As Iâve examined in great detail over the years at my blogs and in my books, men give up a huge swath of their freedom, masculinity, testosterone, and long-term happiness by getting traditionally, monogamously married, particularly in a left-wing civilization like ours with an over 76% risk of eventual divorce.
Even when men logically know and understand this, as they age, eventually either loneliness, the need for conformity, or right-wing/religious Societal Programming take hold of these guys and they still take the plunge into TMM.Â
Getting into a TMM isnât the only answer, of course. In this article I describe the nine different options men have as they get older. It is one of the highest-trafficked articles on this blog and I strongly recommend it if you havenât read it already. TMM is only one of these nine options. Although all the options are less bad than TMM, some are still pretty bad, and some are okay.Â
Since most men will eventually want to settle down with a woman in some form or fashion post-age-40, the least-bad of these options for most men (though not all men) is the OLTR Marriage, which is what Iâve done. OLTR Marriage is like TMM except that it removes at least 90% of the risk and allows you to retain at least 90% of your freedom. I explain the differences between OLTR Marriage and TMM here.
That being said, OLTR Marriage is still marriage, and I am definitely living the lifestyle of a married man no matter how much freedom I have or how many women I have sex with. Some of the marital downsides to a man can still exist in an OLTR Marriage. Recently, a commenter posted this:Â
Blackdragon probably truly loves Pink Firefly and wants a deeper, stronger and better emotional connection with her, but let us not delude ourselves in that she is not the emotional, financial and time suck on him that most women would be which allows him to concentrate more fully on his mission and make more money and be able to leave the USA faster and better than he would be able to do so otherwise, and I truly believe that he fully knows, understands and is self aware of this.
This is correct. Though I have orders of magnitude more freedom and long-term happiness than the typical married beta male (or the married Alpha Male 1.0 who has finally surrendered his balls to monogamy), do I have more freedom and flexibility as a married man than I would have if I just had a few MLTR or FB? No. Â
If I lived alone and just had a few low-end MLTRs or FBs I would certainly be able to focus more of my energy on my business, projects, fitness, Mission, and so forth. Being married, even OLTR married, does indeed require some weekly maintenance on your part. It requires a certain amount of emotional energy and requires a very specific set of relationship management techniques specifically for men who live full-time with a woman. (My book on how to manage your live-in relationship with your OLTR comes out later this year.)Â
In my particular example, I spend most of my typical day working on my own projects. Pink Firefly and I spend dinner together and a little time in the evening after that, then I get back to work. As a compromise to make up for this lack of time together, I committed to spend one entire day a week with her (usually Sundays) that we designate as our day together. Then the other six days of the week Iâm back to work.Â
Certainly, if I wasnât OLTR married I could devote that entire Sunday and a few hours on those weekdays to my work and Mission. That time is what I give up by being married. However, there are three counterpoints to that.Â
First off, outside of one day per week plus about two hours a day on the other days, I can do literally whatever I want, whenever I want, with whomever I want, without having to check in or get permission from Pink Firefly or anyone else. That includes having all the sex with other women I want as often as I like. This in no way describes any other married man I have ever met, including married Alpha Male 1.0s. All these other married guys are under a strict set of rules that govern their entire lives, even when their wives arenât around. As Iâve talked about in great detail, that will not make you long-term happy unless you are an extreme beta male. While OLTR Marriage-level freedom isnât quite what it is if you live alone, it’s still extraordinarily significant.Â
Secondly, those times I spend with Pink Firefly are enjoyable. Itâs not like Iâm grudgingly or angrily spending time with my wife out of some sort of obligation like many other married guys I know. I really enjoy spending time with PF. We have a great time together. Because of certain opposite aspects of our personalities, our attraction for each other is very high, even now, going into our sixth year together. We get along very well. We also have surprisingly similar tastes in what we like to do for fun⌠and we have radical differences in what we like to do, but I just donât do those things with her, so I compromise nothing (she can do things like see chick flicks with her girlfriends, not me).Â
Lastly, and most importantly, I am a man who is almost 50 years old who has already accomplished most of his biggest goals and dreams in life. Far before I married Pink FireflyâŚÂ
- I had achieved every lifestyle goal I had ever had.Â
- I had achieved every business goal I had ever had.Â
- I had not only met but exceeded all of my income goals and was making more money than I ever even imagined.Â
- I had sex with a massive number of women, at least 90% of which were either cute or hot. Â
- I had lived literally every sexual fantasy I had ever had, no matter how crazy or improbable, multiple times, with multiple women.Â
- I had lost 40 pounds and had radically improved my phyiscal appearance from my beta male twenties and early thirties.Â
Before I got married, I had already achieved a level of self-actualization. Therefore, at that point in my life, it was okay for me to devote some of my week away from being Superman and into a relationship that had (and still has) strong meaning for me. Â
Notice how radically different this is from the typical dumbass whoâs 25 or 27 or 36 who gets oneitis and moves in with a woman well before heâs making any decent amount of money, well before heâs accomplished anything of significance, or well before heâs had sex with more than about 10 or 15 average-looking women. How FUCKING INSANE is it for that guy to commit to something like a long-term live-in relationship with a woman? Jesus! That relationship will pull him away from his goals, not help him achieve them! Even worse, that relationship will probably be monogamous⌠so now heâs completely fucked.Â
I already talked about why itâs a terrible idea to have a girlfriend before age 30 and why itâs a horrible idea to get married before you turn 35 (at the very earliest) and why itâs utterly ridiculous in the modern era to have any children before you turn 40 and youâve already accomplished most or all of your financial goals. It is precisely because of the freedom-limiting aspects of these lifestyle choices that you accomplish your goals FIRST, then settle down SECOND (or ever!). The traditional/right-wing/religious Societal Programming of settling down first and figuring everything else out later was fine advice 70 years ago when the world was a very different place. Today, itâs insanity.
To be clear, Iâm not saying Iâm done setting business or Mission goals. Ohhhh, quite the opposite. About six months ago, I set some of the biggest goals Iâve ever set in my entire life. (In a few weeks you’re about to see some big changes around here because of them.) I plan on working for the rest of my life because I love to work, and I have big goals. The difference is that these goals are side-by-side with my relationship goals with Pink Firefly, so there will be a little diffusion between them. Which, at this point in my life, is fine. It would not have been fine in my twenties. Or thirties. Or even my early forties.Â
TMM is something no man should ever do in the modern era (unless you are an extreme beta male). OLTR Marriage is only something older men should do after they have accomplished a great deal in their lives, and even then, only after very carefully weighing all the options, upsides, and downsides. Marriage isnât something you do because youâre lonely, or in love, or because your mom or your religion wants you to do it. In the modern era and in the Collapsing West, itâs much, much more complicated than that.Â
The Alpha Male 2.0 Focus Program is where you meet with me and a small group of men one-on-one four times over the course of a year to improve your financial and woman life 90 days at a time. There is a huge discount if you sign up before February 16th and our first session is in March! Click here for the details.
How does living in an OLTLR marriage affect your logistics with other women? Do you have a small apartment somewhere in addition to your home where you bring women, or do you have to meet them at their places? Or is PF fine with you meeting them at your mutual home?
I think your OLTR marriage works fine because in practice you are the only one fucking outside, if my understanding is correct. Do you think it would work equally well if your partner would be leaving and coming after casual sex encounters? I guess the emotional component might get eroded, at least I think it would be the case for most men who wouldnt look at their partner in the same way after being consciously aware that she is fucking other guys on the side. I also think that women willing to engage in an OLTR marriage are a rare minority.
I think your OLTR marriage works fine because in practice you are the only one fucking outside, if my understanding is correct. Do you think it would work equally well if your partner would be leaving and coming after casual sex encounters? I guess the emotional component might get eroded, at least I think it would be the case for most men who wouldnt look at their partner in the same way after being consciously aware that she is fucking other guys on the side. I also think that women willing to engage in an OLTR marriage are a rare minority.
Does pink firefly have another man outside your relationship that she is actively having sex with? If she does, doe it affect the relationship?
For all you guys who are concerned about the woman having sex outside of the OLTR, here’s some breaking news. TMM women are ALSO having sex outside of their marriage. I know plenty of women who are having or have had affairs in my own social circle. I have been the other man in many of these cases.
Better to have an open situation so everyone is informed and you also can get some on the side without lying or sneaking around.
@gamblinsam, I think the questions you are asking are found mainly in this article, but everything you are asking has pretty much been answered in his other posts. If you search “OLTR marriage” in the search at the top of this page, you will find all the articles relating to what you are asking about. Here is the one that describes how he sees fbs: https://alphamale20.com/blackdragonblog/2018/06/28/living-together-oltr-update-june-2018/
I think that guys should find hobbies that they enjoy or an object that they can “bond” with as they age to take their mind off of being lonely. When you’re 40 and making around $150,000-$200,0000+ a year, there is so much cool shit you can do that doesn’t involve being married to women. I’m 24 and I brought a vintage BMW 3 Series to restore and daily drive as a long-term (2-4 years) project. I’ve formed quite a bond with this car and driving it every day puts a smile on my face.
I personally can’t understand how need for conformity or right-wing/religious SP overrides the logic centers in these men’s brains and don’t have any solutions on how to bypass this yet. I’m guessing this is because I cleaned out my societal programming at an young age? Or maybe this is something that you learn to understand with age?
For guys who want to marry and have kids, I would personally push these numbers up to 50 and 60 respectively. This creates an extra emotional/financial cushion. Plus with the progression modern-day medical technology, it’s now possible or will be possible to have children at these ages.
I think a better option for older men is to help guide other young men (who are struggling or at least looking like they’re about to fuck up their life) through life as opposed to trying to raise their own kids. This one way for older guys to exercise their paternal instincts without incurring any financial/emotional risks.
A lot of you are asking questions and bringing up concerns that I’ve already addressed in great detail in prior posts on this topic, including recently, and in many cases, repeatedly. To save me from repeating myself a thousand times, please go through the archive and find your answers there.
Moving on…
Correct. Mission. Goals. Interests. Exciting projects. The more of these things in your life the less likely you are to get lonely or feel oneitis. That applies to men of any age, not just older guys.
My life is full of these things, so I haven’t even felt the emotion of loneliness in about 20 years. And I haven’t had oneitis for any woman since about that long as well. It works.
That’s precisely what SP does: it overrides logic.
That’s why it’s so dangerous.
No, age has nothing to do with it. In most cases, the older a person is the more bullshit SP they have (and defend).
SP can only be cleaned out through a conscious decision to do so. Start with reading this book.
40 is the minimum age; I agree post-40 is even better.
I’m surprised by articles like this. Not because I disagree, but because it’s a losing cause. Most men will not listen to such unconventional advice. It makes more sense to teach them relationship skills so they have a better chance to be happy. There are a few simple rules that make all the difference.
Don’t stop dating when you get a girlfriend. You are less likely to pedestal her and ignore her red flags if you have options. Also, the women act a lot nicer when they know you have options.
When women act bitchy or give you angry drama, let them know you won’t want to spend time with them if they aren’t nice to you. If you just suck it up and take their crap, they lose respect for you and act worse. Set this boundary with all your friends. Nobody needs unhealthy relationships in their life. It’s worse than being lonely.
Just doing these 2 things makes you the leader in the relationship. Leaders have plans for a possible failure, including having a prenup.
Correct. Which is why Alpha Male 2.0 is only for approximately 10% of men. The other 90% are going to keep touching the hot stove and keep getting burned. (Or go full angry celibate MGTOW and just stop having sex or spend the rest of their lives banging hookers in Thailand, which won’t make them long-term happy either.)
I do that too, as you know.
Correct.
Via soft nexting. Correct.
But again, most men won’t listen those two pieces of advice either. So you’re right back to the same problem.
All of this stuff is for 10% of men. The other 90% either don’t have the balls or don’t have the interest.
One more thought about prenups. Get this one right and you can do everything else wrong, and still end up okay. With a prenup you can sever the relationship and walk away just as easily as she can.
There it is — a level playing field. Almost makes me want to go to Vegas and marry some stripper just for the adventure. Almost.
For the religious guys: Â Several biblical characters had concubines. Â Aristotle even had one. Â So the modern idea of monogamy isnât based on Greco Roman or Judeo Christian ethics. Â Itâs specifically New Testament focused, and probably heavily influenced by Puritan discipline.
I like it.
A pleasant reminder of how lonely I am for being single all my life.
Robert Heinlein said you can have peace or you can have freedom.
But seriously.
I think as Alpha 2.0s we need to start looking at things regionally or city-specific because dating women in San Francisco is much different than dating women in Los Angeles which is much different than dating women (strippers) in Las Vegas not to mention if you go down south to Mexico City the dynamics are worlds apart. Also, Asia involves a whole different approach which differs from country to country and city to city. Yes, the same but different in subtle ways as cracks lead to chasms if one is not careful.
I like the simplicity of Thailand. You have:
Good girls
Bad girls
Bad girls are for short time for pay. Good girls are for dating and long term. My brother said “Yeah, that’s pretty much the same every where.” But it’s not. Same but different as I like to say. The thing about Thailand is they are very up front about it. And with enough money a guy could have a bit of both regularly.
But we are social creatures and there is a strong biological urge to couple. And as my friend from Saudi said when I asked him about the fact that they had no choice as to how their wives look. (Because they can’t see them but for the eyes.)
He replied a man gets a wife so she can take care of him when he gets older.
For those who feel bad for letting their partners have sexual freedom, the tips are:
-Have common rules, such as you dont fuck people you both know, same circle etc. Don’t ask, don’t mind.
-If you focus on who is she with, you are wasting time to focus on who you’ll fuck next. Enjoy time together with your partner, dont worry about time spent separatedly.
BD, that schedule you have with your partner is great. I think it even works with kids and family. One question arose:
Do you sleep together every night? If not, I think it is hard to convince someone to spend just 2 hours per day and dont spleep together evey night.
Cheers!!
What I’m giving up by not being married is sex. I kept fucking my ex for months after she left me, and I’ve only gotten laid once in the two years since. Yeah, I know, I’m a laughing stock, an embarrassment, a bitter disappointment to all the amazing real men of the amazing Alpha Two Point Oh lifestyle who totally changed the entire universe to suit their own designs, but I have a feeling my story is more typical than the manosphere wants to admit. Maybe I’m a zebulon of a spathulon or a glarbulon or whatever comes way after omega, but my life was a lot better before the red pill. I had an ugly fat woman with rotten teeth who saw me as a hero, and encouraged me to fuck her in the ass several times a week. Now she’s getting fucked in the ass by a real man. A man who doesn’t have a job. A younger man. A much more obnoxious man. A man who got her hooked on drugs. The only way I’m getting laid again is to fly to Thailand and spend cash on trafficked slave pussy, because it’s impossible to find whores in the US who fuck for less than $1200, and I wouldn’t dream of spending $1200 on something that would only last 10 minutes.
Hallelujah holy shit where’s the Tylenol?
Crabrangoon
Also had this happen multiple times with wives of friends coming on to me.
This had happened so many times I came up with a name for it–the Lancelot Complex, because Guinevere fell for the king’s best man, Lancelot.
Years ago, when I was younger and of a romantic mindset, I thought this was bad and didn’t allow myself to be seduced. Now, it depends on whose wife it is.
And it’s one of the reasons I decided not to get married.
I’d say the rate is about 50% where at some point or another a woman decides to venture out. Sometime they go back. Sometimes they don’t. Usually, what happens it the husband wants to have an open relationship to re-inject some life into the marriage, thinking he will be getting laid all the time. It backfires with the wife getting all the attention. (Probably beta husbands who lack game.) Other times the wife has had no sexual experience outside the marriage.
And BD is right. There really is no ideal relationship. They all fucking suck. I’m not as tolerant as BD. As shitty as that sounds. I don’t know how others fare with life but I was depressed for a fair share of mine. And when I had a girlfriend I always felt better overall despite the limitations of serial monogamy.
I used to think if I had to sign a pre-nup then I shouldn’t be getting married. That still rings true. But I could see getting married for Visa reasons, or insurance, or something along those lines (Five Flags). A financially lucrative partnership.
Although at my age. Chances are slim to none. Unless I come across girls that like guys in their late forties or early fifties that actually want to have a relationship. The logistics have to be right too. I think that BD’s option of moving to a third world country for a woman is making a big sacrifice. Even for a second tier country.
I also see some bitter posts. Well, I bet those guys live in the US. Can’t say how much that has changed and how bad it’s gotten. I can’t get over it really. Get out. Move. Change something. What your posting is not productive. There are people here who are ready and willing to help and communicate. This always falls on deaf ears because I think guys want to post how bad it is and then feel sorry for themselves and wallow in depression. I’ve been there with that bullshit. So grow the fuck up and get busy.
Yes. PF and I live together full time. Per OLTR Marriage models we have completely separate bathrooms, completely separate kitchens, and completely separate areas of the house. This minimizes arguments, disagreements, crowding, and drama. But we do sleep together in the same bed and share a master bedroom. However, the only time I’m ever in that room when I’m sleeping, having sex, or watching a cozy movie with PF during our designated time together. Other than that I’m far away from that room in my own part of the house designed exactly how I want it, working on my Mission.
If she’s a Dominant or Submissive, correct. If she’s an Independent she’ll have no major problem with that. So it depends on who you marry. PF is an extremely feminine and high-emotion Submissive (opposites attract) so if I didn’t sleep with her most nights she’d be sad. And I like sleeping with her; physical touch is my number one love language so I like to cuddle in addition to having lots of sex.
The bottom line is you need to discuss and determine these things well before you move in with her, ideally during the OLTR Talk. If, at that point, she immediately bristles at things you find very important, you need to downgrade or next her and find someone else to settle down with. She doesn’t qualify.
OmegaForLife/Michael – Please stop posting your non-stop negativity about your life on my blog under multiple names. If you keep doing that I’m going to have to ban you, and I’d rather not do that.
And please get a therapist and start seeing him reguarly. You need a lot of help and it’s clear you’re not seeking it.
Serious question:
Can you do a similar post on having kids?
That seems even a more profound choice than being married. I have been thinking about it myself lately. I’m uncertain if it’s the right move or not.
I already did.
The Decision on Whether or Not to Have Kids
The Decision on Whether or Not to Have Kids â Part 2
It isn’t. As expensive and energy-draining as it is to have kids (and it is!), in the modern era being married will actually cost you more than having kids in terms of money, time, sacrifice, energy, and emotions, particularly if it’s a TMM, with or without a divorce.
If you’re uncertain then it’s definitely the wrong move. Your desire to have children must be at a least an 8, otherwise don’t have any. Read the above articles.
Cragbrangoon’s argument has already been cited as “word to the wise” because it is true.
We all can learn a lot from BD’s lifestyle design: eg.: having separate living quarters, etc.
In fact, a lot of rich people who’ve been married a long time live under separate roofs and sleep in separate beds. They don’t tell the world they’re on a functional OLTR model, but that’s what it is, except they’re married under the law. (beware: they didn’t get married TODAY, these people got married 20, 3o years ago). They and their spouses knew TMM is a failed model.
New Year “Resolution” â Orgazms-a-plenty, no spill
The No Bullshit , notâ-âGoldman Socks Guide to Being a Man
I don’t believe in legalised marriage, so this particular weekly post doesn’t really interest me that much, but there were some women on a US talk show this week, commenting on how a D list US reality show guy (who’s 67) had lost his wife to illness last year and how he had proposed to his new girlfriend this week. They were saying is this too soon, 7 months after his wife died? Â One of the women (who’s 67 herself) said ‘if my spouse died, there’s no way I’d want to ever remarry again. I realise everybody is different, but I don’t think men are as strong emotionally as women are and they need a woman’. Another of the women commenters said ‘The bible does say that man shouldn’t be alone. It didn’t say the same for women as well and I do think men need companionship’. Fair enough, but why would the beta prick want to remarry again, rather than just have an open relationship.
Eh, old men do that all the time. My dad, at age 80, just remarried last year after being divorced from my mom for just one year. It’s pretty standard.
Guess what? She’s right. Women are indeed stronger than men regarding this. I’ve talked about this in great detail before. How often to men get oneitis? How often to women get oneitis? There you go.
A beta would never have the balls to suggest such a thing. He would just leap to TMM as fast as he could and make a sigh of relief as soon as he got married.
As I always say, if you’re a beta, you’re fucked no matter what happens.
I’d say TMM should be avoided by any dude no matter what, especially betas.
Funny that TMM was practically slavery for chicks before women’s lib and after women’s lib blew up, now TMM is practically slavery for dudes lol.
However I’m not raging against the women’s lib machine like most of the manosphere like to do since women’s lib made it very easy for dudes to acquire sex. Seriously, before women’s lib the average dude had sex with like 3 chicks lifetime and probably only had sex like 12 times lifetime. Nowadays you can rack up those numbers in a week and in a 48 hour period respectively. I like how things are more sex-positive now.
I personally believe that TMM helps no one but that’s just me. I’ve seen sooooo many TMMs break down among friends and family and it never ends well. Even with the people I know in TMMs now, all that needs to happen is for 5-10 years to pass and it will be over.
TMM was never designed to last even back in the day.
And now I’m a try and reason with Omega Mike.
That’s your own judgement. No one else cares I can guarantee you that. Sure people can talk trash online but who cares that’s just words on a screen.
I mean didn’t have sex from July until last week but I never once saw that as me being an embarrassment or anything; I was just taking time off. Too much time off I’ll admit, but I know what it takes to get chicks so to me it was as easy as getting back into a rhythm of approaching and inviting like crazy.
I used to judge myself in terms of wealth and vocation the way you judge yourself when it comes to chicks. I mean I only made about 15k in 2019, but I’m not going to judge myself and call myself a bitter disappointment or anything. I’m still trying to learn what it takes to make lots of money, and its gonna take time but that’s alright.
I for one don’t judge others based on how long its been since they had sex or how much money they make or anything. I think you’ve been around too many communities that do and I can tell that its “infected” your way of thinking, which really sucks. I believe that you are much better than that.
Probably. I imagine that there are a lot of sexless dudes out there. I for one know a couple. Funny that both are taller and way better looking and more masculine looking than me, but here I am getting chicks and they’re clueless and sexless. And why let your “story” affect you?
Look mane, I’ve been through worse than most men. Witnessed my mother leave my father right before high school. Sexually assaulted by a childhood friend (at knifepoint, so my choice was either surprise buttsex or get my throat slit) a year after that, nearly got expelled for harassment during senior year by a chick I had a crush on since freshman year. The gossip that resulted after was hilariously depressing: Girls were backing away from me because of what happened. Talk about chick repellent lol.
So yeah, I was ODing on the red/black pill (they’re both the same to me) before there WAS a red/black pill, my dude. And yet, I recovered from it all.
What’s your excuse?
Alright I guess that’s painful enough I suppose, I’ve never dealt with anything like that before. But like the shit that happened to me, why let this experience define you? Why allow it to have so much power over you?
Why do you feel obligated to waste your energy like this? I mean if its an outlet of sorts, I understand; I used to do the same, you can even see some of it when I first started reading BD four or so years ago.
But I agree with BD, get some help. You need it and most importantly you deserve it. I think if you had some better experiences with some better chicks (even if its nothing more than chatting with chicks who work at the mall or something, that’s how I got my start in day game), it’ll make you a little less bitter.
Good luck my dude.
LMAO the most hilarious part about one-itis is that it is feminine behavior by nature. I joke about this on dates a lot haha.
Funny, I always held up a friend of my father’s as an example of how a man can be monogamous, in a long term marriage, with a great relationship with his wife, and a great and creative businessman who values personal freedom. I mentioned this to my stepmother the other day, and she dissolved with laughter. “What on Earth makes you think Barry was monogomous?!” she said.
When you see a TMM that works, look a bit more closely. It’s probably not actually monogomous.
In most long-term TMMs (20+ years), someone is cheating, or has cheated. It’s the norm with those.
Monogamy. Doesn’t. Work.
I never said that. I have never said that definitively/publicly one way or the other.
Yes. I know for fact it works. For many couples.
Ohhhh just wait for the article that goes up on this blog on Monday…
I’m going to eviscerate this issue once and for all.
Incorrect. They are certainly not the majority since approximately 60% of today’s Western women are Dominants. Most of them would never agree to anything like an OLTR Marriage… but an Alpha Male 2.0 would never, ever settle down with one of these women so it’s a moot point.
That leaves another 40% of women who are Submissives or Independents who would be fine with it provided you did everything correctly during the entire dating and relationship process, which most men don’t. 40% is not a rare minority.
I think the whole concept of OLTR marriage relationship is wrong. AND newsflash so is TMM.
Both approaches are coming from a wrong perspective. I think relationships inherently meant to last for a short period of time.
We as a society are programmed to believe that relationships are supposed to last a certain duration ( X )
When it doesn’t last for X we think something is wrong. This in itself is societal programming.
Maybe long term relationships themselves are an outdated concept.
Perhaps women are only for sex. And sex one should have. Lots of it and with many MANY hot women for a phase of atleast 10 years of your life.
One could scoff at you for wanting a long relationship the same way you scoff at people for wanting manogamy.
Im not scoffing at you but its something to think about.
I think the need for companionship is itself societal programming.
Like they said in the shawshank redemption.
SALVATION LIES WITHIN
And such a person would be a moron because long-term relationships are a very achievable goal but long-term monogamy is not.
PF and I are going into our sixth year together. We’ve already had a long-term relationship. (And if you’re defining “long-term” as something like 20 years, then I already addressed that here.)
Long-term relationships are perfectly doable. People have them all the time, myself included. It’s long-term monogamy that doesn’t work. Two different things.
Do you have any examples of what you mean by doing things correctly?
Yes, many specific ones. Go through the archive of this blog and read this book. Mainly the Cardinal Rules.
Thanks. The archive index is great. Didnt know that book. I have the AM2.0 audiobook. Consider have that in audiobook too, as they save time!
I recently had a woman LFTSE me, again… but she’ll be back (they ALWAYS come back), anywho, the main reason is the subject of this article. Everything was ok with her for the most part, but she was a dominant and constantly was trying to dominate me and my time more and more, seems that mostly it to appease her ego.
I think women with low-self worth/esteem are more dominant so they can ‘prove’ to themselves and all their TMM/TMR friends that post ‘happy’ pics all damn day with them and their beta-slave,s that they can do it too, with someone who obviously handsome, values their free time, their masculine space, and their purpose/mission … “see this one will sacrifice all that to sit on their ass with me 3-4x per night watching netflix eating food”. It’s like this jealousy game women play with each other on social media, and here in my beautiful state of Utah, it’s really common, and fucking ridiculous.
The entire year or so I have been dating this chick, she has tried to make me her beta-slave, doing every single manipulative coercive move she knew – and she did play a good hand of cards i’ll give her that, she duped me into sacrificing LOTs of my free time, many awesome nights, respect from peers, opportunities missed, and a harem that i am trying to rebuild… i almost unknowingly sacrificed it all, i didn’t really realize it until it was too late!
Funny thing is i should have known better, all the warning signs were there.. she had all the phases of womanhood (partying/drugs/promiscuity in 20s, getting diff betas and co-habitating 3x leading to disaster, now 33 with major ASD and hitting the wall etc.) But I still fell into her trap!!
I never promised her monogamy, but after a few months ended up de-facto monogamous anyway ..DO’H!!! I never spent more than 2-3 nights with her, which in my opinion, for a non-cohabitating TMR is WAY too much. I felt like it was a constant tug of war with where I was spending my time and practicing my freedom. I finally had to break up with her after noticing my hair was turning a little more gray a little too quick (among many, many other things) and i was just fucking miserable.
After breaking up with her and dealing with her ‘hurt-chick-insanity’ and not talking to her for 2 weeks, we finally talked and she explained how we want different things (duh) and she has to move on, almost like she was LFTSE’ing me AFTER the fact i broke up with her already anyways… LOL… oh well if that makes her feel better and gets her to move the fuck on… GOOD! Still is pretty comical though.
I still am asking myself how I let this happen, how did I get so blindsided?? I am a 40 yr old man with a lot of woman experience and success, I have been following BD and a few other ‘gems’ in the ‘manosphere’ for years now. I am a professional IT guru, and professional musician of 20 yrs, I have plenty of wealth, friends, capital, youth, and I am in killer shape!
HOW the hell did I let this happen? Either way, it’s over now, she will project her miserable disney-fantasy on another beta soon enough that she will end up despising and thinking of me when he’s have shitty sex with her (which is another thing, how can a woman have a slut phase and still be horrible in bed? it’s because they use sex for validation, not enjoyment, these types of bitches usually cannot cum very easily at all)… while I go on to make more money, fuck more women, play more shows, and have amazing experiences with my masculine freedom.
The only thing I can really chalk it up to is that she had some really good skills at manipulation and control, and I fell into a convenience/comfort trap and didn’t really realize it until it was TOO LATE – my fucking bad.
That book is on audio too. All of my books are. Just go to Audible and search on Blackdragon.
Yup. That’s what guys do. And it always leads to problems, 100% of the time, as you’ve discovered.
A combination of laziness, complacency, and oneitis.
You fucked up, but at least now she’s gone. Your job now is to NEVER DO THAT EVER AGAIN. (And you’ll want to.)
Easy. You have no mission. That’s why you caught feelings the way you did, especially at the age you are.
When you have a mission that you are obsessed with, you’ll catch feelings for the mission and chicks will just be something extra.
If you don’t have a mission or even worse are just looking for other things to avoid pain, you’ll catch one-itis really REALLY fast.
Soooooo create a mission. Now. Especially at your age. No dude over 30 shouldn’t have a mission.
hi, simple question BD
we can instantly upgrade her to low end mltr after having sex twice if we genuinely like her?
or it has to be at least 3 months, what’s the thing between low end & high end mltr i see no difference?
@ N8Dog,
Similar thing happened to me a while back. This incredibly sexy woman (amazing curves, skin, hair, lips, eyes) sucked me in. I was so damn strong for a long time which just made her try even harder.
I was having the best sex of my life 2 to 4 times a day with her on an ongoing basis.
This woman would literally let me wake her at 3am or ANY TIME I WANTED and let me do whatever I wanted. It was unbelievable.
I even made a comment on this blog about it to get BDs opinion because I went de facto monogamous because I was literally having the best time of my life. He said something like – when it ends you’ll regret going defacto monogamous etc. He was correct.
Since I was enjoying myself so fucking much I decided to just stay for as long as I was getting sex 2 or more times a day EVERY SINGLE DAY and decided that once she got bored or tried to dial that back I’d leave (I had moved in with her but kept my own house just rarely went there) worked from her house (A 2.0 buisness).
What blew my mind is that this went on for OVER 2 YEARS. In 2 years I think there were only like 2 days we didn’t have sex.
But she got in my phone, messaged girls I dated to screw things up for me, deleted a bunch of women and on and on.
In the end I left but not because the sex slowed down because it didn’t. She just got more and more demanding. All my time and energy was going to her and I felt like I was losing myself just to have this hot woman that was giving me all the sex I wanted whenever I wanted.
After leaving it was SOOO painful. I REALLY didn’t want to leave, I just had to. If I hadn’t I would have dwindled away to less of a quality man with my own shit going on and later she would have dumped me because of what SHE had done to me by demanding ALL of my time. She basically wanted EVERYTHING to be about her and for her but was willing to be the ultimate sex dream girlfriend as the trade. So it was like the biggest temptation of my life to just let it happen and never leave until she stopped with the heaven like (for me and my taste) sex situation.
So had to start all over building back up what I had before. Lost several girls that were regulars that were in their 20’s over it. I’m in my late 40s.
Anyway, lesson learned. That was the LAST TIME I will do monogamy I can assure you . Was fun but not worth the months of pain after. That shit is hard to move on from- for me anyway. But I did it ; ) In some ways I still miss that but I know it wouldn’t have lasted and if Id of waited longer my life would have deteriorated while hers continued to get better because of my efforts (with her house and all kinds of stuff I was doing with her and for her).
I think I was unclear in my post but just for clarification- the unlimited sex never stopped.
We’d have sex before going to sleep, I’d often wake her for sex in the middle of the night (sometimes twice in the middle of the night haha) then If I felt like it in the morning we’d do that too.. Whenever and whatever I wanted. She literally said she would do whatever I wanted sexually and did.
With my super high sex drive, that was hard to walk away from. But I did.
Ultimately the price was just too high.  It was basically my own life outside of hers.
You just do it. A woman can be an MLTR as soon as you have sex with her twice. Go right head.
Nope. As soon as you have sex with her twice she is instantly a FB or MLTR, your choice. There is no “upgrading” at that point because she’s new.
For high-end MLTR there is no set waiting period; you can technically do that whenever you want but I recommend waiting a while.
For OLTR she must be an MLTR for at least 6 months with zero or near-zero problems, ideally a year or more.
Yup. I’ll say it again:
De facto monogamy always ends with serious problems for the man 100% of the time. Always.
Men who do de facto monogamy are always basing their actions on irrational feelings, not any objective thinking.
Success in your woman life is the ability to do both; to feel as much as a human can feel and love it while not losing any objectivity at the same time. Most men never get there.
Joelsuf,
Inspiring post bro. My hat’s off and respect sent your way for overcoming those hardcore hardships.
Omega Mike,
Hope you read Joelsuf’s post. You need to copy and paste that into a word doc and read it weekly or something IMO.
And here’s my 2 cents: You mention some fat ugly chic apparently has a perceived higher SMV than you.. There is ALWAYS a way (and I’m sure many ways actually) to improve your SMV. Do that.
If you have to have plastic surgery then do it. Do whatever it takes to get in the best shape you can. There arebALWAYS ways to improve your looks so if I were you I’d make that my number 1 focus.
No money for surgery? Well get the fucking money. Sacrifice somewhere else. Whatever you have to do. Make it happen.
I don’t believe in debt but if I thought I was brutally ugly I’d borrow on a credit card to do something about it if I had to.
I don’t mean to sound superficial but if you improve your looks – even just by working out and getting your body in the best shape you can (any improvement will help) It will help your mental outlook.
I’m not saying looks should be the number 1 priority for all guys.. I’m saying from reading your post I think that’s probably a big part of your problem. Whether its true or just your perception it doesn’t matter. Either one makes it real.
I am lucky to have decent genetics although physically my biggest flaw is that I’m on the short side.. I’m just barely 5’9 barefoot (I know any guys shorter than me will be like “wtf ever” and I feel you guys. I’m grateful I’m at least 5’9).
Anyway, sometimes I am hardcore with my bodybuilding program and sometimes I just do the minimum to maintain a decent (slightly above average) muscular body. But when I’m hard core I see the difference with attention from women big time. If I am feeling down I’ll go hard core for a 6-8 weeks, put on a tight T shirt and go out and about. HUGE difference. Women looking and getting horny just by me walking by. Women saying “Hi” at grocery and women starting conversations with me. Not trying to brag because I don’t always stay at that level.. just trying to make a point. It’s like night and day when I go hard core and then put on a tight T Shirt.
One last point: Stop fucking complaining.
You have 2 general options IMO.
1. Adapt and change and make it your mission to find a way to be happy in the world we’re all living in (listen to BDs advice on energy (Unchained Man and SMIC) so you can take action and do this) or..
2. Bitch, moan, complain, don’t adapt, only look at the negative, and be fucking miserable.
You’re choice.
Wish you the best
@joelsuf… That’s funny you say that to someone you don’t know whatsoever, sounds like you did not read my entire post. My life is all about my mission, and I guarantee it’s much more fun and action packed than 90% of the dudes out there. I just accidentally got sucked up into de-facto monogamy and didn’t even notice until it was too late… *smmfh*Â ..basically the same thing that happened to @The Capitalist – almost to a T lol
Questions
(1) Even conceding that it doesn’t work for most…let’s say the facts and figures suggest that lifelong (or at least decades-long) monogamy works for about 20% of people. Doesn’t that mean that some men, including some AF 2.0’s, may be best suited to that lifestyle?
(2) Is cheating really cheating? It seems like most any woman who gets into a relationship with a high value man simply assumes he’s going to cheat and looks the other way as often as possible. All the while typically remaining monogamous to the guy. True story, I have seen some women backwards-rationalize such obvious ‘this dude is cheating on you’ behavior for the sake of the relationship. They only get mad when there is no possible way to maintain the facade (i.e. catch them in the act, it blows up among friends, etc.).
(3) Do you think dominants try to out alpha alphas and tell bullshit stories about their sexual experience or whatever else? Has anyone noticed this? You get a chick who yammers on (unprompted) about her hot past or whatever, almost like how an alpha 1.0 brags to a woman, but you’re around them for awhile and you see how they behave and it’s hard to imagine that it was as they say.
Just a dude seeing increasing success and noticing some trends along the way.
LMAO I’m 5’8” with shoes on. Got a deadpan voice similar to Ben Stein and am overweight. Plus all the BS that I endured in my high school years. Doesn’t mean a damn thing to me. I still get with all kinds of chicks. Dudes just need to put the god damn numbers in. That’s it. 10 to 20 invites a week any kind of chick, any age (as long as they are the age of consent), any SMV, no excuses. If you aren’t doing that, you are not fucking hunting and you don’t have the right to complain about anything. Sorry not sorry.
The numbers. Put them in.
Look I’ve been slacking too. I only really invite a couple of chicks out on dates a week, just chicks who respond to me online. I know that’s not enough and I’m not stupid enough to waste my energy saying that chicks don’t like me or whatever. I don’t invite enough of them on dates to make that claim simply put.
I didn’t mean to attack you or make any assumptions, sorry. Just my way of encouraging I suppose, meant nothing else by it.
But my point still stands. Your mission needs to be better than any chick’s company no matter how attractive they are. Look we all struggle with this.
Hi Blackdragon,
You have repeatedly stated that women eventually get bored of men and leave them. With that in mind..
How many more years do you estimate and more importantly expect your OLTR with PF to last ?
Moreover if you seem to be an ambitious person who wants to earn a lot of money. If you suceed in increasing your networth susbstantially SMV relative to your current partner will go up.
Then would you not as a rational Alpha male decide to maybe go for a younger and/ or prettier woman who justifies your SMV ?
Thats what i would do just so we’re clear. (Im too young for that right now but im talking 20 years in the future when i am your age )
Im sure you of all people won’t get offended by this question as you’ve always taught us to look at things logically keeping emotions aside.
Sonny and BD sorry to reply first, but I found the answer to the last part of your question in the Frozen parody by BD. đ
A very small percentage of men are suited to long-term monogamy, yes. (Far less than 20% since just because you didn’t get divorced doesn’t mean monogamy “worked” for you. Read this, among many other links I could give you.)
There are always rare exceptions to every rule. As I’ve said hundreds of times, the exceptions prove the rule.
That is not monogamy. That is a de facto open relationship and is cool with me.
The problem is, as I’ve analyzed in the past, that these relationships are usually very high-drama which will damage a man’s happiness.
Tolerated cheating is highly dysfunctional non-monogamy. Functional non-monogamy is much less bad.
Sometimes. I don’t care and you shouldn’t either.
Read this.
1. That’s what I would do under a monogamous paradigm which is not where I live. I have sex with the hot wife who looks like a 30 year-old Playboy Playmate and the hot younger 19 year-old girls whenever I want already (and do every week). I don’t need to choose between one or the other like those silly monogamous men have to.
2. My wife and my younger FBs are all already very hot. I’m not sure how much “better” I could get even if I tripled my income and lost 25 pounds. Nor would I want to take the time and effort to upgrade to some who was 1% or 2% better. I have more important priorities.
That’s what you would do if you were monogamous. But I’m trying to get you to think in a completely new way.
I never get offended by anything. I wish more people on the internet were like that. It would lead to more productive dialogue.
IÂ really NEVER ever want to be Monogamous. I don’t know what made you think i wanted to be monogamous.. Im insulted.. x )
PS : been reading your blog 5 years bro.
Then with all that background information, your question and the premise behind it made absolutely no sense.
“Jesus! That relationship will pull him away from his goals, not help him achieve them! ” I don’t know what a girlfriend has to do with it? I personally know 3 guys who build 8 figures businessess and married before 30 (millenials). They work the same way you do, 12 hours a day from Mo-Sa. Spend 2 hours a day and whole sunday with wife. How the hell can you call yourself alpha if you cannot put down your girlfriend? And what kind of dummies do you have to date? Girls I date don’t have the time to annoy me, they study medicine, law or have their own businesses.
Why No Man Should Have A Girlfriend Until Heâs 30
Would you say itâs better to first buy a house before thinking about getting into an OLTR? It looks like a minimum of 3 bedrooms are necessary for your type of arrangement.