The 8 Types of Female Sex Drive
A few weeks ago, I talked about the types of male sex drive. Today, I’ll discuss the types of female sex drive. When I say “sex drive,” I mean the desire to actually have physical intercourse with another human being. In context of this article, sex drive means a woman’s desire to actually put a real man’s penis inside her. I am not talking about a general feeling or horniness or arousal, which in my opinion is very different than actual sex drive. Please refer to the linked article above for more detail on exactly what I mean when I say “sex drive.”
Women are trained by society to think of sex differently than men. Women also have radically different sexual and reproductive biology than men. Therefore, men and women are different such to the point where you can’t just label all of them as having low, medium, or high sex drive.
Attention vs. Sexual Desire
As I have discussed many times over the years, especially in my book, a man’s primary craving from women is sex, while a woman’s primary craving from men is attention. I’m not saying men don’t want attention; of course they do. I’m also not saying women don’t want sex; of course they do. I’m saying that when you’re on a first or second date with a woman, your primary, underlying biological motivation is to have sex with her, at least usually (yes, yes, there are unusual exceptions to every rule). Her primary, underlying, biological motivation is not to have sex with you, but to capture and maintain your attention, for as long as she possibly can.
Yes, she probably also wants to have sex with you if she’s attracted to you. Yes, she may also want money and/or support from you, particularly if she’s a gold-digger, sugar baby or provider hunter. Yet that’s still not her primary, underlying, biological need. Her primary need is your attention. This is why she calls or texts you all the time, and why she friend zones many guys, and why soft nexting is so effective (it’s the removal of attention). It explains so many female behaviors once you understand that your attention is the thing she craves from you the most.
Therefore, it’s important to understand that even high sex drive women have a strong need for attention from their male partners, potential partners, fuck buddies, orbiters, and friend zone guys that most men won’t feel for the women in their lives. Her need for your attention is likely much stronger than your need for her attention, and often men misinterpret this need for attention as attraction or sexual desire. It is usually neither, since remember, women have this same need for attention from their friend zone guys who they aren’t attracted to at all, and from other women as well.
Women Are Cyclical
Very unlike men, women’s desire for sex is highly cyclical based on where she currently is in her life. If she’s young and carefree, she may have a much higher sex drive. If she then gets married and starts having babies, her sex drive may drop to near zero, perhaps for several years, while the babies are small. She’s just not in that frame of mind right now. If she gets divorced a few years later, and the divorce was friendly and amicable, she may be super horny again (even for the guy she divorced!). If she gets divorced and the divorce was really horrible, she may go through a “I hate men” phase and not want to have sex at all for several years.
Remember, this is all the same woman, just at different times in her life. As a man, none of this cyclical stuff applies your sex drive at all (unless you’re an exception to the rule). If you’re a high sex drive guy (for example), you’re horny all the time regardless of if you’re happy, depressed, excited, sad, single, married, have small kids, have no kids, or whatever. As I always say, men are static (largely unchanging), women are dynamic (always changing).
Regardless, every woman has a sex drive “baseline” of how much she desires sex when everything in her life is more or less normal, and these cycles move up or down from that baseline. For example, a woman with a high sex drive baseline isn’t going to go without sex for a year even if she’s a man-hating feminist and just went through a dreadful divorce. Similarly, a woman with a very low sex drive baseline isn’t going to have very much sex even at her most horny times; just a little more than she usually does.
Feminine Biological Factors
Another key factor in a woman’s sex drive is her ovulation cycle. As most of you already know, many women are noticeably hornier during certain times of the month, particularly when she’s ovulating and/or right before or right after she menstruates. Much of this up-and-down horniness can, and often is, lessened or even eliminated if she’s on chemical-based birth control.
Sex drive, as it relates to ovulation, menstruation, birth control, drug use, menopause, and other purely biological factors are beyond the scope of this article, and I will not be discussing these topics today. (I have an entire section in my book regarding this topic.) The categories of sex drive I’m about to describe are still generally accurate to most women, regardless of these factors. Just be aware of the following generalities:
– Most premenopausal women are a little more horny around when they ovulate. Ovulation is usually around day 14 if day one is her first day of her period, though every woman is different and there are many exceptions to this.
– Many premenopausal women are a little more horny right before, during, or right after their periods, depending on the woman.
– Many women going through menopause or pre-menopause experience weird and unpredictable bouts of extreme horniness. Bitches be crazy. (It’s great.)
– Women on consistent chemical birth control (such as birth control pills, depo shots, or NUVA ring, but not things like copper IUDs) tend to be horny much less often than women not on birth control at all. However, that does not mean that if a woman isn’t on birth control she’ll automatically be “more horny.” The world is full of low sex drive women who are not on birth control.
– Women with low testosterone or low or high estrogen tend to be less horny than women with healthy female levels of these things. As a matter of fact, if you are in a serious relationship (high end MLTR or OLTR) with a woman who almost never seems horny, a blood test is probably in order. I’ve known a decent amount of women with crappy levels of testosterone/estrogen; it seems to be common problem today.
– Consistent drug use can affect women’s sex drive, usually negatively (and men’s too).
With that all in mind, here are the eight types of women when it comes to sex drive.
Zero Sex Drive Women
These are women who literally don’t want sex at all, ever, for any reason. The vast majority of these women are old ladies, well over the age of 60, who have literally lost the desire to have sex. Sometimes it’s for health reasons, but more often it’s simply because these women don’t feel sexy. Very unlike men, women need to feel at least a little sexy in order to enjoy sex. They also have a “sex is for young people” attitude and a “been there done that” attitude regarding sex that most men never get to, regardless of age.
Some of these women may have occasional feelings of horniness, where they may find solace with a vibrator, but they still have no desire to actually have sex with a living, breathing man. They find the idea of having sex a useless waste of time and not enjoyable at all.
Thankfully, women like this who are under the age of 60 are quite rare (but do exist).
Repressed Women
These are women who resist the idea of having sex because of emotional problems, problems from their upbringings, or traumatic events in their pasts.
Maybe they were beaten by their dad. Maybe they were violently raped. Maybe they were raised in a brutally oppressive religious environment. Unlike with men, women with troubled pasts like this are unable to easily bring themselves to have sex, and often have much lower sex drives as a result. They may alleviate or perhaps even “cure” this problem with things like self-reflection and therapy.
Repressed women are not like zero sex drive women. A repressed woman can have sex and can enjoy it, even really enjoy it, particularly if it’s with a man who has built up a great deal of trust with her. It’s just much more rare and difficult for them to do so.
Low Sex Drive Women
These are women with low sex drives; just like low sex drive men. They enjoy sex and want sex, and have no sexual “issues,” but they’re just not into it and don’t need it very much. If they get laid once every few months, that’s more than enough for them.
These women can easily go years without having any sex and be perfectly okay with it (at least mentally). Eventually though, they’ll find a new guy, get excited and have a decent amount of sex during temporary NRE, then quickly go back to their once-every-few-months pattern.
Low sex drive women usually have less aggressive, mild personalities, and tend to be either Submissives or Independents. (Low sex drive Dominants exist, but are very rare. I don’t think I’ve ever met one.)
Many low sex drive women often have extreme levels of Disney. They tend to have sex with less men than the norm and they dislike dating, meaning they tend to always either be single and alone or pair-bonded to someone.
Slow Sex Drive Women
“Slow” sex drive women are different from “low” sex drive women, although slow sex drive women are often mistaken for women with low sex drives. Women with slow sex drives are usually not horny and rarely want to actually have sex (again, general feelings of arousal and horniness do not count). They act just like low sex drive women, until they actually start having sex. Once a slow sex drive woman actually is having sex with a man she’s attracted to, then suddenly she lights up, and gets super horny and very excited. At that point, she’s the horniest gal you’ve ever seen, and is screaming at you to fuck her more, badly wants you to make her cum, and keep having sex with her for as long as you’re able to do it.
This is very different from low sex drive women, who are normal people during sex, enjoying it the “normal” way. A low sex drive woman’s sexual desire doesn’t increase at all during sex, while a slow sex drive women’s desire skyrockets during sex, and does so very quickly. Sometimes, the transformation is surprising. You start having sex and she just lays there like a dead fish, with a bored expression on her face, and then two minutes in, suddenly her eyes light up, she grabs you, kisses you, starts making all kinds noise, and is lovin’ it.
In my purely anecdotal experience, slow sex drive women seem to be the fastest growing category of women out there. I have encountered many more slow sex drive women in the last three or four years than I ever did during the years prior. Make of that what you will. I have a theory that it has to do with various medical reasons, including birth control and/or testosterone levels, but it’s only a theory.
Normal Sex Drive Women
These are typical, normal women. The best way to describe these women is that “they’re horny when they’re horny.” Normally, they’re just fine and not horny at all, but semi-regularly, they get horny as hell and need a cock inside them ASAP. Not often though. They’re just one notch above low sex drive women, in that if they have sex about one to two times a month, they’re perfectly satisfied and don’t really need any more than that unless they’re going through temporary NRE with someone. Many of them enjoy porn and/or vibrators just as much as having sex with a man (but they still really like men).
If they need to, they can go 30, 60, even 90 days without sex. They might be irritable and/or bitchy if they do this, but they’ll still be more or less okay. Like all human beings, they will indeed suffer some dysfunction if they go too long without sex.
High Sex Drive Women
These are women crave sex pretty much all the time, and think about sex, at least a little bit, almost constantly, just like a man. However! They’re still women. Their high sex drive doesn’t mean they’ll run out to a local bar or hit up Tinder and instantly leap on some stranger’s cock whenever they get horny. ASD applies to high sex drive women just like any other women, so these women always prefer a known quantity rather than a stranger.
When a high sex drive woman craves sex, which is pretty much all the time, her hierarchy of men she wants to satisfy her need for a cock goes something like this:
1. The fuck buddy or boyfriend she’s already having sex with.
2. A recent ex-fuck buddy or ex-boyfriend she used to have sex with.
3. A new guy she meets via her social circle.
4. A distant, long time ago ex-fuck buddy or ex-boyfriend.
5. A brand new guy (someone she meets at a bar or online or whatever).
High sex drive women are constantly having sex and almost never go without it. Relationshippy high sex drive women always have boyfriends and are constantly riding their cocks (they tend to cheat too). Player high sex drive women are like female Alpha Male 2.0s, and have a small harem of men whom they can text on any given day to get their needs met. Married high sex drive women fuck the crap out of their (usually beta) husbands for a while during NRE, then soon get bored and cheat (and then get divorced). Most high sex drive women tend to be hardcore serial monogamists.
Most high sex drive women (though not all) orgasm very easily, often without the man doing anything special. If a woman knows how to easily cum inside her vagina (rather than with her clit which is how most women cum), the odds are very high that she’ll be a high sex drive woman. These women experience a lot more pleasure from having sex than other women, thus desire it more often.
It is my estimation that more than 50% of high sex drive women are over the age of 30, many of them over 40, since sadly, it takes about that long for most women to become completely comfortable with their bodies and sex. There are certainly high sex drive women in their 20s though.
Just as I said about high sex drive men, high sex drive women often have a lot of trouble navigating through life, since society wasn’t designed for them. Even worse, high sex drive women are not as socially accepted as high sex drive men (and that’s not saying much, since society doesn’t like high sex drive men either; as the saying goes, “ask me how I know”).
Very sadly, high sex drive women are quite rare; they are perhaps the rarest category of all the ones listed here. (As I talked about above, you can find women going through a horny time in their life, but that’s not a high sex drive woman.)
Sex-As-Attention Women
These women are almost always mistaken for high sex drive women, since on the outside they look and act the same. They’re actually quite different; they are essentially high sex drive women’s dysfunctional sisters.
High sex drive women love sex because they love actually having sex. Sex-as-attention women love sex just as much, if not more, but because of the attention they’re getting from men, not the actual sex. Sex-as-attention women are attention whores who figured out that the most intense attention they get from men is the attention they receive during sex. So, in order to get their attention fix, they run around and have tons of sex, often with tons of guys.
They don’t actually need the sex; they just love the attention you’re giving them during the sex. They’re using sex as attention, which is probably not very healthy.
Sex-as-attention women tend to be reckless, highly promiscuous, and extroverted. Some of them actually have dark sexual pasts like repressed women, but instead of turning off sex, they dial the sex way up.
Sex-as-attention women also tend to be very theatrical and dramatic, both during and outside of sex. They’re often very loud during sex and tend to be into things like role play, sex in public places, BDSM, crazy sexual positions, and similar. In other words, they’re great in bed. (They make fantastic FBs!)
Unsurprisingly, most sex-as-attention women tend to be young, as in under age 25, though plenty of older sex-as-attention women exist. Many sex-as-attention women are single mothers, often with babies from multiple men. (Always make sure you’re wearing a good condom with women like this!)
Sex Addicts
As when I talked about the men, technically, sex addiction isn’t a type of sex drive, but I wanted to include the category here for the sake of completeness. I’ve already covered sex addiction in detail in this article here. The summary is that sexual addiction is not the natural and human desire for sex, but rather a dysfunctional clinical condition. A high sex drive woman craves sex because she loves it and it makes her feel good; it even “feels” good to the sex-as-attention woman. However, sex doesn’t feel good to a sex addict at all; she’s only doing it often to temporarily relieve a pathological, psychological obsession, much like a drug addict. She needs psychotherapy immediately.
Thankfully, true sex addiction is very rare.
That’s it, the eight types of sex drive when it comes to women. Hopefully, this data will help explain problems or experiences you’ve had with women in the past and help prevent some in the future.
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Slow Sex Drive. 🙂 NOW I understand what has been going on. Thanks BD! 🙂 I’ll sleep better tonight.
Thanks for the article.
Do you have any tips on how to prevent LMR when having sex for the first time? Seems some women like the ‘be-persistent’ game, but legally the judge may count it as rape if she said “It’s too fast I can’t do this” or smth like that, and you still end up having consensual sex.
I suppose in that case the guy has to get up and leave without having sex to protect his freedom, that’s what I would do.
You seem like an experienced guy so you must have run into this, how to you deal with these situations? And how do you prevent LMR from happening in the 1st place?
I understand the testosterone and low estrogen part. But doesn’t high estrogen mean being “much feminine”? And doesn’t our experience tells us much feminine women have high sex drive?
I think it impossible that biologically sex drive can be higher in the 35-45 interval than in the 28-35, and I think it’s just psychological changes (ASD rules, than ASD is overcome).
However, I can’t be sure. Maybe there’s some weird biological factor involved too.
Finally, I think normal sex drive for white women (out of NRE, but also before they get hell-bored with you) is 2 times a week, not a month. (You will have 1-2 times A DAY for the highly charged. I don’t know the low-sex drive, since I have always avoided them like the plague, but I guess for them 1-2 times a month is the correct estimation [and no problem if we “are busy”, we’ll do it next year, Hubby]).
I wish I had this info years ago. I’m a high sex drive man who was married to a low-normal sex drive woman. It was difficult. Then, I started dating a woman with every trait you described as female high sex drive. You are right on the money. She LOVED sex, was not at all promiscuous nor a show-off. She simply loved to be pounded nearly every single night by her significant other. Thankfully, that was me. And since she was super hot and great in bed, I was very happy to oblige. When we had sex, she would cum vaginally again and again, up to ten times in a session. She was also a woman who could cum solely from anal, which was surpsing. Have you ever seen that before? Again, great job of categorizing and explaining what we all have experienced but never wrote down!
Yup, you nailed the sex-as-attention one. Was married to one of these. I could never figure this one out. Due to being highly emotional they have to “feel” good about themselves (weight mostly) to be at their best sexually. Even if they don’t feel great about themselves they want it, a lot, but don’t enjoy it as much but if they feel good about themselves you better get ready for nightly marathon sex. Like living a porn out but with the same woman. They got your full attention and they will not let you just get on top and roll over. And you better satisfy them nightly because they will have a full contact list of guys hidden away. It’s exhausting, repetitive, and after awhile the dram is just too much to handle, despite the great sex.
“Her primary need is your attention”
Right, but in 2017 she can get overwhelming heaps of attention at the click of a button. I think, to flesh that idea out, she can never get enough attention and so she’ll always be angling for the attention of the high value male who 1) creates some magnitude of sexual tension / romantic-prospect hope for her and 2) whose feelings are somewhat unclear (at least until you fuck, and even then…).
Without this clarification, I can see guys going ‘good lord, every halfway-decent chick I know gets 100 likes on every profile pic, why would she still seek more attention?’
BTW – I’d have to say anecdotally that about 95%+ of the women I know fall into 3 of the 8 categories you cite, and those 3 are ‘slow sex drive’, ‘high sex drive’, and ‘sex as attention whores’. I like what you wrote about the ‘high sex drive’ prototype because it adds some context to the serial monogamy and imminent branch swinging of that kinda chick.
@John
“It’s too fast I can’t do this”
Yeah, back off at least temporarily if she says this. If she’s a chick you know you’ll see again on at least a semi-regular basis, you then have the opportunity to DHV by saying ‘Hey, I totally understand’ and be cool about it. Then talk to her for 10 minutes, maybe go for it one more time, and then gauge to see if she’s totally into it (was just saying that as token resistance). If she’s not totally into it that 2nd try, excuse yourself graciously and be kind to her, like you’ll catch her later and it’s no big deal (it truly isn’t).
If you’re just traveling through, you can be a little more aggressive and persistent because she’s not even gonna know your full name etc., maybe try a 3rd time and sprinkle in a little ‘carpe diem, you never know when you’re gonna meet someone awesome while traveling blah blah’ shit in there to mitigate her ASD. If you really pay attention, you’ll know when you get an actual ‘No’, and then graciously excuse yourself in that case as well.
In either case, chalk it up to a good/interesting experience/connection rather than ‘fuck, I didn’t get laid’, just better on the brain that way.
True men prioritize sex then maybe attention. Women want attention then maybe sex. Thats the reason you have all seen countless fb, tiwtter posting saying, “Boys leave me alone.” “Go away don’t talk to me.” “Leave me alone.” Yet you dress daily with one combination or many of the following, bellybutton showing, slight heels, real low cut blouses, sheer black tights that you won’t bother to cover up your bum. Sneakers, some jogging pants and sweat shirts are universally proven to be the most comfortable outfits voted on by both guys and girls. The same pair of sneakers, sweat pants and shirt are much, much cheaper to buy too. Yet girls prioritize attention dressing above comfortable and warmest.
@Michajl says: “I think it impossible that biologically sex drive can be higher in the 35-45 interval” + “Maybe there’s some weird biological factor involved too.”
-> There is. Young women have a very high chance to conceive. 3 times sex = 1 child. They are wired from biology to be selective and only let quality semen into her vagina. Note: What nature sees a quality semen may be different what society tells you. Hint: “good” people with stable jobs (read beta) are way inferior quality than MMA fighters in the eyes of nature. But back to topic.
As the woman gets older, her chance to get pregnant goes down. She had been born with all her eggs and these simply just get older over time. Number of bad eggs increasing quickly.
A woman at 40 will need about 10 times more sex for a child as a woman with 20. So nature tells her to fuck, fuck, fuck – even with beta males who she did not consider as suitable semen in the past. This trend starts between age 28-33 on average and gets more speed each passing year.
So yes science says the observation of BD is spot on – high sex drive and women over 30 does indeed make sense.
Right on the money Joe K. It’s kind of the same like people complaining that “Sex is so easy to get from Tinder! Girls can fuck guys whenever they want! They’re all cheap bitches!”. Sure, they could get sex and attention, but they would always crave the rare Alpha 2.0 over the jealous 1.0, and the 1.0 over the beta. Women have a higher sense of “quality” in their sexual partners than men (betas) do.
Dude, if you ever think “this feels kind of rapey” then put your fucking dick back in your pants and move on. I have had sex with many women from night game (which is what I’m suspecting is your game style), and I’ve never had to ask myself that question. I’m not a whiteknight who thinks that women are little angels who need protection, but if you ever feel like it’s “too pushy”, it probably is.
Now, if you’re talking about “a little persistence” resulting in some nice, consensual sex, don’t treat her like shit afterwards or be a dick to her (including completely ignoring her), and then you’ll never have to worry about any of this. While it’s completely horrific, you can understand that some women feel like “getting back” at assholes who treat them like shit after having sex with them once, by backwards-rationalizing the whole situation and then (falsely!) labeling it as “rape”.
If your EFA is rock-solid and you’re not a complete dick, you’ll never have to give this a second thought. If you sell women a golden cow and then pump and dump them, you should expect the crazy ones to act crazy.
Unbelievably good article, and I’ve always thought there is virtually a direct trade-off/opportunity cost between the attention you provide and the sex she provides.
BD, where do you think commitment fits into this formula?
The more “committed” you are, does attention (or the removal of it) become less effective/important? Or do you think that no matter how “committed” you are in her eyes, it’s always about how much attention you provide?
@Alex
I think of it this way; If she is attracted to a guy, she’ll look at how easily he gives her attention. Betas will give it all the time, for anything. Alphas will give it for flirting / sexual behavior. That’s pretty much where the difference is. I know a girl who is a great attention whore and has tons of orbiters throwing it at her. Now, I’d never hang out with this girl on a one-on-one basis, but if we’re hanging out in groups, we usually end up making out. However, I’m 100% aware that the reason she is doing it is because that’s the “line” she has to cross to actually get my attention. She doesn’t want sex per se, but she’ll go as far as making out just to get the attention. She’s the type of girl who could drive you crazy in a dating situation (because she’ll probably go for some pretty heavy make out on date 2/3, then string you along while never getting more sexual, or at least just “a little” to keep your attention).
As you know, when commitment increases, attraction decreases. This has, of course, something to do with the amount of attention she recieves as well. If you’re very commited to her, she’ll expect more of your attention (and give you drama if you fail to meet those expectations, which is your own fault due to incongruent behavior). If you remove your attention after being commited, you should expect backlash, since you’re “taking a step back” in the relationship. This is why a soft next to a high-end MLTR or OLTR usually would result in downgrading her as well – and a LSNFTE is quick to follow.
The perfect recipe? Give her the amount of attention that she’s earned. She’ll love the fact that she’s “winning you over” one very small step at a time (and her attraction remains high because you remain a hard catch, who is not just throwing his attention at anyone). Eventually, like in all relationships, she’ll get “bored” of you, but this will happen many, many years after the usual expiration date.
Good article. One footnote that might be worth adding: Many women go through what I like to refer to as the “promiscuous college phase (PCP).” Just about every woman who has revealed her sexual history to me has recounted having a year or two in college – usually freshman or sophomore year – during which they went on a sexual tear, bedding several times their average number of guys. The only girls I’ve known who didn’t do this are of the religious (or culturally) repressed type.
BD did cover that women go through phases, but the PCP is very common, so it seems worth mentioning specifically. Younger guys might delude themselves into thinking a girl’s behavior during her “college phase” is an indicator of what her sex drive will be later in life. It’s not.
1. Have sex on the second date instead of the first one (just keep the first one very short; one hour or less)
2. Dial back the player vibe a little.
I almost never get LMR. (ASD, but never LMR.)
After a rejection like that, I persist one or two more times, then I wrap it up and get out of there and move on to the next woman. I have no interest in pestering women for sex, but that’s me.
No, I was talking about too high estrogen, not high estrogen. Too high estrogen will screw up a woman’s sex drive.
Sure. It’s not common, but oh yes.
My guess is that most of the women you’ve had sex were younger then.
Yes, your attention for her often becomes more important if she feels more commitment from you. However, the nature of that attention will often shift away from the sexual and more towards the verbal. More texts, more phone calls, more long talks, etc.
Absolutely correct, and it’s not even attached to college. Most women today go through a “super slut phase” where they bang tons of dudes. It can happen any time between age 16 and age 22, and typically lasts about a year and a half. I’ve seen it many, many times.
What’s funny as after the phase is over, they look back with horror (and ASD) at what they’ve done and feel very badly about it.
Ah, being a woman…
This just reminds me that there is no reason to be in a relationship with a woman unless you want kids.
I’m pretty solidly in the high sex drive category. Yet I can go without sex if I need to. Like right now I have guys around that I have sex with occasionally but I am super focused on work at the moment and can’t give any of them as much time or sex as some of them would like. I think that’s pretty universal though when you have to take periods of life where sex and relationships are a lower priority, for both men and women. Don’t get me wrong- I still crave and want and have sex- but I’m not super motivated to meet or have sex with anyone new right now. The standbys are good, lol
That’s an interesting distinction between horny and sex drive. Also, wonder how much of it is mental (in the cases that are not for attention as in the drive is a body-mind biological urge to mate, or a mind-body desire to have a temporary relationship connection that includes the female anatomy being filled with a real male anatomy) versus just physical (as in if the drive is specifically for internal female anatomy pleasure). With the clitoris being the way most women orgasm, why some women instead of just using a dildo/or lesbian, have sex with a man wearing a condom (if it’s more in the mind knowing it’s a real man). How the females satisfaction level compares after (dildo/sex with female condom/sex with man not wearing condom/sex with man wearing condom).
Weight could also correlate with sex drive, as being overweight makes people sluggish and have less energy. Sleep can impact sex drive. For sex drive (in just a sexual intercourse interaction) it would seem “Like attracts Like” would be a better fit. However, for a relationship “Opposites attract” could be a masculine man with the opposite a feminine woman (with not just “sex drive” for the main variable for a relationship because many High Sex Drive women tend to also personality wise be “Hot headed as in a firecracker/more “masculine” Dominant,” while there is some women who have a High Sex Drive and are personality wise more “Submissive/Easy-Going).
Albert Einstein was married twice, had at least 6 to 10 affairs, and told a wife don’t expect fidelity. While it may or may not be the Electrodynamics of Moving Bodies, men are more turned on Visually, and women are more turned on by Touching (so that could be why some women start out slow and warm up with more touches).
Awesome article BD, worth the wait!
Now I get that I currently have a normal sex-drive OLTR, a sex-as-attention FB (who, scarily true, is very loud every time she orgasms, feel like I’m killing her) and a high sex-drive FB.
Can’t wait for your life mentors post, keep up the good work.
I couldn’t believe that there are so many types! This was a really great article and I’m so glad to have read it because I never knew any of this and I couldn’t figure out if I was like anyone else or not.
I agree that frame of mind makes sense. I find I get distracted sometimes by things that are going on in my life, such as making a big financial decision or worrying about a family member with health issues. It’s almost like I can only focus on one thing at a time. I am aware of this and I hate it because I prefer to have romance and sex on my mind rather than serious or upsetting matters. I really have to re-direct my thoughts at times like this but it isn’t easy. I normally am normal, but when I’m distracted, I am definitely a slow sex drive girl. During stressful times, I just don’t have it in my mind to initiate sex or even to want it, but then once it happens I’m into it and happy! The only way I can avoid that is to snap out of it and set some time aside and purposely start thinking about sex well in advance so that I get back into that mindset.
No, it is around day 14. But the egg remains in the uterus for only a day, so to fertilize it, sperm has to enter that day or a couple of days prior (sperm can survive for about 5 days inside). That makes the woman’s fertile days to be approximately day 11 through day 14, and that’s when nature causes her to be horny.
It’s all in the mind. I have been able to hug a woman to orgasm recently (while purposefully avoiding the genital area). I did this by demanding each time that she only cum when I command her to, and now the command brings her over the edge. It remains to be seen at how low a level of sexual arousal the command still works. She seems to be clenching her muscles–whether she instinctively does that to cause the orgasm, or whether it’s a consequence of the orgasm, I don’t yet know. She was able to cum very easily from PIV alone, which is what prompted me to try out the technique in the first place. Her background is troubled childhood and a sexually abusive ex-husband as her only prior partner. (And she loves me spanking her and has no gag reflex. The husband could have gotten exactly the kind of sex he seems to have liked, but with her begging for more rather than curling up in tears. What a moron.)
Great article BD!!!
My girlfriend in her 40’s is a slow sex drive woman. I am always the one to initiate and she follows, which is good, I believe the man has to initiate most of the time. In the beginning she looks bored and makes me feel like one of the worst lays in the world:) And then after 10 to 20 minutes of sex after foreplay she completely transforms like being described in the above article and can’t get enough of it. For a man like me that really likes to pleasure women it’s sometimes hard to swallow but at nearly 50 years of age I can handle the situation which in my 20’s I surely could have not.
I believe the various medical reasons theory “BD” has… are correct in my opinion. After she got on birth control 12 months ago her sex drive plummeted but it has stabilised now. She orgasms a lot… squirting “O”s vaginal “O”s and so on, but if I don’t initiate…NOTHING HAPPENS!!!
That’s why I don’t agree with a lot of sex coaches advice that say “no matter the woman, if you give her enough orgasms she miraculously becomes a high sex drive woman” and want’s it all the time like a man even after 3 years in a “live in” relationship. That’s simply not true!!!
Of course nothing of this happened in our NRE period 2 years ago:)
BD what are your thoughs on husband & wife having separate rooms with beds+one common bedroom with double bed? And maybe sleeping in separate beds sometimes?
Having separate bathrooms and separate rooms is becoming trendy nowadays
I think a couple should do whatever makes them both happy. Harry Browne once recommended that a husband and wife should each have their own room and their own bed, even if they choose to sleep in the same bed most nights. Not really my thing, but I have no problem with that at all.
At a bare minimum, a man co-habiting with a woman must have at least one room, ideally more more than one room (the garage counts), that is 100% his that no one else in the house touches.
BD, seriously? High sex drive women are the rarest? Even rarer than the sex addict?
In my experience, high sex drive women are way more common than most people think, but they won’t reveal themselves to you unless you have shown zero sex-negativism. They are masters of discretion and tend to shun alpha 1.0 traditionalists like the plague (Lovergirl excepted, but that’s only due to her fetish for black men who are almost all territorial 1.0s).
Then again, I may be living in a bubble here because I’ve made the conscious decision to filter all other types of women completely out of my life and have been within a polyamory community/circle for years now, filled with virtually no one but super high sex drive people, so there you go!
Not rarer than the sex addict, but rarer than the rest, yes.
Some of those are likely women acting like high sex drive women. They could be sex-as-attention women, normal sex drive women during a sexy (but temporary) time in their lives, normal sex drive women during NRE, etc, etc.
Possible, yeah.
BD, if you know you’re with a high sex drive woman in a MLTR or OLTR, would you ever check her phone or ask her about other partners? I think you wrote that you did when you were with the wolf.
For what purpose?
Check her phone, never. That’s needy and childish, and I don’t care.
Ask her about other other partners, that would only happen if she was a MLTR and there was some kind of problem affecting me in the relationship because of her irresponsible sexual activity. Likely a downgrade to FB would be needed if that were the case.
Yes. I think serial monogamists are the more prone to this error of perspective. Since we mostly stay with a woman during NRE and break/up when NRE is over.
What BD means by “high sex drive woman” is a woman who thinks of sex and wants sex as much as a man, consistently through her life, and independent of feelings/NRE excitement, I think!
Those will be the 2-4% of White women (as said many times recently, this % goes up if you move to some other races)
Well this guy is probably a reader of the many right-leaning game sites who do a lot of slut-shaming and warn poor defenceless innocent alphas against the terrible treasonous nature of “sluts” (women that don’t repress their sexual needs fiercely enough).
Sluts are more prone to cheat, these game experts never stop teaching (while praising men who act like “sluts” are accused of doing).
I wonder if high sex drive women find sex less boring with the same partner past NRE then their low/normal sisters, or it’s the opposite?
Like us, we crave sex and also variety, however as long as our partner keep giving us consistently good sex up to our demands, we are less likely to ”cheat” or to spend much time looking for new girls.
Sexually open minded women are indeed more prone to cheat. This is a statement of self evident commonsense. The more of a frigid prude you are, the less likely you are to violate your monogamous rules. But I would argue that cheating is a good thing, as it properly shatters the illusion of monogamy. Therefore, the true statement “sluts are more prone to cheat” merely increases the “slut’s” worthiness and status in my eyes. They practice open relationships, albeit by keeping the open part hidden from their boyfriends because these men can’t handle the red pill (yet). But they love their boyfriends anyway, and thus don’t want to lose them, thus making all the elaborate lying and hiding prima facie evidence of how much these women love, and go through for, their boyfriends (instead of just dumping them if they had less affection for these men)!
Thus, here are the women I respect (from least to most)
1. Monogamous women who keep their monogamous commitments
2. Monogamous women who cheat only if there is a serious problem with the boyfriend (he mistreats her, abuses her, neglects her needs, etc…)
3. Monogamous women who cheat while loving their boyfriends and being fully happy in their relationships.
4. Women who practice open poly and OLTRs.
@Jack Outside the Box
You make an important point, and one that I’ve been working on for the past few months, as well as sorting out the true nature of “jealousy” (which I currently believe is due to false scarcity and (illogical) feelings of sexual inferiority).
In the end we’re often forced to take a woman’s word for it, but from my anecdotal evidence a lot of the girls really do “love” and care for the boyfriend’s they’re “cheating”* on. I’m no longer 100% sure that longterm, isolated pair-bonding is healthy or beneficial. The turning point in my own growth as a man was learning that I actually loved the individual girls that I was with *more* when I didn’t monogamously lock myself to any of them.
*My apologies for the scare quotes, but I’m not really sure that any of these terms mean what they’re supposed to mean.
That’s a very good question an I don’t have a definitive answer. My guess is that she will still eventually find you boring but fuck you to a degree anyway, because she needs it. She’ll still eventually dump you and/or cheat though.
That is incorrect; it only applies towards the beginning of the relationship. After years and years of the same partner and no one else, she could be the hottest women on Earth with the greatest sexual skills in the universe, and you’ll still want something on the side.
@Hook or Crook:
It made sense when we lived in small villages with only 20 women in the tribe. Women were a precious resource that had to be jealously hoarded. Especially without birth control, making having sex the same thing as having children. And no DNA tests to see who the father is, thus leading to the necessity of slut shaming and enforced female virginity. Today, however, none of this horseshit applies to our modern lives.
The more we technologically progress, the more permission we have to act in accordance with our true personalities from a position of strength, thus being honest about who we are, instead of our true selves being suppressed and taking a back seat to nature’s necessities.
This is why I’m so furious with traditional conservatives and the alt right – they want to suppress the human personality as much as possible and force external necessities to, once again, dictate our lives. They want to suppress female sexuality by forcing money (external needs) to guide her choice of a mate (because they don’t want women to work and have jobs).
They believe that only external force via unfavorable circumstances forces humans to be decent. And letting people choose what they want from a position of strength and happiness in accordance with their natural personalities spells “the death of civilization.” Well, if civilization requires us to suppress ourselves, reduce our consciousness, and narrow our choices by maximizing unfavorable external realities “for the good of mankind,” then this thing called “civilization” should die and something new that is conducive to human happiness needs to replace it.
Yes! One of the worst myths from these alt right tradcons (besides the absurd idea that men are straight while women are asexual, which means you should give women only materialistic incentives to fuck you), is this idea that a man cheating on a woman is harmless because he doesn’t love her any less, but if a woman cheats on a man, it must be because she is unhappy in the relationship, or she must be bored, or he must have zero game, or whatever.
In my experience with married and taken women, this silly tradcon idea that cheating (at least female cheating) only takes place as a symptom of bad, unhappy, unsatisfying, or problematic relationships is just another result of the conservative purity fetish.
By far, the overwhelming majority of monogamously married or monogamously taken women that I have slept with loved their husbands or boyfriends dearly. There were no problems whatsoever in the relationship. He was described by her as a great boyfriend or husband. So why did she cheat? For the same reason these men do, even though they love their wives/girlfriends. She was horny and wanted to have some fun on the side! That’s it! There’s no big mystery, no riddle that tradcon “game” can overcome. There is nothing to overcome. This is just the nature of human sexuality.
The woman who’s madly in love with you may sleep with other men occasionally (or even regularly) and it’s no big deal. There aren’t necessarily any implications upon the relationship. She’s just a horny little minx and that’s to her credit.
When I meet a woman whom I find out has never cheated on any man she was ever with, despite living the monogamous lifestyle, I instantly think – “prude.” I want nothing to do with prudes. Thus, a history of past cheating (preferably rampant cheating) is a requirement for my attention (and an absolute requirement for a serious girlfriend or the future mother of my children). Unless, of course, she never cheated because she’s never been mono but has always been open/poly.
Isolated? No, that’s monogamy. That’s not healthy. But emotionally monogamous pair bonding is what life is all about.
Exactly. Competition creates incentive to acknowledge each other’s value and not take the other for granted. Monogamy is sexual socialism – standing in line for one low quality partner and being forbidden from acquiring more due to forced redistribution to everyone else. All socialism is inevitably ruinous – catering to the losers at the expense of the winners. When translated into science, that is a prescription for the collapse of the universe!
BD. Good article and very accurate. I think there are a few reasons why women have potential issues with sex and their sex drives. One.. many women are have been raised with the belief that sex is dirty, shameful and “good” girls don’t have sex and enjoy it. After years of growing up with this standard beat into their brains, many women take years to realize that it is a bunch of nonsense. It is especially hard in our culture for women with high sex drives because they are sigmitized and can not show that part of themselves safely without repercussions to their reputations. Another reason besides hormones that older women can have a healthy sex drive as you pointed out is they finally have confidence in themselves sexually, know what they enjoy and want sexually, and finally understand that women are sexual creatures and embrace their sexuality. Two…many women tie sex drive with their emotions and /or thoughts. They let their emotions effect how they feel about and how they desire sex. If they are upset, angry or hurt with their partner, that will kill their desire. Women can have a real hard time separating the two. Three…women can also have a hard time letting themselves just enjoy it. They place too little importance on their sexual needs and tend to put their other things ahead of it. They need to realize how important it is to them, make time for it and just enjoy it!
Corrected; thanks.
I have dated several girls in the High Sex Drive category, who are perfectly sweet and decent in public, but love sex in private to a degree no one could imagine. They love dirty talk where they are told what to say: “Yes, I’m a dirty slut! Please fuck me hard!” (Side note: Dirty talk is neglected. Apparently most guys are completely silent during sex. Many women love this kind of talk when they learn about it, as long as they get to follow a man’s lead.) And they all admire attractive women and enjoy watching porn, though their taste in porn is always very selective.
I had a girlfriend who, when we went for a walk, liked to point out the sexiness of a woman walking in front of us. “Look at that short skirt. You’d like to do her, wouldn’t you?” It was funny, because she was not at all like that when other people could hear. Another girlfriend told me of her wish to touch a pair of large and firm breasts, as her own were small. She was embarrassed by this, but women’s sex drive is all over the place, as research shows.
My current girlfriend is also in this direction, and it’s great. Sex is more fun when a woman is playful and enjoys being dominated. Especially if she is a decent and prudent girl outside the house, which is as it should be.
I really can’t imagine being with a girl with a low sex drive. One benefit from the manosphere is that it taught me not to settle. I could have said okay to several girls in my past, but I broke up with them and kept looking, until I found the one who was just right.
I think of women’s sex drive as bathing in a lake. Some women walk up to the lake and dip their toe in it, and think it’s cold. They let the water reach their ankles and wash themselves. Afterward they do indeed have water all over their bodies. They then declare that water is cold and unpleasant, and they have the experience to back it up.
Other women jump in and splash around until the water starts feeling warm. They learn the joy of swimming in every direction with different strokes. When they get up they are as wet as the first category, but unlike them they love it.
Two women, just as wet, but still with completely different experiences of the lake.
“Absolutely correct, and it’s not even attached to college. Most women today go through a “super slut phase” where they bang tons of dudes. It can happen any time between age 16 and age 22, and typically lasts about a year and a half. I’ve seen it many, many times.”
I thibk the girl Im sorta seeing did this a couple of yesrs before me. Looks lime it’s time to move on and find a girl in that phase.
My first comment, as Im pretty new to all this.
I believe its true, I just want to add my experience:
I have always leaned towards day 17 and onwards, just to be “sure”.
Some has a cycle of 28 days and some has a 31 day cycle, were 28 days is day 14, and 31 day cycle is day 18!
Then there are some that is horney from mid cycle up to the end of cycle, that is increasing proportionally right up to she menstruates.
It may sound funny! but I can sense it!
Not in all woman but in some its pretty obvious. 🙂 But think about it! The primary reason to have sex is to spread your genes, so yes! we can sense it. (There has been some scientific research on the subject).
I have noted attitude changes in females, and later discovered she was ovulating!
If its sneaky Beta skills, or just pure Alpha drive. IDK – but it works. 🙂
I will definately try to explore this further!
Thanx for the blog, and all who contributes to the discussions.