends nothing sexual or bullshit like that, then you go “that doesnt work for me. I want you and if you’re not open for us having fun as lovers like we always used to, then I dont see any reasons for us to be talking. Please do not ever contact me again unless you want the same, the door is open if you ever change your mind. Wish you nothing but the best.”
But dont take my word for it, your situation might need some more baking and its not yet time to open the oven. If you dont respond shes going to hamster it that you have some hot women in your life and you’re not thirsty, making you more attractive and eventually shes going to be more open to your advances.
Yeah for some of us its those great tits she had, or that amazing bubble butt you’d love to get your hands back on to. Bless you man and remember that you cant fail when you follow your gut feeling about what to do. Your first instinct is the right one in most cases. Act like she’s in the bag and go see other women and one day you’ll get initiation again from her.
I just wanted to say that I feel for all the guys here who have been played like piano. All these girls ain shit and you should treat them accordingly until you find one that is worth spending the rest of your life with. When you watch porn you don’t watch the same pornstar all the time, theres different girls of every shape, size and color and need companionship so go out there and get her. She will not come to you ! no risk no reward. Its hard at first but when you realize that you just dodge a bullet then its not so bad. Once you ready to hang the jersey up then commit and reproduce. To the people with kids and a wife yall are fucked lol. You guys made every decision that got you to this point. Your life ain yours anymore so the only thing you can do is live your life for your kid and love them and guide them so that they don’t grow old to become a heartless, selfish, manipulative soul. Just my 2 cents !
Blessings, peace
Hey guys, back in February I posted about my ex girlfriend with cancer . I was dumb enough not to head the advice and kept contacting her. I met her in March where she said she wanted to be friends to start lol. Yeah right.
She shut me out immediately after that untill i got pissed off and we had some heated exchanges over the next month on and off. The last I heard from her she said i was a sociopath, stalker how much damage I had done to her life etc. All bullshit by the way.she still swears the older guy she is living with is just a friend
. Anyway, like I said earlier this girl was totally into me for a long time and i did a lot to help her including a lot of money. Women don’t think like we do though and none of that shit means anything when they are done with you. She has never contacted me 1st this whole time. Ive been no contact the last 5 weeks. I’m finally getting my head on straight and realizing just how disrespectful to myself i was acting. I will never take this bitch back but i sure would love a chance to tell her to fuck off. Not sure how long that would take if ever
@gary
“Women don’t think like we do though and none of that shit means anything when they are done with you”
On that topic Google: “Briffault’s Law” and click the second highest link.
Have a good read and remember that in future. And she aint worth even your hate or even worth to tell her to fuck off. Indifference is the best thing you can do (also do Google: 48 laws law 36).
You want women who like you when you’re with them, not women who dont really like you when you’re with them but who start to miss you when you’re gone. Just realized that.
@Martin,
Regarding Briffault’s Law. Yet again, CCW is so right on where he says that men go into logic and reason mode when a breakup is in progress, countering the woman with “but I did this for you and I bought you that”. Or “I paid for this and took you to this place”. None of it means shit as CCW states and this is because women don’t work in logic and reason mode; they work in terms of the emotions they feel at the time.
The ex who I refer to in my post (who I am ten weeks NC from other than the two texts). I paid for weekends away, bought her a Macbook computer, a vacuum cleaner, a washing machine etc when she was down on her luck. She loved me for it at the time, was very grateful, cxalle dme the man of her dreams, but it be assured it plays absolutely no part in their calculations when the dump you. Absolutely nothing.
Hey guys
I broke up with my ex around a year ago (one year on and off) and we met up last week over a date that I suggested after we ran into eachother and she was very friendly and open. We had a dinner, I kept it light and fun and then we went out for some drinks and she was tired so we went back to my place.
Back at my place I went stronger kino but she was a bit pushing back and eventually she told me shes seeing someone, they have been seeing each other for 8 months but shes not fully happy with the relationship but at the end of the day shes still seeing him and she wouldnt reply to my sexual attempts. I played with her hair and reminded her a bit of our old connection and after that I called her a cab home on her request.
She texted me the day after thanking me for a lovely evening and seemed very happy, I replied that shes a great girl and it was my pleasure but as the situation is right now we probably should go separate ways and if she ever changes her mind and wants to hang out and have fun together she is free to contact me.
Did I fail here? This is a girl I had strong oneitis for in the past and obviously I can still see myself in a LTR with her, she lost attraction in the past and I was beta but I think she gained more affection and respect back now ive improved alot of things about myself over the year and im sure she could tell. She mentioned shes not fully happy with her current situation, is it something I should play along with? I dont want to be her friend, at the end of the day I want to be her lover and she probably has a stronger connection with her current BF than she had with me since we were on and off over a year and never officially together so even if we bonded it wasnt this DEEP connection.
I was thinking if I should continue to try meet up and play on her emotions in order to maybe make her do something about her current situation and play it into my arms, or should I just wait and leave her and see if she ever gets back to me and play it from there?
I am new in this situation, after our breakup I did as the blog instructed and I started ignoring her and she did come back, but when she did I was still in a oneitis/beta mode and I played her back into the guy shes currently seeing. This time I ran into her and I initiated a meetup to catch up a bit and she agreed and I definately bonded her feelings a bit and reminded her about our good things but as I said it wasnt enough for sex she still mentioned shes seeing someone.
Let me know if I did the right thing or not, thanks for your inputs.
@George
You did the right thing. She’s not available at this moment and rejected your advances, you do not keep running after someone who did that. That would just show that you have no self respect and no other girls in your life. Women want a man who has other women running after her, and even if you dont you still want to convey that (by actions, never by words). Not running after someone who rejected you conveys that you have better prospects to use your time towards.
You went for it and got rejected but werent emotionally punishing and left the door open, perfect. If she were happy with her relationship she wouldnt ever gone out with you or come to your place. That relationship is doomed, you just know that.
But ultimately shes with someone else and you shouldnt ever contact her and you should move on and date new women. But if she ever contacts you then assume that she misses you and wants to see you, so you set the date and again try to escalate to sex. This is not an unique situtation, follow the information given here by people who have experience on this subject and do not follow your emotions which say “I was thinking if I should continue to try meet up and play on her emotions in order to maybe make her do something about her current situation and play it into my arms”. No, you cant make women desire you that way, you cant twist their arm into liking you.
And after all, I wouldnt even want to be with a girl whose like that. She doesnt seem to want you atleast right now, yes that might change in future but when you experience women who really want you then you want to be with those women, not with someone whose “meh” about you. She’s gonna dump that guy eventually, I’m sure of that and then she’ll probably contact you.
Here’s a comment I copied today to my notes from one youtube video:
“To make your ex truely want you back you simply have to just move on your life and not give a fuck about her and date other women.. one of a women’s weakness is to see someone she was once with, with another women if shes still interested in you she will chase you hard this I can promise you especially if you were good to her because she will know or assume your treating that other women good and she doesn’t want to truely loose that. The real reason women go hot or cold on you is because another man has caught her attention which causes her interest in you to lower but that doesn’t mean she’s completely over you and this is why you get this hot/cold or flakey behavior so to beat her at this game you have to accept you may be getting played and don’t take it personal and immediately show no emotion to it because your emotions are like ammunition to her gun that she will use against you… you go no contact until she reaches out to you..you don’t call.. you don’t text no matter what or how you feel.. now it can take days, weeks even months before she reaches out but guess what she will I promise you this you just gotta show strenght in not contacting her but when she does you sent up a date where you both Will have a good “ROMANTIC” time and you always seal the deal with great sex “if you can” and send her on her way and try not to talk about you guys hooking back up let her decide that because she’s not gonna be done with the new man in her life yet so keep repeating this now eventually her feelings for you you start to grow back and she will fall for you again because your mysterious, assertive and taking lead and having fun with her but not being needy or chasing her and obviously if shes contacting you her new bf ain’t doing something right because if he was she would never contact you again trust and believe so when women goes hot and cold you have to change your approach and be patient that’s if you want this women back.. she’s holding on to you for a reason and it’s not only for her validation of you its a good chance she may still have feelings for you but was not sure alot of women are more insecure than you can imagine and gave trouble being direct with men but you can definitely get a women back that broke up with you or got flakey just take the opportunity when she comes back to create a fun “ROMANTIC” time with her that she won’t forget and it’s truely up to you If you want the relationship to be over with don’t let other people tell you otherwise.”
Just follow that and bless you.
The only thing left i would like to comment on is that I dont understand why my ex was so secretive about this guy and thier relationship after the fact. I mean she dumped me months ago what’s the point in continuing to lie about it?
@Martin thanks brother I appreciate ur input.
Yeah its easy to fall into the trap that there is something I can do to twist her arm to want me back especially when shes saying shes not entirely happy with her current relationship but as you say most probably it will be doomed eventually. All I can do now is to move on, I showed her a good time and hopefully she will be back.
Thanks
@ George
Your last message shows a great mindset. That is EXACTLY how you should feel. MOVE ON!!!!! Sure, it’d be nice if she comes back. But if she does not then fuck her. It’s her loss. As soon as you start to get over it, she’ll be back. It’s almost certain. But if you are pining she never will. It’s almost like they have a radar that can detect your emotions over a distance.
@Martin
Briffault’s Law is absolutely on point.
@everyone (myself included)
Our goal here is not to get the woman back. Our goal is to fuck AS MANY women as manly possible and not give a flying fuck about the ex in any way, shape or form. She dumped you (or vice versa), she is history UNLESS she comes back, and if she comes back, make sure she is on her knees crawling.
I’ve been guilty of putting (wasting) too much energy on an ex, and to be honest, no matter how much you have done for her, she will drop your ass the moment she sees a reason to trade up (whatever her definition of trading up is, likely more perceived security).
She might have dumped you because you were too beta. She might have dumped you because you were not beta enough or refused to become one. She might have dumped you for a beta. She might have dumped you for more money. Whatever the case, the reason doesn’t matter.
She is, by design, meant to fuck you over when she sees the opportunity to gain a higher perceived benefit. As she moves “upwards”, she becomes the new target’s problem, and no longer yours. Ironically, as she does this, she begins to miss what she had in you, as long as you didn’t flake.
Most of us have flaked, and many of us continue to flake, because we have difficulty swallowing the somewhat bitter pill that monogamy is a cash cow for the government and big corporations.
But let’s be honest, if you could fuck any and every woman you wanted without any government or other form of external repercussions, you would, without batting an eye. Why? Because you’re a man.
But SP is so strong that until we shed it completely, we will be trying to get our exes back, trying to reason with her, and so on. As one wise millionaire I know has said, the reason doesn’t matter. Not when it comes to women, not when it comes to money.
You see it for what it is. She is no longer with you, and that’s all there is to it. Now, go forth and fuck. And when she comes around, keep fucking, multiple women. It’s what they want, too.
Drop the reasons, drop the logic, and since you can’t drop the emotions, channel them elsewhere. There are millions of women to fuck and nurture you, that is their life purpose (don’t be conned into believing otherwise). Let them fuck you and nurture you. As a man, your confidence is designed around getting laid and being nurtured, while working towards your mission.
Don’t forget to be the bullet train…
Guys, need some advice. In the last phase of email communication with my ex to solve some logistic issues, I had sent her an email asking about 1) If I have some stuff in one of her houses (which we both know is still there and some valuable stuff too) 2) If she has deleted all my “private” files sent to her through various emails/social media channels.
It’s been 3 weeks and she has not answered. I have lined up a long follow up email showing my anger which I didn’t send yet, but also know that I need to wait as long as possible. But how long at the end, those 2 questions are important to me and keeping emotions aside she should be answering.
What to do ? Just keep waiting ?
@Andy
ON NO ACCOUNT send that angry email. Emails cause more damage. NEVER send emails unless you are being loving, polite and charming. She can look at an angry email again and again and stew over it and cause more resentment and bitterness.
If you have stuff you *need* to get back you call/email/text her in a civilized way and get it back without being emotionally punishing. You go about this in a business-like manner, be polite and charming and on the doorstep when you say goodbye you tell her you still like her (if you do) and to call you if she ever changes her mind (if that’s what you want). You then must never contact her again. EVER for any reason. All contact needs to be initiated from her. Even if you don’t tell her to call you back, as BD states she WILL do anyway if it was a LTR almost certainly if you’ve been a good man to her and the break-up was a freak-out from her side.
Of course this is if you *NEED* the stuff back. If it’s some shit such as a few DVD’s or a shirt round her place, seriously, do you need those things back or are you looking for an excuse to get a reaction?
@ RM_Pilot
Thanks for your quick response.
Yes, I do understand what you are saying. I have already sent her an civilized email on this issue (email is the only mode of communication open) and she has decided to completely ignore it till now.
Yes, you are right, not all the stuff that is there I need need it, but I am more worried about my private files with her.
Now, my dilemma is whether to just wait for her response in next months/years or just forget about this email. Personally I feel, keeping out all the emotions/drama of breakup/ex etc., these are some real issues and she should at least be responsible enough to reply even if with negative answer.
@Andy
Wrong. You are in logic and reason mode when trying to ascertain the feelings and actions of a woman, even a woman you knew so well. Women don’t think like that, they act upon their emotions. Her emotions towards you at the moment are negative, and the more you contact her the more you’ll damage her emotional feelings towards you. You need to escalate to the point of ignoring her as quickly as possible so you can build a solid period where you two do not communicate. That is what creates the distance where she’ll start to miss you.
Unless what she has of yours is of critical value to you, unless it’s the secret codes to Fort Knox, leave it the fuck alone. Change your pass codes at the bank etc. Trust me, you’ll be glad that you did in a few months time when she starts to come back round and looks back with rose tinted glasses. Do anything humanly possible to avoid having to see her or contact her, you really should have done this as quickly as possible after the break-up.
@ RM_Pilot
Yes, I completely get your point. Sometimes, its just that I am frustrated and trying to understand, why is she behaving the way she is. As you aptly put, my email full of logic and reasoning is meaningless at this point. I will just forget about my stuff.
Andy if you really have some stuff in her house and other things you REALLY need to take care with her, then CALL her would be my suggestion. Call is always different and gets shit handled better than texts/emails, with call she needs to talk in this moment and get the shit done and she cant ponder about it for hours/days and not end up doing shit.
If she wont answer your call then shoot her a message that you need to talk to her in phone about important business and to please call me as soon as possible. (but if you dont really need that stuff then leave it alone, as it leaves an excuse for her to contact you sometime later when she misses you and then you could very well go to her place and escalate to sex with that by having a catch up dinner at her place and you get some of your stuffs also)
I’ve noticed that even with setting dates its better to call certain women because they’ll right away tell their schedule and set the definite date, where as with text its always more vague and they dont need to do it right away leaving it up in the air. For me personally with certain women setting a date with phone call is almost 100% and with text its more problematic.
Sometimes I think that I should just call and never text, but the world has changed and you have to adjust to it. On the other hand men who call are fucking rare nowadays, most people just text and you can really stand out if you call and minimize the texting.
Started off fun and flirtatious online …. then I went to kiss ass and needy for most of 3 month relationship as we met twice and intimate once although I pleased her and she liked it a lot but I had a 3 am ED moment uggg…then over several weeks she still flirted but would not commit to another date as she was 2-3 hours away also….eventually she texted less and less and then made No Contact for 3 weeks because she said I was not listening to her when she said we should just be friends and I wanted more and told her so….bummed me out and she eventually got sick of my advances and asking her to call me as she would not answer my calls and now after those 3 weeks of silence I pushed her and said unfriend me or lets try to work it out so she blocked and unfriended me. LOL! I guess game over but I always liked her a lot. She makes bucks and I don’t anymore and we are both 58. Wish I could get her to at least unblock me so she can still see my posts and progress as I am in water sports and have a great reputation other than being an idiot with women…this is why she was attracted to me in the first place as a water sports enthusiast and my career and we new each other a little in early High School years and she had a crush on me then although I didn’t know it then. She is just finishing her divorce so I should have steered clear with all her emotions and other men friends in the way and flirting with her and her with them. I walked into that one blind and got slapped. oops…chalk it up to experience at a late stage in life. I never was a game player but now I see…everyone plays some type of game.
@Dan all this chasing did you nothing good, it sucks to realize that you just digged a big massive hole that you’ll probably never get to climb back up. You obviously realize that you made a lot of mistakes and I dont even need to point them out. Straight up you acted like a woman and not like a man. But we’ve all been there, because oneitis turns us to bitches and you need to prevent that in future when you meet the next great woman. Now go study how real men like Clint Eastwood acts in his masculine man movies. He’s not a fucking pussy and thats why women chase him and he’s like not too interested and just going about his purpose, driving women even more lustful for him. Be that man.
You should’ve just let her come to you and do the initiation 100%, especially when shes just divorced and her emotions are raw. And remember this in future: “Started off fun and flirtatious” this worked to get her AND “then I went to kiss ass and needy” this is where you lost her. In future always do the things how you got her in the first place and do not change because of sappy disney beta love feelings. Women dont give a fuck about romance (IN REAL LIFE), men do but women are not the same even though they’re portrayed to like that (IN MOVIES). When listening most women’s stories about romantic men, they do “puke” motions and laugh their asses off. When you see that you’re really gonna forget romantic gestures towards women you want to fuck. Romantic shit = sahara between her legs.
Move on, assume you’ll never hear from her again and get in better shape and get new preferably younger women. And if she ever contacts you then say that its nice to hear from you and try to set the date. You absolutely never again will initiate contact to her anymore if you ever want to be romantical with her. From now on its 100% on her and you respond only to her initiation.
@Dan, yep, move on and assume you won’t here from her again. She may reach out in the future. Future = weeks/months/years!
@Martin. Well man, I emailed her back as you suggested and we exchanged a few nice messages. She said not a day goes by when she does not think about reaching out to me properly but she knows she must not and stops herself (I have no idea why she thinks this). She wishes me well meeting someone new. I told her to let me know if she changes her mind.
So, I’m just back to ignoring her again. So, a flurry of messages in the space of a week after ten weeks NC. And then she wishes me well and goodbye. We were very nice and civil (this was over email) and we used the “babe” word to each other. Why reach out though last week????!!!!! She may still come round, I think she is fucked up at the moment with her depression and that’s why she dumped me twice whilst we were together. I’d never want to be serious again with her again but she could be a good FWB. I miss her for sure, I liked to be with her, but I have been dating other women and moving on nicely.
@RM_Pilot
You just gotta have an attitude that fuck it, its her loss and she’ll probably never get the best of life without you. It’s truly her loss and you can just laugh about it. And its probably very true but most women are kinda stupid and they wont realize this until its too late (its when she hits the wall and nobody wont commit to her then she probably crawls back but you’ll just enjoy her as fwb and not commit to damaged goods).
“She said not a day goes by when she does not think about reaching out to me properly but she knows she must not and stops herself” could be that shes hiding the fact that some other guy is in the picture, some beta bux that she wishes would marry her and she doesnt want to risk anything. Behind comments like that there is often that kinda thing. Or she just misses you but for some non logical reason doesnt want to act on it, she needs emotions to act on it and they might or might not happen in future.
I believe it was good thing to respond to her contact and go for the close, even if it fails then atleast she wont bother you anymore unless she wants some action. Win win for you and you dont have to ponder about it and you can move on with peace of mind. Plus I believe you can do better than her, its just that in your mind the rips of oneitis still makes her better than she really is. There are millions of healthy women out there without depression etc. Ultimately shes just another woman and fuck it. Everyday millions of women turn 18, thats something to keep in mind and it cultivates abundance mentality.
Just life your life man and improve in every area, someday (after months, years) she’ll stroll by and her tits will end up bouncing on your face. You have to kill all those sappy feelings towards her and be like whatever, these women come and go but your mission stays so either way you’re happy and it was an learning experience pushing you towards something better. And always go back to reading BD’s Nine Steps To Avoid Neediness and Oneitis article, even if you think you’ve got this, so you wont end up in same situation again. In the mean time keep posting here, you’ve got great tips for all and at the same time you’ll learn to ingrain these mindsets deeper.
@Martin
Thanks for your words of encouragement. Yeah, there is something going on the background that I don’t want any part of. I reckon something like she got dumped by an ex in the past before she met me who is now back in the picture and she is all confused. Hence dumping me a couple of times, to’ing and fro’ing between him and me, being unclear what she wants. It is something like that I think. Fuck that, I can do without that kind of drama, I am a single dad and have enough shit going on anyway.
I was never needy and never put a foot wrong.
To me sounds like the first post in CCW’s video “relationship curve-balls”.
We closed off on a high and with dignity. She could still be a future FWB. Who knows what the future may bring, as Dawson, BD and yourself say, always leave on a high and with charm and grace.
Thanks for the replies …! Falling for someone and forgetting not to chase them so much sucks. Hate re-learning again and again after so many years what I should have remembered.
“Everyday millions of women turn 18, thats something to keep in mind and it cultivates abundance mentality.”
BINGO!!!! That’s 12 years of fun before SP demands they pop out babies and tie the knot. 🙂
Hello guys here is my story. 🙂
she dumped me for other dude after almost a year of a relationship.. i can say she was pretending and excuses to dump me.. anyways.. the thing is that the karma exist.. and now after 3 months of their relationship he dump her and as some people told me he was “cheating” on her or something similar… i can’t say if its true or not. The “problem” is that we are working in same company (and the guy she dumped me for) but not in same position and sometimes we see each other.. i’m trying to ignore her and i do that.. 2 days ago i was in staff room smoking my ciggaret and she pass i saw her from the window before she get in from the door i ignored her she went to wc after she was going back to work she pass behind me and says good morning i ignored her again… she came and touch my shoulder and say to me good morning and i respond normal saying good morning.. after i finish my brake i went to find her… and on the way to the place she works she saw me and i saw her we made an eye contact and she smiled or she wanted to laugh i dont know exactly.. the thing is that before that i asked her if i could see her at evening and she told me she gonna think about it.. later on she texted me that she can not because of her friends birthday.. anyways i went there and we had a typical conversation after all i asked her again “so you think about what i said?” she respond like she didnt understand on what i meant… and she made me say it again so i asked her again.. she didnt respond i left after 1 minute cause i had work to do and she was kinda busy.. now few days pass and i didnt had any text from her.. her friend told me that they speak about the text i send her and she says that she dont want something with me again.. but the problem that her eyes says something defferent or i’m the only one who see such a thing… her friend says she’d like to be friend with me but there is no such an offer from me i dont want to be her friend we cant be friends…
i dont know what else to do.. i dont know how to deal with it and if she doesn’t respond the next few days should i completely ignore her should i respond when she says hello? feel confused.. i still want her back.!
@Crazy Nick,
You always say hello. The purpose of this thread is not to be mean or ignorant to people. If she works in your space then it is a courtesy to say hello when that salutation is extended to you. Remember what Black Dragon says at the top of the thread though; this thread is not about people who work together, that is fraught with complications. What this thread is about is just going 100% No Contact (polite way of saying “ignoring”) on a woman who dumps you or breaks up with you. They tend to come back after not seeing you for an extended period of time.
@Crazy Nick
Hell no you DO NOT text her anymore ever again unless she texts you. She rejected you and you do not initiate again asking if things have changed. She’ll put herself in your orbit (like she did in your story by coming to say good morning and touching you, thats when you try to set a date to catch up in the evening) if she desires to give you a go again. The fact that you ignore her and do not chase after her gives her an impression that you’ve got other women and it makes you more attractive and she wants what other women want. By texting her and chasing after her you just confirm to her that you have no value and she made a right choice by dumping you. The fastest way to get her attention is to remove yours. Remember that.
And in future no workplace romances, do not shit where you eat. When this (break up) inevitably happens, you’re screwed and have to deal with her daily and cant do NC. She cant start to miss you so much when she sees you everyday, which is why the workplace relationships ends more likely. There needs to be absence and not being together always, thats why I’d never go for workplace women or for example even women in the same gym. Do not shit where you eat. What works (when it comes to break up and getting ex back) is that you turn to a “ghost” and when she havent seen/heard from you in months she starts to wonder about you and wants to know how you’re doing and she has to contact you (and when she does then you set the date). Avoid places where shes gonna be, do not try to linger there. Absence is the best thing you can do right now.
@Crazy Nick
Never shit where you eat. Never mix church and state. NEVER. It always ends badly.
All initiations need to come from the woman if she dumped you. There are absolutely no exceptions to this. For you to reach out to her in any way is demeaning to yourself and pathetic.
Agreed with Martin, do not linger around where she might be in the hope of “accidentally” meeting her. That dilutes the effect of the No Contact. Don’t think for a second that “out of sight means out of mind”. That is fucking nonsense. If you shared a lot together you will be in HER mind a lot too, just like she is in yours. She will NOT forget you. Guys need to remember this fact and have some faith. She will reach out to you if she’s still interested. It may take months but it takes what it takes and you cannot rush it.
Hey guys thanks for response!
hopefully i’ve changed the position where i’m working at so there is a small chance to see her again in work.. i’ll try to avoid going where she works and i will still NC until she does. thanks for your response once again! i will keep you update. thanks you guys! that gonna help me! for the moment there is other woman i like and we meet 2 days ago and i start like her and i think she does as well.. so at the moment i’ll focus to have fun with other womans this is the best choice i have and not chasing a bitch like pussy!
In regards to chics that abuse my time and cancel last minute multiple times I just cut them off The issue I have is that most of these posts say to wait for her to TEXT me back but I feel that even if she does, texting DOES NOT mean she is interested in SEEING ME and requires NO real work on her part. So, my theory is that even if she texts back, to ignore it and ALL electronic messages forever until she shows up at my door again! (she also has a gym membership where I go too so could come see me there too)
a) she cancels on me last minute last 3 times and seems to just want a texting relationship now (we have already slept together but its been a while. Additionally, she is a single mom of 2 kids so it is tricky anyways)
b) She then replies, “maybe tomorrow we can?” and I reply really nonchalant and cool like this:
“ohhh man darn that sucks. At least we tried right =) I can’t tomorrow already have plans…maybe we have better luck next time lol”.
c) I unfriend her on facebook quietly w/ no explanation (gotta stay outta the friend zone and make her wonder what I am doing)
e) I ignore her texts the last week and I am sure she is curious what is going on. I do not plan on answering her calls either. (I do not trust her w making plans anymore so it seems best to just wait for her to show up at my door? If she won’t prove she is really interested, why waste my time?)
So my question is why does everyone suggest waiting for her to text or call before we text back if she can’t make and keep plans? Whats the point?
Seems to me the key with these ladies is going old school and doing crap like it was done in 1990 before cell phones existed lol. If she does show up or chase me down at the gym to SEE me in person, then I can consider about adding her back into my circle of trust but not until I sleep with her . Cuz lets say she shows up at my door and then says, “well its good seeing you Curtis…..text me sometime and we can go out maybe”. You see what she is doing? The same shit. It starts all over again.
So, I say, “ahhhh nice try Kim but I don’t make plans with an anti-planners like yourself. But we can go out NOW or you can come in for a lil while since you are already here?”
If she says “Not now” then she is still in my anti-text/anti-call group of chics and I tell her, “it was really great seeing you Kim and if you ever get some time to do something, I’d really love to and you know where to find me”. If she does spend time w/ me, she is back in my texting/FB/calling allowed group of chics. I see this as a privilege the requires a lady to spend FACE time w/ me.
I have tried this many many ways and this is the only way that seems to put an end to this game….what you guys think?
@Curtis Timsah
Quick thoughts.
“She then replies, “maybe tomorrow we can?””
You always try to set a definite date. If she texts bullshit like that, then say “if your schedule is up in the air and you cant make definite plans then lets just do it some other time. Contact me when you know your schedule and lets plan something then.”
Cant count how many times that has changed the girls attitude and she sets it up either instantly or in the next days she suggests a time. Your time is valuable and you cant accept any “maybe” “possibly” dates. Fuck that, theres other girls that’ll take her place if she pulls that bullshit and she knows it from that response and she makes the date.
There is no point to ignore her incoming texts/calls or any other direct contacts, but only use those as opportunity to set the date. All electronic means are only used for setting the date. If she wont do that then why dont you just say that “I’d like to see you and if you cant do that then please do not ever contact me again unless you change your mind and want to hangout”.
“So my question is why does everyone suggest waiting for her to text or call before we text back if she can’t make and keep plans? Whats the point?”
Well personally that works, and it works for most people. If that particular girl doesnt do that and is flaky then shes not worth your time and you gotta hammer it to her that you’re only interested in something romantical ie friends with benefits and that you want her and you cant be just friends with her so do not contact me unless you want the same, wish you all the best but the door is open if you change your mind. Etc.
In my world women that I’m dating or exes dont just show up at your door and it would be weird. People inform others about coming to see them and otherwise it would be just “stalkerish” behaviour if someone shows up at your house unannounced. I wouldnt wait for any chick to just come up at my house, nowadays its just not gonna happen. And ignoring her contacts would just make her give up. Ex women who you denied friend zone doesnt contact you if they dont want you at some level, thats just fact of life. They have hundreds of dudes hitting them up blowing their phone and still they’re contacting you? She must want you in some way, assume that.
You gotta just take charge and stand up for yourself and not tolerate bullshit flaky chicks and lay it down what behaviour you want from them or they’re OUT. NEGOTIATE what you want from her by saying sentences like from above and walk away. Or just let them be and focus on chicks who are gladly coming over and hopping on your cock without any flaking whatsoever. That should send the message to her.
Curtis. You want women who are enthusiastic for you and say “hell yes” when you suggest a meeting. They’re like hell yes for a evening of sex and intimacy with you. She’s not like that so I wouldn’t use any energy towards her. When you get enough enthusiastic chicks in your life you dont really care about those flakes anymore. It’s cooler to have chick on your bed that shakes her ass on your cock, screaming wildly and after it when shes leaving shes already talking about the next time and what she wants to do to you.
For everyone there is abundance of these women out there. There’s enough romantical partners for everyone. Find them and enjoy time with them and dont deal with the ones whose interest on you is low.
Read this whole blog. Great info. NC makes perfect sense.
I got the ol’ break up text last night. Never replied. Few hours later I got a text making sure I didn’t have any hard feelings. Didn’t reply to that either. My question is: do I go NC immediately or send some short, non needy reply like “ok” or “sorry it didn’t work out. Good luck” and then go NC?
@Johne,
It depends what you feel for her. If the breakup is against your wishes I would say to her words to the effect that “I’m sorry you feel we need to break-up and you don’t want to work at what we have together. I really want to work at things but if you don’t then good luck to you and call me if you change your mind. Thanks for our time together and I wish you well”. You then vanish 100%. Disappear completely. Exactly what Dawsons says at the top of the thread.
If you hate her guts and just want her as a fuckbuddy in the future just say “I’m sorry you feel that way. Thanks for our time together. Goodbye”. Then disappear completely. 100%.
In both cases NEVER be emotionally punishing. You don’t know what the future holds. NEVER iitiate any communications with her of any kind, EVER. No texts, calls, Facebook likes, nothing. I would reply to her texts if she sends you them, within reason. Just be distant when you reply, VERY short (one short sentence max) and make sure you reply the following day or much later the same day – 6-8 hours minimum. Don’t give away any information about what you are up to and don’t ask any questions of her. Finish close-ended. If she starts a sequence of text exchanging at some point, ignore most of them, you are not together anymore and she cannot expect the new, busy, sex-god you to stop what you are doing to reply to her. You need to appear distant and mysterious to her. The “old” you has gone.
So I texted something like: too bad you feel that way. Enjoyed it time and wish you well.
She responded fairly quickly that she enjoyed our time too and then added “you understand what I’m saying I’m sure”.
For some context we’ve been together 3 mos, although we first met a year ago and really seemed to click. I may have over gamed and been too aggressive. I have kids and she doesn’t so she had said something about the timing not being good as she had ended a bad ltr early this year. Do I respond that I don’t underway what she was saying but it is what it is. Or don’t reply and go NC now?
Thanks for the advice bud.
@Johne,
You say nothing else from now on. Don’t try to get the last word with her. You have said what you needed to say and politely said goodbye and gave her your blessing. Good, that’s perfect. Now the NC starts. NOW. Not tomorrow or next week. NOW – this is super important. Never initiate contact from now on. Every contact you INITIATE from this point onward will damage you and weaken you in her eyes making the fuckbuddy (or even GF again depending on what you want) more unlikely. Trust me man, I have fucked up on this in the past and I have the T-shirt. More contact in this situation = more damage.
As I said above, if SHE texts YOU in the next month or two then very short, 8 hour minimum delayed and terse (but still friendly) replies required and NO INFORMATION from you to be given away and no questions asked from you of her. You must become a mystery to her.
You need to start to put some emotional distance between the two of you and miss each other. You need to have the balls to see this through dude. She will almost certainly be back, it’s up to you whether or not you want that. You must regain the power here and ignoring her is the way you’ll achieve this. Martin and the others will chime in soon too.
Good luck man. Maintain your frame and play a long game.
NC it is. Appreciate the advice. I’ll update if anything happens. Slept with a HB 9 today that I’ve also been seeing so I’m not missing her that much at the moment. I had several plates spinning luckily.
Yeah Johne handled it good with no beta emotions and great advice from RM_Pilot.
“you understand what I’m saying I’m sure” No need to response to this, just start the NC. Her hamster will start to spin soon enough wondering that did you already get over from her and you’re with other women now? Women are selfish & narcissistic and they want men to be broken when they dump her, and if you’re not broken then your value is going to skyrocket in her eyes (because that means you’re alpha and have multiple options and thats fucking attractive in womens eyes) and shes going to want to get your attention back and well she might get your attention with her sex.
Date new women and improve with your diet and gym routine. Get more jacked and now especially is the most important time to limit alcohol intake in the next few months (most people drink a lot after break up and get fucking bad looking, but you can take the opposite route and not drink at all and get more attractive and not drinking wont make you do stupid things like break the NC with sappy shit when drunk). When she sees you next time shes going to realize that she lost something great and soon after that she’ll text/email the usual “I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately… I miss you. How are you?” blah blah and you can take it from there and set a date and escalate to sex in as few steps as possible.
Hi all, so my situation is not necessarily about ignoring her. Long story short. Got caught lying to her. Not cheating. It was about something stupid. Tried to ammend things and start acting super beta, i would listen to her, if she if ignores me i was all up on her, she wanted to control me and i let her because I wanted to be on her good side. Now its inconsisten behavior on her part, there are days she will ignore me or pick a fight out of nothing or keep saying that i’m going to be single lol. Clearly As it happened to all of us, we always try to fix things. I dont leave with her but we have been dating for 15 months. When the times are ok its great no issues at all. Shes very controlling and i made the mistake of letting her do that. How do you gain the control back without a fight or a breakup? Or is that the only way to do it. At the begginning i was the alpha she wanted it but slowly she gain power and i let her do so because at the time i didnt want to lose her. But this back and forth its getting exhausting. I work a lot so i havent been out there lately to keep my options open. Im fit/attractive i doubt thats the problem. Any advice is appreciated.
Johnp,
Once again, we must revert back to Corey Wayne’s view on COMMUNICATION. This chick can’t communicate…NEEEEEEEXT. I’ve been there myself buddy and sometimes it’s just not worth fixing. Let her passive aggressive ass go become someone else’s problem. Think about how lucky you are to not have married or have kids with this chick. Once you realize that, you’ll just have a good laugh while enjoying some whiskey and a good cigar. Trust me, I’ve done it myself. Seriously, these women are rental cars. It was a nice ride, good feel, crisp new car smell. Once all that shit wears off, its time to hand the car back. You’ve gotten use to this car for so long that you can’t picture having another, newer model. I had the same car for 3.5 years(30). Guess what? Now I have two cars that are younger (27 & 23) and down for whatever. The 27 yr old is a Korean chick with the butt of a Colombian…so lovely. 🙂 Cut this chick loose and hit the gym Johnp…..you’ll be fine in the long run.
@Anthony,
That is a fucking legend of a reply dude. Great analogy with a car. Great stuff man!
RM Pilot,
My mindset has changed since me and the ex parted ways in October. She killed the mangina in me and since I got an inheritance from my grandmother 3 months ago, I’ve really stopped giving a flying fuck. Black Dragon and Tom Leykis have renewed my spirit and sanity. On top of that, I decided to join the U.S. Air Force after grad school is over in August. More money, more status. In a previous post, Martin said that as a man, you are suppose to be “fucking life”, which means going forward with your mission and what you want, not sitting around wondering about some chick. I have realized that making a woman happy for all eternity is impossible. Men go crazy trying to do it and it ends up destroying them, mentally and financially. I now find my happiness in the gym, investing in the stock market, and hanging out with my buddies. When I get back to the U.S., I’ll have my loved ones waiting for me. Hang out with women, enjoy their company, get in their pants, but later with all that “beta Michael Bolton lovey dovey ” shit. Lastly, the recent divorces of Johnny Depp & former L.A. Lakers star Derek Fisher have only hardened me even more. Fisher has to pay that bitch $60,000 a month for the rest of his life….smh.
As Tom Leykis has said, “THE COST OF LOVE IS TOO HIGH”.
slight update. Only been 2 1/2 days of NC. She’s posted some pretty hot FB pics that I’ve seen but didn’t like or acknowledge. I posted a few today of me and she liked all of em. I’ll take that as a positive sign. Obviously I’m in full on NC mode as recommended. Had several other girls also like them that I’ve been seeing so hopefully she notices that. Women are a nutty breed huh? All these fcking games we have to play. Is what it is, I guess…
Happy Fathers Day fellas.
@Johne
What I’d recommend is that do not watch her facebook or instagram, snapchat etc. It does good for you to not see her posts anywhere. Do NOT block her anywhere but just do not watch them. You wont be missing out on anything really. When she sees absence of your attention on those apps then shes gonna start spinning her hamster and might reach out to you to get your attention. Fastest way to get someones attention is to remove yours. Completely.
I could stalk my oneitis exes fb, ig etc but all that would do is activate the oneitis beta feels. Your time is spent better. Go fuck life. And go lift.
1 THOUSAND comments already in this thread. Man. And most of these aint unique situations, just follow the recommendations BD, Dawson, RealTalk and others set out in this article and its comments and you’ll be fine and kicking (and penetrating) ass soon enough. You were fine before her and you’ll be fine after her.
@Martin. Agree completely man from personal experience.
@Johne Do not contact her or respond to likes or, worse, “like” anything of hers on FB. One slip and you ruin everything. The only thing you respond to, as I said before, is to a direct message to you expressing a sentiment to get back together in which case your reply short sentence, 8 hours to a day later giving no information and you asking no questions.
This is not a game man, this is human interaction and psychology. Someone dumps you, aka does not want you in their life anymore, so by definition thinks they can do better with someone else?? FUCK OFF THEN. Why the FUCK would anyone reach out/text/call that ex under those circumstances? It is not a game or manipulation. It’s common decency to yourself. Find someone (or someones) who wants to be with you, like Martin said. Two people being together is a GIFT to each other. And if an ex doesn’t want that anymore? FUCK THAT.
@Anthony Glad to hear your story man and good luck in the Air Force. I am glad things are getting better for you.
Despite the sentiment of the thread, we guys here are all still human and hurt. We want our ex’s to reach out to us so that we can have them back as a FB and be nice to them (without the previous oneitis of course)….
@Martin,
Thanks for the advice. So, you say not to ignore the flaky or gamer ones texts/calls that have already cancelled last minute on me couple of times right. But eventually this cycle gets old. So, how many times do you repeat this same cycle over and over before you finally IGNORE her texts/calls for good and force them to get away from the Virtual shit (texts/calls) and prove they are serious? Cuz after a while it just seems silly for me to even bother replying to these chics and a complete waste of time attempting to SCHEDULE DATES WITH THEM.
Once I cannot trust them with making and keeping plans, I never agree on MEETING them anywhere until they can prove to me they are serious.
So, what I have been doing last couple of days when they do come back (after being ignored for a while) and agree to schedule something is tell them something like this:
HER: hey you. what you been up to? wanna meet me at Marcos Pizza tomorrow at 8? =)
ME: busy as hell! that sounds great. I am gonna be at the gym from 5 to 7 playing ball w the guys and working out so if you wanna do something afterwards, just stop by here before 7 we can ride together and do something afterwards. I am usually here 3 to 5 x per week so if you can’t make it tomorrow, always another day. =)
This has been working amazing so far! I also will use the dog park or Casino as well as a meeting spot and tell them that if they are serious, they will just come to where I am going to be and we can then go out to eat or back to my place.
Cuz it tells them that MY TIME is too valuable to make a special spot for them on my calendar based on our bad luck making and keeping dates in the past and if you wanna see me, she is gonna have to meet me some place that I am already gonna be at. It calls their bluff. You can tell real quickly their interest by how they respond. I have had 1 chic show up at the gym already! And one says she will be at the dog park. If they will not do this they are playing games I have found.
Have any of you tried this approach yet??
@Curtis
I wouldnt go over my way for a flaky girl. But if she keeps bombing your phone and asking you to meet like this “HER: hey you. what you been up to? wanna meet me at Marcos Pizza tomorrow at 8? =)” then theres no reason to ignore.
And of course I wouldnt be going to some pizzeria to meet her. Girl who has proven to be flaky I wouldnt go my way to anywhere to see her. She must come to my place or no deal. I’d say: “Its been a long week and I’m just in a mood to hang, so grab a bottle of wine and come to my place and we’ll make dinner together and have few glasses of wine.”
And if she denies then say to reach out when shes up for it. If in the next days she persists meeting out then say that you have busy schedule and cant now but come see me to my place, and if not then contact me in 2-3 weeks and maybe then I’ll have time for seeing out.
After 2-3 weeks if she asks you out then just give the same response. Flaky bullshit girl who might not even want you (she might just want you to pay her dinner and use you as a taxi driver), I wouldnt ever go out with her. She must earn you back by coming to your place and spreading her legs. What’s the point otherwise? The only effort you should put on her is that you walk from your living room to open the door for her. And I’d use her contacting me to tell her to come to my place and then cut it. If she wont come then she wasnt interested in the first place and you can move on and not waste any energy to it. She’ll get the message that if she wont come to your place then theres nothing going on between you two.
Your way is good too. At least you go there ANYWAY and if she wants to then she can join the ride. That’s the right way to go and not going to where she is. That pizzeria invite sounds like she wants you to come to chat like a girl and pay her pizza and then BYEBYE kiss on the cheek. Fuck that. In pizzeria you cant escalate to sex and after pizza she wont even feel like having sex with full tummy. Women invite orbiters to eat that way to pay their shit and to vent their drama. But women come to lovers house and fuck them. So its obvious which one you want to be.
@Martin
Thanks bro! Yes these chics wanting free food or for us guys to be their emotional tampon is exhausting and I make it known up front I ate gonna be one of those guys but if that is what you are looking for they probably have tight jeans on or driving a small car.
I see it a lot with the online dating zoo. I get a kick out of these Feminists (or wanna be) that want us guys to do “traditional dating” and pay for their food before I even have met their ass yet. They want both worlds.
That is why my profile says I am a “Male feminist” and they will respond like that is awesome that I am one. Then I say, “glad we agree! yeah, I believe both men and women’s body parts are of equal value and we both exactly the same. Sex and money issues are equal on both sides”. lmao.
This always throws them off cuz they don’t know what to say usually and it’s kinda funny to see how f’d up their views are and how confused most women are about what they believe. Once they realize I trapped them, they usually get pissed off and will say some shit like, “I know what I believe and nothing you say will change my mind….” smh
As Martin says, why the FUCK would you meet this woman out and pick up a $100+ tab for the bitch who dumped you? She dumped you and now she regrets that?? Then she can come round your place, have some dinner and wine (she brings the wine) and suck on your dick and ask very, very nicely if you’d consider taking her back. And that’s what you’ll do: “consider”. And make sure she knows that your “considering” too, you have to create some personal value in her eyes again and make it clear this behavior is not fucking acceptable. She’s not prepared come to your place? SHE CAN FUCK OFF. Don’t literally say that to her but as Martin says.
@Curtis
Well I wouldnt ever portray myself as a male feminist, not even as a joke. That’s because male feminists are known to be the biggest manginas and women very well know that too. All feminist women that I know are the most alpha hungry women out there and they especially want a manly man who fucking pounds her rough, uses her and dominates the hell out of her. It’s fucking funny to see them talk about going to feminist walks etc and after it they want that domination and hope that their bodies are used as the strong dominant man pleases. I see them cumming into oblivion. Again, watch what they DO, not what they say. Mate you’re not doing yourself any favors portraying yourself as a male feminist. It’s a good pussy repellent sure.
Women often say that “why there is no men like Clint Eastwood nowadays?” yeah, most men are pussies male feminist manginas nowadays while women want manly men but they’re so rare. Be the rare man and get drowned in pussy and let manginas enjoy their involuntary celibacy.
@All
RSDTyler commented these to one guy asking about how to get ex back:
Move on. You’re like a spirit that hangs around the earth after it’s dead, making yourself and everyone miserable. LET GO and go on to heaven. -Tyler
There’s no way to get her back. It’s done. Watch my breakupvideo on Julien’s RSDJulien channel when I went through the same horror. 18 months later and I can honestly say that while I’ll always miss my girl, my life is about 100X better than it was at that time. -Tyler
Most of us can relate to that. At first its “horror” but after long time you’ll realize that it was one of the best things that happened and your life is 100x better now. But if you’re in that “at first” part right now, well then you cant see that and you only want her back. But you must understand that “You’re like a spirit that hangs around the earth after it’s dead, making yourself and everyone miserable. LET GO and go on to heaven.”
@Martin
They know pretty quick that I am just bullshiting about the whole male femisint stuff but I hear ya.
My only problem with SCHEDULING a proven flaky chic to come over to my place is they will know that I am reserving my free night for them and so they are controlling my time if they do not show up. Then they are waiting for me to text them back asking why didn’t she show up and I DO NOT play that game. In the past, I usually just am dead silent and do not get mad….almost like I forgot she was suppose to come over lol. It’s funny too cuz they will text me later that night or next day something like this BS: “you must not have missed me too badly…” WTF?? So I just say really cool like, “oh you said 7 so after 7:15 I made other plans & took off to the Casino lol…my bad. what else was I suppose to do??” It drives them nuts when they can’t dictate my time and play these chase games and I won’t put up w/ it anymore.
This is why I have been just telling the FLAKY ONES to show up wherever I am cuz it 100% prevents them from abusing my time and I can build onto it coming by my house as well AFTER they show up. I work from my home office and will work from my PC from Starbucks about 20 hours a week too so if they really want to connect, they can meet me their, gym, dog park, casino, etc. That is 4 places that I am at every week a lot so if they cannot make it to any of those places and come back to my place than I just ignore them until they can. They have no response to it so far – either show up on my time or hit the curb.
Anyways – what are some of the best places that you guys meet ladies at? I have found that when I go out seeking them, it is tougher than when I just do what I normally am gonna do (starbucks to get coffee and work, grocery store, Lowes, gym etc). I tend to do much better than I do when I am going to clubs, bars, malls etc trying to meet ladies. I have horrible luck at the Gym too. Not sure if it is because everyone has headphones on and all sweaty or what? I have best success rates at Starbucks and Whole foods so far.
How about you guys? Ideas? I absolutely hate dressing up too is part of my problem. I have a Jeep Wrangler w/ top down and am very casual and laid back. Sometimes I just don’t feel like dressing up so usually wearing shorts, flip flops, t-shirt, etc and just don’t give a shit lol. But in some ways, that is the kind of chic I like – more laid back ones vs ones that are all dressed up and looking for a typical career guy. I am an entrepreneur working 10 hours a week in my underwear and if they don’t like it oh well. But I do think this hurts my game sometimes cuz I come across as too aloof and they can tell I am not in the Matrix =)
Do Single Mothers use or look for Beta Males to exploit?
Now I totally get the whole Alpha Male role and how women are “naturally” attracted to men that are confident and take control NORMALLY. However, something that I have noticed is that it seems to work less with the desperate & broke single moms that are looking for their next victim to date them and take them in under their wings and fool them into marrying them. It is almost like these single moms are searching for a moron on purpose to take care of them and therefore need it to be a Beta male really.
So, with that being said, if my goal is to JUST DATE them and see where it goes, shouldn’t one try to find out if they have kids first before deciding just how Alpha or Beta I decide to be?
Then, she will eventually break things off w/ me once she realizes I won’t marry her ass and be her baby’s daddy and she will find a moron to give her that ring (or move in with) but then I can still come back and screw her as the asshole boyfriend while her new loser hubby isn’t getting any at home….
There is this one really hot white lady age 33 (a 10) that has 2 kids (from 2 different black guys) ages 1 and 6 and so she is lately always struggling to pay her bills and lives at home w/ parents and now says she is now considering dating white guys too lmao. Of course she is lol. This chic used to be a player & kinda wild too so she knows all the games. She gotta be careful though and not screw around again cuz she could get pregnant again and she can’t afford that (I am fixed btw). I slept w/ her a year ago 3 times too and it was great….OMG the best head I have ever had wow. Great personality too. But I can tell she is now come to realize – oh shit ain’t nobody gonna want her ass as a wife probably and so she is officially entered the “looking for a MORON to date me” phase it appears. Shouldn’t I gradually change up my game to be more Beta now if I wanna get w/ her again for a lil while? (in some ways I do care for her a lil but she just assumes a single, free, age 40 white man won’t want her with her situation) Oh and she is back in Church again too of course lol. I have seen all of this before – It’s all a show to fool the next guy into making them think she is this great Christian lady that made some bad choices and then she gets that ring, she will get him to pay for her to have hysterectomy, an apartment, get bills caught up, then in 3-5 years she will either leave his ass or cheat on him with a black guy or Alpha Male that she really prefers lol. But she knows that I know she is kinda a whore cuz I slept w/ her while she was with her black BF lol. ugh it gets complicated but damn she is so freaking hot….
Need some help fellas….
@Curtis
Flaky chicks arent really in my reality. I could deal with it if it happened 1/10 times, no big deal. But it sounds like in your case its happening 9/10 times, so why the hell you put up with that crap? Woman like that has no respect for you and why the hell would I respond to her shit anymore. Delete number and maybe even block it. Or just never respond unless she actually is texting that she wants to come over.
And I would really evaluate your gym routine if you have time to pick up chicks there. You should be exhausted between your sets and have no possibility for even a chit chat with other bros. Gym is the place to lift and not the place to talk to chicks. Yeah they have headphones just for that reason so that men dont come to creep them, girls too keep gym strictly as a place to get a workout in and lift weights. Gym is not a place for socializing. Or if it is to you, then I can tell just from that fact that your body could be a lot better if you started taking it more serious. Even with perfect rest times in between sets it should take about 1 hour to complete your lifting session and then instantly you leave to eat. Start doing this and your results will skyrocket, and after you get the body you’ll get any chick way easier. Gym time is like an investement that compounds in long term. Take it seriously.
Skip the gym approaches. Whole foods and cafes are great. Online is especially great nowadays. In online dating sites there are women who WANT company. So its easy. You should strive to pick up women there where they’re actually hoping to get picked up. Gym is the last place they’re hoping to get picked up.
Fashion is up to you, theres a lot resources on that online. If you browse TRP then there just was highly upvoted post on dressing: https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/4p1nu3/on_the_first_day_he_learned_how_to_dress/
Single mothers are only plate sex playmate material. No matter how hot she is, she has 2 kids from 2 different black men. You can see that she likes to fuck strange black cocks raw (and neither of the ones who got her pregnant didnt stick around with their own child, thats a tell that shes crazy). Big red flag. I wouldnt touch her without condom, no matter if you’re fixed. You can bet theres STD galore on her pussy and you wont have your heart on it and thats why its going to suck. Not worth it. Find normal chicks. Single mothers can be good fuck buddies but she doesnt sound like that. There’s plenty of better options. You can do better, believe me.
robinson.buckler @ yahoo . com did a love spell for me about 3 days ago and the results came like miracle……….
@Martin
Flaky chics – No, they are actually probably less than 20% but they seem to be the hot 10’s, younger immature ones or just damaged and crazy like you said. I seem to be really drawn & attracted to these types for some reason. The young & wild ones. According to my divorce therapist, I am attracted to damaged women so I guess I tend to want to fix them or chase them cuz it’s a challenge. I am a tech/marketing consultant and focus on innovative solutions all day long. Solving problems. So, maybe I get OCD or obsessive over how I can conquer them idk. But I should be thankful for the 80% of non-crazy chics that I am dating now but it is tough to get my mind off the ones that I can’t catch. It just seems I push them away when they are too needy or I wanna chase them if the are too distant! So, I have some work to do on myself in this regard lol.
Gym – I had no idea about this….interesting. Guess this explains why I have NOT ONCE seen guys talk to chics here. My body is OK but you are correct in that I could be much better on the workout side if I was more focused on my body vs the ladies bodies. This may indeed help me break through on my six pack now….thanks a lot. I thought I was doing something wrong here.
Fashion – thanks a lot on this!! It has been a lil challenge cuz I was married for 19 years since the age of 20 and now I am 40 it feels like I am Stallone in Demolition Man – Unfrozen and now in a totally new, brave world that has sex virtually now and so I am now having to learn EVERYTHING all over. When I dated last (1994), there was no cell phones, no texting, no facebook, no internet, nadda. Sometimes I just wanna fly to a 3rd world country and meet some ladies the old school way w/ no technology or games or fancy clothes etc. (I am flying to Beirut in July however! I hear it is the #1 capital for ladies to get plastic surgery and party place & I have some family there so can’t wait to experience foreign ladies 😉
Single Moms – so IF you are wanting to sleep with a particular single mother (lets assume she is a 10+ and has 3 kids) for plate sex and you feel that she is looking for a moron to trick into marrying her or moving in with (seems like the majority are), do you modify your pickup game accordingly to ACT more beta so she will get with you quicker? (I understand that eventually you will need to switch back to the natural alpha role once she brings up the word “exclusive” lol.)
If I want to get with more 10s and/or hotter chics here in my area, it seems that most under 30 have multiple kids and I would like to be able to add them to my plate more.
Thanks again for the advice and educating a newbie to this stuff….
Curtis,
SMH….if you know what is good for you, you will run from this chick faster than Usain Bolt at the Olympics.
@Anthony
I know I know I am trying. It’s not that I don’t have others I am seeing but she was just so much fun and wild and carefree and cute. It was nice to be with someone that was as carefree and non serious as myself! We both are Cancers (July 5, July 6) and so we clicked instantly….naturally.
Not to mention she is one of the few (and my first) that would do a FFM 3some with me so she was very fun and I just miss it. Anyways, I will start running and thanks for the advice guys!!
@Curtis
On your questions on single mothers, read this: https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/4kdbuo/why_people_date_single_mothers/
There’s information regarding what you ask. What I’d say is just be honest and do what you want. No fucking manipulation to keep leading her on just to fuck her. That’s not what this blog or we commenters are about. We are genuine people who want real genuine desire from women we date. If womens interest level on you is high then there is no need for any game playing shit, you can be your honest self and she’ll chase after your cock. Find women whose interest level on you is high so you dont need to ask these questions or contemplate some manipulation tricks. That’s atleast what I’d recommend.
“It has been a lil challenge cuz I was married for 19 years since the age of 20 and now I am 40 it feels like I am Stallone in Demolition Man – Unfrozen and now in a totally new, brave world that has sex virtually now and so I am now having to learn EVERYTHING all over. When I dated last (1994), there was no cell phones, no texting, no facebook, no internet, nadda. Sometimes I just wanna fly to a 3rd world country and meet some ladies the old school way w/ no technology or games or fancy clothes etc.”
Go to youtube and search “coach corey wayne” and start watching his material and read his book multiple times. You especially need this information. Trust me on this and start doing this as soon as possible. In few years you’ll hope you could get my contact info so you could donate thousands to me for recommending you this.
Hello once again guys i hope you are doing well and you are good 🙂
i make the mistake and text her but that doesn’t matter that much atm cause she said she is not thinking to go in a relationship with me again and she said if i’d like to go out with her just like a friends and nothing more but not to reunite again i reject that offer.. i said that we cant be friends cause of my feelings for her. but there is something else i’m wondering.. why she hasn’t removed me from Facebook? i know that she has removed her ex’s from facebook but not me.. its kinda confusing i think..??
Crazy Nick,
“Why hasn’t she removed me from Facebook?”
WRONG FUCKING MINDSET DUDE, analyzing her actions is useless. Go out and meet new chicks. There are 3 billion vaginas on this planet.
@Crazy Nick
Idk what these other guys think about this but I seem to have the best luck when I very subtle remove them as my FB friend after she tries to friend zone me or if we haven’t seen each other in a while.
Many times they will come back and ask me why I am no longer FB friends and I just laugh like it’s no big deal and tell them I just only like FB friends that I SEE in the real world…no biggie and act very cool and not mad.
But this has a 2nd benefit in that I do it to better manage my own desires to look at her page so by me taking the initiative to remove her, I’m protecting me from myself too lol 🙂
Again, this is just my experience in last year or so. I don’t use it for making them jealous really but I know many do….
Good luck man!
How do you guys handle dating multiple women at the same time? I have got two really nice ones I’ve started dating. I think they both think I am “only” with that girl. I got a third one warming up nice as well. I imagine this can get stressful with a lot of drama?
RM Pilot,
BD says to see each of them once a week. That keeps you away from acting like a boyfriend.
Omg. I was just texting one of my gf that was bitching cuz we only see each other twice a week! And we are openly not exclusive. She wants to be but I tell her honestly I’m not ready yet. But you are damn right on that 1x per week deal. When I am talking to 2 or 3 chics at same time its hard to see one more than that anyways lmao. They will start to come by your house and shit so be ready lol
@Crazy Nick
“she said she is not thinking to go in a relationship with me again and she said if i’d like to go out with her just like a friends and nothing more but not to reunite again i reject that offer.. i said that we cant be friends cause of my feelings for her.”
Never again say that you have feelings for ex. When her feelings for you died, theres nothing more repulsing than you who has sappy lovey FEELINGS for her. Even though women are machiavellian naturally, they still do not want to hurt our feelings. She wont ever fuck you as a fuck buddy because she fears that you’ll be hurt because of your dopey feelings. She might want to fuck as FWB without drama but she knows that you’ll fucking get dopey again and blow her phone and want to meet everyday because of “love” “disney”.
Women gladly would fuck exes who dont have feelings for them anymore. Then you’re just a fun guy who was great in bed and made her cum like a monster, AND who she has already fucked a lot so you’re a freebie and you wont increase her notch count. You’re perfect fuck buddy to ex. But man, you got sappy oneitis feelings and shes not gonna toy with your “feelings”. If you would cut all those emotional feeling talks and just focus on showing her the side of you thats lustful for her and wants to fuck her but nothing else (just be friends with benefits), then she could very likely reciprocate with that. My experience on this has been huge and this is so spot on. Again they dont want to hurt those romantic sappy guys who they must fear would go do suicide because of them. But they want that guy who just FUCKS and isnt needy emotional sappy loser proclaiming who they’re “in love with her”. Fuck her like a monster and then give her the freedom to contact you when she wants some fucking again, never initiate. Kill your feelings and become the guy she associates animalistic no strings attached sex with, not lovey dovey beta feelings.
Women dont want men to have STRONG sappy feelings for them, because deep down (subconsciously) they know they are hypergamous sluts who’ll eventually hurt & dump every guy. They want that guy who doesnt care much about them and is OK either way with or without them but that HE wants to fuck her like an animal. Feelings and love they want from a guy in their logical mind is just Disney Social Programming, and they didnt have that shit on their minds million years ago, at that time they just wished to get fucked by 10 guys in a row. Modern Disney SP has changed things (but not womens nature deep down).
Guys 1 date per calendar week. If you meet her saturday and she wants to meet again like tuesday then good. Both of those are 1 date per calendar week. After tuesday meet her earliest next monday and continue to stick 1 date per calendar week. That facilitates absence well while using phone just for setting dates. When shes fully converted and gets deeper feelings that some call “love” then she of course wants to see you more and more, but thats then for you to decide do you want to upgrade her from plate status and see her more often.
RM_Pilot said “I think they both think I am “only” with that girl.”
They can think what they want but by presumption you’re not exclusive until they bring it up usually after about 2 months, and of course for people who are experienced here they all would not agree to exclusivity. That’s just not the way us humans work. Realize its just NRE, its tempting but it wont last. Then its up to the girl does she want to stick around not being mono. And if you’ll agree to mono, then you must know that eventually that pussy is going to dry up for you. If you’re not mono then thats less likely, just because of female nature. So you actually win by not agreeing to exclusivity and you’ll save your time and not get so much drama in your life.
You can have her as LTR and even love her, but being monogamous is not the way to go doing that. Just look at all your past relationships, they’ve all ended/failed. Insanity is to keep doing what you’ve always done and expecting different results.
This is a great blog. Blackdragon, you have opened up my eyes to so many things I was doing wrong and am now doing right, step by step, with your blog posts. Want to also thank all the comment contributors who put forward encouragement and great advice.
I have a question for the panel and hopefully Blackdragon also:
The rundown: I recently broke up with my GF. We had been on and off 4 to 5 years steady. We had some good times and arguments but the arguments increased and got to the point to where they were dragging on for days(3 to 5 days on average). Needless to say, this was a huge stressor for me and I had had enough of the drama. Nothing I said was right, couldn’t solve the issues that came up, we retreated to different parts of the house(we lived together, it was her place. I broke up with her and two days later, I moved out). I went silent, she went silent all under the same roof. There was no me going to her and trying to make things right, soothe her, explain things, help her “process” the argument/issue and she brought up the fact that I didn’t do that. I had enough dignity not to kiss her ass in that way. I am the first guy that has ever broke up with her. We had anywhere from one to three arguments a month. Do the math and that’s 9 to 15 days a month of arguing, drama, eggshell walking and strife. Too much time to be upset and be neck deep in a drama pool. That’s over now, been a little over a week since I moved out. We haven’t talked to each other since I moved out. I’m back in the gym, on my Mission, working, lining up new (and engaging old) prospects, going out with old friends and making new ones.
The now ex-GF and I had great sexual energy, white hot sex and we were quite open with it. One time before we broke up(relationship was on the rocks) after hot sex, she asked aloud “Do you think we should be fuck buddies?” I took it as a rhetorical question and we both didn’t address it after she said it. Sex is where we had the best relations and chemistry, really. We all know that sex isn’t enough to sustain a relationship though.
My question, two parts: 1) What’s is the protocol for when a guy hard nexts or soft nexts a chick? Sounds safe to say that 9 out of ten breakups, divorces are initiated by women as most guys don’t have it in them to break up with women. I believe I hard nexted ex-GF so should I wait at least 4 months to contact to her or should I fall back, stay radio silent and let her do any contact to me? 2) If we make contact, I’d be looking to make her an FB and nothing more. Based on the answer to the contact question, what is the best way to make her an FB? I don’t believe I can or should raise her status if she becomes an FB, correct me if you think I’m wrong on that.
Blackdragon should do a post on what guys should do when they break up with women and what to do if a guy wanted to bring an ex back into his fold as an FB. It’s been awhile since I’ve visited the blog so if Blackdragon has a post addressing this, please excuse this(or better, provide the link) as I am reading his posts in retrospect. Being with a steady GF for as long as I was made me dull and lazy. Lesson learned. Again, thank you all for your contributions to Blackdragon’s blog.
Seems like @Chance has different situation than most of us here, most of us here got dumped and the woman doesnt want to be with us (atleast for now). And this article is purely about that.
So your situation, as a dumper is different. 4 month timers dont really address your situation in any way.
“after hot sex, she asked aloud “Do you think we should be fuck buddies?” I took it as a rhetorical question and we both didn’t address it after she said it. Sex is where we had the best relations and chemistry, really. We all know that sex isn’t enough to sustain a relationship though.”
Simple and straightforward. Now without knowing your situation better and I cant say that you should do this, but if I were you, I’d just straight up text her simply this: “One time after our hot wild sex, you asked “Do you think we should be fuck buddies?”, and the answer is: yes.”
And thats it. Simple to the point and no fancy shit. She’ll take it or not and you wont have to think about it any more than that. Women love men who straightforwardly tells them what they want. You want her as a fuck buddy and nothing else, and if she wont co-operate with that then vanish and eventually your absence will make her accept that role. After all you were together many many years and complete vanishing after that and your absence in her life can be shocking and she cant take it (you say no to being texting buddies or giving out information about how you’re doing unless she wants to talk after your sex sessions). But she knows you accept her as a fuck buddy and if your sex was good then she’ll be happy to take that as long shes single.
There’s very likely chance that it goes down well if you just ask it that way, after all she herself initiated the fuck buddy thing. If she changed her mind since then, well then its her loss. Man goes for what he wants, and if you want her as fuck buddy then take her. If shes not down with it anymore then who cares, atleast you went for it and have no regrets then. The worst thing in life is to have regrets of not taking action.
Try asking that only one time and she’ll get the idea and she either accepts it or not. If she doesnt then you wont ever initiate again with her, she knows what you want and then she must hit the tennis back so to speak. You wont ask it more than once.
PLEASE HELP
My girlfriend broke up with me due to “stress”. We are both 16 and is was texting her a night before our first exam. This was on June 23, 2016.
She said we needed to talk so I said, “okay…”
She called me about 3 hours later and said that she wants to break up cause of “stress” I asked “are you sure you want to break up, or do you just want a break or something?” She said back to me “no, I need to study and this is the best option.” Then she hung up the phone.
I was devastated (this was also 14 hours before the first exam) I love her so much, why would she do this to me… so late too. I cried, and all the memories together rushed up all of a sudden. I was dead on the inside, I felt like an empty crab shell.
We lasted just over 3 months, I know it’s not that long but she’s my first and I’m her first.
Her friends told me what she told them that I didn’t want to hold hands, and didn’t want to kiss her. I told them that that wasn’t true and that the truth was, SHE didn’t want to hold hands cause my hands get sweaty when it’s hot out, and as for kissing, I kissed her several times, on her checks I even tried for the lips but she kept avoiding it. She also said that she need a break from being friends, she said that too many memories come back to her when we talk (well, text).
I texted her after we broke up and asked her two things “do you think it was a mistake getting together in the first place? And what did I do wrong? She replied with “yes, and ‘because we didn’t talk enough in person'” I was confused at why that was my fault, we texted ever day and after that I wasn’t able to much when I saw her, and that goes both ways. I would have had a lot to say if she was into video games but she wasn’t and still isn’t. She would sit on my lap at school and I would hold her every time I could, but obviously there was something wrong. She would go over to some rich guys house like 4 times in 2 weeks for a “project”, for sure I believed her but when all her snapchats were about him, I got a little itchy. Now that I think about it actually apparently she knew him for over a year but never went to his house before these 2 weeks.
I’ve read A LOT of blogs like this, and lots of articles as well on how to get her back and what to do. I wanted to know if being in high school and seeing as we haven’t had sex or anything close to that besides cuddling under the blanket.
I really want her back, I love her so much and I miss her.
Should I follow this 4 month thing or should I do only 1 or 2 months cause I’m going to see her at school and on this coming Monday due to our 3rd and final exam and it would be pretty awkward at school.
PLEASE LET ME KNOW I’M DYING WITHOUT HER.
@Martin
Thank you for your response. Had some plates on the side that I am making plans with to give more attention to and will be adding one or two more in the next week or so. I will use your advice very soon.
@Stefan
It sucks but you’re young and you have a lot to learn. Be thankful you’re here this young, I’d given anything to get to this information at such a young age. Now google: the red pill
Start reading everything in that reddit and start lifting.
I need to give you some tough love:
“PLEASE LET ME KNOW I’M DYING WITHOUT HER.”
She’s not your mother. You talk about her like shes your mother. She’s supposed to be your lover and real man never expresses that feeling about his lover. Women are to be enjoyed, not to be needed.
The truth is you’ve been acting like a girl based from your story. Don’t ever forget that at the very core: Women need masculinity.
Start developing your masculinity and start reading the red pill, there are many like minded people and you’ll improve a lot in that department just by reading everything there.
Dawson Stone said here in the comments:
“So long as you act like this one particular chick is SomeOneSpecial, NotLikeTheRest, etc. you are not going to get her back with the right power dynamic. The irony is the only way you will get her back on the terms you want is when you don’t want her back (or are ambivalent to if she comes back).”
You will never again contact her by your initiation, if you want her back. You guys are young so theres nothing to rush, you all need to focus on your studies and you give the space to that girl. If you contact her now that will be the last nail on the coffin. Never chase after being dumped. It’s fucking powerful to do no contact and not being emotional about the break up (to her, alone you can sure cry and feel bad but never show it to anyone, not even to friends because the word will get to her very likely. FEEL IT TO HEAL IT). Women often change their minds when they see that the break up didnt crush you or affect you in any way. That shows you’re alpha and thats attractive and they want to crush men when breaking up, because that feeds their ego that their valuable and it feeds their natural narcissism. But if you dont give her that food then she’ll cling back onto you and she’ll try to get that food. Be the rare guy that isnt affected and never contact her, she’ll likely hit you up in the next months and then you can take it from there and set a date to hangout and escalate.
You said you didnt have sex or barely kissed? Well you didnt really have a relationship with her, more like a friendship. But you guys are young and you’ll see around and when you get some muscles and she notices it she’ll be horny for you and want to fuck you. Now you’re in the best age to hit the gym, you’ll grow naturally a lot just by looking at weights and having good diet. Use your young male high testosterone to something BENEFICIAL for your future and ditch the video games. You’ll thank me if you take this advice.
@Martin,
Thanks for getting back to me, I know I’m young and I have no clue on how his shit works or anything like that but I will take on your advice and cherish it. Also I will look into “the red pill”.
Thanks a lot. :^)
Just to update you guys, still no answer to my email on my stuff and private files.
Now, after a long time, I was back in my home town. I was seeing my family and my friends. One of my cousins who was kind of instrumental in getting us together at the first place, asked me about the break up and why it happened etc. Later he said casually: “Please tell her that she was a nice girl and we all liked her”. Then later my mom also asks me something about her, and then asks me to conver my ex a message. Now, I am having this urge, to write to her and mention what my family wants to say…but I know very well, this will make me a big time BETA, especially when she didn’t even reply to my important email yet. What do you guys think ?
On personal field, I am focusing on my business a lot and really hoping to crack some huge deals (with some good probability)
@Andy
If she contacts you then you can say those things what your family told you to say to her. Do not contact her saying those, just like you said that wouldnt be a good idea. Would just seem like further chasing to her and just a “excuse” to contact her, further lowering attraction.
You have urge, I know I’ve been in similar situation and now it seems like you have great excuse to contact her. But no. Dont do it. Besides she deserves NONE of the good things your family said about her. She’s a shitty person and you know it. She sucks at communication and after that she deserves none of the “we all liked her”, that would just convey that its OK that shes a shitty person towards you.
Fuck that. She never deserves your attention anymore, unless she herself gives hers attention to you first.
Keep pushing investing in yourself. Remember to have your diet straight and hit the gym religiously.
@Stefan
Know that it hurts bad right now. I’ve been where you are now – most of us here have. Being 16, her in your mind possibly being your 1st GF, in school together, breakup, in close proximity to her almost every day and her giving some other guy her attention, time and maybe more to….alot to go through and process. The more senior contributors here may chime in and the 1st thought I have is for you to do your best to avoid her if that’s not possible then ignore her, go radio-social media-text silent with her, divert your attention to other girls(unless your situation is extremely different than imaginable – there have to be LOTS of pretty girls at your school and beyond that you should be able to talk to, get to know better, give your attention to). In your situation, the total removal of your attention, cultivation of yourself and showing that you can attract other girls are going to be key in helping you. Do not concern yourself on anything being awkward. A lion does not concern himself with the thoughts of sheep. Become confident, develop a command presence. The awkwardness is going to come from her, not you. Make sure of that. Make her understand through your actions that she didn’t and cannot break you by continuing to work on yourself, get with other girls(even better, let her SEE you enjoying time with other girls), work on your mission(yes, you do have a mission) and continue to read and learn from this site and ones like it. Capture this information here and add it to your arsenal. To echo Martin’s words, get in the gym, lift weights, eat right, lay off the video games, harness your high testosterone for good benefits. 4 months silence ASAP. Let only your actions do the talking.
I know this is going to sound ineffectual or strange to you given your current situation but you are in a prime position to turn this around. Hear me out. Try to imagine a time when there was no internet, no cell phones, no text, no social media, no podcasts, the computers were big as nightstands(and cost a few thousand to own and had less computing power than what’s in your cell phone now) and the word laptop hadn’t even been used yet. You there yet? Good, because that was the time I lived in. Back then, the only advice you could get was from male members of your family(the rare ones that weren’t beta or alpha 1.0) and some of your more knowledgeable guy friends. Most of my guy friends were my age, so they knew as much or less than I did about females. What I remember from that time is an uncle who told me not to smother and don’t be clingy with girls(no beta and alpha 1.0 behaviors), don’t take them seriously(what a girl says and what she does are two different things), have more than one GF(practice abundance mentality) at all times and be aloof with them. In today’s terms, he was more or less telling me at 16 yo to be outcome independent, to spin plates and the above mentioned in parentheses. Stefan, hear me, that’s all I had at 16 yo. That’s it. But now, NOW – you at 16 years old, you have ALL this knowledge; field tested, expert driven, expert written, focus grouped, crowd sourced, e-books, consulting and categorized by topics – all within a few clicks on your computer. YOU HAVE NO IDEA how good you’ve got it now. All you have to do is dip, no Olympic swim, in this treasure chest of knowledge, soak it up, read it, learn it, use it, READ IT, LEARN IT, USE IT and capitalize on it to your greater good. I cannot begin to imagine what I could have done at 16 yo with the knowledge that is being laid down here on a daily basis. Begin to stand out as that young guy who is not an orbiter, doesn’t kiss girl’s asses, is confident, doesn’t care what happens, doesn’t validate girls(Facebook is female validation station #1 btw) and has girls you are able to get to know, personally. Doing this will help you so much in the long and short run. YOU WILL GET OVER THIS, trust me you will. And with the knowledge you will gain, she could possibly be the last female that ever hurts you or at least hurts you as much as it sounds like you are hurting now.
@Martin
Thanks for the quick feedback.
Yes, you are absolutely right…I just needed to hear it from someone else. I will write those nice words ONLY IF she makes a decent first contact!!
Just wanted to say that this blog was a big motivator in helping me push myself through school while getting over my breakup. I am proud to say that today my thesis was approved by my thesis advisor and I will graduating with a M.A. this August. Thanks to Martin, OD Dude, Dawson, RM Pilot and Black Dragon. Air Force, Navy, State Department….sky is the limit now 🙂
@Stefan
You are only 16. I wish I knew at 16 what I now know at 32. Take it from someone who just completed his master’s…KEEP YOUR MIND ON SCHOOL AND YOUR STOCK PORTFOLIO AND OFF THOSE GIRLS. You should be chasing muscles, education, and money, not women. They will come when you have those three first. I am dead serious about the money part. Get 2,3, or even 4 summer jobs and start investing. You see how cheap U.S. stocks are now because of the U.K. leaving the European Union? My father wasn’t in my life so I didn’t have a male figure tell me this. That’s why I am glad for you at 16 to learn this now BEFORE you leave high school. I didn’t figure this sh*t out till halfway through graduate school. (SMH) You also need to start listening to Tom Leykis as soon as possible.!!!!
Things like this blog, the red pill reddit and guys like Coach Corey Wayne are like fathers that men never had. They’re like that old wise grandpa who tells you how women really are. And when he speaks you should listen, so you wont get screwed up later in life. Learn from other peoples mistakes. It’s the most valuable thing. It’s sad how lost some young boy from single mother will be, or heck even with a beta father who has no frame. They’ll grow up believing that being nice and caring, giving girls flowers (even – and especially – when they’re being shitty towards you) and practising Disney with ‘happy wife, happy life’ mantra is what gets them happiness.
Makes me fucking sick. If you do not have self-respect, you will not receive any and will be taken advantage of.
Motivation to you all from my notes:
“Your thoughts are instructions for your future self on what to become.”
“You will always lose money chasing bitches, but you’ll never lose bitches chasing capital.”
“think about this, 5 years from now – would you rather have fucked 100 girls, or made a million dollars? which will give you more opportunities to do fun shit? which will get you more women? always the $$$”
“Women are not the end-all be-all to your existence. What you give to mankind is what you are all about. Focus on that, and the tang will follow.”
“A wise man once said, “girls are like shadows. follow them, they’ll ignore you; and ignore them, they’ll follow you.””
“whether you make yourself happy or miserable, the amount of work is the same”
“A man’s purpose must be paramount in his life. It comes before everything else. A man should build his life and his relationships centered around his purpose and mission in life. He should build it in such a way that everyone and everything in his life supports, encourages and facilitates his purpose being accomplished. A man must never give up who he is or what he wants in order to become what he thinks he needs to be to hold onto what he wants, or people he wants in his life. When a man becomes uncentered, adrift and makes his purpose secondary to a woman or things that other people want for him, his woman will become flakey, unsure, bitchy and eventually leave him. In the long run, any false constructs he has built upon other people’s expectations or wishes will dissolve anyway, as they are not aligned with his heart, desires, goals or ideals.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
Something to think about.
I have been with her4years.Then I left school in febrary 29 it is second last date of febrary.then again I met her in school at may she saw me and smile at me I smile at her.After15minutes I was finding her wen she is in her class she saw me Then she started to ignore me and again iam in no contact.I took mobile and put a coment on youtube and said averything that what I did when I met her in 19th May to breakup expert and he said she is giving u hot and cold give her45day of no contact45day sounds good he said.Again I will meet her at after four month.Will she come back to me.and I like to tell her i want to marry u when I should tell her
@Shafeek
I wouldnt follow the advice that you should initiate after no contact. No contact is no contact. That means you never contact her first. If she dumped you then she needs to do the initiation after that. It’s not like shes waiting you to do it. She dumped you so she knows she must contact you if she starts to doubt her choice and she changes her mind. You contacting her does nothing good, you probably chased her away in the first place (like most of us did). Doing more what got you dumped is the last thing you should do. If she wants you, she’ll contact you.
Have patience indefinitely and move on from her to date new women. When you dont think about her anymore and you’ve basically forgotten her, thats often the point that she contacts you. It’s fucking weird, almost like she telepathically knows that you’re needy for her, and when you forget her then she starts to wonder about you and gets feelings out of nowhere. I’ve experienced this and people like RSD Tyler has talked about this same phenomenon. Movie “Swingers” also talked about this.
But its easier said than done. Forgetting oneitis ex (relationship where you mutually were deeply in love) is almost impossible, you’ll very likely miss her for the rest of your life (but you’ll still be OK). Do what you must, follow your mission and enjoy women who actually want to be with you.
And Shafeek, absolutely NEVER tell her you want to marry her, especially when she dumped you. She’d be absolutely repulsed by you saying that, adding the last nail in the coffin. Either never contact her and wait for her to contact you first, or follow BD’s advice in this article and check after 4 months. I myself never would contact a woman who dumped me. If she changes her mind she can put herself to my orbit by contacting me and then I’d take it from there and set the date (if I want to).
Checking in here- wrote on here about 3 months ago when I had an initial breakup with my 2 year long relationship. She is getting ready to move to my city in about a month, but looks to have recently started seeing or at least having some sort of rebound/hook up relationship with some dude that lives in her current city. I have been doing the no contact rule since the day of our breakup but does not seem to have done anything at all… I will continue even when she gets here, just curious if it still seems as if it might end up working, doesnt seem likely.
@JP
You’re doing good. You have to think that whats the alternative? Is it “The contact method” where you chase her to death until you get a restraining order? Surely not.
No contact gives the highest probability of you getting her back in your life sexually. And even if its unlikely, it still gives a lot higher chance than the alternative.
Every girl ALWAYS has some guy(s) around who orbits her and potentially fucks her. No big deal who cares, because every single one of these relationships are temporary, just like your relationship. But some day in the future she might want you again, or atleast start to wonder about you and how you’re doing. Then she contacts you. You lead and set the date when that happens, you absolutely wont talk anything or tell how you’re doing via phone, you only talk face to face where you can end up having sex and use phone only for setting dates. On the date (she comes to your place) you act like a lover not like a friend and escalate to sex. If she denies that then you’ll tell her to leave because you want her and you’re only interested in being lovers like you used to and tell her to only contact you if she ever changes her mind.
Nothing else you can do. Get new women now. There’s millions of lovely young women out there (everyday millions of women turn 18) who are dying to get company, these women are masturbating multiple times per day and they’re sexually frustrated. Go get them, they’re not gonna approach you even though they might want you. They wait for a man who has balls to take them.
“Woody Allen said that 80% of success is just showing up. If a guy would just accept his nervousness and go and talk to girls anyway, he would be shocked at how easy and fun it really is. Most guys wish for a girlfriend, but they spend their lives in hiding and never show up at all.” -Zan Perrion
“I tried everything to be “seductive” to women. And it is all completely unnecessary. Women are attracted to authenticity above all. What I learned over the years is that honesty is the greatest aphrodisiac.” -Zan Perrion
Tell them that you want them and you’ll have abundance of women wanting your cock.
I HAD LOT PROBLEMS IN MY MARITAL LIFE AFTER SIX YEARS IN A RELATIONSHIP, I NEVER KNEW MY MAN WAS CHEATING ON ME, ON TILL WE GOT TWO KIDS TOGETHER. AND I FOUND OUT HE HAVE SUGAR MUM WERE HE ALWAYS VISIT EVERY WEEKEND, AND I QUESTIONED HIM AND WE FIGHT, RIGHT FROM THAT NIGHT WE GOT FIGHT HE LEFT HOME AND STAY WITH HIS SUGAR MUM WHOM IS OLDER TO BE HIS MOTHER. OVER NINE MONTHS HE REFUSED TO COME BACK HOME, AND I DID EVERYTHING JUST TO GET HIM BACK BECAUSE I WANT MY KIDS TO LIVE HAPPY FAMILY. AND I HAD LOT ADVISE THAT LID ME TO DR OBODU RESTORATION CENTRE, AND I CONTACT DR OBODU FOR HELP’ HE DID EVERYTHING PERFECTLY, AFTER THREE DAYS MY MAN CAME BACK HOME AND PROMISED TO LIVE THE REST OF HIS LIFE WITH ME. DR OBODU IS MAN OF TRUSTED BECAUSE HE GRANTED MY HEART DESIRE AS HE PROMISED, HIS EMAIL ADDRESS IS BEEN ATTACHED TO MY POST HE IS READY TO HELP EVERYONE NEEDED HIS HELP HIS EAMIL ADDRESS… obodurestorationcentre@gmail.com
A woman broke up with me saying it can’t work for us.
I went no contact but she kept trying to contact me like 7 times in 2 weeks and every which way she could. I was ignoring her until she asked when I had time to talk. I delayed my response by 40 hours and finally responded : I’m sorry I’ve been really busy with a new endeavor of mine. Why did you want to talk?” She answered just with “I understand”. The advice I’m now getting is to ignore her again.
She is married and supposedly getting a divorce in about 10 days and claims she is in financial crisis. She had given me so many mixed messages right before breaking up: “I miss you a lot” “I want you” “maybe you should find another girl” “can you come and see me” “it can’t work with us” …..
It is long distance now.
@Terry
When you said “I’m sorry I’ve been really busy with a new endeavor of mine” to her it really sounds like you’re talking about some new girl and thats why she just said “I understand” and left it at that. So basically TO HER you’re taken, shes not gonna pursue you after that and likely wont ever initiate contact to you anymore. For some women this really kills the game and they dont want to continue when you’re involved with a new LTR prospect (like you implied). You never want to imply by words that you’re with other women, do not ever rub other women in her face, you want to communicate that only by actions ie confidence & non-neediness.
So if you wanted her as a fuckbuddy fwb then you basically fucked up with that response. You should’ve been glad to hear from her and try to set a date. Long distance of course its harder to just set a date, maybe you need to talk via phone/skype and then try to set a date (I never do long distance). And I wouldn’t want to talk after the girl dumped me, I’d just said to her contact that “I dont just want to talk to you, I want you and if you cant come to my city meet me and have fun like we used to then there’s really no reason for us to talk anymore but contact me if you ever change your mind”. And hell, you can even message shit like that to her now, because you fucked up with that comment implying that you’re taken now. Then just wait for her contact after that and let her come to you to your city. You do not travel or invest anything after she dumped you, she needs to earn you back first.
It’s not like you lose anything by doing that, after all its long distance so who cares. Long distance doesnt work, and never agree to monogamous long distance. Make clear what you want from her and after that enjoy local women and maybe she’ll swing by someday.
OK guys I need some help! After reading this blog, Corey Wayne and others my game is quickly stacking up 8, 9 and now a 10! She is so freaking hot, cute, easy to deal with and just nuts about her.
But, THEY ALL eventually want to be exclusive (gosh I hate that word lol) with them.
The new hot # 10 even told me she was a serial monogamist and a commitment phob and yet she now wants me to be exclusive with her after 1 week! She even said she had this one guy that was a 5 year on/off non-exclusive guy that she dated and in between the times he was in off status she was usually exclusive with guys lol. And that once she breaks up, she doesn’t go back with them. So, I ask her why would I then choose to be exclusive when I can have a 5 year fling with you versus just a 6 month monogamous short term fling? =) She realized just how stupid it all sounds and that I am correct but she now SAYS she doesn’t do those non-exclusive flings anymore (yeah right).
My current strategy was to agree to be exclusive with her (I am crazy about her) and when she decides to break stuff off someday (like they all do), just act cool and not be upset. But it’s very hard to have backup ladies waiting for when this occurs it seems. Any other ideas??
@Shafeek, @JP
Never be tempted to contact her first. Ever. Never. Listen up on this point. If you do you will appear weak and pathetic and your value in her eyes goes further down the toilet. She dumped you because she didn’t want you (at that time). So chasing her is going to magically start her wanting you???? Of course not. She must realize in your absence that she fucked up and want to try again. Don’t worry, she will NOT forget. If she is not reaching out it is not because she is afraid to or is embarrassed to, it is because she doesn’t WANT to at this point. If you were good to her she will not forget and your value will be increasing subconsciously in her mind.
Remember this line:
“Time and patience are the mightiest of all warriors, together they will achieve everything”. Leo Tolstoy
As Martin says, what is the alternative? To keep calling and getting a restraining order? I think not.
Move on with your life. All of us have done this, me included. I had a oneitits ex I discussed further up this thread. 14 weeks with no proper contact now. She dumped me I think for being too available, too “nice” and too “safe”, too generous, too agreeable. I admit to these “crimes”!!!! Women do not want this I have found, they want a MAN not an agreeable doormat. That does not mean be an asshole to her, but to stand up for my own corner more. Boy, I have learned so much and I am a better man for it.
Because I was a good guy I have little doubt she will reach out at some point. She sent me a few feeler messages four weeks ago. It is all a matter of time and patience. Meanwhile I have two new women I am seeing, better than my ex even. But my ex and those DD’s in my face whilst she’s on top of me? Yeah, I’d like another go at that…..
@Curtis
It’s very simple actually. If you want to be exclusive with her then be exclusive. But if you dont then never ever agree to that.
Just watch what she does: “She even said she had this one guy that was a 5 year on/off non-exclusive guy that she dated and in between the times he was in off status she was usually exclusive with guys lol”
Not what she says: “but she now SAYS she doesn’t do those non-exclusive flings anymore (yeah right)”
Best way to keep her spinning long time is to not give yourself to her fully, she has proved that by past actions. She doesnt even sound like that great LTR material based on what she said about herself, I can bet shes very fickle and goes by her emotions. So why the hell would you agree to being exclusive.
Obviously shes hot and you’re crazy about her, you have NRE, maybe put her on a pedestal and possibly starting to develop oneitis? Remember to stick with the fundamentals and do not start going overly emotional lovey dovey or shes out so fast that you’ll be left wondering.
“But it’s very hard to have backup ladies waiting for when this occurs it seems. Any other ideas??”
That’s why you do not agree to exclusivity, you’re already defeated in your situation. She wont turn other options down even if shes exclusive with you, she will get approached on the daily if shes ten like you say. In this situation hypergamy will get you. Best way to fight it is to not be exclusive, and she proved it with a 5 year non-exclusive thing and on the other hand her monogamous flings end rather quickly. But its up to you of course and if you are exclusive then of course you can always take numbers from girls and have them ready when things fall apart with your main. Does hell of a good for your confidence, non-neeediness and outcome independency. But ultimately you can have feelings and even love a woman and still not agree to monogamy (because you know that doesnt work in long term for her and probably not to you either), thats the best situation and gives you the most power.
After all why be exclusive, eventually you’ll get so bored of fucking her even if you dont believe it right now. Human beings thrive on novelty & variety, especially when it comes to sex. No matter how ideal partner some might have, eventually he/she will start to fantasize about new sexual partners. And “No matter how hot she is, someone out there is sick of dealing with her shit” is very true with almost every person.
@RM_Pilot
“Meanwhile I have two new women I am seeing, better than my ex even. But my ex and those DD’s in my face whilst she’s on top of me? Yeah, I’d like another go at that…..”
It’s weird that even if the new women are better than ex, still that oneitis ex lingers on our minds and we cant let go of it. Sure I’m thankful of that experience but still oneitis is one of the worst poisons a man can get. It can destroy a man. That’s why BD advices us a lot on avoiding neediness and oneitis. In future we should work on not getting oneitis ever again. We can love a woman but still love her without oneitis & neediness. That’s powerful.
And you know it’s funny that the best way to get her DD’s bouncing on your face is by not caring about her. Women are like cats, they come to the person who doesnt care or even like cats. I hear women sob and talk emotionally all the time about guys who doesnt have feelings for them, guys who dumped them and said they “didnt feel it”, they have huge attraction towards these guys. They cant wrap their minds on why this guy doesnt like them and they’re plotting to do anything to change his mind (with gifts, cooking, pornstar sex with anal and hours of blowjob). They think about these guys all the time, generating even higher attraction, oneitis and obsession towards the man whose feelings are unclear.
On the other hand I never hear women sob and talk emotionally about guys who were – like you said – “available, too “nice” and too “safe”, too generous, too agreeable” and who genuinely love them and would do anything towards them. Those men are already conquered. What’s the point to think about them and generate obsession towards em, whats the point even sexing them anymore and surely not with pornstar sex (like she used to give at first). Their minds shift towards some new prospects whose feelings are unclear and they try to conquer them. And when thats done then the next guy is out too. And the cycle goes on and on. This is how women operate even if they say they dont. That’s why the one non-exclusive fling lasted 5 years in @Curtis’s case and monogamous flings end faster for that example woman (and all women are like that).
Now think about the insanity of marriage – the ultimate way to say that you’re conquered… And over half of your assets and life is on the line for a creature who has the tingles only towards men who are still not conquered. Like the saying goes: for women the greatest libido killer in the world is the wedding cake. No wonder why. What’s the point anymore. Man whose feelings are unclear gets pornstar sex, conquered (married) man gets the “I’m tired, not feeling it” treatment with occasional starfish duty sex until he’s eventually dumped losing half of his shit. It’s great idea to marry these women in modern times, right?
I’ve been nc with my ex for over 6 months of a 10 month break up. She’s been with her new boyfriend for 8 months or so who is a complete weirdo compared to me. Our mutual friends and her family can’t believe she’s with a guy that looks like him.
We saw each other for the first time at a friends party I made sure I looked damn good. I walked in and out friends circled me and she was sitting in a chair right in front of me I looked at her and smiled she looked at me and looked straight down and pulled her phone out lol throughout the night she would look my way and if look at her and she would look away.
We didn’t approach each other but I was talking to my buddies girl and enough room for my ex to pull her chair up between us, if she was over me she would have no problem being next to me.. But she dragged her chair to the other side and sat behind the girl so I couldn’t see her lol she was on the phone the whole time..
There is another party coming up and I love nothing more to sleep with her but she won’t cheat on this dude, so what should I say to her this time I’ve gotta say something if I ever want to get with her again. There is some interest or feelings on her side or she wouldn’t of been so fazed by me being there.. I mean she left and only told my buddies girl bye no one else knew she left!
So how should I play this?
@Joe
Personally I’d avoid places where I know my ex is, even if its a friends party. Sure if its important to you then surely do not change your life or plans based on that if shes there, but on the contrary if you made good impression of yourself then now absence would be the best bet. You’re asking how you should play it – thats already losing mentality. Illusion of action. You should play it by not doing anything. You not doing anything causes tingles, generates feelings. Your absence makes her wonder.
She has boyfriend so you shouldnt pursue in any way. Sure its old boyfriend by now, and women cheat on old boyfriends all the time. You said “but she won’t cheat on this dude” and I can just laugh at this statement. Trust me she will cheat on this guy, eventually. You can already see from her behaviour that the guy is old boyfriend, some of the tingles are already lost and NRE has faded. It’s not like its gonna last forever like Disney made us believe. But you wont make her cheat or dump that guy by pursuing her, that just validates her and she has no reason to do that (your pursuing/validating her would be a cure for her itchiness to cheat/have sex with you). You should be aloof and then if she talks to you or initiates contact then you’re happy to hear from her and game her like usual / set a date to your. She’ll feel you up if you’re interested still, she’ll feel you up before she dumps her guy and when she gets a confirmation that you’re still interested then it will take few weeks for her to get courage to cheat or dump the guy. That’s just standard.
Personally if I were in your situation I wouldnt go to the party if I knew she’d be there. That makes her wonder that where you are that night, are you with some girl having some hot steamy sex? Absence is the best thing you can count on. OR going to that party with a hotter girl than your ex (exes usually lose their shit when they see you with some new and hotter girl). But that likely isnt a possibility since you’re still after her. And if I couldnt make that happen then I’d not go to that party and would just go on a date with some girl. But thats just me. You know your situation the best.
Remember not to fall on the “illusion of action”. You shouldnt do anything, you shouldnt actively try to see her and thats why you should avoid places where shes gonna be too (if you want her back). That (being in friends parties) just facilitates her having you in her life even without romance. If she dumped you against your will and you dont have romance anymore, then you should be ghost to her and she should lose you for good. There is no friendship orbiting on the offer from you. When there goes long enough time that she doesnt see you anywhere, then she’ll want to know how you’re doing and she’ll contact you and then something can happen. Nothing can happen in your friends party, you’ll just facilitate friendship and lose the benefits which absence brings. If she dumped you then its her loss and you should be 100% ghost meaning she wont hear or see you ever again unless she changes her mind about wanting romance again. (but if you dumped her and want to rekindle then nothing I said applies – then you’d need to talk to her)
@Joe,
As Martin says you must completely and 100% vanish from this woman’s life. Avoid her and do not go to places where you may bump into her. Do not go to this event. You need to become a ghost to her to get her wondering about you. Clearly you care about her still otherwise you would not be posting here, and that is fine. However, if you want this woman back in a sexual way the best thing you can do, as this thread states (and others all over the Internet) is to ignore her and go no contact. It is the only possible way to her to boomerang.
Reading this was a breath of fresh air from all the other stuff that is out there. I actually laughed agreeing on many points here.
My case probably isn’t special, but if there’s any input to give I’ll take it.
I started dating a girl 10 months ago. She is 22 and I’m 24. She were always the one to initiate contact and arrange meet ups. 2 weeks after we started dating, she noticed that I were receiving messages from other girls, got crazy jealous and told me that if she found out that I were having sex with other women at the same time she would crush my balls. I just laughed, and she gave me a look like she meant it. I just thought to myself “Wtf?”
2 weeks later she invited me over to her family, I just responded with “maybe, I have a lot to do these days”, even though I knew I would not go. The fact that she wanted me to see her family, signaled to me that she wanted to get serious already. I liked this girl and wanted to give her a shot, but this was a little overboard for me and it felt like she were two steps ahead of me in the relationship 4 weeks in and I started to push away from her. (Acting not interested, not going the extra mile to see her, not taking time off my life to see her, etc.)
I live a busy lifestyle with work, business and also as a competitive MMA fighter I didn’t get much space to figure out what I wanted to do with this girl. I liked her and wanted to give her a shot at a more serious relationship, so I figured that I give some more time and see if she will calm down and take it slow so we can focus more on getting to know each other better.
She kept trying to figure out my feelings, and I never gave her any clear indications on how I felt towards her. I knew that she were having a serious crush on me, and each time I showed some affection outside of what she expected, she fell deeper in love with me. Replying “Ohhlord, Im getting all warm!” “My heart is melting!” Her brother told me that she likes me a lot! I didn’t want to give her false hope so I didn’t give her too much of this.
She moved away temporary due to work, so we entered a 3 month LDR. We only communicated through text, and she came back to visit whenever she had the possibility to do so.
The last weekend we were together I was tired from working and training for 11 days straight. She had to attend a family birthday and didn’t tell me that she were going until Saturday night, the night before. She told me that she knew that I didn’t want to go, but I could come so we got more time together before she left. I wanted to go, but this was a damn short notice and I didn’t go due to the short notice. The whole weekend went backwards, and I left her at the airport on a bad note. This wasn’t the way I wanted the weekend to play out.
The week after I started in a new job that I wanted, which also meant that I had to move even further from her. The job I got gave me a lot more time and space to figure out what I wanted. She kept asking if I wouldn’t come visit her anytime. I debated myself back and forth where to take our relationship, I decided to change my towards her, give it 100% and see if it feels right. If not I will have to end it.
1 month after our last visit I asked if X is an appropriate time to come visit her. First she told me that it was fine, shortly after she sent a text saying that she were having second thoughts about our relationship. She felt that I didn’t care about her, rejected and like she wasn’t a priority in my life. She were upset that it took me that long before I wanted to visit her and she said that she it made it hard for her not knowing what I really wanted to get out of the relationship. She were also upset that we never talked on the phone when we were in a LDR. She also brought up last weekend (that we left on a bad note) we were together.
This is where I probably needs the most input: At this point I thought to myself that I’ve been too alpha in the relationship. The power dynamics was in my favor the whole time. I figured to go a little beta on her. I wanted to show her that I cared and wouldn’t hesitate to bring tears to my eyes if/when we meet and get into the “serious talk” since she didn’t know if I cared about her or not.
I told her that I understand where her feelings come from, and that I’ve been thinking a lot about her lately & that I’ve realized that I love her. I told her that I wanted to be together with her and I will be different this time around and that I’ve been thinking of all the things I’ve done wrong and how I will do it differently . I also told her that I knew that I’ve been an idiot in the past and then explained why the weekend were all backwards last time we were together.
She told me that she needs space to think this through, so I stopped contacting her. 2 days later I got someone to deliver flowers at her apartment with a short note saying that I am thinking about you all the time and that I have so much to explain and tell her when she is ready. I ended the note with “Love you!” I got a text from her when she received the flowers “Thank you for the flowers, they were absolutely gorgeous!” I replied that “I agree, they remind me of you!”
It bugged me a bit that she needed space to think when she didn’t know what I’ve thought through and decided upon, so I wrote her a letter explaining my behavior and why that caused her to feel a certain way and why this will no longer be any issue.
After this I didn’t do anything at all and we didn’t have any communication. 1 week later she sent me a text saying that she has probably read the email a dozen of times and tells me that I’ve been stressing too much over her signs for no reason. Her work is taking up a lot of time, but she’ll answer me when she can. I replied that I appreciate that, and that she can take the time she needs.
Another week goes by and she called me and we talked on the phone for almost 2 hours. She told me she’s still uncertain but she wanted me to come visit her the coming weekend. We met up and had an ok Saturday (with the circumstances in mind) we had sex, ate some good food and relaxed in her apartment. Something were different about her though and on Sunday before she were going to leave she were acting very stressed out and distant. She were on her period this weekend, which didn’t probably didn’t make it any better.
I was planning to talk to her about the relationship this day, but not when she were in this mood. When I dropped her off at the airport she were even hesitant to kiss me goodbye. Later she texted me to see if I had arrived home safely, I replied that I’ll be home soon and also that I wanted to talk about the relationship but that she seemed stressed out. She confirmed that she were very stressed out of everything.
After this I backed off for a while, and I didn’t initiate much contact. She wanted to change her job because her job situation were bugging the hell out of her, and her roommate were a total bitch towards her. She were in a generally negative state of mind. The week after she got back, her job arranged a party, and as the night passed and probably as she got more to drink she started texting me telling me that she loves me, etc.
I continued to stay low-key and not pushing anything, etc. The week after she wanted to see me again, and she wanted me to meet a new friend and her boyfriend. Saturday was good, we had sex, talked and laughed. A little later the same day I said something (irrelevant) that just changed her mood in a negative direction. It wasn’t anything that should cause someone to change her mood that fast. And from there I noticed that just small things I did made her go more and more in a bad mood. Like dropping a knife on the floor made me the biggest idiot.
We hit the town together with the other couple, and the girl in the other couple got too drunk and ruined the night. Before she got too drunk she told me that my girl had been talking about me lately. She said that I was very kind and trying to fix things up with in the relationship.
We went home and she fell asleep almost instantly, she were dead tired. On Saturday she had to wash down the apartment since it was going up for sale. She had to make it quick since her family were having a dinner party and here plane were leaving shortly after. I wanted to help her get the apartment cleaned up, but she said that its fine and she can do it herself.
A friend of mine in town called me and asked if I wanted to hit the gym which happened to be the same time they were having the family dinner. She heard the conversation and dropped in and told me “It’s fine, you can hit the gym with your buddy!”
This was one of the points that I wanted to show her that I’ve changed, that I wanted to meet her family, getting more involved in her life etc. So I thought to myself “Wtf, but okay..” She went to the toilet and I just left. She came running to the window opened it and asked me why I didn’t say goodbye and if I were angry at her.
I turned around and went back into her apartment. I told her that I’m not angry, and asked her if she wanted me to join her family dinner. She said “Both yes and no!” I just looked at her. She continued “I am not ready to get together with you now!” I asked her if she believed anything of what I wrote in the letter. She told me that she had probably read the email 100 times and been thinking day and night on what to do. She told me that last weekend she had decided that she wanted to give it another shot but it doesn’t feels right to her.
We went to her bedroom and laid down in bed and continued to talk about the relationship back and forth. There were no jelling, no calling names, etc. She laid on my chest and stroke my face while we spoke. She told me all of the same things she had told me before. That she didn’t like being treated like she’s not a priority, didn’t felt like I cared, etc. I told her as I told her in the letter all the reasons why it were like that. That I was uncertain of what I wanted with the relationship, felt pressured by her being two steps ahead and always wanted to know where I’m at and didn’t get space to sort out my feelings towards her and that it changed when I got a new job and more space. She told me that it’s not a good enough of a reason to reject another person like I had.
We didn’t get anywhere in our conversation and then I raised my upper body a bit so I could see in her eyes, and then I told her what an idiot I’ve been for putting our relationship at stake and then I brought tears to my eyes. (manly style.. very manly.. no crying!!) She jumped over me and hugged me really hard and told me that she didn’t want me to be sorry. She told me that we can still be in touch with each other. I didn’t comment at this, but I knew that won’t happen.
We didn’t have more time to talk, because of the family dinner. I joined her family at the dinner for the first time, and then I drove her to the airport afterwards. She thanked me for driving her to the airport and then we said goodbye and she told me she would call me the next day. I had a 4 hour drive home, and about 4 hours later she sent a text asking if I was ok with some hearts emoticons in the ending. I told her that I was upset by the situation, but I’m fine and don’t worry about me. Later she sent a text “Good night!” I replied “Good night! Love you!” she replied “Love you too!”
In the evening the next day she sent a text saying that she hadn’t slept all night and were dead tired. She kept falling asleep and were really sorry that she didn’t call. She said that she didn’t want me to be hurt. I sent a text back “My soul hurts from the whole situation. It feels like I went backwards into this whole relationship. I’m at the gym now. But don’t worry about me. ’ll do fine!”
Two days went by without any calls, and I got a text saying that she had gotten sick and were home from work. She told me that it was probably due to a lot of stress. She felt guilty that she hadn’t called yet. I said that its fine and I’ll hope she recovers well. The days went by and I just wanted to get the last things off my chest that I wanted to speak to her that we didn’t get time to when I were at her house. So I sent her an email.
I know I shouldn’t have told her that I that I will be her friend, but in the email wanted to give her the impression that I was closing the doors to create some scarcity I ended the email with:
“.. I am sorry that it didn’t work out between the two of us. I love you and will always be your friend (even though I will not be a friend) and I am sure that you will find a fantastic man in the future!”
So I sent her the email and started to focus on other things. She texted me a week later saying that she felt guilty for not calling me. I responded “You don’t have to feel guilty, I’m at a friend’s birthday party right now. I hope everything is fine with you!”
She were having birthday in two days and I had purchased a trip to Paris before we broke up. I told her about the trip just a couple of days before the breakup. She were so happy she almost cried. I wanted to give it to her even though we broke up. She didn’t think she would get this gift after we had broken up, and on her birthday I congratulated her on her birthday, and told her that she will getting a gift from me as well. She got curios and wondered what it is. I told her that she will know when she calls me. She kept texting asking for what it was and I told her the same thing.
One of her friends arranged a birthday party for her on her birthday. The day after I texted her asking if she had figured out what she’s going to get. She replied asking if she will ever get to know. So I actually asked her to call me (I shouldn’t do that, I know. But she had to know since she would have to ask for time off work the days we were going on the trip)
She called me. She were tired and hungover from the party. I asked if she had read the email, she told me that she has read it. Then I asked what her thoughts are, she replied with “the same as when we spoke last time.” I didn’t get the impression that she were in much mood for talking. So I told her about the birthday present, and that we’ll leave everything behind us on the trip and just go for fun without any commitments. She agreed to this, and were happy about the gift.
The day after she texted me saying that she were turned down for the jobs she wanted which would allow her go back to her hometown. We texted a bit back and forth on this, and then I said, “I’m at work now so I just call you when I’m done!” She just replied “I’m not interested in talking”
At this point I was tired of being beta, and I thought to myself that I had made it clear that I care about her, love her and answered all her objections as good as I can. I don’t know if she understand my side of the equation, but that’s up to her from now. So I’m turning up the Alpha mode.
I didn’t initiate any contact with her after this. 4 days later she sent a text saying “I have a feeling that since you haven’t contacting me yet, that you thought it was personal that I didn’t want to talk on the phone with you. I was upset and really sorry that I got turned down for the jobs and just didn’t feel like talking! Is everything ok with you?”
Me: “Yeah, I knew that. Everything is fine. Hope everything works out for you!”
Her: “It looks like I’m staying where I’m at. I got a job down her now”
Me: «Congratulations! What company?”
Her: “Same place as I work now, but permanent!”
Me: “Ok!”
Her: “Are you mad or something?”
Me: “No?”
Her: “Good!”
3 days later she got a text saying that she wanted to re arrange the flight due to her work. I checked to see if it was possible, but it was not. Then she were upset that I didn’t check the dates with her before I ordered (this was a week after she received the gift) Then she complained to me that she would lose time from work and that she couldn’t afford it. (I know her bank account, and it would not kill her by any means) She said that she was annoyed by the flights and kept complaining that the air companies were the stupidest things.
Me: “I don’t need to hear anything more. I will cancel your plane ticket. The fact that you are complaining on losing time from work is just unbelievable and showing lack of appreciation.”
Her “Don’t think that I don’t appreciate the gift you gave me. I’ve never received such a beautiful gift before. I will talk to my boss once again to ask if can get time off these dates. But don’t think I don’t care and am extremely happy with the gift you gave me.”
I didn’t respond.
10 minutes later she tried to call, I just hung up on her. Then she wrote me a new text
“It would be nice to know before work tomorrow. I hope you haven’t cancelled! If I don’t get time off I will get a self-certification to get time off!”
Me: “I’m at a visit, answer later”
She: “Ok!”
In the afternoon the day after she sent a test asking if she could know what I would do, I waited until 11 pm to answer. Then I wrote:
“I know that you are happy about the gift I gave, I noticed that the first time I told you about it and that’s why I give it you anyway. But I just don’t accept the messages you sent me earlier. The fact that you are complaining that you are losing time from work, after I’ve been talking with the air company on the phone for almost 2 hours with your concerns on a gift I both spent time and money to give you is extremely disrespectful and not showing any appreciation.
Anyways, I’ve been thinking and I don’t see any reason to stay in touch with you. I still love you, but a platonic friendship just isn’t interesting to me. I will go to Paris with somebody else now, and you don’t have to buy me any birthday gifts (I had birthday 2 days before)”
Her: “That’s good! 😀 Too bad it ended this way, but it’s probably the best. Enjoy your trip with the one you are leaving with!:):):) Are you at a point wher you want to delete me from social media aswell?”
Me: “Will do!:) I don’t really care about that
Her: “Ok :)”
This was on snapchat and I got a note saying that she took a screenshot of the conversation. Thought it was strange with all the smileys in the text. This is now 1,5 weeks ago and we haven’t had any contact after this and I will not initiate any contact at all at this point.
I’ve always been the dumper in past relationship, so this was an interesting experience. Let me know how I did and keep in mind that her main objections is that she felt like I didn’t care. So for her to reconsider I had to let her know I actually did by giving in a bit and being beta. Acting indifferent at that point didn’t seem to me like a wise move.
Thanks for info Martin. I agree w everything u saying. I am just writing this response from Beirut, Lebanon and omg the women over here are gorgeous and aggressive so I feel my list of #10s will only grow. This also drives my #10 in USA nuts cuz she worries I’m gonna bring one back to marry lmao.
Anyways, I’ve decided to try an experiment w her so counter offered with a 3 month renewable exclusive period lol. Told her in 3 months we can decide if we want to continue or not. She agreed to try it. I don’t see ANY point on sayimg you’ll marry someone forever or a exclusive period that is open ended.
Thanks again for your help and will report back how this lil idea went now the world has become my playground 🙂
@Jack
Man that was painful read. Brings back the beta memories. Everybody can see from your story that how you started as Alpha and that behaviour got the girl and man she was addicted to you. Then you changed. You started to “really like the girl”. You turned into a beta and you just can see how the power flipped into her hands. You started with having the power, slowly it turned to her. You started to walk on eggshells. You fell even deeper in love with her, liked her even more, oneitis was even deeper. And the same time her feelings started to die slowly. Her tingles just go down the drain.
I think every man who has had relationships where its ended by woman dumping you can relate to your story and man I cringed hard because I’ve acted the same and I know how that behaviour gets you to lose the girl.
Take this as a learning experience. Lesson learned: finish how you start. Do not change in your relationship. The behaviour that got her, keeps her. She didnt sign up for a beta male whos in loooooooov with her , she signed up for a man who’s busy and has options, following his mission/purpose/passion. Women dont want the power. You gave it to her and she didnt like it so she dumped you to find a man like you were at start. Man I know it hurts you to know this now, but again take this as a learning experience so you never again repeat these mistakes. Read your story and you can point the moments where you started to lose frame, and man its cringeful to read. Never ever lose frame, be the man you were in beginning (and you’ll never lose the girl completely).
Too much texting shit going on and you probably initiated A LOT, too much. Call more in future relationships, especially when it was LDR its stupid of you not to talk with her on the phone/have skype dates. And you’ll probably see now how stupid monogamous LDR’s are. Never ever do those anymore. LDR might be fine but you should have other women to fuck where you live. With oneitis LDR is hell, I can imagine.
And another lesson is that you absolutely do not pour your heart to her at the moment where you’re losing her. She started to BACK OFF and man you just striked even harder and started to say “I’ve realized that I love you” or so and then you send her flowers. We’ve all been here and this shit doesnt work, actually its will do the OPPOSITE of what you hope. Words of affection and gifts are given after GREAT BEHAVIOUR from the girl, not in the heat of shitty behaviour and after she tells she needs space. All betas do that shit. When they’re losing the girl they fucking jack their shit up and initiate and bombard her with the I Love You’s, gifts and cringeful flowers. Further driving the girl even more into ‘disgusted of you land’.
When I read this statement “wanted to show her that I cared and wouldn’t hesitate to bring tears to my eyes if/when we meet and get into the “serious talk” since she didn’t know if I cared about her or not.” I already knew that this relationship doesnt end well. “and then I brought tears to my eyes”….
Learned your lesson? Absolutely never ever cry in front of a girl you want to fuck. That’s one of the biggest lessons any man can learn. The moment that happens then its basically done.
“Theres this myth that women like to see a man cry because it makes them seem more vulnerable. They do not. When women see a man do that (cry), they’re like ‘Oh. I cannot breed with him’ ” – Conan O’brien
100% TRUE.
Too much talking about your relationship. You as a man should never start to talk about relationship and feelings. That’s feminine energy and thats what girls should talk about and you should just listen and be like “mmm-hmm” and nod. Can you imagine Clint Eastwood initiating relationship/feelings talks with the woman she fucks? No, thats why young hot women still fuck him even when he’s 86 years old. He’s a manly man and women want that. They dont want another pussy when they already got one.
Jack, you’re young and this was probably your first relationship where you really loved the girl. You need some tough love on these matters. Now you’ve learned how women are and take these lessons to heart. Remember how she was like “Ohhlord, Im getting all warm!” “My heart is melting!” tingly for the Alpha you? And how she was like “I am not ready to get together with you now!” “I’m not interested in talking” for the “I LOVE YOU” crying walking on the eggshells Beta you?
Now you know what women like. They love alpha men and they’re (sexually) disgusted of beta men and they’re just gonna run away from beta behaviour.
If you need any other tips feel free to ask. You’re now in a good place knowing this information, I can already imagine how this is probably one of the most important moments of your life when you look back years after this.
@Martin
Thanks alot for your input! I highly appreciate it, man!
All of what you’re saying makes sense, and I thought so too. When she told me she needs space, that’s the first time I’ve had a women walking away from me, and I were like “What the fuck do I do now?” I decided I would to everything I could to show her that I’ve changed and I purposedly turned beta, and when I did, something wrenched inside me, but my logic said that it was the right thing to do.
Not talking on the phone was a big mistake, definitely! LDR’s definitely sucks, it was supposed to be temporary (4 months) so I was ok with it. The first phase it didn’t bother me, but oneitis grew with time, and when she needed space, beta came along too. Lol!
Yeah, I probably put too much pressure on her when she started to back off. Here’s a question though: what is the right thing to do? When she gives me all her objections towards me and tells me she needs space?
A couple of months before this I was telling my friends that one of the worst things I see is a man crying. And there I was, and it felt totally awful! Afterwards I sat thinking if this was a wise move or not, it didn’t feel right at all. I called a girl I know and asked what she would have felt if I did it towards her in a situation like this. Her answer “I would have melted, it would have showed me how vulnarable you are!” But I think when it wrenches inside, your male instinct is telling you that you are fucking it all up.
Yeah, I know. Never initiate feeling talk. Haha, just as you said, say “mmm-mmm” I always did when she started talking about feelings. She always replied: “you are such a insensitive typical man!” I didn’t give her any real indications of what I actually felt and this was one of her objections. She had no idea what I wanted out of us. She
It’s been a interesting and definitely a huge learning experience for sure! This is all in the head, and I’m not hurting and I’m moving on already. On that note, I think we weren’t that much of a great fit since it took me that long to figure out to give her a good shot. I never had that “fuck yes” feeling about her. And when she rejected me, that triggered the hell out of me. You always want what you can’t have!
@Jack,
We have all been there man. I genuinely cried in front of my ex as well when she was going cold and distant, telling her how much I love her, what she means to me, how good we are together etc etc. It is the most pathetic thing I have ever done I now realize. Hollywood would have us believe women think “Arrr, how sweet, what a lovely man that he could reveal his feelings like that towards me” This is the BS we have grown up with since we were little boys. In fact women are repulsed by this beta behavior in real life. I’ll NEVER do it again. But at the time I did not have this knowledge- I was like 99% of the rest of the guys. I was upset to WHY she was distant like this So instead of backing off and going distant and cold myself and let HER start to wonder what was wrong, I vomited out my feelings. WRONG.WRONG.WRONG.
What I should have done is say to her words to the effect “Baby, I’ve noticed you’re not into us as much lately…” she will likely come back with a load of BS about being busy, time constraints, confused, not sure of her feelings etc. You then say “Well it’s sad you feel that way, I’d like us to continue to be together so why don’t you figure it out and call me when you know what you want to do”. You then leave her (immediately not in an hour or tomorrow) and go 100% NC. This is how you do it, FROM A POSITION OF STRENGTH. Women are programmed to be receptive to this strong, masculine behavior and you stating your purpose and this alone will very often make her think “wow, of course I want to be with you”. I’ve already done it twice with new women and it works great. YOU RECLAIM THE POWER rather than you chasing them.
I learned this from Doc Love, Corey Wayne, James Marshall, this thread and others. You are a man protecting your self worth and are not going to be subjected to the whims of a flaky woman. As much as you may like her and not want it to end, you have to risk that this may happen if she is not reciprocating the same level of interest so you need to call her out on this lack of interest from her end and not let it fester. Dysfunctional relationship dynamics need to be corrected – by the mechanism discussed – or ended.
@martin @rm_pilot
Thanks for the advice guys. Like I said the partying saw her at was Fourth of July and it was the first time we’ve seen each other since before the break turned break up..
We had not spoken to each other since December so I thought going would get her thinking about me after the party like I said there seemed to be something there interest wise the looking at me then looking away, but I could be wrong I thought maybe she would reach out sometime after the party but she hasn’t.. I’m trying not to speculate what she felt there but all my buddies said I need to come because it puts me back in her mind I was As Corey Wayne would say James Bond at the party happy and carefree.
We dated four years so I do love and care about her. The only problem I feel being carefree is that she broke up with me because I was to complacent, didn’t show her affection love or that I cared about her like someone should when you’ve been together so long.
I remember one of the things she told me post break up when she had this dude was “even if I wanted to get back with you, I don’t think I could let myself because I can’t forget what you did to me” I’ve changed over the past ten months and I know you should take what women say in an emotional state with a grain of salt. But I don’t think she will let that go.. She claims to tell everyone she is over it but I isn’t see it that way at the party..
I also ran into her step dads month ago. He told me how the whole family misses me and it’s still hard even today and he doesn’t think she’s over me.. Thinks she is using this new guy. He was a detective for 30 years so he can read people. He thinks she made a mistake and one day she’ll realize it.
This also made me think she isn’t over me. He told me when he wished me a happy birthday and told me he misses me on Facebook in March. The whole family did this as well but her mom told him that she was upset and mad that he did that… Wouldn’t you think if she had nothing for me that wouldn’t be something that should bother her?!? She unfollowed me on it that day probably because she was looking at my page seeing the whole family say that.. That’s not how someone who is “over” someone would act.
But I could be wrong.. Like I said as of now she hasn’t got in touch with me so I don’t know if it will ever happen. But that’s why I went to the first party to get back in her mind..
@Joe, just carry on with your life man and let her reach out to you in time. If all this stuff about her and her family missing you etc is true she would reach out. And she hasn’t so far. “One day she’ll realise it” so her dad says. But that “one day” could be tomorrow or three years (or never). So let her feelings continue to develop and come to the surface my maintaining your frame and value and DO NOT PUT YOUR OWN LIFE ON HOLD for this woman, as much as you like and love her. Chasing is the worse thing you can do. If you do chase and your readings are wrong, you are back to square one. If what you say is true, and she is thinking about you, then she may be on the verge of reaching out over the next weeks/months. Hold your nerve man. I said it above and I’ll repeat it here:
“Time and patience are the mightiest of all warriors, together they will achieve everything”. Leo Tolstoy
If she reached out remember these lessons on this board. Never be a beta again. Never let her dominate you again.
I am doing the same as you Joe. I have a couple of other women in my life but my ex casts a long shadow. I am 15 weeks out NC. But I know from what her son tells me (who I meet whilst biking occasionally), that he and his wife and two brothers think she was insane to dump me and she misses me. But remember the golden rule: “missing” is not the same as “wanting to be together’. She may never reach out. But I am doing the most proven way of getting her on top of me again; maintaining no contact, the subject of this thread.
@RM_Pilot
Thanks man! For sure! It feels awful, and I can’t do anything but laugh at it now. My previous programming obviously told me that it’s the right thing to do. I even worked on bringing the tears to my eyes before I was going to meet her, so that I could create some emotional moment. If she contacts me again and bring this up, I will tell her it was intentional and it’s one of the most awful things I’ve done in my entire life.
I do know that I was a catch in her eye, she fell in love with me quickly to the point where she got a bit clingy and she even told me that I am the first guy she’s been with that her brothers and sisters have approved. I was just too indifferent about her for too long.
2 years ago though, a friend of mine and her girl broke up and got together again shortly after. I asked the girl why she took him back and she said “He was so sad, he even cried for me. I never seen him like that before!” So this is where I got it from. On that note; they broke up a month later and haven’t been together since. When I think of it now she probably felt guilty in the heat of the moment.
As you said, and I agree on your point, if this guy had communicated from a place of strength instead, maybe they would get back together down the road on better terms than guilt with better chances of a more successful 2nd run. I do know that this girl had him on mind for a long time after the break up, but he didn’t cope very well after, and she knew.
@RM
Yeah I know how hard those first few weeks and months nc was. You are in the right direction, I have one girl I’ve been hanging with but my ex is who I think about..
Now I don’t know if she misses me, her family has told me and still does that they miss me but if they mention my name around my ex she gets mad..
I was never a beta until after the break up when I tried to fix things, which she wanted until she did a full 180 and would say the whole never again texts or the even if she wanted to she couldn’t let herself go back to that but of course it wouldn’t be like it was before.
I was too alpha during the end of our relationship and I was an Ahole it broke her heart and she felt I didn’t care, that I wasn’t even a boyfriend to her anymore. She only sees me as a negative now all the good memories have been blocked out. So the NC was a must and its pushing 7 months now. I’m not sure what she thinks, so I just wanted to let hersee me to see if she might feel anything, but she is so stubborn she may never reach out.
I think the only way we will ever talk is at a party at my best friends. I know I screwed up I was an asshole and I never made the effort to change until it was too late, now I know how much she meant to me but she may never feel that for me again because she holds onto the past. It’s going to be hard to get her to see me I. That better light so I thought showing up to the party with the James Bond attitude and just nice to everyone that might plant a positive seed into her mind. Making it hard to hold onto the negative view of the old me..
I might of mis spoke she hasn’t said she misses me.. So the best way I felt to show her a better me was seeing it in person. As of today it hasn’t caused her to reach out.. I honestly wish I knew what she felt or thought so I can put it in the past forever or if there was anything I could be patient and see if it developes into anything. But she doesn’t say anything to anyone lol.
So I don’t know if I’ll attend the next one or not. I have been told by putting myself around her being carefree towards her is going to cause her to feel all the feelings she pushed deep inside or she will feel nothing at all. But being with someone for 4 years and leave because they couldn’t change their ways to now being everything they wanted before. I can’t see her feeling nothing for me.. But I could be wrong.
Hi Guys,
Good to see many others like me getting some good advices and suggestions from the senior members.
Just wanted to update you all on my situation. She has not yet replied to my important email on my private files with her. Though I am not expecting anything, but the thing that is bothering me is that 2 weeks back, I sent her the last bank transfer. Usually she acknowledges oncee she receives, but this time she is not doing that either. Again, I am not losing my sleep over this, but it seems to me she is trying extra hard to be bad to me, the first 2-3 months of breakup she had been quite nice with all her communication.
On the personal front, I am doing quite good these days, already found one girl who is very much into me, in fact I want to take it slowly and not rush into anything. There are some others with whom also I am testing the waters. Also, mission wise (my business) I am improving, with huge potential of growth in near future. So, overall happy with life. I know I should not be thinking so much or over analysing it, but still wondering why she is trying to behave like a b*tch (especially when I know that in general she is a very good human being and is full of compassion and kindness towards friends/family etc, and that’s one of the reasons why I was with her at the first place).
Cheers!
Andy
@Andy
You have to think that maybe deep down she is a bitch. Maybe the “in general she is a very good human being and is full of compassion and kindness towards friends/family” was just an act to get you to commit and to invest resourcers into her. At first women are always like perfect little angels acting like a perfect woman, they fuck you like a pornstar, they cook & clean your place, they buy gifts and bombard you with attention and affection, they exist to fuck your brains out and serve you in bed and outside of bed. You know the typical narcissist behaviour (most women are naturally narcissist). They do this to get you to commit, to make you fall in love with them. And once they’ve accomplished that then all this ceases slowly.
Usually after 4-6 month mark women show their true nature, before that you cant really tell what shes really like. The perfect woman you thought she is can make a 180 turn and you’ll be like who the fuck is this person? And hopefully at this point you havent made her pregnant, god forbid married her like some chumps do. Every woman you start dating should always be on a 6 month probation. If shes consistent and same like in the beginning after that, then she might be LTR material.
Andy I’d just assume shes dead (and who knows maybe she is). That kind of a woman who is shitty communicator is a disgusting woman. If you ever get the things from her then after that she’d be HARD NEXTED in my books, unless she has really really good explanation for her shitty behaviour. If she’d respect you she’d not act like that. So theres no point for you to respect her. You can see that respect and honour isnt something that she values, so shes out for good after this.
@Joe
Her family missing you doesnt really tell anything about her. I’ve been in a similar situation as the new man. The family obviously says that about the ex man (you), but she just wants something new, something different, she knows the ex completely – in your case 4 year relationship, you dont offer anything “new” currently and she wants something NEW and nobody can change her mind no matter what family or whoever says. Logic from family has nothing on her, only emotions and tingles in her vagina affects her choices. Anything different wins you currently.
Ok she might miss you but its not likely that she misses you sexually. She misses you in her life as a “friend”. But you know that friendship would be onesided from your side. She wouldnt see you as a friend, she would see you as something to use for her benefit while she fucks that other man. In my similar situation the ex guy actually was her friendzoned abused “friend”, she used him basically as a fucking taxi driver. Cringe. Complete abuse basically. She’s not a friend, shes just a abuser. Romantic relationship turned into onesided friendship is something you shouldnt ever agree onto, unless you friendzoned her and she actually is a nice person and brings something valuable to your life (meaning it wouldnt be onesided).
Nonetheless, after time has passed she might actually miss you for real (and that includes sexual things). Because the current guy is going to turn into a boring chump eventually. After that she might hop onto you, to know how you’re doing. And if she ever initiates contact then you know to set a date to yours and escalate to sex. Nothing else you can do now than to wait, meaning move on and enjoy new women. If you really move on for good, then attending the parties isnt a problem. At that moment who cares if shes there? And if you hit the gym and improve consistently, then she’ll notice that and maybe she’ll start to get tingly for you again. Who knows. You only have the control of your actions, not hers. Focus on what you can control. Future will be bright if you focus on what you can control.
@Guys,
Without this new found knowledge it was normal in our bad-old-days as well-intentioned, nice-guy beta males that when we were given the LJBF speech, or just plain dumped, we pleaded and cried to get the woman to reverse that decision. We did not know any better in those days. A girl pulling away from us made us feel small and weak, and we chased and pursued in an attempt to “do something” and stop the end happening. In fact, on the contrary, this chasing HASTENS THE END because it further repels the woman into thinking you are even more of a pathetic, weak bitch.
If she dumps you, leaving THERE AND THEN and going 100% NC is the best way to try to reverse this situation and get her to see you as the strong and determined catch of a man you have now become. If I am ever given this treatment again, I will get my stuff IMMEDIATELY (even if it’s three in the morning) and leave and tell her to call me if she changes her mind. Any threats to the relationship like this by a woman need to be met with IMMEDIATE and DECISIVE action (alpha and masculine traits of character), not pussyfooting around with weak behavior. Fire needs to be met with fire, not tears and begging.
This is so, so, so important. The name of the thread in fact.
If you have been dumped you absolutely must not, ever, initiate a reach-out to her. If you bump into her in the street by all means say hello and be cheerful and polite but that is not an excuse to then ring her afterwards. ALL reaching out (texts, phone, email, FB chat etc ) MUST come from her or else you lessen the chances of her coming back and you look an even more pathetic man. As BD and others say, this is a massively field tested principle. And it is a point of common decency as well; they dumped you – why the fuck would you be reaching out to her after she did that to you? Man the fuck up anyone so tempted to reach out to her under such circumstances. SHE must earn another chance to see YOU, not the other way round.
Hell yes RM_Pilot, exactly.
“Fire needs to be met with fire, not tears and begging.”
I remember many cases where I was just like “OK, well reach out to me if you ever change your mind” with the breakup talk. Then after few days she reaches out all sad “Is it over just like that? I hate the way you reacted. It’s like you dont even care about us. I’ve been sad and have cried couple of days, it cant be over just like this. Not this easy.” etc stuff like this. And ALWAYS I’ve bedded them instantly after that. They want to break you upon breakup but then when they see that this man is strong and capable of being with or without her, well then she gets the tingles again.
On the other hand in the cases where I’ve started to question her decision and started to talk about it.. “but but, what what blaablaa” start to LOGICALLY CONVINCE her how shes wrong about her decision and then even tear up because of that (if its been LTR who I’ve been in love with) and always its done at that point. Even months pass by not hearing her after that. But most of them forget all that anyway and still they come back someday later if you walk away and do this NC properly. It’s field tested multiple times by me that no matter how beta in tears begging and pleading I was still they’ve come back after long NC. It’s fucking powerful. Why it happens no matter what? Well after all of course we want to know how people we cared are doing (imagine after years of being a ghost and how much you’d like to know how that person is doing, she feels the same), and when she does that then you set the date and sex happens.
But on the latter case it always takes SO MUCH LONGER for her to come back. If you do not beg and be ok with the break up then they come back much faster.
We men are so romantic naturally and of course by Disney programming, that we really do believe in that situation that if we really show her how much she means to us, even CRY and beg (hell some even threaten with suicide), we really believe that it would make her change her mind. Even the late commenters like Jack & Joe thought that “if they just could show her how much she means to me, I dont think she realizes that”, that just shows how we men are the true romantics. But you cant convince her logically. Stoic reaction on the other hand will make her wonder and she’ll get all emotional thinking maybe she made a wrong decision.
Women obviously say this is all bullshit and they’d love a sensitive man who shows how much I mean to him and how it could really make a change. We should never listen what women say they want. Only watch what they do. For example Jack made a mistake of asking some friend girl how she’d like a crying man, just to see her say “I would have melted, it would have showed me how vulnarable you are!” thats a big mistake to think they know what they want. Jack now knows that next time when you want to catch a fish you go and ask about it from experienced fisherman, not from the fish itself – who will never tell the truth (or even know how its done). And Joe too got a feeling that he was too alpha / not caring and the girl had been thinking that he didnt care so maybe you could now convince her by showing how much you care and how you’ve changed? No. That thing she said about that is likely just an excuse, she didnt dump you because of that. Any action from our initiation wont change her mind about the dumping. It must come from her genuine desire.
Following your advise…
Just got dumped by my gf of 1-1/2 years a few days ago…We had a difference of opinion a week or so earlier…I felt it coming on but she wouldnt talk about it then I got the dreaded phone call…So I just played it cool and told her its up to her and im not going to beg for you to love me and Ill talk to you later…
Then I just cut off contact…I am on a emotional rollercoaster right now but I will not call or text her No matter how much I want to….Now its a waiting game…
I do plan on hitting up some pussy on my trip to Costa Rica…My question would be as follows…
Should I post pics of my conquests in Costa Rica?…Would that be benificial or would it backfire on me…?
Thanks,Ian
Ian,
I would block her actually. She made the decision to be out of your life, therefore you must give her exactly what she wanted. Ghost her ass.
@Ian
Post pics of your conquests? To where? You mean fb/ig? Why? Well I dont know if thats your typical personality and something you used to do always, but to me would be stupid and asking for more drama. Forget “revenge fantasies”. The fact you’re asking this question tells me you’d do that in REACTION to her. You’d be posting pics of new conquests because you want her back, to make her jealous. That’s already losing mentality. You always see that shit when celebritys break up, instantly they post shit like that IN REACTION to the break up. That’s weak, lame and pathetic, she’ll see through you. Women are not stupid. You shouldnt do anything that implies you’re fazed by the breakup and are wanting her back. You should be OK and be normal.
Instead I’d advice you to go on a “social media fast” for 1-4 months. Be ghost there too. Act like the breakup didnt faze you in any way. Do not fucking post anything because you think she might see it and would get jealous or something. You’re already losing because you want her back so badly that you contemplate shit like that.
Fuck girls at CR but do not fucking post anywhere about that. Be discreet about your fuckings. That shit if anything is going to just backfire. If anything she’d just think you acquired STD’s in your ‘after breakup romp’ and just be noninclined to have sex with you soon again. Basically you shouldnt ever rub other women in womens face, rather be outcome independent and just improve your situation for you and get back to being fucking confident (like you were when you met her 1st time). Social media has nothing on that. Just hit the gym, improve your diet, get new plates to fuck but be discreet about them.
I myself wouldn’t block her, I’d just delete her number from my phone and hide her updates on FB and never go to her ig. Never initiate after that and if she ever does then try to set a date to your place in as few steps as possible and escalate to sex. Improve and enjoy new women now and soon you dont even really want her and are indifferent if she comes back or not. Indifference to her whims, thats the best place to be.
@Ian,
No! Don’t do it! On the contrary, I would remove her from your FB. I keep saying it but you ghosting her, being invisible and out of touch and sight is what you want. If you want this woman in your circle again (and that’s “if”, you may not) you want her to be thinking about you “I wonder what he is doing?” Pictures splattered all over FG and IG is not going to achieve that is it?!!!
I have to agree w / what RM says here too! I have tried both Facebook strategies and am convinced blocking or unfriending them is the overall best strategy to get her to come back and/or allow you to move on. It’s the ONLY solution that accomplishes both at same time.
It’s funny too cuz I have had a couple of ladies that we politely decided to go our separate ways and so I very calmly said I would take them off Facebook now and I greatly enjoyed our time together. I didn’t want them assuming I was mad at them and was using it as revenge but that I only have FB friends that I see in the real world now to keep my FB clean and relevant. They flipped out both times! (Had one that said ok whatever lol)
After 3 to 6 weeks, BOTH of these chics were texting me again and said I was a jerk sometimes but drive them nuts w frustration lmao. They wanted to know “what was going on” of course. So, I invite them over to catch up 🙂
Also, I had the opposite happen and showing off my dating backfired. She later told me that she couldn’t compete w all my other girls and hobbies so she moved on and decided to marry her #2 guy. She was gorgeous too.
Frankly, I’d prefer it if there was no Facebook at all and have considered telling everyone the only way they can be on my FB is if they are family someday. Just creates too much drama, complications and games. I find it interesting that out of ALL the chics I’ve dated in 2 years the one that I have the most fun with has NO Facebook account ( her ex husband took it over and she decided to not mess w opening a new one). It’s so refreshing and simple with her!!!
If the facebook thing comes up during a “breakup talk” then hell yes it’s great to say something along the lines “in facebook I only keep people who actually are in my life” that’ll get her to hamster that of course she’ll be in your life and then you can say that “yes I want you in my life but I want you only as a lover, I cant turn into being “just friends” with you, and if we cant continue to be lovers then we have no reason to continue being in each others lives but the door is open if you ever change your mind”.
@ Ian
Blocking social media is subjective based on your situation and current frame. It sounds like you’re coming out of an extended monogamous relationship. If you have the frame to ignore her without blocking, keep her. Most guys in your situation don’t, if I had to guess. If you’re going to creep her FB, block her. If you’re going to make decisions about posts to incite her, block her.
Personally, I don’t block if I get nexted (I’ve been blocked). When you have a rotation of women, and continuously open new women, you’ll never be asking about what to do about social media. It’s simply an afterthought.
Thanks so much for your advise…I see that she has blocked me on fb so my next question would be Should I block her too? Or should I leave her unblocked so she sees the New me?
I also think…I may be wrong but its my 1st instinct that her daughter who has issues herself may have poisoned her mothers head aswell???
I have no problems with the NC process….
It’s difficult by when I start getting those wanting her feelings I just say …Ian grow a Sack…And then I just go on with what I was doing…
Most of my relationships have been for substantial periods of time…15yr,8yr,6yr..
What perplexes me is that we had a minor disagreement,I soft nexted her…she called we talked for a few minutes then 2 days later we were fucking like rabbits…We shared some intimate talk then the next day and 3 days following I felt the wall…Then the dreaded call…
I know she has man issues…So do you thing she may fighting with these things in her head.?..
Im not a mind reader but I do really love this woman but if she cant break free of these issues Im just gonna have to move on……
Thanks for your advise guys…I really do appreciate it…
Thanks for your input…really…
She has definitely Nexted me…And quite frankly I’m okay with that…And I understand that she has many issues and she sees a therapist every week…So Im kind of thinking the therapist put her up to this so I’m just gonna go for the ride…
Despite her issues I’m confident in the fact that she can block me from fb and block her phone but she will never be able to block me from her head…lol
And I have no intention of trying to incite her by making inappropriate posts…I don’t even want to make her jealous…
I am very stong willed and I have Nexted her back…And if she wants me she will have to make the 1st move….
I absolutely refuse to give in…
She’s been married 2x now…Both ex’s have cheated on her on numerous occasions and I don’t think shes quite ready for a guy like me…
I’ve been very transparent with her…And have gone out of my way to help her. I supported her spirituality and financially…
I’ve done everything right…
So let me ask this…
Do you think that since shes used to being cheated on is it likely to assume that this is the type of men she is attracted too…???
And (if) we do get back together should I just be more aloof…Less Transparent…And just let her keep wondering Is he with someone else???
Thats really not my style but I will adjust my habits…
Thanks,Ian
@Martin
This paragraph stuck with me from you
“On the other hand in the cases where I’ve started to question her decision and started to talk about it.. “but but, what what blaablaa” start to LOGICALLY CONVINCE her how shes wrong about her decision and then even tear up because of that (if its been LTR who I’ve been in love with) and always its done at that point. Even months pass by not hearing her after that. But most of them forget all that anyway and still they come back someday later if you walk away and do this NC properly. It’s field tested multiple times by me that no matter how beta in tears begging and pleading I was still they’ve come back after long NC. It’s fucking powerful. Why it happens no matter what? Well after all of course we want to know how people we cared are doing (imagine after years of being a ghost and how much you’d like to know how that person is doing, she feels the same), and when she does that then you set the date and sex happens.”
Mostly the middle where you say ” Well after all of course we want to know how people we cared for are doing (imagine after years of being a ghost and how much you’d like to know how that person is doing, she feels the same),
I wanted to get your opinion or anyone else’s on this. When they break up with you not because you were needy, clingy, etc. But when they leave you because you were an Ahole, did not give them the feeling anymore that you cared, loved. or appreciated them. You took them for granted. But i’ve always remembered this quote
“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
Would any ex that felt taken for granted ever honestly want to know how you’re doing or start to wonder about you or miss you if you made them feel that way? I just do not see someone letting go of that or forgetting it in time. Have any of you guys been in that spot with a girl you dated a long time and she felt neglected like that when she left you? Did they ever come back around? Did they forget/let go of the past and just saw the present and an improved you?
This is a thought i’ve always had since the break up because a lot of people do the weak or needy thing during the relationship. Just something id love some insight on from others!
@Ian,
She’s been married twice? Sorry to tell you, but this woman sounds like damaged goods. I think you can and should be able to do better. I think she is accustomed to shitty behavior and with you not giving it to her, she doesn’t know what to do. Women really are basket cases. Buddy, the world is awash in tits and ass. Like I always say, NEEEEEEEXT.
So I had dated this girl for about 2 months plus. We became close, sex and all very fast, like after the 4th meeting. Things doesnt seems to be alright always, especially when she is always very reserve keeping her feelings. I couldn’t figure out if she is into me sometimes, but my feelings for her developed faster than her to me. So I played the reverse role in the rltship when I had to seek her attention or be the one to initiate the date always. We had some good times, but most of the time it keeps me wondering. I chose to be optimistic up till about the last 2 weeks of our rltship (in a way, although we weren’t official, as she doesn’t want any commitment at the start). I felt she doesn’t put up as much effort as me in wanting to spend time together with me. There are times I brought it up and she just remained fucking cool and doesn’t talk much bout it and it drives me nut. (Disclaimer, she is not HOT or TYPICALLY gorgeous alpha chick, although I had been with some of this gals before, but it never last). So I picked her coz she just simply looks like a girls next door but with an ALPHA mentality. Reason she told that she has been locking her heart for 3 years plus due to a very trauma broke up with her ex, as he cheated on her despite her loving him very much. She even lost all her money to him and that it’s very hard for her to trust guys anymore.
So throughout this, I been trying to open her heart, at times, I felt successful but sometimes I felt a little pressure when she requested me to buy her things. For eg. I asked if she wanna go out of town for a getaway, she would assume that I would pay entirely for the trip (Air tix + hotels). We are from South East Asia, it’s kinda dogma that, that concept of “guys should pay for everything” is been locked in her mind always. So yeaps. I spent quite abit on her whenever we hanged out, drinks, meals, movies and travel. I am happy if she would have loved me, but somehow I don’t feel that same amount of commitment from her.
I tried going NC with her for 1-2 days, sometimes she would text me back and I tried talked to her nicely. And after a few days again things are back to how it was again. And finally, she became more distance and told me that she doesnt want to have sex anymore….but we can still hold hands and kiss. Initially I was ok, but somehow it becomes worse she thought we shd just be friends. She told me if I could still continue to treat her special as she is really not ready for a committed relationship now.
I told her I just can’t and I had stopped contacted her since 1 week ago. I bumped into her somewhere at the subway couple of days ago. She saw me, and she just ignored me. I felt terrible about it. So now, do you guys think there will be anyway if I could make her initiate contact again? Just wonder.
@Ian,
Your situation sounds very much like mine man, you were loyal and caring and you supported her as you say “financially and spiritually”. There is nothing wrong with that – she is the one who is fucked up and cannot handle the love and affection. The point for us men to watch is are they reciprocating that level of interest – in proportion to their own circumstances and earnings? I was also very transparent and generous to my ex. 18 months together and bought her things, paid for us to go away, told her I loved her etc. Yet dumped regardless after three on/off cycles. No reason at all. Probably a bad boy ex in the picture still “confusing” her…
You are doing exactly the right thing, going no contact with her and NEVER giving in. “I am very strong willed and I have nexted her back…And if she wants me she will have to make the 1st move….” That is exactly the right attitude. I think Anthony is right as well, he says shes probably accustomed to guys giving her shitty behavior. Same with my ex, she was accustomed to being the last in the list of her exes priorities. Whereas with me she was high up that list. She even told me that when we made up once, that I was just such a “good guy” and she loved me more that anyone else she’d ever met. Yet dumped all the same. Some of these women are simply fucked up. They have to get “unfucked up” by giving them the space they need. If you were fundamentally a good man – and had good sex with them – they will be back. You can count on that. It’s just a matter of time and patience.
@Ian @SJ
Personally, I think the issue of blocking does not have a single, simple answer – it just depends on the individuals involved and the prevailing circumstances.
I don’t block personally on phone/email/chat etc. I’ve the frame enough to not worry about a message from her. Blocking (not unfriending) on Facebook so you don’t see her posts is a good idea though so you don’t get a weak moment seeing pictures of her after a few beers (never a good thing). A reach-out initiated by the man who was dumped is a ALWAYS a disaster and will ruin everything. But I would not unfriend her as that sends a very petty “I’m really bothered about this breakup” message whereas what you really want to appear is cheerful and nonchalant. As I said in a reply a few posts above, you have to become a “ghost” to her. Too many guys just do not get this point and try to run into her “accidentally” and that does not achieve this space, distance and ghost objective.
Any message from her expressing interest deserves to be replied to in a careful way – if you want to of course. Just be aware that many such “feeler” messages are just that – her checking out you are still at the end of the line and not necessarily her ready to see you (yet). If that is the case just do enough to keep her “orbiting” whilst you engage other women (which you should be doing anyway). She could come home and land from that orbit at any time, you never know when she may call. Just don’t be bothered if the call takes a few months. The key is DO NOT REACH-OUT FIRST – NEVER INITIATE.
If the woman is an evil bitch you want nothing to do with ever again no matter what then by all means block on everything. But you guys need to understand, anyone so interested in you can get you no matter what electronic media you block them on.
Hey…I just want to say that all you guys are just friggin awesome….
Any she is not an evil biotch except for what she has just done because I never would have fucked her or done anything with her relationship wise if I thought she was like that…
I honestly feel she was influenced by external forces beyond my control…
And despite being in this slump right now my Alpha has kicked in and bitch slaps me every time I think of her…Kudos to my Alpha…
But I have to share with you what just happened last night…
I have a real nice young couple that live next door…John and Lana…We get along great and Lana’s family is visiting from China…Well they know whats going on and last night around dinnertime the doorbell rang…
It was Lana’s older sister…She’s about 48 but looks much younger…Well she brought dinner over…so of course I invited her in and asked her to join me…
We sat and ate and conversed the best we could with her broken english and my dick was just busting….Next thing I know were touching hands and then it just turned into a FUCKFEST…
And for the next 3 hours I violated every inch of her body…Which was really nice and very fit for a 48yo with 2 kids…
She even asked if she could stay the night…And you guys know what my answer was…
Anyway she woke me up about 5am with a nice kiss this am and she had a cup of coffee on my nightstand…
She wispered in my ear she’s never been fucked like that before…
Fuck….if that did not give Mr.Alpha a fat head…
So I was honestly not ever expecting that to happen…But I am extremely Grateful that it did…
Now although the sex with my ex was absolutely outstanding…This sex was just off the fucking charts…
Now, I am even more determined to keep the NC RULE in force…And I WILL NOT WAVER ONE FUCKING BIT…
I believe its just a mental thing…getting yourself (Your Psyche) in the right mindset for battle…
So needless to say I’m feeling very Blessed….And.I feel like a Viking Warrior this am….
Thanks again…Ian
Hi…You are absolutely spot on…And after we first met and she told me about her issues I felt she was beautiful and there was a huge attraction…
My thought process was well I know what type of Man I am.And that once she realizes that I could help her overcome some of her Demons things would work out…She never had a man that was giving and generous…And who was concerned about her mental wellness…
Unfortunately,That was not the case…
So at this point if she does reach out to me I will have to make a decision…Take things to the next level or just let her go….
Right now I’m considering the latter….
It all depends on how I feel now…I’m going to leave that decision up to Mr.Alpha and let him decide…
@Ian
What’s her background like? Read this elsewhere and want to pass it on: A woman from a strong nuclear family at 30(or insert any age) is going to act differently than a woman who doesn’t know who her dad is. A woman who was not raised by a strong father figure or a father figure at all is not going to have an idea of what is normal regardless of her age. The first thing you have to do when gaming a woman is figure out her background. There is nothing you can do that will logically work on a woman with a fucked up upbringing because she has no idea what she is doing. LTRs that stagnate, marriages and divorces are typical for them as they have no frame of reference or any idea of what a normal, healthy relationship is because she’s never seen it.
Been where you and others have been in regard to trying to help a female work out or overcome mental issues, demons. My ex is like that. High conflict, high drama, argumentative, combative women are subject to hard nexting as they are toxic(BPD – Borderline Personality Disorder) and any relationship with them will be putting her frame and supposed happiness(from reveling in her drama) over your health and sanity. Will echo RM_Pilot’s statement of saying that if you were fundamentally a good man – and had good sex with them – they will be back. You can count on that. It’s just a matter of time and patience. You have to decide if she has changed for the permanent better and if you want to take the risk again. That’s where I will probably be somewhere in the near future with my ex.
Well basically she was brought up in a very disfunctional environment…Lots of abuse and things along that line…Abusive father and family…
All in all she’s a decent gal but she’s just living in a false universe…
I have found that many things she has told me in the past…now have have been confirmed not to have been true…and after a very minor disagreement she just exploded in front of me…The 1st time in 18 months…I didn’t say a word…i just looked at her in complete disbelief…
I pick and choose my battles carefully and decide in my head if its worth holding my ground or just letting it go…
I chose to let it go…Probably my mistake…Although I knew that I was right I ate crow and apologized for misunderstanding her…
BTW…I knew exactly what she had said I have an awesome memory…And it went against all my beliefs but she was more important to me than winning a fight…
We kissed… then she asked me over for the 4th of july…we had a great day…Fucked all night…And the next day I felt the wall…that night in bed she was cold as frigging Ice…Would not talk at all…
I went home the next day and Soon after that I got the dreaded call…
The call was short….She said I just don’t want to be with you…I asked her why…She said I don’t know how to put it into words….Her next comment was there’s no one else and I’m not looking for anyone…
So…I calmly said I understand…It’s not a problem and its been nice knowing you…And I’ll talk you later…bye..
So…I just have a I DON’T GIVE A SHIT ATTITUDE regarding her….
Then I initiated NC…
If a woman cannot articulate her feelings…I dont need her in my life…
But if she does call…Things will have to be WAY different and stepped up a level or 2 for me to reengauge a relationship with her…
So…basically it is what it is…And I don’t give a rats ass right now…
Her loss…Not mine…lol
@Martin
@RM_Pilot
You gave me some great inputs!
I just have a question about the way I initiated the NC, so I here’s the text I sent her. She wanted to stay in touch and be friends, which I didn’t comment on when she said so.
She showed lack of appreciation of the gift I gave her to Paris, and lack of respect towards me the day before. So the first part of the text is just explaining why I won’t bring her with me on the trip.
“…Anyways, I’ve been thinking and I don’t want to be your friend and I don’t see any reasons to continue to stay in touch with you. I love you, but a platonic friendship just isn’t interesting to me. I will not cancel the plane ticket, I’m only getting a small fee back if I do and it’s worth the luxury of having more space on the flight. I was looking forward to go on this trip with you, but when you get me to rethink the whole trip something just isn’t right. I will travel with somebody else, and you don’t have to give me anything for my birthday.”
What are your thoughts?
Hello guys I’d like to have your advice once more yesterday I had a phone call from my ex and she sweetly ask me for a favor I ask her how can I help hef. She told me that one of her friends has a problem with her computer and she d like to help her. So I did not exactly but in some way yes she said that she face a problem with some program I said the solution in some way from the phone . The question is why she called me I know she has a vision that he studied computer science it etc. Before that the day before I saw her in the company we use to work she was like 40 ft front of me suddenly she turns her head back and sees me and stop walking and waiting me . I say a typical hello then I asked her where she is going she said to her mothet. Anyways she told me that she doesent feel well cause of her period anyways . When I finished I text her if she feels better . And the day after happens this .. I still want have a duck with her or try to reunite and make our relationship better if she wishes that too but I ask why she did that is that meens something or she is doing it friebdly. And what’s next should I text her now?
@George
I’d treat that as a contact from her and that she wants you. I’ve experienced similar thing after break up. Had the break up talk from her initiation and 1-2 weeks after that she calls that she needs help with computer. She was covertly flirty also, implied sex covertly. Yes she really needed help with computer but she could’ve called anyone else for that, the true purpose behind it was that she was horny and wanted to fuck. When the computer thing was over she jumped my bones immediately, and of course I escalated all the while. She was fucking horny for cock. This is usual after break ups, the woman breaks up and goes 1-2 weeks without sex and you’re the obvious safe choice to call to have sex with.
So, as you I’d treated that as like she was horny for your cock. I’d said that “well I’ll come over tonight and I’ll fix it, are you free at 8?” (make it a evening time and that she has had time to eat, relax and shower after her work, ie. romantic setting) then I’d go to hers, hug her deeply (bonus points if your cock gets hard while hugging and she feels it) then talk some and do whatever shit she needs with computer (if she even needs it) and be flirty and touchy with her. Most of the time it usually escalates to immediate sex especially if she liked your sex and she feels your hard cock when you hug her. That shit makes women horny as fuck and they cant help it.
“she sweetly ask me for a favor I ask her how can I help her”
I’d treat it as she sweetly asked you to come fuck her. Why did you start solving it in the phone? Phone is for setting dates and when she calls then instantly you go for the date saying “I’ll fix that when I come over / lets talk about that when we see, you free tonight at 8?” etc.
But if you blew that opportunity then what you should do now? Well of course theres no point starting to chase her, but from your writing it seems the situation left open ended. If thats the case then I’d text something like “If you didnt get the computer fixed I can come fix it tonight and lets catch up I’d love to know how you’re doing. You free at 8?” but obviously I might’ve misunderstood your writing and it might turn into chasing and that wouldnt do you good. But your ex made the initiation and you should really push for a meet when that happens. If you didnt then maybe you can do it now (note that I dont know the details). As a man you must lead and set the date. Sex must be your fault, she doesnt initiate it, she just initiates bullshit reason to see you. Then it just happens. But still do not overtly imply anything about sex or that you’ll be coming to fuck her. Acta non verba.
@Jack
Well it could’ve been better but still it communicated the right things that you want her as a lover and not as a friend.
“I don’t want to be your friend and I don’t see any reasons to continue to stay in touch with you”
I’d worded it a bit different. Ie. “I cant be just friends with you when I want to take you, be inside you and enjoy our sex like we always have. And unless we cant continue to be lovers then I dont see any reason for us to be talking anymore. But my door is open for you if you ever change your mind. Contact me only if you ever want the same as I do, we can be friends with benefits but not just friends that doesnt work for me when I want you so badly. Wish you all the best”
Obviously you can be very caring from a point of strenght and outcome independency. If it was LTR you can say that you love and adore her and want to work things out, but if she cant do that and continue as lovers or even as friends with benefits then this is it, you cant be with her just platonically that just doesnt work when you want her, and say that the door is open if she ever changes her mind and that you hope that she never contacts you for any other reason and wish her all the best.
Obviously you say all this only if you MEAN it. You can pour your heart and say what you want from her from a position of strenght and walk away. Strongest negotiation position is being able to walk away and mean it.
But theres not much point to think about it anymore in your case. It’s not like you should send a new message to her now. You walked away and you mean it. If she ever comes in contact with you again and the meet up doesnt happen then you can reassert again with better words.
@Martin she’s on her period atm bro. I think she did that to see if I’m still interested for her. She dump me for other dude and now she is single she said that she doesn’t interested about getting together 2 months ago .. but that call yesterday change some things. I want her to ride my cock once again and I think she does too. So cause the problem solved with the computer should I find any excuse now or I should wait her text?
Ultimately it doenst matter what you say to her when you truly are able to walk away and mean it. If you’re capable of walking away and meaning it, well then it doesnt matter what you say. You can say the most cringeful beta lovey dovey shit you want and it doesnt matter. You’re already walking so who cares? You dont say it to get her back. You say it because you authentically mean what you say and you want her to know how much you valued her in your life and she can choose to do whatever she wants. At that point who cares about the result it gives? You say what she means to you and still you can walk away. If you want to be authentic and say what you want to say then do it. It’s not like pretending to be aloof/indifferent gives that much of a different result, she can even sense that you’re being fake and you dont have balls to say what you want and are pretending to be indifferent. In the end honesty is the best aphrodisiac there is.
When you’re capable of walking away that means you have the confidence in you that you can find new women and recreate what ever you had with this one. That’s attractive to her too. Outcome independency.
@George
Well did you convey that you still are interested in her when she called? Or were you cold fish and acting aloof? You should be always glad to hear from ex (that is if you want her back in your life) and say that you’d like to see her and then set a date. Phone is for setting dates and not chatting. Chatting is done face to face.
Is she usually horny when her period is on? Did you usually fuck even with period on? Period doesnt matter much for some women, and then some women wouldnt want sex at that time. But you know your lady the best.
You fucked up by talking and giving out information via phone. Should’ve set the date when you could. Would’ve eliminated your need to chase now. It’s your choice in the end, if you feel like she’d want to see you and catch up after long time then you could shoot a text or call (better to call if she called you too) and set a date to catch up how you’re doing, make dinner at your place or something like that. If shes interested then she is down, if shes not then she’ll make excuses. Not much to lose and then you can start the NC if it fails and move on. Wait couple of days or even longer so the period goes off. And anyway in 2 weeks she’ll be ovulating and maybe she’ll contact you then. But only if you implied that you still want her when she called. Hope you werent aloof and like cold fish? Ex women wont contact you again if they got a feeling that you arent interested anymore. Nobody likes rejection, especially women.
No she doesn’t like sex on her period I don’t like it either but when the days is near to period off then she want sex. I was sleepy atm she called me and a little bit of high she said if I have something else to do I can do it and I said her no I can help her I said I got some plans but I have free time for her to come and fix the problem I didn’t exactly fix the problem. Via phone I’d tried to get there but she was at her friend place so I couldn’t do something there
Front of her friend ( she called me to sort her friend computer problem not hers and she said to me she is bad at computers and ask for my help) . Anyways I give my help to her somehow I wasn’t cold and fish but I was like I didn’t expect that phone call from her I’ve tried to show her that II’m available… I think that call means something as you said before and I won’t miss that opportunity to get out with her. I’ll wait couple of days and then call her ..what you think?
@ George, what do you mean “I’ll wait couple of days and then call her ….” ???? Let her do the chasing dude. You want to see if she is into you or not. If she is she will chase you and get in touch, be in no doubt about that. You do not want a “meh..” woman in your life where you need to beg her to be with you, you want a woman who things “fuck, yes!!!!!” at the thought of spending her time with you. Sex and time spent with such a “yes!” woman is a million times more fulfilling than being with a flaky woman you had to beg to be there.
I mean if she does not call me I’ll do it .. I kknow that you mean Man and yeah you are right but I think I blew thing up yesterday she called me when I was sleeping and I was puffing some blunts like I couldn’t handle it it was a bad momment. I’ve tried to give my best at this point but I’m not happy of the results.. so I think if she doesn’t contact me again in the next couple days that means she misunderstood me… Or she didn’t contact me cause she interest for me.. Or she did?
@Martin btw bro she told me if I have anything planned I can go and do my plans and she can call her cousin for the computet and i said her that it’s fine and I have free time to help her
I think she did a shit test there right?
@George
Nah not everything is a shit test. Maybe she was just being friendly and basically saying “you dont have to if you dont want to”. Seems from your story that she was interested to see you and maybe explore some romantic stuff if it gets down when you’re together. Ex women who you walk away from do not call just for no reason. There’s always some element of missing you behind there. And you gotta escalate that missing into sex. Maybe she was in a rebound relationship which died quickly and realized what she lost in you. In future get together face to face in as few steps as possible when she contacts you. You exchange information only that way. You cant fuck her through phone so do not give her information via phone. If she wants to know how you’re doing then she has to put herself infront of you face to face and then sex can and should happen. She too will know it and probably expects the sex, that is if you really were good match as lovers before you broke up.
Whatever she says in the phone you should always assume she wants to see you and you start to set the date and not talk about what she said. Next time she contacts you say: It’s nice to hear from you. I’d love to see you, when are you free to get together? That’s it and basically do not engage what she said, engage it when you’re together face to face, phone is just for the date setting. Keep it simple and if she rejects you then atleast you tried and dont have to think what to do next and just end it with “call me if you change your mind”. Then NC and she’ll have to pursue you or theres nothing between you. That gives peace of mind and you dont have to plot what you should do, because you shouldnt really have to do anything. Women who want you chase you, so you should just focus on your mission.
Honestly you should know yourself what to do in your situation. You yourself are the best doctor of your own situation. I’m not endorsing any chasing. You should have other women and really be outcome independent about her – she can come or go, doesnt really change your life that much. Of course you’d love to have her but you’re ok either way. There’s some tasty women out there who want you as badly as you want them. Just like RM_Pilot said. Nothing beats being with a woman who is very into you and dying to rip your clothes off and stuff her mouth with your cock. Aim for that. And if you find out yours ex is not like that then sayonara!
@martin very nice comment bro! thanks you appreciate that man!
I’m back on the blog, similar to a post I made but still not sure here. So I went full NC with my ex in May up to now. Before that we were seeing a little more of eachother before her two trips with family and friends and my tour. When we were on these trips she was sending snap chats to me and I’d send one to her few. Eventually when all the trips were over I found that the rebound was back in the picture and that they later went on a road trip together. She would still snap chat me when she was alone on this trip. That was when I decided to stop. I’ve been out of site completely for a while.
When I stopped she stopped for a bit but now has started snap chatting me again and likes things of mine on Insta and Facebook. What’s it mean? Should I do or say anything?
It’s not really direct contact.
I follow Corey Wayne and I feel he would say that she’s just feeling me out and not really making effort to contact, so stay NC.
Thoughts??
@Jbreeze
That shit is the burden of all those facebook, insta and snapchats. They do not allow you to disappear into ghostness. They can keep up with your life even if they’re not in your life, meaning that they dont even have to fuck you to get information from you. Doesnt help you. Ex women fucking love to get information from their exes, and if you’d happen to be a complete ghost and only give information when she fucks you, then she’d need to fuck you.
And thats the beauty of never adding women you date on FB, snapchat etc. Amongst men I know very few have instagram and neither do I. Roughly said all women have instagram, but only a portion of men have it.
Someone lately said here that when women want to add him to facebook then he just says how you only add people who are like close family to you. That’s great and thats a challenge to the girl to get to that level in your hierarchy. They want to achieve that feat, when other chumps just hand it out freely. Be different than other chumps.
Nowadays guy without FB, insta and snapchat stands out. Is more mysterious, more vagina tinglyness inducing. I’d never add plates there, and probably not even LTR‘s with my current knowledge. All that shit doesnt help you. On the other hand mysteriousness and absence always helps.
Jbreeze, consider “social media fast” and cut that shit out for couple months if you can, turn off notifications and never go to those apps. I think you’ll be a lot more productive and actually improve big time in the next months. Absence+massive improvement in all walks of life is a powerful combination.
What I mean is that especially regarding your ex that would help so much. Those contacts cant really be regarded as direct contacts to you and with snapchat you never know, so it sucks. Let them contact you via whatsapp/call to get your attention. I think many of us have learned their lessons that never add women you’re fucking to snapchat – thats just one step closer to being just a orbiter. If they want your validation then hell they have to spread their legs to you. Now all they need to do is snap and they’ll see how you’re orbiting them. I’d advice people to use snapchat only for following actual friends & cool people (and they’re mostly men). That’s not a place for having women who you’re dealing romantically with.
Hi guys. Quick check in to let you know what’s happening. So complete ignore since she broke up with me in April other that her wanting to drop stuff off in May (which I spoke about before). Fast forward to today, she contacts me to let me know her gynecologist visit revealed that HPV and she could only have gotten it from me (yea apparently she was a 38 year old virgin who after being married for 15 years, never had penetrative sex?) . I know I should’ve ignored but that really got under my skin so I gave her an earful (bad mistake) but eventually when things calmed down, she basically soft soaped me saying I set the bar very high and she was ‘quiet devastated’ after she saw I’m with someone new so quickly and she is very good looking. Oh and she’s not saying it will but maybe we will get together in the future. Left the conversation very cool without pushing to meet (I realized that this conversation start was not on my terms and she was being manipulative again). Now I’m getting texted every second day just talking fluff. @Martin this is the ‘it’s not you its me discussion’ from previous.
Either way…..the complete ignore process definitely seems to work. If for nothing else than helping you build up your self esteem again only to be better than you were before.
@Michael
Well I’d schedule STD check up if I were you. If they come clean you can very well send her screenshot of those results. It’s never nice to be accused of that and you can always laugh how they just know it was from you, when in reality there’s probably 50 potential guys who could’ve given it to her. Remember you met her on Tinder, which is a red flag (meaning only plate material). There was just recently some “study” in the news how people from Tinder have STD’s more likely. It’s just a fuckfest app and contributes to STD spreadage, so a girl from there has been around the block and if shes on contraceptives then man shes been rawdogged a bunch by the Tinder Chad’s who themselves has fucked hundreds of girls raw. LTR material from Tinder? Suuuure… In unicorn dreams.
Based on your story shes obviously still attracted to you and NC + social proof works wonders. But if you ever get down to business with her in future, remember to wrap it up. But you’re with a new hot girl, why even entertain the idea of her unless you really really liked her. Sounds to be typical tinder std trash who tries to branch swing all the time and hypergamously checks tinder for new alphas all the time. These kind of women shouldnt be on your list. Unless I’m wrong about her.
@Martin, spot on dude…..If you’d asked me 6 months ago is she worth it and if I believe all the bullshit then I would probably would’ve said yes…..now I know better (this blog and the comments on the blog from guy’s like yourself can be thanked for opening my eyes). At the moment I haven’t moved completely into the ‘scratch her from the list’ yet…..this is because I still have memories of the feelings yada yada yada bullshit…..essentially I’m just enjoying the turn around from ‘get away from me’ to ‘I’m quite devastated you’re in a relationship’ (translation….I ain’t going back there in the near future but it’s nice to know you still miss me).
Thanks again for keeping me and to the rest of the guy’s reading this on the straight and narrow……FYI all out there reading this…..If you need an indicator that this process works, then my situation should speak volumes….might not turn out exactly as you expected but I bet you’ll look back after a couple of months or even maybe a year and be amazed how much you have grown…..outcome independent…
@Michael
Nothing wrong having her as a sex playmate if you digged her sex and company, women are to enjoyed and theres not many exes I’d scratch off completely, but obviously remember the std risk now that shes proven to have that.
Shit works out in the end, just gotta be patient through the painful periods and focus on improving yourself not destroying yourself like many do after break up like with drinking and shit when instead you should be lifting+eating well & meditating, focusing on mission and you’ll be at great position quickly.
I’ve read most of the comments here and for the most part I know what to do but I was hoping some of you still have some tips for me.
My ex dumped me over a year ago (6 year relationship) and instantly got into a relationship with a colleague. It came as a shock to me because there were (almost) no signs she wasn’t happy; we still had lots of (amazing) sex (I made her cum 99% of the time), she was with me every day (we didn’t live together yet because of cultural differences, marry first), still seemed like she loved me etc. She even talked about marriage and made a photo collage of our best photo’s 2 weeks before she dumped me.
In the beginning of our relationship I was pretty alpha (not saying I was alpha 2.0) but as time progressed I became needy/insecure. Especially when she broke up with me, there was nothing of me left and made all the mistakes.
For 2 months my ex was desperate to keep me as a friend, I also fucked her a couple of times (so she cheated on her new bf) because she told me he sucked in bed and had a small penis.
At one point though I had to cut contact with her which she didn’t like and tried to contact me in all ways possible. I wished her goodluck with her life.
The months went by and she would sometimes message me something lame like at 1 AM “Didn’t you go to ….. ‘s birthday?” (he didn’t even celebrate his birthday). This was her last message, which I ignored.
In februari this year there were festivities in my city and I had planned to go to this club. I was smoking a cigarette on my balcony when I hear my name calling, obviously it was my ex. She asked if I would go to this club. I tried to be alpha but I think I was more like alpha 1.0. She didn’t know how to act to that attitude so she just went to the city.
I bought tickets so I still had to go to this club. After arrival it didn’t take me long to spot her. I didn’t talk to her for a few hours untill some friends told me my ex was asking around “Who is he with?”. My ex was looking at me so I decided to talk to her. She seemed nervous and one of the first things she said was “I saw that you blocked me/ignored my message” (I didn’t block her). She said “We don’t need to fight” I said “Look, If you want to talk, that’s fine but not here”. She then said “Ok sure, you can call me if you want, the ball is in your court”. I wanted to be ‘alpha’ so I said “Hey, you don’t have to throw the ball in my court”. The conversation ended and we didn’t talk anymore but she was looking at me often, especially when I was talking to other women. When I looked her way she acted as if she wasn’t looking at me.
I wanted her to contact me so I never called her but she never messaged me either. Did I make a mistake by doing so? She is still with her bf, which I guess can’t be called ‘new’ anymore. It worries me that she actually found a guy that looks a lot like me but is younger.
I know I have a case of oneitis, it’s not that I don’t know there are millions of women out there but you can’t just get rid of your feelings.
Since the breakup I’ve been improving myself physically and mentally. I’ve been fucking other girls but it simply is not the same. I would love to get another shot at her, even if it’s just sex. Hope you guys can give me some tips.
@Martin
Thanks for your input! I seriously appreciate it I agree on what you said, and I thought about these things after I had sent the message. But as you said, not a single cell in my body wanted to contact her again afterwards to explain it better. She knows that I care, she knows I want to be with her, and she knows why we aren’t having any sort of communication what so ever at this point. Her brother hangs around in my social circle from time to time though and we are good friends. I haven’t talked to him after the break up, but he will likely bring her up next time we see each other… Like: “So you and my sister broke up, huh?” And we will probably hang out from time to time. Any considerations to be taken in regards to her when I hang out with her brother? They have a close bond and say absolutely everything to each other
@Jack
Well if her brother asks something about it then sure you can say stuff like “yeah she wanted to break up against my will, I’d want to be with her and I still like her a lot and miss her but the ball is now in her court and she knows it, so she has to contact me if she ever wants to rekindle things and someday I hope she does that”. You can also assert the fact that you just cannot be just friends with her, it was a romantic relationship not a friendship… if that comes up somehow. (because they always say that “if you miss her then talk to her!” and no it doesnt work that way)
Say it in a outcome independent non-needy way, but obviously in a caring way and not arrogantly. Brothers obviously do not want some non caring idiot to be with her sister, they’re often protective about their sister and do not want jackasses to be with them but good guys, so talk accordingly if you want him to speak good things about you to her.
But do it once and after that never talk about it. All things you say will go back to her, so too much conveyed neediness will harm you. Indicate once how much you liked her and how the ball is now in her court if she wants rekindle things and be done with those talks. After that she’ll always ask his brother that did you talk about her? And when she learns that you didnt she’ll start to wonder about you and think did you got over her (and hamster that are you with a new hotter girl?) and then she’ll panic thinking about losing you forever and remind you by contacting you. Also remember to lift, when you hang with her brother then the word will go to her that you’re now a lot more buff / lean / got big muscles. Aand if shes a typical woman she’ll want to see that (and fuck you).
It’s funny thing that with some exes they sense the point when I’m totally getting over them and forgetting them, and thats the point they make a contact just to remind about themselves and about our history. And man again got a shot of that oneitis drug and moving on got a hit. They know this and they do this on purpose, they’re great manipulators. And these contacts have leaded to sex too. So yes, you want to convey what you want and after that you’re fine either way with or without her. If she wants the same then she’ll have to do something. I wont do jack shit when she dumped me, she has to earn me back – that should be your attitude.
Hey guys…I just wanted to give an update here…
It’s been a little over a week of NC with my ex…
And I ve been keeping myself pretty busy during the week…Although being retired with plenty of time on my hands there’s been many highs and lows in my head…
Anyway yesterday I went Trolling on a few Dating sites…Not really expecting anything when BAM i hit on this woman and the replies and conversation started flowing…
Turns out we are both at the exact same place in life with our ex’s…Both on the rebound…
During our conversation I went into her head and was asking her some very deep questions and she just ate it up…
And I will tell you this woman is a friggin 10+ in my book…Picture this. Claire Dane with DD’S And a really nicely padded ass…She’s 43 im 56..
Anyway…we texted for about 15 minutes, then she initiated a phone call then 2 hours later …
Totally out of the blue she says…”Ian…i replied yes…She says…Would you like to cum over and fuck me like no tomorrow…
I replied send me your address hun Ill be there in 30 minutes….
Now I will say that the sex with my ex was absolutely outstanding…
But this woman took sex to a whole new level guys…I SHIT YOU NOT…
We fucked all frigging night long…I must have popped 3 times on her…
I mean I could not get enough of her pussy…
Anyway I had to leave b4 her boy woke up but we did enjoy a cup of coffee out by her pool b4 I left…No awkward moments at all.
And she really hit it home for me when she said that she’s never in her life been Fucked the way I Fucked her…
That really helped my bruised ego…
And she initiated a meet for next weekend…
And she caught her ex…a Military guy out fucking 4 different 20 year olds when he had this sweet piece of ass right in front of him…SILLY BOY
Anyway…I’m still Enforcing the NC with my ex…
And since I had this pussy last night….I don’t know after taking this woman if I really want to step back with my ex now…
It like going from a Ferrari to a Lincoln
So…even if nothing happens with this woman relationship wise…I still got a great piece of ass….And Ill keep taking it for as long as I can…
Thanks agian for all your support…Ian
@Ian
Good fucking job man with the hook ups. As Corey Wayne would say; its your birthright to enjoy women like this.
Now do not start to chase after these women, let them come to you in regards to initiation by text/call. Let them wonder about you and do not chase after them instantly after great nights, theres no rush. What I mean is that do not get oneitis to any new women right away. It’s usual to get extreme oneitis after break up if you do meet a great woman. Then quickly the same will happen as with the ex, meaning no more woman to enjoy yet again. I suggest you go read article by BD: “Nine Steps To Avoid Neediness and Oneitis” and preach those steps.
Hey…I just went and read the Nine Steps To Avoid Neediness and Oneitis…Great Blog…
And very true…
I refuse to let myself get lured into Neediness or Oneitis…
That is so beneath me…I stay stong…Even being retired I have made new goals for myself…Cash…well that comes easy for me…
Its July 25th and Im sitting on 480K for the year…From the house…Not working for anyone else…
I go to the gym 5 days a week…sometimes more…
Ive had a few major life changes over the last 3 years…The biggest one was my weight . In 2014 November I weighed in at 325…It took a year of hard work and perseverance and I dropped 135 lbs…
Just this last week I decided to push on and drop another 25 lbs to put me at 165…
So…For me…the key to avoiding Neediness or Oneitis is staying focused on myself and having the Mental Awareness to recognize the warning signs to avoid these Pitfalls…
But not all men can do that…
Thanks again for the Great Blog…Keep up the good work…Ian
@Martin
For sure! Thanks again! I will add to that and say something like “But I understand where her feelings come from, but she would see a change in certain areas if she wouldn’t have ended our relationship!”
Good point! Her brother will probably ask me straight out if I am seeing somebody else at the moment. I got some girls on the line that probably have been waiting for this to happen, one of them wanted me to sleep over this weekend, but I am away travelling at the moment. How honest do you think I should be towards him with this stuff? I were thinking of giving some mysterious answers without giving him any black and white answers. Something like “Yeah, I got some girls checking me out… let’s just see who wins the trophy!” laugh, and then change the subject.
Yeah! I’m MMA fighter and I am working out every day, which she knows, and she did love my body. But you can never be too lean and mean!
Haha! Funny you said that. I did sense that something were off with my girl. We had already planned to see each other a weekend. Keep in mind that this was a LDR. But since I felt something were off, I rushed it and asked if I could visit her a week before, and that’s when I got her message. Reading yours and all the comments in this thread is like cutting through 100s of relationship experiences. I hope I am contributing with sharing my story.
@Martin
Hello man I’d need your advice if possible
Yesterday I’ve uploaded and photo of some spiritual positive vibe and she likes the photo I mean she never again liked a photo after a brake up and 3 days ago I had a phone call I mean I’d all that mean something…?
And should I like her photos or comment?.
Thanks kindly George
@George
No you should not like her photos or comment, she pushed you away so you should do none of the chasing or giving her any attention whatsoever unless she directly contacts you. You should do nothing, just wait for her direct contact initiation and be ready for it. You should prepare for it and know what to say if she suddenly calls. If you want her back in your sex life then you should be glad to hear from her and be making a date to hangout. She should be coming to your place like she used to before. And if she starts to feel weird about it then walk away saying “well I’d love to see you so call me if you ever change your mind”.
When woman dumps you against your will, after that man never initiates contact again. All future initiations must come from the woman. She changed the dynamic against your will so she has to face the consequences. No matter if you in future spend awesome night having sex all night, even after that you never initiate. She must come to you. It must be her idea.
Looks like this thread is alive and well. Don’t know why I am even posting since my answers are in many of the 1000 comments. So basicly I was the stereotypical case of breaking every cardinal rule after being broken up with. I.e. texting right away. Showing up at her house, job. More than once. Needless to say it did not go in my favor and I wasnt even aware of all these unwritten rules about not texting. And so on. Turns out they are very well written now that I found this site and others.
But during the texting she made it clear she wanted me to stay away, even threatened to call the cops, even before I showed up. Which really made my anxiety skyrocket. Anyway, not to go into a whole long story. I haven’t texted her in almost 2 weeks. The longest I lasted. I see so many hopeful replies here. And I guess that is why i am posting. People sayjng that even when it seems like the worst case scenario she might still contact you. I can’t say how long I will last with nc. But it had a lot of negative impact. Anyway, would love to hear from anyone out there.
You have got to use the time you are chasing these women to apply to NEW women. They have a sick sense and can sometimes tell when you lose interest in them and then will come back. They are like Cats and want you to pet them when you ignore them basically. You have got to stop chasing women and they will chase you and then you will look at the old you and laugh eventually. Trust me. Just do everything the opposite that you are now for 3 months and report back =)
Thanks. The way we got together was complex. So it’s a tough call. But I will try.
Human attraction is very complex. It can make you insane. There was a time in the beginning stages not too long ago where when we first met I thought it would be just fun and games. And I remember liking her for fun and even looking for other women at same time not that i met other women during that point just being open to.
But at the same time I was dealing with other things didn’t feel I was that into her to make an effort. That was until she started ignoring my texts and it put all sorts of thoughts in my head, thinking she was with another guy I saw her with once that she worked with that she said follwoed her around. She said she wasnt into. That is when I knew how much I really liked and cared and neglected to make time. The only way I was able to get back in contact was taking a risk by showing up at her job. Lucky for me it worked in my favor that time. But that was then.. now we are not on good terms as stated above.
When a women starts to ignore my texts or slows response time down, I just copy her and do the same back. If she never responds to a question, she won’t EVER see a text back or call back. I just simply disappear like I could care less if she responds. It’s funny cuz many times they will do this on purpose just to test us to see how needy we are. If you keep asking her why she is not responding she will place you in the needy group and your history. If her response time is 2 hours, so is mine. If she don’t respond, neither do I. I remember this one flaky chic that scheduled to come over to my place at 8 pm and so 8 pm came and went and at 8:05 I left to the gym to play ball and NEVER texted her or called her to inquire why she never came. She never said she wasn’t coming or anything. Next morning she texts me, “you must not have wanted to see me that badly”.
I said, “I wanted to see you, just not THAT badly so went to play ball. Sorry but didn’t know I was suppose to let you know that =) Maybe we have better luck next time?? ttyl gorgeous
Just copy them and their actions or non actions. Just assume everything she does bad is a TEST for you! Are you gonna pass or become a Ben Affleck?
Here’s a thought though, that I’ve been thinking, and which also popped in my mind during my “win her back beta style” phase.
If you haven’t really been that into her when you “had her” is it really right that you should pursue her to get her back? Just because you “realized how much you love her” all of a sudden when she walked away, I think this reaction is basic human psychology.
It’s important to raise your self-awareness and know why you react and behave in certain ways when you do.
Yes. My feelings for her were very real. Just needed time to develop. I was into her. Just took some time to come to surface. Unfortunately it took her ignoring me. She didn’t have to keep up the ignoring at the time.
Anyway, as far as what you said ignoring someone giving them the same treatment. Well that takes a certain level of self control discipline. And even if I knew then what I knew now. I can’t say I would do anything different. I would most likely eff up again the same way.
I have to chalk it up to never being in that situation. And other underlying issues that can make a guy go off the deep end
I have a interesting question. I see a lot of comments telling guys to go out have sex as much as you can if you can. And that is great advice of course I want that. Need that. Having a high sex drive and all. But lets say at the same time you have feelings for your ex but still have a desire for sex. Wouldn’t that affect your feelings for her down the road?
@Jd78
“I see so many hopeful replies here. And I guess that is why i am posting. People sayjng that even when it seems like the worst case scenario she might still contact you. I can’t say how long I will last with nc. But it had a lot of negative impact. Anyway, would love to hear from anyone out there.”
While this is true, that with right application of NC and patience she’ll likely come back someday (perhaps after 6 months, years), and I dont mean back to being your girlfriend but back in your sex life for a period no one can tell. But dont get too hopeful on that fact, do not wait it like no tomorrow. Yeah you love her and want to be with her, but the fact is that she lost attraction for you and shes not with you anymore. You dont own these women, they can do whatever they want.
So when knowing this fact, you must really move on and start to enjoy new women. You have to start thinking how insane it is to want a woman who doesnt want you. When just now there is a young girl who is fucking enthuastic to see me, spend nights fucking our brains out and telling me how she fantasizes about how I touch her and fuck her, telling me what days shes free to see. And I fucking want her a lot, big part of the attraction is the fact how much she wants me. And while I fucking still love my oneitis ex, but still if she doesnt enthuastically want to have sex with me then whats the point? I move on and find new enthuastic woman and I’d million times more rather have this new girl whos dying to get fucked by me than some old oneitis ex who is like “meh” about me (atleast for now, that’ll likely change in future when she gets sentimental and wants to see me because unless she wants to fuck I’ll continue to be 100% ghost).
So yeah, now you need to move on and keep 100% NC ghost on. And when you’re fine and have mourned the loss then start dating new women, find women who want to choke on your cock sucking it like no tomorrow. Then I bet you wouldnt want to change it to your ex who doesnt even want to fuck your brains out anymore.
And for your last question, well in my opinion you must always heal after the break up. Instantly going to fuck some random women gives me nothing, it just ramps the feelings for ex to 9000. Because you miss that person and how you used to be and that chemistry and that passionate sex you had. You’ll likely think your ex when you fuck this new chick, you’ll just think how all these women suck compared to your ex. So I’d advice to go on a 1 month “monk mode” after break up and improve yourself big time. Lift, great diet, no alcohol, meditate everyday, focus on your mission. Feel it to heal it and do not bottle those break up feelings (you can even fucking cry alone and that’ll help too – “feel it to heal it”). Then you’ve moved on and can start to enjoy new women. This is better “game plan” if it was real LTR where you both were in love and you lost her, than the go fuck randoms the next day plan. You’ll be in a much better place more quickly if you do it that way.
But this is just my opinion. It’s fucking pointless to even give your time to new girls if all you can do is think your ex and not even be present to the moment. But its fun to see that if you do see women while still hooked on your ex, you’ll see how non-needy you are and your feelings are unclear to the chick and she’ll start to chase you hard. You dont even want her and that prompts these chicks to chase you hard, while you want your ex so much that you’re dying and she runs away from you. It’s a fucking wake up call to what these women want. They dont want a needy guy. They want a guy who doesnt really even want them. That’s a challenge and they love challenge.
My girl broke up with me and I said fine. Didn’t contact her for 2 months and she got a new boyfriend. Then I saw her in a club. She’s stubborn so I had to say hi, she says F*** you, you played me. Conversation ended, one hour later she’s grabbing my privates asking if I missed her.
She has a boyfriend/rebound but she ended up in my bed that night leaving at 5pm the next day while her BF was at the gym working out. She was basically begging to get back with me while I just softly blew her off.
NC works because she told me all she was doing is waiting on my text and constantly thinking of me. Everything reminded her of me.
Now I’m not a beta male, I get tons of p***** so I didn’t care if she left. But just to show it does work and this girl is hot with a masters degree.
She wants to leave her BF for me but I’m not interested and it keeps her chasing, if I ever give in I might be the guy she cheats on next.
Congrats Chuck, keep her chasing. Funny you said that she was waiting on your text. If he you texted her and blew up her phone, that would have lessened her attraction for you, just like BD said. Once again, congrats.
I keep checking whatsapp to see if she wad active
And each time I do I have a strong urge to text. I the negative replies i got from her in the past and it kills me.
What can I do about this?
What is soft texting?
I find it telling that here you have a chic with a MASTERS degree asking you to be her BF while she is cheating on her current BF. Does that make any sense whatsoever? This just shows you how nuts and illogical women really are.
I recently had my current GF tell me that she was a “serial monogamous” dater and that she dated this “Mr On/Off” guy for 5 years non-exclusively. She also had about 5 or 6 exclusive BFs that she dated in between him. She claims she would break things off with the exclusive guys before she would see Mr. on/off again. (if she says no she didn’t she looks like a cheater and slut and if she says she did, she admits that being non-exclusive is better so she realized she was kinda stuck at this point).
So my question to her was what in the hell then is my incentive to date you Exclusively when I can date you non-exclusively and see you for 5 years when I want to?
She got angry and frustrated and said, “well I don’t do that anymore” lmao. So, just to f**k w/ her I agreed to be exclusive but then said….”for only 90 days and then let’s reevaluate it ok” lol. She rolled her eyes and said ok fine. I couldn’t have her getting too comfortable =) (note: I told her she is the 1st chic I have decided to be exclusive with but I generally don’t believe in this unless living together)
Another chic kept bragging about how she was the one that broke up w/ all her 3 of her exs and then proceeds later that day to ask me to be exclusive with her! She too had a Masters degree. So, I say why so you can make me # 4? oh she was pissed lol
What did we learn? Masters degrees mean nothing in terms of logic or smarts. But I would say they seem to be better in bed =))
I feel like no contact will be futile at this point. If i did it a month ago maybe. But too much damage on my end was done
@Jd78
“I keep checking whatsapp to see if she wad active And each time I do I have a strong urge to text. I the negative replies i got from her in the past and it kills me.
What can I do about this?”
Mate delete her number and delete the convo in whatsapp, then you wont see her at whatsapp and you cant check up on her like a addict (it does you no good). That is what you can do.
Whatsapp last active thing causes a lot of hamstering for men and women. Anyone have thoughts should you vanish on that too upon breakup?
“I feel like no contact will be futile at this point. If i did it a month ago maybe. But too much damage on my end was done”
No. It’s never futile. Because whats the alternative? To chase her until you get a restraining order? You gotta stop the useless hamstering and realize that you must do the opposite of which got you dumped. You probably chased her to death and she dumped you? (thats the usual) So is it wise to do more of that? No. Do the opposite. Vanish. Delete her number, then atleast you wont ever initiate contact.
“What is soft texting?” Go to the homepage of this site, theres a recent article on that.
Very sound advice, Martin. All extra hard for someone whoi is little depressed, a little anxious. And not having much luck meeting new women
@JD78
Hang in there man. We’ve all been there and we’re all now at a better place because of this experience. I’d suggest you go to youtube and search for “coach corey wayne” and start watching his videos NOW. That’ll help. He can teach you everything you need in this situation.
Great, thanks. Will do. ?
Q: went the longest i ever have without texting. 14 days. I know. Sounds pathetic. Would it be a bad idea to text? Wait longer. Or give up completely?
I am affraid that might open a wound if i do.
This girl connected with me on a dating app – I’ve had no correspondence with her yet.
Her profile read :
” Being an independent woman is all fun and games until you need to get the lid off of a jar”
What would be your opening email to her ? Any suggestions?
No clue? What app we taking about?
Tinder
Ah tindr. I have no luck on there. Trying bumble. Seems a bit better. As far as this girl goes. Ask her what the heck is she taking about??
@Martin
Hello man don’t really know if she plays any game with me or she just want to mess my mind cause she really did .. she liked another photo again 2 days ago but not any contact or something don’t know why she s liking my photos if she doesn’t want something from me.. already a week still nothing from her but I’ll continiue NC rule atm. I chased her enough I won’t do it again I won’t do bad to myself but she really got in my mind again I mean I’m thinking of her everyday again after that call and the likes I mean she makes me want to contact her but I’m holding back of that … I might see her today cause we work in same company I’ll be friendly with her I mean the typical things only..
Some of you more recent joiners to this thread need to man the fuck up. FFS, have you guys read the whole of the thread? If you had you would see that the same piece of advice is given out time after time after time, namely, ignore her and do not contact her if she has dumped you. And YES, THAT MEANS YOU TOO. Your circumstances are not unique.
Whether you’re four days together or four decades married, whether you’re in NYC, an Eskimo or an Aborigine, time and space away from you with ZERO contact initiation from you is what is needed to have any chance of getting her to boomerang. The more you ignore this rule the further you will push her away and lessen your value. There are NO exceptions. No liking of FB, no texting, Whatsapp, phone calls, Skype, no “accidentally” trying to bump into her, no hanging out with her friends/family members. NOTHING. Be so distant from her that even if she died you would not know about it! Sorry to be so blunt but that’s where you need to be. She has to come to the realization on her own that with you COMPLETELY absent from her life she is poorer for it and thus causing her to reach out to you because she misses you and realizes she dumped you by mistake. Do you think chasing and pestering her is going to cause attraction after she has dumped you? The only thing that will do is get you a restraining order and the police involved unless you are careful. Grow a fucking pair guys…..
Amen RM_Pilot.
It’s usual business that men get restraining orders after LTR that ended badly, because they chase and chase and cant let them go. They’re with some new man and the needy ex bombs her phone everyday, thats fucking pathetic and will destroy the last bit of respect she has for you. She starts to despise you and even fear you and soon the police will interfere. After that its a gone case for lifetime, those legs wont open for you ever again. That’s the result of chasing after breakup.
Women dont want to be with a needy guy, they want away from that ASAP. Because they know that they wont be around forever, they either dump the guy or one day they will die leaving the guy in pain. She knows that you need her and thats too big of a burden for any woman. She doesnt want that responsibility. They fear that you go off yourself if you become too needy and she dumps you one day. That’s why they will get out from the first sign of neediness, so that they wont make the situation even worse.
Women want non needy guy who is ok with or without her. A guy who is low drama and lets her come and go at her own pace. A guy who lets her have the freedom to do whatever she pleases and doesnt pester after her. He doesnt mind her emotional whims because he doesnt need her. The fact that you give her the space to chase you is something what women want. They love to chase a man. But many guys here destroy that opportunity by never giving women the space to chase them. That’s why “they dont just feel it anymore”. Like a cat she loves the chase. And you know what a cat does when you like it and start to run after it trying to pet it? It runs away in repulsion, only to go purr to a person who doesnt do anything and doesnt chase it (who probably is even annoyed by that little thing).
@George
No do not call her after these thousands of examples in this thread. Even if you get her that way its not gonna be on the power dynamic that you want. She’ll hold the cards and again you’ll get dumped quickly. “I’ll be friendly with her” Being friendly with a ex gives you nothing, it just gives you the dreaded friend zone. If anything be like a lover. Being nice, being friendly is the last nail in the coffin. She’s just gonna talk about you with her friends how you called her and talk to them that you’re a nice guy but “I just dont feel anything for him anymore, but the Chad that never texts me FUCK I want him sooo much, what could I do to make him want me more and text me more? maybe send nudes??” and again the phone beeps and that fucking nice guy (you) is there pestering after her and she just rolls her eyes and her friends laugh at you with repulsion. Stop that shit.
Now I dont mean that you should be asshole to her. I mean that if she stopped spreading her legs to you then you have no reason to contact her and be “friendly” with her. And that silence should be your message to her. She’ll figure it out fast enough that if she never reaches out shes never gonna hear from you. And unless she spreads her legs to you shes never gonna talk to you again. Even if you see her somewhere you shouldnt stop to talk with her, same principles apply that you do not give information unless she fucks you, so if you do see her somewhere and she talks to you then you’re busy now but set a date to hangout some evening and catch up and then you must go. You guys were lovers and she changed the terms of your relationship against your will. So she cant complain about that, its her loss and she must face the consequences of not having you in her life unless its the same way you always had her. But so many ex boyfriends have no spine and do not give any consequences to the girl. She can fucking dump you and go to fuck other men and still have you in her life, no repercussions whatsoever. That’s a definition of a pathetic guy who likes to take abuse and likes to resort to being fake and pretend, you’re constantly eating shit and inviting yourself to do more of that (the girl subconsciously despises your weakness for not standing up for yourself). You should have none of that if you like to think yourself as a man of honour. If you’re dumped against your will and would like to continue being lovers in some form (like fwb) but she doesnt, then you must walk away and mean it as fast as possible.
@ George
It’s common to think of the ex. I’ve done it myself, HOWEVER like Martin says, the opposite of NC is to keep chasing. NC gives you the opportunity to rebuild yourself back up again while chasing makes you look weak. Your choice buddy. During NC, you should “upping your stock”. New clothes, more money, more traveling, weight loss, etc. Think of it like this, by being out of your life, the ex has given you MORE TIME TO DO MORE THINGS. I didn’t have a retirement account until I got dumped. I have lost 25 pounds since getting dumped. I’ve met new women since getting dumped. The money I could have spent on taking the the ex to restaurants and trips is now invested in Coca-Cola and Statoil. See my point??
I am replying to martin, and you. And reading all this after the fact is like torture. About what not to do. I did all of it. The funny thing is the first day when i texted her. The first day!!! She even threatened the police. She has been down that road before i now see. It was a shock. I was upset. Hurt. I still couldn’t do the nc thing for the life of me. She ignored and ignored. Just tried to text her and figure out her rational. I was never in a situation like this. But to martin..there is no hope if you you did every text book example wrong above?
I knew that my texting and chasing lead to my downfal. I couldn’t see it at first not being in a similair situation. That is really the most upsetting. Realizing you had no self-control. Being ignorant to all these facts. Not being able to change it. So now what, martin? Now what?
There is a sayjng that comes to mind about all this.
“You can’t unring a bell”
means once you did something you have to live with the consequences
Wow, rm you have a way of really putting out there. Even got a chuckle out of it. Better then any therapist. Older brother.
@jds78, a lot of us have done these things. Let your learning and the rest of your life start RIGHT NOW and do not contact her or reach out to her again. Even if she does contact you be polite but indifferent and arrange a date at your place. If she refuses tell her to call you if she should change her mind, to stay in touch and then get off the phone or send no more texts if this was a text/FB chat conversation. On no account start to give information away on the phone. But she must contact you first. You must NEVER initiate contact with her.
You must learn to be OK with the prospect that she may not reach out. As this thread discusses, that is unlikely but it is possible. But remember, if you two enjoyed a good time then she will miss you too. It is normal to miss the ex – I still do a bit 16 weeks later – but I have accepted she may boomerang or she may not. That’s why you have to start to think about other women and not dwell on the ex. And I have been seeing another woman now for four weeks and first time I hooked up with another woman since being dumped. It felt great and I am not hung up on the ex at all now. You must do the same. Indeed, as many will tell you, it is only when you truly in your heart start to move on from the ex that she seems to have a sixth sense, a telepathic sense that you are doing so and then she’ll reach out! It is uncanny how they seem to sense you are feeling better and moving on from her.
“Wow, rm you have a way of really putting out there. Even got a chuckle out of it. Better then any therapist. Older brother”.
That’s what we are here for, to tell you guys the facts as they are and what works and does not work. And I am here to tell you if you keep chasing that woman, sending her texts, likign her FB poists and calling her after she dumped you then she is gone forever. 100% certainly. You will be friend zoned, avoided and never, ever get into her pants again. You must become a ghost to her and completely ignore/avoid her like the plague until she reaches out. That may take a few weeks or months. Sometimes years. And in the meantime you need to develop other interests, develop yourself as a man and explore other women options in case she does NOT reach out. You do not sit staring at the phone waiting for her to text/call!
“a lot of us have done these things” and those lot of you are supposedly otherwise very sane, stable mentally. So I guess that is good to hear. Not that I am not. Other than some anxiety that came to surace afterwards, depression. But even the healthiest person can fuck up looking at all these comments. Good to know.
But as far as her contacting me, rm. That is wishfull thinking at this point. After getting her to that heated, almost hateful level. Have you heard cases where an ex contacted after being at that level?
Rm, so she is gone forever? Because I did all that big time! ?
@Jds78, make fewer posts and put more questions into one post.
No, she is not necessarily gone forever. Exes will often reach out no matter how badly it ended. What I can tell you is that if you keep reaching out she WILL be gone forever. Read the posts in this thread, all of them.
Got ya. Thanks
Hey guys…Im coming up on week 3 of NC…
I will tell you that these guys are right about NC…
It’s not easy…And it will definitely define who you are…
I have highs and lows…Yesterday was a very bad day and Im going to be honest with you here…I was in the shower balling like a friggin baby…Yeah sounds weak ehhh???
Then the inner Man stepped in and literally smacked me across the face several times and told me to man the fuck up…Let her go…If she doesnt want you, go find someone who does…
After I got out of the shower and looked in the mirror I apologized to myself for being such a pussy…
I did go out and got laid last week but that wasnt enough…My ex and I fucked day in and day out…And I’m missing my drug…
So I just booked a flight to San Jose,CR for 5 days…
My old stomping grounds…Booked my hotel 1 block from the Cat house…And I have a fat wad of cash to get my Fix….And Im going to go get my drug there…And I can get it there 24/7…
Its just a means to get my ex out off my head and deaden the pain…
NC requires alot of mental Focus…Staying active…Working out…Keeping busy..
And for me it has really redefined the man that I am for the better…
So hang tough and listen to these guys on here…
And as my Inner Man said to me…
“Man the Fuck Up”…
May your days be filled with dripping wet pussy…
I never got a reply to my ‘situation’ in my last post but I guess that’s ok because the answer will most likely be “ignore her”. The only difference is that my ex put the ball in my court to contact her, does that make any difference.
One other question: Would it be OK for her to see you on photo’s with other girls ?
Maaan I stumbled on this article. I just got broken up with on the 9th of this month. For one, she also said she wanted to take the celibate route. I don’t even know if that was true nor do I care. But I believe she’ll be fucking somebody else. Because the way her personality is, no guy is gonna put up with that and she’s not gonna find a guy that isn’t gonna want to fuck. Unless it’s a guy she can control.
I admit when she emailed me the breakup saying we should just be friends I got a but emo on her, BUT, I denied her request! I did not be her friend! I reiterated that multiple times when she would subtly bring it up. So officially on the 9th I axed her ass. No FB, I deleted her number. Everything. I got her sister on FB and her sister seems more attracted to me a bit. She likes every fucking status and she’s cute and got many guys after her. Now she likes damn near everything. I also cut my hair too and she liked that.
I would so make a move on her but don’t have the edge to cut into her like that, plus that’ll be messy, unless, we keep it under wraps.
But it’s been NC ever since then. And since then I’ve been talking to other chicks. I coached myself not to even look at her page because I truly don’t give a fuck. She was actually my first love so that’s why it hit me real hard. But now I’m getting over it. The more women I smash the better. Plus I’m just focusing more on myself. Women to me now are literally just a bonus. It may sound sexist but really don’t care–because women aren’t that dumb. Women settle down for who the fuck they want to settle for. They care less what you got inside it’s all about what you own and what you can provide them.
I’m not providing a woman with jack shit. That’s why I couldn’t even see the point of paying a prostitute. Bitch, you’re payment is me busting your cherry! How am I gonna pay to fuck you and pay you to have an orgasm too? GTFOH with that!
I truly don’t give a fuck about women anymore. Like, when that happened, something just clicked. Idk what it is but I’m a different person in the span of a few weeks; I went from having a dark cloud over my head, to becoming heartbreak man. Like I don’t even care if she texts or not. If she ever want to get back into my heart again it’s gonna be harder than playing Ninja Gaiden on NES with 1 life and continue left.
The warmest areas of my heart are reserved. No mediocre chick is gonna get there. When I was sinlge 3 yrs ago I was slaying pussy left and right. But as soon as I ran into this chick I fall in love. I’m turning back the clock. revert to that old me.
Women HATE to be ignored. That’s the greatest trait you can have. And also, you can do it on social media. Posting pics of you wild ‘n out. All of a sudden they wanna hang with you. Think of that commercial with Dos Equis “The Most Interesting Man in the World”. Don’t let them get a pinpoint on you. Don’t let the pull you into an orbit!
When they want to keep it as friends go ahead. But don’t be the friend she thinks you will be. I’m so far ahead I almost considered being my ex’s friend but I knew I wouldn’t get any fucks out of it because of the celibacy thing.
Another note is DON’T DATE SINGLE MOMS! I don’t care HOW good she looks, can it! Majority of women are selfish and self-centered in general. So if you think you’ll be any more special that her kid(s) then you have another thing coming.
“I’m not providing a woman with jack shit. That’s why I couldn’t even see the point of paying a prostitute. Bitch, you’re payment is me busting your cherry! How am I gonna pay to fuck you and pay you to have an orgasm too? GTFOH with that!”
Shade, THAT’S THE FUCKING SPIRIT. Women want to be adopted. Their dad took care of them and now they want the husband to take care of them. Like Eminem said in the song Superman, “Superman ain’t savin’ shit” Keep on keeping on sir.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1qc-8vOvtJc
You all need to listen. “Like a cell phone, when she starts showing her defects, get a new phone.”
How do you reply to a specific person. Like martin?
How many more times do you need to read it? Grow a set of balls. THE WOMAN LEFT YOU. SHE DOES NOT WANT YOU. How much more clarification do you want? It’s a numbers game so suck it up and move on with your life. It’s not supposed to be easy but you’ll be stronger for it at the end. If you came across to her even half as pathetic as you’re coming across on here, then you can be sure you’ve pushed her even further away and repulsed her even more to the idea of you. They want STRONG men, and you’re displaying the complete opposite. Go on and keep doing what you’re doing and see how far you get. The people here have been through what you are going through and all the answers are in this thread.
Thanks for the support, glen.
No. I was pathetic. But I dont need it replaying in my head.
@Jds78
Just chalk it up to experience. See something positive in this. I see hard breakups as something that will grow you as a person. You’ll fucking come better because of it. I think nothing improves you more as a man than hardships. Embrace the loss and know that with time this was the best learning lesson you ever had. Men are made, so now you know that because of this you’re progressing in life. (I bet that with that girl you would’ve just stagnated, but now you have newfound knowledge you’d never had without that breakup.)
Aside from oneitis and pedestaling her, shes not that life defining “thing” as you really think. Shes just a girl. In the end when you spend a night fucking a hot girl, after that you realize this shit is nice but its just a bonus in your life, not the meaning of life. You should find a purpose from different aspects of life. From investing in yourself. And it can come from simple things. It’s more cool to invest in yourself than to some girl. Rather than spend night fucking with a girl, isnt it better to work hard and get shit done, go lift weights and eat fucking well and actually get 9 hours of quality sleep in without some girl snuggling and fucking your sleep up? I can be certain that you feel better if you do all that without some girl. Do not make the girl your everything. She should be something to enjoy from time to time, but the normal life where you invest in yourself should be the MAJORITY of your life.
Adopt this mindset and you’ll be naturally more badass, you stand out from all the guys who are so needy for girls to define their lifes. And of course you’ll make girls more attracted to you because of this, and thats a nice by-product. The real shit is you and you should focus on the real shit. Men who are needy for girls to define their lifes basically dont love themselves, and if you dont love yourself well thats a big factor in the fact that you dont have girls chasing after you.
Again, women should be something a man enjoys. But some of you guys sound like women are like your missing organ you lost when she left you and now you’re dying without her. Nah man, women are to be enjoyed and if one exits then get a new woman to enjoy. Google up on co-dependency and you’ll see that some of these comments are not healthy and you need to implement new mindsets guys and start chancing your life, because if you dont then all this will repeat itself and after a year or two you’re again here complaining about shit that is completely in your control, but only if you choose to take control now.
Something VERY important for you more recent oneitis guys to this thread to learn and recognize. I don’t use that “oneitis” term disparagingly by the way; I’m guilty of it too sometimes and we all can be a bit when we have a hot girl we are with.
As Corey Wayne and others say, you must always be reading the level of interest from your woman by what she says and how she shows up on dates, round your place, during sex etc. ALWAYS. Most relationship problems stem from the guy going all goo-goo-gaga beta over the girl, chasing, excessive contact etc and her not reciprocating the same level of interest. Whether you’ve been with her for ten days or ten years, you should always be reading this and echo your own interest level to be the same as hers or, better still, slightly below it. This is such common sense but so fucking true and us guys (me too in the past) just don’t do it – we project our own fantasy about what we want onto the woman and she can feel it and is repulsed by it. But the bad boy who ignores her/lets her down/fucks her then she hears nothing from him for a week???? The bad boy who does not give a shit about her???? She loves him and chases him. Why???? Because we humans place value on things that are rare and scarce and are not freely available. The bad boy is not freely available whereas you, with your weak pussy beta behavior, she can have YOU whenever SHE wants. Now, we don’t want to be bad boys but we want to find the tipping point between. So always read the interest level and be below that of hers.
@KR
“I never got a reply to my ‘situation’ in my last post but I guess that’s ok because the answer will most likely be “ignore her”. The only difference is that my ex put the ball in my court to contact her, does that make any difference. One other question: Would it be OK for her to see you on photo’s with other girls ?”
Yeah so many comments lately that many questions never get answered.
You should’ve said to her that “Ball in my court? NO its not. I dont have to remind you that you unilaterally changed the terms of our relationship, so if the ball is in someones court it surely is in your court. I’d love to see you so contact me if you ever feel the same.” or something similar to that.
“Would it be OK for her to see you on photo’s with other girls ?”
In my opinion not a good idea. When a woman lost attraction for you, theres no jealousy. She’s just happy to see that you got some new girl. For some girls that probably even helps her move on from you and not contact you again. Because now she believes you’re with some other girl now and she doesnt want to interfere. Some girls even fear STD’s a lot and if they know you’re fucking new random women they’re gonna have some objections for fucking you again soon.
These jealousy plot lines really do backfire for many men after getting dumped. I say it all the time that DO NOTHING. You should do nothing to “try to get her back”. If you want to post some pic where you’re with some girls then do it if you want to, but do not post it to get an reaction from your ex or try to get her back. That shit doesnt work and you’ll just end up shooting yourself in the foot. But this is just my opinion, because I’ve seen that jealousy inducing shit doesnt work after getting dumped, that doesnt do anything for a woman who doesnt have attraction for you (currently). Just has the potential to put you further on the “no sex zone” with your ex. Men who really fuck girls do not flaunt that fact. They keep it undercover and do not kiss and tell – and thats why they actually do fuck a lot. Women know this very well too. The braggers/flaunters masturbates. The guy who doesnt show it off actually does it (because he doesnt have time to post shit when he’s balls deep in women).
@Martin
Thanks for your reply.
I did say “Hey, you don’t have to throw the ball in MY court” on which she replied “Yes, but you ignored my message last time”. Before that I told her “Look, we can talk but not here, not now”.
Perhaps I screwed up that time so that’s why I’ve been wondering if I should’ve contacted her but I guess it’s better to just continue my life and see if she ever happens to message me.
The guy she is dating seems to be a lot like me but I’m pretty sure he will fail at some point.
I won’t share any pictures with my (current) gf then, it’s just I’ve heard women say they forgot about their ex untill she saw him with his new gf… I guess you never know how they truly think.
Thanks for the reply and reassurance, strider and martin.
You two said it all and then some. Still get that urge to txt. Takes a lot not to. I know I will be ignored and don’t want that
@KR
If you want to have sex with her then next time she contacts you be glad to hear from her and invite her over to hangout at yours. Do not mention anything about her boyfriend, because you dont want to give her any reasons to not fuck you.
The guy doesnt even have to fail, just time has to pass so that she gets bored of him. And we humans get bored eventually (and monogamy doesnt work). Especially women get bored (faster than men), and thats one of the reasons why women cant ever be still and they have to have music on all the time. Have you actually met a woman who can be still without music on all the time? Very likely not. And compare that to men and how they really dont need to be listening to something all the time and how they can enjoy being still. You probably relate to that. And thats one of the reasons why men do not get bored that quickly but women do.
“I’ve heard women say they forgot about their ex untill she saw him with his new gf”
No matter if thats true or not (for many women it can be 100% true), still you shouldnt do anything based on that. If the new girl is your gf then post pics if you want to, but sounds like shes a plate fuckbuddy and you still want your ex too badly, or you’re not monogamous with her. Anyway if shes your gf then who cares what your ex thinks about you.
Btw, if a woman wants to cheat then she cheats more likely with a taken guy, because he knows to keep it confidential because both are doing something they shouldnt be doing. But I dont get why you’re so after your ex who has boyfriend, while you have a new gf. I wouldnt pursue girls who have boyfriends, and I mean I wouldnt contact them first ever and only let them come to me. But the boyfriend doesnt matter, because women with old boyfriends fucks other men with no remorse. Not my problem that their skin crawls when the old BF touches them and they run to fuck some new exciting guy who hasnt yet turned to boring like his old BF. You dont want to be that old BF whose girl is aloof and gets repulsed by your touch, but theres not much you can do to fight that other than to not agree to monogamy.
Strider. Thanks. You said the same exact thing to glen?
@jds78
I’m on painkillers for a broken hand 😛 tried to post it to glen stopped it and realized I had the wrong name so changed it and reposted it. Sorry for the confusion it was for you.
That’s cool. No worries
I’ve already had sex with my ex in the first weeks after the breakup, so she cheated on this guy already. At one point she said she couldn’t ‘do that to him’ that’s when I had to remove myself from her life and she went absolute psycho when I told her I did not want to be her ‘friend’.
The months afterwards she would contact me a few times, I think she was still interested in me (at least part of her). I just didn’t hear anything from her for almost 6 months and I guess that’s why I’m starting to get a little nervous.
I do have a gf at the moment but it’s basically just a rebound. I know this, she knows this. She doesn’t come from my country (only to work) and she will go back to her home country one day. I do not really care for her like I did for my ex so she is great to work on some alpha skills because I’m not afraid to lose this woman. Also she’s very dominant.
Why would I pursue women who have boyfriends? Well… for starters he didn’t seem to care to talk to my gf (when she was my gf) and second; My ex dumped me as soon as she knew her new guy liked her, I think there’s a high chance of her doing the same if she dumps him again (find someone else first), right ?
KR yes like it happened to you they wait to get confirmation that the new guy likes them before they cut the current dude off. That’s why when exes contact you after long time and you want them then you must not act aloof but be glad to hear from them and want to see them, because that way they get the confirmation to dump their old bf and go have sex with you. At first it might be a feeler text to see are you still interested and after that it might take weeks for her to come fuck you. Happened to me exactly this way. She even said that she was so nervous to contact me and feared that I wouldnt want her anymore, and when I was glad to hear from her and said that I’d love to see her and asked when shes free to get together, afterwards she said she was so ecstasic about that and then it took almost few weeks and sex happened (so seems like all other exes have been aloof and tried to “play it cool” and be uninterested – thats why they fear to make that contact because most ex guys play it all fucking wrong and act uninterested and thus basically shoot themselves to foot). And yes she cheated the new guy. It happens this way when they’re with some rebound guy and they start to miss you (who she used to love and you walked away denying friend zone) and they slowly get courage to either cheat or dump the guy.
If a girl cheated once she’ll cheat again and again and again. There’s no stopping to that. If you’re into monogamous relationships then you now know that shes not LTR material ever again. Sex playmate at best no matter what.
“I do not really care for her like I did for my ex so she is great to work on some alpha skills because I’m not afraid to lose this woman. Also she’s very dominant.”
More reasons to not post pics with her to social media.
Martin, thanks for your reply.
I’ve realised I made some mistakes when I met her, back then I’ve read about some info and trying to act ‘tough’ so basically that was what I’m doing and it probably backfired. I felt that she was nervous aswell and this is what’s bothering me because what if I’ve fucked up, is there any way to salvage this situation?
Obviously I could contact her and let her know I’m still interested but that would be bad because she would have the power.
I realise my ex is not LTR material (anymore) but she’s easily the best girl/woman I’ve had sex with. I also can’t deny that I can’t really accept that she dumped me for someone else that easily.
About my current gf: Why is that another reason not to post pictures with her ?
KR salvage the situation by playing it right the next time she contacts you or the next time you see her on the street or somethin. Simple as that. If you had something then you surely know how to get her to miss/lust for you again. There’s no magical thing you can say, just be normal and authentic and say what you want from her. Flirt with her and look her with the ‘I want to fuck the shit out of you’ eyes. Shouldn’t be hard. All ex men here are asking how to get her back in your bed? Well how did you get her there in the first place? Things havent changed from that and if you did it once you can do it again. If you were with her for years then dont you know what buttons to push? Yes you do and you dont need to ask about it from here, because nobody from here knows your situation better than you do. All men know how they make their GFs wet as fuck. And if shes initiating contact to you then maybe shes hoping that you’d have the balls do what you always did to her. If you were with her for years then you surely have some unique connection which you can narrate to her, you’ve seen every inch of her body and why couldnt you enjoy her naked ass some more. That side never goes away when you were lovers once.
Why post pics of some girl who you’re not intending to be long term with? She’s not a good match for you if shes dominant, if you’re in your masculine and shes dominant girl then I bet your cock isnt very hard for her (atleast thats the case personally). You say you dont really care about her and shes just basically rebound/practice girl. That’s a definition of plate/fuckbuddy, not a GF. No reason to add fuckbuddies to social media, just causes unnecessary drama and giving the girl false hopes about your future. If you dont intend to have her long term or dont particularly care about her then whats the point.
So I posted on the snap chat and attention from the ex on social media.
BUT so I keep seeing my exes best friends out everywhere, one of them we are kinda of mutual friends because she loves to be all over the music scene up here, as I am too because I’m in a few bands, mutual friends blah blah. There’s a festival going on in town and both of the exes friends ran in to me last night this other girl I have been hanging out with. They have both ran into us a few other times. Is this a good or bad thing?
@Martin
Hello man once again 🙂
Sorry if I’m being annoying..
Yesterday when I went to work I was in the parking I found place to park my car and the same time my ex come to work and she parked almost next to me. Anyways I get off the car and she aswell we went together to the security and then to our positions on the way we had a typical conversation she asked me few things about my job and how it is and bla bla bla… I started being funny to make her laugh.. Anyways she is a cashier and she was working in the place my mother does and they got some kind of friendship… I said a funny story happened to me in the work the other day and when she went to her position (where my mother works) she told that story to my mother
well I don’t know why she did that… Before that she called me 2 times but my phone was with no signal so I called her back and she again sweetly asked me for filters cause she smoking some rolled cigarettes I gave her some filters that s all.. ( I’m still on NC)
I mean she didn’t text me for something after the work so I can invite her to have some fun or something.. I don’t know why she is doing all kind of stuff and then nothing I mean all the calls the favour she asked. I got a question why is she ask things from me like filters or help with her friend computer the other day.. you think all that means something or she just wants to mindfuck me…??
Or she give me any signal I can not see..? :-S
Thanks you.
@George
So why dont you make a move when shes pursuing you? When she came to ask for filters why didnt you just say flirtingly that come have a drink later tonight to my place and then you can have those filters. When shes coming to you or pursuing you in any way then try to make it so that you’re together just the two of you in the evening at yours or hers place. That way sex can happen. If you dont do this then you’re just a orbiter giving her attention and free shit. She didnt lose you when she dumped you, you’re still in her life making her laugh and giving her shit and you’re not fucking her. This shouldnt happen. This is big fail in terms of getting to bed with her ever again. She dumped you with no consequences and still enjoys your presence in her life. She must lose you completely if she dumps you – only then she can start to miss you and then if she wants you in her life then she must hop on your cock. That’s the strongest negotiation position. USE IT. This is not a fucking joke, its unbelievable how people dont use their strongest negotiation position. It’s a fucking game changer and can change exes mind just like that.
For me if it came to similar situation, then I’d just apply the “strongest negotiation position is stating what you want from her and then walking away and meaning it”. You want to fuck her. Show that to her. And if it fails then communicate that this is it then, you cant be in her life if you’re not lovers. So never contact or talk to me again unless you change your mind. I’d love to have you as a lover in my life but unless you cant be my lover then theres no point for us to talk ever again. But call me if you ever change your mind.
Seems hard? No. It’s easy to execute that and then even if that fails then atleast you can move on with a peace of mind and you dont have to be contemplating what to do next and commenting about it to here.
All principles on getting ex back says that when she starts to pursue you then you make a move and not act aloof just being friendly chump. Drop the friendly act and become that guy again who wants to fuck her. When she sees you she should always know how you want to fuck the shit out of her. And if she cant submit to that then get the fuck out. You either get her or can move on to bigger and better things. Win win. Apply that and stop dithering around her. Invite her to drinks/dinner making (evening time) at your place. Escalate to sex. Have her as fuckbuddy and let her make 100% of the initiation. That’s your plan. Execute it now and be outcome independent about the result. It either happens or it doesnt. So do it. Then you wont have no regrets.
Ok, just a follow up..since I haven’t been in nc from this blog. So I been nc with the girl i spoke about on here a few days ago. Like 2 weeks. The last time I spoke to her she was very hostile and angry due to the fact I acted like the textbook posterboy of what not to do. texting, showing up unannounced. She said some hurtful things cursed me out. And I kept my cool and haven’t reciprocated in a hostile manner. This was on phone the last time we spoke. This was her way of trying or drilling the point home to stop texting her and saying i was harrasing her and she blew it up. All uppseting things to hear. Especially knowing now I wasn’t strong enough to do the opposite from the start. All that being said. I still would like to hear from her, be with her etc. And as you said before nc right? Is there still hope of lines of communication being.opened after it reached such a heated point? Like she most probably thinks I am weakx pathetic. Obsessive, impulsive for doing what I did.
Anyway of getting out of that hole, martin?
Dude, listen. You want a woman in your life who is crazy about you and makes an effort to keep you around. You’re hoping for this person to reach out after insulting you and being aggressive? If you have 0 respect for yourself, NOBODY else will either. She said she didn’t want you, so let it go and move on. If she has a change of heart down the line, she’ll let you know. You sitting around asking about the probabilities/chances etc of this happening does nothing but prolong your own suffering. You can be sure that you’re the only one suffering like this at the moment because she does not give a shit.
Put yourself first and worry about your own life and happiness. Let it go and if she regrets her decision you’ll be the first to know.
Hello gents, so basicslly another breakup story. Fating this girl for 2 years. Met her at my job we work closely togeher. It bothers her that i looked at other women at work and ive tried to fix it but sometnes cant help it. She said that she will give ke chances until recently she started getting extremely jealous. I wasnt even “allowed to be in the same room as my other fellow female coworkers of course i became a beta by doing what she told me to not lose her. She said shes given me many chances and she was done. Broke it off. I fucked up even further by sending her a thousand text messages and photos of us. How pathetic. The next day she came to work regular, she said shes been cordial with me. Idk if she got another man or she truly just got fed up. I started the NC turned off my phone completely, its only been two days and its fucking awkward at work. I miss her and want her so bad but i been playing it cool. If she reaches out do you answer or still keep it NC? Im mindfucked and i guess if i find out its another man then ill be over it but until then i kind of want her back. We had a blast and the fact that we do work closely was fun and i miss that. We dont live together. Did i fucked up by sending her those texts? I know it was pathetic. Any thoughts? Shes 24 btw. Smoking body. Ie; for the past week she was cha ging her behavior. Naggin for every little thing. We only fuck two three times a week and she had said “it felt like a task” she loved it though. Thanks gents
@JDs
Like Glen said “If she has a change of heart down the line, she’ll let you know.”
With time people forget the negative things. If you ultimately were good to her at some point of the relationship (probably, because otherwise there wouldnt never been anything), then with time she’ll look things throug rose colored glasses. In life things change, and you never know when she might want to see you again. Maybe somebody dies, maybe her boyfriend turns psycho and beats her. At these moments when things change she might reach out to you remembering how you made her feel.
But ultimately women are not these romantic creatures like us, so do not count on it too much. I dont want to give you idea that there is hope. There is always hope but still theres not much hope. You must realize that the relationship will never be the same again even if she comes back. With NC you’ll likely get her back to talking to you and having sex with her, but you wont be in a relationship with her ever again. (Or if you will then you’re stupid, because you shouldnt do it.)
I myself have got the oneitis girl back to my sex life after really believing she’ll never contact me again. She was so disgusted of me at the breakup moment that I thought this isnt going to change ever. Not because I was jackass and shitty person to her, but because I had turned to a big time oneitis’ed beta and women are absolutely repulsed by that behaviour – so badly that they almost puke from your touch, and when you see that behaviour from your oneitis girl who used to love the alpha you, it leaves big scars man. But if you leave things good and arent emotionally punishing and just walk away then you have good odds having her contact you someday. As for me, after time they really do forget and remember all the good parts about you – especially how you made her feel and they do contact and are up for sex.
But do not count on that. There is hope but there isnt much hope. Even if she comes back, still your life wont change in any way. She wont be the same person you loved and things arent the same anymore. Fact of life. You clearly miss that person in the relationship, you feel like without her you’ve lost a part from you. Man sorry to say but that isnt going to come back. The relationship is over but still she might talk and have sex with you someday, and having her back in your sex life is the goal of this article. Most of us loved having sex with our girl and we’d love to have it some more and not succumb to platonic friend zone. And this is the way to achieve that (sex) feat.
2 weeks is nothing man, now just follow this article and its tips. Everything you need is written in this article by BD. Follow it textbook. If you were not acting textbook and acted like a needy creepy stalker then for you this process takes longer. I wouldnt wait her back, I’d move on and have your cringy betaness fuel your improvement. Improve big time in all walks of your life the next 6 months and make it so that it really is her loss to not have the improved you in her life. Do it for you, but obviously you’ll like it when she sees you on the street and realizes that man you’ve changed and maybe she’ll want to catch up with the new improved you.
TIP for eradicating neediness and your shit feeling after breakup, eradicating the co-dependency you have for her is to start meditating daily.
Get your shit straight and get some new women to your life, and trust me they’ll be better than your ex. These new women actually want you and are dying to fuck you until the bed breaks. Think about it. You can have women who are dying to choke on your cock and offer their asses for you to use (by their initiation) VS. your ex who is like “meh” about you and almost called the cops on you because she doesnt want to talk to you.
Yes, its obvious which you want. It’s called self-respect. You gotta realize how fucked up it is to want someone who doesnt want you. Life is short already, now to think that I’d waste my time being with someone who doesnt want to be with me? What a waste, no matter if I myself liked her a lot. Just not a good idea to have one-sided affairs. Now turn this depression of the breakup to fuel towards your self-improvement. Come back here to comment on your improvement journey monthly and man you’ll be enjoying life soon.
@Confusedman
I think your story is classic case of how the girl changes the alpha you into beta who she doesnt want, and dumps you for the same kind of guy you were at the start.
Never change yourself for the girl. She loves the guy who you were at the start. How you got her is how you keep her. The fact that you changed was your doom.
And whatever were the reasons she gave for dumping you arent the real reasons. The real reason is the fact that she lost attraction for you and found some new guy who is like you in the beginning.
“If she reaches out do you answer or still keep it NC?”
Well like this article said, its a good thing. Got a reach out after NC? Assume she wants to see you and set a date. “Hey babe nice to hear from you. I’d love to see you, when are you free to get together?” you should say that to whatever she says to you. No matter what she says, be it “hi” “i hate you” “blaablaa life is tough im stressed blaalblaa”
And this is why you dont do workplace relationships. You do not shit where you eat. This eventually always happens. No relationship is eternal. They all end. So now you’re in a fucked up place having to see her everyday and even work with her. There’s no possibility to walk away. This occurs in comments here all the time, and all they struggle to get the ex back, because they cant walk away and make themselves ghost. I wouldnt raise my hopes getting workplace ex back – have heard stories how workplace exes havent come back even with 5-10 years time and how the girls image of the guy hasnt changed in any way, its obvious why it is this way. Absence, distance, not seeing each other makes them come back. You cant achieve that feat. Only option is to move on, improve yourself. With time she’ll see the updated you and how you’re now clearly more confident (ie. she thinks you’re slaying hot pussy every night) and magically she doesnt sense the neediness in you anymore thus tingles activate and she starts to pursue you.
So I see my exes best friends out all the time and they even come to my shows! One randomly took a picture of me by a moped and posted it on Instagram. These girls have also seen another girl that I have been hanging out with, when they run in to me. Is this a good thing that the come to my events or that I see them out? Seeing this other lady they probably report to the ex right? Good or bad?
It depends Bigbro. Girls talk…ALOT. However, if the ex isn’t reaching out, then leave them alone and let them wonder. I can relate because I tutor my ex’s friend/coworker. On two occasions I caught them gossiping about me. I just laugh and keep it moving. It’s the only thing you can do. I hope you are hitting the gym and getting your finances in order.
So I was about 40% wuss (not crying little bitch, but def. beta) for the first three weeks. Texted once or twice, and called once, saying “I wanted to hear your voice.” Saw on FB she was on a rebound, asked her if it was an affair, she said “No”, then I went NC for 35 days.
Saw her at an event, tested the waters, made small talk. She was open, friendly, but evasive. I asked if I could call her, she said “Depends on when you call.” Two days later I stupidly texted, asking for a recipe for something she made. No response. (No need to beat me up over this, I know it was dumb). I saw her the next night, different event, and laughed it off, saying nonchalantly “Dude, I need that recipe”, then walked away. I’ve gone NC since, which was about a week ago.
I know I f’d up. I’ve gone NC and am staying NC. Is this at all salvageable? Note: She’s 20, but without getting graphic, I did give her a lot to remember me by, let’s just put it that way.
@Anthony no doubt I am saving and making and hitting the gym. The thing with the friends is that every time they see me they want to be my buddies and what not. Even ask the girl I’m hangin with questions. I’m sure they report about any interactions with me. I mean they even come to my shows..
@Henry
Halt all pursuing. She’s clearly with some new guy currently. You’re not even in her radar currently because she doesnt text you even when you ask something. She’s infatuated by the new guy (NRE – its temporary). “Depends on when you call.” that also tells that she might be with that new guy implying that she doesnt hope that you’ll call when shes with him.
Now even if you see her somewhere just smile and nod/wave to her or say hi when you pass by at max. Do not go on your way to talk to her. Talk only if she comes to talk to you or stops and initiates chat. Do not appear butthurt or anything, just smile and be like you’re enjoying life, act like the breakup didnt affect you.
You dont need that recipe (anyway all the best cooks are men, you’ll find better recipes from them). But now she has an “excuse” to contact you when the guy dumps her or she gets bored of him. She has excuse to come show you that recipe and cook dinner from it when the boomerang happens. Now just hang back. In the end you have great excuse to get her into your place. Yes you do not need any excuses but those hamsterminds of women need it, so she can rationalize how she just went to show the recipe to you and then “it just happened”.
These young hot women are fickle and have dick offers from fb,ig,sc,tinder,badoo & real life ALL DAY LONG. The guy who doesnt pursue is different, because she has literally thousands of guys throwing their dicks at her. You doing pursuing makes you just another chump she has no time for. These young women breakup constantly, so just hang back and fuck other women and she’ll roll along someday.
Infinite NC and enjoy new women for now. You should be like “whatever” about her because you’re OK either way with or without her. It’s just a bonus if shes here and if she someday does come back. Women should always be like a bonus to your life, not the life itself.
“I wanted to hear your voice.”
It’s funny how this is very often the phrase that women say when they call us men. This is how women act. So even if thats true that you really do want to hear her voice, still you shouldnt ever say that – ESPECIALLY not after shes gone cold towards you and dumped you (but surely its ok once in a while to say stuff like that if shes mutually in love with you). Women will just think that “WTF he’s like a woman, calls me just to hear my voice??? thats what women do, am I with a woman????” woooosh *tingles shutdown*. As a man who wants to keep these women sexually attracted to you, you must suppress these feminine urges you sometimes have. Go to your man cave alone and pop those feminine urges out and hell cry if you must, but never show that side to women. Women’s sexual attraction is all about having that masculine man taking her. She has pussy of her own so she doesnt want another pussy that she needs to penetrate. She wants masculine DICK to penetrate her. Be a dick.
@Martin
Thanks dude. What I’m taking away from this is that I didn’t screw this up beyond repair, provided I stop pursuing.
So halt all contact indefinitely – what about, say, 3-6 months from now?
What if I suspect the new guy is already out of the picture, she’s just into the “single girl lifestyle?”
@Henry
Oh yea forgot to say that “I asked if I could call her”, never again ask for permission to do anything with women. Just do it, do not ask. It was like groveling in feet of the princess saying “Can I call you your highness?”, that was huge simp move but you probably know that.
You need to do pretty fucked up things to screw things beyond repair. If you were ultimately good to her and she knows it then theres always chance. It’s the cases where a man chases her to death and threatens with suicide etc if she wont talk to him, the cases where the woman fears the man (that he might beat, rape her, show up to her door/workplace to beg her to talk to him).. in these cases you’ll never get her back unless you somehow turn to a millionaire or upgrade your looks few notches and have ultimate preselection from all that.
So anyway, the take away from that: improve finances, improve your looks (hit the gym, diet, fashion, groom) and get women (=get preselection).
I myself would never contact a woman who I turned off. She must do it herself. You cant start doing the same thing that got you dumped.
You gotta realize from this article, that BD didnt get dumped because he was a beta simp. It is implied that most of these relationships ended because he wouldn’t commit to any of these women, and they wanted commitment. Long Soft Next For Temporary Exclusivity is probably the common occurrence in BD’s cases. So the writer of this article didnt get dumped in his cases because he chased too hard and was too needy oneitised mangina. In this situation the initiation after 4-6 months is really different thing than with most of the commenters here. Most of us turned to oneitised beta mangina and the woman lost attraction, we werent dumped because we didnt commit to them.
So its really different, but same principles do apply. But the initiation after 4-6 months probably isnt something you should do if you got dumped for turning into a attached needy mangina who cried at her feet. If thats the situation, then she needs to do the first contact, she needs to change her mind and start to want to talk to you. Walk away and never look back, and if she reconsiders it then she’ll put herself on your orbit and then you’ll take the lead from there.
“What if I suspect the new guy is already out of the picture, she’s just into the “single girl lifestyle?””
Doesnt change the fact that you shouldnt do anything. Focus on moving on. Improve yourself for yourself, but keep in mind that when you improve yourself then you’ll be more likely to keep her the next time around, because its clear that this current version of yourself doesnt cut it (with her). So that should really fuel you to improve things, because when she comes back then she’ll be gone again if you’re the same like now. History often repeats itself.
“Never ask permission” I heard that before. I see why. Makes you look weak. But if you really do want to talk. Or ask a new girl out. Does saying, ” can I call you sometime really all that bad? not with an ex per se. Or if you did see an ex. And she is mad. And sayng can I talk to you please? Isn’t that just you trying to be sincere, polite?
I don’t think in all cases it is the worst thing.
@Jds78
My mistake was I assumed I had been a jerk in the relationship, and apologized for things I might’ve said that might’ve offended her (to which she said “Don’t blame yourself” or something to that effect). Basically, I made the wrong diagnosis, and thus followed the wrong approach. I wanted to show her I was a “nice guy.”
So yes, you are being sincere and polite. But after a breakup, unless you were a total jerk, that’s not what caused her to lose attraction. @Martin is right – don’t apologize if you did nothing wrong and don’t ask permission. If you want to talk to her, talk to her. She’ll get the message without you asking permission.
I know what he means. But sometimes it’s a style of speech to get someone to think. A filler. If you are lets say having an argument. Saying. “Can I ask you a question” makes the person stop for a second. Consider where you are coming from. Not a kiss of death always is my point
Its a filler to gather your thoughts. The other person who is upset to calm down chill. If I just met a girl lets say and we hit it off. And I said l said. Can I give you a call later?
Vs How about I call you later. Either one might work .
All depends on context. Now if I said. Can we go out this week or tonight? That would sound lame.
Jds78
You’re totally right on that. All depends on context.
IMO in that Henry’s situation with ex it was not a place to say “Can I”, rather nonchalant “I’ll give you a call later” and not wait for her reaction on that and leave and then actually call. But obviously in that situation the call thing was a bit uncalibrated. Shouldnt’ve said anything about calling especially when shes evasive, and in person is the best place to talk and set a further date in the evening hangout where the sex can happen (unless its not a good place for that, ie. gym in the middle of your training or something).
That’s very usual thing with ex men, that when they see their ex out somewhere and they talk with her then they think that gives them the permission to start chasing and call or text the same or next night. Do not ever do that, because she likely expects that. You’re so predictable. Do the opposite and she’ll start to hamster. And anyway after those kind of random meetings with ex they’ll likely text/call you after that, and if she actually does then you can instantly set the date, because now you know that shes interested to talk with you. Women contact you if they want you. Get out of the mindset thinking that you need to do something, thinking that they wait for your initiation “because thats what men are supposed to do – chase”. In reality women want to chase, they love that. And she pushed you out of her life, you should never initiate to person who did that. She needs to earn you back if she ever changes her mind and wants to talk to you. She knows this very well that she needs to do the first move, shes not waiting for you to “man up” and take more shit when she dumped you. Guys, after 2-3 dates they’ll let you know if they want to fuck you some more, you dont have to do anything. So nothing has changed now that shes your ex. Again, she’ll let you know when shes ready to spread her legs for the big boy (covertly, not overtly) by putting herself onto your orbit.
Martin talks some real shit. Could not say it better myself. Actually talking to my ex’s brother today because he split up with his girl and he is young. He’s been doing well and he messages me today after a month of not talking to her saying ‘What if shes waiting for me just like i’m waiting for her’ So I told him, seriously all you ever did was be a good guy to her if she wants to get back with you/date you/ fuck you/ sit on your face she WILL contact you.
I mean the dude rode on a bus for an hour to give her presents on his birthday, after they split, he got no thanks for it. Then 3 weeks later on his birthday she said on facebook ‘happy birthday’ he responded with ‘thanks how you doing?’ she ignored it. At what point do you think omgggggg shes waiting for me.
It just shows that when you start getting emotionally attached you start to think some weird shit. This guy has much better chance of fucking her face again if instead of getting her birthday present he goes and spends time sexing other women/posting the kissing his ass on facebook.
Women want a man. End of story.
Hey so today I got a message from my ex. It’s been about 5 months since she’s reached out. Even though she reaches out indirectly on snap chat and I don’t respond. She said “Hey! Hope you are doing amazing. My parents are coming into town and want to go go karting, I remember your friend who was the biggest go Karter around talk about a place, and I can’t remember the name of the place. Would you happen to know?”
Following Corey Wayne, she having cancelled a few dates or being wishy washy about meet ups, he says to shoot a few texts back in forth and tell them “It was good hearing from you, got to run, keep in touch.” Because if they really want to make an effort they will get in tough with you.
All I SAID was ” Hey there, I’m doing fabulous. How about you? The place he goes is blah blah motor sports.”
Was this the right thing to do? I feel like anyone can look go kart info online… So she is testing waters? I took few hours to respond and she hasn’t yet.
THOUGHTS!?
@Jaybee
Lol that sounds like the “good will reminder text” that Brad Browning (guy doing get ex back videos on youtube) recommends to people who want to initiate to ex (but I wouldnt follow that advice when you got dumped, apart from that he has good info on NC).
“Following Corey Wayne, she having cancelled a few dates or being wishy washy about meet ups, he says to shoot a few texts back in forth and tell them “It was good hearing from you, got to run, keep in touch.” Because if they really want to make an effort they will get in tough with you.”
I think that after long NC like 5 months NC the situation is like a blank slate, none of the past wishy washy things count anymore. They count when theres short period from the last try and she rejected the meet up, then the CW response “It was good hearing from you, got to run, keep in touch.” is good. But after 5 months I’d just go for the meet up. Out of blue after that long time she contacts then she might want to see you and hopes that you’d like to see her too, thats why she sent some covert reminder text.
I would’ve just gone for the kill saying I’d love to see her and ask when shes free to get together. The ask two times and get rejected and then never bring it up after that goes to blank slate with long NC. 5 months is long enough time for her to have boyfriend who goes to old boyfriend and she’ll realize how you were better and then she’ll contact you.
In future always just go for the kill when she contacts you after long NC (2 months+).
I’d agree with Martin – if she has reached out after 5 months ask how she is and after two or three minutes ask if she’s up for a drink. If she seems hesitant get off the phone. But she must be the one who reaches out if she dumped you. NEVER initiate if you were the one who is dumped.
After that length of time I don’t think any woman would be up for coming round your place that CW recommends. That’s OK for the first couple of months but after that the old relationship is truly dead and buried. It is a clean slate. But, if you do see the woman, I hope you have worked on yourself and are not the needy bitch you were before. Always be a little mysterious, always make her feel there are things you aren’t telling her. Be happy to be silent with her sometimes and don’t let it be YOU who is always trying to keep the conversation going.
Sure they come to your place even after years. If thats your personality and how you usually hanged with her, then whats the problem. She used to come over before and why not now, you already have had sex so its even easier now. You’re no strangers. Set it up to have drinks at your place or to cook dinner. It’s stupid to go out of your way to meet ex (who dumped you against your will) at some restaurant. She expects that you’ll pay and you never even know if she flakes or even if she wants anything to do with you (she might not even want to put out and you basically wasted time/money). For ex (who needs to earn you back!) you shouldnt do any effort other than to go open your door when she rings. Remember shes the one who did end things and that probably hurted you. After that why’d you go on to pay for dinners/drinks or drive somewhere. That’s not how you should operate with exes. They did a shitty thing to you, now they must earn you back by coming to you and things will take on from there and she’ll be spreading her legs soon enough or she knows wheres the door. This attitude will also be your strongest negotiation position. If she wants you back in her life then she must put some effort in it. She cant half ass it by seeing at some restaurant for drinks. No, she must come to your place dolled up for a romantic evening.
If she wont, then guess you didnt have anything special from her side. Like someone commented early in this thread, that if she doesnt come back then guess it wasnt that special like you thought.
You may think you had something special, and you might be right. But if she doesnt ever contact you after the breakup then guess it wasnt that special TO HER. But you can trust it that if you really had something special then she’ll contact you at some point in the future. She cant let go of that completely. And if you’re a good negotiator and dont settle for anything less than sexual relations with her, then eventually you’ll be naked with her again.
Further thought…
“But if she doesnt ever contact you after the breakup then guess it wasnt that special TO HER. But you can trust it that if you really had something special then she’ll contact you at some point in the future.”
This really gives a peace of mind on the whole breakup. Because you want a girl who really sees you that way and appreciates what you had. If she doesnt then whats the point to even miss after her? But if she does appreciate it then she’ll be back someday and then you can again show appreciation towards her by fucking her good and holding her close to you after sex.
You want women who see you the same way you see her. Mutual attraction and wanting to spend time together. If shes not up for that then good, then you can invest that time with someone that actually has mutual attraction and enthusiasm to spend time together.
It all boils down to the fact that you should love yourself and have self respect towards yourself to know that its your birthright to have these kind of women in your life and not settle for anything less. With this attitude why even contemplate an ex who wants to see out somewhere just to talk with no incentive to do anything sexual with you? (thats very likely occurrence if she wont come over to your place and wants to see out) Nah, you’re OK without that and you’re actually enjoying life with women who want you. You have no time for her drama & whims, you’re not her buddy to talk with, you’re her lover and thats what you’re about and you’ll be continuing to walk if shes not up for that. But shes free to inform if she ever changes her mind and is ready to come over for a romantic evening.
Have this attitude guys. Gives you the power.
@Martin thanks for the advice on just going for it.
It does totally sound like the Brad Browning get ex back reminder text… Though she hasn’t responded anything yet.
I think this was def the good reminder text, because why in the hell wouldn’t she just look up a go kart place?Especially after 5 months.
I almost don’t even remember that convo with my go kart friend haha .
When we were together though I went to her place way more often because she had to get up around 4 in the morning to go work her full day CNA shift and would have to feed her dog, so I would go over because it was easier for her in the mornings. Still banged so much.
Should I still invite her to drinks and Dinn at my place if she responds??
@Jaybee
Yeah well that depends on that fact how you used to hangout, so if hers place was logistically better and she bangs you more if that makes it easier for her, and its not a long distance to you, then why not you couldnt go have drinks/dinner at hers. It all depends on your unique situation, nothing is set in stone and you know it the best how you’ll get her to the bed the best way.
But if the situation were some long distance relationship and you’d need to travel for hours to meet her then its not worth it because you never know about how flaky shes gonna be and what she even wants from you. In those situations you have her come to you, because she has to do it to earn you back. But if shes living near you and its nothing then of course you can go to hers too.
It might’ve been a feeler text to see do you still respond/are interested. It might take even weeks from there that she acts on it (anyway she is probably going act like aloof on purpose and play hard to get, because thats what women do to get you to chase and you should not give in to that). Just be patient and hang back, do not start pursuing her now just let her come to you 100%.
@Martin
“You want women who see you the same way you see her. Mutual attraction and wanting to spend time together. If shes not up for that then good, then you can invest that time with someone that actually has mutual attraction and enthusiasm to spend time together.”
Yes buddy. Yes indeed. That is what it is all about, reading that attraction level. No one should put up with a “meh” woman where you almost have to grovel to her to spend time with you. I have done that before, been too compliant and too ready to work around her schedule (even though I was the busy professional man with a child!!!!!!) and it 100% leads to being dumped. Woman place no value on such behavior.
I take you point Martin about her always coming to yours. Definitely, I always thought that in first few months but thought could relax that rule a bit after six months or a year apart. I see what you mean now. Yes they must always come round to yours, even years later, if she is the one who dumped you.
First of all sorry for my english!
I meet a woman on the “great” tinder more than 4 months ago, she started to text me, was like she really liked me, she was a little bit crazy about me without even have not met me. So after 2 weeks we meet.. I had sex in my house that was one Friday.. and at the end.. I finished in her house the whole weekend… we had sex many times, she cooked for me, she brought food for me to bed. For me was unreal how she was treating me. When we said goodbye that Sunday.. she looked nervous.. asking me for speaking later. and saying thank you for the weekend.
I thought that I did not have to be an asshole, so I texted just after around 24 hours. She did not reply, so I made the mistake of insist, and told her that I liked her so much.
So she decided to reply, and told me… “I like you so much too and I had a great weekend but I am not looking for a relationship”
In that point I did not get her message… so I told her something like… ( I was a little bit impressed about her change).. that we could go back to tinder and keep having sex with strangers.
As I knew that I had done a bad move, I just decided to do not move more. I texted her last Friday ( after more than 4 months of no contact), but unfortunately she did not reply. ( i do not have her phone), I just said.. ” hello xxx, how have you been?”
I would appreciate your opinion and advise!
thanks
@RM_Pilot
“I have done that before, been too compliant and too ready to work around her schedule (even though I was the busy professional man with a child!!!!!!) and it 100% leads to being dumped. Woman place no value on such behavior.”
I can relate to that. Too much eagerness to see her and spend time with her. Ultimate oneitis, pedestaling and scarcity all meshed together. And doing that even if shes already lost attraction by that behaviour and shes like “meh” about you. Leads to getting you dumped, theres no mystery. Your feelings are too clear. CW said once that you should almost cancel dates with some women to keep up the mystery. When the urge to pursue comes, or you’re too needy for some certain woman, I think it’d be healthy to bust a nut and forget those thoughts, and do the same if you have set a date and shes wishy washy about you and not too eager to see you and then just cancel the date. Too much eagerness to see her does you no good, women value a busy guy who is not groveling to meet her. If theres ever lack of options and one woman consumes you too much, bust a nut yourself and it’ll give you mental clarity (and wont end up chasing that one away). Funny video on that one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4AHH0bdNKyM
@PEPE
Yeah perhaps she wanted just some nonserious sex company and you started to treat her like a girlfriend. She saw that you like her a bit too much and she knows that she’ll probably end up hurting you and stopped it altogether there. After that weekend you should’ve sent the next text/call after FULL 7 DAYS asking her for the same kind of meetup. But you didnt do that, instead you started being needy instantly and she picked up on that.
Never be emotional with fuckbuddies. Be aloof and the sex will keep on pouring. I let fuckbuddies initiate almost 100%. Most of these women are busy anyway and thats why they opt to FB/FWB, and they’ll contact you when they have time for bang again. When you start to chase she realizes that she has no time for some deeper relationship. She just wants to fuck no strings attached. Keep it that way. Because if she senses something else in you then shes GONE.
So yeah you started good, but yeah thats also a bit deep to hang with a stranger for FULL WEEKEND. You should have something else going in your life (even if its hitting the gym/sports) and not be with a stranger instantly for full weekend right in the first meeting. Evening or night at max then off and go for it again after 1 week. All the mystery disappeared in that one weekend and your feelings were clear. Women love to chase and want challenge. You didnt provide those things I’m sorry to say.
Now for next girls you know to act more centered.
And it was quite clear that this was sex/hookup thing (after all you met on tinder and it lead to fast sex), so when you texted after 4 months you should’ve said something like “Hey are you still up to hangout and enjoy passionate sex once in a while no strings attached? I’d love to see you naked on my bed.” but instead you put out the relationship/boyfriend vibe. Put out the lover vibe and be the guy who offers great sex to her and dont talk about anything else. Even if shes a toothless grandma in a wheelchair she still gets hundreds of ”hello xxx, how have you been?” text a day (exaggerating a bit but yeahs if shes a normal young gal then all thats true), so OF COURSE she ignores that.
Advice? Well wait 4 months and improve yourself (and maybe she’ll see the new more ripped you on social media or whatsapp profile pic or something) and then send her text like I wrote above and if she ignores that then never contact her again. Of course you never know if she texts you again someday when shes up for fucking. Some girls ignore 100% when in relationship and delete the messages instantly, but once thats over they’ll remember you and hit you up. Nothing else you can do now. Bang new women.
How I Got My Ex Back….i never believed in love spells or magic until i met this spell caster when i went to Africa in last two weeks on a business summit i met a man called called high priest tokubo. I have been married for 3years and on the 4th year of my marriage, another woman took my lover away from me and my husband left me and the kids and we have suffered for 2years until I met a post where a man called high priest tokubo have helped someone and I decided to give him a try to help me bring my lover back home and believe me I just send my picture and my details to him and that of my husband and after 2days as he have told me, I saw a car drove into the house and behold it was my husband and he have come to me and the kids and that is why I am happy to make every one of you in similar to meet with this man because i can swear with my life the man is a very strong spell caster and his spell work very fine without any side effect you can reach me on khinyanadar730 @ gmail . com if you want more details about priest tokubo. Are you really suffering in your relationship right now? do you want high priest tokubo intervention in your relationship to help you repair your relationship? then contact him today via His email:((highpriesttokubo @ gmail .com))
@Jane
Love spells is so Alpha 2.0 — BD should do a post on this!
@martin are you saying if she reaches out again then ask her to do dinn and drinks at her place then?? She never responded to my short text back. Do you think this was just a feeler/fishing text to see where I am at.. Because the current dude is fucking up? She could have looked up that information online. Instead after 5 months asks me about go karts haha
I broke up with her 5 months ago. We started talking 1 month afterward and she came over twice and we had sex. I showed signs of weakness that I wouldn’t mind getting her back and she lost interest at this neediness and stopped texting me after she left. Now, 2 months after I went NC:
She calls in the morning, I don’t pick up.
Her: “OMG I have the funniest story to tell you hahaha”
Me: “Who is this”
Her: “Nice”
I wanted her to know that I was over her but the fact that she said “Nice” instead of giving me her name leads me to believe she saw through it and outplayed me. In hindsight, what’s a good response? Is this a good way of conveying non-neediness and abundance? Or does it become transparent to girls who are masters of game?
@peter
Hey bro Id like to chime in if you dont mind…
To me after reading your post I dont think theres a relationship to be had…
Maybe just FWB…Which is great…
I just got dumped last month by a woman I spent 2 years with and was nothing but a taker…
Never gave in the relationship as far as sharing expences and helping out…
I was devastated but i read ALL I COULD on Blackdragon…
I immediately initiated NC…And have not looked Back…Not untill she calls then i will keep it short and suggest dinner at my place then sex…
If shes not coming for sex..I dont want her period…
Then I dropped 10 lbs in 2 weeks…Bought some new clothes and went on vacation to Costa Rica for 10 days…I was getting laid 5-6times a day…
No Bullshit…the Cat House was a block from my hotel…
While I was there…I decide that I needed to up my game…By that I mean carefully choosing a mate for real life…And going after a Better Class of woman…Not the usuall crappy non giving chicks that are all too common…
So I created a list of what she needs to bring to the table…Car,Job,Home,money…shes got to be able to hold her own…And contribute to our relationship…
I also needed to do something to increase my odds of getting the right woman…So I went to…
Dont laugh…the Zodiac charts and picked out My Most Compatible Signs and went right after 4 specific signs that I know inside out…
Then i spent a couple days putting a profile together…I put Alot of THOUGHT into this…
And I laid out exact what Signs I was looking for…
What I was looking for and what I wasnt looking for…
So…I surfed thru maybe be 100 women…I found 2 that met my criteria…Both are Nurses with good paying jobs,They own there homes,they have new cars and money in the bank…I can build on that…
I also made it know thru the first few days of chatting…
That Im looking for a woman with No Boundries in the bedroom…I want what I want and i dont want to get hooked up with a woman who says…Oh no…im not doing that…
I settled for that b4 and I’m not settling for that now
I just went out with the first gal…Margaret whos fairly close by…Truly a CLASS ACT…Shes got it all and shes a friggin hottie…
Now I wanted to show her that Im a Man of quality and substance…I hired my neighbor whos an Uber driver to take me…She just loved that and made it known to me…
And I took her to the #1 restaurant in Mt.Dora,Fl
Goblins Market…We had the best time…A 3 hour dinner just chatting…Her doing 90% of the talking which is very important…
We hit a couple other places in town and she really loved it…She was all over me…Not begging for a second date but she let me know when she whispered in my ear”I really like you and I want to see you again”…
After we both got home after the date we talked on the phone thru the night…Frigging Awesome…
We have a 2nd date planned for next weekend…
The other gal Kim is a nurse aswell and absolutely Smoking Friggin Hot…
She met all my citeria and shes willing to do whatever i want in bed…
We’ve been chatting texting for 4 days now but shes about 75 miles way…Very chatty…love it..
So were meeting halfway at CityWalk Universal tomorrow night…For dinner drinks and dancing and put put golf…Thats something i found she really wants to do…
So after I meet with both of these galsi will have a decision to make…Which one…Im thinking thats gonna be the hard part…
I only need one woman but since Im a Man of means I do have a fantasy for a favorable outcome…
That would be both gals like women and each other so we all 3 just live together and enjoy life…Ok…its a fantasy but I could make it work…
But my advice would be to listen to BlackDragon
And take his advice…Step up your game,,,figure out what You want in a woman. Get in shape…Forget about that other chick…
Unless shes coming to you for sex…
Don’t settle for 2nd best…Go for the gals that already have everything but a Real Man…
There actually alot easier to get then you think…
I am proof of this…
I used to weigh in at 325…I lost 130 lbs…
Im at 180 now after just loosing another 10 lbs..
For me…it was sheer mental focus to dig myself out of the rut I was in.And change everything up as to what I actually wanted in a woman…
Im sharing my thoughts because Ive wasted alot of time on Substandard women.
And now thanks to BlackDragon my whole outlook and perspective of women has changed
Dramatically for the better…Peace…Ian
Why txt if you will be ignored? That’s what I tell myself.
I can take self-abuse to a point. How much can a man take?
I think I might be the loneliest guy here. Seems like every comment is from a guy who’s ex texted him again.
@jds78 you don’t know how good it is to not be on her string with her texting you calling you, giving you signs and then running away again. hot/cold/hot/cold.
You’re free. Go get some constant Hot and when you do I bet 1000’s you will wake up one day next to a hot chick and your phone will light up with ‘you free later?’ from the ex.
@Peter, just ignore her “nice” comment and let her think about it. You did nothing wrong in saying “who is this?”. Really man, you can do without the drama of a woman playing games with you. They are either in or they’re out. Love, relationships should be simple not full of drama and malcontent. Think of it this way: when you first met this woman there was none of this game playing was there? She was IN. None of these mind games. You want back to that stage again. So ignore her and let her make the next move. You holding silence after that “nice” comment makes you look stronger because if she is still interested she may start to think “maybe he really didn’t know it was me….. maybe he DID delete my number….” Let her think that and let her reach out. Chasing now is the WORSE thing you could do.
@Martin
Yo, it’s Henry from a few posts up (Aug. 3)
So I’ve maintained NC for 11 days. Not contacting her is easy. Avoiding her on social media isn’t and not snooping…that’s a b!tch.
However, I’m wondering if this counts as a violation – she and I belong to the same Private FB group, and occasionally I will post things on there, which I can tell she sees. I don’t like her posts. She doesn’t like mine. But I try to always put my best face forward, being positive and friendly with every post. I really have no choice but to post, but would it be better if I just went ghost?
And yes, I am going after others girls, but what can I say, I’m hung up on this one. From what I can tell this new guy of hers is coming on waaayyyy strong (Liking and Commenting on everything. Beta-behavior), and she referred to him to as a “Friend” in a different post.
Yes, I’m hamstering like a mofo. Just looking for a pep talk, Coach.
Henry,
You have to avoid her on social media as well. I advocate blocking because it removes the temptation to get hung up on her. Like I always say, she wanted out of your life so give her exactly what she wants. Not seeing or knowing what she’s up to will only allow you to focus on more important stuff (fitness, investments, travel). No need to be hung up on her, she like the other girls you are seeing now, all have tits, ass, and a vagina. The problem is that you think her vagina is special, but its not. Remember, you have a new cars now. New cars = new car smell. Used car = someone else leftovers.
Hey fellas so great advice here. I messed up. Got i to a fight ” she told me it was over she couldnt do it” i took itnas a fight 2 days NC , i reaches it was bad we argued for like 4 hours on the phone. Ended up meeting up with her latee that night and banged her twice as she stayed over so it wasnt a breakup? I think it was beta of me to reach out but knowing her i felt the need l. We dont live together. Bt she always has an attitude. Any thoughrs.
Have not met anyone all summer. So how do you explain that?
I can explain it myself. No social network and people to go meet women with. So that leaves tndr.and the rest of the apps. Well no real luck on there
Try POF…Plenty of Fish
Youll like it…
Really vs okcupid? Which was a nightmare
For me yes…I put alot of thought into my profile and I outlined in a very tactful way exactly what I was looking for and what I wasnt looking for….
I surfed maybe 100 women and narrowed down to 6.Then I narrowed it to 2..
I ve been out with both gals now…Both have there own unique and awesome qualities and personalities that im looking for…
I ve been waiting for any signs of drama from either gal and the 1st gal Marg showed it today
when she showed her disapproval for a few pics on my instagram…
I have now narrowed my choice to 1 and Im pursuing her..
And its the right one…You just know inside…
Just be honest with yourself and define exactly what type of woman you want to spend your time and life with…
Don’t settle for 2nd best…
And a quick shoutout to #BlackDragon
Your blogs have really put things in there proper perspective for me…TY Bro…?
@ Jds78
If you don’t stop whining like a little girl, I am going to find out where you live, pay you a visit, stick my dick in your ear and fuck some sense into you!!!
You obviously don’t read the replies, or if you do, you don’t understand them. Though I am beginning to wonder if you are a troll.
Now the nice bit:
Mate, we have all been there. Just to illustrate how extreme this can get, I once cut a girl out of my life completely. She was hot, hot , hot but just too much trouble. So she had to go. Not that she didn’t next me from time to time. Anyway, after a YEAR she got in touch by writing me a letter!! Yes, snail mail. Where you use a pen, write on paper, put that paper in an envelope and then entrust it to the mail service of whichever country you live in.
I am only guessing at your age but I am sure you have many years ahead of you to get sorted.
No. Not a troll. Just after each notification I get and read from this blog. I feel the need to vent a bit is all.
Just a very lonley guy needing to vent
And yes. I read the replies. Exaclty why I vent. Always some guy hooking up with his ex. Or fucking 10 girls
Something like that. But at the same time I have received good feedback earlier on here
@Jds78
You wrote “Have not met anyone all summer. So how do you explain that?”
That is explained easy. You havent done EVERYTHING you can to make that happen. We here can give you advice and support, but we cant bring girls to your house.
I can only say that everyone is the creator of their own happiness / misery. It doesnt get better by complaining about it – hell it even gets worse by complaining because what you focus on expands. You become what you think about most of the time. If you think how you’re lonely and you suck, well thats what you’ll attract. Read “Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill” mate, or check the more mainstream easy to read version of that called “The Secret by Rhonda Byrne”. That’s your homework that you need to do next. Dont skip this step. It will change your thinking and take you to the new level in life.
Focus on that online dating thing if you really want to meet someone new. If you dont have the looks then forget tinder (looks mean everything there) and focus on something where you can use other parts of your personality.
Ian did right that he created a profile which gets what HE WANTS. You must know what you want and put it out there. Not wander like a wind in a desert without purpose/direction. You get what you focus on. If you write down what kind of woman you want then you can attract it to your life.
I have not had much luck on tinder. I wouldn’t say so much because of looks. More bacause not great pic or not enough pics. But anyway tinder is becoming full of bots and just inactive users. So I don’t take it too personally. But its still worth playing with
Hey guys, hope you can give me your thoughts on my current situation. FWIW, I’m almost 27 and she’s 21.
I’ve been seeing my girl for 1.5 years now. I never wanted to put a label on what we were, but when pushed for it I said “something like fwb”. Having said that, our relationship was closer to that of a monogamous couple. We only saw each other, texted every day, and spent time together even when not having sex.
In that time she’s asked multiple times about taking the next step and becoming bf/gf (last time being early July). I’ve always resisted and tried to end the conversation. About a month ago she tells me that guys at work like her and are asking her out, but she feels some type of commitment to me and she doesn’t know why, so she declines to go out with them. She asks me if I’d feel any sort of way if she went out with other guys. I say no. She says she’d feel jealous if I did.
Fast forward to 10 days ago. She tells me that she’s been going out with one of the guys at work and she likes him. No sex, but they have made out. Says that she doesn’t know what she wants with me or him at this point, and asks “to be at her own pace for a few days”. Says “You’re very special to me but I can’t spend time with you and have someone else on my mind”. I say fair enough and give her space. We have no contact for 5 days. Then I have a weak moment.
I tell her that I really care about her and I’m sorry if I didn’t make her feel special or communicated my feelings to her. I admitted that this has hit me hard and I’m having trouble sleeping, etc. Pretty beta text I sent.
She rings me up as soon as she sees my message and we talk for almost an hour. She keeps telling me what is she supposed to say to this other guy now and when I give her something to say she says “but I like him”. She’s not the type that can date multiple people, so I know it has to me either me or him.
When we go on about finding something to tell this guy, I get the feeling that I’m winning here (since we’re thinking up ideas for her to break things off with him).
She says she doesn’t want to have sex with someone from work because people always find out. So I’m thinking why is she going out with him at all .. very confusing.
I ask her when she’s free and she says tonight after work. We meet up and watch a movie. She tells me she’s in a bad mood. Says someone from work yelled at her when she asked him to change one of the TV channels at one of the booths in the restaurant.
As we’re walking out of the theaters I grab her hand but she pulls away. I’m not feeling so good at this point, but thinking back now maybe she just didn’t want anyone from work to see us.
We get in the car and start talking about the incident at work when she’s interrupted by a call and says “guess who”. It was that guy she likes. He was the one that yelled at her lol. She made it clear to him that she was mad at him and told him to call back later.
I’m thinking this is great. She’s only known him for a few weeks, he’s still chasing her, and already he’s showing his true colors
We’re driving, and the topic of my trip to Ecuador for my friend’s wedding in October comes up.
My friend is having his Civil Wedding (on my birthday) here in town, and I asked her to be my date and spend the day with me before all this happened. She told her mom about this and her mom said “why don’t you go to the real wedding?” Her mom likes me. She doesn’t know that we’ve been sleeping together. She wants us to date.
So, we’re talking, and she says something like “You know, I could totally go to Ecuador if I wanted. What if I come down for like a weekend?” I say I’d like that, but at this point I’m beyond confused.
She still hasn’t made up her mind about me or him, but she’s considering taking a trip overseas trip with me? We’ve never even spent a night together (with me being a secret it’s hard), and now she’s throwing this out there?
I dropped her off, she thanked me for the movie, and gave me a peck on the lips.
Since then (5 days ago) we’ve had little contact. After that night I found this post and decided I wasn’t going to initiate any conversations. She’s watching my stories on Snapchat (like a facebook feed) and sent me a couple of snaps herself, so I know she’s thinking about me.
My birthday is coming up in a couple of weeks. The day she told me about this guy she said she still wants to spend my bday with me. Said that she’ll have an answer for me before then (if she chooses me or him).
Now, at my weak point, I was ready to go with her no matter what her answer was. She’s my best friend.
However, now I don’t feel good about taking her to the civil wedding as my ‘significant other’ if she’s not going to have sex with me any more. If she chooses him I’m going to need to move on, and spending my bday with her won’t help.
I’m almost certain she will boomerang at some point, but I want it to happen soon. I treated her great. The only thing I didn’t give her was GF status.
Having read all that, what do you guys think? I can’t help but think the worst thoughts, but after putting all the pieces together I feel like I’m still in a pretty good position here. Surely a few weak moments can’t erase 1.5 years of good times and acting alpha, right?
She still has feeling for me, this guy is a douche running on NRE, and her mom (who she lives with) is in my corner.
Right now I’m not initiating contact and waiting for her to come to me. If she tells me before my bday that she wants to date the other guy, I’m going to uninvite her from my bday, wish her well, and do NC. If she doesn’t say anything to me either way, I’m going to spend my bday with her and make a move to get her to my place at the end of the night.
Good plan?
I should mention that during our call I told her that I’ve been thinking of becoming bf/gf with her.
Only reason I haven’t brought it up with her earlier was cause the timing wasn’t great (she missed her period for a month and this was really stressful for both of us).
Neither of us takes such a commitment lightly (this might be wrong. Maybe bf/gf isn’t such a big deal), so maybe that’s why she hasn’t come to a decision yet.
Hey Bro…
I get where your coming from…But this gal sounds like an awesome chic…
And personally if things are good between you ,i mean you get along,you have good sex,you talk to each other…Why not commit to her…Tell her you want her and her alone…Take the relationship to the next level…Im pretty sure thats what she wants right now…Go for it…If you really like or love her…Snatch her up before some other dude does…
Hey…if your not afraid of marriage thats an option to….Women love a guy thats willing to commit….Im 55…Im not an expert like BlackDragon but I know that most women want that…
Oh yeah…And if you let her go your really not going to be happy…Its going to suck…then you have to start from square 1…Which in my case was the best option and now a month after getting dumped I have a great woman that tellls me all of her fantasys…And I make them come true…
Best of luck…I hope you make the right choice…and keep me informed….Peace…Ian
Hey man.
If I were to commit, you think now is a good time to do it? The reason I kind of want to wait til my birthday is because
1. She might come to me before then.
2. I’m certain she won’t have sex with this other guy before then. I’m only the 2nd guy she’s had sex with (the first guy’s dick started bleeding and it was a one time thing. Don’t ask. Lol)
Without sex, I can’t see her building up stronger feelings for this guy than she already has for me.
Plus, right now, I don’t know what she’s thinking of me. If we go out on my birthday and have a great time together, by the end of the night she’ll be thinking very highly of me. Maybe this would be a better time to pop the question?
If I do choose to snatch her up right now, should I call her up and ask her to meet? Tell her that I want to talk? I’m guessing this isn’t the sort of thing I should say over the phone.
Happy to hear that you’re having a good time again. You’re right. I don’t want to lose her. It’s hard for me to meet someone I enjoy being with (and want to fuck haha) and having put 1.5 years into this I want to give it a real shot.
BTW, is @Dawson Stone still around? I’ve caught up with half the comments here now and always liked his advice.
Hi Bro…
Hey…My dad who lived to a ripe old age of 92 once told me “Don’t put of till tomorrow what you can do today”.
So if you really like…love this gal just go over and tell her that…Tell her you only want her in your life…go get a cheap promise ring if you cant afford the real deal right now…
But when you make the commitment you must follow thru with actions…not just words…Show her everyday how much you care for her…
She’ll be yours for life…
Give all of yourselves to each other…
Peace…Ian
I’m not ready to make any big commitments man. I like her a lot and just want to spend more time with her. Right now I see her like once a week and we don’t get to do any of the fun stuff my friend’s with GF’s do (sleepovers, road trips, etc). I want all of that.
Fuck it, I might go for it tomorrow. What do I have to lose? She’s clearly tired of the no commitment FB thing, so I can’t see us going back to that.
Hey Bro…
Good Choice…Really…I mean it..Just remember that nurturing a relationship IMOHO Is an evolutionary process…
It’s like climbing a ladder one step at a time…
So take it slow and watch for her signals…Listen
And if your not sure….just ask her…
For me…I look to the womans zodiac sign…Most of the time there pretty spot on….
Ive also made it a fun game and had my gal take a personality test…@ 16personalities.com.
Because there are only 16 personalities in the world with different combinations…
So I do it so that I can pin point her exact personality and develop the relationship based on that…And she will know yours…?
It all depends on how deep you want to know her…The more you know her the better the relationship will develop…
Finding out thru communication her likes and dislikes will show her your interest level and she’ll love it…
I had one woman that I had to use the pull back method with alot….It kept her chasing me..Which is what she craved…I knew this by understanding her personality…
But not all women are the same…So what works on one woman may not necessarily work on another…
Anyway…your on the right track bro…
Again…Good Choice…Peace…Ian
And TY BlackDragon for having this site…
Your da Man Bro…
Update ..
Called her up this morning, asked to meet up. She was insistent that I tell her what I wanted on the phone, so I did. Asked her to be my GF. Long pause …. tells me why am I asking her this now. Talks about how after trying to go to the next level with me several times, she gave up on anything more happening between us. Says she’s withdrawn emotionally from this “relationship” a month back and doesn’t feel the same way as before.
We keep talking, she asks me what she’d have to do for me to hate her and take back everything I said about wanting to be bf/gf. I say I don’t know. I can’t come up with anything. Maybe if she killed babies on the side.
I said I guess if you had sex with someone else a while back and didn’t tell me (we had a deal that we’d tell each other if we had sex with anyone else). She confesses she had sex with that douche yesterday. Like fuck! If only I got in touch with her earlier.
She says she doesn’t have any feelings for him and it was just sex. I tell her all the reasons this doesn’t make any sense to me, and she can’t explain why she did it either.
Talked some more and I told her how I missed her the last 11 days. She said she hasn’t, but does now for the first time in a while. Maybe because she’s been able to let out everything she’s been feeling. Can’t explain it.
Asks me if I still wanna fuck her. I say yea, I want some angry sex. She says she’s down for that. I say maybe it will help us get past this.
Strangely after all that I felt a little better. At least now I know what’s going on and I’m not in the dark about everything.
Still though, she fucked this other guy. It stings.
I don’t know how to feel. Should I even be mad? We weren’t in a relationship or anything. What a mess.
Hey Bro…
Thats a good step in the right direction…You both cleared the air…Hey if she just had sex with the guy…Fuck…big deal…you weren’t commited to each other so it is what it is…
So just move forward and take one day at a time but whatever you do….
Dont go beta on her…Stay confident…Dont chase after her like a puppy dog….
We all love our space sometimes…And plan fun things to do while your together…
I go on Trip Advisor and find things there to do…
Good luck to both of you…
Peace,Ian
@Carlito
Yeah your story is kind of a mess. It’s like you started to double down and get these feelings to announce that you want her to be your GF just WHEN you started losing her. It’s like a last straw you’ll use when shes starting to slip up to another man, she also knows now how you started to change when she was getting on with another man. She got you to cave from FWB to something more commited by getting another prospect on the side. If this really was the first time she had sex with someone else while being with you (I doubt that, you can never trust her word on that because it affects on your perception about her and she knows this and acts like a true machiavellian on it, BELIEVE it or not), then it will never be the same anymore. That pair bonding you had has broken now and you can get ready for the final breakup ESPECIALLY if you now start to change towards beta lovey dovey nice guy. Remember how you got her to want to be your GF, how you were at the start. And now when you started to say that you want her to be your GF shes kinda aloof and is saying stuff like “I dont feel like it, I havent missed you” etc. She got you. You were the elusive aloof bad boy and she got the tingles for you because she knew that you wouldnt commit. You were a challenge. Finally she got you (and lost some of the attraction now that your feelings arent unclear anymore). Of course you can care about her and show her that you appreciate her and not be a cold fish, but on the other hand you shouldnt really ask/beg her to be your GF. It’s like the genders flipped and you started to act more like a woman and shes now in her masculine.
I’m afraid to say that all the signs are there that this relationship (you can use that word even if it was more like FWB) is doomed. She’s going to branch swing to some other guy. Maybe the guy she fucked or some else. Now that she started hopping on that carousel shes not gonna stop. Not good odds to make her your GF anymore, and maybe you shouldnt even do that.
You know, rejection (and distancing) breeds obsession. That’s basic human psychology. You have to think it through that why you started to double down on her when you started to lose her? And why you didnt really want to make her your GF before, when you had the perfect opportunity and she was asking for it (that must come from females initiation). Maybe theres something about her that makes you “not put your best foot forward”, meaning that maybe she should be just your FWB. Maybe you know instinctually that with this situation you wont be happy with her in a mono LTR, you know its going to end badly.
But this is just one mans opinion. I might be totally wrong and you can salvage the situation. You obviously know it the best. But I can sense in you some serious oneitis towards that girl. Dont get your hopes up to get her back to same attraction level for you as long as you have sappy oneitis for her. It sounds cliche but you have to get your balls back, get confident again and more outcome independent again, go focusing on your mission and if she wants to join your amazing journey then she can hop on to the train (or not), your train is moving on anyway and wont stop whether its with or without her. You can care about her deeply but still you must stay centered as a man. Attachement, oneitis cripples us men. That is when we step out of our center. Never forget that.
@Ian, @Martin
Thank you for your comments.
After having some time to think about it I’m having a really hard to forgiving her for this. I can see us becoming FWB again but it’s hard for me to see anything beyond that at this point.
My main issue is the timing of her fucking this guy. After 5 days of NC, I went a little beta and expressed my feelings for her. Told her how much she means to me and how hard this time away from her has been for me. Before this, she had no idea I felt this away about her. But now she does. This was on Tuesday.
Five days later and she’s fucking this other guy.
If she still had feelings for me, and cared about not hurting me, how the hell can she fuck this guy after I opened up to her for the first time in 1.5 years?
Is this what drove her to fuck him? Or you think it would have happened even if I kept up the NC.
“You have to think it through that why you started to double down on her when you started to lose her? And why you didn’t really want to make her your GF before, when you had the perfect opportunity and she was asking for it”
This is true. Let me explain.
When I started seeing her I had plans of long term travel (6 months+) across the country starting this fall. Having those plans, I didn’t want to commit to a gf/bf relationship to save us both from hurt feelings when I leave.
Another thing. She lives with her single mom and younger sister. She’s very busy with work, school, and babysitting. I felt like even if we got into a relationship, nothing would really change. We’d see each other about as often as before. Road trips and sleepovers would still be off the table considering her mom still thinks she’s a virgin.
Around May or so she got a new job. She went from working a 10 min bus ride away from my place, to a 1 hour subway ride away. We used to see each other at least 3 times a week. After this, I was lucky if I saw her once a week .. obviously I wasn’t happy about this.
All of July she was really stressed because she missed her period and it really seemed like she was pregnant. Not a good time to bring up our relationship status.
Couple of weeks ago I find out that her mom likes me.
In September she starts nursing school which is a 10 min walk from my condo. I figured what the hell, we’ve known each other for so long, this feels a lot more the FWB anyway. Let’s make it official and go for something more meaningful. I would get to see her almost every day, and if I enjoyed her company enough, I’d have no problem postponing my travel plans.
I don’t plan on chasing her. No way. Especially not now.
I want to get her over for some angry sex and then make it clear to her that if she still has those feelings for me she carried for 1.5 years, it’s on her to win me back and make this work.
Is this the way to go at this point? Not sure if I should say this to her face or make it clear with limited contact, what do you guys think?
I want to make this work. We had a great 1.5 years together. Lots of fun and no fights. Maybe if I focus on that it will be easier for me to forgive her ..
I just want to see her more often and do things we weren’t able to do before. The conditions finally seem right to give it a go, but fuck. It’s hard to get over what she did to me. This really hurts.
@Carlito
Bro…i read your posts all along.. you sounded so desparate & needy for this gal claiming you miss her and want her etc. She was trying to have a relationship with you and she hinted you several times, but you ignored her and she got fed up and moved on with a different guy. Now you feel jeaolous and possesive and you want revenge. Not good bro….you thought she will be your f…toy for ever and when she walked away, you cannot take it.
The biggest mistake you did was asking her to be your gf, knowing that she is dating another guy. She saw fear in your eyes/heart…she will use this forever to get back on you. Whenever you guys fight and she leaves she will play the same game.
If you truly love this gal, accept your mistake and accept what she did with other guy (it is just physical) and accept her as your gf (That is if she still wants you). if not move on…the mistake is yours man to not accept her for long time.
Thanks,
Steven
@Steven
I’m not as heads over heels for her as it may seem. We just put so much time into this thing and if it ends now it feels like it’s ending prematurely. I’d hate to start all over again now. It’s not easy for me to get dates that I’m happy with. My standards are pretty high for a 140 pound 5’9 guy (I started hitting the gym now).
She admitted to me this this guy is no better than me. She cussed him out at work the next day and didn’t pay much attention to him after. How he got her over on Sunday I’ll never understand.
At the end of our conversation she said that she misses me now for the first time in a while. Says she wants angry sex. This can’t be a bad thing, right?
Carlito,
You are wrong man….women dont always go for looks and all shit. They are mostly emotional…As i said before she saw the fear in your eyes/heart. That is a big mistake, i did the same thing and my xgf called me a coward later when we had a fight (After 6 months). But past is past, you cannot change it. Now you expressed your feelings, take her and be happy if she wants you..if not, just move on.
Steven
@Steven
That may be true for women in real life, but even good looking guys find it hard on the internet.
Update: She’s coming over for sex on Saturday. If she flakes, I’m moving on.
Bro…
Hey…Don’t wait till Saturday to be dissapointed if she flakes…Always have something lined up before hand….So if gal 1 flakes you move to gal 2….
Its Monday…You can find a gal between now and Thursday …And tell #2 you already have plans with your bros on Saturday but that might fall thru…So if it does were on…Simple….
I have a date at my house on Saturday and shes supposed to be spending the weekend…I lined my back up last night and told her the same thing…
She texted me today and said she hopes my plans fall thru…
Always have a back up plan so if shit happens
Your not left with your dick in your hand…
You’ll be Rubbing it over gal #2 ‘s face…lol
Peace…Ian
Carlito,
Please read all your postings. You are really into this gal and maybe you really like her, but you sound needy and desperate. You are going to miss her once you f…her this weekend. Sofar, you thought she is yours and now she has a guy….you are getting jeaolous. This is exactly what she wants. If she is coming, of course go have fun….but do not regret and cry later
S
I’m with Steven here. We guys have been in your shoes in a same kind of situation, so we know how this situation turns out.
“The biggest mistake you did was asking her to be your gf, knowing that she is dating another guy. She saw fear in your eyes/heart…she will use this forever to get back on you. Whenever you guys fight and she leaves she will play the same game.”
That’s spot on. That’s why truly committing to mono LTR with this girl is bad idea now. She has the upper hand, the power. She can dread game the shit out of you, she knows you’ll buckle up with the threat of other men. She’ll use this to manipulate you years to come.
She might still come to fuck you but I’d be prepared to soon hear the dreaded words “this just doesnt feel the same anymore, I like you but I dont just feeeeeeeeeeeel it anymore”, and thats because she fucked the other guy and womens pair bonding breaks a bit always when they get new cock inside them.
You werent exclusive so no you shouldnt be mad about her being with another man, it shouldnt affect you in anyway. Women you’re not monogamous can fuck anybody they want and it wont affect me as long as they stay std free, you should think the same way. But because you’re talking about mono-LTR here, thats why I’m highly against making her your GF. Open relationship, fwb thing is what you should focus on with her.
“I want to get her over for some angry sex and then make it clear to her that if she still has those feelings for me she carried for 1.5 years, it’s on her to win me back and make this work.
Is this the way to go at this point? Not sure if I should say this to her face or make it clear with limited contact, what do you guys think?”
Mate, do not talk about relationships. Just focus on 3 things when you see her: HANGOUT, HAVE FUN, HOOK UP. Dont talk about “feelings” relationship stuff. Just focus on great time and enjoy each other. Women dont want to complicate things, even if they say they want a sensitive man to talk about feelings. Be centered, masculine, funny, be a man who takes her and fucks the shit out of her. Let her initiate 100% at this point after she leaves your house. Be nonneedy, a bit mysterious, aloof. But show her that you like her and want her in your life when she initiates the convo and starts to talk about your relationship.
She expects that now when she comes over that you start to talk about lovey dovey shit that you LOVE HER and stuff like that “I WANT YOU TO BE MY GIIIIIIRLFRIEND” right when the other guys cum still might be inside her (if you do this she’ll cringe knowing this fact and she’ll lose a bit of respect towards you). So yeah do not do this. Show her fun and good times, not verbal talking about relationships. Things fall to their places with action, not with talking. Keep your mouth shut with her, SAY LESS THAN NECESSARY. Let her talk 80% and you 20%. When you talk you cant take those words back and you’ll talk yourself out of fucking her, when you have oneitis and neediness and the girl is infront of you you’ll say stupid shit trust me.
This is your plan always with her: Hangout, have fun, hook up. Nothing in that says talk about feelings, express beta lovey doveyness and crying infront of her because you’re about to lose her. Yes you havent done those things yet, but I can bet that you’ll end up doing those if you talk about feelings and your relationship. Remember that she wants to have fun when she comes over. She doesnt want no drama relationship talks. Get back to the good sexy times you had before, and I can bet that those times didnt include serious talking about feelings/relationships. Have sex, enjoy talkin fun topics, cook great food, watch netflix (or something like that) and then send her home and when she contacts you again invite her to do that again. Continue to do this and eventually she’ll fall for you again.
It’s amazing how much you see once you open your eyes. I’ve been over my situation (see above).
So my ex is now “FB Official” with the guy she had been hanging out with for the past two months. I was positively flabbergasted because this guy is such a twerp. Mind you, my ex is 20 and really into musical theatre, gay guys, that whole thing…but dating a hetero- gay guy? Didn’t make sense. OK, she’s young, wants to date different people…but seriously.
She denies she was cheating, so unless she’s lying (whole different can of worms there), I realize now that post breakup she developed a relationship with a beta orbiter (who himself is out of a relationship). Which really says more about her than it does about me. Yes, I had plates waiting in the wings post-breakup, but I never got “in a relationship” with them.
So yeah, makes me feel a bit better. And makes me realize I should’ve been more aware of this and put a stop to it before we ever broke up. So yeah, keep going No Contact. Keep doing my own thing. Call me crazy, but I sincerely doubt she can get over an 18-month relationship with me that easily thanks to a two-month relationship with a beta, musical theatre buddy (who seems more serious about her than vice-versa). Any other pointers?
@Ian
There was this one girl that wanted to hook up with me when this whole thing started .. idk, I might go for it. It’s just a bit hard for me since I still have feelings for girl #1. Not very alpha, I know.
@Steven, @Martin
You guys are absolutely right.
I’ve given this some more thought (not much else on mind mind at the moment) and I’m starting to see things really clearly now.
Timeline of events:
1. She’s really into me. Hints at being bf/gf multiple times, with the last time being in late June. I talk about my future travel plans indicating that she’s not part of my future.
2. Guys at work are asking her out, but she still feels obligated to me in some way. Still has feelings for me. Rejects those other guys.
3. She starts listening to the Guys we Fucked anti slut-shaming podcast. Does a complete 360 in her views. Goes from being the kind of girl that’s unable to date multiple guys, to being ok with fucking multiple guys.
4. Starts to withdraw emotionally. Asks me if I’m cool with her seeing other people. When I say that’s fine, she assumes I don’t have any feelings for her.
5. Starts seeing this new guy, likes this guy. Almost completely withdrawn from me emotionally at this point.
6. Tells me she’s seeing this guy and like him. Says she wants some time to herself to figure out what she wants from him and me.
7. I send her a message telling her how I feel about her. Instead of bringing her closer, this ticks her off (maybe subconsciously) because of my timing, and the fact that she has very little feeling for me anymore.
8. She’s single, not exclusive with anyone, and pissed off with me. Doesn’t have much feeling to this new guy either, but he’s attractive, new, and exciting .. and she wants to fuck. They fuck.
9. I ask her to be my GF at literally the worst possible time, and this is where we are now.
If we look at all of that, I’m really the one to blame in all this. I pretty much drove her to this point. I should be thankful that she still wants to spend time with me at all.
On Saturday we’re going to start from scratch. I’m going to remind her how much fun she had spending time with me. A month from now she’ll be going to school 10 mins from my place. If I play my cards right, I could have her over almost every day and those feelings she had for me will start to come back.
Very grateful for your comments guys, only wish I found this blog earlier.
Carlito, its great that you can pin point where you fucked up and can admit it. You’re on the right path mate. And in future you’ll act accordingly. This is a learning experience.
“4. Starts to withdraw emotionally. Asks me if I’m cool with her seeing other people. When I say that’s fine, she assumes I don’t have any feelings for her.”
Yes. You were like a cold fish. You didnt act true to yourself. If she truly was like a FWB for you then who cares if she fucks other guys, you’d really be fine with that. But since you’re writing here we all can see that you werent really fine with that and you basically pretended while you wanted her all to yourself only wanting to fuck you forever. Which is obviously something that every guy on the planet wants from their girl, thats normal (but something very unlikely).
If you wanted her to be your GF then you should’ve acted on that point and told her that “if we are to further explore our relationship in a serious way, then I’d not be okey with you being with other men, but if we are to continue being FWB then I’m okey with you being with other men and then I obviously will be with other women.” then she’d likely ask what you want, and then you can tell which option you want. But after that it was too late, after she fucked the other guy then it was the most horrific situation to ask that.
“A month from now she’ll be going to school 10 mins from my place. If I play my cards right, I could have her over almost every day and those feelings she had for me will start to come back.”
Regardless of what happens, you shouldnt want her to over at yours every day. This woman shouldnt define your life. She should be something you enjoy couple of times a week, unless you really want a live-in GF which is a bad idea if you’ve read this blog a lot. I know you have feelings for this gal, but you must realize that no matter how strong the feelings are, those feelings will fade away with enough time, and same will happen to her. Both of you will want to fuck new people, we arent monogamous creatures. So, it would be best for your long term happiness to have her as a plate, open LTR and have fuckbuddies on the side especially when you have seen her about once a week. You should’ve other women to satisfy you and keep you non hungry and have more abundance mentality.
Remember that if she wants to break up for good, meaning no sex anymore, then you must deny all friendzone shit. If she wants to end having sex with you then I’d say something like: “Ok I understand. I enjoyed my time with you and wish you all the best. I care about you and want you in my life, but obviously we are lovers and cant be anything else, so if we cant have sex anymore then please do not ever contact me again unless things change and we can continue where we left off. It’s been nice knowing you.” hug her & kiss her on the forehead and send her off. Say its strongly but in a caring way, with no emotional crying shit. Then never ever contact her again, vanish completely. If she contacts you assume shes okey with your terms and invite her over for sex. And yes this is very likely that this will happen, so you gotta prepare for it. She thinks shes gonna keep you in her life while she fucks others. NOPE. She cant have her cake and eat it too. This might change her mind too.
Need advice
i started a new job around july 5th, had my eye on one girl but never made a move cause i could tell her wanted me and i wanted that to build up more before i said something. so after work after a month of working togther she approachs me with small talk so at the end of the convo i invite her out for drinks that night since its friday, end up haveing a good time and hangout the next 3 days after that. the whole week at work shes always talking about how her girl co workers are all telling me that they can tell that i like her but i never said anything cause i had just met the girl and i dont get into exclusive relationships till i really know a person. the next week she comes over to my house and we smash, she meets my mom and they like each other off the bat,we again hangout the whole weekend and smash a couple more times. good week at work then go out with some buddies and get hammered she called and one of my friends answered saying “ohh the side piece” she was really mad and hurt but i told her not to worry about it cause i didnt see her like that. after that day she starts to be a little weird but not to much to make it seem like something was wrong but then she starts getting really distant but still contacts me saying everything is alright between us. one day i get ignored completly by her and the next day at work she comes up to me infront of co workers almost crying telling me the reason she has been distant is cause she didnt know how to tell me but she was married once and is still going through a devorce, but that she was in love with me and her parents wanted to meet me that saturday, despite the bomb that dropped on me i was cool about it and still kept my cool and continued to want to keep things going, then the next couple hrs i ask her to hangout after work thinking she would say yes and she never said anything she just ignored me all together and when i called to see what was up she acted like nothing ever happened and tried to get mad at me for saying i was single which i was cauuse we werent exclusive yet! and she hung up after that day, we saw each other at work and didnt say a word no txt no nothing and then later one she blocked me from all social media. i havent contacted her or anything
could the marriage thing be a lie? i asked her friend and she didnt know what i was talking about and didnt recall anything about a marriage, or you think my friend calling her a “side chick” scared her away thinking i was just going to play her? i actually wanted to persue a relatioship with this girl but dont wanna chase her to beta mode, any next moves you guuy would suggest?
Chris, you never know these girls until you really know them. You never know what is in their minds. You dont know if she might be crazy, have BPD or some other mental disorder. She could suck in communication, maybe in her childhood she never learned to communicate and she always brushes things off like she did with you. All these cases might ring true with that behaviour.
Consider this as a bullet dodged. You dont want these kind of people in your life. Especially not as LTR. But just wait if she ever contacts you and then set a date for sex. So, in future if she comes around enjoy her as a fwb / sex playmate. These kind of chicks are great fuckbuddies.
And in future dont let other people answer your calls if there is risk that they might say something stupid. Just causes unnecessary drama like in your case. Nothing you can do about that, but to never let other people answer your phone. Keep the phone with you, its just stupid to risk having some drunk buddy answer your calls and say something stupid. Consider it as lesson learned.
Well, I’m after some advice guys. I’ve dished advice out and now I need some. Ex dumped me five months ago over nothing, well, me being too “nice”, too available and too willing to adapt my schedule around hers in order to see her. All the oneitis “sins” I’ve discussed in this already in this thread. She actually dumped me a total of three times in the space of two years but we always got back together and fucked like rabbits. As I have told people time and again you have to ignore her in this situation after being dumped and I have. I had little doubt she’d be back again although this breakup has been more “serious” than the others. She could have had an ex dude trying to hit on her “confusing” her. I’m not sure. However, I know from personal experience that unless you are an extreme asshole or a world champion pussy they ALWAYS come back. Not heard a peep for three months (we swapped a few texts after two months NC then nothing for three months). Then, in the last five days three texts she’s so far sent. I ignored the first two about inconsequential shit where she was clearly trying to get some dialogue going with me again. Then a gap of three days, getting her hamster to start running and another text today. The one today appears to be what we’d all like to hear “miss the intimacy and if you want some naughty adult play time let me know. I know you’ll be dating”. I have not yet replied to this either.
Now you may think, result!!!! And yes I agree, the NC ignoring strategy works and here is clear proof if anyone had any doubt. The woman had told me to fuck off and to not contact her any more when she dumped me. Doesn’t this just go to show how well ignoring her works?! My “problem” is that I’ve now got a new HB 9 woman in my life who I have been banging now for six weeks. I’ve learned my oneitis lessons for sure and I am not so needy or easy to please. This new woman is getting it from me big time, multiple BJ, anal, the works. She adores me and I like her too although I’m playing it cool. Approach is working.
My question is should I let the ex who as just reached out back into my life as a FWB, potentially risking the new woman if the new one found out? I confess I’ve never dated or fucked multiple women before.
Advice guys? Thoughts? The ex clearly wants to be fucked by me again and is game for a good sex session. We got on so well when we were together and I have no idea why the dumpings occurred (which is in itself worrying). Her family loved me and my kids and vice versa. I’m tempted by those DD’s in my face again whilst she’s riding my cock. However, whilst I have the HB9 going I actually think I should ignore her or give her a very cursory message and let my value continue to rise and maybe keep her as an orbiter? She can’t just dump and pick up again like that so easily after a few texts. Man this woman HURT ME when she dumped me and there has to be consequences to that action now she wants me back. I disagree with Corey Wayne a bit on this. You can’t be a man of value by simply saying come round with a bottle of wine after three dumping episodes like nothing happened.
RM_pilot
why not give her what she wants your ex didnt state that she missed the relationship or anything of that sort she clearly asked for sex sometimes your need to give them what they want and nothing more. i agree that you say there needs to be consequences for the sudden leave. i say go out with her knowing that it will lead to sex and just smash and dash. give her a taste of her own medicen and let her wonder why you dont call for another meeting, create the fire she once had for you again, and this time you wont be needy cause you are already smashing a 9 so if all your ex wants is sex there wont be a huge loss again cause you know what its about this time. let her come to you slowly but surely
RM_pilot
“The ex clearly wants to be fucked by me again and is game for a good sex session. ”
Give it to her then! Just a good fuck and then leave or have her leave. Show her that she no longer pulls your strings. You really need to get over the barrier of not fucking two girls at once – it will do wonders for your inner game. No need to discuss it with either of them.
Thanks for the input guys, I thought you guys would say that! 🙂 It is new territory for me to have two women going and I could get this wrong and blow it with both of them if I am not careful.
Do you guys ever tell the ex that you have developed other women options if the ex is trying to hit on you again like my ex is with me? I know this is fraught with dangers but I was thinking it could add to your value because it shows you have value as a man and can pull other women other than her. That you are desirable and as such you are a catch? My instinct would be not to say anything.
RM, If she ASKS about other women then just say something like “I’m dating and have few women chasing after me, but nothing that knocks my socks off, so nothing serious, I’m just enjoying life and my freedom. I love my freedom and independence.” and obviously dont say anything if its not asked. Always follow the law: say less than necessary.
And never let the woman know who you’re fucking. She might sabotage it by contacting her, just unnecessary drama. Just let her know that yes you’re a ladies man and theres always women after you, but you’re hard to catch for commitment for one single lady, for that you need something special. That’ll make her work too to be that “unicorn” who catches you, every woman wants to tame the elusive bad boy.
Just fuck her (if you want her with burning desire) and be discreet about it. That’s why I’d advice to invite her over to yours or go to hers place, or hell even invite her to a hotel to make sure you’re discreet. If you used to fuck raw then dont go raw after this long time, she might’ve catched diseases in the mean time. Would suck big time if you gave your new girl some shit from your ex. Use condom, and if you used to fuck raw then man she’ll work to get you to fuck her raw again (she’ll go to tests etc and beg for you to cum in her and ravage her raw).
Yes she dumped you and hurt you, but now shes ready to make up for it by offering her body, and you should take that offer and not act like you should do some sort of revenge for her past actions (live in the now and dont think what happened in the past). Fuck her if you want to, but YES after that dont bend over backwards for her and dont do anything for her before shes earned that. Before shes offered all her holes for your plumping for atleast 3 times, you wont do anything for her. Meaning paying for zero shit, no food, drinks etc. No excessive texting or calling (just set a date to distant future like after week when she contacts). She should be on the backburner and be a fuckbuddy who you fuck occasionally with pump&dump mentality. Thats the consequence for her sucky past actions, shes earned that. She’ll understand it and raise her game, because she respects the fact that you dont take shit and ask for more of that.
Update:
We didn’t talk since Monday after she stopped replying, and just now we had this exchange.
Her: Hey
Me: Heya
H: Won’t come Saturday but I’ll spend your bday with you
H: Also, should I take a gift to the wedding? Idk
M: H, listen. It’s clear that your feelings have changed, or you still don’t know what you want. I care about you and want you in my life, but obviously we are lovers (always have been), and can’t be anything else. So if we’re not gonna have sex anymore, please don’t contact me from now on. If things change, maybe we can continue where we left off. I really enjoyed my time with you and I wish you all the best.
H: So don’t go to the wedding? :s I’m confused
H: I already booked the day off
H: I would like for us to be friends. I don’t see why we can’t be friends and go about our own lives.
H: You’re acting as though we were together and broke up or something.
-she calls me twice, I don’t pick up-
H: Fine. Be a moron
-calls again 30 mins later-
H: Can you just act your age and pick up?
I didn’t want a pity date, so as hard as that was for me to type, I felt like I had to do it. Hope I made the right choice here. Gutted, but I feel like I got some of the power back now.
I should probly start answering her calls at some point. But when? She’s calling now but I’m sure it’s not because she changed her mind.
@Carlito
Not sure was that the right point to say that, because who knows if the sex would’ve occured in your bday if she was coming over then?
“H: I would like for us to be friends. I don’t see why we can’t be friends and go about our own lives.
H: You’re acting as though we were together and broke up or something.”
You should answer to that and say that “we arent friends, never have been. We are purely just lovers so of course I act this way, you want to change the terms of our relationship against my will. I’m not okey with changing to being just friends. You know that I want you so much and I just cant have you in my life if I cant touch you, kiss you and make love to you. That just doesnt work for me. I care about you alot and you are special to me and it hurts if you arent in my life anymore, but the fact is that we’re lovers not friends. If we cant be lovers anymore then I dont really see any reason for us to be talking anymore when I want you and fantazise about and then I cant do anything about it, it just doesnt work that way, so please do not contact me anymore for any reason unless you change your mind. I will miss you but no we cant be just friends, maybe friends with benefits but not platonic friends. But contact me if things ever change and I’d love to see you. All the best wishes to you”
Yes write something like that to her, not word to word but communicate that. It lasted over a year so you should say what you mean and express that yes you cared about her. Do not be emotionally punishing. Say how you enjoyed her and then leave the door open for future boomerang. I wouldnt’ve ignored her calls, I’d answered and asserted my point. Strongest negotiation position is being able to walk away and mean it. Say what you want from her and then wish her the best and walk away. Say your point strongly but caringly and walk away. There’s nothing wrong in expressing that she was special to you if she really was and then showing that you can walk away. In fact it hurts boomerang chances if you pretend to be too aloof and leave her “just a cum dumpster” feeling.
Dont act butthurt, the ignoring of calls might’ve been taken like that. Just assert your position once again and then walk away. After that delete her number so you wont be tempted to contact her and wont get nostalgic betay when you see her new pictures in whatsapp or some other apps. Boomerang chance is high if you do it this way. Nothing can change her mind now when shes in NRE with some other chump (very likely no matter what she says). Your absence will do great things now and maybe in 4-6 months when the new guy messes up she contacts you and gets all nostalgic and shes back being fwb.
She might shame you because you walk away this way, she might challenge you and say how “no shes not going to contact you if you arent my friend”, and you must stand your ground and mean what you say and walk away. She cant manipulate you and her pussy will respect that. They want a strong man who cant be manipulated.
@Martin
For my birthday she wouldn’t be coming over.
I was going to pick her up, then we’d go to wedding, then carnival in the city after that.
I’d have to get her to agree to go back to my condo at the end of the night. Still think I made the wrong call here?
Ok. I thought sending that message covers everything she needs to know, and I was supposed to go NC from there.
Sent her a similar message to the one you wrote..
Sigh. I feel like I could have done just as good handling this on my own. Mistakes every single step of the way.
Looks like she blocked me on whatsapp. Had to message her on 2 other apps to male sure she got this.
Carlito well it doesnt really change anything or make any difference when the girl has decided that she wont fuck you anymore. There’s no magical line you can say that can make her change her mind in an instant. The only thing you can do is to not be emotionally punishing and let things end good for better chance of future boomerang. Friendzone obviously doesnt help to get her back in bed, so you did the best thing you could. And if you fucked up something with her then you fucked it earlier, this doesnt really change anything. They’ll crawl back someday when things change (or if they see the new upgraded you somewhere and get tingly). If shes in NRE the new guy occupies her mind so badly that you dont have any chance currently, she feels nothing for you and thats why she can block & ignore you like its nothing. But that NRE is temporary and shes going “see the light” eventually and realize that yes you’re lovers and not friends. You probably did the right thing, theres no point orbiting around being a friend. To that wedding it’s good that you dont bring a girl who friendzoned you, now get new prospects from there.
Just like I said all the signs were there and I knew this was going to happen. When the girl gets distant then its done, nothing you can do about it. Accept the fact and move on, hit the gym and get new girls. She’s like a fickle cat and you can bet that she’ll be back someday and on the same note she’ll be gone again soon. Women are fickle beings, so its not a good idea to invest emotionally (too deep) to them.
I’m in a really shitty situation. (both in late 20’s been and lived together over 4 years). About 3-4 weeks ago she started not coming home (she’s back at her parents) at all made random excuse for first two weeks then third week started saying it’s all my fault and that sometimes I was rude to her sometimes and we are not working out that I want a different type of girl. (I think she’s depressed for various reasons that all happened at once, job, age, new friend influence). Since these 4 weeks I’ve not been able to talk with her or meet her she refused to even have a chat except a couple SMS here and there and only says she needs to be alone and think, she did throw the word breakup once but has been shy to use it. On week 5 for my birthday she called me crying asking where I was and with who, next day I ask to meet and she says ‘No’ since I haven’t talked and planning to ignore. Last messages before she said No to meet ‘I don’t know what to do’ and ‘it makes me sick’, but she still won’t meet or talk. Now my shitty situation is that she’s not moved out at all and still has my keys. I scheduled to change the locks but do I ship her stuff or wait it out and keep her stuff? I didn’t want this to be over, I started no contact it’s been 5 days, she already liked one of my stuff on social media, but with her stuff at my house and she won’t talk but at the same time showing signs its messed up …
If I wanted to try us again, do I still ship her stuff and continue no contact, do I break no contact to tell her to pick it up or do I make a friend tell her to pick up her stuff.
She read my final message. No response, but that’s fine. Time for me to heal and work on myself. She’ll be reminded of me every time she walks past my condo to go to school.
Martin, what is some of your favorite material on seduction/being alpha? I want to get things right next time without having to ask for help every step of the way.
Oh, and another thing. This is kind of embarrassing but whatever. Whenever we had sex she only came about 25% of the time. She insisted that it’s a mental thing for her and not my fault, but now I feel like I could have done more.
Having said that, one month ago she wrote me like 20 lines of text about how she’s loving our sex right now.
Good thing is she was still considering fucking me after fucking that new guy, so he can’t be all that great.
Ok, that’s it. I won’t write about her anymore. Time to move on.
I know this happened now a week and a half or so ago. Still looking for some advice.
SO the ex hit me up after 3-4 months no contact, directly and not on Snap. A text saying ” HEY! hope you’re doing amazing. my parents are coming in town and won’t to go go karting. I remember you friend who seemed to be a in to go karting, the best around. Do you remember the place? < This isn’t totally written properly ha
She was asking if I remember the go kart place he was talking about 9 Months ago.
All I said was “Hey there, I’m doing fabulous! How about you? The place my bud goes is blah blah
She still hasn’t responded with anything.
Thoughts? Do anything?
What I should have said was are you you really wonder about this go kart place or do you miss me?
Some back and forth texts today. I’m only texting back to clarify the situation. Don’t want to leave on a sour note again. She’s upset. But maybe that’s a good thing. Shows that she cares.
H: Enjoy the wedding and have a good birthday by yourself. I’m not going.
When you look back, just remember that you’re the one who didn’t want more than a sexual relationship and you’re the one who didn’t want me around in the end at all.
You’re 27. Get your feelings and life in check. I’m missing out on $80 next Saturday because of you.
M: I understand my role in everything that’s happened. I already explained why i acted the way i did. When you do something for the first time, you’re bound to mess up.
I didn’t intend to hurt you, and I know that you didn’t intend to hurt me.
I want you around more than anything right now, but I told you why I can’t. It wasn’t easy for me to write that message last night. Being around as a ‘friend’ after all this hurts. Try to see it from my point of view.
Consider that $80 you don’t have to spend on a bday present.
H: Just to clarify: you don’t want me there next week right?
M: No, not as just a friend.
H: Lol ok that’s a no then.
@Jaybee
Yes you should’ve wanted to see her when she contacted you. You didnt express anything on that. She missed you very likely and tried to feel do you miss her too, but it seems you do not so she doesnt pursue that more because she doesnt want rejection. And when you’re aloof she assumes you’re with a new girl and doesnt want to be “the other girl” to interfere because she knows that you’ll cheat that new girl in a heartbeat, because she knows that she is your oneitis ex and you’ll do anything. And she DOESNT want that resposibility/burden – yes of course they fear that who knows maybe that girl of yours will public shame her or even worse. Never give exes impression that you have new GF (and you do that by being aloof cold fish), it just fucks up chances of sex happening. Next time when she contacts you just say that Nice to hear from her, You’d love to see her, when shes free to get together? Or something like that. Your response was just very cold fish aloof, like you have a new GF.
Do not do anything. Wait for her contact and then answer like text book and not like a cold fish.
@Carlito
“When you look back, just remember that you’re the one who didn’t want more than a sexual relationship and you’re the one who didn’t want me around in the end at all.”
She’s right on that. You messed up in the first place. So if you really wanted her as GF and you didnt take her when she was up and the opportunity slipped up, then yes shes right and you messed up. She went to pursue another guys who would like to take her as GF. You cant change that anymore with talking. You can just wait if she ever changes her mind and next time you can act different, but only if you really want her as a GF. Maybe you dont really want her as GF when you didnt put your best foot forward when she offered that. You only started to want that when you got rejected. Rejection breeds obsession, and this is just basic human feelings, you feel now this way because of that rejection – which created obsession. Now, when things change and she wants to be your GF again, I can bet that you dont want her as GF anymore then. Humans want what they cant have. Your story is the prime example of that. Now you just have to understand this and realize that these feelings are just chemicals in your brain, tricking you to feel something you didnt feel short time ago.
“Martin, what is some of your favorite material on seduction/being alpha?” Obviously this BD’s blog/books is great material on becoming Alpha Male 2.0. Supplement it with Coach Corey Wayne and the red pill reddit. You dont need anything else. Keep it simple and do not start to watch/study too many sources, it’ll just fuck up your game and deveploment.
UPDATE
She actually just responded yesterday saying “I’m doing great! Sorry my text never sent to ya. It’s finally summer break after my first semester. (PA school). Ya being a rockstar all summer? Do you start teaching soon?”
SOOO it was a test to see if I would be needy or not, no matter what the text excuse was. SO I just said how it’s Ironic she’s on break as I am going back to teach in school… no more info. “It’s good to hear from you, when are you free to get together? I’d love to see you, catch up some”.
we’ll see what happens…
Gentlemen, just wanted to pick your brain about something.
I recently found out via messaging app that my ex still has my number in her phone. After we broke up (last October), I deleted her number from my phone and her contact from the app. I assumed she did the same as well. The app has a recommended friend feature. Well, guess who pops up as a “recommended friend” 10 months later? I deleted her from the list because I wanted to remove the temptation to contact her(my right index finger was getting itchy to add her).
BD’s & Martin’s advice on ignoring has empowered me through grad school (graduating this Thursday), the gym (lost 33 pounds), and straight into the the Air Force (meeting the recruiter in two weeks). I just thought it was funny because if the woman says its over, why in the hell do they even keep the ex’s number?
Anthony, its been my observation that nowadays people have a reason to keep your number no matter what. Because nowadays they see some info about you in these apps like whatsapp. They see your new profile pics, when you were online last time etc. It’s actually a good tool to “stalk” people, even if its over. By keeping your number she can see your progression in the coming years from your profile pic. She might want to keep the option open, because who knows if you get fucking jacked & ripped, pose on a lambo because you turned into a millionaire. And that’s when they branch back, when they see that you’ve improved and they get curious about the new you and want to catch up how you doin now.
But if you block em or delete her number and deny that information from your app settings, then she cant see those things (thats debatable should you ever block her, personally I think its not a good idea if you actually want her back in your life someday, just shows that you care a bit too much when you block, I’d just rather shrug and be indifferent). I also have seen that they dont delete my number even though its over, because they text whatever nostalgic shit even after months of the “final breakup goodbyes”. I think this happens especially when they dumped you and know that you wont chase after her, then she knows that she has to make the first move and she must have your contact info if she ever actually does change her mind. Very rarely do lovers walk away completely and lose all your contact info – for that to happen you need to have done something very very bad. And in the end who cares, even if she deletes your number still theres probably ten ways for her to contact you anyway. There’s email, fb, number of apps, showing up to your door. If she really fancies you and wants to get a hold of you, then she’ll find a way even if you yourself have blocked her in everything.
Personally after breakup I do delete their number and delete the convo from all apps, then I wont see her face and get nostalgic watching how great she looks in her new pics or do some beta things like check when shes been online. Recommending this for everyone. At least you wont ever contact her when you get those weak moments. If she is to come back, she has to make the first move. And thats the way it should be when she dumped you.
Martin,
This chick dumped me twice and can’t communicate. If there was anyone that proved how childlike women are, trust me, it’s her. I’d be absolutely insane to want her back. Can’t the lie, the pussy is good…but it’s not worth my sanity. The fact that she still has my number proves you were right when you said what they say in the moment of the break-up and what they do in the future is not congruent with their actions. I’m up for hooking up in the future, but for now, just gotta treat her like a nuclear power plant in Fukushima. All I am doing now is upping my stock in terms of health, finances, and education. A lady friend is coming over tomorrow for dinner. You already know what’s gonna happen. 😉
Anthony, can relate totally.
“Can’t the lie, the pussy is good…but it’s not worth my sanity.” yes some other guy can bear that burden and become insane while doing it, until he too faces the fact that “shes not yours, it was just your turn”. Fuck it, the pussy is good but you just gotta enjoy it while it gives you no drama. If the things change and its too much of a hassle, nah its not worth it anymore when there are millions of hot women who want to worship you (during NRE).
For most guys with oneitis ex it would serve them to never get back to doing anything with her. It’ll probably be very toxic relationship and not do good for your mental health. She’ll have the power and she’ll abuse you and extract resources from you without ever giving you her best. The right mentality to get ex back is to not even want her back. If you dont want her back then you wont ever chase her or be needy for her (and thats what these cats go after), but of course you’ll take her (sexually) if she offers herself. And by practicing this mentality, one day you actually might have the power and she’ll again purr like a kitten in NRE.
For a reminder, check out this post: https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/4e1pa4/women_do_not_want_your_love/
Looking for some advice. I used to be beta as they come for my girlfriend, i’ve recently went through the NC phase. She sent some messages and then I decided it was time to message her. She wanted to treat me to lunch when I go back to california, however I’ve ignored that since she now has a boyfriend. How do I approach my ex when she appears interested but has a boyfriend? Do I still initiate for her to come back to my place? Do I wait for signs? Thanks.
Mike, boyfriend doesnt matter. If your ex pursues after you then its game. She probably has old bf. She’ll cheat with you or with someone else. Women arent these loyal beings with honor like you thought they’d be. Dont bring it (bf) up. Dont give her reasons to not fuck you. Just flirt with her and dont say anything. Bring her to your place and fuck her. It’s everyday business that women fuck their exes while having old bf. That’s why girl being “friends” with her ex lover is major red flag. She has her ex lovers around her and shes meeting them? Man, do not LTR those chicks EVER. If you go and do it then be discreet obviously, so some betaized bf doesnt get mad and go off you. Like Tupac said: When hoes get horny, niggas die. So remember that you risk some chump going after you when you fuck these girls with bfs.
[…]ROBINSON.BUCKLER @ YAHOO . COM BROUGHT MY Ex BACK….
Hi Guys,
Just wanted to update. Finally my ex, replied to my email for deleting my private files (after 3 months of my first request).
Now, through common friends, I got to know that she is struggling to find a new job. She just graduated couple of months back. It’s been 10 months since our break up and now I am having this weak moment, where I am thinking about offering her my help to get her a job. I had helped her get internships before and I am very sure I can use my network in many countries to help her in some way. Should I be the “Good” guy and try to help someone who once used to be very important or just continue the NC/I don’t care a shit about you attitude ? I am pretty sure she is not satisfied with her present life. And this offer is not because I want to get her back in my life, I just think this could be the right thing to help someone who is in need.
Cheers!!
P.S luckily I am doing quite good in all aspects of life since the breakup
What about instead helping someone who does want your help, would use it well and be grateful for it?
Andy if you genuinely want to help her out, and it does good for your network either way, then there isnt anything wrong in that. You’re outcome independent anyway whatever happens. If that’s the kind of guy you are that you love to bring value to other people, then sure you can do that.
But on the other side when it comes to exes who blew you off you shouldnt go out of your way to offer help or give advice WHEN its not asked, that just might come off as you’re forcing to put yourself in her life. And especially if she hasnt been so good to towards you lately. But I know that feeling “try to help someone who once used to be very important”…
There’s no right or wrong answer, you gotta do what you think is best. Also you gotta think about yourself too, does it benefit you if you recommend her in your network? Is she a good worker? Atleast she havent been great in communication (with you). Tough call. But doesnt matter if you truly do not care about the outcome – I mean you dont do it to with pursuing in mind. In the end she doesnt even live in same country currently, right? By definition you should be outcome independent and not care what she might think about you especially when she doesnt even live near so whatever its not like you lose anything, you’re just offering some help because why not, after all you’re a decent human being. It might even give her an “excuse” to contact you someday in the future and it can lead to anything, but thats probably our male hamstering and male romantic thinking. This is just my thoughts on this, someone else might think differently and say “fuck her she doesnt deserve your help” and they might be right too.
@ anon @ martin thanks guys!!
@ Martin, yes what you are saying…I can completely understand and agree. I am absolutely outcome independent. Just want to help her out, she stood by my during my bad times also…though the status of the relationship is different. Yes, she is in a different country and I have no interest in pursuing her at this point. Ya, is she comes back on her own, maybe I’ll give her a second thought.
At the same time, I don’t want her to think that I am forcing myself into her life. I am very sure, she would just reply: Thank you for your offer, but at the moment I am fine.
Maybe, I should just think a bit more, but my inner gut feeling says I should just do it and not think about the consequences.
Andy
Come on …lets stop this. My strong advice, do not contact her or try to help. I was with an attached women and I use to run to get flowers and icecream for her because she is sad and her partner is not treating her well. She use to say oh baby I love you somuch, you are my soulmate. Guess what she said after she walked away (I have no idea how she can be with me one day and next day walkaway)…she called me as a fool. How about you help me or my best friend who is without job… can you help us? if so you are a good person. you are trying to help her because you are thinking you will get her p…y later. Do not do it….just ignore and you will get it..if you do contact her or help her, she knows you are weak…do not…I mean do nottttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt help or contact her.
We had been there and done that….whatever excuse you give to talk to her or help her…we have done all those.. Take advice from people who had been there and save the time and pain bro.
Steven
Andy, “but my inner gut feeling says I should just do it and not think about the consequences.”
My inner gut feeling says that I should text my oneitis ex who walked away and tell her how much I miss her and how much she means to me, and maybe she’d answer that she misses me too and shes been waiting for my contact! But that’s just insanity and projecting our fantasy to her. When I snap out of it I realize that if she wanted to talk to me, if she missed me then she’d contact me. And now its not the right time. But maybe that happens someday.
What I’m saying is that with exes you should go against your inner gut feeling. Like this article starts with this: “This is, of course, the exact opposite of what you’ll want to do. You’ll want to keep texting, calling, commenting, or whatever to try to “get her back.” When a woman dumps your ass, your oneitis, scarcity mentality, and righteous male need for “respect” will all flare up at the same time. You’ll want to contact her, often.”
All the impulses you have towards contacting ex should be ignored and you should do the opposite of what you want to do. And I’ll repeat it: you shouldnt go out of your way to offer help or give advice WHEN its not asked. I try not to give advice/offer help to anyone when its not asked. Women dont want you to fix their problems, they just want you to listen. Just listen their problems and do not try to fix their problems unless they ask you advice on fixing their problems. It’s one of the best tips I’ve heard on the topic of talking to women. If unasked you start to fix their problems they just get frustrated and say “you never listen to me” and the legs close. On the other hand when you just listen and are like mmm’h nodding once in a while, then they think you’re the most awesome person who understands them – and thats when their legs open aswell.
Update
She unblocked me on whatsapp and reached out late last night. I was sleeping so didn’t reply til this morning.
H: Hi
M: Mornin’. How are ya?
H: Just wanted to wish you a happy early birthday
M: Thanks 🙂
Haven’t changed your mind about us?
H: You gave me a demanding ultimatum so I had to stick with no
M: Not really. I just wanted to go back to what we always were. We had a good thing going, with the best still yet to come. Anyway, if you change your mind, you know what to do.
H: Yea
Gotta admit, I got my hopes up when I saw that she messaged. Oh well. I guess it’s a good sign that she messaged me at all. It’s only been about a week since our last contact.
fwiw, I’ve been trying to date other girls, just not having much luck at the moment.
@Carlito She obviously knows your terms AND she is contacting you. So you got to assume she wants to see you. After 2-3 text next time just say Good to to hear from you though, When are you free? I’d love to see you. < something around those lines< Don't talk about relationship things just have meet have fun and hook up. After the meet to don't contact her, let her hit you up again. Then it is your job to set the next date again. No one wants to be rejected… But any contact for exes are suttle hints.
@Jaybee
I agree with you, and I’d act the way you suggest, but it’s a bit of a tricky situation.
Tomorrow is my birthday and friend’s wedding. She knows that I want to spend the day with her, but not as ‘just friends’.
When she says that she just wants to wish me a happy bday and she hasn’t changed her mind about us, I take that as a sign that she’s not ready to meet up. If she was, I’d expect her to say something like “do you still want me to be your date tomorrow?”.
If (when) she contacts me in the future, I’ll respond the way you said.
I do wonder why she’s wishing me a ‘happy early bday’. Why not just wait til Saturday and say happy bday? Weird.
@martin
You seem like a very enlightned person; i know you say there are no new situations and maybe you’re right. I have something i need to discuss with you and it really is a life or death manner and is not for the forum.. How do I reach you..?
@Chris
I’m just a man, I wish I were enlightened. I dont think anyone here is qualified to give advice on life or death situations. But I dont see why you couldnt ask it here. Just leave out the personal details and post it here so others can chime in aswell. It’s not a good idea to share personal details/ways of contact here on a very public board.
@Andy
There is no need for you to help this chick. You still have those beta feelings inside of you. Kill em’ off.
@Martin
Well to be honest I’m hesitant to say anything on this forum for fear of judgement and/or being chastised. I understand the presumption here is ” no contact no contact” and “sleep with other girls and work on yourself” Ive read this entire thread. I also see that everyone thinks “no situation is different” but the truth is there ARE different scenarios. It would take me hours to type everything that has happened in my relationship in its entirety; but the fact is I’m NOT handling it well. I haven’t eaten in 8 days now, I can’t sleep and Im constantly looking at my phone. I am 3 weeks into the breakup and like an addict to a drug- I tried reaching out once a week. At first it was a few texts here and there. I would send her screenshots Id saved of beautiful, heartfelt texts she used to send me EVERYDAY, and then I would send her a few pictures and memes. Then week two I would do the same but then I would also try and call her because the urge in the pit of my stomach was so overwhelming to call and talk too her I was at a point where I wasn’t in control anymore. 4, 5, 6 calls sometimes. All I wanted, all i cared about was reaching out too her and hearing her voice. Wanting to make her realize what we had, what we mean to each other.
Week 3 and still nothing. So I made the stupid decision to go out with friends to a bar, took a picture with the hottest girl there and post it to FB. Welllll it worked but it didn’t. She definitely saw it via her friends’ page. I unfriended her but still had mutual friends on my FB and thats how she saw it.. So later that night i tried calling her and some guy picked up and said “yea bro you don’t need to call no more” she was at a party then I got a phone call at 6am (this after me being answered and hung up on by her friend while she was at a party) we talked for 6 hours that night. She admitted that seeing me with another girl made her sick to the point to where she lost it at work and went into the bathroom and cried and threw up. THEN she decided to get back at me by going to a bar then that party. ( so guys reading this that want to do a revenge tactic- don’t!!) in any event, the next three days spent talking here and there (mostly arguing because she won’t listen to reason and keeps bringing up past things) and we’re both crying on the phone telling each other how much we love each other and yet she says we “can’t be together because it toxic” and playing the blame game. She tells me she’s still in love with me and how her world is upside down- but again says she has to do whats best for her and put herself first. She’s literally hanging out with her piece of shi* co workers whom she always said she hated, and instead of calling me when she got off work the other night to “talk about things” she went to a bar and called me at 2am.. I couldn’t believe it.
Martin I was this girls entire world and she couldnt go an hour without texting me. We had a closeness id never had and a relationship/bond that I thought would never go away; as she always said shed be there forever. We were discussing marriage and all that. She was perfect (except for when she gave me black eye when she was drunk one night) but I guess that was my fault because I did something that night to piss her off. In any event- she’s being petty, incomprehensibly mean and hurtful with the things she’s said post breakup. We haven’t spoken now in 3 days and I can’t stop obsessing about where she is, who she’s with and god forbid her being with another guy. It makes me want to crawl under a rock and die.. Hence the “life and death” matter i spoke of. I’m by no means looking for attention like a bullied teenager as I am 34. But I feel as though this is the end of my journey and life has nothing more to offer. She was my life and now she’s just…gone. The dynamic is something i can’t comprehend. We were inseparable and now she’s just out living life and not calling/texting like she did every single day for 15 months. I would wake up to her texts and pictures, wed text all day and calls in between. As i said above I can’t eat/sleep and my depression has turned into a downward spiral i can’t control. I know everyone reading this will make fun of me, call me names, and say I’m less of a man. So be it. I’ve been the alpha my whole life. I was the camera man of a very popular and very well known porn company for 5 years – and have had many many women in my life. She changed my life from the first hour we were together on our first date.
This is where I am Martin and Ive tried as best as i could to summarize things. Im still in love with her, but she now says “i don’t see us ever getting back together” i told her all i want to do is to kiss her, hold her and see her and she says ” yea i don’t think that’ll ever happen again” Im absolutely devastated, my health is suffering, I’m weak, powerless, and have no pride or self worth left in me. Thus why I’ve been staring at this hand gun for the last few days that I’ve recently purchased.
Im not the kind to do something like this- but i can no longer live like this day in and day out. The pain is too much. I miss her more than the air I breathe. And she’s…just gone.. help?
Chris,
She wasn’t your girl, it was just your turn. That is the stone cold truth. Consider yourself lucky you didn’t marry her or get her pregnant. You acknowledged the revenge tactic by saying it was a mistake. Now, I can’t stress it enough for you to improve yourself in every way shape and form. Attract somebody new.
@Anthony
Which is why I was afraid to say anything; I feel as though no one would really understand the dynamic of our relationship. I left many things out Anthony.. I have girls hitting my phone up this instant i WISH I could post and show you screenshots of this stupid fake boob blonde thats blowing me up.. I simply don’t care.. Instead Im having 5 hour phone conversations with my friend who’s trying to get me through this and positing to a break up blog because Im not strong enough to move on and staring at my phone even right this moment thinking ” oh my god its 2am and i cant believe she’s not calling me!!!!!” Im not surviving.. I’m NOT well.. i just want her back.
Chris,
I don’t want to come across as an uncaring hard ass, BUT I’ve been there. My ex of 3 years dumped me for the 2nd time in October on her birthday. Yeah, it hurt like hell, but what was I suppose to do afterwards? Drop out of school and become a fat ass? FUCK NO. The classroom and gym become my outlets for rage. 10 months later, I graduated last Thursday and lost 33 pounds over the winter and spring. Joining the Air Force in 3 months and met new women. Chris, I’m telling you, you can’t see it now because your emotions are raw, but this will be the best thing that happened to you IF AND ONLY IF you don’t let it ruin you. You have to make the decision, does she win or do you win. If you know the answer then you know what to do.
Anthony-
Congratulations on all your success! I appreciate the reply. I know you say you’ve been here but have you?? I bought a gun for christ sake.. Its not just raw; its life altering and as SHE PUT IT ON WEDNESDAY “my whole world has changed” sure she’s sent a few mixed signals here and there; but ultimately i want to know if ignoring her really works?! I’m not so sure. She ignored me for 3 week and thats why i posted the picture of another girl and I. Anthony- i haven’t eaten now in almost 10 days, I’m not sleeping, and when i do manage to get a few hours she appears in my dreams. I can’t escape her and I’m GOING CRAZY. It is ruining me. I don’t know how to stop thinking about her, worrying, looking at pictures etc.. How can you say this will be the best thing thats ever happened too me?! Im lost. My psychological/physical health is now declining. Did you read everything i wrote? In my first post i mean.. I swear we were the “Disney couple” and not just bc we went there all the time and most recently in may for our one year anniversary.. and i have those “moments” every minute of every day.. I feel like @martin is too disgusted with how I’m presenting myself to even reply -_-
@Chris
Not disgusted, just been busy.
I think every man who has gotten dumped by the “love of their life” can relate to your story and your pain. I for sure can.
First thing that comes to my mind is that this relationship was codependent relationship, which often happens when two persons who both knocks their socks off each other meet. That’s normal but still its not healthy. Codependency is not healthy. You shouldnt strive to immerse each others so much to to your lives. It can only turn sour. Check this: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Codependency
It can be cool when a hot chick is codependent on you, but yes, its just your turn and she’ll turn to anti-codependent with you and will want you to go away. The usual “come here” turns to “go away”. It fucking sucks, and your feelings are always stronger and stronger. And this rejection breeds the motherfucking obsession. The obsession you had for her was nothing when she was codependent on you, now when shes lost that now your obsession is on drugs.
I’ve been there and thought there is no life anymore, thinking there is no point to anything anymore when you lost that person. But with time I’ve realized that I was in a codependent relationship and it wasnt healthy. I’d never let myself get so attached anymore, codependency is a sickness.
I’m not disgusted, I think every man needs to go through this shit to grow to a real man. To this point you’ve been a boy, but this event will turn you to a real man. Mark my words. You’ll look back this even after years and you’ll be thankful for that girl that she found a chink in your armor and with her help you fixed it. She was in your life as someone who helped you grow, exposed a weakness in you. Maybe that was her whole purpose in your life. To push you towards something bigger and better, leaving you to be a better man. It doesnt feel like that now, but trust me thats the case.
I could point all your mistakes and many other things from your text, but theres no point, past is past and you cant change it. You must learn from this and grow. But for example: “I was this girls entire world and she couldnt go an hour without texting me.” THIS stuff doesnt happen when the relationship is healthy. She, your ex KNOWS THIS, shes smart: “and we’re both crying on the phone telling each other how much we love each other and yet she says we “can’t be together because it toxic”” Shes right, its toxic. This “being entire world and cant go even an hour without texting other” shouldnt be happening and it doesnt happen in healthy relationships. It was very toxic codependent relationship. It’ll never work out with anyone when its like this, atleast not long term. No human wants codependent person to be their burden. Sure its great at first when hot babe is codependet on you, but trust me with time it’ll turn to be something you hate. That happened with your girl. She shouldnt be that big thing to her, subconsciously she knows that she’ll die someday and she needs to know your OK with or without her. The moment she knows you wont be OK is the moment she’ll start to distance herself even if it hurts her to do so.
This stuff shouldnt be happening, things like 6 hours phonecalls…man, I know its cool to talk with your oneitis and I could do it for days but still these things dont help you.
And by the way, just last night I spent with a woman who talked why she dumped her ex of 5 years… because he got too needy, too jealous, he raided her phone looking for signs of other men, he wanted to fucking own her. She got enough of it. Women dont want that. Years of commitment and investements go POOF just like that because women dont want men who need them and want to own them. Women want men who let them come and go at their own pace. You need to do that to your ex. Let her go and let her come at her own pace if she ever chooses to do that. All the principles still hold, meaning that you shouldnt do ANYTHING. Dont listen (or analyse) what she says, women say shit they dont mean when they breakup.
Dont do stupid things to yourself, stop that bullshit suicide talk. Dont give her that satisfaction. One woman shouldnt end your life. She has no business to affect you like that. Remember all these feelings you feel now are just chemicals in your brain. They’ll resolve, especially when you start to EAT and SLEEP. Tonight do a big plate of garlic spaghetti and then go have a hot shower where you stand 20 minutes under the hot shower (YES 20mins) and just delve in to sensations and even cry and let the shit out from your brain then after that you’ll sleep like a baby. And you’ve got your shit a bit more together. Just go day by day and start doing the right things. 3 weeks is nothing. It’s expected to be crushed at 3 week point. At 3 months you’ll start to feel those glimpses that maybe this was the best thing that happened to you…
I think it’ll be a fun moment for you when you come back here to read your comments after long time. You’ll likely be like “did that version of me really exist? man that was weak, I was just a boy back then, boy trapped in a mans body”.
Life’s worst event shouldnt be a breakup. After all it should be just “meh”, because really its nothing – its just a who had her turn with you (every relationship ends in every single case either by death or breakup SO thats normal), thats basic shit thats been happening millions of years and men havent really been fazed or affected by that. But nowadays no wars, no great depression – man we are weak, if only men from earlier generations knew that this generations worst event was something so small as a breakup… They’d laugh at us. “We’re the middle children of the history man, no purpose or place, we have no Great war, no Great depression, our great war is a spiritual war, our great depression is our lives” ― Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club
“It’s only after we’ve lost everything that we’re free to do anything.”― Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club
Now you’re free to do anything. Codependency just held you back from that. Now turn to a self reliant man and you’ll eventually attract her back, BUT do not do that to get her back. You do it for you. You shouldnt do anything to get her back or as you said do any “revenge tactics”, which says to me that you posted that FB pic of you and some hot girl to get her back – well of course that shit doesnt work when you do it like that. Dont do it for others. Start doing shit for yourself. You is the only constant in this world for you, girls come and go because the fact is they cant be with one man for their whole lives, that shit is just a fantasy so prepare for that and dont try to own these women who are here only so long until your turn has ended (and with neediness it ends faster). Aim for self reliance. Self reliant man wouldnt ever kill himself, its just absurd to even entertain such thoughts. Live for yourself: “I live for myself and I answer to nobody.” -Steve McQueen
With all the pussy in the world, no man should even entertain the idea of killing himself. My grandfather survived Normandy. I would be a complete punk ass if I ever took my own life over a female. C’mon, Chris. Where is your spine? Martin is exactly right about codependency. Now that my codependency is gone, I am free to join the military…..and thats EXACTLY what I am going to do this coming Thursday. I am going to go in and reap all the fucking benefits of being in the U.S. Air Force. Let some other dude be the beta male provider my ex wanted me to be. Let him figure out how much money he needs to make in order to make her happy. I’ve learned that a woman can never be happy and all she wants is MORE. Chris, woman or no woman, a man is suppose to have goals and be working towards them. Go get some goals.
I’ve been very patient with letting many of you guys place this many negative loser comments in this thread, but now we have dudes threatening to kill themselves and various other things that may get me in legal trouble if I let this continue.
The pity party is over. I’ve disabled further comments in this thread. I should have done this a long time ago.
Scanning over this thread, I see the same things over and over again: guys complaining about girls who’ve dumped them and completely ignoring the good advice they’re getting from others.
To those of you who tried to offer advice to these dumped guys, thank you.
To those of you depressed because some girl dumped you, man up. There are hundreds of thousands of other cute / smart / fun girls in your city. Go get another one.