Why You Should Never Hold Her Purse (Yes, I’m Serious)

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-By Caleb Jones

A while back I wrote this article on now to avoid and manage shit tests from women. In that article, one of the examples I used was when a woman attempts to emasculate and betaize you by asking you to hold her purse, even if it’s just “for a second,” and how you should avoid doing that.
Very sadly, many guys in both the comments and my email expressed concern over this purse holding thing, worrying that she might “think you’re a dick” or that it might be “awkward,” and so on.
I really, really wish I didn’t have to actually take the time on this blog to explain why holding a woman’s purse for her, even if it’s “for just a second” is a horrible thing for your frame and your relationship.
But I guess I have to. So here it is.
To clarify what I’m saying, you should never hold a woman’s purse. Never. Even if it’s “just for a second.” I am only referring to a woman’s purse here. I am not referring to things like shopping bags or other generic bags, as I’ll explain in a moment. I’m only talking about a woman’s purse.
Here are the questions and concerns I’ve received about this issue and their answers:

1.“What if she asks me to hold her purse for a second, I refuse, and then she thinks I’m a dick?”

If you are asking that question, you are still a beta. You still have a ways to go. Your mindset is completely and utterly in the wrong place.
You want her to think you’re a “dick” occasionally. Not all the time, but occasionally. Stop reading this, and I’m serious now, stop reading right now and go read this article. Read it twice if you have to, then come back and continue reading here. I'm serious. Go. I'll wait.
I say that because either you’ve never read that article or you’ve read it but you don’t fully understand it. Read it until you understand it and internalize it. If a woman never thinks you’re a “dick,” if you always do whatever she asks, then her attraction for you will plummet, betaization will increase, drama will increase, she will leave you sooner than she normally would, and the odds of her ever coming back to you after she leaves you go down.
I have a 94% return rate for women who leave me. 94% come back, and all of these women think I’m a “dick” sometimes by not adhering to their feminine agenda. That’s why they left. If I was never a “dick,” this return rate would be 5%, not 94%. Being a “dick” sometimes is what works.
Again! I’m not saying you need to be a dick all the time. That’s Alpha Male 1.0 territory. I’m saying you’re a chill, polite, outcome independent guy who regularly says no to some of her requests.
That’s why the fact you’re even asking that question means you’re viewing this entire thing incorrectly. Your mindset is that of a beta male with oneitis. (I didn’t say you are a beta male with oneitis. I said that’s your mindset.)

2. “Being some kind of tough guy and barking at her that you won’t hold her purse because you ‘aren’t her slave’ or something like that is stupid.”

That is not what I said to do. That is the exact opposite of what I said to do. As I said in the shit test article, I said do something like this:
Her: Will you hold my purse for a second?
Alpha Male 2.0: Awww, you really think I’m going to hold your purse? You’re so cute.
That’s it. No barking, no orders, no defensiveness. Just nicely telling her you’re not going to do that. That’s it.

3. If she calls you out on being a dick, how do you handle it?

Just like I said in the shit testing article, agree with her. Here’s an example.
Her: Will you hold my purse for a second?
Alpha Male 2.0: Awww, you really think I’m going to hold your purse? You’re so cute.
Her: Really? You won’t hold my purse for just a second?
Alpha Male 2.0: <smile, calm, chill tone of voice> Nope. I don’t do that.
Her: Wow, you’re being a dick.
Alpha Male 2.0: Yep!
As per the attraction article you need to read, she’s upset, but her attraction for you just shot upwards at the same time. Mission accomplished, even though she appears frustrated for a few minutes. That’s a good thing.
(As a side note, it’s important to realize that women calling you names is drama. Just calling you a dick and then moving on is fine, but if she keeps going with her bitching and/or insults past about 20 seconds, it’s time for you to soft next her. And remember, the reason for the drama is irrelevant.)

4. “So you should never help her with bags or when her hands are full? That’s a dick move.”

I am only talking about her purse. I am not talking about other bags. Sometimes it is perfectly fine, even a good idea to help her with other bags... and sometimes it’s not. It depends on the context.
There are two possible scenarios. One is if you’re both going somewhere for your own, individual reasons. The other is if she’s treating you like a beta-slave. In the first scenario, helping her hold her bags (not her purse!) is perfectly fine.
For example, Pink Firefly and I semi-regularly go grocery shopping together. We’re going with each other since we both need groceries. Since we have an OLTR Marriage, our finances are separate, so she pays for her groceries and I pay for mine. The point is, we go together because we both need to go.
We use the same shopping cart, but have separate bags. When we walk out to the car, since I’m almost a foot taller than her and weigh over 100 pounds more than she does, I happily volunteer to carry most of the bags, even if 80% of the bags are hers. This is a perfectly fine thing to do, particularly in a serious relationship. I love her and I want to help her out. Nothing wrong with that at all.
Now let’s look at a different situation. You’re playing a video game or working on your Mission when your girlfriend comes over to you and tells you she wants you to go to the store to buy makeup and girl clothes with her. You don’t need to go shopping for any reason, but you decide to go with her anyway because you're a pussy.
While at the girly store, she fills several shopping bags full of girly shit, complains that her hands are full, and asks you to hold some, most, or all of the bags. Since her hands are clearly full, you stupidly use man-logic and decide it’s “okay” to help her out because you don't want to be a "dick," so you grab some, most, or all of the bags and follow her around the girly store like a little puppy. That is beta male shit and you’re blowing it big time.
In both cases she needs help with her bags, but in only once case was it not betaization.
The question you need to always ask yourself is “Who would hold her purse if you weren’t there? If she was alone?”
The answer is, she would. She would fucking figure it out like a normal adult. She would put her arm through the loop handle, or put the purse on the floor for a minute (oh, the horror!), or just figure it out. The only reason she’s asking you to hold her purse is that her beta-slave is standing right next to her.
The same goes for the tons of girly bags at the girly store. Who would hold all those fucking bags if she was shopping alone? The answer is, she wouldn’t fill up all those bags in the first place. But because you, her beta male pack mule is following her around the makeup isle like a pussy, she can load up all the bags she wants.

5. “Wait a minute, if holding a shopping bag is okay and holding a purse is not, then who would hold the shopping bag if you weren’t there? Why is holding a shopping bag okay but a purse not okay? It doesn’t matter; they’re both bags.”

Incorrect. If she asked you to try on a pair of jeans just for a minute, would you do it? Probably. If she told you to try on a dress for just a minute, would you do it? No.
Why? They’re both clothes, so it doesn’t matter. Right?
Wrong. Of course it matters. Men and women both wear jeans, but wearing a dress is something only women do. News flash, holding a purse is something only women do. Hell, even gay men don’t hold purses! If you’re saying that holding a purse for her for just a minute is no different than holding a shopping bag, then you need to explain the difference between wearing jeans and wearing a dress.
If you tried on a dress for her, even if for just a minute, even if no one else saw you besides her, what do you think happens to her attraction for you? It’s the same concept with a purse. It's not as bad, but it's the same concept.
A second difference is when I help out a woman holding some kind of shopping bag (and I only do this if I’m somewhere I wanted to go with or without her) I offer to do it, or I just do it without being asked. This is very different than a girl asking me to hold a purse or a bag and me complying.

6. “If she asks you to hold her purse for a second because her hands are full, that’s okay. What’s not okay is if she tells you to hold her purse for you while you’re both walking down the street.”

Incorrect. Holding a purse for her is not only betaization, but also emasculation, again, even if it’s “just for a second” and even if no one else sees you besides her. Her attraction will drop, at least a little. The context under why you’re holding the purse doesn’t matter. Neither does the duration. What matters is that she asked, and you complied.

7. “Just because she’s asking you to hold her purse doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a shit test.”

Correct and irrelevant. Even if it’s not a shit test, it’s still betaization and emasculation and will result in these things if you comply.

8. “Is holding or not holding her purse for a minute really such a big deal?”

Taken in complete isolation all by itself? No. The problem is frame and EFA is made up of literally hundreds of little things you do with her and/or refuse to do.
If she asks you to hold her purse and you do it because you’re just not thinking, I promise you that you’re doing various other things from time to time with her that are demonstrating beta male behaviors that are driving her attraction downwards. I’d bet $10,000 on it, and I’d be right. Bad frame, bad EFA.
Worse, if you comply with holding her purse because you’re scared she thinks you might be a dick or that things might be awkward, your mindset is beta (or you have oneitis) and you have more work to do.

9. “What if she has a good reason?”

Re-read items 4 and 5 above very, very carefully. She never has a good reason because the only time she would create a “good reason” is because you were there, standing right next to her. If she was alone, she would either figure it out herself or she wouldn’t have created the “good reason” in the first place. The reason her hands are so fucking full is because you’re there! If you weren’t there, they wouldn’t be that full!

10. “Won’t that be awkward if you don’t hold her purse when she needs help?”

Yes, for her. And that’s good. Yep, she’s going to feel a little awkward as she farts around with her purse for a few seconds (oh, the horror! a few seconds!) while you’re standing there with a smile on your face doing nothing. Her attraction for you will not drop (she might get frustrated for a minute, but she won’t lose attraction), she will learn to never ask you to hold her purse ever again (great EFA!), and your frame remains rock-solid. Win, win, win.

11. “Oh, c'mon. Is refusing to hold her purse for a second really going to positively affect her attraction to you?”

I have no idea whether or not you refusing to hold her purse will raise her attraction for you. It might or it might not, depending on many factors. But I know for sure her attraction for you won’t go down, and that’s what we’re trying to prevent.
I also know that if you do hold her purse for her, her attraction will go down, at least a tiny little bit, even if it’s “just for a second” and even if you think she has a “good reason” (which she does not; the only reason she’s created the reason is because you’re standing there).
Remember, a woman’s biology doesn’t change just because you are emotionally uncomfortable with something or because you think something makes sense to your own internal guy-logic. Whatever reason you can conjure up regarding why you should hold a woman’s purse, doing so will damage attraction, frame, and EFA, at least a little.
If you don’t care, then as always, feel free to ignore my advice and do whatever you like. But if these things are important to you, then for fuck's sake, stop making excuses and don’t hold her purse.

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