About 4 years ago, on a business trip in Geneva, I was doing what I normally do on a
business trip: jerking off in my hotel room. This time was different, as a thought interrupted me:
“What… the… fuck? Here I am, in one of the best countries in the world, and I’m wasting it
away on porn. I should be in the city having fun.” That was my sex life. At home I was married,
monogamous, sexless.
As a beta male, I grew up “practicing abstinence”. At least that’s what I told myself when
I couldn’t get laid. And instead of growing the balls to approach women, I preferred listening to
all the social programming that soothed my ego:
“It’ll be better if I wait until I’m married”
“Sex is better if it’s someone you love”
“I don’t wanna be like those players, getting STDs and fucking all those sluts”
“Don’t be one of *those* guys that thinks about sex all the time”
“Don’t try to have sex on the first date, that’s what assholes do”
When I finally got married, the sex was awkward… and non-existent after a few years,
aside from a few exceptions for kids. The constant sexual rejection took a deep toll on my self-
esteem. I remember entering the following words into Google: “how do I seduce my wife?”
As I typed that in, I felt completely emasculated. What man can’t even have sex with his
wife?!? Of course, the results of this search recommended:
Do more chores
More Romance!
Give long massages
Unexpected flowers
Spend at least 15 hours a week just talking with her
Other beta-male activities that didn’t work
One day, after getting totally bored of porn, depressed, and tired of feeling sorry for
myself, a random thought about pick-up artists popped in my mind and thought I’d Google it.
Holy shit, watching in-field videos of men getting girls numbers in a couple minutes blew my
mind. I never thought it was possible; I’ve been operating under the wrong set of books.
That’s when I learned about outcome independence, beta/alpha males, and started
dreaming of the life I want. I read a lot of books, talked to my closest friends, and after long
consideration and discussion, opened my marriage. Opening our marriage relieved all of the
pressure my wife had for being the only one to satiate my sex drive. At that point, I was solely
responsible for my sex life, and didn’t NEED her for that. This fact alone vastly improved our
relationship.
So, with the marriage opened, I ventured out and started dating. All the pickup artist
advice I read was great, but I can’t bring girls home, I don’t have time during the day to sarge at
busy malls, parks, or college, nor do I like hanging out at bars to hit on women. After lots of trial
and error online, I went on a few dates, spent lots of time going nowhere, and I was pretty stuck,
though I did get lucky a couple times. One of my FWB brought up all sorts of drama and
fantasized about me leaving everything to be with her exclusively, and I ended up having to
break things off.
Then I found the Blackdragon blog. Finally, a site that specializes in open relationships,
with an active forum of men that can discuss my specific issues. The rules for starting open
relationships with no drama is key, and I find myself checking this site frequently to see how I
can apply the advice into my own relationships. One of the biggest lessons: Watch your actions,
because they can communicate a desire for commitment or monogamy.
My online and text game has significantly improved since reading this site, so I no longer
waste time creating long, drawn, out, thoughtful, and completely ignored opening messages. I no
longer schedule dates a week in advance, only to have the date flake at the last minute. I don’t
have long conversations in order to “connect” with women through texting, just to have them
disappear out of the blue. BD’s site lists common errors in online gaming, and how to correct
them.
These days, my good weeks involve having sex with three different women. This is huge
contrast with having no sex for three months/years in a row. Instead of feeling needy and thirsty
for sex, I’ve cancelled and postponed dates to work on other priorities in life (or a hotter woman).
The sex life within my marriage has also greatly improved that I’m happy with it, feelings of
rejections and resentment are way in the past.
I broke free of social programming, and now live freely as a sexual man with a lifestyle
that others envy. I’m not perfect, I still occasionally use porn, and still fuck up some
opportunities with women. But during my recent trip to Beijing, I worked, explored the city,
tried speaking with the locals, and ended up seducing a young woman in my hotel… I am
satisfied.