22 Jun 8 Easy STD Prevention Tips
-By Caleb Jones
I cover all the core techniques on how to prevent STDs in great detail in my ebooks, but today, I’m going to give you a few additional side tips on how to reduce the odds of getting something nasty.
Important note: None of these things will actually prevent you from getting an STD. All they’ll do is slightly reduce your odds of getting one over time. The more things you do to reduce your odds, the better, but please don’t think that showering after sex will protect you from contracting gonorrhea for example. It won’t.
My qualifications in giving this advice. For the past eight years, I have been completely non-monogamous and I am always having sex with multiple women on a regular basis. My last STD test just came back clean, as it always does. I get tested about 3 times a year for every STD known to man.
I’m very careful. As I’ve said many times, responsibility and adult behavior do work. STD risk should never be an excuse to go monogamous.
Once, about seven years ago (2008ish I think), when I was new to this lifestyle and less careful than I am now, I had chlamydia for exactly two weeks. Thankfully, there’s a cure for that one. As soon as I found out my partner had chlamydia, I got tested, took a pill for about 10 days, got tested again, and it was all gone. Other than that one incident, I have been 100% STD-free for my entire life despite my high level of sexual activity with multiple people over an extremely prolonged period of time.
Granted, I don’t do one night stands and my lifetime partner count is not quite as high as a hardcore Thrill of the Hunt player or PUA. A high notch count has never been my objective. I actually think that’s an immature and useless goal to have, but that’s just my opinion. Rather, my goal, that I already hit many years ago, was to have sex available to me at a moment’s notice, whenever I want, without having to promise monogamy to anyone.
This means I have a few non-monogamous relationships going at all times. So while I have a lot of sex, I don’t necessarily have sex with a lot of people. While my partner count is very high compared to an average man or even the typical sexually experienced man, these days I don’t do any sarging or new dating until once in every 18 months or so. I don’t need to. I’m always seeing 2-4 MLTRs and/or FBs. This means that these days, over the course of 18 months, I might have sex with only 4-8 women, unlike the player or PUA who will have 20 or 40 partners.
What a great segue! This leads me to my first tip:
1. Keep your number of partners manageable. Don’t have sex with a lot of women just to have sex with a lot of women.
Simple math, dude. The less the women you have sex with, the less will be your odds of getting an STD. Also, the less new women you have sex with (as opposed to recurring women you’ve already had sex with) the lower your odds of catching an STD.
I realize that if you’re a Thrill of the Hunt guy, you’re going to get bored with your women much faster than a Pleasure of Sex man like myself. I understand. Regardless, I think you should have sex with the minimum number of women to satisfy your sexual and variety needs. If you really, really need to have sex with ten new women this year, then okay, go for it. However, given that ten-women desire, having sex with 30 new women this year just to brag on a forum or to beat your chest is kinda dumb. See my point?
The corollary to this is to do your best, as much as your personality allows, to focus on recurring relationships rather than new women.
Longtime readers know that whenever my number of recurring women drops down to two, I don’t suddenly go out and meet new women. Instead, I hit up all the women I’ve already had sex with, and try to bring them back into the fold first. Often this is all I need to do, particularly because I have a 94% return rate for women who leave me or LSNFTE me.
If I can’t get any women back, then, and only then, do I reluctantly take some time away from my Mission, hit up the dating sites, and get some new ones. The point is that my focus is always on recurring women, not new women.
Can you still get an STD from a recurring woman, or a woman you haven’t seeing a while? Of course you can, but your odds are still lower, because these women are known quantities. Compare that to how well you know a woman when you have sex with her on the second date.
2. Urinate right before sex, and right after.
Urinating right before and right after sex has been shown to slightly reduce STD risk. More importantly, it reduces the odds of you getting a UTI (urinary tract infection) or other bacterial infection inside your Johnson, balls, or bladder. Yikes. I’ve had one of those before. It was not fun, and you don’t want one.
3. Shower and wash your genitals right after sex.
This will slightly reduce (but not prevent) STD risk.
I started getting into the habit of always taking a quick, soapy shower right after sex about three years ago. Prior to that, I would only do this if I knew I was seeing another woman that day (since I shower every morning regardless). These days, I take very quick, very soapy shower right after sex, 100% of the time, no exceptions, no matter who it is or how late in the evening it is. Not only it is safer, but it just feels cleaner.
4. Understand the difference between fluid transfer STDs and skin-to-skin transfer STDs, and behave accordingly.
Most people still don’t understand this. I’m shocked that it’s not more widely understood.
There are two completely different types of STDs. One type infects you by being transferred from her vaginal fluids into your dickhole. This includes chlamydia, gonorrhea, HIV, and syphilis. Hepatitis B and C can also be transferred this way, but only if her blood gets into you (like during her period); her other fluids are safe. Fortunately there’s a vaccine for hepatitis B (that you should get) and they’ve just invented a cure for hepatitis C, as I reported last year.
Using a condom (correctly) will prevent these STDs (other than syphilis, which can be also transferred via kissing) because your dickhole remains completely covered and dry during sex.
The second form of STD has nothing to do with your dickhole or fluids. Instead, it is transferred by skin touching other skin, even if you’re wearing a condom. This includes herpes and HPV. If you wear a condom, your odds of getting a skin-to-skin transfer STD are vastly reduced, because the skin on your cock is covered. However, it’s not 100% protected, because you’re touching a lot of her skin down there during sex even with the condom.
It’s important that you understand the difference between these two types. For example, if a woman has chlamydia, if you wear a good condom and use it correctly, you’re completely protected. If a woman has genital herpes and she’s shedding or having a breakout, that condom isn’t going to help you much unless 100% of her infection is inside her vagina (which isn’t likely).
5. Don’t share towels post-sex.
Being the classy and distinguished gentleman that I am (ahem), I always give a woman a fresh towel after sex. When you do this, don’t use the same towel to then towel off yourself. Sometimes this can be difficult, especially if logistics are odd and/or if you’re still in a post-orgasm daze and not thinking clearly. Regardless, keeping towels separate will lower STD risk a little.
6. Take it easy on the anal.
You are far more likely to get an STD from anal sex than from vaginal sex. It’s just the nature of the beast. I recommend that you don’t have anal sex with any woman unless she’s been around a long time, has demonstrated a clear pattern of adult behavior (that means actions, not words or promises), and you’ve seen the original copy of a recent blood test from her.
7. Pause every few minutes during sex and check that god damn condom.
I’ve said this many times, here and in my books, but I’m going to repeat it anyway since it’s so important and since very few men actually do it.
You cannot put on a condom, enter her Golden Gully, and just start pumping away. Condoms are not a set-it-and-forget-it system. You must have the presence of mind to stop and check that thing every few minutes. This is especially important when having sex with a new woman or if the woman is particularly tight.
Condoms slip. Condoms ride up the shaft. Condoms come off. Condoms break. Condoms crack. This stuff happens, and happens a lot. It won’t happen to you if you’re regularly checking the damn thing.
8. Long-term partners should be taking regular blood tests and you should be seeing the results.
This is open/poly 101 stuff. If you want to take that condom off with someone special who has demonstrated a long track record of responsible behavior, then go ahead. However, her ass better be in the lab once or twice a year getting her blood drawn, just like you have been doing. Then you need to see the original STD test results (not a copy). This means the original email or the original paperwork from the doctor.
If she refuses, then keep the condom on and/or downgrade her, and go find someone else more responsible.
Stay frosty and stay safe.
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Hugo
Posted at 09:17 am, 22nd June 2015This is all well and fine if all you’re ever going to have is sex where your dick enters one of her holes.
Ok. But what about going down on her. Seems to me that this is easily your single biggest risk (assuming condoms are worn), so how do you manage that?
tonystark
Posted at 09:45 am, 22nd June 2015For the younger guys or guys who have kids, there’s also a vaccine for HPV.
tonystark
Posted at 09:57 am, 22nd June 2015What you do is you don’t go down on a new woman, until you’ve been seeing her for a while.
Caleb Jones
Posted at 09:58 am, 22nd June 2015It’s not a big risk. Based on everything I’ve read, the odds of you actually getting an STD by going down on a woman are minuscule and well within the 2% rule. It’s not really something I worry about, though I tend to do this:
– Follow my usual stuff about second-date lays, not getting drunk when you have sex, etc.
– Generally, don’t go down on first-time women. This is particularly true if they’re a complete SNL / ONS and you barely know them (though you should still make them cum, even if it means using your fingers).
– Once you know her well enough to do it, only go down on her the first time when you can visually inspect things in decent lighting. Any red marks or anything strange whatsoever, don’t do it. Any odds smells whatsoever, don’t do it.
I’ve gone down on A LOT of women in my day and I’ve never had a single problem.
It’s mostly just for younger guys. I have kids, and I’m “not allowed” to get the vaccine because I’m “too old.” (Gotta love the medical system.)
I’m sure this varies from region to region though; still worth checking into.
tonystark
Posted at 10:23 am, 22nd June 2015I meant for the kids to get the vaccine – it’s most effective around 11-12. But the funniest part about the whole age thing is that it helps prevent maybe 3/4 incidences (guessing, it’s a large number) of throat cancers in guys, and yours is the most susceptible age group for getting that. This’ll probably change once they stop focusing on catering this so heavily to only women.
Amanda
Posted at 12:12 pm, 22nd June 2015Good tips. I didn’t learn most of this stuff until college; my HS sex ed consisted of fear-mongering “don’t have sex until marriage or you will get pregnant, or you will get an STD and die!” I find it unbelievable that abstinence-only sex ed still happens, even here in California, which is supposed to be a pretty progressive state.
And that Hepatitis C cure is exciting – my coworker was part of the trials and it has been completely eradicated from his system. He had a lot of problems stemming from the hepatitis and most likely contracted it during the 1970s (he was a heroin addict who got clean in the early 80s), so this is great news for younger people who will contract it, once it becomes more affordable and available.
Bulma78
Posted at 01:54 pm, 22nd June 2015Some guys can be so pushy though! This doesn’t make it any easier. And I always start out the same, saying to myself over & over again, we’re always gonna use condoms, we’re always gonna use them. Guys are fine using condoms for awhile and then they say, it’s ok, we don’t really have to use them anymore because I know what I’m doing, it feels a lot better, etc. And rather than discussing this all beforehand, while we still both have our clothes on………they always wait to announce this idea when clothes are off, our horny level is through the roof and things are right about to start happening, which makes it kind of difficult to discuss or say no at that point. And they get so convincing about it and you really want to believe what they are telling you! Making out with me while they are working on convincing me (sigh)……And obviously the idea of it sounds really frickin hot!!!……and this is where std’s come from 🙂
Kryptokate
Posted at 02:45 pm, 22nd June 2015The chances of getting an STD that has any effect on you whatsoever are seriously, seriously overblown. The only two that are common are HPV and herpes, and the majority of people that get either of those are immune, will be entirely asymptomatic, and/or will clear the virus out of their system anyway. Everything else is very rare.
However, you will never hear anything about the actual rate or risk of STD transmission because it’s a much-loved scare tactic. The chances of a pregnancy happening if you don’t use a real method (i.e. not just condoms) are waaaayyyy higher.
I have known tons of very slutty people who are not vigilant or consistent about condoms and the almost none of them have ever had an STD other than asymptomatic, temporary HPV. But almost everyone I know has had a pregnancy they didn’t plan.
Not that I’m arguing against condoms because obviously people should use them. But most don’t, not on a regular basis. And for most people that’s not going to cause any real problems with STDs. But that’s not really something that can be said in public though because no one wants to promote bad behavior. This article sums it up well: http://markmanson.net/std-guide
Amanda
Posted at 03:35 pm, 22nd June 2015I think the fact that many people DON’T know that the majority of sexually transmitted infections can be easily treated with antibiotics is a contributing factor to people not wanting to know, and not getting tested. The sex ed in my high school said pregnancy is a cakewalk compared to the multitude of STDs you can and will catch (because condoms don’t work), and the instructors had us believing that chlamydia and gonorrhea were killers. Birth control in its many forms was never discussed – again, the emphasis was on the notion that it had a “very high” failure rate. Total BS, but sadly what my school taught was at least somewhat typical for sex ed in the U.S., from reports I’ve read in the news over the last couple of years. Why certain vocal people are so insistent on sticking their heads in the sand and believing that young people today are all going to remain abstinent until marriage is beyond me. Thankfully we got a proper sex ed during college freshman orientation – it was much needed considering the number of people in that room (from private as well as public schools) who knew very little about STIs and how to prevent them.
BTW BD – I like the change you just made to the comments section. Now the comments show automatically (I don’t have to click “show comments” every time I reload the page), and I could edit my comment to add this. Thanks! 🙂
tonystark
Posted at 06:12 pm, 22nd June 2015This right here, seriously.
Al
Posted at 08:16 pm, 22nd June 2015You can use a dental dam to cover the anus or female genitals during oral sex. A dental dam is a latex or polyurethane (very thin, soft plastic) square, of about 15cm by 15cm. It acts as a barrier to help prevent STIs passing from one person to another.
Never seen or heard of this until I googled. May be of interest / help to some readers.
POB
Posted at 06:58 am, 23rd June 2015Regarding orals, I think BD is right.
You just have to use the food mantra: “if it looks bad or smells bad, don’t put it in your mouth”.
I personally do not go down the first time with a woman just because I don’t feel comfortable enough. I just finger a lot until she cums.
But after the first one you can have an idea about how “clean” the other person is. Post sex habits may also give a good clue.
Hugo
Posted at 12:25 pm, 23rd June 2015Apart from many quibbles I have with the 2% rule – do you have any stats to back this up? I mean, if anything will infect that little bit of mucosa in your dick, it certainly ought to be MUCH easier with that huge expanse of mucosa in your mouth.
Caleb Jones
Posted at 01:48 pm, 23rd June 2015It’s the same reason you’re not going to get genital herpes on your finger. It’s because the disease was designed for genitals, not fingers.
The mouth and the genitals are not the same thing. Some disease are meant to be transferred to your dick, not your mouth.
For example, chlamydia is easily transferred to your dick, but is very difficult to be transferred to your mouth.
The problem is, as has been stated by other commenters, the medical community really doesn’t like telling people this. If there’s a 0.001% chance of you getting chlamydia from oral, the they’ll make blanket statements about “Don’t do oral sex!!! You might get chlamydia!!!” Stuff like in that link above is the closest you’ll get to the doctors admitting that your odds of getting chlamydia orally are super low.
Hugo
Posted at 02:25 pm, 23rd June 2015Hmm, but there it says:
And gonorrhoea is the second most common STD, and genital herpes is considered “common”. hmm…
Caleb Jones
Posted at 02:34 pm, 23rd June 2015Correct. Chlamydia isn’t transferred orally, but syphilis is, as I clearly stated in the post.
And all of the STDs listed in that link except for HIV and syphilis are considered “common.” More medical double-speak.
Jack Outside the Box
Posted at 05:25 pm, 23rd June 2015BD, I think a lot of the overblown hype concerning STDs is simply due to a politically correct effort to make the gays feel better. We can’t, for example, say that HIV is just as rare for them, since sex ed teachers would then be giving their gay students a false sense of security. So SJWs instead make everyone panic by saying nonsense like “AIDS does not discriminate,” because they think it will motivate people to save the gay community.
In the 1980s, gays would purposely sleep with straight women to infect them with HIV and other STDs in order to “wake up the straight world” and “get them to care.” The incredible STD propaganda today within the straight world is, in large part, a “misery loves company” attempt to prevent gay activists from crying.
Al
Posted at 06:17 pm, 23rd June 2015@ Jack Outside the Box.
Your comments are correct and many people don’t want to hear such comments.
There was a huge amount of money poured into TV “advertising” during the 1980s and 90s (in Europe anyway, where I was at the time) re the AIDS and HIV scare when it was thought that both homo and heterosexuals were equally at risk.
When it became obvious that this was / is a homosexual problem only, the funding for these campaigns dried up overnight, much to the chagrin of the homosexual community.
However, the common sense approach to cleanliness and health in matters sexual should still apply (IMHO) even if there were no risk of STDs.
Unless my partner(s) and I both “smell and taste of strawberries” 😀 I’m not going there. 🙂
Caleb Jones
Posted at 09:23 pm, 23rd June 2015That is one of the reasons for this, yes, but not the only reason.
The medical industry is one of the most politically correct there is, and yes, the fact that gays, particularly gay men, are far more statistically likely to get AIDS than straight people makes the medical community very uncomfortable. They don’t know how to handle these kinds of facts. So they present the narrative that gays and straights are equally at risk for sexual transmission of HIV. Which, of course, they are not.
I’ve talked about before how two different doctors have told me, off the record and behind closed doors, that I could have sex with 300 random women without a condom and still not get HIV. I could, and probably would, get something like herpes or chlamydia, but not HIV. It’s that hard to get, at least in my region.
But will doctors stay this publicly? Nope.
Again though, this is just one reason for this false dissemination by the medical industry regarding all STDS. Doctors will try to scare the shit out of you by artificially pumping up risk for other STDs too, like HPV and genital herpes. Yet I know a hell of a lot of people (men and women both, and myself included) who have had huge numbers of sexual partners who have never caught these diseases. Hmmmm.
S
Posted at 09:18 am, 24th June 2015You can get adenovirus, which is usually a respiratory infection, in your penis from receiving oral sex. Symptoms are similar to gonorrhea, but more severe.
I had it. Starts off as mild burning while urinating. Head/meatus swells over the next few days and urethritis occurs. Urethra narrows severely and you must push forcefully to get urine out, feels as if it is blocked and won’t come out. The longer the time in between urinations, the more plugged it becomes. Hurts like hell (broken glass exiting penis). You dread pissing but have to keep the water coming or it will burn even more as urine concentrates. Plus, you don’t want urethra remaining closed up for long periods which can lead to strictures.
The annoying part is there are no medications to help. Went to doctor, prescribed meds, didn’t help. Went back, swabbed, confirm adenovirus. It’s viral, so antibiotics won’t help at all. Takes about two weeks for your body to get rid of it. When the pain begins to subside during urination, you will feel like a million bucks and thank the gods.
Thankfully, it’s not too common: Non-gonococcal urethritis, various causative agents but in my case it was adenovirus. If you get severely red eye(s) as well, it’s a dead giveaway.
Sharmaine
Posted at 10:57 pm, 5th May 2016Hi BD,
Thanks for this article.
Which eBook do I get to be informed about STD prevention?
I’m a female and I just need the part where you discuss effective ways to prevent pregnancy and STDs.
Thank you. 😀
Anon.
Posted at 05:55 am, 6th May 2016BD talks about this in his Open Relationships ebook (vol. 3).
This seems to be as good time as any for a mini-review. Having read the first four volumes, I found the one on open relationships to be of the lowest quality by far. It’s written with carelessness evident from unacceptably many typos, BD even managed to misspell Mirena each time. The second problem is that every piece of advice given, except at most one (the abortion speech) is available for free on this blog and/or in other places. I even wanted to ask for a refund, but decided that isn’t a valid reason, because even if the book itself is worthless, BD is still more than deserving of the money regardless of the venue he conveys his valuable advice.
Bottom line:
Should buy — yes
Should read — not worth the time if you’ve read the archives of this blog
As for STDs specifically, I liked that section no more than the rest of the book, so I suggest you look elsewhere for information on this topic. Mark Manson’s brief article is a nice start.
sideburns
Posted at 06:54 am, 23rd November 2016@ Kryptokate
clear the virus?
Herpes is for life, you can’t clear it.
For my herpes experience see my comment on https://alphamale20.com/2016/08/15/often-people-cheat-real-stats/#comment-293046
S B
Posted at 08:42 pm, 27th September 2017I have hsv 1 genitally. From a broken condom with a hooker over two years ago in Shanghai whilst obliteratingly drunk. Had two weeks of outbreaks.. Nothing since. Two good up sides are that I don’t drink much anymore and certainly not to get out of my face drunk.. Not a habit I still have. The other, obviously, is that I never have sex with prostitutes anymore. The main thing is the mental effect. It fucks up my head. Especially as colleagues often make herpes jokes(tends to be the North Americans) nah, it’s not the jokes, it’s the actual effect on my sex life and view of myself. If I don’t disclose, I’m guilty and paranoid, if I do, well they often leave. Some girls have stuck around and I’ve even had fbs say “that’s okay, just wear a condom” . But it’s the daily head fuck. Gets me down and the fear of hiv just makes me depressed.
I got this just as I had started getting results in terms of non monogamy, but ended up drinking because my money life and therefore self image were not in order (inner game).
Bd talks about the savage joy of sex. Here https://alphamale20.com/2017/09/25/sex-philosophical-perspective/ I also loved it before, but you can’t let loose when you have to make sure as little skin contact as possible happens as you’re terrified of passing this thing with the head fuck to another human. Just saying. I don’t have a time machine.. But.. If I could go back.
Guess there are lots of things which contribute to depression… Money, autonomy, love of life.I can work to control other areas of my life but herpes really fucks with your head and sex life. My two pennies worth.